


Illusion IS Reality

by Mizuuma



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adopted Children, Aftermath of Torture, Alien Planet, All I wanted was to protect them, Alternative Bill Cipher, Ancient History, And Bill does that, And none of them fuck, And you would never know, Animated GIFs, Asexual Character, Babies, Backstory, Because its Bill, Bill Cipher in a Bikini, Bled: the worst color, Blessings, Body Modification, Bondage, Buzz Lightyear of Star Command - Freeform, Cannibalism, Character Study, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Cooking Lessons, Cosplay, Cuddling & Snuggling, D D and more D, Dancing and Singing, Demon Bill Cipher, Demon Deals, Demonic Possession, Dimension Travel, Dinosaurs, Dream Bubbles, Dreamscapes, Drunk Bill Cipher, Dungeons Dungeons and More Dungeons, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Existential Crisis, Explicit Sexual Content, Exposure therapy, F/F, F/M, Fish, Fluff, Friendship, Future Bill/Ford, Genderfluid Character, Hand Jobs, Head pats, Hermaphrodites, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy References, Human Bill Cipher, Idols, If you touch Bill's children he WILL eat you, In which Bill Cipher is kawaii-desu, In which Bill teaches AX the meaning of love, Its turtles all the way down, Karaoke, Kinda AU, Knitting, Lies, Lilo and Stitch References, M/M, Masturbation, Maternal Instincts, Meditation, Memory Loss, Men in Black - Freeform, Mild Gore, Multi, Multiple Crossovers, Musicals, My First Work in This Fandom, My Little Pony references, No one will get all my refrences, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Non-Human Humanoid Society, Obligatory Beach Episode, Oblivious, One-sided Bill/Kryptos, Origami, Other, Overprotective, POV Multiple, Pictures of food, Pikachu - Freeform, Planet Destruction, Possessive Bill Cipher, Pregnancy, Protective Bill Cipher, Pyronica vores people off screen, Raising children, Ramen, Reincarnation, Secret Identity, Self-Harm, Self-Insert gone wrong, Shapeshifting, Simply by loving him, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Slow Burn, So much Forshadowing, Social Issues, Space Adventure, Star versus the forces of evil, Summoning Circles, Sushi, Tags Contain Spoilers, The AXOLOTL isnt perfect, The Mindscape, The family we choose, These tags make no sense out of context, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This entire fic is forshadowing, Torture, Transformation fetish, Traps are not the same as trans, Triangle Bill Cipher, Unrequited Love, Wander over Yonder - Freeform, What Have I Done, Why is there fluff now, Worship, all powerful cosmic beings, all the headcanons, and not in the vore way, and other shows I get ideas for alien races from, angry swearing, because he's not into that, bizarre alien biology, but with Maids, curse the AXOLOTL every headcanon is true, cycles, descriptions of food, forshadowing, human Kryptos, i could be lying, maid outfit, mild crossover with other shows like, non-binary characters, pop culture references, sanity slippage, there will be memes, unusual cum, world building
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-01 08:51:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 81
Words: 566,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13291395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizuuma/pseuds/Mizuuma
Summary: In which a GF-fangirl wakes up to find herself in the body of a baby Bill Cipher before the events of canon happens. Welp, lets see how much she can fuck this up.Chapters 0-10: Flatland ArcChapter 11-17: Space time ArcChapter 18-33: Meeting the HenchmaniacsCharacter and relationship building fillerChapter 34-45: The Earth formsMaking more friends, adventures in spaceChapter 46-51: Healing Arc'Cause Bill broke again, also the Earth is still developingChapter 52-59: Healing Arc Continued, Parenthood ArcChapter 60-69: UFO lands to form Gravity FallsMore space adventure, parenthood arc continuedChapter 70-Current: BlueBill ArcCrossover arcUpdates every MondayThis is not meant to be a romance fic. It is backstory, character exploration, slice of life and very much a cradle to the grave sort of thing. I'm planning on romance eventually but that's not the point of this story.This is not meant to be taken seriously, it's just a stupid idea I'm writing for fun.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer, I do not own Gravity Falls. This fic is inspired by things said by Alex Hirsch, many fanart and fanfics I’ve seen. There will be pop culture references, there will be song lyrics, there will be memes. You have been warned.
> 
> I wanted to try something different, how well I succeed is up to debate...
> 
> I apologize for any grammar mistakes, I'm terrible at keeping tenses straight. Also experimenting with writing styles. I have no idea what I'm doing.

**-Reality is an illusion-**

**Prologue**  
  
I blink my eyes open, when had I closed them? Something was wrong. Everything felt strange. I blinked again and realized I only had one eye. What? How?  
  
_A car horn blared, the sound getting louder and closer. Their headlights blind me._  
  
I reached my hands up to touch my face. Thin black limbs, like tubes came into view and I blink at them, stunned. These are mine? I wiggled my little fingers, they were kinda cute but what was going on?  
  
I finally began feeling up my face and if it weren't for my ability to stay rational even during a panic attack...  
  
_I was calm even when the car was flung into the air, my side of the vehicle was crushed in._  
  
...I'm sure I'd have been freaking the fuck out right now. Flat and smooth, it didn't feel like skin. It was harder and warm to the touch. Firm when I pressed down, none of the squishiness I expect from flesh. I felt around my head and found that there was no difference between my head and body. I found my legs, thin and black like my hands. It felt weird, knowing that my entire body seemed to be just one large head and tiny limbs.  
  
_Weightless, I was floating. As if gravity no longer was. The world outside the windshield was rotating._  
  
I realized I was lying down on my back. Everything was flat. Why? I couldn't sit up. No leverage. A flat body lying on a flat surface. Like a piece of paper stuck to a table via some static cling along its surface area. I pushed against the ground with my arms, I wiggled and kicked my legs to try and lift myself. With more effort that it really should have taken I managed to heave myself into a sitting position.  
  
_The heavy thump as gravity reasserted itself. I hear the crunch of glass and metal._  
  
I was on a bed. I can feel the sheets beneath me now. I scanned the room, white walls, white ceiling, white sheets. White, white and more white. Was this a hospital? No, there were no machines or medical smells. How can I smell when I have no nose?  
  
_I hung from the seatbelt. Dangling upside down from the restraints. The edge was digging into my throat._  
  
The room was huge. Rooms have always seemed big to me. I'm small, always been smaller than everyone else. But this was even larger than usual. Where was I?  
  
_His voice is frantic as he shouts my name. He's reaching for me as he hangs suspended besides me. I tell him I'm fine. Am I fine? I think I'm in shock._  
  
Aside from the bed I was sitting on there was a triangular(?!) door on the other side of the room, a half open closet, a set of drawers...essentially it looked like a bedroom. A very plain bedroom. Why was there no color? I tried to stand but my body felt weird and it was hard to balance on these thin limbs. Is this what it was like to be flat? All this wobbling back and forth?  
  
_He says he smells gas. There's a leak. We need to get out._  
  
As I struggle I hear the door open and look up to see a triangle. A large orange triangle with a single eye blinking down at me. I immediately understand what was happening. I've read so many fanfics about moments like this. To confirm my theory I try to look down at my body, unconsciously stretching my frame to bend forwards.  
  
I see yellow bricks.  
  
Well. Fuck.  
  
_We don't get out in time. The last thing I remember is a searing heat._  
  
**-The universe is a hologram-**  
**-End Prologue-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- So...yeah~ I wanted to try something really different. Not sure where this is going to go. I have a bad habit of coming up with ideas and not really planning things out. I just write as inspiration strikes.
> 
> -Whispers- maybe that's why I'm such a bad writer~
> 
> If anyone wants to Beta for me, please message me. I literally have no idea what I'm doing.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get weird and uncomfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many questions about what happened to me. The most I can do is roll with it. Just stay calm and try to figure this- hey what the fuck?!

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**-Unending Shepard Tone-**  
  
**Chapter 1**  
  
I'm calmly panicking. Luckily no one here notices my strange behavior (I hope). I am passive on the outside even as my thoughts race at speeds where I can barely know what I'm thinking. Ok. What do I know about my situation?  
  
I apparently died. Car accident. And I've somehow ended up in inside Bill Cipher. At least I think I'm Bill. I'm a yellow triangle. Also I'm a baby. The orange triangle is apparently my mother?! There's a dark gray triangle I glimpsed beyond the door who I can only assume is my father...  
  
I don't even know how male and female works with geometric shaped creatures. I just figured the orange one is my mom since she (they?) picks me up and is carrying a bottle that I assume is for me. For all I know the orange one is some kinda nanny. Also, on the topic of food...  
  
Eating is SUPER weird. Orange holds a bottle of milk(?) up to me and carefully brushes a finger along the side of my eye. A gentle movement of up, down, up, down until I blink. Then my eye is a mouth and she puts the bottle in it for me to begin suckling. Also, I'm blind.  
  
Fan-freaking-tastic.  
  
How a species evolved to go blind when they eat is a mystery. They probably have no natural predators. I contemplate this as I suckle. What is this stuff? Doesn't taste like milk. It's bland and faintly tastes of...wheat? Wheat and wheat by products. I couldn't stop myself from laughing. I cough out the bottle and Orange fusses over me.  
  
Of course I don't understand a word she's saying. Shit. Am I going to have to learn this language? Really? I finally finish coughing (choking on wheat drink eww) and I look up at Orange. She looks...fond? It's hard to tell with no face to see. Her eyes are curved like she's smiling though. She wipes around my eye with a soft cloth before bringing the bottle back up. I blink my eye into a mouth without prompting and drink more. Hopefully I won't make myself laugh from Night Vale memes this time.  
  
Curse my thought process, I grumble mentally as "waiting for the bus in the rain" begins playing in my head.  
  
Oh god, this was real wasn't it? I'm not dreaming, I really am in some crappy self insert fanfic as a baby Bill Cipher before he became Bill Cipher. What even is my name at this point? Do I even want to know? Apparently Bill's real name was something that can cause head explosions from just hearing it. Or does that only apply to humans? I'm not human right now. But my mind is human, I think? I am so not ready for this.  
  
During my introspection the bottle became empty and I was startled when Orange began shaking me up and down. What? What?! WTF?!  
  
I burped.  
  
Orange cooed at me, put me down on the bed and draped a blanket over me. Ok. Shaking triangle babies is a-ok. Got it. I'm surprised my bed doesn't have bars. Aren't they worried I would crawl off and fall? Orange strokes my head gently and I have trouble keeping my eye open. I'm exhausted already. Barely been awake for a few minutes but geez...  
  
I tried to stay awake but Orange's hand is gentle and my eye slips shut. If I'm lucky this'll all be a dream. I've had weirder.  
  
\---  
  
This was NOT a dream.  
  
A routine began over the next few days. I would wake up and try ineffectually to stand up, Orange would come get me for more feeding time or bringing me out to the living room and putting me in a playpen. I see Gray sometimes but they're usually absent. At work maybe? Now that I have more time to observe I've found that the rooms in this house have walls at weird angles and my bed was triangle shaped. I found more triangular furniture littered throughout the house. My room has a triangular door. So do most rooms in the house. There is no TV in the house. I did spy a bookshelf, scarcely filled, but BOOKS! I itched to check out the books. The kitchen was pretty basic. Counter top, stove, refrigerator and washing machine. I'm shocked it's so...normal. What caught my attention was the food dish on the ground. We have a pet?!  
  
I haven't been to all the rooms yet. I hear the sounds of an animal behind one of the doors. That's probably the family pet. I haven't been able to see it and I am very curious what it could be. I make curious sounds at the door and wave my widdle arms at it. Orange says something I don't understand and holds up another bottle.  
  
Still not sure what the heck I'm drinking. It's a white liquid, then again everything here is white except us. I've also found that the reason everything looks flat is because there are no shadows. Everything is white with thick black outlines. There is no depth or shades of gray. Just black and white lines that make up the shape of the world around me.  
  
Everything was flat while still being a 3 dimensional space we can walk in and around. Anything observed will look flat from whichever angle you are seeing it from. We were flat objects, seeing Orange from the side only revealed a black line.  
  
As Orange shook me up for another burping I found myself wondering how my anatomy worked. Do I have organs inside here? Is my body just a hard outer shell to protect some squishy inner bits? Did I have a brain? Well obviously I did or I wouldn't be thinking...right?  
  
Do I bleed if I'm injured? What would it take to injure me? I've felt up my bricks and they feel pretty solid. Can they get cracked? Can the bricks be moved? Can stuff seep into the cracks? How does the whole eye to mouth thing even work?  
  
How does my digestive system work? I haven't pooped in all the time I've been here. Do I have optic nerves in my eyes? Where do they go when it becomes a mouth? Did I have a stomach? So many questions. My curiosity was always pretty intense. I would spend hours watching 'How its Made' or nature documentaries. I itched to explore this new world.  
  
But right now I can barely even stay awake for a few hours. I can't even walk yet. Being a baby sucks. Not understanding the language sucked.  
  
"我很无聊." I muttered in Cantonese.  
  
Orange looked at me but obviously didn't know what I said. She simply mumbled something in a fond tone and rubbed along one of my sides. It felt nice, like being pet. My mom used to stroke my head like this. Under her gentle touch I fell asleep again.  
  
\----  
  
I got to meet the family pet today!  
  
I was brought out to the kitchen today to hear a high pitched tapping sound and I spotted a small creature running around. It was a mix of purple and blue and resembled a dog shaped tangram puzzle. As soon as it spotted me in Orange's arms it ran over and made excited clicking noises.  
  
It's soooo cute~  
  
I babbled nonsense sounds and made grabby hands at it. Orange laughed and bent down to hold me closer to our 'dog'. I eagerly pet it and giggled as it wiggled its tail. I noted that it had a single eye on its head, large and round in a dark brown color. It didn't appear to have a mouth, does it turn its eye into a mouth too?  
  
I didn't get to play with the puppy as long as I would have liked but I got to watch it after I was fed. Orange nestled me into the playpen and I watched the dog run around me happily. Orange left the room to go do something (its not like I know what she does with her time when she's not with me) and I was left alone with the family pet.  
  
"I wonder how YOUR biology works." I said to the dog, in English this time. It probably didn't make a difference what language I used, they wouldn't understand it anyway. The dog simply tumbled along the floor while clicking happily.  
  
I spent my play time working out my limbs to try once more to move around. I can almost crawl now.  
  
\----  
  
I was starting to pick up words. I will assume its due to that thing infants do to learn things faster. God I was bored. I taught myself how to read in my previous life at age 4 because of how incredibly bored I was, so yeah, I have been eyeing that bookshelf for weeks now. If only I could grab one to try and decipher the words. It would give me something to do so I didn't feel like I was wasting my life just sitting here.  
  
I suppose I could give this new body of mine a more thorough examination. I blinked between eye and mouth over and over again to try and see if I could figure out how it worked. So far no luck but I have come to the realization that I do not have vocal chords. Speech isn't something done physically. I did not use my mouth to speak. Instead it seems more likely that this species has mild telepathic powers to 'send' speech outward. How this doesn't just transmit thoughts in general is a new mystery to ponder.  
  
I was feeling up my bricks again. It really was just a smooth surface broken up only by the lines between the different bricks. It felt sort of like rubbing at my nails, if my nails were 50 times larger and covered my body. A smooth and hard surface. Unlike with rubbing my nails as a human, this body could feel every stroke along its surface. Did I have nerves running all along inside me? Or was there a different reason for the sensation? I traced along the lines of my bricks. The seem between my bricks were especially sensitive, like the difference between rubbing the back of your hand vs the palm. A little ticklish but not in the way that triggered laughter. I tried tickling myself and the most I got was uncomfortable. Huh, no body spasms. Fancy that.  
  
Finally my fingers explored lower. I rubbed my legs, same as my arms. Smooth all over, nearly frictionless. Doesn't seem to have a skeletal structure underneath. It had more give to it than my body. While my body was like a hard shell (that could bend and stretch somewhat along the lines between my bricks) my arms and legs were mildly squishier. Nowhere near human flesh, its more like...my body had the firmness of hard plastic (like a phone) whereas my arms and legs are like soft plastic (like a filled water bottle) if I had to describe it.  
  
I didn't have toes. My foot being one singular rounded end. How do I stand with this thing? These limbs were so thin I find it hard to believe the species can really move with them.  
  
At last there was only one place left to explore. I stared uncomfortably between my legs. I couldn't bend far enough to actually SEE down there so it would be touch only. I glanced up to make sure Orange was still gone. She doesn't leave me alone too long by myself.  
  
Deciding not to risk it just yet (how embarrassing would it be if she walked in on me) I made a note to put off the full body examination until Orange put me to bed. At least then I can be certain she would leave me alone for at least a few hours.  
  
A few minutes later my paranoia paid off as Orange walked back into the room and lifted me up for another feeding. I was feeling sleepy soon after. Curse this infant body.  
  
Now if only I can stay awake long enough to actually do what I need to...  
  
I drifted to sleep under Orange's soft words and snuggled into the blankets she wrapped around me.  
  
\----  
  
We were leaving the house for the first time today! I can barely contain my excitement as I wiggled and tried to look at everything around me. Orange was laughing fondly and Gray was even smiling!  
  
I haven't seen Gray much at all but apparently this family outing was one he had time for. I was turning this way and that while Orange held me 'Ooh' ing at everything I could see.  
  
Shapes of all colors filled the streets. Their bricks vibrant and their shapes many. I saw triangles of all shapes and sizes, squares, hexagons, pentagons and even a few circles. There were even some pentagons with their corners stretched out to look star-like. I saw long rectangles that took up a lot of space as they trudged along.  
  
There were no cars, the roads filled with shapes walking or running to get places. There weren't even bikes or anything with wheels. I saw some families walking their 'dogs' and some children running around.  
  
It was busier than I thought.  
  
We walked along leisurely and I was pointing at everything I could as I asked "what's that?". I know they don't understand what I'm saying but Orange found my antics amusing. I heard conversations all around and tried as hard as I could to figure out what they were saying.  
  
I could only catch a few words here and there 'hungry', 'going', 'good morning' and 'dog'.  
  
How long was it going to take me to learn this language? If this species really uses telepathic communication then maybe I could just try and glean the meaning from their minds without having to manually learn the language? Must experiment further.  
  
Finally we arrived at what I assume is a hospital. Oh, am I getting a check up? That's pretty cool, I can see what the medical technology is like he- WAIT! Doctors? What if they realize there's something off about me? What if the doctor can tell that my mind is more developed than it has a right to be? These things communicate with psychic powers or something so they might be able to tell!  
  
Have I blown my cover? Was I acting strangely for a newborn of this species? I don't even know how baby shapes are supposed to behave! Aaaaaaahhhh!  
  
As per usual to my panic attacks, I appeared perfectly serene on the outside even as I screamed inside my head. Ok! Calm down Jan, you can't always just assume the worse. This is probably just an ordinary check up to see how the baby is doing after the first few weeks. That sounds logical.  
  
"为什么这发生在我身上?" I mumbled as I laid back in Orange's arms. No point in worrying myself to death over it. What will happen, will happen.  
  
We head inside and after a short wait we were led into an examination room with an elderly pentagon doctor. He spoke with my parents and they didn't seem worried so I guess this was just a normal check up.  
  
I giggled as they placed me onto the soft table. It was bouncy. Weee! Wow I'm easily distracted. The doctor took out a bunch of tools and set to work measuring my sides and angles. Orange tried to hold me still when I wiggled away from the cold ruler. Every measurement was carefully written down and for the most part I think everything was going fine.  
  
Then the doctor checked my eyesight. He checked my mouth as well. He felt around my arms and legs and wrote something down for them as well. I shuddered at the feeling when he felt along my bricks, pressing down to test their firmness and scraping a tool against my seams. I jolted and kicked his arm during that test. It hurt! Orange seemed to be apologizing to the doctor for my behavior but he waved it off with a chuckle.  
  
Well so far so good. When are we gonna be done? I'm actually starting to get bor- hey! Where are you touching?! I squirm and make a distressed sound as the doctor reached between my legs.  
  
Fuck! Is he seriously checking my sex?! Shouldn't they have done this back when I was born?! Noooo stop this is so weird! I struggle and kick at his hands. Orange holds me down and I just scream and try to get free. The doctor is being very gentle but it still feels weird as his fingers feel around my bottom side.  
  
To his credit, he's being entirely clinical in his search but there's a strange feeling building up and I have an instinctual urge to rub my legs together. As I'm still being held down the most I could do was whine and pulled against Orange's hands. The doctor grips at something, pulls and then gasps and drops his clipboard.  
  
I hear my parent's concerned and confused inquiries. Orange lets go of me and I immediately pull my legs back together and curl up. Now that there wasn't the feeling of his hands on me I felt the tingling slowly die down as I clamped my legs together and cried. What the fuck?! Seriously?! I glance down at myself and notice a small protrusion between my legs. I don't get to examine it for long as it slides back inside me. What the actual fuck?!  
  
There are raised voices around me. I hear my parents questioning the doctor and he looks shaken by something. Shit. There really is something wrong with me. Of course I have no idea what they are saying but it must be something bad as when the doctor explains what he found in a shaking voice my parents go silent.  
  
With no knowledge of the language I can only rely on their tone of voice to piece together what was happening. Confusion and worry. Shock and disbelief. Questioning. More questions. Accusation. Protest. Worry. Assurances. More disbelief. The doctor actually leaves the room in a rush. My parents stand there with their eyes furrowed in confusion and worry.  
  
I wipe the tears from my eye and sit up. "What's going on?" I ask even though I know they don't understand me. Orange looks at me with a worried expression. For a creature with no face she's really expressive. I whine and she makes a soothing noise while petting my side. She doesn't seem angry with whatever the doctor said, just unsure and sad.  
  
What was the problem?! I wish I could understand what they were saying. From what I can figure out there was something wrong with my genitals? I shuddered at the thought. I can't believe the doctor had to touch me there. Then again, there doesn't seem to be anything between my legs from just looking so weird touching was probably the only way to find out if I was male or female. Am I male? Bill is a guy right? Wait, several billion genders, I'm probably something not quite male or female.  
  
The doctor came back, there were more doctors with him and I had to brace myself when they all began inspecting me. This was going to be an uncomfortable day.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not going to be a good time, not for a while. I have a bunch of stuff written out for the future, but how exactly things will lead to that point is still a work in progress. I just write randomly and try to put it together afterwards~


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Growing up in this society as a freak of nature is hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Childhood sucks

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 2**  
  
**-Truth is simply a way for the powerful to trick you into giving them more power-**  
  
\---  
  
I think I've figured out the problem. After being thoroughly poked and prodded by numerous different shapes for HOURS I think I know why they're so upset.  
  
That strange 'thing' was once more coaxed out of me (is that my dick?!) And I finally got a good look at it. An oval shape was extending out from between my legs. The doctors were making numerous measurements and making distressed and unhappy sounds.  
  
I came to the realization that as a triangle I'm probably not supposed to have round genitalia. There were numerous photos I saw them bring out to compare and argue over. They seemed to all be...shape dicks. I saw long thin isosceles, rectangles, octagonal rods and more bizarre shapes.  
  
It would be awkward to see so many dick pics but considering they were just geometric shapes...  
  
Now I know why they're so upset. So why won't they just STOP TOUCHING ME ALREADY?! I screamed, thrashed angrily and slapped at their hands. I curl around myself to shield my body. Just leave me alone! One doctor angrily tried to grab me and I bit him.  
  
I am done. I am sick of this. I felt the oval slide back inside me and I shuddered in relief. It was short lived as I was manhandled into the air and more fingers prodded me. This time instead of pulling my oval out they were reaching inside (I have a hole as well?!). I screamed in rage and tried to bite them but I was held firm. The hands were clinical and I heard a metallic noise as they brought up yet another measurement tool and began inserting that too.  
  
The only mercy here is that it didn't hurt. It felt weird and intrusive but was otherwise fine. It didn't feel pleasurable either which I was grateful for. I really didn't want to have to deal with anything THAT awkward.  
  
Finally all the measurements were apparently done and I was placed onto a soft examination bed. A lot of notes were being jotted down and the doctors continued chattering. I can see bite marks on one of them and I sneered at him. Served him right.  
  
I was exhausted from my struggling and I slumped onto the bed. When can I go home? I just want to sleep.  
  
Finally my parents are allowed back in. Orange is immediately fussing over me and I relax into her arms as she cradles me. I cry quietly to myself as we head home.  
  
\---  
  
My life changed after that. No longer was I allowed to just play, eat and sleep. As soon as I was awake and fed (sometimes not even) there would be lessons. An elderly Hexagon would be here in our house. He seemed to be a tutor or teacher. I would be forced to sit through lessons where he attempted to teach me how to read. This would be great except I still didn't even know the spoken language!  
  
I'm just a god damn baby! What were they expecting from me? I did eventually pick up both reading and comprehension of the language but that's because I've got the mind of an adult along with an infants learning curve. A real baby wouldn't be able to focus as well as I did. The Hexagon (I call him Purple-ish) didn't even look proud when I finally started speaking and reading the words. He muttered something along the lines of 'Finally. Took you long enough to get it.' And I had to resist the urge to punch his stupid smug face.  
  
With my body still being so young I had trouble staying awake and would often drift off in the middle of a lesson. Purple-ish would slap me awake and call me 'ungrateful' whenever this happened. Dear god, if the real Bill ever went through this shit then I completely understand why he straight up murdered them all. I was seething with fury just having to go along with this.  
  
Orange sometimes looked like she wanted to say something but Purple-ish would snap at her and she'd flinch and leave the room. Sometimes the lessons go on too long and I don't get to eat. My hate for Purple-bitch was growing day by day.  
  
Every week I would be tested on everything I've learned so far. It was stressful and annoying. Sure I had nothing else to do with my life...but it still sucked. I know I said I wanted to learn to read but I didn't want to be taught by this condescending shit bag.  
  
I only got a little free time for myself at night after Orange puts me to bed. I spent that time thinking of happy things. Not my old life though, thinking about the family and friends I left behind only served to make me more miserable. I thought of all the stories I've read, movies and shows I've seen. The music I loved. They were all that kept me going. I didn't want to forget them. They were my only escape from this stress filled life.  
  
I dreamed of anime and music. It wasn't much but it comforted me enough to endure yet another day of constant derision and study. I was picking up the language quickly. Soon I could read everything Purple-asshole threw at me. He never praised my progress. I tried not to let it get to me.  
  
After I mastered reading and comprehension a new tutor came. This time an Octagon. I called him SalmonPink (Salmon for short). He started teaching me math. This at the very least was something I could pick up more easily. The counting system was similar aside from the fact that they went by a base 8 instead of base 10. Probably because we have 8 fingers.  
  
Even if it was easier, the fact that they had a different base system threw me off enough that I still screwed up now and then. Of course it had to be base 8. I've always had the most trouble with multiplying by 8.  
  
This went on for a while. Tutors coming in and out. Constant tests on my progress. Constant visits to the doctor for check ups on my growth. I had to endure more embarrassing probing. At least now I knew what they were saying. Their medical terms were weird. Insertion Piece is what my oval was called. The slit that they keep poking into is a Receiver Slot. I have both a Piece and a Slot. There were different combinations, only a Slot, only a Piece, both, neither and some who have multiples of either one in different shapes. I count myself lucky to only have one of each.  
  
A few years must have passed by now. I'm a lot larger and I can walk around by myself. I can eat solid foods at the dinner table with my family. The food is still bland and I find myself dreaming of corned beef hash and other salty foods. I hate it here. The tutors have left after I passed a few more tests and for the first time I could almost relax...then Orange informs me that I was going to be starting school soon. Fuck my life.  
  
I try to look on the bright side. I can meet other shapes my age. Maybe I could even make a friend. I latched onto that idea and as Orange helps me prepare for my first day of school I bounce around with pent up nerves.  
  
The first thing I notice when I enter the classroom is that I am the only triangle. Orange is talking with the teacher and hands over a lot of legal looking documents. Oh right. Triangles generally work as physical laborers and soldiers. Our shape being the most rigid and powerful meant we could take more physical abuse without snapping. I learned that with my history tutor.  
  
In other words. Triangles don't go to school with the other shapes. They had no need for a proper education. The most they needed to know was basic level reading which they learned in a triangle only school. But because of my round Piece, it meant that I can produce round children. So they had to train me up and educate me. Because a brainless triangle would only produce a brainless child, according to them. It was stupid but I'm actually grateful for the education, even if it was annoying and stressful.  
  
There was a huge political issue with my existence as well. A triangle producing circular children was unheard of. But if I truly can make a round child...how would that affect the hierarchy?  
  
Frankly I'm amazed they didn't just straight out kill me.  
  
The teacher introduced me to the class. There was a lot of whispering and judgmental looks. A triangle in school. How weird. Why does he get special treatment? He produces round pieces? That must be a lie.  
  
I take my seat next to a pale pink square. I say hello as friendly as I could but she just scoots her chair a little farther from me.  
  
School was..interesting. My forced education at a young age actually meant I already knew everything they were teaching in class. I was bored out of my mind. At first I raised my hand to answer the questions but the teacher (who was a rectangle) stopped calling on me and said I should let someone else try to answer. It was a fair enough point so I just stayed quiet and daydream during class.  
  
Unconsciously I would hum songs quietly to myself. Music apparently didn't exist here since everyone thought I was just making strange noises and distracting the other students.  
  
The fact that this society doesn't know what music is horrified me more than I cared to admit.  
  
I tried to show them. I sang during break, I hummed different melodies in different tempos to see if I could catch their attention. Aside from many strange looks I had no such luck.  
  
What was wrong with these children?  
  
I couldn't make any friends. No one wanted to talk to the weird triangle who makes strange sounds. We got our first test results back and I of course aced it. Pink saw my score and accused me of cheating. A fight might have started. We were called to the principals office and no matter what I said they still made me retake the test.  
  
I aced the retake as well.  
  
I could tell the other kids were bitter at being beaten by a triangle. My school life just went downhill from there.  
  
I tried you know. I tried to be nice. I offered to help them. I explained things to them when I noticed them struggling but they just angrily told me off and got more hostile as days went on. I hated school. I wasn't learning anything new and everyone hates me. Why do I even have to be here?  
  
I finally got to look at the books at home, sadly they weren't all that interesting, just rule and law books, dictionaries and construction manuals. At least the manuals are something new. I read about architecture. Apparently my father worked as a carpenter. He built houses for a living.  
  
Normally I would be expected to follow in his footsteps but frankly no one knew what do do with me. There was a lot of paperwork my family had to fill out every month. I still had to go to the doctors for a check up regularly. Every time they would measure my Piece and every time they were disappointed that it was still a perfect oval.  
  
As the years went by I found more and more stuff to distract me. Since I wasn't learning anything at school I had taken to grabbing books from the library to read during class. The teacher refused to call on me so I was never bothered about not paying attention. So long as I did well on the tests and homework no one cared.  
  
I don't always get perfect scores. Sometimes we had reading comprehension questions that truly made me realize just how different their thought process was from mine. We had a short story about a Square that refused to be a merchant like his father and instead joined the army because he wanted to fight for his country. He was brutally killed on his first mission out in the field. We were asked to explain the message of the story. I wrote that it was about devoted patriotism. Everyone else wrote that it was about how shapes shouldn't try to fit into roles not meant for them because it only leads to tragedy.  
  
I feel most of them were thinking about me during their answer.  
  
As we got older I noticed that my classmates were disappearing. The females squares dropped out first, followed by the males (and when I say female I meant that they only had a Slot.) This continued in progression with the number of sides.  
  
After several years I was only going to school among Decagons and higher. It became more and more obvious that I was a triangle. That I didn't belong here.  
  
I learned that the other shapes dropped out because they had reached the peak of what they were allowed to learn. There was no need for furthering their education and would instead devote their time to learning the profession they would be given upon adulthood. Women dropped sooner because those who can only Carry young had no reason to know more. Their job was to be matched with a mate by the government upon reaching maturity and breed.  
  
That's what Orange was. I couldn't help but feel both unfairly angry for her sake and grateful that I was male enough to be allowed to continue my education. Also, it appeared my Slot was just as screwed up as my Piece. It was rounded on the inside as well. At least I match?  
  
I walked in on Orange and Gray mating once (called Clicking in this society) and would have been traumatized if I wasn't so fascinated by the process. I discovered that since I was going to be sent to some other task by the government, Gray needed another child to carry on his career.  
  
I was angry that they were replacing me but I was thrilled to be an older sibling again. Having had two younger sisters back in my first life I was excited at the prospect of helping raise my new sister/brother.  
  
Maybe I can raise them to be more open minded. Maybe I could finally have a friend.  
  
\---  
  
I don't think anyone was more excited for the baby than I was. Orange seemed quite happy that I was looking forward to the baby. I suspect she thought I would be angry. I was always feeling her front bricks at the slight bump underneath. We were all flat-ish after all so its not like a pregnancy would be overtly noticeable.  
  
How long do shapes gestate? Will my new sibling be a boy or a girl? Or both like I apparently am?  
  
Aside from my hope for the new baby, there wasn't much to look forward to in this life. School still sucked. The government was still debating on what to do with me. I don't get a chance to really explore this world like I wanted. I'm being watched constantly. The only place where I don't have to deal with government agents stalking me is at home. This doesn't help my hikikomori habits from getting worse.  
  
I only ever leave home to go to school, the library or the hospital. Otherwise I just shut myself in my room to read or draw. I wrote down my life, my first life. Despite the pain it causes. Every little thing I could remember. The family I loved. The friends I cherished. I didn't want to forget them. I refused to forget them. It was a memory of a time when I felt loved. A world where I was free. If I ever lost that...  
  
I don't want to be Bill Cipher.  
  
And yet I sort of do.  
  
I know that I probably have to play his role at some point. He's important to this world, this reality. But even if I must take his place...I want to be able to do it MY way. As much as I can. I want to keep the ME that exists now. Even if I must change down the line (a trillion years, I feel faint just thinking of it) I don't want to lose who I am.  
  
So I write down my story. In a language no one here can understand. I reread my words. I memorize them. I know I've probably gotten a lot of it wrong. I know that not all of my life was sunshine and rainbows but for now the words gave me some proof that I was real. Zyun-Jan was a real girl. She had family and friends and her own aspirations.  
  
I write and read and pray that I will be able to remember.  
  
\---  
  
I have a baby sibling!  
  
It's so smol. A bright blue color that reminds me of a sunny cloudless sky. I coo down at it. Gray built a new bedroom for them. I spend my free time gently brushing their surface with a finger and quietly talking to them. It sleeps constantly. Doesn't even wake up to eat.  
  
Apparently this is normal. A newborn is still developing even after birth. That's why we can't check the sex until they're older.  
  
It would also explain why I 'woke up' when I did as opposed to when I was first born. I still go check on my little baby, I name them Will in my head, everyday.  
  
I couldn't wait for them to wake up. I gaze at the tiny triangle and a desperate twisting forms on my chest. I will protect you. This sweet innocent life that I could hold with one hand. I will protect you.  
  
No matter what.  
  
**-End chapter 2-**  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A ray of hope


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm speeding through my life, trying to go father, trying to get as much done as I can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There is vague mention of triangle masturbation in this chapter, just a warning.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 3**  
  
**-Lie until you're not lying anymore-**  
  
Little Will was growing up so fast, his check up went without a hitch. He was perfectly normal. He was also solely a male.  
  
I was always demanding to hold him, to feed him, to read to him. Orange let me take care of my little brother with a soft look. Will is such an energetic child. He babbles loudly and clings tightly to me whenever I pick him up. I fall more and more in love everyday.  
  
It was nice to come home after a stressful day at school to play with Will. Our 'dog' loved Will too. The three of us would just sit around as I talked about my day or read books about advanced mathematics and the importance of fractals. Will understood none of it but I just liked speaking to him.  
  
"Big brodda!"  
  
"Will? Did you just?"  
  
"Big brodda!" He squeaked.  
  
It was the happiest I've ever felt in this life.  
  
\---  
  
I wonder if my parents mind that I call him Will? I have never heard them refer to him by name so its not like I actually know what his real name is. They don't question it when I call him Will so I think its fine?  
  
Gray takes Will with him to work sometimes. Mainly to show him what his job would be when he's older. I'm a little jealous, even if i don't want to be a carpenter, doesn't mean I'm not interested in learning it.  
  
I tried to teach Will to sing but sadly my species seems to be literally incapable of understanding melody. I am in despair. The fact that music doesn't exist here has left me in despair!  
  
The years go by and I'm getting older. I have been managing to pass the tests so far. Not perfectly but I do well enough. With nothing to do here BUT study I feel like I'm doing more academically than I've ever done in my first life. I miss internet. I miss fanfiction. I miss porn.  
  
There is no porn here. People only Click for reproduction, not pleasure. I tried masturbating once because I was curious. It was a strange experience. It was vaguely pleasurable but the sensations were faint. Distant. Unimportant.  
  
Also, my oval popped off when I peaked. Apparently thats how it worked. The Piece pokes out and after some stimulation, it ejects into the Slot. A new Piece grows after a few days. Meanwhile, the ejected Piece will incubate inside a Slot until its ready to hatch.  
  
...could I theoretically impregnate myself with my own Piece? The idea makes me very unsettled. Disturbed even. I will not be testing that. Nope.  
  
After my Piece popped off I panicked about what to do with it. In the end I smashed it into pieces and threw it in the trash. I was panicking okay?!  
  
I tried to test out my slot but whenever my fingers start feeling up the edges I just couldn't bring myself to actually reach inside. I'd be gripped with a cold feeling and a sense of wrongness. So sadly, as much as I wanted to fully explore this new body, its probably not going to happen for a while.  
  
\---  
  
There are no dates. Nothing to mark months or years. We do not have a calendar. All schedules are written as things like 'Doctors appointment 2 days from now' or 'Meet with matchmaker 57 days from now' and it made it hard to remember when the events are supposed to be happening.  
  
For me at least.  
  
Anyway, my point is that I have no idea how many years I've been here. I also have no idea what mine and Will's birthdays are. They don't celebrate birthdays here. But I wanted to give Will a party anyway.  
  
He's old enough to start triangle school soon. He'll ace it I'm sure since I've already taught him to read and write. I liked teaching him. I wonder if I can ask the council to give me a teaching job? Its something I would be okay with doing.  
  
\---  
  
Will came home today and asked me "What's a freak? Its a bad word right?" I froze.  
  
"Where...did you hear it?"  
  
"The other kids at school. They said that you were a Freak and that I must be one too..."  
  
I narrowed my eye. Oh no they didn't.  
  
"Will, you're not a freak. You're a perfectly normal and healthy triangle. Don't listen to them."  
  
"What does it mean? That word?"  
  
"It means...not normal. Something different."  
  
"I don't get it." Poor Will looked so confused. I pet his top corner and tell him not to worry about it.  
  
\---  
  
I'm graduating today. I'll also be getting my career assignment today. Part of me is upset that I don't get a choice in the matter but frankly I just cant find the energy to care anymore. As long as I can get time off to visit Will I don't care.  
  
He's old enough to start helping Gray out on his jobs. Just small things like bringing him tools or carrying stuff. I ask him about his day whenever I'm home and he's so excited to be learning about structural foundations and what all the whirly tools do.  
  
Oh right, my graduation is today. I'm not the top of my class and Puce (an obnoxious 15 sided shape) likes to gloat whenever he sees me. Buddy, I don't give a fuck.  
  
But I'm doing well enough. If all goes well I'll get a good job with good pay. It's not like there's anything else I can do. If I keep my angles down and do what they say I'll be able to live peacefully. The rebellious part of me is screaming for me to fight back against this stupid governmental system but seriously, what can I even do?  
  
I have no power. I don't even have my own money yet. Not to mention I don't want to cause any trouble for my family, don't want to make their lives more difficult. And there's also Will to think about. I have responsibilities. I have things chaining me down.  
  
I don't want to cause trouble for the people around me. So even though my self-worth and sense of freedom were screaming at me, I grit my teeth and bare with it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad once I actually have a job. Maybe I can just do my work and have free time to pursue my own interests?  
  
Optimism! Or I'm just trying to make myself feel better.  
  
Lie until you're not lying huh? I don't want to believe that's a proper response to my situation but I won't lie about it being tempting.  
  
\---  
  
Theres no fancy ceremony for graduation. I prefer that actually. I hated the stupid robes and hat and standing around for HOURS for the damn thing to start. Its such a waste of time. This efficient system where we just go up to the evaluation booth and get our results is so much easier.  
  
I get my slip of paper that would decide my future. I'm almost afraid to read it. I peer down anyway. Need to get this over with.  
  
-Archivist-  
  
That's all it says. I know what an Archivist is. We had a class explaining all the different positions of employment in our society and why they were important.  
  
Triangles are meant for labor working. Construction, farming, sanitation and so on.  
  
Squares are a mixed bunch. Depending on their intelligence they can become low level teachers, merchants and overseers for the Triangle work force in various fields. Some Squares can even enter the food industry. Triangles aren't trusted to prepare meals.  
  
Pentagons can be teachers, overseers, designers or doctors. There are a couple other careers they qualify for simply because of their shape but lets just move on...  
  
Hexagons are just the next step up, more doctors, higher level education professors, scientists, engineers and so on.  
  
Heptagons are the next step up, blah blah blah...  
  
Ok, what's important here is that Archivist is a surprisingly important job, while also being an undesirable one. Its a career path normally limited to Decagons and above. It consists of transcribing the laws and history of our society. Since there were no computers here, or printing press, all books are hand written.  
  
I found it strange that the job of being a glorified copy machine was so high up. Scribes and Archivists were similar jobs, but the Scribes at least can be as low as a Heptagon to qualify. They just copy down text books on math and language.  
  
What this meant for ME was that I had the task of spending hours just writing words over and over again. I had a quota of books I need to finish copying per 8 day cycle (so its like a week), after which the government will send someone to pick up. If I finish my quota before the 8 day cycle is done, I'm free to do whatever I want.  
  
In other words...  
  
FURIOUSLY WRITE NON STOP AND GET EVERYTHING DONE ON THE FIRST DAY SO I CAN JUST SLACK OFF!!  
  
I work hard for the sake of slacking off! There are no words for how stupid that sounds in retrospect.  
  
I slam my pen down and collapse on my desk. My hands are aching. Funnily enough, my ambidextrous nature carried over into this life so I could give one hand a break and work with the other. Hours upon hours of work lay before me. My first job was just to copy a simple Law book 10 times. That's my quota. 10 books per cycle.  
  
I can handle that. I look over my work. Yup, neat lines, clear and legible handwriting. Certainly much better than the old text I was copying from. I even went through the effort of fixing the spelling errors present in the original text.  
  
Ugh, mindlessly copying something was dull. I don't know if its good or bad that I've pretty much memorized this damn book by now. I glance around for the clock. It doesn't display time. Not in the way human clocks did. There was a sliding meter from left to right that showed what part of the day it currently is.  
  
The far left is the starting point which would be the beginning of the day, its around this time that shapes begin waking up to go about their business.  
  
There were lines placed along the meter to mark 'check point's in the day.  
  
Wake up - 1st meal - work - break - work - 2nd meal - work - break - work - 3rd meal - sleep  
  
Well I just worked for the whole day. My bricks ached with hunger and I groan as I trudge out to the kitchen. Upon graduation I was given my own house. A small place that was more like a glorified shed. There was only my bed/workroom and the kitchen/dining room. Its actually nice. I don't need much space right now, its small and clean. Efficient actually.  
  
It still weirds me out how my new body doesn't produce waste like a human does. Anything I eat is broken down back into their base elements and filtered out of my body through the lines of my bricks. I feed not on the food but the molecular bonds inside their chemical make up. In other words, the more complex the chemical shape of what I eat, the longer it'll last me.  
  
It doesn't seem to matter WHAT I eat so long as its made up of elements strung together into SOMETHING. I could eat a book and just break down the starch that makes up the paper.  
  
That's some delicious C6H10O5 right there.  
  
No wonder everything is bland as shit. A potato is made of starch. A book is made of starch. They taste the same to me. Its not called a potato, but it looks like a potato so I just call it that.  
  
I tried eating a flower once to see if that changes anything. Still a Carbon based chain with Hydrogen and Oxygen. Ugh I am so sick of eating CHO.  
  
Is everything made of that stuff!?  
  
Well no, there's some vegetables with Ca, K, Zn, P and other assorted stuff. But the majority of food is just CHO.  
  
There's not much in the way of meat in this world. Apparently our society doesn't really do the whole devour another sentient life thing.  
  
I confess I have wondered what the 'dog' would taste like. I'm not going to eat my dog, but the curiosity is there. I have also considered cannibalism just to see what shapes taste like. Yes I have issues. Its not a new thing, even back in my first life I would sometimes just stare at someone and wonder what they would taste like.  
  
My friends refused to let me watch Hannibal. Said it would give me terrible ideas. I even called dibs on eating one of them if she ever dies, half as a joke and half because I was just honestly curious about what humans would taste like.  
  
She did give me the go ahead. I suppose me dying first means that'll never happen now. Probably a good thing. Wow I must be really hungry to be thinking about this.  
  
I open my small fridge to see what I've got. Hm...need to go shopping soon. I only have a few assorted vegetables and a pitcher of water. I shovel the purple vegetable that resembles corn into my eye-mouth and crunch it. Doesn't make a difference if I cook it or not since it all tastes the same to me.  
  
I sigh and rub my eyelid. I'm exhausted. But I finished my quota in just 2 days. Woo! I have to thank the torture they put me through all these years for that. At the very least its taught me how to work overtime.  
  
I decide to go grocery shopping and stretch my frame out. I think I have a crick from bending over my desk for hours on end. I hum happily and set off.  
  
So far, I'm enjoying adult life. Am I an adult? Technically no. I have a meeting with a matchmaker (a job only reserved for shapes of 20 sides or more) in a few days. They'll give me a full examination of my mating parts, career, social ranking and other factors to find me a 'matching' mate.  
  
So much paperwork.  
  
I'm sure another person would be angry at the whole arranged marriage thing but I just don't care. Its not like I have anyone I like. I doubt I'll like whoever they pair me with. The only issue I have is that I have no desire to mate. Being asexual seems to have carried over. The idea of being forced to Click with someone makes me shudder. Whoever I'm paired with will just have to deal with that fact that I'm never going to Click with them.  
  
Ugh what is it with people constantly trying to set me up with someone? Why cant they understand I'm just not interested? I suppose it could just be that I haven't found anyone I really and truly liked...and I wasn't likely to find them here.  
  
I make it to the grocery store. Its a small place run by a few square and triangle workers. The stuff here is cheap and I can sometimes barter the price down. Apparently I am quite the good looking triangle. So long as they don't know about the shape of my 'package' I can easily charm any Triangle I meet. I'm not really the flirting type but apparently speaking to someone politely and kindly is all it takes.  
  
How badly are these other triangles treated that all it takes to endear me to them is being a nice person?  
  
I bring my basket to an elderly isosceles who coos at my straight lines and perfect 60 degree angles. Being a completely equilateral shape is uncommon. Most folks are off by 1 to 2 degrees. Not enough to be noticeable at a glance but they apparently have an eye for shapes like me.  
  
The isosceles rings up my purchases and chats good naturally with me. I'm polite as usual, I know firsthand how obnoxious it is to work in retail and things like it so I try to be nice.  
  
While marriage is decided by the matchmaker (and thus, the government), there's apparently nothing stopping people from checking out an attractive shape.  
  
"You look like you should be old enough to be Paired soon." She squints her old eyes as she bags my purchase.  
  
"Yeah, my matchmaker meeting is coming up soon."  
  
"Oh you're going to make some lucky triangle a happy one dear. I just know it. You're such a sweet lad. Why I remember my Partner. He was so stern in public but an absolute darling in the bedroom..."  
  
"Okay! Yes! Thank you!" I say hurriedly as I pay and power walk out of there, my bricks glowing orange. I can hear her soft laughter following me out.  
  
\---  
  
I visit home often. Will is always thrilled to see me. I bring gifts, mainly little books that I wrote myself containing stories from my first life. I give my parents a small portion of my paychecks. They keep refusing it but I want to help in any way I can. Its not like I'm using that money for anything. There's not much to buy but food, writing supplies and clothing. They don't have video games here. Or taxes. All books are non-fiction and boring. There are no movie theaters or other forms of entertainment.  
  
Seriously, what do these people do for fun? Apparently they just work. What do circles do then? Aside from running the government I didn't really learn about what jobs a circle really has. Running the government can't be THAT time consuming. What do they do in their spare time?  
  
What does ANYONE do with their spare time? I see children playing in the parks. I see a few adult shapes just sitting around on benches and relaxing. Is that it? They just sit and do...nothing when they're not working?  
  
Sounds boring as fuck.  
  
I've already gotten a bunch of paper together for the express purpose of making some art in my spare time. I doodled throughout this life and now that I can have more time to myself I was planning on drawing again. Or making origami. I'm sure the people here would appreciate origami.  
  
I can't imagine just sitting around and doing nothing. Sleeping is fine. I can nap for hours but if I'm awake I just need to do SOMETHING. Don't these people ever get bored?  
  
The only creative thing I've seen from these people is the weirdoes buildings and clothes. Wearing clothing that consists of hats and other accessories is literally the closest thing these people have to a 'hobby'. I despair at this world full of boredom.  
  
The stark lack of color in this world is starting to get to me. Why does nothing have color even though we, ourselves are in color? How does that even work?  
  
After all these years living in this world I am no closer to answering all the questions I have. Even in all the history books I read and copied, there were no explanations. Has no one in this world questioned it?!  
  
There is no curiosity in this world. How do they function as a species. How do scientists exist? Doesn't it require curiosity to make innovation? Then again, from what I've seen the only science the shapes study and use are biology stuff for explaining how our reproductive system works or miscellaneous things for increasing crop production.  
  
Ugh.  
  
Well I'm going to see if introducing origami to them might yield any sort of reaction. I make it home and start putting the food away. There's a knock on my door and I look up in surprise. What?  
  
I open the door to see Gray. Its the first time he's ever come over to my place. Actually, its the first time he's ever sought me out. Did something happen? Is Will ok?!  
  
"Son...I know this might be a surprise visit, but may I come in?"  
  
"Uh...sure dad..."  
  
I awkwardly show him into my tiny kitchen. There's a small dinning table with 2 chairs and I politely pull it out for him. He sits and I stand around for a bit before getting out some cups and pouring him a cup of water. Its not like I have anything better.  
  
"So...why are you here?"  
  
He just hold his cup for a while. I sit down across from him and wait. Gray has almost never spoken to me. I don't know anything about him. Growing up, he's just been the always working father. I'm not sure what to expect.  
  
"Son...you have to stop visiting us."  
  
"What." I said flatly.  
  
He isn't looking at me. "We have been informed by the Circles that we are not to interact with you from this point on."  
  
"What." I repeat.  
  
"Its not proper for a higher rank like you to spend so much time with us."  
  
"That's bullshit! You're my family!" I stand up and slam my hands on the table.  
  
"...I know this is upsetting for you. But its how it is. We cannot disobey an order from the circles themselves. I'm...sorry."  
  
"What about Will?"  
  
"You are not to make contact with your brother."  
  
"No! They can't do that! Will is my brother! They can't stop me from-!"  
  
"Please Son. We don't want any trouble." Gray finally looks up at me and I see the desperation and fear in his eye.  
  
"...will you really get in trouble if I come visit? Or do you just want me gone?"  
  
"The circles have told us that we cannot...distract you from moving up in life. They have said that we cannot keep dragging you back into...the lower caste now that you have ascended." Gray's hands are trembling around the cup.  
  
"I don't care what the circles think. Dad, do YOU want me to stop coming over?"  
  
"It would be best for all of us."  
  
"But what about Will-"  
  
"I AM thinking of your brother." Gray says a little louder, not yet yelling.  
  
"He will inherit my craft. He cannot afford to be distracted by fanciful stories. He is normal-"  
  
I feel cold. "Which is to say, I am not normal."  
  
Gray twitched a little but he stares firmly at me.  
  
"That's what this is really about isn't it? You don't want me near Will. The order from the circles is just an excuse."  
  
"Please Son. You will only hurt your brother's chance for a good future if you continue to fill his head with nonsense."  
  
"They're just stories! Its entertainment! It makes him happy!"  
  
"Please stay away from your brother and from us. Son please. We've been through so much just to raise you."  
  
"If you need money I can keep giving you my salary-"  
  
"I don't need your PITY. Please. Don't come around anymore."  
  
"Pity? Is that what you think?!" I shook with anger. Is there no such thing as filial piety?!  
  
"If you keep forcing yourself into your brother's life we will suffer for it."  
  
"That's...you..."  
  
"You are not a child anymore. You cannot meet with us anymore."  
  
"What does Mom think about this? What about Will? Have you even told Will?"  
  
"Please do not contact us anymore."  
  
"Get out. Get out of my house!"  
  
"I need you to tell me that you understand."  
  
"Oh I understand alright. You want me gone. You just can't stand me hanging around cause you're afraid I'll infect your NORMAL son with my **freakishness**!"  
  
"...if I say yes, will you agree to never speak with us again?"  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
"I will take that as an affirmative."  
  
Gray stands up still looking sad and fearful. I can't tell if he really feels bad for cutting me out or just because he doesn't want me bringing the government down on our family.  
  
"I really am sorry...son."  
  
"Get out."  
  
He leaves and I slam the door behind him. As soon as I'm alone I scream in rage and throw my chair across the room. It slams into a wall leaving a small dent.  
  
He didn't even drink the glass of water I got him.  
  
\---  
  
I tried to visit anyway but they apparently had people watching and I was politely escorted away by some soldiers.  
  
I kept trying to get to Will but they were really adamant about keeping me from my family. After being turned around and led away for the 5th time I realized I should probably make an actual strategy instead of just storming in.  
  
I cancelled my matchmaker appointment. I had no desire for it anyway. I stayed home brainstorming ways to at least get a message out to my little brother. Was he doing ok? Did Gray explain anything to him? Would he understand?  
  
Ok...I glance at the 'clock' its going to be night soon. I say night but its not like we have a sun. There's no change between day and night. It doesn't get dark out. The sun doesn't set because there is none. I can find no light source in the sky but I can still see everything clearly. It doesn't make sense.  
  
Then again, this is a world with no color and no shadows. Lack of shadows implies a lack of a light source to cast them. How can we see without light is irrelevant right now. Night is coming.  
  
Night is simply when all shapes go to sleep. I will need to check if there are any soldiers patrolling at night. If there are, I will need to find a way to sneak past them. If there aren't then I can break into my brothers room, he has a small window...don't know if I can fit through it but I can at least slip a letter inside the room.  
  
At the very least I know that there are no cameras and other bugs (I have never seen a camera in my whole life here) in this world so I have privacy within the confines of my home. I peek behind the drapes on my window to see if the soldiers are gone.  
  
The streets are emptying out now. I can see shapes of all sides and colors heading home. Where are...there! A large isosceles soldier leaning against a building across the street. He's watching my house.  
  
I glance around to see if there are anymore of them. There's another one watching the back of my house. Crap.  
  
Well its not like I can leave my house except through the front door anyway. The windows are square and I can't fit through them. I sigh in annoyance. Think Jan. Is there any other way to sneak past the soldiers?  
  
Disguise? Not gonna work since I'll still be spotted leaving. Bribe the soldiers? Naw, they're not gonna go for it. I don't have nearly enough money anyway. Dig a tunnel under my house that leads to my parents house? Would take too long.  
  
Ugh. I flop down on my bed and whine. I cant think of anything.  
  
At least I've still got 4 days free before my next assignment cones in. I lay awake on my bed and brainstorm ideas for the rest of the night. At some point I fell asleep and dreamed of taking Will away with me as we go on the run, dodging soldiers and starting a rebel army.  
  
Now there's an idea.  
  
**-End Chapter 3-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm not sure where this story is going, I still don't have a clear idea of how to make Bill actually destroy the world...


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A short chapter this time, I'm having trouble putting things together in a way that makes sense. Also, been playing Danganronpa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://archiveofourown.org/works/13424574  
> Made a separate thing for Q&A stuff

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 4**  
  
**-Pain is Hilarious-**  
  
A rebellion. Could I do that? Should I do that? Are there even enough shapes here who'd want that? I haven't really met anyone who seems particularly upset about life.  
  
How does one start a rebellion? Ive learned about rebellions in school back in my first life but it wasn't something I was particularly interested in. I didn't really pay much attention to history. Hell, the most I know about the American Revolution was episodes of Liberty's Kids and the Hamilton musical...  
  
What would I even do once I get Will? I can't just take him with me. I know nothing about the world outside this city. What would we do for food or shelter? I can't just TAKE him from our parents. That's selfish. I need to at least ask Will if he wants to be with me or not. Ugh. Its not like I even want to go on the run from our government. I just want to be with Will.  
  
I've never gone around purposely breaking laws before...I'm the kind of good girl who holds the door open for strangers. I've never shoplifted before. I separate my paper and plastic for recycling. The idea of going around breaking the laws here made me uneasy. Even if they are stupid laws.  
  
I don't want to get in trouble.  
  
I'm upset at the unfairness of it all but what can I even do?! I don't know enough about how the government is run to really oppose them. I can't fight off the guards around me. I don't have any money or influence.  
  
I'm too scared to go against them.  
  
I slump against the wall in my room, blinds down and huddled in my blanket. My mind is racing with fantasies of things I could do. Running in and snatching Will, guns blazing and doing cool dodge rolls like an action movie or using awesome ninja moves to take out the guards...  
  
None of those are things I can actually do. I don't know how to fight aside from just punching, biting and kicking. As much as I used to imitate those kung-fu movies as a child it's not like I actually have any skill. Also, Shaolin Soccer isn't really the best example of things people can do in reality.  
  
These are nothing but silly thoughts and fantasies.  
  
Even if I could fight, what would I even do once I knocked out the soldiers? I'll be hunted down by law enforcement. I could go to prison. Will could get in trouble for being associated with me. My parents would get in trouble. Even if I'm mad at Gray for straight out disowning me, I still don't feel right just throwing them under the bus for my own selfishness.  
  
Uuugh. Is there really nothing I can do? I crawl over to the window to peek through the blinds again. The soldier is still there. Oh my god. Don't they have break or any-  
  
Wait! Break! I glance at the clock. It was early morning right now. Was that soldier there all night? They have to sleep sometime. And when that happens there should be some change of guards. If there's one thing I've learned about this world, its that they take their schedules religiously.  
  
So all I have to do is observe my guards until I learn their schedules. Once I know that I can start planning how to get around it.  
  
Wait for me Will. Big bro's coming.  
  
\---  
  
It took longer than I'd like to come up with a strategy for ditching the guards. A week came and went, I got my paycheck for the 10 books and had a new book to copy over. I rushed through it with a nonstop work session with no sleep or food and finished my quota on the day I received it.  
  
Now I have 7 days to plan out my escape.  
  
I have 3 sets of guards. The night shift guards stay up all night watching my house. They switch with the morning guards at exactly 3/4ths of the way through the 'night' cycle. I marked that on my clock. The 2nd group watches the house for the remainder of the night and into the morning. They switch with the afternoon guards during the first 'break' period of the day. The afternoon guards stay until just after 'dinnertime' ends and its officially 'night' whereupon the Night guards show up.  
  
There's not a lot of time between the guard shift. The next set will walk up and once the current guard sees them, they leave. There's at most a minute where direct line of sight to my house is lost when the guards stand in front of each other to acknowledge the other before walking off. Not a lot of time for me to just slip out and run down the street. They'll see me for sure.  
  
Which is where my brilliant plan comes in. It took a little while to get the supplies I needed for this. Hopefully it'll work. I'm going to take advantage of the fact that our entire world is in black and white aside from us. If they're watching for a yellow triangle, they wouldn't notice something white moving around, is my hope.  
  
I'm exhausted and starving from my work so before any attempts at escape I need to rebuild my strength. Luckily I have 7 days to do this. I shovel more food in my mouth. Bleh. I should spend today just recuperating. My arms are sore and I can barely keep my eye open. Just eat some more and sleep. That sounds good.  
  
Days left 6. That's plenty of time.  
  
I wake up feeling much better. I stretch and do some exercises to ensure my limbs are all working right. I check on my supplies for tonight. Good. Everything looks in order. I eat some more.  
  
Where's my letter to Will? Here it is. In the event where I can't fit through his window, I'm just going to slip this letter into his room. I tuck it carefully into a bag I made myself. Spent a few hours sewing it from scratch. It was nearly flat, only enough space for putting thin things like paper. It had three straps, one for each of my corners. I can't put it over my arms, it would get in the way.  
  
I also had a large, stiff white sheet. It was big enough to cover my whole body and then some. There were hooks on the edges for attaching it to my bag straps. Once hooked it would ensure the sheet wouldn't slip off me so long as my bag stays on.  
  
I had a map of the path to get from my house to my parent's place. I had to walk around a lot to get the exact measurements of how far it was. The good thing about being a shape is I can use my own body as a measurement tool. Sure I got a lot of strange looks for swinging myself back and forth across the streets but its paid off.  
  
I sighed as I checked over my stuff. Ok. Everything is all set. Now I just need to wait for nightfall. Ugh, it was around 'noon' now and I still had a lot of time to kill. I could go buy some more food.  
  
I'm just...always hungry. Am I not eating enough? I know I ate a lot back in my first life but this is a completely different body. Plus I ate a lot because I love the taste of food, but the food here is bland and unappealing so I don't know why I'm always hungry. I chomp on some more vegetables. Ooh there's some Potassium in this one.  
  
Having cleared out my fridge from my binge yesterday and today I head out to buy more food.  
  
The guards start following me not so subtly. At least they don't follow me inside the store. I grab various vegetables (if any of my friends saw me eating so many vegetables they'd think I'd gone mad.) and glance at a carton of 'milk'. I haven't drank any of that stuff since I moved on to solids. What even was it? I pick up a carton. Yeah, this looks like the stuff Orange gave me and Will when we were babies.  
  
I look at the label.  
  
C10H10O4 + H2O + 2(CH2OH)...a long stream of letters and numbers  
  
Well that tells me NOTHING.  
  
I grumble but put it in the basket anyway. Whatever. It has a high number of elements in it, so at least it should be more filling.  
  
The elderly triangle wasn't here today. At least I won't have to listen to her talk about her husband again. There's an equilateral here today. Looks around my age. She/he (I still have trouble telling until I hear their 'voice) smiles and rings me up. They look at the 'milk' and blink in surprise.  
  
"You have a child already? You're pretty young..."  
  
"Oh no, that's for me."  
  
"Why would you drink baby formula?" He (its a guy) asks with a confused expression.  
  
I shrug awkwardly. "I don't know, it was kind of spur of the moment."  
  
He quirks his eye at me like he was judging my decision to drink baby food and I flush orange in embarrassment.  
  
Luckily he doesn't say anything else as the rest of the check out proceeds. I pay him and hurry out of the store. Why do ALL my visits result in awkward conversations?!  
  
\---  
  
Huh. The 'milk' isn't bad. Still tastes faintly of wheat. I do feel less hungry though so maybe its got more 'nutrients' in it? Would make sense if they're supposed to be for newborns. I check the clock again. Soon.  
  
I strap on my bag with the pocket on my front and the sheet on my back. The map is memorized and Ive practiced counting the steps in my head. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.  
  
I cautiously peek out the window. I can see the replacement guard walking up. Right on time. I count silently in my head.  
  
Ok....now!  
  
I open my door as quickly and quietly as I can and close it behind me as I throw myself face down on the ground.  
  
I wait a few seconds and when I didn't hear running footsteps of the guards realizing I was outside I relaxed somewhat.  
  
I'm a nearly flat creature. Laying on the ground like this makes me barely perceptible. The white sheet on my back covers my distinctive color and blends in with the white ground. Now is the hard part.  
  
I slowly crawl by wiggling my hands and feet. I can't afford to lift myself any higher above the ground without risking discovery so instead I make an awkward shuffling as I inch slowly along the ground. This is going to take forever.  
  
Good thing I've got HOURS to do this.  
  
\---  
  
Shit. Am I still on the right track. I can't fucking see where I'm going with my eye facing the ground like this. No. I've got this. By my calculations I should turn left here and my parent's house should be right there.  
  
I bump into something with my top corner and wince. At least I'm not going fast enough to really hurt myself. I carefully lift my head to look up.  
  
Yes! My parent's house! I get up and quickly flatten myself against the wall. Ok. Now to shuffle across to Will's room.  
  
I make it to his window and carefully knock on it. As I thought I can't get inside. I could slip my letter through the crack but I wanted to see if I could actually speak to Will. I peer in and see a tent on the bed, Will has a habit of sleeping on his side so there's a very noticeable shape under the covers.  
  
I'm about to knock again when I hear it.  
  
Crying.  
  
"Will?!" I whisper as I knock on the window a little louder. He's crying! What happened?! Is he hurt?! Is he having a nightmare?!  
  
The shape on the bed shudders before the covers are falling away and I can see Will's beautiful blue bricks. His large eye is watery and he looks around confused before spotting me in the window.  
  
"B-big brother!?"  
  
"Yeah, its me. Will are you okay? Why're you crying?"  
  
He quickly wipes his eye and hops off the bed to open the window.  
  
"Big brother? Is it really you? I'm not dreaming?"  
  
"Its really me kid." I reach a hand through the window to brush against his side. "See? I'm real. Unless you know any other yellow triangles that might visit you in the middle of the night."  
  
Will giggles a little and grabs onto my hand.  
  
"Now what's wrong little buddy? You were crying."  
  
"I-its..."  
  
"Come on. You know you can tell me anything."  
  
Will starts tearing up again.  
  
"D-dad said that you didn't want to see me again..."  
  
I had the urge to punch daddy dearest right in his eye.  
  
"He lied." I said a little more harshly than I meant to. Will flinched and I was quick to sooth him with more rubs.  
  
"Sorry for snapping. I'm just mad that dad would lie to you like that."  
  
"I was so afraid that you didn't like me anymore..." Will said as he teared up.  
  
"That would never happen. I love you more than anything in all the world."  
  
"Even more than food?" Will asked impishly as he smiled at me through his tears.  
  
"Waaaay more than food." I roll my eye as Will giggles softly. Seriously, just 'cause I'm always hungry..  
  
"Look Will. The government said that I'm not allowed to see you. I managed to sneak away from my guards to get here but I don't know how often I can do that before I get caught."  
  
Will looked at me in worry. I wished I could hug him but the window was too small. I grabbed the letter out of my bag and handed it to him. "Read that, memorize it and then destroy it. I've left directions to a certain bush in the park where we can hide and exchange letters. Its the best I can do right now. I'm going to see if there's some way to get permission to see you again...but frankly I don't know what to do..." I could appeal to the council but that's about all I could think of.  
  
"It'll be alright. You're smart. I know you'll figure it out." Will beams at me, completely confidant in my ability to find a solution. I slump halfway in the window and sigh. If only it were that easy.  
  
I chat with Will a bit more about how he's been. He's having lots of fun with woodworking and although he still hasn't made any friends at school there was one triangle girl who sat next to him during break. It almost felt like old times when we would just sit and talk about everything after school. Finally I check the clock and bid Will a fond good bye before I begin my arduous task of crawling back home.  
  
\---  
  
I put in a request to the council for permission to meet with my family. It was refused. Of course it was.  
  
Maybe I could forge some documents for an order to give me permission? I'm half decent at copying stuff. If I could somehow get hold of a signature from one of the council members...  
  
Once again the questions of how pop up. How do I do anything? I just don't know enough about how the system is run to exploit it. All the law books and history books just say "The Circles decide." Well what the fuck does that even mean?!  
  
At least Will and I can send each other letters. I just drop by the park during 'break' time and relax on a bench. Its nice to be able to communicate with him, even if its just letters. Even now I speed through my work so I have free time to do anything else. I have gotten some art done, just as a way of working out my stress.  
  
My house is filling up with origami animals and I'm running out of space. Help.  
  
Do they have paper recycling here? It's not like we have much trash since we can literally eat ANYTHIN-wait. Wait one fucking minute.  
  
We can eat ANYTHING so why do we even have trash? What the hell are we throwing out? My house has a trashcan but it's empty. The trash back at my parents place didn't have anything in it. Its like we have a trashcan just because its expected, but we don't use it. I threw out my piece into a public trashcan since they were the only ones with stuff in them that I could hide the crumbled brick with. Augh this is going to drive me crazy.  
  
The park has a public trashcan right? What's in there? I should go check it out.  
  
This is how far I've fallen. Digging through trash because I am literally THAT bored. Its a mystery that doesn't require too much effort to solve and it'll give me something to do other than mope around.  
  
I'm seriously doing this.  
  
I look at the trashcan before me. As I thought, there's barely anything in there. Just some crumpled paper. I edge around it, my germaphobia making me unwilling to actually touch it. But it looks dry and...not dirty...if it really IS just paper then its not a big deal.  
  
I look around to see my guards. They weren't actually paying me much attention. I guess their only orders were to keep me away from my family. Anything else I do isn't important.  
  
After making sure they really weren't paying attention to me, I quickly reach in and snag a crumpled piece of paper. Ew. Ew. Gross. Gross. I know its not actually dirty but my mind still connects trashcans to disgusting germ infested pits.  
  
I glance once again to see my guards engaged in conversation and only vaguely paying me any mind. Well here goes. I inspect the paper I grabbed. Hang on, there's words on it.  
  
I straighten it out somewhat and read.  
  
  
  
Tonights  
Meeting  
At the  
Shop  
  
What? Tonight's meeting? Which shop?  
  
I crumple the paper and toss it back in. Was there secret meetings happening in town? It certainly seemed like it. My mind raced.  
  
Hiding secret messages in the trash?  
  
I don't recall seeing anyone else digging through the trash. The only people who mess with the trash is-  
  
The Sanitation department.  
  
Which consists of Triangles.  
  
Oh.  
  
\---  
  
-Bonus picture, as an apology for the short chapter-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In case anyone was wondering, the car accident in the prologue is based off the one I was in. We were hit on the passenger side where I was sitting, whole side caved in as we got flipped upside down. Because of how small I am, the crushed parts of the car never reached me and I didn't hit anything while the car flipped. There was a gas leak but my friend and I managed to crawl out the window on his side of the car. We couldn't get the door open so it was good that he had his window open. Strangely I have no memory of the airbags going off. I don't think the airbags actually came out?
> 
> I still get flashbacks and I'm terrified whenever I hear a car horn. The accident was in the area right near my house so I have to pass by the scene everyday when coming home from work. I still tense up.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't what I wanted or expected

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 5**  
  
**-A time will come-**  
  
\---  
  
I start checking the trashcans around the city. I bring some origami animals with me, so I can pretend I'm throwing them out as an excuse to get close to the trash. There are crumpled paper messages that change everyday. Mostly they mention some new place where the 'meeting' will take place. Sadly I don't know which places these are.  
  
I want to know. What meetings are these? I need to find out more. Who's running them? What are they about? Is there already a secret underground rebellion? I need to know which Triangles are on the Sanitation team in my city. I can question them.  
  
I tried observing the trashcans from a distance to see who collects it. I found a few triangles dressed in overalls (and didn't THAT just look odd) would come to empty out the cans around halfway through the day. I subtly followed them from a distance, pretending to be folding another origami thing as i walked.  
  
The trash is taken to a large building near the outskirts of the city. There's no way I can ditch my guards at night and crawl there. Its much too far. How can I get there? How can I talk to them? Should I just approach one of the Sanitation department and ask?  
  
Could I just do that? It would be easier, certainly. But...  
  
I glance as my guards. Ugh. Is there any way to ditch them? Would they just eventually go away? No way, I'm an Unnatural. A triangle with a round Piece, there's no way they'll let me walk around without observation. Shit.  
  
I actually just walked up to one and asked. Because I'm tired. "How long are you guys going to follow me? Why do you have to do this?"  
  
"We have orders to keep you under observation."  
  
"Can't you just...not do that?"  
  
"Sorry kid. Orders are orders."  
  
"Right." I sighed. Guess I'll have to sneak out of the house at night again.  
  
\---  
  
This is my life now.  
  
I'm lying face down next to a trashcan a fair distance from my house. Just, lying here on the ground. Waiting for the Sanitation workers to get here.  
  
I snuck out during the morning guard shift this time, if they don't see me leave the house they assume I'm still inside, crawled here slowly, got stepped on multiple times and I am fucking DONE.  
  
This is my life now.  
  
I hear foot steps and raise myself up. I hear a surprised shout and see a purple triangle with the hat and overalls that marked a Sanitation worker.  
  
"Hello. I'm curious about the notes. Please explain." I say bluntly. I didn't have any patience left to go about this more delicately. Purple stares at me, frozen and confused. "Have...you been lying there all day?" He finally asked.  
  
"Unfortunately I'm being stalked by guards pretty much constantly and this was the only way to sneak away from them. Now, where are these secret meetings taking place and what are they about?"  
  
"I...I have no idea what you're talking about." Purple twitches and looks away. He's a terrible liar.  
  
"Look dude, I just want to know what this is about. Is it a secret rebellion against the government because I am ALL for that."  
  
"C-can you please not say that so loudly." He hisses as he glances around worriedly.  
  
"I will if you tell me what's going on." I say more quietly.  
  
He glances around again before sighing with a resigned look. "I'm gonna get in so much trouble. I know nothing about you. You might be a Loyalist spy for all I know."  
  
"Look buddy, the government pretty much told me that I'm not allowed to see my own family ever again. If this is really a secret rebellion group then I want in."  
  
Purple whimpers. "I need proof that you're not a spy."  
  
"Would a spy be THIS blatant and unsubtle?" I gesture to the ridiculous 'floor' disguise I'm wearing.  
  
"....you raise a fair point."  
  
He stares at me a bit more before finally rolling his eye. "Okay, fine...here..." He pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles something down.  
  
"If you really ARE being watched it'll be difficult for you to actually get to any of the meetings, but here's the address to one of our fronts. Its just a simple clothing store. The password is Do you have this in more than two colors." I hear him quietly muttering "Even if you ARE a spy it wouldn't have anything incriminating you can use as proof."  
  
"Thanks dude."  
  
"Whatever, if you get caught by the authorities you're on your own."  
  
I wave at him cheerfully before throwing myself back on the ground to crawl home. I can feel his incredulous stare the whole time. What? I know I look ridiculous but lets see if YOU can do better!  
  
\---  
  
The clothing store was pretty far from my house. I resolve myself to a lot of walking. I actually haven't explored the whole city before. Its huge even if there aren't any tall buildings like the cities I'm used to. It would take forever to walk everywhere.  
  
As I get closer I notice the buildings around me are changing. Whereas my neighborhood is mainly small stores and many houses with the occasional amenities like the hospital, library and school, this area had fancier looking buildings.  
  
I blink at the high end clothing store. As something entirely indulgent, clothing was a luxury that not many bother with. It was also pricey. But my job paid pretty well and I haven't used it for much but food. I could actually buy something if I wanted to.  
  
Entering the store and subsequently leaving my guards outside, I look around.  
  
So many hats. So many glorious hats. I stare longingly at a top hat. Ooooh. I went up to one and gingerly picked it up. This felt like a significant moment somehow. I placed the hat carefully on my top corner and looked at myself in the mirror.  
  
All I needed was the bowtie. Oh god I really AM Bill Cipher. I knew this already but seeing my reflection there with the hat, it just finally hit home that I was really doing this. This is me. This is Bill. And Bill is me.  
  
"Sir?! Sir are you alright?!"  
  
I realize I'm hyperventilating. I'm not used to my panic attacks being strong enough to be noticeable. "Y-yeah I'm fine. Just...first time being in a clothing store. Kind of overwhelmed you know?"  
  
The Square gave me a comforting pat. "Finally saved up enough for your first hat young man? I know its a big moment. Why I remember MY first hat."  
  
"Mmhm. I like this one...but do you have it in more than two colors?" I ask somewhat hesitantly.  
  
The Square pauses for just a split second, if I weren't looking for it I would have missed it.  
  
"Why yes. I believe I may have some out back. My assistant can show you..."  
  
A small red triangle walked up to me. "This way sir." He chirped in a high pitched cheerful voice.  
  
Well, here's hoping that this wasn't secretly a trap for disposing of witnesses.  
  
I followed Mini through a door marked 'Employees Only' and he was chatting cheerfully about different styles this fine store carried. Finally we got to a storage room. After we entered Mini shut and locked the door before staring at me with a serious expression.  
  
"Who sent you?"  
  
His voice was many octaves deeper.  
  
"Holy shit is that your real voice?" I blurt out without thinking. It was like going from a tiny child to Samuel L. Jackson! "That's actually pretty cool. Can you do impressions too?"  
  
Mini-SamJackson didn't seem amused. He just glared harder. "Who SENT you?"  
  
"Well no one really. I just sort of found a note in the public trash can about secret meeting and thought it sounded cool. So I asked one of the Sanitation workers and he told me to come here."  
  
Mini-Sam groaned and rubbed the bricks above his eye. "Of all things?! We get found out by some dumb KID digging through the trash?!"  
  
"I'm not dumb!" I protest.  
  
Mini-Sam just stares at me deadpan. "You came in here with no idea about what this is even all about. Do you even know how recklessly stupid this is? I could just kill you now and have the guys at Sanitation dispose of your body."  
  
I DID think of that, thank you very much.  
  
"I've got two soldiers outside this store who were ordered to keep me under observation. If I don't leave the store at some point they WILL come looking for me. And if I'm missing they'll probably tell the higher ups about it." I say casually.  
  
Mini-Sam is silent as he processes what I just revealed.  
  
"You're not as dumb as you look kid."  
  
I stay quiet, unwilling to let him know I actually only remembered my guards just now. Keep a straight face.  
  
"Alright. What do you want kid?" Mini settles down on a supply box and I sit as well.  
  
"What IS this? Are you guys a secret society trying to take down the government? Because if you are, I want to help."  
  
"Kid, you don't even know what the heck this is."  
  
"The Circles won't allow me to see my family." I glare. "If there's any way to fight against the system I want to be a part of it. I just want to be with my brother."  
  
"Your family...why are the Circles separating you from your family?"  
  
"Because...my Piece is round and they said that I can't associate with lowborn..." My fists clench.  
  
"Round?! That's you?!"  
  
I look up and Mini is pale as he looks me up and down. Wha?  
  
"You...know about me?"  
  
"Oh course! A triangle with a circular piece, it caused a huge uproar and the Circles were going crazy about it! We were actually thinking about recruiting you but our spies said you didn't seem to care about rebellion."  
  
"You guys were watching me?!"  
  
"Of course. A Unnatural like you has never been seen before. You're more than just Irregular, you're completely new! An impossibility!"  
  
He stops at stares at my bottom side. "Show me."  
  
"Excuse me?!"  
  
"I want to see the proof with my own eyes."  
  
"Ugh. Seriously?" I start rubbing my bottom side, my fingers sliding around until I could feel the slightest bump of my Piece. I grip it and slowly pull it out, growing more orange as I flushed under the weight of his stare.  
  
"...it really IS round..." He gasps in amazement.  
  
"Are you done? Can I put it back now?" I whine uncomfortably.  
  
"Right sorry. I just had to be sure."  
  
I press myself back in and shudder. It still feels weird. But at least Mini was now looking thoughtful rather than suspicious.  
  
"Yes...this could work. We'll have to train you up to be a proper operative. It'll be difficult if you're really under observation. But you've got a higher rank than most of us...yes. We can use this."  
  
Mini sent me off with instructions of what to do in the following days. I bought the top hat and walked home with my heart thumping in both excitement and worry.  
  
I've done it. I've made contact with people who can help. Or at least, point me in a direction I can go. I still have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Inside my hat was a rolled up paper with instructions to contact another member of this secret rebellion. They would help.  
  
Oh god this was really happening.  
  
\---  
  
The nearest agent they could send to train me was a construction worker. I had to hire him for an expansion job on my house as an excuse to call him over. It was a good cover. We would go inside my house with the blinds down and he would explain more about what exactly our organization does.  
  
Many of our members were Unnatural or Irregular in some way. I found out that Mini-Sam was one of those Triangles with the rectangular pieces, in fact the square running the clothing store was his son.  
  
I suspect that something about being 'different' granted us a higher need to break free from societal norms and customs. We were already misfit, so it would make sense that we would rebel right?  
  
They were thrilled to get someone like me. Mini was able to use his son's Square status to get that clothing store and secretly run it. Mini is actually living under a false identity as a young Triangle labor worker at the store. I don't know how the hell he pulled it off but that explains the fake squeaky voice he used.  
  
I asked about it and apparently there was something about faking his death and altering his presence, whatever the heck that means.  
  
When I asked what they intend for me to do I was a little uneasy about it. They wanted me to do something like what Mini did. Have a child and use their shape and influence to get a spy on the inside. It didn't sit right with me to have a child simply for this purpose, not to mention the whole...getting married to a circle.  
  
The agent I was working with, a lopsided triangle I call Slant, said that I didn't HAVE to get married to have a kid since I was effectively a hermaphrodite and could easily bear my own child. I absolutely refused. Ew. No way. Not happening.  
  
I wasn't quite old enough to bear young yet anyway so he said its just a plan for the future. I very nicely held back my urge to punch in his stupid face for that...frankly quite exploitive and disgusting suggestion.  
  
The ends justify the means. That was the feeling I got from him when he talked about the plans this underground secret society was working on. I was now unsure if this was the right thing to do. This wasn't right. It can't be. These guys, even if they spoke of overthrowing the Circles, I got the distinct feeling they weren't the freedom fighters I'd expected.  
  
They just wanted power. That wasn't a bad thing in general but the way they want to go about it just rubbed me the wrong way. They weren't trying to make the world a fair place where people could be free to do as they wished. They wanted to put themselves in power and flip the system on its head.  
  
Not gonna lie. Once I realized their true goal I was livid. No. Hell no. This is fucking bullshit. This isn't what I wanted. But I can't back out now. Even if their true goal was selfish, and completely missing the point (what's the point of changing things if you just want to keep the system the same?!) This is still the best chance I had for getting Will back.  
  
Even if it means I have to help these asshole swap out one dictator for another.  
  
I suppose I can't really blame them. They don't know anything BESIDES this broken system. The idea of a world where there was no hierarchy at all probably never even occurred to them. I held onto a hope that maybe I could explain the true concept of freedom to them.  
  
Shit. This is not something I'm good at. The government back in my first life wasn't exactly perfect either. The corruption and abuse of power was just as bad as it was here while giving people the illusion of freedom. I don't know anything about how to run a government.  
  
Even if I explained what freedom was, would they understand? I knew enough that I know simply removing the system would do nothing but cause chaos. These people don't know how to make their own decisions.  
  
From the moment they're born they're told what their life will be. It's easy to go through life with all the answers laid out before you. Hell, I was perfectly fine with just going along with the system too. The government assigns me a job. A stable source of income.  
  
I don't have to stress over finding a job or finding a place to live. Those were the things I struggled with back in my 1st life. I went through life day by day, working minimum wage in retail and struggling to earn a living as an artist. I was free to make my own decisions but at the same time I was struggling to earn enough to keep myself alive. If my parents didn't let me live with them there's no way I would be able to support myself.  
  
As much as I hate my restricted freedom here in THIS world, I have a good job that I can get done quickly. I have plenty of free time to pursue my own interests. I have my own house. I make enough money to live comfortably without having to worry about making rent or affording food. By all accounts I'm living the good life here.  
  
But if that means giving up Will, my little brother, my best friend, my ONLY friend...then fuck everything.  
  
There's no point in having money, stability or success if it means being all alone.  
  
As my hero Dr. Seuss once said 'To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.'  
  
Will is my world and I'm more than willing to give up everything for him.  
  
So even if it means helping out these people with their twisted sense of rebellion, I would do it.  
  
\---  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Random Chinese Cultural Trivia-
> 
> My mom is one of those people who gives her children both English and Chinese names. She didn't want us to deal with people mispronouncing our names so we use English names at school and in public, and our Chinese name at home and around family.
> 
> My full name is 林趙尊欣 which is a weird name. I have two last names (林趙) because my dad took the family name of both his birth father and step father. The spelling is Lam Ziu according to a Cantonese translator I found online but we write it as Chiu-Lin on official documents. I know Lin is the Mandarin spelling of Lam but I'm not sure about Chiu. Yes the order of the words are flipped in English.
> 
> Zyun (尊) is my generation name and Jan (欣) is my actual given name.
> 
> So my first name is Zyun-Jan, meaning 'Noble Joy'. My mom named me 'Joy' because she wanted me to always find the happiness in life, no matter what happens. I strive to live up to my name everyday. Even when it's hard.
> 
> My sisters are Zyun-Zeon 尊俊(Excellence) and Zyun-Kei 尊淇(The plot of Spirited Away). We share the same generation name for obvious reasons.
> 
> This was your useless personal trivia for the day.
> 
> Also I'm not kidding about Kei's name. Look up the definition of 淇


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things spiral out of control, intentions never play out that way they're intended

**Illusion is Reality**

**Chapter 6**

**-He's a real Square-**

\---

Weeks went by. Will and I continue our correspondence, he writes happily about small things he gets to build and I tell him about the books I need to copy. I haven't written down anything about the organization I've joined. Can't risk it if anyone else finds our letters.

  
Not much has happened so far. I was taught all sorts of secret code words to be used in various places for letting other agents know I was one of them. We have people in the library, hospital, delivery services...this was a lot bigger than I thought it was.

  
We were almost all Triangles with a few Squares here and there, mainly the children of the Irregular and Unnatural Triangles. I asked about why we didn't have more shapes but Slant just sneered and said they can't trust any shape with more than 5 sides.

  
The agents at the hospital taught me about medical supplies, how to treat wounds and how to tell the medicines apart. It is possible for this species to get sick. I've just been healthy so I've never had to deal with that. They taught me in case I get injured on a mission and had to treat myself or when I finally marry a circle and needed a way to...dispose of them.

  
Is that what happened to Mini's mate? I feel sick.

  
I continue to refuse setting up a matchmaker appointment. I may be willing to do some terrible things, but not that. I'm not going to marry someone to create a child and then kill them. Slant and the others wouldn't understand. They have this hatred for the System that blinds them to the fact that the shapes they dispose of are people. They only see their deaths as a means to an end and I felt dirty just listening to the way they dismiss it.

  
The thought of simply grabbing Will and leaving civilization altogether was getting more palatable. I should make it a point to find out what exists outside the city. I can totally live out in the wilderness right?

  
\---

The world outside the city is a terrible savage land of chaos and violence. This is what the books say. I know what propaganda is so I take this description with a grain of salt. I have to see it with my own eyes.

  
I have never left the city. I don't even know what direction to go in to reach the outside. I asked Slant if HE knew and he was just confused why I would ever want to leave the safety of the city. I tried to explain how I just wanted to know what was out there but he told me not to do anything recklessly stupid. They needed me. I was important to their future plans.

  
I wouldn't be able to continue refusing to be Paired. They were building whole schemes around my future children. I wanted to punch them for being just as controlling about my life as the government was. I told them so, but they said it was for the sake of their goal. That sacrifices had to be made so that they would win this secret war.

  
I resolve to find out more about the outside world.

  
\---

It was incredibly difficult to get a proper map of the city. Even then it was vague and just had areas marked for important buildings. I lived in the mid-to-outer edges of the city. Further inward were the more important areas. The administration buildings. The courtroom. The council hall. The map had no distances listed but from what I remember from just getting to that clothing store...this city was HUGE.

  
Even just trying to walk to the ends of the city would take hours even when I'm already living somewhat close to it. Never thought a day would come when I wished there were cars. I still had nightmares about the crash that got me sent here to begin with.

  
Cars. Wheels. An idea was forming. They may not have cars or anything else for transportation but I could probably build something. Slant is a construction worker. I can borrow tools and supplies from him. If they're going to try to use me for their own ends, no reason why I can't return the favor.

  
\---

It's not as difficult as you'd think, to make a wheel. The hard part was making it an even circle. I test out my crudely built scooter. It was just a plank of wood with two wheels in the back and a long handle on the front with a third wheel that can turn left and right.

  
Slant was absolutely fascinated by it. He'd never seen such a thing before. When I tested it out I found a lot of shapes gathering to watch. I wasn't expecting so much attention. I'd built something they've never seen before but even they could clearly see the usefulness of this contraption that allowed me to move around faster than walking.

  
I wasn't expecting to be approached by some high class shapes and offered a new job by the council a few days later. They were amazed by this new thing I invented and they wanted me to make more. It would make delivery jobs much easier. It would make the city run more efficiently.

  
Somehow I've accidentally done something amazing? I swear I didn't mean to. I just wanted to make a scooter so I could get to the city limits faster...  
I was brought before some important looking shapes who questioned me about my invention. How did I come up with the idea? Can I refine it? Can I make more for different uses? It was very stressful to sit through.

  
Slant was thrilled. My new position meant I could enter more high class restricted areas normally barred to them. I was ordered to memorize everything I can see while inside the Research center that the council was transferring me to. I don't want any of this. How did this happen? I have even more attention on me now!

  
None of my plans have worked out the way I expected. Living peacefully and quietly, nope. Finding a way to overthrow the government, not happening. Running away from civilization to live wild and free, they're forcing me to move further into the city. I'm almost afraid to see what happens if I make any other plans for the future.

  
I left a letter to inform Will I was being forcibly transferred far away and it might be a while before we can speak again.

\---

The research center was huuuuge! A gigantic square monolith with no windows and heavily fortified locked doors. Researchers and scientists were generally pretty high on the hierarchy. Because more side equals more intelligence according to them. Once again I am the only triangle here.

  
What really upsets me is how they claim that the only reason I'm even half way intelligent is because I'm slightly circular on the inside and that's why a triangle like me is capable of forming intelligent thoughts. Ugh, seriously? They still talk down to me as if I wouldn't understand what they're saying. It was condescending as shit.

  
I'm given my own research room, still under observation by soldiers and a few other researchers. They made me draw out a proper diagram for building the 'scooter' I created. I had to explain each part of it to the researchers as they took notes and made little noises of understanding.

  
At one point I was talking about the concept of friction and realized they had no idea what I was saying. I know physics in this world probably doesn't work the same way (the ground is entirely flat and smooth, we SHOULDN'T be able to walk without sliding, and yet we can!) But there are still some things that apply right?

  
I'm amazed I haven't encountered more weird physics before, or rather, I simply didn't notice. I did a few experiments by running around and riding around on my scooter in the room and jotted down my observations.

  
The ground felt smooth and should therefore be frictionless but putting my hands or feet on it makes me...stick? For lack of a better word. It wasn't like my feet were stuck to the ground but more like...I was grounded, anchored until I lift my foot off. I can run and stop on a dime without sliding. I can fall over though, my legs stopped in place while my body pitches forward and I tumble. So there IS some sort of momentum.

  
The scooter glides very smoothly. A lot smoother than if the ground had any friction to slow it down over time. It means that once I put in some energy for a kick forwards the scooter could go on forever until I stopped it. That was amazing. It meant I really could get all the way through the city without much effort. The only limit being my balance and how fast I make myself go.  
Not gonna lie. I actually enjoyed experimenting and discovering new things about this world. Now if only I could have better company during it. The Shapes around me found my experiments childish and unnecessary.

  
Why can't they understand how revolutionary this is? Our feet have a sticking effect to the ground but other things don't so long as they're not flat. A sled wouldn't slide as well, I tested with a thin sheet of wood that just stops moving when I stop pushing. This means we can make wagons that, with just a push, can travel long distances to arrive somewhere else without having to continuously feed force and energy into it. There's no acceleration, the wagon would move at the same speed of whatever force is first given to it. I could probably add more speed by just kicking off again...

  
The only problem I've found is making breaks. On the scooter I put my leg back on the ground and stop my movement, though the scooter still wants to move and is only stopped by the fact that I'm holding it.

  
I'm guessing it would be the same if I made a wagon. The possibilities of such an efficient method of transportation were amazing to me. But no one here seems to understand just how special that is. I was actually having fun! Why couldn't they understand that?!

  
They didn't care to know HOW it works. They just wanted me to build more of them. It was so FRUSTRATING!

  
I managed to distract them with some blueprints for a wagon and snuck out of the room, claiming I was hungry. I noticed a cafeteria-like area on my way in. The soldiers were distracted trying to figure out how to use the scooter and I was quick to take advantage of this time I had unsupervised.

  
I have to thank the organized nature of these people. There were signs and labels everywhere, marking areas, rooms and what they're for. I go quickly through the halls and try to get a sense of what rooms are where.

  
I need to make a map, a layout of this building. It would make it easier to sneak around in here if I needed to. I read through the signs I passed. What sorts of Research was even happening here?

  
**Distribution of weight for constructional architecture**  
**Melting points of various substances**  
**Increasing crop yield**  
**Waste disposal**  
**Biological studies**  
**Record of all shapes, sides, angles and other measurements.**

  
And many more that I probably haven't seen yet.

  
They all looked interesting. I peeked into the Biological Studies room and saw shelves full of...Pieces? All different shaped pieces just lining the shelves. Arranged by both color and shape. There was a 15 sided shape in the room examining a strange lopsided Piece. I quietly shut the door before they could notice me.

  
The Records room looked interesting. I peeked in and found the place filled with shelves upon shelves of files. All neatly marked and labeled. There were shelves for Triangles, Squares and so on. Are these the measurements that they take when we get examined at the hospital? Are my files in here too?

  
It didn't look like anyone was in here so I quietly went in and started looking around. Thank god these people were so organized, the Triangle shelf was sectioned off by Color so I found the Yellow part and started searching. There weren't any names, just numbers. I looked at the pictures (no photos, just really detailed drawings) of various Yellow Triangles and wondered if I would even recognize myself if I found it.

  
Something caught my eye as I was flipping through the files.

  
**-Processed-**

  
Stamped in red across the the top of the file.

  
What the actual fuck? I read more closely.

  
**Yellow Triangle #4292**

2 Triangular Pieces - 0 Slots

Length of sides- 39cm, 36cm, 36cm

...a whole bunch of numbers and measurements, I scanned downward to try and find anything relevant...

Profession- Soldier

Cause of Death- Injured attempting to arrest a violent Square. Suffered severe bludgeoning damage to bricks. Bled out before medical assistance could arrive.

  
I looked around but I couldn't find anything else. Going back to the other files I flipped through to see if there were more -Processed- marked shapes.  
There was a clear pattern here. All the files marked as -Processed- also had a Cause of Death listed. Meaning anyone who isn't marked as such is still alive.  
Meaning anyone who dies is....processed. Whatever that means. I had a bad feeling about it though. Suddenly feeling paranoid, I quickly put the files back and snuck out of the room.

  
I should actually go to the cafeteria for some food. I was starting to get hungry again. I found the place easily enough and looked around to see what they had. There was a lot of food. Wow, how long has it been since I've actually eaten a cooked meal?

  
Since there wasn't much variation in flavor anyway, I just stopped bothering to make proper meals. Why go through the effort? Still. There was something nice about having warm food inside me for the first time in weeks.

  
I bit down on something that resembled carrots and sighed at the feeling of the food breaking down inside me. There were other shapes sitting around the room, some gave me strange looks. I heard one ask the shape next to them what a Triangle was doing here. "You didn't hear about it? That's the Unnatural one."

  
"The one who's circular on the inside?!"

  
"Yeah. Super freaky right?"

I wave cheerfully at them. "Hello!" Might as well TRY to be friendly.  
They jump and quickly look away. Oh come on. At least wave back or something. Grumbling, I go back to my food. Jerks.

  
My guards eventually noticed I was missing and stumbled into the room in a panic, calming down once they spotted me stuffing myself with a 2nd helping.  
"Please don't wander off without telling us." A tall isosceles I call 'Tripod' says with a sigh.

  
I simply shrug. "I DID say I was going to get food. Are you guys hungry?"  
"Oh we're not supposed to eat on the job..."

  
"Not supposed to, or not allowed to?" I asked as I scooted over to make room if they wanted to sit down.

  
"I...don't actually know?" Tripod says in confusion. I pat the seat next to me.

  
"Then go get some food and sit down."

"B-but we can't..."

"Is there a rule specifically saying you can't?"

"Well...no..."

"Great! Go grab some food and keep me company."

How desperate was I for social interaction? Very.

My guards shuffled awkwardly before grabbing some simple dishes and eating quickly, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of sitting on the job. I roll my eye at them. "Is it really that hard to just...relax a bit? You're not gonna get in trouble for this right?"

"I've never eaten while working before..." My 2nd guard, I call him Stumpy 'cause he's a very wide and short triangle, says in a surprisingly high pitched voice. Then again, my own voice is pretty high as well.

  
"So when DO you guys get to eat? I feel like all you ever do is stand around staring at me. Doesn't that get boring?"

  
"Boring? We haven't dug any holes into you. You've been very well behaved." Tripod sounds confused.

"I mean bored like...ah...how do I say this? You want to do something else? Because you're not being mentally stimulated enough?"

  
They just looked confused. What? Do they not get bored? That sounds...kinda awful actually.

  
I'm interrupted from the conversation by two new guards coming in, I guess it was time to change shifts. The guards greet each other before Tripod and Stumpy leave to go do whatever it is they do when not following me around.  
"Are you finished eating?" One of the new guards, I mentally name him Bled because his color was a hideous mix of blue and red that just...doesn't become purple. It made my eye sting just looking at him. I glance over to his partner guard, a nice forest green I name Forest, and make a distressed face while discreetly pointing at Bled. Forest winced and nodded. Ok, so its not JUST me, he also realizes his partner is painful to look at.

  
"Y-yeah I'm done with my food..." I say while averting my eye to avoid looking directly at Bled. I kinda lost my appetite.

  
"Remember, a square meal a day doesn't stop you from being a proud triangle." Bled says cheerfully. I freeze.

  
That was one of the code phrases for the rebellion. This means...  
I turn to look at Bled directly and he winks at me. He's the agent the rebellion sent to keep me informed even when I'm so far from everyone else. This means...

  
I'm going to HAVE to spend more time with Bled.

Fuck.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The Bled thing is just an inside joke with me and my sister. Sometimes we paint and try to make purple by mixing red and blue and it doesn't work, resulting in a rather hideous color that we absolutely despise.  
> Our hatred and disgust of that color is hilariously over the top and we dramatically make dying noises whenever we accidentally make the color while painting.  
> There's also some cloth we have that's Bled colored  
> 
> 
> Look at this disgusting shit.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A regret I still have, even after all this time, is that I never got to finish building that giant robot.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**-A darkness approaches-**  
  
**-Chapter 7-**  
  
\---  
  
I have to purposely slow down my work ethic. If I make too many innovations all at once it would give me less time here in the research center. I have to say that purposely making wrong designs is harder than you'd think. I think I confused the other researchers when I drew a giant robot and they attempted to actually build one.  
  
To be fair, the blueprint I haphazardly drew up was very detailed. If there's one thing I've learned about mecha its that adding all sorts of gears, joints and connections make them look more feasible. It'd be cool if we really COULD build a Mortar Headd or something though.  
  
Shit, what if I actually made a giant robot? That'd be fucking awesome! I imagine riding up to the Council in a glorious Knight of Gold and crushing them all. Then I can take Will as my Fatima and we would escape this world to explore the glories of space together...my fantasies are getting too detailed.  
  
I shook my head and slapped my bricks lightly. Focus. No time for day dreaming right now. Since Bled is an agent as well as my guard he's able to convince the other guard to leave me to him, I'm well behaved so its not like I need to be watched by two of them ALL the time.  
  
This means I can wander around the building with Bled without worry. I have so many rooms I want to check out. Bled isn't...bad company, even if I can't look at him without getting a headache.  
  
I asked him about the files on deceased shapes marked as -Processed- and he didn't know what that meant either. I went back to the Records room to read more, Bled wanted to help but he's not the best at reading.  
  
I told him to keep a look out if anyone was coming and settled down to read through the files. I'm sure of it now, dead shapes are marked -Processed- with a red stamp. Is that a way of acknowledging their passing? I found it in all the shapes. Not just triangles. Even the circles had them. So this was normal. But also a secret since Bled didn't know what it meant.  
  
I put the files back and head out to check the other rooms. Waste Disposal sounded interesting. Is it like recycling? Or maybe the Agriculture research. I haven't seen any rainclouds or other weather patterns in this world so it would be cool to see how farming works. I only knew the basics of farming in this world. School didn't really cover it. I knew they used outdoor farms and that it involved soil, but that's about it.  
  
The Waste Disposal room had some shapes standing around outside looking through papers so I couldn't sneak in. Guess its the Agriculture room for me.  
  
Unfortunately one of the researchers from my room, Mechanical Engineering, found us in the hall and asked what the blueprint I drew was actually for. "Well its just an...idea for a...farming tool..." I make up off the top of my head.  
  
"Farming? But what about these strange arms?"  
  
"For picking the harvest."  
  
"What about this large contraption underneath?"  
  
"Erm- for tilling the ground!"  
  
"What about this thing on the top labeled 'Death Canon'?"  
  
"....its for keeping wild animals away from the crops...?"  
  
  
  
The Mechanical Scientist squints at me suspiciously. I smile innocently.  
  
"Yeah. That makes sense. Pesky beasts keep trampling the fields with their points. This is brilliant! But your diagrams aren't very well explained. Mind coming back in and working out the details?"  
  
"Sure." I resolve myself to several hours of bullshitting.  
  
\---  
  
I am surprisingly good at bullshitting.  
  
The terrible sketch I made was re-worked multiple times into an actual farming tool. Not sure how to build it. It'll be a long term project for our group.  
  
On the other hand, production of scooters were going along great. I even got the concept for wagons made, examined and approved by the higher ups. Good news, their approval of me was going up. Bad news, they still refused my request to see my family.  
  
At least I got the 'OK' to be allowed to live in my old house, so I could send Will letters again. With my new scooter I could commute to work easily so they were alright with me not living in the inner city.  
  
I still have a bit of free time to myself, which I spent talking to the agent in the Sanitation department (Purple) about what they do and what they know about the Waste Disposal department.  
  
"Well generally we just gather up the trash from all the public trashcans in the city and dump them off into a chute near the Research Center. The Waste Disposal guys are actually Higher shapes. I think they take the waste for making fertilizer or something since I've seen them together with the guys from the Agriculture department."  
  
"Is there really enough trash for that?"  
  
"There are in other parts of the city."  
  
"Huh. Seems like a waste if they throw out stuff."  
  
"It is. But some people just don't care. The real hard work is sweeping."  
  
"Sweeping?"  
  
"Lots of Carbon dust starts building up over time. So we have to sweep the whole city every cycle. At least we have a lot of workers. Also that new thing you made will make our jobs much easier, so thanks."  
  
It was one of the few times anyone in this world has ever shown me gratitude. I felt my bricks burn as I flushed a bright orange color. "O-oh yeah? Well it isn't all THAT impressive...just a thing I built because I thought of it..."  
  
"That 'scooter' thing, and that weird sheet you were wearing that one time, did you invent that too?"  
  
"Well I DID make it..." I felt all warm and tingly. It was a strange feeling, but I was...happy?  
  
He laughed. "It seriously startled me when you just came up from the ground like that. Its kind of amazing when I think about it. I seriously didn't see you at all."  
  
Purple leans in close and I'm suddenly struck by what a nice color he is. Its a deep purple with the barest hint of red and it was quite pretty. Nothing at all like Bled.  
  
"We could definitely use things like that for our...'assignments' you know? If you could make more I'm sure we'd be able to gather more intel and sneak into restricted areas."  
  
"That s-sounds like something I can do. If you really think it would help the cause..." I found my gaze trailing along the straight lines of his bricks. They were evenly spaced and he was perfectly symmetrical from the front.  
  
"Um...are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine. Yup. Fine!" I squeak. What's wrong with me?  
  
"Well I have to go now, more stuff to clean. See you some other time then? You're a pretty fun guy to talk to."  
  
"Of course!" I say quickly. My bricks were warm and I felt a little light headed. Is this? Oh no. No way.  
  
As soon as he was out of earshot I sat down on the park bench and groaned. Oh my god. I have a crush on him. Just because he thanked me and told me that the stuff I made was pretty cool. I cannot believe this is happening to me. I get a fricking crush on the garbage man just because he said a few nice things to me.  
  
I've had stupid crushes before. There was one time when I was playing in a park as a child and a boy comes up to play with me. I didn't even know his name but he was fun to play with and he was polite. Apparently that was all it took. I never saw him again after that day. We were complete strangers.  
  
It happened a lot to me when I was growing up. Just getting crushes on anyone who showed me any amount of attention or kindness. There was a girl I hung out with after school in elementary, one of my cousins, a boy in my Drama class during middle school, a girl I shared classes with during high school...  
  
None of those crushes ever went anywhere and they just faded after a while. Even back then I just never even considered doing anything about my feelings. I've watched so many movies and shows about falling in love and dating but I just never felt 'right' about actually getting together with anyone. The feelings go away eventually anyway so I know it can't have been love.  
  
The problem remained that I had just gotten a crush on a freaking triangle. Of all things. Ugh. Was I really THAT starved for affection that I latch onto the first guy who willingly talks to me? Apparently yes. I glare down at my still orange bricks and groan. Fuck my life.  
  
\---  
  
Scooters were now a thing. They were still limited to only the shapes who had jobs requiring them to travel a lot, mail service, trash collecting, food delivery and so on, but it was becoming more common to see people riding around as they do their jobs.  
  
The completed wagon designs were even attached to the back of modified scooters to vastly increase the amount of stuff they can carry. Efficiency was way up, they can get more done in less time and the Council was incredibly pleased. I was essentially told 'The effort we put in to educate you was not completely worthless.' Which kinda killed any happy feelings I had toward my accomplishments.  
  
Did they have to be condescending asshats even when complimenting me? The fact that they assume they were responsible for my own original ideas really ticked me off. Whether or not they put me through a childhood of intense study wouldn't have effected my ability to make innovation. I already knew this stuff. I watch Myth Busters and How it's Made!  
  
They also continue to refuse my requests to see my family. Their most recent response to my inquiry was 'Stop trying to associate with your lowborn family. You are better than them. They will never amount to anything whereas you are proving the superiority of the Circles. Even with your lowborn body, your inner greatness as a Circle is clear. Go get Paired and produce more superior offspring.'  
  
I crumpled the letter and ate it.  
  
Fuck them.  
  
\---  
  
I chat with Purple now and then. He's nice to talk to but we don't really have a lot of shared interests. I can't rant to him about how the Violinist of Hamelin anime completely disregarded the manga or how Aigis is BEST GIRL and I will literally fight anyone who thinks otherwise.  
  
I do get to question him about what he does for the Rebellion though. It's interesting enough. The Sanitation department generally gets the dirty jobs (I may have laughed a bit too much because I am pun-trash) for disposing of the dead bodies that the other agents 'take care' of.  
  
It's kinda scary to think that we have actual assassins in this group but also pretty cool. Like a spy movie. This also means that dead bodies are being used as fertilizer. That is a little creepy but not all that strange if I really think about it.  
  
I ask if anyone ever investigates the murders but Purple assures me that without a body there's no fuss. They haven't killed anyone too high in the hierarchy so a few shapes just...mysteriously vanishing doesn't raise any flags. Unless they're under special observation the Council doesn't care. And the people they stage 'accidents' for are just assumed to be accidents. They have a lot of practice in hiding their tracks.  
  
Also, the investigation teams in this world are all idiots. The idea of slow methodically planned murders doesn't really occur to most of our populace. So unless someone literally sees a shape commit murder right in front of them there is no suspicion.  
  
I asked how they thought up the idea to commit murder to begin with. Purple says that a long, long time ago there was an Unnatural, an equilateral triangle with 3 slots, all square in shape, who got so fed up with her Square husband constantly impregnating her that she dropped a refrigerator on him. When the authorities questioned her about it, she claimed it was an accident and they...just accepted her answer and let her go. There's no way a mother of 9 would kill her own husband after all.  
  
She was so astounded by this fact that she began teaching other unhappy Triangles about the concept of staging 'accidents' to be rid them of unwanted partners. The idea spread and those unhappy triangles became the basis for the now long reaching underground rebellion.  
  
Dude. That's fucking metal as shit.  
  
Also really fucked up. Will I be expected to do that too? I don't know if I can. I told Purple that I don't feel right about actually killing anyone and he was surprisingly comforting about it. "Murder is not for everyone. I've never killed anyone either, though I have been tasked with transporting the bodies."  
  
"I don't even WANT to be paired with anyone. I don't...like the idea of Clicking. It just seems...weird."  
  
"What's so weird about it? You're almost an adult-" Purple brushes a hand along my side as if measuring my length. I shiver at the sensation. "Most triangles reach adulthood at 30 centimeters. You're what? 25 and a half?"  
  
"S-something like that..." I flush and fidget as his hand presses against my bricks.  
  
"Generally you would already be full sized by now. You're an Unnatural right? I heard that the more sides you are, the more food you need. You're a Triangle but your insides are round so maybe you're just not eating enough?"  
  
"Is THAT why I'm always hungry?!" I gasp at him. You think one of the MANY doctors I've been to would have told me so. I remember growing up with my parents and just being hungry all the time. They didn't have the money to get more food.  
  
Hell, I've been eating much better since living on my own despite not cooking anything. The 'milk' helped a lot. It was more expensive than just plain vegetables but the sheer amount of nutrients in it more than made up for it. I chug a carton a day and I still feel peckish. I've tried chugging two but it makes my bricks feel bloated and strange. I guess I was over loading myself with too much stuff at once.  
  
Fuck am I just destined to always be tiny?! I was a little over 4'10"-ish at the age of 27 in my first life. A combination of tiny Asian genetics and malnutrition as a young child. Both my younger sisters were taller than me because my parents had a better idea of what is healthy to feed them. I am so SICK of being the short one!  
  
"Have you been...starving yourself?" Purple asked incredulously.  
  
"Not on purpose! I'm eating more now! My parents just couldn't afford so much food for both me and my brother..."  
  
He pats me on the back. "Hey it's fine. So you're not fully grown, you're eating more now right? I'm sure you'll reach adulthood soon enough."  
  
I pouted even as I felt all warm and fuzzy from his concern for me. "So...are you paired?" I asked.  
  
"Ah...no actually. I'm a Blank." He says somewhat sadly.  
  
Blanks are the Shapes that never develop either a Slot or Piece. In other words, they had no physical sex and were unable to have children. Being a Blank was seen as an unfortunate defect. Blanks would get the lower class and less desirable jobs. They didn't have families to support anyway so there wasn't a need to give them important and well paying jobs.  
  
Blanks showed up in all Shapes from Triangles all the way to the Circles. While Blank Triangles were more or less just seen as normal, a Blank Circle was considered a tragedy. There were already very few Circles in our population, they had the longest gestation period for pregnancies and are so fragile they require constant care to ensure survival after birth. So any Circle that couldn't breed was the end of a bloodline. I actually felt sorry for Blank Circles.  
  
Blank Triangles can still get jobs and be treated more or less normally by society. Blank Circles are forced to go through life pitied by everyone around them and their parents would immediately attempt to produce a proper heir. The Blank child would still be pampered but their only purpose is to just exist and look pretty.  
  
That sounds like an awful way to live.  
  
This time it was my turn to comfort Purple. "Well It's not ALL bad. Even if you're Blank...at least you've got friends right?"  
  
He chuckles a little. "I guess, but I've always wanted to have a child."  
  
"Can't you adopt a kid?"  
  
"I can't get the paperwork for it." Purple says sadly. I'm not sure what to say.  
  
"Is that why you joined the Rebellion?" I said at last, quietly.  
  
He's quiet for a bit. I can't read his expression. "I didn't join because of that. My father was a member and I was sworn in because of it. But...whether or not this rebellion succeeds, nothing can change the fact that I'm a Blank."  
  
I really didn't know what to say. I stepped closer and hesitantly gave him a hug. He stiffens for a bit before hugging me back lightly. It was nice, but sad. The only people I've hugged in this life are Orange and Will. Purple as well now. I wonder if I can really do this. The rebels have been around for a long time now but don't seem to be anywhere close to actually overthrowing the system.  
  
Can I make a difference? Can I really do anything to help further their goals? Can I help this poor sad man, who suffers in a way that cannot be fixed? I don't know what to do. I really don't.  
  
\---  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Updates may slow, since I need to actually get some origami work done in preparation for Valentine's Day. Like what is this? Actually doing work for my art career?!
> 
> (Edit)
> 
> Also, I update the Q&A on lore and stuff every now and then. It's not necessary to enjoy the story, its just for people who wonder about the weirdass alien world I've thought up.
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/13424574


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I knew it was coming, but I didn't really want to think about it. Well I guess there's no helping it now.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
 **-Everything you care about will change-**  
  
 **-Chapter 8-**  
  
\---  
  
I went to my first funeral today.  
  
One of the Hexagon doctors had an unfortunate 'accident' and took a tumble down the stairs. Three of his sides were crushed in and he died from blood loss. Slant told me about it gleefully while constructing a new room for my house. I knew that Hexagon. He was one of my many doctors.  
  
I used this fact to get permission to attend his funeral. I felt guilty and yet content at his passing. I remember him. I bit him when he manhandled me as an infant. I hated him so much back then. It didn't mean I wanted him dead though. His wife and daughter were at the funeral along with many family friends. I felt very out of place.  
  
Slant said that the doctor was keeping records of Unnatural shapes that he's examined. They had sent an agent to steal those files but the doctor saw them and had to be silenced.  
  
I sat quietly through the funeral as the shapes talked about the doctor's accomplishments. Finally we got one final look at the body before the Funeral workers carried off the coffin. I was surprised. There were flowers laid out on the body covering the broken parts of his frame. He was also white, his vibrant color drained away. So shapes lose their colors when they died. That explains how no one at Waste Disposal has noticed the bodies tossed among the garbage.  
  
The coffin was elaborate, his family had plenty of money saved up to afford the funeral costs. I watched the Funeral workers carry the coffin off. Did they bury them somewhere? I've never seen a graveyard before. Did they cremate? I felt all weird inside. Sad, guilty and unsure. Someone was dead. Killed by the people I'm working with.  
  
I am supporting a group of fanatics and murderers. For a cause that I won't even know will pan out. Most of their plans are just information gathering and long term ideas involving our children. How many years will this take? The hopeless reality threatened to overwhelm me and I had to hurriedly leave before anyone sees me break down.  
  
I want Will. I want to hold him. I want to hear his voice. I miss him so much. Bled was my guard right now. He wouldn't stop me from going to see him. It'll just be for a little while. No one has to know about it. I just needed to see him again. I had to see with my own eye that he's doing ok.  
  
I walk down familiar streets towards my parents house. Bled is following behind me. "Where are you going?"  
  
"To see my brother."  
  
"You know you're not supposed to."  
  
"I don't give a fuck. Are you going to stop me?" I hiss.  
  
"If I want to keep my job, yes. You NEED me for getting around without scrutiny. I have to stop you. If the Council finds out I didn't..."  
  
"Fuck the council. Fuck you too." I power walked down the street and I can hear Bled's hurried footsteps running after me. "Kid! Please! Think of what you're doing! We can't afford to screw up at this point!"  
  
"The only reason I joined this group is for my brother's sake. All I want is to see him again. I don't know how long this rebellion will take. What's the point of it all if I can't even talk to him?"  
  
"Don't be so hasty! You could ruin this for everyone!" Bled grabs my arm. "Your good behavior has already gotten the council to only require one guard on you at a time. If you act up now they'll just make it even harder for you!"  
  
I grit my eye/mouth angrily but I can see where he's coming from. Doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm just gonna have to sneak out at night like that first time. Why is everything so STUPID?!  
  
Bled sees me back down and sighs in relief. "Look kid. There's a lot riding on you. We can't let anything ruin all the progress you've already made for us. You have a Research position. This is huge. Its the highest level area we've EVER been able to get an agent into. Also, I hear the guys in construction were hoping you could draw them up a blueprint for some kind of weapon. I've seen some of your ideas, they could be useful."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I'll get some sketches for a ballista or something."  
  
"Ballista?"  
  
"Like a giant slingshot that can shoot arrows or boulders."  
  
"Where do you come up with this stuff?"  
  
I shrug, already sulkily heading back home. I need to grab my scooter and get back to work. The 'break' I received to attend the funeral was for the whole day but if I can't go visit Will then I may as well work.  
  
\---  
  
I sigh and put down my pencil. The team of engineers I was given for my research were arguing over the blueprint. The problem here is that I can make all the drawings I want, but I don't know enough about mechanical engineering to put in all the necessary details on actually putting together a giant farming robot.  
  
I can build a crude catapult, I can craft a working bow and there's the simple wheeled things but anything more complicated is kind of a bust. I'm an artist not an engineer. Watching Myth Busters means I know how it works but that doesn't mean I know how to build that stuff.  
  
So far we've figured out how to make the tires into a proper shape for tilling the soil as it rolls by but we were having trouble with getting the arms to work correctly. That's not even mentioning the 'Death Ray' that I continue to insist is necessary.  
  
"Ugh. I'm gonna go for a walk, clear my head a little so I can focus better." I tell them as I leave the room. They're not even paying attention to me. Bled isn't here today so its just me and Tripod.  
  
I was just walking the halls randomly when I noticed it. The coffin from the funeral. What was it doing here in the Research center? I look to see which hallway we were in.  
  
Waste Disposal  
  
You know what? I'm not even surprised at this point. I turn to Tripod and point at it. "What's this coffin doing here?" He's just as confused as I am. "A...coffin?" I go up and grab onto his sides. "Hey. What happens to dead bodies after the funeral?"  
  
"T-they get taken by the Funeral workers..." Tripod has turned pale as he stares at the box. "But what happens to it?" I ask.  
  
"I...I don't know..." He seemed distressed. Fuck. I need to actually investigate the Waste Disposal rooms. Bled's not here though...but...I look up at Tripod's eye.  
  
"Do you want to find out?"  
  
He shudders and looks around fearfully. "B-but we can't..."  
  
"Have you ever lost a family member?" I ask. He stares at me. "Y-yes...my mother..." He says quietly. I gesture at the coffin angrily. "Don't you want to know what they did with her?!"  
  
He looks around the hallway and after realizing theres no one here but us he gazes at me, scared but there's a trace of firmness. "Y-yes." He says.  
  
We both start down the hallway towards one of the doors the leads into the Waste research rooms. My heart would be racing if I had one in the conventional sense. What happens to the waste? I know its turned into fertilizer along with the bodies that the rebellion disposes of...but does this mean that ALL dead bodies are disposed of in such a way?!  
  
And no one knew about this?! No one questioned it?! We open a door and carefully look inside. The first thing I noticed is the noise. These doors were surprisingly well sound proofed. There was a screeching, metallic grinding noise. I looked to see a lot of workers dumping stuff into a large machine.  
  
The sound is horrendously loud. We could probably sneak into the room and no one would hear us coming. The machine grinded up the items tossed in and drops the pieces onto a conveyer belt leading to yet another grinder. I watched in horrified fascination. The grinding process went through another 3 times until everything became a powder. That powder was then deposited into a large vat of water that churned it all up, mixing everything together.  
  
I saw workers from the Agriculture department coming by with large barrels that they filled with the liquid. There it was. The fertilizer that we used for crops. Besides me I can feel Tripod shaking in horror. He suddenly grabs me and points at the 1st grinder. I look over and feel my stomach drop (if I had one) as I see them throw in the body of my former doctor. Proof that our people were using our dead as fertilizer along with our trash, purposely. No wonder they don't question any bodies they find.  
  
Tripod is so scared. He's shaking all over and I couldn't help but feel bad. He's not prepared for this. At least I already knew about the dead bodies that end up here. I just didn't know there had ALWAYS been dead bodies in here. I was turning to grab him and lead him back out when I spotted it. At the end of the machine with the valve the workers used to fill the barrels, they were bringing up a tray full of cartons. Very familiar cartons.  
  
Milk cartons.  
  
I turned to shove Tripod out of the room. I slammed the door behind us and ran, grabbing him by the hand and dragging the two of us out of that hallway. Shit. Shit. Shit. It wasn't JUST fertilizer. It was food as well.  
  
  
  
So many letters and numbers. Long chemical chains. So many of them. Listed right on the side of the carton. I wasn't sure what to think. It should upset me more but...they're already dead so why not use them for nutrients? It's practical, even if It's fucked up. Sometimes I think I'm TOO pragmatic. My thoughts raced even as Tripod and I ran down the hall. I have to tell people. This was...this was BIG! We finally stop in the hallway for Mechanical research, panting and shaking.  
  
"Shit." I gasp as I leaned against a wall. "Fuck." I say as I slid down the wall to slump over on the ground. If the situation wasn't so serious I wanted to shout 'Soylent green is people!' Because what other response could I have? Well I suppose I can also shout 'the dumplings are made of foetus!' But it might make Tripod more upset.  
  
"T-that was...was that real?!" Tripod was crying and he sounded so scared. I reach out to squeeze his hand. He clings to me tightly as he cries. "They j-just threw that body in there! Like it was NOTHING!" He sobs.  
  
Fuck. How many people knew about this? The shapes in there were from the upper echelons. Is this why the higher class shapes always get properly cooked meals?! I've been drinking milk all this time. Hell, our children are fed our trash and dead this entire time.  
  
Tripod is starting to panic. I pat him on the back "Breathe. Just breathe."  
  
"Nnngh-t-they really just..."   
  
"Just breathe. In and out. You're shaking." I rubbed his back. I had to inform the rebellion.  
  
.....also I was hungry again.  
  
Mother fucker!  
  
\---  
  
I stared at the carton of milk. Am I bad person if I'm gonna drink it anyway? I shrug and tip it back into my eye. They're already dead and I'm starving. I was actually more disturbed by the idea that our trash was going in here too. Ew, drinking ground up dead people is one thing, drinking trash is just gross.  
  
I am well aware my priorities are somewhat fucked up.  
  
Slant was pacing back and forth muttering in horror at the news I just gave him. He looks up at me in disgust. "You're still drinking that...horrid thing?!"  
  
"Look, you drank this too when you were younger. It's gross sure, but I'm famished." At least now I knew what the files meant by -Processed- so that's one mystery crossed off my list of what the hell is going on. The remaining list is still absurdly long.  
  
"How can you be so calm about this?! It's disgusting!" Slant frantically waves his arms around.  
  
"Panicking doesn't help anyone. We need to think carefully about what to do with this knowledge." I say between sips. I'd like to drink until I feel full but I keep getting that tingling 'stuffed' feeling when I drink too much. Like my stomach can't hold it all and I have to wait and 'digest' a bit first. It makes sense, I'm only so big, I only have so much volume inside me. Even if I don't seem to have a stomach?  
  
"...You're right but I still feel sick." Slant grumbles. He sits down and rubs around his eye. "We have to tell the people. I'll put out a note in the trash for it. Maybe one of the others can figure out something."  
  
I hum in agreement while stroking my bricks. Ugh, drank too much. I feel bloated. I can feel the chemical chains inside me slowly breaking down. I hate it when I overeat. I get all uncomfortable and I have trouble moving around as my bricks strain to keep it all in. I groan as I carefully lower myself onto a chair.  
  
  
  
"What's wrong? Are you sick? I told you not to drink that stuff!"  
  
"No. Just drank too much. I feel like I'm gonna explode. This was not a good idea..." I moaned painfully.  
  
He manages a bit of nervous laughter, clearly still stressed but trying to pull himself together. I rub at my bricks. I think I'm actually bulging, yeah, note to self, don't drink two cartons of milk in a row. No matter how hungry I'm feeling. Had this problem back as a human when I try to finish all my food because I was taught not to leave a single grain of rice behind. It was fine with general meals but most restaurants in America had servings not meant for someone my size. I would try to finish them anyway and just end up with stomach pains.  
  
"Well I doubt you'll be able to move for a while. Just rest here while I spread the news. You did good today kid. This was really important information you got for us."  
  
I groan as I slump back in my chair. "Oh yeah, can you check on my guard? I don't think he's doing ok after learning the truth." I left Tripod outside, watching my house like he always does. He seemed like he was calming down during our walk back to my house. I'm still worried though.  
  
Slant nods and leaves, closing the door behind him. I try to stand up and walk a little, maybe some movement will help me digest faster. My bricks felt warm. Uncomfortably so. How much energy is being generated inside me right now? Human digestion produces heat as the acids break the substances apart into a liquid solution to be absorbed by the intestines. But Shapes break everything back into their base forms and feed on just the energy inherent within the bonds. The amount of energy that provides must be immense.  
  
Bonded atoms have less energy than individuals. Meaning the longer the chain I break down, the more energy is released as it gets closer to being just base elements, which produces heat. That would explain why I feel like a furnace right now. Normally, energy must be used to break the bond between the atoms but my body just strips that bond right out, taking all the released energy for my own.  
  
I ponder about my weirdass biology as I walk slowly around my kitchen. There's the stove I haven't used since coming here. For lack of anything to do I flick it on. It's a stovetop with a metal coil that slowly heats up. I've seen Orange cook before, the stove never goes above 100 Celsius though. It was strange to me since I'm used to cooking at much higher temperatures as a human.  
  
Machines are pretty cool. This world doesn't have electricity in the same sense as I knew it. We don't have lights because there is no darkness. Everything's white with black outlines. Things like my refrigerator or the stove aren't powered by outlets or batteries. They're powered by me. By us. The churning energy inside us produced by our own biology can be transferred into machines to make them run. Just put my hand on the 'Power' slot and I can see the energy bar filling up. The fridge stores my power and it slowly gets used up over time so I just need to recharge it now and then to keep it working.  
  
It's pretty frickin' cool if I do say so myself. Playing with the stove did more than just ease my boredom, it leeches off a bit of the excess energy from me over-eating. Sure this means I'll be hungry again as soon as I'm done digesting but by this point I'm used to being in a constant state of 'I could go for a snack'. Speaking of snacks, I've never seen popcorn in this world. The stoves don't heat up enough to make it.  
  
Now that I think of it, I've never seen a fire in this world. All the stoves are 'electric' and don't heat up all that much. Even the Waste Disposal room only had grinders, no flame. They don't burn their trash, just grind it up and mix with water in a twisted gross recycling process. If I think about it more deeply I can understand why there is no fire.  
  
It's too dangerous.  
  
Almost all food is made of CHO. When we digest food we release Carbon, Hydrogen and Oxygen out into the air through the seams in our bricks. There's so much Carbon dust built up we need workers doing a sweep every week just to gather it up and dispose of it. If we add this fact to the sheer amount of Hydrogen there must be in the air...  
  
Hydrogen is incredibly reactive and combustible. Oxygen may not be combustible but it's a necessary requirement for keeping a flame alive. Carbon BURNS and so long as there's any Oxygen nearby, it will continue to burn. A lack of rain means all that hydrogen and oxygen in the air ISN'T combining into water, which means that unless there's something that's absorbing those gases our atmosphere is filled with them. In other words, the stove is built to never exceed a certain temperature and no fire exists.  
  
I shiver. What a terrifying thought. With what little chemistry I know...  
  
A single spark might be enough to burn this world to the ground.  
  
\---  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well I finished the chapter early (?) I don't really have a schedule for these thing. We should be nearing the end of what I'd like to call the 'Flatland' Arc within a few chapters. After that would be the 'Spacetime' Arc in which I need to find ways to fill 1 trillion years worth of backstory and events. I'll also need to figure out how Bill meets his henchmaniacs. So far I've got Pyronica and Xanthar figured out. I have a tentative backstory for Teeth and Kryptos too. It's gonna take a while to get to them though. Expect lots of time-skips.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting worse, I never meant for any of this to happen.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**-Turn around now before you see something you might regret-**  
  
**-Chapter 9-**  
  
\---  
  
As I thought, the entire rebellion was going fucking nuts over the information I've found. A lot of them refused to believe me. We ended up swearing Tripod into the group just so they could get his confirmation of what I saw. They were all uneasy and disgusted.  
  
Me? I just went about my days as normal. (I even snuck out to visit Will, he's getting so big!) There's not much I can do about it. I started asking about how metal worked if there were no fire. Apparently that's what the Melting Point division is all about. Their room is set up with a large...oven is the best way to put it. It's the only thing I've seen that goes up to higher temperatures. In fact they somehow manage to create high heat without igniting any flames.  
  
As much as I tried to understand how that worked, it just...worked. It made no fucking sense and I'm reminded once more that physics in this world don't work like I know them. A lot of our technology is essentially, 'it just works', and it drives me crazy.  
  
I would have taken that to mean my doomsday fear of everything burning down was exaggerated but considering I still haven't seen any fires around...  
  
The Melting researchers are basically in charge of making the metal parts that go in building machines. Things like stoves and washing machines. Power tools and hospital equipment. They just send molds into the 'oven' to melt down various substances into the shapes they need, no fires needed. It just raised more questions with me but no one there knew the answers either. The shape that originally designed the 'oven' was long since dead and no one bothered to know how it WORKED, only how to USE it.  
  
I asked for a copy of the blueprints for other machines to see if maybe I could learn more about them and thus, get over my own roadblock in my work. A part of me was still considering the whole 'escape and live in the wild' route. I should go through with my plan to see what's outside the city at least.  
  
\---  
  
Bled was my guard tonight. I informed him I was just going to ride around on my scooter because it helps me think. He accepted the excuse easily enough and I set off at night, the streets empty as all the shapes went home for curfew.  
  
I don't know how long it was. I kept kicking at the ground to speed up until I got worried about how fast I was going and was forced to slow. The number of houses around me began to decrease in number until I was left with just empty whiteness in all directions. It was unnerving. I suddenly realized I should have bought something to mark my path with. What if I get lost and can't find my way home?  
  
No. It's fine. I've got a good sense of direction and I can use my scooter to point me back. I've only been going straight so all I would need to do is turn around. Still, the utter void around me was creepy. White as far as my eye can see with no distinction between ground or sky. Was there even a sky?  
  
Finally I spotted something. A faint horizontal black line. I slow down and just walk cautiously closer to it. Carefully placing my scooter on the ground, making sure it was still pointed correctly, I walked closer to that line. It was an edge. The end of the ground.  
  
I peered over it and saw nothing. I grabbed onto the edge and leaned over. There was nothing. It was the ends of the world. Just a drop off ledge and nothingness all around. I reached down to feel underneath. Flat and smooth just like the ground I stand on. A flat world. A flat disc. There was nothing underneath when I carefully bent over to look. Not even elephants.  
  
There was nowhere to go. I can't even escape. Not this way at least. I heard about wild animals, probably on the OTHER side of the planet, knowing my luck. I sigh and turn my scooter around to head back. I suspected, but it was still disappointing to know there was nothing out here.  
  
\---  
  
There was a rising social unrest. All members of the rebellion were refusing to buy milk. To prevent the infants from starving they've been crushing up fruits and vegetables to make a thick pulpy mush to feed them. The negative effects weren't noticeable immediately.  
  
The infants were overheating. All shapes heat up after eating. It was a side effect from all the energy built up inside us. Breaking down solid foods generates more heat than the children were able to handle. A lot of children were hospitalized for fevers. They simply couldn't handle non-processed foods. I can overheat from just 2 cartons of milk which is already processed for easier digestion. These children just couldn't handle even a semi solid yet.  
  
I essentially 'invented' a strainer so they could just filter out the solids from the juice. It helped a lot. Mini-Sam actually came to thank me. I'm just glad I'm able to help. Some of the other shapes were beginning to notice this strange racial boycott of milk by a sizable population of squares and triangles.  
  
As for me, I'm probably the only shape in the know who still drinks milk. Sadly I don't think I'm growing any bigger. I even got a doctor's appointment to check. He seemed confused because I've long since reach sexual maturity but I'm still not technically an adult. Great, yet more examples of my freakishness. Stupid malnutrition, can't really blame my parents, its really more of my tutor's faults I kept missing meals as a child. In human terms I suppose it would mean I'm stuck looking like an older teenager? Ugh, what else is new? At least its older teen and not younger teen.  
  
The good news is that people wouldn't be able to force me to Click since they instinctively still think I'm a kid. I guess that's good. I can still be Paired though and I really don't want to. Despite all that I still have to deal with being hungry.  
  
"Stupid non-existent stomach. Can't you just NOT?!" I shout at my belly. My belly responded by aching. I drank a carton of milk. My belly made happy feelings.  
  
"Fuck you too."  
  
\---  
  
Things were getting tense. I've underestimated how upset the Rebellion was over the whole 'we are feeding our children the crushed bodies of our dead'. Someone on the mail delivery team slipped notes with this information into the mailbox of every shape in our area.  
  
From the muttering I hear around the streets on my way to work it seems even the other districts were given this information. Everywhere I go I see shapes gossiping uneasily about whether or not that strange note was true. It seems even some high class shapes were in the dark about this. Guess only the Waste and Agriculture teams were privy to this knowledge.  
  
Inquiries were sent to the council. So many letters expressing people's need for clarification. Was this true? Why have you hidden this from us? Why are the dead being used as food? These were just a few of the more common letters and complaints being sent in to the council.  
  
Slant told me about these letters and informed me that the Rebellion was planning on stirring up even more unrest and starting a riot. He wanted me to give him some more blueprints for weapons in preparation.  
  
I gave him the finished ballista designs (mounted on wagons for easier transport and aiming) and told him that power tools and other construction materials were good enough for simple weapons.  
  
I've also measured and crafted more of my 'camouflage' suits for several of our members who deal with the assassination and espionage. They've gotten a lot of work done with sneaking into restricted areas. Slant told me they have a good layout of the government buildings. He says we're going to capture the council members and execute them in front of the people during the riot.  
  
This was really happening. We were going to finally start an uprising. I spent my time anxious and worried. Am I ready for this? Hell no. I am so worried and scared and I don't know if I can do this. How many people are going to get hurt?  
  
I outright tell Purple not to participate in the riot. "What? But...this is all that we've been working for?"  
  
"You could get hurt or killed. Please. Stay home that day." I beg him, the nerves of my anxiety made me light headed. I was so stressed out. I haven't been able to sleep properly. I'm sure Purple noticed just how bad I looked because he finally nodded. "Ok. If you're that worried, I'll call in sick that day."  
  
The neighborhood, hell, the whole city was in a tizzy. There were already fights breaking out along the streets. The soldiers were deployed everywhere to arrest people and break up the brawls. The Rebellion was continuing to spread rumors of dark dealings that the Council has been doing. They used me and Tripod's descriptions of the Waste Disposal room to make the truth seem even harsher and scary.  
  
Slant told me the riot would be tomorrow.  
  
I visited Will that night and told him to stay home. To try and force mom and dad to stay home too. Will asked if the rumors were true. "...Yeah. I saw it myself. When I was in the Research center. They threw a body into the grinder."  
  
Will looked absolutely terrified. I tried to hug him the best I can. "That's why I need you to stay home tomorrow. Ok? You can't go outside at all. Close the blinds, stay quiet, block the doors. Please stay safe."  
  
"I-I'll try..." Will's eye was tearing up and he kept trembling. "A-are you going to stay home too big brother?"  
  
"Yes." I lie.  
  
I have to be there. I had to be there. Mini-Sam insisted on it. "This is all thanks to your work. You will have the honor of killing those wretched Circle councilmen." He sounded so proud of me. I just felt sick.  
  
I've been stress drinking milk for a week now. I felt uncomfortable all over, my bricks itched and burned. I can't even throw up despite my anxiety because shapes aren't built to be able to do so. I just lay awake on my bed watching the 'time' slider. Tomorrow we riot. Tomorrow I'll be involved in more violence than I've ever been part of. In either this life or my first. I don't think I'll be able to kill anyone.  
  
I'm so scared. I don't want to do this. This was a bad idea. I take another sip from the milk carton and find it empty. I toss it to the ground with all the others. My insides churned nauseously and I felt exhausted. I really need to sleep. My vision is spinning and despite the energy rumbling inside me, I just felt so...tired.  
  
Tomorrow we riot.  
  
\---  
  
My Writing Process  
  



	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We DO bleed

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**-LIGHT SOMETHING ON FIRE-**  
  
**-Chapter 10-**  
  
\----  
  
I blink blearily. Wha? There's a knocking sound. Someone's at my door. I flop around with all the grace of a slice of bread longing to be toast and fall off my bed.  
  
Ugh. I'm so tired. I want to lay down again and just forget everything...  
  
KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Fuck...  
  
I groan and get up, stumbling towards the front door. "什么?" I grumble as I open the door. Bled blinks at me. "Whoa, did you sleep at ALL? You look awful."  
  
"I'm well aware I'm hideous." I deadpan as I blink sleepily at him. God I must really be out of it if I can actually look directly at him without feeling sick.  
  
"Its the big day. We've got the weapons made and we've stirred up quite a lot of people for this. Its time to storm the Council hall."  
  
Right. Ugh, I don't want to do this. I turn and chug another carton of milk before putting on my top hat. "Ok, lets do this." I grumble.  
  
  
  
"How can you drink that stuff?" Bled asks in disgust.  
  
"You don't understand how hungry I am. Its not like I want to drink this shit." Solid food takes up more space inside me so I can't eat as much in one sitting. Maybe when this is all over we can keep the grinders for making milk and just...not put dead bodies in it. That's not so hard right?  
  
Bled shudders "That sounds awful. Being forced to drink something like that."  
  
I shrug and stumble out of my house, yawning loudly. I'm too tired to even stress out over the impending upheaval of our governmental system. Bled grabs me as I start tipping over. "Geez kid! I think you might be sick. I've never seen you this bad...I've never seen anyone this bad."  
  
"Does that mean I can go home and just not deal with today?" The world looks like its tilting somewhat.  
  
"....you're kind of an important part of this plan. You're the one who helped us get this far. The others will be expecting you."  
  
"Uuuuugh~"  
  
\---  
  
Mini was standing on a box and making some sort of inspiring speech. I kinda nodded off a few times. I think he was talking about me a few times.  
  
"-or the sake of our goals we have sacrificed so much! And now at long last we are ready to take the fight to them! Those pompous circles will know our wrath. Our frustration at being forced into roles we do not want! You there! What is your grievance?"  
  
He points at a lime-green isosceles. "I can't lift heavy things due to a weakened side from an accident as a child. Despite this, the council assigned me to a Laborer job! I am constantly in pain and barely make enough money to support my wife and daughter!"  
  
Mini points at another shape, a lopsided square, more of a trapezoid actually. "And you?" He thunders in his loud bass voice.  
  
"The matchmaker decided that because of how Irregular I am, I shouldn't be allowed to Pair! They said they didn't want more Freaks like me!" The trapezoid cries loudly. Oh shit, that's a girl.  
  
I shook myself. Wake up Jan, can't fall asleep right before a riot. I blink rapidly. I look around and see that we're all gathered in the streets. Huge crowds of Triangles. Angry triangles. A few squares here and there. I even saw a few Irregular pentagons. Oh hey, its that star shaped one, wow, he's gotten old...  
  
I'm holding a piece of paper in my hand. Wait, when was I given this? How out of it was I? The crowd was still growing larger as more and more shapes came out to listen. I glance around worriedly. I see a lot of purple shapes and curse the fact that we all look pretty similar from afar.  
  
My heart (if I had one) drops every time I see bright blue. My worry is coming back as I wake up. Please don't be out here Will. Stay inside. Stay safe.  
  
"-nd today is the day that changes! Today we fight back! Today we finally bring down those selfish Circles who sit up on high and don't lift a finger to help any of us. Those Circles who allow the desecration of our dead! Tricked us into feeding our children their filth and waste!"  
  
Damn. Mini's pretty good at this.  
  
"Who will come with us on our charge?"  
  
"""ME!!""" The crowd screams. I wince at the noise. If I wasn't awake before, I sure as shit am now. I glance down at the paper in my hand. What was this? It was a map, the layout of the inside of the Council building. Oh right, they wanted me to be part of the charge...  
  
Do I even have a weapon? I look around and find that most people are just carrying blocks of wood, construction tools and etc. One triangle was brandishing a rolling pin.  
  
The crowd was chanting along with Mini's shouts now. His booming voice carried far and we began to march. I trudged along, not wanting to be here but I didn't have much of a choice. I clutched the map tightly. Where were the guards? Policemen? Shouldn't they be sent out to stop this mob?  
  
Wait, there's Tripod and Stumpy. I guess even the guards are all for this revolution. We continue moving and the shouting was getting louder as the shapes got more and more riled up.  
  
I heard a smashing sound and flinched. It seems that first act of destruction ignited the power keg and absolute chaos broke out. People were running around screaming, throwing things, smashing things, I saw government buildings being broken into. I saw furniture being thrown out into the streets. Oh god were they going into houses?!  
  
"Will!" I turn and try to make my way to my parent's house, they should be fine right? This riot was breaking out closer to the inner city, they live far away enough right?! A hand grabs my arm and I turn to see Mini. "Come on kid. We're heading into the Council building."  
  
"But-! My family!" I look frantically down the street. Please be safe. Please be safe.  
  
"Your family will be fine. Now come on. With all this mess going on they won't notice us sneaking in."  
  
He pulls me away. I clutch the map for a lack of anything else to do. Utter destruction is all around me. What was WRONG with these people?! The only explanation is that EVERYONE had been angry at the system and they simply suppressed their feelings all this time. And now that tension was finally released to let them do whatever they wanted with no care for the consequences.  
  
I was terrified. A bottle flies past me, just missing my top corner and smashes against the ground. Its too dangerous here. I want to go home. I want to hide under my bed until this blows over. No one told me riots were this scary in person.  
  
I hear crying and screaming as the rioting triangles broke into the houses of the higher class shapes. I see them drag them into the streets and beat them with their weapons. Oh god those were CHILDREN! A tiny triacontagon child screams as her sides are crushed in by a vicious blow.  
  
Mini drags me past the chaos. Its a good thing he's holding onto me because I can't see where I'm going through my tears. We run down the streets towards the large building in the center of the city. The council hall. Where the circles were no doubt hiding.  
  
\---  
  
It was eerie how quiet it was in here. The walls were thick and impenetrable. Our spies had found a way in somehow. We climbed in through a window with a rope hanging out of it. Luckily the circles had such large windows.  
  
I followed along weakly, horrified tears streaming down my plane. Still don't know what they expected of me. There weren't any guards. I'm worried about the suspicious lack of security. I just felt uneasy but I wasn't sure why. "Why is it so quiet in here?" I croaked.  
  
"Those circular cowards must be hiding somewhere." Mini sneers.  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this..." I say quietly. None of them listened to me. I'm not sure if my paranoia was fueled by my sleep deprivation or some sort of instinct but I felt I had to get away. Somewhere high up.  
  
There's a clicking sound. I immediately freeze. The sense of danger just shot up. "Guys we need to run." I whisper urgently. On the other end of the hallway I can see something large moving around.  
  
"So those damn Circles have more guards than just the soldiers..." Mini growls as he readies his weapon, a heavy steel pipe nearly twice his size. I back off in fear as the large creature steps into view. Oh fuck.  
  
A Tangram animal...but this time it wasn't a cute puppy like the one I grew up with. I stared wide eyed at the snarling dinosaur shaped creature. It was huge, their bulk nearly filling the hallway as it hissed at us.  
  
"Get ready everyone. Kid, you stay back. You haven't been trained for this." Mini doesn't look away from the creature. I just continue backing up. The dino-shape stalks closer to us with more clicking noises. "Hsssss~"  
  
If I wasn't so scared I probably would have thought the ensuing fight was fucking awesome. Mini charges the Dino with a yell and deftly dodges the snapping jaws. He slides along the ground on his back and strikes at it's legs with the steel pipe. The dino screeches with pain and thrashed, slamming itself into the walls and stomping the ground with its points.  
  
  
  
The other members of our infiltration group were getting in some hits of their own. A black triangle with a crooked top corner slams a heavy hit against the dino's head when it lunged at her. She shouts for everyone to jump as the dino sweeps its tail across the ground.  
  
I just try to stay as far back from the fight as I can. Why hasn't anyone given me a weapon?! Even if I can't fight I should at LEAST have something to defend myself with. I flinch as the hallway shakes with each of the dino's stomps. Its points are slamming into the ground hard enough to leave cracks.  
  
If these were the types of animals that exist in this world, no wonder they didn't question my need for a Death Canon. I wince as one of the fighters was hit by a large tail and flung down the hall. I rush to his side. One of his sides is bent inward and I fret over him. "Oh my god. What do I do?!" I try to remember what I've learned about first aid.  
  
I carefully flip him onto his uninjured side and carefully feel his bricks to see if they were cracked. He groans in pain but I think he's ok. Just badly bruised. I hear more screams and see that the others were struggling to keep up with the wildly flailing dino.  
  
Its panic made its movements and attacks harder to predict. I hear Mini grunting as he blocks an strike with his pipe. I look around. There's a dropped weapon on the ground from the injured triangle. A large wrench. Should I....could I?  
  
I pick it up and test the weight. I could probably swing this. But...I flinch as the Dino screeches loudly. I'm so scared. I don't know how to fight. What if I get hurt? I've never been seriously injured in this life. But I couldn't just...stand here and do NOTHING.  
  
Is there anything I can do to help?  
  
I looked around wildly for anything I could use. I checked one of the doors in this hallway and found a room filled with bookshelves. Thinking quickly, I grab a bunch of books, went back into the hallway and lobbed a hardcover book at the Dino-shape. My aim ran true and the book hit it in the face right on the corner. The animal gave a startled snort and the brief distraction was enough for the others to get some free hits in.  
  
I hear a crack as Mini's strike on the dino's leg caused the edge to buckle and snap. The dino screams with pain as it collapses under its own weight. The broken leg being unable to hold it up. That didn't mean it had given up. The jaws still snapped at everyone and its tail slammed on the ground again and again.  
  
I threw another book and hit it in the eye this time. It snarls at me and tries to crawl down the hallway to reach me but the others prove a good distraction. The black triangle (I call her Ninja in my head) leaps onto its back and smacks it hard against the head. The beast moans before finally collapsing with a thunderous crash.  
  
In the silence that followed, broken only by our heavy breathing and the injured triangle's groans, I managed a disbelieving laugh and made the Final Fantasy victory sound. "Holy crap. Did we just..." Mini comes up to clap me on the back. "That was some good thinking there kid. Nice throw."  
  
I'm somewhat giddy. Why wouldn't I be? I just fought a frickin' dinosaur! Wait. "Are there going to be more of these?" I ask worriedly. Mini nods. "Its very likely that they will have more beast guards. We will have to stay vigilant as we head to the inner chambers."  
  
One of the others was checking on the injured shape. "He'll live but I doubt he'll be able to move for a while." We carefully move him into the book room and hide him the best we can. "We shall return for you later. Stay safe." He groans in response.  
  
The group set off again, carefully and quietly. I'm worried again. Will we need to fight more dinosaurs? Good news and bad news. Good news, we didn't run into another dinosaur. Bad news, we ran into Bees.  
  
"Not the BEES!" I wailed as I smacked them with my books. The others were struggling to hit such small and quick moving targets. Luckily, their stinger-points weren't strong enough to actually pierce through our shells but there were many of them and they were aiming for our eyes. I waved my book around with my eye closed shut and felt satisfied with every tiny thump I felt against it.  
  
The buzzing finally died down and I carefully opened my eye to see twitching tangram insects littering the hallway. I was starting to get hungry again so before I was even thinking about how it might be a bad idea, I picked one up and ate it. I shivered as my bricks pulsed and began breaking it down. The hard outer shell was made of a pretty dense string of carbon, if what I'm tasting is correct.  
  
Ooh, head rush. I lean heavily against the wall as the energy burns through me. Ok. Probably a bad idea. But I was hungry~ it didn't look like anyone noticed me eat one. That's good I guess.  
  
We continue on through the halls, heading deeper into the building. Seriously how big is this place? We fought off some large attack dogs, a flock of...geese(?!) and some snakes. A heavy hard cover book was a surprisingly good weapon. I will deny it if anyone mentions I simply ran screaming away from the fight with the geese. Slander and LIES.  
  
I'm glad there weren't anymore dinosaurs but it almost feels like the threat level was going down the further in we got. To be fair I guess the circles are afraid of keeping anything too dangerous close to them. At last we found a heavy metal door. Locked of course. For a second I wondered how we would get past it but Ninja pulled out a saw and cut AROUND the door. Well that was an obvious and yet often overlooked solution.  
  
The door (along with most of the wall) fell away to reveal a group of circles huddling behind their desks. They weakly held up pathetic make-shift weapons (a fountain pen, a rolled up folder, etc) and tried to back away from the angry triangles advancing upon them. One got up to face us, I could tell he was afraid by the way his frame shook but he stood tall. "Please leave." He managed to say without any stutters.  
  
"You're in no position to tell us what to do. Not anymore." Mini growled as he stepped closer, playing with his steel pipe. I was in the doorway, unsure and nervous. Fighting the animals was one thing. I'm not mentally prepared to kill another person. I've slaughter hundreds of bandits in Skyrim and other video games but...these were real people.  
  
I winced as Mini struck the circle in the leg. I could hear it crack from back here. I could hear his cry of pain as he collapses to the ground. Mini stomps on the circle's side.  
  
"Not so high and mighty now. Where's that superiority you're always preaching? What makes you think you're better than us?"  
  
  
  
Even through his pain the circle still turns to stare up at Mini. "We keep things orderly. We keep you all SAFE. We know BETTER than you. You...brutes wouldn't know how to do anything without us." Mini kicks him in the eye. I whimper quietly and hide halfway behind the doorway.  
  
"I could kill you right now. But I won't. Hey, tie them up and drag them outside. We're gonna show EVERYONE just how pathetic you all are."  
  
The others start restraining the circles and dragging them out from under their desks. I just stayed back. I didn't want to be part of this. But I already am. This is my fault after all. I gave the Rebellion what they needed to kick start all this. Every time one of the circles struggled or tried to plead mercy, they were struck and I winced every time.  
  
I stayed quiet as I followed them through the halls. Mini came to grab my hand. "Come on kid. You're the guest of honor here. None of this would be possible without your help. I know you're tired from working so hard. Just hold on a bit more. This'll be over soon and then we'll all be free."  
  
I don't correct him as he drags me up front as they unlock and kick open the doors to the outside. The noise hits me immediately. The screaming and crashing. The absolute anarchy in the once orderly streets. Many eyes turn to stare at us when the doors open. I felt feverish and wasn't sure if it was due to nerves or my body still digesting that bee I ate earlier.  
  
"Everyone! We have captured the circles! Look at them now! These shapes! These pathetic shapes were the ones in charge of everything!" Mini thunders into the crowd.  
  
The circles were flung to the ground before us, crying out in pain as they hit the stone steps of the entrance. "Look at them! At how utterly WEAK they are. And yet, they wielded such POWER over us. Well I say NO MORE!"  
  
Mini screamed and brought his pipe down on the head of the injured circle who'd tried to speak up against us. The circle's weak frame caved in with barely any resistance. I shrieked and jumped back at the sudden action. It was like watching an egg explode but more unsettling. Through my panic, the ever analytical part of my mind noted that yes, we do in fact have blood. A lot of it actually.  
  
We seemed to be made almost entirely of blood actually. The broken shell of the circle's body cracking open to reveal a smashed up eye, some teeth, pulsing flesh and...so much blood. Do all shapes have such thin shells? I made distressed noises as I backed away from the quickly spreading pool of black liquid. His bricks were quickly losing their peach orange color.  
  
I hear cheers and screams. Looking around the crowd I saw many shapes celebrating the brutal murder, but I saw a few who looked uneasy as well. They probably were dragged here by the others, forced to participate in this disgusting riot like I was. I tried to slip away, get off the top of the stairs and run home to hide but Mini grabs my arm and pulls me up to stand before the cheering crowd.  
  
"This is the day of CHANGE! The day we can tell our children and grandchildren about how we took charge of our own lives and rejected the unfair rules we were forced to live under! And its all thanks to this brave Unnatural who gave us all the information and tools we needed to make this happen!"  
  
All eyes were on me and I closed mine to try and escape from their gaze. No. No. Don't draw attention to me. I don't want to be here. I tried to back up, get away from their judgmental stares. My bricks were heating up the same way Zyun-Jan would get uncomfortably hot when she was forced to speak in front of a crowd. I can sing before people but public speaking was the WORST. "Come on kid. You can do the honors for the next one."  
  
Mini puts something in my hand and I open my eye to see his pipe, still splattered with black blood. I started shaking. "N-no I...I can't do this." I drop the pipe but he just picks it back up and curls my hand around it.  
  
"Come on kid. Keep the momentum going. This is your moment." Mini whispers to me before laughing loudly and addressing the crowd. "Ah, looks like the kid is nervous. All the excitement. Am I right?"  
  
My hands shake. The circles are staring at me with fear. They look like they want to run, a few were already crying. The only reason they haven't moved yet is the triangles aiming the giant crossbow ballista at them, a huge arrow primed and ready to fire at any who try to make a break for it.  
  
"I....I can't do this...I've never hurt...I've never killed anyone before..." I say weakly. There's a sense of vertigo, like the ground was lurching beneath my feet. My eye hurt, I was so tired, I just wanted to go home and sleep. I just wanted this all to end. Mini pats my side in what he probably thought would soothe my nerves.  
  
"Hey, the first kill is always hard. But its just one. You don't have to kill the rest of them. Just one. Come on kid. Everyone's watching. You can't back down now."  
  
"I can't. I just...can't."  
  
"Kid?"  
  
"I'm so scared..." I'm trembling and I nearly drop the pipe again.  
  
"Kid. Remember why you're doing this. These...selfish shapes took you away from your family."  
  
I blinked. Yes. That's right. That's the reason why I went through all this. Its for Will. So that we can be a family again.  
  
"You only have to hit one of them, you don't even HAVE to kill him. Just one hit, and then you can go." Mini assures me.  
  
Just...one hit. Just a light tap, I won't hurt them, at least I'll try not to. Then I can go home. My eye blinked rapidly as I tried to stay awake. Augh, the energy rush from that bee was running out and I was exhausted and hungry again. I slowly raised the pipe above me, the circles whimpered and flinched back with their eyes squeezed tight.  
  
"What are you doing big brother?"  
  
  
  
I froze. Lowering my pipe, I turn. No. No  
NO. WHY?!  
  
"Will...?"  
  
There he was. My sweet little brother. Scared and unsure. He was clutching a small book that I recognized as one of the many storybooks I wrote for him. Why was he HERE!?  
  
"What are you...Will I TOLD you to stay home!" I took a step towards him and he flinched back. I drop the pipe. No. No. No. "Will?"  
  
I barely notice the rest of the crowd muttering in confusion at the interruption. "Will. Why are you here?!"  
  
"Ah, I took the liberty of having your family brought here. Seeing as they were your motivation for joining us in the first place..." Mini says as he picks the pipe back up. What?!  
  
I finally look away from Will to notice my parents were here. They were shuddering in fear as the tall isosceles triangle guards stood behind them. What?!  
  
"Why would you bring them here?! It's fucking dangerous out here!" I turn to scream at Mini. He looks taken aback.  
  
"But didn't you want them to watch your triumph? See you help create the new free world?"  
  
"No! I wanted them SAFE!!!" I yell. "CHILDREN shouldn't be FORCED to watch shit like this!!" I point at the remains of the dead circle.  
  
"...you don't have to be so ungrateful." Mini mutters.  
  
Pure RAGE blazed through me. Ungrateful?! ME?! After ALL this fucking shit I've been through?! I haven't slept in like a WEEK! I didn't realize I said that out loud until Mini started patting me soothingly. "Kid. You're clearly delirious. You...should go sit down and try to calm yourself."  
  
I was about to retort when one of the circles took his chance to try and run while we were all distracted. He makes a dash towards my family, likely hoping to hide behind them. The triangle on the ballista startled and the shot is accidentally fired. There's a sickening squelch sound and I could do nothing but watch.  
  
My head pounds and the world lurches again. I feel numb. There's a loud screaming that I distantly realize was coming from me.  
  
"AAAAaa **aaaAaaaaaUU** UUuuuuA **AAAaaaaaaaGGG** GGGGhhh **hhh!!!!** "  
  
Everything is blurry, I blink the tears away as I scramble forwards and drop to my knees in front of...  
  
"Will?" I croak.  
  
He wasn't moving. Oh god. Oh no. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. **NO! NO!!**  
  
I sob as I reach out to hold him. He's still so small. I can still hold him in my arms. No. No. No. No. The black blood dribbles out of him, his beautiful color draining with it. (Why is our blood black? It doesn't feel like blood, feels almost like oil) No. No. No. No. This can't be happening. This can't be real. Please don't let this be real.  
  
I think the grief was hitting me all at once. Not just from Will. My family from my first life. My friends. Everyone I ever loved. They're ALL gone. All of them. I've lost everyone. I scream and cradle Will's body. I never got to say good bye. Not to ANYONE. I never got to tell them how much I loved them.  
  
No. No. No! No! No!! No....  
  
The storybook I made for him was soaked with his blood, lying on the ground right next to me. I can't see enough through my tears to figure out which one it was. I can't see much of anything. I sob harder and harder.  
  
There's a commotion around me. I hear people trying to talk to me but I can't make out their words over the pounding in my head. I feel someone grab my arm. I feel someone grab Will. WILL! NO! NO! YOU WON'T TAKE HIM FROM ME! I scream and snap at the hands. How dare they touch him?! How dare they try to take him from me?!?!?  
  
There are more hands now. More voices shouting at me. I scream and scream and fight them off. No! Stop it! Stop trying to take him! He's MINE! There's so many hands. I can't fight them all off. I'm going to lose him again. I can't. I won't. Let. Them.  
  
Looking back, I'm not sure if it was because I was insane from sleep deprivation. I'm not sure if it was because I was panicking with grief. Hell, maybe I was just hungry. But in that moment when I was sure I would lose Will, I fought to keep him in the only way I could think to do so.  
  
I ate him.  
  
He tasted faintly of wheat.  
  
My bricks glowed blindingly with the sudden onslaught of energy, solid, non-processed food produced more heat upon digestion. I screamed in agony as my bricks burned at a temperature I'd never experienced before. It rose as each layer of the molecular chains were torn apart inside me from the temperature, the reactions chaining together into an ascending torrent of heat.  
  
90 degrees fahrenheit  
  
180 degrees fahrenheit  
  
270 degrees fahrenheit  
  
360 degrees fahrenheit  
  
450 degrees fahrenheit  
  
The book beside me ignited. Along with the rest of the world.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, funny story. I got a fever late on Friday night, wrote this chapter while delirious over the weekend and finished it today during work (work was super slow, only had 3 people come into the store all shift). Funnier story, I think I write better when my mental functions are impaired. It's like...I wasn't sure how to make things fit together and work the way I want them to, but then I just wrote with a pounding headache and dizziness while wrapped in my sweater poncho and listening to creepypastas and everything just...happened?
> 
> Or maybe I'm wrong and this chapter is awful but whatever.
> 
> Also, will be updating archiveofourown.org/works/13424574 with more Lore on Shapes, should be the last update for that, since...well...they're all dead now...
> 
> This is officially the end of the Flatland Arc. The Space Arc will be starting next chapter and would probably go on for a long time. I'm still working on the backstories for all the Henchmaniacs.


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crackle pop the flames don't stop

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 11**  
  
**-Gravity is a Lie-**  
  
—  
  
No. No. No. **No**.  
  
The world burns around me. I fucked up. Shit. Fuck. **Shiiiit**! How did this even happen?! I looked at my arms and the flames that continued to expel from them. It’s not even fire. It’s pure plasma. The air around my hands vibrating with pent up energy until it ignites. I'm setting the **freakin** ' air on fire. The energy won't stop. It keeps pouring out of me, agitating all the molecules in the air until they light up and burn.  
  
Fuck.  
  
I didn’t mean for this to happen. Was there no way to prevent this? Was this always fated to happen? A fixed point? That’s **bullshit**. What...what was the point in everything I've done then?! Was everything just pointless? Will’s death… Oh god Will…I’m so sorry…  
  
My screams are downed out by the flames.  
  
The world continued to burn around me.  
  
\--  
  
I tried to find people. Survivors? Anyone? No. Everyone’s long since been burned to ashes. I guess I don’t have to see dead bodies at least? I don’t remember much about what happened. Everything just…started burning. The ground, the sky, the people…there were a few screams at first but they were quickly drowned out by the roaring flames.  
  
I walked along down the flaming streets on the flaming ground. The fire is all I can hear. It’s unnerving. I hate this sound.  
  
_“I can’t remember what happened in September~ When everything is gone, when it’s dark and I’m alone~”_  
  
The song really didn’t match my situation but I continued singing anyway. Anything to drown out that sound. It just kept going, consuming everything. Was it as hungry as I always felt? Maybe, I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m thinking, what I’m trying to think?  
  
_“I just discovered, everyone was defeated by something really strong, it seemed very weird and wrong, it just doesn’t belong, like it came from out of this world~”_ I changed the lyrics so they were more appropriate. It gave me something to do.  
  
I’m so tired.  
  
_“I just remembered what happened in September, I’m the one who killed them all, I survived after the fall…”_  
  
Why aren’t I burning along with everything else? Well, no…these flames…they’re ME aren’t they? I feel like I might be on the cusp of an epiphany. Some massive secret of the universe unfolding before my eye. And then I passed out before I fully understood.  
  
\--  
  
I admit I felt a little better when I woke up…who the fuck knows when, later. That’s…good? I can think a little clearer. Man, being sleep deprived is awful. I walked along some more, don’t even know where I’m going, what I’m looking for. What the hell am I standing on? I try to feel the ground but there’s nothing there but more fire. Great. Wonderful. Fan- **fucking** -tastic.  
  
I passed out again.  
  
\--  
  
How long has it been? I hug my legs to my chest and sing quietly. It feels like weeks. How was the fire still going? How was I still alive?! The energy surging around my body hasn't stopped so I guess that's why the world still burns.  
  
  
  
_“Oh little ripper boy where did you go~ Where did you run when they burned your home~”_  
  
I blink up at the sky. It’s nothing but blue flickering flames, the same beautiful color of Will’s bricks. I don't even know what I'm sitting on considering there’s no ground anymore. The fire brushes against my bricks in a warm tingly feeling. How long has it been?  
  
_“What did you say when they took your soul~ Poor little ripper boy all alone~”_  
  
I raged, despaired, apologized, passed out, woke to cry non-stop until I passed out again and raged some more until I just got tired of it all and just defaulted to singing every song I knew to pass the time. The whole stages of grief. Just skip right to acceptance. I think I cried for several days straight, or something. Not like time really fuckin’ matters here. I wasn't even upset anymore. I was too weary to be. Bill Cipher will always destroy his homeworld. Even if I'm not technically him, it was gonna happen anyway. Right? It’s not like there was anything I could **FUCKING** do to stop it. I sob a bit more before going back to my song.  
  
_“Still in the darkness, blind in the light~ Roll up the day and turn into night~Run at the sound of the siren’s call to a watery grave where you’ll find them all~”_  
  
Irony, there is no water here. Only fire, fire and…ooh what’s that? More fire. I laughed and laughed until it devolved into screaming before I abruptly stop and calmly start singing again. I’m fine. Definitely Fiiiiine~ Yup yup. I wish Will were here. He’d listen to my jokes. He’d laugh along with me. We could just laugh together. Laugh and _lau_ gh a _nd_ la **ugh _a_ nd lau _gh_** \- I passed out again.  
  
—  
  
I think I might have gone mad for a bit, luckily I seem to have gotten over it now. I think? I hope? I no longer feel the need to just laugh hysterically for no reason so I’m going to assume it’s passed.  
  
I continue to vibrate with energy. Can't really go anywhere like this huh? If I tried to leave I'll just set another place on fire. I frown. Enough moping around. Even if I fucked this up doesn't mean I can't learn from this mistake. What's done is done. I should focus on controlling my energy output so this sort of thing wouldn't happen again.  
  
I had no idea how to go about turning this off…you'd think getting transformed into some kinda of a nuclear power cell would come with the knowledge of how the fuck that works. Wasn't Bill supposed to be All Knowing? Well I don't know **shit**. I tried breathing exercises. I tried meditation, which was super hard, how am I supposed to calm my thoughts under these circumstances?! How am I even alive? How have I not burned up along with the rest of this world?  
  
Nothing seemed to work. I just had so much energy. Where the hell was all this even coming from? Wasn't energy something that couldn't be created? I tried everything I could think of from all the shows I've watched and stories I've read but nothing worked. I know it has to stop sometime. Canon Bill obviously got this under control so I should be able to do so as well. Come on, turn off! Turn off! _Turn it off, like a light switch~Just go click! It’s a cool little Mormon trick~_ God dammit brain! This was NOT the time!  
  
Maybe I was coming at the problem from the wrong angle (Ha! Shape puns! I tried to laugh but just end up sobbing instead). Instead of stopping the outflow of energy, what if I reversed it? Suck all this energy back inside myself. It wouldn't save this dimension, everyone was long since dead but it would put out the fire. I focused on feeling the energy around me and tried to...pull it back in. My breathing exercises now included the intent of sucking in the flames around me. I hummed a soft melody to help me focus. Staying well away from the Book of Mormon this time. It was really inappropriate for this situation.  
  
Mind over matter, literally. If I believe this will work then it will work. I repeat that to myself and continued sucking in deep gasps of air (plasma?) And it might have been my imagination but it was working?  
  
It felt like hours of just breathing despite not having a mouth or lungs but I finally felt a change. I was feeling warmer, the fire looked smaller. I was tingling all over. It felt really weird but I kept going. Breathe in and hold it. Breathe in again and hold it. The tingling feeling was getting worse. It was uncomfortable. I can't stop now. Come on! I can do this. In and out. Hold it in.  
  
I gasped as the uncomfortable feeling devolved into nausea. I gagged and laid down but didn't stop. The fire was definitely dying down. It was working. I had to keep going. The flickering flames seeping into the seams between my bricks. My breathing was no longer a calm in and out. I was gasping, trying so hard not to throw up, I know I can’t but I just felt so sick. My body was vibrating harshly. Shit. Was I doing this wrong? Am I going to accidentally kill myself? Will I explode? Will my molecules be torn apart from each other? A part of myself realized I was glowing blindingly but most of my focus was on the sensation of more and more energy being crammed back inside my small form.  
  
It was beginning to hurt. Stop! Stop! This was a bad idea! What the hell was I thinking?! How do I make this stop?!  
  
I was screaming now. Twitching and spasming and screaming without a mouth. My eye watered and my tears were reduced to steam and flame the instant they formed. The heat was intense. I was burning. I saw one of my arms as I thrashed and it was buzzing and splitting apart. Dear god I was really going to die again. As much as I deserve it I was still scared, **I don’t want to die like this!** I’m so scared! My body continued to suck up all the energy around me. Like I had put the thing to autopilot and now it didn't know how to stop. It hurts. Please. No more. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did but I'm so sorry. Please make it stop!  
  
And then I exploded.  
  
\--  
  
Quarks flew around, hitting, smashing and clicking together. Protons and neutrons being built from the ground up. A cloud of electrons floating freely until they're pulled in. What would be known as Hydrogen was formed. Helium was formed. More bouncing. More connecting. More and more matter formed. Energy can be turned into mass. More mass. More energy. Bouncing and bouncing within a void.  
  
So many particles. Bleeding off me as I floated listless in a void. How long has it been? I can't think clearly. A massive headache pounding behind my eye.  
  
I feel each of my particles. I felt them as they sprinkled out from my body. I felt them move around until they clicked in place with each other. I felt them forming into something new as they bonded together. More protons clicked together, atomic mass was increasing. A new element formed.  
  
They were me. They were all pieces of me. I could feel them all. Tiny parts of myself falling off myself, connecting to other parts of myself. I could feel them all. It was like if you could still feel sensations from every skin flake that you shed. I shivered. It felt strange. I was spread out, in pieces in all directions. I was everywhere.  
  
I could feel larger clumps of me being pulled together, drawn to each other into a swirling mass. I eye the clump, still half dazed. It compressed, drawn tighter and tighter together until the energy running through it ignited. A large white flaming ball of plasma. A star. Pieces of me had become a star. I watched in fascination. It was quite pretty if I didn't think about the fact that it was literally pieces of myself burning. I suddenly realized that the reason clumps of me were drawn to each other was due to some subconscious desire to pull myself together. Dear lord, gravity's a lie.  
  
All around were clumps of myself condensing into stars that burned and died, exploded into space dust and repeat. Over and over. I had trouble thinking clearly. How many thousands of years have gone by? So much of me being spread out in this expanding space. It was hard to keep track of time. Then I felt something that wasn't just more of me. Something different. It was moving through my space dust. Swimming through the void, brushing my particles aside as it headed in my direction.  
  
I tried to shake myself into awareness so I could see what this entity was. My eye met with a large white and pink creature. It stared at me and I stared back.  
  
  
  
"FINALLY! Where the hell have YOU been?!" I screamed at it.  
  
I felt myself fully 'wake up' for the first time in what may have been eons. It was the AXOLOTL. Finally! Maybe I can get some answers outta him. The pink creature continued to silently observe me.  
  
**-You do not appear surprised to see me?-**  
  
They weren't words in any language. They weren't sounds being spoken. Instead I simply FELT the meaning of his question go through me.  
  
"Well...I might have been under the impression that you were God or something."  
  
**-A god? Perhaps. But that concept doesn't fully encapsulate what I am.-**  
  
The creature swam around, examining me.  
  
**-We have never met. How did you come to know of me?-**  
  
"What? You don't know?"  
  
**-I only knew that the 2nd dimension had been destroyed and with its death came a great rebirth.-**  
  
"Yeah, I kinda realized that around the time the me-dust stated turning into stars and shit."  
  
**-Indeed.-**  
  
The AXOLOTL gazed at me as I swore angrily at myself. I fucked up again. Of course I shouldn't know who he was, we've never met, I have never found any writings to indicate his existence. Should I just tell him that I knew about him from a cartoon's expanded universe in another reality? That sounds stupid even thinking it.  
  
**-It does not matter how you know me. I only need you to listen.-**  
  
"Are you gonna explain what the hell happened to me?"  
  
**-You have destroyed an entire dimension and were the catalyst to the creation of a new one.-**  
  
"Well yeah, I know THAT much. What am I supposed to do now? What dimension is this now?"  
  
Please don't let this be the nightmare realm. That would suck.  
  
**-You are free to do as you please, you birthed this new reality. As for what it is, I believe that as an evolution of the 2nd dimension, this is now the 3rd dimension.-**  
  
"Oh fuck really?! You mean...Earth and humanity will exist here someday? Wait! Earth and humanity are gonna form out of **my** space dust?!"  
  
The AXOLOTL merely watched me. His salamander face giving away none of his thoughts.  
  
"....ew...that’s kinda gross to think about..."  
  
**-You speak of Earth and humanity. Things that do not yet exist and will not come to be for many eons yet. You knew what I am despite never having learned of me…-**  
  
He leaned right up close to 'me'. I didn't exactly have a real body at the moment.  
  
**-Who are you? You are not merely a Flatlander. You know things you should have no knowledge of yet.-**  
  
"Yet? So you mean I get the All Knowing gig at some point?"  
  
He narrowed his eyes (which, if I must say looks super funny on an axolotl) and stared through me. Oh crap, is he gonna find out...  
  
**-You...are not who you are supposed to be.-** the AXOLOTL jerked back in surprise. Shoot. Busted.  
  
"Yeah its a funny story..."  
  
**-But at the same time, you cannot be anyone BUT the one you should be.-**  
  
"It’s complicated."  
  
**-Explain?-**  
  
"Only if you help me learn to control my powers so this-" I gesture to the space dust around us with my nonexistent arms "-doesn't happen again."  
  
**-It was fated to happen. In order for the 3rd dimension to be created, another dimension would be sacrificed.-**  
  
"Really?! Who the hell decided that?"  
  
**-It was the fate laid out by the Time Giants at the dawn of creation. For what its worth. I'm sorry you had to lose your home.-**  
  
I was right! It really WAS a fixed point. Goddamit. I was angry for a bit but I couldn't keep it up. It’s been far too long and I just don’t have it in me to stay mad. I’m just…tired. And sad. Everyone died because of this. Because of me. Because I was supposed to kill them all.  
  
"So is that going to happen to this dimension too someday? It’s gonna be destroyed so a new dimension can be created?"  
  
**-Yes.-**  
  
"Huh. Well can you teach me to control my powers so that wouldn't happen by my hand anytime soon?"  
  
**-That is fair. And in return you will explain how it is that you both ARE and AREN'T who you’re supposed to be.-**  
  
"You're shocked that I knew you, but how do you know me?"  
  
**-I have seen through many alternative realities. In all there will be a Bill Cipher in some shape or form. His existence is as inevitable as my own. Though what role he plays differs each time.-**  
  
"So what am I to you? In this dimension?"  
  
**-You were to be my counterpart. Created through fire and tragedy to be my opposite and equal in power.-**  
  
"So me knowing you throws off that plan?"  
  
**-It matters not in the end. You are still my opposite. I merely wish to know who you are for the sake of my own curiosity.-**  
  
"Guess even giant space salamanders get curious. Well sit yourself down and let me tell you a tale~"  
  
It didn't take too long to explain my situation. He handled it pretty well all things considered. He also explained to me what it meant to be his counterpart and how to control my powers. It took a very long time to learn. Good thing I had so much of it.  
  
\--  
  
My cosmic duties as it were, was to embody the opposite of what Ax was. Order vs Chaos. Reality vs Dreams. Wisdom vs Knowledge. Life vs Death. Creation vs Destruction. Hope vs Despair. I was afraid that the fact my personality was kinder than the Bill Cipher he was expecting would cause a few problems. There was no way I would just randomly destroy a planet (on purpose). And while I am a bit of a sadistic bitch at times, I don’t feel right hurting innocent people. When I told Ax this, he laughed and said I didn't need to. Destruction came in all forms and I don't really have to go around killing people if I didn't want to.  
  
That was a relief.  
  
Ax taught me how to change my projected form (the Me as I am now was nothing more than my consciousness, my physical body had been burned away to create the universe after all) and how to manipulate the physical world. Manipulating the physical world was difficult. Just cause the world is made of 'me' didn't mean I could control it at will. Ax assured me it would get easier with practice but I would never have full control over it unless I punched a hole in space time to descend back into the physical plane. I asked if I was in the Mindscape right now and he said yes. With the Mindscape would come the Nightmare Realm. I wasn't looking forward to that. Even if I would have full control while there.  
  
He taught me how to 'open' my eye to truly see anything and everything. Omniscience would have driven me insane if I'd still been human. By some miracle I got out of that lesson perfectly fine. Ax told me it was because I was already insane. Not sure how to feel about that. In the end I just shrugged and moved on. My ‘Eye’ could see everything happening everywhere all at once but I can’t retain anything from it. It’s like watching a million videos at once, just ‘cause I can see it doesn’t mean I know what the heck I just saw. Depictions of myself actually limit my vision, narrow it down so I can finally focus on what I’m looking at.  
  
At some point Ax took me to meet Time Baby, the last member of our little TriForce of cosmic powers. Time, Space and Energy/Matter. Or rather, Fate, Life and Death. (I am become Death, destroyer of worlds) The meeting did not go well. I might have set that part of the solar system on fire. In my defense, HE started it.  
  
I feel bad that Ax has to put up with us.  
  
\--

 

A/N: I apologize for all the rushed exposition, I couldn't figure out an easier way to do it...if I went more slowly on it, it would take multiple chapters to just get Bill's basic powers down...  
  
In other news, the idea came to me a while ago and I probably won’t write it because it’s stupid and horrible…but…  


  
Book of Mormon AU  
  
If anyone out there wants to run with this idea, please send me links. I would love to read that. I won’t be able to write it myself because I’d be in danger of imploding from holding in my laughter and then I’d die and then no one will be happy.

Full soundtrack with lyrics: www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY5NVaK0-ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Why am I making Bill essentially a god? To quote Alex Hirsch...
> 
> "Time Baby and Bill, I'll say this, In the world of Gravity Falls they both have a god-like significance and power."
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvYT4gQW2yw
> 
> So, yeah~


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Quick update, short chapter, how is Bill/Jan settling into his new role?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 12**  
  
**-Behind the gray curtain of reality-**  
  
—  
  
I poked at my bow tie and watched in fascination as it spun around. Dear lord. My bow tie was a fidget spinner. How did this even happen?  
  
I'm embarrassed to say that I was distracted for a good few minutes just spinning my bow tie. But time is an illusion anyway so it doesn't count. What was I doing again? Oh right. I had to go introduce myself to the new sentient life in this universe. The AXOLOTL said I was free to do as I wished, I did technically create this reality after all, and I think I would like to introduce a friendly Bill Cipher into the world.  
  
  
  
For a moment I considered going by a different name all together. I'm not the real Bill Cipher anyway. I don't HAVE to take his name. The only reason I still look like him is because his appearance was cool and I wasn't sure if changing it would vastly alter the timeline. Didn't want Time Baby getting on my angles about that again. Stupid, fat, no fun...  
  
ANYWAY! You'd think the baby would show a bit more respect for the one who created the Big Bang itself! I lost my home for that. My entire dimension had to die and burn just to create the known universe. Did I ever get compensation for that? Nope. (Pseudo godhood doesn't count.) Time Baby even had the GALL to sass me out about destroying my own dimension. It’s not like I did it on purpose asshole! And you even said it was fated to happen in order to create the universe so fuck you! You mother fucking hypocrite! You can’t tell me that what I did was wrong then go around and say I was MEANT to do that!  
  
No wonder Bill hated him. Pretentious **jerk**.  
  
Ax is a pretty cool dude though. His holier than thou thing was kinda…eh…annoying somewhat? But it was nice of him to teach me how to control my powers. I wonder if he might have destroyed a whole dimension by accident before...  
  
Well enough procrastinating. Time to meet the first living creature to evolve in this new universe I'd accidentally created.  
  
\--  
  
Yeah. Shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.  
  
The tiny single celled organism wiggled. It was really strange. All the molecules that made up this creature came from me. I could feel our connection even now. It felt really gross. All…fleshy and disgusting.  
  
It’s going to take eons for life to evolve humans or any other sentient life. Hell, the Earth hasn’t even formed yet. I'm so bored. No wonder Ax just sleeps all the time. Y'know what? I'm gonna go visit him. It'll give me something to do. I turn and vanish with a flash.  
  
\--  
  
**-You really are different from the other Bill Ciphers. But at the same time, you're quite similar.-**  
  
"In what way? Also, when are you gonna teach me how to see into the parallel worlds?"  
  
We floated together above a nebula. It was quite pretty and I felt a brief flash of pride about it. I had materialized a nice tea set for us to enjoy while we hung out. Molding things from my imagination was one of the first things I learned to do and it is fuckin’ AMAZING. Ax never drank any but I can see he appreciates the gesture.  
  
**-You share many mannerisms with your counter parts. Some are your own and some are fabricated by you to act more like what you believe Bill Cipher should be.-**  
  
I look down at my teacup. Yes, part of me wanted to be Bill. It was fun to act like him sometimes. It gave me an excuse to cut loose and not think about everything wrong with my situation. Like a persona I can wear to protect the real me from the outside world. So I don’t have to think about what happened…  
  
I wasn't in denial or anything. I just wanted to not stress out. Too many things could go wrong, have already gone wrong. I'm supposed to be Bill Cipher. How much of human history did he effect? Do I have to do what he did? What if I messed up and humanity goes down a completely different path that lead to the Pines family not existing? Do they need to exist? Me being here has already thrown off canon. But that fixed point still happened regardless of anything I did. Are the birth of the twins a fixed point? I hope so. I would love to hang out with them all. If I'm a nice Bill we could all be friends. That would be nice.  
  
**-You are thinking too hard. Things will happen as they do.-**  
  
"Was I thinking out loud again?"  
  
**-Yes. Though it was more of a panicked mumbling.-**  
  
Looking to steer the subject away from my embarrassing loss of control, I changed the subject.  
  
"So. Parallel dimensions. How to see. Tell me."  
  
**-It might not be wise. Many of your alternates are...unhinged in a negative way. So long as you do not look into them, they cannot see you. I fear they may try to harm you for being...different. Or their madness will corrupt you.-**  
  
"That's fair."  
  
We floated in quiet together. It was nice.  
  
\---  
  
Ax taught me how slip between dimensions. I couldn't access the parallel dimensions where my alternatives were but anything else was pretty much fair game. It’s a little hard to describe. Within this 'world' there are an infinite dimensions I can go to. Outside of this 'world' are the other 'worlds' with their own infinite dimensions where the alternate versions of 'Me' exists. Meaning I cannot travel to an alternative world to meet an alternative version of people I know in this 'world'. In the infinite dimensions in this ‘world’, there is only one Bill Cipher, AXOLOTL and Time Baby.  
  
Ax is connected to his alternatives mentally but even he cannot physically travel to where they are. Once again, the only thing that can accomplish this feat was an inter-dimensional portal. The portal can connect all the dimensions in this world but it can also punch through into other 'worlds'. That's what made it so amazing. I knew how to build one, sort of? There’s an instinctive feeling inside me that just seems to…KNOW how to find the weak spots in the fabric of reality. Mechanically speaking I knew half of what I needed to make a gate of my own. But it would only work for me if it was built where my physical body was, in other words, the 3rd dimension. But that’s not important right now, what IS important is the existence of an infinite other dimensions for me to explore.  
  
In all the other dimensions within my 'World' there were a multitude of alien races, planets and societies. All sorts of creatures that I can physically interact with even outside the mindscape. Only in the 3rd dimension that formed from the corpse of my own body and home was limited. In the 3rd dimension I was a non-corporeal creature without the power to truly warp reality to my will unless I use the power of a Deal. But within all the other dimensions I had near infinite power to alter the world around me.  
  
Ax said that its because the 3rd dimension was the only one truly 'grounded' in a physical sense. Places like Dimension 52, the Nightmare Realm or Dimension XYZ were existing in a partially metaphysical state and thus I could materialize there with my near infinite power intact. They were worlds and planets formed from 'thoughts' and 'imagination' so me being a master of the mind has a stronger presence there.  
  
The irony wasn't lost on me that the dimension I had the least power over was the one LITERALLY FORMED FROM MY OWN FLESH. I was forcibly disconnected from it, ascended into the Mindscape. I would have to possess the pieces of my body in order to have a physical form. An object or a person. Anything like that.  
  
But whatever. There were a ton of new places for me to be and see! I phased happily to a random dimension to explore.  
  
——  
  
The first time I personally killed someone, I was horrified.  
  
There was screaming. A group of primitive life forms ran from me in fear. Before me was the charred remains of what once was a member of their kind.  
  
I was just popping in to check on the newest species to gain true sentience in the multiverse. When I finally saw them, bipedal creatures with light blue skin and wearing simple clothes made from leaves, I was thrilled. Earth still hadn't formed yet but the rest of the multiverse was coming along nicely. Plenty of alien dimensions and planets teeming with life for me to explore. And now there were beings who were aware enough to make clothing! Clothing!  
  
I wanted to speak to them. I wanted to finally talk to someone who wasn't Ax or Time Baka. I was too hasty. I was so starved for social interaction. Luckily this wasn’t in the 3rd Dimension, I had access to my powers here. I pulled particles out of the air around me and formed a quick physical form in order to interact with them. They all jumped in surprise as I appeared before them.  
  
"Hello! My named is Bill Cipher and I'm so happy to meet you!" I exclaimed merrily.  
  
  
  
They stared at me in silence and shock. Finally one of them threw a rock at me. It hit me right below my eye and I fucking LOST it.  
  
There was a sudden and unexpected rush of RAGE. How DARE they?! DON'T TH **EY EVEN KNOW WH _O I AM?!_**  
  
Before I could stop myself I had already set fire to the insolent worm that dared to strike me. His screams were lovely to hear and I grinned in satisfaction at a well done Smite-ing.  
  
That's when the others began screaming and snapped me out of it.  
  
Oh god what have I done? Why did...why did I do that? I-I didn't...what was wrong with me? I looked around and saw that all the creatures were fleeing for their lives. They were terrified of me. I fucked up again.  
  
"Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-!"  
  
I had to talk to Ax. He'll know what to do!  
  
I blinked away from the planet, the particles I left behind coming apart with a flash of light and leaving behind nothing but a smoking corpse and a village thrown in disarray. There would be stories told later of a shining golden Beast with one eye that could throw flames from its hands and kill without mercy.  
  
\---  
  
"-nd I really didn't mean to do it! I swear I didn't! It just...happened!" I was rambling as I floated back and forth anxiously while fiddling with my bowtie.  
  
Before me sat the AXOLOTL in silence. His gaze was without condemnation but it was solemn. I looked up at him with tears already streaming down my eye.  
  
**-I had hoped this wouldn't happen so soon.-**  
  
"You knew I would do that? What the hell even WAS that!"  
  
**-You are a creature of Destruction. A being that embodies pure Chaos. Your powers are effected by your emotions. The instinct to destroy. I am sorry. I did not realize you would be so effected by them.-**  
  
"So this is gonna be a thing now?! I can't stop it from happening?"  
  
**-You cannot stop your instincts or your emotions. But you can learn to control them. Control your temper, stifle your powers and keep a calm head.-**  
  
"Teach me please."  
  
Ax truly did look sorry. I was freaking out. I'd never felt so....angry before. It was unsettling. Many more years of training and meditation ensued. It was boring and frustrating. I wanted to just quit and go do something else many times (my attention span has gotten a lot shorter since I've become Bill Cipher) but if there was one thing that separated me from the real Bill, it was my diligence and patience. I hated being bored but I had enough self control to continue trying. I don't want to lose control like that again.  
  
Ax was surprised to learn that my Origami helped with the meditation process. I started materializing paper to fiddle with. The fact that I could set them on fire afterward helped to satiate my need for destruction.  
  
Ax told me that I would always feel the need to destroy. It was part of what I am. I was Death itself. I just needed to find a better way to channel my 'urges' if I really didn't want to go around killing people.  
  
I don't think I can ever express how much I owe Ax for always putting up with me and my problems. He was like a mentor or older brother (I would say he was like a father but the idea of calling Ax 'dad' brought up bad memories of Zyun-Jan’s life.)  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In other news, Happy Chinese New Year everyone!  
> Current Red Envelope count- 3  
> Muaha haha~ Money~


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is a home but a place where you can rest and hide away from the world you don't want to deal with?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 13**  
  
**-Grasp the unknowable-**  
  
—  
  
Most of my meetings with sentient life didn't go well. No matter how I approached them, they would be frightened or wary. I even tried invisibly helping them with stuff like finding food or keeping them safe from danger to try and build a friendly relationship. Sometimes it worked...until I finally revealed myself to them.  
  
Why does everyone hate me? I haven't killed anyone past that first one. Was I THAT scary looking?  
  
I gazed at my reflection in a pool of water. A shining golden triangle with a single eye, bowtie and top hat. I looked adorable right? Why are they all so scared of me? Do I really have to use a different form to interact with people?  
  
I shifted the particles around myself as I made some alterations. It was no longer my triangle form but something…different. My human form. My true human form.  
  
I looked at my reflection. Where there was once a yellow triangle now floated a small human girl. I kept my clothes yellow, a fluffy sweater poncho long enough to cover my body. Long, straight black hair and eyes. A wide forehead partially hidden behind bangs framing a round face.  
  
  
  
I stared for a bit. It’s been so long since I've been...myself. The girl I saw in the reflection looked weird. There was a disconnect, like the feeling of ' that can't be me' but it was...that was the real me.  
  
It was a good thing I was alone. I'm sure my newfound instincts would have forced me to kill anyone who saw me break down and cry.  
  
\---  
  
The reception I got for my human form helped restore a bit of my faith in the world. The people were kinder. They still found me strange looking but many of them thought I was harmless. My discrete scans of their minds was able to provide me with their language and I heard them say things like "Must have been abandoned for its hideous mutation.", "That child is so small, which tribe do you think it's from?" and "Poor thing has such fragile skin! No scales at all."  
  
It was kind of patronizing but anything was better than abject terror.  
  
I was able to live among the tribe I found for a few days before I decided to leave. Some of their elders were starting to get suspicious of me and I wanted to go before a confrontation occurred.  
  
Blinking back into space I found myself in my triangle form. For a moment, just one moment, I wanted to cry. It passed and I flew off in search of another planet.  
  
\---  
  
Sometimes I stare at my own flames and cry.  
  
Sometimes I think about Will and try to vomit.  
  
Sometimes I wished I could.  
  
\---  
  
It never changed. No matter how much I tried to be nice and patient, people just…hated me. I gave them rain for their crops and they gave their thanks to another god they believed in. I healed their sick and injured and they simply shunned the ones I healed and called them ‘cursed’. I tried granting them knowledge about farming tools and crop rotation. They refused to listen to me and I had to watch as their crops failed under poor management, listen to them curse my name as their people starved.  
  
It wasn’t my fault. I was just trying to help. Why won’t they just… **listen** to me? Why won’t anyone just…let me **help** them? It was frustrating. It was infuriating. I raged angrily in an empty corner of the multiverse, setting fires and screaming about how unfair everything was. Then I go to Ax and cry into his side. I don’t know how much of this I can take.  
  
Ok, it’s fine. I can fix this…somehow. If people are intimidated by me just showing up before them, maybe I can just give out the knowledge for my summoning. Then only the people who WANT to see me can call me up. That way at least I know they’re more willing to listen to me, since they’re seeking me out.  
  
I scribble down a summoning circle, Bill’s circle. I don’t really remember what order the symbols came in but it didn’t matter, it’s all about intent after all. It felt nice to have the Zodiac made. It made me feel…complete in some way. It was strange but I tried to hold onto the hope that I can finally help SOMEONE.  
  
What’s the point of having my powers if I can’t do something good with them?  
  
—  
  
It was time. I couldn't keep putting this off. I had to go to the Nightmare Realm. It was 'my' territory. I should at least go check it out.  
  
Sliding through time and space, my flat metaphysical form cleaving right between the dimensions, I opened my eye to see a colorful whirl of void. How a void can have color I don't think I can understand right now but regardless.  
  
I floated there, just watching. Well this was a let down. I was expecting something more...intense. I reached out to touch the swirling colors. 'fear' 'joy' 'exhaustion' 'worry' 'bashfulness'  
  
Oh. They were emotions.  
  
As I inspected these swirling emotions around me I almost didn’t notice when they began seeping into me.  
  
"Ack! What the fuck!?!" I backed away, slapping at my bricks, but just managed to get caught in another haze of color. The emotions were gravitating towards me. I frantically waved my arms but my fingers slide right through the mists of color and they continued to slide inside me. They seeped through the seams in my bricks and I giggled.  
  
It tickled. No seriously, it did. I giggled and tried to back away. Please stop! I hate being tickled. The colors continued to slide between my seams, wriggling inside me maddeningly. "Ah haha-stop! Ha haha hahaha!!"  
  
I flew around trying to escape the mist. "I SAID **STOP**!!" I screeched and blasted the area with flame. That got it to back off. The mist swirled around and settled.  
  
As my flames touched them, they started to change. The clouds of color solidifying under the heat, compressing together and forming...land mass? I blinked in surprise at the floating patches of rock and dirt that were forming as my fire seared through the colors.  
  
Everywhere my fire touched would turn into...stuff. The world was being created from my flames, as opposed to being destroyed by it. I watched in awe as the world, MY world spread out around me. A twisted landscape floating in a void. The land grew with no care for how land should look.  
  
A mountain forms facing upside down. A lake with half its water turning into jellyfish that float up and away into a non-existent sky. Trees grew with unnaturally straight, right angles and leaves made of hair. A slimy pus-like substance leaked from some rocks and grew mouths and claws. A twisted tower of steel arching up impossibly high until I loose sight of the top.  
  
This was the foam between dimensions. A weird world being created from my energy. It was...odd. I was unsure how to feel about it. I could also feel how unstable it was. It was nebulous, shifting and rotting away back into the void once my flames no longer fueled it. It could only hold its form so long as I continued to feed myself into it.  
  
Energy to create matter and a quick progression towards entropy as my energy fans out and spreads too far. Spreads too thin. Dispersed in a way that left this world cold and barren once more. Lifeless.  
  
It was upsetting to watch. The trees withered. The jellyfish fell from the skies and splattered upon the rocks. The mountain stayed but all life upon it dried up and crumbled into dust. The dark iron spire groaned as it swayed lightly. The half formed slime creature wheezed its last breath before collapsing and decaying. Aside from the sounds of things falling apart it was eerily quiet.

  
  
This was not a good place to be. This...lifeless mess of a world. There's no way anyone or anything would be able to live here without me constantly feeding my own energy into it. I COULD do so, but that would mean I would be stuck here. Unable to leave so long as I wished for this place to live.  
  
I didn't want that. The idea of being trapped in this constantly rotting world made me upset in a way I didn't imagine possible. Was there some way to keep my flame burning? To stop it from dispersing into nothingness once this world devours the energy?  
  
It didn’t have to be my fire. I've got more powers right? If I could just make an enclosed area where my power STAYED and didn't just disperse...like a....bubble or something...  
  
I snapped my fingers. Then tried again. Looks like I'm still unable to make the snapping noise. Oh come on! Oh ALL things I had to keep from my first life it was THIS?! I ineffectually flicked my fingers over and over, trying to make that snap sound before giving up and just moving on.  
  
I flicked my fingers and made a colorful orb appear. Well, less appear so much as I mentally grabbed onto some of the swirling emotions around me and wrapped them around my power. I created a thin bubble-like formation. It floated there, empty and hollow. I hadn't really been focused on filling this bubble with anything.  
  
I let go of the bubble and it held. I moved a little further away. It held. I went back up to it and pushed it carefully to the side of the gelatinous lake. The bubble sank into the lake and I watched as the water began to move again. It fluttered and grew into more jellyfish. Ok. This works. I let go and floated away. Still holding.  
  
After waiting a bit to see if this was really working I sighed in relief as the happy little jellyfish floated around without any signs of dying. Ok. So this was one solution. I noticed the bubble slowly shrinking. Oh no. I reached out to feed more of my power into it. It puffed out back to its original size but would slowly deflate over time once I let go.  
  
So it's not a perfect solution. But it disperses much slower than just pure flame. That's good to know. So I can make a large bubble to create a real place to live. As long as I remember to drop by and recharge it every now and then it could actually work. It'll be like recharging my fridge back in the Flatlands. No biggie. I instinctively ignored the twinge of pain at the reminder of my homeland.  
  
Actually. This wasn't all that bad. Sure I probably can't invite anyone to live here but this was MY world. My...home...  
  
I'm unsure how to feel about that thought. I haven't had a home in so long. My Tabibito lifestyle wasn't...bad per say but it would be nice to have somewhere I can actually go home to. A place to relax and unwind. Somewhere I can personalize and store cool knick-knacks I find during my travels. Yeah. I can do this. I can build a place here. Just for me.  
  
A place to call home.  
  
\----  
  
A huge bubble stretched as far as the eye can see, well, MY eye anyway. Which is pretty far. I was hoping that making the bubble as large as I can would give me more time to check back in on it. So far it seems to be working. The area inside my bubble was large enough to hold an entire mountain range, a waterfall, a forest and a cosy little wooden house I've been working on for a while.  
  
The outside was just a crude log cabin, looking more like toy bricks than a real house. But the door works and the inside looked like a real house. I can alter the rooms as I want and wasted hours just building rooms and adding furniture. The Sims music started playing at some point and I wasn't sure if I should laugh or curse the fact that my imagination altered reality around here. As I placed another chair and heard a $cha-ching$ noise I realized I had to stop. I've been spending way too much time on this.  
  
If only the universe could see me now. The feared One Eyed Beast picking out wallpaper.  
  
I decided on cherry blossoms like Weeb I am.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Short chapter, kind of trying to fill some time while I figure out backstories. I've figured out a few of them so far, just need to type them up and find a way to work them in.
> 
> Xanthar-Done.
> 
> Pyronica-Done.
> 
> Amorphous Shape- Work in progress.
> 
> Teeth- Pending, making and discarding ideas based on a minor character from an obscure manga I read as a child.
> 
> Kryptos- Vague idea of what I want involving the mafia, a strip club and improper use of waffle irons.
> 
> Hectorgon- No idea what to do, but it must include an exploding iceberg at some point (for continuity reasons that don't make sense to anyone but me.)
> 
> Keyhole- Vague idea of what I want involving a bank robbery and 3 tons of fondue forks.
> 
> Paci Fire- No clue what to do, but it has to include ritualistic sacrifice.
> 
> 8-Ball- No idea what to do but it must include marshmallows and fortune telling.
> 
> Just to give you guys an idea of my thought processes. Also, it'll take a long time before Bill/Jan even meets the Henchmaniacs, I still have to set up Bill's reputation.


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mere words cannot describe how much I hate Time Baby. Have you ever talked to a brick wall? I bet it would make for more intelligent conversation than that stupid fatass.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 14**  
  
**-Be on the right side of History-**  
  
—  
  
"You want me to what?"  
  
"'THE TIMELINE MUST BE PRESERVED'" Time Baby thundered.  
  
I was most surprised when Time Baby actually summoned me. I had no idea what he wanted from me. After a few times where I introduced simple technology to some tribes and got an earful from him about interfering with the timeline (it was a spear! Literally a sharp rock on a stick! It’s not like I invented the wheel! **Again**!) I had fallen back to just observing people.  
  
Then out of nowhere the Time Baka himself calls me up and says he needs me to interfere in something. Apparently there was a tribe of creatures growing more technologically advanced than their neighbors can keep up with and unless something is done about it, they would wipe out the other tribes into extinction.  
  
"So let me get this straight. You need me to find out who's giving that tribe the know-how to make stuff they're not supposed to...and dispose of them?"  
  
"'THE TIMELINE MUST BE PRESERVED!"'  
  
"You said that already! I get it. You have a hard on for your damn timeline." He just wants me to do his fucking dirty work! The nerve!  
  
"If you want someone dead, go do it yourself!"  
  
"THIS IS YOUR DUTY!"  
  
"Fuck my duty!"  
  
"IF YOU DO NOT DO THIS, IT WILL CAUSE TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES TO ALL OF HISTORY!"  
  
"Yeah no. I'm just going to leave now." I turn to leave and find that I can’t move. Time Baby's forehead mark was glowing and I was temporally frozen.  
  
"SO YOU WILL SIT BACK AND ALLOW THE EXTINCTION OF HUNDREDS OF RACES? THIER DEATHS WILL BE ON YOUR HANDS BECAUSE YOU CHOSE NOT TO ACT!"  
  
"Don't you fucking put this on ME!"  
  
The argument went on for a while. I finally agreed to do it in exchange for a Deal from Time Baby. I didn't know what to ask for at the moment (Ax had explained long ago that bringing back the long dead was never a good idea for any reason, and after much painful soul searching, I agreed, I’m sorry Will, I’m sorry Purple. I’m sorry everyone.) so Time Baby just owes me a 'Favor' at some point. He was very upset but if he wants me to kill someone I won't do it for free.  
  
I was already dirtying my hands deliberately. What next? I know that agreeing to do things like this will only lead to an escalation of tasks.  
  
But what choice did I have?  
  
\---  
  
I cannot believe this is happening right now.  
  
I fume as the guards lead me roughly through the halls. Seriously, I get no respect. Don't these people know who I am?! I'm Bill freaking Cipher! One of the three pillars of creation.  
  
I'm sure I could ask myself how this happened. Might as well go over this and figure out how the fuck I got into this situation. All I did was do what Time Baby asked! I went to the tribe, found the brilliant inventor that was giving his people better technology than was usual for the time period. I found the man and scanned his brain, all his knowledge and memories known to me in just a few short hours. I had a job to do, find out where he got this ahead-of-its-time knowledge from.  
  
Imagine my surprise when I realized he wasn’t cheating. The man was brilliant. A true genius who figured out how to do this all on his own. I inform Time Baby that there was no time anomaly here.  
  
Of course the fatass didn't care. The technology of that tribe was progressing faster than Time Baby wanted it to be and it must be fixed. I was shocked at his arrogance. Why did I have to kill true innovation?!  
  
Regardless of my feelings on the matter I had a Deal to fulfill. It seemed like such a waste though. I took all of that man's knowledge into myself so it wouldn’t be gone forever (it’s probably a good thing that I can now store an infinite amount of knowledge with perfect memory recall) and then I plagued his dreams with nightmares until it drove him mad from sleep deprivation and he threw himself off a tower.  
  
I felt dirty.  
  
Without that man's contributions, the tribe floundered and ultimately were destroyed by an invading force from another country.  
  
Apparently this was bad because it wasn't supposed to happen. Next thing I know, the fucking Time Police show up to cuff me and drag me off. I could have vaporized them and escaped, but I didn’t. I was very proud of my restraint. So here I am. Arrested for doing what Time Baby demanded for me to do. Un-FUCKIN-fair!  
  
"Seriously? You're the one who told me to kill him."  
  
"YOU ALTERED FATE OFF IT’S COURSE!"  
  
"Well what did you THINK was gonna happen if I interfered?!" I scream.  
  
"THERE WERE BETTER WAYS THAT WOULDN’T HAVE DIVERTED FATE’S PATH!" He bellows.  
  
"News flash asshole! I can't FUCKING see the future!"  
  
We were both flushed with anger and screaming at each other. The guards have long since left after the energy that constantly emits from me ignited the air around me into more streams of plasma. I was just...so angry that Time Baby was going to blame ME for doing what he said. I already felt sick from killing that guy. It’s such a waste. He was brilliant. He could have done so much good with that brain.  
  
"YOU RAISE A FAIR POINT. YOU CANNOT SEE THE PATHS OF FATE."  
  
"Well duh! Are you finally underst-"  
  
I'm interrupted by Time Baby blasting me with his head marking. I scream in pain as the energy courses through me. Scenes flash before me. It was like opening my 'Eye' but different. My 'Eye' sees what was and is. But the things I am seeing now are possibilities of what will be.  
  
A multitude of future paths are laid out before me. Different choices and outcomes. The scenes flash and flash and I'm crying in pain as I'm overwhelmed. There's too much information for me to process, even with my new physiology. I'm sobbing as I fall to the ground, my eye still flashing through images at lightning speed.  
  
"NOW YOU CAN SEE AS I DO. NOW YOU CAN MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES!"  
  
My only response is a pained sobbing.  
  
\---  
  
"Uuuuuwuuuu..."  
  
**-...Are you alright?-**  
  
"....noooo...."  
  
I moan pitifully as I lay on Ax's head. The images are still flashing, slower now, Ax doesn't really do much so there's less divergence in his Timeline. It’s not much but it helps.  
  
"Why did he do that to meeeeee...." I moan.  
  
**-Time Baby doesn't always think before he does something.-**  
  
"Uuugh...why is HE in charge of Time if he's such a prick?"  
  
**-The Time Giants are gone now. He is all that's left. Their duties have fallen on him. He is not ready for it, but needs must and he is all we have.-**  
  
"This suuuuucks..." I whine.  
  
**-You'll get the hang of it.-**  
  
"Uuugh...."  
  
\---  
  
Having infinite time ahead of you is a daunting thing. The good part is it meant I had YEARS to figure out how to turn my Future Sight on and off. I generally keep it off. Too much of a headache. How long do I have before the Earth forms? I pop into the 3rd dimension for a quick check. Nope. Still a work in progress.  
  
I once watched a planet form. Years and years would go by as I just stared blankly at the consolidating space dust. It was nice to just stop thinking for a bit and watch particles click together. Only at first. I got bored eventually.  
  
  
  
So I decided to learn to dance.  
  
What? I'm bored as shit. I have so much time that I don’t even know what to do with it. Why not try learning a skill?  
  
I spent several centuries just learning different forms of dance. With the huge variety of alien races out there, I was never short on people and cultures I could copy from. This generally consisted of watching them while invisible and trying to mimic what they do.  
  
I can scan minds to learn things within a few hours. But things like dance, music and how to play an instrument require actual work and practice to get good at it. I relished in the challenge. It was so satisfying to learn something myself.  
  
I make it a habit to just scan anyone I see. Filter through their thoughts for any delicious knowledge of things I don't know yet. I feed off it. Knowledge is power and as a being of pure energy, I AM power. The more I know, the more powerful I get. My human curiosity only fueled my hunger to learn more.  
  
I don't need to eat to sustain myself, knowledge satiates any physical need I have for sustenance. But there's an itch inside me. A gnawing hunger that I don't seem to be able to satisfy.  
  
Time Baby set me on a few more 'jobs' and I feel sick doing them. He tells me it is for the greater good. I've seen the possible futures, sure the death of a few people here and there would prevent a larger future tragedy...but it still felt wrong.  
  
I continued my Deals with Time Baby. Every job I do earns me a Favor that he owes me down the line. Each one. I’m keeping count. He threw the biggest tantrum and I had to push down my own fit to think back as far as I could to see how Zyun-Jan would have handled a raging toddler. I wasn't the best at handling children but I DID use to babysit. Jingling keys worked better than I expected.  
  
The problem here is that explaining the concept of Fairness is all but impossible to a toddler. Children are selfish creatures who haven't yet learned empathy. I can't get Time Baby to realize that being unfair to me is wrong. He's just upset that I'm being ‘unfair’ to HIM with no regard for MY feelings. I fucking hate babies.  
  
I tried to be patient. I really did. But our argument quickly devolved and I set the courtroom on fire. It burned beautifully. I did manage to get my Deal so its a victory for me. Sure it involved me creating a giant lollipop to bribe him with but I'll take what victories I can get.  
  
  
  
\---  
  
Have you ever gotten so MAD that you just…had to smash something? Normally I would throw my pencil or flip a table if things got really bad. Well I might have forgotten about the whole…being of pure energy thing…  
  
Time Baby and I were having one of our many arguments. I picked up a table and threw it, or at least that was what I was trying to do. I stuck my hand towards the table and a concentrated pulse of thermal energy shot out instead. The table, along with the wall, several hallways and many unfortunate Time Police were vaporized. No ashes, no remains, their molecules torn apart from the heat in an instant. It was terrifying.  
  
“Oh shit! Oh shit! I didn’t mean to!” I fretted anxiously over the NOT EVEN smoking because there was NOTHING LEFT to produce smoke, remains of the hallway. “I’m so, SO sorry!”  
  
Time Baby sent me to the Infinetentiary for that. As they flew me out to the satellite prison I could see the crumbling hole in the planet that my accidental attack caused. I winced and just apologized again. The guards assigned to me were shaking and pointing their guns at me the whole time.  
  
“I really didn’t mean to do it.” I told them, my arms and legs dangling sadly. They didn’t believe me. They put me in a simple room with a single bed, chair and toilet. I could easily escape prison just by teleporting but I stayed as some twisted way to try and make myself feel less guilty. I deserve to be punished. I deserve to suffer. I’m a terrible person. Everything would be better if I wasn’t here. Everything would be better if I was dead. I’ll never amount to anything. My existence only hurts people. I don’t deserve to be happy. Everyone would be so much happier if I was dead.  
  
The guards panicked when I began beating myself with the chair. Smashing it down onto my bricks over and over again as I screamed. They couldn’t sedate me, and they couldn’t stop me, so they just stood guard around my cell until the chair broke and I slumped over on the ground crying. They kept me in the padded solitary room. That didn’t stop me from finding ways to hurt myself. Everyone was convinced I was violent and crazy, and they’re not wrong. I took every opportunity I got to ‘punish’ myself. Anything to make this uncomfortable feeling inside me go away. I was itching and burning inside and if I could just…break myself open I would feel better. I knew I would. I knew I would deserve however much that hurt. I managed to crack my bricks a few times. My blood seeped black and oily along the walls and ground. There was a twisted sort of relief when I laid there, throbbing in pain and watching that blood spread around the room.  
  
  
  
The guards had no idea what to do with me.  
  
I stayed in the Infinetentiary for a few decades before I was let out because Time Baby had another job for me. He’d already forgotten why I was imprisoned in the first place. It wasn’t important to him.  
  
I had a record now. The Federation has me listed under ‘Extremely dangerous, capable of planet-wide destruction and unstable’ which wasn’t really helping my reputation at all. How long can I keep this up? I’ve cried so many times by now I’m surprised I have tears left. I’m also grateful I still have tears to shed. Feeling sad and guilty sucked, but I’d rather have this pain than feel nothing at all.  
  
As I mentally break another innocent soul whose only crime was upsetting Time Baby’s strict schedule, I feel my tears streaming down and devolved into hysterical laughter.  
  
—  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Once, during my angsty younger teenage years, I tried to drown myself. It wasn't a serious attempt. I floated face down in the school swimming pool during gym class and wondered if anyone would come to check on me. If anyone would care enough to see if I was alright. I waited and waited. I could hear my classmates playing around me. No one came to check on me. No one cared or noticed.
> 
> No one seemed to worry about the little girl floating motionless in the water. Part of me has never gotten over that. At the same time, I remember how peaceful I felt while floating there, my eyes closed with the water muffling some of the noise. The burning in my lungs didn't even hurt all that much after a while. But eventually I got up and went back to swimming normally.
> 
> It was stupid and embarrassing but teenagers are unstable, insane creatures with so many chemicals running through them its a miracle they can even properly function in day to day life. At the time it seemed like a good idea. A social experiment, the results of which was the conclusion that none of my classmates would have cared or noticed if I'd drowned that day.
> 
> What I'm trying to say is that if you see someone floating face down in the water, please go check on them. You don't need to be a life guard to save a life.


	16. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Deal made, multiple promises broken. I cannot understand the greed of people.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 15**  
  
**-Seek my unholy knowledge-**  
  
\---  
  
It took me a few centuries to feel better again. Centuries where I was free to do what I wished with no summonings from Time Baby. I was grateful there were no jobs. It gave me time to calm down. It gave me time to pull myself together.  
  
I was very upset at myself for losing control like that. I haven’t self harmed in so long, I thought for sure I’d gotten over that. Having cracked bricks hurt so damn much. It was awful. Just…sharp and broken. I hate pain. I hate it so much.  
  
So I rested and recovered from my wounds. I started smiling again. Time heals all wounds right?  
  
\---  
  
I felt a buzzing feeling in my bowtie. Oh! Oh! I'm being summoned! My first summoning that’s not from Time Baby! Oh my gosh oh my gosh! I adjusted my hat and bowtie. Need to make a good first impression. Okay Jan, you can do this. Show them that you're not some kind of violent maniac.  
  
I tap into my powers to feel where the summoning was coming from. Dimension PΩK. Alright, I can do this. I teleport there with a burst of sparkles. Sparkles are cute right? Sparkles are harmless and pretty.  
  
"People of PΩK! I bring you good tidings of peanuts and beer!" I say cheerfully as I appear before my summoner. Peanuts rained down upon him as a show of my sincerity.  
  
  
The alien before me jerked back from the tiny little brown seeds. I eagerly sent a tendril of my mind into his to scan for his language and basic information. Name, Finth, species, Dorion sub-species from the more common Dorioth, semi-aquatic creatures that resembled a mix of frogs and fish. Language, slightly more complicated but I've got a special cheat I learned from old finny himself.  
  
**"Hello there. Name's Bill Cipher! Nice to MEET ya!"** I 'said' enthusiastically. Being able to just project the 'meaning' of my words is so much easier than having to learn their language. All that same, I like actually knowing how to communicate with their tongue. It would take me a few more minutes to finish scanning the knowledge of his language so until then, cheat it is.  
  
"What are you?!" Finth backs away and stares at me warily. I see my summoning circle crudely drawn in the sand by his fins.  
  
**"Well, YOU summoned ME. Shouldn't you have some idea?"** I asked as I floated lower, trying my hardest to look non-threatening. I grabbed a few peanuts lying around and threw them in my eye just to have something to do. Ooh crunchy~  
  
"I...I saw in the old texts that the elders keep hidden away about a one eyed beast that could grant your desires..."  
  
**"For a PRICE at least. It’s like an exchange of SERVICES get me? If you want something from me, you need to DISH out something in return."** Man, this echo effect on my voice was obnoxious. Is there anything I can do about it?  
  
Finth blinked his bulbous clear eyelids and glanced back at the circle he drew. "I didn’t think the legends were true. Can you...grant ANY request?"  
  
**"I make Deals kid. Just tell me what you want and I'll figure out a price."**  
  
He looked worried about the price. I quickly reassured him. **"I'm not gonna ask for your soul or anything. Don't worry about that. Come on. Just one little Deal? Isn't there anything you want?"** I probed deeper into his mind. Ooh. **"Like that girl you want to marry but you don't have enough money to impress her father?"** I ask slyly.  
  
From what I could see in his head, the two liked each other but he couldn’t get her father to allow it unless he had the money to support her. Old fashioned but it was normal in their society. I felt it was unfair and dumb, if they both cared for each other, shouldn't that be enough?  
  
"How did you know about that?!" He gasps at me.  
  
**"I know LOTS of things."** I replied cheerfully. Aw man, always wanted to say that.  
  
"C-can you grant me wealth?" He asks hopefully. Hm~could I? The monetary system their people use is Pearls. Simple enough. **"Sure kid. Wanna try specifying though? I kinda need exact terms laid out."** It’s how Deals worked. Like making a Genie wish I suppose.  
  
So far the only one I've made Deals with was Time Baby. The terms of our agreement being that ‘I receive one Favor for EACH individual job he sends me on’, exact words. I've got a couple Favors saved up so far. The wording was incredibly important. It’s also why I make the effort to learn their language. The better I know the terms, the better I can find a way to twist them to benefit me.  
  
Time Baby is still upset about those mysterious Favors he owes me. Tough luck kid. I’m a **professional** Destruction God.  
  
"I...I want to have 500 pearls!" He says, his dorsal fin was wiggling in excitement.  
  
500 pearls, short, sweet and simple terms. That's good actually. The simple terms are the hardest to mess up. Now what can I ask for in return?  
  
Was there anything I wanted right now? Ah- there's one thing.  
  
**"No problem kid. That's easy peasy. You want 500 pearls and in exchange...I want you to write down the method for summoning me on 50 pamphlets. You can pass them out, gift them to people, I don't care. Just make 50 of them."**  
  
"Why?" He seems surprised at the suspiciously easy price. I laugh. **"Making Deals is my job. If my summoning ritual is hidden away in some old dusty texts that no one gets to see then I'd be out of a job right?"**  
  
He seems to accept my answer and I hold out my hand, gentle blue fire springing up around it. **"Do we have a Deal?"** I ask cheerfully. He hesitates before taking my hand and we shake on it. I felt all tingly as a rush of energy travels up my arm and into me. Woo! Power rush!  
  
I let go and just bask in the pleasant sensation of being filled with raw energy. Well, enough of that. I vibrate my bricks and reach to scoop up a handful of sand. Finth watches as I toss the sand into my eye/mouth and hum. Yeck, the taste is fine but the texture feels so gross. I hate eating sand. That grinding feeling on my teeth is just so disgusting.  
  
I toss the grit around my mouth, my tongue licking and rolling it. I know real pearls are formed from larger pieces of stuff (sand particles are too small, it doesn't cause nearly enough irritation to actually make the oyster put in the effort to seal it in nacre when they can just spit it out) but hey, I'm not an oyster.  
  
The gritty texture was already rounding out. I rolled them a few more times before spitting them out onto the ground. **"Bleh-how many is th** at? Do I need to make more?" I count them quickly and grab another handful of sand, probably need to repeat this process a few more times. My hands are small ok?!  
  
  
  
While I'm working, Finth kneels down and carefully picks up one of the pearls. "T-this is amazing! I’ve never seen a pearl grown this quickly."  
  
"Mmhmm~" I hum as I spit the 2nd batch of pearls out. I'm a little over halfway done now. As I grab more sand, Finth begins laughing delightedly. He eagerly scoops up the pearls and washes them in the ocean. Once clean the pearls shone beautifully in the sunlight. Perfectly round and around the size of a fingernail. They had a faint golden tint to their color and an iridescent shine.  
  
Finth snatches the next batch I spit out before they even hit the ground. "Well SOMEONE'S an eager beaver." I giggle at the look on his face. 500 pearls. I'm actually quite proud of them. So pretty. I snatch one of them out of his hands and he cries out in shock as I take the pearl from him. "That's mine!"  
  
"The deal was 500 pearls. This little one here is an extra." I vanish the pearl to my house in the Nightmare Realm.  
  
Finth makes a distressed noise that sounded like a whale sneezing and clutches the remaining pearls close to himself. I snort. "What? A Deal's a Deal kid. Now you better make good on your end of the bargain. I'll be w **atching you~"**  
  
I vanish with another burst of sparkles.  
  
I think that went well. With some luck I'll be able to build a good reputation for myself. Or fix the bad one I currently have at any rate.  
  
\---  
  
That jerk isn't keeping up his end of the Deal. I seethe as I watch him. Finth completed 12 pamphlets before stopping. At first I thought he was just taking a break, fair enough, I know better than most how tiring it is to copy the same thing over and over. But he...never finished his work.  
  
I watch as he brings home my pearls, watch as he buys a nicer house, nicer clothes, I watch him strut around his village like he owns the place and I frown. I'm fine with him trying to get his affairs in order but THIS?!  
  
I try to remain patient. He's just excited to have so much money. Once the thrill of this new experience wears off he'll go back to work. Days go by as I get increasingly annoyed with him. I thought he would go and ask for that girl's fin in marriage but I watched him splash around with multiple different girls. The one he originally liked kept trying to talk to him but he laughs her off. I watch as she swims off in tears.  
  
_"Just how much can someone truly be altered by greed~?"_ I sang softly. I couldn't take it anymore. This was NOT ok. That night as Finth came home after a late night spent partying with a new set of girls he "Eep!"ed in surprise to see me lounging on one of his lavish sofas.  
  
"Why hello kid. Fancy seeing you again."  
  
"What are you doing in my house?"  
  
"Oh nothing~ just wondering when you were going to finished your end of our Deal like you **promised** you would." I poked at the seams on the sofa cushion, not even looking at him.  
  
"I never promised I wo-"  
  
"We had a DEAL!" I screech as my bricks swell up and I triple in size, towering over the now frightened Dorion. "WE SHOOK ON IT. DO YOU SERIO **USLY THINK I'M GOI _NG TO LET THIS GO?!"_** My voice turns into a deep rumbling roar.  
  
I grab the finished pamphlets he's already made and wave them in his face. "I count 12 here. TWELVE! Do you remember what NUMBER you **agreed** to?"  
  
"F-fifteen?" He blurbles as he tries to back up but finds blue flames blocking his way out the door. Flames underwater.  
  
"FIFTY! YOU AG **REED TO 50! WHE _RE ARE THE_ OTHER 38 H** UH?! OR ARE YOU INCAPA **BLE OF COUN _TING?!"_**  
  
"I...I'm sorry! I have been...busy! I'll finished them right away!" He cowers before me, green scales turning pale in fear.  
  
"Don't even bother. As you CLEARLY don’t intend to keep **your** end of of the Deal, I have a **right** to take back MINE." I flick my fingers and my fire spreads to consume the entire house. Finth screeches in terror and runs into the center of the room, as far as he can get from my hungry flames. It consumes his house, burning everything and making the water rise to boiling temperatures.  
  
I watch dispassionately as his belongings burn. Those nice clothes. Nice furniture. Nice house. All bought using MY pearls. Since they were bought using my pearls, I had every right to do with them as I wish along with taking back the remaining 453 pearls.  
  
"No! No! My house!!" Finth screams and cries as he watches everything he owns melt away in the heat. I hear screaming coming from outside as the neighbors noticed the strange sight of a building burning underwater. Finth is begging me to stop. Begging for forgiveness. Promising me anything I could ever want. Anything he could give, just please stop.  
  
I ignore his pleas as the fire finally flickers out leaving just the two of us surrounded by the twisted remains of what was once an opulent display of his newfound wealth. He sobs on his knees before me, I had shrunk back to a default 5 foot size by this point and I floated above him. Watching this pathetic display of grief before me, I couldn't help the smallest twinge of pity.  
  
Finth flinches at the sound of multiple things falling to the ground before him. He opens his eyes to see some pearls.  
  
"You DID finish 12 pamphlets. I'll graciously allow you to keep 12 pearls." I felt disgusted when he lunged for them and curled his body around them, like he was afraid I'd take them back. I was severely tempted to do so.  
  
"You disgust me kid." I finally look away from him to examine the Dorion and Dorioth gathered around us. "You brought this on yourself for not upholding your end of the Deal. Let THAT be a lesson. No one cheats Bill Cipher out of a Deal.” I blink away, wanting nothing more than to wash my hands of this incident.  
  
Oh course I should have known this would come back to bite me in the ass.  
  
\---  
  
A/N: You have no idea how much I wanted to have Bill/Jan lounging in the house in the shape of a seahorse.  
  
  
  
That would have been hilarious. But sadly, Finth wouldn’t have recognized him/her like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update- A bunch of filler to take up time, because Bill needs to be much older before he/she can actually meet the Henchmaniacs. I finished Amorphous Shape's backstory. Almost done with Teeth, I've written out how Bill/Jan meets him, still need to make them official 'Friends' though.
> 
> If anyone has questions, feel free to ask. Most of the following chapters are gonna be Filler that doubles as Bill/Jan learning more ways to control their new powers and getting the hang of making Deals.


	17. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to think I was getting better at this. But I realize I'm only pushing my despair aside. I can rage and cry when I'm alone but I keep my mask on with everyone. It's easier that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Short chapter, mostly me rambling about my life and childhood, sorry 'bout that.
> 
> (Edit)  
> Warning for a slightly lewd scene near the end of the chapter, I will be changing it because it ended up unintentionally dub-con and I never meant to do that. I'm gonna try and fix it.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 16**  
  
**-Defaced dollar bills-**  
  
\---  
  
There I was just peacefully selling my pearls at a marketplace. Trying to at any rate. No one wanted to buy them. I glare at the merchant and she cowers back in fear. "What do you mean you won't do business with me?"  
  
"W-well...forgive me for saying this, your most glorious of beasts, y-your most shining of shapes...but I do not have enough credits to trade you for your..." She glances nervously at the handful of pearls I dumped onto her table. "...wares..."  
  
"Seriously?! These things aren't THAT expensive are they?" I pick one up to squint at it. It looked like a normal pearl to me. "How about just one? Can you buy just one?"  
  
"I am v-very sorry most patient of customers. This humble merchant simply cannot afford to-"  
  
"Ok, please stop that. It's weirding me out. And that's saying a LOT considering who I am. Also, are you sure you really can't buy one? I have over 400 that I'm just trying to get rid of. I don't mind selling them for cheap. I just don't have any use for them."  
  
"Oh no! This unworthy manager of wares would never dream of exchanging your most wondrous of gems for anything less than their proper price." The merchant, a rather cute looking alien with a round catlike body with a pom-pom shaped antenna (I swear it looked just like a Moogle) sweated nervously.  
  
I groan and slap my hand over my eye. This was the 5th merchant who refused to barter with me. Word spreads and now people seem to think I have extremely high standards and would destroy someone's house if I felt I was being gyped. Ugh.  
  
I finally leave the marketplace (to the relief of everyone there) and teleport to an entirely different planet. Obviously I can't get anything done as 'Bill'. I shifted into my human form, landed on the soft grass of Smarvis-914 and immediately jumped. Ah! Tickles!  
  
I float slightly above the ground and formed shoes. I should really do something about my lack of shoes as a human. I lowered myself back onto the ground and shifted my clothes so I wasn't blatantly wearing Bill's colors. My yellow brick patterned poncho turned into a simple red dress with a teddy bear pattern. Checking my reflection in a nearby stream I felt I couldn’t look any less like Bill Cipher. This would work fine.  
  
  
(I forgot to draw shoes, shit….)  
  
Materializing a small backpack and a pouch to put the pearls in, I set off for the nearest source of civilization. Here's hoping I can finally pawn off this dead weight. They're pretty but I have no use for them. And it would be a waste to just throw them out. Briefly I wonder if I could register my human form under a separate identity with the Federation so I can start a bank account. Getting paid in Credits would be more useful than getting this planet's currency and needing to exchange it when I actually want to use it.  
  
A thought for the future. Its not a bad idea. Especially if I was going to use this form more often for such purposes. I'll need to name myself something too. How about Miz? That sounds enough like a generic alien name right?  
  
Bartering was so much easier when the merchant you're talking to wasn't absolutely terrified of you. It was also more frustrating when they offer an absurdly low price for stuff. "I may not know about gem prices but I know that I shouldn't get any less than 400 Secs for these." I pout at the pawn shop owner.  
  
"Look kid. You don't have an ID, you refuse to give me a straight answer about where you got these gems from and you're obviously trying to get rid of them. Chances are these are stolen goods so you should be grateful I'm even offering to take them off your hands instead of calling the cops."  
  
"...350 Secs." I pout.  
  
"200." He replies smoothly.  
  
"325." I cross my arms.  
  
"250." He leans against the counter.  
  
"300." I narrow my eyes at him.  
  
"275." He says smugly.  
  
My eyebrow twitches before I sigh. "Fine."  
  
"Pleasure doing business with you." The plant-like creature says as he takes the pearls and counts up my money.  
  
I make a show of being upset but I actually didn't care. I'm just glad I finally got rid of them. Also have some spending money now. Yay~  
  
Should I go shopping? What even would I get? I can already materialize anything I want. Just pull together particles and move around protons and neutrons to make whatever element I wanted, combine them into molecules and literally craft what I wanted from the ground up. It took CENTURIES to learn. I had to understand what any item I wanted was actually made from.  
  
Like building a sand castle one grain at a time.  
  
Whatever I make stays. Unless I actively disperse it (which requires effort as well), any item I craft or change I make is permanent. That applies to any sorts of bodily modifications I force on people that annoy me. It stays until I reverse it. I remember testing my ability to cause spontaneous mutations to biological life forms on some mindless animals I found.  
  
It might have been considered animal cruelty but I had to practice my powers **somehow** and its better to test them on something that wasn't a sentient, thinking creature. Biological transmutation requires more focus if I wanted to avoid killing the victim. I had to shift their flesh around in a way that didn't cause their bodies to shut down.  
  
I spent a lot of time amassing knowledge on different alien biologies to better understand how bodies worked. Even my human form wasn't perfect. Not yet anyway. It looked human enough but on a biological level it was somewhat...off. Because I didn't know enough about the human body yet. I had all the anatomy correct, but the genetics? This form was literally just a flesh sack formed out of organs, blood and bone. It didn't have true DNA, no blueprint for cells to follow when they grow and split. It was an unchanging flesh suit, not a real living body.  
  
I looked human without being human. On the downside, this form was empty inside. On the upside, it was durable, can survive various planets and environments that humans couldn't, can eat food and taste it (the food breaks down inside me and is phased through the pores in my skin, the same as it would in my triangle form, its just a more efficient digestion process), can feel more sensation than my triangle form is capable of and I can't get pregnant.  
  
Not that I would ever do anything to have that happen but it was reassuring to know that if something unspeakable occurred, I was at least safe from that.  
  
I left the pawn shop and wandered around the city. Window shopping was always fun. If I see something I want, might as well. I got a few strange looks but was otherwise ignored by people. It was nice to be able to walk around without everyone running to the opposite side of the street.  
  
\---  
  
Making a new identity wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Literally all I had to do was walk into a Federation license office, fill out some paperwork and hand over my money. Granted it was a LOT of money. I ended up making more gems and gold to pawn off in multiple different dimensions to get the money together for it.  
  
If I pay enough money the Federation welcomes you with open arms. I look at my Citizen card then glance at the long line of people trying to gain citizenship. Many Federation owned areas required a citizenship to be allowed to enter. This included many buildings, planets and whole dimensions. I can just teleport so its never been a problem for me but...  
  
I scanned the people in line. A family of refugees from Chauhiri after the star nearest to the planet died and everyone was forced to evacuate. A disowned princess from the M dimension. A father trying to get a Travel License so he could return to his family for the first time in many years.  
  
I watched as they were turned away by the workers behind the desks. I watched as the father desperately held up what little money he had and begged. The man at the desk simply told him to get a job and earn the money needed to purchase the license. I know full well many Federation run planets don't even LET you get a job without a citizenship.  
  
It was unfair.  
  
"How much does he need?"  
  
"What?"  
  
The room went silent as I marched up to the front desk. I crossed my arms angrily and stared down the man behind the desk, a large insect-like creature. "How much does he need to get the license?" I repeat.  
  
"A Travel License costs 2000 credits." He responded.  
  
I turn to look at the father. "I'll pay for your license." He stares at me in shock. The man behind the desk chitters in protest. "You can't just-"  
  
"Is there any rule against this?" I ask, knowing full well there wasn't.  
  
"Well...no...but..."  
  
"Then I would like to purchase a travel license for this man." I said as I held up my new card, which already had all the various currencies I'd exchanged over into credits earlier. The bug-man looked incredibly flustered. I just stared him down. It took a while but the father (name, Ultigh, species, Blue Elephesant) walked out with the travel pass and a confused look on his face. I blinked away as he turns to say something to me.  
  
\---  
  
Why did I help him? Sure I felt bad for him but...I felt bad for the others as well. I didn't have enough money for everyone else and out of the people there I'd chosen him? Why? I growl in frustration. It was more done as a spur of the moment than any real sympathy. I was there and I could. But shouldn't I have helped the others instead?  
  
_“媽媽, 爸爸在哪裡?”_  
_“你是什麼意思美國不會讓爸爸跟我們一起來?”_  
_“媽媽，我什麼時候能見到爸爸?”_  
  
Sometimes I don't know what I'm thinking anymore.  
  
What am I doing with my life? I have no purpose. Aside from dreading the eventual summoning job from Time Baby, there's nothing I really have to do. I don't have a real job. I don't need to eat, sleep or fulfill any real obligations. I've found various ways to entertain myself and waste time. I've learned to play every instrument I've found throughout the multiverse. I took up painting, sculpting and other activities. I sit and watch the Galactic TV for hours and hours until all the shows and dramas blur together and I'm just bored as shit.  
  
It's not enough. I just feel restless and unhappy. I just want to talk to someone. I just want to be around someone. I'm so lonely. I blink to the space between spaces where Ax is and just float down to lay on his arm.  
  
**-What's wrong this time?-** Ax stirs and wakes up to look at me.  
  
"Nothing...can I just stay with you for a while?"  
  
  
  
He rumbles and settles back down to sleep. I'm incredibly jealous that he can. I'm so tired. I can't sleep. I close my eye anyway. I lay on his soft arm, one hand curled around his finger, and just...stop thinking. I can almost pretend I'm sleeping too.  
  
\---  
  
I get summoned again. I adjust my hat and make a smile. Keep my spirits up. I will not break. I can do this.  
  
Maybe this Deal would turn out better. Shouldn't let the first disastrous mess put me off what may well be the ONLY purpose in my life. I should go check on the 3rd dimension again. See if Earth is any closer to existing. After one final check on my appearance I blinked away to meet my summoner.  
  
\---  
  
I’ve gotten more used to this by now. These summonings for various Deals. Some good, some bad. I continue to try and give people a chance, I give my terms and they need to follow them. I can grant nearly anything people want. Wealth? Done. Power? If they word it correctly. Knowledge? I’ve got that in spades. Love?  
  
“What do you mean you can’t make him fall in love with me?”  
  
“It’s not that I can’t. It’s that I won’t.” I say simply.  
  
“Why not?” The Multimur girl’s fur is bristling angrily.  
  
“Because your love life isn’t important enough for me to use my powers on. Really kid. Did you seriously summon THE Bill Cipher just to make your crush pay attention to you?”  
  
“I summoned you! You have to do what I want!”  
  
I was starting to get annoyed. With just a thought we were surrounded by blue flames. The girl waved her many arms in panic. “I don’t have to DO anything kid. I don’t mind helping you TRY to win his heart, but I’m not going to just MAKE him love you.”  
  
I get clients like this sometimes. People who who can’t tell the difference between love or lust. People who think the heart could be so easily manipulated to whatever they want. As a master of the mind I could easily grant what they THINK they want. But manipulation of feelings like that is disgusting and it is one line I will not cross. Never. I will never do something that horrible.  
  
“Look kid, if you really want this guy, can’t you just…go and talk to him?”  
  
“Then make me beautiful! Make me so beautiful that he’ll HAVE to love me!” She insists.  
  
I roll my eye even as I consider all sorts of options for effects and prices. I’ve recently developed a taste for Karmic punishment toward clients with annoying or selfish desires. Oh, I’ll make her beautiful alright. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone will behold her from now on.  
  
“Sure kid, you’ll be the most beautiful thing anyone sees, and in exchange…” What would I like in return? Eh, why not? “…treat me to lunch.”  
  
“What?” She stares at me in confusion as her 3 sets of ears all twitched. I shrug. “I can’t really think of anything I want at the moment. So just buy me food. You should be grateful I’m being so lenient with you.” Also, I will LITERALLY do anything to get some social interaction.  
  
“Ok, deal.”

**((((((((((Mildly lewd content)))))))))))**

  
We shake on it and she cries out in pain as her body shifts and morphs. I’m somewhat curious what she’ll turn into with me. It was a simple Curse. I can’t make her beautiful, everyone has a different idea of what is beautiful. So I just made it so she’ll transform into what is considered beautiful to whoever is looking at her. I watch as she writhes painfully and her body mutates into a horrifying mass of flesh. Ooh…oh dear…was this due to my curse not working correctly? Or is my personal tastes in aesthetic appearances just too complicated for the curse to properly manifest?  
  
I looked away so I could ponder this question and give her a break from her mutating cells. Wait. I think I know the problem. I have a shapeshifting fetish. So she would keep changing so long as I was enjoying it. Probably best if I made myself exempt from being part of the Curse effects. This was still a problem, I’m a good guy though, so I spend some time tweaking her curse somewhat to make it less volatile. See how nice I am? "Shit...sorry...probably should have done this more carefully..."  
  
She groans, trembling with exhaustion from her DNA being twisted so roughly. She was also now a ‘he’…um…oops? I’d adjusted the settings so that she would stay the same species and only shift along features naturally found in her species. So…success? I backed away uncomfortably and decided to make a hasty retreat from this awful faux pas before anything happens.  
  
“Ah…know what? I'll just give you the ability to change how you want, think of it as an apology…er… **REALITY IS AN ILLUSION! LIFE IS A HOLOGRAM! BUY GOLD BYE!** ”

**(((((((((Okay safe now))))))))))**

  
I was burning with embarrassment for days afterward. Sent her apology notes too.  
  
Also, apparently the guy she was crushing on liked her back but preferred men, so he was thrilled by her/his new form(s) and the two had a long talk about getting together. She accepted being stuck as a male if it meant she could be with him (someone's desperate) so…happy ending?  
  
\----

 

A/N: I love biology, I love learning about mutations and other messed up things.

Most of my childhood was spent reading this book and other simple medical texts (one of my mom's friends was a doctor and she kept giving me books)

It was a book explaining all about stuff like 'How do Twins Form?' or 'How does pain work' among other things. Mom used to read what little books we had to me until she had to start working full-time, so I self-taught myself how to read simple English when I was 4 so I could read stuff on my own. I was curious and wanted to know EVERYTHING and reading was the fastest way to learn by myself.

My interest in biology evolved over the years into a strange twisted _disgusting_ fetish that I'm partially ashamed of. It certainly wasn't helped by all the body horror movies my dad used to watch, he loved horror movies and never thought I shouldn't be allowed to watch them with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I was born in America. My parents took me back to China so my grandparents and other relatives could meet me. They were thrilled because I was the first girl born to my generation, my Uncle had two sons and Pópó wanted a granddaughter to spoil. I was raised there until my mom took me back to America when I was around 3. Most of my earliest memories are riding the train with mom all day and night as she hunted for a home and job. When we finally found an apartment and I became more aware of the world around me I started questioning where Daddy was.
> 
> Mom tried to explain but the most I could understand was 'America won't allow Daddy to come to America with us'. I didn't understand why. Then one day mom told me that my little brother (who is now a sister) will be coming over from China to live with us. I wasn't even aware I HAD a brother. Apparently when mom left for America, she took me and Dad kept Zyun-Zeon because mom couldn't take care of BOTH of us while job/house-hunting. Since we had a place to live now, they sent Zyun-Zeon over on the plane. Sometime after that, Dad was finally allowed to come to America. He studied hard, despite being terrible at English, so he could apply for American citizenship and be allowed to be with his family.
> 
> My mom had apparently purposely traveled to America to give birth to me and Zeon just so we would have citizenship and be allowed to live in America. She had Zeon while I was in China with my grandparents, traveling to America alone while pregnant because Dad couldn't go with her. She went into labor in the middle of the street and a very nice young man drove her to the hospital. Mom always tells us how grateful she was that a complete stranger had seen her and helped her. There are so many amazing stories I could tell about my family history but I'm just gonna leave it here for now.


	18. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I discovered there was a reason Bill called himself a Dream Demon in the show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warning for a short NSFW thing at the very end of the chapter. Wow, 17 chapters in and I FINALLY deliver on that Explicit Sexual Content tag. There will be another warning when the NSFW part comes up. It's gonna be gross.
> 
> Also general warning for some disturbing imagery in the Nightmares Bill creates in this chapter. The Rabbit-Nightmare is a REAL dream I had once.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 17**  
  
**-Tape your eyeballs open-**  
  
—  
  
I crafted my first nightmare today.  
  
I don't mean one of my 'jobs' for Time Baby either. I sat myself down and made a bubble of madness. I have the power to do so and I might as well practice it. This was a large orb of twisting chaos that I shape to my will. I've been feeling a little antsy as more of my powers developed. This itchy feeling that was unpleasant but not yet uncomfortable.  
  
What kind of nightmare should I make? Should I start with something simple or just go all out? What do I even do with it after I'm done? I suppose I can just leave it floating somewhere in the Nightmare Realm. I could save it for use as punishment. So many possibilities.  
  
The question remains though, what sort of nightmare should I make?  
  
An idea comes to me and I grin wickedly. Oh yes. This should be fun.  
  
\---  
  
In a deep dark house there was a warm soft bed. A nice soft pillow for you to lay your head. You wake up in the dark feeling a sharp strong dread. A harsh primal fear that you will soon be dead.  
  
There stands beside you something tall and red. Its stick thin face shows it has not been fed. It whispers in your ear words that should not be said. Your eyes begin to bleed as the madness spreads.  
  
  
  
\---  
  
I lean back to study my work. It’s a bit cringey but not bad for a first attempt. I let the bubble float away and start making another one. Lets try something that doesn't rhyme this time.  
  
\---  
  
You stand in a pool of water. It goes up to your waist and appears to stretch infinitely in all directions. The water is dark, or is it just because everything is dark. You don't know if you are indoors or out but there is blackness all around you.  
  
There is no sound or light, yet you can still see. You glance down to spot your reflection in the water. You move a hand and the ripples blur the image. There is a quiet splash as your hand trails along the liquid around you. The only sounds you hear are your own.  
  
As you stand still the ripples die down and once again you see only your reflection. You sigh and look around. Where are you? Is there a way out of here?  
  
You pick a direction and start walking. You have no idea where you're going but anything would grant more progress than just standing there. Your legs make loud splashes and you find comfort in the noise.  
  
You walk for what feels like hours. There is no end to this. You stop to rest. The ripples fade and you are left once again with just your reflection. With nothing else to do you look down at it. It’s simply an image of you reflected in the water.  
  
Your reflection is smiling. That's odd. Are you really smiling? You bring a hand up to your face, the movement disturbing the water once more. You are not smiling. Did you see wrong?  
  
The water stills and you freeze. Your reflection hasn't moved. You have one hand on your face but your reflection continues to grin at you. Hands down at its side.  
  
You back away warily. The ripples distort the image but somehow you can still see that smile. You strike at the water with a fist. Again and again you smash at the water. The sounds of splashing fill the air. It doesn't last long. You slump exhausted with your eyes closed. You don't want to see it.  
  
You know its there. That reflection that isn't you. You know its watching you. Even with your eyes squeezed tight you can see it grinning up at you. Its eyes remain open and its watching you. Its waiting. You stand there with your eyes closed.  
  
And your reflection is waiting.  
  
  
  
\---  
  
I pull back and examine the Nightmare. Hm...still doesn't seem quite right. I let this one float away as well. Crafting nightmares is harder than I thought. Am I being too tame? Maybe something more violent and gory? More surreal?  
  
I shape another bubble and try again.  
  
\---  
  
A group of friends sit around a table eating an assortment of cakes out of a burlap sack. One of the sacks was unopened and yet the cakes were still being devoured.  
  
A mutant rabbit is eating the cakes through the sack. Sucking the pastries through the gaps in the fibers.  
  
A scientist takes the rabbit for study. He kills it for dissection. The lab where he works is dark and cold. Suddenly one of the boys from the lunch hall is here. How did he get in here?  
  
The scientist questions but the boy's eyes have gone milky white. His skin is clammy and bloated. The boy opens his mouth into a wide pitch black circle.  
  
There is a buzzing noise as insects stream from the boys mouth. The dead rabbit laughs. The scientist is pulled feet first into that mouth. There is a grinding noise as the insects buzz and tear and chop like a garbage disposal.  
  
The scientist is flung out of the boy's mouth. His legs are gone. He lower half is a mess of blood and bone. The bottom of his spine is clearly visible.  
  
  
  
The scientist does not scream. He is not afraid. He thought it was pleasurable. So much so that he lowers himself back into the boy's mouth to grind more of himself away.  
  
The dead rabbit laughs.  
  
\---  
  
Much better! Wonderfully surreal as well.  
  
I admire my work. Short, simple and yet...disturbing.  
  
I work for the rest of the day making bubbles and simply letting them drift off. They were quite pretty to look at so long as you didn't touch them.  
  
A nightmare from the POV of a child riding a tricycle through the science museum as people's shadows moved in ways that did not correspond to them.  
  
A nightmare of being lost in an underground city. Your footsteps echoing through empty streets and an impossibly high ceiling of the cave walls. You hear footsteps that are not your own, a sound of a step just a split second behind yours. But you cannot see anyone else here.  
  
One bubble was literally just the Narwal song repeating forever.  
  
There was an itch inside me. With each nightmare I create I can feel that itch grow weaker and weaker. I feel a sense of relief as the nightmares poured out of me. Soon the itch is gone and I feel a pleasant tingle. My bricks buzz happily and a low moan slips out before I realize it.  
  
What was that? I slowly form another nightmare (salad forks and eyeballs) and felt a jolt pass through my bricks. "Mmmph-" Oh that feels nice. Another nightmare is formed, a rather lazy one that simply makes everything turn into meat, I'm not going for creative I just need to make one. Again I shudder. Shit this feels nice.  
  
It would feel even better if someone was inside the bubble. Their every scream would fuel me. Feed me. I knew this instinctively and I thought of grabbing some helpless sap off the streets and just throwing them in here. Just for a little while. It’s not like it would physically hurt them.  
  
I smack myself across the face.  
  
Fuck. No. None of that.  
  
How could I even consider that?! Using someone's pain just to...just to make myself feel good. But it'll feel sooo nice...NO! God no. I groan and float down so I can just lay on the ground. I suppose this is yet more proof that I really am some kind of demon-god now.  
  
Small miracles that at least the itch isn't coming back yet. I gaze around at the dozens of bubbles floating slowly through the air. They really were quite pretty, for being such awful things. For a moment I wanted to just pop them all. Destroy them. But I decided against it. I can use them for Time Baby's next 'job'. Practical and pragmatic.  
  
I'm just going to go vent to Ax about the latest in a long line of issues I now have to deal with. Truly he is God for the patience he shows me.  
  
\---  
  
"So why DOES it feel so...good?" Like pouring cold water over yourself on a hot summer day. That sense of relief. Or getting a really good back scratch. I wanted to moan just imagining that feeling.  
  
**-Your powers want to be used. However it is that you use them doesn't matter but anything that results in the foundation of your Existence, that being Destruction or Chaos would feel euphoric.-**  
  
"Well fuck me." I grumble as I plop down to lie on the AXOLOTL'S head.  
  
**-Must you always come to me about this?-**  
  
"Who else am I gonna talk to? Time Baby?!"  
  
**-You raise a fair point. Counterpoint, go make some friends.-**  
  
"How? Everyone hates me."  
  
**-If you never search, you will never find.-**  
  
"Inspirational. I guess you're right. I need to continue spreading the knowledge of how to summon me anyway."  
  
The more who know, the higher the chance someone will try summoning me, I’m doing pretty well so far. My name is known throughout several thousands of Dimensions. Not many people are brave or stupid enough to summon me, but it DOES happen, at least one summon every few years. It’s not much but it would still be social interaction. I can also just turn into my 'human' form and charm my way into someone's house hold again. It was the only way I’ve been able to receive any positive social interaction. Sadly I can’t make any long term friends because they always get suspicious of me as time goes on.  
  
\---  
  
It doesn’t happen often in my day to day life. Certainly much less than when I was human. But having felt that incredibly nice feeling earlier made me crave it. Crave some kind of release. I’ve masturbated many times over the many billions of years I’ve existed by this point. It’s not often though. I’m still feeling somewhat off balance and I just…wanted to feel good. Let off some stress. There’s nothing wrong with that. I floated in the Nightmare Realm, formed another Madness Bubble and decided to indulge this time.  
  
**((((((((((((((((((((((NSFW self-indulgent shit, feel free to skip- WARNING: contains sexual assault by a living water creature, inflation and triangle masturbation. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, I’m talking to YOU! Yes you! I know you’re reading this!)))))))))))))))))))))))))**  
  
…..A girl sat on her couch reading a book. There’s the soothing sounds of the rain outside. A multitude of tapping along her roof and windows. The girl startles when a water droplet falls on her head. She looks up and sees the leak on her ceiling. With a sigh she puts down the book and goes to find a bucket. As she walks off she doesn’t see the drips from the ceiling come down faster and faster. A puddle forms along the ground. Instead of spreading out like water would, the puddle starts swaying and growing as more water drops come down. It wobbles like jello as it grows larger and larger.  
  
The girl returns to the room with a bucket but drops it in shock upon seeing the growing gelatinous thing. It’s tall enough to reach her waist and it sways back and forth. The girl tries to back away before the thing notices her but she’s too late. It sees her and there’s a second of stillness before it rushes up at her. The girl tries to scream but the mass of living liquid shoves itself inside her mouth. She thrashes and tries to grab at it but the creature squishes and slips between her fingers.  
  
The dripping from the ceiling is becoming a steady trickle. The girl tries to run but the creature holds her down. She’s pushed against the wall as the creature continues to squeeze itself inside her. The girl groans as the cold liquid settles in her stomach. It doesn’t take long for her to be stuffed full. The creature seems to realize the girl’s stomach couldn’t take anymore. The water soaks itself into her clothes and she moans as it roams around her, searching for some other way to get inside. To get out of the cold. It just wants to be warm.  
  
The girl gasps as she feels the creature nudging at her nipples. “Wait! You can’t go in there-!” The creature doesn’t listen as it begins seeping into her nipples. The girl twists and cries out as the liquid easily gushes inside her. She shivers from the cold and watches in amazed horror as her breasts fill up with liquid. This couldn’t be real but there it was right in front of her. Her breasts shook as more and more water pours inside them. Her breathing picks up and the girl ends up moaning at the feeling of her breasts being filled. The flesh seemed to become softer and more stretchy because it didn’t hurt at all. She pants as her breasts swelled up larger and larger. Sloshing heavily with liquid.  
  
She was so distracted by her still growing breasts, they had doubled in size already, that she nearly didn’t notice the water pooling down around her crotch. She jumped when the water entered both her front and back holes. It was cold but it felt so nice. She pulled at the water holding her wrists down and this time it let go. Her hands immediately went up to caress her heavy breasts. They sloshed at every movement she made and the sensation caused a warm feeling to spread through her.  
  
The water had reached her womb and was steadily filling it up. She groaned and placed a hand on her stomach to feel her waistline expanding. The water sliding over her clit was driving her mad. She put one hand between her legs and rubbed furiously at the hot flesh. It felt so good. This sensation of being filled up. Her breasts had grown so large she couldn’t see past them, her shirt was stretched tight and she could hear tearing sounds. The hand on her stomach rubbed at the expanding bulge and she pulled her pants off before it got uncomfortable. Now that she calmed down somewhat, the girl was enjoying the feeling of the water pouring into her…..  
  
I was burning as I watched the image inside the Nightmare. My Piece was extended and my hands rubbed at it furiously. “Hah~hah~” I gasped, my bricks flushing orange as I worked myself over. Definitely destroying this bubble once I was done. It was way too embarrassing to keep around. My eye squeezed shut as my hands moved faster and faster. Come on. I’m so close. So close. “Hngh! Hah~ah~” I tried to buck my hips but it didn’t really work when I was was floating. I lowered myself onto the ground and started thrusting against the rocks. They scraped along my bricks and piece with a delightful scratching sensation and I moaned loudly, my vocalizations unrestrained because there was no one around to hear.  
  
I grind myself roughly against the rocks and whined. Dammit! Why won’t I just get off already?! I snarl as I shove myself as hard as I can along the ground and claw at my piece desperately. Finally I’m granted sweet release. My piece clicks off and shoots into the ground while I collapse in a burning, panting slump. Shit that felt good. I weakly wave at the Bubble and it pops with a thought.  
  
**((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((End)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))**  
  
I did not expect the torrent of cold water that falls on top of me.  
  
“AAAAAAAGH! WHAT THE FUCK?!”  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Incredibly, disgustingly self indulgent I know, in other news though...
> 
> WE MEET XANTHAR NEXT CHAPTER! Yeeeees!
> 
> Also I've been guiltily writing a bunch of Bill/Ford smut instead of finishing Teeth's story.
> 
> ...don't even know how or where I'm supposed to put the smut...I just...have them...written out with nowhere to go...
> 
> My current mood is- www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYWQzuSDBNo


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a friend. I have a friend. I have a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize for not drawing as much this chapter. I might go back and edit in some doodles if I make any.
> 
> IN MORE IMPORTANT NEWS
> 
> I just realized they made a remake of the Houshin Engi anime. Holy shit you don't understand. Houshin Engi is LITERALLY my favorite manga. It inspired me so much as a child. The original anime was good but it was NOTHING like the manga. I was really upset about that.
> 
> But there's a remake. This series is like 20 years old and they made a new anime for it that follows the manga. They are literally BROTHERHOOD-ing my fave series. It is too rushed and skips all the important character building moments, which sucks but I just want this. At least the new Anime kept the FUCKING LAZER DEATH CANON FIGHT SCENE!! YEEES!
> 
> You don't understand how much this manga meant to me growing up. There I was as a child reading manga on a crappy website with crappy early 2000s scanlation telling a story that really hit me, with characters that meant a lot to me!
> 
> The main character of Houshin Engi (Taikoubou) is STRAIGHT UP asexual (its never directly stated in series but the subtext is there). Think about that for a second. This is the main character of a Shounen Jump series. He never gets into a romantic relationship, has no interest in such things and he's just the most wonderful little shit-head and I love him. I was in middle school, I didn't even know what asexuality was back then. But even though I didn't know what it was, I found my self identifying with this trolling little asshole who was more invested in getting shit done than pining for some cute girl. Every piece of media I've seen up to that point had a romantic subplot but here comes Taikoubou riding a flying hippo and he's like 'dude, I need to start a rebellion, overthrow the emperor and kill a demon fox' and that's it.
> 
> If you haven't read the manga, go do it. Its inspired me a lot as both an artist and a writer. I should just make a list of all the things that have inspired me to become the writer I am today...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 18**  
  
**-Good terms with me-**  
  
\---  
  
The universe fears me. This is a fact that I can't deny. Even though I've tried hard to show people that I'm an okay guy. I just keep...losing my temper. I'm getting a better grip on it, I've been working as hard as I can to understand and control my powers. Sometimes it’s not even my instincts that make me lash out. I’m just so frustrated and lashing out is EASY. I don’t have to take sass from people, I don’t have to smile and bear with it when someone is rude to me. I can MAKE them shut up. I wouldn’t have to do this if they weren’t rude to me first though. Why are there so many assholes in the universe?  
  
There was one guy I met who straight out SPIT IN MY FACE when I asked he needed help moving the many boxes he was carrying. I’ve scanned his mind, it’s not like spitting at me was his species’s way of saying hello or anything. It was a rude gesture in his culture and he did it to me simply because he didn’t like the fact that I offered to help. Not even a culture issue with accepting assistance, he just felt angry that I thought he couldn’t carry the boxes himself. It was for the sake of his PRIDE. I tore his leg off and demanded an apology. After sufficient groveling I even reattached his leg properly. See? I’m nice.  
  
Despite that, I’ve been in a great mood recently. Time Baby hasn’t called me up for a government sanctioned assassination job for a couple thousand years now and it has been WONDERFUL.  
  
Despite their fear, there are some who actively seek me out. Criminals who desire my power. I've been giving out the instructions to summon me for many millennia now, along with the fact that I was capable of granting knowledge and semi-wishes, for a price. I've made many Deals here and there. Some of them were incredibly stupid or destructive and I simply refused to do them. They didn’t offer me anything good enough to warrant my help.  
  
I was thrilled when my bowtie buzzed. Social interaction! I tap my bowtie and teleport away.  
  
Flashy entrances are fun to do. The sky darkens and I appear in a flash of fire. It is entirely unnecessary to do so but it makes people jump and my twisted half enjoys that small bit of Fear. It’s better to feed that part of myself with small things then let it starve until I snap.  
  
I look at my summoner. With but a glance I know his name, history and the fact that he is not someone I will like. Regardless I paste a happy look on my 'face' and greet him.  
  
"Oh hello there! What does the Baron of Jakiel's want with ME of all cosmic entities?"  
  
The large creature before me looked like the unholy child of a sliding ladder and an armadillo. With hair. It was disgusting.  
  
"Bill Cipher. I heard that you can grant nearly anything for a price."  
  
"I make Deals Little Sami. You'd better have something nice to offer me in exchange for that information you want on the secret to your brother's business success."  
  
"How did you know-"  
  
"Oh I know LOTS of things. **LOTS OF THINGS**." I couldn't resist. It’s such a cool line.  
  
Sami Jakiel shudders a little before steeling himself and offering me what his species probably considers a charming smile. I resist the urge to gag. How do their mouths extend THAT far?  
  
"Well no sense discussing business on an empty stomach. Come, let us talk over a hearty meal."  
  
I knew he was just trying to butter me up but who am I to refuse food? Just 'cause I don't NEED to eat doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. I am quite upset that I'll be forced to eat while in my Triangle form and won’t be able to properly taste anything. Eh, I'll just teleport the food back to my house in the Nightmare Realm for later consumption. It’s not like they'll notice.  
  
The Baron's house was quite grand and decorated heavily in a way that upset my frugal nature. Such a waste of money spent on things that don't serve any practical purpose, nor were they pretty enough to warrant the money spent on them. There's decoration for aesthetic purposes and then there's having 5 endangered Twinga heads mounted above the doorway. They weren't even spaced apart evenly and it was driving my OCD NUTS.  
  
I flicked my fingers and moved them just to make myself feel better.  
  
The dining room was just as opulent but the seats were soft. I sat down and even politely took my hat off. A servant/slave was there with a pretty pillow to put my hat on. I thanked her, earning a flash of confusion from the young girl. She's never been shown gratitude.  
  
My annoyance at the Baron only grew.  
  
He was seated across from me at the head of the table. I stretched my size a little larger so I could better see over the table. Inwardly I wince at how wide my bottom side got. I was taking up 3 chairs of space.  
  
More slaves were coming in with plates piled high with all sorts of food. The Cantonese part of myself was salivating at the thought of trying them all. Meat~  
  
"Since you are already aware of my desire. The question remains, what would you want in return?"  
  
"Oh I want lots of things." I say absently, not even paying him any attention as I stared at all the different dishes. Oh! There's roasted Quizard! And is that mashed Jelly-Potato? Oh my god there's Nebula cake! With....14 layers! I was distantly aware that my eye was turning into a drooling maw with every other blink.  
  
"...So you are a fan of culinary delights?" Sami asks. I caught his thought of bribing me with more delicious food in order to barter down the price of this Deal.  
  
"It’s an indulgence." I try to sound casual as I dab the saliva around my bricks with a napkin. Gosh, how embarrassing.  
  
"Well don't let me keep you from the food. Dig in." He smiles with a feeling of victory for succeeding at putting me in a good mood.  
  
I toss food into my mouth, teleporting it to float in stasis back in the Nightmare Realm. I can feel the fear roll off the slaves whenever my hand grabs a little close to where they were standing. Sami Jakiel just watches with smug amusement.  
  
"So, what are the exact terms of your deal?" I dab around my eye after I've grabbed at least a little of everything on the table.  
  
"I want to have my brother's knowledge in my own hands. He only inherited a small quarter of our family's fortune when our parents died and yet he's still making more then I am. That disgusting half-breed doesn't deserve that money." The Baron thumps his clawed fists on the table.  
  
I observe him coldly. A racist bigot. Jealous of his brother's fortune. I know already the secret to his brother's success. Henri Jakiel has been making deals with the local mob boss. He provides them immunity from the law in his lands and in exchange the mafia puts pressure on his business partners to close a favorable deal with him.  
  
Neither of them are good people. It was almost too easy to twist the terms of the Deal into something more vicious. I resist the dark thought. No, bad Bill. The whole point is to try and show that I can be perfectly reasonable with granting people their desires.  
  
Even if it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  
  
"Oh that's easy~ but what are you gonna give me in return?" I lean back in my chair(s) and wait to hear his offers. Chances are they're gonna be worthless things.  
  
"Why rush? There's still desert if you're feeling peckish." He waves his hand and a servant leaves the room with a resigned look.  
  
"Hm..." I shove the entire nebula cake into my eye. "Yeah, I can use a bit of a treat."  
  
"Then let us adjourn to the courtyard. The view is pleasant and the day is fine." He walks with a sickening clacking sound as his spine extends and retracts. I'm glad I haven't actually eaten anything. I might not be able to vomit but I sure as hell can feel like it. I shrink back to my default size and float after him. Grabbing my hat on the way out.  
  
Patience is key Bill. Just hold it in a bit longer.  
  
I will admit his courtyard is nice. The hedges are trimmed, there is a sweet scent of flowers and the view of the city below is breathtaking.  
  
I hear chains rattling and see the slaves dragging a struggling beast into view. They jabbed it with electro-spears and it thrashed before falling limp. I recognized it. Large purple body shaped like a bread loaf. Xanthar!  
  
He's not making any vocalizations, no mouth, face or head to do so. But I can feel his thoughts, nothing quite in words but more a sense of emotions. 'Fear' 'Pain' ‘Dreadful anticipation’  
  
"Ah. Found this fine specimen at an auction. It has a unique quality about it that I'm sure you would enjoy." The Baron sounds so proud I had to fight down the urge to incinerate him.  
  
Some other slaves come out carrying a huge cleaver and I watch in horror at they begin, for lack of a better word, cutting another slice of bread from Xanthar's front. The chains rattle as he twists and even though no sound comes from him I hear clearly in my head 'PAIN!' 'AGONY!' and I scream "Stop!" Before I realize it.  
  
Sami is looking at me in shock. Shit, quick, make up an excuse. For guys like this, if I let on how distressed I really am about it, he would use that to his advantage. Guys like this saw sympathy as something to exploit. I will not let myself be exploited.  
  
"I don't need such a big piece. Need to watch my figure you know." I say dismissively as I rub my bricks. Sami lets out a snort of amusement, his mind going back to the entire table full of food I devoured. "Yes. Your figure."  
  
The small bit of Xanthar's flesh is brought to me and I toss it into my eye as well. I felt uncomfortable. Not because I was eating another sentient creature, I'm fine with killing things for food. But Xanthar's still ALIVE and that's something that doesn't sit right with me.  
  
My dad and his friends used to eat live shrimp. They'd sit there with a bucket of shrimp still jumping and just twist their heads off. They peel off the shells and dip the still twitching creature in sauce and eat them raw.  
  
Dad offered me some but I refused. I'm fine with raw food. I'm fine with freshly killed food. But something about eating a creature while it was still alive just rubbed me the wrong way.  
  
Regardless I had an act to keep up. I made a show of moaning at the taste of Xanthar's meat and Sami smiled so smugly. "I had a feeling you would enjoy it. It’s quite the delicacy. This species normally bleed out within minutes but this one in particular doesn't die no matter how many pieces you cut it into. Careful preparation can make it last for YEARS."  
  
"Must have cost a lot." I make a show of appraising Xanthar's trembling form. I can feel Sami stare at me in anticipation.  
  
"So, about the payment for the deal..."  
  
"I want HIM!" I say excitedly as I point at Xanthar. The Baron's grin stretched wider with another clack sound.  
  
"Done!" He says delightedly.  
  
I reach out my hand already covered in flames, not even looking at the Baron. "So its a Deal. Your brother's knowledge in your hands in exchange for this guy."  
  
"Deal!" The Baron says as he greedily shakes my hand.  
  
I pull away and float to collect my prize. Behind me I hear Sami's disgusted shout as a slimy piece of meat drops into his hands.  
  
"W-what is THIS?!"  
  
"Your dear brother's brain of course. All his knowledge right there in your hands. As were the terms of our agreement, your exact words." I don't turn to look at him. If I do I might not be able to stop myself from killing HIM too.  
  
I grab onto Xanthar and teleport away. The Baron's enraged scream made me smile.  
  
\---  
  
I blink into a temple with Xanthar. There is immediate screaming around me as the temple maidens run from the sudden appearance of the bleeding hulk of Xanthar's body.  
  
"Jheselbraum! Jessie!" I cried loudly as I spit out the piece of Xanthar from earlier and put it back carefully on his body. Another flick of my fingers has the wound healing as if it was never torn up to begin with.  
  
I feel Xanthar's confusion as his pain was eased away by a soothing heat. I pet him gently. "It’s okay now. You're safe. I won’t let them hurt you anymore."  
  
I hear the sounds of gemstones clinking softly against each other and see a tall woman with many eyes gliding towards me. "Why are you here Cipher?" She says, not quite hostile but certainly unhappy.  
  
"Sorry Jessie. I had to get somewhere safe so I could heal this guy." I scratched his side lightly and felt him lean his bulk on my fingers, ‘wonder’ ‘content’ and a faint hope at the non-painful touch. The first he's felt in a long time.  
  
"And you HAD to choose my temple." Jheselbraum deadpanned as she rubbed her face in annoyance.  
  
"It’s a compliment. Means your place is safe."  
  
"Not safe enough if you're here." She muttered.  
  
Jessie and I have a complicated relationship. I’ve watched her for a long time, ever since she was first chosen to be the AXOLOTL’s high priestess. We officially met a few years back. She's one of the few creatures in the universe who knows how important my existence really is. She knows I'm the great AXOLOTL'S counterpart. A being on the same level as Time Baby. The rest of the universe only believes me to be a powerful demon-god of Chaos. They don’t realize that the god part of my title was actually God. It was better this way. I didn't want to deal with more responsibility. I carefully hid just how powerful I really was. They’re scared enough as is.  
  
Jheselbraum doesn't like me. But she understands that I don't have much of a choice. I NEED to cause chaos. It’s like fuel for keeping me alive, not that I can really die but whatever. The universe needs me alive. I am one of the three pillars of creation. So she tolerates me.  
  
Me on the other hand, I keep trying to get 'ol Jessie to loosen up and stop being such a stick in the primordial ooze. I can't really dislike her for trying so hard to be a good high priestess for Ax. She really does worship him deeply and wants only to please him. Like a girl with a crush trying to get Senpai to notice her. It’s adorable.  
  
Sadly she found my comparison to be blasphemous.  
  
The point of the matter is that her temple is a 'safe' place for me to bring Xanthar until I can find somewhere for him to be. I refuse to bring anyone into the Nightmare Realm. It’s much too dangerous. The instability is kept in check only by my own concentration. I won't risk letting people live there full time.  
  
Maybe I should see about getting a house in a nice dimension somewhere.  
  
I pet Xanthar and feel a sense of fondness at the way he nuzzles into my hand. So cute.  
  
"How long are you staying here? You are frightening my shrine maidens."  
  
"Just for a while. I need to find someplace safe for this widdle guy." I coo at Xanthar and feel his thoughts flow into a content calmness. Jheselbraum rolls her many eyes before gliding away. "Just don't let your new...Pet...make a mess."  
  
"Yeah, yeah whatever."  
  
I'm already flashing through images quickly making and discarding different ideas on what to do. I look over at Xanthar who has fallen asleep under my gentle touch. I think I have an idea.  
  
\---  
  
"I'm here to cash in one of my Favors."  
  
Time Baby frowns. "SO BE IT CIPHER."  
  
\---  
  
"Ta dah! Here's your new home little buddy!"  
  
Xanthar ambles around nudging the floors and walls. Through a long series of discussions that are too boring to think about, I've gotten Xanthar registered as my first official 'Friend'. And by registered I mean I've got paperwork detailing how he belongs to me and no one was allowed to touch him, hurt him or take him from me.  
  
I then built a huge Base for him to live in. The inner dimensions of the building shifting to create more rooms as I think of them. I made a lovely garden area for him along with a kitchen and pantry I can fill with food. He can live here now. Safe and far from anyone who would hurt him.  
  
I know I'm getting attached rather quickly but I can't help it. The poor thing was so scared and abused for so long. The strong feeling of ‘Loneliness’ that oozed from his form. But he's mine now. I lay on his back as he happily romps around the garden. His thoughts a mix of joy and curiosity.  
  
  
  
This was nice.  
  
And I got a friend now. Just like Ax said. I wonder if the rest of Bill's friends are out there somewhere. I admit I haven't been looking. I can let things happen as they do. If I meet them, I meet them. I don't know if I should actively search. There's so much I'm unsure about.  
  
But this here. Right now. This is fine.  
  
I lay down on Xanthar and simply bask in the happy feelings. My body may crave negative emotions, but my soul needs the positive ones.  
  
It made me feel better once the realization hit that I'd just murdered a man today. Ripped his brain right from his skull. Left his drooling body slumped over his desk. It was quick, instant, with barely a thought I'd taken his life. It was EASY. I didn't cry this time but I laid on Xanthar and just listened to his happiness as I tried to tell myself that it was for a good cause.  
  
\---  
  
I asked Xanthar for his name and apparently he had only been referred to as 'food' or 'beast' so I named him Xanthar. He liked his new name. I found that his feelings were easily hurt when I took him with me during a summoning and my summoner called him a 'beast'. The wave of sadness coming off him nearly overwhelmed me and my summoner was atomized before I even realized I had done so.  
  
I didn't bring Xanthar to any other summonings.  
  
It still caused issues when Xanthar and I went out together though. People would tell me to leave my 'pet' outside. They would complain of the 'creature' taking up so much space. My new found mama bear side went on a fucking rampage. To the point that Jessie actually summoned me to let me know I had to calm the FUCK down.  
  
So I placed a Curse upon his name. Anyone who speaks badly of him, who insults him or calls him anything that upsets him will have their lips sealed shut until I felt they'd been sufficiently punished. If they can't say anything nice they shouldn't speak at all.  
  
Sadly, even though I started the curse as a way to try and teach the universe to stop calling him mean things that hurt his feelings, the universe instead started calling him the Being Whose Name Must Not Be Said. They completely missed the point. He HAS a name. It's Xanthar. If they just called him by his ACTUAL name instead of rude terms there would be no trouble.  
  
I can't fucking deal with idiots. I seriously can't. It’s why I got fired from one of my jobs back when I was human. I was literally fired for sassing the customers. I mean, I understand that the 'customer is always right' but that is not true. And I just...couldn't smile and bare it. It’s just gotten worse since now I had NO reason to grin and bare it.  
  
I wasn't going to take shit from anyone.  
  
And I wouldn't let my sweet darling little Xanthar get hurt. Never again.  
  
I was just so happy. He was MINE. All mine. I clung to him constantly. I would have given him anything he ever wanted. I would have done everything in my power to keep him happy. But Xanthar just wanted a garden to run in. A warm place to sleep. To know that it won't hurt when he moves. I feel I might have gotten too over protective of him in those first few months. Eventually, the AXOLOTL himself told me to calm the FUCK down. My over-protective rampages were starting to be too much for even HIM to ignore.  
  
"B-but he's my friend. My first friend. What if something happens and he gets hurt when I'm not looking? What if someone tries to take a bite out of him?!"  
  
**-....this was not what I was expecting when I asked you to get a friend...-**  
  
Ax sighed and told me that I shouldn’t worry so much. Well sorry if I've still got my god damn trauma about my only OTHER friend in this life, who I ended up EATING in a fit of sleep deprived insanity! The memory got dug up and it was still painful despite how long its been. One of the downsides to having perfect memory recall.  
  
I clung to Xanthar's side and cried for a long time. I was so happy and yet so stressed out. I didn't want to lose him. My friend. My dear friend. I know that he was really more like a pet (as much as I hated that word being used in association with him) but I didn't care. I was just so lonely. And I killed a man for him. Two actually. I guess I haven't really gotten over that yet.  
  
I think even Xanthar was starting to realize my clinginess wasn't healthy. He may not be able to form thoughts in proper words but he understood things a lot more than I expected. One day he simply nudged me off him and shook his 'head'.  
  
"W-what? What's wrong Xanthar?"  
  
'Sadness' 'understanding' 'patience' 'worry'  
  
He nudged me with one large toe. It was a gentle touch.  
  
'Peace'  
  
I blinked away some forming tears. "...I...you're right...I'm sorry..."  
  
It took a bit before I could relax enough to let Xanthar go out and about without me. I was always worried someone would kidnap him. Take him from me. But he was a lot stronger than I thought. He easily smashed some poachers who hadn’t gotten the memo that ‘no one touches Bill Cipher’s pet’.  
  
To try and ease my fears he trained a lot, running and pulling heavy things. He wanted to be strong enough to protect himself so that I wouldn't have to worry about him. So that I wouldn't be so unhappy.  
  
I think I loved him even more for it.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A ray of hope. Isolation and loneliness easily lead to insanity. Bill/Jan needs a companion. Pyronica will be joining them at some point. I'm still working on the other backstories. Finished planning out Teeth now. Should be starting Kryptos's story soon. Am trying to figure out a logical reason for Bill/Jan to visit a strip-club...


	20. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have been getting better, but is that due to changing circumstances or just my perception of the world as a happier place?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 19**  
  
**-Test your Faith-**  
  
\---  
  
“Jessie! Can you baby-sit Xanthar for a while? I have a long term Deal that I have to deal with.” I giggled obnoxiously.  
  
Jheselbraum tried so hard to be a beacon of patience. She really did. It’s why I loved messing with her so much. Seriously, can’t you at least smile every now and then? Even now she just sighs, her posture perfect and graceful as always.  
  
I flick my fingers and turn her robes into a french maid outfit. Hm. She’s getting better. Aside from a few eye twitches she actually managed to keep a straight face. I flick my fingers again and now I’M wearing a french maid outfit. Ooh, I got a shudder out of her this time!  
  
“Why are you asking ME to watch your…companion for you.” Jessie manages to not trigger my Curse, aw boo.  
  
“I’ve told you, his name is Xanthar. Seriously, if people just used his name more often this wouldn’t be such a problem.” I roll my eye and slide down his bulk to plop onto the ground. Floating up, I approached Jessie with a wide grin. “You’re one of the few people in this damn universe I know he’ll be safe with.”

  
“You are trusting him to me?”  
  
“Pfth- trust smusht! I just know that you would never deliberately harm him. Come on Jessie~ aren’t we non-hostile acquaintances?”  
  
“To my continued dismay, we are.” She responds calmly.  
  
“You know…I’d really like it if we could be friends you know…” I say softly as I float in front of her. She actually seems startled. “Why?”  
  
“Because you’re not entirely a bad person. And you KNOW me. Do you know how hard it is to find someone I can just…relax around?”  
  
“Be that as it may. I cannot be seen associating with you on friendly terms. What would my people think?”  
  
“But you know I would never purposely hurt them.”  
  
“Purposely, no. But you are a danger to all those around you. Your insistence on coming here, to this safe haven, is a dangerous nuisance.”  
  
“But Jessie~” I gave her the cutest puppy dog eye I could manage. I think I get bonus meido-points!  
  
“…I will watch over…Xanthar…until you return-“ She finally says.  
  
“W00T!” I cheered. Fear the power of the Maid Moe!  
  
“-but only if you allow me to read your fortune.”  
  
I blink at her. A multitude of pros and cons flashing before my eyes before I shrugged. “Okay. Do you want to shake on that?”  
  
“No thank you. I’d prefer not dealing with your powers being involved with my own.”  
  
She sat me down and closed 6 of her eyes, the remaining 7th staring right into mine. “You know, you really have that cool onee-sama feel about you. Especially with the maid outfit.” I remark.  
  
She twitches but continues her scry. Xanthar is happily splashing in the fountains. I can feel a buzz of power building up around us. The wind picks up loose grass and leaves to make them twirl around.  
  
_“When space and time are torn asunder_  
_The Beast shall commit his blunder_  
_His greatest triumph shall be his end_  
_The hubris of the break he tries to mend.”_  
  
I clapped delightedly. “Woo! 10 out of 10! Nice poem! I would snap my fingers instead but I wouldn’t want anything weird to happen am I right?”  
  
“I am trying to be serious here Cipher.”  
  
“So what? I’m gonna die at some point. Big whoop. Everything dies. And at least I know what to look out for now.”  
  
“You are…unworried?”  
  
“Psh~ I already know I’m supposed to be destroyed at some point. Me and Ax worked that out AGES ago.”  
  
My zodiac. Both to summon me, and to destroy me. I don’t know if Bill Cipher’s ‘death’ is a fixed point or not. But I DO know it is Canon. So I took steps to prepare for it.  
  
Most people would be worried, knowing about their impending death. But I actually felt relieved. Even if I prevented it, what would I do then? Live on forever until the inevitable heat death of the universe (actually, would MY death result in the eventual heat death of the universe? If I, a being that creates energy, were to die, there would no longer be any new energy introduced into the world, thus allowing existence to fall into entropy…)? Until the 3rd dimension falls as well to create the 4th? I just…don’t want to deal with that. How long has it been by this point?  
  
I don’t want to live forever. I’m not saying I WANT to die but…if it happens then it happens. I’m so tired. Also, Ax’ll probably have something in mind for me once I invoke his name. I KNOW he won’t allow me to simply cease to be. He needs me. Don’t know what he’s planning to do but I can deal with it when it happens.  
  
“Well, this has been a nice chat Jessie. So I should be back in a few weeks, Galactic-Standard time. Unless something comes up.” It IS possible for me to simply re-enter a dimension at the same time I left but I don't like doing that very often. Swimming against the flow of Time is just...ANNOYING.  
  
I give Xanthar one last hug. “Okay, be good for aunt Jessie alright Xan-Xan?”  
  
He bumps me with his bread face and I giggle. I turn to Jheselbraum and give her a cheerful wave before blinking out of there. I made sure she was still wearing the maid outfit.  
  
—  
  
"I'm unsure if I can trust you to keep your end of the bargain. I've heard...stories..."  
  
"I'll have you know that not ALL my clients get screwed over. There was a nice lady who just wanted to live long enough to see her grandchild be born. I kept her alive for an extra week past her due date AND I even let her hold her grandkid before she passed. See? I can do nice things too."  
  
Never mind the fact that her body continued decaying the entire time, look there's only so much I can do. I don't have Gentle Repose. My powers are great but they're somewhat finicky to use.  
  
My client stared at me suspiciously before consulting with her lawyer. I'm rather impressed actually. An intelligent summoner? Gasp. Made me wonder why more people don't bring a lawyer with them to negotiate Deals.  
  
So here's the situation. My client is the queen of Iznang. Her husband, the king had died in a freak accident involving a laundry chute (I didn't realize Iznian limbs could bend that way) and she wanted to use his death as an excuse to start hostilities with the neighboring country.  
  
"They don't even realize it, but there's is a river in their territory near our borders that contains healing water. If I could have access to it I would be able to advance my country's medical treatments. It would greatly help my people."  
  
The queen strode elegantly over to the balcony and gazed down upon her kingdom, her magnificent wings folded carefully behind her. "I do not plan to start a war. But if I can blame my husband's death on an assassination by Trite then I can pressure them to give me a small piece of their land as compensation to prevent me from declaring war."  
  
  
  
I could feel the queen's love for her people. Her determination to make her country greater. Her practical efficiency of using the king's death for something noteworthy. Her sadness at losing her husband.  
  
"What exactly do you want me to do Queenie?" She didn't even twitch at my informal way of speaking with her. I couldn't help but respect her a little.  
  
"I need you to create the evidence of an assassin from Trite. I need you to stay and help me see this through. There's every chance that even with someone to blame, Trite will deny any responsibility. I want you to ensure I get what I want."  
  
Hence why this would be a long term Deal. "What are your exact terms?" The Queen turns to her lawyer and the two discussed quietly. I lounged on a nice chair and looked around the room. Now THIS is how you decorate. Classy, elegant and neat. Enough to show wealth without being superfluous. In fact the queen has sold off a lot of the miscellaneous decor to pay for construction of public amenities for her people. I appreciate a pragmatic ruler.  
  
"I want you to help me complete my goal to obtain that land I want from the kingdom of Trite without resorting to violence." The queen says at last. I squint my eye into a grin. "Sure thing Queenie. And in return...I want your kingdom to be a safe place where me and my friends are free to come and go, for the duration of your rule. I'll even promise that we won't start any trouble here."  
  
She consulted her lawyer again. "What do you mean for the duration of my rule?" She stares at me with her large compound eyes.  
  
"You see, I actually find myself respecting you. You truly care for your people and country. But that's just you. There's no guarantee a future ruler will be like you. Also, it would be unfair if your descendants were forced to put up with me for a Deal that YOU made."  
  
"That is...surprisingly generous of you." The queen remarks.  
  
"I'm actually not a bad guy. If terrible things happen to my clients, they only have themselves to blame." I place a hand over my chest and sigh dramatically. "You won't believe how many people ask for things in a vague way with no explanation of what they actually want. I'm left to just GUESS what their Deal is and then THEY blame ME when I get it wrong."  
  
The queen raises a feeler before nodding. "Understandable. Good communication is required for any negotiation. Which is why I shall ask for more clarification on what it is that YOU want."  
  
"See this is why I like you. You're not dumb enough to just accept with no questions asked." It was nice to finally meet someone intelligent.  
  
"There aren't a lot of places in the universe where I can hang out peacefully due to my less than stellar reputation. I just want a safe haven where I know I can bring my friends to. Somewhere they can be safe if I'm busy and cannot be by their side protecting them." Because I can't always leave Xanthar with Jessie.  
  
The queen watches me for a while, studying me. I catch the feeling of begrudging respect from her. She nods. "Very well then. So long as you and your companions do not harm me or any of my people, I see no problem with allowing this."  
  
"So do we have a Deal?" I hold out my burning hand. She takes it and shakes firmly, not even flinching at the fire. "Deal."  
  
I was so thrilled to find intelligent life I was perfectly fine with completing this deal with no side effects. It would be more useful to gain the queen's favor. Friends in high places after all.  
  
\---  
  
The Deal ended up taking me two months to complete. Not from any issues on my part but because the royal family of Trite is made up of buffoons who think their stubbornness is a better negotiation tactic than actually talking to people. I played my part well, laid out all the evidence needed to pin the assassination on them. In fact, a few of the Trite royal family had actually been considering it.  
  
It was child's play to make them believe that one of them had accidentally ordered a hit on the king of Iznang. They KNEW they were in the wrong by this point. They simply refused to own up to it. When the queen of Iznang threatened war if she wasn't compensated for the murder of her husband, the Trite king literally plugged his hearing tube and sang "La la la I'm not listening la la la."  
  
"Are you sure I can't just kill them?" I asked the queen as she left another negotiation meeting with nothing accomplished. "No violence." She replied calmly. I growled. "But they're just so...frustrating!"  
  
"I know. The royal family of Trite has always been like this. It’s why my kingdom gets so many immigrants from their lands. One of the many reason why I need the expansion of my kingdom's borders."  
  
I sighed and floated down to a chair. For obvious reasons, the queen didn't want people to know she was working with me so I spent most of my time out of sight, invisible or disguised as a butterfly. There were a lot of butterflies in this country so I could move around without notice. "Well, I don't have to get violent to get what I want. I'm going to help out the negotiations in my own way."  
  
  
  
The queen groomed her feelers in front of her mirror. "If you can help in a way that doesn't involve their deaths or insanity, feel free to do so."  
  
That night the people of Trite were startled awake by the loud screaming of their king and queen who had just experienced the most horrifying nightmare.  
  
The papers were signed a few days later.  
  
\---  
  
"Well Queenie, its been fun. Good luck on on doing what you do." I tip my hat like a dapper gentleman, the most outwardly respectful I’ve been in her presence.  
  
"Indeed. It hasn't been an unpleasant experience working with you either." She responds, flaring her wings in their culture's version of respectful acknowledgment.  
  
I bid her a fond farewell and blink away. I enjoyed this Deal. It was...nice. I was very eager to see Xanthar again though. I missed him so much. I hope he and Jessie got along. I was forced to go against Time in order to return to Jessie's temple a few weeks after I left instead of the months/years that would have passed due to the different passage of time between dimensions. Ugh~such a pain~  
  
\---  
  
"Xan-Xan!" I squeal with my arms thrown wide.  
  
Xanthar sadly couldn't return my greeting but he was bounding towards me happily. He smashed into me and we slide along the ground with me giggling hysterically. Jheselbraum sighs at the torn up garden left in our wake. I flick my fingers and fix it, its only polite to do so.  
  
"So you've returned."  
  
"And you sound absolutely delighted to see me~" I laugh as I pet Xanthar affectionately. I 'look' quickly and hum in approval that Jessie kept her end of the Deal to keep him happy and safe.  
  
"Well, take him back now. It would be nice to have my gardens back." Jheselbraum inspects her garden to make sure I didn't add anything interesting to it. I've done so before, little snap dragons that nibbled on peoples toes. I don't know why she was so upset about that. It wasn't like I gave them teeth or anything.  
  
"Xan-Xan, did you have fun with auntie Jessie?" I cooed as I squished Xanthar's bread face. He sends me happy thoughts of romping through the garden, startling the shrine maidens and sitting in the fountain. His thoughts start to slip, I catch a glimpse of him sitting alone at night, watching the sky and getting excited at every flicker of light only to realize it wasn't me. Oh.  
  
  
  
I hugged him closely. "Sorry for being gone for so long." I pressed against him and hum, my bricks vibrating softly. He curls his hand around me and squeezed gently. Jessie was kind enough to not interrupt us.  
  
\---  
  
Xanthar loved Iznang. I had to repair a lot of flower fields though.  
  
—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just a short filler to buy time as I make some more edits and finish up some more writing.
> 
> Question- Should I write down all the random Lore I've made up for the various different alien species?
> 
> 2nd Question- How far off Canon would you guys be comfortable with? Bill/Jan WILL be trying to divert things and Canon will try to keep things the same. It'll be a struggle to actually change things.
> 
> 3rd Question- More smut? Less? The problem would be finding a place to naturally insert them.
> 
> Current mood- https://youtu.be/DLKnY183C20


	21. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ups and Downs, the Deals continue, at what point does my apathy become a sign of my decline?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 20**  
  
**-The being who's name must not be spoken-**  
  
\---  
  
Sometimes, when Xanthar sleeps, I lie on top of him and watch his dreams.  
  
Often it's simple dreams. He imagines running through a vast landscape filled with colorful flowers of all shapes and kinds. He dreams of rolling in butter-swamps and playing with jelly-fish that splatter and smear sugary fluids along his sides. He goes on exciting adventures in deep oceans filled with friendly triangles.  
  
Sometimes though, he remembers his family. His mother, father and sister. The burning hot caves they used to live in. The younger brother who never finished baking before the poachers arrived. He remembers the fear when his family was captured. The desperate thrashing of his father when he was sold and dragged away. The horror when he watched his sister carved open. He remembers the way his mother clung to him, unwilling to let him go even as they jabbed her with electro-spears. He remembers the way she fell limp as they finally dragged her away.  
  
He remembers being all alone.  
  
I try to wake him before the dream goes too far. Sometimes I stop the dream altogether, steer it away from his memories. I could easily just erase those painful memories but I won't. They're all he has left and it would be wrong to take them away. Even if they cause him pain. All I can do is be there when he wakes. All I can do is hold him until he stops shaking.  
  
Sometimes he forgets where he is. Waking from a nightmare in which I never found him. For a moment he believes he's still with the Baron. His Fear is pungent and I feel disgusted with myself for finding it delicious. Sometimes his nightmares are graphic, he imagines being torn apart, sliced into so many pieces and eaten by sneering mouths.  
  
Sometimes he dreams that I leave and don't come back.  
  
As the years go on the nightmares lessen but they never stop. I ask Jessie if she could do anything to help. She's a Healer after all. Even despite her best efforts, there's nothing to be done. Nightmares happen as they do. Even I cannot prevent that. I can only watch over him and stop them as they begin.  
  
I don't like leaving him alone when I get summoned but there's not much I can do. I tried to 'See' if any of his family survived but they haven't. I hunted down all those who've hurt them, petrified them and arranged them into a (conscious but frozen) totem pole of eternal torment. I had it displayed proudly in a galactic history museum with a plaque reading "The fate of poachers", the curators of the museum were too afraid to take it down. I considered going after the Baron as well but frankly I wanted nothing to do with him.  
  
On the underside of Xanthar's body is a marking of a small black triangle with an eye. If Xanthar is ever in danger, I will be alerted. Am I paranoid? Yes, definitely, absolutely. But I'm always afraid Time Baby might forget about his Favor to keep his grubby hands off my friend.  
  
It was a simple Favor. Neither Time Baby nor the Federation is allowed to harm Xanthar or take him from me. Time Baby managed to put in the stipulation that the Federation is allowed to arrest him, non-lethally if Xanthar harms any innocent people. He seemed to believe I was going to use my friend as a War Beast. I have no idea where he got such a stupid idea.  
  
From what little I can catch from Time Baby's thoughts, he feared that I was going to build an army of beasts and demons to try and overthrow the Federation. Which was stupid, I've had one terrible experience with overthrowing a government and dear god I was not doing that again.  
  
I just try my best to take care of Xanthar the best I can. I refuse to think of him as a Pet because Zyun-Jan never had good luck with pets. Something awful always happens to them. My pet chick was accidentally crushed underfoot by my great-grandmother, my betafish accidentally tore it's own fin off and bled to death, a random seagull I was feeding crackers to was hit by a car and the list just goes on.  
  
Xanthar is not my pet. Definitely not.  
  
I wanted to help him get over his trauma, I just wanted him to be happy. What can I even do? After another night where I was forced to interfere and stop a nightmare I just lay on Xanthar's back and sing softly.  
  
_"Does anybody have a map~ anybody happen to know how the hell to do this~ I don't know if you can tell but this is me just pretending to know~"_  
  
I'm not a therapist. What psychology I do know is based around humans. Xanthar, for all that I love him, is not human. He doesn't think the same way a human does and I can't expect him to. All I can do is help him through his problems as they come up. In that way, I suppose we're a good pair. Both of us with our deep seated issues. Both of us needing the other for stability and comfort.  
  
I wish Xanthar could speak in real words. I wish he could talk to me. His species cannot think in words, even if they can understand them.I feel bad for being greedy and wanting more out of him.  
  
\---  
  
Time Baby inevitably summons me for another job. I left Xanthar in Iznang this time. Jheselbraum was giving me some irritated looks the last time I made her babysit.  
  
I actually understand where he's coming from this time. It's not an assassination because my target shifts fate off course. It's an extermination. An entire planet infected with an insidious parasite. An entire planet that would need to be destroyed.  
  
I wanted to see if there was anyone still healthy. If there was anyone I could save. There wasn't. They were all infected. They didn't even know. It was too late to save anyone. I questioned Time Baby if I could just go back in time and kill the first infected before it got this bad. If there was any way I could lessen the amount of Deaths I would need to cause.  
  
He said no.  
  
It wasn't like I could just...kill the parasites either. It was insidious because it fused itself into the host's DNA. It was only by some miracle that none of the infected had gone off planet. I jammed all the teleporters and then placed a bubble around the planet so no one could leave.  
  
It took a lot of energy to do so. I wouldn't be able to finish this job in just one day. As I floated there in space, weakly trembling from the exhaustion of bubbling an entire planet (I couldn't even hold onto a physical form), I saw the people begin to panic. It took me a few days to recover enough energy to continue my job. By then the entire planet was in a frenzy over the 'force-field' surrounding them.  
  
The parasites were finally beginning to manifest themselves as well. Stage one was just the initial infection as the air-born creatures began integrating themselves with their host. Stage two was when the host's skin began falling off while they still lived. I watched the people panic as those in stage two began shambling around and screaming in agony.  
  
Is there any way for me to take out the whole planet at once? It wasn't as flammable as the 2nd dimension. Even if I sent out a thermal pulse it would just flash fry the people along the path of my attack. And the heat might not even kill the parasites. They were pretty much immune to anything.  
  
Time Baby actually sent a few of his officers to try and stop the infection back when this organism first evolved. They tried burning, freezing, acids and everything else but the microscopic creatures just couldn't be killed. Even when the host was killed it just left the creature itself unharmed. Those officers self terminated after sending the information back to base, themselves having been infected.  
  
I understand why Time Baby doesn't want these creatures going free. I also understand why he sent me. The question was, do I have enough power to do this?  
  
I stretch my bricks out, pulling in loose particles and building my form larger and larger. It was taking too long. There weren't enough particles here. I could just convert my own energy into mass but then I'd be out of energy and have to wait a few MORE days for it to recover.  
  
I turned towards the nearest star and grabbed. I'm sure it was a strange sight, the flaming edges of that star being pulled towards me like a fire whip. I felt like a black hole, just sucking in the plasma. I absorbed the mass of the star and grew my form until it towered over the planet.  
  
Despite the loss of their star, there was still light, my bricks glowing brightly. I looked down at the planet, closed my eye and apologized for what I must do.  
  
I opened my mouth and swallowed it whole.  
  
  
  
Even if something is immune to physical harm, it isn't immune to my stomach. Everything breaks down in there. If it's made of matter, it will be digested. I don't even have to worry about the parasite trying to infect me.  
  
I have no DNA for it to infect.  
  
As my stomach tore the planet apart I groaned at the way my bricks burned. Shit. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. I was overheating fast and a quick check showed the nearest inhabited planet being 25 light years away.  
  
Still too close.  
  
Grunting and clutching my bricks in agony, I flew farther away. I panted with the effort it took to stop myself from going nova and simply exploding. Elements bled out of my bricks in a seemingly never ending stream. Each atom torn off from its chain releasing more and more energy exponentially.  
  
I gasped in pain as my vision spun. Please no. I have to get away. I have to...  
  
I screamed as everything around me ignited. Even as I burned I continued flying away from any source of life. A giant flaming comet. Shit. It's too much. Could I plane shift like this? I have to get to the Nightmare Realm. I can't hurt anyone there. It was hard to focus through the pain of feeling like I was going to burst open.  
  
I twisted and cleaved between dimensions. Am I...? I strained to keep my eye open and glanced around. I made it. I could see the familiar twisting colors of the Nightmare Realm. With a painful exhale, I let go.  
  
And exploded.  
  
\---  
  
It's hard to know how much time has passed when there are no clocks. Still, simply going by my experience from the last time this has happened, I'd wager to say it took a least a few centuries for me to gain partial awareness again. Is that what it means for me to die now? Since I can't REALLY be killed I will simply be stuck in an unaware daze until I pull myself back together?  
  
I blink slowly as I tried to remember where I was and what I was doing. Oh. Right. Ate a planet. Well that wasn't a fun experience. I groaned and wiggled my bricks. I've almost fully reformed myself. There were still a few missing chunks. I looked around the Nightmare Realm and find everything on fire. Funnily enough, the fire doesn't seem to be harming it so it's no biggie.  
  
Wait. Where’d my house go?  
  
\---  
  
I nearly forgot to slip into the timestream when I went to go pick up Xanthar. That would have been awful. Even if the time in Iznang flowed slower than most dimensions, I was still gone for many, many years. Time in the Nightmare Realm fluctuates. Sometimes it moves faster, sometimes slower and often it just stops altogether.  
  
Either way, I calculated the distance and speed I had to travel in order to get to Xanthar only a few days after I dropped him off to leave on my job. Course, this also meant I turned on the tv to see the galactic news going nuts with the headline of **'Bill Cipher devours a planet'**.  
  
I sat there stunned as the multiverse lost their collective shit over the thousands of videos taken by the panicking people on the planet before they died. I may have blocked their teleporters but I hadn't thought to block communications. So many people were live streaming as the 2nd stage infected started falling apart.  
  
No one knew about the parasites. No one knew what was happening. All they knew was that people's skin started slipping right off their bodies, all transport was halted and then I appeared. Larger than their planet itself. It was very...weird to see the videos from their point of view.  
  
My massive eye staring down at them. My shape blocking out the sky itself. My eye becoming a giant maw full of sharp teeth, deeper and darker than anything else imaginable. I watch as my mouth closes over the planet. So that's what my insides looks like.  
  
The real interesting thing was watching the digestion process. It was horrifying. Things just began falling apart. The only good part was that the energy released from the atomic breakdowns caused larger and larger explosions until everything was consumed in fire.  
  
I watched as a person in the video simply had all their skin explode off them before being consumed in flames. Ugh. This is why I don't like eating people alive. It's just...gross. I felt uncomfortable watching it and changed the channel. It was the only thing being covered on multiple channels.  
  
I shut off the tv and slumped in my couch. I could feel a headache forming and I rubbed my bricks with a sigh. I probably can't go out in public for a while.  
  
I could try and explain why I killed everyone but I know that no one would believe me. I could try to get Time Baby to vouch for me but there's no way he'd stand up for me. I slumped further on the couch. Fuck my life.  
  
\---  
  
It's really weird to think about how many people I've killed. An entire planet. Billions of lives. Gone. Is it bad if I can't even work up the energy to really mourn? I feel bad for it but I just...I'm too tired to really cry right now. I'm just so DONE with this.  
  
I stay slumped on the couch for days until Xanthar pushes me off and nudges me across the ground curiously. "Stop it. I'm trying to mope." I grumble tiredly. He tries to pick me up but lying flat on the ground like this made it difficult for him to get a good grip.  
  
He just spends the day sliding me around the house.  
  
  
  
At one point he made a game out of flicking me by one of my corners so I start spinning. "Xaaaaanthaaaaar~stooooop~" I moaned as I spun into the wall and got a corner stuck. He just sits down and nudges me with his face.  
  
'worry' 'confusion'  
  
He pushes at me until I dislodge from the wall and slides me out into the garden. "Leave me alone Xanthar." I protest weakly, not making any move to really stop him.  
  
'annoyance' 'determination'  
  
I yelp as he drops me into the pond.  
  
I flail around and sputter as I swam back up. "What the HELL Xanthar?!"  
  
  
  
'annoyance' 'impatience'  
  
I swam back to the edge of the pond and drag myself out while spitting out water. Ugh. I can't drown but it was still uncomfortable. Xanthar just sits at the edge of the pond and watches me. He still felt annoyed at me. "What?! What is it?!" I grumble as I float up into the air.  
  
He pokes me while sending out feelings of 'exasperation' and 'disapproval'. What is he trying to tell me?  
  
"Are you...mad at me?"  
  
He nods.  
  
"Are you mad because I'm moping?"  
  
He nods again.  
  
"Look...it's complicated. I...killed billions of people and I feel bad about it. But at the same time...I...don't? And I'm just angry and sad and...annoyed with myself for not feeling worse about this..."  
  
Part of me is going 'well they were going to die either way once the parasite fully took over them' to explain away my lack of guilt. I granted them a more merciful death. But is it selfish of me to think so? Why am I such a terrible person?  
  
I yelped when Xanthar pushed me into the water again. "Stop DOING that!!"  
  
Even without a face Xanthar manages a reproachful look. I growl irritably. "Look, I'm trying to angst here."  
  
  
  
His disapproval grows stronger and he tries to push me down into the water again. I dodge his hand. "Why do you keep doing that?!" He smacks his hand across the pond to splash me. I rub water from my eye and my bricks flicker red. "Seriously stop it!"  
  
'determination' he puts his hand in the water in preparation for another splash.  
  
"Ugh! Fine! If I stop beating myself up about this, will you stop doing that?"  
  
He nods.  
  
It takes me weeks to get over myself and awkwardly thank Xanthar for snapping me out of it. I make a note to teach him ASL so he could communicate easier.  
  
\---  
  
A/N: In order to be safe from a supernova explosion, scientists estimate it'll need to be at LEAST 50-100 light years away. To give an idea of how far that really is, our Sun is ONLY 8-light-MINUTES away. Think about that. MINUTES. It'll take a distance of at LEAST 50-light-YEARS to be safe from an exploding star. And even then there might be radiation effects.  
  
A supernova explosion happening 20000 light years away can still be seen by the naked eye during the DAY.

\--

Notes I make for this fanfic/ideas for future events/SPOILERS?  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Anime Boston is coming up and I haven't gotten any work done on my cosplay, I might not be updating for a while as I try to quickly get this done...
> 
> Also, the new Houshin Engi anime SKIPS SO MANY IMPORTANT THINGS! You won't be able to follow the story if you haven't read the manga. That is sad to me. This series NEEDS a more drawn out Anime to get all the important stuff. You can't condense 23 volumes into just 23 episodes. Seriously we haven't even met all of Dakki's sisters yet, the anime cut out the part where Taikoubou captures her and holds her hostage.
> 
> Hell, I think the anime cut out a couple whole characters and story arcs...I've only seen 7 episodes so far so I don't know if they cut out the Crown Princes yet or not. Raishinshi hasn't shown up at all and I think he might just straight up not exist in the new anime...


	22. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From now until the end of time. That was all I wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Updated  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/13424574
> 
> Also, my cosplay's coming along pretty good, I got the shirt/dress and cape done. Just need the shoes, hat and belt.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 21**  
  
**-I can always use more minions-**  
  
—  
  
Found Pyronica today. I was exploring the marketplace in a shady part of DimensionCF8WK4U when one of the stalls was overturned and fire was being flung around. I watched as a pink cyclopian woman snarled and fought off a green colored male of her species. While her body was covered in white flames, the man had ice.  
  
"Keep your hands off asshole!" She screeched and threw another fireball.

  
  
(Messing around with my tablet)  
  
"You're the one who tried to steal one of my wares bitch!" The man shouted back angrily as he put out her fire with a blast of ice.  
  
"It belonged to me originally! You're the one who STOLE it!"  
  
The other vendors were huddled behind their stalls. The other customers had already run off. It didn't look like anyone was going to step in. I float lazily up to them, making myself visible as I went. "So what's happening here?"  
  
They both look at me in surprise. "B-Bill Cipher!" The man gasps in fear.  
  
"That's my name don't wear it out. Not that you can. If anyone tries to wear my name I'll have to sue them for copyright. And by sue I mean sew. And by sew I mean their mouths to their ass as punishment for using my name as their own." I laugh.  
  
The man is backing away warily at the sound of my laughter. "But seriously, what's the problem here? Here I am enjoying a nice stroll through the market and a fight breaks out. At least let me get some popcorn first.”  
  
"This bitch is a thief!" The man points at her rudely.  
  
"Oh really now?" I say cheerfully. A quick series of blinks is all it takes for me to get the information I want. The brooch Pyronica is holding belonged to her mother. It was the last thing she had of her. Through a long series of circumstances it wound up in this merchant's possession.  
  
The man takes another startled step back. "B-but she is clearly taking it without paying for it."  
  
"It’s mine! Why should I pay for what already belongs to me?!" Pyronica hissed at the merchant.  
  
"She's right you know. It does belong to her. Specifically her mother, also you were charging waaay~ too much for it considering you didn’t acquire it under legal means either.” I leaned against my cane casually.  
  
The man looked to be at a loss, glancing back and forth at both of us before sighing in resignation. "Fine whatever. Just go." He trudged back to his stall to set it back up.  
  
Pyronica spun on her heel and left the area. I followed and aside from a wary glance she didn't protest. As soon as we were out of earshot to the market I laughed. "Nice job with the others."  
  
She grins sheepishly and pulls out a few necklaces and rings from hidden pockets in her robe. It was strange seeing her in clothes. "Um...thanks for the assist."  
  
"Eh, he was over pricing all his stolen wares. And they really are ALL stolen. What a hypocrite."  
  
She giggles before storing her haul away again. The brooch she just holds and looks at. A slight melancholy in her expression.  
  
"You okay kid?" I ask.  
  
"I didn't expect to find it here. I was just grabbin' stuff. But then I saw it and just...I messed up and he noticed me take it."  
  
"It means a lot to you huh?"  
  
"Yeah. Mom used to wear it all the time. Said that dad gave it to her as a gift before they mated and she devoured him to have me." She traces the delicate design on the brooch with a finger. A memento of both her parents.  
  
"Well...um...thanks for earlier but I should...go..." She says awkwardly as she pins the brooch to her robe and begins walking off. "You don't want to hang out?" I ask somewhat sadly.  
  
"Oh. Um. Look, I'm grateful for the help earlier but I didn't ask for it and I don't owe you anything...no offense..." She backs up a little. A trace of apprehension as she tugs her robe more tightly around herself.  
  
"Wait. You think I-? Ew no! No way!" I hurriedly shake my hands at her. "That was NOT my intention at all!"  
  
She relaxes a little and just looks confused now.  
  
I flush orange. I can’t believe she thought I only helped her because I wanted something from her.  
  
"So...if you didn't want ME, then why did you help me?" She asks.  
  
"I dunno. You were there. And no one else was gonna do anything."  
  
She squinted suspiciously at me. "You're different from what the rumors say about you. Aren't you supposed to be some kind of evil chaos demon?"  
  
"That's just 'cause you haven't seen me angry yet. Besides, it’s my day off."  
  
"Demons get days off?"  
  
"What do people think I do when I'm NOT summoned for some stupid task? I have my own life too you know. Getting pulled away from watching a show I like because some idiot can't figure out how to flush a trans-dimensional toilet is bound to get them turned inside out for wasting my time."  
  
Pyronica starts laughing "Did that really happen?" She gasps.  
  
I roll my eye. "Twice actually. Fuck those toilets. Whoever invented them was a bigger sadist that I'll ever be."  
  
No surprise he was finally killed by an angry mob shoving him into his own invention. Of course they realized afterward that with him dead they had no one who knows how to dismantle the toilets. The whole area had to be quarantined off for the sake of public safety. Even now there would be random sprays of fecal matter from some unknown location in the multiverse.  
  
I shuddered. Gross.  
  
Pyronica and I just hung out. Talking and joking back and forth. It was a great time. I bought her dinner, after bluntly telling her that this wasn't meant to be romantic in any way. I'm not interested in that, we only just met and she's not really my type. Pyronica laughed "It’s fine Bill. I get it."  
  
"So...friends?" I asked hopefully.  
  
"Sure. You're a lot of fun to hang out with, for a demon and all." She chews on the deep fried Mierkurk and grins at me with her mouth full.  
  
"This has been a nice day. I don't get to just...hang out with someone. People don't normally want to be around me." I took a sip of my drink. Haven't had alcohol in a while. Interestingly enough, its one of the few things I can actually 'taste' as a triangle. There was no alcohol back in the 2nd dimension so I only discovered this fact a few centuries ago.  
  
"That sounds lonely." Pyronica says sympathetically.  
  
"It is. Seriously though. I know I'm a big scary demon god but I have feelings too. It’s not like I WANT to kill people. It just...kinda happens, you know?" I take another big sip, enjoying the mild burn. The drink was nicely fruity and sweet, covering up the bitterness of the ethanol.  
  
"Mmhm." Pyronica hums as she looks around at the empty tables around us. The restaurant was too afraid to turn us away and the other customers too scared to sit near us. The waiters were tense as they took our orders. I can hear the manager frantically ordering his workers to give us the best service and not make me angry. I preened under their subservience to me just as much as I was annoyed by it.  
  
"It’s not like I even kill my summoners…normally. There are plenty that...make it out fine." I take a few more gulps of my drink. I should ask for the recipe, this is nice.  
  
"And it's not like it's my fault you know? People need to be more careful when they ask me for stuff. Like, like this one guy...he wanted to get with this girl see? And he calls, and he calls me up and goes like 'I want her to be with me forever' so like...I fused them into each other. 'Cause like how else am I supposed to interpret that right?" I take another long sip.  
  
"Um..." Pyronica pushes the plate of food towards me. "Bill I think you should eat something before you drink anymore."  
  
I toss some food into my eye-mouth and sigh. At least meat has more elements in it. I can already feel it breaking down inside me. I tip my glass back again.  
  
"But noooo~ I'm the bad guy for, for, for granting his Deal...be-because that wasn't what he MEANT right? But like, that's what he wanted. He wanted them to be together so I put, I put them togethhhhher and like how ELSE was I gonna make her be with him huh?"  
  
"You...could have made her fall in love with him?"  
  
"But that would mean ALTERING her feelings! That's like SUPER awful. Li-like imagine if someone just came...came up to you and was like BAM you're in love with..." I glance around the room and point at a trembling waitress "...with that guy right there. And you're like but I don't like that guy. But I'm like well I'm gon-gonna MAKE you like them anyway. And then I mess around in your head until suddenly you think oh wow I DO like that guy! That guy is amashhhhing..."  
  
I reach for my drink but end up pushing it over the edge of the table. The glass didn't break but I did spill it everywhere. What a waste. "Ah...shhhawwy..." I glance at the waitress. Oh hey I didn't know she had a twin.  
  
"But yeah...jushh messin' wi' peoples heads an' shhtuff is like the worsh thing EVER and, and I dun' like dooing it right? Becashh its like...the bad thing...the baddest thing? Like...like you get me?" Everything was all shiny...like...their edges were glowing.  
  
"Bill I think you need to go lay down..."  
  
I giggle and it quickly devolves into sobbing. "An' people ju-jushh don't get it! Dey DON’T and I'm like...I'm like why's they so stoopid?! If theys like shhome-one deys jush t-talk to den righ'? Deys can go ups to them an' jush be like hey I li-likes yoo but dey DON’T! Deys go an' call ME to...to FORSH da outta pewrson to like den! An' it's sho' stooopid~"  
  
Pyronica carefully picks me up and I cling to her robe sobbing. I can't see her face but I can hear her talk to the waitress.  
  
"About the check..."  
  
"N-no it’s fine. Just...just go..."  
  
I feel Pyronica walk and sniffle into her robe. I can't think clearly, and everything is spinning. I slump over in her arms and feel myself enter a daze. I can't sleep but I can just...let go for a while. Just for a little bit...  
  
\---  
  
I come back into awareness with a groan. I'm not hungry, this body no longer needs food, but mentally I still feel an emptiness inside. Fuck, what happened last night?  
  
"Hey Bill. You feeling okay?"  
  
Pyronica, oh right I met her yesterday. I flicker through some images quickly and flush a dark orange. Oh man. "Ugh. I can't believe I got drunk off a glass of sangria."  
  
"No offense but it was kind of funny."  
  
"Yeah sure, laugh at the light weight." I roll my eye and float up off the pillow I was on. I look around. A small room. Just a bed and a couch. I flicker through more images. A cheap inn. Pyronica sneaking me in under her robe. Putting me gently on a pillow.  
  
"Thanks. For taking care of me." I twiddle my fingers. It’s been a while since I've gotten drunk. The last time it happened I apparently went on a rampage and turned half the population of the town I was in into various sea life. In a desert town. The smell would have been AWFUL and I'm incredibly thankful that I don't have a nose. By some stroke of luck my most recent bout of drunkenness was relatively harmless.  
  
"No problem. We're friends now aren't we?"  
  
I glow happily. "Yup!"  
  
We hung out a few more times before Pyronica got arrested for pickpocketing a tourist who turned out to be a Federation officer. I had to bail her out by trading another Favor with Time Baby and making a proper Deal to place Ronica under my care.  
  
\---  
  
"So...guess you're living here now? If you have anything you want specifically I can make the rooms for it. Also, you’re not stuck here or anything. You can leave whenever you want.”  
  
"Dude this place is amazing!"  
  
"Eh, all powerful demon god here, I can pretty much do anything." I couldn't help bragging a little. “Oh, right, I should introduce you to our other roommate…” I Blinked away to pick up Xanthar from Iznang. I found him peacefully nuzzled into some bushes.  
  
I float up to give him a nice pat. "Hey Xan-Xan~are you doing okay by yourself? You've got enough food right?"  
  
Xanthar doesn't really eat so much as soak his bread in sauces and other liquids. He really likes syrup. I have a special swimming pool with syrup instead of water just for him.  
  
Xanthar leans against my hand as I pet him. I can taste his happy feelings at seeing me again. My poor baby missed me. I Blinked the two of us back to base.  
  
"Xanthar, this is Pyronica. She'll be living here from now on. Ronica, this is Xanthar."  
  
She loves him instantly and coos over his large form. He's happy to have someone else who treats him kindly. I'm happy that I have more friends.  
  
\---  
  
Pyronica was a little anxious the first few days after moving in. She wandered the halls a lot and walked back to the front entrance to just look at the whirling space outside. I had a teleporter installed next to the door so she could come and go freely. Sometimes she would just sit with her feet dangling over the edge of the huge doorway.  
  
I came up to sit beside her. “Is something wrong?” I asked quietly.  
  
  
  
She blinked slowly, her flames flickering softly. “Why did you bail me out? Why’re you letting me live here without asking for any sort of payment?”  
  
I look at her, she’s so much bigger than me. Even as a 5 foot triangle, she towers over me. “You’re giving me a place to live, food and even the freedom to leave whenever I want. You’re not even asking anything from me.” She gestures to herself. “You’re not doing it because you want…Me. You’re…nice. Why?”  
  
“Because you’re my friend. One of the only ones I have.” I kick my feet over the edge of the doorway as I look out into the void. “What’s wrong with helping a friend?”  
  
“I just…not to sound ungrateful, I don’t feel right just…accepting all this without giving you anything in return.” She fiddles with her robe.  
  
“All I want is company…you don’t need to give me anything just ‘cause you think you should.” I sigh.  
  
Pyronica watches me for a while. I don’t know what she’s thinking exactly, I don’t want to read her thoughts but I can still feel her emotions. If I had to describe the flavor, I’d have to say she was contemplative.  
  
“How about a Deal?” She says suddenly. I sit up and stare at her with a wide eye. “What?!”  
  
“A proper Deal, that’s what you do right? I’ll be your Friend in exchange for living here.”  
  
I narrow my eye slightly. “How about you’ll be MY Friend, and I’ll be YOUR Friend.”  
  
There’s a growing smile on her face. “That sounds fine.”  
  
“Then it’s agreed then? From now until the end of time.” The words came out almost instinctively. I glowed golden as I held my hand out, the blue flames flickering to life around it. She grins widely, showing off all her crooked teeth. “Deal.” She grasps my hand and we shake on it. I feel the Deal settle in, the universe itself twisting to my will. She’s my Friend now, fully and truly, she’s mine.  
  
A small marking of a black triangle with a single eye forms on the back of her neck, hidden beneath her hair, my symbol, so that I can see through it, so that I can see her, no matter where she goes. So that she’ll have my protection no matter where she is. She’s my Friend now. I won’t let her be taken from me. Not like Will was. I will keep her safe. From now until the end of time.  
  
—  
  
Pyronica came to breakfast today without her robe. I blink at her in surprise. “Why’re you naked?”  
  
She smiles and sits to look at what I made, I’ve recently started a new hobby of learning alien forms of cooking. They were very different from Human cooking. The process involved a lot more acids and temperatures reaching the surface of a star. I’d like to think my cooking was…edible.  
  
  
  
“I don’t have to hide myself anymore. I’m safe around you.” She says as she grabs a bowl.  
  
I tilt slightly sideways. “I don’t get it?”  
  
She giggles. “It’s fine if you don’t.”  
  
I look over her form. Even if nothing was showing in the way it would for a human it was still very naked. Something was missing. Oh. “Do you wanna go shopping later? I think you’d look really cool with a cape.”  
  
Her eye lights up. “Oooh! You are 100% correct! I would LOVE to go shopping for some nice accessories!”  
  
After breakfast the three of us went to the Mall and had a lot of fun just browsing. Xanthar had to be pulled away from the coin fountain. Pyronica wanted to just steal the stuff she wanted but I told her there were many hard-working people in retail who would be the ones suffering for any stolen merchandise and that it was just plain mean and unfair to cause trouble for them. She looked shocked before I told her that we could simply steal money directly from the greedy rich business owners and then spend that stolen money to purchase from them. She cackled with laughter “For a second there I thought you were going to say we shouldn’t steal because it’s wrong!”  
  
“Well stealing is only wrong if it hurts someone, taking money from people who already have too much of it is perfectly fine.” I said simply. “Think of it like…they’re donating their wealth to us for…charity.”  
  
She just keeps laughing. The Mall Security wasn’t sure what to do about us. They were too afraid to FORCE me to leave so they simply followed us at a distance as Ronica and I cooed over pretty dresses and hats. She ended up buying several fine capes and I got a bunch of nice thigh high socks. I also tried on a bunch of pretty dresses but sadly couldn’t convince myself to buy them. As much as I liked them, I’m sure the universe would have a collective heart attack if I ever showed up like that in public.  
  
  
  
Xanthar accidentally trampled the flower shop in his enthusiasm to smell them and I apologized profusely as I fixed everything. The workers were struck dumb and wondering if they were dreaming as I cleaned their shop and neatly rearranged the flowerpots into perfectly even rows. “Sorry again for the trouble. Have a WONDERFUL day!” I call out as I push Xanthar out of the store. He got a pretty little potted yellow flower that I decided to name Flowey. No relation to the actual Flowey.  
  
All in all, a good day.  
  
My socks look fabulous~  
  
  
  
\- - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Drunk Bill is best. I want more drunk Bill. I am a major light weight IRL, can't go more than a few cups without just collapsing. I'm actually a sleepy drunk.
> 
> If anyone draws me a picture of DrunkBill I'll...I dunno actually...I'll reward them in some way? *Quietly* What kind of stuff can I even give out as prizes?
> 
> Current mood: www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yumRT_294w
> 
> \---
> 
> Inspiration for this fic
> 
> The Gravity Falls cartoon, what little of Journal 3 black-light edition I can find information of (since I don’t actually HAVE the Journal), so many Tumblr posts discussing various theories.
> 
> Anything said by Alex Hirsch  
> twitter.com/_alexhirsch
> 
> Pretty much all of Markmak’s comics  
> markmak.deviantart.com/art/Bill-you-pervert-525132368
> 
> So many Cartoons, Anime, Manga, webcomics, video games, movies and novels.  
> 5 Star Stories, Houshin Engi, Petshop of Horrors, Mikakunin Shounen Gedou (any scanlation for that manga you find online were done by me), XXXHolic, D.Gray-Man, the Persona series, Legend of the Sun Knight, Mononoke, Category Freaks, Kubera, Laon, the Fate series, the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Welcome to Night Vale, Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, various ARGs...the list goes on.  
> Lovecraftian Lore  
> Vocaloid songs, music in general, musicals and more.  
> Mythology and religion.
> 
> Fanfics
> 
> Road to Redemption  
> www.fanfiction.net/s/12244003/1/Road-to-Redemption
> 
> Flat Dreams  
> archiveofourown.org/works/6062122
> 
> Knowing Me, Knowing You  
> archiveofourown.org/works/9529949
> 
> Conspiratheory  
> archiveofourown.org/works/4141743
> 
> Blood Chains  
> archiveofourown.org/works/7380811
> 
> Bonded  
> www.fanfiction.net/s/11740797/1/Bonded  
> www.fanfiction.net/s/12177724/1/Bonded-Year-Two
> 
> And many more fanfics...
> 
> My general nerd-love for science, language, how shit works and so on.


	23. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyronica is a terrible influence. I can't help but go along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is mainly filler as I sort out the timeline and other stuff.
> 
> Also, I'm nearly done with my cosplay, my fingers hurt, I've stabbed myself with the needle a few times due to sewing the hat from the inside and thus being unable to see where the needle is...but all in all, I'm getting there. If anyone's interested I could post a photo when I'm done.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 22**  
  
**-Got it going on-**  
  
—  
  
I had an epiphany today. Time Baby, master of Fate and Time, is a baby. The AXOLOTL, embodiment of Life and Space, is a species of salamander that remains in it’s tadpole stage forever. Me, Bill Cipher, lord of Death and Matter, never reached adulthood before my accession. What is it with cosmic deities and being stuck as eternal children?!  
  
Is that why the universe is so fucked up? It’s gods are ALL children?!  
  
I wasn’t sure how to feel about this realization. Pyronica found me in the living room just banging my head against a wall. “…I don’t even want to know.” she deadpans and turned around to leave.  
  
——  
  
"Hey Bill, wanna come pick up guys with me?"  
  
I looked up from a complicated compound origami sculpture I was working on to stare at her incredulously. "Excuse me?"  
  
"Or we could pick up girls? Whichever you prefer. I'm not all that picky."  
  
"...why?"  
  
She sighed and flicked her hair, she's been growing it out recently. "Because I haven't gotten any in a long while and a girl's got needs ya know?"  
  
"Oh. Oooh..." I caught on and put my scissors down. "But why do you want me there? Wouldn't that make it more difficult for you to meet anyone?"  
  
"But don't YOU ever want to relieve some stress with a good fuck?" Pyronica asks as she sits down next to me.  
  
"I just masturbate." I say simply. I have never felt a need to seek out another person to fulfill my needs. I just wasn't interested in people like that. Besides, the thought of doing so was gross.  
  
"But that's so boring~ come on Bill. You're a great guy. I'm sure we can find someone willing to bang you."  
  
"I'd appreciate NOT being banged. Thank you very much. If you want me to come along I can, but I'm really not interested in hooking up with anything or anyone."  
  
"But it'll be fun. When's the last time you've had sex with someone?"  
  
"Never." I was beginning to get annoyed. Why can't people just accept the fact I wasn't interested? It's always 'Jan-Jan why don't you have a boyfriend yet?' Or 'Look at this nice boy. He's rich too. I sent him a photo of you from that one time your friends put make up on you and he thinks you're very pretty. He's looking for a wife. Don't you want a rich husband?'  
  
"N-never?! You mean...you're a virgin?" Pyronica gasps, looking truly taken aback.  
  
"So what if I am? I'm just not interested. Its not all that important." I frown and cross my arms.  
  
"But you're a demon." She points out, as if that would mean anything.  
  
"You know people have been calling you a demon too? Ever since the Federation put up that warning poster about you."  
  
A few weeks back Pyronica got her butt slapped by some jerk along the street and before I even lifted a finger to blast the asshole, she'd already eaten him. Mild panic ensued among the other people along that street. I teleported the both of us out of there as the Feds were showing up but they'd already seen her face.  
  
Next thing I know, they're saying that Bill Cipher has corrupted an innocent Cyclopian girl into a demon. Which is ridiculously stupid. I haven't corrupted her in any way. In fact I'd say SHE'S the bad influence here. I've actually had to talk her down from her shop lifting ways.  
  
"You're like, an actual demon. How have you not had sex yet? Were there no cute girls you liked?"  
  
"First off, people just CALL me a demon. It fits well enough so I use the term but I'm really closer to an ethereal concept given will, sentience and form...and secondly, even if I liked someone I still have no desire to sleep with them."  
  
"Wait, so are you...a neuter?"  
  
"I'm a hermaphrodite." Seriously, can we just drop the subject?  
  
"B-but how could you NOT want sex? You even have both sets of parts for it!" She sounded legitimately confused.  
  
"I just don't okay?!" My bricks pulsed and bits of fire were springing up around me. Pyronica flinches back with a yelp. "Shit, sorry." I desperately waved my fire away. It's so annoying that my powers go out of control when I'm mad. "Look can we just not talk about this?"  
  
She nods before slumping sadly. "I just thought it would be fun to go out to a bar and look at cute guys together."  
  
"I'm fine with checking out some cute guys. Just don't expect me to take them home."  
  
She perks up at that. "So we CAN go together?"  
  
"Ugh, if you really want me there. I still think my presence would just scare them away."  
  
"We can disguise you..." She fumbles to think of an excuse.  
  
I thought about it. I've never gone out for something like this before. I preferred to stay home. The club scene wasn't really me and I never understood people who go out just to pick up one night stands. I have no desire to have sex, but if I really had to, I'd want it to be with someone I knew and trusted. Not some tipsy stranger.  
  
But Pyronica looked really excited for this. And...maybe I SHOULD go. Just to make sure some jerk doesn't bother her. I know she can handle herself but as a friend, I worry. Pyronica is still trying to figure out a way to disguise my incredibly well known shape.  
  
"Alright fine. I can just do this-" I glowed and restructured my particles. I can't go with my human form, I look too young to be in a bar. I turned myself into a Cyclopian woman like Pyronica except yellow. The flames along my arms were black along with my hair. I wobbled a little as I got used to my new form and height. "Would this work?" I asked, running my hands down my sides and making sure I got all the body parts right.  
  
"W-what?!" She responds with her mouth gasping open. "You can shapeshift?!"  
  
"I don't really advertise this ability. If people knew, I wouldn't be able to take a different form and just...relax around people..." My voice was different in this form.  
  
Pyronica tilts her head to inspect me. "This is...super weird. But I think we can go with this. Do you HAVE to look like me?"  
  
"I copied the form off you. If this feels too weird I can alter it?"  
  
"Naw its fine, we can go for a 'twin' thing."  
  
And that was how I began my first experience with hitting a club to pick up guys. I did not feel very confident about it.  
  
\---  
  
Pyronica had switched out her cape for a glittery series of ribbons around her torso and arms. I was wearing actual clothing, a cute tank top and skirt combo. Xanthar stayed home, not being interested in a girl’s night out. I kept fidgeting, I've only ever been to a Club once and that was as Zyun-Jan. It was around Halloween and two of my friends had talked me into it. It wasn't a very pleasant experience.  
  
There were so many people just dancing and grinding against each other. I saw many couples making out. The music was too loud. The bass made me nauseous. I didn't know anyone there and I lost my friends in the crowd. Everyone was so big and I nearly got stepped on so many times. It was scary and loud and I never tried to go clubbing again.  
  
But this would be better. Or at least I tell myself that. At the very least I'll be taller than most people at the club so I don’t have to worry as much.  
  
The music was just as loud as I expected. I didn't like the song very much. Just the same chords played over and over at a steady beat. Less music and more noise for the sake of having sound. I clung to Pyronica's arm as we entered. The bouncer didn't even check our ID's, not that we'd have one. You have to register with the Federation to get an ID card. Then again, this particular club was in a non-sanctioned area on the bad side of town.  
  
  
  
I peered around us shyly. I felt more vulnerable in this body. I'm confident as a triangle. I can sass and joke without a care. If I had to explain it, as a triangle I can easily slip into the mannerisms of what I think of as Bill Cipher. Snarky, quirky and not someone you can mess with. But I'm not Bill right now. We'd agreed on the name Pytoria or πtoria, if we wanted to get punny.  
  
With no guideline or mask to fall back on, I guess I was just...me. And I was uncomfortable being here. I pressed a little closer to Pyronica as one of the other patrons at the bar laughed loudly. She whispered to me "That shy act is adorable π."  
  
Act? Yes. I can work with that. I lowered my head demurely and peeked up at one of the men sitting at a table. He looked like a shark, if you swapped its length with its width. He looked absolutely ridiculous. I ducked my head to hide a smile but I suppose to them it would just look like I was embarrassed.  
  
I felt a little more confidant, despite behaving even more timid. Its all about my mental state. I can pretend, its something I can do. I don't have to be myself here, I'm not after any of these men or women. I just have to play my part and help Pyronica score some action. I can do that.  
  
She led us to an empty table and started giggling. "Do you see any cuties?"  
  
"Well I don't exactly know what your preferences are."  
  
"Someone with a lot of meat. Juicy and bite sized~" she purred.  
  
"Lean muscle, fatty meat or tough meat?" I ask idly, a part of me should be horrified that Pyronica was planning on eating her unfortunate date but its biologically hardwired into her and I have no right to judge her for it anyway. "Also, if you plan on eating them afterward, at least tell them so."  
  
"Aw why? They wont accept if I do that." She whined.  
  
"Consent is the most important thing. If you don't let them know exactly what they're in for it just...feels rude." I catch the eye of a waitress and she hands us a menu.  
  
"But that's no fun. Their screaming is the best part..." She pouts and I roll my eye at her.  
  
"I'm not gonna help you trick some poor sap into feeding you unless you're honest with them."  
  
"Isn’t it hypocritical of you to be preaching honesty?"  
  
"Hey, I don't lie during a Deal. I can't. But language is a funny thing, words can be interpreted in multiple ways. Besides, that and this are completely different."  
  
"It still feels no fun. You're no fun Py."  
  
"I'm ok with being no fun sometimes. Besides, I'm here tonight to make sure no one takes advantage of you."  
  
"Pfth you know I can take care of myself."  
  
"It doesn’t stop me from worrying about you."  
  
"Fine~mom~" she drawls but I catch the warmth in her smile and I grin back. I don't usually get to be the mom friend, preferring to act like the child I resembled and let people dote on me. The only times I got to 'mom' someone was the kids I babysat.  
  
We ordered some toasted ravioli (with Shmeep cheese filling) to snack on. Pyronica wasn’t sure if I should be allowed to have any alcohol but there was a mudslide on the menu (with milky way cream) and I really wanted it. "Please? It's JUST a mudslide. I haven't had one in almost FOREVER. And I'll order more food too." I batted my eyelashes at her and she laughed.  
  
"You have no idea how weird that looks while you're wearing my face." She cackled but finally relented. She ordered a bloody Gary for herself. I stared at the eyeball floating in it. "You want the eyeball Py?" She asks as she picks it out.  
  
"No thanks." I say as I sip my drink. The only eyes I've ever eaten were from fish. Oooh~ they might not have chocolate on this planet but the sugary sauce they used as a substitute wasn't bad.  
  
"Make sure you eat before you drink anymore. If its anything like last time you should probably eat half the bowl first."  
  
"I'm not THAT bad Ronica!" I pout even as I toss a handful of the ravioli into my mouth. Ooh, salty. I take this time to admire the tastebuds of the body I was in. I slowly chewed on some ravioli and contemplate the flavor.  
  
Not bad. The cheese was creamy and it oozed out as I bit into the pasta shell. As I munched on the food a spider-like alien clattered up to us. "Hey ladies~" he chittered in an admittedly sexy voice.

  
  
"Hwey." I say with my mouth full. He looks somewhat taken aback but to his credit, he recovered quickly and pasted on a smile. I note that his legs were pretty cool looking. Ah-I wish I brought my sketchbook. I want to draw him, his anatomy was amazing. Pyronica notices my scrutiny and nudges my foot under the table with a wide grin and a waggle of her eyelid.  
  
I roll my eye and take another sip of my drink.  
  
"So I couldn't help but notice you two were sitting here alone." Spider-dude says casually as he leans against our table. I look at Ronica and make a questioning look with a subtle head tilt towards the man. She inspects the guy and sighs. "Well we're not alone since we came together. Just a fun girls night out ya know?"  
  
"Well are you and your...sister having fun so far?"  
  
"I would like to dance a bit, but..." Pyronica leans in a bit closer to the alien and mock whispers "...my sister is a bit shy and I'm afraid of leaving her alone at the table."  
  
Dammit Ronica. The point of this evening was to set YOU up with someone! Not me! I kicked her a little under the table and she just grins and winks at me. Jerk.  
  
"Oh, I would be more than happy to keep her company. Don't worry, we'll stay here the entire time. I promise I won't try and take your sister off anywhere." He laughs, a friendly sound. "You can go dance and have fun."  
  
"Hm...I'm not sure...will you alright with a stranger for a little while Py?" Pyronica asks me.  
  
"Um...it should be fine. I-if we're just gonna be sitting here..." I say while peering up at him from my long eyelashes. He smiles kindly. Somewhat suspicious, I do a surface scan of his thoughts.  
  
'Man this gal's adorable. The shy ones are so much cuter.'  
  
Huh? Interesting. Well he's not wrong. I like the shy type too, they're super cute and I just want to protect them. I'm still a little wary of the guy but I don't mind just hanging out while Ronica goes to dance. I caught her eyeing up a soft looking alien on the dance floor. I will admit, it looked tasty. Hopefully she'll keep my words in mind and ask before she eats him.  
  
"Okay, you two behave while I'm gone 'kay~?" Pyronica laughs as she struts onto the dance floor swinging her hips.  
  
The spider-dude smiles at me, open and friendly. His thoughts reflected that. Well, what do you know? I guess there ARE such things as nice guys.  
  
"So what's your name?" He sits in Pyronica's recently vacated seat. The chairs here were mostly stools, keeping in mind most of the patrons odd body shapes. I grab another ravioli before answering. "πtoria. What's yours?"  
  
"I'm Praxawish. It’s very nice to meet you."  
  
We chat about simple things. I'm pleasantly surprised to find out he isn't bad to talk to. No inappropriate flirting or remarks. Just friendly conversation. It was nice. I giggle at a funny story he recalls about a dumb thing one of his 32 siblings did when they were hatch-lings.  
  
"What about you? Any embarrassing stories you'd like to recount about siblings?" He grins conspiring with a head tilt toward the dance floor where Pyronica was grinding between two different guys. Looks like she was having fun.  
  
"Well Ronica has always been the more out going one." I twirl my straw around my glass. The basket of ravioli had long since been emptied. I pick up the menu to see if there's anything else I might want. Praxawish got me another drink when my mudslide ran out. A fruity green martini that tasted sweet and sour.  
  
"Once, when we were shopping, she saw a dress she wanted but we didn't have enough to buy it so she ate it."  
  
"Seriously?" He laughs.  
  
"Yeah. It was disgusting. She spit it out when we got home and I was forced to clean it." I giggled. I didn't even realize she'd stolen the dress until we were back and she just vomited it out onto the floor. I freaked out and made her clean the floor while I fixed the dress.  
  
I sat both Ronica and Xanthar down for a long talk about cleanliness and how if they make a mess it's on them to clean it or I will turn them inside out for an hour as punishment. They frantically nodded and were a lot more careful when eating from then on.  
  
"So do you have any hobbies?" He asks next.  
  
"Well, I like singing actually." I blush lightly. God I loved music. I've already broken out in song and dance around the house and was pleasantly surprised that Pyronica didn't make fun of me for it. I know Bill's voice wasn't the nicest thing to listen to. The echo-y effect was ever present.  
  
"Singing huh? I'd like to hear that."  
  
"Oh...well..." I wiggled in my seat. I really wanted to. I loved performing in front of people. "I'm not very good at it..." I say quietly.  
  
"Aw~ I'm sure you're fine. Come on? Just a little?"  
  
I started humming a little. _"I learned to slam on the breaks~before I even turn the key~before I make a mistake~before I lead with the worst of me~"_  
  
I was singing softly and it was hard to hear over the music but as I went on I got a little louder as I fell into the easy rhythm of the song.  
  
_"Give them no reason to stare~no slipping up if you slip away~so I got nothing to share~no I got nothing to say~"_  
  
I closed my eye happily, it was so much easier to sing when I didn't have to see the people around me. As much as I liked performing, the staring never failed to make me flush.  
  
_"Step out, step out of the sun~If you keep getting burned~Step out, step out of the sun~Because you've learned~ because you've learned~"_  
  
I heard some clattering and opened my eye to see a few of the people from nearby tables had turned to face me. When I faltered one of them waves and says "Don't stop. Keep going girl!"  
  
_"On the outside, always looking in~Will I ever be more than I've always been?~'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass~"_  
  
I noticed Pyronica was coming back over, her arm wrapped around a plushy looking alien. I'm going to have to ask him (her?) If Pyronica explained what going with her entailed.  
  
_"I'm waving through a window~I try to speak, but nobody can hear~So I wait around for an answer to appear~While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass~"_  
  
This was fun. If only I could get them to sing along, have a whole chorus behind me. That would be amazing.  
  
_"I'm waving through a window, oh~Can anybody see~is anybody waving back at me?"_ I finished.  
  
There is some applause and a cheer. I flush and hide my face. Its been so long since I've actually sang in front of a crowd. Pyronica comes over and coos at me. "I didn't know you could sing so nicely?"  
  
"So you're saying my other times aren't nice?" I ask sarcastically. She giggles. I push her playfully and laugh. "So who's your new friend?" I ask as I look over the admittedly juicy looking alien she'd found. Lot of meat on this one.  
  
"This is Bob."  
  
"Bob?"  
  
"Bob."  
  
"Oh...hello Bob."  
  
"Hi." Bob said in a high pitched squeak.  
  
"Has my sister explained what it means to go with her?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
I turned to Pyronica with an unimpressed look. She tries to look innocent. "If you don't tell him, I will."  
  
"But Py~"  
  
_"Ooh here she comes~ watch out boys she'll chew you up~ ooh here she comes~ she's a ma~niac!"_ I sang and Pyronica groans and slaps a hand over my mouth. "I think letting you sing was a mistake." She grumbles.  
  
Needless to say, Pyronica did not get any action that night. Praxawish also beat a hasty retreat once he realized my species was one that ate their partners after copulation. Really? You'd think that would sound normal to him, or is that incredibly racist of me to say so? I was a little sad since he actually seemed like a surprisingly nice guy. But I wasn't really looking for a relationship anyway.  
  
Still, it was a very peaceful evening. I felt relaxed and content somehow.  
  
After much sad whining from Pyronica I made a construct for her to mess around with. She was amazed I could create a soulless living body to her specifics. Once we'd made the empty shell to her tastes (literally) she took him back to her room and didn't come back out until hours later with a bulging belly.  
  
She looked quite pleased. I just shuddered. Eating your partner after sex grossed me out. Still, at least I didn't have to watch.  
  
\---  
  
**-Pyronica intermission-**  
  
Pyronica giggled happily as she led the meaty stud to her room. She didn't know Bill could do this with his abilities. It was incredible just how much power that odd yellow creature had. Thinking about that sent a brief flash of instinctual fear through her.  
  
She's so glad he liked her. And not even in a sexual way, she was grateful for that. The idea of something so...dangerous taking an interest in her was terrifying to imagine. Not that Bill would ever hurt her. Not on purpose at least. She understood him well enough by now to know that.  
  
But his powers were dangerous. And sometimes his control would slip.  
  
She's seen it. It was scary every time. She grinned and pretended it didn't bother her. Her fear would only stress him out more. Bill had a surprisingly delicate heart under all that gold. He made an effort to act like everything was fine, that he was cheerful and un-bothered by the way everyone was uncomfortable around him.  
  
But she lives with him. She's seen the sides of Bill Cipher that no one else has. She's seen how he clings to Xanthar's side when the big guy has a traumatic flashback of the mistreatment he suffered before Bill saved him. She's seen Bill laughing with innocent delight as he watches a cartoon show about colorful talking horses.  
  
  
  
She's watched Bill fret over 'germs!' as he cleans the house.  
  
She's seen him cry quietly to himself in the dead of night when he thinks no one else is awake. Bill doesn't sleep. He can't sleep. The idea of such a thing made Pyronica sad for his sake. He can never sleep. He can never rest. He can never get a respite from life. Living like that sounded awful.  
  
That's why she decided she would stay by his side. For as long as she can. So she can try to make life even just the smallest bit better for him. Bill has done so much for her. When she'd been arrested by the Federation officers she had been so scared. The Infinetentiary wasn't somewhere she ever wanted to end up.  
  
Bill had saved her. Bailed her out and gotten her charges cleared somehow. Then he even offered her a home with food and all the comforts she could ever want. She didn't have to struggle to steal enough money to make it through life on the daily. She could relax, play and even go shopping to her hearts content. It was a dream come true. And he asked for nothing in return other than just for her to continue being his 'friend'.  
  
How in the name of the great AXOLOTL himself did such a kind-hearted creature end up with all those horrible labels? Sure he was dangerous and his powers were unstable but Bill wasn't malicious. Pyronica couldn't understand how the universe could be so...blind and stupid to what was right in front of them.  
  
She shook her head. No use in trying to figure out why the universe was unfair. She'd always known that. That's why she decided she would live life to its fullest and have fun whenever she could.  
  
She giggled as she pulled the construct into her room and shut the door. Speaking of 'fullness'...  
  
\---  
  
Bonus pic of Pyronica and Bill

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, question time~
> 
> 1\. Does anyone have any ideas for alien species that could potentially exist?
> 
> 2\. Would you guys be okay with cross-overs? Nothing major, just maybe dimensions and aliens from other shows?
> 
> 3\. Po-tay-to or po-tah-to?
> 
> 4\. Magical girl contracts? Yay or nay?
> 
> \--
> 
> Also, mom keeps bringing up marriage. Ugh. I'm 27 now, nearly the age mom was when I was born. She's worried about me, I get that, but I'm not even dating anyone, let alone marriage. Dad was 16 and mom was 20 when they first met and they married a few years later. Mom doesn't seem to understand that the world isn't like that anymore. Plus, I just don't have any drive to find a significant other.
> 
> I COULD go out and try meeting people but why would I even do that? I don't have any desire for a mate and I guess I COULD just marry someone for the financial benefits, one of my friends offered and I platonic love him but I cannot see us married. Not even just for convenience.
> 
> He sets off my OCD and mild-germaphobia CONSTANTLY and it's kind of stressful. I love you dude, you're my friend, but I just...can't deal with you sometimes.
> 
> Sorry for ranting about my personal problems here.


	24. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having more friends is always good, but sometimes I worry if I'm not raising them correctly, wait, when did I become a parent?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Finished my Cosplay  
> https://78.media.tumblr.com/621479d899a6cb4fb3f881880b0aaba3/tumblr_p5rhak7DLZ1x2rcv1o1_1280.jpg  
> Sorry for the awful photo, I can't take pictures

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 23**  
  
**-My friends look like this-**  
  
\---  
  
I find all sorts of weird things in the Nightmare Realm. There were plenty of mindless creatures formed from my power inside my bubble. The jellyfish were an ever present local fauna I've found in here. There were other things forming over time too. Skittering insects, a giant light bulb with legs, rocks that look like faces and other random things.  
  
The emotions and thoughts seeping into this world from ALL dimensions made it so things were always changing. Only the house I've made stayed somewhat static, even then I was always changing the house and adding/moving rooms. I wasn't sure why I kept coming back here despite being all alone here.  
  
I had another house outside now. A huge floating fortress still under construction where Xanthar and Pyronica live, floating in space in a dimension outside of Federation control. A place where I wouldn't have to be alone. Yet still I came back here. Here to watch the world outside my bubble crumble and rot. Maybe this was another way for me to punish myself. Just sit at the edge of the ever shrinking bubble and watching everything crumble away. To know that in the end, that's what would happen to everything...  
  
No. No. Dammit Bill! Resist your emo urges. Ugh, just imagining it was so cringe-worthy. Me as a triangle, dressed in ripped black clothing, heavy make up and an emo-wig...it was so stupid looking I could cry. I shook myself out of my thoughts and fed more power into the bubble to expand it back to its original size.  
  
As I was floating back to my house I noticed the writhing shape on the ground. Curious to see what my power has formed this time, I went down to look at it. A collection of squares and rhombus folded around in a vague string-like formation. As I blink my large eye at it, an eye opened on one of the squares and blinked back. We just stared at each other for a bit.  
  
Um...how do I deal with this? I float lower and poke at one of the squirming rhombuses. Rhombusi? Whatever. The creature squeaked and folded into a ball when I poked it. Aw~it’s adorable. I smile at it gently. I have a strange fondness for the things born from my power. I'm creating life, sort of. Does this make me a mother? Sadly, none of these creations were truly alive, they didn’t have Souls after all.  
  
"Hey, no need to be scared. I'm not gonna hurt ya." I land on the ground and kneel down to softly pat the creature's side. It squeaked and shivered but I continued petting it soothingly and singing quietly.  
  
"月光光~照地堂~"  
  
It was hard to sing a lullaby with Bill's voice but I sang as softly and gently as I could. The creature slowly stopped shivering and uncoiled enough to look at me. I was surprised to see more eyes open up. They stared up at me and I felt my insides flutter. It was soooo cute~

  
  
I sang some more, the lyrics I learned from my mom, who got them from grandpa.  
  
"买猪肚~猪肚肥~买牛皮~"  
  
The creature had fully unraveled now and was watching me curiously. I gently picked it up to cradle to my bricks as I recited the poem.  
  
It warbled happily as I slowly floated back to my house. I froze in surprise when I sense emotions, real emotions, not just the clouds of it that gather everywhere, coming off this creature in my arms. Was it sentient? The first sentient creature to form out of my powers. This was pretty damn important if that were true. How was it possible for my powers to create true life? Did this little guy have a soul? I'd have to ask Ax.  
  
I started feeding my power into it, slowly, gently, a small burst of flame to see if it was truly mine. If it could handle me. It makes a happy sound and shifted, growing another block. I blinked in surprise. It really was mine. Oh my god. I'm a parent. I am SO not ready for this.  
  
  
  
Slowly beginning to panic and giggling to myself half hysterically I blink away from the Nightmare Realm, still cradling this...thing in my arms. Ax!!!! Help!!!  
  
—  
  
**-...it is...born from a mix of your powers and an amalgam of emotions from across the multiverse.-**

  
"So this is REALLY my baby?!"  
  
**-I am not sure…you haven't exactly...birthed it...its simply a living creature formed from the emotions and consciousness of many people and a spark of your power. Also it is not a baby.-**  
   
"Oh thank YOU, what do you mean not a baby?"  
   
This amorphous creature didn't think in words. But there was an intelligence there. I could feel it. It certainly felt sentient, and young. I gave it a bit more of my flame and it twitched as it grew larger again.

  
"Ah bah?" It said.

  
"Ohmigosh it’s talking!" I freak out.

  
**-It was always capable of speech, it is simply too unstable to truly focus enough to do so. A side effect from being born from several million thoughts I suspect.-**

  
"Is...is my power helping it? Stabilizing it? Giving it more power to develop individuality?" I muse as I held this weird folding shape in front of me. The creature blinks its many eyes at me.

  
"Bih ah nah?" It says.

  
**-What do you plan to do with this creature Zyun-Jan?-**

  
It’s been a very long time since Ax has called me by my true name. I glance at him in surprise. "I...guess I'm keeping it." I say at last.

  
**-This would be good for you. You need more friends.-**

  
"A new friend?" His words tickled something in my mind. A memory of something important...something...about this creature...it looked familiar. Why? It’s newly formed so there's no way I would have seen it before-

  
Wait.

"Amorphous Shape?!" I cried as I looked this creature up and down. There were much fewer blocks than I remember seeing from the show. I guess he's not fully grown yet?  
  
At least I have a better idea of what to do now. I thank the AXOLOTL for his help and blink back to base. I need to show Pyronica and Xanthar.  
  
\--  
  
"...So...who's the mother?"

  
"For the last time Pyronica! This is NOT my kid!"  
  
Xanthar is poking the shape curiously. The amorphous shape was folding and unfolding itself into different configurations while waving its tail/arm/feelers(?) around. "Dah sah nah!" It said happily.  
  
"I dunno Bill...you come home with a baby that apparently you created...I'd say you're a father now."  
  
"Ugh. No. First off, it's not a baby, it’s mind is just kinda scrambled right now. Once it stabilizes it'll probably be able to speak coherently. Secondly, I didn't create it. It just...kinda formed...besides, children I bear would probably be round...maybe?"  
  
"You don't know?"

  
"I've never given birth before! How the ever licking FUCK should I know?!"

  
"So..." Pyronica glances at the giggling shape playing with Xanthar. "How do you stabilize it?"

  
"Like this, hey Ammy, come here." I wave at them and the shape slowly slides over along the ground to me. I produce a small flame and it sinks into its multi-squared body. Amorphous Shape wiggled and grew a little larger, another block formed, making his chain of shapes a little longer.

"That's...good..." It said. Judging by the sound of the voice, it was probably a He, but I wouldn't be sure without asking. It was super weird to think that this creature I was singing a lullaby to wasn't actually a child.  
  
Its voice was like a mix of multiple people speaking at once, all male voices but different, and the blocks would glow slightly as it spoke. Kinda like how my bricks flicker when I 'speak'. I held out my hand with more fire and the shape reached up to wrap its tail/hand/limb(?) around my hand.  
  
"OooOoh~that's much beh-ter..." It sighs as more blocks grew and it floated a little off the ground. I watch it, mildly curious and somewhat confused. I know I denied parenthood, but this creature DID form out of the frothing mess of the Nightmare Realm within my bubble of stability.  
  
Did this count as my child? I wasn't ready to be a mother so I chose to believe it WASN'T my kid. I didn't birth it. But I still had a responsibility to take care of it (him?).

  
"So...what's your name?" I asked it. The amorphous shape tilted a few blocks in confusion. "I...don't think I have one?" It/he said at last.  
  
"Well I've just been calling you Amorphous Shape in my head..."  
  
"Oh! I like that. That's a good name!" Amorphous Shape says delightedly. He (it?) wagged his tendril/tail(?!) around wildly. I sighed. "Ok, Ammy, just to clarify are you a boy or a girl?"

  
Amorphous Shape blinks slowly at me, all their eyes blinking separate from each other. "I...think I'm a boy? I...I don't actually know...give me a break here, I just gained enough self-awareness to even think.”  
  
Pyronica was looking back and forth between us. "Bill are you sure..." 

  
"Oh my god! Ammy is NOT my son! I don't think it works like that." I pout angrily at the Cyclopian.

  
Amorphous Shape stares at me before turning to Pyronica with a flat look. "Yeah...no. I don't think this is my parent? I just...kinda came into existence?”  
  
"For something only a day old you sure talk a lot." Pyronica pokes at Ammy's blocks and he folds away from her. "Don't do that. You have claws. I may not have been aware for very long but I know enough that I know you're dangerous."

  
"And me?" I ask, secretly amused at Pyronica's offended expression.  
  
Ammy looks at me more closely. "You are..." He jerks back in surprise. "You are extremely dangerous. The abstract emotions that formed me are telling me you are horrifying.”

  
He looks a little uncomfortable. "They are telling me I should run away very far. But..." He looks around the base at the brick walls and many couches. "I also feel...safe? Your energy has given me stability. Despite what my core tells me, I feel that I belong here..."  
  
"Well I guess...you're my responsibility now huh?"  
  
"Indeed."

  
This was so weird.

  
\---  
  
I was worried how Amorphous Shape would fit in around the house but he adapted well and Xanthar seems to like him. Pyronica still seems to be under the impression that Ammy was my son, despite the BOTH of us denying it furiously. Ammy was a very curious creature. The emotions he was formed from seem to have all mixed up inside his very being until he was left with just a very mild personality.

  
Any major emotion was negated by its equal opposite and this left Ammy a pretty bland person all things considered. Pyronica called him boring. I decided to take Ammy with me to see more of the world in hopes that he would use his experiences to start building a true personality. A personality is the persona you create in response to outside stimulus after all. While I don't consider myself Ammy's mother (father?!) I do feel a certain need to help him grow.  
And it wasn't just because he literally needed my Fire to grow.  
"What's that?" Amorphous Shape points at something we see while floating around a random planet.  
  
"That's a Red-backed Slizard."

  
"Why are they called that?" Amorphous Shape asks in confusion while floating closer to peer at the large reptilian creature.

  
"Because the guy who first discovered and named them was red-green color blind. And no one bothered to fix the name." I reply.

  
"Ah. I was wondering why it was so mistakenly described." Ammy waves his arm/tassel/limb at the green creature, it hisses at him and burrows underground. "Well that was rude." Ammy sounds so affronted I burst out laughing.

  
\---  
  
Pyronica is a terrible influence.

  
We were meandering through a craft market (Handmade pots! Quilts! Preserved embryos in jars! Eee so cute!) when Ammy saw Pyronica shop lift something off a table and tried to do the same. His technique wasn't as good as hers, she's had YEARS to hone her skills, and was startled when the stall owner began screaming 'THIEF' at him.  
  
I floated up to the table and immediately the stall owner turned white. Literally changed colors right in front of us. Space chameleons! That's pretty cool. "Ammy, put that back." I scolded lightly.

  
"But Pyronica took one?"

"Pyronica is an unrepentant kleptomaniac. Please don't mimic her. It's bad enough I have to bail her out of hold-in every few weeks..."

  
Pyronica elbows me lightly and whispers "Ooh~using your mom voice~" I poke her horn in irritation. "I never took YOU for a law abiding citizen Bill." She says as I pull Amorphous Shape away from the still white stall owner.

  
"I don't give two fucks about the law but shop lifting is just plain rude." I adjusted my hat primly.

  
"You have the weirdest hang ups Bill."

"Oh that's hilarious coming from YOU. Wasn't there that one time you-" my comeback was interrupted by a buzzing from my bowtie. "Ugh. Seriously?"  
  
I looked over at my friends. Pyronica was poking at Ammy's eyes as he closed and opened them on different blocks along his body. Xanthar was a few stalls behind us, snuffling at bottles of exotic tree sap. "Hey Ronica, can you watch the kids while I go to work?"

  
She flushed as her flames flared. "What?!"  
  
"If you insist that I'm the father, that makes you the mom. Or vice-versa, I'm not picky." I said innocently, though my mischievous smirk probably wasn't hiding my teasing.

  
"Ugh. Ew. No. No way." She shudders.  
  
I gasped dramatically. "You deny our lovely children Ronica?"

  
"Stop~" she whined. "Ugh, fine! I'll stop teasing you about that."  
  
"Glad you understand." I giggled. "But seriously, can you watch Xan and Ammy while I'm gone?"

  
"Yeah sure. You go do your demon thing." She waves a hand dismissively at me.  
  
"I better not find you all arrested when I get back."

  
"Oh please~what's the worse that can happen?"

  
\---

  
"...."

  
"Not. One. Word."

  
I stared at the burning marketplace and all the screaming people running around. A nearby stall exploded. My eye twitched.

  
  
  
"I leave you alone for TEN MINUTES!" I screech.  
  
"Hey, I haven't been arrested." Pyronica protests.  
  
"But Xanthar was!" I wave my arms around frantically.  
  
"He escaped." Pyronica shrugs.

  
"That's not the POINT!"

  
A stall collapsed and it's wares, a bunch of screaming heads, began hopping around adding to the noise around the chaotic market. I could feel a headache forming. I see Xanthar's large shape running around while being pursued by the local security team.  
  
"Where's Ammy?" I sighed.

  
"Erm..."

  
I turn to stare at her. She shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot. "You lost Ammy." I say flatly.

  
"He's not LOST...I saw him at the twisted furniture booth..."  
  
I look at the furniture booth, what was left of it at least. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Stay calm. Stay calm. I REALLY didn't want a repeat of Rampaging Mama Bill™ and the disapproving look that Ax would give me if I did so.  
  
After a few billion years it was easy to open my Eye and scan through all the images of the area. I could do this with just the barest thought without trouble now. The images flashed upon my bricks and Pyronica stood quietly watching me. Finally my bricks stopped on an image of Amorphous Shape and I floated off to find him. It seems he's discovered the food stalls and was rubbing himself over all them, not eating them, just...touching them so no one else could eat them. Seriously? I'm going to have to sit him down and explain respect again.

  
Pyronica follows meekly.  
  
\---  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Unknown to BOTH Bill and the AXOLOTL, Ammy sort of IS Bill’s child. An ejected Piece buried deep within the ground, cracked and disjointed from rough handling and neglect. A round shape broken into straight edged shards. The remains of a destroyed planet, the emotions seeping through the tears in reality gravitating towards it, twisting it, shaping it, a blank slate being dyed a multitude of different colors. A newborn formed from bits and pieces of other people over the course of many centuries. Amorphous Shape ISN’T a child, he’s been incubating for years and years.
> 
> The song/poem is a little thing my mom taught me.  
> 月光光，照地堂，年卅晚，摘檳榔，檳榔香，摘子薑，子薑辣，買蒲達，蒲達苦，買豬肚，豬肚肥，買牛皮， 牛皮薄，買菱角，菱角尖，買馬鞭，馬鞭長，起屋樑，屋樑高，買張刀，刀切菜，買籮蓋，籮蓋圓，買隻船，船漏底，沉死個番鬼仔，一個蒲頭，一個沉底。  
> It's actually a...how do I explain this? Google translate doesn't help much in this case. Anyway, the words rhyme in Cantonese and the end of the poem talks about how a boat sinks and drowns some white people (using a rude term to refer to them). I know its a reference to something that happened in history(?) But I don't remember off the top of my head.
> 
> Its a very odd poem. I remember another children's song I was taught that was essentially sung to the tune of London Bridge is Falling Down but the lyrics are-  
> "Baby bird falls in the water~in the water~in the water~a baby bird falls in the water~and gets swept away~"
> 
> I feel like a lot of my childhood songs were kinda morbid.
> 
> \--
> 
> Question time-
> 
> 1\. How much blood or gore are you guys ok with? I personally love gore and other graphic depictions of organs and stuff but I know not everyone is okay with that sort of thing.  
> I won't write anything TOO graphic but I figured I should ask just in case.
> 
> 2\. I want to make Bill/Jan play around with more human forms because if I ever got shapeshifting powers I would definitely turn myself into a hot guy just so I can swoon over my own reflection (I have issues) and I promise I will have good reasons for putting them in (even if they're pretty self indulgent) so I'm just asking everyone to be patient with me when I do so.
> 
> 3\. I've already decided this will eventually be a Bill/Ford fic but other pairings haven't really been set yet. I haven't really been thinking about other pairings but if people have something they want to see I'll consider it, doesn't mean I'll do them but at least I'll have an idea of stuff to think about.


	25. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm always surprised at how stupid people are sometimes. How did something this dumb survive evolutionarily?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Working on Kryptos's story and having some trouble getting it to...be interesting...in better news, Teeth's story is more or less done and I've got some stuff written out for Paci-Fire as well. Of course with the timeline I've drawn out for myself, Paci-Fire doesn't join till after Keyhole and Hectorgon so it won't come up for a long time.
> 
> This is what happens when I write the story out of order and have to go through multiple notes to find where the next chronological part is. Unfortunately that is the only way I can write since I get bored when working on one thing for too long and just open up another page to write something else for a while...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 24**  
  
**-My weakness-**  
   
\---  
  
So apparently some of Ammy's blocks had special properties. For one thing, they were detachable. Two of them link into each other, if you left one in one place, you can look through the other to see through it. You could also travel through them. I stuck my hand into a block and stared at my hand sticking out of the other block.  
  
"Neat." I say as I wiggled my fingers.  
  
  
  
"That tickles." Ammy shivers as I remove my hand. Well this was an interesting tidbit to learn. There was so much about Ammy I still didn't know, he was the ONLY one of his kind after all. I was excited to learn all I can. Not knowing something is a feeling I haven't had in so long.

  
So. Very. Long.

  
I shake myself out of the melancholy thoughts and start inspecting Ammy's other blocks. Not all of them had the 'portal' effect. Some of them didn't seem to do anything. The purple blocks only seemed to exist for the sake of having his arms/tendrils growing out of them.  
  
His eyes can close and reopen on a different block. If his eye was on a block, you could no longer stick stuff through them. What worried me was the fact that he didn't seem to have any natural defenses or method of fighting to protect himself. His body looked pretty flimsy and came apart easily. I worried.

  
Xanthar is big. He's heavy and strong. If something happens I know he can at least defend himself long enough for me to come save him. Pyronica is quick and vicious in a fight. I don't have to worry for her too much. The only thing she has to watch out for is Federation officers and their advanced weaponry.  
  
But Amorphous Shape doesn't seem capable of any sort of combat. It made me fret over his safety. Since my powers are what help him form his blocks, could I decide what abilities his blocks have? Could I give him something that he can use to protect himself?  
  
Another thing to worry about is Ammy's complete lack of morals. To be fair to him, he is a young existence that formed from millions of screaming voices within a realm of chaotic nightmares and the fire that destroyed an entire dimension. I sat him down and gave him a long lecture about right and wrong. He didn't understand them on an empathetic level but he DID understand when I explained the concepts in a more practical way.

  
"Respect is important. Everyone should be treated with respect unless they prove themselves unworthy of it. I don't mean respect as in calling someone 'sir' or speaking to them with superfluous politeness, that's stupid. I mean that you think about their feelings and don't go out of your way to upset or hurt them."

  
"You and Pyronica insult each other constantly."

  
"That's different. We're friends, teasing and joking around is fine when its done for fun, we're not ACTUALLY trying to hurt each other. If I ever do something that hurts her, I apologize. Because I'll feel bad for upsetting her. And because an upset Pyronica is annoying to deal with."  
  
"Ah. I see." Ammy understood how difficult it was to live with an upset Pyronica. So he could understand the need to be respectful towards her.  
"It's the same for every one else you meet. General ground rules are to be respectful towards them. If they are incredibly rude towards you despite your efforts, then they have lost the right to receive your respect."  
  
I know that's not the correct way to deal with this sort of thing but I don't give a flying fuck. I've had enough with people being rude to me and I wasn't going to spare the effort and energy needed to try and be the better man. I've tried being the better person, I've tried to turn the other cheek. I was sick of it. Why do I always have to be the one to step back? Why should I have to be the one to be patient and understanding with people who don't care about my feelings?  
  
It was unfair and I was sick of it. I KNOW the world is unfair. I know that. But it doesn't mean I like it. It doesn't mean I can't just say "Fuck all y'alls" and just do what I want. I've stopped caring. My reputation was bad enough, so why should I go out of my way to try anymore?

  
"So if someone is rude to me even when I try to be nice, I'm free to be rude to them?" Ammy asks.

  
"Eh, try to keep it in moderation. If you just fly off the handle for every offense you'll just cause more problems."  
  
"Like you do?" Ammy tilts a block as he stares at me.  
  
"I have issues with my temper. It is a problem that I'm still working on. Please don't use me as an example of a healthy, rational being.” I sigh.  
  
"...so I shouldn't emulate Pyronica either?"  
  
"Definitely not. She's an awful person and should not be allowed around polite company."  
  
"Don't think I can't hear you!" Pyronica calls out from the other room.  
  
"I know! It's why I'm saying it!" I shout back.  
  
"You're a bitch Bill!"

  
"And you got arrested again just yesterday!"  
  
"Fuck you Bill!"

  
"Ha! In your dreams!"

  
I turn back to Amorphous Shape and he's just watching me. "I don't think I will ever fully understand what Respect is..." He says blandly.

  
\---

  
I haven't taken Xanthar with me during a summoning for a long time. Pyronica came to a few because she was curious about my 'job' and after watching a summoner ask me to bring their dead mother back to life, in which I explained the very specific rules that raising the dead entailed, Pyronica requested not to follow me to summonings anymore.  
  
I guess watching me mold flesh back onto a skeleton made her queasy, though it might have also been due to the corpse screaming once it formed the lungs to do so. My summoner was horrified by the malformed work in progress lump. Look dude, reviving the long dead doesn't really work. I can rebuild the body based on the memories of her mother but the soul is long gone. All I can do is create a living shell that looks like her mother. I cannot create souls. That's the AXOLOTL'S specialty.  
  
If someone dies recently, I can grab their soul before it vanishes and just, shove it back in. But I can't find a long dead soul. Chances are they've already been reincarnated. With a bit of work I could probably find who the reincarnation is but they're a different person now. It was pointless. I wonder if I should put down a clause for my summoning that says **'does not raise the dead or force people to fall in love'.**

  
Back to the topic at hand, I asked Ammy if he would like to watch me work. He accepted and when I finally got another summoning, I took him with me when I teleported away. I was hoping it would be a light hearted job. It was weird, my summoners are always either desperate people who were terrified of me but needed my help, or idiots who don't seem to realize how dangerous I was and call me up for stupid requests.  
  
I prefer the people who don't know who I am. Sure, they're a lot ruder since they don't know how easily I could tear their molecules apart if they happen to anger me, but their ignorance is kind of cute. Unfortunately, today's summon was not one of those.

  
"Bill Cipher..." The muscular alien drawled as he looked me up and down. "Funny, with your reputation I expected someone...larger..."

  
"Who are you calling so short he can ride ants into battle?!" I protest while waving my arms frantically.

  
My client (name, Hubart. Species, Manrilla. Profession, low-level thug working for Liu-Dag, a leader of the Direncor Triads.) just tilts his head in confusion. "What?"

  
"Just an inside joke, don't worry your fluffy little head about it. So what do you want Hubart?"

  
"How do you know my name?!" The Manrilla bristles warily. Amorphous Shape is floating quietly behind me, I don't think my client has even noticed him yet. "I know lots of things." I shrug. "Like how you're not the one who wants this Deal, your boss Liu-Dag is just too scared to summon me himself."

  
I twirled my cane in a way that looked casually relaxed but actually took me years of practice to get right. I used to accidentally fling my cane out randomly. Sometimes it would fly off into the distance and sometimes I hit someone with it, usually me. After hitting myself in the eye with my own cane twice I devoted some time towards just learning how spin it correctly. Yes, I have THAT much time on my hands for the purpose of wasting it.  
  
"Oh right! Um..." Hubart pulls out a crumpled note from his pouch. "Boss said I need to ask you for....ah..." He tries to read the note, his furry face scrunched up in concentration. Oh boy, this was gonna be one of THOSE Deals. I've seen it before.  
  
  
  
The person who wants the Deal doesn't want to experience any of my...quirky side effects, nor my demanded payments, so they send a sacrifice to make the Deal for them. I will admit it's a creative work around. I'm still waiting for someone to try building a remote controlled robot to negotiate a Deal over long distance. Now THAT would be interesting.  
  
"...just...hand note...to Cipher when...he shows up..." Hubart read slowly. "Oh, that's much easier." He smiles at me, completely unaware he's nothing more than a sacrificial lamb delivering himself right before the wolf. I gesture with my hand and the note floats towards me.  
  
Amorphous Shape is watching curiously. He's been doing some reading to learn more about the world and had asked about all the doomsday warnings he's found written about me. Poor thing was so confused at the descriptions of me being cruel and vicious when he's seen me spend days setting up the kitchen for a song and dance number while I'm cooking. He knows I'm powerful and dangerous, but he hasn't seen me truly angry yet. He hasn't seen how sadistic I can be.

  
Part of me doesn't want to show him, part of me wants Ammy to live in ignorance of the fact that I'm a horrible monster. But he was gonna find out someday anyway. May as well break it to him gently by showing him how I am while on my 'job'. Also, I can use this as another lesson on the twisted morality I've been trying to teach him.

  
I take the note. Part of me has already 'seen' what this was about but Hubart doesn't know the exact terms so neither do I. The note was really crumbled, ugh, I hate it when people just ball up a note instead of folding it. So irritating.

  
_To the esteemed Bill Cipher, the terms of the Deal are as follows. The enemies of Liu-Dag will surrender themselves to him, in exchange, you will have the one who summoned you in payment. Do with him as you wish._

  
"Huh. Well what if I don't want him?" I sigh in annoyance. Well, my Deals aren't pen and paper contracts. They are verbal agreements. So I'm going to need Hubart to say it to me himself. There's a reason I went for spoken Deals rather than written ones. So people can't pull this bullshit with me.

  
"So Hubart. How do you feel about your boss?" I ask with a cheerfully friendly tone. I hand the note to Ammy so he could read it as I floated up to eye level with the tall Manrilla. Even as a 5 foot triangle I'm still shorter than most people. Should I make my default size larger? No, any bigger and I'll have trouble fitting through doorways. Curse my wide bottom side. It always makes me feel fat, even though I know that's not how it works.  
  
"The Boss? He's okay I guess. He lets me smash stuff. I like smashing stuff." Hubart says in mild confusion at my question. "So are you going to grant the Boss's wish?"  
  
"I grant Deals, not wishes. There's a huge difference. Wishes are given for free, do I look like some charity case? I expect something in return for my services."  
  
"Well the Boss can pay you. He's got a lot of money." Hubart says obliviously. Too dumb to realize he's been throw away? Or too trusting? "Oh Liu-Liu hasn't offered me anything as paltry as MONEY for this Deal." I flick my bowtie absently.  
  
"Now I have read the note, sadly my Deals don't work unless you say it out loud. So I'm going to tell you the terms your boss wrote out, and you say them out loud. Can you do that for me?"  
  
Hubart nods. So trusting. So much faith in his leader. I can see it in his head. Liu-Dag promising him rewards and praise for volunteering to do this. A gentle smile even as he handed Hubart the note that would make him an offering to the dark god Liu-Dag wants him to summon.

  
"So, just repeat after me. The enemies of Liu-Dag will surrender themselves before him..."

  
"The enemies of Liu-Dag will surrender themselves before him." Hubart repeats diligently.

  
"And in exchange..."  
  
"And in exchange."

  
"The summoner, Hubart, will be given to Bill Cipher as payment. To do with as he sees fit."  
  
"The summoner, Hubart will be...hey wait! What?!"  
  
"It's what the note says." I say with a shrug. Ammy nods and hands the note back to Hubart, who's starting to look upset. "Yeah, the note clearly says that." Ammy confirms.

  
Hubart grabs the note and squints his beady little eyes at it. I see his mouth move as he slowly reads out the message. I can see the exact moment when he realizes he's been betrayed. The note rips under his tight grip and he's shaking. "What?!" He growls.  
  
"Oh? You don't get it? Your dear boss wants to give you up as payment for this Deal. Personally, I'm angry too. ONE toy in exchange for ALL of Liu-boy's enemies? Doesn't sound fair at ALL." I gasp dramatically, looking quite offended.  
  
"I do not want to be your slave-toy!" Hubart says angrily.  
  
"Well, that was the Deal your boss wanted. Now hurry up and say the rest of the sentence so we can get this done already." I tap my foot impatiently.

  
"No! Change of plans! New deal! I become boss and HE becomes your slave!" Hubart shouts angrily, impulsively. My smile turns malicious. "Oooh~I can do that." I rumble with sadistic joy. My hand is covered in blue fire as I reach out to him. "You become your boss and your boss will become mine to do with as I see fit. Do we have a Deal?"  
  
He takes my hand almost before I even finish speaking. The fire flares up and I hold back an ecstatic moan at the sheer pleasure coursing through my bricks, its been a while since I've had a Deal that managed to hit that sweet spot inside me. Something that can satisfy that craving I have for cruel chaos. My power swells and I laugh as reality twists before me. My bricks pulse a blinding flash of light.

  
As the light fades and I'm left reeling in the aftermath of what feels like a cosmic orgasm, 'Hubart' is blinking spots out of his eyes in confusion. "What? Where am I?" He rubs his eyes and looks startled at his hairy arms. I watch his confusion quietly, still pulling myself together after my power surge. Shit that felt nice, a gal could get addicted to that feeling.  
  
"Hello Liu-Dag." I greet him cheerfully. He looks at me, his vision finally clear, and pales. "Bill Cipher."  
  
"What IS it with people just saying my name? It's like they can't think of anything witty and think my name constitutes a whole sentence." I complain to Ammy as he stares in fascination at 'Hubart' who was now beginning to panic as he feels himself up and twists around to look at his own body.  
  
"What's going on?! Why am I-?!"

  
"Ah well, dear little Hubart didn't like the terms you wrote out so he made his own Deal with me." I explain simply. Ammy has already caught on to what I did and looked quite impressed. "You switched them? How?" He asks me. "I didn't believe such a thing was possible."  
  
"I'm a Master of the Mind. Switching them around is child's play." I gloat. I can't help it, despite my nonchalant behavior, it actually took years of practice to pull this feat off. You have to grab onto every part of someone's mind and soul and pull them out without killing them. I worked hard to get good enough to make the switch near instant AND appear effortless.  
  
It's a good thing Deals granted me a power boost. Warping reality took a lot of energy. I keep this fact a tightly guarded secret but Deals that effect Time and Space, such as pulling the minds of two people out of their bodies and swapping them over a long distance in a short amount of time, take massive amounts of power to pull off. Not enough to tire me out but I'd probably only be able to do 5 Deals of that nature in a row before I had to rest and recharge.  
  
"What have you done?!" Liu-Dag screams as he rubs at his hairy muscular arms. He's clearly distressed by his sudden change in species. "Well you see, Hubart decided he wanted to take your place and have YOU be my payment." I nudge Ammy with an elbow. "I guess we have a toy now. Do you think he can be taught to do chores?"  
  
"Wouldn't slave be a more appropriate term? Toy implies he would have fun, or a choice in the matter."

  
"I don't really like the idea of owning a slave, too many bad connotations...oh! How about Minion? That sounds better."  
  
"Minion seems appropriate. Though, I have to ask. If this creature is considered a minion, what am I to you? What are the others to you?"

  
"You, Xanthar and Pyronica are my friends."  
  
"Why are we your friends? What have we done to receive such an honor? I know you received Xanthar as payment for a Deal, much like this man here, so what makes this different?"  
  
"Well...I asked for Xanthar because I wanted him, I wanted to take him away from his abusive owner. Liu-boy is mine as punishment for trying to cheat me. I don't actually want him. I'm just taking him."

  
"And what of Pyronica or myself?"

  
"Pyronica is fun to be around. I wanted to be friends and she went out of her way to make it Official. You though...you were created by me, therefore you're my responsibility."  
  
"And yet, you are kind and fair to me. Despite the fact that you technically own me, you do not think of me as a minion like you do him?" Amorphous Shape continued to ask. "I simply cannot understand what the difference is, between him, Xanthar and I. What makes someone a Friend as opposed to a Minion or Toy?"  
  
"I guess...it would be how much I like them." We were both just ignoring Liu-Dag as he rages about Hubart's betrayal and swears vengeance upon "that ungrateful idiotic ape."  
  
"So you liked me? Even when you knew nothing about me?"  
  
"I wasn't sure how to feel about you at first. But I gave you some time around the rest of us and you fit in well. Xanthar likes you. Pyronica likes you. And I like you. Therefore we are friends."

  
"Is it really that simple? Then if you start to like that man, will he also become our friend?"

  
I haven't thought about that. "Perhaps. It will depend on whether or not we enjoy his company." From what I've 'seen' so far, such a thing was unlikely. "Regardless, according to my Deal, I am free to do with him as I wish. So, do you want to head back to base?"

  
Ammy looks at my newest acquisition and nods. "I am curious to know how he fares living together with us. If his current behavior is any indication, he will not last long."

  
I don't disagree and with a wave of my hand we blink away back to the house.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: He doesn't last long.
> 
> There was an entire scene that I scrapped because I couldn't figure out where to go with it. Bill/Jan gets summoned by a bird-like alien girl who wants to be able to fly without having to get SWOL because of vanity reasons. I couldn't figure out an appropriate karmic punishment for it so it got scrapped and I wrote out Hubart's story instead.
> 
> Also! 1000 hits! Woo! Milestones! Thank you to all 59 of you for your support!


	26. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Often times I wonder why I was sent here. My past life was real right? It had to be real. So why am I here? Why am I Bill? But sometimes, I can't help but be glad that I am here. There's a lot of awful things in this world, but there's some good points too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ANIME BOSTON!!! Just gonna post this and then go have fun at Con. I'm somewhat upset I didn't get a booth at the Artist Alley this year, at least I think I haven't gotten a booth, it's not like they inform us if we didn't get in. Love you AB but the way your Artist Alley is organized isn't really the most efficient or user friendly.  
> Also! My cosplay, in better lighting  
> 

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 25**

 **-Of course you aren't-**  
  
\---

  
As Ammy thought, Liu-Dag doesn't last long.  
  
I'm not exactly nice to him, but I'm not mean either. I set him up with his own room and assign him a few cleaning duties around the house. It's not like I haven't forced Pyronica to clean up the living room a few times. Really, despite the fact that I now OWN him, I'm being incredibly lenient. He has a place to live, I feed him, cloth him and all I ask in return is he sweep the floor, bring us snacks and wash the dishes.

Sure I put him in a maid outfit but it's not like it was an indecent one.

  
But he complains CONSTANTLY. Raging about the indignity of it all. Whining about how a great lord like himself is reduced to a mere slave. Muttering about how he'll find a way to escape and take revenge upon Hubart. He can't even be bothered to do his job correctly. I twitch in irritation as he just sweeps the same spot over and over, making NO progress at all.

  
"Ok that's **IT**!" I fume as I slam my scissors into the table. Liu-Dag jumps and stares at me with wide eyes as I float menacingly towards him. I can hear Pyronica going "Ooh~you're in for it now~" in the background. She didn't really like Liu-Dag, probably because he keeps referring to her as 'woman' and the only thing that kept him from being fried and eaten was the fact that he was MY toy and I'm in charge of his punishments.

  
"I have been NOTHING but patient with you! And how do you repay my kindness? By being a complete DICK about EVERYTHING! I OWN YOU. Do you **even know what that MEANS?!"**  
  
He can't even answer, he's just cowering on the ground. "It means I can do WHATEVER I want to you. I could rip you open and play with your entrails. I could shave you naked and sell you to a brothel in Dimension S3X! I could rearrange the functions of every hole in your body so you eat through your asshole and spew shit from your EYES!"

  
"Finally! Augh, I was getting sick of having this guy around. He is not a good toy." Pyronica remarks as she settles on a couch to watch the show. Ammy hands her a bowl of chips from the kitchen through his blocks and the two munch on the snacks while I terrorize my minion.  
  
"Really though! What did you THINK would happen if you sent someone else to make your Deal FOR you? Did you think he would happily be sacrificed for your sake? He made me a Deal and offered YOU as payment. I'm starting to think HE got the better end of the bargain here because **you are just...AWFUL!** "  
  
I flick my fingers and Liu-Dag cries in surprise as he's suddenly seated in a chair. "Talk to me kid. How do you think I'm supposed to deal with you? What do you think I should DO with you? Clearly you don't enjoy being allowed to have your own room, being allowed to eat the food that I painstakingly cook for everyone, being allowed to walk around and use the many nice amenities in this household, don't think I haven't noticed you playing with the Jacuzzi. So what do you WANT? Do you want me to lock you in a dungeon and have my wicked way with you? Is that what you want, you UNGRATEFUL waste of space?!"  
  
"I..."  
  
"Well? Speak up kid."

  
"I am a lord of the Triads! Not some servant! It is beneath me to perform such labor!"  
  
"Well I love to break it to you kid. I don't give one flipping fuck who you are. But if you're really so unhappy here, the door is that way." I gesture to the giant arching front door leading out into the void of space.  
  
"I don't want to leave, I want my body back! That buffoon is in my body and he is going to ruin EVERYTHING I have been working for! My empire will be destroyed under his rule!" Liu-Dag protests. "I want you to switch us back!"

  
"No can do unless Hubart decides to call off our Deal." I say with a careless shrug. "Also, he's doing quite the fine job in your place. He's actually signed multiple treaties with the other leaders, taken your fiancée out on a few dates, treated her well, even confessed the truth of who he really is...she’s fine with it, likes HIM a whole lot better than she ever liked YOU. Also, half the reason he's doing so well is because he's been listening to her advice, which YOU never bothered to."  
  
Liu-Dag's eyes are growing wide "You lie!"  
  
"You wanna see?" I ask, creating a screen displaying the images seen through one of my many 'eyes' scattered throughout the universe. On it, Hubart (now in Liu-Dag's slender reptilian body) was sitting beside a female of the species, her scales a beautiful shimmering opal color. They were bent over some paperwork and she was helping him read through them as they discussed various financial decisions. Hubart looked very happy and I coo as Frei-Sha (the fiancée) twirled her tail around his affectionately.

  
  
  
A Deal with a happy ending always made me feel all fuzzy inside. I'm not sure if it's because I'm happy or suffering indigestion. However, the outraged despair coming off Liu-Dag was delicious and I eagerly absorbed it. Mm~I can almost taste his tears~  
  
"You have no place to return to. Everyone likes Hubart better. So you can either suck it up and be my minion properly, or you can leave and try to make a new life for yourself. I'll grant you at LEAST the chance to choose." I'm too merciful, I know that, but at the same time, Liu-Dag hasn't really gone out of his way to piss me off, he's just a lazy asshole.  
  
He left.  
  
I burned my mark onto him as a reminder, because the Deal was still on. He still belonged to me. I've simply left him to his own devices.  
  
"So he wasn't Friend material?" Ammy asks in that straightforward way he does. "Naw, I couldn't stand him and neither could Ronica. What? Did you like him?"

"No, I can't say that I do. He was incredibly dull."  
  
"Then there's no problem with him leaving." I turn to float towards the bedroom areas so I could trash his room but Pyronica waves to get my attention. "What's up Ronica?"  
  
"Why didn't you destroy him? I've seen you do much worse to others just for looking at you wrong."

  
I contemplate her question. "Because he belonged to me. I don't want to lose my toys, even if I don't play with them." I respond at last. Because what other reason could there be? I think I'm developing a possessive streak. I already realized that when Xanthar first moved in. He was mine. Mine, and mine alone.

  
This was probably an unhealthy mentality.  
  
Part of me was sad that Liu-Dag didn't want to be my friend. Are Bill's henchmaniacs the only creatures capable of being my friends? Were the powers of Canon that strong? I resolved to not give up hope. There had to be more people out in the multiverse who would be willing to be my friend.  
  
I hoped I could find them.  
  
\---  
  
I decided to introduce everyone to Jheselbraum. It...seemed like a good idea at the time. Besides, Xanthar missed his auntie Jessie.  
  
"So...is she your girlfriend?" Pyronica asks as she stares at the elegant woman wrapped in flowing robes. Said woman actually gives us a disgusted look. "Most certainly not." Jheselbraum says.  
  
"Ew, no, Jessie's like...my cousin or sister…or niece?”  
  
"I find this description of our unfortunate acquaintance just as abhorrent as the previous one."  
  
"Oh sure, tell me how you REALLY feel huh Jessie?" I roll my eye. Pyronica just looks confused.  
  
"Cousin?"  
  
"She's the high priestess of someone who's kinda like family to me..."  
  
Jheselbraum twitches. "Please stop claiming familial relations with the Great One."  
  
"Oh PLEASE~Ax practically raised me. What am I supposed to think of him as?"  
  
"High priestess? Ax? Wait...are you talking about the AXOLOTL?!" Pyronica gasps at me wide eyed.  
  
"Yeah. Big finny guy? Sleeps constantly?"  
  
"Such disrespect-!" Jheselbraum stands up angrily.  
  
"Hey! I have nothing BUT respect for Ax! I owe him more than I can ever repay! And for your information, he LIKES it when I call him by nicknames!"  
  
"I will never understand the concept of respect..." Ammy sighs.

  
"Wait! Wait! The AXOLOTL himself raised you?!" Pyronica's eye was wide as she pales.  
  
"Well, yeah? He took me in after my homeworld was destroyed."  
  
"Because YOU destroyed it." Jheselbraum says with the barest hint of contempt in her calm voice.  
  
"That was an accident and you know it." I hissed at her as my bricks flickered red for a second.  
  
"Intent does not excuse action." She says.

  
I'm trembling. What the hell? What the actual hell?! She knows how much this upsets me! Why does she have to bring it up?! Right here and now?! In front of my friends?!  
  
"Destroyed?" Pyronica asks as she stares at me disbelievingly. I can feel my panic rising. No, no I don't want Pyronica to know about that!  
  
"Is this that thing where someone doesn't respect you even though you're nice to them?" Ammy speaks up.

  
I blink and look at Ammy who's glancing at me and Jessie. There’s a cold feeling inside me.

  
"Jheselbraum. Is that true?" This wasn't even about respect, it was about what Jessie really thought about me. This can't be true right? I know she doesn't like me but Jessie KNOWS me. She knows who, what I am. She knows how important I am. She knows how much I hurt inside.  
  
"I hold no respect nor affection for you. Why should I give you any regard when you clearly cannot do the same?"  
  
"I have always respected you. I’ve always cared about you.” I say quietly.

  
"You are incapable of such things. You can't even understand the concept."

"Are you still mad about the maid outfit?! It was a joke!"  
  
"That is always how it is with you. A joke. A mockery."  
  
"I thought we were friends. That's just how I am! You KNOW this!"  
  
"I know that you are a child who wastes his time playing around, incapable of any serious thought to the consequences of his actions."

  
"I'm OLDER than you!" I fume. Quick bursts of flame leaking out from my seams as the burning rage within me threatens to escape.  
  
"And yet. You are the one throwing this tantrum over simply stated facts."  
  
"You KNOW I have problems controlling my emotions and powers! You KNOW why I am the way I am!"

"You use that as an excuse each time and yet you do nothing to improve yourself."  
  
"You don't even understand HALF the shit I have to go through! You don't even know how hard I'm trying!" I'm breathing harshly as I try so hard not to blow up. I'm burning inside. It hurts. It hurts so much. Like having hot coals shoved inside your stomach. "I expect this shit from Time Baby! Not you! I thought you were smarter than that." I growl. "But apparently you're just as stupid as HE is!"  
  
I can't stay here. I was so angry. Despite how much she's hurt me, I still loved Jessie and I won't allow myself to lose it here. Not here. I turned angrily and snarled. "We're leaving. Come on Xanthar."  
  
Xanthar sadly climbs out of the fountain and walks over to the rest of us. I'm gathering my power to teleport home. I couldn't leave without knowing why though. "Why? Why are you going out of your way to hurt me? To drive me away?" I ask.  
  
"I am the Oracle. The high priestess of the Great One. I cannot continue associating myself with the likes of you."  
  
I laugh at her. Loud, cackling and hysterical. She takes a step back. "What is so amusing?"  
  
"Ahahaha! D-do you even know WHY you're Ax's high priestess?" I gasp, clutching my bricks tightly.  
  
"I was chosen by him. Out of all the shrine maidens brought before the altar. He chose me."  
  
"Bzzzt! Wrong!"  
  
She blinks at me in offended confusion.  
  
"I remember that day. I was there. Sitting together with Ax in that space between spaces and watching the ceremony. When you were all brought before the altar and they all prayed for a sign from him to chose one of you...hahaha...do you know what Ax said?"  
  
"What?" Jheselbraum was beginning to look uneasy.  
  
"He said **-It doesn’t matter, just pick someone for me-** and then he went back to sleep!" I laughed uproariously. This was hilarious. Fucking hilarious.

  
Jheselbraum had gone pale. "No. Lies. You're lying!" 

"Oh Jessie. You KNOW me. You know I don't lie about things like this. Why would I lie to you? When the TRUTH causes you so much more pain~" I sneer. I remember the look on her face when the clouds parted and the light shone down on her. That joy she felt for being personally chosen by the Great One himself. It was so cute.  
  
She collapses to her knees, eyes wide in horror. I laugh viciously. "Don't worry so much Jessie. No one knows except us. And who am I going to tell? It's not like anyone would believe me. The universe is full of idiots who think I need to LIE to get what I want."  
  
I float up and squint my eye into a wide grin. "You of all people should know me well enough to know that the TRUTH causes more chaos and destruction than any lie I could make up..."

With that last parting comment, I teleport me and my friends back to the base. Pyronica is watching me cautiously. Quietly contemplative in a way I don't normally see. "Are you alright Bill?"

My rage has died down. The pain I've caused Jessie by revealing the truth I've hidden for so long did wonders for feeding and satisfying my desires. I felt great. But also...

"I'm not alright." I say honestly. "But I will be. Just...I just need to be alone for a while..." I blink away back to the Nightmare Realm where I'm free to rage and destroy to my heart's content. Here, I can't hurt anyone. Here I can easily fix anything I break.  
  
Here I can forget that anything I break out there isn't so easily fixed. I won't be allowed back in Jessie's temple from now on. I know her. I know her better than anyone, even Ax. Because Ax doesn't care, he cannot ALLOW himself to care. He cannot involve himself in the world outside, keeps himself sealed in the space between spaces and doesn't bother.  
  
I look around the Nightmare Realm. A space between spaces. Made just for me. A place where I could just stay and ignore the outside world. I angrily blast a hole through the upside-down mountain. Fuck that. I'm not Ax. I'm ME. And I'm not going to just hide myself away because I don't want to deal with the world.  
  
I don't blame Ax for doing so. The world is stupid and unfair and painful. But I've see the good that exists out there as well. Few and far between but it's there. Pyronica's laughter. Xanthar's soft fur. Ammy's endless questions about the most inane things. Ax's quiet patience.  
  
I'm not giving up on the world yet.  
  
\---  
  
"So...the AXOLOTL raised you?" Pyronica asks quietly when she finds me later that night sitting at the edge of the front entrance. Is this just the place to go for late night heart to hearts?  
  
"Pretty much. I still visit him often. I'm the only visitor he gets. Not many people are capable of reaching the space between spaces."  
  
"What's he like? In person? Even on my planet we've heard stories about him. The Great One. A being of infinite mercy and wisdom. The most powerful creature in all of existence." She sits down next to me as I kick my legs back and forth.  
  
"Well I'm not sure if his reputation hasn't been exaggerated but...Ax is very nice. He's patient with me. He's always there when I need to talk to him, mostly I just complain about my day.” I kinda feel bad about that.  
  
“He never judges me for the many horrible things I do, the many mistakes I make. Just accepts me for who I am. He gives good advice when I ask for it. I know he cares for me, in his own way." If I'm a Chaotic Neutral then Time Baby is Lawful Neutral and Ax is a True Neutral. That's a good way to explain it.  
  
"But...I have never once heard of the great AXOLOTL actively helping anyone. He's known as He Who Sleeps Eternally. They say that a sign of his mercy is that he won't interfere with the lives of mortals. So why would he take you in? Even if you..." Pyronica is frowning as she tries to puzzle out what made me so special that I could sit at the side of the Great One himself and speak so casually about him.  
  
"Bill, just who ARE you?" She asks at last.  
  
I don't respond for a long time. I just look out at the many galaxies swirling around us, billions of light years away, I remember when that star system formed. I remember pointing at it in delight and nudging Ax to make him look at it too. He humors me, indulges me. Mentor, big brother, father, there were so many words I could use. None of them were truly accurate to describe our relationship.  
  
  
  
The AXOLOTL was someone precious to me. A lone light within the darkness. The spot of hope I know will always be there. Unchanging and unmoving. As much as I needed his reassuring presence to ground me, he needed me to be his equal and opposite. The Time Giants had been the only things in this world as old as him. They died and left him alone with just Time Baby who is always busy. How lonely must Ax have been? I was born for HIS sake. So that he would have a partner. Someone to exist by his side so he would no longer be alone.  
  
Someone who would exist forever just like he would. I'm barely 31 billion years old by this point and I'm already so...tired. How must he have felt? The knowledge from his alternatives informing him that I would be born someday. How long had he waited to meet me? Even with the knowledge of the other Bill Ciphers, their insanity, their violence, he still sought me out. Swimming through space to find me at the center of an explosion strong enough to create the universe.

  
"I'm just Bill Cipher." I say at last. Because that's the truth. I may not have been the intended Bill Cipher, but I AM Bill Cipher. The counterpart of the AXOLOTL.  
  
First the first time, I was happy to be Bill. I was happy that I exist. Here and now. I am Bill Cipher and I exist so that Ax will not be alone anymore.  
  
\---  
  
A/N: Part of me wants to make a Domestic AU of my Bill/Jan, the AXOLOTL and Time Baby living together in a dysfunctional family.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So...Domestic AU? I don't know how that would even work...I feel it would be super self indulgent...


	27. Chapter 25.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rainbow fishes are delicious  
> They flip and flop and grant my wishes  
> All ten bottles chugged as one  
> There's nothing wrong with having fun

illusion **is reality**

**Chapter 25.5**

**-I'm hip to the jive-**

\---

So like...what if I found a planet and just...reshape it into a penis? That sounds like a fun idea. That sounds like a great idea.

Penises are hilarious! All...squishy and floppy and...what was I doing again? Oh right. Penis Planet™ was going to be a thing. I feel like this was a revolutionary idea. Cause like...Penis Planets and...like...they could fuck another planet and then a new planet will be born!

Is that how planets work? Fuck if I know...I never made a planet before...shit.

I should make a planet. Like...how cool would that be? Just make a planet...shaped like a penis. That sounds like a wonderful idea! And...and if I made the planet then...then...um...what was I doing again?

Right. Penis Planet™ will be my planet and Time Bitch won't be able to stop me from doing whatever I want with it...because...um...because it's MY planet and I made it all by myself! Yeah. That's it.

Shit this actually sounds like a great idea. A planet made by me with all the rules I get to choose...wait...fuck the rules! I'm Bill Cipher and I do what I want!

They can say "Oh no~you can't make a planet shaped like a penis! Its unstable and the gravitational forces will be unstable and-" sssshut up! Gravity is a fuckin' lie! Who's the person who said that? Im'ma turn 'em into a...a...shit...what's that word again? 鱼? 金鱼? Goldfish! Yes. That is the word.

Heh. Gold. Heheh. See it's funny because I'm gold and like...

Nevermind you don't get it.

What was I doing again...?

Right. Penis planet™ goddamit I really need to focus. So like...makin' my own planet. That's something I can do right? Aw...but can I make life on it? Uwu~maybe I can ask Ax for help! I mean...he'll support my idea right?

\---

Well Ax is just making weird noises and covering his face. Um...oh! That must mean he approves! Hot day~!

Penis planet™ is go!

Wait Ax why are you turning away? Ax come back~

Wow. In all my years I have never seen Ax swim that quickly. I can barely even see him in the distance now. Bye Ax~

I wonder what was so important he actually got up to go to it? Well, whatever. Dude where should I build this Penis planet™? I could build it here...I wonder if Ax would mind? He's got plenty of Space here.

Heheheh. Space.

See it's funny because Space.

Oh my gosh! I should TOTALLY build my Penis planet™ here! It'll be great. There'll be an amazing landmark in this drab, cloudy place...

 Oh hey. Ax is swimming back now. Hi Ax~

Eh? Wait. What are you doing Ax? Ax? Why're you grabbing me? Wait! Wait! What are you-?!

\---

He...THREW ME! HE FUCKING THREW ME!

He threw me through like...358 different dimensions! It was...

 IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!

Dude.

What a rush. Better than any roller coaster I've ever been on. That speed! That velocity! I think I broke the light barrier, I was travelling so fast. Holy fuck.

I never knew Ax has such a good throwing arm. Who knew, that under that soft and squishy pink skin was some SWOL ass muscles? Where have I ended up?

Oh. Yeah. This is a good place to build. Cool. Thanks Ax~

\---

Ok. So making a planet penis shaped is easy enough.

Making it STAY penis shaped is harder.

No. No. No! Stop curling in on yourself! Stop crumbling and being pulled back into a ball! Stupid lopsided oval thing. I snarl in frustration and reach out to pull at the planet again. Wait, what if I just...

Madness Bubbles everywhere.

Yes! That actually helps the Penis planet™ hold its shape rather well. Yay! Another victory for me! I high five myself and then feel utterly sad and alone. But it's ok. I still have YOU giant penis shaped planet!

And...if I just leave it alone for a while it'll form life! What kind of life will form from a planet shaped like a penis? Oh? It looks like the combination of my Madness Bubbles has caused life to form more quickly?

What did I put in those bubbles again?

Oh right. Porn.

Erm...

Well...it looks like my Penis planet™ has formed...humans? Not really. They just look like humans. They were created from the illusionary forms I placed inside the bubbles after all. Hm...their society is much like what Earth would have been in the modern 2017's.

Just...with porn physics.

The entire planet is a porno. Huh. Why did this happen? Oh woe is me~I just cannot understand why an innocent planet (shaped like an errect cock and balls) and given life through the lewd Nightmares I've collected over the centuries could become a porn planet. How could such a thing happen?

I couldn't help jerking off to some of the things happening on the planet though. Dude. I should videotape this shit and sell porn on the Void markets. Apparently porn is illegal to buy so it can only be found in various underground circles.

I could make millions from this shit. This is GOLD right here. Sexy, erotic gold.

I absently sent a tiny madness bubble, modified into a recording bubble, down into the planet to follow around whoever seemed to have the most interesting lives. It was weird because they've all only existed for like...a few hours, and yet the people living on Penis planet™ have false memories and histories and backstories.

That's cool I guess.

Man. I'm tired. Creating my own planet really took it out of me. I droop exhuastedly and Blink my way home.

\---

"Bill! Where the hell have you BEEN?!"

"Hey Roni~"

Pyronica picks me up by my leg and I dangle in her claws while giggling. Wee~

"Dammit Bill! You drank several bottles of alcohol and then just disappear! What the hell have you been up to?!"

"I don't see him on any of the major news channels aside from several reported cases of seeing him flying past a planet at high speeds." Amorphous Shape remarks as he flips through the channels on TV.

"Bill, you're not allowed to get drunk without us around. Okay?" Pyronica shakes me and I flop around gracelessly.

"Oh hey Roni. When did you get here?" I asked her blearily.

She groans in frustration and drops me into a couch. "Just..lie there until this works it's way out of your system."

"Okay~" I cuddle into a pillow and relaxed. As my vision faded in and out I hear Ammy remark "Found it. Scientists are horrified to discover a new planet seemingly formed within hours. Many are questioning life as they know it due to the impossible configuration of this new world they have tentatively named "Phallus" and will be sending exploration ships to attempt contact with the natives."

I hear a slapping sound and Pyronica's muffled voice going "Dammit Bill."

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: April Fools! Sorta. Kinda?
> 
> Also, sorry 'bout this but I'm gonna be squee-ing over what I've done during Anime Boston...
> 
> Purchases and cool cosplay, lovely fanart on display
> 
> So many guys that could be chosen, my one true love is this EXPLOSION
> 
> Stolen panties all through the day...
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Maid, _maid_ , MAIDS, **MAIDS** _**MAIDS!!!**_
> 
>  


	28. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's nice to appreciate the simple things in life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warning you now, this entire chapter is just Bill/Jan and the gang going out to a restaurant. There’s a tiny bit of plot but mostly just slice-of-life in space. I enjoy slice of life in space.
> 
> Also, just saw Ready Player One. Eeeeeeeee!!! It was so cool!!!

**Illusion is Reality**

**Chapter 26**

**-I've never enjoyed your suffering-**

\---

Pyronica keeps giving me weird looks. She also hid all our alcohol inside one of Ammy's blocks. Weird. Did something happen? I'd try to 'look it up' but I'm not in the mood to flicker through images of the multiverse.

It can't have been that important. Right?

\---

I took us all out to a restaurant. As much as I enjoy cooking, I was tired of cleaning the kitchen afterwards. I know I can just wave my hand and lift up or disperse the mess but it was still annoying. Besides, I love visiting restaurants. In truth I want to go out to eat more often but it's always so...awkward with me, Pyronica and Xanthar sitting around as people cowered.  
  
But now that Ammy's here we have more people! When me and Pyronica go out together everyone just...assumes we're an item. Even with Xanthar there I can hear people whispering "There's Bill Cipher with his woman and his Pet beast." Then those people would activate my Xanthar-Curse, their lips would seal up with stitches and they start mumble-screaming and clawing at their mouths. It was hilarious but made for an unpleasant mealtime experience.

  
And people wonder why I'm so grumpy. I don't appreciate all the gossip. It's rude to talk about me behind my back. It's even ruder if I'm forced to listen to them. But now that Ammy is here people should stop shipping me with Ronica. Right? We’re just a group of friends going out to eat.  
  
Xanthar was happy to go outside, I found a nice restaurant next to a beach with lots of room for Xanthar to run around in. Pyronica loved the view. Ammy was questioning everything as per usual.

"Why are we eating at a place where we must pay money?"  
  
"Because it's fun to eat out every now and then. I can see what other people's cooking is like." I respond as we walk/float down the beach towards the large, colorful building with a sign saying The Pizsta Palace. When I say huge I mean HUGE. The door alone was bigger than Xanthar. Think about that for a second. Bigger than Xanthar!

"But wouldn't it be cheaper to just order take out or-" Ammy starts to ask before Pyronica covers one of his eyes. He doesn't have a mouth so that was the best she could do.

  
"Shhh- Bill's been feeling a little down lately, we're going out to eat because it makes him happy." She whispered to him.  
  
Of course I've been feeling down. I miss Jessie. Even if she's never cared about me, I still miss her. Is it stupid of me to do so? I enjoyed being around her. I had thought...that deep down maybe she liked me too. I guess I was wrong. Part of me wanted to be angry but mostly I was just sad. I pushed my feelings away for now, I can be sad later, right now we have to get these restaurant doors open.  
  
I chose this place because during my 'search' for a place to eat out at I found a place that serves HUGE portions of food. Seeing the size of this place, I suspect the size is due to the fact that most of their patrons are giants.

  
I flick my fingers and the doors swing open before us. I feel like Jack in the giant's house. Everything was huge. The ground rumbled with the heavy footsteps of both patrons and the serving staff. I float us up to the front desk. This place was a casual beach side diner so we didn’t have to deal with reservations, just announce our party size and wait to be seated.  
  
For a second I thought I was looking at a human. A giant human. But my scans showed that the person I was looking at was actually made up of over 15 different creatures. A symbiotic colony made up of separate parts so closely clinging together it looked like a singular organism. Much like a Portuguese Man of War. Except these creatures came together to form something that looked disturbingly like a giant human.

  
"Hello, how many are dining in today?" The 'mouth' creature asked. "Four please." I say simply. The 'eyes' squinted down at us before going wide. I see the eyes start swiveling in panic. The 'hair' rustled in confusion and the mouth makes a startled sound. "Um, please excuse me dear customers, something has come up. Please take a seat while I sort this out."  
  
I sigh. "It's fine. We'll wait. Please resolve it soon, I'm hungry." I wasn't hungry, technically speaking, but I DID want to try the food here, as per usual I would 'eat' the food and teleport it back to my house in the Nightmare Realm for later consumption in a form that had proper taste buds.  
  
I floated my group over to one of the oversized chairs in the waiting room. Pyronica groans. "Is this gonna happen every time we go out? Seriously Bill we need to disguise you."  
  
"I don't want to be you again. That was a strange experience." I mumble as I settle down on Xanthar's head and run my fingers through his fur. "Besides, hiding myself doesn't help at all. In fact I should make MORE public appearances. Just to let people know that I can be perfectly rational and non-violent too."

  
"Why DOES the universe hold such fear of you?" Ammy asks.  
  
"You and Ronica haven't seen me really lose my temper yet. I used to accidentally destroy planets when my powers went out of control. I haven't had that happen for a few million years now though. Ax says my control is getting better." I say before my brain catches up with my (metaphysical) mouth.

  
"Destroy...planets?" Pyronica says slowly. “I know you ate one once but I thought that was a one time deal?”  
  
Shit. Curse my honesty.  
  
"They were all accidents! I've never purposely destroyed a planet! Except the one I ate, but I had a really good reason for doing so.” I try to explain. Amorphous Shape is staring at me wide eyed. "The fact that they were accidents is actually scarier. Exactly how powerful are you?" His voice has an edge of worry to it.  
  
"Eh...I'm...pretty strong I guess..." I twiddle my thumbs and flush orange. Pyronica is furrowing her brow at me "You once called yourself an All Powerful Demon-God." She points out.

"I was...exaggerating..." I protest weakly.  
  
"I'm starting to think you're selling yourself short. You really, truly ARE an all powerful God aren't you?" Pyronica stares at me in awe. Nooo don't do that! I don't want you to treat me any differently! "It's not important okay?! How powerful I am have nothing to do with anything."  
  
"I'd beg to differ." Ammy mutters quietly. I ignore his comment. "Look, we're just here to get some food and then we'll go play on the beach, that sound okay to everyone?"

  
"Sure Bill." Pyronica gives me a crooked smile. I can feel her mild apprehension before it quickly fades and she just smiles at me more naturally. "Bill, even if you are some kind of God, it doesn't change the fact that we're friends."  
  
I don't know if she realized just how much those words mean to me. I quickly blink away the forming tears. I did not want to start crying in the waiting room of a restaurant. "Thanks Ronica..." I mumble as I wiggled happily.  
  
"So...what kind of food does this place serve anyway?" Pyronica luckily changes the subject.

  
"They make Pizsta here." I say, eagerly thinking about it. A fusion of Pizza and Pasta. It sounded amazing and I wanted to try it. My mouth was watering again and I quickly materialize a napkin to soak it up.  
  
"....I can't tell if you're crying or drooling..." Ammy tilts his blocks to stare at me. I squeak and bury my face in the napkin. "S-shut up! It's a reflex ok!? And it's embarrassing!" I moan into the napkin. Xanthar reaches a hand up to poke me reassuringly. Oh Xanthar, you're the best. You never tease me like the others do.

  
"Ah...dear customers? T-there is a table for you..." The usher only stammers a little bit as they come to show us to our seats. "Thank you." I say politely as I float my party with me to follow them.  
  
We get a nice table all things considered. We were besides a window looking out over the ocean. It was quite pretty. I took my hat off as the menus were placed before us. I eagerly looked through it.

  
They had the basic Pizsta which was a cheese pizza made into the shape and texture of spaghetti. You can customize with toppings like mushrooms, sausages made from mindless non-sentient species of animals, fish, various spices and herbs, mashed potato-jelly, legally acquired souls, this planet's version of pepperoni and...pineapples.  
  
I start giggling and Pyronica looks at where I'm staring on the menu and pales. "No Bill! We are NOT getting pineapple Pizsta!"  
  
"Oh come on Ronica! It's not THAT bad." I whine. She continues to shake her head. "I like living dangerously as much as the next crazed maniac, but even I'm not suicidal!" She growls.  
  
"What's wrong with this...Pineapple substance?" Ammy asks in confusion.  
  
"I can't believe they even have the legal rights to serve that stuff here!" Pyronica continues to complain. She shudders in fear and stares at me as I wave a waiter over to order a Pineapple Pizsta fettuccine for myself, with a side of mushroom gnocchi.  
  
"Ah...are you sure you want the Pineapple sir?" The waiter asks, nearly dropping his pen as he hears my order.  
  
"Yup. I would also like some fried calamari as an appetizer, get Xanthar here a bowl of molten marinara sauce and green cheese dressing please. Oh! And can I have a glass of limonade as well?"  
  
"I-if you are sure sir..." The waiter stammers as he jots down my order. He looks at Pyronica and Amorphous Shape for their orders. Pyronica gets a sausage pizsta shell with a side of roasted grubs and zapapple juice. Ammy orders the plain cheese pizsta without any sides or drinks. He doesn't eat much.  
  
"Can someone please explain what's wrong with pineapple?" Ammy asks as soon as the waiter places down several cups of sulfuric acid and a bread basket before leaving with our orders.  Pyronica sips her glass of sulfuric acid and grumbles. "It's one of the most dangerous food items this side of the Federation. That shit breaks down protein. It frickin' digests you as you try to eat it."  
  
I just laugh as Ammy stares at me like I'm insane, which I am (it’s not as big of a deal as people make it out to be), and asks "Why would you do that to yourself?" A few other customers, a large group of Dorioth surfer-bros, jumped at the sound of my laugh. It made quite a mess, frogs THAT big all jumping in panic at once. I absently flicked my fingers and _fixed_ their table.

  
"Because it's delicious." I give Xanthar my glass of sulfuric acid, I didn't like the taste and kind of wished they could just give me water instead.  
  
"Are you a masochist?" Pyronica asks as she squints at me suspiciously. I roll my eye at her. "No. I just happen to enjoy pineapples. They’re sweet and sour and yellow.”  
  
"Who even puts pineapple on pizsta?" Pyronica complains as she thumps her face on the table.

  
We chat about random topics while waiting for our food. I notice that we are once more given a lot of space as the other patrons look to have been hurriedly moved to farther tables. A Jabber couple were cowering as far from us as they could while slapping each other across the face. I resist the urge to sigh. As I wipe some acid off Xanthar's chin I do a quick 'look' to make sure I'll have enough of this planet's currency. Or at least anything else that they'll accept as payment.  
  
Oh, they DO accept Gold as payment. That's good. If they wanted Credits I'd have to use Miz's card and I'm sure the Federation would be able to track that purchase. I stretch a hand out the window to grab some sand to transmute into gold. Sand, the most useful substance for transforming into other stuff. I'm reminded of my very first Deal (Time Baby doesn't count) and feel a wave of nostalgia. How long has it been?  
  
I mold the gold coins underwater as I wiggle my hand around before teleporting them back to base. I'll pull them out when its time to pay. No sense in just carrying it around.  
  
Our appetizer comes out first, along with our drinks and I drool at the breaded, deep fried entire squids. Just a huge bowl full of squids. None of that chopped into tiny rings bullshit. Just, entire squids. I crunch into it happily. Every other squid I ate was actually teleported. Those that I DID eat were broken down as per usual and my bricks warmed pleasantly.  
  
Pyronica was chewing with her mouth open. "Ronica, just 'cause its seafood doesn't mean I want to see food." I scold her lightly. She groans. "Fuck your puns Bill."  
  
"Then don't chew with your mouth open."  
  
"Yes Mom."  
  
The main dishes finally arrived and I slurped my noodles happily. Sadly, my Triangle form wasn't made of proteins and I couldn't experience the sharp tingle of the pineapples until later. I loved the texture of the pasta though. All in all, I'd say I enjoyed this experience. Pyronica kept giving me disturbed looks the whole time.  
  
  
  
My bricks were incredibly warm and I patted them with a sigh. I wanted desert but I'd probably catch fire if I ate anymore. As it was, I was already sticking a hand out the window again to burn off some energy. A waiter came up to us, nervous and asked if we wanted desert menus. Well~if I don't ACTUALLY eat it we should be fine...

  
If I were a real demon, I'm certain my sin would be gluttony.

  
I gazed longingly at all the deserts. Truthfully I wanted all of them but I can tell the workers wanted us to leave. I can just order one thing now and come back here some other time. Maybe I can even come here as Miz so I don't have to deal with frightened workers. Pyronica turned down desert because she was full. Xanthar wanted a milky way shake. Amorphous Shape ordered some sugar beetle cookies and I got a lock lime pie.  
  
The anxious waiter delivered the desert and in his rush to get away from our table the 'legs' tripped and they took a pretty bad fall, a few body parts were knocked loose. I get up from my chair and look over worriedly. "Geez, are you guys okay?"

  
"W-we're fine, ow..." I could tell from my scans that the mouth was injured. He tries to hide a wince. "I could heal you..." I offer.  
  
"No! That's fine!" The body parts pull themselves together and quickly scramble away. The restaurant had gone quiet when he fell, the other patrons watching us fearfully. I sigh and went back to my seat. After a while the chattering of conversation started back up.  
  
Pyronica noticed my mood "Don't worry about it. I'm sure he's fine."  
  
"I know, it's just...I haven't even DONE anything even vaguely threatening today right?"  
  
Pyronica hesitantly pats my side. "Well they're just stupid." I hum in agreement before shoving the whole pie into my eye to store for later. Ammy lets us share his cookies and I helped feed Xanthar his shake. Fussing over him like this really made me feel like a parent. It was a strange feeling but not necessarily bad. As much as I denied being Ammy's mother/father, I enjoyed taking care of him, of all of them. I just wasn't ready to acknowledge myself as a parent.

  
Plus, if I ever do decide that Xan-Xan and Ammy were my kids, what would that make Pyronica? She's pretty much my best friend/sister(?) but people keep assuming we're together. If I ever call Ammy 'son' then people will definitely assume Ronica's the mom. I don't think I can handle that kind of embarrassment.  
  
The thoughts I'm picking up around the restaurant was relief from the other patrons when the waiter comes back out to give us the check. I notice immediately that the 'person' has switched out their mouth for a different one. I guess the 1st mouth was hurt more badly then he let on.  
  
"Are you guys all done eating?" The new mouth asked. I nodded. "Yes, we're ready for the check, please."  
  
There was a pause before the mouth blurted loudly "I'd give you the Bill but you've already got one." The ‘Hands’ immediately slapped themselves around the ‘mouth’.  
  
The entire building went silent. The Eyes were staring down at the mouth in horror. Every part of the body was stiff with fear. The other patrons were frozen as they stared as us wide eyed. There was a thick tension in the air.  
  
"Pfth!" I laughed. "Ahaha! Omigosh! Haha! Hey, Ronica! You get it? Hahaha! Bill! Cause, cause it's my NAME and-"  
  
Pyronica groaned in actual pain as she thumped her head onto the table. "YES I get it Bill. Ugh!" She rubbed around her eye in annoyance as I continued to lose my shit because I am pun-trash. "It's not even that funny!" She complains.

  
  
  
"I beg to differ!" I say before bursting out into laughter, thumping the table with a tiny fist. Pulling myself together, I grin up at the mouth. "But seriously kid, how much do I owe you?"

  
The Hands quickly put the check down. The Eyes were still wide and the Skin was pale. The Mouth opened up, to the horror of the rest of the body and spoke again. "You'd have to check the check. We also accept cheques.”  
  
It was awful and stupid but I couldn't stop laughing. This Mouth was joking with me. I preferred this over that terrified forced respectfulness. It felt really nice to just laugh. I glanced at the total before shrugging, eh, why not? Gold coins rained gently around our table. They clinked along the surfaces they hit as I mentally create more from the sand outside and teleported them all in here. The eyes were staring at the rain of gold with awe. I haven't just paid off the check, this would be enough gold for them to renovate this whole building several times over.  
  
"Thanks for making my day. Keep the change AND the tip." I pop my hat back on and tip it at the mouth. I felt a lot better.  
  
"What's your name kid?" I should make a note to request him as my waiter when I come back again.

"Oh, um...people just call me Teeth." The Mouth says. I grin at him. "Well It's very nice to meet you. The name's Bill Cipher but I'm guessing you already knew that?"

I bid him a fond farewell and a promise that I'll be back to try more of their food sometime in the future. I hear the owner of the restaurant both dreading and anticipating my patronage. On one hand, GOLD, on the other hand, he'll need to make sure I'm given the best service. I hear his relieved thoughts of _"Thank the Great One, Teeth's stupid remarks didn't piss him off..."_  
  
We leave the restaurant, me in high spirits, Pyronica with a headache, Xanthar already running across the beach to play in the water and Amorphous Shape confused about what just happened.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Teeth's species and colony is inspired by this minor character(s) from a manga I read when I was a teenager. This series did a LOT for inspiring my love of weirdness, strange unnatural things and body horror. The story revolves around Cryptids after all.
> 
> Sadly the series was never brought to America. I have all 5 volumes (half in Japanese and half in Chinese) and I attempted to scanlate it during high school but real life happened and I never finished. I have a few pages done if anyone is interested. Part of me wants to re-start my scanlation. I loved this series growing up and I'm sad it was cancelled. Apparently the readers were too turned off by its weirdness and so we only have 5 volumes of the story.
> 
> The translation I've been using for my scanlation is Cryptozoologist Gedou. The literal translation would be Unidentified Mysterious boy Gedou, but that sounds stupid. And the whole series IS about the fact that Gedou is a Cryptid doctor so I stand by my interpretation of the title.
> 
> https://i.imgur.com/TPeiBfT.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/F3DRmdz.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/RUsoBfy.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/vYajUrD.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/bVNXOPW.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/zcS9vDQ.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/wLDPusf.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/dokFM31.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/kbY1rRX.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/CJv3zUp.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/cl5r0yc.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/wWgMTXY.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/YhUYDFP.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/AO5PtBA.jpg  
> https://i.imgur.com/yiLAvak.jpg
> 
> And sadly that was all I’ve gotten done.
> 
> (Edit)
> 
> I forgot to type this in before, credit to LunarQueen13 for the little JibberJabbers. They were an interesting idea for a species that I want to mess with. I don't know how or when I can use them but...I'll think of something.


	29. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Screw fate, screw him right in the face. I can change things. I WILL change things. Just watch me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warning, this chapter contains Karaoke. Karaoke is fun. If anyone has an issue fight me (ง'̀-‘́)ง  
> Also, guess who had to rearrange a bunch of writing because they accidentally put them in the wrong order chronologically speaking...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 27**

 **-Just the good stuff-**  
  
\---  
  
I was floating in front of a mirror examining myself. "Hey Ronica?"  
  
"Wazzup Bill?" Pyronica asks from where she was lounging on a couch reading through a fashion magazine. She has been planning to style her hair again and was trying to see which stuff appealed to her.  
  
"Am I cute?"  
  
There's the sound of Pyronica dropping the magazine. "Excuse me?!?"  
  
I trail a small hand down my side. My bricks felt as smooth as always. The only real texture being the lines between my bricks. "I'm cute right? Like...I'm...not hideous right?" I'm a little embarrassed but I had to ask for her opinion.  
  
I hear the clicking of her heels as Pyronica strolls up to me. "Bill, what's wrong now?" She sighs.  
  
There was that one time she caught me putting on make up in front of a mirror. We both agreed to pretend that never happened and my current comments were bringing up her carefully suppressed memories.  
  
  
  
"Nothing's wrong just..." I look at my reflection. I tilt this way and that. Have I gained weight? No, that is **literally** impossible. "I was grocery shopping today and the cashier saw me and started foaming at the mouth..."

Pyronica groaned and rolled her eye. "People are just stupid Bill. You know how scared people are of you."

"They're scared of my reputation yes. But I wasn't even doing anything threatening. And those warning posters the Federation insists on posting everywhere clearly says 'Dangerous when provoked' and it wasn't like I was provoked. Hell, I think I was more 'provoked' by the other shoppers screaming at me and running from the store."  
  
"People are stupid Bill." She repeats.

  
"I know. But...they just...faint when they see me? Am I...scary looking?"  
  
"When you make yourself bigger and change color you're sort of scary." Pyronica shrugs. "Why is this bothering you so much?"  
  
I sighed in frustration. "I don't know. I'm just...sick of it? I don't know?" I spun my bowtie absently. "Do you think I'm cute? I don't mean attractiveness, just…I’m not BAD looking right?”  
  
"You're very cute Bill." Pyronica says with a soft smile.  
  
"That's good...I think?" I sighed and drooped sadly. Pyronica rolls her eye. "Do you wanna go hit a club again?"

I stare at her flatly. "You've already eaten a construct just last week." I inform her. She groans. "I don't mean for picking up guys. I mean just going out and having fun. Dance a little? I know you like dancing. Maybe we could find a karaoke bar and you can sing to your heart's content?"  
  
I perk up at the mention of karaoke. I fuckin' LOVE karaoke.  
  
"I don't want to disguise as you again." I inform her. It was fun but it wasn't really me. She grins. "We could invite the whole gang, I'm sure Teeth would LOVE a chance to be as loud and obnoxious as he can."

That DID sound like it would be fun. I've sort of become a regular at the Pizsta Palace and requested Teeth every time. Often times I went there alone since Pyronica and the others had their own stuff they wanted to do. I just chatted and joked around with Teeth while slowly working my way through their whole menu. It was nice. I asked one day if Teeth would like to be my friend and to my absolute delight he said 'Sure'.  
  
I was thrilled to have a new friend. I didn't even put two and two together to realize Teeth was TEETH until our third meeting. To be fair, I couldn't really see him under the Lips that covered him so I didn't recognize him. Not that it was a real excuse because his name was TEETH for crying out loud!  
  
Give me a break, it's been billions of years, even with perfect memory recall I won't remember something unless I actively search through my own mind for it!  
  
I teleport to Teeth's apartment so I could invite him to hang out. Floating in front of that huge door, I marveled at how human looking it all was. Just, giant sized. Teeth lived here with his colony and a few other roommates. Their society was uncannily human-like. The only major difference being the fact that each 'person' was actually a colony of multiple people. Sometimes the Eyes weren't even the same color as each other.  
  
Basically the different body parts start pairing up with the ones they're friendly with, then finding other parts they need and working out whether they'll be able to work together. There are many cases of certain parts being switched out or exchanged for various reasons. I found their species incredibly interesting.  
  
I rang the doorbell and contemplated if I should invite Teeth's colony too. There's the heavy thumping of 'feet' and the door opens. It takes the Symbiote a few seconds before the Eyes spot me. The colony shudders and the door is slammed in my face.  
  
Rude.  
  
I press the doorbell again. The door opens a tiny crack. "W-why are you here sir?" I hear the Mouth ask.  
  
"Is Teeth here? Tell him his friend Bill Cipher is looking for him."  
  
"Ah...Teeth...um...moved out yesterday..."  
  
I blinked before flickering through the images. Once I found the information I wanted I narrowed my eye angrily. "He didn't move out. You guys threw him out."  
  
The Symbiote 'eeped' and tried to close the door but I flung it open and floated into the house. From what I've seen, both Teeth's colony and roommates were sick of his constant chattering, I get it, I really do. Sometimes that would get annoying. But instead of asking him to quiet down, they decided to just switch him out for a new Mouth. Because that's just how it is.  
  
If a Part is defective or unwanted, there were plenty more Parts out there looking for a colony. Why bother trying to work out any issues you have with each other when you can kick out an unwanted one?  
  
"Y-you can't just come in here and-"  
  
"Where's Teeth's stuff?" I interrupt them.  
  
"W-what?"  
  
"I know for a fact he had a lot of gold. You guys didn't let him keep it when you tossed him out." I fume as I float through the giant house. I tip a lot and Teeth, being amazingly generous in a way I hadn't expected, always split his money between the colony hosting him at work. The 'waiter' body at work wasn't Teeth's actual colony. They normally worked in the backroom washing dishes. Teeth split his tips with them too. Despite dividing the gold so much, Teeth has built up a good amount of personal funds.  
  
He told me once during our chats that he actually wanted to become an actor. He would act out parts verbally by himself constantly. He confessed that his colony didn't share his dream and he was planning on moving to a new one once he's saved up enough money. Then these assholes threw him out without even letting him take his money. I was severely tempted to make them all suffer.  
  
"Where. Is. Teeth's. Stuff." I growl out, my bricks pushing red with each word. The Symbiote flinched and led me to their room and pointed me to a shelf. "H-his shelf is the o-one there..."  
  
I quickly find his things, the shelf wasn't just a place to store his stuff, it was his 'room'. A toothbrush, floss, multiple different flavors of toothpaste, posters with images of wide smiles, many books containing the scripts for various plays, a lot of chewing gum, a bed with incredibly fluffy sheets, various knick-knacks, some video games and the handheld system they played on.  
  
But none of his money. They've probably already taken it. Stolen it. I grab all his belongings into a bubble. I had to find Teeth. Poor guy was thrown out yesterday. I flickered through my images and found him sleeping on a chair at the Pizsta Palace. His boss was kind enough to let him stay there for the night. Partly because he was grateful for all the money Teeth got from me whenever I came by the restaurant.  
  
I turn to glare at the Symbiote. "I have half the mind to do something awful to you all for just kicking my friend out into the streets AND stealing his money." They whimpered and started babbling apologies.  
  
"Shut up." I snap. The Hands quickly clamped over the Mouth. "The only reason this whole building isn't currently on fire is because Teeth would be upset if you all died." I blinked out of there with a blinding flash of light, purposely throwing all the items in the apartment into disarray as I went.  
  
\---  
  
"Teeth? Hey?" I softly nudged him, having teleported inside the restaurant. It was still a few hours before opening time so the only people in the building were the prep-chefs and us. Teeth didn't have eyes and thus was incapable of shedding tears but I could feel the sadness pouring out of him. "Oh...hi Bill...the restaurant's not open yet...I've heard of people lining up to get in first but this is ridiculous." He tries to joke.  
  
  
  
"I'm not here to eat. I came to find you. I...got your stuff. From your apartment." I held up the bubble with his belongings. Teeth sat up and smiled more genuinely this time.  
  
"Oh thank floss! Thanks Bill! I didn't think I would get my stuff back..."  
  
I was suddenly struck with a vision. A different possible timeline lay before me. In another world, in another time, Teeth never met Bill Cipher in the restaurant. He was kicked out by his colony, had no one to turn to, his boss had no reason to help him, Teeth wanders the streets cold and  without a single coin to his name. He loses his job at the restaurant because he wasn't the Mouth for his colony anymore. He searches for a new colony but no one takes him in. He cannot GET a job without a colony. He grows more desperate as time goes on. He grows hungry and cold. He finally steals some food. He starts stealing more things. Blankets to keep him warm at night. Food so he doesn't starve. The thefts escalate until he starts using his acting talents to pull cons. Eventually he gets caught and arrested, the long list of crimes landing him a prison sentence.  
  
I blink the images away and refocused my gaze on the still innocent Teeth before me. He wasn't a criminal. Not yet. Hopefully he never will be. This Teeth was still full of hope and love for the world around him. Nothing like the broken mess from the other timeline. I have diverted fate. Luckily it was a small insignificant thing. Time Baby wouldn't notice something like this. More importantly, my actions have resulted in a divergence. Hope swelled within me. I changed Canon. It was possible for me to change Canon.  
  
I don't realize I'm crying until Teeth worriedly asks me if I'm okay. I wipe my tears and tell him that I'm simply glad he's alright. "Hey Teeth?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Have you...ever thought about leaving this planet?"  
  
It takes him a bit before he realizes what I'm offering him. I can take him away from here. I can give him a place to live where he doesn't have to pay rent or worry about his next meal. He'll be free to come and go as he pleases. He can pursue his dream of being an actor throughout the multiverse. He can do what he wants without NEEDING his colony to go along with it. He can be free. And all he has to do is shake my hand. Make a Deal. Agree to be my Friend. From now until the end of time.  
  
His grip is firm and steady.  
  
\---  
  
"-And this will be your room. If you want to make any alterations to it, make it bigger, add another floor, get some specific furniture or whatever, just tell me and I can make it happen." I proudly show Teeth his new living quarters. He's gazing around in awe. "This will be mine? I don't have to share with anyone?"  
  
"Not unless you want to. This is YOUR room. Now the kitchens, living room and other stuff is a shared communal area, there's also a shared bathing area but if you're uncomfortable with that I can easily make you a personal bathroom."  
  
"This is so cool!" Teeth gushes as he runs to look out the large triangular window at the swirling lights of the galaxies around us. The base wasn't stationary. I could move it with just a thought and it was currently caught in a slow orbit around the nearest star.  
  
"I still need to tell Pyronica and the others that you'll be living here now. I probably should have given them a heads up first."  
  
Then again, they were used to my spontaneous decisions by now. Like when I decided I wanted to change the walls from black bricks to pastel pink for a few days. I only changed it back because Pyronica said it was nauseating to look at, also Xanthar kept running into the walls thinking they were flowers. Ammy thought it was hilarious.  
  
Teeth was chattering excitedly as he started arranging his belongings around the place. "And...you're sure I don’t have to pay rent or anything?"  
  
"Nope. Same Deal as everyone else here, you be my Friend and I'll be yours. And I happen to take good care of my friends."  
  
I've made the official Deal with Ammy a while back. Xanthar agreed to his not long after I rescued him. I gushed to Ax about my new friends. He seemed happy for me. I suspect he was glad I was talking about nice things for once.  
  
I should go update him on Teeth's new living situation later.  
  
"Come on, I'll show you where the kitchen is."  
  
\---  
  
"Where have you BEEN?! It shouldn't have taken you so long to grab Teeth." Pyronica complains when she spots me.  
  
"Oh...well...a couple of things happened and um..."  
  
"Hey yo my new roomies!!!" Teeth shouts cheerfully.  
  
Pyronica stares blankly for a few seconds. I think even her fire was frozen. She woodenly turns her head to face me. "He's living here now?" She says with no expression on her face. I wince and cower slightly. "Um...if I say yes, will you get mad?"  
  
"Oh I'm not mad." She continues to speak with no inflection or emotion in her voice.  
  
"Really?" I perk up hopefully.  
  
"I am livid."  
  
I shrunk down into my true size under the weight of her glare. "You couldn’t have at LEAST given the rest of us a heads up?" She growls.  
  
"...you didn’t have a problem with Ammy moving in..."  
  
"Ammy's your KID, of course he would live with us."  
  
"I thought we established that we have not confirmed any familial relations between Bill and I." Amorphous Shape spoke up from the couch he was lounging on. The TV was set to a Globnar challenge. I sneered at Time Baby. Ugh, I can't even stand looking at him.  
  
"That's not the point here. Bill, I know this is your house and you're free to invite whoever you want. But we should at least have a chance to give our say." Pyronica says irritably.  
  
"But Teeth got thrown out. He has no where else to go..." I whimper. Teeth is standing quietly, biting himself anxiously as his emotions flipped between hope and disappointment.  
  
Pyronica's gaze softened. "Oh Bill..." She comes up and cups me in her hands. My true size was small enough she could hold me with just one hand if she wanted. "Sometimes I think it's a good thing the universe thinks you're evil. If people knew how much of a softie you are they'd all take advantage of you..." She whispers so quietly the only reason I heard her was because I could hear thoughts.  
  
  
  
"Roni?" I asked quietly as my tiny hand wrapped around one of her fingers. She sighs before smiling at me. "Fine. He can stay, but he better not be as annoying as the LAST guy we were forced to live with."  
  
"Ugh no. I wouldn't invite someone I didn’t like unless I had no other choice. Bleh."  
  
We both laughed and Teeth chattered in relief that he'd somehow been accepted. I float out of Pyronica's hands and grew back to my larger size. "So! Does everyone want to go out to karaoke today?"  
  
\---

I managed to find an ACTUAL karaoke place. With private sound proofed rooms and everything. Not a bar full of strangers all waiting for their turn at mike. Pyronica was a little disappointed that she couldn't try and pair me with someone.  
  
She keeps trying to convince me to get laid. "Just for fun! Come on. How about you make a construct for yourself? Eh?" She would elbow me while waggling her eyebrow as I sighed. I know she means well but geez. I materialize a martini for myself. Gonna need ta get drunk for this.

  
  
"What exactly is a Karaoke?" Amorphous Shape asks as he picks up a mic and tilts it around in confusion. Teeth is already messing with the machine and looking at what songs they had. Xanthar opted to stay home. He didn’t like loud noises.  
  
"Oh! They've got T't tear't yi infant't by the Cr@wling Chaos!" He remarks as he swipes through the pages.  
  
"Ugh. No way. Those posers think they're all edgy just 'cause they feast on the front row audience during their concerts." Pyronica complains as she picks up the drinks menu.  
  
"How about Chauke avhe agon by Uru-Kai?"  
  
"If we do a scremo song first off we won't have voices left for others." Pyronica shoots down his suggestion again.  
  
"Do they have Naed zes khihg by Underlord?" I pipe up.  
  
"That's...a lullaby..." Teeth says slowly.  
  
"I happen to LIKE that song.!" I turn orange for a little before fading back to yellow.  
  
"What about M̒̓ͣͫ͂ā͔͑ͥ̊̈̏ͬr̭̪̭̥͎͍͍ͥ̌̎͑͗ͭy̘̮̬̘̥ͣͯ͢ͅ ̰̹̤̭̓̿̎ͤͤ̚͡h̝͍͐̊͊̋͊ͅå̬̞̀ͩd̨̟͓̰͚̲̔̔ͨ̋̿ ̿͌͏̭̙̭̙̳a͍͊̚ ̖͔̠͛̅͂̓̃̽l̼͉͚̫̳̓̿̈ͤ̄͐̐i̡̓̓̀t͍̔̅̃ͧͮͣ͂t͙̭̗ͤl̼ͥ̃ͨ̀ͧ͒͆e̫̱ ̰͎̙̼̰͇̣̿̓̓̽̚͢B̺̳̝̮̣̖̃ͨͧ͋̀ĩͮ͑͐͗̃t̢͙̯͕̠̱̟̒c͌ͮ͐̇͐̒ͣ͏͔̥ḣ̨ͩ͒̃ͯ̐?" Teeth sighs as he just clicks the Random song option.  
  
"I don't know that one." Pyronica shrugs.  
  
"I have no opinion on that." Ammy says.  
  
"That song is rude, offensive and mean spirited."  I've heard the song of course. Scouring the multiverse for any and all music I could find. There were some nice songs here and there but nothing that really caught my passion quite like the music that humanity made.  
  
"Look how about we just do this one and then we can take turns choosing songs for ourselves?" Teeth groans. We all agree and he puts on the song. I sigh.  
  
M̥̲͈̙̰̊a̦̺̘̾̌̀̽ͮ̌ṙ͈̜͔̞͓̇̽y ̱̞̼̩̱͘h̝͗ͯ̋͐̇ͧ͠ȁ͉̫̱̥̖̗͂̋̎ḓ̽̽́͞ ͖̝̮̫̘̀̅á̶̻̮͕̘̥̫ͨ́̽̾ͭ̇ͅ ̯̻̺̖̲͒̈͊̒L͎̯̫̔͊͗̆̈̈͛͠í̴̲̄ͬͩ͑ͩͫt͗̀҉̳̼̟t͇̺̃̌ͫ̃̋l͖̤̣͚̦̈ͬ̌ͬͯͯ̒͝e̝ͨ̅ͯ̓̓͊ ͎̠͕̻̎̿ͩ͊̑̚B̜̯̠i̗̞̻̯t̙̩̯ͯ̿ͦͨ̿c̜̟͕̾̓̔̚h̯͎̾̆̿̄̌ͭ!͖̠̤͐ͧ̆̆ͭ͞ͅͅ  
̫͖̭̘̑̽  
̶̖̮̱̼̤̙͔̉̎ͧ̓̅ͪT̳̦͛h͋ͅa̫͇̻̯̰̟̐ͯ̓t̮̳͈̻͖̬̼͐͛̀̉̏͆ ̰͔̗͖͚̜̬͂ͫ͋̄̍ͮ̿w͚͕̺̗͖͉͎̓ͧh͓̎͂͂̓̀o͗̌͒ͨͧͦr̝͕̀ḛ͈̇̃͟ ̰̥̗̜͔̟̲́̽̌̍͐̆͊́w̵̺̬͙̗̮ā̷̻̝̦̦̹̭̭̍͋̑͒s̭̞̬͡ ͖̼̍t̹͐ͩ̚ĥ̝͙́ͨͭ̋̅i̳ͭͭç̴̱͖̩̲ͅc̪̜͙͚̻͈̑͋̔̇̐ͬ͗͡ ̬͒̚á̗̗̞͓̟͔̿̄̊̚s̤͚͚̼̳̤̼̔ͣ̆ͯͪͤ̚ ̮̗̹́ͤ̐ͦ̍h̵͖̲̩͛eͪ̿͑̍̂̾̚l͉̜͍͇̰͍̇l̫̇̑̎́̍ͅ!̜̲̠͗̂̓̋ͧ  
͙̬̝̟̗͎̋  
̯͍̖͎̋͒͒A̪̣̝̤̎̄͒n͒ͩͯ̿ͧ͟d͋͌ͤͥͣ̌̚͏͎̬͓͕ ̳͖̠̖͗̉̈ͭę̖̟̔͗ͥ̈́͛v̰̦̣̩̻͎ͪ̆e̪ṛ͔̲̰͕͒̿ͨ͐̏̽ͪy̯̼̝͎͋̽͂̓̈́̕w͇̭̩͚̱̹̜ͮ̎͆ͣh̬̓̍̓͗e̍̏́r̛̯̱̗̀̈̌̉̽̓ͮͅē̴͉̞̳ ͎̜̥̮̣͖̺͋̂̓͐͆͞ť̠̟̪͂́h̴͇̩̮̋a̡͗̇͆͒͗ͥt̗̻̫͓̘ͫ̽͜ ̰͚̬̦̠͉͓ͦ͆̆̄ͫͮͬM̶̮̮̳͕͊ͯ̽ͩa͔̪̱̟̬̠ͤ̊̋̑͒̋r͓̙ͩ͋̉͡ỹ̫̭̱͓̪̮ ̧͐͂̃̏ͯ̚w̸̖͓͔ͮ̔ͦ̌̉ͥͩe̘̖̺̙̦n̛̻̂̄ͦͯ̊̅ͭt̠̘͋ͭ̉̎̅̾̕  
̥̹ͩ́̂̈̍͋̑  
̧̱̫̮̖͎̣̣ͭ͌T̟̥̲̗̗̯ͤͫ̎ͅh̰ͪ̇̎a̢͔̾t̰̪̗̲̫͘ ̰̫̩̝͈̪̽̽̆ͫ̎̚w̶͙̪ͫ͊ͦ͛̒̐h̭̹̊̑̑õ̝̳͈͙̤̤ͥ͛ͤr̪̫̣̘̗̂͐͑ͪͪ̐e̙̫͙̮̻͕͎̒̆͋͒ͯ ͉ͮͩ̅̋f̺́͑o̐͏̟̻̙͚l̢̥̖̰̭̜͍͐͊͌͛ͨ̈̈́ĺ̡̘̩̼̱̹̭̓͊ͧo̧̹̠̘̱͓̬̞ẇ̡͕̗͚̙̺͉̖͐̐̑͆̀ͤe̤̲͐͋̈́d͉͍̙͜ ̫̙̦̫̩͓ͮ̎h̨̘͍̔è̺̙̗̼̦͈ͥͬ̆̒r͉̹̊̽̎ͪ̔ ̗̣̣͇͖͇͐̇̚ş͈̱̝̘́̑ͧ̾͒́m̪̫̤͓̝̳̾̓e̛̙̻̺͑ͅl̅͂ḷ͍͆̍ͯ́̒͘!̣ͪͦ̉̇̑͌  
̨̥͇̪̺̹̊̃̋ͦ  
̤͖̱̫̞͒̈͋̿͑͆͝Sͬͯḣ̩̖̫̱̙̗ͪ̂ͪ̋͑͜é̛̪̩̝̘͛ ̲͇̳̑ͫͨͯf̮͚͈̣ͭ͂̃ͯ͗ͦ̚u̢̹ͯ̔̇̄͂c̲̜͈̩͂̌ͩ̑͋ͩͅk͎͗͋ē̉̌͜d͚̖ͮ̈́̂̿͗̒̚͟ ̧͈͖̓̉̓̋ͭͬh̪̪̖̻͓̣̯e̼̰͎̣̩̦ͧͭͦ̋r̫͈͙̄ ̺ͨ́̑́ͣ͡o̫ñͭ ̢t̥̖͍̜̙͔͑̆̇̄͗ͭ̚h͉͈̞̋̔̐ͤe̠̎͌ͯͣͨ̓ ̪̫͆ͣ̏͆̚͟w̢̬͖̗̝̳̭ͯͮ͒ͯǎ͖̹̯̿͠y̞͈̩͕͍̮͆̏ͮ̚ ͍ͬͥ̌̽̊̉tȏ͚͇̰̮̫̗͜ ̡ͯͭͣ̇s̫̫͈̫ͪ͝c̴̋̇ͭ̎̅̉h͕̝͉̪̞́̾̕oo̖̗͉̜͖͍̙͒͛l͈͘  
͖̳̙͚̎̓ͅ  
̬̣̼̥̘̥̩͆S̹̹͈̜ͦ͂͋ͣͅh͉͇̘̏ͮ͌e̺̳͚̳͇͝ ̫͚̘̹͎͐͆͆ͬͅf̵͎̟̖̖̱̖̯ͣ̑̈̎͒u̢̻ͥ͋cͭ̂k̓̎͆̀͏̗̗̥e̗̗̫ď̢ ͑ͨ͒̔͏̩̣̦h͙̘̩͉̣̼̖ͭ͆̊̀ͪe̦̪̜̞̺͎͉̔́̐ͮ̃ͧr̩̫͈͍͇ͧ͐ ͉̫̮͍͙͈ͨ̓ͫ̆ͅĩ͖̬̱̗͉ͤ͒̕ͅñ͋́̀͗͂̈́ ̭͜th̘̭͙̲͎̑e̢̗̰̟̺̩ ͕͎̑ͅh̩̺̲̠̮̝̆͊͆̏ả̫͔̦͕͙̒ḷ̳͓̮͚͍̰l̵̯͇̹̱̺̫͊̐̉ͯ́ͥ̿s̝͚ͩͥ͛͛ͧ  
̧ͪͥ̿ͦ  
̘̝̩͎̓͌̃̈ͮS̥ͬ́h̉ͦ̎͐̆ẹ̗̪͔̽ͨ̏̅ͮ͐͘ ̮̑̌ͧ̎͐ͭ̈́͡f̧͙̤̟̠̙ͪ̔ͩͬͯͮu͕̘ͣ̎́c̝̤̊̍̿̅̃k̸͎͚̱̝͔̜͑̄̍̚ed̪͓̒̓͒́ ̯̭̮̰̰̓ͬ͗h̺͇̤̳̏̈̾͛͑̽̈e̹͆͡r̴̙͊̿ ̌̃̂̽s̓̃o̗̬̯̙ͪ̓̓̅̇̃ͯ͝ ̯̟̀̽̐h̴͑ͥ͐ͯͮͬa̷̭ͫ̇̓̓̃̍ͅŗ̹͖̥ͅd̯̙͍̬͕̲͆ͥ̃͒͊͆̆ ̤̰͇̜̘̾̂ṱ͖͓͎̝͎̎͞ͅh̬̼̦̘̺̀͆̌ͮ̉̚a̛͕͖̗̞̮̱̰͗̆ͨ̆t̸̤̳̟͖̻ͯ ̢͙͙̯̖ͅs͍̞͛̋̂̑̏̈̚h̼̰̱̱͂͛̍͒̌e̼͇ͯ  
̢̖̠͚ͩ̌̇͊  
͉̦̣̉ͩ̍̅̍ͭ̚S̥͒ͯ̈́ͨp̠̺͎͙͇͎̙ͮͣ̽͝l̠̭̭̱͈͟a͎̖̿̂ͦ̇́ͩͪt̢̙̩̯̙̑ͨ̈́ͯ͒̚t̛͉̤͈͔̙͎͔ẹ̗͓͈̫̓́ͅr̰̥̈͂̒͋̐̆e͇͉͔̦̾̐dͥ̃͂ͬ ̭̯̥̼̹ͥͤͬͨh̻̘̫͔̖̥ę͚̣̲͙ͥ͗ͬ̎̅r̡̦̮̩̥̟͎̱̄̽ͮͧͪ̈́ ̸̍ͯ̊̒b̩̥̥̤̳͋͊̾͂r̗̬̼͔̳̰͖ͫ̅͗̏̌ḁ̖͊̊͌̏͝i̠ͥ͐ͣ̀ͅn͂̂ͬ҉̜͇̬͓̳̼ͅs̫ͪͭ̾͢ ̫̲̲͌̃ͫ̆̆ͭǒ̶̳̭̝̼̞ͩ̈́͗̓̋̓n̑̀̋̆ ̀t͎̻̳̫̫̲ͦ̅ͫȟ̥͍͇ẽ͈͚̓ͭ͋ͨ ͉̝͔ͥ̓̏̏w̱̳͍ͨ͑̍̄́͒͋a̢͇͉̿͗̑lͯ͌ͬ͠l͖̓̆ͯ͛̍̿  
̿  
  
  
My eye twitched. Ugh. It's not like the tune was any good. The lyrics were bland and uninspired as well as offensive. Sadly. Bland yet offensive seemed to be what was popular with the kids nowadays. Luckily no one saw my minor melt down when I realized I seriously pulled a 'kids these days' complaint. I'm not THAT old am I!?!  
  
While I was busy having an existential crisis, Pyronica went up to put in a song. "Seriously? They don't have How to Scoop a Whale but they have SeaMammal Ice Cream?"  
  
"What?! The frickin' Cover-ripoff is on there but the original isn't?!" Teeth snarls as he goes up beside Pyronica to check. The two looked up in unison at each other and a bond was formed. A friendship born from the indignation of crappy modern remixes of classic songs.  
  
"Oh my god I really AM that old..." I whimper to myself as I rocked back and forth. I summon a bottle of spiced rum from my stash at home and popped the cork to chug it right then and there. I cannot handle this bullshit mid-life crisis while sober.

_"I'M JUST A SMALL TIME GIRL~LIVING IN THE LONELY WORLD~"_

"What song is that?" Pyronica asks while I screech off tune.

We all started singing our own stuff even if it wasn't on the machine. It was great fun and I was having a blast.

Sadly I think we have a lifetime ban due to the lot of us getting roaring drunk and escaping our booth halfway through our 17th song. I hogged the mike and Teeth tried to steal one from another booth.  
  


**_"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!?!"_ **

**_""WHO! WHO! WHO!"_** They picked up on some of my song lyrics pretty quickly.  
  
I don't remember much personally but my Scan showed that Pyronica had eaten one of the customers in the booth next to us and Teeth had somehow started an improv stand up comedy routine in the lobby.

  
  
Ammy stole all the snacks by shoving them through his blocks and I had gone up to complain drunkenly about the lack of Vocaloid songs. When the terrified owner told me he had no idea what Vocaloid was I transmogrified all the staff into cyborgs by fusing the karaoke machines and speakers into them.  
  
  
  
I went back to fix them and apologize once I was sober. Unfortunately that didn't lift our lifetime ban. All in all. It was a fun evening.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: How's the pacing? Too fast? Too slow? I dunno really. Part of me wants to hurry through the Henchmaniacs just to get the whole gang together. The other part of me wants to take more time to mess around.


	30. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have done this much earlier. So many things I don't personally know. I should be ashamed that I, the font of all knowledge, do not know something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I preemptively apologize for the Filler that is this chapter. Also warning for an indulgent NSFW stuff right at the beginning. It’s just more masturbation as Bill/Jan plays around with a new human-ish form. This is literally just a bunch of random things I wanted to make them do. Partially as a way of showing them learning to live together and all the ups and downs of introducing a new roommate.
> 
> SLICE OF LIFE HO~!!!

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 28**  
  
**-There’s always the next generation-**  
  
\---  
  
After escaping from Pyronica during another attempt to talk me into at least giving Dating a try I just floated out in space thinking to myself. Specifically, on the subject of my form and body. The 'human' form I take is pretty much based on me from my first life. It's all well and good but...isn't that kind of boring? I can literally create any form I want after all. Why stick to Miz's tiny little girl appearance?  
  
Why haven't I tried making an actual HumanBill form yet? It seemed obvious. It might even be fun. I create a mirror and just look at myself. What would Bill look like as a human? I've seen so many fanarts with other people's interpretations of a human Bill Cipher. Heck, I've seen Alex Hirsch's glorious abomination of a Human Bill. But what do I think Bill would look like? What if I just reshape this triangle into a human shape and add skin and hair? That would be the most accurate yes?  
  
Slowly my triangular body began morphing. It grew and shifted until there was a clear distinction between my head and torso. My arms and legs fleshed out into actual limbs instead of noodles. I sprouted hair, ears and a mouth. My ears grew a little too much since I was distracted trying to form my mouth. I wiggled them, long and sort of pointed? I decided I liked them well enough so I let them be. I blinked rapidly and wiggled my limbs. This felt weird. Transforming so slowly. My torso continued to stretch out and I formed a pelvis. My sides pushed out to form shoulders.  
  
A head, neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, hips, legs...watching myself change in front of the mirror was so erotic. Curse my weird fetish. It didn't help that I was naked. It was odd seeing my Piece as a fleshed out creature. I was humanoid but CLEARLY not human. I still only had one eye and my skin still had some bricks jutting out of it here and there. I held up my hand to look at my four fingers, long, thin and weird.  
  
The parts of my skin that were 'flesh' was a much paler yellow than my bright golden bricks, my legs kept some of my black color though. It felt soft and squishy just like real human skin. I didn't have nipples or a belly button. Running my hands down my new form I inspected myself curiously. I still had both my Piece and Slot. No butthole, which made sense considering I've never had one as a triangle and I've kept my genitals the same. My Piece wasn't a flat oval anymore. It was 3 dimensional now, like the rest of this fleshy body. It kept its ability to extend and retract inside me too.  
  
**(((((((((((((NSFW-Things get a bit TOO detailed from this point on, also, masturbation.)))))))))))))))))))**  
  
I played with it a little. Pulling it out slowly and pushing it back in, it was cylindrical now, smooth to the touch and looked nothing like a human penis. Perfectly smooth with no bumps or openings. Like an oval rod or an elongated egg, which was technically what my Piece actually IS so...yeah? It was stiff but squishy to the touch. Oh my god, I just realized my Piece looks like a featureless dildo. I was pretty turned on just playing with myself. Good thing I was floating in a completely empty part of space. No one around for billions of light years.  
  
https://78.media.tumblr.com/55e8456b725cc4165833c145710e6e41/tumblr_p4ud0iTHbO1x2rcv1o3_250.png

(Not gonna put the image directly here because nudity)

  
I sure hoped no one could see me…  
  
My Slot was essentially the shape of my Piece but reversed. I could probably fit an actual dick in there now. The thought of it made me uncomfortable. My Slot extended inside me. The flesh around the edges could sort of close around my opening. I traced my fingers along the edges, floating closer to the mirror and tilting my crotch up to inspect it. Well it looked nothing like a vagina aside from being my equivalent there of. I gently pressed my skin apart to see a narrow circular hole. It looked too thin to fit my Piece's girth and I frowned at it. Perhaps it stretched wider during clicking?  
  
I rub my finger in circles around my entrance. I have never put anything inside me. Even when masturbating, I've never once inserted anything inside myself. The thought of doing so, even if it was done by me just felt...wrong. While I was curious about the functions of my slot, I just couldn't bring myself to explore fully.  
  
This body was more sensitive than my triangle form though. Even just tracing the entrance of my slot without inserting anything already sent pleasant tingles along my skin. My Piece extended fully, calling for attention. I wrapped a hand around it, my long fingers easily encircling it and began to jerk myself off. Ooh~ definitely more sensitive. I panted softly as every stroke of my Piece made my bricks burn with heat. My free hand traced the bricks along my chest. "Ahh!" I cried out at the unexpected pleasure.  
  
Most of this body was fleshy but I had some bricks along my wrists, thigh and chest. They were glowing as the heat within me rose. I rubbed my hand along the hot bricks on my chest. "S-shit~that's...really nice~" I gasp breathlessly. I gave my Piece a long, drawn out stroke and mewled desperately. I was burning up all over and it just felt so freakin' good.  
  
I spend a good amount of time just teasing myself. Stroking to bring myself close to the edge and then slowing down before I can actually peak. It was an oddly pleasant way to torture myself. I started talking dirty to my reflection.  
  
"Hah~you jus-just want to get off d-don't you?" I gasp at my reflection. My bricks were glowing like the sun itself even as my skin flushed orange. "Y-you're just burning up inside hah~ an...and you just want to let it aaaaall~ out don't you?" I moaned as my fingers continued to tease my Piece.  
  
Edging wasn't too bad of an experience. Sure it was agonizing to be so close to an orgasm only to be denied that one final stroke to tip me over, but it felt so good to tease myself. I mewled pathetically and bucked my new hips into my hand. Did this count as sadism or masochism? I was torturing myself and getting off on it.  
  
My eye started tearing up as my moans grew more and more desperate. Please. Please. Just let me get off. Oh god please! I started sobbing as my hand continued to play with my Piece cruelly. How fucked up do I have to be to do this to myself? I sobbed as my hips rocked faster and faster, every part of me was burning and it felt so good but it also hurt so much. I couldn't take it anymore. I thrust my Piece into my hand as fast as I could. Both hands were on my Piece now, squeezing tightly in a way that should be painful but I didn't care.  
  
My cries were getting louder as I sobbed and screamed. Begging, pleading and desperate. Finally I came.  
  
**((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ok, we're done here))))))))))))))))))))))))))))**  
  
My whole body shuddered as my Piece clicked off. It flew forwards to hit the mirror, bounced off and then smacked me in the face.  
  
"￦§ &?!!@%$§θ¥?!?!?"  
  
I screamed incoherently and clenched my hands around my eye. Fuck! Fuuuuuck! Ffffffffffuck! That fuckin' hurt! God fucking dammit! Why the EYE?! It's gonna take so long to regenerate that!  
  
As I screamed expletives out into the void of space I decided I probably shouldn't try masturbating again for a while. At least not in a form where I can shoot projectiles. It's probably unsafe for everyone involved.  
  
https://78.media.tumblr.com/aa9771bf5e8e613dd4e9206ac772020f/tumblr_p4ud03mGEk1x2rcv1o10_250.png

(Full body naked pic with the Piece retracted)  
  
\---  
  
Once I sufficiently healed myself, I put clothes on this body and examined myself properly.  
  
  
  
Well...I'm cute right? The elf ears were kind of ridiculous and using my true form as a base made for some strange anatomy but...yeah? I'd say this is kind of like a human Bill Cipher? It was certainly cute in a strange Cyclops sort of way. For a moment I considered showing this form to my friends but ultimately decided not to.  
  
It still felt a little too personal. But...maybe someday...  
  
\---  
  
"Ow!"  
  
I immediately blink to Pyronica's side, already fussing over her. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"  
  
"I'm fine Bill~" she rolls her eye at me, there’s a biscuit on the ground besides her, looks like she’s been attempting to cook again. "One of my teeth just fell out." She shows me the large misshapen bone.  
  
"Oh. Well was it from the bottom of your mouth or the top?"  
  
She looks at me strangely. "The...bottom?"  
  
I nod (or rather, I tilt forward and back) before holding out my hand. "Gimme."  
  
Incredibly bemused with a hint of apprehension, Pyronica handed me her tooth. I inspect it for a bit before floating up and stabbing it into the ceiling. None of the doors in this place had frames and our roof was triangular so this was the best I could do.  
  
"What...are you doing?" Pyronica stares at her tooth stuck to the ceiling.  
  
"If you lose a tooth from the bottom it needs to be put up high. If it’s from the top it needs to be put down low." I say matter of factly.  
  
Pyronica didn’t get it but allowed me to place her fallen teeth around the house whenever she lost them. Having all the teeth around strangely made me feel at home. It wasn’t much, but it was something. And then Teeth lost a few teeth when he and Xanthar played a little too roughly.  
  
“It’s…very noticeable…” Pyronica notes as she watches me bury one of Teeth’s giant teeth in the garden. I had decided to use them to make a little path through the garden, like stepping stones. Except teeth.  
  
“It’s fine.” I reply as I carefully pat the dirt around the tooth. There. It actually looks quite nice. I can hear Amorphous Shape questioning Pyronica about what the heck I was doing. She just shrugs “Bill just DOES stuff sometimes.”  
  
“Indeed.”  
  
I pretend not to hear them with the ease of long practice.  
  
—  
  
Teeth and Pyronica had a strange relationship. On one hand they got along well enough, talking about food and music. On the other hand she couldn't stand it when Teeth and I had pun-offs. Teeth thought her mouth was hideous, cringing whenever he saw her crooked teeth. The two ended up butting heads more often than not.  
  
Xanthar likes anyone who isn't mean to him. Ammy didn't really care enough to actively dislike anyone. Pyronica is a very headstrong person and that makes a lot of conflict with Teeth's similar nature. They were both stubborn. They both felt very strongly about their opinions.  
  
Teeth was a huge dental hygiene advocate and since me, Ammy and Xanthar didn't have teeth (most of the time), he poured all his attention onto Pyronica. She didn't appreciate it. She liked her mouth just the way it was, thank you very much. If her teeth were crooked or chipped, that was her own business.  
  
"Bill~" she whined. I rolled my eye and flipped through another channel on TV. Wasn't there anything good on? You'd think with infinite channels there'd be SOMETHING. "What did Teeth do this time?"  
  
She slumps dramatically next to me, the back of her hand pressed to her head and moaning loudly. "He says I need braces. BRACES!"  
  
"Ah huh?"  
  
She pouts at me. "Make him stop."  
  
"Kay. Oi Teeth. Leave Ronica's teeth alone."  
  
Teeth, sitting at my other side on the couch, grumbles and crosses his arms. "Well, can you tell Pyronica that she'll have to ask me HERSELF instead of going to you?"  
  
"Kay. Oi Ronica-"  
  
Pyronica growls. "Yes I know. I heard him. Well can you tell Teeth that I went to you because he doesn't LISTEN when I tell him stuff?"  
  
"Kay. Oi Tee-"  
  
"I heard her!" Teeth snaps.  
  
Amorphous Shape was on another couch taking notes about their behavior with a little notebook. "So what is THIS called?" He asks me.  
  
"This is what experts refer to as a 'rough patch' in a Friendship. It's where they will be incredibly passive aggressive, refuse to talk to each other despite speaking out loud and intending for the other to hear and making everyone else suffer as well." I respond simply. Oh! Literal Hell's Kitchen is on. Man those demon chefs were hilarious.  
  
"Truly. Friendship is one of the great mysteries of the universe." Ammy muses as he jots down more notes.  
  
"Eh. They're gonna be all snippy with each other for a while, find something that reminds them why they're friends, make up and get over it."  
  
""We can hear you."" Teeth and Pyronica grumbled at the same time.  
  
"I know." I leaned back and turned up the volume on the TV. Ammy just continues writing his notes and observations.  
  
\---

My most recent instinct driven rampage was miraculously less destructive than usual. I was just floating around Time Baby's courtroom after a particularly distressing job, trying to calm down after the stupid baby gave me a scolding for apparently taking too long to finish the job.

"Stupid...I'll take as long as I want..." I grumbled angrily.

As wound up as I was, I didn't notice the Time Police group marching down the hall until they ran into me. I felt my feelings spill over as my instincts screamed for an outlet for my anger. I screamed incoherently and turned them all into cactus just so I could place them all around Time Baby's crib.

See how you like THAT asshole!

When my rage finally subsided enough for me to think clearly I couldn't help laughing at the sight of Time Baby's entire bedroom covered with cactus. I changed them back eventually but not before Time Baby got several of the unfortunate cacti stuck to his fat legs. Even when I changed them back to normal I had to pulled each police member out of the time tyrant's fat folds.

It was actually pretty therapeutic.

Disgusting, but therapeutic.

\---  
  
"What are demons normally like?"  
  
Teeth asked that out of the blue after lunch one day. I was teaching Ammy how to wash the dishes. I blinked in confusion.  
  
"How would I know?" I respond simply.  
  
"But...you're a demon right? You don't really act like one though. So are all demons secretly nice guys or are you just different?"  
  
"I've...actually never bothered to meet up with other demons. So I don't personally know."  
  
"Wait. Wait. So you're like...super old but you're a virgin and you've never met others of your own kind?" Pyronica asks while looking through the fridge for more snacks.  
  
"Roni~" I whine as Teeth looks startled at the reveal of my sex life, or lack thereof. "Look, there are billions of different types of demons throughout the multiverse. They're all Demons in their own ways. There's no REAL behavioral pattern that ALL demons fall under. So I really don't know."  
  
"We should go meet some demons!" Pyronica suggests more cheerfully than she has any right to. I stare at her in numb horror. "Why would you want to do that?"  
  
"But Bill~aren't you supposed to be All Knowing? Aren't you embarrassed that you don't know THIS?"  
  
"Well..." Truthfully it just never crossed my mind to seek out other demons. Part of me was afraid to meet them. Despite all the terrible things I've done, a part of me wanted to pretend I was a good person and I didn't really want to...associate myself with the legions of the damned. Which was kind of racist. I shouldn't judge them before meeting them at least.  
  
"Field trip! Field trip!" Pyronica starts chanting. Teeth joins in. Like I predicted, they made up from their fight and were as buddy-buddy as usual within just a few days.  
  
"Field trip! Field trip!"  
  
Ammy had joined in chanting now. I sigh in resignation.  
  
"Ok fine! I guess we're all going to Hell."  
  
"""Yay!""" They all cheered.  
  
"Wait what?" Teeth asks as my words finally catch up to him.  
  
\---  
  
It was more difficult than I thought, going to Hell that is. For one thing there were multiple different Hells. Each one had their own travel laws and required permits. A few needed you to have Sinned in some major way before they even opened the gates for you. So I went for the easiest Hell to get into, the one that had a front desk.  
  
  
  
"Look, we're not moving here or anything. This is just a visit because my friends got it into their heads to try meeting some demons."  
  
I was negotiating with the demon at the check in desk. Most people come to him to negotiate for the release of one of the Souls they have. He didn't know how to handle people wanting to get IN. He was gazing at me in awe though, which made me somewhat nervous.  
  
"T-this is an honor! That the esteemed Bill Cipher himself wishes to meet with us." He gushed. Dear lord please tell me I don't have FANS. Demon fans?!  
  
"Ah huh? So is it possible to just come in to look around? Take a tour and meet the locals? If it's not too much trouble-"  
  
"It's no trouble at all Mr. Cipher! I just need to inform the boss that you wished to see how we do things here."  
  
"Well, it's not really me so much as my friends but-"  
  
"I do hope we are able to match your standards. I assure you all our demons are diligent and merciless when torturing the souls of sinners..."  
  
"Ah...that's...good?" I wasn't sure if this was a good idea anymore. Scratch that, this was never a good idea to begin with.  
  
"Not that I'm saying your methods aren't fine the way they are! We really admire your induced madness approach. Very artfully done. All the anguish without any physical injuries. Well, when you aren't just straight up killing them of course."  
  
"O-okay...?" Yeah, definitely feeling uncomfortable now.  
  
"Though the times you HAVE gone for physical torture were quite inspired as well. We still show our newbies the tapes of what you did to that Jerptian Nobleman."  
  
"Well he was a rapist and deserved every-Wait! You've got TAPES?!"  
  
"Well...you DID assault him on live television during his speech announcing his engagement to his sister..."  
  
Oh right. I remember that now. I was so angry I didn't really bother waiting until he was alone. Man, I definitely went overboard that day.  
  
"I actually use his screams as my ringtone." The demon shows me his phone, it lets out a hoarse scream. You can faintly hear my voice screaming "頂你個肺!!!" In the background.  
  
I can feel my bricks heating up in embarrassment. "O-okay?"  
  
"Wow. I didn't know you were famous among demons..." Pyronica said as she looked at the gushing demon.  
  
"Neither did I..."  
  
We were given an exclusive tour. It was as sickening as it was interesting. So much screaming. Teeth actually looked a little worried. "Is this what normal demons do?" He whispers to me.  
  
"Well these are Punishment Demons. Their job is to make sinners suffer for the crimes they committed. Once the Souls have been punished enough they're set free to return to the cycle of rebirth." This Dimension automatically sorted the Souls of the dead to where they needed to go. That sounded quite efficient actually.  
  
"This guy here. A mass murderer who only targeted children." Our tour guide says as he shows us to a Lepidogoat strung out on a rack. The demons stationed here were slowly stretching him out, he couldn't even scream so much as gasp breathlessly in pain.  
  
"Do you do this kind of thing Bill?" Teeth asks.  
  
"I'm not that kind of demon. I just make Deals." I mutter as the demons waved happily at me. Figures the only people in the multiverse who actually LIKE me would be demons.  
  
I say demon but they weren't part of any religion. Demon is more of...a title if you get right down to it. Different dimensions have different rules for what a demon is. In this particular dimension the demons are all regular creatures who sign up for the job and gain mild powers from the corruption they undergo. They get their paychecks by torturing the souls of sinners and when they die, they end up on the racks as well if they derived too much joy out of it. Not that the poor bastards realize it.  
  
It was a very circular economic system. There are some demons here who simply do their job without being bad people so their souls simply move on to reincarnation. There IS a Heaven to go along with Hell in this dimension but it’s boring as shit and most people who end up there just opt for reincarnation anyway.  
  
There are other dimensions where a demon is simply a horrible monster. In some places a demon is a supernatural creature with magical powers. There's a couple dimensions where demons are pretty much low level deities. I'm...something different. I use the term demon just because it's not inaccurate but it's still not entirely correct.  
  
My friends were starting to get uncomfortable with all the gore. The tour guide walks us through another 'exhibit'. "What do you do with your Damned Souls Mr. Cipher?"  
  
"I don't have any. I don't need them." I respond.  
  
He jerks in surprise. "N-no souls? But...then how do you get paid?"  
  
"I don't get paid. I don't have a Job so much as a Purpose. The most I get is the payments I demand during a Deal."  
  
"B-but what do you do for money?" He sounds quite confused.  
  
"I can create gold or any other material from scratch."  
  
His eyes go wide and he's salivating. I don't need to be an empath to feel the Greed pouring out of him. Pyronica tenses beside me, watching the demon carefully.  
  
"Say Mr. Cipher...are you...hiring? You seem to only have 3 employees...surely you could use more help?"  
  
He gestures to Teeth, Pyronica and Amorphous Shape. Xanthar once more stayed home, he didn't want to see Hell. Pyronica narrows her eye at the man. Teeth shifts nervously.  
  
"They aren't my employees. They're my friends. I had a minion once but he was a disappointment and left."  
  
"So they are your henchmen?" He sounds so confused.  
  
"They are my friends." I insist.  
  
"...putting that aside, are you hiring?"  
  
"Even if I was, I don't think you have what it takes to be my minion. No offense."  
  
He sputters a little. "I beg your pardon sir. But you don't even know me."  
  
"Name, Deniek. Age, 137 galactic years. Species, Grunk. Signed up for this job because you tried and failed at pretty much everything else. No real skills, not even any creativity for torture. The higher ups simply gave up and assigned you to check up duty. You've spent the last 25 years of this job just walking around and making sure the other demons were doing their jobs. Only thing of note is a huge gambling debt you're trying to pay off." I recited dully.  
  
He got progressively paler as I spoke. "How did you know-"  
  
"I'm not called the All Seeing Eye for nothing kid." I roll my eye. I was so bored right now. Pyronica starts laughing at him. "Anyone else just want to go home?" I asked my friends while our Tour Guide tries to come up with something to say. "I think this trip has been a waste of time."  
  
"Not entirely. We know that these demons are nowhere near your level. I'm disappointed. No one here can even match the tiniest fraction of your power." Pyronica sighs. I shrug. "There are more powerful demons in other dimensions. Maybe we can meet them someday." Speaking of more powerful demons...  
  
"I bet you could beat up everyone here." I grin as I nudge her. She cackles loudly. "I want to meet a real demon! Someone like you Bill." Teeth whines.  
  
"There's no one else like me. There are some that are similar but I'm the last of my kind."  
  
I said it in an offhand way but Pyronica and Amorphous Shape tense up slightly. They still remember what Jessie said about me destroying my homeworld. Teeth, not knowing any better, asks "Really? Wow that sucks. What happened to them?"  
  
"I killed them all."  
  
Everything goes quiet. The demons around us stopping their work to stare wide eyed and terrified. Teeth's mouth dropped open. Pyronica and Amorphous Shape winced. "Bill..." Pyronica reaches out to me but hesitates a little.  
  
"It was an accident. But Jessie's right. Even if it wasn't my intent to kill everyone, I still did it." That's why it upset me so much. She was right after all. I sigh sadly, missing her and feeling sorry for myself.  
  
"Bill that's not..." Pyronica grabs my hand gently.  
  
"That's the difference between me and these losers." I gesture to the shell-shocked 'demons' around us. "They became Demons by their own will. I wasn't given a choice. Never even had the chance to refuse." I gripped Pyronica's fingers a little tighter. The fire on her skin felt soothing.  
  
I closed my eye and sighed. By the time I opened it again I'd already gotten over my melancholy. Pushing my feelings to the far back of my mind to deal with later. "So guys. Since this trip was such a snore-fest, whaddaya say we crash the film set for Actual Hell's Kitchen and see if those Demons are any more fun to hang with?" I chipped happily. Teeth seemed confused by my sudden mood change.  
  
Having known me longer, Pyronica and Amorphous Shape immediately latch onto the new, fun idea. Anything to distract me. Ammy grabs onto Pyronica and Teeth, who was still processing what he'd just learned about me, and I teleport all of us out of the literal hell-hole.  
  
Of course the news that Bill Cipher became a demon by killing his entire species was the newest rumor to be spread around the multiverse.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Random Chinese cultural fact of the day~
> 
> The details vary between families, but the basic tradition is that if you lose a tooth you need to place it somewhere up high or down low. Generally this is achieved by tossing the tooth onto the roof or burying it in the yard. Since I grew up in a 10 story apartment complex, we couldn’t actually do that so my mom placed our teeth on top of the door frames and under our beds.
> 
> Basically, I thought every household just had teeth randomly hidden around it. Learning about the Tooth Fairy from my classmates at school just confused me. I quickly figured out she wasn’t real. It made me question a lot of things I thought I knew about the world. Actually…now that I think about it…I don’t think we grabbed the teeth when we moved out of that apartment…
> 
> Err…if anyone out there just finds teeth randomly in your apartment or house, don’t worry so much about it. It’s perfectly normal I assure you.
> 
> (Edit)
> 
> I forgot to mention, credit to Caori for suggesting they meet a 'Demon' looking alien.


	31. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I forget I'm living in a world very different from human society. Even with all the aliens and stuff I can't help but want to think of them as such. But...do I even know what human society was like anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warning for the Strip Club. It’s not exactly anything…erm…well, here’s just a general warning anyway…some of the imagery might be...hm...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 29**  
  
**-Trade their blood and livestock-**  
  
\---  
  
I don't know why I told Teeth (and a roomful of strangers as well) but part of me just wanted to confess. It felt good to get it off my chest. Teeth was quiet for a few weeks, very unlike him. I caught him talking with Ammy and Pyronica when they thought I wasn't around.  
  
I wanted to eavesdrop but I also wanted to give them their privacy so I purposely blinked away. What little I heard of their conversation was Teeth asking Pyronica about what she knew of my past. Which wasn't much.  
  
\---  
  
I was cooking breakfast when Teeth came up to me and asked me what sorts of things I liked. I turned to him in confusion as the breakfast started preparing itself without my supervision. "What do you mean 'like'?"  
  
"Favorite foods? Games? Is there anything that you particularly want right now?"  
  
"Um...I like Ramen..." I respond hesitantly. What was Teeth on about?  
  
"Ok thanks Bill! Rᴀᴡ ᴍᴇɴ?" Teeth mutters as he leaves the kitchen. I float there for a bit before shrugging and going back to cooking. At least Teeth is talking to me again.  
  
\---  
  
"Hey Bill. How do you feel about putting on a blindfold and getting in the teleporter?"  
  
I stare incredulously at Pyronica. "ExCUSE me?!"  
  
"Ok look, Teeth wanted to do something to cheer you up, he felt kinda guilty for what happened and well...we've all decided to take you out somewhere fun~but it has so be a surprise."  
  
"I'm MORE suspicious now."  
  
"Oh come on! Don't be like that please~? We've been planning this for a while. And Teeth feels really bad about bringing up your past..."  
  
She gives me her best sad pupper-snup impression. Wide, slightly teary eyes, wobbling lower lip and a dead bird held in her mouth. I caved in just a few seconds. "Fine."  
  
She spits the bird out and cheers. "HEY TEETH!" She shouts across the house.  
  
"WHAT?" I hear Teeth shout back.  
  
"BILL SAID YES!"  
  
"SWEET! OPERATION RAW MEN IS GO!"  
  
I have a growing feeling of dread.  
  
\---  
  
It was weird to be blindfolded. I'm not used to being so...vulnerable. Pyronica was holding my hand as I floated along in my small size. I was tense and jumpy. "So where are we going?"  
  
"It's a surprise Bill."  
  
Pyronica's idea for a blindfold was putting a sack over me so I'm sure I resemble an odd lumpy balloon. I can feel amused confusion from the people around me. I'm beginning to suspect Pyronica covered me with the sack so people didn't realize who I was while she and Teeth led me to where we had to be.  
  
  
  
Teeth was ineffectually stifling his laughter as I bobbed along in the air. Ammy would poke me randomly just to watch me jump and hiss at him. "Quit that before I get annoyed."  
  
I hear loud music playing. Have they taken me to another club?  
  
"Do you have ID's?" A gruff voice asks.  
  
"Pfth- who needs ID's?" Pyronica giggles. "Oh come on~we're not even from this planet~" the tone of voice she's using lets me know she's doing that thing with her eyelashes. That cute fluttering thing when she's trying to charm someone into doing what she wants.  
  
"...And...what's in the bag?"  
  
"Nothing important." She says quickly. I inwardly wince. Pyronica is not good at bullshitting. Note to self. Sit everyone down and teach them how to bullshit.  
  
"Lady, open the bag."  
  
"It would be better if I didn't..."  
  
There's the sound of cracking knuckles. "Lady, you got 5 standard galactic seconds before I do my job and toss you all out."  
  
I sigh and take the bag off myself. I can tell the instant the people around me realized who I was. The bouncer goes pale. All conversation stops. The music plays on through the door as the people inside don't know I'm here yet.  
  
"You guys took me to a club?" I ask with a sigh. Sure the last time I went wasn't all that bad but still.  
  
"Well...not entirely."  
  
I hear some cheering hoots and laughter coming from inside. A few flickers of images later and..."You brought me to a STRIP CLUB?!"  
  
"Raw men?" Teeth says hesitantly.  
  
I blink at them slowly before face palming so hard my hat fell off. I was going to just head home but seeing Teeth's hopeful expression (though I use the term expression lightly) made me pause. Teeth did this for me. Because he wanted to cheer me up. I sighed.  
  
"I guess we're going to a strip club tonight."  
  
Teeth chatters happily. Pyronica sighs in relief. Ammy questions what a Strip Club is. Xanthar was dragged along to this outing and was mostly just curious about the cheering coming from inside. "Xan should not be here." I tell Pyronica simply.  
  
"But...he's always sitting out from our trips." Pyronica pouts.  
  
"Xanthar sits out because he is a delicate cinnamon loaf who must be protected." I flew up to hug Xanthar's bread face. "Places like this are inappropriate for him to be."  
  
Also, a Strip Club would only upset him. I quietly ask Xanthar if he'd like to go home or hang out in Iznang and he responds with images of flower fields covered in butterflies. Iznang it is. I blink him away before FINALLY turning to address the Bouncer.  
  
"So. Are my companions and I allowed inside?"  
  
"D-do you have an ID?" He tries fearfully to make an excuse to turn us away.  
  
I roll my eye and my ID appears in a flash of blue flame. It wasn't exactly a Federation standard ID. It was more like a business card. I started making them to pass out once I figured out how to Copy and Paste things into the world. It was similar to my ability to create stuff from loose particles of matter but instead of building things from scratch I can set my powers to automatically create the object by using another as a base.  
  
My card had my picture complete with the zodiac surrounding me, my name, occupation (All Seeing Eye), age (Old Enough) and other miscellaneous information.  
  
"Does this count? For many obvious reasons I can't just walk into a Federation office to get my picture taken." Or CAN I? Maybe try that and see what happens? At the very least I might get a kick out of it.  
  
"Um...I'm not sure that..." He glances up to see me tapping my foot in irritation as I stare unblinkingly at him. He cowers a little. "Please don't kill me. I haven't even found a Mate yet." He squeaks. I cross my arms and sigh. "Look kid, so long as no one messes with us, I won't have any reason to hurt anyone. Got it?" He nods quickly and my group was allowed inside.  
  
It wasn't as crowded as I thought. There were plenty of people though, all different races from across the galaxy, crowding around the stage where the performers were dancing. There was the scent of cooking meat coming from many grills. One of the dancers made a wide sweeping lunge, to loud hooting from the audience, and one of the crowd holds up a wad of cash. "I want that leg!"  
  
The chef for that stage grins widely and takes the cash. The dancer laughs as she thrusts her thick meaty leg out. The chef raises his cleaver and easily hacks her leg off. She moans in ecstasy and arches her spine back, showing off all the dotted lines drawn over her flesh labeling the different parts for purchase. On the next stage over was another girl posing while her chest cavity was clamped open.  
  
  
  
This was a Strip Club. A place where people go to eat the dancers. As they performed, the customers dish out money for which 'strip' of flesh they wanted. Dinner and a show. It was really fucked up. All the dancers were Sine-Dolorians. A species that feels all sensation as intense pleasure. They die a few days after mating so some business savvy members of their race started up this profession.  
  
If they were going to die anyway, why not let them go out in a way that makes them feel good and earns money to support the orphanages? Since all the parents die, orphanages were the norm for their species. Each mating produces multiple eggs so at the very least their species wouldn't die out anytime soon.  
  
It's a really fucked up way of life but it makes them happy and I won't judge. Even if it makes me somewhat uncomfortable. I see a male dancer on another stage shudder with bliss as a chunk of his side is carefully sliced away.  
  
No one sees anything wrong with this. All the participants are consenting adults and happy. I can understand why some people see the appeal. Pyronica already eats people so she has no problem. Teeth worked at a restaurant that serves PINEAPPLE so it's not like he hasn't seen some masochistic people before. Ammy is watching in curious fascination as a dancer loses her arm to an enthusiastic customer.  
  
It's a good thing I managed to send Xanthar away before he saw this.

A few people noticed me and some of the sound dies down. I sigh. Raw men huh? I didn't know if I should laugh or cry at the misunderstanding. I wasn't feeling up to eating any of the people here but my twisted interest for gore had me wanting to at least stay to let Teeth think he's managed to cheer me up. Plus, I could see bones sticking out of one dancer and it was pretty cool looking.  
  
"B-Bill Cipher?" One of the workers asks as he approached our party. "Yes?" I ask as politely as I could.  
  
"Are you...here as a customer?"  
  
"I suppose I am."  
  
He gives me a hesitant/terrified smile. "Please keep in mind that only our dancers are for eating. We don't want any trouble..."  
  
I wave him off. "It's fine. Don't worry. I'm not gonna cause any trouble if no one starts trouble with me or my friends."  
  
Sheesh, I devour a planet ONE time and no one ever lets me live it down. Great, now I'm upset again.  
  
A few of the others relax and everyone quickly gets back into the swing of things. I float over to one of the tables that has a good view of the stages. Teeth looks at me hesitantly as he takes a seat as well. "Is this...good?" He asks.  
  
"It's not quite what I meant by Ramen, but I appreciate your efforts."  
  
"Ooh~that gal's got some MEAT on her~" Pyronica purrs at a particularly voluptuous dancer sliding down her pole jiggling with fat and muscle.  
  
I scanned to see what currency was accepted on this planet. They accept multiple types, an alliance with the Federation meant they had exchange offices for changing out one for another. The Federation uses this planet as a food supply. There were many contracts and agreements made for this planet to have Federation protection in exchange for giving them some of their people. I broke out of my Scan, the images on my bricks fading away.  
  
I don't actually have Credits or any type of paper money. I can't create them either since counterfeiting bills is illegal and I don't have any Credits to Bill's name due to a lack of a Federation ID. This is why I always search for places that'll accept precious metals and other raw materials as currency. They accept Rhodium as payment here, which is good to know. A little more difficult to make than Gold but perfectly do-able.  
  
I make a small slab of Rhodium, around the size of a playing card and a centimeter thick. Copy-pasting it a few times I hand then out to my friends. "Go have fun and don't spend it all in one place." Oh my god, I feel like a parent.  
  
They cheer and go off to enjoy themselves. Ammy follows Pyronica to see what she does, learning by observation.  
  
I lean back in my chair and wonder how my life came to this. This place is an atrocity. It's disgusting and exploitative but it's also perfectly legal and accepted by the society here. There are so many things in the multiverse that would have revolted me as a human. I was still unhappy about some of the things I've seen but this is 'normal' for them. Their species has lived like this, evolved for the purpose of living like this and that's just how things worked.  
  
I try to keep an open mind. They're happy. They aren't really hurting anyone. Even if it makes me mildly sick. Then again. The twisted part of myself loved watching as bits of flesh and meat were carefully cut off them. A Sine-Dolorian woman practically orgasms as her front is peeled away to expose her ribs and pulsating organs. There's another one at a stage branding themselves with a waffle-iron. Apparently the many ridged texture it leaves their skin is considered an attractive modification. "I'm already half cooked~" I hear a cute male dancer coo at a customer as he shows off the waffle burns along his leg.  
  
I'm not exactly disgusted by their culture or anything but I'm not going to eat them either. That's still...something I cannot bring myself to do. If they killed them first I might, but once again, eating something while they're still alive was too much even for me unless there was an emergency. There's the sound of meat sizzling along with more excited hooting from the customers.  
  
While I'm lost in thought another group of customers enters the establishment. I recognize them as the the Literatura familia. A long reaching Mafia family with several dimensions under their influence. I've actually done many Deals with their Dons over the centuries. They change leadership every 50 standard galactic years and each Don ran the family differently. Many of them called me up for information on various things.  
  
I haven't personally met the current leader but I knew his grandfather and ancestors. He was a surprisingly decent man, despite being a merciless criminal. He was honorable and believed in sticking to a promise. Pretty much the type of Client I enjoyed working with. Sadly, the current leader inherited nothing from his nonno except his ruthlessness.  
  
I watched as the current head, Jorgio Literatura Don #28, strut around like he owned the place and has his men shove some other customers away from a stage with a particularly pretty woman with waffle burns all down her back. She is spinning gracefully around a pole. He leers at her and licks his 3 lips.  
  
"I want this one." Jorgio says to the chef beside the table. "Which part of me would you like sir?" The girl asks with a cute fluttering of her secondary eyes. Jorgio slaps a huge wad of cash onto the the counter. "All of her." He says, still speaking to the chef. The chef blinks and looks at the girl. "All at once sir? We don't have a grill large enough for-"  
  
"Not to eat. I want HER." Jorgio rakes his eyes up and down her form with a completely different kind of hunger. The chef frowns. "I'm sorry sir. This is not that kind of establishment."  
  
Jorgio snaps his fingers and one of his men grabbed the chef. I'd seen enough. I flicked my fingers (secretly jealous that I couldn't get that sharp snapping sound that Jorgio managed so easily) and the chef is teleported safely onto the stage next to the scared dancer girl.  
  
"Oi. No violence in here please. With my luck I'll be the one blamed for it." I float up to them twirling my cane. Don Literatura looks at me and grins in surprised recognition. "Ah. Bill Cipher. Fancy meeting you here."  
  
  
  
Because of the long history of Deals I've done with the Literatura family, many of which didn't turn out horribly for my summoners because they were courteous and kept their end of the Deal easily enough, I suppose this would mean we are on friendly terms. This was helped along by the fact that I pretty much helped them get the power they had now. It would be a shame if the current generation ruined all his family's centuries of carefully built rapport.  
  
"Fancy seeing you too. How's the familia? I haven't really gotten to see any of you since Don Tonio stepped down."  
  
"Ah, honorable Nonno, tis a shame you didn't get to see him before he passed."  
  
"It IS a shame. Old Tonio was a good man." Entropy marches on. He lived to quite the old age too. I felt a little guilty for not visiting more often but Toni's son was always wary of me. Would explain why he never summoned me once during his rule.  
  
I was going to say more but Pyronica runs over waving a spiced roasted leg happily. "Bill! Teeth and I have a huge haul of food! Those weird metal sheets you gave us were apparently REALLY valuable!"  
  
I know the instant Jorgio notices Pyronica. The feeling of 'lust' and 'greed' coming off him made my bricks burn unpleasantly. I twitched but managed to hold myself back from anything rash. He hasn't done anything yet. He's just looking. There's nothing wrong with looking.  
  
"If you really bought that much food you better eat it all." I don't like wasting food. I suppose it's even more important in a place like this.  
  
"You're not having any? But you love food?" Pyronica looked incredibly confused. I sighed. It still felt really weird...but it's consensual so there really shouldn't be anything inherently wrong with it...  
  
"Just not in the mood for it right now."  
  
"You have the weirdest hang ups Bill." Pyronica knows me well enough to tell when I refuse something because of various emotional reasons.  
  
Jorgio pipes in "Hello there. Not to interrupt but mind introducing me to your lovely acquaintance here?" He gives Pyronica three charming smiles.  
  
"Of course. Jorgio, this is my friend Pyronica. Ronica, this is Don Jorgio Literatura." I debate if I should introduce Jorgio's men as well. "Jorgio's grandfather was a good client of mine." Tonio summoned me surprisingly often. I still remember the last Deal we made right before he stepped down to let his son take over...  
  
"Would you mind terribly if I were to share a table with you? I wish to speak with signore Cipher and catch up. I have heard many stories from my Nonno but haven't had the honor of meeting him in person."  
  
"Ah...if Bill says it’s ok?" Pyronica glances at me. I shrug. "It would be nice to talk. I'd like to hear how Tonio spent his final years."  
  
So we head over to the table where Teeth and Ammy were desperately trying to balance the platters of meat they bought. I flick my fingers and levitate the food safely onto the table. "Hey Bill, who're these guys?" Teeth asked.  
  
"This is the grandson of one of my old clients. Do you mind if they sat with us so we could talk?"  
  
"Sure?"  
  
"Are they friends?" Ammy asked, already taking out a notepad from his blocks (we've recently discovered that I CAN in fact sort of decide what abilities his blocks have while I feed him my flames, sadly they all have to revolve around transport or storage-sub-space, I was quite disappointed I couldn't give him a Death Canon).  
  
"Not really. I'm sort of allied with his familia but as we haven't done any Deals in 2 generations, I'm not sure if they still need me."  
  
"Of course we are still allies. We just haven't had a real pressing issue that needed your help, didn't want to bother you signore Cipher." Jorgio hastily said. He knows better than most how important it was to keep me on his side.  
  
We sit around the table, Jorgio's men standing behind him and I take this time to really look at them. All different kinds of species, only two of them were the same type as Jorgio (Kmuont, a humanoid creature with 3 mouths, smooth dark skin and a tendency to spit acid when angry), there was a large lobster-like creature (Crabavores), some Manrillas, a Jabber, a robot cleverly disguised as a Manrilla...wait what?  
  
I did a double take and scanned the robot more closely. No, not robot, there was someone inside there. I blinked at it and jolted in surprise when I spotted a square-like shape. For a wild second I thought it was a miraculously surviving Flatlander but there were no bricks, just strange tick marks and lines. It took me a few seconds to recognize the buck teeth and the compass design. KRYPTOS?!  
  
I was getting feelings of 'unhappiness' 'stress' and 'pain' coming off him. What the heck was he doing here. I was going to look it up but Jorgio was talking to me and I refocused back to the present.  
  
"Sorry, I was checking something, what did you say?" I asked, my friends were used to me just spacing out for hours at a time. They just assume its due to me being an All Knowing creature watching some important event happening across the multiverse. In reality I'm just an air-head who gets lost in thought all the time.  
  
"I asked if you and your companions would like to come to my estate after this?" Jorgio repeated. I looked over at my friends.  
  
"Sure. Can I bring Xanthar too?"  
  
"Your pet-?" Jorgio tried to say before my Curse took effect and all three of his mouths were stitched over. He panicked before I flicked my fingers and freed him. "Sorry 'bout that. It happens whenever someone disrespects him."  
  
We finish our meal and head off to the teleporters. I'm still curious about what Kryptos was doing here. Plus, the Literatura estates had some lovely gardens. I know I helped the 3rd Don plant and grow the vineyard. They didn't have grapes but instead Krapes, fruits that were similar in shape and made some really delicious wine.  
  
But it's not like I just agreed to go with Jorgio because I wanted Alcohol! I'm just going to figure out why Kryptos was here. Getting some wine was just a bonus I swear!  
  
\---  
  
I made a quick blink to Iznang to pick up Xanthar. To my surprise the Queen was with him. She was gently petting him and feeding him some nectar. She looks up at me and sighs.  
  
"Hello again Bill Cipher. We need to talk." She looks...not upset but mildly unhappy and unsure about something.  
  
"What is it your majesty?" I'm warily being a little more polite.  
  
"Why am I still alive?" She asks bluntly.  
  
It takes me a few seconds to understand what she meant. Iznang moves at a different pace in terms of temporal progression than many of the Federation owned/run dimensions. Technically, all dimensions naturally run at different time speeds from each other but if the Federation takes over a whole dimension Time Baby can force that dimension to synch up with the others.  
  
Iznang and the world it exists in, has not surrendered to Time Baby's despotic rule yet, nor does this dimension hold any value for Time Baby to bother taking it. Also, as a 'safe haven' for me and my friends, as per my Deal with the Queen, Time Baby cannot touch them for political reasons. The issue at hand right now is that this dimension runs slower than the ones I've been hanging out it.  
  
So, from my perspective, it has been many millions of years since my Deal with the Queen. On her end, while her time may run slower, it has still been at least a century since she's last seen me. Therein lies her question. Why was she still alive? I glance at the Queen and note that she hasn't changed at all since I last saw her. Which shouldn't be happening. She should be super old or died of old age by this point but there she was, as young as the day I left her.  
  
"I know it is your doing. I am...unsure how to feel about this. I have been able to hide my condition from my people and have already stepped down from the throne. My son runs the kingdom now. He is already grooming my granddaughter to take the throne.”  
  
She looks a little melancholy. "I have not been able to see my family. I faked my own death once it became apparent I could no longer hide my body." She gestures to a small cottage I can see hidden partially behind tall flower beds. "I set up a place for myself to live here. It is peaceful and calming. I appreciate this one's company." She gives Xanthar a fond pat. "But now that I have managed to find you before you leave with him, I need to know why my body is like this."  
  
I winced. "I...didn't realize my Deal would have this side effect. I'm really sorry..." To be honest it didn't even cross my mind to wonder at how the Queen was still alive. I knew Iznang ran at a slower time and I just lost track of the years. "Would you like me to...break off the Deal?"  
  
"No, it is fine. Who am I to turn down immortality? Most people would give their very souls for such a boon." She still looks a little sad though.  
  
"Are you sure? Immortality isn't really all that great."  
  
She gazes at me with understanding. "I know. Here I am, having barely lived more than two centuries and already the weariness is setting in. How much have you suffered Bill Cipher? You, who are said to be older than the stars themselves?"  
  
"It's...hard sometimes." I admit. "Well, your case is different. You do not age but you can still die if your body is destroyed, if you are killed. I cannot grant true immortality even by accident."  
  
She breathes deeply, a tension in her form relaxing. "That is good to know. If I ever tire of this life, I will have a way out. I take it that you do not have the same luxury?"  
  
"No. Even if my body is destroyed down to my atoms, I will live on and reform within a few centuries. I will be conscious the whole time."  
  
She shudders "That sounds truly awful. I pity you. What pains you must have gone through. I think I can understand better now, the reason you act the way you do." She sighs and leans against Xanthar's side.  
  
"Are you going to be okay?" I ask her, still feeling guilty for the pain I have inflicted on her unintentionally. She gives me a small smile. "I will be fine. I may be forced to live in isolation for now but in a few more decades I will be able to walk amongst my people once more. When no one alive remembers who I was."  
  
She presses a thin hand on Xanthar and smiles more genuinely. "Besides. I am not lonely. This one keeps me company. He is very sweet."  
  
"Xanthar's the sweetest." I agree as I float up to hug him. The Queen watches how Xanthar lovingly nuzzles me with his bread face. "The rumors about you are dirty lies. You are a kind man." She remarks.  
  
"I'm really not. I'm dangerous. I'm selfish. And I keep hurting people. I'm just nice to those I like. I've killed millions of innocent people." Xanthar pokes me with 'irritation' and 'stern protectiveness' leaking from his form. He doesn't like it when I bad mouth myself.  
  
"You are hard on yourself." The Queen sighs. "Well, I'm sure you must be going now. Feel free to visit whenever."  
  
An idea strikes me. "Would you like to come with us? Leave this world and explore the universe?" Be my Friend officially?  
  
She is quiet. Contemplative. "No. I will not leave my people. I love my country. I will stay to make sure they will grow and prosper."  
  
"Oh." I say as disappointment weighs on me. The Queen smiles though. "I will not come with you. But I would like to call you 'friend’. Would that be acceptable?"  
  
  
  
I light up at her words. Relief, joy and hope making my bricks glow. "I would love that!" She laughs. "Alright then. Be sure to come visit again soon."  
  
I wave good bye and blink away, still glowing happily. A friend. A non-canon friend. It was possible for me to have friends. I felt giddy even as I took Xanthar into a brachistochrone curve through time to end up at the Don's estate with everyone else mere seconds after their arrival instead of the months that would have passed if I'd just gone straight there.  
  
That's what happens with dimensions that run at different speeds. It's a thing I need to keep in mind whenever I travel through time and space.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Also, I have a bunch of random misadventures that the gang gets up to in my head that I've never written down and yet I write stuff while still having those adventures in mind and I apologize for that. Like, there's a whole scene of Teeth bartering with the chefs but since Bill isn't with them, you won't see it happen.
> 
> Same goes for the many, MANY other scenes I have for what the idiots get up to whenever Bill isn't home. Like when Pyronica robbed a clothing store and dragged Ammy along to help her smuggle the clothes straight home. Or Teeth's many auditions for acting roles in plays and movies...and that's not even getting into the adventures Xanthar and Queen get up to...
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Shit, am I going to have to make YET ANOTHER side-fic that's just about what the gang is doing when Bill's not around? I don't think I can handle another writing project >.>


	32. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are times when I think back on all the people I've met throughout my life and wondered if I should have treasured my time with them more. My friends may live until the end of time but there were plenty of people I actually enjoyed the company of and lost them way too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So...this chapter was hard to get through. I'm still not entirely sure what I was going for. I sort of want to use Jorgio (or his descendants) for something later down the line.
> 
> The chapter just kept getting longer...there were so many things I wanted to address and I don't think I really got them all done?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 30**  
  
**-Bags of meat-**  
  
\---  
  
The Don's estate was just as beautiful as I remembered. I was in an incredibly good mood and giggled delightfully as I spun around in the air. The Don and his men looked very confused at my behavior. Ammy poked Pyronica and asked if she knew what was going on. She shrugged but seemed glad that I was feeling better. Xanthar ambled up to nuzzle her. "Hey Xanthar~what were you and Bill up to?"  
  
As per always Xanthar didn't respond but he did lay down and roll on the grass. Despite my attempts to teach him ASL he just couldn't fully wrap his mind around the idea. He knew a few basic signs but generally preferred to just not bother.  
  
"I made a friend while I was picking Xanthar up!" I squealed happily.

"Oh? Are we getting a new roommate again?" Pyronica sighs fondly. My joy calms but my smile is as wide as ever. "No actually, she has her own home and doesn't have any pressing concerns that would force her to leave. But she said she wants to be friends!" I was absolutely giddy.  
  
"Oh~she~?" Pyronica drawls with a knowing waggle of her eyebrow. I sputter while she laughs. Don Jorgio just looks confused. "Look, enough about me, hey Don, is that water slide still here?"  
  
Jorgio quickly collects himself and tries to look elegant and suave. "If you mean the fountain, yes, it is still in the side garden."  
  
"Woo! Race you guys to the water slide!" I flew off cackling madly. I heard my friends hooting loudly as they ran after me. Don Jorgio was trying in vain to keep up with us, poor man just didn't know how to deal with our energetic chaos. Xanthar knocks over some bushes.  
  
As I flew I continued flickering through images. Kryptos being shoved into the robot. Some of the Don's scientists trying to develop a way to use people as batteries. Remote controlled robots. Using living creatures as a power source allowed the robots to pass through many types of detection scanners.  
  
Kryptos being given to the Don as a sacrifice/payment for his family's debt.  
  
There it was. I frowned even as I blinked the image away. So I know why he's here now. How do I save him? Even if Jorgio is a brat, I didn't want to lose my alliance with his family. I've invested so many years of Deals with them. I didn't know enough yet. Best to just sit back and watch for now. Wait for an opportunity or make one myself once I learn more about the situation.  
  
I get to the fountain which was large enough I could use it as a water slide. I make a show of playing on it as everyone else comes over. Act like a total weirdo. It makes people unsure what my thought process is, it makes it hard for them to read me, it makes them afraid to try anything against me. It was a very odd intimidation tactic but that's what makes it so effective.  
  
Also, despite what Ax says, I'm not insane. Not right now at least. I tried out the insanity thing for a few million years, got bored. I'm gonna be sane for a while until I get sick of it and just decide to go nuts again. Ax says that the fact I can apparently do this is proof that I'm crazy. I refuse to believe he is correct, he hasn't gone insane before so what would he know?  
  
"Weeee~!" I cheer as I slide down the fountain.  
  
Some of Jorgio's men were quietly asking him if I was all there in the head. (How rude! I'm gonna turn their bath water into jelly the next time they shower.) He slapped one upside the head and growled. "Of course he's nuts. Everyone knows that. Why do you think he is so dangerous?"  
  
"But I thought he was dangerous because he is a demon?" One of them asked stupidly.  
  
"Even demons can be reasoned with. Nonno has often told me when I was a child that Bill Cipher cannot be reasoned with. Or at the very least, his reasoning cannot be fully understood. Bargaining with him is a dangerous gamble.”  
  
"Why are you inviting him into your home then?"  
  
"My Nonno dealt with signore Cipher for many years. He taught me many of the ways to handle him. So long as none of you do anything to offend him or his companions, we will be fine."  
  
It's great how people don't realize I'm spying on them when it looks like I'm busy with something else. I mastered the art of multi-tasking back in my first life! You cannot hide anything from me-ooh is that a blue crested Snipe? I got easily distracted chasing the large bird around. Xanthar was already in the fountain splashing happily. Ammy was stealing random flowers, shoving them right into his blocks (this is definitely Pyronica's fault) and Teeth was right alongside me chasing the birds. A few guards (who appeared to be Scorpapups) chased Pyronica up a fruit tree, yodeling and waving their tail arms around when she tried to set fire of the rose bushes.  
  
"Signore Cipher?" Jorgio asks, trying hard not to show his irritation at our antics.  
  
"Yeah?" I ask while cuddling the fluffy bird to my bricks. As~so soft~  
  
"May we adjourn to my study to speak privately on a matter? My men will be tasked with keeping your companions entertained."  
  
"Hm...will you guys be alright on your own?"  
  
""We can take care of ourselves Bill."" Teeth and Pyronica said, Pyronica had a hint of exasperation at my protectiveness. I gave her a glance and she tilted her head to point her horns towards Xanthar and Ammy. I flick my bowtie and Pyronica gives me a 'wink'. Ok, she got my message. Keep Xan and Ammy safe, keep the men distracted. I turn back to Jorgio.  
  
"Sure, lead the way." I float down to plop onto the shoulders of one of the Manrillas, just so happening to chose the one Kryptos was in. "Full speed ahead!" I cheered, kicking my legs childishly. I heard Jorgio mutter "Nonno wasn't exaggerating how childishly playful Cipher gets when he's happy…”  
  
\---  
  
The decor hasn't changed much in two generations. With how traditional this Familia is, I wasn't surprised. Jorgio led us to his lounge with the comfy chairs and a servant already waiting with some drinks and snacks. Looks like Tonio made sure to explain my love for food.  
  
I felt somewhat nostalgic as I sat on a chair and munched on a little pizza-bite. Used to do this with Tonio a lot. Just sitting together after a Deal. He liked to talk to me. Sometimes I think he trusted me with things he never even told his own family despite his strict adherence to omertà.

I miss him.  
  
"You may go." Jorgio told the robot. It walked away. Not once in all this time has it spoken. "Quiet guy huh?" I asked nonchalantly. Jorgio's poker face was rather impressive when he tries since he didn't even hesitate before responding "He's mute."  
  
Kryptos was half conscious in there. Seems it's sound proofed. The metal actually made it somewhat difficult for me to 'see' inside as well. He didn't seem to have any control over the robot, being used as nothing more than a battery. If I have to compare it to something, it's like Eggman's robots filled with woodland creatures from the original Sonic games.  
  
  
  
And wasn't that a strange thought. Why would Jorgio create things like this? I couldn't just flicker right in front of him so I would have to look it up later. I tossed more snacks into my eye, as per usual, I sent half of them into stasis to eat later. Jorgio motioned for the servant to get more food.  
"So how has everything been? I know you've managed to get one more planet under your influence since you took over the familia." I ask casually as I took a sip of tea.  
  
"It's been good. The only real issue being those wretched Federation agents. Always poking their noses into everything. Always getting in my way."  
  
"That's just what the Feds do." I shrug. Mostly they leave me alone and vice-versa. "They generally look the other way when bribed. That's what your family has done for generations."  
  
Jorgio snarls. "Well I say that's ridiculous. Having to pay those pests just for some peace. Would a farmer pay the craw-birds to leave his crops alone? No."  
  
I felt 'annoyance' and 'outrage' from him. Jorgio literally considered the galactic law enforcement to be pests trying to invade his farm. I mean, I don't like them either but that's a bit much. The one I hate is their boss, not them specifically. They're just doing their jobs, I can respect and pity that.  
  
"Signore Cipher, can I ask for a favor?" Jorgio asks with a calm expression. I frown "I don't normally do things for free." I deliberately ignore the fact that I often did many things for my friends free of charge. That's different. They're my friends. Jorgio chuckles. "So you say, but Nonno told me you sometimes granted him small boons in exchange for things without having to make a Deal."  
  
"...fair enough, what do you want?"  
  
"About your companions...the cute one..."  
  
"Who? Xanthar?"  
  
"No, the shapely one."  
  
"....Ammy?"  
  
"No! The fiery one with the gorgeous body! The female one!"  
  
"Oh, Pyronica? What about her?  
  
"Is she your woman?"  
  
"The only thing Ronica IS is my friend. Please don't refer to her like that. It's rude."  
  
"My apologies. So she is not your...partner?"  
  
"No. She's just my friend." How long do I have to play dumb? It's pretty obvious what Jorgio wants.  
  
"So you wouldn't mind if I...got to know her?"  
  
"That's entirely up to her. Just go talk to her. If she says yes then I have no issue." I roll my eye. It might be problematic if Ronica eats him though. "Is that seriously why you called me here?" I folded my arms and sighed.  
  
"It is not the only reason. Recently there have been more Federation dogs sniffing around my establishments.”  
  
"What? You want me to get rid of them? I'll tell you now that you can't sic me on your enemies. I don't do that kind of thing. It’s too annoying.”  
  
"No, I just want some information. Tell me about the Federation agents. How do they chose their members?"  
  
"Are you trying to sneak your own agents into the Fed's Police Force? Good luck with that, they make thorough background checks. Hell, most members of the law enforcement were literally raised from birth to become a Federation dog."  
  
That always upset me. Generation after generation raised within the brainwashing to serve loyally. All free will and individuality stripped from them. It was a miracle they retained any personality at all. If they wanted mindless loyal drones they they should have just gotten robots (oh hey, irony). It irritated me that the Federation would just take living, thinking creatures and strip them of their free will.  
  
And the multiverse calls ME a monster.  
  
I have never messed with someone's mind in such a way. Sure I can trick people or manipulate them but I've always allowed for them to make their own choices. Free will is a big thing for me. I want to believe it exists. It's why I can understand Ax's stance on neutrality. Even if I can't do the same. I like interaction with others. I can't just sit back and ignore the world like he does.  
  
"So they clearly know who every member is..." Jorgio muses to himself. "Do you know who they are?" He asks. "Do you know what they look like, their mannerisms? Their voices?"  
  
"I do know but what're you gonna trade for that information?" I lean back in my chair.  
  
"I've got some of the best chefs this side of the galaxy in my employ." He responds.  
  
I wipe my drool quickly. "So you have no problem bribing ME?”  
  
"You are not a pest. And it is in the familia's best interest to keep you happy."  
  
He's not wrong I guess. Still, I had the weirdest feeling of being a pet given treats in exchange for performing some tricks. Also, why did he go immediately to food as a bribe? Sure I like to eat but that's not my ONLY interest...am I really that 1-dimensional?  
  
Jorgio startles when I suddenly laugh like a maniac. "AHAHAHA! ONE DIMENSIONAL! AHAHAHA! OH MAN! HAHAHA! Ah shit I should write that one down...heh heh..." At his mildly disturbed look I tried to reassure him "Sorry, I just thought of a really funny joke."  
  
"O-okay?"  
  
"It's not important. So. Is there any Agent in particular you want to know about?" I collect myself and take a calm sip of tea, acting as if I hadn't just fallen off the chair in a fit of hysterical laughter.  
  
"There is one man who's been hanging around the establishments I own. Particularly a casino on Ghlop-6."  
  
Oh. So that was his plan. Jorgio's thoughts were pretty clear. He wanted to replace the Agent with one of his robots. Infiltrate the Federation itself. And even if the robot got found out, the Federation would only find the helpless battery inside. The poor victim would be the one blamed for anything the robot did.  
  
What can I do with this information?  
  
First off, I'll need to actually talk to Kryptos. How do I create the situation to let me 'realize' that Manrilla was a robot with a person inside? I pondered that even as I negotiated for a nice dinner with Jorgio tomorrow. Of course my friends were invited as well.  
  
I have an idea...  
  
\---  
  
I can tell it was taking all of Jorgio's self control not to start screaming when we went outside to find the garden around his estate looking like a giant centibeetle had gone rampaging through it. I winced as a tree toppled over and the water level was rising to ankle-height. I really can't leave the guys alone can I? A guard-Scorpapup floats by, whimpering loudly.  
  
Not that we were any less destructive even with me there to chaperone but still...  
  
"...I can fix it." I tell Jorgio while giving him a comforting pat on his shoulder-esque body part.  
  
A flick has my friends bubbled and floating above us. Another flick has everything around us seeming to move in reverse as all the damage repaired itself. My eye twitched as a few of Jorgio's men were lifted out of the ground gasping for breath. How the fuck did they get buried beneath the flower bushes?  
  
"Guys. What have I told you about common courtesy?" I lower my friends back to the ground and pop their bubbles.  
  
Pyronica pouts. "We were just having fun. Why is it fine when YOU do it but you always get so picky about what WE do?"  
  
"I didn't flood the entire lawn."  
  
"I distinctly remember that time you flooded a whole city..." Amorphous Shape blinks at me lazily.  
  
"I fixed it." I say even as my bricks flickered orange.  
  
"And you fixed this. So, no harm no foul?" Pyronica grins.  
  
I point at the traumatized mafia soldiers crying like children as they rocked back and forth on the lawn. One of them screaming for his mother in Jibberish. I don't even say anything, just stare unblinkingly at the Cyclopian until she looks away sheepishly.  
  
"That was Teeth's fault..." She mumbles.  
  
"Ah! You said you wouldn't tell him?!" Teeth gasps dramatically "Betrayed! Sold out by someone I trusted!"  
  
"Teeth also broke the fountain." Ammy adds delightedly.  
  
“Et tu Am?!" Teeth wails.  
  
He squeaks when I'm suddenly looming over him. "Oh Teeth. What am I always telling you guys? Don't break anything you can't fix."  
  
"But that's not fair! We don't have magical fixing powers!" He pouts at me.

"Then you should be more careful." I patted Teeth's top "Though I will say I'm impressed you managed to traumatize some big bad mob goons in just a half hour." So proud of them.  
  
I turned to Jorgio. "I think you need better minions. If they can't even handle a half hour alone with my friends, there's no way they can survive in the mafia world."  
  
Jorgio's eyes twitched. "They were raised in the underbelly of the mafia world."  
  
I blinked. "Well they need to step up their game. If they can't even handle an accidental mock execution they're not gonna last long."  
  
Jorgio growls at his men. They whimpered, the Jabber continuing to cry for his mother. "Clearly." He barked at them to get over themselves. "You are all a disgrace!" He sneers and turns to me, seeking sympathy.  
  
"You see what I have to deal with? These soldiers are pathetic. Tell me Signore Cipher, where did you find your companions? How to I build my familia strong like yours?" I just shrug. It's not like I chose my Friends for any strength inherent within them.  
  
Jorgio considers for a bit. His next words shock me. “Be my Advisor. Join my Familia. Help me as you've helped my Nonno."  
  
"Whoa whoa! I'm definitely not advisor material. Especially not in an official capacity. I can give some advice now and then but I'm not gonna swear loyalty to you or join the Literatura. The only side I'm on is my own." Tonio also tried many times to get me to join him. He often told me that if I became his Advisor he'd be able to take over all the known galaxy. I told him he was exaggerating.  
  
Jorgio wasn't backing down though. "I haven't found my right hand man yet. Signore Cipher you have already helped my family for so many generations. Why not simply join?"  
  
He was looking over his lawn as he spoke. I could feel his amazement at seeing my power first hand. I could feel his NEED to have someone like me on his side. To have my power at his command. Despite all that, I also felt a twinge of sadness and understanding from him. I saw it then, a memory from Jorgio's childhood.  
  
_A young Jorgio sat on his grandfather's lap. Tonio was telling him more stories about me. "Signore Cipher is more than just a demon. I am sure he is a god. It is only by his mercy and whim that we all live. If I could have gotten him on my side I would have been able to accomplish anything."_  
  
__  
  
_"But father says that Bill Cipher is too dangerous to have near our familia."_  
  
_"He is not wrong. Cipher's power is great and terrible. He is a fickle god. But he is also lonely. If I could have gotten him to join me, if I could have helped to alleviate his loneliness...he would have been the greatest partner." He smiles as he gazes off into the distance, lost in his fond memories._  
  
_"Nonno? Why do you look so sad?"_  
  
_"Ah nipote..." Tonio's smile was melancholy. "I wanted Cipher to join the familia only partly because I wanted to strengthen the Literatura. Mostly, I wanted an excuse to keep him around."_  
  
_"Why?"_  
  
_Tonio's smiles were fond even as his eyes were sad. "Because I liked being with him. Often I wished I'd met him earlier in my life. Back when I was young. Back before I married..."_  
  
_"What does Nonna have to do with it?" Little Jorgio looked confused. His grandfather laughed and pet his head. "It is unimportant."_  
  
I blink out of that memory.  
  
Oh.  
  
I...never realized.  
  
I should have visited more. I felt incredibly guilty for some reason. I should have at least gone to see him before he died...why didn't he summon me?! Dammit! Why didn't he ever TELL me?! How did I not realize it? Even if I never actively read his thoughts you'd think I would have noticed right?!  
  
"Sorry Don Jorgio. I'm not gonna join your familia and I never will. It's not personal or anything. I just like my freedom."

He turns to look at me, disappointment and a hint of annoyance. "That is unfortunate Signore Cipher. It would have made my Nonno very happy if you did."  
  
"I will not be bound to any organization. If you want my advice, just summon me like everyone else does." I was irritated and sad inside. I hated feeling like this.  
  
Everyone else was quiet as they watched the two of us stare each other down. I will not let him guilt me into this. No matter how bad I felt. I didn't even know for sure what I was feeling right now.  
  
"We can talk more about this tomorrow." Jorgio says at last. "Arrivederci signore Cipher."  
  
I nod politely and blinked my friends back home.  
  
\---  
  
"Are you ok Bill?" Pyronica asks once we land back at home. Teeth looked worried as well. Ammy looked oblivious as to what she was talking about. Xanthar rubbed his bread-face along my side, realizing I was feeling sad and not knowing why.  
  
"Hey Ronica...what do you do when you realize someone was secretly in love with you for years and died without ever telling you?"  
  
She just stares at me. "I'm gonna need some context here." Teeth looks confused. "Wait, who died?"  
  
\---  
  
"Bill, you can't blame yourself for someone else choosing to love you. That was his decision, just as it was his decision to not tell you." Pyronica tilted her glass of space-tequila back for a small sip.  
  
"But...he should have!"  
  
"Well did you like him back?"  
  
"...No...?"  
  
"Then why are you so upset? You told me yourself, you weren't into him and he was married with a kid. Plus he's dead now so it's not like it even matters anymore."  
  
"But I feel bad. If he'd just...told me then maybe we could have talked about it. Tonio wouldn't have had to die without closure." I finished my own glass. This wasn't the sort of thing I wanted to talk about while sober. I put the cup down and sighed. I wanted another but I also didn't want to actually get drunk.  
  
"And how do you know he didn't have closure? You said he had YEARS without summoning you before he died. How do you know that wasn't the reason? Maybe he got over his feelings for you and didn't summon you again because of it."  
  
"Maybe...but...still..." I fiddled with some paper, tiny nimble fingers easily turning the square into a rabbit. Pyronica sighed. "Are you sure you didn't like him back? 'cause from where I'm sitting it sounds like you might have did."  
  
I shook my head. I wasn't into Tonio that way. I'm sure of it. Even ignoring the biological differences between us, his career of crime and murder wasn't something I would be able to overlook in a potential partner. "I liked him but not in that way. I guess...I feel upset because he always told me everything ya know? But something this important he never told me. I feel like I was unintentionally hurting him."  
  
Pyronica groaned as she flops down over the side of the couch. "Of course the problems you have trouble dealing with would be shit like this."  
  
"I just wish I'd known sooner."  
  
"If he confessed to you, he would only have his heart broken you idiot. I bet he didn't want to go through your rejection. Also, you know, he was married."  
  
"I know. I'm just being stupid..." I groaned as I resisted the urge to summon another drink.  
  
"Look, it's fine if you need to vent about this sort of thing. I'm just glad I can actually help YOU with something for once." Pyronica grins crookedly at me. I slide down to lay flat on the couch. "I just feel bad for not noticing. I'm like...over 30 billion years old! How am I still so terrible at life!"  
  
"Everyone has something they're bad at." Pyronica shrugs. "Getting off this topic though..." She turns to lie on her belly, facing me "What about Jorgio? Do you like him?"  
  
"Ugh. No. He's nothing like Tonio, that kid has NONE of the good points that I actually liked about Tonio. I actually respected Tonio. Jorgio is just...a brat. Also, he's lusting after you."  
  
"Really? Well...he IS a little cute..."  
  
"It'll cause a lot of political problems if you ate him." I point out and she slumps in disappointment.  
  
"That's no fun."  
  
"Have you ever considered just...NOT eating your partner?"  
  
Pyronica gives me a look like I had said something incomprehensible. "But..." She pauses. "I...never actually thought of that..."  
  
"What if you find someone that you actually really like? And you want to be able to spend time with them? If you ate them then they'll be gone and you'll be alone." I felt somewhat hypocritical seeing as I ate someone I loved. To be fair, mine was an accident and he was already dead.  
  
"I never thought about...keeping a mate..." Pyronica rolls over. "I know other species can keep their mates and live together but that's just...never been something I thought I could do too..."  
  
"Well why not try? You keep trying to get ME to hook up with someone, do you want to try too? If you don't eat them you can have them for longer. I won't have to keep making constructs every few months."  
  
"....can you still make the constructs? They're pretty delicious."  
  
"I will never understand your preferences." I respond, mildly grossed out.  
  
"So wait, are you telling me I should date the Don?" Pyronica scrunches up her face.  
  
"You don't have to, but he DOES want to get to know you. To be honest I know he's not good enough for you. But if you choose to get with him I don't really have a right to stop you. Unless he hurts you. Then I get to tear him apart.”  
  
We sat there in quiet companionship and just thought about the various revelations we had today. Finally I sighed and flicked my fingers, sending Teeth and Amorphous Shape soaring into the room with surprised yelps. "If you guys are gonna eavesdrop, at least be more subtle about it." I mutter tiredly.  
  
That might be a good idea actually. We still had a whole day before we had to go have dinner with the Don...I could always use some help with my plans to get to Kryptos and any other prisoners that the Don might have locked away.  
  
"Hey guys. Wanna learn how to spy on people?"  
  
\---  
  
Is it favoritism if I'm going out of my way to invade Don Jorgio Literatura's stuff just to meet Kryptos? Probably.  
  
We were on a mission. I called it a Heist because I wanted to pretend we were secret agents. Teeth thought it was a cool idea and kept asking if we could get code names and communication devices. Ammy wanted to know what a secret agent was so I made everyone sit down to watch Kingsman.

Being able to pull movies from the future using the Future-Sight™ that Time Baby forced on me was one of the few benefits I've found from that power. Seriously though. Every movie that was, is and will be can be accessed. It was awesome. There's an alternate future where Atlantis the Lost Empire was a horror film. Damn that was a cool movie.  
  
Teeth demanded to be called Galahad for the duration of our Heist. I claimed Merlin myself. Pyronica made me list off more knights of the round until she decided on Bedivere. Ammy chose Percival and Xanthar seemed to like Kay.  
  
We had Ammy leave one of his blocks at home so we could transport stuff quickly. His job was to track down any important looking papers or evidence, take a photo with the camera hidden in his 'storage' block and don't get caught. We didn't have communication devices but I linked us all up mentally. Simply 'think' about sending a message to one of the others and I'll pass the thoughts around.  
  
Pyronica's job is to distract the Don. The plan was to go to dinner at his estate and wander off after eating. Teeth's job is talking to all the Don's men. They already partially fear him and I'm counting on Teeth to get some Intel off them.  
  
Xanthar is just going to wander 'randomly' because if people are going to assume he's just a mindless animal we were going to use that to our advantage. His task would be exploring and mapping out all of the estate. If he can find any hidden areas that'd be great. Jorgio had scientists in charge of making and controlling those robots. I could tell their labs were hidden somewhere on the estate but the metal shielding made it difficult for me to see it clearly.  
  
Certain metals interfered with my powers for some reason. Funny enough, they were the same type of metal used for blocking transmission and scanners. Perhaps my telepathic powers worked similarly to them? Thoughts are created by electrons moving around inside a brain right? It's not entirely incorrect to say that thoughts are formed from small electric pulses inside your head. So if there was a metal that disrupted electricity...  
  
Or, if you wanted to put it another way, metals that can block radio waves. Those can sometimes disrupt my ability to 'see' certain things. In other words, tinfoil hats actually make it microscopically more difficult for me to read thoughts. It won't stop me but they're a mild annoyance, like trying to see through glasses with finger print smudges. Thick sheets of metal though? That's like trying to see through glasses with the wrong prescription that have been tinted in weird colors. An interesting handicap despite my otherwise near-infinite power.  
  
The metal will make communications a bit more difficult but I think we can do this. I was pretty giddy about the whole thing, me and Teeth just squee-ing about potential future heists with secret gadgets and stuff. I should make everyone suits. That'd be frickin' cool.  
  
...we're all dorks...  
  
\---  
  
It's a fancy dinner so I forced everyone to dress up, which means I got the chance to put everyone into suits. Or...just bowties. Fitting suits onto their anatomy is hard.  
  
"Ah Signore Cipher. I'm so glad you can make it."  
  
We exchanged pleasantries and sat down for an admittedly nice dinner. Jorgio had some wine brought out. Dinner conversation was pleasant. Jorgio flirted lightly with Pyronica. I had to stop myself from drinking because getting drunk right now wasn't advisable for our plans tonight.  
  
After dinner, me, Jorgio and Pyronica went off to his sitting room so I can discuss the information he wanted from me. He tried a few more times to talk me into joining the Literatura but I politely declined each time. After he got the information he wanted, Pyronica asked to have some time alone with the Don to chat more so I left them alone. "Well I'm gonna go play on the water slide. You kids better not do anything I wouldn't do."  
  
Pyronica laughs. "Sure mom~" I wave and float away. Jorgio's confused "Mom?!" Was the last thing I heard before closing the door.  
  
Don Jorgio is now out of the way. A mental check showed Xanthar already romping through the gardens. Teeth was chatting with some trembling mob goons. Ammy sneakily sliding under door frames to get into locked and blocked areas.  
  
Now I just need to do my part. I go out into the garden and play mindlessly in the fountains while flickering through images rapidly. I was also looking through my Eye on each of my friends to follow their progress. I even sent a part of my consciousness inside Jorgio's mind. I don't normally invade someone's mind but I didn't like what Jorgio was doing and I needed to know more.  
  
He wants to take down the Federation from the inside. As much as I don't like the Federation, disagree with their methods and beliefs, I know more than anyone that you simply cannot take down such a long reaching governmental organization without terrible consequences.  
  
For all that the Federation is restrictive and controlling, it's not evil. They help protect a lot smaller and less developed planets. They spread technology, medical advancements, education and more. I wouldn't mind sending in infiltrators to try and improve the way they run things from the inside, but taking them down? Nope.  
  
You know...I could probably infiltrate the Federation if I really wanted to. Wouldn't even need the robots. Just go and tempt some high up council member with anything they want and strike a Deal. Sadly, they're too wary of me to accept anything like that but I could still do it.  
  
Part of me considers making a new form and pretending to be an entirely different wish-granting cosmic entity but that could have weird consequences that I don't want to deal with. Even as my thoughts drifted I was holding the mental channel open for my friends to talk back and forth about things they've found. I notice a few men keeping watch over me. Of course. Jorgio wasn't stupid enough to let me wander around without supervision.  
  
Already some men were freaking out over losing track of Ammy. I see one of the men ask Teeth where he went and Teeth shrugs and says that Ammy likes to explore because he's curious about everything. I giggle at the panicking mobsters. Splashing down in the fountain again, I take this time to scan for any robots aside from the one Kryptos was in. There's a chance Jorgio has more.  
  
Aside from the Manrilla shaped one Kryptos was in, there was a pretty maid and another low level soldier that were secretly robots. Surprisingly enough, Jorgio's other men didn't know about the robots. Looks like only his team of scientists knew about the infiltration experiment.  
  
Well. Time to do my part.  
  
\---  
  
"Hey you. Where's the Don keeping his liquor?"  
  
I grin wickedly as the robot maid was unable to answer in words. She was completely blank faced. Guess the 'bots weren't sophisticated enough to emulate true expressions. The guards not-so-subtly following me looked uneasy.  
  
"S-should we stop him?"  
  
"Do YOU want to be the one telling Bill Cipher he can't have alcohol?"  
  
"We should tell the Don..."  
  
Oh come on~ I pouted at the guards. I helped plant the orchard, I helped bottle the wine. In my mind, that means the wine belongs as much to me as it does the Don.  
  
.....I am NOT an alcoholic.  
  
Just...saying that now. I don't even like wine all that much. Rum and chocolate liquors are better. I like martinis. Mojitos are pretty good. I guess I like piña coladas as well...I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC! I just like tasting things!  
  
I wasn't really going to drink it anyway. Just pretend to get drunk so I can wander more haphazardly without suspicion. From Pyronica's side, she had the Don figuratively eating out her hands...actually make that literally. I shuddered at the sight of the two of them curled together, Pyronica shoving cheese and bread in his mouth.  
  
**-We went over this Ronica! You can't eat the Don. Stop fattening him up.-** I grumbled over the mental link.  
  
**-I'm not-** Pyronica manages to convey a pout over the link.  
  
**-I found some blueprints.-** Ammy chimes in. **-Both schematics for the robots and what I believe is the layout of the grounds and where the hidden lab is.-**  
  
**-Where are you?-** I asked even as I found the wine. The guards were trying futilely to stop me as I tugged the cork off.  
  
**-East wing of the estate. A study room. According to this nap, the labs are near the basement. Entrance seems to be in the master bathroom? There's another entrance in the vineyard.-**  
  
**-Don't enter it yet. I'm gonna check that out myself. Good job everyone.-** I 'chug' the wine as the lobster-like alien panicked.  
  
I float around the estate with a faked tipsy act. Jorgio and Pyronica show up when the Don's men inform him of my inebriated state. "S-Signore Cipher what are you-?"  
  
"Hey Jorgio..." I slurred slightly. "Hope you don't mind me grabbin' this...it's the ones me ah'm Toni bottled together...I thought...I thought I should go visit him..."  
  
Jorgio's expression softens. "Ah...I see..." He waves off the guards and I float out to the grounds behind the mansion. This should buy me plenty of time and if I get more 'drunk' later, they won't question it.  
  
\---  
  
I floated there in front of Tonio's grave. I had some flowers from Iznang, even now after all these years I haven't found any other dimension with prettier flowers than Iznang.  
  
"Hey Toni." I say to the grave. My voice is soft and quiet. I felt like something was lodged in my throat. Which was physically impossible. I knelt down and pressed my hand to the tree. It's been a tradition in the Literatura to plant trees over the graves of their Dons. They even have which type of tree they want listed as part of their will.  
  
Tonio had chosen his planet's version of birch. I'm not even surprised. Just another reminder of how he felt about me. That idiot. I planted my flowers in the dirt around his tree. "You're an idiot. You know that?" I tell his grave. "I can't believe you hid this from me for so long. I can't believe you didn't tell me."  
  
  
  
The tree stands silent.  
  
"You should have told me stupid! Even if I don't return your feelings we could have...we could have been friends. I would have liked that you know?" I sighed. I know he can't hear me. I was just talking to myself, but that's nothing new.  
  
"I'm glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone." I quoted sadly.  
  
Patting at the soil I sent a bit of energy down into the flowers to ensure they would survive long enough to take root. I suppose I feel better now that I've said my piece. I pat the tree and smile.  
  
"Bye Tonio." I whispered softly.  
  
It wasn't much but I felt like I had gotten some sort of closure. That was enough for me.  
  
\---  
  
Wandering the house 'drunk and grieving' was a fun experience. Jorgio gave me my space and aside from having a few guards to make sure I didn't do anything harmful while drunk, left me alone to my own devices. It was surprisingly thoughtful of him.  
  
I could still feel his thoughts roaming around ideas of how to convince me to join his familia. His goals towards Pyronica had shifted from simply lusting after her to wanting her to join him. He was hoping that if he managed to charm her towards his side, he would be able to get me as well.  
  
Pyronica informed us over the mental link that Jorgio was actually quite the good conversationalist once he stopped staring at her chest and actually spoke to her like a person and not a piece of meat. I suppose that means there's hope for the Literatura to remain for another generation at least.  
  
  
  
Though if Jorgio really thinks he can get with Ronica, we're going to have some problems. I tell her not to lead him on too much. **-Wouldn't want him to seriously fall for you. It would break his heart and that would make my Deals with his family awkward...-**  
  
**-Well apparently unrequited love runs in the family...-** Pyronica teased.  
  
**-Can you two stop messing with each other? I thought we were here for a Heist! I'm running out of topics to distract people with!-** Teeth cries in exasperation.  
  
**-Ammy, do you have the photos of everything?-**  
  
**-Yes. I even snapped a few of the bathroom. I haven't figured out how to open the secret door yet though.-**  
  
**-That's fine. Everyone start regrouping. I'm gonna be drunk and you guys'll need to take me home for tonight.-**  
  
I felt everyone give their affirmations. Xanthar had wandered through most of the grounds and I would be looking through his memories later to see what I can find.  
  
I took an actual swig from the bottle now. Ugh, still prefer something sweeter but whatever...I floated lazily in a way that seemed random but continued to bring me closer to the robot that Kryptos was trapped in.  
  
"Heeeey~" I greeted the false-Manrilla. I clumsily bumped into it and just clung to its arm, giggling. "Oh wow~you're like...really soft..."  
  
As I coo'ed over it out loud, mentally I was carefully extending my mind through the metal to reach the Compass inside. Name, Kryptos (I already knew that), species, Polytool, a species made up of various measuring creatures. There were compasses, rulers, protractors...  
  
I brushed that information aside for later. Right now I had a frightened Compass to talk to.  
  
**-Hello? Can you hear me?-**  
  
"W-who said that?!" Kryptos jumped and looked around but couldn't see anything but the dark confines of his metal cage.  
  
**-Hi there! Name's Bill. Interesting situation you're in. Care to tell me what's up?-**  
  
"Who are you? Is this one of those scientists again? Please no more! I want to leave!"  
  
**-Geez kid, I'm here to help, if you want me to that is.-**  
  
"You can help me?! Wait! No! You can't go against the Don! He's got people everywhere! He won't allow anyone to get in his way...you'll get hurt..."  
  
**-It's cute how you worry about me kid. But seriously. What do you know about this? I've seen one other robot wandering around. Do you know how many of you there are? How many people need to be rescued?-**  
  
"I...I don't know."  
  
**-Well I guess I'll just have to find out myself.-**  
  
I pet the robot's synthetic fur as Jorgio and Pyronica found me. Pyronica makes a loud, exasperated groan. "Dammit Bill not again! You know you're a light weight..." She reaches out to pick me up and I giggle drunkenly at her.  
  
"Hey Roni~did you-did you know that I helped b-bottle dis wine? Me an' Toni did it togetheeer~"  
  
"Come on Bill, lets get you home..." She cradles me in her arm and carefully pulls the wine bottle from my grip. I make confused whining sounds even as I slumped into her arms.  
  
"You are all welcome to stay the night? We have plenty of rooms." Jorgio offers.  
  
"Oh we can't trouble you like that." Pyronica says but Jorgio waves her off. "It's no trouble. Signore Cipher is in no shape to travel."  
  
I start giggling for real. "H-he said shape!"  
  
Pyronica groans. "No Bill. Stop it."  
  
"I...can-can still get ush home yeah?" I blink blearily. Pyronica immediately shoots the idea down. "Bill, you can't drink and teleport." She says firmly.  
  
I make a show of grumbling before going limp in her arms, my eye closed. I can hear and feel the others arriving and Teeth laughs quietly. "No matter how many times it happens, seeing Bill drunk never gets old."  
  
"Is he...asleep?" Jorgio asks cautiously. I can feel his thoughts swirl towards ideas that alcohol is my weakness (which it IS, I'm not gonna deny that) and how best to use this to his advantage in future negotiations.  
  
Pyronica was going to respond but I sent her a quick message to stay quiet. She gives a careless laugh out loud. "Probably. I guess this means we're staying the night."  
  
"Woo! Sleepover!" Teeth cheers.  
  
"What is a sleepover?" Ammy asks as he curled up on top of Xanthar's head. As Teeth attempts to explain it, Pyronica was asking Jorgio for room placements. He tried to ask if Pyronica wanted to spend the night in his room and she politely turned him down.  
  
They put me and Xanthar in the same room under my mental direction so I could review his memories of everything he's seen. Also, now that I've connected with Kryptos once I'll be able to talk to him again without TOO much trouble.  
  
\---  
  
**-So what now Bill?-** Teeth asks once I've finished scanning Xanthar's memories. The room arrangements were Xanthar and I, Teeth with Ammy and Pyronica gets her own room.  
  
**-You guys stay. I'm going to look over the papers Ammy found and sneak into the lab itself.-**  
  
**-How will you get in unnoticed?-** Teeth asks in confusion.  
  
**-I'm gonna ditch my body.-**  
  
**-Wait, you can do that?-**  
  
**-Yes? You didn't know?-**  
  
**-I don't know half of what you can do Bill...-**  
  
**-Oh. Well. I don't actually have a physical body. The form you see is actually a construct I built and possessed so people can see and hear me.-**  
  
**-What?-**  
  
**-Never mind...just don't give the Don any reason to be suspicious of you while I'm gone.-**  
  
I slipped out of my body, the bricks fading into a dull gray as Xanthar pokes it worriedly. I was gonna try something different this time. I've seen Bill do it on the the show once (twice if you count a deleted scene) and I've been meaning to test it out for a while now.  
  
I split myself into two pieces. I blinked at the me across from me. We just stared at each other for a bit. "Whoa, are my bricks really that thick?" I ask as I inspect the other me.  
  
"I dunno, but your voice sounds the same out loud as it does in my head..."  
  
"Well it's not like I talk using vocal chords or hear sounds through vibrations in my head so that should be a given?"  
  
"How DO we hear? I doubt we have ears."  
  
"Good question, bad time, we have one night to get this shit done."  
  
"Right. I'll go back to the house to check on the photos Ammy sent there, you can start messing around with the labs."  
  
"Which one of us is the original?"  
  
"We're the same entity, so...both of us are just as real?"  
  
This was so weird.  
  
\---  
  
Being in two places doing two different things and still being aware of it all was...an odd experience. It was like multi-tasking but worse. I looked through the images Ammy took of the schematics and blueprints. Interesting, I understood them and could already think of three different ways to improve on the design. I was also sliding myself in between the gaps in the metal around Jorgio's bathroom searching for the secret entrance.  
  
I found a place where I couldn't get through easily. This must be it. With a bit of power I managed to bend the metal microscopically and slipped through. Looking around the tunnel I prepared myself for the long night ahead of me. I mean that literally, nights on this planet last 14 hours.  
  
As I flew down the tunnel to where the laboratory hopefully was, I looked through the robot designs to try and figure out why the living batteries were so important.  
  
So aside from getting the bots through certain scans, it also allowed for a second experiment they were working on. Actually turning people into batteries. They were conducting experiments to force their subjects bodies to produce electricity. Every living thing produces energy in some way. I produce heat and light. Pyronica makes fire, the males of her species produce ice by absorbing the heat. It's why the females of her species eat their mates. The coldness from the male will dim the female's fire for the duration of her pregnancy because otherwise a female's natural heat would be harmful for the baby. I have no idea why their species evolved in such a way.  
  
Ammy produces light energy. Xanthar and Teeth both produce body heat like most living creatures. So the Don's scientists are simply trying to change the type of energy a creature produces from Heat to Electricity. It was a fascinating study to be sure. I know humans actually DO make small bursts of electricity, it's what makes their brain work, what makes their nerves send signals. It's why doctors use an electric pulse to stimulate hearts to beat.  
  
While producing electricity is normal for a human, even they can't create enough power to run a robot. Neither can most creatures. There are some aliens I have met that are capable of producing mass amounts of electricity but Kryptos is not one if them.  
  
The bio-engineering required to turn Kryptos into a battery was...ingenious actually. It was also awful and I frowned darkly at the papers. Some subjects have already died in the course of their experiments. Which means I really WILL have to stop them.  
  
I reached the end of the tunnel and easily slide right through the door. I take in the room and start working. A dozen subjects in cages with 3 scientists opening up the robot maid and pulling out a round fluffy creature. It looked like a cotton ball but green and covered in crying eyes. It's fur was sticking up in all directions as electricity crackles around it.  
  
The poor thing looked singed. It was placed in one of the cages next to a banana-like creature I recognized as being from the Sentient Fruit dimension. The scientists were jotting down notes in their clipboards and muttering about failures. I made and discarded various plans for freeing the test subjects.  
  
This would be so much easier if I wasn't trying to remain allies with the Literatura family. What if I helped the test subjects stage a prison break? It might free them but what's to stop the Don from finding more? Plus, from what I can see, Jorgio acquired these people 'legally' through payments and collected debts. Even if they got free, they wouldn't be able to go home.  
  
There was one solution that would free them, ensure more subjects weren't taken in the future and allow me to keep my alliance.  
  
Make a Deal with Jorgio for them.  
  
But I'll have to phrase it right, along with putting on an act so he doesn't know the real reason why I want this Deal. I can't afford to show emotional weakness here. Sympathy is something I cannot let show. Plus I'll need to offer Jorgio something really good to entice him to accept my offer. I had an idea in mind.  
  
I telepathically connected with the test subjects and started planning.  
  
\---  
  
"I apologize for my unsightly behavior yesterday." I adjusted my bowtie and glowed with an orange tint.  
  
"Do not worry. I can understand the need to have a drink." The Don gives me three reassuring smiles.  
  
"Regardless, thank you for your hospitality. Feel free to summon me when you need help with something."  
  
"Do you wish to stay for breakfast?" Jorgio asks, I can see in his mind that he's hoping to get more free information out of me, along with more attempts at convincing me to join him.  
  
"Hm..." I hum to myself before looking at my friends. "What do you guys think?"  
  
"I'd like to talk to that one cute maid again." Teeth grins. "What?" He asks when Pyronica giggles as him. "She was really cute. Nice pearly whites."  
  
"Well I don't mind staying a bit longer." Pyronica gives Jorgio a flirtatious wink.  
  
"I don't mind." Ammy shrugs.  
  
Xanthar just shuffles up to me and gives a thumbs up. "Ok, guess we're staying." I twirl my cane and nod to the Don. He barely hides his satisfaction as he leads us back to the dining hall.  
  
I told my friends the plan last night, we had plenty of time to set up. I was still somewhat worried but all we can do now is make it through this.  
  
\---  
  
It happened partway through breakfast. I had to make it seem random and unrelated to me after all. The building shook with an explosion. Teeth screams and jumps to grab onto Xanthar. "Aaaah!!"  
  
"What was THAT?" Pyronica gasps. "Bill can you see what just happened?"  
  
"Checking right now." I say as I begin flickering through images.  
  
"Wait! You don’t have to-!" Jorgio tries to say but even he knows it's too late. The images flash across my bricks and I giggle.  
  
"Oh that's adorable~Jorgio's got a secret lab and it looks like the test subjects have all escaped~"  
  
"WHAT?!" Jorgio gasps, flinging his chair down as he roars at one of his men. He pulls out a communicator and starts shouting into it. "What the HELL happened?! How did the subjects get loose?!"  
  
"I'm sorry sir. They...they all combined their electricity together and destroyed our machines, just overloaded our systems!" A frantic, fearful voice responds.  
  
"Sounds like you've got a problem. Want some help?" I asked lightly.  
  
"....I...can handle this..." He grits out. More explosions rock the building. The lights start flickering. I can hear Jorgio's men running around and screaming. They weren't very well trained at all. I see Jorgio scowl heavily. "Those...incompetent-!"  
  
"Are you sure you don't need my help?" I munch on some scrambled eggs. "I think your men are having some trouble."  
  
Jorgio frowns before looking at me. "How much do you know?"  
  
"I know lots of things." I grin cheerfully. "I also know that your plan isn't going to work. Using live creatures might trick the sensors the first time but there's no way your robots will fool Federation staff. It's a cute idea but you're going about this the wrong way."  
  
"Then what would you suggest I do?" He looks at me imploringly and I realize that for all his pompous confidence, he's still quite young. The human equivalent of 19 or so. He'd looked up to his grandfather all his life, having heard whispers that Tonio was the closest in their long family history to being able to 'Figure out how Bill Cipher ticks' and always aspiring to surpass him.  
  
To make Bill Cipher join him, the one thing his grandfather couldn't do.  
  
Jorgio was so young. His father died suddenly in a Federation shoot out and he became Don much too early. He's lost on what to do and hides his uncertainty behind an arrogant swagger. He IS a self entitled brat but he's also scared. And he's looking to me for help. His pride doesn't want to admit it but having grown up on stories of me, he can't help but value my opinion.  
  
Well, I understand better now why his robot infiltration plan seemed so convoluted and stupid. He's just a kid making it up as he goes. I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic. Well if he's looking to me for help...maybe I could teach him to be a better person?  
  
I sighed and relaxed. I think I know what to do. I reached out and patted Jorgio's head, the way Tonio always did to him as a child. He looks at me in surprise even as he unconsciously leans into the touch. "Just let me handle this. I won't even make it a Deal, consider this...a freebie, you're Tonio's grandkid after all...I suppose I owe you at least one."  
  
As my friends all stared at me in surprise I held up my hand. "BUT, you'll have to stop this ridiculous experiment thing you've got going. It's a waste of resources when there's a much easier solution to your problem."  
  
Jorgio looks somewhat offended but as another explosion rang out and the lights shut off, leaving us all in complete darkness aside from my warm glowing bricks, I see him bite all three lips and nod. "Alright..." There is a barely audible waver in his voice, not caused from three mouth speaking at once but by his stress finally surfacing.  
  
It doesn't take me long to round up the escapees. I knocked them all out and bubbled them. "Hey, can I keep these? You don't need them anymore right?"  
  
"...they belong to me." Jorgio says stubbornly.  
  
"Trade you?" I ask as I create a soulless construct. Jorgio stares at it in surprise. "This little guy here will obey your orders and never go against you~I can even modify it to your specifications..."  
  
He stares at me in awe, once more craving to have my power on his side. He envisions a huge army of loyal monsters at his beck and call, a force strong enough to destroy the Federation that took his father from him- "How many can I get? One to one trade-"  
  
"My construct is worth 10 of these things." I shake the bubbled test subjects lightly. Jorgio hastily backs down. "Yes, ten for one, sounds great."  
  
I hold out my hand with some flickering flames. "Deal?" He hesitates a little before nodding and taking my hand firmly.  
  
He ends up with 4 constructs and I agree to help him send in 2 of them to infiltrate the Federation. I warned him that it's not advisable to take down all of the Federation but I can help him at least find out which officer killed his father. What he chooses to do after that is his own choice.  
  
Infiltration is scarily easy if I put any effort into it. I simply scanned the mind of the Federation agent hanging around the Literatura owned casino, made a copy of his mind/memories/mannerisms and implanted them inside the construct that I altered to be identical to him, turned the real agent into a frog and sent the construct to replace him.  
  
Jorgio was thrilled. He now had a plant in the Federation and there would be no way to tell. The only difference between my construct and the real thing was the lack of a soul. It's not like they can check for that. It was rather insidious and I couldn't help but relish in it. I felt so good inside and to my secret shame and horror, I didn't even feel all that bad for turning the real agent into a frog. He was living in one of the ponds on the Don's estate now.  
  
The scientists were upset that all their research was for naught. I suggested they go do something productive with their talents, like augmenting the Don's rather pathetic men.  
  
"You can biologically engineer creatures to produce electricity. Give these idiots super powers. Lord knows they can't possibly get any more pathetic than they are now." I fumed at them as Jorgio face palms at never thinking of this himself.  
  
"Are you sure you cannot join me?" He asks once more.  
  
"...if you need my help or advice, just summon me. It's what your family has always done."  
  
I took my friends and the bubble of unconscious test subjects with me as I Blinked away. There are probably long reaching consequences from my actions today, already I could see many future paths branching out. I didn't really care anymore though. What will happen will happen. I'm...too mentally exhausted to really worry about that.  
  
\---  
  
I set the test subjects free on a Neutral planet. "So, I sort of own you all now but frankly I don't give a shit. If you want to be my Friend and come with me, that's great. If you wish to leave and find your way home or make a new life for yourself, that's also great. The choice is yours."  
  
One by one the terrified aliens left. Pyronica and the others stood behind me silently and watched as each of the people I saved turned and ran off. Finally only Kryptos stood there, trembling, sparking with small bolts of static as he looks up at me.  
  
  
  
"You're the one who spoke to me..."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You're the one who helped us escape..."  
  
"Yes."  
  
He trembled harder, hugging himself. "You're...the demon, Bill Cipher..."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why did you help us?" He looks at me then at Xanthar and the others.  
  
"Because I didn't like what they were doing to you."  
  
"But...why help us? Why do you even care?"  
  
"...I don't know really. It was more of a selfish whim than anything else. I saw you and decided I wanted to help you." I answered truthfully.  
  
As Kryptos continues staring at me in incomprehension I sigh and roll my eye. "If you want to leave I won't stop you. Don't you have a family to go back to?"  
  
Kryptos growls. "My...FAMILY-" He spat "-put me in this situation to begin with." He kicks the ground and clenches his fists tightly as more jolts of miniature lightning crackle around him. "There's no way I'm going back to THEM."  
  
He glances up at my friends again. "You said...that I could...be your Friend. What does that mean?"  
  
"Exactly as it sounds. You'll be my Friend. Just like the others." I gesture to the group behind me. "That's Xanthar, Pyronica, Amorphous Shape and Teeth."  
  
Kryptos looks over at them again. "Are you demons too? Did Bill turn you into demons?"  
  
Pyronica laughs. "Oh please~I've been doing terrible things since LONG before Bill found me. If I wasn't a demon then, I doubt I am one now."  
  
"From my research on the topic, I am led to believe the term demon is more of a title than a real indication of species." Amorphous Shape says mildly.  
  
"Eh, I don't know what you mean by demon. I'm a Mouth." Teeth shrugs.  
  
Xanthar just flops on the ground and rolls onto his back. I give him a tummy rub. "Xanthar here is just a big 'ol sweetie. I don't know why anyone would think he's a demon."  
  
"I thought you were the last of your kind. This fellow looks somewhat similar to you?" Ammy remarks as he floats up to look at Kryptos from all angles.  
  
"He's not my species. His people just happen to look similar." I shrug.  
  
Kryptos watches the interaction between us with a furrowed brow. I can tell he's thinking this over. I can't help but be impressed. He's not going to just make some snap decision to join me. Pyronica glances at me and ambled over to whisper "So you've got your eye on this guy huh?"  
  
"Eh, sorry for not asking first, are you alright with him? If he DOES say yes?" I ask.  
  
Pyronica looks over at the compass then at me. I catch a brief flash of 'sympathy' from her. "If you like him, I don't mind. At least we've met him first." She gives me a gentle, somewhat sad smile.  
  
What was that about? As I ponder over what the emotions I sensed from her could mean, Kryptos clears his throat and looks right at me.  
  
"Alright. I'll be yo-your Friend. But I'm not going to do any...demon things like killing people or eating souls."  
  
Teeth laughs. "We've never eaten souls. Roni eats people but that's just her thing, Bill actually has to stop her from killing people."  
  
Kryptos looks relieved and yet terrified, staring at the Cyclopian with more fear than he's shown even ME. I couldn't help the giggles bubbling up from inside me. Someone fearing Pyronica more than me. Hilarious.  
  
"Sure kid. You and me, Friends from now until the end of time. No soul eating, no problem." I giggle as I hold my hand out and he shakes it. I yelp when he accidentally zaps me. It didn't hurt, just startled me. "Geez kid, warn a gal next time, that tickled."  
  
Kryptos was already freaking out over accidentally 'attacking' me and apologizing over and over. I squeal at how cute he looked when embarrassed.  
  
"Woo! New friend!" Teeth shouts loudly as he jumps up and down. "Hey, we should have a party!"  
  
"Party?" Pyronica grins and the two begin discussing plans right then and there. I blink, considered it and laughed. "You know what. Sure. Let's have a party back at the base in celebration of our newest roommate!"  
  
A party, I never even thought of it. Sure the clean up would drive me nuts but still, decorations, music, food...it's been far too long since I've gone to a real party. Why the fuck not?  
  
Kryptos yelps as I pull him and the others with me into a spinning teleport, I'm laughing the whole time. A new friend. A party in the works. What could be better?  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Credit for the Scorpapup goes to Agent3Novi (Though I took a few liberties with it)  
>   
> Also, shout out to josephina_x's fic Dimension 46  
> archiveofourown.org/works/12573628  
> Which branches out into multiple different dimensions with their own storylines. It's amazing and cool and well done and IT. NEEDS. MORE. VIEWS.
> 
> Next chapter might take a while, despite not containing much for certain...reasons...
> 
> (Edit)  
> Here's a bonus comic-  
> 


	33. Chapter 30.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turn your volume on and press play...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I finished early, it's a short chapter, I just ended up putting the rest in the next chapter which'll be out in a few days or so.

**Illusion is a Dance Party**

**Chapter 30.5**

\---

I waved my hands and colorful decorations spread out everywhere. I materialized snack foods and punch. I created a few small madness bubbles that I filled with music instead of nightmares and essentially created floating 'speakers'. I created balls of light that flashed different colors. I laughed as I spent my energy to create things, twisting reality to my whims.

The music bubbles weren't on yet. I create a boombox and click 'Play'

 __TTTTTTT__

|&;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;nbsp;|

(Song is from here www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-KN8tcHxh4, I just couldn't actually get it to embed properly unless I put it into soundcloud, ugh why is html so hard?!)

There was an ulterior motive for me making this party. I had just turned a man into a frog and sent a soulless copy to replace him. I felt incredibly guilty not because I've essentially ruined his life, but because I...didn't actually care that I ruined his life. I just...didn't care that he was going to live out his life as a frog now. He was still alive, I haven't killed him and I found myself not really caring what I did otherwise. If I didn't kill him then it's fine.  
  
I knew this was wrong. I knew this way of thinking was wrong. It HAS to be wrong. And yet I just...couldn't feel bad about doing it. I thought it was...funny. Oh god what is wrong with me? I...shouldn't be so nonchalant about this right? I hid my most recent emotional meltdown in a glass of Mudslide with extra cream liquor and just...let go. I chugged it all in one go and refilled my glass. How about a Strawberry Daiquiri this time?  
  
My friends were thrilled by the amazing party I made. Yup. All me. Damn I'm good. Who makes the best parties? This guy! I chug my 2nd glass of liquor and swayed a little. Shit, maybe I shouldn't go so fast...  
  
I giggled drunkenly at Kryptos's delighted look. He was gazing at the colorful lights and decorations with an absolutely adorable smile.  
  
  
  
"This is amazing! Atomic manipulation! I've never seen someone capable of materializing so many items so quickly! The amount of focus that must take!" He gushed at the food table. “You even made a roasted xeno-iguana! How?! That would require re-creating the animal on an atomic level and then vibrating it's molecules to simulate the cooking process!"  
  
Oh my god. He's a NEEEEEERD~!!!  
  
That's so fucking cute!!!  
  
I squeal as I grab onto him and nuzzle into his side. He cries out in surprised embarrassment as I rub myself against him. "Help!" He wails. Pyronica was on the ground laughing her ass off. "Oh my god Bill! The party JUST started and you're already fucking drunk!"  
  
"H-he's not going to do anything to me right?!" Kryptos shoves at me, trying to get away as I grow more arms and giggle at him. “Get off me please!” To his relief I let go.  
  
"Don't worry. Bill has no interest in anything fun like that. Your chastity is safe." Pyronica shrugs and grabs a martini from the snack table. "Hm...didn't know he could create pre-cooked food. I guess Bill just enjoys cooking."  
  
In my inebriated state, I MIGHT have told Kryptos he was the cutest girl I've ever seen...I am aware this was not a healthy way to deal with my issue but I just got a new friend, at least let me party and forget about my problems for now. I laugh, eat, drink and forget. For a while at least.  
  
I distinctly remember making Kryptos a pair of gloves and boots after he accidentally zapped Teeth. Seems the experiments left his powers over electricity somewhat unstable. I'm sure he'll be able to control them in time.  
  
  
  
Maybe once I'm sober I can see about helping him with that. I squee'd when he tried to figure out what the gloves were made of. "Plain rubber would just melt under constant heat from the electric charges, this has some kind of metal in it? But it doesn't heat up?"  
  
"Neeeerd~!" I hug him and laugh. The music changes and I lose myself to the beat.

 __TTTTTTT__

||

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzkU7vD5RKY)

I dance like an idiot when I'm not trying.

 

To be fair to me, I was drunk. I think it was a pretty fun party, at least I had fun. Pyronica danced with me, laughing loudly and throwing fire everywhere. Eventually everyone else joined in. Even Kryptos finally let loose and just enjoyed himself.

 

My memories get blurry after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So....how lazy/terrible are my animations? God, it's been soooo long since I've animated. I'm so rusty.  
> Like shit...the stuff I made during collage was...7 years ago?!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIHHMlWhF34  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_ljm24I0to  
> A few hours of work for 8-10 seconds...  
> I don't got time for that anymore...  
> Also I kept trying to code disco lights into the page but I'm not that good at HTML
> 
> More fanfic recs for people who need more love~
> 
> If You Only Knew by FireGriffin  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/14221878/chapters/32787915  
> It's an interesting idea for Bill and Ford trying to convince each other to join their side after the Portal test with Fiddleford.
> 
> Bee Demon by Shadowolven  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/6492397  
> The Bee AU no one asked for and yet desperately needed
> 
> Rig your Roll by Comicgeekery  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12216831  
> An interesting AU with road trip shenanigans and an OC
> 
> The Life of Sebastian Pines by Bluefrosty27  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12376791  
> Another form, another time- in another universe, Ford and Stan had a younger triplet, a weird child named Sebastian William Pines...


	34. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To rest the body is to rest the mind  
> Take this time to look behind  
> That path you've trod might seem bad  
> But don't forget the good times you've had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is mostly a filler chapter. Some angst, some tentative bonding.

**Illusion is Reality**

**Chapter 31**

**-Alright kids-**  
  
\---  
  
It finally hit me all at once the next day. This time it was set off from seeing a piece of confetti shaped like a sky blue triangle. Will's death, all the terrible things I've done. I freeze in the hallway in the middle of sweeping up the remains of the party, staring blankly as my mind replays Will's body being impaled and killed by the weapon I created. It was my fault. All my fault.  
  
So lost was I in the unwanted flashback that I didn't consciously notice Ammy trying to get my attention. I was aware of it, in a vague sort of way but I couldn't respond as I hung there, eye wide and flickering rapidly.  
  
My memories flashed across my bricks too quickly for anyone to really see what was happening. Scenes depicting all my atrocities condensed down into single images that came and went faster than thought. All the lives I've taken. All the lives I've destroyed. All the people I've tortured. I was leaking tears until there was a puddle beneath me.  
  
My fault. All my fault. Everything.  
  
Ammy was calling my name louder now. He looked worried, a new expression for him. He's not usually the type to worry about anything. All these things I noted in the back of my mind, it's not like I've become blind to the events around me after all, I was simply trapped in a flickering loop as my bricks continued to display every regret I've had over these many billions of years.  
  
Ammy was looking more frantic as I remained unresponsive. He hesitantly poked me but I didn't even budge. I absently note how he flies off screaming for Pyronica. My bricks were beginning to heat up as the images continued flickering.  
  
I hear voices as my friends return. Pyronica swears loudly as small bits of flame start trickling out from my seams.  
  
"Shit shit shit! Everyone get to the teleporters NOW!"  
  
"What's happening? What's wrong with Bill?"  
  
"Explain later, run NOW!"  
  
Distantly I felt my friends evacuate the house. As soon as I was sure they were gone I let go. My flames surged out of me, devouring everything in it’s path. The entire house was consumed, everything burning away into ash and dust.  
  
After some time I blinked slowly and came back into awareness. Oh. It happened again. I panicked briefly because the house was GONE and where was everyone?! Wait, they're fine. Pyronica got them all out in time. Where are they? No, more importantly, I need to fix the house.  
  
Even as I angrily screamed at myself for losing control again, I reconstructed the entire house and all it's contents back to the way it was before. It took a while, my energy levels weren't all that good after my...episode...  
  
It took a few days to fix everything. In that time I smacked myself a few times in frustrated anger, not hard enough to crack a brick but enough for it to sting painfully, goddamit why did this happen again?! I thought I'd moved past this! I'm like...50 billion years old now! I should have gotten over this already!  
  
After rebuilding the house, restoring all the furniture and other items, I finally set to finding my friends. Should have done this first to be honest but I wasn't thinking clearly, just tunnel visioned into 'fix what I burned' mode. Blinking a few times I easily looked through the marks I placed on my friends and located them.  
  
They stayed together. Good. Pyronica took charge and kept them safe. The place she teleported them to was a jungle planet that dealt with a lot of off world trade. On other words, lots of merchants with wares from all over the galaxy to steal from.  
  
It's a miracle none of them have been caught yet. My lesson in stealth must be helping. Teeth would provide a distraction by asking nonstop questions while Pyronica and Ammy stole the food and supplies they needed. Xanthar was left behind in a makeshift shelter protecting Kryptos. They managed to hunt down some food when wild animals wandered near them, Kryptos taking off his gloves to zap and paralyze them.  
  
I'm glad they're doing ok. I'll need to thank Pyronica for her quick thinking. I also need to apologize to everyone for losing control like a FUCKING idiot. Stupid! Stupid! I can't believe I still do that!  
  
I Blink to where they are and Xanthar immediately tackles me in a hug. "Whoa! Xan-Xan calm down! Geez..." His 'worry' and 'relief' were almost as heavy as he was.  
  
"B-Bill! You're back!" Kryptos squeaks. He pulls his gloves back on and floats over. "Are you...alright?"  
  
"I'm fine. I'm always fine." I wave him off. "I just...ah...had a little...thing I had to deal with, no biggie."  
  
He looks skeptical but let it slide. "Pyronica didn't really explain what was going on. She just started screaming that we had to leave. Amorphous Shape didn't really tell me what was happening either."  
  
"Oh. Well...um...I might have sort of set the whole house on fire...good thing Ronica got you all out in time right?"  
  
"You did WHAT?! Why?!" The compass stares at me in horror. "It just happens sometimes. I already fixed the house. Everything's fine." I reassure him.  
  
Kryptos stares at me before a look of realization crosses his face. "Do you lose control of your fire like I do with my electricity?" He really is a smart one. I flush orange. "It happens sometimes. And unlike you, I can't just put on a pair of gloves."  
  
"Well, plasma in any form is hard to control but electricity like mine is weak compared to your flame. Not to mention electric currents are more easily contained and redirected whereas fire is wild and unpredictable..."  
  
"Yes, I know this." I cut off his rant before he starts getting into how the electrons behave under our separate elemental affinities. He blushes purple-ish. "S-sorry..." He mumbles.  
  
"It's fine, I just need you to pack up so we can go find the others."  
  
"Well they left to steal more food a few hours ago. They should be back soon."  
  
"Pack up anything you want to keep, we're going to meet them." The sooner I get everyone back together, the sooner we can go home and I can apologize for being a fucking screw up.  
  
"It's not your fault you know. If your fire is really like my electricity, it must be hard to keep it contained constantly."  
  
Krypros really is the smart one. I'm not sure how I feel about being read so easily. I turn to look at him and the compass flinched before licking his teeth nervously. "N-not that I'm saying you're incapable of controlling your powers! You're so m-much stronger and better and-"  
  
"It's fine." I sigh. "You're right. I don't have full control over my own powers." I help him pack up some stuff, just bubble-ing them to float beside us. Xanthar is snuffling along trying to help but mostly just pushing stuff around. "It's pathetic you know? I'm older than all the galaxies and yet I can't even get my own body in order..."  
  
Kryptos glances at me from where he was crouched over grabbing some blankets. "Well...with how much power you have, it's probably harder for you to contain it...and I heard that the older a creature is, the more powerful they get...so you're just..."  
  
He goes quiet and we silently work to break down the camp site. I know he's right, but my problem is more than just trying to hold in my power. It's my damn emotions driving me nuts. My own feelings ramped up to painful levels. I really should go see a therapist about this.  
  
Does Ax count? He listens and helps but this isn't something he knows how to deal with.  
  
But it's not like there's any therapist in the universe I can go to. Even if I book an appointment in some other form, there's no way I'll be able to talk about what my real problems are unless they know who/what I am.  
  
We meet up with Ronica and the others to go home. Ronica and Kryptos both keep sending me worried looks. Teeth and Ammy don't seem to understand what's wrong. Xanthar just presses against my side comfortingly. Blinking back to the house was easy enough and Pyronica looks around in wonder.  
  
"It's like it wasn't even set on fire." She smiles.  
  
"Fire? What?" Teeth asks obliviously.  
  
""Nothing."" Kryptos and Ronica said at once.  
  
I sighed as I float away to the kitchen. Cooking sounded like a good idea right now. Something calming to do.  
  
\---  
  
"Hey Ax...should I get a therapist?"  
  
The big guy sent me the most incredulous expression I've ever seen from a salamander. **-A...therapist?-**  
  
"You know, a Mind Healer. Can I even heal my mind?"  
  
**-You're insane. Your mind is shattered beyond reasoning. It might be dangerous for any Telepath to enter it.-**  
  
"I don't mean psychically healing me. I mean...talking to someone about my problems and working through them?"  
  
**-The idea of healing a mind through such methods is something that humans came up with due to their lack of Telepaths being a viable option.-**  
  
"Seriously?! Ugh~" I knew he was right. Most races, especially once they've been pulled into the Federation's sphere of influence, can just sign up for a mind-healing session. Just have a Telepath-doctor go inside them and remove the problematic parts. Easy.

I found it horrifying.

Jheselbraum is the closest I know to being a non-invasive Healer for both Body and Mind. But in her case, she simply provides people with her peaceful safe Dimension to relax and meditate in. Her methods involve a lot of self discovery through deep introspection. It's not really the kind of therapy I was hoping for.  
  
**-Your desire to mend your mind is a commendable one. I am sorry I cannot do more to help.-** the AXOLOTL really did look sad he couldn’t help. I snuggled into the crook of his arm and rubbed his face.  
  
"You help just by putting up with me. I'm just sorry I always complain to you about everything."  
  
**-I do not mind. Your talks have been more positive lately. I am glad your friends are good to you.-**  
  
"They're the best!" I gushed happily. I leaned against Ax's huge face and sighed. "Do you ever want friends?"  
  
**-...I had friends. A long time ago...-**  
  
"The Time Giants right?"  
  
**-...Yes...-**  
  
I wanted to ask him what happened but at the same time I didn't want to force him to tell me. If he wished to let me know, he would tell me himself. I gave him a soft hug. "I'm sorry." I whispered.  
  
**-It's not your fault. It was mine.-**  
  
"I'm still sorry for bringing it up."  
  
**-...Perhaps I too, require this 'Therapist' you speak of...-** he rumbles.  
  
"Well I guess we both need to wait for humanity to form and develop enough for that. Or maybe I'll try to put the idea for such a thing in the works for other species?" A thought forms.  
  
"I know the Feds have people who know how to brainwash children. That is a type of mental manipulation without using any psychic powers so they must have someone who knows how minds work?"  
  
I'd hate to ask them for help. Plus I cannot trust any of them.  
  
"Or we could...just talk things out with each other? I know a good amount of psychology. It's not enough for me to be a true Healer but it might help?" I offered. “Actually, I normally do pretty well. I just have…bad days…” What causes my mood to swing between extremes? Is it just a ME thing or does it have to do with what I am?  
  
**-I am led to believe these 'Therapists' simply talk to people and that is what helps them...I do not mind talking to you.-**  
  
"So we just...talk to each other and hope for the best?"  
  
**-There is no rush. We have time.-**  
  
I couldn't refute that. If there's one thing we have, it's time.  
  
\---  
  
Pyronica came up with an entirely different solution to my current phase of self deprecating depression.  
  
"Spa day?" I asked as she held up the flyer for an incredibly fancy looking place in Dimension Lotus.  
  
She nods with a wide grin. "You've been so tense lately. Come on Bill, just relax and be pampered. I've been thinking about this for a while now. Had a really nice dream about it a while back..."  
  
It did sound kind of nice. A massage would be heavenly. Though does my physiology even allow for such a thing?  
  
"Come on Bill~ a fancy spa day for everyone~ please~?"  
  
"Is this just a you thing or is anyone else up for it?" I looked at the others.  
  
"Well...I've never been to a spa before..." Kryptos fidgets in his seat before smiling hesitantly. "But I've always had a strange longing to try it out?"  
  
I squealed at how adorable his widdle smile was and the poor compass had to deal with me cooing at him while invading his personal space.  
  
"Bill~why?!" Kryptos moans as he ineffectually bats at me.  
  
"You're just sooo cute~" I gushed. "Your widdle teeth and widdle face~"  
  
I have a thing for shy nerds. They're frickin' adorable~ I flick my fingers and put Kryptos in a maid outfit.  
  
  
  
"Bill!!!!" He wailed. Despite his protests, I could tell he didn't mind as much as he said he did. As I giggled, Pyronica and the others were whispering to each other, how have they not realized I can hear them?  
  
"Is this that teasing thing that friends do to each other?" Amorphous Shape asks.  
  
"Actually, do you think this is the teasing thing kids do to bully the one they like?" Teeth wonders.  
  
"No, I doubt Bill's into Kryptos that way. It feels more like he's playing with a cute new toy..." Pyronica says.  
  
"Look! Now we match!" I squealed as I spun around wearing a maid outfit too. Kryptos had turned such a dark indigo color from embarrassment he was nearly black.  
  
"Actually...now that I look at it, it really feels like Bill is just excited to get a little sister to dote on..." Pyronica says sagely. She nods to herself, absolutely sure she's figured out the reasoning behind my behavior.  
  
""Oh~"" Teeth and Ammy applauded her brilliant deduction.  
  
Xanthar just slumps over, completely done with our idiocy. He reaches out to grab me when I float past him while chasing Kryptos. "Urk!" I squeak as he encloses me easily in his large hand.  
  
"Ok, enough of this. So do we all agree to the spa day or not?" Pyronica asks as she snatches me from Xanthar's grip. "You can play dress up with your little sister later."  
  
"I'm not a girl!" Kryptos wails. Ammy gave him a comforting pat. "I'm sure Bill will stop messing with you once the novelty of having a sister wears off."  
  
"I'm not a girl!!!"  
  
Long story short, we all decide to go to the spa.  
  
\---  
  
I thank every god that exists the spa was nothing like the strip club.  
  
There was a steam room, massage rooms, places for pedicures, manicures and other grooming...it actually looked pretty nice. The steam rooms came in different types. There was Water steam, Mercury steam, Methane steam, Fluorine steam, Chlorine steam...  
  
Erm...probably gonna stick with water. But...I can't even sweat...so...it probably wouldn't do anything for me. I was eyeing up the massage sessions though. How would that even feel?  
  
The lady at the front desk was staring at us in fear. Correction, staring at ME in fear. "D-do you have a reservation?"  
  
I blink at her, raise a finger up "Wait just a sec-" Blinked out of the dimension and entered again at a different moment along the time stream. I startled the man at the counter. "Hello, I'd like to make a reservation for a party of...6 beings of varying sizes and species."  
  
The man cowers slightly. "U-um...when for?"  
  
"A week from today, galactic standard time."  
  
"F-for what treatments and what time sir?" He trembled as he writes down my appointment.  
  
I once again hold up a finger and tell him to wait a sec. Blinking out of the dimension once more, I pop back to Pyronica's room late at night on one of the times when I was gone for a job (I cannot travel to a time where another Me is already present) and whisper to the half asleep Pyronica "Hey Roni, if you could go to a spa, what treatments would you like?"  
  
"Mmmph..." She mumbles as she rolls over on her bed. I scan her thoughts, nudged into the dreams of Spas by my inquiry and nod. "Ok, got it. Thanks Ronica." I gently pull her blankets up from where they were half kicked off the bed and tuck her in.  
  
I go ask Teeth, Ammy and Xanthar as well before Blinking out of there and heading off to find Kryptos.  
  
I appeared in the underground lab (opening the metal and making a note to close that hole afterward) and found Kryptos shivering in his cage. For a second I wanted to take him out of here, free him, but I didn't want to cause a Time Paradox. Having the cops on my angles would completely ruin the spa trip after all.  
  
"Psst. If you could escape from here and go to a Spa, which treatments would you like?" I whispered.  
  
"Hm...ngh..." He moaned. I sent a small burst of soothing heat into all the cages and his tense expression relaxes as he settles into a more peaceful slumber.  
  
"Ok, thanks dude." I whisper before Blinking back in front of the man at the sign in desk.  
  
"Ok, so put us down for..."  
  
\---  
  
I pop back into the 'present' (I use that term loosely, Time is an illusion anyway) and leaned against the desk. "Yes, we have a reservation under 'Dapper Friends'."  
  
She looks through her database and blinks in surprise. "Oh. You are here..." She mutters "I was wondering who that ridiculous name was for..."  
  
Since we had a reservation and I've already paid them (in gold no less) the lady hands out a health questionnaire to fill out in case of allergies or health issues their staff needed to be aware of. We filled them out, I wrote Xanthar's for him and the lady handed us our schedules.  
  
"Your guide will be along shortly." The lady says nervously as she collects our paperwork. "There are changing rooms there f-for you..." She looks at our party, most of us already naked and Xanthar much too big for any of their bathrobes.  
  
"Thank you miss." I tip my hat at her politely. We head off to grab robes and slippers from the changing room, Amorphous Shape loudly wondering what the point of putting on clothes even was. Pyronica nudges me with an elbow. "How'd you get reservations? I totally forgot we were supposed to do that first."  
  
"I have my ways." I shrug as I tried to find a robe that would actually fit Xanthar. Maybe I should just get him a towel instead? Feeling very much like a parent I fussed over him as we got ready for our first Spa day together.  
  
I floated around wrapped in a fluffy white robe. I wasn't sure what to do. I tried out the water steam room but my inability to sweat made it pointless. Xanthar and Teeth were playing in the swimming pool, once more with several pools filled with different liquids. Ammy was messing around in the gym trying to figure out how exercise worked. Kryptos and Pyronica were in the steam rooms. Pyronica released a lot of smoke. Kryptos's species sweated numbers. Literally (which meant his sweat was figurative) sweated numbers. I spotted a dining area and couldn't help going to check it out.  
  
I had a half hour before my body scrub with Xanthar and Kryptos, then a pedi/manicure (I have no idea how that's going to work with me) with Pyronica and Xanthar, followed by Ammy, Teeth and I getting back massages together, Pyronica and I were going to get facials afterward. Once again, I have no idea how this is supposed to work but if Kryptos can use these treatments, it's not all THAT different for me right?  
  
I shrug and decide not to worry about it. Today was about relaxing in a less self-destructive way than I normally do. I drool at the foods. They have fish~  
  
\---  
  
Never had a body scrub before. I was a little nervous. I'm not used to people touching me, don't enjoy it all that much to be honest but I have gotten a professional massage once as Zyun-Jan and it was nice. If somewhat ticklish.  
  
"Hello, I am Handsy and I will be your attendant today." An alien made up almost entirely of hands (their species were literally just called Manyhand) said to me as I floated into the room. Xanthar was shuffling around the bed in confusion. It was much too small for him. His attendant, a female hand-alien just directed him to lie on the ground on top of many towels.  
  
Kryptos was delightedly flopping face down on his bed. He kept his gloves on, having written his 'condition' down earlier on our health evaluations. Another Manyhand was slowly sprinkling salt along his body.  
  
I floated to my bed and took off my robe. "So...I've never actually done this before..."  
  
"It's very simple sir." Handsy says gently. I abruptly realize he has no idea who I am. People couldn't recognize me without my hat and bowtie. That was...irritating. What OTHER yellow triangles were there?! I've certainly never seen another.  
  
"Just pick out which oils you'd like and lay down." Handsy holds up a tray of various bottles. I read the labels to see they're all different scents. I chose 'CitrusBerry' because it sounded nice. I laid on my belly and tried to relax. Part of me was still nervous. There's a 'fsssh' sound as he pours the salt along me and finally begins rubbing it along my back.  
  
I sighed as the salt crystals scraped along my bricks. Ooh...this was actually really nice. "Your skin is already so smooth sir." Handsy comments as he spreads the salt across my back. I could feel the salt trickling into my seams. I wiggled a little, it felt gritty.  
  
He placed his hands on my back and started rubbing the salt onto each of my bricks individually. I went limp and sighed happily. Ooh~ He started rubbing my arms and legs too and I twitched a bit. It didn't tickle but it felt strange. Being face down with my eye closed was weird, I couldn't see with my own eye so I found the nearest depiction of me (my marks on Xan and Kryptos and 'looked' around.  
  
Xanthar's scrub needed a whole team of people climbing over him. The workers actually looked like they were having fun. Kryptos was moaning happily on his bed. Well it's nice to know they're doing ok. I check on Ammy and found him taking a mud bath, with the mud sinking into his blocks and being stored or oozing out another block.  
  
I resist the urge to groan when he gets out and trails mud everywhere. Goddamit.  
  
Teeth was getting his mouth cleaned. He lay stretched wide open as tiny bird-like creatures flew into his mouth to pick out anything stuck between his teeth and gums. There was another worker making up a toothpaste mixture with a giant hand/teeth brush.  
  
Pyronica was taking a magma bath. She sighs happily as she rubs the molten rock along her arms. I guess they really do have everything here.  
  
My awareness clicked back to my body when Handsy says "Ok, now I do your front." He helps me flip onto my back and poured more salt along my lower bricks. I moaned a bit as he begins rubbing my front. Nngh...shit...ooh~  
  
"Feels good no?" Handsy grins at me, the hands around his 'face' bending their fingers to form a smile. I moan in response, my eye lidding in relaxation. The tiny salt crystals scraped my bricks pleasantly. I was distantly aware of my bricks heating up as I loosened my control over the immense amount of energy I was constantly suppressing. Handsy grunts a little before moving from my bottom bricks and heading up. "Sir, your temperature is rising."  
  
I blinked lazily. "Oh...sorry..." I forced the heat back down. Silly reflexes. He carefully rubbed around my eye and along my top. Hm~  
  
"It is not a problem, many of our patrons heat up. It is why all our rooms have multiple fire extinguishers."  
  
I felt the room shake when Xanthar rolled over to get his tummy scrubbed. He was letting out plenty of 'happy' feelings. I resist the urge to coo at him.  
  
"Alright, there is a shower over there for you to rinse off before we use the oils." Handsy informs me. I sigh and float up to head there. Kryptos was already washing himself. "You having fun Kryptos?" I ask as I float beside him under a gentle spray of warm water.  
  
"Yeah~Is this what your Friends get to do all the time?" He sighs happily into the spray of warm liquid.  
  
"This is our first time at a spa, but we've gone to restaurants together. And bars. I've taken the gang on space walks before. Just floating around through the milky way counting planets and dancing pass the stars."  
  
"That sounds...really nice..." He smiles as he imagines it. "I'm guessing you use your powers to protect us in the void of space?”  
  
"Pretty much." I turn to shower my back as Xanthar lumbers towards us. I help him wash off.  
  
"Your powers are amazing." Kryptos sighs. "How did you get them?”  
  
"I accidentally destroyed my own dimension and killed everyone."  
  
There's complete silence for a while. The pitter patter of the shower head being the only source of noise. I internally curse my habit of ‘speaking’ whatever was on my mind. Being a telepath was annoying sometimes.  
  
"Oh." Kryptos croaked weakly.  
  
He glanced at me nervously. "Um...would it be rude to ask how that happened?"  
  
"Sorta. But I feel like I need to get this off my chest. I've recently realized it's not exactly healthy to keep it all bottled up. I can talk to Ax about it but there shouldn't be anything wrong with talking to others." I ran my fingers through Xanthar's fur as he rubs against me affectionately. "Just...you shouldn't tell anyone what you learn. This is some pretty personal information right here."  
  
He nods nervously. I switched to 'private speech' mode as we leave the showers to dry off. Xanthar just shakes himself and flings water everywhere.  
  
“So my dimension's atmosphere was extremely flammable...and I sort of raised my heat enough to catch fire and everything started burning."  
  
"But...HOW did that get you powers?" Kryptos asks as we got the oils rubbed into us.  
  
**-Don't speak out loud, just think your response.-**  
  
_'Like this?'_  
  
**-Yeah. So anyway, I don't entirely understand what happened but even as everyone and everything else burned up, I remained. I tried to stop the fire by absorbing it back inside myself and...exploded.-**  
  
_'.....exploded?'_  
  
**-Like a super nova. It was awful. Heck, my most recent explosion was nowhere near as bad and it STILL vaporized the house-**  
  
_'Do you...explode often?'_ He asks worriedly.  
  
I was gonna respond but Handsy rubs the oil in ~just~ right and I arch back with a low moan. "Oooh~"  
  
**-Sorry 'bout that. I wouldn't say I explode often, just...every now and then. My body just can't handle the sheer amount of energy I produce or absorb and it just...comes out uncontrollably...-**  
  
_'But HOW? How are you capable of producing that much energy?! And how does that lead to your powers?'_  
  
**-I sort of naturally gained the ability to manipulate matter on an atomic level after my first explosion. At the very least, Ax taught me how to control it. It took a few billion years to just form a physical body. Even now I'm still learning new ways to use my powers.-**  
  
_'How old even ARE you Bill?'_  
  
**-It's pretty rude to just ask a woman her age you know-** I joked.  
  
_'?!?!?!'_  
  
**-I'm kidding. Or not. But anyway, I'm over 50 billion years old.-**  
  
_'T-that's older than existence! Geez, I knew you said you were old but I didn’t think you were THAT old.’_  
  
**-In your dimension maybe. Time travel kinda makes it so I've existed for longer than most worlds have been around. That's not even adding in the fact that dimensions run at different speeds unless Time Baby takes them into his rule.-**  
  
_'Why are you telling me all this? I'm...pretty much just a stranger...how can you just trust me with this?'_  
  
**-Because you asked. Because I felt like sharing.-**  
  
Because even if he knows, there's nothing he can really do with this knowledge. Even if he betrays my confidence and tells someone, all they would know is that Bill Cipher is older than existence, is prone to super nova levels of destructive explosions, can time travel and alter the fabric of reality to his will.  
  
There is literally nothing they can use against me. All these facts will only serve to highlight how incredibly powerful I am. There were no mentions of weaknesses after all. I'm not dumb enough to give out info like THAT. I'm just the sort who dishes out weird personal information to anyone who bothers to ask. My friends in my first life have told me I don't have a filter...come to think of it, Ax has told me the same thing.  
  
_'Who is Ax? You mentioned he taught you how to control your powers?'_  
  
**-Ax is the one who raised me. The one who I respect more than anything. The oldest living creature in all of Creation...-**  
  
_'Who?'_  
  
**-Eh, just ask Pyronica, I wanna actually enjoy myself right now...-**  
  
I sighed in content as Handsy rubbed each of my bricks individually. Oh yes~that's good~ the oil was soaking into my seams and I felt my insides breaking down the Carbon and Hydrogen chains. I will have to keep my temperature down, ignition of the oils would be terrible.  
  
The only hiccup to an otherwise quiet session was when Handsy rubbed my seams and I yelped loudly. “Ah, sorry dear customer. I did not realize you were ticklish.” Handsy apologizes. Tickles? Is that what that is? I wasn’t aware I was ticklish as a triangle (then again, tickling yourself doesn't always work which would explain why I haven't found this out when exploring my own body). Well, that’s good to know?  
  
Our scrub session ended and I waved bye to Kryptos as I headed to my mani/pedicure session. I was very curious what they were going to do. Xanthar was excited for it and I barely managed to keep him from bowling over several other patrons in the hallways.  
  
"Who let that animal in here?!" A slug-like alien asked snottily before her mouth was stitched shut. I ignored her frantic screams and hurried Xanthar to the next hallway. It's fine. Just ignore them. Today is all about relaxation. Besides, they can just cut the stitches off.  
  
\---  
  
"How're you doing Bill?" Pyronica asks as I settle down on the seat besides her. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel and her ever present high heels were off. I'm surprised to see her toes. It was hard to see under her white fire but they were there.  
  
"I'm doing great actually. This has been nice so far." I place my feet into the hot water basin under my chair as Pyronica had propanol under hers. Her basin caught fire as she sunk her feet in. Seriously, I'm more worried about Pyronica burning this place down than me.  
  
There were basins beside the arm rests as well and I plopped my hands in and wiggled them. Warm~  
  
Xanthar was standing in a pool of hot water, I giggled when he just flops down into it, snuggling into the liquid contentedly.  
  
As we sat there soaking our hands and feet I quickly got bored and started looking around the room. There were other patrons here and there. I'm...both relieved and somewhat insulted no one recognized me without my clothes on. Does that mean I really COULD have just worn a pretty dress everywhere and people would have just...ignored me?  
  
For some reason the fact that I was essentially being ignored made me upset. I KNOW I should be happy. I'm being treated normally by the people around me. No one was screaming or running away. But at the same time I just...felt so insulted.  
  
As I pondered whether my feelings were due once more to my human and monster sides conflicting on a subject, another Manyhand came up to me. She formed a smile and showed me a whole catalogue of different nail polish colors and designs. I leaned forward eagerly. They were sooo pretty!  
  
I asked them to make mine look like my bricks. They had the colors for it. As they gave me a hand massage before painting I checked up on the others.  
  
Amorphous Shape was flinging mud everywhere. I sigh. The poor workers were running after him trying to get him to go to the shower room. A few other patrons slipped on the mud and were angrily yelling at him. I quickly look away. Nope. Don't want to deal with that today. I'm just gonna relax...  
  
I ignore the quiet screams in the distance.  
  
Just...relax...  
  
There's a small explosion, the rushing sound of water and the faint chattering of Teeth's laughter.  
  
Relax...  
  
\---  
  
As I got to the room for my massage session, I spotted Ammy and Teeth covered in mud and bruises. Well, Teeth was bruised. Ammy was missing a few blocks. "I'm surprised the staff haven't thrown you both out." I comment lightly even as I cross my arms and stare at them unblinkingly.  
  
"Eh...I was just so excited I might have played around too hard..." Teeth wiggled uncomfortably under my stare.  
  
"I make no apologies." Ammy states simply. "This was supposed to be a trip to have fun, so I'll have fun in whatever way I choose." and somewhere deep inside me, I felt incredibly, PROUD of him for some stupid reason.  
  
I start laughing. Just losing my shit right then and there. The rational, moral part of me wanted to scold them, such behavior was unacceptable! The idea of causing trouble for all the people here was just so  
embarrassing! But the other part of myself just kept on laughing. Fuck it. Who wants some calm (boring) orderly spa trip? I'm the mother fuckin' god of CHAOS!  
  
I came here today to have fun and relax.  
  
Well what better way to relax than by letting loose and just being myself? My laughter turns into insane cackling as I let go of my constant self imposed inhibitions. "You know what Ammy? You're right~I should just have fun~"  
  
Teeth gives Amorphous Shape a worried look. "Hey Ammy…I feel like you've just unleashed something awful." Ammy stares at me glowing vibrantly as things around the room begin levitating and winced. "Oh dear."  
  
\---  
  
"BILL!!! WHY ARE ALL THE SHOWERS SPEWING OUT SOFT SERVE ICE CREAM?!" Pyronica shrieks the instant she sees me snowboard into the room on a wave of frozen dairy product. I giggle and materialize a waffle cone to scoop up a generous helping of ice cream.  
  
"Are you mad 'cause you were in the shower or because it wasn't a flavor you liked?" I ask while licking at my cookies and cream cone. She just groans loudly. "I've got it in my hair!"  
  
"Easily fixed." I flick my fingers and she's cleaned. Aside from the oils and stuff from her spa treatments at least. She pats her hair down to check for sticky spots, finds none and just sighs.  
  
"What brought this on? I thought you wanted to behave in public so people wouldn't get all worked up over seeing you?"  
  
"Well I realized that there's no point in getting the public to accept me if I'm not even being me. I'm Bill Cipher. I'm weird, I'm random and I do what I want." I flicked my fingers and all the workers suddenly found themselves transformed into the opposite sex. "Besides, no one's seriously hurt and I'll fix it before we leave." It felt good to let loose. Holding in my chaos constantly was tiring.  
  
My massage session went pretty great. Handsy was my assigned attendant again and he...somehow still didn't catch on to who I was, or if he did, he didn't seem to care. I got a very nice back rub and brick thumping from him. I yelped loudly when he touched my seams again and he wisely apologized and kept his hands away from them. My powers leaked out due to me relaxing my constant restraints over them.  
  
This led to some people and objects being randomly transformed as my energy pulses essentially became small Weirdness Waves. It was still better than things catching fire. And it felt so much nicer when I didn't have to suppress my own powers. If I had to put it crude but relatable terms, it was like releasing a fart instead of holding it in. I'm here to relax after all. Having to forcibly contain my powers wasn't relaxing at all.  
  
So I let go, with the only restraint being that my powers do not hurt anyone. I mean, the oil bottles came to life and moaned suggestively whenever the workers squeezed them but I doubt that's an issue. One person I passed in the hall suddenly grew hair all over his body until he looked like cousin It. A few Manyhands grew more hands, a few became feet and some had their limbs fall off and run around on their own.  
  
Despite all these wacky alterations, the workers could still do their jobs properly. I was approached by the owner who questioned the state of her establishment. I assured her I would fix it afterward, bribed her with a shower of money (oddly enough, her species accepts cheese as currency) and then grabbed onto a passing orca whale to escape on a wave of soft serve ice cream.  
  
I recount Pyronica with all that's happened as we laid in our chairs getting our faces rubbed down and cleaned. "Sounds like you're having fun." Pyronica grins at me, already forgiving me for unintentionally covering her in ice cream. "So all this-" she gestures to the chaos around us "-you've been holding it in all this time?"  
  
"I guess...I just enjoy not having to keep my powers suppressed constantly..." Though I have found that the emotions of panic coming off the other patrons at the spa just feed me more, which causes another Weirdness Pulse when it builds up enough energy and repeat. I should at least direct my power a little more...  
  
A lady getting a facial in the room with us turns into a tree. Um...that wasn't what I meant...  
  
I'm surprised the workers don't even pause in their work. The Manyhand attending to the tree simply turns to get some clippers instead. Clearly, a true professional. I have to close my eye when they put the spacumber slice over it.  
  
  
  
Looking through my mark on Pyronica, I see how the workers calmly cleaned up the ice cream (a few of them even ate some) and didn't even seem upset. I catch one of them thinking 'This is still better than when Chernabog visited. At least no one's dead.'  
  
Well there you go.  
  
I'm aware there are other gods besides me. I've even met a bunch of them. I've fought a couple. I gotta say, divine turf wars are a thing and I wish someone made a reality show about it because it is hilarious. I reminisce fondly over a war god who confronted me about 'stealing' his worshippers. Dude got jealous because one of his worshippers summoned me and asked me to end the war in his favor with the least amount of deaths. I did so and the War god felt cheated out of all the sacrifices he would have gotten. Everyone who's killed in battle will have their Souls fed to him for power after all.  
  
I laughed in his face over the fact that his so called worshippers went to me instead. He challenged me to a fight, I turned him into a rabbit. He kept his powers, he's just a rabbit now. It made it somewhat difficult for him to get any respect from his worshippers. I say he got what he deserves for eating Souls.  
  
I really don't understand the other gods and demon's obsession with Souls. I could eat a Soul if I really wanted to for a power boost (contrary to popular belief, eating a whole person does not actually get you their Soul, you need to make an agreement to obtain it from them, worshipping a god is 'technically' consent to take a Soul) but I can get the same result from devouring a small star. So, I just didn't see the point. The star gave waaay more power than a mere mortal soul anyway.  
  
As my thoughts jumped around to different topics I heard Pyronica ask if we could do this again someday. "Sure, there's this body wrap thing I saw on their menu that I'm curious about."  
  
We chatted and joked until the timer went off and we could go wash ourselves off. I changed the showers back to normal and started fixing everything as I floated under the spray of warm water. It didn't take long. I felt the other people at the spa letting out sighs of relief when they were changed back, I even kept their salon treatments.  
  
Feeling refreshed I met up with my friends at the lobby. "So. How's everyone feeling?" I absently grab some bottles of lotion and shampoo out of Ammy's storage blocks and send them back to where he stole them from. This was definitely Pyronica's fault.  
  
"My gums feel AMAZING!" Teeth moans as he rubs his mouth. "They even picked out all the tiny bits of food I can't reach."  
  
"It would be nice to do this again someday..." Kryptos sighs. "Thank you so much Bill. Wow...I can't believe people think you're a terrible person..."  
  
"I know right?" Pyronica laughs. She lowers her voice to hiss "Just don't let people know or else they're gonna try and take advantage of his generosity."  
  
As they nod in agreement I just roll my eye. "What generosity? This was as much for ME as it was for you all." I fold my arms and try to hide my blush. Amorphous Shape peers at me and remarks "This is that thing called...Tsun-Tsun?"  
  
I sputter as the others stare at Ammy in confusion. "W-where did you learn that word?!"  
  
"You were ranting about it once when you were drunk." He blinks lazily at me.  
  
"What?! When?!"  
  
"Wait, I think I remember this...it was when we all went to that LiquorPark and you fell into one of the rides because you slipped out of the seatbelt."  
  
I thought back. Yes, we DID go to that amusement park. A water park where all the water was instead Alcohol. The rides were fun but I fell into a vodka lake when I slipped out of the roller coaster. Shit, I only remember waking up to find Xanthar and Pyronica dragging me away from sucking on a canoe that I'd turned into caramel.  
  
In fact I turned most of the park rides and attractions into various food items and had eaten most of them. It took a while to fix it all. We were also given a lifetime ban from yet another place.  
  
Ah...memories...  
  
"Wait, you actually listened to Bill's rant? I couldn't even understand half of it. I thought he was just speaking nonsense while drunk." Pyronica gasps.  
  
Ammy shrugs. "I listened. Much of it didn't make sense. I still don't quite understand the difference between a Dandere and a Kuudere..."  
  
"This was before I joined right?" Teeth groans. "No fair, I would have loved to see that..."  
  
"So what is a Tsun-Tsun?" Kryptos asks.  
  
"Well according to Bill it's-" I quickly cover Ammy's eyes by sprouting multiple hands and slapping his blocks. "It's not important!" I cried desperately.  
  
I kept shooting down the topic when they tried to ask and teleported us all home. Kryptos kept asking until my embarrassment turned to annoyance and I turned him into a sofa before floating away, fuming.  
  
Teeth thought it was hilarious to sit on him until Kryptos electrocuted the Mouth in retaliation. I had to fix and heal both of them afterward.  
  
Also, they were both grounded.  
  
I - ~~asked~~ \- demanded Ammy to never mention it again on pain of molecular reconfiguration. He nodded quickly as his blocks turned pale. Pyronica and the others seemed to believe Tsun-Tsun was some sort of insult in my native language. I was too embarrassed to correct them.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Bill/Jan is slightly~Tsun-Tsun.


	35. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bond I refuse to let break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Trying out something different this time...see if you guys can follow along

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 32**  
  
**-Made enough mistakes-**  
  
\---  
  
I still visit Jorgio. He’s gotten easier to talk to once I laid down a few ground rules for my advice. I’m not working for him. I’m not affiliated with him. I’m just going to give him pointers. I deflected his every attempt to recruit me. Never gonna happen kid.  
  
Speaking of things that should never happen…  
  
\---  
  
I know it was a bad idea. I know I shouldn't have done it. I went back to Jheselbraum’s temple. I'm not dumb though, I didn't go as myself. I went as 'myself'. Miz's short little form dashed quickly around the temple and hid behind a pillar. I was like a ninja! I peeked out to look at Jessie.  
  
  
  
As someone who knows a bit of how my powers work, Jessie makes it a point to not have any triangles with eyes in her dimension. It means that I'll have to ACTUALLY come here in person if I wanted to check up on her. I liked seeing how she was doing.  
  
As much as I was upset at how she forcibly broke off our contact with each other, I still felt like she was my responsibility. I DID choose her after all. I have to make sure she's doing her duty as Ax's High Priestess correctly. Also, I had to make sure the Curse I placed around her dimension was still in effect.  
  
I say Curse but it's just a simple scanner that checks and redirects anyone with ill intents. Dimension 52 is a place of peace. If anyone with malevolent intentions tries to enter this dimension (like the many assassins I was forced to destroy back when Jessie first came into power) my Curse would make it so they literally cannot enter the dimension. They would either be bounced back to where they came from or be disintegrated along my Curse's edge of effect depending on the severity of their malevolence.  
  
After all, even if I'm mad at Jessie, there were many innocent people who come here seeking shelter and safety and I won't let my own feelings stop me from keeping them safe.  
  
Making up excuses to myself, I crept around and followed her as she went about her day. No I'm not stalking her. I'm just checking up on her because I was worried that the devastating truth would make her neglect her duties. So far it seems she's fine. She's going about her day as per usual.  
  
I watched her heal any injured who came into her dimension. I watched her greet any visitors who sought out her wisdom. I watched her take in some refugees and just give them a place where they can live until they find a true home and life for themselves.  
  
I smiled to myself. She seemed to be doing well. I duck behind the pillar and do a quick mental check on my Curse. It was still going strong. An invisible and undetectable barrier surrounding the entire dimension.  
  
Curses were interesting. They were kinda like lines of programming that take in some sort of input and output an effect. I simply 'program' the effect parameters and my powers will put them into effect even when I'm not physically there to consciously create the effect. Curses were me reaching into the Source Code of reality and re-writing it.  
  
Example, Xanthar's curse made it so that...  
  
If: Someone calls Xanthar by some term that upsets him within hearing distance...  
Then: Their mouth will be stitched up.  
-If: Parameter [Mouth] is not present...  
\--Then: Stitch up some other orifice or body part.  
  
At any time I can go in to 'edit' the specifics of a Curse. They were incredibly useful for allowing continuous long term effects that weren't constantly active. That Multimur girl I Cursed lived out her life happily with the boy she liked (though she was stuck as a male because of his preferences) and she would just transform into whatever he currently wanted in a partner. It did keep things interesting in the bedroom for them.  
  
Not that I was watching.  
  
Or taking notes.  
  
Or keeping the memory of it saved in a Madness Bubble for entertainment.  
  
Definitely not.  
  
"And who might you be?"  
  
I jumped. "I TOTALLY WASN'T THINKING ABOUT MULTIMUR PORN!" I squeaked.  
  
Jheselbraum stood before me with a gobsmacked look on her face. "Excuse me, what?!" It took her a few seconds to school her expression back into calm serenity. Sadly I couldn't say the same as I blushed bright red and hid my face in my hands with a groan.  
  
Shiiiiiit~  
  
"Um...just...nothing! It was nothing!" I manage to stammer out. Jheselbraum in her mercy accepted my words and pretended as if she heard nothing. "Ah, who might you be child?" She asks instead.  
  
"U-um...I'm Miz..." I mumble, still averting my eyes in embarrassment.  
  
"What are you doing here child?" Jheselbraum asks serenely. I can't help but be impressed by how much her poker face has improved over the centuries. She wasn't even blushing.  
  
"Erm..." Quick, make up an excuse! "I'm an...artist and I came here to get away from...the fast pace of modern society so I can devote my time to my work..." Bullshit **hard** Jan! Bullshit like you've never bullshit before!  
  
"Your...art..." Jheselbraum says in a strained voice. I quickly catch on to what she was thinking of and immediately shake my head in the negative.  
  
"It's NOT porn I SWEAR!" I plead at her with wide eyes.  
  
  
  
She stares at me and I laugh nervously. "An artist you say? May I see your work?" She asks as she folds her arms and looks for all the world like a school teacher who caught me sleeping in her class.  
  
"Um...I didn't bring my stuff with me..." I start to say and I wince as suspicion enters her eyes "-but if you give me some paper I can draw something!"  
  
"And will this drawing be of an...explicit nature?" She asks.  
  
"No! Definitely not!" I say hurriedly.  
  
She is still watching me suspiciously as she gestures for me to follow her. I trudge along sheepishly. She gives me some paper and a pen while I wilt nervously under her 7 eyed gaze. I pick up the pen and draw the first thing that comes to mind.  
  
It WASN'T porn.  
  
Even after so many years I reflexively drew out an OC from the comic I drew a whole lifetime ago. A comic I always wanted to publish but just never found the time to finish it properly to do so.  
  
  
  
"H-here..." I mumble as I give her the paper. Her eyes go wide as she looks at it. "Oh. It's lovely."  
  
As she smiles at me gently I shuffled my feet bashfully. "Yeah, well It's just a quick doodle...I can do better if I have more time..."  
  
"It's quite adorable nonetheless. So Miz, you came here so you could draw without interruption?"  
  
"Well I heard that you take care of people and well...I wanted to be able to draw without having to worry about working to earn money for rent and food."  
  
"So you wish to live here because of the free accommodations?" Jheselbraum raised an eyebrow at me and I ducked my head. "Sorry, it...sounds pretty selfish of me, now that I say it out loud."  
  
"Shouldn't your parents be caring for your living quarters and food?"  
  
"I...don't have parents."  
  
"Oh you poor child..." I stiffen in shock as she embraces me in a gentle hug. "It is alright. You may stay as long as you wish." She says softly. I could feel her compassion. It wasn't faked. She really wanted me to stay. I'm reminded once again of why I still loved Jessie. For all her forced elegance and nobility, she truly had a kind heart.  
  
"Thank you..." I mumble as I relax into her arms. They felt so warm. Why couldn't she be this nice to me when I'm Bill?  
  
\---  
  
Ok, I admit I might have fucked up.  
  
I got a small room in the temple. Most people who come here seeking shelter got rooms in the temple. The place was large enough to house several million people. It was constantly being expanded after all. The places were built with Dimension 52's natural landscape in mind, often times the hallways and rooms had open roofs as the building was built around the trees and flower fields.

The weather here was quite mild. The worst it ever got were sun showers, the rain feeling refreshing instead of dreary. The whole dimension was lush, the crops grew quickly and easily. More than enough food to feed everyone.  
  
I couldn't leave. Just up and leaving right after I got her permission to stay was both incredibly rude and suspicious. I was also expected to work on my 'art' like I said I had come here for. I sat in my room and sighed at how I got myself into this situation.  
  
Luckily I could split myself in two and send 'Bill' home to my friends so they won't worry about me being gone. Being in two places at once for long amounts of time was...actually not too bad. Sure it led to one half of me spacing out for periods of time but considering I already do that on a day to day basis, no one back home noticed a difference.  
  
Either way. I couldn't leave the temple until I finished a comic. It would just make me feel bad if I did. Especially when Jheselbraum gave me a pretty nice room. It was simple, like all the rooms here, but I had a small desk and chair with plenty of paper, pens, and a small desk lamp-fly for whenever I wanted to work at night.  
  
It was really nice of her to give me all this stuff. It would be nice to work on my comic again. Maybe this time, in this life, I could actually finish something for publication? It was a nice thought. Half of me here to work on just drawing and story writing. The other half of me having fun with my friends. My multitasking skills were good. I can definitely do this.  
  
I sat at my desk and stared at the blank sheet of paper.  
  
What the fuck do I do now?  
  
\---  
  
No.  
  
A page is tossed onto the floor.  
  
No.  
  
Another page scrapped.  
  
No.  
  
I scribble over what I just wrote and sighed. I don't know what to do. I had millions of ideas and no idea which one to use. I glance down at a few pages of work.  
  
  
  
Ugh. This was the problem I had before as well. I couldn't stick with a single plot. I had so many ideas and even if I picked one I liked, I would just get bored of it and want to switch stories. Maybe I really should just make an anthology of multiple short stories. 

I left my room to get some fresh air. Maybe I just need to clear my head. There's the meditation pools I guess. It would allow me to focus on being Bill for a bit. I settle down next to a few shrine maidens, who coo'ed at me, and closed my eyes.  
  
I was tidying the living room absently. Teeth challenged Pyronica to a pillow fight earlier. Kryptos was dragged in, to his dismay, and Ammy learned he could fire items out of his storage blocks. They don't go very fast, nowhere near enough to hurt anyone but they made for great pillow launchers. Kryptos hid under Xanthar to try and hide from the war zone our living room had become. It was a brutal fight.  
  
It ended when Teeth broke the TV. I stuck him to the ceiling as punishment. Pyronica was sitting in the time out corner, pouting. Ammy was forced to help me clean up, I need to teach him discipline properly. Xanthar and Kryptos, being the good boys they were, got strawberry pudding.  
  
I can see Kryptos smugly eating his pudding in front of where Teeth was hanging. "Mm~it's sooo yummy~" he says cheerfully. Teeth whines. "Dammit Kryptos! Quit being such a cavity!"  
  
"Heh heh~" Kryptos taunted him. I flick his top edge as I float pass. "Don't be a jerk. Teeth's already being punished."  
  
Pyronica whines from her corner. "How long do I have to sit here? I'm hungry~"

"Well I woooould~be making lunch right now if I wasn't cleaning this mess~"  
  
"Dammit Bill we all know you can just wave your hand and fix this!" She fumes, the fire along her arms and legs flaring up in annoyance.  
  
"Oh no~I think my powers are vanishing~" I cry as I lower myself to the ground and start walking really slowly towards the next pillow on the ground. "So weak~why it might even take me HOURS to finish my work! Oh woe is me~"  
  
Kryptos fell over laughing as Pyronica shrieks angrily. "Bill you absolute piece of sediment!!!" Teeth couldn't help a few guffaws even as he moaned dizzily from the blood pooling at the top of his mouth.  
  
"Isn't Bill losing his powers a bad thing? Why are you laughing?" Ammy asks. I poke Kryptos as I walk past him. "Kryptos, you're in charge of explaining sarcasm to him."

"What? Why me?"  
  
"Because I'm busy and I can't trust Teeth or Ronica to do so."  
  
As the compass tried ineffectually to explain things to the ever more confused Amorphous Shape, I hear one of the shrine maidens calling me.  
  
"Wha?" I opened my eyes and see one of the maidens (Tina) standing before me. "Little Miz, it is time for afternoon meal. Are you coming?"  
  
"Oh yeah, sorry I just got really into my focus." I get up and wobble a little. Damn legs were half asleep. That's what I get for kneeling. Tina giggles. "I know what you mean. I once meditated right past the evening meal. My sisters found me the next morning, turns out I fell asleep."  
  
We laugh together as we walk to the dining hall.  
  
"Hey Bill, are you gonna fix the TV? DemonBaby Fights is gonna be on soon." Teeth asks.  
  
I put another pillow back in its place and roll my eye at him. "Well since you broke the TV, I think missing your show will be a good punishment. Think of it as...karma."

I enter the dining hall and move to grab a plate. I hope they have sliced guavocado today. I was really craving some. Tina moves up next to me. "What was your meditation about Miz? It must have been quite engaging."  
  
"I was trying to figure out what to make my comic about."  
  
"But it's a really good show! Please Bill? I'm really, really sorry! I won't do it again?"

"Are you having trouble coming up with a story?"  
  
"No, it's the opposite. I have too many ideas. I want to do them all but that's not going to work."

"Well Teeth, if I DO fix the TV you'll have to give me something better than just a silly promise."  
   
"Why wouldn't it work Miz?" Tina tilts her head in mild concern.  
  
"The way you say that makes me worry." Teeth sighs.  
  
"Because then it'll be different stories being told at the same time-"  
  
"Don't worry your pretty pearly whites about it. I'm not going to ask for a Deal or anything."

"-and that could get confusing for my readers."  
  
"All I need is some help fixing all the couches and pillows."  
  
"I can see why that might be a problem. Can you not simply make separate stories?"  
  
"But what if the stories are different but happening at the same time?"  
  
I scoop up some minced meat and this dimension's version of rice. I placed another couch cushion back in place. Tina is pondering my dilemma. Teeth is trying very hard to nod.  
  
"I can help clean! Just please, please fix the TV."  
  
"I'll hold you to that." I flick my fingers and Teeth yelps as he falls from the ceiling, I catch him on a few floating pillows and lower him to the ground. "Start tidying."

"No fair, can I get out of time out yet?" Pyronica asks.  
  
"Then can you not simply draw them happening side by side?"  
  
"Well, I COULD let you out...if you do clean up for lunch today..."

I opened my mouth to tell her that doing the stories side by side was ridiculous. No one can follow such a narrative. Thought about it. Closed my mouth and went "Actually that's not a half bad idea...thanks Tina."  
  
Pyronica groans. "Fine~what IS lunch today anyway?" Tina smiles brightly, glad that she could help me out. Most of Jessie's shrine maidens are nice people. She raised them well.  
  
"I'm making sushi sandwiches." I say as I turn my attention to fixing the TV. I sit down with my food and start eating. Mm ~meat~ The TV didn't take long to fix so I could go start on lunch while Pyronica wondered what the hell a sushi sandwich was.  
  
Tina asked me what the different story ideas I had were and I explained the multiple characters and world building I was going for. I materialized a makisu to start placing the rice on. "So I've got all these characters and they have different stories that they're part of, but they all exist together and are going through their stories all at the same time..."  
  
I've never actually made a sushi sandwich before. I've seen it made in my first life, it can't be any harder than rolling maki...which I've also never done but it can't be THAT hard. I've been watching my dad, cousins and uncles make sushi for years. I can do it too. I shake off my homesickness, missing 爸爸's handmade sushi wasn't something I really wanted to get into right now.  
  
"And so all their stories kind of intersect at random points, because no one's story exists in isolation. So many stories only focus on the main characters and it's like the supporting cast or the world around them exists ONLY for the main character and that's just unrealistic!"  
  
I carefully sliced the avocado into thin strips and laid them out on top of the rice. The salmon was mixed with the spicy mayo and ground up. I added some tempura flakes for crunchiness. I carefully spread the fish paste over the sandwich.  
  
"It's the idea that everyone is the main character of their own story and I want to be able to express that."  
  
I put another layer of rice on top and carefully use the makisu to press it down firmly but gently. I carefully lift up the bamboo mat and pray that the rice doesn't get stuck. To my relief it turned out more or less ok. The edges were oozing out but I just psychically pushed it back in. I know I'm cheating but whatever. I sprinkle some sesame seeds and fish eggs on top.

"The main problem is I have so many characters and I want to do ALL their stories."  
  
I use a knife to cut the 'sandwich' into triangles and then copy-pasted it a few times so there's enough food for everyone.

  
(Sushi sandwich made by my real life grunkle Bill)

"Maybe just pick and choose which character's stories blend the best together for this first book you're working on? You can always make more books."

"HEY GUYS! LUNCH IS READY!" I yell in the direction of the living room as I levitate and plate all the sandwiches.  
  
"That's...actually a good idea. Thanks Tina." I scoop another spoonful of food into my mouth. Tina fusses over me, wiping around my cheeks with a napkin. Why does everyone always treat me like a child?  
  
Pyronica rushes into the kitchen/dining room quickly. I see Teeth just a few steps behind. "Woo! I win again!" Pyronica cheers as Teeth screams that it's unfair because she was so much taller than him. I roll my eye as I set the table. Ammy pulls himself through a block he left in the kitchen because he's recently realized that it takes less effort to just warp through himself than floating through all the hallways.  
  
I whine and bat Tina's hand away as she laughs. "Shtop et ktina~" I say with my mouth full. I pout and resolutely ignore her as she continues laughing and babying me.  
  
I put the plates on the table and liquidate a few sushi sandwiches into a large bowl for Xanthar. He comes in with Kryptos clinging to his side. "Ooh~what ARE those?" Kryptos asks as he looks at the triangle shaped food.

"Sushi sandwiches. Just like my great uncle Bill used to make."  
  
"You had a great uncle? Were you named after him?" Pyronica asks as she sits down to grab one of the sandwiches. "Naw, it's just a coincidence really."  
  
I finish my lunch and sigh happily. Biding Tina farewell, I return to my room to start working. I had a better idea for what to do now. And once I finished I can go home without feeling like a lying dick.

Also, existing in two places at once for such a long time was starting to wear on me.  
  
I watched my friends eat and 'ate' my sandwich as well, teleporting in front of me back in Dimension 52. I grin and bite into it. Mm~so much better with proper tastebuds. Thanks Bill. No problem Miz.  
  
Is it weird that it feels perfectly normal to talk to myself?  
  
I sit at my table, nibbling on the sushi while jotting down my ideas for my comic. I joked with my friends as we enjoyed lunch. Teeth drags me to go watch DemonBaby Fights with him. I figure why not? I start sketching out the plot points I need to hit. I couldn’t help but get distracted by the show I was watching though.  
  
It was actually pretty good. Looks like me and Teeth will have an activity to do together every week. Intense baby fights.  
  
\---  
  
"Jessie! Lookie! Lookie!" I run up to her holding my drafts. She gets up from where she was tending to the garden and smiles gently at me. "Oh? What is it little one?"  
  
"I finished my book!" I gushed excitedly as I showed her my papers. She pats me on the head fondly. "I'm glad. You've been working very hard on it."

"Wanna see?" I ask eagerly.

 

  
"Sure."  
  
I read out my work to her, doing all the voices as I went. I end up scooting closer and closer to her until I'm pressed against her side so I can hold my drawings up to her as I chatter happily about the story I made.  
  
"So each chapter has a different main character so we can see what they were doing that made them forget or lose their homework."  
  
"So the story is about a class of students who all forget to bring in their homework?"  
  
"Yeah, and there's 18 kids in this class so I only had 10 pages per chapter to tell their story, which was an interesting limitation to work with." I bounced in my seat excitedly.  
  
"I'm glad. I'm sure people will love your story. It's very delightful."

"And once I mail this out to an editor and publishing company I'll be done and I can leave and..." My smile fades. And when I'm done I'll have to leave huh? I know I wanted to leave but...  
  
I was pressed to Jessie's side, I could feel the softness of her robes. The warmth. The peaceful way we sat together. She never let me come this close when I was Bill.  
  
"Are you alright little one?"  
  
"It's nothing...just..." I was just me today. Bill and I recombined earlier because we were starting to get a headache. I left some pre-made food in the fridge for everyone. Hopefully they can handle themselves without me for a while. I'm going to have to teach them how to take care of themselves huh?  
  
I sighed as I leaned against Jessie. "I'm going to miss living here..."  
  
"You're welcome to stay. I have plenty of room and the other girls like you." Jheselbraum says gently. I shake my head sadly.  
  
"I can't stay. I shouldn't have stayed this long to begin with." I can't stay, the longer I do, the greater the chance would be that Jessie figures out who I am. Frankly I'm surprised she hasn't found out already. The only difference between me and Bill is that he gets to use his powers willy nilly. I laugh the same way, even if my voice is different. I still call her Jessie. I suppose Miz doesn't tease her like Bill does but other than that...  
  
I still barge in on her demanding attention, I still run around her gardens and play in her fountains. Except now, she and the other maidens find my antics cute instead of annoying. Why was it so different? Nothing about me has changed except my external appearance.  
  
"What's wrong little one? You're crying."  
  
I just shake my head and continue crying. There's nothing I can say to this. Jheselbraum looks somewhat frantic as she asks me what's wrong. I just keep sobbing, my pages of work sitting beside me on the bench. It's not fair that they'll only care about me when I'm someone else. It feels like I'm lying to them. Like my deception is the only reason they'll like me.  
  
I just felt so weary now. So tired of this. I'm not acting all that different from the 'me' that exists as Bill, but at the same time, I am. I'm pretending to be someone else. And I'm sick of it. I just want to be loved for being ME. Not for any facade I put on. But what even is ME?! Bill is me. Miz is also me. Zyun-Jan is me. I know WHO I am on the inside. But who am I supposed to be on the outside?  
  
The human girl or the triangular god?  
  
To be honest, neither of them are even the REAL me. They're both just constructs I wear to have a physical form. Shells. Masks. Costumes. So what am I? What am I supposed to be? I sobbed into my knees, burying my face into them as I pull my legs up to my chest. Why does everything have to be so stupid?!  
  
Jessie rubs my back soothingly. She doesn't know what's wrong but I can feel her concern for me. It just made me feel worse. If Jessie knew who I was, she wouldn't be so kind. It was so stupid. I couldn't take it.

"S-sorry I just...I ne-need to..." I wipe at my eyes, pick up my papers and ran back to my room. I shouldn't have stayed so long. I really shouldn't have.  
  
\---  
  
I skipped dinner. I've never missed a meal before. Tina and a few of the other shrine maidens (Quillia, Blue-Rose and Hutie) gathered outside my room in worry.  
  
"Miz? Are you alright?" Blue-Rose asks. The rock-like protrusions along her hands scraped at the door as she knocked on it.

"We brought you some food." Quillia, a Cyclopian like Pyronica but with a pastel red coloration and pink flames, held up a plate of food. "There's fish. Your favorite."

"...just leave it by the door..."  
  
"I told you food would work." Quillia nudges Hutie with a grin. Hutie sighs and reaches around Blue-Rose to knock at the door too. "Miz please tell us what's wrong?"  
  
Tina goes closer to the door too. "The Oracle said that you were going to be leaving soon. You know you can stay if you want? We don't mind if you wish to stay."  
  
"..."  
  
"Please tell us what distressed you so?"  
  
"..."  
  
"We are all worried."  
  
"...I'm sorry..."

  
"Don't be, we only worry because we care. Please talk to us. Tell us what's wrong."  
  
I flicked my fingers and the papers swirling around my room inked themselves into a final draft. It was so much easier to just do this with my powers. I groaned and flopped onto the bed which I moved near the door so I didn't have to get up.  
  
"Please leave me alone." I cried like a drama queen.  
  
  
  
I hear them sigh. "I'm going to leave your food here okay?" Their footsteps grew fainter and after a few minutes I opened the door just wide enough to slip the tray in. I eat my food moodily and wonder just what the hell is wrong with me.  
  
Ugh~why am I making this more complicated than it has to be? I cried a bit, thought about it rationally and now I'm just moping for the sake of my own pettiness. I'm just angry at people for once again, hating me as Bill just because I'm Bill. I was so frustrated. Irritated. Part of me was staying in my room so I didn't just snap and reveal myself to everyone here.  
  
That would make everything worse.  
  
Even if I was sick of lying to everyone about who/what I am.  
  
I didn't want to lose this. I'm so done with losing things. Losing connections. Losing people. I can still come visit. As long as they never find out who I am. But I won't allow myself to live here anymore. Aside from the fact that I don't have an excuse anymore, existing in two places at once would never work out in the long run.  
  
I sigh as I get my thoughts in order. Mail out my draft to the editor. Try to get my book published. If no publishing company is willing to pick it up, I can self publish. I have the money for it.

Once again I marvel at how many things in life can be solved by throwing money at it. I couldn’t help but feel offended. They say you can't buy happiness but apparently you can buy things that make you happy.

Well, enough melodrama. I can't just sit here in self pity any longer. I should probably go tell the girls I'm doing okay now. I wave my hand and gather up the finished pages (copy and pasting the whole stack to have a back up available in case of accidents) to put in an envelope. Time to go face the music, rather, time to weather through all the temple maidens's well meaning fussing as they try to find out why I'm so upset.

I don't mind being babied every now and then but this was ridiculous. Just because I'm the smallest person here does not mean I'm a child. I am a grown ass woman! I pout childishly and face palm at how terrible I am at actually acting like an adult.

You know what, yeah, I can't blame them for thinking of me as a kid...shit.  
  
I leave my room to bring my tray and bowl back to the dining area. Hopefully I can make up some bullshit about why I'm so sad...  
  
\---  
  
As I thought, everyone wanted to know what made me so upset. I didn't really have a response so I just mumbled and tried to dodge them. The temple had a mail system so I was able to send my package off. I went around to say good bye to everyone.

"Do you really have to leave? You can always stay and become a shrine maiden too. You're a skilled healer." Tina says sadly, thinking of that one time I couldn't help but use my powers to heal a sick patient who was brought to the temple.

I shook my head sadly. "I can come visit....sometimes...but I can't stay any longer. Truthfully, having a peaceful place to draw was just an excuse. I don't feel right staying any longer than I need to..."  
  
"But we want you to stay. You make us laugh. We all enjoy having you around."  
  
"You say that..." I mutter bitterly. "...but I know you only care about me because you all think I'm a child."  
  
"Are you not?" Tina looks confused. "Even if we do not know your species, you do not seem like you have reached maturity. The Oracle has said that you 'feel' like you are not an adult."  
  
"I'm older than Jessie..." I pout. "I just...never aged properly..."  
  
"Older than the Oracle?!" Tina gasps in shock. "But you behave like...a child..."  
  
"That's just how I am! I can't help being the way I am...I could try to act more mature but it feels weird when I do that. Also, people aren't going to believe I'm an adult no matter WHAT I do so I've just gotten used to it."  
  
Tina looked confused. "So...are you an adult?"

"Technically...I stopped aging before reaching full adulthood but I have been alive for so long I doubt it matters."  
  
"You're an immortal?"  
  
I shrug. "It's not really that important. Does me being immortal change anything?"

"I guess not?" She looked deep in thought as I bid her goodbye.  
  
I've already packed up my stuff, not that I had much, so all that's left is saying bye to Jessie. Geez, I really didn't want to. It's gonna be so awkward facing her after I ran off like that.  
  
Jheselbraum is kneeling among her flowers. A while back I (as Bill) had planted a few that I found from Iznang, Jessie was quite angry that I was putting strange plants in her garden. She quickly realized these flowers had healing properties and started cultivating them properly. She never thanked me for my thoughtful gift. Probably never even realized they WERE a gift.  
  
I felt another stab of irritation. Really, after everything I've done for her. She still had the gall to push me away. I have every right to hate her. I've destroyed others for far less severe grievances. But she's too important. Dimension 52 is a neutral haven that exists to grant sanctuary. Jheselbraum runs it that way. If anything happened to her, the thousands of people here will no longer have a place to go.  
  
More than that, I didn't want to hurt her. I can't bring myself to do it. I didn't want any sort of revenge for the way she hurt me. I just wanted us to be friends. Or at least non-hostile acquaintances. Lost in my thoughts, I jumped when I felt her pat my head.  
  
"You look so sad little one."  
  
I huff at her "I keep telling you I'm older than you."  
  
"And yet, you are still a child. Why won't you tell me what distressed you?"  
  
I bit my lip and considered my options. Part of me wanted to come clean and just tell her. Part of me wanted to lie. Lie so I can keep her affection. Lie so I can still have a place here. Lie so people will continue to like me. I hate lying.  
  
"I didn't actually come here to work on my art. I'm very glad I DID, but it wasn't my original intention." I confessed.  
  
"Yes, I already knew that."

I blink in surprise. "You did?!"  
  
"Of course. It was quite obvious you were making an excuse. The fact that you did indeed work on your art was a pleasant surprise."  
  
I flushed and fiddled with my fingers. Well this was embarrassing. Jessie smiles faintly. "It is alright. You had your reasons for wanting to be here. I am fine with you staying even without your excuse."  
  
I groaned and sat in a nearby bench. "You say that...but I know you'll take it back."

"Why ever would you think that?"  
  
"Because you don't know me. I thought you did but you don't. And once you do, you'll demand me to leave..."  
  
"I...do not understand?"  
  
"It's fine if you don't. Not many people do." I kicked my legs back and forth. Of course my feet don't reach the ground. "That's why I have to leave. I like it when you're nice to me. So I have to leave before you become mean."  
  
"Why do you think so poorly of me?"

"I don't. You're a really good person Jessie. You just don't understand." I sighed. "I'm just here to say good bye. I'm definitely going to visit again, but I can't stay here anymore."

"Why not? Why won't you tell me what's wrong?"  
  
I groaned in frustration. "If I tell you, you'll never let me come back. That's what's wrong."  
  
She just continues to look confused. I roll my eyes. "For someone with seven eyes, you're pretty blind to things right in front of you." She reels back, mildly offended. "What do you mean?"  
  
"It's better if I don't tell you. Good bye Jessie." I give her a faint smile before Blinking away. I appeared in my house in the Nightmare Realm and sighed as I placed the copy of my manuscript on my desk. I really shouldn't have stayed so long. Even if I enjoyed working on my comic for the first time in millennia.  
  
Should I go complain to Ax about this? No. This is between me and Jessie. I turn back into a triangle and sighed. I don't know how to deal with social situations like this. I'm still stuck on wanting Jessie to know who I am. I want her to figure it out. I want her to realize her own stupidity. Or maybe what I really wanted was for her to realize that SHE of all people should know better than to judge me based on my awful reputation.  
  
I hated lying to people. I really did. It's why I often deal in half truths and misdirection. Outright pretending to be a different person like this wore on me. But, isn't being Bill all the time also a lie? I'm not the real Bill Cipher. But I'm not Zyun-Jan anymore either.  
  
After all, she died eons ago. I'm...just me. And no matter who I choose to be, I will always be lying in some way, shape or form. Maybe I should just stop caring so much. The only thing causing me so much pain is my insistence on caring. Why haven't I just let go already?  
  
There's no reason for me to hold onto my past. It's over and done with. All the people I knew and loved were gone. I had no reason to keep doing this to myself...  
  
I could let go of Zyun-Jan and just become Bill.  
  
It would be so much easier.  
  
It would make me so much happier.  
  
I floated there and knew that if I let go, there would be no turning back. The me as a human would be gone and I would just be Bill. It was my human side that caused me so much pain. It was my human morals that held me back from doing whatever I wanted. If Zyun-Jan was gone, I could finally be happy...  
  
No.  
  
No. No. No. No. No!  
  
I broke down again. Screaming and raging. Fuck this! Fuck all of this! I. AM. **ME**.  
  
And I won't let go of ANY part of myself. No matter what. I was so angry and upset and frustrated and before I knew it, I was slamming myself into the wall.  
  
Over and over again.  
  
I raged at the unfairness and stupidity of the world. At how I could even consider that I should be the one to change, that **I** was the problem. They are the issue. Not me.

My bricks cracked and I fell to the ground with a thump while whimpering in pain. "Uwuu~" why do I do this to myself? I moped for a pretty long time. Then I just rolled around feeling embarrassed and ashamed for giving in to my ANGST and being stupid. No! Not the Emo! Noooo!

\---

Good news, my manuscript was accepted and the editor wanted to meet Miz for some changes and corrections. So...that's good?

Oh shit I was gonna publish a comic book.  
  
What the hell was wrong with me?  
  
\---  
  
"Bill! You're back!" Kryptos greets me cheerfully. I was going to respond but Teeth runs up crying and screaming. "THANK DENTIST YOU'RE BACK!!" He falls to his knees sobbing at my feet.  
  
Wordlessly I stare down at him and then over at Kryptos. The compass sighs. "We ran out of cooked food last week. Pyronica tried to cook...." Teeth whimpers "...and Teeth got food poisoning..." Kryptos winced.  
  
"Right. Teach you all to cook. Got it." I sighed and floated to the kitchen. I haven't been home in like...a month and I forgot to take that swerve through time to get back, was too distracted by all the meetings with my editor. The publishing process was actually a lot more complicated and time consuming than I thought. I couldn't just send it in and leave it at that.  
  
There was a lot of revisions I had to go through, rewrites of the story to streamline it and make it more understandable. My editor was very insistent on fixing the dialogue and pacing of the story. I still have to go meet with her again in a few days. I just managed to remember that I had to go home to check on everyone.  
  
Good thing I remembered.  
  
Teeth was following behind me crying and thanking me as I waved my hand to fix up some food quickly. Teeth digs in the second the food fully forms and I can't help but laugh fondly and pet him. I created more food and got a big bowl of soup for Xanthar as well. I need to go see my sweet baby~  
  
Xanthar tackled me the instant he noticed me and I hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry I was gone Xan-Xan. Something came up and I lost track of time."  
  
He snuffles on me and I relax into his fur. Oh man...I can just feel myself soothed on his softness. I missed him so much. You know what? What the hell was I doing, moping off by myself. I should have just gone to sit on Xanthar instead.  
  
It would have saved me so much time I wasted from just sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I really needed to do something about my emotional instability. This cannot be healthy. These extreme high and lows. These random moments of self doubt.

The house was a mess. I felt my eye twitch as I saw the take out boxes strewn across the living room. Looks like everyone needs another lesson on cleanliness. My friends would soon learn just how deeply I felt about it. The universe fears me for bullshit, mostly untrue reasons. My friends learned to fear me for very real reasons.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Dad owns a Chinese/Japanese restaurant. He's a sushi chef and makes some truly beautiful stuff.  
>   
> 


	36. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now the question remains.  
> To-may-to or to-mah-to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I tend to doodle the pictures with whatever materials I happen to have on hand at the moment, tiny scrap pieces of paper, crappy broken pencils I find at work and etc~  
> So I feel the quality of my doodles varies a lot
> 
> This was a weird filler that ended up more spiritual than I anticipated...
> 
> All I wanted to do was write a cooking chapter! How did this happen?!

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 33**  
  
**-Hey look what I can do-**  
  
\---  
  
Ok. So there's a Potato dimension.  
  
Correction. There are **two** Potato dimensions.  
  
One of them is pronounced Po-Tay-To and the other is Po-Tah-To. As you can guess, most people get them confused with each other. This wouldn't normally be such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that the natives are...shall we say...easily offended.  
  
I ducked a thrown shovel as the native Potahtians (Potaytians?) attacked me with everything they've got on hand (mostly farm tools).  
  
  
  
Teeth screamed in panic and ran around, waving his arms. Kryptos was nowhere to be seen, having been dragged off by a group of natives chanting "Blood for the Spud god!!!"  
  
  
  
To understand what's happening we'll have to go back to earlier today...  
  
"So you need to peel the vegetables before you can use them for cooking." I explained as I demonstrated the method of doing so. Not to brag but I've been cooking for billions of years and I'd like to say I've gotten pretty dang good at it. Space cooking anyway. My human cooking is pretty good but I cannot for the life of me figure out baking.  
  
Damn those exact measurements.  
  
Anyway, I've decided that my friends need to learn to cook. Also they were being punished for letting the house become a mess in my absence and were currently half turned to stone. Their arms and head were free so they could see what I'm doing and follow along but their legs were petrified.  
  
Teeth and Kryptos were whimpering. I had them on stools so they could reach the table and they wobbled precariously with each movement. "Um...Bill?" Kryptos asks fearfully.  
  
  
  
"Yeah?" I peel the carrot equivalent carefully.  
  
"We...won't shatter if we fall right?"  
  
I slowly turn my eye to stare unblinkingly at him.  
  
The seconds tic by. Kryptos sweats nervously. I remain silent and staring. Teeth gives a scared whine as his stool wobbles a little when he peels off another piece of the carrot.  
  
"So after you peel the vegetable you can cut it into the size and shape that you need." I continue cheerfully.  
  
Pyronica sighed as she went along with my punishment without complaint. "Really you two, you should be glad Bill didn't turn us inside out."  
  
Xanthar and Ammy were exempt from punishment because they actually tried to clean up. Failed, but it's the thought that counts. They were still part of the cooking lesson though. Xanthar was struggling and crushing his vegetables. Ammy was actually doing quite well.  
  
Pyronica's slices were too big and her carrot-esque vegetable was misshapen and lumpy. Teeth was having trouble because his arms were so far apart. Kryptos would be doing well if he wasn't so afraid of falling off his stool.  
  
"Actually, what did you guys do for food before I started feeding you?" I asked.  
  
"I stole it." Pyronica shrugs. "Sometimes I roast things. I only know how to roast things." She was thinking of her life on the streets after her mother died.  
  
"My mama always made me food until I reached adulthood. Then there was an Eye in my colony that did a lot of the cooking." Teeth sighed, remembering how his colony kicked him out.  
  
"Same I guess. There were five of us so mom used to just make a huge bunch of stuff..." Kryptos frowned with the bittersweet memories of the family that sold him off.  
  
Xanthar's thoughts spiraled into a mix of the happier times with his parents in the lavapits and the cold times in the Baron's dungeon having some water splashed on him every few days.  
  
Oh.  
  
"I don't think I NEED to eat." Ammy remarks, completely missing the heavy atmosphere in the room.  
  
  
  
I make a coughing sound and look back at my 'carrot'. "Well learning to be self sufficient is always useful."  
  
I sighed and un-petrified Kryptos, Teeth and Pyronica. "I would feel much better if I knew you guys would be able to take care of yourselves when I'm gone."  
  
"You never leave for THAT long Bill." Teeth says as he slumps in relief on his stool, wiggling his toes. I close my eye for a moment, wondering if I should tell them.  
  
"I'd rather be safe than sorry. Sometimes I'll get busy with something and I lose track of that social construct Time Baby enforces. I want to know that you guys will still be alive when I get back..."  
  
That's not the real reason. I was worried about what would happen to them when I inevitably die. Once again, I don't know if my death at the end of Gravity Falls is a fixed point or not. I have found it's possible to shift 'Canon' but the amount of divergence is probably limited.  
  
I worry so much. I don't want Xanthar to stay up late into the night watching the skies for my return. I don't want Teeth or Pyronica going hungry. I don't want Ammy to have no one to teach him right from wrong. I don't want Kryptos questioning whether or not he's worth anything. I don't want them to feel as alone as I had been before I found them.  
  
I look over at my friends each struggling in their own way to properly prepare a vegetable for cooking. Teeth is frustrated at his lack of progress. Pyronica straight up doesn't care enough to put in any effort ("Ugh~this is so not fun."). Xanthar had started just mashing the vegetable into a pulp. Kryptos and Amorphous Shape were the only ones actually trying to follow my directions.  
  
"You know what. I can tell you guys are getting bored of just peeling and chopping stuff. Lets go and learn out in the field instead!" I suggest.  
  
"What the heck does that even mean?" Pyronica groans. "Can't we just order out?"  
  
"And how are you planning to pay for the food if you eat out all the time?" Kryptos mutters. I'm glad that SOMEONE in this household understands how expensive that'd be. I don't want to create too much precious metals or materials in case of causing inflation. It's why we don't go out ALL the time.  
  
"I can steal it." Pyronica replies with no shame whatsoever. I give her a sharp flick to her arm. "No. Bad girl. You can't steal EVERYTHING you want."  
  
"Can't you...get a job?" Teeth asks. Pyronica's constant disregard for the law sometimes made him uncomfortable. He understood it was just how she was but that didn't mean he wasn't just as exasperated as I was about having to constantly bail her out of trouble.  
  
"A...job?" The Cyclopian blinked in confusion. "Me?"  
  
"Have you never considered that before?" Kryptos asks incredulously.  
  
"Well...no. What would I even do? I have literally no credentials. I've never been to school, never worked anywhere else before..." She frowned at Teeth. "But like, you don't have a job either." She turns to point at the others "And neither do any of you."  
  
"At least I'm **trying** to find work." Kryptos mutters. He goes out often to apply to places. Sadly, his random electrical discharges make it somewhat difficult. People ask him to take his gloves off and it doesn't end well. I make a mental note to get him a proper doctor's appointment so he can have an official medical reason for wearing gloves. That should help out on his application papers.  
  
"I'm still auditioning for things!" Teeth protests. I hear him practicing in his room every night. He's done a few street performance stand up comedy routines here and there but hasn't found any gigs for proper roles. I know he keeps a jar full of the small change he's earned over time. I make another note to myself, check to make sure he isn't being turned down from the roles for reasons beyond his control.  
  
"I hadn't even considered a job. What sorts of things would I even be able to do?" Ammy muses as he continues methodically chopping his vegetable into perfectly even pieces. "But why should I bother when Bill already pays for everything?"  
  
Everyone turns to look at me. I roll my eye. "Even if I'm literally made of money, it doesn't mean you guys can just mooch off me."  
  
"Oh right, you don't get paid to do your job." Pyronica realizes.  
  
"What...exactly IS your job?" Kryptos asks. "I've heard stories about you for years. The Federation has PSAs about you. Everything I've seen and read says that you're an insane psychopath. And yet, people keep summoning you anyway?"  
  
I cackle. "People are stupid. At least it means I still have something to do. Technically speaking, my only REAL job is doing Time Baby's dirty work. The jerk doesn't pay me, he just owes me Favors in exchange for my services."  
  
"Wait. You work for Time Baby?" Teeth gasps.  
  
"Ew no! I do NOT work for that selfish little bitch! He summons me and asks for a Deal. That's all it is!" I fume angrily. I see Kryptos flinch back when my bricks turn red.  
  
"He just happens to be my most frequent and **obnoxious** customer. Terrible manners. No respect for me or my craft. Demands things I'm uncomfortable with doing and then acts like I'M the one being problematic when I say I **don't want to do it!** " I rant in irritation, my bricks glowing even brighter red as my eye turns black with fury just thinking about it.  
  
"Bill? Bill! I-it's ok! Just...calm down?" Pyronica says quickly as she tries to grab my arm but pulls back quickly at the heat. "Time Baby is a bad client! Got it!" She nods frantically. "Yup. Definitely. Ri-right guys?"  
  
Everyone else nods as they try to cut me off from my rant. I blink slowly before deflating back to my usual yellow self. "That jerk just doesn't understand that I'm a person with feelings TOO!" I huff and cross my arms.  
  
"S-so...um...cooking in the field!" Teeth squeaks. "Lets go do that! Sounds like fun right?" He looks at Pyronica and Kryptos and they nod with tight, strained smiles.  
  
"The MOST fun yes! Boy, I sure do love cooking! Let's go do some cooking Bill!" Pyronica says loudly as she grabs my leg and tugs me along behind her like a balloon.  
  
  
  
"I was unaware you were all so passionate about this subject matter. I was led to believe you found Bill's lessons tedious." Amorphous Shape remarks in mild confusion as he follows us to the teleporters.  
  
Pyronica wraps her hand around Ammy's 'neck' and grins widely. "What? Nooo~" she says in an overly cheerful voice.  
  
Ammy leans back in apprehension. "Why are you doing that with your voice? It is disturbing. Please stop."  
  
Kryptos quickly whispers something to the ever sifting creature. Ammy's eyes widen. "Oh. So this is that sarcasm thing? I thought it involved a different sort of tonality?"  
  
"Hey! Yes! Cooking! Where are we going Bill?" Pyronica says loudly as she pulls me faster down the hall.  
  
"Well, there's this planet called Potato that has wonderful fruits and vegetables. I figured we could go down and gather some fresh kills ourselves." I was content to just let my friend pull me along. It means I didn't have to put in the effort to move.  
  
"Ronica, you're an active type of person so I think standing around in the kitchen is not the best way to teach you. Going out in the field and fighting off hungry plant monsters would be much more your style."  
  
"Oh." Pyronica blinks at me before her smile turns more genuine. "I didn't realize you changed your plans for my sake."  
  
"You and Teeth seem to have the most trouble with staying still." I shrug.  
  
"Wait, what do you mean fighting plant monsters?" Teeth asks worriedly.  
  
\---  
  
So...yeah...things didn't go...as smoothly or simply as I'd hoped. You know how I said there were two potato dimensions? One of them was populated by vegetable monsters. Despite the name, they weren't all that dangerous (aside from some of the gourds being good at bludgeoning) and I was thinking we would just have a jolly good time chopping them up and bringing home the carcasses for food.  
  
The problem is the OTHER potato planet.  
  
This one was populated by angry Potato natives who kill anything and anyone who was not a Potato. All would be sacrificed in the name of their Many Eyed God of Spuds. To the best of my knowledge, their Lord Spud doesn't actually exist. I haven't ever seen any god hanging around the planet so I wasn't sure if he was real or not.  
  
Either way. I should probably save Kryptos before they sacrifice him. Pyronica was already setting fire to the Potatoes attacking her. The resulting baked potatoes actually looked quite delicious. Xanthar was stomping any that came near him, mashed potato guts flung all over the place.  
  
Normally I'd be very against the idea of murdering the natives but they attacked first so this is just self defense. Besides, these things weren't...technically alive.  
  
Ammy grabbed Teeth in a brilliant display of camaraderie and the two sat on top of Xanthar far from the danger. I wave my arm to make an earth wall rise around us before folding down towards our attackers and trapping them in soil. "Alright, which way did they bring Kryptos?"  
  
"Cooking is awesome!" Pyronica laughs as she pops a roasted Potato in her mouth.  
  
"I ALWAYS get these two dimensions mixed up." I grumble as I start scanning for where Kryptos was. According to my symbol sneakily placed on his top point, he was...that way. "Come on, lets go find Kryptos before they peel him or something.  
  
\---  
  
I'm not even surprised to find Kryptos screaming as he dangled over a bunch of Potah/taytians with pitchforks like some pointy version of a Pinata. He was screaming the whole time as he shook himself back and forth to dodge the pitchforks.

  
  
  
I flicked my fingers and teleported him besides us. He collapsed to the ground wheezing and clutching onto Ammy's blocks. "Gah! Hah! Ngh!" I turned my gaze to the confused natives wondering where their sacrifice went. "Excuse me. I'd appreciate if you didn't sacrifice my friend to your non-existent god."  
  
"How dare you spout such blasphemy?!"  
  
"Look. I'm all for worshipping whoever and whatever you want as long as it doesn't harm anyone. But this-" I gesture to the trembling compass beside me "-is definitely hurting people."  
  
"All who are not spud must be destroyed!" One of the natives began screaming. The others all began yelling as well. They waved their farm tools around in the air.  
  
"Blood for spud! Blood for spud!" They chanted.  
  
"So...how is this supposed to teach us cooking?" Ammy asks lazily.  
  
I materialize an oversized vegetable peeler. "For potatoes, you have to shave off all the brown parts." A large peeler forms in from of each of my friends as well. "Think you guys can handle that?"  
  
Pyronica cackles wickedly as she grabs her peeler. "Ooh~now THIS looks fun~"  
  
"Wait, are we killing them?" Teeth asks uncertainty.  
  
"Don't worry about it. Hunting for food is what creatures have done since the beginning of Time. Literally."  
  
"I don't think I can stomach killing another living creature." Kryptos whimpers.  
  
"They're not alive. Sort of. All these guys you see are just drones. They're a hive mind of bodies all controlled by one huge consciousness hidden somewhere on the planet." I shrug as the crowd of natives before us gasps in fear.  
  
"H-how did you know?!" One of them takes a step back.  
  
"Oh I know lots of things~" I grin as I lift my peeler. The light glinted off the blade's sharp edge. " **Lot of things...** "  
  
\---  
  
"So...we're eating these things?" Ammy asks as we start piling up bodies in a pile to bring home. I nod as the survivors run away screaming. They put up a good fight but ultimately couldn't stand a chance against us. "I wanted to get some broccoli-type of vegetables but I suppose potatoes are better anyway. I know a lot more recipes that use them."  
  
"This is so messed up, Bill." Kryptos shudders as he nudges one of the bodies with his foot. I scoff. "Messed up is Strip Clubs. This is just hunting down food."  
  
I levitate the pile of bodies into the air. "Besides. They tried to kill us so we get to eat them. It's simple logic."  
  
"That's not how logic works..." Kryptos moans.  
  
"Sure it is! You just ne-" I'm interrupted by one of the bodies twitching. "Oops, we got a live one here."  
  
"Y-you...monsters...killing my bodies...for...food..." The potato groaned.  
  
"Yeah well, one, you can grow more, two, you've killed plenty of innocent people, those explorers that first discovered this place, the scientists that wanted to study this world...tourists..." I list off. "Frankly you're the bigger monster here. We're just hungry."  
  
I lean up close to the peeled potato. "I have a question. Are YOU the Lord Spud you make your puppet bodies sacrifice people for? 'Cause if so, worshiping yourself is just...sad."  
  
"No...I am not Lord Spud. He is far greater than anything you could ever know. His power is unbound, his many eyes see all and he will never die!" The potato laughs in a half mad way.  
  
"And he demands live sacrifices?" I ask skeptically. The potato shakes. "Well...not really...the sacrifices are just...kinda...fun..." It says sheepishly. I flicker red.  
  
"You mean to tell me...that you've killed 4882 people...for FUN?!"  
  
"Oh dear..." Pyronica winced as she gestures for everyone to get back. "This is gonna be messy."  
  
"How did you know the exact number of-"  
  
It couldn't finish talking because I had wrapped a hand around it's 'neck'. "I **know LOTS of things.** " I sneered.  
  
  
  
My hand clenched harder, the edges of it's face creaking as I slowly crushed it in. The thing made muffled protests as it's hands desperately pulled at mine to try and get me off. It's cries grow more pained and frantic right before it explodes in a mess of starch fibers.  
  
I drop the body and snarl. "If you can hear me. I'm coming for the real you. Better pray to your Lord for mercy because you won't get any from me." My flames spread along the ground and filled the area with its flickering blue light.  
  
"It's ok Bill. Calm down..." Pyronica says.  
  
"I AM CALM!"  
  
I mime a few deep breaths before waving my fire away. "I hate it when people **purposely** kill others just for FUN." I growl. "If you're going to take a life, you need a reason! For food, for vengeance, for self defense, for punishment, for a cause you believe in....not because you're BORED!" I lift up the pile of bodies telepathically and teleport them to the pantry back at the house.  
  
"You can't just kill someone because you're bored! That is an absolute waste of time, energy and life!  There are so many more productive things you could be doing!" I continued ranting as I floated off in the direction of where the Potato's main body was.  
  
Xanthar shuffled up and nudged me with his face. I sank into the soft fur and sighed. His soothing waves of 'Tranquility' did wonders for cooling my head. I pat him in thanks.  
  
  
  
"Right. Calm. I'm calm..." I sighed. My bricks slowly fade back into yellow and I can hear Kryptos and the others heave a sigh of relief. "Right. So, do you guys want to go home or watch me tear apart a murderous religious zealot?"  
  
"There isn't going to be blood right?" Kryptos whimpers. "Do you really have to kill him?"  
  
"Well I don't think an unashamed murderer should be allowed free to continue hurting innocent people." I reply simply.  
  
I can feel that Kryptos really wanted to say something but couldn't bring himself to do so. He probably wanted to point out that I was a murderer too. That's fine. I'm kind of a hypocrite sometimes.  
  
"Well, I guess it would be bad to let someone go around sacrificing people? So we should at least stop them right?" Teeth says as he trots along below me while Kryptos floats beside him. I float lower to the ground and grin at them.  
  
"Even if I don't kill 'em I will have to do something about them. Any suggestions if you'd rather I let them live?" I could tell Kryptos was uneasy at the idea of murder so I was hoping that letting him come up with an alternate solution would help. Even now, he was somewhat skittish around me, especially after watching me casually crush someone's skull in.  
  
A tiny part of me says that I shouldn't be so nonchalant about crushing someone's skull in. It was just a small thing. A small blip of guilt. Barely noticeable. The larger part of me didn't care. It wasn't a real person. None of these things we've killed were real people. There was only one true sentient creature here and it was going to be punished for all the real lives it has taken.  
  
I 'felt' the true body at the bottom of a rocky ravine over a boiling...gravy pit? I peer over the edge as Xanthar has to be held back from diving in. He was quite excited about it. Teeth gags. "What IS that stuff?"  
  
"He who falls in is covered in sin!" I respond.  
  
"What does that even mean?!"  
  
I just laugh as I levitate my friends and float us over the gravy. It was bubbling and I realized this gravy was made from all the people sacrificed on this planet. Disturbingly enough, I could feel Souls in there.  
  
Thousands of screaming voices from the people killed and dumped there. They were trapped. I growled. The one behind this really had to be stopped. To think I wouldn't have known to scan this planet if I hadn't gone here by mistake. I wouldn't have found out about this situation.  
  
I felt somewhat ashamed, as a self proclaimed god of Knowledge. I have been slacking off. Ever since my friends came I had been spending more time just having fun with them instead of gathering information. I've been allowing myself to grow complacent. Lazy.  
  
Weak.  
  
I couldn't afford to keep doing that. I can't let myself waste time like this. I can't forget what I wanted. I wanted to be able to help people. That's what my powers were for. At least, that is what I've decided. Even if I'm Death, I can't just sit back and allow something like this.  
  
Something of my thoughts must have shown on my face because Pyronica nudges me lightly. "Bill? What's wrong?"  
  
"There's a lot of trapped Souls down there. Their screaming is rather loud." I answer honestly. They really were. The tortured cries growing to near deafening levels as we got closer and closer to the source. I winced and we wavered a little in the air. Focus. I can't drop us now.  
  
"S-souls?" Teeth whispers fearfully. Kryptos looks grim as he gazes at the bubbling reddish-brown liquid. "It's the sacrifices isn’t it?" He caught on first.  
  
I gaze downward, my mind reaching out to prod at the voices. **-Can you please quiet down. It's very distracting-**  
  
H̴̫̽̍elp̶̺̾ us̸͓̄  
  
I̶̠͊̈́ẗ̷̞̲́ ̴̢̓͂ȟ̶̙̣u̴̩͑̆r̴̥̅t̵̙̔s̷͍̻̈ ̸̯̅̋i̸͕̤̒t̷̮̿̑ ̸̯̎h̶̩̓ů̵̪͠r̵̺̦͒t̵͖͋ś̷͎̆  
  
**-I will, just...please shut up for a bit. I can't help with you all screaming at me-** I spotted the entrance to a temple-like structure and directed us down to land softly on the stone floor.  
  
B͈̹͍̠͡e̖͎̮͟w̡̤ą̣̤͍̘͈r̻̤̖̖͕̝e̻̖̗͍͇ ̶͎̞t̢̼̝̬͎̭͈̟ẖ̠e̟̭̻̮̞͢ ̛̬͓͇͍̘̪̼è͔̱̲y̵̟e̥͓s̰̺̫̘̞̲͢ ̩̘͠t̙̦͙ͅh̰̱̗̺̳̀a̷̞̜t̛͓͍̖͇͓͚̮ ̮̫̟p̭̬i͠e̤̤r̞̳̻̺ͅc͏̠̣̟͎e̢͉̠̯̣͙̜ͅ ͎̠̜̕and̟͔͖̝̖ͅ ̭t̗̠̣͍̯ͅḫ̙͔̗̤͡e̖̘̻ ̴̻̰̪͈̼̻ͅb̸̲̭̤u͞dș̦̣̭̣̀ ͚̖̩̩̟̺͞ṭ̳h͎̺͝a̜̖̝͘t̨ ̰̥͇͖̝͡g͠r̠̥̣o̷͚͔̞̦ͅw̡͉̼̝̤̠͇  
  
I staggered, pressing a hand to the side of my eye. "Ffffffff-! Shit..."  
  
"Bill?" Pyronica and Xanthar step forward to grab me if I fell. "They just keep screaming..." I whimper.  
  
T̀h͎̹̟̬̞͎͘e̼ ̝̖͝e̢y̢̜͚͍ḛ͇̗̮̘̙͟ͅs͙͙̫ͅ ͏t͕̖̝͍͞h͖̦͈͎̲͕a̻̺͍͖͟t ̛͍͓̦̰ͅs͈̞̮̫̙̮̘p̯ŗ͙ou̧͔ͅt̶̺̜̦͔̘̟ͅ  
̛͚̻̫T̛̺h̷͓̞̗̺̭̭̳ȩ̥̱̺̱̠̰ ̬v̥̘͙̤͉͟i͚n͙̦e̸̳̬̳ş̞̠͉̗̹̞ ͓̥͙̹̻̝t̩͎͍̱̼̗͞h̵̟͔̳̲ą͖̖t̪͚͚̣ ̩̫̙̤ͅḅ͓͕̜͈̹͞in̨̥͉͖̤͍̲d̤̩̱͙͈  
̗͈̰͎͕P͚͉̗̹l̯͔̩̳e͎a̧s͈e ͜s͍̻͉̞͇͓͢a̵̩̣̫v̫͇̫͚̥̤͇e̖̯̪ ͔̱̪̗ưs̜  
  
"Goddamit! Shut up! We're here to free you! You don't have to keep asking!" I growled. My head hurt and I don't know how these Souls were expecting me to help them when I can't even see straight.  
  
"Is Bill alright?" Teeth asks worriedly as I shake and hover unsteadily.  
  
"He's probably hearing the voices of the thousands of people that were killed here. That...cannot be a pleasant experience..." Kryptos winces in sympathy.  
  
They're lucky they cannot hear this. I collapse to the ground and Xanthar picks me up carefully. "Can you block them out Bill?" Pyronica asks as she fusses over me. I blink painfully. The screaming hasn't stopped. "Yeah, but I'm gonna need you guys to be my eyes for a while..."  
  
"What does that mean-" Ammy starts to ask before my form dispersed into nothingness and suddenly my friends all felt me settle inside them. "What the Void?!" Kryptos shudders as he feels me move around to get more comfortable. I sigh with relief. It's so much quieter in here.  
  
**-Sorry 'bout this. Don't worry, it's not gonna harm you guys at all.-**  
  
"Bill...are you...inside my head?!" Pyronica gasps.  
  
**-I'm in all of your heads. I'll explain later, for now, we should get inside that temple and find the asshole behind all this.-**  
  
"This is so weird..." Teeth chatters before walking up to the temple walls. "How do we get in?" He asks.  
  
He squeaks in surprise as my power flows into him. "Holy dentist!" He gasps as he quadruples in size. "This is so cool!"  
  
**-Just smash this place open and destroy the main body. Then I can free everyone-**  
  
Teeth laughs and easily punches the wall down. "This is just like a level of Rampage!" He says in delight. Ammy stares in wonder. "Can I do that?" He asks. I make a mental shrug. **-You don't exactly have any combat oriented skills. Sorry Ammy-**  
  
"It's fine." He floats through the hole Teeth made. The others follow along. I imbue them with a fraction of my power as well. Kryptos yelps as he grows larger. Pyronica is laughing like Teeth as she immediately begins destroying everything in her path.  
  
Xanthar was massive. He happily knocked down walls as Ammy (larger but sadly still unable to really do much) floated along behind him.  
  
**-Try not to destroy ALL the walls. It would be annoying if you brought the temple down on us-** I groan. Teeth and Pyronica apologize sheepishly.  
  
"So where is the guy we're after?" Teeth asks. I point them towards where I felt the main body was earlier. I peeked put every now and then, wincing as the screaming came back, but I also felt the main body's panic as we got closer to where it was.  
  
"What in the name of floss is THAT?!" Teeth screams as we enter a large room filled with a large pulsating mass. "Ew! Is that the guy?!"  
  
Correction, the room wasn't filled with the creature. The room WAS the creature. The stone floors melted into brown starchy flesh. A million eyes opened and stared at us from all around the room. Pyronica screams and flings a fireball at them.  
  
The creature screeches in pain. I see roots threading out along the ground and dipping into openings in the floor where the gravy was. Was it using the dead as nourishment? I couldn't fault it for that but why were the Souls trapped here? Did this potato feed on them as well?  
  
I slipped out of my friend's minds carefully, shuddering as the screams slammed into me once again. I had to find the anchor point that was trapping them here. Xanthar was stomping on the roots, cutting them off from the main body. Pyronica was letting loose a steady stream of fire at one of the larger lumps of starch-flesh. Teeth looked too disturbed by the creature to try biting it so he just kicked at it instead. Kryptos had taken off a glove and was sending bolts of lighting into the screaming, pulsing mass.  
  
I shook myself and tried to focus. I could hear the potato screeching for mercy. Looks like it was a Telepath as well, makes sense considering it had to use it's mind to control all those puppet bodies. I wondered how it could stand all the screaming.  
  
**-Please stop! Mercy! I beg of you!-**  
  
**-Give me one good reason why I should call off my friends? You've killed so many people. Do you even know how many Souls are here right now?! Did you even NEED to kill all those people? Was it really just for fun or do you actually need to eat people?-**  
  
**-It...was definitely because I needed food!-** the potato lied unconvincingly.  
  
**-Well thank you for clarifying-** I said cheerfully before reaching in and clawing at his mind viciously. The scream shook the room we were in. It drowned out the Souls and my friends covered their ears and staggered. I didn't let up my attack, digging deeper and deeper into his mind, tearing pieces off and crushing them.  
  
He tried to fight back but his attacks barely scratched me as I tore his mind to shreds. Come on. Where is it? I reached inside him and found the anchor. He was holding onto the Souls to keep himself alive.  I might be able to forgive a mortal creature's desperate attempt at immortality. I cannot forgive using Souls to do so. Besides...  
  
"You only needed ONE soul idiot. Having so many just bloats you up and kills more people." I snarl as I crush the pathetic thing beneath me and it's screams cut off. There was absolute silence. Even the Souls had gone quiet.  
  
The others paused in their destruction of the potato creature. They could tell something had changed. "Is it dead?" Kryptos whispers.  
  
There was an explosion of ethereal light as thousands of Souls shot out from the ground and up through the ceiling. Teeth screamed and jumped to grab onto Pyronica's leg as they passed through him in their escape. My boost had run out and everyone was back to their normal size. Kryptos kept hopping back and forth to try and dodge the Souls.  
  
Ammy was staring at them in wonder and fascination. Xanthar was similarly enthralled. I admit. It was a beautiful yet haunting sight. I gasped when one of the Souls flew through me. Their memories and emotions flooded my senses. All that knowledge was automatically collected and saved within me. I groaned as more and more knowledge was absorbed whenever another Soul flew through my form. Too much all at once.  
  
Too many people.  
  
I trembled, flew over to the far wall and tried to stay out of the way of the Souls. My bricks were pulsing a strange mix of pleasant and unpleasant. On one hand, I was buzzing with energy and it felt great, on the other, I wanted to throw up. At least I wasn't eating the Souls. I thanked Ax that copying memories didn't harm the person I was scanning.  
  
If I ever accidentally ate a Soul I would be quite upset at myself. All Souls were created by the AXOLOTL and I felt angry for His sake whenever I saw innocent ones being mistreated like this. Even the Souls of sinners being tortured made me uncomfortable. I'm all for punishing bad people but seriously, they're already dead, just let them reincarnate and try to be a better person in their next life.  
  
Finally the flood of Souls ended and I sighed in relief as they entered the cycle of reincarnation. That's one less thing to worry about. Scratch that. There is still one thing to worry about.  
  
The Soul of the potato creature was still here. It clung to it's corpse pathetically. Now that it was freed from its disgustingly bloated body, it had returned to it's original tiny potato form. Most souls just pass on within a few minutes but this guy was refusing to leave. I sent my pent up energy to burn up its body. The Soul cried and I floated over to glare at it.  
  
"Dude. You're dead. Just go."  
  
**-No...I don't want to...-** it wailed. As mad as I was about the terrible things it did, I managed a bit of sympathy. "Look, you're scared right? I get that. I really do. But staying here isn't going to help you."  
  
**-I don't want to die...-**  
  
"You're already dead."  
  
**-What's going to happen to me?-**  
  
"Don't you have a god you believe in? Generally your god deals with you after death right? Don't tell me that after all that shit you pulled about killing people in the name of your god, you don't even believe in them?"  
  
**-...Lord Spud will never accept me after the crimes I've committed...-** the Soul muttered morosely. I rolled my eye.  
  
"Look, even if this Lord Spud doesn't accept you. I know someone who will."  
  
**-R-really?-** the potato looks up at me with it's many eyes. It looked so small and helpless.  
  
"Yeah. And he's a really nice dude as well. He accepts everyone. Hell, he accepted ME. Just let go. Ok?"  
  
The potato looks at me hesitantly before sniffling and fading away. I couldn't feel it anymore. It's moved on.  
  
"Were you talking to it?" Kryptos asked me. I can tell he couldn't see the Potato's soul. Heck, the only reason my friends could see the other Souls was because there were so many of them gathered together. "Yeah. Dumb thing refused to pass on."  
  
Everyone was kind of quiet. Mostly still awed from the mass exodus of Souls they'd just witnessed. "So...those were Souls huh?" Kryptos says at last. "Do they normally look like that?"  
  
"Pretty much. They look like themselves but glowy and transparent."  
  
"That...did we just...kill a boss monster and free thousands of people?" Teeth asks. I nod at him and the mouth gave a loud "Whoo!" before jumping around excitedly. "Do we get any prizes? Have I gained a level?" He asks.  
  
"Hm..."  
  
I clap my hands and a treasure chest drops onto the ground. It's not much but it makes Teeth happy. He opens it excitedly to release music and glowing golden light.  
  
Doo Doo Dee Doooo~  
  
Teeth found a Traveler's Sword  
  
He laughed with childish delight and swung it around. Ammy looked mildly affronted when a swing came a little too close for comfort. I shake my head fondly at their antics and teleport the lot of us home. Right before we left I heard a small voice.  
  
**~Thank you for freeing my misled child~**  
  
I felt it, the aura of another god. Before I could respond the world twirled around us as my powers took hold and we warped out of there. As we reappeared back at home I couldn’t help but gaze out at the swirling galaxy outside.

Huh.  
  
Guess there really WAS a lord Spud.  
  
—

Cooking with Bill!

That was the banner proudly displayed above the kitchen, the edges had blinking lights. For maximum effect, I had the banner swoop down and flash proudly. "Hey kids! It's me Bill Cipher and welcome to Cooking with Bill!" There's the sound of applause.

"I'm your host Bill Cipher and this is my co-host for today...Teeth!"

More applause and cheers sound out. Teeth looks around wildly. "Where is that coming from?!"

"Today we will be showing you how to prepare stuffed baked potatoes!" I continue cheerfully.

"Where are we Bill? This isn't our kitchen!"

"This is a simple recipe that anyone can make with just a bit of time, dedication and **LOVE**!" I make a 'teehee' sound and wink at the camera, a little cartoon ❤ coming out along with a twinkling sound effect.

"Ok I'm starting to get freaked out now..." Teeth whimpers.

I pull out one of the potatoes we killed earlier. A bunch of other ingredients appeared as well. "All you need for this is a fresh potato, sour cream, ground meat (I enjoy beef but you can use boof or biif as well), salt/pepper, olive oil, cheese and some scallions."

"Bill? What's happening right now? Who are you talking to?"

 "Now the first part of ANY cooking process is cleanliness. Remember to wash your hands kids." I stretch my hands out towards the left of the screen and they reappear from the right until they reach the sink in front of Teeth. He stares at my elongated arms and then at me sitting right next to him. "Wouldn't it have been easier to just..." He starts to ask.

"Now my co-host will show you the proper way to wash your hands."

"I am?"

"First you turn on the faucet to a nice temperature that's not too cold or hot."

"Well...here goes I guess?" Teeth turns the knobs and tests the temperature. "This feels fine." He starts rubbing his hands under the stream of water.

"Of course, if your hands are dirty then you'll need more than just water."

"Where's the soap?" Teeth wonders, looking around the empty tabletop.

"That's why you need...SOLID ANIMAL FAT!" I cheer as I held up a bar of soap. Teeth stares at my hand holding the soap and then at the two hands still floating in the air above the sink in front of him, the arms stretching off screen to the right. "Wait...but your hands are-"

"Here you go Teeth. One bar of animal fat! For all your cleaning needs!" I stretch my hand up in the air until it leaves the frame and Teeth jumps as my hand with the soap appears from beside him, sliding up from behind the counter. "Bill seriously what the fu-"

The screen fades out of focus as a logo pops up with a picture of a bar of soap with big cartoon eyes. A narrator voice reads out "Solid Animal Fat! For all your cleaning needs! Buy it now at a Hellmart near YOU!" A short jingle plays as the narrator voice says quietly and quickly "SolidAnimalFatisonlyforcleaning.Itisnotmeantforeating,wateringyourgarden,sexytimesorthehostiletakeoverofyouroppressivegovernment.WeatHellmartarenotresponsibleforanydeaths,internalbleedingorwidespreadanarchycausedbymisuseofourproduct.

The screen fades back in.

"-uck is going on right now?!" Teeth wails.

"So! While my co-host is cleaning himself, I can start explaining what we need to do. First off, the potato needs to be washed as well. Unlike with HANDS though, you do not need soap. Simply scrub the potato lightly under running water." I wash the potato in the sink in front of me.

"That sink wasn't there before!!!" Teeth screeches even as he uses the soap. There were three of my hands around him even as I used the two 'normal' hands attached to my body to wash the potato. Teeth gives the soap back to the hand beside him and bats at the ones above him. "Back off. This is weird."

"Now your potato is all clean." I hold up the potato and very obvious sparkles surround it along with a disembodied voice going "WOW~"

I hand the potato to Teeth, this time without sending a hand off screen, he seems grateful for that. "You now need to dry the potato. Simply pat it down with a paper towel." Taking his cue without complaint, Teeth grabs the potato and looks around for said paper towel.

"Where did my sink go?!" He gasps as there was a smooth counter space in front of him with a roll of paper towels beside him. He follows my instructions despite his confusion and drys the potato.

"Now we cut a slit in the potato lengthwise. We're not cutting it in half, just making an opening so it doesn't explode when we put it in the oven to bake. Most people just stab it with a fork but we're out of forks." I gesture to the beautiful sculpture shaped like myself, made entirely of forks. I set the oven to 425 degrees, I didn't need to wait for it to heat up, it just BECOMES whatever temperature I want. Teeth doesn't even question the oven suddenly beside me.

"I didn't know potatoes explode..." He says as he picks up the small knife that magically appeared on the counter to make an incision along the potato like I instructed. He hands the potato to me and I pour some olive oil on it. "Now you rub some oil on and around the potato, make sure you really soak it in there. Then you just stick it in the oven to bake for about...45 standard galactic minutes." I toss the potato into the oven before frowning at the camera. "Blame Time Baby for forcing us all to WAIT for our delicious food."

Smiling brightly I proceed with the rest of the instructions. "While we're waiting for the potato to finish cooking, we can start preparing the meat. Just heat up some oil on a pan and start adding that thermal energy to the ground up animal FLESH." I start cooking on the stove top in front of me, spatula in hand and a large pan in the other.

"Bill, are you okay? Are you going through something? You know you can always come to us for help?"

"Add some salt and pepper for flavor and cook until the meat browns. If you're so inclined, you can add some onions. I hate cutting onions though so this won't have any. Here Teeth, take over for me." I push the stove top and it slides across the counter to rest in front of Teeth. The whole room shifts to the side along with it. Teeth sighs and mimics what I was doing, stirring the meat around in the pan.

"So while he's doing that I can talk to you about the other ingredients. The sour cream acts as a glue to stick everything together, the chives are for color and the cheese is just nice to have because cheese is delicious." The oven 'Dings' beside me. "Ooh! It looks like the potato is done baking!"

"But it hasn't been 45 minutes yet..." Teeth points out.

I pull the oven open and a stream of ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ flew out with more twinkling sounds. The potato seems to glow with a heavenly light as I held it up. A choir sings "Ahhhh~" behind me.

I place the potato down and widen the slit until it opens up and a bunch of steam comes rushing out of the potato. "So now you can take the meat, mix it into a bowl with the sour cream, chives and cheese and slather it on top of your potato." Teeth carefully scoops the meat out of the pan and into a large bowl. The three hands around him are putting in the other ingredients and stirring it. He doesn't even question it anymore.

"My dear co-host, would you like to do the honors?" I place the plate with the potato in front of him. He scoops a large spoonful of the meat/sour cream mixture and dumps it on top of the potato. "This was weird. But it was kinda nice." He says as he puts on a little more of the mixture.

"Aaaaaand~you're done! Ta-Da! Delicious baked potato with filling!"

 

"Thank you all for being with us today for another episode of Cooking with Bill Cipher! I love all of you! Remember kids, reality is an illusion, life is a hologram BUY GOLD BYE!"

The screen fades to black as cheers and applause sound out.

A narrator voice says "Cooking with Bill Cipher is brought to you by Chaos™. Chaos, you too can now embrace the screaming insanity of living within an uncaring universe."

A logo fades into view. "And by contributions from viewers like you, thank you."

\---

My friends blink slowly as we sit around in the kitchen with plates of baked potato in front of us. "What...the fuck just happened?" Pyronica asks. Kryptos was looking around himself, jumpy and confused.

"Well I for one, find that cooking lesson to be quite educational." Ammy says calmly as he starts eating his meal. Teeth shakes his head and frowns at me. "Bill, I don't know what you're smoking...but I want some."

I laugh long and hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Lord Spud is a god worshipped by my D and D characters. He’s not technically a ‘real’ god and thus cannot grant any actual Boons during general gameplay or combat. My DM told us that we don’t get any Advantage rolls from praying to him. But…after my character prayed for Spud’s divine protection when we were in a pinch, our party had to run through a room full of gargoyles and the DM failed EVERY single opportunity attack roll against us. Our party now believes in Lord Spud.
> 
> My current mood- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWqMVXditgk
> 
> (Edit)
> 
> My little sister Kei drew Bill and Lord Spud (I love her art, it's so cute~)  
> 


	37. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new threshold has been reached  
> All I've ever wanted and more  
> Once more into the breech  
> Beyond the dusty shores

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So...the whole publishing my own manga sub-plot is essentially the most META thing I've written into this fic so far...
> 
> Also, didn't mean for these chapters to get so...preachy...it just kinda happened?? Sorry?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 34**  
  
**-It’s all that I want and I've waited for so long-**  
  
\---  
  
Miz’s book published without much fanfare. It felt really nice to hold that book in my hands. I’ve published a book. Actually published a book. Even if it wasn’t a big hit, I was elated. I was so proud of myself. It was strange and wonderful and I was giggly for a long time. Kryptos gave me funny looks when I floated around the house giggling to myself and reading through a copy of my own book.  
  
I might have forced everyone to read it and asked for their opinions.  
  
They all thought I had found an author I liked.  
  
My editor and I worked on a few other books. All set within the same universe with the same cast of characters but with different plots and stories. It was fun. To avoid abandoning my friends to starve I was forced to keep a careful schedule with multiple reminders of ‘when’ I should be. I did most of my work in my Nightmare Realm house. It was the only place I could work without distraction. I missed being able to ask the shrine maidens for their opinions. I debated asking my friends but couldn’t bring myself to explain that I was secretly the girl pictured on the back of the books.

  
  
I asked Ax for his opinion and he looked…sadly nostalgic at the idea that I wrote a story. There was something there, he mentioned that the Time Giants used to make up stories to tell him. I gave him a hug and stayed with him for a few days.  
  
My book series never made it big but in the years that followed I discovered I had a small cult following. I also doubled down on my book's usefulness by having depictions of me hidden within my drawings. In this way I could see more of the universe. I keep a lookout for anything that needed my interference. So far nothing majority fucked up like the potato-incident has happened but I'm not going to ignore the world anymore.

I have my self-given purpose to do.  
  
\---  
  
Earth had finally formed. Sure it’s just a ball of super hot rocks but it’s progress. I check up on the planet every now and then, waiting for sentient life. How many billions of years is this gonna take? Who the hell knows? I can wait.  
  
I stare down at the molten orb. This was so cool. I'm literally watching the formation of my planet! I've watched other planets and stars form but there was something about this that just made it more...personal.  
  
I know it’s not MY Earth, far from it, but still. Earth. With it’s blue skies and lush forests. With cats, dogs and other adorable critters. Earth is so very special. So many different life forms. So many different species. Most of the alien worlds I've been to only contain a few hundred different species per planet. Both sentient and non-sentient.  
  
I reach out my hand, at this distance I could pretend I was holding the Earth in my fingers. Soon. The Earth will exist. Soon. Life will begin to form. Soon. Life will evolve and grow. Soon. Humanity will come to be. I can barely wait.  
  
Soon.  
  
\---  
  
The wait was agonizing. Watching the smoldering rock and knowing that it'll take billions of years more before anything changes significantly. To take my mind off it, I hung out with my friends. Pyronica realized she wasn't aging. We swung by her homeworld and she was confused by how much everything had changed since the last time she'd been there.  
  
She never bothered to go here often, no reason to when there were so many better worlds out there. But when I asked everyone where they wanted to go for today's field trip, she mentioned wanting to check on her old home. That's why we're here now.  
  
Xanthar and Ammy ran off somewhere to play in the desert outside the city. Teeth and the Kryptos had already gone off to wreak havoc in their own ways. Ronica, dressed up nicely for our little outing, was staring with a blank expression at the city she grew up in. The buildings had changed. The people had changed. Everything was different. I reach out to nudge her arm lightly. "Ronica? Are you...okay?"  
  
"Bill..." She says quietly. "...how long has it been since I first met you?"  
  
I wince and fold inward a little. "Nearly 3 thousand galactic years now." For her at least, with all my time-swerving and dimension hopping, I’m nearing 40 billion years old now…  
  
She's silent. I can feel a maddening swirl of emotions from her. None of them stay for long, swapping and twisting and curling around. I can feel disbelief, shock, confusion, sadness, fear and dread.  
  
"Ronica? Are you okay? I ask again.  
  
"What were the terms of our Deal?"  
  
"....that we would be friends...from now until the end of time..." I say meekly.  
  
Pyronica doesn't respond. I fret. She's mad. I just know it. "I'm sorry!" I say quickly. "I probably should have told you! I just...well...I don't actually know what to say. I'm just...so sorry..." I materialized some paper to fiddle with. "I just...I was so happy that you wanted to be my friend and I...well..." I can already feel my eye tearing up. "I didn't want to lose you so I just…”  
  
I jump when she suddenly laughs. I blink at her as she just cackles and wipes a tear from her eye. "Ronica?"  
  
"It’s fine Bill. Geez, like, this is COOL! So I'm like...immortal now or something?"  
  
  
  
"Well you won't age, but you can still get hurt or killed."  
  
"Seriously Bill, this is fine. Don't worry so much. Wow. 3 thousand years already? I guess time really does rush like a flash fire when you're having fun." She grins at me widely. I can still feel some apprehension trickling out of her but she's trying so hard to reassure me.  
  
"I'm still sorry Ronica. I should have told you."  
  
"Hey. It’s fine. You silly hypocrite." She pokes my hat. "You're the one always talking about ME telling people I'm gonna eat them before I ask them out. And your cute little self can't even tell me I'm immortal? Talk about double standards."  
  
"Hey, I make you tell people because you end up killing your dates. This is like, the OPPOSITE of killing." I pout and Pyronica giggles. "Hypocrite~" she teases.  
  
We banter lightly. She's still secretly upset and I'm still guilty but I don't think she's mad at me? We will move past this. I know we will. We have to. She has to. She's my precious friend. Mine.  
  
\---  
  
I was surprised when Jessie summoned me. I completely expected her to cut ties with me completely. I was sure she would never want to see me again. And yet, here I was, floating in my summoning circle in Jessie's private chambers. She always summoned me here the few times she's bothered to. It was the only place where no one was allowed to enter except her. Where she could speak with me without worrying about other people watching.  
  
“Hello…Miz…”  
  
Oh. I guess she finally figured it out. It’s been a few years since ‘Miz’ left the temple from her point of view. It’s been a few centuries for me though.  I’ve had plenty of time to get over myself. I was actually relieved that she found out. I didn’t have to lie anymore.  
  
"Hello Jheselbraum."  
  
"Why?" She asks, watching me calmly. It was one of the reasons I liked her. She wasn't afraid of me at all. She wasn't afraid to tell me to my face that she didn't like me. In all the millions of years I've known her, she has never gone out of her way to try and get on my good side. She always made it clear she'll tolerate me and nothing else.  
  
I just never realized how much she truly disliked me.  
  
"Why what? Why did I disguise myself as a little girl? Why I drew and published comic books? You're gonna have to be more specific. You know I don't read your mind."  
  
"This is precisely what I mean. Why do you continue to be this way? I have made it clear that I neither respect you nor like you. You have killed billions for less than that. And yet you have not harmed me in any way."  
  
"I crushed your world view about your position." I point out.  
  
"You enlightened me to the truth! It may have hurt but I'd rather know the truth than live on in ignorance! Even now you have not melted my face off or eaten my shrine maidens in rage for my betrayal of you. You LIVED with us while we were ignorant of who you were. You could have easily destroyed us all. I ask again. Why?"  
  
She looks legitimately confused why I continue to grant her mercy. I can understand why she feels this way. I don't have a reputation of patience for those who've betrayed me. My feelings are easily hurt and I've burned down entire villages for a slight against me. 'Miraculously' no innocent people were ever killed or seriously harmed when that happens. They chalk it up to divine protection from the AXOLOTL, never realizing that I simply used all my self control to prevent my flames from killing innocent people.

I sighed. How does she not realize it? Even after all these years? "Because I love you." I still did, even after all this time. I couldn’t help myself.  
  
She steps back as if struck. There's an odd expression on her face, like she's unsure if she should be disgusted or sympathetic. “That is incredibly unfortunate.” She says with a noticeable waver in her voice.  
  
"I don't mean sexually, that's disgusting. Geez, you're like a little sister or something. God, you and Pyronica both just keep ASSUMING-"  
  
"Oh...well if you do not...desire me...then why?"  
  
"What part of 'you're like a sister to me' are you **incapable** of understanding?! Ugh. Seriously. I know you're not **that** stupid Jheselbraum!"  
  
She gets a look of dawning understanding. "Oh. I...never realized your regard for me ran that deep. I thought it was merely another of your...jokes."  
  
"Why would I joke about that? I lost my family. My entire homeworld. Everything I knew, gone! You KNOW this! How have you not realized that Family is the most important thing to me? That having a Family again was all I've EVER wanted?"  
  
For the first time in our conversation her expression breaks from it's calm mask. I can clearly see her guilt as she finally understands what I’m saying, what I mean. "I have been a fool. A stupid blind fool..." She says sadly. "Please forgive me. For all that I am praised as an Oracle, I have been pathetically blind to what lay before my own eyes…you were right.“ In a cracking voice she whispers "I am unfit to be His Priestess..."  
  
"Hey! None of that! You are Ax's Priestess. You are worthy. Definitely worthy."  
  
"But He didn't choose me."  
  
"Dammit Jessie! Do you know WHY I chose you? Out of all the maidens brought before His altar, I picked YOU. It wasn't from some eenie meenie miney moe bullshit either. I specifically chose YOU."  
  
She blinks her many eyes at me. A few were already leaking. I gently wiped away her tears. "I picked you because you were the best. Ax deserves nothing BUT the best. When he told me to chose for him, do you have any idea how stressed I was?"  
  
  
  
I manage a weak laugh. "I wanted to make sure I didn't mess THIS up. Not like I've messed up everything else I've ever done. This wasn't just about me, it was for Ax's sake."  
  
I held her face gently in my hands. She's watching me intently. Paying full attention to my words. "So I looked at all of you. So many maidens lined up, all of you praying and hoping to be chosen. I scanned each and every one of you. I had to know everything about you. Your past, your present, your hopes and desires." I stared at her intently.  
  
"Do you know what I found?"  
  
"What?" She asks quietly, her expression the most open I've seen since the day she was first chosen.  
  
"Around 80% of the maidens there didn't even give a shit about Ax. They came because they wanted the power, prestige and immortality that would come with the position. Most of them didn't even believe Ax was real. They were taught to worship him but his lack of presence made them believe he was nothing more than myth.” I sneered.  
  
"Of the remaining 20% around half were brainless puppets who had taken on the teachings so thoroughly that they can't even think for themselves. Some were timid and wouldn't be able to stand up to the duties they would have to perform. Some were just unskilled in divination and healing. And then I found you."  
  
I gave her the kindest smile I could manage without a face. "You were everything I'd hoped for. You were strong, independent and utterly devoted to a God you have never seen or heard from. You are Jheselbraum the Unswerving. Your belief never wavered in all the years you've lived."  
  
Her eyes were wide and wet with tears but there was that gleam of joy, the same one I saw all those millennia ago when the light at the altar had shone down on her.  
  
"More than that. You were kind and fair. Do you know how many religious zealots I've met over the years? People who would discriminate or kill others 'in the name of the AXOLOTL'? I hated those people. Hypocritical idiots who push for their own selfish agendas while using Ax's name to build followers."  
  
"I remember hearing of the destruction of one of their Temples. You razed them all to the ground. Everyone thought...I thought that you were simply killing HIS worshippers for fun." She frowns.  
  
"Pfth- you should know I don't do things like that without reason."  
  
"Yes, I probably should have realized. I can't believe I've been so stupid all this time." She slumps slightly.  
  
"You're still young. You haven't even reached 1 billion years old yet." I poke her cheek lightly.  
  
"Somehow I feel like you're patronizing me." Jessie mutters as I laugh.

"There's the grumpy Jessie I know and love!"  
  
"Yes, well..." She wipes her eyes. "This has...been an enlightening talk."  
  
I sigh. "Look. You can't be seen with me for the sake of your reputation. I get that. But I still want us to be friends. I know you don't like me and I can't blame you. I don't like myself either."  
  
“Miz…Bill...I cannot allow you to be here. It was difficult enough to explain Xanthar's stays. Luckily, your protective nature over your 'companion' is well known and I was able to truthfully tell people that you leave him here because I am known for taking in any who seek sanctuary."

She frowns at me. "But you cannot bring your other companions here. I cannot excuse their presence."  
  
"That's fair." I flicked my bowtie a few times. "So...are we good?"  
  
"If you mean to ask if we are friends, I...don't think I am quite ready for that."  
  
"So...mutually non-hostile acquaintances?" I ask hopefully.  
  
She actually smiles. "I am alright with that. The girls miss Miz. I do as well…”  
  
I sighed. “So I can only come when I’m disguised as a little girl then?”  
  
She laughs lightly. It wasn’t the resolution I wanted but…Jessie was willing to let me back in her temple, knowingly. That was a start.  
  
\---  
  
“Seriously, what’s up with you? Are you sick?” Teeth asks when I didn’t respond to him despite the mouth poking me multiple times. “Like…you space out a lot but you normally come back when I call you a few times.” He frowns at me while the TV blared the newest round of Demon Baby Fights.

“Seriously, you haven’t even been paying attention to the show. DiaperRash just got his arm ripped off and you didn’t even cheer.”

  
“Sorry. There’s been a lot on my mind…” I slap my bricks a few times. Focus, idiot.  
  
“What’s so important that you can’t even watch the children of the infernal legions tear each other apart?” Teeth grumbles. I resist the urge to correct him about how all the 'Babies' were actually an adult species of demon that just LOOKED like infants. I sigh. “Jessie and I made up from our…misunderstanding.”  
  
“I don’t know who that is. But this is a good thing right?”  
  
“It’s very good! I’m glad she’s not…hating me…but it’s just…” I frown, thinking about how I can put this into words. “Because of our positions in society, I can’t hang out with her like I do with you guys. Even ignoring the fact that for all intents and purposes, I’m not allowed into Dimension 52, if I’m seen around her and she ISN’T treating me like she can barely stand me, she could get in a lot of trouble.”  
  
“Wait, who is this girl? Is she your secret girlfriend or something?” Teeth gasps at the potential drama. I quickly correct him.  
  
“No! Jessie’s like…my adopted little sister…sort of? It’s really complicated…”  
  
“You have a sister?!”  
  
I feel like Teeth was just getting more confused as this conversation wore on. “Okay so…after my family…died…” I had to pause a bit and collect myself. “…I was taken in by this guy who pretty much raised me for the next many billion years or so. I guess he’s technically STILL raising me considering I go to him whenever I need help…”  
  
“Wait, YOU, needing help? With what?! You can do ANYTHING.” Teeth looks like he can’t even fathom the idea that I would need help with anything. It certainly made my ego feel nice.  
  
“It’s mostly just me complaining about my ‘feelings’ and ‘issues’ to him. That’s not important right now.” I wave him off. Teeth scoffs. "So you go to that other guy to talk about your feelings but not us?

"I'm talking to you right now aren't I?"

Teeth pauses before smiling softly. "Yes. You are." I continue where I left off.

“Basically, Jessie is his High Priestess and I suppose in a really weird way that makes her adoptive family? I don’t know, what do you think the relationship between a god and their high priest or priestess to be? Like…parent and child?”  
  
“….I have no idea what you’re saying…” Teeth says slowly. I groan.  
  
“Too long didn’t listen, Jessie is like family, so no, I am NOT dating her.”  
  
“So…what was the problem again?”  
  
I face palm with both hands. Ax grant me patience.  
  
“I’m sad that I can’t spend more time with my sister.” I state plainly. Kryptos, who was walking by to get to the kitchen, stops to stare at us in surprise. “You have a sister?!”  
  
I groan and bury my face in a couch cushion.  
  
—  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shout out to Rando for being my Beta, A 2nd set of eyes are always helpful.


	38. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dszg wl blf hkb drgs blfi zoo hvvrmt vbv?  
> ls tlowvm yvzhg uiln gsv uzi vzhg  
> gsv vzigs hszoo xlnv gl yv qfhg dzrg zmw hvv  
> xzm blf xszmtv blfi wvhgrmb?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Been going through and re-reading a lot of fics on my list of stuff I use for inspiration. Flat Dreams made me cry again. Road to Redemption hasn't updated in almost a year. Knowing Me Knowing You still going strong. Ninth Paradigm updated recently hooray~
> 
> So I love the Ninth Paradigm for it's trippy poetry-like sections but the non-con is always hard to get through...  
> My heart starts to hurt and I sometimes have trouble breathing.
> 
> In other news, finally caught up with Steven Universe. No spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen yet but I will say that I CALLED IT! I TOTALLY CALLED IT! OMFG! *Screaming*

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 35**  
  
**-Well well well-**  
  
\---  
  
I've noticed that Kryptos had a habit of trying to analyze how my powers worked. Ever since our first conversation about it I found him not too subtly trying to get more information out of me on the mechanics. He knew what I was DOING with them but not HOW I was able to do it.  
  
"So...you somehow grab onto free floating protons and just...stick them together, building up their atomic mass until it turns into the element that you want...and you repeat the process for all the others atoms until they turn into something?"  
  
"Pretty much." I said as I slurped up lunch. Ammy cooked today. It was just potato soup but I appreciate how he tried. It was pretty bland, and not just because all I could taste were the carbon based chains of the starch. Ammy hasn't learned how to add flavors yet. But we had SO many potatoes in the pantry that we needed to use up.  
  
"That sounds so hard..." Teeth moans. Kryptos on the other angle was going nuts. "But! But! How exactly do you do that?! How is it possible for you to be able to freely control the very building blocks of reality?! It just doesn't make sense!"  
  
His arms were waving wildly. I laughed at his incredulous frustration.  
  
"Honestly I don't know HOW it works. Just that it does." I raise a hand beside me and twirl it around. "I can feel them here. Floating molecules of Oxygen, Nitrogen and so on." I clenched my hand into a fist. "Now I've fused their atomic mass together to make Phosphorus. You can't see it since I've only done that to two atoms." I spread my fingers and make a grasping motion. "And now I've combined a Nitrogen and Oxygen atom to make Nitric Oxide."  
  
  
  
"But HOW?! People can't just...touch and manipulate atoms that easily!"  
  
I shrug. "I just...feel them. I can grab onto them with my mind. It almost feels like being able to just look at an object and make it move." I proceeded to do just that. Pyronica yelps as her chair is lifted off the ground. "Bill! Not when I'm trying to eat!" Not that she was eating much anyway, I can see her making faces at her soup.  
  
I giggle as I put her chair back down. "I suspect my powers have something to do with my psychic abilities. Just...super charged and way stronger than most people can achieve within their lifetime."  
  
"Speaking of lifetime...is it true that we're immortal now?" Kryptos asks.  
  
I look over to Pyronica. "You told them?"  
  
"Duh! It's not like you were gonna do it." She flips her hair dismissively. I conceded to her point. "Well, you guys won't die of old age, just don't get killed and you'll be fine."  
  
"So...theoretically I could live long enough to gain powers? I have my electricity right now. That's pretty much just a manipulation of electrons. If I can gain a better control over it I might be able to do what you do." The compass babbles excitedly.  
  
"Ooh! I could teach you!" I gush happily. I'm sure any other god might feel threatened if someone tried to gain powers similar to them, but I was just happy to have someone I can discuss SCIENCE with.  
  
"Your flames are blue right? Normally that indicates a flame with high oxygen content or copper. Do you create Oxygen around you with your powers to make your flame deliberately that color?" Kryptos asks.  
  
"Actually...it might just be due to the fact that I naturally produce a bunch of elements whenever I eat stuff. Most commonly it's Oxygen, Hydrogen and Carbon..." All the essential ingredients for making a fire hotter, stronger and burn for longer.  
  
""Neeeeeerd~"" Pyronica and Teeth teased.  
  
"How is it that you can choose whether or not to burn people with your fire? Oxygen rich blue flame is incredibly hot and I've seen you shake hands with people without killing them."  
  
"Well the funny thing is that while I can break down chemical bonds to get energy, sparking a flame causes elements to bond together and that actually produces MORE energy. That's why fire is hot, it's the thermal energy created from the oxygen, hydrogen and carbon binding together to make carbon dioxide and water-"  
  
"Oh my void do you two have to talk about this while we're eating?!" Pyronica groans. "It's almost as bad as you and Teeth having a pun-off."  
  
"-but the thing is, since it's a flame that I created, I can still absorb energy from it. So even though the flame produces both Light and Heat, I can choose to absorb the heat into myself and thus, have a burning flame without harming anyone." I continued speaking.  
  
Have I mentioned how nice it is to have Kryptos around? No one else was willing to sit and listen to me ramble about SCIENCE for hours on end. Kryptos stares at me in awe.  
  
"That's amazing! So...even when you use your power to produce a spark to ignite yourself, you can just take in the energy created from the natural chemical reaction and just...get even more powerful?"  
  
"It's not as nice as it sounds if you're trying to get stronger. If I absorb too much too quickly I explode. I prefer the slow and steady approach. It gives my body time to adjust to holding larger amounts of energy without it leaking out."  
  
My bricks develop an orange tint. "Also, too much at once sometimes has other...more embarrassing side effects..."  
  
"Like what?" Kryptos leaned forward in his stool, eager as always to learn more about me. I glance between my friends, weighing my options.  
  
"...promise you guys won't laugh?"  
  
"Oh. Now I'm interested." Pyronica has a wide grin as she suddenly pays attention. Her food was pushed away, she wasn't really eating it anyway, and she peers at me in anticipation.  
  
"Now I definitely don't want to tell you." I pout.  
  
"Aw, don't be like that Bill. You know Ronica's just yanking your bow." Teeth nudges me with a grin.  
  
"I don't think that means what you think it means." I pout harder.  
  
"What WOULD happen if we yank your bow?" Ammy questions. His words cause a spark of mischief around the table from my other friends. I immediately shake my head.  
  
"Nope. No way. You guys are NOT trying that."  
  
"Oh reeeeeeally~?" Pyronica grins slyly as she inches closer to me. I lean back. "No...don't you dare..." Her hand grabs at me quickly and I dodge while letting out a frantic squeak. "Hey! Stop it!" She laughs as she leaps over the dining table and reaches for me.  
  
Teeth laughs and blocks me from floating away and Xanthar tries to move out of the way when I get herded toward him but his bulk pretty much stopped me in my tracks.  
  
  
  
"Seriously guys. I think you should stop..." Kryptos interjects weakly as Teeth, Ammy and Pyronica advance upon me. Xanthar finally grabs me and stuffs me underneath himself. I would thank him for getting me out of the way but he was kind of sitting on me.  
  
I hear Pyronica whine over not being able to mess with me some more. "Why do you even WANT to mess with him?" Kryptos cries anxiously. Then in a quieter voice, whispering "What if you make him mad?"  
  
"Bill won't hurt us." Pyronica says firmly. "Even if he gets mad the most that'll happen is weird punishments."  
  
Kryptos makes a distressed sound. I caught a few quick flashes of his memories of being turned into a sofa. I didn't realize it affected him this much. Then again, full body transmutation from a living creature to an inanimate object while still miraculously being both alive and sentient might be traumatic for some people.  
  
I push at Xanthar's belly. Oof, he's gotten pretty heavy. Might have to cut down on his syrup intake. Give him water or fruit juice instead. That would be healthier for him. Of course, he would just give me that blank faced sad look and I'd cave instantly.  
  
My friends really are my weakness.  
  
Pyronica is still trying to move Xanthar off me. Kryptos tries ineffectually to stop her, Teeth and Ammy were cheering her on and I just laugh at the silliness of it all. I yelp when Xanthar shifts and I'm pressed hard against the ground. "Aaaaaah!!!" I flail my arms and legs frantically.  
  
It was only later that I remembered I could have just Blinked out of there or levitated the loaf off me but at the moment I was panicking. Mild claustrophobia and discomfort superseding my rational thoughts. Good news is, my resulting hysterical tantrum made everyone forget the question that started the whole mess to begin with.  
  
\---  
  
As an apology for upsetting me, Pyronica and the others did a few odd jobs on various planets to pull enough money together to invite a masseuse over for a day. I was rather touched that they actually earned their own money just to try and do something nice for me. It was a relief to not be the one paying for everything.  
  
"Mmph..." I moaned as Handsy kneads my bricks firmly. Funnily enough, even after he found out who I am, the Manyhand masseuse still wanted to come and work on me.  
  
"Your skin is so...beautifully smooth. It is an honor to be allowed to touch something so perfect..." He gazes at my body in awe.  
  
  
  
"So...you don't care about who I am? What I am?" I sighed sleepily as his hands roamed along my back. The oil he poured over me smelled really nice.  
  
"Why should I? I am a masseuse. All I care for is bodies. And yours is...absolutely lovely..." I can feel his worshipful gaze as he caresses each of my bricks lovingly. I turned bright orange.  
  
"O-oh?"  
  
"If you ever wish to hire me again, I'll give a 30% discount." He smiles and brushes a large palm down my back. I shiver a bit. His interest in my body is...disturbing...but this feels really nice so I'll allow it. I mean...I can't really blame the guy for his...fetish? It's not like my voyeurism is any less creepy.  
  
As long as his conduct remains professional I don't have a reason to be upset right?  
  
"So...you having fun Bill?" Teeth asks.  
  
"Yeah. It was real nice of you guys to do this for me."  
  
"So you feel better now?" Kryptos asks.  
  
"Much-oooh~much better yes." I moaned.  
  
"So you are not angry at us anymore?" Ammy asks.  
  
"Yeah, I guess you are forgiven." I sink into the soft table with a sigh.  
  
"So...will you turn us back to normal now?" Pyronica asks.  
  
The four of them looked at me hopefully, I hummed thoughtfully. "Well...I don't know...this back massage is great and all...but is it enough to make up for the horrid trauma you put me through?"  
  
"Oh come ON Bill!" Pyronica (who I'd turned into a llama) snorted angrily. "You're just being a real bastard right now."  
  
  
  
"I'll have you know my parents were Paired when they had me." I say mildly as Handsy begins stroking my arms and gushing over their near frictionless texture. I wiggled as he gently massages my legs. This feels weird, pleasant but weird.  
  
"Bill~We're really sorry~" Kryptos pleads as he tugs on the rabbit ears that now grew out from his upper sides.  
  
  
  
"At least punish Xanthar too!" Teeth whines as he sadly brushes the thick woolen fur I'd grown all over his body.  
  
  
  
"I did punish Xanthar. He can't have syrup for the foreseeable future."  
  
"To be fair. That IS a pretty good punishment, since Bill can see the future and all." Ammy says calmly, having already gotten used to being turned into a penguin.  
  
  
  
Xanthar snuffles in a way I'd come to recognize as 'pouting' so I stretched out my arm across the room to pet him. "Aw...I'm sorry Xan-Xan but you need to lose weight. You're getting puffy."  
  
"It's not fair~Bill always goes easy on Xanthar..." Teeth mutters quietly.  
  
"Well he's Bill's first friend. He's got a soft spot for him." Pyronica sighs fondly.  
  
The others make sounds of understanding and agreement. I grin and decide to turn them back to normal after Handsy leaves. For now I'm content to just relax and let the Manyhand press against my bricks so pleasantly.  
  
\---  
  
Earth has developed water!  
  
Eeeeeeeee!!!  
  
Part of me wanted to watch the changes the planet will go through after this new development but I only lasted a few days before I got bored and went home. As amazing as the slow build of the planet was, I just didn't have the patience for it.  
  
I updated Ax on the state of the Earth and he was very supportive of my joy. I kind of wish I could convince him to come and hang out with me outside of his realm. Aside from that time he came into the third dimension to find me, he hasn't left the Space between Spaces.  
  
And I thought MY hikkikomori tendencies were bad. Actually I think I might have been cured of my shut in nature when I became a god. Or at least, having the power to go anywhere I want at anytime has given me incentive to go out instead of spending all my time on my computer.  
  
Huh.  
  
I don't have a computer.  
  
I should probably go get one. Teeth has his video games and I know plenty of alien species have already developed 'internet' (aside from the MAIN interwebular service created, run and monitored by the Federation) so...clearly there has to be an online community. More importantly-  
  
An anonymous online community. So long as I can have my IP encrypted.  
  
Forums where I can chat with hundreds of strangers who won't know who I am? Video sharing sites? I might even find (dare I even dream?) a fanfiction website? Even if those types of online services don't exist yet, I can pull some strings to make them come to be.  
  
And by strings I mean Deals.  
  
I resolve to get computers for the house. Maybe get everyone their own personal laptop or desktop. I was excited just thinking of it.  
  
\---  
  
Good news and bad news.  
  
Good news, the internet exists and connects throughout the multiverse. Bad news, the best, high speed one was created and run by the Federation. I may have been able to hack into the signals to get the TV showing every channel but hacking into the internet would be harder. More so due to the fact that the Federation seems to be the only service providers available. Other companies were quickly bullied into merging with them or crushed. Also, even if I can get a working connection it'll have the side effect of allowing the Feds to see our online activity.  
  
And people get upset that I spy in them? At least I'm not looking through their internet search history (well I COULD but why would I bother?) So I can't get our household computers and internet until I can figure out a way to hide our signals from people.  
  
In other words, I need a hacker.  
  
I COULD try to learn this stuff myself but there is one issue. I don't like to bother learning things that bored me. Proper coding, hacking and stuff is just...so obnoxious. I know a little HTML and I can just scan someone to learn all other types of script but it doesn't mean I'll be able to use it properly. That's the difference between KNOWING all vs UNDERSTANDING all.  
  
In order for me to learn how to properly sit down in front of a computer and hack, I would need to manually learn it. It's like learning to play an instrument, the difference is that I don't have the patience to learn coding because it's boring as shit. At least playing an instrument is still fun. To me at least.  
  
I only bother to truly learn things that interest me. Luckily I have a wide array of interests. Unluckily, coding isn’t one of them. So it's back to square one.  
  
I need to get a hacker.  
  
It shouldn't be that difficult. Find some talented hacker in the multiverse, offer to grant them a Deal in exchange for services. Easy right? As for the actual physical computers...I can copy-paste real models sold in Federation-owned stores so I can craft my own without having to buy them.  
  
Damn my powers were useful sometimes.  
  
\---  
  
I'm not sure what I was expecting. I just flew around the multiverse scanning every mind I passed for any info on 'Hackers' and getting many mixed results. Also, a pounding headache from going through so many minds at once. Ugh...it’s like there's fireworks going off inside my brain. Flashes of colors, emotions, names, information...  
  
With the new info came a rush of energy as my body greedily absorbed everything I could scan. I learned a few new languages that happened to include the word Hacker. Apparently one Federation officer was caught engaging in misconduct by hacking off Slothpoke tails to sell on the Void market. I discovered the location of many high end hair salons...geez, looks like my Search needs to be more specific.  
  
I pressed a hand against my eye and groaned. My bricks were overheating fast and I was glowing so brightly I'm sure the people down on the planet I'm floating over could see it with their naked eyes. Damn, I shouldn't have tried scanning multiple dimensions at once.  
  
My usual flickering as I scanned for info just grabbed from the planet or dimension I was currently in. It was still a lot of info but I've practiced until I could do that without trouble. Trying to grab info from multiple dimensions at once seemed like a good way to save time but it was not worth this headache.  
  
As I painfully sorted through everything I've seen for anything USEFUL, I notice a wanted poster on some Federation sites. A hacker that has been embezzling funds out of Federation accounts and causing all sorts of trouble for them. A hacker they were hunting down viciously.  
  
A hacker named Hectorgon.  
  
\---  
  
It didn't take long to track down Hectorgon. He was on the run and hiding from the Federation. But even if he can erase his tracks, he can't hide from the All Seeing Eye. I watched him through any triangular shaped peep-holes throughout the multiverse. I saw his (bad) attempts to disguise himself to stay safe.  
  
Hm. How should I do this?  
  
Hectorgon is a LITERAL criminal. The Federation is actively after him. Even if I used a Favor, Time Baby only has so much power with the Federation. He can make them leave me and my friends alone because for the most part we don't actively go out and harm people. Time Baby's jobs notwithstanding. I get the occasional Federation officer attempt to arrest me but they're easily dealt with.  
  
I even go out of my way to make it non-lethal when I retaliate. And then I go and cause chaos in that idiot's office branch as a show of 'Don't fuck with me' so others will think twice before trying what that foolish officer did.  
  
I fondly remember one guy who tried to shoot me with a plasma rifle while I was grocery shopping. It was very unprofessional of him. Opening fire while in a public area full of innocent civilians. That's why I disintegrated his weapon and armor before leaving him tied up naked outside the police station with a note admonishing him for his actions. I also filled his office with sea foam.  
  
Back to the point, Hectorgon has committed real crimes against the Federation. While I can help him, it would break my neutral stance in the Federation's eyes. They will have a 'real' crime to persecute me for. Aiding and abetting a known criminal. I have another option, get Hectorgon's crimes pardoned. That...might work but from what I've Seen the higher ups are very angry at how much money they've lost because of his actions.  
  
Speaking of...  
  
The money he embezzled were being sent into various different bank accounts under different names. None of which corresponded with a real person. Some were used for investing in Stocks, some were donated to various groups and charities and a few just seemed to be sitting untouched. I won't know more until I met the man himself and scanned him. Even if he was Bill's friend in another world, I know nothing about this man. For all I know, he might be a terrible person.  
  
After all, as much as I love my friends...  
  
Xanthar is sweet and I love him dearly. Despite that, I can't really say he's a safe person to be around. Sure, he's not malicious and there isn't a single mean bone in his body but he's oblivious to his own size and power. Whenever he go out together he gets distracted by something that interests him and has a bad tendency to destroy everything without meaning to. He can trample or injure people without noticing. Like a Great Dane who just doesn’t realize how big they are.  
  
This makes him dangerous. Even though I know he's the gentlest loaf of bread around, I can't deny that he is dangerous. Left on his own, he could cause massive damage and injuries to everyone around him.  
  
Then there's Pyronica who doesn't give a shit about stealing from anyone. She has no concept of guilt over taking what she wants, she doesn't care about the feelings of the people she steals from and she regularly eats people. Even if her species devour their mates, most of them do not just eat any random person they meet. Pyronica straight up doesn't care for the lives of others if they aren't her friends or people she knows on a personal level. A selfishness born from years of surviving on her own without any true affection or assistance from those around her. A survival-tactic she developed on the streets, fighting to stay alive. She doesn't trust other people. She hates authority figures, seeing the police in her hometown as nothing more than enemies who would try and take away her freedom.  
  
It's why she goes along with me. Even if I technically have custody (and thus power) over her, I made it clear on the very first day I brought her home that she was free to come and go as she pleases. The teleporter placed right next to the front door a reminder that I will not restrict her freedom. Even if I deal out punishments for misbehavior, I have never taken away her independence.  
  
The only thing she's truly dependent on me for is this house, food and money. Things that she's never had growing up. They're great and she loves having them, but even if I took them away she would be able to survive on her own in the way she always has. Stealing whatever she needs.  
  
Pyronica isn't what you'd call a morally upstanding person. But despite her disregard for the lives and belongings of others, she's sweet, intuitive and patient. She feels a need to show me her appreciation of my care and kindness. If someone is genuinely nice to her, she can tell and she tries to return their kindness.  
  
Her years of observing people to differentiate friend from foe has made her good at reading people on an emotional level. Even me, with my telepathic and empathetic powers, can't always understand what people are like. I can Feel their emotions but it takes me time (and a full history scan) to understand them. Pyronica can tell when I'm upset and she always tries to make me feel better. She's not really a good person, but she's not a bad person either.  
  
Amorphous Shape's issue are clear. He doesn't have any sort of moral compass. I have to manually teach him everything about right or wrong. He can only understand these lessons on an intellectual level. I can easily see how his blatant disregard for the feelings of others could turn into something horrible if he isn't taught properly. Heck, he's already picked up some terrible behavior from Pyronica.  
  
At the same time, Ammy is willing to learn. He WANTS to try and understand Feelings and Others. He makes an effort to try and learn what it means to be good to others. I'm happy for that. It gives me hope that I can raise him right.  
  
Teeth is a kind person. He cares a lot about people. He's also really good at making up stories. As his acting improves, so too does his ability to improvise and bullshit. So far he's only used this ability for his auditions and the occasional fib when he's done something wrong and he doesn't want me to find out. There's one more though, he lies in another way, a way that I worry for. He puts on an act of being cheerful, of being the funny guy who takes life in stride and doesn't have any problems. He hides his resentment and pain over the colony that threw him out.  
  
I've seen the future that could have been. Under the wrong circumstances Teeth would be able to use his ability to deceive people for something more malicious. I will do all in my power to prevent that.  
  
Finally there's Kryptos. He's adorkable, curious and studious with pretty much the most book smarts out of my friends. Although he's generally quiet and sweet, I've felt a deep loathing within him. He hates his family for abandoning him. He hates Jorgio and the scientists for altering him. He hates being powerless.  
  
There's a hunger inside him that I've felt twinges of whenever he sees me assert my power over someone. He longs to be like me. To be strong enough that no one could ever hurt him again. He's so afraid of the world. Afraid that he would be exploited and betrayed. He clings to me for protection. For the protection that comes with being Friends with Bill Cipher.  
  
Frankly I worry for him.  
  
Long story short, all my friends had their own...issues that made them problematic. And the Federation hated problematic people. Even if they couldn't touch me, I know they would find any excuse they could to prosecute my friends. Sadly they were too idiotic to realize trying to take my friends would bring me down on them more viciously.  
  
What I'm getting at is that if I do meet with and take in Hectorgon, I'll have to deal with the Federation actively going against me. I don't want to risk the safety of my current friends just for a potential friend that I may or may not even like. If I am going to meet with Hectorgon, I'm going to have to actually get to know him before I can allow him into my circle.  
  
It's not even JUST because Hectorgon is a known criminal. He's also an adult. A full grown adult. Pyronica and Teeth are the oldest of my friends in terms of their own species. Pyronica being somewhere around the human equivalent of her mid-twenties when I first met her and Teeth being much the same. Kryptos is an older teenager and Xanthar still wasn't fully grown for his species when I met him. Ammy...is the way that he is. Even if he's not a child, he's not yet a mature adult either.  
  
Hectorgon is a full grown adult.  
  
I don't know how that would change the dynamic around the house. If I do meet with Hectorgon, I will seriously need to have my other friends meet him too before he's allowed to stay. Ugh. Why is my life always so complicated?  
  
—

"Hey Jessie..."

"What is it Miz?" Jheselbraum asks while I'm helping her tend to the garden. She keeps a few eyes on me ever since she realized I was actually Bill. Part of me was a little upset at the lack of trust but it got her to spend more time with me so I'll take it.

"What's your advice on befriending an interdimensional criminal?" I asked. Her response was immediate.

"Don't."

"...."

Yeah~I should have expected that.

\---

"Hey Ax..."

**-What is it Bill?-** the AXOLOTL asks while I snuggle into his side, shapeshifted into a yellow Axolotl so I could squish myself under his arm.

"What's your advice on befriending an interdimensional criminal?" I asked. His response was to stare at me with resigned patience.

**-....why do you do this....-**

That was pretty much what I was expecting too. Sigh. Maybe I should stop asking my morally upright friends for advice.

\---

"Hey Queen..."

"What is it Bill Cipher?" The Queen asks while we sit on top of a lush grassy hill overlooking the kingdom. Enough time has passed that she can now travel freely without causing a panic. In fact she's begun to explore the rest of her planet.

 "What's your advice on befriending an interdimensional criminal?" I asked. She giggles sweetly.

"So long as you enjoy their company, such things should not matter now should it?"

When she puts it like that it sounds so simple. Should I be weirded out by Queen's complete lack of fucks given to the law? Then again she WAS the one who asked me to help her frame another kingdom for murder.

I knew there was a reason I liked her.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Head canon that Bill's Bowtie is incredibly sensitive while attached to his body.


	39. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A part of me is uncomfortable around older men. Especially Hexagonal ones. I blame this on all the doctors I met as a child. Damn I had a fucked up childhood. Well, here's hoping Hectorgon isn't anything like them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Partially Filler, partially plot?
> 
> Also, there's a lot of stuff Bill does in between chapters that I don't get to address because I want to move the story along (like hanging out with Jessie or Queen), I might make a huge filler chapter about Bill just hanging out with EVERYONE he knows.
> 
> Ultimate Filler yay or nay?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 36**  
  
**-Draw me on your hand-**  
  
\---  
  
I should probably bring up the topic of computers and the need for a hacker to my friends. The sooner I have them thinking about it, the sooner I can get their opinions on it. Getting in trouble with the Federation would be annoying but since I have a somewhat working relationship with Time Baby, the Federation leaves me and mine alone so long as we don't cause major trouble. It’s a tenuous truce upheld only by the ‘Favors' that I cash in from the Time Dictator. It allowed my gang to live out in the open without being immediately under attack by Federation law enforcement. Never mind that we lived in a moving fortress, a floating black pyramid that doubled as a spaceship. I did NOT name it the Fearamid. That's silly. I named it the Death Star, because that was sillier. No one gets the reference sadly.  
  
_"-on't stop the rain from pouring down~ "_ I sang as I floated around the kitchen making breakfast. It was an unspoken rule that cooking time is music time. I wanted to encourage singing around the house.  
  
_"So why does this keep on happening~we're crashing down with the lightning~"_  
  
Even as I pondered the Hectorgon problem I danced through the air singing loudly and terribly. Distantly I can hear Pyronica shriek "Dammit Bill!!! It's too early in the morning for this!"  
  
"It's your fault for staying up all night!" I shout back.  
  
She responds with some angry expletives in her native language. I laugh and turn my music-bubble louder. Wow. I'm a real bitch sometimes.  
  
\---  
  
"So. I have my eye on getting computers and internet connection for this house." I remark as everyone sits down for breakfast. I made Ramlettes today. After the whole Raw Men fiasco, I decided to introduce Ramen to my friends. As my favorite food (along with Sushi and Yi Mein) I really wanted more people to know about it. The Ramlette on the other hand was literally a ramen omelette and this would be their first experience with this particular dish. A dish that my little sister Zyun-Kei and I created together...  
  
God I missed her.  
  
"Computers! Internet?! YES!" Teeth cheers loudly. "I can finally try out online gaming!"  
  
Kryptos poked at the food.  
  
  
(A Ramlette I made with some string beans and meat)  
  
"What IS this?"  
  
"It's a Ramlette. Try it. It's good." I grin at his skeptical look. "If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good."  
  
Kryptos hesitantly take a bite and as he chews I can see his eye growing wide. "Ish sho good!" He squees.  
  
"You've gotten pretty good at cooking Bill." Pyronica grins as she chews on her own meal. "I remember when you first started. It was just plain melted meals and things roasted so hot it burned through the plates."  
  
"Yes. Well. I don't actually need to eat and Xanthar just drinks stuff so I didn’t have to cook until you moved in." Also, I didn’t have a proper oven and other kitchen amenities back then. I cannot create anything that I don't know and the intricate mechanics of the appliances weren't something I could just make off the top of my head. Pretty much I had to wait until I found an oven in some dimension to copy and learn from.  
  
Most cooking in the alien societies I've found were just variations of roasting and heating ingredients. The idea of grain plants that could be ground up into flour and made into things like bread and pasta were put in place by ME. I didn't know how to make bread though (once again, baking is not my forte) and I simply put the idea into the minds of others and let them experiment to create it.  
  
It took them thousands of years to do so. I couldn't help but feel let down by how long they took. I know for a fact that humans would have taken less time to make the same technological advancement.  
  
Yes, I do consider the concept of baking to be technological advancement. Food is important. Different methods for cooking food, of looking at something like a poisonous plant and figuring out a safe way to eat it, is brilliant. I can't wait for humanity to form. If only so I could finally learn how to bake cupcakes.  
  
"What is a computer?" Ammy asked, dragging my attention back to the original subject.  
  
"It's something the Federation created to help them store information. The galactic inter-webs was made for them to transfer information back and forth between dimensions. A few centuries back, in my dimension at least, they released that technology for the general public and it has led to the creation of various information sharing Screens that everyone can access." Kryptos says excitedly.  
  
Everyone stares at him. The Polytool blushes and sinks back in his seat. I grin widely. "Awww~someone's a computer otaku~"  
  
"What does that even mean?!" He wails.  
  
"Don't worry. It just means you love computers. So I'm guessing you're okay with the idea of setting up computers here?"  
  
"Hm...what exactly are computers for?" Pyronica asks. Her planet didn't have them. They were pretty basic on the technological level. She didn't even know what a TV was until she started living with me.  
  
"You can do almost everything with them. Communication, shopping, searching for information, learning..." Kryptos lists off. I can tell Pyronica's interest was piqued by 'shopping' and I sigh fondly.  
  
"Really Ronica? I don't think you need MORE stuff." I should probably stop spoiling her so much. Though even if I don't take her shopping I'm sure she steals stuff on her own...she owns too many shoes that I don't remember getting her.  
  
"You don't even USE half the stuff you own. In fact, we should do a thorough cleaning on the house today. Look through your stuff to see what you need or want to keep." Is that hypocritical of me to say when I was a notorious hoarder in my first life?  
  
"We're not throwing out my stuff." Pyronica protests.  
  
"We're not throwing it out. Stuff you want to keep but aren't using will go in storage. Stuff you don't want will be donated." I reply patiently. She blinks before thinking about it and nodding. "Ok, yeah that's fair."  
  
"So we're getting a computer? What brand?" Kryptos asks excitedly.  
  
"I was actually thinking that each of us can have our own personal one. That way we can pick out which model we want."  
  
Teeth nearly faints from joy. I catch his thoughts about a high speed gaming PC he saw in a store. Well, at least I know which one he wants.  
  
"Um...not to be a downer but...computers are expensive. I know you can just...create money but won't that cause terrible inflation?" Kryptos asks quietly.  
  
"Yes it does. That's why I'm just gonna scan and build the PCs from scratch. The only problem will be the software. I can't actually create that myself." And now to reveal what I've been steering this whole conversation towards.  
  
"So we're gonna need a programmer or hacker to actually get the computers working and connected to the galactic-interwebs." Because there’s no way I’m going to buy a proper OS software from the Federation.  
  
Ammy questioned what a hacker was so I explained their skill set and why we needed one. "-nd I really don't want the Federation to be able to track us down through our signals. So I was thinking I should look into getting a hacker Friend."  
  
Pyronica picks up on what I mean first. "A new Friend? Do you have someone in mind?"  
  
"Well...sort of. He's a pretty impressive programmer but I haven't met him yet. I'm planning to go do that after this. Even if I want someone with his skill set, I have no desire to allow someone I don't like to be my Friend. Minion maaaaybe, but not friend."  
  
"Well I'm glad you actually asked us first this time." Pyronica grins at me.  
  
"Yeah well, you're right that I need to have your opinions before making certain decisions."  
  
"So who is this guy?" Teeth asks.  
  
"Well he's a wanted criminal running from the Federation for crimes of embezzling credits from them."  
  
Pyronica laughs. "I like him already." Kryptos looked worried. "It'll be dangerous to take him in with the law out to get him. We could get in trouble for aiding and abetting."  
  
This is why I like having Kryptos around. He GETS it. "That's the other reason I'm bringing this up. Do you guys think it's worth the effort?"  
  
"...I really, REALLY want a good gaming PC with a fast connection." Teeth admits.  
  
"I want to be able to download books online and look up information." Kryptos sighs.  
  
"I want to see what this 'internet' is all about." Ammy says. Pyronica nods. "Same."  
  
I look over at Xanthar who just shrugs. I make a note to myself to make his PC much larger than usual so he could actually use it. I wonder if he could type words?  
  
"So...are we coming with you to meet this guy?" Kryptos asks.  
  
"Ooh! It's another heist right?"  
  
"""Heist! Heist! Heist!""" They chanted. I laughed. "Sure why not?"  
  
I tracked down which dimension, planet and city Hectorgon was in. The mission this time was to make it seem inconspicuous and natural when we bump into him. Don't let on to the Federation officers that I was specifically trying to recruit Hectorgon. After the way I met and instantly clicked with Teeth so publicly, I was hoping to set up a coincidental meeting with Hectorgon the same way.  
  
On one hand, it would make his reactions and behavior towards me more natural. On the other, if he DOES do something that impresses me, I will have a legitimate reason to help him out. Even if the law enforcement try to stop me at that point I can use the literally age old excuse of "I'm Bill Cipher and I do what I want!"  
  
I'll be in trouble with the Federation for a while but a few Deals here and there will fix that up.  
  
Pyronica didn’t understand the need to do this in such a round about way. Kryptos and I explained to her the politics behind it. "If I just 'happen' to meet Hectorgon and decide to help him, it means it was a spur of the moment thing. If I outright help him then the police will know it was a premeditated act of aiding a known criminal."  
  
"Yeah, there's a big difference between purposely opposing the Federation versus 'Bill Cipher just starts messing with people on a whim.' and the second option will allow Bill more freedom to act without getting in as MUCH trouble." Kryptos explained.  
  
"Ugh. I don't get politics. The direct to the point approach is so much simpler."  
  
"So what are our jobs this time?" Teeth asks.  
  
"It's a snow planet. We're just going there to play and have a good time. A vacation as it were. Snowball fights, ice skating and drinking plenty of hot bean juice. Spread out, cover ground, make a mess. Start a snowball war that escalates to include all the other tourists and locals."  
  
Ammy's blocks brighten. "So, in other words...cause a chaotic mess."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
I laugh maniacally and my friends all join in.  
  
\---  
  
The air was cold and my friends huddled closer to me and Pyronica for warmth. Xanthar had grabbed me out of the air to press my bricks directly to his face. "Ok. I'm guessing you guys need winter clothes?"  
  
""Y-y-yes"" they shivered.  
  
I materialized some scarves, snow boots and knitted hats. Each of the items were 'Cursed' to make the wearer feel warm and protect them from cold damage. I helped Xanthar into his colorful booties, Kryptos and Ammy wrapped the scarves around themselves and Teeth pull the hat over practically his whole body.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I usually have Lips and Skin to keep me warm..." Teeth sighs sadly.  
  
Oh right. Mouths like him don't normally wear clothing because they were sheltered inside their colony. Frankly, Teeth has been adapting well to being...exposed like this. Most Symbiotes have trouble adjusting without their hosts. Though, it might explain why Teeth requested me to alter his room to have warm, flesh-like walls.  
  
Pyronica was already rolling around in the snow, steam everywhere as everything she touched melted into slush. I shuddered at how messy it looked. "Ronica! You're gonna get your clothes dirty!"  
  
"So what? We can just wash them later!" She laughs as she's absolutely covered in slush and mud. I resist the urge to clean her off right then and there. Then the others start rolling around in the snow as well. I sigh at their antics before Xanthar bodyslams me into the snow.  
  
"Aaaaaah!!"  
  
"Come on Bill! You're the one who wanted to come play with snow." Pyronica laughs at my startled expression.  
  
  
  
I scoffed and fixed my hat. "Snow is fine. I don't like slush. It gets into my seams and it feels gross."  
  
Pyronica responds by flinging slush at me and then pouting when the mess hit a barrier around me. "Dammit Bill that's cheating!"  
  
I calmly begin scooping up snow to make a ball. "Nope, cheating is...THIS!" I threw the ball at her and flick my fingers to multiply it by ten. She shrieks as the projectiles rained down on her. "Grrrr...ok, that's it! This means WAR!"  
  
"Bring it!" I cheered as I scooped up more snow.  
  
The other people around us were already giving us a wide distance but at those words they began backing up more rapidly. I easily spot the undercover Federation Agent frowning and debating whether to step in or not. A simple snowball fight seemed innocent enough and he didn't want to risk drawing my attention.  
  
"Gah! How the fuck do you do this?!" Pyronica snarls in frustration as she tries to make a snowball, only to have it melt in her hands. I point and laugh at her. "AHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Dammit guys! Team up with me!" Pyronica looks at the others. Kryptos fidgets nervously. "I don't want to be involved?" He says meekly.  
  
"Hah! I can take you ALL on!" I boast loudly. "In fact, lets make a bet on it! Losing side has to clean the house for the next WEEK."  
  
I levitate multiple snowballs into the air. "And it HAS to be CLEAN. None of that shoving the trash under the couch and hope Bill doesn't notice."  
  
Teeth winced. "I TOLD you he'd find out!"  
  
"What are the terms of victory?" Pyronica asks boldly, striding up to stand opposite me. The wind blows and I felt we made for a pretty dramatic scene.  
  
I gesture and a huge scoreboard appears floating above the city. Bright glowing lines of light shaped into a counter for both teams.  
  
**Bill | Maniacs**  
**0 | 0**  
  
"From now until sundown. Each direct hit will add a point. Whoever gets the most points wins."  
  
"You're not allowed to use a force field." Pyronica crosses her arms.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"U-um...excuse me?"  
  
We all turn to look at a trembling local. Give the man props for having the balls to actually talk to us. Not that his species has balls but whatever. The alien looked like a keychain. His arms and legs were the charms dangling off from the center ring. They looked like square shaped spoons. The species were called ⌇☊⍜⍜⌿⟒⍀ specifically he's a subspecies called a ☊⎍⏚⟒. If I were to put that into English they'd be called Scoopers.  
  
  
  
I generally translate everything I hear into an approximation of English. It makes life easier for me.  
  
The Scooper shivers under our gaze but still continues pleading. "Um...not to spoil your fun but...could I request that this...snowball fight leave us out of the crossfire?" He trembled with a clunking sound as his limbs hit against each other.  
  
I narrow my eye at him and I feel all the people around us take a collective nervous breath. The undercover agent fingers his gun. I let out a giggle. "Well how about this? If any attacks hit anyone who's NOT playing, you'll lose a point."  
  
"Awww~no fun~" Teeth whined.  
  
I grin at the Scooper. "Is this arrangement fine? I promise to repair any damages to the buildings after the fight is over."  
  
He mouths the words 'damages to buildings?!' incredulously but otherwise gives me a shaky consent. Before I could say anything more, I had to tilt my body to dodge a snowball that sails just past me and lands on the ground a few feet away. I slowly turn to see Teeth attempting to look innocent. His acting was getting better because I almost believed it.  
  
"You didn't think it'd be that easy huh?" I asked, amusement oozing from every syllable. "I'm the All Seeing Eye kid. You're gonna have to try harder."  
  
Teeth grinned widely and scooped up another handful of snow.  
  
Game on!  
  
\---  
  
I hid behind a building and flickered through more images. I'm getting closer to where Hectorgon was hiding. As I brush some snow off my bricks I take a glance at the scoreboard.  
  
**Bill  | Maniacs**  
**24 | 19**  
  
Yeah...they managed to corner me a few times. This was actually a good training exercise to teach them hit and run tactics, teamwork, stealth and etc. Note to self. Bring them to a Laser Tag arena sometime.  
  
While I'm here, I should probably look into the thing that confused me about all this. Why was Hectorgon on THIS planet in particular? As someone on the run he should be hiding out somewhere more...hospitable right? Not a winter wonderland where he might freeze to death.  
  
If you were on the run you'd want to be somewhere that would have survival options available if you were forced to flee from the cities and hide out in the wilderness right? Outside the city where the Federation has less control, less surveillance. But the snow, ice and COLD is even worse outside the city. If he were forced to flee out there, he wouldn't survive long.  
  
So why come HERE?  
  
I reached out to try and find him. Shifting through minds rapidly as I searched. I know he's somewhere in this area...despite my distraction I managed to dodge a snowball. Hooray for being able to sense hostile intent.  
  
I grinned at Ammy. "Close but no cigar~"  
  
"You don't even smoke." Ammy grumbled as he stuck one end of his body into the snow and tensed up. Oh no.  
  
I was forced to flee as snow started spraying out of one of his blocks at me like a machine gun. His firing speed is getting faster. I heard a passerby yelp as they are mowed down by snow fire. His aim still needs work though.  
  
I laugh as I flung a snowball at one of Ammy's eyes and fled even closer to where Hectorgon was. I was slowly narrowing down his location. There was an unfortunate side effect of drawing the Officer closer as well. He was following me at a distance. I can't blame him for wanting to keep an eye on me.  
  
**-Guys. I need a distraction on the south side of town. The uninvited guest is getting too close.-**  
  
_'On it.'_ Pyronica responded.  
  
There was a rumbling sound and the officer cried out in alarm as Xanthar raced past him, knocking him over with a wave of snow. Pyronica rode on his back screaming out a war cry. Since she couldn't actually make snowballs her role was mainly shooting down any attack I sent at them. Even now she was flinging fireballs around.  
  
We did a fly by at each other, Xanthar sweeping waves of snow with his large hands and me throwing rapid fire snowballs with the dozens of hands I'd grown. Both sides got a bunch of hits in before we were running off in different directions.  
  
It was enough time for me to give the officer the slip while he dug himself out of his snow pile, irritated but unharmed. I found myself heading farther into the outskirts of the city.  
  
Funny enough, after the people noticed no one was being hurt, just covered in snow, a crowd of spectators had formed and were cheering at our antics. I heard them taking bets with each other too. There weren't many spectators following ME but Pyronica seems to have gained quite the fan club.  
  
I spotted a flash of red. Hectorgon was rushing through an alleyway carrying a briefcase. I nonchalantly flew around flinging snow at Teeth who was trying to hide behind a building and fled closer to the alleyway when Kryptos actually dive bombs me from a rooftop with an armful of snow. I yelp and tumble backward, spinning through the air and just so happen to hit the red Anglesphere, sending both of us into a snow bank.  
  
"Oof! Ow. Sorry 'bout that." I untangle my limbs from him as the scoreboard above us makes a buzzing noise, glows red and subtracts a point from my score. "Oh come on! This didn't even count!" I shake my hand angrily at it.  
  
"Watch where you're going kid!" The Anglesphere shakes his head and fumbles around in the snow for his briefcase. He looks up at me and freezes.  
  
There was recognition there but not the kind I was used to. It wasn't the fear of 'OMG it's Bill Cipher!' But a sad recognition. I realize he's mistaken me for someone else. I'm half buried in snow and wrapped in winter clothes which hid enough of my shape and eye that he thought I was something other than a triangle.  
  
His memory hits me like a freight train going off the rails down a cliff side. An orangish yellow hexagon happily bounces at his side, laughing merrily at him. He laughs back, picking her up and tossing her up and down in the air.  
  
I shake myself out of his memory. He's already realized he's got the wrong person. He opens his mouth to say something when I'm hit by a snowball. The scoreboard adds a point accordingly. "That one doesn't count!" I shout at Ammy who's looking incredibly smug.  
  
I felt the Federation officer spot us. Shit, what to do now? I'd gotten distracted being pulled into Hectorgon's flashback. As my mind raced, I felt a burst of malicious intent and instinctively turned to dodge. Apparently Hectorgon noticed the danger as well and threw himself to the ground to hide in the snow.  
  
Ammy had no such instincts.  
  
A Bzzt sound rings out as the officer fired at Hectorgon but missed when he dodged the attack. The shot hits Ammy and he screams in pain. It's the first time I've ever heard such a sound from him. It's the first time he's ever been hurt in his life.  
  
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO **NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!**  
  
I saw Will again. Lying limp on the ground as his blood spilled everywhere. I can't do this. Not again. I can't do this again. I don't want to deal with this again.  
  
My rational mind retreated and I let the other part of me take over.  
  
Everything turns red.  
  
I screech in outrage and grow to the size of a house, my bricks darkened into a vivid red and opened up to reveal multiple rows of teeth. Many arms grow out and I snatch the terrified officer up.  
  
  
  
He tried to shoot at me but I rip the gun from his hands (actually I think I ripped off his hands) and toss it into one of my new mouths. I was too angry for words, just screeching at the bleeding man with sounds beyond mortal comprehension. I should kill him. I could easily kill him. Just squeeze him until he popped. Twist his head off. Eat him. The only reason he wasn't already dead was because I couldn't decide HOW to kill him. Which method would satisfy me most.  
  
I could just revive him so I could kill him again.  
  
That sounded like a WONDERFUL idea!  
  
I tore his limbs off and ate them. As an insect/mammalian crossbred creature, he had plenty for me to rip off. I forced my power into him to make those limbs grow back just so I could tear them off again. I squeezed him until his ribs cracked and punctured his own organs and then healed him. I screeched the whole time. **"YOU KILLED HIM YOU KILLED HIM YOU KILLED HIM-"**  
  
"-op! Please stop! Kid! It's ok! Your...your friend is alive! B-but he needs medical attention!"  
  
I distantly heard a voice shouting at me. It was hard to think through all this red in my vision but I twisted some bricks around to look down at a terrified Hectorgon cradling a twitching Ammy. Ammy! He's still alive! I forced my way past my rage, my worry overriding my need for vengeance.  
  
I should have checked on him first. I should have healed him first. I make a distressed noise and reach down with a finger as large as telephone pole towards the shifting amorphous shape in Hectorgon's arms.  
  
" **Ammy**?" I growl out, my voice distorted as I blinked down at him. A small blue flame flickers at the end of my finger and Ammy weakly reaches out his arm to wrap around it. He shudders and absorbs my flame, his blocks glowing as my power heals him. His breathing gets easier and I attempt a soothing rumble as I watched the color return to him.  
  
  
  
There's a sizzling sound as my tears rolled down my body to land in the snow around me. I was steaming, the heat coming off me melting the snow and making the air distort. "Ammy?" I say a little more softly, crying and praying and hoping-  
  
"I'm...fine..." Amorphous Shape says weakly. His hand curls a little tighter around my finger. He's so small like this. So fragile looking. I sob in relief and slowly shrink back to normal.  
  
The officer makes a terrified noise and unfortunately draws my attention back to him. I turn red again. He wheezed when I tightened my hold on him. " **Yoooou**..." I start growling. There's a lot of blood running down my hand from all the wounds I've inflicted and healed over.  
  
"Bill! Stop!" Pyronica and Xanthar run up, the loaf pressing himself against me and sends out feelings of 'worry' 'calm' as Pyronica carefully tried to talk me down. "You can put him down now...it's okay...Ammy's okay..."  
  
" **No he's NOT! This...asshole shot him!** " Now that my worry calmed, the anger from earlier was seeping back in. The rational part of myself was trying desperately to calm down but I just couldn't. I wanted this man to SUFFER.  
  
"Yes he did. And he is an asshole. But just put him down. He's very sorry for what he did. Right?" Pyronica glares at the officer who nodded frantically. "Come on Bill, he's not worth the effort. Just let him go." Normally my friends didn't care who I killed (whether on accident or not) but this was a Federation officer. Killing him would cause issues. I had taught them that myself. A distant part of me was glad they took my words to heart, enough to stand up and tell me 'No'.  
  
I growl and stare at the man gripped in my hand. She's right, just let him go. No! He needs to SUFFER! This won't make me feel better. Yes it will! If I kill him the Federation will be pissed. I don't fucking care.  
  
If I keep him alive I can hold him as leverage against the Federation.  
  
I froze and contemplated that thought. Opening fire upon a suspect in broad daylight in a city. Hitting an innocent pedestrian. I didn't even NEED to kill him. He was going to be in enough trouble with his superiors once word of this got out. Best case scenario, he's suspended for an indefinite amount of time. Worst case, Infinitetentiary.  
  
The fact is, this guy (Alseph, what kind of name is that?) fired upon and injured one of my friends. To attack my friends without provocation is to launch an attack upon ME. He broke the non-aggression treaty I had put in place with the Federation. By all rights I was allowed full retaliation against them.  
  
I'm sure they wouldn't want that. In fact, they may be willing to negotiate for my forgiveness because of this. If I know those old coots (and I sure as hell DO) they'll be open to bargaining for mercy. They wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice poor Alseph to sate my anger.  
  
I can use this.  
  
It's always best to go into a bargain from a position of power. I could kill this man for his crime against me but the Federation would take that as an acceptable sacrifice while hypocritically demanding me to compensate them. But if I let him LIVE...I get to make the demands.  
  
I slowly lower my hand to the ground and let go of the trembling agent. I can feel the 'Relief' pouring out of everyone around me. The hand holding Alseph morphs into ropes binding him together as it detached from my body. The rest of me has turned back into my default form, bowtie and all.  
  
Xanthar nudges me, I sigh tiredly and press myself onto him. Pyronica looked relieved. I keep quiet about the fact that my mercy was based on practical reasons. I give Xanthar a quick hug before turning to Hectorgon. "Is Ammy alright?"  
  
He nods carefully, hopping closer and holding out my friend in his arms. The Amorphous Shape is shifting and folding with calm, smooth movements. His blocks were vivid bright colors. I slump in relief. I hold out my hands and Hectorgon deposits my friend (son?) into my arms.  
  
"Hey Ammy, how're you feeling?"  
  
"Better. I did not realize getting hurt would feel so...painful."  
  
"Yeah well, that tends to happen when you get shot." I joke softly as one hand gently brushes his blocks. I haven't held him like this since the day I first found him. I felt nostalgic thinking about how much he's grown.  
  
Hectorgon stands around awkwardly, unsure if he was allowed to leave. He knew it was HIS fault (partially) that Ammy got shot. I could feel his thoughts of anxiety over whether or not I'll realize Ammy only got hit because he ducked the shot. Of course I realize that but I'm not going to hold it against him.  
  
Not that he knows. Once again my practical, scheming side looked at this situation and said 'I can use this.' I glance at the Anglesphere and he shivers. Even if he didn't know who I was before, he sure as hell does now.  
  
"You and him-" I point at the hogtied officer "-are not going anywhere until you’ve earned my forgiveness.”  
  
Hectorgon swallows nervously "Y-yes, that is understandable."  
  
"Wait! That man is a wanted criminal! I'm here to apprehend him!" Alseph says from his position slumped over in the snow. He's covered in blood and shivering. I absently levitate him and Curse his clothes warmer. Can't have him dying on me before I can use him.  
  
"I don't give a flying fuck nugget who this man is. You shot at him and hit my FRIEND. You're BOTH going to stay right here until I get a proper apology." I sneered.  
  
"I'm...sorry?" Alseph says nervously.  
  
At the sight of my glower he knew he's fucked up. As I'm about to go off on him I hear Hectorgon's deep baritone "I'm truly sorry. I never meant for anyone else to get hurt because of me."  
  
He meant it too. Wholeheartedly. Unlike Alseph's empty words, I could FEEL the red alien's regret and guilt. Looks like I didn't have to worry about not liking him. With just two simple sentences he's already won me over.  
  
I can tell from Pyronica's face that she understood too. More than any sort of special skills or an interesting personality, the types of Friends I wanted were the ones who were capable of compassion. Pyronica showed me that when she looked after me while I was drunk. There was Teeth's unconditional love for his colony when he willingly shared his tips with them. Even Kryptos had been worried for my safety when I told him I would help him escape from Jorgio.  
  
I sighed and closed my eye. "Apology accepted. Thank you for checking on Ammy for me. And for helping me realize he needed healing. I..." I felt a little heavy. "...I don't know what I would do if he'd died because I was too stupid to see that he needed help.”  
  
Alseph was staring in a dawning horrified realization as I turned to Hectorgon and tipped my hat to him. "Thank you for that. I owe you. And I hate owing people so if there's something you need help with, I'm willing to hear you out."  
  
"Y-you can't help him! He's a criminal! The Federation will hear of th-!"  
  
"The **Federation** -!" I growl at him "-will do NOTHING because YOU fucked up and if they don't want me to bust down their door and incinerate them all for this breech of our Terms and Agreements then you **shut your mouth before I REMOVE it from you**!"  
  
Alseph wisely clamps his mouth shut, eyes wide as he suddenly realized just how badly he'd screwed up today. I hear a terrified thought of _'My superiors are going to be SO mad when they hear about this...'_  
  
I turn to Hectorgon who's deep in thought and awed by the fact that he'd gotten a FREE Favor from Bill Cipher. Most creatures in the multiverse would give up their own first-borns for such an opportunity. "What are the terms?" He asks carefully.  
  
"Similar to my general Deals except you don't have to give me anything in return. No invasion of free will, no raising the long dead, no mass executions and I have a right to refuse anything that I don't WANT to do."  
  
He mulls over my words as the townsfolk around us curiously watch on from a distance. Many of them were filming this whole incident. I let them, I needed the Federation to know what happened here today. Finally Hectorgon looks up with a grin "I think I know what I'd like."  
  
\---  
  
"So the Federation actually has a Server Farm hidden on this planet?" Kryptos asks in amazement. We're all sitting around a tavern with cups of hot bean juice. Hectorgon had just finished explaining what he wanted for his Favor.  
  
"It makes sense. The natural cold of this planet would keep the machines from overheating, in fact the cold might make them run BETTER." I muse as I sip on my juice.  
  
"And with how inhospitable the out lands are, there's no chance of anyone just happening across them. They wouldn't even NEED to place as many security measures. Less man-power needed to run the place. Cheaper." I continue.  
  
"So you just need Bill to help you get to where the farm is located so you can hack in." Kryptos summarizes. He was bouncing in his seat, excited for the prospect of being able to SEE a Federation server farm in person.  
  
"You can't do this! The Federation will come down on ALL of you!" Alseph protests loudly from his position levitating in the air beside our table. I spin him with a wave of my hand and he makes distressed sounds.  
  
"How odd. I could have sworn I heard someone try to speak to me." I say as I otherwise ignore him. He makes gagging sounds as the dizziness starts getting to him. I stop the spinning and take another calm sip of my cup.  
  
"So what do you need access to the servers for? Are you going to crash their systems? Steal top secret information from the government?" Kryptos asks.  
  
"Nothing quite that simple. Crashing their system will do more harm than good.  I can get most secrets I want, no, what I'm after needs me to physically get into the server." Hectorgon rumbles.  
  
"Y-you...hah...will be...urg....stopped! Y-you fiend!"  
  
"Damn, this guy just does NOT shut up." Teeth stares at our prisoner.  
  
"He's been brainwashed since the moment he hatched to obey Federation law." I shrug. "Most Federation soldiers can't even think for themselves."  
  
Teeth actually looks sympathetic. "That sounds awful. Isn't there some way to...free them?"  
  
"Free a Fed- and they'll be hunted down by the others. Their masters don't allow dissenters."  
  
Pyronica growls. "Fuck the Federation."  
  
"Why haven't you taken them down Bill?" Ammy asks innocently, to Alseph's horror.  
  
"Because despite how awful they are, everyone's lives would actually be WORSE without them. Trust me. You can't destroy a system of government without a new one willing to step in and take over. I might like chaos but not the kind that could get trillions of lives killed."  
  
My friends paled, even Kryptos, who already understood the delicate multiversal ecosystem of governmental politics didn't actually realize how far spread the Federation's reach went.  
  
"See?! The Federation is LAW! So stop this treasonous-!" I gagged Alseph with some more rope.  
  
"Of course, these issues only apply for the dimensions that the Federation has INVADED and TAKEN. The worlds where they stamp out the original governments in order to impose their rule upon them. To be fair, there are many worlds in which the Federation's government actually helped the native people but lets not get into that right now."  
  
"Yes. Please change the subject, I have a headache." Pyronica groans as she slumps over the table.  
  
"Getting back to the topic, I don't mind helping you get to and from the server farm safely. It sounds like fun."  
  
"""Woo! Arctic adventure!""" My friends cheered.  
  
"Mmphmm!!!" Alseph said angrily.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Next time, arctic adventure!
> 
> Also, since I can't make up entire alien languages, everything is translated into English. This is why people sometimes use human slang words. They're not really saying things like 'Oh my gosh' or 'Geez' but some other exclamation that Bill simply translates into something more familiar. After all, it doesn't make any sense for an Alien to say 'Geez' since that particular word is slang for 'Jesus' which is something that doesn't exist in their society, history or etc.
> 
> As another note, languages. Bill's friends are all from different planets and dimensions. Yet they communicate perfectly fine with each other. This is because Bill naturally has a 'translation' AOE around him/her. It makes the people around him understand each other regardless of language barriers. Upon making the Deal to be Bill's friend, the translation effect comes along with the tiny symbol of Bill marked onto their skin.
> 
> Sorry if this seems random but I've been meaning to address the language issue for a while now.


	40. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I cannot sleep  
> The nights are long  
> So it's not wrong  
> To sing a song  
> I try to stay upbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Camping trip in the snow. You get to see what Bill/Jan does when they're bored and can't simply teleport somewhere fun.

* * *

**Illusion is Reality**

**Chapter 37**  
  
**-You’ll owe me a Favor-**  
  
\---  
  
We all wrapped up in cozy warm clothing and set off into the billowing snow. The wind was much harsher outside the city limits. Luckily I had a shield several meters in all directions so we were walking through the snow with the swirling flakes outside our safe bubble.  
  
Like a reverse snow globe.  
  
It was quite pretty actually. My friends were running around and looking at the scenery in delight and even Hectorgon seemed to be enjoying himself in this romp through the mountains. Alseph was still gagged and floating beside me. His running commentary on how we were all going to pay once the Federation finds out was getting old. At least come up with something NEW.  
  
"So where is this farm thing supposed to be?" Pyronica asks while melting a path through the snow. It certainly made it easier for Teeth and Hectorgon to waddle along behind her. Kryptos just rode on Xanthar's back.  
  
Ammy was still held in my arms. I had refused to let go of him. He seemed more or less resigned to my over-protective fussing for what would be the next month or so. None of my other friends commented on it, knowing that after the scare I just had there would be no way I was letting the Amorphous Shape leave my side or sight.  
  
"Well I've got a map to the location I stole off their system...but navigation isn't really my thing." Hectorgon says sheepishly as he holds out a printed map. Everyone gathered around to glance at it.  
  
"Is that a mountain?" Teeth wonders.  
  
"No that's clearly meant to represent a river." Pyronica squints at the page.  
  
"Isn't there a legend or something?" Kryptos asks as he tries to figure out if we were even looking at it right side up.  
  
The group turns to me and I roll my eye. "Alright, let me see that." Hectorgon passes me the page and I grew another arm to hold the map up to my eye. Well it was certainly difficult to read. Whoever designed this map clearly didn't want anyone finding out how it was to be understood. Surprisingly smart of the Federation to hide their information in such a way.  
  
Or they're just shit at drawing maps.  
  
"Well it says that the location is in a valley? Either way, it's somewhere underground. There's a dip downward here, there's no scale to show how FAR down it goes."  
  
With me in the lead with the map, our merry band of adventurers continued our journey. An hour into our trek Teeth complained he was tired and hungry. We took a quick lunch break. I introduced them to S'mores. I was even nice enough to let Alseph have one.

He loudly proclaimed I was trying poison him so I just shoved it in his mouth to shut him up. Ungrateful little...  
  
The others quickly got into it. Pyronica would just melt the marshmallows with her hands while Hectorgon carefully and meticulously heated his marshmallows over the fire I made.

  
It was surprisingly nostalgic. Reminded me of when one of my friends built a campfire in my backyard and we roasted marshmallows. She found out that both my other friend's little sister and mine had never tried S'mores before and felt that such an injustice must be rectified.  
  
So we spent the evening setting things on fire.  
  
It was great.  
  
I fed Ammy by sliding the graham cracker treat into one of his 'stomach' blocks. He grumbled about how he wasn't a baby. "You'll always be MY baby..." I coo'ed as I snuggled him. He had the gall to roll his eyes at me. Alseph was coughing up his S'more and I merely flicked my hand to make the pieces fly back up to his mouth. No wasting food.  
  
I tried modifying my eye mouth be an eye AND a mouth at the same time. It was a pretty freaky sensation. Being able to see the food as I munched on it was weird. Pyronica just stares into my mouth.  
   
  
  
"How deep does that go? You and Kryptos are both FLAT!"  
  
The compass and I glanced at each other. I shrugged. Hell if I know. Pyronica and Teeth lean closer to me. "I always wondered about that..." She says as she peers into my mouth. I just open my mouth wider and lean back a little, my eye still staring up at her.  
  
"Can I..." She reaches out a hand for permission to inspect more closely. I shrug. "Sure I guess?" I yelp as she shoves her whole arm into my mouth and wiggled around inside me. I drop Ammy in shock. "W-what the HELL?!?"

  
"It's pretty roomy in here..." Pyronica comments mildly, seeing no problem with her entire arm being buried up to her shoulder inside me. I make confused sounds and wave my arms around. "Ronica!!! What?!"  
  
"Sorry, I just wanted to know how deep this is....it's pretty cool. I don't feel a bottom...though I can feel your sides..." She brushes her hand against the walls of my throat and I writhe at the feeling. "Guweh! Uuuuggh!"  
  
"U-um...are you sure that's...safe?" Teeth asks hesitantly as he watches Pyronica stick her tongue out in concentration as she tries to probe deeper. "I mean...Bill ate a planet once right? So...it's gotta be pretty big in there?"  
  
Alseph makes a whimpering sound at the reminder. I'm surprised people still remember that. It's been CENTURIES! **More** than that even! Now that I've gotten over my surprise I was embarrassed to find out that my insides were apparently quite sensitive.  
  
Also, the only reason my stomach hadn't devoured Pyronica's arm was because I was trying very hard not to acknowledge her as 'Food'. The weird feeling of her wiggling inside me was pretty distracting though. "Uwuh..." I moaned as her claw scratched lightly at my inner walls.  
  
"It's...actually quite soft in here. Warm, and...not wet at all..." Pyronica observes in fascination.  
  
"You're insane! Just....putting your arm right in there!" Kryptos frets but his curiosity had him leaning closer. "So...where does his saliva come from? Does Bill have any organs?"  
  
I whined as my insides were thoroughly explored. This felt so....weird! Like....it didn't hurt or anything...but..."Uuuunnnngh..." It kinda tickled, in an itchy way.  
  
"Oh. It's kind of...heating up in here? Ow!" She hisses in pain as she quickly pulls her hand out, the tips of her fingers were burnt. Which was saying a lot considering her own fire doesn't harm her. I coughed out a bit of fire. "Ugh, that...was unpleasant..."  
  
"Sorry, did I hurt you?" Pyronica asks worriedly.  
  
"I should be the one saying that. I burnt you? Is your hand alright?" I panted out more fire and stuck my tongue in the snow. "Bleh." There was steam and flames spewing from my mouth now.  
  
"Eh, I did this to myself. Seriously Bill, how deep is your stomach?"  
  
"Is this why he eats so much?" Ammy wonders.  
  
"I am very much disturbed by what has just occurred here." Hectorgon speaks up.  
  
"Do you think we could lower a camera down into Bill's mouth to see what's in there?" Kryptos wonders. I give him an unimpressed look.  
  
"I feel like a camera wouldn't survive long enough to film anything noteworthy." I spit out a stream of flame. Ugh. New thing to learn about myself, having my insides stimulated makes me produce fire. I notice Alseph attempting to wiggle away like an inchworm while I was distracted and levitated him back to us. Didn't think it would be THAT easy now did ya?  
  
Xanthar came over and sat on Alseph to keep him from escaping again. I laugh and blink my mouth back into an eye. "Well, that was an experience I never want to repeat."

As we finished eating and continue on our way I had the realization that we were quite lucky Pyronica only got a little burnt. It could have easily been much worse. I could have accidentally started digesting her arm for one thing. I could heal her afterward but that would still have been awful. "Ronica, you're not allowed to stick any of your appendages inside me ever again."  
  
Hectorgon makes a choking noise. We look over at him but he's blushing hard and looking away. "What's wrong with him?" Ammy asks and I shrug. Hectorgon stares at us as we start hiking through the snow again. "D-did none of you realize how that sounded...?"  
  
"What? Am I missing something?" Kryptos asks.  
  
Hectorgon makes some distressed sounds. "You don't get it? He said...oh never mind..." He sighs and hops along blushing and looking embarrassed.  
  
The rest of us look at each other and shrug. For some reason Alseph was blushing too. Huh. Weird.

 

\---  
  
Our journey through the snow was peaceful aside from a few fights with some local wildlife that thought we would be great food. Of course, with two fire-types in our party we dealt with the ice-mooses (meese?) easily enough. They looked like transparent (I could see all their muscles and organs, it was wicked cool) grey moose but with crystalline antlers, hooves and jagged sharp teeth. These things were carnivorous.  
   
  
  
Kryptos actually attempted a maniacal laugh when he managed to paralyze one with some electric shocks. It was a cute attempt but not very intimidating. We didn't kill them, just made it clear we were not an easy meal and sent them running with hoots and cheers.  
  
Teeth wanted to keep one as a pet but Pyronica shot down the idea. As they started their usual bickering, dragging me into it as each side tried to convince me they were right, Hectorgon just stared at us in awe. "You're quite...close." He says at last. "From what I've read about you I thought you guys were just Bill's henchmen. The Federation seems to think so at least."  
  
I frown. "They're my Friends. I've clearly stated that many times."  
  
"I know, but I guess...I didn’t really realize you guys were so...casual with each other." Hectorgon rubs his chin. "I realized you really care about them when Amorphous Shape was shot but..."  
  
Alseph sneers. "There's no way a monster can truly care for others! Cipher is just using you all! Help me escape and I can have the Federation reward you handsomely."  
  
"Is this guy seriously attempting to convince us to mutiny while Bill is RIGHT HERE listening to it?" Kryptos gasps. "I knew he was dumb but this is just..."  
  
I drop Alseph unceremoniously into the snow. Taking the end of his rope, I hand it to Xanthar. "Well. I think this calls for some discipline. Xan-Xan, be a dear and drag him along behind us for the next few miles."  
  
Xanthar's 'amusement' was strong as he pulled Alseph along the ground. We all heard him loudly protesting his treatment as he hit against rocks and got snow/dirt in his face. Kryptos giggled.  
  
"By the way. How far are we? We seem to have been journeying for quite a while. Wouldn’t it be faster if we simply teleported or flew there?" Ammy asks while I shift him in my arms to a more comfortable position.  
  
"Well it's more fun this way." I grin. "A good hike through the mountains is great exercise.”  
  
"But you don't exercise at all Bill." Teeth points out. They all looked at how I was floating above the ground. I sigh and lowered myself so I could...WALK.  
  
"There. Happy?"  
  
I can hear them stifle their laughter. Kryptos sheepishly lands to walk with his own two feet as well. Ammy looks down and states the obvious. "I do not have legs."  
  
"Neither does Hec." The Polysphere looks surprised at the nickname before smiling shyly. "Well my people don't tend to have feet. We just hop."  
  
"I have never tried this...hop you speak of. Is it difficult?" Ammy asks as he flexes his blocks to see if he could mimic the red being's movements. We spent the next mile teaching Ammy to 'hop'.  
  
We stopped to eat lunch and then dinner after a few more hours.  
  
\---  
  
"Are we there yet?" Teeth groans. He drags his legs through the snow. "I'm tired..."  
  
"Hah! Weak!" Pyronica taunts him as she hides her own wobbling steps. Feeling sorry for them, I levitate everyone and just carry them. "Well we're getting close, should be there by tomorrow. As a treat for making it this far, I'll let each one of you pick out a restaurant to go to after we're done here. Not all at once of course, we'll start with Teeth and the next day we'll go with Ronica and so on."  
  
They cheer before slumping, exhausted. It's been a long day and the sun was already going down. Normally this would be when we set up camp because walking through dark snow was dangerous but I was glowing brightly and keeping a lookout for danger. "Can I go to sleep?" Teeth whines. I laugh fondly. "Sure, I'll wake you all when we get there."  
  
I feel them all settle into sleep. I carefully let go of Ammy to enclose him and the others in protective bubbles. Xanthar was already dreaming about meeting a fluffy muffin-like creature and was chasing her happily through a field of butter-flies. Kryptos was dreaming about becoming a rich billionaire and returning home to lord his new wealth and status over his family. Ammy's dreams were always just endlessly growing fractal patterns flashing through a multitude of colors beyond the visible human spectrum.  
  
Teeth was dreaming of his colony turning into Mouths like him until they were a chattering mass of Mouths, screaming and screaming. I nudged his dream into more pleasant territories.  
  
Pyronica was dreaming of a dark cave. Its edges seemed to flicker, as if they weren't real. She's exploring it quietly. There was something important in here. Something precious that she needs to find.  
  
Hectorgon wasn't dreaming quite yet, hovering between the waking world and sleep. He wasn't able to trust me enough to simply sleep in the hold of my powers like my friends do. I've found that my friends subconsciously relaxed when they felt my power surrounding them. Kryptos was still on the fence but he was warming up to it.  
  
Alseph wasn't sleeping at all.  
  
I glanced at him as I continued walking through the snow while everyone floated in a protective bubble. "Aren't you going to rest too?"  
  
"As if I would DARE to sleep around you!" He sneers. I dump him in a snowbank in irritation before lifting him back up, sputtering and coughing. "You know, for a prisoner you're quite mouthy. More than Teeth even." I giggle quietly to myself.  
  
Alseph frowns at me. "Why are you even keeping me alive? This torture is unbearable."  
  
"You think THIS is torture? Well I shudder to think what you thought me ripping off and eating your arms was supposed to be." I mutter. Part of me felt really gross for doing that. "Like ick! That was...awful..."  
  
"Your sick mind games won't work on me!"  
  
"Whatever man. It's gonna be hours before the sun rises again so if you want to stay up all night, be my guest." I turn to glance at the map again. It would have been easy to just teleport there by this point. We were close enough.  
  
But I like snow. I wanted an excuse to spend more time here with my friends. Walking and chatting was fun. It was peaceful. It was also a good excuse to show Hectorgon more sides of both me and my friends. It helps us get to know him as well.  
  
If I wanted Hectorgon to join us I wanted this to be a group decision. I felt this was a better way of getting to know him before he moves in. Kryptos and the others never really got a chance to get to know me before I pulled them into my sphere of influence. I would prefer if new roommates were a group decision as opposed to me just throwing my will around and getting my way because no one can oppose my decisions.  
  
Pyronica might make a show of defying me and questioning me to feel like she has a say but I know she would just go along with my choices regardless. When it comes down to it, she cannot TRULY go against me and she knows this. I go out of my way to give my friends levity and freedom of choice but at the end of the day, my word is law.

That makes me depressed. I like getting my way but I don't like that the reason for it is because my friends are afraid of going against me. They may not acknowledge this feeling, might not even realize they are doing so but I can tell. There is a Fear of me buried deep down inside them. Not of ME but of what I could DO.  
  
I'm powerful, dangerous and unstable. They have a firm understanding of the threat I pose if I were ever to lose myself. The way I raged against Alseph only served as another reminder of how easy it would be to tip me over the edge and trigger my violence.  
  
I tremble lightly.  
  
My destructive urges have never gone away. I go about my life with the constant intrusive thoughts of violence and bloodshed. I look at a random person on the street and have the thought and urge to rip them in half 'just because'. I discard that thought before going back to what I was doing. I can be cooking and have a thought of ' It would be so easy to stab someone's eyes out with this knife.'

I would be talking to a client and think 'Wouldn’t it be fun if I took off his head and kept him alive through it?' Or 'If I squished his children into a pie, would he eat it?' and it always disturbs me how easily these thoughts come to me. I know they must be from my darker half. The writhing mass of chaos that formed the core of my existence. It is CONSTANTLY sending me these urges. Every moment I'm not focusing on what I'm doing will have my thoughts sliding into darker territories.  
  
I'm used to it. I've been living like this for billions of years now. But just because it's 'normal' for me to have these thoughts constantly doesn't mean I don't get annoyed at them. It's tiring to get these urges all the time. It's tiring to have to tell myself over and over "No. Bad Jan. You can't do that!" And having my other half respond "Why can't I? It would be fun~"  
  
"No Bill. It would not be fun and this is why..."  
  
These were the sorts of internal conversations I have with myself. Every day. Every few minutes in fact. When I get upset it becomes more difficult to resist these thoughts, to rationalize that those thoughts are NOT what I WANT to do. This is another reason why I think I need a proper therapist.  
  
As my thoughts swirled around, I continue trudging through the snow. It was so quiet out here now that my friends were all asleep. There's still Alseph trying to stay awake. I see his eyelids drooping and he's slowly nodding off. He's stubbornly fighting against his own exhaustion. For a guy who did absolutely no walking today he was still tired.  
  
I start quietly singing just to fill the silence.  
  
_"They have sent you a letter~to come back home to play~but to your dismay this isn't your day~for the happy fun time has begun to fade~"_ I sang and bounced a little to the beat playing inside my head.  
  
_"Watch as we reanimated our corpses you abandoned~we're dismantled and mishandled~but we won't be skipped and swayed~"_  
  
"This song is awful. You're awful for singing it." Alseph complains.  
  
I roll my eye even as I switch songs.  
  
_"Early morning yesterday it finally occurred to me~just like a puzzle where I have placed every single piece~and now I don't know what to do now that I've seen what we're both moving to~is this the point in time where we both prayed and hoped we'd be~"_  
  
"I hate this one too." Alseph complains just to be a dick. I should be annoyed but it was funny how hard he was trying to ruin my fun. I grin and switch songs again.  
  
Placing a sound dampening effect around my friends so they wouldn't be disturbed, I materialized a door in front of my path. Lifting a leg, I kicked it open while belting out _"SomeBODY once told me~"_  
  
Alseph begins screaming.  
  
\---  
  
_"Disorder~disorder~disoooooor~ooorder~"_  
  
"....how many songs do you know?" Alseph moans as he slumps in the air. His eyes were closed, much too tired to keep then open.  
  
"Kid, I'm over 100 billion years old. I can literally do this until you die of old age and still wouldn't be done with my playlist." The officer whimpers and I can feel him wanting to fall asleep just to get away from my singing. Rude. I switch songs again with a giggle.  
  
_"I am hanging in the bathroom~at the biggest party of the fall~"_  
  
"Just kill me. I'm going to go insane at this rate..."  
  
"You wouldn't go nuts if you just go to sleep. I'll stop bothering you when you do."  
  
"Never!!!"  
  
"Suit yourself."

Despite Alseph's best efforts he finally succumbs to sleep a few songs later. I had gone with lullabies by that point and he slips away in the middle of Sleepytime Junction. As promised, I sound proofed him so he could sleep undisturbed as I continued walking and singing to myself.  
  
It was going to be a long night alone with my own thoughts and voice.  
  
\---  
  
"Hello snow drift." I greeted a large pile of snow as I walked past it.  
  
"Hi Bill!" I say as I pitch my voice lower.  
  
"How are you doing this fine evening?" I tip my hat to the pile, walking backward to keep it in my sights.  
  
"Oh just the same as always." The 'snowdrift' responds.  
  
"Well THAT'S boring. Don't you have any hobbies mister snow drift?"  
  
"Did you just ASSUME my gender?!"  
  
"Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it like that!"  
  
"Sure you didn't! You asshole!"  
  
I narrowed my eye at the pile of snow that was steadily getting farther away as I walked. "Well that's uncalled for. I made an honest mistake and I jus-"  
  
"Fuck you asshole! I don't want to talk to you anymore!"  
  
I scoff, insulted. "Well that makes TWO of us, ya jerk!"  
  
The 'snowdrift' cusses me out and I flip him (sorry, HER) off as she fades from view. What a bitch.  
  
"Oh good evening rock." I say happily as I see a large rocky mountain.  
  
"Howdy Bill." The rock's voice was a thick southern drawl.  
  
"And how are YOU doing this fine evening?"

"Oh it's jus' been awful! Mah wife left me ya see?"  
  
"Oh that's terrible. What happened?"  
  
"She's been seeing the stable boy behind mah back! Now ain't that jus' the worse ho-hickory nonsense ya ever heard?!"  
  
I nod in sympathy. "Truly awful. To be betrayed in such a way."  
  
"She broke mah heart is what she did! Ground it up jus' like the grains in our windmills! Why I reckon I might never love again!" The mountain cries.

"Don't give up hope! Even if your wife was a traitorous jerk doesn't mean you should never trust again! You can always find love again! You're a great rock. Solid, firm and unyielding! I'm sure there are plenty of stones that'd appreciate you."

"Why that's the nicest dang thing anyone's ever said ta me. You're a great guy Bill."  
  
"Yes well, I try..." I mumble as I rub my bricks in embarrassment. "You know it's just...if your wife couldn't see your good points, that's HER problem, not yours. You're a great guy Rock."  
  
"Aw shucks ma'am, you're a real sweetie pie yourself."  
  
I blush and flutter my eyelashes. "R-really?"  
  
"Yeah, in fact, would yah do me this honor of accompanin' me ta breakfast? I've been told I cook a mean scrambled eggs and bacon sizzle."  
  
"Oh my! We've just met Rock~" I giggle and wave my arm at the mountain.  
  
"Is that a no?"  
  
"Well...it'll depend on just how good your bacon is~" I waggle my eye teasingly at the mountain.  
  
"Would ya like a...taste test?" The mountain flirts back. I giggle stupidly with my hands pressed to the sides of my face.  
  
"Bill, what are you doing?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHH!" I jump and swing my gaze up to see Pyronica staring at me with a mildly disturbed expression on her half asleep face.  
  
"N-n-nothing! You're still dreaming!" I scream before flicking my fingers. I watch as her eye rolls up and she collapses back asleep.  
  
There's silence for a bit aside from my heavy, panicked breathing.  
  
I check the time, another 3 hours before sunrise. Well. I can probably stay quiet for that long. I'm flushed dark orange and just walk quietly trying not to combust from embarrassment. The snow hisses and melts around me.  
  
\---  
  
"Rise and shine everyone! Who's ready for breakfast?" I cheer as my friends begin yawning and stretching. I'm stirring a large pot full of stew.  Having gotten bored, I decided to hunt down an ice-moose and had spent the rest of the night preparing the food.  
  
Stew is meant for cooking for long hours after all. The meat should be nice and tender by this point, the fat melting off and enriching the flavor of the soup. I check on it and see that the carrots and potatoes have gotten nice and soft. Perfect.  
  
Skinning and slicing up the moose meat was quite messy and I'm glad I can just flick clean myself. If my friends had woken to see me covered in blood and viscera...well it was a good thing I can clean myself.  
  
Alseph groans and rolls over in his sleep, his body tilting around in the air.  
  
"Ooh~that smells really good Bill." Teeth salivates hungrily. He wiggled and I floated him down to the ground where he immediately waddles over to the pot and looks at it. "What're you making?"  
  
"Meat and vegetable stew." I stir the pot again before scooping out a portion into a bowl for Teeth. He makes appreciative noises as he drinks.  
  
The others gathered around and in a few minutes we were all sitting in a circle around the pot, enjoying the food. Alseph woke up at some point, having smelled the delicious food and realizing he hadn't eaten much the previous day. I can hear his stomach grumble but he stubbornly refused to eat any.  
  
"You're gonna starve." I narrow my eye at him, bowl in one hand and spoon in the other. He refuses to look at me (or the food) curling in on himself as his stomach cried. I sigh before sprouting more hands to grab him and hold his mouth open.  
  
"Here comes the food train! Choo! Choo!" I slowly bring the spoonful of soup and vegetables up to his mouth. Despite his protests I continue to feed him like an infant. Hectorgon is very amused by this.  
  
"I used to do that with my daughter." He reminisced. "But in her case I was driving a helipod of food."  
  
"You have a kid?" Teeth asks bluntly. I hide a wince. Not the most tactful Mouth.  
  
"Had." Hectorgon says quietly.  
  
My friends all wince. Teeth looks devastated. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"  
  
Hectorgon waves him off. "It's fine kid. You didn't know. Besides..." He takes a another bite of his food. "...it was a long time ago."  
  
The mood was a little subdued after that. Even Alseph didn't complain as much, eating his meal quietly. Hectorgon cleared his throat. "So how close are we to the server farm?"  
  
"Oh we're right on top of it." I remark as I wipe some soup off Alseph's chin with a napkin. His eyes go wide. "The Federation will-!" I shove another spoonful in his mouth to shut him up.  
  
"We're here?!" Hectorgon looks around searching for the machines. He could find nothing though.  
  
"I said we're on top of it." I correct him. I stretch out a hand to point at the sheer drop of a ravine a few yards from us. "The facility is down there. At the veeeery bottom."  
  
Hectorgon hops over to look. "Careful not to fall in." I remark.  
  
"My word. I can't even see the bottom." He pales and quickly hops away from the ledge.  
  
"So I was thinking we could climb down on a rope after breakfast, or I could float you all down."

"I wanna try climbing it!" Teeth says. "You can catch us if we fall right?"  
  
"Naturally. I won't allow any of you to fall." I assure them. Pyronica seems all for this idea. Xanthar and Ammy would have to be floated down since they weren't exactly built for climbing. Kryptos looks terrified at the idea. "I-I can just fl-float down please?"  
  
"That is private Federation property-!" I shove another spoonful into Alseph's mouth.  
  
"Well eat up. No sense in wasting good food."  
  
We settle down to chat and eat. I give Alseph more food whenever he tries to protest our invasion of Federation property. Maybe I should gag him instead, he's looking pretty full. I created bathrooms for my friends to freshen up, even let Alseph have his own stall too, and thanked Ax that I don't defecate. Waste production is gross and this was one of the few things I loved about my weirdass alien biology.  
  
It was finally time to descend into the unknown. I created a rope for anyone who wanted to climb and floated the rest of them with me.

 

Alseph kept wiggling and making muffled protests. I gagged him with marshmallows. If he focused more on eating them than yelling at us he'd probably make better progress. Pyronica and Teeth tried to race each other down but since they were on one rope that was pretty much a no go. They begged me for a second rope but I adamantly refused.

"If you two fall from your own competitive stupidity I'm not catching you."  
  
Hectorgon laughs. "You guys are a riot."  
  
"Is that a good thing?" Ammy asks me. I shrug. "It means we're fun people."  
  
I had a bubble around us just in case anyone fell, I kept my gaze on my friends climbing down, I had glanced below me once and the world spun for a bit. Stupid vertigo. I loved high places, I loved climbing, but the instant I look down...  
  
It wasn't as bad as it had been when I was human, now I can fly. So it was reassuring to know I won't fall. A few minutes in had Teeth trembling with exhaustion. These last two days were more exercise than he's had in years.  
  
All of us floated the rest of the way down. I gave an impromptu lesson about ice formations. "-nd this glacier we're currently descending into is millions of years old. It's been around for so long that the ice at the bottom is pretty much solid as stone from the pressure."  
  
"Wouldn't the heat from the machines melt it from the inside and cause structural instability?" Kryptos asks.  
  
"Why do you think this opening is here? You can't feel it because of the bubble but this place here allows the heat to escape upward and thus keep the bottom cool."  
  
I gaze down, mentally reminding myself that I can fly and I was in no danger of falling "There's a lot of metal down there that was placed to build the servers on top of. It keeps the machines from actually touching the ice and allows for a more careful dispersal of heat. It gets redirected here so the ice below doesn't develop issues."

 

We could see a large metal building now. I adjusted my bubble to bend light around us, thus achieving invisibility in case there was security down here. My paranoia proved fruitful when I spotted security cameras and laser guns slowly scanning around. Hectorgon pales as he sees the guns.  
  
"There's no way I would have been able to get down here by myself." He says softly as our group floats right pass the guns and cameras. "We...won't be shot right?"  
  
"So long as you all stay inside the bubble you're safe."  
  
We make it past the security and float over a wall to find...  
  
"Whoa!" Kryptos gasps.  
   
  
  
The server farm stretched before us. It was huge. I saw machines going off into the distance. Hectorgon fumbled with his briefcase. I lower us to the ground and the Anglesphere pulls out his laptop. He had some tools as well which he used to open up the nearest machine and start messing with the wire inside.  
  
"So what ARE you doing with this?" Kryptos asked eagerly.  
  
"I'm going to deconstruct the Federation's surveillance within the server." He responds. I can tell that wasn't the whole reason. There was too much anger and pain coming off him for such a simple reason. Once more I catch a memory of a little girl.  
  
I'm going to assume that girl was Hec's daughter. I wanted to know what happened but I didn't want to just ask him. Clearly though, something about this had to do with her. Alseph struggles harder. He makes mumbled angry noises.  
  
We all ignore him and just watch Hectorgon type away. I got bored pretty quick and decided to bother Alseph to amuse myself. "So. How've you been doing? I'm sure you want to go home. Well, when we're done here I'll return you to your masters once I get a proper apology from them."  
  
I leaned closer to him and blinked my eye into a mouth to grin at him with sharp teeth. "Frankly, I'm being rather merciful considering you nearly killed my friend."  
  
He shivers.  
  
As I terrified Alseph I hear Kryptos comment "That's a lot of files. What are you searching for?"  
  
"..."  
  
Seeing that he didn't trust us enough to say yet, I tell Kryptos to leave him alone. "A guy's allowed his secrets Kryptos. Don't be nosey, you don't even have a nose."  
  
Kryptos pouts at me even as Hectorgon gives me a grateful look. With nothing much to do, my other friends are quickly bored and we ended up gathering around Alseph to bother him.  
  
"So like, why do you even work for the Federation? Do they really pay that well?" Pyronica asks.  
  
"Naw, officers and other foot soldiers are considered expendable. The coots in charge only need them for their numbers and loyalty. The officers like this guy are paid in food and shelter."  
  
"So...he doesn’t actually make any money?" Teeth seemed horrified by the prospect.  
  
"Naw. He gets a roof over his head from living in the Federation dormitories and free meals from the sanctioned rations and cafeterias."  
  
"That sounds awful. Why would you WANT to live like that? I know Bill said you were brainwashed but seriously?"  
  
I remove his gag so he could at least respond to us if he wanted. "You mock me for my lifestyle! But you're just the same! You're nothing more than toys to the demon!" He hisses.  
  
"Correction. They're my friends. A toy would be Liu-Dag."  
  
"How IS he doing by the way?" Ammy wonders.  
  
"Died of old age centuries ago. Kept attacking the triad he used to lead claiming that he was the 'real' boss. Funny thing is, everyone knew. No one cared. Hubart was just a much nicer boss to work under so all his former minions simply kicked him out. He tried for many more years before finally giving up and attempting to start his own criminal organization. Did pretty well in the crime part, not so well on the organization. Had multiple betrayals by his men when they couldn't stand him anymore..."  
  
Pyronica stares at me incredulously. "You kept track of what he was doing?"  
  
"Course I did. Even if he was a terrible excuse for a minion, he was still MINE. So after a few more years of losing everything, living on the streets and finally collapsing in an alleyway, he gets found by this nice lady who nurses him back to health. Cliche as it was, Liu-Dag actually ended up falling for her and settled down nicely. He had 2 kids and 7 grandchildren."  
  
"That's...surprisingly domestic of him." Pyronica looked amazed.  
  
"Well he got older, grew and changed." I shrugged. That's how mortal creatures were. They changed. Year after year they were always learning, evolving and changing. Unlike beings like Time Baby or the AXOLOTL. Unlike me. Sure I have changed but not all that much considering how old I was. In the past billion years I haven't grown at all as a person. I'm the same now as I was then.  
  
Sometimes I blocked my own memories just so I can 'discover' something new and have that thrill of learning. Immortal creatures take much longer to learn stuff. It was just how things ended up. Ax hasn't changed much, the most personal growth he's had was from interacting with me. He's more casual now, less formal and distant.  
  
It took over 40 billion years to get him to this point.  
  
Time Baby though, hasn't grown at ALL as a person. The same selfish, self centered brat I met all those eons ago. I KNOW Time Baby is around my age, older? Younger? Doesn't matter. You'd think he would have more growth considering he's a baby but...I shake my head. No use getting mad about it. If he refuses to learn, that's HIS issue. Frankly, I should just be glad he hasn't gotten any WORSE.  
  
Alseph was just glaring angrily as we all ignored him. "Why can't you see that this beast is a monster?! You saw what he became! Those teeth and mouths! Has he truly stolen your Souls?!"  
  
"I don't steal Souls, that's rude, I _manipulate_ minds and even then I don't change people's free will or personality." I say patiently. "And do you REALLY need to call me a beast? It's very hurtful. You hurt my feelings." I pout. Teeth guffaws in the background at the gobsmacked look on Alseph's face. "I hurt your feelings?!" He chokes out.  
  
"Yes. I happen to be self conscious about my spontaneous bodily mutations." I huff. "I know it's not very pretty but I can't really do much about it. My body is effected by my emotions and all that."  
  
Alseph sneers. "So you admit that you hide your true monstrous form beneath your cute exterior!"  
  
"You think I'm cute~?" I blush adorably.  
   
  
  
"W-what?! No!" Alseph cries loudly with wide eyes. My friends are trying desperately to muffle their laughter as I continue to troll the officer. "Oh my~I'm flattered but you're not my type sir~" I say bashfully. Alseph looks horrified. "No! You are a repulsive, evil monster!" He screams.  
  
I fan myself with a hand. "I'm sure you say that to ALL women you meet, you lady killer you~" I flutter my long eyelashes at him. He's turning red and making strangled sounds.  
  
"Um...is Bill a girl?" Teeth whispers to Pyronica who just rolls her eye at him. "Really? You haven't noticed?" She scoffs at him. Kryptos looked like he was about as ask what she meant. Ammy spoke up quietly, the lot of them whispering and believing that I couldn't hear them. "Bill is physically a hermaphrodite right? So perhaps he identifies as both male and female as well?"  
  
"Wait. Really?!" Kryptos's mouth falls open in shock. "So he's...she's..." He flushes dark blue. "This explains so much..." He moans.  
  
Teeth was waving his arms in confusion. "B-but he...acts like a guy most of the time? And he's never corrected us when we call him a guy?"  
  
Pyronica huffs. "Bill is both male and female. S/He switches back and forth depending on her mood. You haven't noticed that me and Bill go shopping for pretty clothes together? The many dresses Bill owns? Or when Bill and I do each other's nails?"  
  
Teeth makes a distressed noise. "I just thought that Bill was...really effeminate..." He's moaning in embarrassment. "Now I feel like a butt for not noticing."  
  
"Well he doesn't really say anything about it." Pyronica shrugs. Leaning closer to the others and lowering her voice she whispers "I think Bill normally goes more for male presenting because he gets more respect that way."  
  
The others nod in understanding. Meanwhile I've continued embarrassing poor Alseph who looked like he might combust. "Like, you shot my Friend so there's no way this would work between us anyway."  
  
"Just kill me~" he moans.  
  
"Naw. I'm not even mad anymore. I'm still very angry and I haven't forgiven you but I've calmed down. I ripped you apart. I've taken my 'pound of flesh' as it were. So don't you worry your furry head about it, I'm not gonna kill you."  
  
He didn’t look any happier at the good news.  
  
"I'm done." Hectorgon says. He closes his laptop with a click and carefully eases it back into his briefcase. It's at that point that I noticed his case held more than just his laptop.  
  
"Are those...bombs?" I asked. He stiffens before sighing. "Yeah. I was originally going to destroy the servers. But my plans changed."  
  
"Why?" Kryptos asked, mildly worried.  
  
"I didn't think I would have enough time to hack the system properly. I thought I would be under gunfire and Federation attack while I worked. So it was my last ditch attempt."  
  
I catch a worrying thought from the red creature. He didn't originally plan to make it out of this alive. He came to this planet with the resolve to die and take the servers down with him.  
  
"Who hurt you?" I let the question slip out before my brain caught up with my thoughts. Everyone looks at me in confusion. "What did the Federation do, that made you strike out against them like this?" I amended. "You don’t have to say if you don’t want, but there's a lot of upsetting emotions coming off you. I can taste them."  
  
He looks at me, considering what to say. Whether or not he should even respond. He tugs at his mustache and sighs. "I broke the law first. I was the one at fault."  
  
I absently gagged Alseph again so he wouldn't say something stupid. Hectorgon looks at the ground, collecting his thoughts. "I had a daughter. As you probably know by now, she's no longer alive."  
  
My friends stay respectfully quiet as Hectorgon recounts us with his story. "I used to work for the Federation as a programmer. I was tasked with security, finding and fixing weak spots in their fire walls." He explained.  
  
"I got curious about some encrypted files. One thing led to another, I ended up uncovering a lot of...unsavory secrets the Federation wanted to keep quiet." He glanced over at me. "Like all the Deals they've made with you."  
  
My friends all gasped and stared at me. Even Alseph had gone pale. I just shrugged. "My summoning method is well known. I made sure of that. Anyone is free to summon me to make a Deal."  
  
Alseph is shaking his head in denial. He refused to believe his superiors would EVER willingly go to ME for help. Kryptos looks mildly worried. "And you HELPED them?"  
  
I laugh uproariously. "Help? Ahahahaha! Oh man~I wouldn't call it that. You see, the thing about greedy bastards in power is that they want to STAY in power. You won't believe all the times a council member has tried to use me to get rid of their competition." I didn't go for it of course, the only person I killed for is Time Baby, and even then it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I refuse most Deals that require me to murder someone on the summoner's behalf.  
  
I might kill people during a Deal, but not because they asked me to. If they want someone dead they should do it themselves.  
  
"And...did you?" Teeth looks afraid to know if I really have helped politicians murder their way to the top.  
  
"HELL no! I'm not some attack dog they can sic on their enemies. Naw~I refuse to kill for them and they have to find another way to get that which they desire. There was one guy who asked for the ability to poison people by touching them-"  
  
"I read his file. He was found dead a week before elections. The official story was heart attack from stress but in the files I dug up they stated he clearly had corrosion marks along his skin shaped like triangles."  
  
"The idiot never stated he wanted to be immune to his own poison." I shrug nonchalantly.  
  
"Well that and many other forbidden information is what got me in trouble. They...took my daughter and threatened me into silence." Hectorgon's fists clench and tremble. "They got my silence and cooperation. They told me Helegon would be unharmed so long as I do my job and keep my big mouth shut."  
  
"She was already dead wasn't she?" I say softly. He trembled and nodded. Teeth gasps in horror. Alseph looked shocked. Hectorgon takes a few shaking breaths before continuing. "They tricked me with pre-recordings of her. When I found out the truth I just..." His voice cracked and I gave him a sympathetic pat on the angle.  
  
"So I'm going to reveal all the secrets I found over the server. Every single person who comes through will receive these files. Destroying the server would have only been a temporary inconvenience to them, but THIS will destroy them!" He growls. I felt a stab of worry.  
  
"If the people revolt, the Federation WILL silence them."  
  
"Not if EVERYONE is revolting. Especially not if the sovereign rulers of multiple dimensions are in on it. I've sent off personal IG-Mails to those who've been secretly used and betrayed by the Federation. I'm sure if the king of Ignis rises up, the Federation won't be able to just kill him off like they do to civilians." Hectorgon says.

"The galaxy is going to become a war zone..." Kryptos whimpers fearfully. I wince. It's gonna be kinda difficult to bargain for Hectorgon now. Once the Federation finds out what he did, he'll be the most wanted man in the universe. Also...

"You know that if war breaks out, anyone who is killed or hurt will be indirectly your fault?" I inform him. He nods, guilt oozing from every angle. "I know."  
  
"But you still chose to do this?"  
  
"I want to make a Deal. Can you protect the people from harm? I'm willing to offer anything you want in return. My life, my soul, my everything." Hectorgon says firmly.

I blink in surprise, my darker half salivating at the tantalizing offer. "Anything?" I whisper hungrily. The other part of me was wondering if such a thing was even possible. How much power would such a Deal take? What would it entail? My mind raced through options. My friends watched quietly. Xanthar nudges me. 'worry' coming off him in waves.  
  
"So. You want the people protected from the fallout of your actions and in exchange you'll give me your everything?"  
  
He nods. That's good enough for me. I reach out my hand and he grips it firmly. The fire spreads all around me and I glow with an energy build up. Everyone is surrounded by a thick protective bubble as I continued charging up more energy. I feel their 'anxious confusion' as a high pitched whining sound started, like a laser weapon charging up.  
  
"What are you-" Hectorgon starts to ask.  
  
And then I exploded.  
  
\---  
  
A willing, controlled explosion is much easier to recover from. I sigh and pull myself together. There was thunderous crashing as the entire glacier crumpled around us. Everything was shaking and if it weren't for the protective bubbles we all would have been crushed long before this. Even so I can hear Kryptos's high pitched screaming. I start lifting us up and out of the danger zone.  
  
The destruction was immense. I could see the cracks stretching on for miles. The resulting earthquake could probably be felt back at the city. Hell, the rumbling of the collapsing structure seemed to shake the air itself. The entire glacier fell to pieces and there was a good 45 minutes before the crashing finally stopped.  
  
Damn~ that was...surprisingly satisfying to watch.  
  
Once I was sure everything had finished breaking, I settled us down on a stable patch of rock and ice. Hectorgon is staring at me in horror. "You...destroyed the server..."  
  
"Oh please~that was your original plan anyway. Besides, this way the people will be protected from that stupid, rash thing you did."  
  
"But-! My revenge?!" He gasps as he looks at the destruction all around us. I give him a pat on the angle. "Your IG-Mails still went off. The leaders of a few sovereign nations are gonna have some angry words with the Federation. The general populace though, don't involve them in this. Also, you still disabled the Federation surveillance."  
  
I glare at the red Polysphere. "Don't involve innocent people in your revenge plot. That was quite selfish of you. I understand you did it because you're mad, upset and desperate but seriously man. I don’t think your daughter would have liked that.”  
  
Hectorgon starts sobbing. He knows I'm right. His cries weren't sad though, it was relief that millions of innocents weren't going to pay for the sake of his revenge. My other friends just watched him quietly as he broke down. Even the Federation officer was being respectfully quiet.  
  
When he finally stopped crying he looked up at me and thanked me. I just shrugged. "Seriously though, next time you won't have someone like me to fix your mistakes."  
  
It was a nice cinematic moment. The sun shining off all the shards of ice, Hectorgon smiling gratefully and me floating proudly before him. Then Ammy ruins the moment. "Does this mean we won't have internet anymore?"  
  
……ffffffFFFFFFFFUUUUUU-  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: credit to PeachesnCherry for the suggestion of a transparent alien with antlers. Instead of using an old alien design I made in college I created a new species, Ice-Moose.
> 
> People kept asking about Bill/Zyun-Jan's gender identity so here ya go. They are gender-fluid and change their mind about what they are constantly, to quote Canon!Bill Cipher directly...  
> "I EXIST IN A STATE OF QUANTUM UNCERTAINTY! THAT MEANS THAT EVERYTHING I AM, I'M ALSO NOT!"  
> Granted, he was answering a question about his state of being but I feel it's still an accurate assessment.


	41. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make a deaf man sing a song  
> Make the weak work hard and long  
> The inside out is outside in  
> The end is where it all begins  
> What distant dreams of the absurd  
> What dark secrets have you heard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *Jazz hands* FILLEEEEEEER~~~
> 
> How to write good Filler- Filler should only exist to give more character establishment, growth, relationship development, world building and etc. These also need to fit in with the continuity. Filler exists to give a breather in between plot or story progression.
> 
> That being said...
> 
> A couple of not so subtle references to things I'm a fan of. A strange meta-story set up (which is entirely unnecessary and I'm only doing it because it amuses me). Many personal stories as well. Bill/Jan works through some emotional epiphanies...I use this as an excuse to draw Bill's 'human' form (which I have named William in order to differentiate it from Miz).

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 38**  
  
**-Lonely days are long-**  
  
\---  
  
The fallout from the collapse of the interweb wasn't as bad as I'd feared. The Federation had a backup they were able to set up within a few weeks. The negotiations with the Federation went surprisingly pretty well. The fact that I kept their officer alive despite his crime against me and the fact that I stopped the release of all their dirty laundry to the entire populace made it so they couldn't exactly refuse me my request.  
  
That request being the clearing of Hectorgon's record and his freedom to leave without retaliation for his crimes. Also, as per the terms of Hectorgon's Deal with me, I owned him. And everyone knows how possessive I can get (no matter how much I deny it). Well, officially anyway. Hectorgon understood well that he would have assassins sent after him off the records for pretty much the rest of his life. The council was PISSED after all. They've been dealing with angry complaints from the kings and queens of allied planets about the files they've received. It wasn't quite the revenge he WANTED but he was satisfied nonetheless.  
  
He was still grieving in his own way but I can feel he's gotten some semblance of closure. Enough that he can go about his life without her memory hanging over his every waking moment. Speaking of hanging over him, the assassins.  
  
So he was going to stay at my house until this blows over. He kinda belongs to me now anyway so...  
  
"Normally, I'd tell you that even if you belong to me, you're free to leave whenever you want but unfortunately your situation is somewhat...different." I sigh.  
  
 "It's alright. I did this to myself. You've already done more than enough to help. I'm sorry I'm going to be troubling you with this living situation."  
  
Actually moving Hectorgon into the Death Star proved to be the most trouble. He had so much paperwork to do. He had to sell his house. He had to negotiate with the Federation for any of his belongings or property that they had seized during his run from the law. He had to officially quit his job while getting a resume together to apply for a new one that allowed him to work from home. He had affairs to get in order. It was a nightmare to deal with all that paperwork.  
  
Alseph was given back to his masters. I could feel a hesitancy in him. The foundations of his belief in the righteousness of his handlers was shaken. He was still a loyal soldier but I could feel his doubt. Welp, not my problem now.  
  
I got those computers for everyone. Hectorgon bemusedly encrypted our signals after I hacked into the satellites to obtain internet connection illegally. No way I'm paying for this shit. "You can cause massive, widespread destruction, bully the government into giving you what you want AND hijack radio waves from a different dimension...but you can't set up a an IP encryption?"  
  
"Programming is hard~" I whined as he laughed.  
  
Hectorgon settled into our lives surprisingly well. He unconsciously started parenting Ammy and Kryptos. Small things like checking if they remembered to eat, Kryptos sometimes lost track of time while studying whatever caught his interest (he once spent nearly two days in his room reading) and Ammy technically didn't need food if he had access to my flames but whenever I had to leave for long periods of time I found Hectorgon doing the cooking back home.  
  
It was nice to have a (somewhat) responsible adult in the house.  
  
I ended up postponing Hectorgon's welcome party since I still had a lot of negotiations with the high council to work out (half of them were unaware of the dirty dealings of the others and it caused a huge argument to break out, I felt hopeful that at least SOME of the high council were morally upright people). I collapsed on the couch in relief when I finally finished all the paperwork. Ugh. Getting flashbacks to my archival days. Fuck politics.  
  
Teeth got to choose the restaurant we were holding our 'New Friend' party at. We got a large table at the Pizsta Palace so Teeth could passive aggressively show off how nice he was living without his colony. I missed this place. Might have gorged myself on mushroom tortellini before getting into a few glasses of pineapple cocktails. Pyronica was still disturbed by my love for pineapples.  
  
I managed to Blink everyone back home in one piece before flying off in a half tipsy state.  
  
\---  
  
I sobered up hours later to find myself floating above a...  
  
There's a Penis planet?! When did THAT happen? For some reason I feel like I should know this...  
  
Wait. Are those MY Madness Bubbles spread around the planet? Did I create this planet?! When the hell did that happen?!  
  
....it's pretty nice actually....  
  
Oh hey. There's a Recording bubble. I guess I sent it down to film the planet, I wonder what it found...  
  
It's porn. Oooooh this is definitely porn. What about this other bubble...it's also porn. Is this all porn?! Is this planet just porn?! I can't decide if this is a good thing or not? On one hand...entertainment. On the other hand...porn planet. Heh heh...  
  
Well it looks like some aliens from other dimensions have already discovered this place. So far it seems they're too afraid to actually make contact with the inhabitants. Well that's good? I'm kind of curious about the inhabitants myself.  
  
I blink down into the planet and watch them invisibly. Funny enough, none of them appeared self aware enough to realize their world was a porno. Did they even have true sentience? I reached out to feel them and was surprised to find that some of them actually had souls.  
  
The ones with souls seemed to be the 2nd generation. Their parents were pretty much automatons created from visions from within my Bubbles. They only cared for sex while their children seemed capable of true thought (even if those thoughts were of sex). I'm sure that after a few generations the planet would cease to be a porno. The desire for sex will still be strong and events will happen that encourage such activities but the people will all be free thinking and can decide not to. I watched the planet, this was so weird and yet so cool.  
  
I resolved to check back here after a few generations. The fact that the inhabitants of this planet were pretty much Human in shape and behavior meant I could come back once the sex died down and pretend I was on a modern day Earth.  
  
Speaking of, how IS the Earth doing? A quick check revealed, still raining. Ugh~this is gonna take forever~  
  
I blink back home, dropping by the Nightmare Realm to leave the porn bubbles for later perusal. There was some good shit in there. I wondered if I could sell it as commercial porn on the void markets?  
  
Hm. I need to do something wholesome to take my mind off this perverted subject.  
  
\---  
  
"Guys! I demand we have a Game night at least once a week!" I announce loudly. My friends stare at me, some in confusion while those who knew me better just sighed in resignation.  
  
"Ooh! Like playing **Fight Streeters**?" Teeth jumps excitedly. He's been trying to talk everyone into playing with him since it's a two player game and he found the AI fighter too easy. Sadly, after he beat the crap out of all of us multiple times, no one wanted to go against him anymore.  
  
"Actually I was thinking...THIS!" I drop a book onto the living room table and my friends gathered around to look. "The...Maid RPG?" Ammy says out slowly.  
  


(#Not sponsored)  
  
"Wut?" Pyronica stares at me expressionlessly. "Seriously, wut?"  
  
"What IS it with you and Maids?" Kryptos whines. I feel like he still hasn't forgiven me for that one time I put him in a maid outfit....but it looked so cute on him!  
  
"I for one, am very much interested in this game." Hectorgon says quickly. Kryptos makes a distressed sound. "But why?!" Hectorgon and I stare at each other and then grin widely as we say in unison “”Moe~Moe~Kyuun!”” before giving each other a high four. I’m thrilled to find out Hec is a fellow maid lover.  
  
Pyronica leaves the room wordlessly.  
  
"A maid game huh?" Ammy asks as he begins flipping through the pages. Oh sweet Ammy, I can always count on you to try something out at LEAST once.  
  
Teeth looked willing to at least try the game, even if he was pouting over his fighting game idea being turned down. Xanthar was napping in the garden (plus it would be difficult for him to play when he can't talk) and Pyronica left so that just leaves...  
  
"Four players? I can do that." I wave my hands and set up the table. Kryptos shakes his head quickly. "Nope. I'm not doing this."  
  
"Oh come on Kryptos~"  
  
"No. I d-don't want to wear a dress again." He flushes and stutters in embarrassment. I sigh but conceded. "Ok. I promise I will not force you into a dress without your permission."  
  
"I'm NOT going to give you permission!" He wails.  
  
"So how does this work?" Hectorgon asks as he jumps down to scoot closer to the table. "All I know currently is that it'll have maids."  
  
"Ok, so you guys need to roll these dice and that'll determine what kind of Maid you are. You get stats and abilities and etc. The point of the game is to be a good Maid and try to earn Favor from your master/mistress, in other words, Me. There's a bunch of different scenarios we can play through along with random events I can roll for as well."  
  
"Huh...sounds...nice?" Teeth says awkwardly.  
  
"It's role play storytelling!" I insist as I materialized the blank character sheets and a bunch of dice. "At least make your character and play a few rounds. Please?"  
  
Teeth sighs before settling down at the table. After some hesitant grumbles, Kryptos sat down as well. Ammy floats down to sit between the Polytool and the Anglesphere. I briefly wonder if I should make a name for Ammy's species. Something punny to do with his shape? Naw, Amorphous Shape is already what he is.  
  
Resolving to do that later, I start explaining the Maid creation process. "Also, I can create a little construct of your maid character for the board. Just say what you want it to do when it's your turn."  
  
The game had a pretty rocky start but the hilarious hijinks the characters got up to eventually made Kryptos laugh and I felt triumphant. All in all, we had a fun 1st session. Even if they all failed to be good maids. I was rather distressed that they failed so spectacularly in just one day of game time. It was pretty funny though.  
  
"So..." I looked down at the board and tried to stifle my mirth as Kryptos and Teeth cackled loudly. "To recap, there are mummified hamsters all over the mansion because SOMEONE thought it would be a good idea to use spider webs to capture them..."  
  
"It seemed the most efficient use of my skill set." Ammy shrugged. He rolled Spider-Girl as his species and proceeded to use webbing as his answer to every problem, including the laundry. The hamsters were from the Rude Goldberg machines that everyone built all around the mansion because they thought it'd be a good idea. Until the hamsters escaped at least.  
  
"The kitchen is a mess because SOMEONE thought it'd be a good idea to cook dinner while racing in a little kid's toy car..."  
  
"My stress explosion is driving the nearest vehicle at high speeds! It's on my character sheet!" Teeth protests before snorting and laughing.  
  
"The spirit of an ancient ancestor has cursed you into jelly for accidentally digging up his grave..." I snorted as I looked at Hectorgon's Mini on the board. It was oozing green slime.  
  
"The note said there was treasure somewhere on the manor grounds! I had to look for it." Hectorgon shrugs. I rolled my eye. "Not only did you disturb the rest of a grumpy ghost, your digging stirred up the secret organization living in the hidden bunker beneath the mansion..." Speaking of which, "The secret organization from the bunker trying to assassinate your young master were all killed by the traps you put around his bed..."  
  
"Those traps were meant for HIM I cannot believe those stupid assassins had to set them off." Kryptos grumbled even as his mouth twitched into a grin.  
  
"I still can't believe you spent the entire game trying to kill the young master." Hectorgon pouts. "Isn't that against the point of this game?"  
  
"I'm an infiltrator. A disgraced princess from the fallen kingdom the young master's family destroyed!" Kryptos protested. "Besides, I was TRYING to make it look like an accident." Teeth fell over laughing "AHAHAH! How was trip-wire traps all around his BED supposed to be an accident?!"  
  
"...and to top it all off, the dead bodies and screaming, along with your terrible attempts to calm him down, has caused the young master to run away from home." I put down the book and sighed. "Well I think that was a good first session, despite the lot of you failing to accomplish your objective. Are any of you interested in playing again sometime?"  
  
"Dude, this was hilarious. I'm up for it." Teeth grins.  
  
"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." Kryptos seemed surprised at his own admission, blushing faintly, feeling both joy and mild shame for enjoying the game. I'm gonna have to talk to him about that later. He needs to know there's no reason to feel bad for liking something weird so long as it doesn't hurt anyone.  
  
"Can I...keep the little Maid constructs?" Hectorgon asks. I nod yes and he eagerly picks them up. That odd grin on his face made me wonder if this was a bad idea.  
  
"I...think I enjoy this game." Ammy says. "It was a good simulation for social interactions in unusual circumstances, on the spot problem solving, critical thinking and..." He glances around at us. "...I get to spend time with you all."  
  
There was a squealing sound like a tea kettle going off as I reach out and hug Ammy to myself. I was so proud of him. He gives me a long suffering look but to my surprise he hugs me back. Eeeeeee!!!  
  
I sniffle and tear up. "My little baby's all grown up..." I was glowing happily and proudly.  
  
"So...IS Ammy actually Bill's kid?" Kryptos whispers to Teeth as Hectorgon leans in as well.  
  
"Well...Pyronica keeps joking about it while Bill and Ammy deny it..."  
  
"But...if you ignore the difference in shape...Ammy has Bill's eyes right? They have the same eyelashes." Kryptos points out.  
  
"Now that you point that out..." Hectorgon rubs his chin in thought. "But then why would they deny it?"  
  
Teeth shrugs. "Apparently Bill is a virgin so I really don't know how that's possible unless his species can asexually reproduce."  
  
"You know we can hear you right?"  
  
The gossiping group squeaked. Kryptos seemed afraid that I would get mad at them for talking about my personal affairs. "Look, it's complicated...Ammy was created...accidentally by my powers." I still didn't know for sure how he formed.  
  
Kryptos double takes so hard he fell over. "You created LIFE?!"  
  
"I know right?! My powers normally only make soulless constructs but...Ammy is truly alive with a soul and free will."  
  
"But...doesn't that mean he IS your child?" Hectorgon asks.  
  
I sighed. "I just don't know if I'm ready to be a parent...I'm only 100 billion years old..."  
  
"Only he says, as if being older than the known universe isn't enough..." Kryptos mutters.  
  
"Well...Bill has asked me once if I considered him my parent." Ammy speaks up "At the time I said no. I had only just met him and come into awareness as a being capable of thought."  
  
We all watched as the Amorphous Shape bent his blocks around as he struggled to put his thoughts into words. "I have read up on the definition of Parent and in my studies I have concluded that whether or not Bill birthed me, his actions throughout my life have been that of a caregiver and educator. A provider, a protector...a parent." He nods to himself, sure of his conclusion.  
  
"Regardless if Bill is my biological sire or not, he has filled the role of a Parent in my life. And you all-" he gestures to my other friends "-are my brothers and sisters. You are my family. The only one I have ever known."  
  
Teeth glances at me. "Bill...are you crying?"  
  
The tears dribbled down my plane as I'm overcome with emotion. I don't know how to describe this. I was so proud of Ammy. I was so happy. I was so anxious. I wasn't sure which emotion to focus on. Which one to respond to. I wiped at my tears and grabbed the Amorphous Shape into a gentle hug. I didn't say anything. Just held him.  
  
The others were respectfully quiet.  
  
  
  
\---  
  
Things didn't change between us even after the revelation that Ammy saw himself as my son. I was glad for that. I was afraid I would have to do something different, treat him differently after such a big turning point. But we went back to life as usual and I was feeling...happy and unsure. Even if Ammy had found his answer, I still had a little trouble thinking of myself as a parent.  
  
Zyun-Jan had never considered being a mother. It wasn't something I ever really thought about. My friends would talk about wanting to start families and I always felt odd that I didn't think the same. One friend wanted to adopt children. She was always mothering the rest of us, she was always longing to raise a child. She couldn't actually birth her own children, she didn't want to pass on all her genetic disorders and thus she dreamed of adoption. Even as she worked on her career she told me how she wanted to marry a nice girl and adopt some children together.  
  
I had another friend who, even back in high school, told me that her only dream in life was to get pregnant and become a mother. She didn't care about who the father would be, she just wanted to have a child. I never understood that. It seemed so...weird to me that someone's only goal for the future was to be a mother. Me, with my dreams of publishing my own comic, of making a name for myself in the artistic community, just couldn't understand her.  
  
I still can't. I still don't know what to do about parenthood. I never planned to be a mother. But I am. I am a mother now. I have a son. And part of me was terrified of this revelation. Externally speaking, nothing has changed. I still provide for my friends (dare I say family?) and we still go on wild, silly romps through the universe spreading chaos wherever we go.  
  
Internally I was a confused mess.  
  
I went to Ax and laid on his arm in thought. I didn't think I was ready for this. But apparently I've already been a parent. And I was already doing a good job...right?  
  
"Hey Ax?"  
  
**-Hm?-**  
  
"Have you...ever been a parent?"  
  
**-I create Life. I create Souls. Every creature in all the multiverse are my children. Everything that contains a Soul will technically be my children-**  
  
"...even me?"  
  
He moves his head to look at me. He is quiet for a long time, an unreadable look on his face. I never know what he’s thinking. If I tried to guess, I think I would call this expression, internal debate. **-I would not turn you away, if you wished to be my child-**  
  
Did I? If Ax is the parent of every living thing in the multiverse, he was an absent parent. By the definitions that most species come up with for Parenthood, Ax would be considered neglectful. But I know that's not true. If he is truly the father of all life, then he cannot take a side for ANY argument. That would be favoritism. He cannot raise his hand to people, even if they're assholes, because they are still his children.  
  
It's not like he's completely abandoned his children, he is a god, his worshipers spread his teachings for peace. Jessie teaches her maidens and any who enter Dimension 52 about kindness, peace with oneself and others. I knew that Ax can hear prayers. Anyone who prays to the AXOLOTL will be heard. Heck, anyone who prays to ME will be heard. It comes with being a god.  
  
Even if Ax cannot allow himself to directly interfere with the lives of his people, he is still connected to them all. Every person who has a Soul is connected to him. He can feel their every breath. He can feel when they stop. All this I have found out over the years, details about Ax's powers that I've learned through our many conversations.  
  
If he really does think of all living creatures as his children, how much must it hurt him to remain neutral even when they call out to him? I can't even imagine the agony of feeling them die. People die everyday. The multiverse is infinite. Untold numbers of lives go out every second. And Ax could feel all of them. I hugged his arm and vibrated my bricks to try and mimic Ax's soothing rumbles.  
  
I was reminded once again why I exist.  
  
I cannot die. Even if all the multiverse is full of lives that come and go, with the AXOLOTL feeling each one snuff out, I will always remain. I will always be here. I held Ax close to me and tried to convey my love for him.  
  
"I would be honored to be your child." I said softly. Then I laughed a bit. "Calling you Dad is gonna be weird though."  
  
He lowers his head to press against me. **-You may call me whatever you wish-**  
  
I suddenly realized something. "Shit. This means Time Baby is technically my big brother."  
  
\---  
  
I make a new year's resolution to myself. I do this every year (when I remember to at least, keeping track of years is hard) and for the most part I have never been able to keep it. Things like ' This year I WON'T loose my temper' or ' This year I'll try not to kill anyone' don't last very long.  
  
Most of the time it wasn't even my fault.  
  
Without fail, SOMETHING will happen to just...push me over the edge. Pretty much 75% of the time, it's Time Baby. I don't even know why I can't let this go. I've tried to be patient with him. I've tried to hold my temper but the instant I see his stupid face I just get irritated.  
  
"What is it THIS time?" I grumble as I appear inside the summoning circle. He's sitting in his floating chair as per usual. Why he even has that thing when I know for a fact he can float perfectly fine on his own and using thousands of fuel cells to power that chair to lift his 9 trillion ton fatass is beyond me.  
  
"THERE IS A MAN YOU MUST STOP. HE IS-"  
  
"Hang on a sec." I interrupted. "I just have a question first."  
  
Time Baby gives me an annoyed look but finally nods and gestures for me to go on.  
  
"Why do you hate me?" I asked.  
  
He blinks at me in confusion. "BECAUSE YOU ARE EVIL." He replies simply.  
  
"In what way am I evil?" I try to keep cool. Resolution, work things out between me and my...brother...  
  
"YOU KILL PEOPLE."  
  
I take a few deep breaths to stop myself from just SCREAMING at him. "...you ASK me to kill people. You DEMAND me to kill people. Also, YOU kill people too. Murder does not equate evil, unless you admit that YOU are evil too."  
  
"BUT YOU ENJOY KILLING PEOPLE."  
  
"No. I don't. I don't enjoy it at all. I admit I enjoy MESSING with people. I like spreading chaos and having fun. I do NOT enjoy killing."  
  
He looks confused. "BUT YOU ARE DEATH. YOU ARE THE SCREAMING, UNCARING CHAOS OF THE INFINITE VOID. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE EVIL. YOU DESTROY DIMENSIONS.”  
  
"Well what if I'm not? Have you ever even TRIED to make sure if I was ACTUALLY evil or not?"  
  
"YOU SPREAD CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION WHEREVER YOU GO."  
  
"And of those many billions of times I create chaos, how many people have died by my hand?”  
  
He opens his mouth to reply, realizes that the percentage of actual deaths per rampage were surprisingly low (if you really compared them statistically speaking, more people died from vehicle accidents than any of my destructive rampages) and closes his mouth. His face scrunches up. "YOU ARE CONFUSING ME! YOU ARE BILL CIPHER AND YOU ARE EVIL! THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!"  
  
I sighed in irritation. Well, I didn’t think it would be easy. Time Baby simply wouldn't be able to understand this huh? At least I've managed to control my temper. I just felt disappointed. Was there some way to just...make him grow up enough to be ABLE to understand?  
  
As I prepared to shake on my newest Deal with my....brother...I had a sudden thought. "Hey. Instead of a Favor, how about your price this time is that you have to hang out with me for a day?"  
  
Maybe if he can see it with his own eyes what I'm like, instead of just hearing reports about what I've done filtered through the mouths of his terrified officers...  
  
He stares at me. "WHAT?! YOU WOULD HAVE ME ABANDON MY WORK?!"  
  
"Look, I know Time is Money and all, but it's not like we're in a recession ya get me? You can afford at least a day off right? You can delegate, assign some other guys to monitor things while you're gone. Working all the time (pun unintended) cannot be healthy."  
  
"I TAKE NAPS!"  
  
"But when was the last time you've relaxed? Had fun? Done something besides Eat, Sleep, Poop and micro-manage the time stream?"  
  
"I HAVE AN IMPORTANT DUTY TO MAINTAIN ORDER! I CANNOT RUN OFF TO WASTE MY EXISTENCE ON FRIVOLOUS NONSENSE!"  
  
"Bullshit. You regularly neglect your job to host Globnar matches. It's broadcast on live television throughout the multiverse so you can't even lie and say you don't."  
  
He looks upset that he can't say anything to refute me. "YOU'RE A MEANIE AND I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU!" He finally pouts.  
  
I roll my eye. "Really? That's the best you can do? Seriously. Just assign some halfway competent dudes to watch things while you're gone. It's ONLY a day."  
  
When he still looked reluctant I materialize a giant lollipop and wave it around in front of him. He agreed near instantly.  
  
\---  
  
After getting my job done quickly (Robirt Oleg, a Fgnick scientist who built a working time machine, Time Baby doesn't allow for non-authorized time travel devices. I didn't HAVE to kill this one, just destroyed his machine and pulled the knowledge of how to build one out of his head. He was quite upset but I informed him that the alternative was DEATH and suggested he use his efforts towards an invention less likely to destabilize the universe.) I took Time Baby with me to a park.  
  
To prevent a mass panic, I went into my humanoid form (was it stupid to name myself William in this form?) and shrunk Time Baby to true infant size.  
  
  
  
He looked around awkwardly. He wasn't used to being out in public without a purpose. I spot a sandbox and brought Time Baby over to it. He frowns at me but I hand him a lollipop and he pops it in his mouth without complaint.  
  
Geez, I was bribing a god with candy.  
  
He sits in the sandbox watching the other children running around the park and stares incredulously as I sit in the sand and start playing as well. "WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT?" He grumbles at me. I quirk my eye at him. "Would you prefer if we both return to our true forms to cause mass hysteria and chaos?"  
  
"...."  
  
"Yeah that's what I thought." I continued playing in the sand. "Do you want to try?" I asked him as I pushed some sand towards him.  
  
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? THIS...ACTIVITY?" I know he wasn't talking about playing in the sand. I shrug and grin at him.  
  
  
  
"Because I want you to stop hating me. It's hard you know? It really hurts my feelings and I just...wanted to see if maybe a relaxing day without work would allow us to understand each other a little better."  
  
He continues to stare at me suspiciously. I sigh. "Look Time Baby, you hate me and I don't particularly like you but I still want us to try and get along better. Wouldn’t that be better then arguing and yelling at each other all the time?"  
  
"WE WILL NEVER GET ALONG. YOUR VERY NATURE REPULSES ME."  
  
I try very hard to keep my patience. Calm Bill. Calm. Breathe. "Hey, do you want to go on the swings? I can push you?" I pick him up and place him into one of the baby seats.  
  
He managed a completely unimpressed face even as I swung him.  
  
  
  
I sat on the swing beside him and rock back and forth. "What is wrong with you? Most kids love swinging." Heck, I loved swinging. I have fond memories of going to Castle Island with my family for the sole purpose of playing on the swing set for hours.  
  
Man I missed the sounds of ocean waves. I should take my friends out to a beach sometime. Just a whole day at the beach. Maybe a couple days. I could rent a cabin. I'm shaken out of my thoughts by Time Baby levitating out of the swing and floating away. "THIS IS A WASTE OF MY TIME."  
  
"Hey, we had a Deal. One whole day just hanging out. If you don’t like the park we can do something else. Where do you want to go?"  
  
I wanted to TRY. I wanted us to...attempt to stop hating each other. It was exhausting to be angry all the time at him. I'm even willing to forgive his selfish requests if he would at LEAST stop treating me like something disgusting.  
  
It's been 100 billion years. There's no reason to keep this grudge going. I'm just...tired.  
  
Time Baby pouts before telling me where he wanted to go. I blink in surprise. Truly didn't expect this from him. "Ok, easily done." We blink away and end up at...  
  
The bounce house dimension.  
  
Time Baby's eyes light up as he stares longingly at the brightly colored world. The ground, plants, clouds and everything else were all soft, air filled bouncy surfaces. He wiggled out of my arms and started bouncing on a nearby flower bush. I couldn't help but find his joyous behavior adorable.  
  
I'm not used to thinking he's cute.  
  
I know that as a baby he's just automatically cute but his personality generally made it hard to be endearing. Now though, it was...nice to see him having fun.  
  
We played for a bit before bouncing off to find some food. There was a grand opening of a waffle house nearby...  
  
\---  
  
In retrospect, making waffles in a bounce house was a bad idea.  
  


"You can't even blame ME for this one. They did it to themselves..." I grumbled as I brushed some ashes off my arms. The burned down remains of the waffle house smoked behind us. I managed to flick all the people outside before anyone got hurt.

  
"EVEN I WILL ADMIT THIS ONE WAS NOT YOUR FAULT." Time Baby seemed unconcerned with the crying natives, more upset that he didn't get any food. One of the Loonba's (the native species to this dimension, a humanoid made out of balloons) wailed loudly "If only we didn't have such weak grips!!"  
  
"Well since this was a mess, where do you want to eat lunch?" I asked Time Baby as I once more gathered him up in my arms. He ponders for a bit. "CAKE?"  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
We leave the crying Loonbas behind as we blink to another dimension.  
  
\---  
  
I will admit, the sight of the many cakes and pastries made me salivate. Time Baby was shocked to learn we needed MONEY to buy the cakes. He was used to people just giving him stuff because he was TIME BABY and got treated with the respect that comes from being the god of Time.  
  
No one recognized him like this. So he didn’t get any of the respect he was used to receiving. He also had no money. Since this place only accepted Federation credits, neither did I.  
  
"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! HOW CAN THEY DENY US THOSE SOFT SWEET TREATS?!"  
  
"That's what happens when the Federation enforces a monetary system that, due to their own stupid laws, a quarter of the known universe cannot even earn. The counter-productive citizenship laws prevent people from being able to get a job that earns Credits. That means even if people WANT to work and earn money they cannot do so. Left with no choice when everything costs Credits to buy and no way to legally make said Credits since they need a Citizen ID to get a job and getting an ID cost money, they turn to crime."  
  
Time Baby stares at me. "IS THAT WHY THE CRIME RATE IS SO HIGH ON NEWLY INTEGRATED PLANETS AND DIMENSIONS?"  
  
"No shit Sherlock. What did you THINK was causing that problem?"  
  
"I SIMPLY THOUGHT THE NATIVES WERE BEING REBELLIOUS AND REFUSING TO CONFORM TO A MORE ORDERLY GOVERNMENT."  
  
"Well some of it's that too, but there are a whole bunch of other problems with the Federation's violent and forceful invasion of other worlds. You see, most people DON’T like it when a group of strangers come in to start bossing them around, demanding that they submit to them, telling them that their entire way of life is wrong and persecuting them for laws they don't know or understand."  
  
"BUT...WE ESTABLISH A BETTER SYSTEM. WE ESTABLISH ORDER AND MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER."  
  
"Sometimes sure, but just 'cause YOU think it's better for them doesn’t mean THEY will." I cannot believe he's never realized this. At least the council KNOWS that their invasion of other species's lives and rights was wrong, they just continue to do it anyway. To be fair, a few of them truly thought they were doing good.  
  
I know Time Baby doesn't care about having political power, he already GETS all the power he wants from the people around him. Simply because he is Time. Everyone needs him so they stay on his good side. I wonder if that's why he hates me so much? I question him, I go against him, I make it clear I don't obey him. He's not used to having someone who outright defies him. Especially so because he cannot simply vaporize me like he does to other people.  
  
I cannot kill him and he cannot kill me. If I had a true physical form I'd be able to over power him but currently we were around equal. He's worried about this fact. I can tell he is. But while someone who can think things through properly will realize that the solution to this fear of mutual annihilation is to befriend me, Time Baby is emotionally immature enough that all he understands is that he doesn't like me and acts accordingly.  
  
I felt like I was making many epiphanies today. Time Baby also looked like he wasn't sure how to handle this new information. Either way though, he was still hungry and I wanted food too. With another long-suffering sigh, I blink us away somewhere else.  
  
I materialize a high chair and deposit him into it as I enter the kitchen. Time Baby looks around in confusion. "WHERE HAVE YOU TAKEN US CIPHER?"  
  
"My house. I figure I can just cook something. Sadly I'm not the best baker so there's no cake. I can make pudding though." The Nightmare Realm might seem like a bad place to go but so long as we’re inside my house it’s peaceful.  
  
Time Baby grumbles. I end up making banana pudding with chocolate sauce. As he makes a huge mess everywhere (and I cringe internally at the splatter of chocolate sauce on my nice wooden floors) I munch on my own lunch, a simple roast boof sandwich with luttece and tomato. It even had some homemade mayo.  
  
Boof tasted almost like beef. Space cows were weird. A luttece was pretty much a blue lettuce.  
  
For some reason Tomatoes and Potatoes were the same even in different dimensions. Small miracles. As I chewed on my lunch, ducking the occasional splatter of pudding from Time Baby I wondered if he was enjoying himself. I hoped I could...mend the rift between us.  
  
I just really wanted a family.  
  
Time Baby demanded a nap after lunch so I made him his own room and a crib. He complained about how it wasn't soft enough and told me that he did NOT have fun today and that once he woke up he was going home. I hold back my urge to punch him. As he slept I cleaned up the mess and wondered if this would work. This silly plan of mine to make my big brother like me?  
  
Was I trying too hard? Was I too insistent? Forceful? I don't know. I blinked away a few tears and tried not to let it bother me. Even after everything we've done today I don't feel his emotions towards me changing in any way. He still didn't like me. He was more focused on thinking about the problems inherent within the Federation's hostile take over approach.  
  
All work and no play makes Time Baby a dull boy.  
  
Speaking of all work...  
  
I collapsed to the ground. Exhausted from just an afternoon together with Time Baby.  
  
  
  
"Uuuugh~" I just felt...emotionally drained. It was so...tiring. Was all this effort even worth it? I got the feeling I accomplished nothing today. I finished cleaning my kitchen and quietly went into the new bedroom. The embodiment of Fate was sleeping quietly. He looked rather adorable, all small and quiet like this.  
  
I remember watching Zyun-Kei sleep like this back when she was a baby. I had read somewhere that some babies will just die for no reason in their sleep. I used to watch her sleep and check if she was still breathing properly. My mom told me not to worry so much but I still sat next to the crib and made sure my baby sister was still alive. Zyun-Zeon and I were in charge of taking care of Kei whenever our parents weren't home.  
  
It was surprisingly often because they both worked at the restaurant. When Zeon and I had school we would have a babysitter but if it was a weekend or school break then we were expected to look after her. I was 12 when Kei was born, Zeon was 10. We weren't allowed to watch Kei by ourselves until she was at least a year old.  
  
I smile at the memories, quietly sitting down next to Time Baby's crib and watching his chest rise and fall with his breaths.  
  
I remember the time we put Kei on the sofa. I had looked away for a second and turned back to see that Kei had crawled up to the end and was about to fall off the side. For some stupid reason our sofa was right next to the stairs. I screamed and Zeon, lovely, beautiful, brave and wonderful Zeon, dove over the sofa to grab Kei. They both ended up falling down the stairs but Zeon shielded our sister with their body and Kei was miraculously unharmed.  
  
I never took my eyes off my sister again for YEARS.  
  
I frown at Time Baby. "You're my big brother." I whisper softly. "You're supposed to protect me. Take care of me." That's what older siblings DID. They nurtured and protected the younger ones and in exchange the younger siblings respect and revered their elders. That's how it worked. That's how it was supposed to work.  
  
"But I guess, you've never thought of yourself as my brother. This is just me projecting because I want siblings." I lean my head against the crib. "I've never had an older sibling before. I was the eldest. It was my job to take care of others. I've never had a big brother to protect me. Never had the older sibling I could go to when people bullied me or hurt me."  
  
I wiped a few tears absently. "To be fair, I never really thought of YOU as my sibling. It's unfair of me to suddenly expect things from you. I know you're under a lot of stress all the time. Hah. Get it? Time..."  
  
I sighed. Time Baby dreamt in colors and sounds. No real images or thoughts, just abstract sensations. It was surprisingly soothing to feel. "You work hard. I might complain that you're a jerk but I know you're just doing what it is that YOU think is right. Even when you're wrong. And hell, it's not like I'm right all the time either so..."  
  
I know it was pointless to just talk to myself like this. Time Baby couldn't hear my words. This was all pointless. Yet I continued speaking, slowing working through my own feelings. "I can understand why you make me do your requests. I know you're just looking out for the stability of the multiverse and all that. Goodness knows how truly chaotic the world would be if you didn't try and organize it the way you do."  
  
I frowned. "I think that's the source of our issues with each other. You seem to think that all the chaos in the world is MY fault. And I'm just saying this now, it's not. The galaxy is an uncaring, unfeeling mess and it achieved that all by itself without any input from me. Existence is just MEANT to be unpredictable and strange. I know that seems scary to you. It scares most people."  
  
I reach into the crib to adjust his blankie. "You're afraid of the unknown. You want everything to follow the schedule you made. It makes you feel like you have control over the world around you. You like routines. You like knowing what will happen. To be fair, I follow routines too. But unlike you, I'm perfectly fine with changing things up. If life throws me a curve ball I go with it. I work around it. I learn from it."  
  
Why did I get a strange feeling that Ax would be really good at throwing balls? The thought of Ax in a baseball jersey, pitching fastballs popped into my head and I stifle a laugh. "What I'm trying to say is, I've embraced the uncertainty of existing in an uncaring universe. Well, that's not entirely correct. I'm scared too you know? But I just decide to take things as they come and hope for the best. I don't obsess over making everything 'perfect' like you do."  
  
I sit in silence, letting the seconds tic by. "I wonder if that's why we can't get along? I don't like you." I confessed. "Even after today and all my efforts to TRY and like you, I just...kinda hate you. You're selfish, needy, blinded by your own arrogance, unyielding and unforgiving. I'm exhausted just spending an afternoon together with you. I kinda hate you and I don't know if that's a bad thing or not."  
  
At the very least, I know the feeling is mutual.  
  
"But even if I hate you and you hate me, it doesn't mean we can't TRY to get along, for Ax's sake at least. You know he can't pick a side and having to put up with our fighting is stressful for him." I roll my eye. "Of course it's not like you care, so once again, it'll fall on ME to be the bigger man and turn the other cheek. The things I do for Ax. Do you even realize how much I do? You probably don't know and don't care. This is why you're selfish. It can be excused by the fact that you're an immortal, unchanging baby but that's an unfair excuse for your lack of empathy."  
  
There's no response of course. Time Baby rolls over in his sleep, breathing softly. "It's not fair that you're so cute." I mutter. "Someone THIS assholish has no right being so adorable." I pout and reach out a finger to poke his cheek. My finger sinks into his fat and the baby grumbles in his sleep, turning his head away. "Well, I've said my piece. I know you didn't hear a word of it but...I guess I feel better now that it's out in the open?"  
  
I get up and quietly walk to the door. "I hate you, big brother." I say as I open the door. "I don't think I'll ever stop hating you. And...that's okay, I think?" Because I have Ax. I have Jessie. I have all my friends. I have my Son. "So it's fine if we hate each other. I don't NEED you." I conclude before leaving the room and teleporting Time Baby back to his house, on his own bed and resized back to his usual giant self.  
  
After a moment of thought, I scrapped the bedroom as well, I wasn't inviting him back so I didn't need it. Fuck, I feel so down right now. I need to go do something fun...  
  
\---  
  
Cooking with Bill!  
  
The sounds of cheering and applause rang out as I waved happily into the darkness before me. “Hey kids! It’s me Bill Cipher and welcome to another exciting episode of Cooking with Bill!” I pause to wait for the cheering to die down. “My co-host for today is…”  
  
A spotlight flicks on beside me and Pyronica squints. “Ugh! What the fu-“ There is the sound of a bicycle bell “-ck is happening? Are you doing that cooking show again?” She blinks in surprise. “Um…fu-“ There’s a dog bark “-ck?” She looks annoyed now. “FU-“ A loud sneeze sounds out “-CK! What the fu-“ The revving of a motorcycle -“ck Bill?! I can’t swear?!”  
  
“There are CHILDREN watching this Ronica! We have to set a good example.”  
  
“Bill. You have one of the worst potty-mouths of any creature I’ve met.” Pyronica deadpans.  
  
“ANYWAY! Today’s recipe is…SHEPHERD’S PIE!” I pull the cloth off a large pan on the counter to reveal the dish. A chorus sings “Ahh~”  
  
“Um…Bill, that’s already cooked.”  
  
“Yeah, I might have gotten a bit too excited and pre-made it…BUT I will be talking you through the steps so you can make the next one!”  
  
“Yeah~no~I suck at cooking.”  
  
The audience makes a sad “Awww…” sound. Pyronica squints out into the darkness. “There’s literally nothing there. This is kind of creepy…”  
  
“So first, you’ll need potatoes!”  
  
“Not more potatoes!!! I thought we’d finally finished eating them all!” Pyronica wails in despair. “I’m sick of eating potatoes! They’re good but this is too much!”  
  
“Don’t worry Py! This dish also has meat and veggies! It’s not just potatoes!”  
  
“Let me guess, there’s ground meat in this one too?”  
  
“Gasp!” I press a hand to my chest and blink at Pyronica in shock. “How did you know?!”  
  
“Bill…we’ve had baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, hash browns, fries, potato pancakes, potato salad, potato soup, potatoes that you carved into various animals and then deep fried, potato pizza, potato pasta, potato socks that you made us wear and I can’t even remember what else you’ve done. I’m so…tired of potatoes. Even putting meat in it won’t help.”  
  
“Oh…well…” I look at the finished Shepherd’s Pie in front of me. “Well…I guess that means we’re done with today's episode of Cooking with Bill Cipher. Next time I’ll teach you kids how to make something besides potatoes!”  
  
“Please.” Pyronica begs.  
  
“See you all next time! Remember kids, reality is an illusion, life is a hologram, life has no meaning and we’re all going to die someday BYE!”  
  
“So you can say sh-“ The jumping sound effect from a Sonic game “-it like THAT but I can’t cuss?!” Pyronica cries as the screen fades to black.  
  
\---  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I swear I saw a ghost once on Castle Island. I was with a tour group and I saw a woman in a white dress far away on one of the fort ledges. When I looked back she was gone. I don’t know if she was a ghost or just another tourist but it was pretty cool.
> 
> My Little Pony: Friendship is Witchcraft was a beautiful, terrible show. “Making waffles in the bounce house WOULD have worked if Spike didn’t have such a weak grip!” The satire was strong with that one. I love their songs. Gypsy Bard is my favorite.
> 
> Current mood- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NmHZEKkkpM


	42. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't like pretending to be something I'm not. But at some point I realized I have been pretending all this time. I've simply been doing it for so long that the act has become the real me. Whatever that happens to be. I've realized I shouldn't try so hard to keep myself bound to the 'me' that I think I am. I should just...do what comes to me. If that means changing my behavior under different situations, that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The self indulgence is over 9000!!!  
> Filler while I try to figure out how to introduce the next Henchmaniac...
> 
> Warning for some...weird kinda-not-really ecchi stuff...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 39**  
  
**-HOW IS THAT EVEN *$ &##& POSSIBLE?!-**  
  
—  
  
The earth has calmed down and life was forming!  
  
Eeeeeeeeee!!!!  
  
I stare intensely at the microbe. Much like the other one I saw eons ago, it was kinda boring. Just a single celled organism wriggling around in the water. "Grow up soon." I whisper to it. "Grow and multiply. Mutate and evolve. I'm counting on you little guy. Ok?"  
  
The microbe just wiggled. It can't hear or understand me but that’s ok. It was LIFE. That's the greatest thing it could be for me. I wanted to stay and watch it grow. But a watched pot never boils or some shit like that. I don't particularly believe that but I should still leave the Earth alone. I shouldn't interfere with it's development. Not until humanity evolves at least.  
  
I was too afraid I might throw off evolution and prevent humans from coming to be. That's why I'll keep my hands off the Earth. I give the microbe one last glance before Blinking away.  
  
\---  
  
I don't know who or what I can blame for what I did. I could blame my boredom. I could blame my frustration over the argument (negotiation) I just had with Time Baby over my rights concerning the Earth. The Earth was MINE! I’ve waited SO LONG for this and I will NOT let Time Baby stick his greedy little fingers all over it! Unfortunately negotiations didn’t go well. Time Baby was still allowed to plan out the fate of the Earth. It’s timeline and all that shit. I was LIVID. Fuck no. The 3rd Dimension was MINE! I fuckin’ created the damn place! Unfortunately, Time Baby pointed out that the fact that Time passes in the 3rd dimension was because of HIM and I NEEDED him if I wanted the Earth to continue to age and grow and develop. I had no choice but to allow it.  
  
But regardless of the reasons, I did something incredibly stupid and cringe-worthy.  
  
I became a pop star.  
  
Ok there was a clear line of cause and effect that led to my situation. I didn't set out to become a pop star. So how did I become a pop star with my own manager and fully booked concert? I even got registered with my own Federation citizenship ID (the rules for citizenship have become much more lax, I'm pleasantly surprised at some of the reforms Time Baby has been pushing through).  
  
Well it all started when I was working through another session of angry cosmic fury after my argument with Time Baby. I had decided to sing and dance my energy out in an attempt to find a less destructive way to cool down. Even if my whole ‘Get along better with my big brother’ plan didn’t pan out, I wanted to at least try for ‘Less destructive ways of letting off stress’ instead. I settled myself down on a random magma based planet so my heat wouldn’t cause more problems. Now as much as I find my triangular form adorable, my voice isn't...the nicest thing to hear. Even ignoring the echo effect, my voice...Bill's voice can be described as nasally at best and ear grating high pitched screaming at worse. My HumanBill form still had Bill’s real voice and Miz’s form didn’t have the vocal range I wanted to play with. So I decided to create a new form with different vocal chords.  
  
Just for fun, I turned myself into a sexy alien bishounen and just spent a good few minutes drooling over myself in front of a materialized mirror. I may have 'explored' this new form thoroughly (so very, deliciously thoroughly) which actually helped a LOT in working out my frustrations (that might explain a lot...maybe I'm just horny?) until I was calm enough to actually enjoy myself as I sang my heart out.  
  
_“Kurayami ni magireru muishiki no mukou de~”_  
  
During my song I threw fireballs around me in a beautiful display of swirling flames as I danced without a care just to work off more energy. It was the most fun I've had in a while. I was so distracted that I didn't notice I had an audience.  
  
When I heard pleased cheers after my song ended and found a whole crowd of strange looking fire elementals (a quick scan of their minds revealed they were called Sinderith, a species that evolved near active volcanoes, their language contains 2 dialects between male and females and they were fascinated by my music) who were enthusiastically applauding my performance.  
  
It was one of the few times anyone has reacted positively to me. I blame that for the decisions I ended up making. I was so startled by them that I’d accidentally given them my real name (Jan) when they asked for it. So through a long series of terrible choices I ended up agreeing to go back to their city capital to perform in front of their king. The king loved it so much they offered to let me stay on as the royal entertainer. I was brought along during one of the King's diplomatic meetings with another race...it kinda snowballed from there.  
  
Macross really got it right. Aliens go nuts for human music.  
  
I look at myself in the mirror. The male humanoid form I had chosen was quite pretty in my opinion, of course it was, I'd designed it for my own tastes after all. I use the term 'human' loosely. I had 4 arms, a slender figure and my skin was a warm brown color with swirls of pitch black covering my arms and legs. My hair was a thick mess of golden curls framing blue eyes. I guess it was a good thing the form I chose wasn't fully human. Miz already caused enough confusion.  
  
I was dressed in a revealing tunic made of a shimmering blue material with golden ribbons around my shoulders. Being able to shapeshift my own clothes was useful, I'll say that much.  
  
  
(I am terrible at coloring and drawing on the computer  >.> )  
  
"Jan. The concert will be starting soon." A large Ocgoplge called out, he's my current manager, Ivanlock. My last manager tried to force me to do something I didn't want and was fired immediately (in the literal sense). I didn't care about promoting myself or doing publicity stunts. All I wanted to do was sing because it was fun stress relief, earning money is just a bonus. I don't need a manager for that. The only reason I even have one is so they can handle all the booking and ticket sales when I feel like giving a performance. Jan-Jan had a reputation for being incredibly fickle and running to his own schedule with no regard for anyone else.  
  
I sigh and ask myself once again how the fuck I got into this situation. It was almost funny how much the universe loves Space Idol Jan-Jan and how much they hate Bill Cipher. I pout at my reflection and swoon slightly. Is it narcissistic to find myself incredibly attractive?  
  
To be honest. I do love performing in front of a crowd. I grew up with parents who loved karaoke. I have fond memories of dad making me sing in front of his friends and customers at the restaurant.  
  
I love blasting music out of a modified madness bubble that pumps out sound instead of nightmares. I love being able to just fling fire out into the audience and have them cheer instead of run screaming. I make the swirling flames resemble a Touhou boss fight since that was the only reference I have on making flashy displays of color. It was a lot of fun. The fact that setting everything on fire helps 'feed' my destructive needs is a nice bonus.  
  
Even if I cringe at being called a Space Idol...  
  
Why shouldn’t I have fun? I deserve to do something for myself now and then right? After all the shit I’ve gone through…you know what? Fuck it. I LOVE singing and dancing. And I’m gonna treat myself! I’m just gonna keep going out there and having FUN!  
  
It’s Showtime~  
  
\---  
  
I've been calling up Handsy more and more. While I loved performing as Jan, my manager was a pain to deal with. Add that to my worry and anger over Time Baby's smug face when he claimed his piece of Earth...  
  
Yeah, I really needed this.  
  
I moaned softly as Handsy gave me a thorough scrub down. He recently started asking to try new things with me. They all felt good so I told him to go ahead. Sponge baths, full body massages, heated rocks and a few...weirder things. Like today's session when he pulls out...  
  
"No. No needles." I pulled the towel higher up around me.  
  
"You do not like acupuncture?"  
  
"I will not let you stick foreign objects inside me." I correct him.  
  
"Are you afraid of needles?" He wonders as the hands making up his face shift into a 'frown'.  
  
"I'M NOT SCARED!" I cried "I just...don't like needles!"  
  
"You are...hyperventilating..." Handsy pointed out.  
  
I was. Well, sort of, I don't breathe but I instinctively fake doing so. I'm guessing the 'sounds' of breathing are just some odd projection of my emotional state. Either way, I backed away from the long, sharp, pointy needles in his hands.  
  
"Alright. We will not be trying these." He slowly put the tools down and closed the box. I didn't relax until he'd packed the box away safely inside his bag, out of sight and far from me. "See? They are gone now." He says in a soothing tone.  
  
The only one here in the room with us was Xanthar. He rubs against me comfortingly. I snuggle into his side and calmed my panic.  
  
"I'm NOT afraid of needles." I pout. Handsy had the gall to laugh at me. "It is alright Bill Cipher, most people don't like needles. We can try something else today." He pulled out a bottle and I settled back onto the bed. I continued to pout as he squeezed out some substance from the bottle. Things started out well, the gel was cool and soothing on my bricks as he rubbed it in.  
  
"Ah!" I cried loudly as the new experiment he's trying out reacted oddly and I felt like I was burning up all over. I moaned as my bricks tingled and when Handsy tried to touch me I arched violently at the feeling. "Ffffffuck!!!" I panted. My bricks felt overly sensitive and to my embarrassed horror, I realized I was incredibly turned on.  
  
"N-no! Wait! Sssstop!" I hissed as I desperately tried to keep my piece from reacting. No luck, I pulled the towel over my bottom half to hide my growing erection but only succeeded in rubbing the fabric against my bricks and crying out at the feeling. It was amazing. Fuck. What was in that gel?  
  
Winserthian Aloe...from Dimension 6-W Delta...  
  
Shit it was hard to think, I shuddered violently and Handsy was frozen in place, staring at me in what might have been confusion? I couldn't focus.  
  
...the plant has restorative properties but has side effects of causing over sensitivity in areas it touches...  
  
Pyronica had run into the room (a special area I ended up creating for the sole purpose of my personal relaxation time) when she heard my cries getting louder and more desperate. "Bill? What's wrong?!"  
  
I writhed on the bed, moaning loudly as even the slightest movement caused intense sensations shooting through every inch of my body. "Nnnngh~"  
  
...it was prized for it's medicinal effects but aside from helping restore the skin...  
  
Pyronica snarls as she grabs onto Handsy. "What did you do to him?!" Her flames fanned out behind her. As Kryptos had said, the older something was, the more powerful it gets. Pyronica was pretty much a minor goddess on her own by this point. Her flames had grown hot enough to melt through metal if she tries.  
  
...many people liked to use it for it's side effects...  
  
"Wa-wait! I didn't mean for this to happen! It wasn't supposed to do THIS!" Handy cried in fear as Pyronica's flames seared at him. Xanthar tried to soothe me but panicked when his touch only made me scream louder.  
  
...as an aphrodisiac...  
  
I reached a hand under the towel to grab my piece. I don't know how much more of this I could take. My vision was spinning as every inch of me was screaming out in pleasure.  
  
\---  
  
(Pyronica POV)  
  
"What was it supposed to do?! What the FUCK were you going to do to Bill?!" I demand. Kryptos and the others rushed in, hearing the commotion.  
  
"I-it's a mild aphrodisiac....it's not supposed to do...THAT!" Handsy gestures to the triangle's shaking form. "It's very mild! It was only supposed to...get him in a good mood..." He whimpers when I just get progressively angrier.  
  
"And just WHAT were you planning to do by getting Bill 'in the mood'?!"  
  
"I was hoping to...ask him out..." Handsy says weakly. I stare at him in disgust.  
  
"Um...I think Bill's humping the table..." Teeth says awkwardly. I look over to see that yes, my best friend was indeed rocking his body into the massage bed and moaning loudly. His eye was unfocused and it didn't look like he was aware of his surroundings anymore.  
  
It was worrying.  
  
"What should we do?" Ammy asks, worry seeping through his usual bland tones.  
  
"We get out of here and give Bill his privacy." I growl out before dragging Handsy with me. The others follow quickly, afraid and worried. "Hey...Bill won't come after US for relief right?" Kryptos whimpers.  
  
"Oh course not!" I snap, carefully hiding my own worries about such a thing. I KNOW Bill would never do such a thing to anyone, but he wasn't in his right mind and that scared me. If he really did come for us...  
  
No. I can't let that happen, both for our sakes AND Bill's. If he hurts any of us...he would never forgive himself. I bite my lip and think. Should I get everyone out of the house like that last time Bill became dangerous?  
  
Augh! Why am I the one in charge whenever shit like this happens?! I'm not that smart! I don't know what to do! But the others were looking to ME for direction. For what to do. I looked down at their anxious faces and suddenly found myself emphasizing with Bill's complaints about feeling like a mother.  
  
Oh for the love of-  
  
"How long is that shit supposed to last?" I asked the mildly burnt Manyhand. He gasps in pain. "Only a half hour..." He says.  
  
That's good. Or bad. The drug was apparently reacting differently to Bill then it was supposed to so there's no telling how that might affect it's duration. Fuck. I don't know how this shit's supposed to work!  
  
"Kryptos!" He jumps when I turn my attention to him. By this point we had gotten to the living room, the teleporters were close by if we ended up needing to evacuate. "Explain what that stuff's supposed to do."  
  
"Well...most aphrodisiacs come in one of two types of effects. The ones that effect the body by stimulating the areas to enhance se-sexual p-p-pleasure..." The compass blushed heavily. "And the other kind that messes with your head."  
  
I turn back to Handsy. "Which kind was this?"  
  
"B-both..."  
  
I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Well that would explain why Bill's having such a strong reaction. I may not know much about that nerd stuff that Bill and Kryptos are always yammering about but I do know one thing.  
  
Bill is a severe light weight with alcohol.  
  
I know that alcohol messes with people's heads. I don't have any proof but I think Bill is weak to things that affect the mind. Alcohol and weird drugs like this would react more strongly to him than with anyone else. Which means we don't know for sure how long this is gonna last.  
  
I slammed Handsy into the wall viciously, I felt quite satisfied at his cry of pain. Serves you RIGHT fuckwad! "I can't believe you! Bill trusted you enough to let you close to him, let you TOUCH him and you fuckin' do shit like THIS!"  
  
I slam him into the wall again. Despite the violence of my actions, none of the others protested or tried to stop me. I look over to see Teeth grinding his...teeth and looking angrier than I've ever seen him. He sneered in satisfaction when Handsy groans in pain.  
  
Ammy's eyes were narrowed and his blocks flickered with a faint reddish light. Well, he WAS Bill's son after all. Kryptos and Hectorgon were glaring at the whimpering man I was beating up. There was a vicious glint in Kryptos's eye as the two of them made no move to stop me.  
  
I abruptly realize something. "Where's Xanthar?!"  
  
There's a dawning horror over all of us. I shove Handsy at Hectorgon. "Hold him. Make sure he doesn't try to escape." I took off down the halls, my shoes tapping on the dark stone floors as I ran. Shit. Shit. Shit!  
  
How the FUCK did we forget Xanthar?! He's the size of a small house! Praying that the loaf was ok, Bill would be DEVASTATED if anything happened, I rushed into the room and stopped dead in my tracks.  
  
A cute young boy(girl?) was mewling adorably as s/he nuzzled their face against Xanthar's arm while furiously jerking off under a towel. It took a few seconds for me to process that it was Bill's voice coming out of this stranger's mouth and that despite my worse fears Xanthar looked perfectly fine. A little disgruntled at the horny god leaning against his arm but otherwise unharmed.  
  
Right. Bill is a shapeshifter. I examined this form he'd taken. A young looking Cyclops-like creature, not one of my own species but similarly shaped, with arms, legs and a torso...there were some bricks jutting out of his(her?) chest that they were groping with a thin hand. Their other hand was moving quickly along their crotch under the towel draped over their waist.  
  
I stood there, unsure what to do. Xanthar didn't seem like he was in danger. In fact he was half curled around the furiously masturbating boy/girl as if trying to shield him/her from view. I couldn't help a quiet laugh. Of course Bill would never hurt Xanthar.  
  
Since it looked like Xanthar was handling this fine on his own, I quietly made my way out of the room and back to the others. Even as I felt relieved that Bill was being taken care of, I couldn't stop one small worried observation.  
  
The form Bill had taken looked quite young.  
  
\---  
  
(Back to Bill's POV)  
  
I groaned. I was exhausted...and yet I felt extremely satisfied? I was lying on something soft that I quickly identified as Xanthar's fur and as I sat up I realized something important.  
  
I was in my William form. Naked.  
  
Well, to be fair, I was always essentially naked as Bill but this was different! My genitals were clearly in sight while I'm like this. I saw a towel nearby and quickly wrapped it around my waist. Xanthar shifts when I get up and I flush dark orange.  
  
How long have I been naked and lying on top of Xanthar?! What the FUCK happened earlier? A quick check down at myself showed that my Piece was gone. There was a hole in the ceiling so at least that's one mystery solved. Fuck. What happened?!  
  
I groaned. I felt sore all over.  
  
"Xan?" I gasped. My throat was dry, ugh. The problem with altering my anatomy into something humanoid. I had a throat TO get dry. I was still somewhat out of it as I stumbled around and Xanthar quickly came over to let me lean against his side. I pressed a hand to my head. Ugh. My pelvis ached. My chest ached.  
  
Xanthar sent me comforting waves of emotion that helped somewhat. I flickered through some images to try and figure out what happened. Handsy was here and he wanted to try something new and...  
  
I pressed a hand to my mouth and gagged. Oh no. Oh FUCK. I shuddered. Did he?! Was he going to?! I gasped and let out a soft sob. Thank god my friends got there before anything happened. I felt gross. My hand trembled as I clutched onto Xanthar's side. He felt soft and I buried my face into his fur, shoulders shaking.  
  
He reaches up a hand to hug me but I flinch and he quickly lowers his hand to stand perfectly still as I sobbed. His 'worry' was quite pronounced. After a bit I finally calmed down, hiccuping softly. Well, now that I've gotten that out of the way...  
  
My skin gradually shifts from a pale yellow to dark red. I let out a low growl as I considered what had happened. Handsy betrayed me. He betrayed my trust. Snarling and sprouting claws, I stomped off to confront him. I knew he was still here, Pyronica made sure he wouldn't be able to escape before I could DEAL with him.  
  
I absently remembered to give myself pants before leaving the room.  
  
\---  
  
To say my rage was great would be an understatement.  
  
To say I stormed into the room would be an understatement.  
  
I was FUCKIN' outraged as I thundered my way into the living room like a natural disaster. A flaming pillar of heat and ire.  
  
"YOU~" I snarled as I saw Handsy tied up on the couch.  
  
"Bill! You're alright!" Pyronica sighs with relief as Kryptos points at me in confusion. "That's Bill? Why does he look like that?"  
  
As Pyronica explained my shapeshifting abilities, I stomped up to Handsy and roared in his 'face'. "Do you have anything to say before I tear you to pieces you absolute piece of shit?!"  
  
"I di-didn't think it would effect you like that..."  
  
"Wrong answer."  
  
I didn't kill him. I didn't even really hurt him. He was already injured heavily (I suspect my friends had something to do with that) and I didn't want to purposely dirty my hands with his blood. Besides, from what I can 'see' he wasn't planning to ACTUALLY do anything to me. He was planing on making me feel 'good' and then asking me out.  
  
He wanted to be allowed to touch my wonderfully smooth skin more often and intimately. I shudder. That's actually super creepy. I shouldn't have let things get this far. Or rather, I shouldn't have let a man who was sexually aroused by touching me, touch me.  
  
It seemed obvious in retrospect.  
  
So no, I didn't kill him. You can't suffer once you're dead unless your Soul gets sent to one of those Hell dimensions. I wanted to ruin him. Ruin his life. I tore into his mind viciously. He screamed in agony and his hands spasmed around, trying to fight off something that cannot be physically touched.  
  
I wasn't going to mess with his free will, I was just reconnecting certain parts of his mind together. Replacing every personal pronoun he would use to refer to himself with other words and phrases (like ‘asshole’ or ‘rapist’). Altering his ability to feel pleasure into nausea. Making it so that his dreams would be filled with an endless loop of It's a Small World After All.  
  
I am one cruel mother fucker.  
  
As my flames died down and I stared impassively at the twitching man before me, I felt Teeth walk up and hesitantly ask "Bill? Are you...ok?" I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, I'm good."  
  
"So...why do you look...like that? Not that it looks bad! Just..." Teeth sputters. I laugh and turn to face my friends. "Well I originally made this form because I was curious what I'd look like as a human, didn't really work out but I thought it was cute enough."  
  
"What's a human?" Hectorgon asked.  
  
"A species that doesn't exist yet." I shrug. I notice Kryptos was staring at me intently. I self consciously cross my arms over my chest. "Wh-what?" I flushed.  
  
"Why'd you shift into this form? Doesn't it take concentration to completely restructure your atomic make up? I doubt you could concentrate under the circumstances."  
  
"Oh, well once I create a set form, I can shift into it automatically." I can 'Save' things to pull up later. Much like my Copy/Paste skill. I'm still working on an Undo effect. Purposely tailoring my powers toward keyboard shortcuts was a work in progress. Cut and Paste works but is rather dangerous. Mental note, make a larger clipboard that holds onto things I Copy or Cut.  
  
"Well I'm just glad you're alright." Pyronica comes up to pat me on the shoulder and I flinch violently away from her. She freezes, eye wide as I take a small step away. "Bill?"  
  
"Oh boy, it sure is chilly in here. I should probably go put on a shirt." I say as I try to pretend nothing happened. Pyronica narrows her eye at me.  
  
"Bill, what's wrong?"  
  
"What? Nothing's wrong. What are you talking about?"  
  
"Really?" She says suspiciously before stepping up and reaching a hand towards me. I side step it, shivering faintly. She looks worried now. In fact everyone was.  
  
"Bill, are you...afraid of being touched?" Pyronica asks.  
  
"Whaaaat~no~" I laugh. "I just don't feel like being touched right now is all~"  
  
  
  
"Bill this is serious." Pyronica says anxiously. She looked incredibly sad.  
  
"I'm FINE. Everything's fine!" I insist. I step back to wrap myself around one of Xanthar's legs. "See? Touching. No problem here."  
  
Ammy frowns. He floats up to me, I watch him with a bemused smile. He holds out one of his hands to me. "Can I have some flames?" He asks. I laugh and gently grasp his hand. "See? I'm fine." Everyone relaxes slightly.  
  
Ammy pulls his hand back and then without warning he curls his hand around my wrist. I squeak and shake my hand to dislodge him, shivering as I jump back.  
  
There is absolute silence in the room. I was tense, my shoulders hunched up defensively. Ammy lowers his hand. "You are NOT fine." He concludes.  
  
Hectorgon had gone pale. "This is worse than we thought."  
  
Pyronica curses loudly, looking upset. Teeth is slack jawed. Xanthar is still holding himself perfectly still even as he trembles lightly with 'distress'.  
  
Kryptos however...  
  
"This is all YOUR fault!" He screams at Handsy before kicking him in the funny bone. The Manyhand cries out in pain. Kryptos rears his foot back to deliver another vicious kick. No one stops him, not even me.  
  
\---

I didn't want to admit I had a problem.

I didn't like having this...weakness.

As for Handsy, everyone took turns beating him up before we dumped him in the dimension of skin diseases. I wanted nothing more to do with him.

But my denial did nothing to stop the problem. I was jumpy and anxious. I was upset, stressed and prone to random emotional break downs (more often than usual). Pyronica tried to get me to talk about it but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Hectorgon sat me down one day and talked to me. He didn't make me talk about the elephant in the room but he DID just chat about simple topics.

During our conversation he held out his hand and I slowly took it. I trembled the whole time but tried my best to push down my own unease. Ammy would ask for my hand more often. Xanthar would shuffle up and seek out hugs. While I still refused to outright admit I was traumatized, I still tried to 'get better'.

I went to Jessie and slowly embraced her. She could tell something was wrong but when I refused to talk she just sat quietly and let me take the comfort I wanted from her. I shivered and clutched her robes. I can get over this. I'm not a kid. I'm not...weak...

"Miz?" Jessie asks quietly.

"Hm?" I mumbled as my arms shook.

"You don't have to force yourself to hold me when it causes you such fear."

"I'm not forcing it..." I whimpered into the cloth.

"What has happened to scare you so?"

"I'm not scared..." I mumbled.

"It's sad how terrible you are at lying. Are you not a demon? A trickster?" She sounded rather amused.

I laughed. "I'm a great liar! I don't know what you're talking about Jessie~" She rolls her eyes at me. "Then kindly explain why you look like it is taking all you have to remain by my side when normally you need to be pried off by force?"

I had nothing to say to that. I tried to relax. Being around my friends normally bought me comfort. I didn't want to be so...scared...around them. I went out of my way to hug them even against my own anxiety to try and pretend nothing was wrong. My breath hitches and I let out a whine as I tried not to acknowledge it. Jessie tries to give me a pat on the back but I just flinch away violently and whine louder.

"...who has hurt you?" She whispers as she watches me tremble. "That...bastard's already been dealt with." My voice cracks "But how do I fix this? Why does it still bother me?" Jessie was quiet for a while. "This isn't something that can be fixed so easily. Especially not if you won't tell me what's wrong. It's something you have to heal from."

I knew she was right but I was still upset that this was going to be a slow recovery.

It took years for me to be ok with my friends touching me. They would ask for my permission first, moving carefully and slowly, staying within my sight. I still can't handle surprise touches. I once threw Teeth into a wall because he bumped into me while playing in the halls.  
  
I apologized profusely and he was unharmed but I still felt terrible about it. Soon it was like everything was back to normal, almost. There was still a worried tension in the air and sometimes my friends were a little TOO careful around me but for the most part it was life as usual.

If time can heal all wounds then I hoped Time Baby would grant me the mercy to heal from this. I'm sure even HE wouldn't be mean enough to deny me this.

\---  
  
Bonus pic of Bill’s newest human(?) form.  
  
  
  
So now it’s Miz, William and Jan.  
  
  
(I tried making his legs yellow instead of black, not sure how I feel about it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I confess I'm using this as an excuse to give Bill/Jan a sexy human form...
> 
> Also, you don't understand. There is a karaoke set up in my dad's restaurant. Sometimes he'll turn it on while customers are still eating and run around with the mic to see if any of them want to sing too. The karaoke isn't a service at our restaurant, dad just wants to be able to sing during work.
> 
> (Edit)  
> Also I just realized that Steven Hawking died just last month. Our reality has lost a great mind, a great man.


	43. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A set up several months in the making

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Because ALIENS! A few I made up, a few are from various cartoons and stuff...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 40**  
  
**-Just because you aren’t seeing me doesn’t mean I can’t see you-**  
  
\---  
  
Jorgio invited us to come play at his casino.  
  
I was suspicious but he seemed like he just wanted an excuse to see Pyronica again and...that was actually really cute. Jorgio has gotten a lot better, I’ve been giving him pointers for being a better leader, of learning to care for the men and women in his employ. He's seen how well my Friends and I work together and I was able to teach him that care, respect and loyalty go a long way.  
  
I still don’t think he's good enough for Pyronica but he isn't a terrible partner. Of course, I sat him down and explained the particulars of her species and to my surprise, he actually just wanted to hang out with her.  
  
"I won't say I'm not disappointed. I knew I wouldn't be able to take her as my wife anyway because I am required by the traditions of my people to marry a suitable mate from another Familia, but I don’t have to do that for a few years more. I do desire Pyronica, she is one of the loveliest woman I have ever seen...both in body and mind..." He confessed to me.  
  
"She makes me...laugh..." He admits quietly, as if he were embarrassed to say so.  
  
"Well I'll tell her about your invitation. Do you think your men will be able to handle the lot of us?" I joke lightly.  
  
Jorgio laughs. "They still have a fear of my flower bushes. My gardeners have taken it upon themselves to prank them by leaving plant clippings in their bedrooms."  
  
We both laugh over it. To be fair to them, Jorgio's men HAVE gotten better. They were almost competent now.  
  
Pyronica was all for checking out a casino. None of my friends had ever been to one before aside from Hectorgon. Kryptos was understandably unhappy with the idea of going near Jorgio again. I allowed him to stay home but I demanded fancy clothes for the occasion. Even if Kryptos wasn't going, I wanted to see him dressed up for a little 'family photo' type of thing. It wasn't difficult to create everyone's clothing, I even custom tailored them for each individual.  
  
  
  
  
  
Pyronica DID complain her hairclip made her look way too young. I can't help it. Part of me wanted to baby them. They stood patiently while I took a bunch of photos and squealed about how beautiful they looked. Gonna hang these up in one of the hallways, we need more decorations anyway.  
  
After debating over it in front of a mirror in the bathroom I finally decided that I shouldn't worry so much about what the universe thought.  
  
I came out in a dress.  
  
  
  
I got some odd looks from half my friends. Pyronica looked incredibly proud for some reason. "W-what?" I flushed and crossed my arms. "I wanted to dress up."  
  
"Well I think you look amazing!" Pyronica grins as she comes up to coo at my dress. "Right guys?" She glares at the boys. "Bill looks great right?"  
  
They quickly nod. "Y-you look really...nice Bill..." They say nervously. I giggle and twirl. To be honest I was a little self conscious but I wanted to feel pretty today. I brushed down my sides and blush lightly. "Well, are you guys all ready to go?"  
  
I was surprised to hear some choking sounds coming from Kryptos. I glanced at him to see the compass turn a dark indigo color and look away. What's up with him? Ignoring that, I reached out my hands to grab everyone else, bid Kryptos farewell, reminding him that there was pre-made food in the fridge and we teleported away to Ghlop-6. Jorgio said he would give us VIP passes to go wherever we wanted.  
  
I knew there was a fancy food area, spa area, gift shops, ballroom and theater...frankly I had no interest in actually gambling. I should warn my friends about that too. Don't want to be in debt to the mob. Even if I can make gold, it's not fun to lose money.  
  
Our party appeared in the teleport area where I saw the lines of guests going through the security checks. It wasn't anything invasive, just checking for weapons and cheating devices (like telekinetic bracelets and such). For species who naturally had telekinetic powers, they were given colored bands that marked them as such and the staff were trained to direct them to games they cannot use their powers to cheat on.  
  
The same goes for any telepathic guests.  
  
This means I'm going to need multiple bands. Ugh~  
  
I see Jorgio standing off to the side fixing his suit before spotting Pyronica and lighting up happily. "Ah! You all made it!" He looked confused for a bit. "Where is Signore Cipher?"  
  
"I'm going by Signora today." I say as I float up to him. Jorgio double takes so hard I could hear his spine dislocate. As he groans in pain, I heal him with a flick of my fingers. He gasps at me in confusion "I...um...you..."  
  
"Pyronica, be a dear and close his mouths before he catches mouseflies." I couldn't help grinning mischievously at the gobsmacked expression on his face. He shakes himself out of his stupor and asks the question that I could feel running around everyone's mind. "A-are you...a man or a woman?"  
  
"Oh my dentist I can't believe he actually asked that!" Teeth whimpers. They all look a little worried about my reaction to this question. I just giggle.  
  
"Both, actually. Everyone always assumes I'm a man and I just don't bother correcting them."  
  
A look of understanding graces his face. "Oh~" Jorgio coughs nervously and flushes. I hear his thought of 'So THAT'S what Nonno meant when he said...oh...OH...' He makes a weird face, like he wasn't sure if he should be impressed or grossed out. I hear him mutter "How would that even WORK?! She's flat!" under his breathes.  
  
"Well are we heading off together or do you and Pyronica want some time alone?" I tease as my friend giggles. "Bill~we're just gonna hang out." Jorgio quickly composes himself as well.  
  
"Here are your passes." He hands out some fancy pins to all of us. I clip it onto Xanthar for him. "Just scan them at the door and go wherever you want. I can give you a tour first."  
  
Settling into the mindset of a host, Jorgio leads us into his casino, his many guards trying desperately to hide their confusion over me and their weariness over having to keep an eye on our party.  
  
\---  
  
As we pass by the slot machines I can't help but question "Why do the slots HAVE to give out keys?" It just feels very inefficient for use as chips. I know keys were the currency for this planet but seriously?  
  
Jorgio shrugs. "The people on this planet refused to accept anything else. I do not understand why either. But it makes them happy so I use them. There is an exchange center near the front entrance."  
  
I mentally warn my friends against gambling. They all nod in understanding.  
  
There were many restaurants here that I couldn't help but slowly float closer to. I see Teeth make a beeline to the theater. Pyronica and Jorgio went off together chatting happily. Hectorgon was carefully glancing around for assassins. I assured him that his clothes had protective Curses on it. All their clothes had it actually. Reassured of his safety, Hec hopped off to flirt with some pretty alien ladies.  
  
I say flirt but knowing Hec, he was probably trying to make some connections to high places. I don't dig into Hectorgon's personal business, there's still a lot I don’t know about his past aside from his daughter. He's never spoken about a wife. I do know he has been continuing to dig up information on conspiracies within the government. He mentioned there was something he wanted to find out. I offered to help him search but he wanted to do it himself. I watched him get slapped by the woman he was speaking with. Ooh…not the smoothest with the ladies I see…  
  
We were receiving admiring looks from the other guests due to our VIP pins. I could feel some 'hunger' and 'greed' as the people around us wondered who we were, to be honored guests of the Don himself. No one recognized me without my usual outfit and although everyone knew Bill Cipher had a 'gang', their appearances weren't common knowledge.  
  
I maaaay~have had something to do with that~  
  
Call me paranoid but perception filters are a MUST for keeping their identities a secret. Bad enough the Federation knows (and have wanted posters) for Pyronica, Xanthar (and Hectorgon, though his were off record). Speaking of Xanthar, his size meant there was a lot of space around him, it helped keep people further away from me in this crowd. That was good.  
  
I was a little worried about Ammy wandering off by himself (still felt paranoid about him in public places) so I gently took his hand in mine. He glanced at me and softly squeezed my hand. I was getting better. I could touch my friends as long as I was the one initiating it.  
  
We meandered peacefully through the lavish food court. I notice a few guests gazing at my group and a fancy looking bird-like alien swaggered up to us. If you took a peacock, turned it neon yellow and added 8 goat legs you'd end up with this dude.  
  
"Hello sir. I couldn't help but notice you were with Don Literatura earlier. May I ask for your name?" He asks.  
  
I was about to respond until I realized he was talking to Ammy. I stayed quiet, wondering how this was going to end up. I feel both amused and miffed that this man thought Amorphous Shape was the one in charge. I suppose I don't like being ignored.  
  
Ammy just blinks slowly at the man before glancing at me. "I am called Amorphous Shape..." He says slowly, unsure what to say. He wasn't used to talking to strangers.  
  
"And your lovely wife?" The bird asks.  
  
Ammy blinks at the man in confusion. "Who?"  
  
The bird-man glances at me. I'm trying very hard to stifle my laughter. Oh god this was really happening. "Um...your...date?" The bird says uncertainly.  
  
"..." Ammy glances at me again. I stifle a snort of laughter. "This is my mother..." Ammy sounded mildly offended and disgusted at this stranger implying that we were 'together'.  
  
As the bird stutters in embarrassment and tried very hard to apologize for the misunderstanding, I turn to bury my face in Xanthar's side to muffle my giggles. Xanthar was staying near me like some giant bodyguard. It was a good look for him.  
  
I kept laughing as the bird-man (species-Flappity, Bird/goat-like creatures with feathers that were so vibrant in color they glowed in the dark, the Federation uses their molted feathers to make highlighter markers) finally composed himself. "You look amazingly young for a mother ma'am." He tries to flatter me.  
  
"Cute try Chechrip but I think you should stop while you're ahead." I tut at him. He poofs his feathers out in surprise. "H-how did you know my name?"  
  
I hold my hand out with a wide grin. "Hi. Name's Bill Cipher. Nice to meet you. How's the family? Oh wait, they all died from mysterious horrid accidents. My condolences, it's a good thing you _coincidentally_ got the whole inheritance though."  
  
I cackled at the horrified look on his face. It's been a while since I've purposely messed with someone like this. I kinda missed it. Haven't really been summoned much lately. I only got 23 Deals in the last hundred years. I wonder if I should do something about that? Make a commercial? Promote my services?  
  
As I was lost in my own thoughts, Chechrip made a hasty escape. I huff as he flutters away. "Rude."  
  
"Indeed." Ammy said plainly. Still holding hands while Xanthar followed behind us, we went to the buffet to see what food there was. The restaurants cost money but the buffet was free entry to VIPs. Ammy looks at me fondly as I grabbed a plate. "You really enjoy food a lot."  
  
I shrugged. I was actually a picky eater as a child. I fussed at lot and sometimes just straight up refused to eat. During the time mom and I didn't have a place to live, she would sometimes leave me with an old couple while she was job/house searching. The old man and woman weren't related to us in any way but they agreed to let mom and I live with them until we found a place to live. The old woman once got frustrated when I refused to eat, pulled out a kitchen knife and waved it at me until I finished all my food.  
  
I shook off the memories and grinned at Ammy. "I just like food I guess."  
  
\---  
  
"What I'm saying is that if a client asks for eternal youth~and doesn't actually specify what they mean...it's not WRONG for me to trap them in a never ending time loop right?"  
  
I take another sip of the Appletini.  
  
The other casino guests around us fidget nervously. I sigh and lean back in the cushy seat. After trying one of everything (I'm not going to eat ALL the food, it would be rude to the other guests) at the buffet (they had solid bars of Tungsten! Soft serve Pitch! Those tiny little hotdog-things with tooth picks!) Ammy, Xanthar and I went to check out the dance club. There was a bar there and of course I wanted to try something. I made sure to drink slowly and restricted myself to only one drink for the night.  
  
At some point I'd started socializing with the other guests near us. They wanted to leave but Xanthar's huge body was blocking the booth we were at so they were forced to sit, nod and smile as I chatted cheerfully with them. They were pretty young, just a group of teenagers who were obviously using faked ID's to get drinks.  
  
Ammy watched the interaction in awe. He always found the way I could easily talk with strangers so comfortably to be amazing. I wouldn't say Ammy is shy, far from it, but he never knows what to say to people. I wonder if I should try enrolling him in school? That's where most children learn social skills after all.  
  
As I pondered whether or not I should send Ammy to public school, Ammy was feeding Xanthar some fruit juice. The big guy was still on his diet. He sometimes gives me sad little looks and gets a cup of syrup but I'm not budging otherwise.  
  
"Look...miss...as much as we...love your stories, can we please leave?" One of the teens asked with forced patience. "We're...running low on funds and we need to get to the bank." One of his friends gives him a smack on the arm.  
  
"Pfffssh~drinks on me~" I giggle.  
  
The only girl in the group leans over to Ammy and whispers. "Can you please get your girlfriend to let us go?"  
  
Ammy frowns. "That's not my girlfriend. That's my parent."  
  
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" She flushes. "I just assumed..."  
  
"Dang. She doesn't look old enough to have a son." One guy mutters under his breath.  
  
"How would you even know what old age looks like on her species?" His friend whispers back.  
  
"She's got some fine ass hips tho."  
  
"Ew. You're disgusting man."  
  
"Hey! I wanna go dance~who's with me?" I sway slightly and Ammy wordlessly holds out his hand. I take it and my son gently guides me to the dance floor. "You're not drinking Ammy?" I ask him as we float above the other dancers.  
  
The lights were flashing and the music blasts on. I was pleasantly surprised to find it was one of Jan's songs. I know I put all my songs up on ThemTube for anyone to download but I wasn't expecting to hear it here. It was nice.  
  
Ammy looks at me calmly, his hand in mine as I pulled him along for a dance. "I have to stay sober. It's just me and Xanthar here with you right now. We have to make sure you stay safe."  
  
I blink, feeling oddly touched. "You know I'm not even drunk yet? I've been taking it slow." Ammy nods. "I know. It doesn’t mean I can't worry."  
  
"Oh Ammy..." I feel myself tearing up and pull him in for a gentle hug. Xanthar pushes his way past dancers so he could stand near us, big as he was, he was still face-height to the two of us. He flexes his bread face at me and I give him a hug too. "You too huh Xan-Xan?" They both hold still, not moving a muscle so that I could hold them on my own terms. I can do this. They're my friends. They're safe.  
  
I spot the group of teens hurriedly escape from the booth and stumble out of the dance club. "Hm..." I keep watch on them through a tiny triangle symbol I'd planted on their shoes while they were distracted by my story.  
  
"Are those kids the target for our next heist?" Ammy asks. I continue dancing with him, the loud music easily hiding our conversation. "You noticed huh?" I was impressed.  
  
Ammy shrugs. "I've literally known you my whole life."  
  
I laugh proudly. "Yeah. Those kids are planning to rob the bank next door." Building a bank just across the street from the casino was either a brilliant move or a stupid one.  
  
"Are we stopping them?"  
  
"Well~if it were a Federation bank I wouldn't bother. But this is a privately owned one that carries the currency of this planet's native people so..."  
  
"Should we get the others?" Ammy twirled me in that way he's seen in some of the movies I've shown him. I tense for a second before relaxing.  
  
"Naw. This should be simple enough." I giggle as Ammy carefully dips me. He was pretty good at this. Xanthar wasn't bad either, though his dancing has caused everyone to clear a lot of space around us. "Do you want code names for this little mini-heist?"  
  
"Hell yes." Ammy squints his many eyes into a smirk. Xanthar's emotions were 'mischievous' and 'eagerness'.  
  
I'm so proud of my sons.  
  
\---  
  
"KoolAid to Snapple, what's the situation with the targets?"  
  
"Snapple to KoolAid, you need to say 'over' when you end transmission -over."  
  
"KoolAid to Snapple, affirmative, never mind about the targets, they are now in sight...over."  
  
"Capri Sun is in position. I will be heading in for a closer look- over."  
  
I turn invisible and float closer to the group of kids adjusting their all black clothes and masks. They seemed agitated, like they were waiting for someone.  
  
"Man, where the Ground is that brat?!" One guy, a Tangean Royal, that surprised me when I first saw him, those arrogant shit heads don't normally leave their home planet. Much less hang out in a group with other races to plan a bank heist. Though, to be fair, I suppose he would be good at it due to his race's natural ability to 'ghost' through solid objects.  
  
"Can't we just GO already? We already lost so much time because of that weird lady who wouldn't stop talking to us." A rather buff Tarkan growls.  
  
"Look, even if Orb can get us in through the walls, he can't do that AND get the money at the same time. That's why we need that kid for his lockpicking skills." The girl, a thin, noodle-like one eyed alien with an antenna on her head (I believe they're called...Ropians?) explains. "Besides, we don't wanna get caught you know?"  
  
Orb, the Tangean, groans "It's not that I can't ghost all of you, it's that it's annoying! I could totally do it!"  
  
"Suuure~" Lolph, the Tarkan sneers.  
  
As the two young men look like they're about to start arguing there's the sound of feet hurriedly running up. "I'm sorry I'm late guys!" I see a native to this planet. A small teal skinned Lockin that was panting and wheezing. He looked familiar somehow.  
  
"Keyhole you lazy fuck! Where the Rain have you been?! You're not even fully dressed yet! Where's your mask?" Lolph sneers.  
  
"Lay off guys. You know how short his legs are. Dang kid has probably been trying to get here all day." The Ropian girl (quick scan for a name...Gregory) scolds the others. The wheezing Lockin kid slumps over.  
  
I'm just staring at Keyhole. Bank robbery? Seriously?  
  
\---  
  
I head back to Ammy and Xanthar to fill them in with what I've learned. Of course I don't mention that Keyhole was 'destined' to be our new friend. Once again, just because it was in Canon didn't mean it would happen here. Also...  
  
Bank robbery? Seriously?!  
  
I shouldn't be surprised. I really shouldn't.  
  
From what I could surface-scan off these kids, they weren't in need of money. They were just a bunch of bored teenagers looking for a thrill. Bored and stupid teenagers. The responsible adult part of myself was outraged. The chaotic part of myself was offended. Sure I've raided stores before but I always left SOMETHING of monetary value behind to pay for the stuff I took. Even when I steal stuff from stores I can't help but want to pay for it. My conscience made me feel terrible if I didn't. The only time I'm ok with taking stuff is if I'm robbing some asshole who needs his comeuppance.  
  
Since their parents obviously weren't disciplining them properly, I felt I should step in. Scaring idiots into being better people was quite cathartic. I had several ideas in mind of what I should do to them.  
  
Keyhole though...was a different story.  
  
He was against the idea but went along with it because he wanted his friends to like him. I could tell straight out that the others only kept Keyhole around for his skills. They weren't his friends. They were using him. It made me so angry to see it happening.  
  
"So what's the plan Snapple?" Ammy asks as we float invisibly above the group of teens. Xanthar was wiggling his legs around, swimming in midair and very much enjoying himself. It was distractingly adorable.  
  
"Well..." I tell him of my plan and the Amorphous Shape laughs. "Well that seems like an an appropriate response."  
  
\---  
  
They managed to sneak into the bank undetected. Orb, the Tangean, managed to get them all inside. Lolph, the Tarkan, fired a steady laser to melt and seal a few doors shut so that security wouldn’t be able to get to them even if they get discovered. Gregory, the Ropian, was straining her antenna up to scramble with the cameras.  
  
Keyhole was shuffling along nervously. He was twitchy and staring worriedly at everything. Lolph sneers at him. "Dude, what chu' so scared for? We got this."  
  
"Lay off him ya bulge head." Gregory snaps. "If he wants to watch for danger, let him. It's better than blindly thinkin' you're safe."  
  
Keyhole smiles at her. "Thanks Greg."  
  
"Shut up. Quit distracting me." She snaps at him. The Lockin flinched and shrank back. Orb laughs mockingly. "Great idea. In fact, you should just keep your mouth shut for the rest of tonight. Saves us from hearing your stupid voice."  
  
"But..." Keyhole whimpers.  
  
"What'd he just say?! Huh?! Shut dat mouth o' yours." Lolph sneers. "Lock it and throw away the key."  
  
Keyhole clamps his mouth shut and follows meekly.  
  
"Oi. Time to remind us why we keep you around." Lolph laughs at they approach a thick locked door. Orb mutters that he could totally ghost everyone through as Keyhole nervously stumbled up to the locks. He pulls some tools out of the belt slung around his shoulders and takes a deep breath.  
  
As he exhaled it's like seeing a transformation. The tension leaves his posture, he's confident, calm and collected. Keyhole fiddles with the lock and it clicks open near instantly. Not pausing, he works his way down all the various locks. They all fall open within a few seconds and finally he twirls his lockpick and puts it back in his belt. As he pushes the door open it seemed as if the spell has broken. He shrinks back on himself nervously again. "U-um. Ta-da?"  
  
His 'friends' brush past him without even a thanks and the kid slumps sadly before following behind them. He brushes a hand along his tool belt before gripping it. His expression is strained.  
  
"Look at all these keys!" Orb cheers as he begins running his hands through them. "If we get these exchanged into real money we're rich!"  
  
"This IS real money..." Keyhole says quietly.  
  
"What did we say about talking? Keep yer mouth shut!" Lolph growls as he opens a large sack and begins shoveling keys into it. They all clink as they hit against each other. "Hurry up! They're starting to notice something's wrong." Gregory hisses. There are sounds of footsteps, muffled voices and the group of thieves book it. Keyhole lagging behind as he tries desperately to keep up with them.  
  
The bag with the stolen goods clinked noisily with each step. The contents jostled by the movement. When they escaped the building Keyhole made a strange expression at the bag. He was exhausted but still attempting to speak through his pants.  
  
"Guys...I think -hah- something is wrong..." He gasps.  
  
"Yeah these things are heavy." Lolph groans as he hefts up the bag. They clink again. Keyhole looks upset.  
  
"Those -hah- aren't keys!" He gasps.  
  
"The ground is that supposed to mean?!" Orb scoffs. "You saw them when we grabbed them."  
  
"No, something's wrong! They changed!" Keyhole protests.  
  
"Guys, less talk more run!" Gregory hisses.  
  
"But-"  
  
"Shut the fuck up Keyhole." Lolph snarls as the group takes off running again. The bag continues to clink. Keyhole looks distressed.  
  
\---  
  
"We're not stopping them?" Ammy asks as we floated along unseen and unheard behind the group.  
  
"I wanna know where they plan to go. Also the looks on their faces when they open the bag."  
  
Xanthar was having too much fun swimming through the air. He waved his arms and legs in delight. It was too cute. I kept the image saved into a bubble for later. I can look at that whenever I'm sad.  
  
Ammy was gazing at Keyhole. "That one there. He shouldn't be here. He isn’t like the others."  
  
"How so?" I ask, just to see how Ammy saw the situation. The Amorphous Shape 'hm'ed in thought. "It doesn't feel like he belongs." Was the conclusion he came to.  
  
I nod. "I feel the same way."  
  
"..." Ammy looks deep in thought. "I don’t like the way they treat him. Isn't he their friend? They don't act like it."  
  
"Some people are just assholes. They use the word friend without even understanding what it means." I growl.  
  
We follow them back to their vehicle. This was the first time Ammy's seen a car-like machine in person. I have never gone near them. Hover-cars were tolerable but I absolutely refused to go anywhere near a death trap that sat on wheels.  
  
Despite Teeth pleading for a car.  
  
As Ammy gazed at the vehicle with interest, I pulled on Xanthar's leg to make sure he didn't swim away. We followed the kids back to a rather nice hotel a few blocks away. Figures. I did catch a thought from Orb about how his parents wouldn’t be back for hours, they were busy playing at the casino.  
  
As the kids settled down in his hotel room I get more background. Orb's parents moved here for work related reasons a few years ago. Their son was enrolled into the local educational establishment where he met and fell in with 'the wrong crowd'. I call bullshit. Orb wasn't the nicest kid to begin with.  
  
  
  
Lolph had anger issues. The fact that his species shoots lasers didn't endear him much to the other kids. He and Orb got off on pushing around others.  
  
  
  
Gregory was the middle child who caused trouble to try and get her parent's attention. A classic case but nonetheless a sad one.  
  
  
  
Keyhole's parents died in a workplace accident. He was currently living with an uncle who was always busy. In order to not be bullied by Orb's 'gang' he decided to join them. Not that being their 'friend' was very different from being their 'victim'.  
  
  
  
As I finished scanning any relevant info I needed, I came to my conclusion.  
  
Troubled kids who need help.  
  
My pity for them won't stop what was coming though. They still need to be punished or else they wouldn’t learn. It's not like their families were any help in that regard. Also, the bag of ‘keys’.  
  
Speaking of which...  
  
"Come on, lets see how much we got. We can split it by who did the most work." Lolph says eagerly as he fumbles with the opening and pours it out. They were expecting a finite amount of keys.  
  
They were not expecting the seemingly unending downpour of fondue forks.  
  
"Aaaaahhhh!!!"  
  
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!"  
  
"MMPPPHH!!!"  
  
I watched them get buried under the stream of tumbling forks. All that can be seen of Lolph was one arm clawing desperately from under the pile. Orb had ghosted in an attempt to escape but ended up falling through the floor. Gregory was scrambling at the walls, screaming.  
  
Keyhole was standing on the bed frame, back against the wall and staring in shock. The bag continues to spew out fondue forks. The metal utensils clinking menacingly. "Gaaaah!!!" Lolph bursts out from the pile, gasping for air and trying to swim out from the wave of metal. "They're stabbing meee!!!"  
  
  
  
"Aaaah!! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!!!!" Gregory wails as her squishy legs are quickly buried beneath the ever growing pile of forks.  
  
Keyhole, relatively safe on the bed, just continues to gap at the bag. "I TOLD you something was wrong!!!"  
  
"Where's Orb?!" Lolph heaves his arms and tries shooting the forks with his laser but that only made things worse as now he was being stabbed AND burnt by hot metal.  
  
"That FUCKING ASSHOLE ditched us!" Gregory shrieks.  
  
Ammy was laughing beside me. I wonder if I should step in before someone gets seriously hurt. The bag continues to vomit forks. The floor begins to creak. I do a quick check of the room below. Empty aside from Orb staring up and looking horrified at the sounds of clinking metal loud enough to be heard on the next floor down.  
  
The floor creaks some more as Lolph struggles. I frown. Maybe I should stop...  
  
There's a thunderous crashing and the floor gives way, the 3 ton shower of pointy metal raining down in a waterfall of hard steel to the room below. Ammy, Xanthar and I watch in numb shock as the torrent crashes through the floor of THAT room as well. And the one after it. And the one after that.  
  
Each successive floor brings down more beds and splintered wood as the metal sounds out like a cacophony of clattering steel. I wince with each floor that gives way. Luckily I'd quickly bubbled the kids and any other living creatures in the merciless path of the steel rain.  
  
They fall through into the lobby, setting off horrified screams. The path of destruction grounds to a halt in the basement, having nowhere else to go. As the dust settles, a few forks tumble down with jarringly innocent clinking sounds.  
  
There was absolute silence in the aftermath.  
  
I turn to Ammy. He's staring at the destruction in horrified awe.  
  
"I can fix this." I sighed.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So floors for hotel rooms have an average of 40 psf. A quick check on numbers says that the floor should be able to hold about 30 adult human men. Assume an average 200 pounds per man if the builders are trying to be extra careful and over-compensate, that's around 6000lbs or ~3 tons. So theoretically the hotel room floor can hold 3 tons of fondue forks.
> 
> However, add in the weight of the bed, min-fridges and etc, along with all of that weight being placed right in the center point of the room...
> 
> I don't really like math unless it's put to use in bullshit ways like this.


	44. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of me is glad that my friends have lives outside of me. Part of me is secretly jealous that I don't have their full attention. It's selfish of me to think this so I just try to ignore it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In other news, I've been trying a bunch of those If you Sing you Lose challenges and failing all of them  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Gz81cHxWMo

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 41**  
  
**-YOURS!-**  
  
\---

So it didn't take as long as I'd feared to fix the damage. I carefully stayed invisible because this was super embarrassing and I didn't want to talk to the confused hotel staff. The kids were found in the basement, still surrounded by fondue forks. They were all quickly arrested for the destruction of the hotel (even if all the damage was 'miraculously' fixed) and Keyhole confessed to the four of them robbing the bank, terrified of the 'divine punishment of the Key Gods' that might occur if he stayed quiet.  
  
I think they may have all developed a fear of fondue forks.  
  
Of course the news of the collapsing hotel rooms got out and even though Xanthar, Ammy and I made it back to the casino, the guests there were gossiping about the mysterious incident a few blocks away. I tried my best to look innocent but both Pyronica and Teeth stared at me with unimpressed expressions.  
  
"Bill...what did you do?" Pyronica taps her foot. I look away. "Nothing..." I fiddle with the hem of my dress. Pyronica leans in close and squints at me. "Have you been drinking?"  
  
"Bill only had a few sips. They're buzzed but not drunk." Ammy defends me. I give Pyronica a smug look. She looks unimpressed. "So how many floors did you destroy?' She deadpans.  
  
"Gravity destroyed the floors! Not me!" I protested.

  
"HAH! So you WERE involved!"  
  
I face palmed. Shit.  
  
"Alright! Details! I wanna hear what happened."  
  
"I didn't think 3 tons of forks would be enough to make the floor cave in." I grumbled.

  
"...can I ask WHY there were 3 tons of forks?" Hectorgon asked while looking morbidly curious.  
  
"I was messing with some dumb kids. Just a sort-of-not-really-harmless prank..."  
  
"It was funny for the first 15 seconds." Ammy informed everyone. "And then everything broke."  
  
"I fixed it!" I point out.  
  
Hec, Teeth and Ronica kept staring judgingly. I gasp dramatically "I feel SO attacked right now." I looked around for a distraction. "Where's Jorgio?"  
  
"Some high profile guests showed up and he had to go schmooze. He says we can go home if we want since he'll be busy for the rest of the night." Pyronica grumbles. "I think they were some of his allied Familias or whatever..."  
  
"You sound upset?"  
  
"They brought their daughters and those simpering girls just start going out of their way to 'subtly' flatter Jorgio." Pyronica raises her voice a few octaves "Oh Don Literatura is sooo handsome~oh my~he looked at us! Oh whatever shall we do~" she stomps her foot angrily. "It was actually funny until they started insulting me, as if I couldn't hear them! They were like-" she raises her pitch again "-who is that hideous thing? Only ONE mouth?"  
  
We were all leaning back from the fuming Cyclopian. She hissed. "Really? What the fuck was their problem? Frankly I wanted to eat them but Jorgio told them off for me." She sighed. "That was actually pretty funny." She sounded torn between joy at the devastated looks on those girl's faces and annoyance that she didn't get to take them down a peg herself.

  
“They’re probably jealous because you’re prettier than they’ll ever be." I assured her "Anyway~how's everyone else doing?" I asked.  
  
Teeth was almost vibrating with excitement. "I got a role!" He shouts happily. I blink, surprised. "Wait- really! That's AWESOME man!" Teeth and I high foured each other.

  
"Where? How?" I was just as excited as he was. Teeth preened under our attention. "Well I was at the theater here where they were doing some improv stuff and they called up some volunteers from the audience. Naturally I ran up." He grins widely.  
  
"They were pretty impressed by me. I got their card!" Teeth holds up a small metal sheet. A transdimensional navigator keyed into a specific location in the multiverse. Homebase for the theater troupe most likely. "And the head of the troupe told me to drop by next week to sign on with them properly."  
  
We all congratulated him.  
  
"But does that really mean you have a role?" Ammy asks.  
  
"Well they said they have an open spot since one of their other members quit. I'm not gonna have a big role or anything but it's the first real thing I've gotten." Teeth shrugs, not necessarily bothered by the idea of only playing side characters. "I can work my way up. Bill made us immortal so I've got time."  
  
"Immortal-?! What?" Hectorgon chokes.  
  
"Oh right, you're new." Pyronica grins. "Well one of the many perks about being Bill's friend is that we no longer age."  
  
"Just try not to get killed. I'd probably go on a murderous rampage if that happened. Also, it’s not that you don’t age so much as you no longer take damage from aging.” I say seriously. After all, Pyronica's hair still grows so it's not as if I froze her in time or anything.

  
Hectorgon swallows thickly. "N-noted..." He seemed awed. "So...you can grant people immortality?"

  
"Eh~halting aging isn't really all that difficult. Simply continue feeding energy into a creature to heal any cellular decomposition. It's much easier with living creatures. Dead things are already...dead and they're much harder to work with." I shrug.  
  
"You really ARE a god..." Hectorgon says reverently. I blush. "L-like I said it's not really a big deal! There's lots of stuff in the multiverse that can slow, halt or reverse the effects of aging."  
  
"I didn't think a god would be so powerful without any worshipers..." Hectorgon muses.

"Oh I have them. My power's not tied to them though. At most I can feed off the emotion of their worship as a boost."  
  
"Wait! You have worshipers?!" Pyronica gasps. "When did this happen? Who are they?!"  
  
"Some demons who idolize me, some people I accidentally drove mad when I appeared before them, some edgy teenagers who think I'm an icon of anarchy...some witches on the Penis planet who make Deals with me in exchange for 'magic' and shit." All of Jan's 'fans' counted as well. I was pleasantly surprised to find that out.

I shrug. "You'd be surprised at the sorts of people I meet over the years."  
  
"I can't believe the Penis planet is still around..." Pyronica groans with her face buried in her hands.

  
""Penis WHAT now?!"" Teeth and Hectorgon gasp.  
  
"Bill got super drunk this one time..." Ammy starts to explain before I wave at him to shut up. "It's not important!"  
  
"I for one am very much interested in this." Hectorgon twirled his mustache with a perverted smile. I roll my eyes.  
  
"Okay, so I MAY have accidentally created a porno planet and I MAY have been video taping the 'things' that happen on that planet and selling the porn on the Void markets. A few natives noticed me this one time when I went down there and before I knew it, I had worshipers. Fair’s fair, I DID create their world so…”  
  
"Wait, is this that stuff with those creatures that look like mini-colonies?" Teeth asked.

"They're called humans, and yes. How do you know?" I squint at Teeth. "You haven't been to the void markets have you?"  
  
"No! I don't even know how to find one! I just...well..." He flushes. "I found them online..."

  
"I too, have found many videos of them. I had not realized you were indirectly involved..." Hectorgon admits.  
  
"How ARE you guys finding this shit?! I wanna watch it too! Teeth! You're telling me where you find porn once we get home!" Pyronica demands. Loudly.  
  
I can feel the gazes of the people around us and slumped lower in my chair, glowing orange. "Maybe we should be more quiet..."  
  
Pyronica quirks her eye at me before standing up and taking a deep breath. My eye widens "No-!"  
  
"BOY I SURE DO LOOOOVE~ PORN! MMHMM THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE!" Pyronica bellows loudly.  
   
  
  
I shrink down and tried to hide in one of Ammy's blocks, burning orange in embarrassment.  
  
Pyronica cackles at me. "You're so cute sometimes Bill. Seriously~"  
  
"Uwuuu~" I moaned.  
  
"It's weird how he's so easily embarrassed by things like this, and yet feels no shame for pretty much everything else he does..." Teeth chuckles. I stick a tiny hand out of Ammy's block and flip him off. The mouth laughs harder.  
   
  
  
Ammy looks down at me and sighs. "Bill please come out of there."  
  
"...no..."  
  
Ammy rolls his eyes at me.  
  
So I stayed inside his block, pouting as my friends talked about how their evening went. Hectorgon got the contact info from a few CEO's. He also got a few slaps from women when they misunderstood his intentions. Teeth laughs uproariously. "I bet it's the mustache! Makes you look sleazy~"  
  
"ExCUSE~me?! I'll have you know it makes me look distinguished!" Hectorgon scoffs and twirls said mustache. Despite his words, his tone was amused and I was glad that he was comfortable enough to realize Teeth was just joking.  
  
Ammy brings up Keyhole and his worry over the poor boy's situation. I perk up and listen to see what everyone's opinion on the subject would be.  
   
"Do you think we could take Keyhole as our new friend?" Ammy asks. I keep quiet, I want my friends to make this decision on their own.  
  
 "Well...his situation does sound sad, but we don't know him." Teeth says slowly.  
  
"When has that stopped us before?" Pyronica rolls her eye. "Does Bill like him?" They all peered into Ammy's block and I shrug. "We can all go meet him if you want? He and his 'friends' are currently in hold in."  
  
"Does that mean I can take the suit off now?" Teeth pulls at his collar. I sigh but tell him that he can take it off once we leave the casino. He cheers.  
  
Really. Teeth just doesn't understand the joys of being a snappy dresser~  
  
\---  
  
Orb's parents already bailed him out. They seemed quite angry at him. I hear his mother berating him and telling him that he should stop hanging out with those 'trash' friends of his. Orb just scowls angrily, I know he's not gonna listen to a word his mother says. Part of me wants to speak up but frankly, this is not my problem.  
  
I DID tap two forks together and watch Orb jump in fear. The way he looked around wildly for the source of his terror was amusing.  
  
Actually...

  
I placed a subtle Curse on him to make him hear Clinking sounds whenever he...does something that I would find morally reprehensible. Kinda curious what would happen. It'll be an experiment.  
  
Lolph was on the phone with HIS parents, there was a lot of yelling over the line. Greg was grumbling moodily as her parents came for her. They looked more resigned than angry. I looked over at Keyhole who was sitting in a cell. He hasn't even bothered to call his uncle.  
  
I've gone back to my normal outfit, I missed my top hat. I felt incomplete without it.  
  
The officer behind the desk was looking worried. "Um...are you here to turn yourself in?" She asks weakly. I stare at her until she squeaks and shakes her head. "N-nevermind!"

  
"I'm curious about the kid there." I inform her. "What's going to happen to him?" I maaaay have put out a 'compulsion' effect to get the officer to talk. Nothing big, just loosens people's tongues and makes them speak what they think.  
  
The officer looked confused. "Oh, well he confessed to robbing the bank, but there's nothing missing from any of the vaults. At most there are a few melted doors which that Tarkan boy is being suspected of causing."  
  
She actually looks sympathetic. "Despite his confession there's no evidence he actually committed any crime, the damage to the hotel was fixed and no keys were missing...so he's free to go." She sighs. "But he refuses."  
  
"I see...well thank you for your time ma'am." I tip my hat and float into the hall with the holding cells. My friends trail behind me. A few other officers are anxiously watching us. "Sir? You can't just go in there..."  
  
"It'll only be a few minutes ma'am."  
  
I float up to Keyhole's cell. The poor boy hasn't even looked up yet, morosely staring at the ground. "Why're you still here kid?" I asked. He didn't respond. Pyronica peers at him. "Aw~lookie this little guy~"  
  
"Roni, don't be rude. Poor kid's been through a lot tonight."  
  
As I was berating her, Ammy floated up to the bars and stared intently at the Lockin. "Hello. We are going to kidnap you now." He says simply. Keyhole looks up to stare at him. "Excuse me what?"  
  
The cell door wasn't locked so Ammy went in, picked up the now panicking teenager and carried him out of the cell. "We're done here. Let's go home." Ammy says calmly, as if kidnapping a minor was perfectly normal.  
  
I sputtered. Keyhole let out scared squeals. "Wh-who are you people?!" Hectorgon was face palming. Teeth and Pyronica were laughing their asses off. Even Xanthar looked somewhat amused.  
  
"No Ammy. Put him down." I scolded. He turned to me with an annoyed look. "So we can't keep him?" The Amorphous Shape asked.  
  
"You can't kidnap someone without their permission. Here, observe..." I gently make Ammy place Keyhole on the ground. Materializing a large sack, I gestured to it and spoke to Keyhole. "Would you like to get in the bag so we can take you home with us and give you the proper love and care you deserve?"

 

  
I can hear Pyronica snort as she unsuccessfully tries to muffle her laughter. Ammy was taking notes. "Oh. So that's how it works..." Hectorgon was moaning into his hands "This is the god I have pledged my life to..." He sounds strained.  
  
Keyhole stares at me, utterly confused and a little terrified. "What?!"  
  
I stare at him. "Are you happy here? Do you want to go home to your uncle? Do you want to stay here or do you want to find someplace better?" I asked him seriously. "I understand if we're suspicious as hell right now but I'm legitimately asking if you'd like to come live with us."  
  
"I don't even KNOW you people?! What is happening right now?!"  
  
"Your confusion is obvious. Let me explain." I straightened myself. "The name's Bill Cipher. I would like to offer you a Deal."  
  
"A...Deal?" Keyhole trembled.  
  
"Those friends of yours don't appreciate you. You're bullied, belittled and lonely as heck. Ammy-" I gestured to my son "-felt that you don't deserve to be treated in such a way and asked if I would take you in. The Deal is simple. Be my friend and I will care for you, provide for you and allow you the freedom to come and go as you please. All I ask in return is your friendship."  
  
The police around us were staring. A few were videotaping this on their phones.  
  
Keyhole stares. "Why me? Why not anyone else?"  
  
"Because you're lonely. You hang out with your friends because you want to feel needed but being around them just makes you feel even more isolated. To be honest, this is pretty much a spur of the moment decision. If you want, I can give you some time to think about it." Goodness knows I'd like everyone to get to know each other before we seal this Deal.  
  
"But I don't even know you."  
  
"And we don't know you either. Ammy requested you and I personally don’t have any problems with it. How about a trial run? We hang out for a while and see if we like each other before we fully commit."  
  
"Are you going to take my soul?" Keyhole asks nervously.  
  
I make an annoyed sound. "Why does EVERYONE think that?"  
  
"Well isn’t that what most demons do? Souls gives them power and stuff." Teeth pipped up. I roll my eye at him. "Please~I don't need Souls to be an all-powerful demon god. Anyone who relies on soul consumption for power is a pathetic loser trying too hard to compensate for their own inadequacy."  
  
I send a mild glare at the people filming me. "I don't need artificial boosters to keep me going. I don't have performance issues. Not like SOME people. I'm calling you out Chernobog! You lazy fuck! When was the last time YOU did anything noteworthy?!"  
  
"Bill, you're getting off topic..." Pyronica gently, slowly, puts her hand on my side and turns me away from the camera. Keyhole was watching me bemusedly and blinks in surprise at Pyronica. I see him start to look at my other friends, finally noticing them.  
  
"So...you guys are Bill Cipher's friends?"  
  
"Yup! And it's awesome!" Teeth says happily. "Bill takes friendship really seriously. He takes care of us. Feeds us, gives us a place to live and takes us out to play and have fun all over the multiverse!"  
  
"All we have to do in return is hang out with him when he wants our company." Pyronica adds. She leans in and grins at Keyhole. "He gets lonely you see?"  
  
"He also grants us his protection. If you agree to be Bill's friend, he will destroy anyone who tries to harm you or take you from him." Ammy shrugs. "Bill's incredibly possessive."  
  
"I'm not possessive!" I protest. Everyone gives me a deadpan look, even Xanthar. Hectorgon coughs into a fist. "CoughBullshitCough."  
  
I scoff dramatically. "I am OFFENDED you would think such a thing of me!" Teeth sniggers. I roll my eye and give Keyhole a resigned look. "You see what I have to deal with? They're lucky they're my friends 'cause anyone else trying to sass me like that is due for a month of nightmares involving Sing-a-ma-jigs..."  
  
"What's a Sing-a-ma-jig?" Keyhole unfortunately asked. I materialize one of those monstrosities and squeeze it's belly.  
  
"Lou~" it sings.  
  
Everyone recoiled from it, even the police watching us. "Aaahhh!! Kill it!! Kill it with fire!!" Pyronica shrieks. She sets it on fire and I drop it to the ground where we all stare in fascinated horror as it slowly burns up while droning out an increasingly distorted "Lou~", the shriveled and twisted plastic letting out putrid smoke. I absently disperse the smoke before anyone gets plastic poisoning.  
  
"What kind of psychopath created that monstrosity?!" Hectorgon whispered fearfully into the resulting silence. "Fisher Price..." I hiss.  
  
"It had teeth! Stuffed dolls shouldn't have teeth!!!" Teeth wails.  
  
"This experience will haunt me forever." Ammy says matter of factly.  
  
"Pfth-!"  
  
I glance at Keyhole who's covering his mouth as his shoulders shake. "Mmph!" He muffled a snort. Finally he lets out a laugh. "Y-you hahaha! You guys are *snerk* you all just hahaha!" He laughs with a wide grin, I can literally feel him relax.  
  
It was nice.  
  
Stress isn't good for him. His loneliness and self doubt were bitter and I didn’t like their taste. Seeing him laugh like this was much better. After a bit he calmed and gave us a smile. "Um...I don't want to decide so suddenly...could we...just hang out for a while before I make any Deals?"  
  
"Sure kid." I wave my hand and make a necklace with a triangle pendant. "Just tap than when you're free. We can schedule a playdate."  
  
"So...you...really want me to be your friend? Why?" Keyhole asks quietly.  
  
I float down until I'm around eye to eyes with him. "To be honest I was watching you earlier. I met your 'friends' at the dance club, followed them 'cause I was bored and saw you. I saw how they treated you. They treat you like shit. Friends shouldn't treat friends like shit. It pissed me off."  
  
"And...that's all it took? You didn't like how I was treated so you want to take me in? You...don't just want me to join your gang because you saw how I can break into places?"  
  
I shrugged. "As if I need you to open doors for me. If I decide something, I go with it. It's that simple. I'm told I'm somewhat...insistent..."  
  
"Bill's stubborn and pushy! Once he’s got his sights set on you he will aggressively befriend you until you break and give in. If he wants something, he gets it.” Pyronica speaks up. "He followed me around until I agreed to hang out with him."  
  
"Don't say it like that, you make me sound like some kind of creepy stalker. Besides, you didn’t move in with me until weeks after we first met!”

  
"You literally have eyes spying on every part of the universe." Pyronica deadpans. Teeth, Ammy and Hectorgon nod. Xanthar just shrugged.  
  
"You're all ganging up on meeee~" I whined. Keyhole laughs. "Well, I...guess I can hang out tomorrow? After school." He fiddled with the necklace.  
  
"Alright. See you then kid. Also, do you need help getting home? I noticed you haven't called your guardian?"  
  
Keyhole's smile wilts. "I don't want to trouble you for a ride..."  
  
"Who's driving?" I hold out my hand beside me and pinch my index and thumb together. "I've got wormholes!" I pull my hand down and make a controlled rip in space. The tear widens into a circular doorway displaying a street with an apartment building.  
  
"...how do you know where I live?"  
  
"He's Bill Cipher. He knows where everyone lives." Ammy responded helpfully.  
  
I can see a few police officers paling in fear. I scoff. "I do NOT know where everyone LIVES.” I see the police relax a little. "I know where everyone SLEEPS. There is a big difference." All the police now looked horrified. I relish in it. A few of them might even be too afraid to sleep for a while.  
  
It was quite funny.  
  
Keyhole pales a little, I can hear him thanking the Key gods that he was somehow on my good side. The only side anyone wanted to be with me honestly. He approached the wormhole. "This...won't hurt me?"  
  
"It's safer than teleporters." I answer honestly. "It's a late night kid. Get home. Get some rest. We'll see you tomorrow."  
  
He warily pokes a hand through and then steps over into his neighborhood. He looked amazed at the process. My friends and I wave good bye before I sealed the tear back up. Not wanting to be filmed by the police anymore, I grabbed my friends and teleported home. I think we're done for the night.  
  
I turned to the others "So, thoughts?"  
  
"From what I can see, he's a scared and lonely child. I would like to help him." Hectorgon says. He had an incredible soft spot for children. Parental instincts I suppose.  
  
"I mean, I wouldn’t turn him away if he wants to come with us." Teeth says. "He seems like a good kid."  
  
"Doesn't he have a family though? You sent him home right?" Pyronica asks.

  
"He's technically an orphan. Lives with his uncle. They're not that close." I shrug. Ugh. Getting one of Bill's friends to be my friend shouldn't be so...hard...can't I just put them in a sack and go?  
  
No Bill. That's a terrible idea. Maybe use a Poke'ball instead.  
  
While I was considering the mechanics needed to build an actual Poke'ball, Kryptos floated up to us. "You're back early. I thought you wouldn't be home for at least another few hours."  
  
"Well we met someone." Teeth starts.  
  
"He might become our new friend, we're gonna hang out and see how it goes." Ammy wags his blocks back and forth. “I do hope he says yes.”  
  
"Also I think Bill traumatized a whole police force. It was great. We should look up the videos on ThemTube later." Pyronica laughs.

  
"Is it...normal for Bill to just...choose someone to be his friend?" Hectorgon asked. Everyone turns to look at him.  
  
"Pretty much. He literally saw me start a fight in a marketplace and decided to follow me around. Bill told me he demanded Xanthar as payment for a Deal when he saw how horrible his living conditions were." Pyronica shrugs.  
  
"I was his waiter at a restaurant." Teeth says happily.  
  
"I crawled out of the ground, Bill found me and took me to meet...someone...before bringing me here. I don't really remember who or what he brought me to meet. My thoughts back then were pretty scrambled." Ammy chimes in.  
  
"....Bill DID just find me inside a robot..." Kryptos realizes.

"Huh...and he ran into me while you were all having a snowball fight?" Hectorgon rubs his chin. I cough. "Actually I did that one on purpose. I'd actually been observing you for a while before we met in person."  
  
"Wait. You PLANNED to pick me up?" Hectorgon gasps. I rub my side and shrug. "I was just looking to hire a programmer to help set up our computers. Wasn't really planning on acquiring you until we actually met."  
  
"You make it sound like you're collecting us." Kryptos says slowly.  
  
"Not on purpose! Sort of! Kinda of! I don’t know?!" I sputtered. I droop. "I just like having friends..." Xanthar comes over to me, raises his large hand, keeping it within my sight the entire time, and gently embraced me in a hug. I sigh and press against his soft fur.  
  
"Bill, it's alright. There's nothing wrong with having friends. I wasn't...trying to criticize you..." Kryptos winced when he saw my sad expression.  
  
"But...what if I WAS collecting you all? What if I'm taking you all in due to my own selfishness?"  
  
"Well, it doesn't feel selfish?" Teeth scratched his gums in confusion. "You're super nice to us."  
  
I sighed and closed my eye. Should I just tell them? I may as well. It...wouldn't be nice to keep this a secret forever. I keep enough secrets as is. My alternative identities, my origins, what I really am...  
  
I'm literally made of secrets and half truths.  
  
I call these guys my friends but I don't even trust them with the truths I keep. I don't like thinking about that. It makes me feel like I'm a terrible person. Like I don't actually have friends I can trust and that they're nothing more than toys I keep around for entertainment and emotional comfort.  
  
I still can't bring myself to tell them the whole truth. Part of me was afraid they'd no longer respect me if they found out I was really just a scared and lonely little girl. A girl who had the power to destroy planets, but whatever.  
  
"You know how I can see the future?" I ask quietly.  
  
Most of my friends nod, except Hectorgon who gasps. "What?!"  
  
"Well most of the time I keep that ability turned off. It's a hassle more than anything. I see multiple branching timelines stretching on and growing for each possible outcome. It's a goddamned mess!" I get a headache just thinking about it.

"Well I've seen...in one of those timelines...me surrounded by friends. I have no context for it. I didn't know who any of those people were. Only that they were my friends in an alternative future..."  
  
Kryptos caught on first. "You saw us, didn't you?" He trembled a little.  
  
"I had no idea who any of those people were. At most I knew what they looked like. There were many that I don't know the names of. I was so young back then. Like...25 years old...though I was 21 when I first began seeing the visions..." Partial truths. Gravity Falls came out when I was 21 and ended four years later.  
  
"How...old were you when you first found me?" Pyronica asks.  
  
"Around 20 billion...maybe? I have trouble keeping track of time..."  
  
"And you...spent all those billions of years alone? With nothing more than an image of a possible future where you had friends?" Kryptos stared at me. I could taste his pity. He tried to imagine how lonely that'd feel and made himself sad.  
  
"Yeah...I didn’t know who any of those people in the vision were. I didn't know where or when I would meet them. Or if I ever even would. For all I know, that future would never happen in THIS timeline..."

  
"That's...that's just not fair..." Teeth sniffles. "That's the saddest thing I've ever heard..."  
  
"When I met Xanthar...something just clicked inside me. I recognized him. I knew he was one of the people I saw in that vision. I also saw how he was being treated and I just knew I had to get him out of there..." I pet Xanthar's face gently. He let out feelings of 'content' 'gratefulness' and 'affection’. “The fact that he became my friend was sort of a plus.”

  
"Was it like that with the rest of us?" Hectorgon asked.  
  
"I met Pyronica by coincidence, same with Teeth, though I didn't realize he was one of my alternate future friends until a while afterward. No offense Teeth but I have trouble telling Mouths apart."  
  
"None taken. Most people can't tell us apart. It's why we're interchangeable." There was a note of bitterness in his voice. Even after all this time, he hasn’t gotten over the pain of being abandoned by his colony.  
  
"I didn't recognize Ammy when I first found him. The Amorphous Shape in my vision was much larger."  
  
"Well I WAS still pretty young when you found me." Ammy shrugs.

  
"I never purposely set out to find you all. I just happen to run into you. And once I recognized you I couldn't let you go. I'm sorry I never told you about this..."  
  
"So, from what you're saying, I'm guessing you saw Keyhole in your vision as well?" Pyronica deduced.

  
I nod. "Yeah. Once again though, I knew nothing about who he is as a person. All I got from my vision were images."  
  
"Bill, stop feeling bad about this. So you saw us in a vision back when you were a kid. So what? It took you the equivalent of LIFETIMES before you ever even MET any of us. Frankly, if I was forced to spend eons all alone, I'd latch onto the first friendly face I saw too." Pyronica comes over to take my hand. "Even if you only approached us because you saw us in a vision, it doesn’t change the fact that you've helped all of us. We are friends Bill. We like being around you. I'm sure the other You in that vision befriended us the same way."  
  
"So...you're not mad at me?" I squeeze her hand. She grins. "Of course not. You know, for an all-powerful demon you have very low self esteem."

  
I roll my eye. "I know better than anyone what a horrible person I am." Pyronica frowns and flicks my top corner. "Ow."  
  
"Don't talk about yourself like that. You're the nicest guy I know."  
  
"I'm only nice to you guys." I grumble.  
  
"That's not true at all." Ammy insists. "Even when you crushed those kids under the forks, you made sure they wouldn’t be seriously hurt. Same for all the other hotel guests."  
  
"T-that's just 'cause I didn’t want to kill anyone..." I look away. Pyronica gives me a smug look. "And this is why you're a nice guy Bill."  
  
"You guys don't know the terrible things I do. You don't come with me to my summonings anymore."  
  
Pyronica pales slightly. "Well that is different. You're just doing your job."

"Making Deals with anyone stupid, desperate or evil enough to summon me. I've granted so many awful Deals." I couldn't help a smile though. "I DID make them all pay for it..."  
  
"Look, I'm not saying you're a saint. You've probably killed more people than anyone else, but you're still a good person. Even if you won't believe that, I KNOW that you're just a softie on the inside." Pyronica insists.  
  
"...if you want to believe that, great, I just...I personally feel like a real heel sometimes. I'm selfish. I'm petty. I have anger issues that are probably never going to get better. I'm...needy..." I list off, getting more upset as I went. "I selfishly bound you all to me so that you won't age and die and leave me alone..."  
  
"I told you. Immortality is cool. I don't mind being immortal." Pyronica tries to cheer me up.

  
"Will you still think that when you outlive your own species?" I ask. It was something I had been afraid to point out. But I had to. I had to tell them all now, before it's too late. "Would you all still think that when you become the last of your kind?" I can still fix things now. If they asked me to revoke their immortality, I could still do so. The Cyclopian race still existed. She still had a chance for finding a proper mate, bearing young, starting a family…  
  
It might be too late for Xanthar though. His species were already endangered when we first met. There probably aren't enough of them left to carry on. They'll go extinct within a few centuries. I wonder if I could find Xanthar a mate? Just so he could try to keep his species going? Just a little longer?  
  
Everyone pales at my words. Except Ammy since he was already the only one of his kind. Hectorgon has a pained expression. Xanthar squeezes me tighter, 'realization' and 'worry' coming off him as he realized that he might really be one of the last surviving members of his kind. Teeth goes quiet. Kryptos was staring at the ground with a wide eye. Pyronica bit her lip and trembled.  
  
"Yes." She says at last. I'm shocked as she looks me straight in the eye. Her voice was firm. Determined. "If it were a choice between dying out with my people or staying by your side, I would choose you. You're my best friend Bill. I care more about you than some random strangers. Sure it would be...weird to be the last of my kind, but that's not gonna happen for a while right?"  
  
I slump against Xanthar's face. "It was still selfish of me to curse you all in such a way without asking first."  
  
"But you did." Kryptps says quietly. "You asked us to be your friend from now until the end of time. If we didn't realize you meant that literally, it's on us for not getting it."  
  
"I mean...the idea of outliving everyone I knew is kinda scary but it's not like I'll be alone right?" Teeth manages a smile. "You had to be immortal all alone. We have each other so it's not as bad."  
  
"And even if you truly DID see us all in a vision, you didn’t immediately force us to be your friend. You ask us. You get to know us. You gave us all a CHOICE." Hectorgon points out.  
  
"You're not as bad as you think you are...mom." Ammy blushed as he gently takes my other hand. I sigh. I understood what they were saying. I get it. But it didn't change how I FELT. I still felt like a selfish monster. As much as I loved them all I couldn't stop that part of me from worrying if maybe I was forcing them to love me back. I'm a powerful psychic creature. What if I had been unconsciously manipulating them to like me?  
  
It was a fear I struggled with whenever they smiled at me or told me how much they cared. I was so afraid it wasn't real. That I was forcing them to care for me. It was the only thing that made sense. There's no way they could truly care for something like me unless I manipulated them to. This latest conversation just confirmed my fears. There's no way they would choose ME unless I was forcing them to.  
  
I start sobbing as my thoughts got progressively more depressing. Taking my hands back, I twined my fingers together, closing myself off. I was too distraught to talk or explain so I just sobbed. Staring at them as my crying got progressively more hysterical.  
  


  
I know they were confused. They couldn’t tell what upset me this time but I just sobbed and flew away to lock myself in the bathroom. I was inconsolable. They tried to ask me what was wrong, their worry only made me feel more guilty. Finally they left to give me some space. I huddled on the countertop, curled around myself and shook with the force of my sobs.  
  
Once I was too tired to cry anymore I took those depressing thoughts and pushed them far back into the deepest parts of my mind. Down where I wouldn't have to think about them. Down where they won’t bother me. Down where I can forget I even had those thoughts. Everything is fine.  
  
Everything is fine.  
  
Everything is fine.  
  
Everything is fine.  
  
I unlocked the door and flew back out to make a late night snack for everyone, humming cheerfully. No one questioned me but Hectorgon looked like he wanted to say something. Teeth looked worried but kept his mouth shut as well. Ammy was whispering to Kryptos "Do...you know what just happened?"  
  
The compass shrugged with a sad frown. Xanthar simply pressed himself close to me and let out 'comfort' for me to feed on. Pyronica sighed in frustration. "Hey Bill?" She asks.  
  
"What's up?" I chirped.  
  
"I'm gonna head out for a bit."  
  
"Ok. Be safe out there." I responded as I started rolling the dough into little balls. I'm gonna make mochi. It'll be something new for everyone to try. Should I use strawberry filling or honey?  
  
She heads off with an air of 'determination' around her.  
  
Teeth shuffled out to go watch TV, uncomfortable with the tension. Hectorgon went back to his room to sort through the information he received at the casino. Kryptos took Ammy with him when they left. Xanthar stayed to continue rubbing his face against me. I worked quietly aside from my humming.  
  
After a while I slumped over and sighed. "I'm a mess..." I wasn’t as good at lying to myself as I thought I was. I felt Xanthar let out an emotion that I could only describe as ' No shit you idiot' and I laughed lightly. "What do I do? I can't...take this anymore..." Trying to forget really didn't help. Not when everyone could tell I was upset. There were two possible scenarios here.  
  
1\. I had been secretly manipulating my friends to like me.  
  
2\. For some weird reason, they really DID like me.  
  
I brought a hand up to caress Xanthar. I know that he cared for me. For real. I know this for sure. His mind was too...abstract for me to properly manipulate after all. Even if I tried to go in and mess around, I wouldn’t be able to. Not unless I was purposely trying. I knew I wouldn’t be able to mess with his mind subconsciously or by accident.  
  
It was comforting to know.  
  
I liked pressing my bricks against him. He was large and soft and it made me feel safe as long as he doesn’t make any sudden movements.  God I had so many issues. "You want me to talk about it don't you?" I asked as I buried my face into his. He nodded. "Do I have to?" I whined. He nodded again. "Uuugh~"  
  
I turned back to the half finished mochi. "Can I finish cooking first?" Xanthar considered it before nodding. He felt rather 'amused'.  
  
\---  
  
To say I was surprised when Pyronica stormed back to the house carrying a struggling Jheselbraum over her shoulder would be an understatement. I paused in the middle of serving the many multicolored rice treats and just stared at the women in shock.  
  
"Unhand me you horrid savage!"  
  
"Roni...why have you kidnapped my sister?"  
  
Teeth and Kryptos both spit take the tea I had made. "That's your sister?!"  
  
Jheselbraum frowns "Please stop introducing me like that. We have no familial relationship."  
  
"Adopted sister." I clarified.  
  
"Bill's being an idiot and I need your help to beat some sense into him." Pyronica tells Jheselbraum as she puts the Priestess down. Jheselbraum blinks her many eyes at the Cyclopian. Slowly a smile spreads across her face. "Oh. Well why didn’t you just say so?"  
  
The smile the two women gave each other made me nervous. "Why're you two smiling like that? It's weird. Jessie your face looks weird like that. Stop it."  
  
"What has he done this time?" Jheselbraum asks, 3 of her eyes peering down at me. I make offended sounds.  
  
"Started crying like a baby and refused to tell us what's wrong. I'm pretty sure he's over-thinking something stupid and just made himself upset. He does that a lot."

  
"Lies and slander!" I protest but Jheselbraum nods solemnly. "He does tend to do that. Long ago, back before he met you all, he would break into my room in the middle of the night, drunk and weeping about how everyone hates him. I confess I was never very sympathetic to his plight." She sighs. "I realize now that perhaps if I had given him more of my attention, he wouldn't be as broken as he is now."  
  
Pyronica frowns. "Ok, so this goes back even further than I thought..." She crosses her arms with a huff. "I'm kind of annoyed that you knew this was happening and did nothing to help."  
  
Jheselbraum sighed. She looked remorseful. "I am aware that I have failed in my duties. As the High Priestess of the Great One, I should be impartial, fair and kind to all who seek my help. Even if I do not like them."  
  
"I'm perfectly fine!" I protest. Xanthar gives me an annoyed nudge. "Okay. I'm not fine. But I'm...functional."  
  
""Hm..."" Pyronica and Jheselbraum both stared me down until I wilted. "No fair teaming up on meee~"  
  
"Bill. We are going to sit and talk. You are going to tell us what is wrong." Jheselbraum states simply before settling herself down elegantly on one of the chairs. I find the image of her tall, noble form seated in my dining room to be quite the strange sight. A sort of cognitive dissonance of seeing her HERE in my house. "Huh...you don't match the decor..." I remark.  
  
One of her eyes twitch and she takes a deep calming breath. "Bill. I am being serious right now. If you've gotten bad enough that your companion saw fit to kidnap me from my temple, it must be dire.”  
  
I look at Xanthar when he nudged me forward. Pyronica was standing beside Jheselbraum with her arms crossed. Kryptos glanced back and forth between all of us and looked like he really wanted to sneak out of the room. Pyronica noticed and growled at him. "Nope. We are all staying here until Bill tells us what's wrong. I'm sick of him running away from his issues."  
  
"Do we really need to be here?" Hectorgon asks before whimpering at the glare Pyronica sent him. "Right, yes, we're all here for this. Definitely."

"Bill. Kindly inform me of what happened? I wasn't told much before I was abducted." Jheselbraum tilts her head down to look at me. I wonder briefly why all the women in my life were so tall. Pyronica, Jessie...even Queen towered over me...

Jheselbraum knew me well enough to tell when my attention wavers so she snaps her fingers in front of my face. "Bill. Focus." She says firmly.  
  
"...It's...not that big of a deal..." I whined. I really didn't want to talk about this. If it turned out I really WAS forcing my friends to like me, they would hate me forever. I just know they would. Xanthar places his hand beside me and I hug it for comfort.  
  
"Bill. When you are hurting, the people around you hurt as well. Your...friends...just want to help you. So please tell us what the problem is."  
  
"...their desire to help is the problem..."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Bill." Jheselbraum’s voice is soft, I know that tone. It’s the one she uses for her emotional trauma patients. "I'm certain it's not as big of a problem as you seem to believe it is."  
  
"I just realized that what if...what if the only reason they care about me is because I forced them to?" I whisper. Jheselbraum blinks in confusion. "Do you threaten them with violence if they do not show you care? Do you keep them imprisoned until they comfort you?"  
  
I shake my head. "That's not what I mean...like...my dominion is the Mind...what if I've caused everyone to like me? Subconsciously. Just...accidentally manipulating their emotions so that they like me the same way I like them?" I tremble, squeezing Jheselbraum's hand.  
  
There's a sharp intake of breath from Pyronica. Teeth is tense. Hectorgon just looks confused. Kryptos is frowning. Ammy floats over and gently takes my other hand. "I don't see the problem." He says nonchalantly. "If you're making us like you the same way you like us, then you must really like us a lot. Otherwise, why would we care about you so much?"  
  
I can feel everyone relax at his words. As plain as they were, it made sense to them. Teeth laughs. "Geez Bill. Is THAT what you were worried about? Well if how I feel is how you feel for me then you must think I'm the coolest guy ever!"  
  
Pyronica laughs as well. "Really? Even if you 'accidentally' made us like you, I feel like you're the one giving more to us in this situation. The others all begin telling me that my worries were both unfounded and ridiculous.  
  
Jheselbraum was solemn and serious as she stared into my eye. She knew my fears weren't entirely unfounded. She knew how powerful my mind was despite it's broken state. She's a powerful Telepath as well. If I ever tried to get into her mind, she would know. It's why she was so surprised when I never did such a thing. Even when I Looked deep into all the shrine maidens during the Ceremony I never invaded their minds. I brushed past them, scanning as much as I could without going inside. Jessie shivered because she felt me. It was one of the reasons she caught my interest.  
  
"Please. Check for me." I beg as I gripped Jheselbraum's hand tightly. She nodded. I looked down at the table anxiously as I felt Jheselbraum turn her gaze onto Pyronica and Opened her Eyes. Pyronica just felt confused, unsure about what was happening right now. Jheselbraum gave a sigh after a few seconds.  
  
"There is a tinge of your power there-" I let out a sob "-but it's nothing like what you feared." Jheselbraum assured me, rubbing my hand with her thumb softly. I look up at her with a wide eye. "It is merely a translation effect. Nothing to do with her emotions or memories." Jheselbraum smiles. "You can be at ease. This girl's feelings are entirely her own."

  
I slumped in relief. But it wasn't over yet. "And the others?" I asked. Jessie turns to Ammy and Opens her Eyes once more. With each of her evaluations and assurances that they were 'clear' I relaxed and felt the knot inside me loosen. Finally she had checked them all and gave me her final word that I had not 'forced' any of my friends to be my friend.  
  
I start crying again, this time in relief. "Thank Ax...thank Ax I haven't done something so horrible..." I soaked Xanthar's fur with my tears. Ammy had his arms around me "There, there." He says in the way he's seen people do on TV.

  
"See Bill? Like I said. You're nice." Pyronica grins. She turns to Jheselbraum and gives her a serious look. "Thank you for helping me with this. Sorry for kidnappin' you. Emergency and all."  
  
"Quite. Well I will be taking my leave before my people are forced to worry any more than they already are." Jheselbraum glides smoothly towards the teleporter. "Please refrain from kidnappings the next time you require my assistance." She says before tapping in her coordinates and warping away.  
  
"So...that's your sister huh?" Teeth remarks.  
  
"Adopted. Also, the fact that she doesn't entirely hate me is a secret. So keep quiet about our connection with each other. She has an important job that requires keeping up an act of indifference to me."  
  
"...your family is weird Bill." Was Teeth's only response.  
  
I shrugged as I wipe my tears. Now that this was over, I felt quite embarrassed for my...shameful, angsty behavior. Ugh...I could feel my bricks heating up just thinking about it.  
  
I could tell Pyronica wanted to call me an idiot for worrying over nothing but Kryptos and Hectorgon both shake their heads at her and she sighs. Kryptos floats over to give me a smile. "So...you seriously thought we were only your friends because of mind control?"

  
"I didn’t think it was possible for you guys to choose ME over your own families or species..." I mumbled.  
  
"Well for once you were wrong." Kryptos jokes lightly.  
  
"Of course we chose you Bill. You'd have done the same right?" Teeth grins.  
  
"..."  
  
Teeth looked worried. "You...would choose us right Bill?"  
  
"Not much of a choice, seeing as my people are already extinct..." I grumble.  
  
"Oh. Right..." Teeth says awkwardly. "Well if they weren't extinct you would choose us."  
  
I scoffed. "My people can go burn again for all I care...there were only a handful of people I actually liked..."  
  
"That's..." Teeth looked a little disturbed. "...a harsh way of putting it..."  
  
"Aside from my brother and one acquaintance I had a crush on, I didn't particularly care about anyone else."

  
"I find that hard to believe. You're a very caring person Bill." Hectorgon remarks. He frowns. "What about your parents?"  
  
"My father literally told me never to visit him again and tried to keep me away from my brother."  
  
"....b-but you're their child! How could he do such a thing..." Hectorgon looked horrified that a father would say such a thing to their child.  
  
"But you must have had some other family who loved you? What about your uncle Bill?" Teeth asks nervously.  
  
"He was my Soul grunkle. My Soul family loved me. My Body family didn't." I carefully explained. Since we were doing personal Q&A I might as well gently explain the inconsistencies of my backstory.  
  
"Your Soul what now?" Kryptos reeled back.  
  
How do I put this...  
  
"I had two sets of families who birthed and raised me. The parents of my Soul and the parents of my Body." It's not like they knew anything about my species, for all they know, this was perfectly normal.  
  
Pyronica rubbed her head. "Explain? Please?"  
  
"My Soul was born to loving parents. They weren't perfect and we didn’t always get along but they loved me and my two younger sisters. And then my Soul was sent to be born into a Body." I patted my chest. "This body."  
  
Pyronica nodded slowly. "Okay...your people are weird..." I shrug but don't confirm nor deny her interpretation. I looked down at my hands and continued. "The parents of my Body were nice at first. My mother cared for me and while I never saw my father much, I think he didn't mind me. But it all changed when they took me to the doctors and realized my Body was defective."  
  
"Defective?" Kryptos asked, leaning in eagerly. He was very interested in learning more about me. They all were. I sighed. "I'm not gonna get into the boring technical terms but suffice to say, I was a freak of nature. I looked perfectly normal on the outside but my inner workings were...unusual would be the nicest way to put it. My childhood wasn't very pleasant."  
  
"So why didn't you just return to your Soul family?" Teeth asked. I shook my head. "I couldn't. They exist in an entirely separate plane of reality. Once I was born into this body I lost them forever." I shrugged. "I spent 27 years with my Soul family and...maybe around the same amount in my new life in this body? Time didn't really exist in the 2nd Dimension so I'm not sure how long I actually lived there..."  
  
Kryptos had a look of realization. "And your vision of the future with all of us? You saw that while you were still a Soul?" I nodded. He looked sympathetic. "And I bet you were looking forward to meeting us once you were born into a body huh? But in the end you didn't meet us for billions of years..."  
  
He's technically not wrong. I just shrug again. "I mean...it worked out in the end right?"  
  
"You mentioned a brother?" Hectorgon asks.  
  
"My Soul had two younger sisters, though one of them used to be a brother. My Body had a younger brother. My Body parents set to work replacing me once they realized I wasn't what they wanted. Despite everything, I loved my brother. He was killed shortly before I destroyed my world." My hands trembled but I had to finish this. "You could say that my world was destroyed as a result of his death. I gained my Fire that day and I burned everything to the ground."  
  
There was silence. Ammy hugged me closer. Teeth was fidgeting in his chair. "No offense Bill but that sounds metal as shit." I let out a bark of incredulous laughter. "Seriously man? That's what you got out of this?" I wasn't sure if I should feel offended.

  
"Sorry. It just sounds super cool if you don't think about the emotional trauma..." Teeth yelps when Pyronica gives him a light slap to the side. "Ow. Ok. I admit. I deserved that." I just laugh at how fucked up this was. Well despite Teeth finding the destruction of my homeworld 'cool' I felt better after confessing SOME of my backstory.  
  
Also, my friends actually like me for me. Part of me still couldn't believe that. There must be some trick, some mistake. Why would they like me? Because I feed and clothe them? Was that literally all it took? Pyronica noticed my melancholy look and flicks my top corner. "Stop over thinking it Bill. You're here with us now. That's all the matters."  
  
I guess she's right. I was exhausted from my emotional highs and lows. Plus I'm pretty sure I converted a lot of energy into creating tears. I wish I could sleep. I'll just have to settle for lying on top of Xanthar while he sleeps instead. We ate the mochi and went to bed. I curled up on top of Xanthar in the garden. "Good night Xan-Xan."

  
Tomorrow, we get to know Keyhole. Now that my friends knew about my 'vision of future friends' they'll probably try to help me find them all.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Things got a little personal. Also, question for the far future, what do I do about Tad Strange?! I've been trying to figure out the canon for the show and making up anything that Alex Hirsch doesn't outright deny...and he outright denied that Tad Strange has anything weird happening with him aside from a love of bread...so I'm at a loss for what to do with him. Should he just be a perfectly normal guy who loves bread? Or should I make something up?
> 
> As cool as it would be for Tad to secretly be some kinda supernatural creature I have been trying not to go against anything that Alex has outright said in interviews (or at least the ones that I've seen)


	45. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through some miracle, Bill's friends are not bad people. I can't help but wonder, were CanonBill's friends also good people? At least in the beginning? Were they all good people who just became bad over time? I know that my friends could easily grow corrupt if they didn't have someone looking after them.
> 
> Is that all it takes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: More personal stories as I rant about things

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 42**  
  
**-All the happiness that used to be-**  
  
\---  
  
Through the pendant I gave him, I checked up on Keyhole's day. I didn’t even consider my constant spying to be weird anymore, it's just how I function. I like seeing what people are up to. Plus, I had to make sure Keyhole was doing ok after that traumatic night he'd had.  
  
I watched in bemusement as Keyhole had to extract himself from a circle of girls all asking him about me. Everyone at school was under the impression that Keyhole was secretly some sort of badass since THE Bill Cipher gave him a personal invitation to join his gang. The other kids have been giving him looks of awe all day.  
  
Even Orb and his gang were treating him with more respect. Keyhole tried his best to avoid them though. He easily let himself be swept away by other kids on the way to class just so he didn’t have to talk to them.  
  
Small miracles that my fans as Bill (which was still weird to think about but hey, chicks dig psychopaths apparently) weren't as rabid as my fans as Jan...speaking of, I haven't had a concert for a while. Hosting one to feed on my fan's emotions would be nice. I admit I was developing a taste for it.  
  
The teachers at the school were wary of him now. Somewhat afraid that he would summon me to smite them if they upset him. I felt kind of bad that I accidentally ruined his social life. I reached out and place a perception filter around Keyhole so that they would leave him alone. The Lockin looks around in surprise as the crowds around him began to disperse.  
  
**-You okay kid? Sorry. Didn’t think they would swarm you like that.-**  
  
He jumps at my voice. "M-mister Cipher?"  
  
**-Just call me Bill. Mister makes me feel old.-** the fact that I was ancient was irrelevant.  
  
"Where are you?" He looks around.  
  
**-I'm speaking to you through the necklace. How are you? You looked a little jumpy.-**  
  
"Oh...too many people...crowding me..."  
  
**-Yeah, again, sorry. Are you still up for hanging out after school?-**  
  
"I guess so...sorry but this is still kind of...strange to think about."  
  
**-I get it. No problem. Frankly I should have asked those cops to stop filming. Didn't think those videos would go viral.-**  
  
"So...why's everyone suddenly ignoring me?" Keyhole looks at them curiously.  
  
**-Perception filter. Thought it might help.-**  
  
"...thanks..." Keyhole smiles shyly as he settles into his desk more comfortably. I take this time to look around the classroom. Ugh. School. Bad memories.  
  
**-...Do you want to chat? Get to know each other?-**  
  
"Oh. Ah...ok?"  
  
  
  
**-How much do you know about me?-** I was meditating in the garden. Floating serenely above the pond as Xanthar rolled around in the grass. After my breakdown last night everyone told me to just relax for today. Hectorgon made breakfast and Ammy was going to attempt lunch later.  
  
"Not much really. The Federation says you're a dangerous elder god. The Federation says a lot of things are dangerous though so it's not like it means anything. Meeting you was kinda like...meeting some guy you see on the news a lot but know nothing about..."  
  
I frowned. **-I'm actually disappointed that my reputation isn't more impressive in this part of the galaxy. There are some places where people fear to even speak my name.-** being feared sucked but it also gave me a thrill. An odd sense of pride in knowing that I had power over them.  
  
"You never attacked this planet before so despite seeing the destruction you cause on the news, it just never felt relevant to us." Keyhole pauses. "You're not gonna attack my planet right?"  
  
**-Not without good reason.-**  
  
"...I'm afraid to ask what a reason would be..."  
  
**-I broke a hotel. That was pretty minor for me.-**  
  
"That was YOU?! I mean, of course it was you..." Keyhole whimpers. "It was terrifying. Why?!"  
  
**-I was bored. Also, I'm sorry for that. Didn't think the floor would cave in.-**  
  
"...it was really scary but the way Lolph was screaming was actually funny." Keyhole admits. He chuckled as I giggled. **-It was supposed to be funny. How was I supposed to know the structural integrity of that room was so weak?-**  
  
"At least now I know it wasn't a punishment from the Key gods..."  
  
**-Well I'm a god so does that count?-**  
  
"I guess so." Keyhole laughs.  
  
**-Would you be ok if I adopted you?-** I ask suddenly. Keyhole holds up the necklace to stare at it, at me, incredulously. "What?" He flushes brown. "Where is this coming from?"  
  
**-Legally speaking, you're in your uncle's custody. From what I can see, you're not receiving the attention you need from him. He's busy at work and you get left alone for most of the day. You haven't had a proper meal for months.-**  
  
"Um..." Keyhole blushes darker. "Lots of kids don’t have the best living conditions..."  
  
**-I know.-** I've seen people in terrible circumstances. Some of them summon me for help, some I offer my help. Of course it's always a Deal. I always have to receive something in return. I CAN help someone pro bono but too much charity and goodwill makes me physically ill. I get an awful headache until I destroy something or do something else that could be considered inconvenient to others.  
  
Luckily, being nice to my friends doesn’t cause me the same issue. I was just doing my side of our Deal after all. It was hard to twist my Deals into positive things. My powers naturally want to make even the most innocent desire a lot darker. This was fine when my summoner was an asshole who deserved whatever was coming but there was one time I got summoned by a soldier on a battlefield who wished to make it home to his family alive.

  
My powers caused the next wave of attacks to cripple him to the point of being sent home. He lost a leg. But he DID get home alive. I'm not sure if the trade off was appropriate. I felt kind of bad about it but it was the least damaging method I could come up with.  
  
**-If I see something in front of me, I can't leave it alone. Most of my Friends live with me. They all have their own reasons for it. If you want to stay with your uncle that's fine but my place has home cooked meals, you'll get your own room, we have a pretty large collection of video games, there's a teleporter right beside the front door and you're free to come and go whenever you want.-** I list off.  
  
**-I mean, I DO have a few ground rules but I feel like they're just common courtesy. Clean up your own mess, ask me before you bring any guests over, no drugs beside medicine and Alcohol and...-**  
  
"Wait! I'm allowed to drink at your place? Even if I'm underage?" He cuts me off, sitting up eagerly.  
  
**-Hell yes you are! I'm not gonna deny the joys of ethanol to anyone who wants to try. You're just not allowed to over drink yourself to the point of self harm.-** I clarify. Also, I secretly dilute the booze both for their sake and mine. Kryptos might be a teenager but he'll be a legal adult in a couple years (I’m not going to get into the aging process of his species right now). He's been keeping up with his studies despite being out of school since he was sold to the mob. He thought I wouldn't notice those textbooks but I did.  
  
Either way, Keyhole sounded quite thrilled at the prospect of being allowed to drink at my place. Should I be worried about that?  
  
**-Please tell me drunken debauchery isn't the only reason you're considering my offer-** I deadpanned. Keyhole had the decency to blush and apologize. "That's not it. I just...always wanted to try it. Just to see what it's like." Keyhole explained.  
  
**-What's wrong with waiting?-** Of course, the 'legal' drinking age was a rule put in place by the Federation, planets not under their control didn't have such laws. So since the Death Star is not associated with the law there isn't any restrictions at my place. I didn't care about the law either way, I just don't want people to drink irresponsibly. I don't even drink all that much, I'm just a light weight.  
  
"Waiting is hard. All the other kids are doing it..." Keyhole mumbles.  
  
**-If you just want to drink because you think it's cool then I might actually have to stop you.-**  
  
"What? Why?!"  
  
**-Alcohol is a drug. Like all other drugs you need to take it responsibly or you'll just hurt yourself. Wow I feel like a hypocrite saying that but regardless, you need a reason for using drugs. Do you drink because you like the taste? That's fine. Do you drink because you enjoy the buzz it gives you? That's fine. Do you drink because other people do it and you think you HAVE to copy them? That's NOT fine. You get me?-**  
  
"I...guess so..." Keyhole kicks his feet back and forth on his chair. "So you're saying that if I do something, it has to be because I have a personal reason and not just because someone else told me to?"  
  
**-Exactly. There are enough people telling us to do stuff. People who exert their power over what you're allowed to do or say. People who want to take away our ability to choose.-**  
  
"And what if I choose to drink because I want to fit in and be cool?" Keyhole curls into himself radiating loneliness.  
  
**-If that's your choice then I won't try to stop you. Just know that my friendly advice is to be careful. Don't binge drink, I've seen people get hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. Basically don't hurt yourself.-**  
  
I never understood why people do that. Are they suicidal? Are they stupid? Are they depressed? I drink for the taste and usually only have a glass or two. I cannot understand people who continue drinking until their organs shut down and we're forced to call an ambulance so they don't die. It happened during collage when one of my roommates had a drinking party. Aside from one girl being carted off for poisoning, one of my roommates almost got raped by a drunk boy at her party because he refused to stop even when she said "No". My other roommate pulled him off her and kicked him out of the room. It was distressing and awful and I cannot understand why people do it.  
  
Why do teens go out of their way to over consume to the point of self harm? Hell, why does ANYONE drink until they hurt themselves? I know I can chug a bottle sometimes but I've only started doing that as Bill (because I know my biology will recover from any damage I could possibly sustain). Do they drink to forget? Are they drinking just to have something to do because their lives were empty and devoid of meaning? Those were the only things I could think of. I can't stand the bitterness of alcohol. I can't drink unless it's sweet in some way. Fruity martinis, chocolate liquors...they're expensive. They're treats. I drink to treat myself.  
  
I have tried to drink to forget before. I was at a low point in this life. The pain from Will's death had still been fresh. My training with Ax was hard and tedious. I wanted to know if my biology could even allow for drunken memory loss. It did.  
  
But it didn't last.  
  
I could get drunk and forget a few hours of my existence but it never got rid of the pain and memories that drove me to do so to begin with. So I stopped. I stopped drinking during the low points in my life and used it as a way to enhance my life instead. If something good happens, I drink to celebrate. I chose to use alcohol as a gift. A prize for the good in my life instead of a crutch to escape from the bad. It was just a small choice. Just a different way of looking at life. But it helped.  
  
It helped me get through the tougher parts of my existence. When eternity spread out before me and I felt lost and alone and oh so very depressed, I would tell myself 'Go do something productive, go do something fun. And when you feel better, eat, drink and be merry.'  
  
I don't know if my friends have picked up on this aspect of myself. I do not NEED to eat. I do not NEED to drink. I choose to do so because I enjoy it. It makes me happy.  
  
Keyhole was considering my words. "So you're just worried about my well being? That's the reason you tell me not to drink? Not because it's the law or because you think I'm stupid for wanting to do it?"  
  
**-It's not stupid to want to try something new unless you know for a fact it'll hurt yourself and the people around you. Drinking by itself isn't a stupid thing. Binge drinking is. Unless your desire is to drink yourself into a coma, I have no problem letting you do what you want.-**  
  
Keyhole looks up at the ceiling and gives a small smile. "It makes so much sense when you put it that way. The teachers all tell us that drugs are bad and we're bad kids if we try to do it but they don’t really say why aside from ‘It’s the law’.”  
  
**-To be fair, most kids don't know their own limits and seem to think that drinking their lives away is the only way to consume booze. Now THOSE people are stupid.-** I scoff. Keyhole laughs. "You sound like mom." He didn't even look sad to be reminded of such a thing. "Are all demonic criminals on the government blacklist secretly cool guys with good advice?"  
  
**-Well I can't speak for everyone and I know Gu'lthl is actually a horrifying monstrosity who only consumes orphans but I'll have you know that most people on the Federation blacklist are just normal people who just so happen to have opposing ideals from the government.-**  
  
"Oh." Keyhole nervously fiddles with his notebook. "Um...can I ask a personal question? Like, you won't get mad?" He asks.  
  
**-I won't be mad if you ask a question. If it's too personal I have a right to refuse to answer.-**  
  
"That's fair." He frowns as he tries to find the right way to phrase it. "Did you really eat a whole planet full of people?"  
  
I sighed. Of course. I ignore that part of me that tried to make me lie about it. If he gets confirmation then he'll never want to be my friend! Shut up. He has a right to know. But he'll hate me. He has a RIGHT to know so he can make an informed decision. **-Yes.-** I respond.  
  
He stiffens but pressed on. "Why?"  
  
This was it. With just one word he's won me over. No one ever bothered to ask why. No one ever cared for my reasons. They see my list of crimes and conclude that I am evil. They never wondered MY side of the story. I relax and smile gently.  
  
**-Well it's a terrible story but I'm going to start off by saying it was all Time Baby's fault...-**  
  
\---  
  
**-...and so I ate the planet so that I could take them all out in the quickest way I could. I didn't want to prolong their suffering.-**  
  
Keyhole sat stock still with wide eyes. "That's...awful..." He says at last. "And...no one knows the truth?"  
  
**-No one except Time Baby.-**  
  
"That...really sucks." Was his conclusion. I gave him a mental shrug. **-It is what it is. I never chose this life.-**  
  
"Is that why you keep telling me that I should make my own choices?" Keyhole realizes. "Because you've been denied your own chance to choose?"  
  
**-Pretty much. Though, even if Time Baby demanded it from me, ultimately I am the one who accepted the job. I'm not blameless. I COULD push all the fault onto that fat asshole but I played a part too. I do his jobs in exchange for Favors. Time Baby points the gun but I'm the one who pulled the trigger.-**  
  
Keyhole sits back in his chair in awe at all he's learned today. "It still sucks that you have to carry the blame for it all. Even if you killed all those people, it wasn't entirely your fault..."  
  
**-I've long since gotten used to it.-**  
  
Keyhole looks sad even as he packs up his stuff. This was his last class of the day and he hurried out. "So...you said I can hang out with your gang today?"  
  
**-My friends. They're all maniacs but I don't know if we count as a gang...where do you want to go?-**  
  
"I dunno anywhere fun..." He mumbles as he ducks through the hallway crowded with other kids. **-No problem. This day is about getting to know YOU. Where's a place _you_ like to hang out?-**  
  
"Well..."  
  
\---  
  
"Is this...a bowling alley?" Hectorgon asks as we touch down from the teleport. Ammy is peering around and trying to piece together the purpose of this establishment. Xanthar has to duck down because the ceiling was too low for him. I wrap my power around him and he shrinks down a little.  
  
"You're here!" Keyhole gasps as if he didn't think we would really show up. I tip my hat. "Well of course. We agreed to come after all." He smiles shyly, although we've talked and he's a bit more relaxed around me, he didn't know everyone else. I started introductions.  
  
"Sorry I didn't do this back when we first met. Proper introductions ok, this is Xanthar. He is the sweetest, softest loaf you'll ever meet." Xanthar rubs his face against my side happily. I tensed for a split second before relaxing into him.  
  
"This is Pyronica, she's a literal man eater." Pyronica gives me a light smack on the arm, making sure I could see it coming. "Bill~" she whined.  
  
"This is Amorphous Shape, we call him Ammy for short. Don't be discouraged if he just stares at you, he likes observing people."  
  
"I do believe I get that from you Bill." Ammy flips a few blocks around to make a shrugging motion.  
  
"This is Teeth, despite the way he looks, he ISN'T a man eater."  
  
"Because he's no fun..." Pyronica mutters. Teeth gives her a mock annoyed look. "Ronica, stop trying to convince me to eat people."  
  
"This'll be your first meeting with Kryptos. He wasn't with us yesterday. In terms of the maturation process of his species, he would be the closest to you in age."  
  
"Hey! I'm almost an adult!" Kryptos pouts. His species didn't measure the length of their sides as an indication of age like mine. Instead a compass like him counts his notches to determine how old he was.  
  
"The old guy there is Hectorgon."  
  
"Funny that you call me old when you're older than the universe." Hectorgon scoffs.  
  
"So, everyone, this is Keyhole. He's a good kid." I finished the introductions. "And he's invited us to go bowling with him." I haven't bowled in so long. The gravity on this planet was similar to Earth so the act of bowling should be quite similar to what I remember.  
  
Though I have the distinct feeling that Earth bowling alleys didn't have lanes that went up along the walls. It seemed kinda dangerous to have the pins up near the ceilings but who am I to judge? Our group claimed one of the lanes and Pyronica was forced to go rent some shoes. She pouted the whole time.  
  
"Why are my heels such a big problem?" She complained.  
  
"Ronica, you're gonna need some gloves too." I call out as she tries to tie her shoelaces. She grumbles but after burning through the shoe laces and shoes she just groans and flops over the bench. "Why're things so FLAMABLE?!"

  
"Here. These might work better." I create some gloves and shoes, repairing and returning the ones she destroyed. Sadly Pyronica can't turn her fire off. Her fire burns bright and hot but at least it dispersed quickly.  
  
Pyronica's fire was pyrophoric in nature as opposed to my fire being an actively triggered effect. While I produce flames by releasing thermal energy to vibrate molecules until they ignite the air particles and cause a self sustaining chemical reaction which I need to consciously stop, Pyronica's arms and legs secrete something like Diethylzinc which naturally ignites when it meets open air. She synthesizes the Carbon Hydrogen chains around the Zinc she gets through her predominately carnivorous diet and it comes out through the pores in her skin.  
  
To put it simply, Pyronica sweats fire.  
  
It's not actually sweat of course. Humans sweat water to regulate their body temperature. Female Cyclopians produce their distinctively flammable skin oils for both self defense and hunting. Male Cyclopian secrete an ionic compound that counters it instead but that's not important right now.  
  
The point I'm getting at is that in order to make it so Pyronica could go bowling with us I had to give her air tight gloves and boots. It was much easier than making Kryptos's gloves which were lined with tiny powerful magnets to disrupt the flow of electrons. Either way, we all settled in and Hectorgon began typing our names into our lane's computer.  
  
I grinned as I played with one of the bowling balls. I wonder how well I can do with my lack of depth perception? Ammy questioned what bowling was. Keyhole looks surprised. "You don't know what bowling is?" I place the ball down and turn my attention to their conversation.  
  
"I don't know a lot of things." Ammy responds somewhat bitterly. I take this chance to bring up something I've been considering. "Hey Ammy? Do you want to go to school?"  
  
  
  
"The facility for learning?" Ammy tilts his blocks in confusion. "I suppose if I wished to educate myself that is an option. But can't I just ask you if I want to know something?"  
  
"School sucks. Learning on your own is less stressful." Kryptos grumbled.  
  
I stared at the Polytool before saying sympathetically "You got bullied a lot didn’t you?" He flushes "N-no I didn't!"  
  
"Hey, it's fine. I got bullied too." I shrug.  
  
""Really?!"" They all gasped at me.  
  
I rolled my eye "Remember what I said about me being a freak of nature? It didn't make for a very easy time. I didn't have any friends in school. The other kids thought I was weird." Unconsciously I began remembering Zyun-Jan's experiences. "When I was pretty young, a boy in my class tried to throw me down the stairs. He picked me up off the ground and carried me to the edge of the stairwell. I'm sure he was joking but it still terrified me."  
  
At everyone's horrified looks I tried to clarify "See, I've always been a lot smaller than my peers. Anyone could just pick me up and carry me off and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it..."  
  
"Bill that's awful..." Kryptos winced.  
  
"Then in high school there was this guy who seemed to have it out for me. He always bumped my table when I was drawing, he held the door to the classroom closed so I couldn't get inside before the bell and once when I left the room to get something from my locker, I came back to find my backpack missing. I eventually found it in the trash..."  
  
"And...no one did anything about it?" Hectorgon asks worriedly.  
  
"His family was rich." I said deadpan.  
  
"I'm starting to understand why you burned your world to the ground." Teeth mutters.  
  
"The only thing of any worth in my life was my brother. After he....died...nothing else mattered..." I said sadly.

  
The mood was heavy and I felt a little bad for bringing everyone down. "But that's not the point right now! School bullying sucks but I only brought up the idea because I feel like Ammy needs to learn how to socialize with others. It's an important life skill to have and I thought he might at least try it out."  
  
Hectorgon, the only other parent in the room, nodded. "I too, feel like this would be a good experience for him. He has never gone to school right? And I get the feeling he has only ever interacted with you all so I do think being put into social situations with strangers will be a good learning experience."  
  
Ammy twirled his blocks in thought. "Would going to school allow me to learn what 'bowling' is?"  
  
"Well actually..." Keyhole pipes up "When I was younger, my parents used to invite all my friends from school and we would go bowling for my birthday. It's always been something fun that I looked forward to. As I got older, my friends started getting bored of it so I haven't been able to go bowling with other people in years..."  
  
"....can I hug you?" I ask bluntly. He looks up, confused "Wha?" I stare at him. "I would like to give you some affectionate comfort because you are a precious cinnamon roll who must be protected."  
  
Looking absolutely confused, he turned me down with an "Um...no thank you, I'm good..."  
  
"So going to school DOES equal bowling?" Ammy looked like he wasn’t sure if that was the correct answer or not. Keyhole smiles at him "Well if you go to MY school I'm sure we can go bowling together. Since you've never done this before...do you want me to teach you?"  
  
"I would very much appreciate that. Thank you." Ammy responds politely. Hectorgon and I were making proud parent noises together while Pyronica sniggers quietly. I hang back and just peacefully watch as Keyhole explains the rules and Ammy rolls one of the balls around on the ground in front of him.  
  
Kryptos quietly floats up beside me. "So...you were bullied too?" He asks. I sighed. "I made for an easy target. Small, weird and unable to defend myself for fear of causing problems for my family." That was true for BOTH my lives.  
  
"Well you've come a long way since then. You're a god now..." He smiles. "Do you think I could do that too?" There was a hunger in his voice. A longing to gain the strength to fight back, to get back at those who hurt him. It worried me a little, even if I understood his feelings. Sometimes I wished I had let go of my inhibitions and punched my bullies in the face.  
  
"Do you have any bullies from your old school that you want to get back at?"  
  
"....yes..." Kryptos admitted.  
  
I sighed. "I can help you track them down. I won't stop you if you wish to pay them back for the pain they put you through. But I will ask that you give them a chance to apologize first."  
  
Kryptos frowns "I'm not going to forgive them." I nod. "I'm not asking you to. I just want you to give them a chance to see the error of their ways."  
  
"...would you forgive _your_ bully if he apologized?"  
  
"I might." I answered honestly. "I had several emotional meltdowns because of him. He traumatized me to the point that I stopped saying 'please' for many years because that word came to be associated with when I asked him to 'please stop it' and it only encouraged him to do it more. I became too paranoid to leave my belongings alone anywhere and would pack all my stuff up to bring with me wherever I went...but if he apologized and he MEANT it, I would probably forgive him."  
  
Kryptos actually growls. "If this guy wasn't already dead I would kill him. Why did you put up with that? _How_ did you put up with that? You're Bill Cipher!"  
  
"I wasn't Bill Cipher back then. I was just a scared, lonely little kid. You know the funny thing is that even though I'm a god now, it doesn't change what I had gone through. Besides, I don't hate him anymore. It's been way too long. I still remember what he did to me, I still remember how upset I was because of it, but I just don't have it in me to continue hating him forever."  
  
"But you haven't forgiven him?" Kryptos stares at me intently. I sigh, feeling old. "If I don't get an apology, I cannot give forgiveness. But I'm not going to waste my life agonizing over it. He's not worth it."  
  
The compass is quiet for a bit. "You're too nice Bill. No wonder Pyronica's so protective of you." He pouts. "Actually screw that, we're ALL protective of you."  
  
I tilt in confusion. "But I don't need to be protected? I'm an all powerful demon god." Kryptos just gives me an unreadable look and a frustrated groan. "And THIS is why!" He throws his hands up with a huff. I still don't understand what he means.  
  
"Come on Bill! It's your turn!" Pyronica says as the computer finishes recording her score. She had thrown the ball so hard it went through the wall instead of rolling up it. I can hear the owner make distressed noises so I repaired the wall. "Alright, stand back. I haven't bowled in over 120 billion years so this might be messy~"  
  
I had fun. I think Keyhole and Ammy really bonded. Hectorgon had already mentally adopted Keyhole as another kid to take care of. I watch Pyronica tease Keyhole until he turns brown and everyone seemed to be getting along fine. I'm glad they like Keyhole. I'm glad I got another one of Bill's friends.  
  
All that's left is 8-Ball and PaciFire. Though now I wonder if that lava-lamp looking creature was a friend too? Or that thing with like 88 faces? Is it racist of me to hope ze wasn't a friend? No offense to them but they kinda creeped me out. As I stepped up to take another turn, my bowtie began buzzing. A summoning? Now?  
  
"Ugh. Sorry guys, I'm being called in. I'll try to be back soon." They gave me understanding nods and I waved at them cheerfully before Blinking away. The world flakes around me as I tear between the dimensions following the source of my summoning. My Eye was wide Open and flickering even before I materialized before my summoner. I felt my sweet, open persona slip into the back of my mind as Bill Cipher took the forefront. I grinned at the young girl before me.  
  
"Well well well, princess Eclipsa Butterfly, to what do I own the pleasure of a royal summoning?" I tilt my hat at her.  
  
"It's...Queen now..." The girl said simply. Her distress and grief came off her in waves. Despite that she's standing tall, not backing down from my gaze. "I need your help. I'm going to be forced to marry and spend the rest of my life ruling over my kingdom and I have absolutely no idea what to do."  
  
I stare at her quietly. "You know what? I happen to know another butterfly Queen who might be able to help you more than I can."  
  
The girl looks up at me. "So you won't help me?"  
  
"If you mean your public desire to learn how to rule a kingdom, I'll put you in touch with a friend of mine. If you mean your secret desire to mess with black magic, I can do that."  
  
"Would gaining control over the forces of darkness cost extra?" The girl asks, not even denying her longing for knowledge and frankly that was the funniest thing any summoner has ever asked me. "AHAHAHA! Oh man~you know what? I like you kid. My friend's contact info is on the house and I'll even throw in a few freebies. You wanna be a magical girl? You can be a magical girl!"  
  
"I'm already a magical girl..." Eclipsa pouts.

  
We negotiated the terms, she wanted my help but she still wanted to come up with the spells on her own. All I asked in return was a Favor to be cashed in someday. I didn't even make any karmic side effects, her research into black magic would take it's own toll on her.  
  
I considered what sort of freebie I could grant her. "You wanna know how to tear a hole through dimensions to spy on people?"  
  
Her grin nearly matched my own. "I should have called you up YEARS ago~" she practically purred.  
  
"So it's a Deal then?" I asked with my hand outstretched. She smiles back. "I do so look forward to working with you. It's a Deal." She grasps my hand in a firm shake. I give her the knowledge she needs to start her research and Queen's contact info. Before I left I heard her say in impressed amazement "A butterfly monster?"  
  
\---  
  
After bowling (Xanthar accidentally broke half the lane, also the balls kept going off course and hitting people) in which Keyhole won because the rest of us were dreadful (half of us only had one eye, the other half didn't even HAVE eyes and Ammy had trouble holding the balls without fingers) I invited Keyhole out to dinner with the rest of us.  
  
"Unless you want to go home? Do you have homework?" I asked as I floated beside him. "I can help." Keyhole smiles, a light hearted spring in his step. "You tutor?" He asks.  
  
"I actually wanted to be a teacher when I was young. Sadly, on my homeworld every part of our lives were decided by the government. They assigned me a career upon graduation but it wasn't in Education."  
  
"Seriously, the more I learn about your homeworld, the more I understand how you became the person you are now..." Hectorgon sighs.  
  
"What? You mean an emotional wreck with issues against the government?" Pyronica mutters under her breath. Teeth elbows her with a hiss. "Even if it's true you shouldn't say it like that!"  
  
"Well I don't have a lot of homework and it's just Federation Standard, math and Metallurgy so it's easy." Keyhole responds to my original question. "I would like to go out to eat with you guys, I don't have much money though..." He pulls out a keychain with 2 iron keys, 1 steel, 2 aluminum and 5 brass.  
  
"Lucky the bowling alley only charges by the hour and not party size..." He shuffles through his money.

"No problem, I can pay. Now where's a place you want to go?" I ask cheerfully as I twist the particles in the air into a rather ornate golden key. Keyhole practically drools at it.  
  
"More gold huh?" Teeth asks. Keyhole shakes his head. "No. That's Electrum isn't it?"  
  
I stare intently at the Lockin. "Correct. You really ARE good at Metallurgy." I pass him the key and he's running his fingers along each groove with a look of wonder. "It's beautiful...the craftsmanship is perfect. There aren't any rough edges from casting and the ratio is...70/30% of gold to silver? No...more...it's 75/25%!"  
  
He frowns a little. "This is a unique piece...it's worth WAY more than just dinner! This is like...eating out for a week at a fancy place..."  
  
"I leave good tips if the service is good." I set to making some steel keys instead, going for more angular designs this time. "Are these more appropriate?"  
  
After getting the affirmative I once more questioned where Keyhole wished to eat dinner. We ultimately ended up at a simple sandwich place. To describe our experience there simply, EVERYTHING is a sandwich. I watched Teeth bite into a BLT (Bread, Lasagna and Tomato) between two slices of steak and despaired over how the basis for culinary culture I created millions of years ago had devolved to this point. Maybe I should stop messing with the cultural development of alien species. How was I supposed to know that introducing the concept of sandwiches would cause such a thing?  
  
I still ordered a turducken between two giant mushroom caps. The fact that turducken’s were a real species of animal really tickled my goat. Not that I own a goat. Or really understand what the fuck that saying means. Seriously where did that turn of phrase come from?!  
  
As I pondered the etymology of that phrase, Pyronica scooted closer to Keyhole. "That looks pretty good. Can I try a bite?" She stares at his sandwich. He flushes lightly and nods. Pyronica takes a bite and moans. "Owh mah gwosh. Bwill you haff to twai dis!"  
  
"Don't talk with your mouth full." I roll my eye. "Besides, that's Keyhole's food and you already ate half of it."  
  
"I-I don't mind..." Keyhole says shyly.  
  
"It's your food, eat." I push his plate back towards him before taking a bite from my own. Shit, I think I ate the plate. I debated whether I should spit it out or just- wait, never mind. I already digested it. Hopefully no one notices.  
  
My bowtie buzzes again. My eye widens in surprise. Two summonings in a day? What the heck? "Hang on, be back soon." I tell the others before Blinking away again.  
  
It was some idiot asking me for ultimate power. I was too annoyed to come up with anything creative so I just turned him into an adorable puppy. "There. Ultimate power. Trust me, the power of cute can accomplish many things." His payment was that I would be allowed to choose what form his Ultimate power came in so really, he only had himself to blame. I made a recording bubble near him to video tape him doing cute things to post on my ThemTube channel. I shook off my hand after having to shake his. Ugh...why did my Deals require a handshake?  
  
Blinking back to my friends so I could finish my meal, I was incredibly annoyed to feel another buzzing call come through. "Ok what the heck?! Where is all this coming from all of a sudden?!"  
  
There were multiple calls even! I felt two...no, THREE separate summonings buzzing through me. Ammy actually looked concerned. "I have never see you get so many summonings before..."  
  
  
  
"Dammit." I grabbed my drink and just threw it into my eye-mouth. "Here's some cash, I don't know when I'll be done." A bunch of keys rained down as I Blinked away while simultaneously splitting myself into separate pieces.  
  
There ended up being over 30 separate summonings that day. Everyone hung out for a bit before returning home, Keyhole going back to his uncle's and promising to keep in touch. I finally make it back to the Death Star and collapse onto the sofa with an exhausted groan.  
  
"Wow. I've never seen you this worn out before." Teeth nudges me with the remote. I groan, still lying face down. "Do you...need anything?" Teeth asks worriedly.  
  
"I wanna eat the nearest star..." I moaned. None of the Deals were big enough to give me a proper meal to make up for the energy spent teleporting all across the multiverse today. I was even too tired to fly around the Time stream. Hell, Eclipsa's Deal was the most satisfying snack today.  
  
Teeth looked worried. "You don't mean that literally right?" I flopped over to rest on my side angle, staring at Teeth. "I'm just...so hungry..." I whisper lowly. He slowly, nervously backs up as my gaze remains locked onto him. My pupil was a sharp thin slit following his movements hungrily.  
  
  
  
He trembled a little as he starts inching toward the door. "I'm...I'm going to get you some snacks ok Bill?" He squeaks. I let out a low rumbling noise and Teeth whimpers before taking off down the hall to the kitchen. I sighed and berated myself for scaring him just to satisfy myself. I was hungry but not for food. I itched to cause some Fear and Chaos. I longed for it. Even just mildly creeping out Teeth made me feel a little better.  
  
I groaned. I didn't WANT to scare him. It just made me feel good. Maybe I should just go terrorize a random planet...naw, I would feel bad for it later. When my body wasn't filled with energy it became harder to ignore my 'needs'. Maybe I really should go eat a nearby star? My bowtie buzzed and I snarled. Teeth came back into the room with an armful of potatoes. Before he could say anything I had already snatched them up and Cronched them. He shivers as I tore them apart with knife-like teeth.  
  
"Bill? Are you ok?" He asks.  
  
"Ugh...why're there so many summonings today?" I groaned. The Buzzing was still going. "Maybe you should take a break? Just...don't go?" Teeth suggests.  
  
"But...this is my thing...it's what I do..." I pressed a hand to my head and groaned. Almost all of my Deals today were just minor stupid things. "Look, I'm just gonna do this one last one. If I feel any worse I'm gonna call it quits for today..." I slumped. "Sorry for scaring you..."  
  
"No it's fine. You're overworked and upset." Teeth reassures me. I give him a nod before Blinking away.  
  
\---  
  
I have a confession to make.  
  
I ate my summoner.  
  
So this guy summoned me and demanded to be swallowed. I had to clarify "Excuse me WHAT?!" The alien, who looked pretty human aside from the arm growing out of his head, repeated. "I want to get in your mouth."  
  
I narrowed my eye at him. "Um...you KNOW you'll die right?"  
  
"Yeah. That's...fine..." He says. "I'm going to die in a few weeks due to an illness so I wanted to fill my bucket list. The last one involves being swallowed. Wanted to give my life symmetry" I was suddenly hit with the feeling that this scenario was TOO weird to be real.  
  
I notice a couple other people hiding behind some large rocks. I've been summoned in a desert area, miles from any civilization. A quick scan revealed their plan. I was...actually quite annoyed.  
  
That video of me offering to take Keyhole in had gone viral and it reached the eyes of some of my enemies. (The video of me attacking Alseph didn't garner nearly as many views, I'm actually disappointed) Some viewed the clip and concluded that Bill Cipher was recruiting for his gang. Some thought it was staged and others were trying to dissect that video for any hint of a weakness about me they could exploit.  
  
Either way, a god with a grudge against me (I bet it was Chernobog, I DID call him out yesterday...and implied he was impotent) got all his followers together and gave out my summoning to everyone they could across the multiverse (which was pretty cool of them since I'd been planning to do that anyway). The thought process being something like 'Force Bill Cipher to make so many Deals it wears him out and weakens him'.  
  
Fair point. They were right.  
  
But they have unfortunately misunderstood how my powers actually worked. My Deals both drained AND strengthened me. Having to split myself and teleport all over the multiverse DID take more energy from me than I received back from said Deals and leave me...weakened, but the actual point of the Deals were that my Maximum Storage Capacity for energy was increased for EACH Deal I make.  
  
Meaning, I might be tired right now but I believe my max capacity has increased by around 1/10 what it was before so once I rest for a few days to generate energy I'm going to be stronger than ever.  
  
Man, I remember in my early days where I needed to use sand to give me some physical mass to work with when restructuring atoms, I've come a long way since then, being able to take my energy and CREATE quarks at will. I'm pretty sure it breaks the laws physics.  
  
Matter cannot be created or destroyed my well sculpted ass, I can spontaneously create Matter. Take THAT physics! It took me billions of years to build up this much power but it was worth it.  
  
The man in front of me had a rather powerful bomb strapped under his shirt. I guess the final part of their plan was to have me swallow a bomb while I was weakened and kill me from the inside.  
  
Once again I guess they didn't understand how I worked. I knew this was a trap. I knew I should just refuse the Deal, go home and meditate until I've recovered. But I was annoyed.  
  
Scratch that.  
  
I was PISSED.  
  
Also, hungry.  
  
"Are you really sure?" I asked one final time. "You want...to get in my mouth?"  
  
"Yes." I had to give this guy props for willingly giving up his life to 'take down Bill Cipher'. That takes balls. We shake on it (he even uses the hand on his head to do so) and I shudder as the malicious undertones of this Deal sends a powerful wave of Pleasure through me. Trying hard to keep my voice even, I stared down at the man.  
  
"Ok, I'm gonna level with you, I don't enjoy eating people who are still alive. They wiggle and it feels super weird."  
  
He hesitates. "What do you mean?"  
  
"It means I'm gonna kill you first." I say before his neck snaps and twists around until his head is ripped from his body with a sick crackling noise. There's an impressive spray of blood and I can taste the horror coming off the guys hiding behind the rocks. The head falls to the ground and feeling somewhat morbid, I teleport it away to the Nightmare Realm as part of my collection of weird stuff I've found over the years (like that giant severed ear from this one asshole who was trying to destroy a planet). Ugh, I think the arm on his head was still twitching.  
  
Then I turned to the body and began shoving it inside my mouth. I was ravenously hungry. I blame that for what I did. Also, the sadistic part of myself wanted to see the looks on their faces once they realized their plan wasn't going to work.  
  
As soon as the last of the man's body slid inside my maw, one of the guys jumps from behind the rock and points a switch at me. "DIE YOU MONSTER!" He cries as he flips the switch.  
  
I felt the explosion go off inside me. My bricks swelled up like a pufferfish and I cried out in surprise.  
   
  
  
The man's triumphant look turned to horror as I deflate back to my usual adorably angular self, smoke billowing out from my seams. "Ugh...spicy...I HATE spicy food..." The man drops the switch and stammers "H-h-how?!" I cough out some more smoke "Did you REALLY think that would be enough to kill me?" I purr as I advanced upon him. He screams in terror before I broke his neck too. I didn't rip his head off like the other one though, waste of food. I tossed his lifeless body into my mouth and crunched down. The Fear in the air was the perfect seasoning. The remaining men tried and failed to escape from me. I picked them off one by one.  
  
It would only be after I settled down, patting my bricks after my meal that the horrible things I did finally hit me. I started screaming hysterically. What did I just DO?! Did I lose myself?! It didn't even feel like I lost myself. I just decided to eat them all because I wanted to. It didn't even occur to me how fucked up it was until afterward.  
  
I didn't even realize it was WRONG until afterward.

  
"Oh no. Oh shit. No. No. No. No..." How did I not notice?! Nothing felt weird. It wasn't like when I was consumed with wrath and just tearing someone apart. It wasn't even like when I got mad and accidentally shoot lasers from my eye.  
  
I was perfectly in control of my actions. I knew exactly what I was doing. I just didn't care about how horrible it was until after the deed was done. I start screaming louder. What just happened?! What was wrong with me?!  
  
Ax!  
I had to talk to Ax! He'll know what to do!  
  
I Blink away, still sobbing and covered in the blood of my victims.  
  
\---  
  
Ax said I had done too many Deals in too short a time. He carefully wiped the blood off me as I cried into his arms. I babbled on about my fears that this was going to get worse. That I'm going to start killing people and not even think it was wrong.  
  
I don't know if I was expecting him to comfort me, tell me I was fine and this wouldn't happen again or confirm my fears that I was going to turn into a real psychopath but Ax just held me close and cleaned the blood off. **-Don't do more than one Deal a day. If this happens again, limit yourself to one a week. If it happens a third time, take a break from your Deals until I say you are ready for them again-** he says.  
  
"Why did this happen?" I asked miserably.  
  
He didn't have an answer but he told me not to make any Deals for a while. I suppose that was the best I was gonna get. That probably meant I can't take Keyhole as an official friend for a few days. I tried to tell myself this...lapse of morality was just some weird side effect. I didn't understand WHY yet. My curiosity wanted to find out. My caution was afraid that digging into this mystery would exacerbate the problem.  
  
I chose to trust Ax's words and stay away from Deals for a while. I was a little annoyed he wouldn't explain **why** this occurred but I let it slide. If he won't tell me then he must have a good reason for it. Maybe it was that kinda thing that got worse the more you knew about it.  
  
I didn't go home for a while. Time didn't exist here in the Space between Spaces so I didn’t have to worry about my friends wondering where I was. I cuddled into Ax's arms and let his rumbling soothe me. I wish I could sleep. I really did.  
  
My eye closed and I tried to stop thinking about anything. That was the closest I could ever get. I let my worry fade for now. Everything will be alright. If I just do what Ax tells me I'll be fine. I kept repeating that to myself as I held onto him.

\---  
  
"Bill! Are you...feeling better?" Teeth asks cautiously when I Blinked back to the Death Star. "Yeah I'm good." I give him a double thumbs up and he relaxed.  
  
"I'm gonna put out a notice that I'm limiting my availability to one Deal a day. This was too much even for me." My bowtie was buzzing again. I set it to silent mode. No. Not doing anymore. Actually...I set up an 'answering machine' function.  
  
**-Hi! You've reached Bill Cipher! I'm not here right now so please leave a message and I'll get back to you at some point if I bother to! Have a not horrible day!-**  
  
"I mean, I've worked overtime before and it was awful. So, I feel ya bro." Teeth smiles and gives me a friendly nudge. I grinned back. I never told everyone the details about my...lapse of judgment. It would only worry them.  
  
\---  
  
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT  
  
The words blared across the screen as a loud buzzing tone rang out. Golden light twinkled into view and swirled around to create a (very adorable) glowing triangle. What can I say? I like making an entrance.  
  
"Hey kids! It's me Bill Cipher!" I tip my hat cheerfully at the camera. "And unfortunately I'm not hosting a cooking show today." The unseen audience makes a sad 'Awwww' sound. "Yeah, I know. Disappointing. BUT! I'm here to give you all a very important message."  
  
I sat on a large armchair and crossed my legs elegantly. "Recently I've been getting waaay~too many calls." I twirled my cane before thumping it against the ground sharply. "This wouldn't normally be a problem but most of those calls were for some REALLY stupid Deals. One guy summoned me to help him open a jar." A large crack appeared along the ground near where I was tapping my foot.  
  
"I got so many calls I didn't even get a chance to eat properly."  
  
I gave the camera a calm look. "So I was forced to meet with clients while hungry..." The room around me began to darken, shadows reaching out tendrils from behind me and growing like vines along the chair and ground as a low rumbling sound started up. "...I'm sure I don't have to explain how THAT turned out."  
  
The rumbling got louder, the room seemed to shake as the darkness began overtaking the room until all that could be seen was my glowing bricks and staring eye. "So for the sake of everyone involved, don't call me for any stupid reason. I will also be limiting myself to how many calls I'm going to answer per day. I may not get to you immediately but I will keep a record of who called me so I'll be paying you a visit sometime later when you least expect it."  
  
I leered at the camera. "I'll be seeing you in your dreams kids. This has been a public service announcement. Remember kids, reality is an illusion, your life is my entertainment, buy gold BYE!"  
  
\---  
  
The number of calls I got dropped off drastically. I also paid Chernobog a visit to see if he really was the one who started this whole mess. He denied it but we both knew he wasn't fooling anyone. I hold out my hand to project an image bubble showing the way I twisted someone’s head off just by looking at him (creepily enough, the severed head seems to have been infected by the Nightmare Realm into something…weird…I swear I saw it moving the last time I dropped by my house). He started pleading for mercy, begging me not to eat him. I almost did just 'cause I was so annoyed. For a self proclaimed god of Corruption, he was quite pathetic. I actually felt sorry for him and sat the two of us down to have a heart to heart.  
  
"Seriously dude. What happened to you? You used to be mildly threatening." I asked him over some tea and cake in a nice little cafe in Dimension Cha-1. The large purple god sniffled. "I lost a lot of my worshipers over the last few centuries." He confessed.  
  
"The Federation took over my planets and stamped out all worship of me. They outlawed my rituals, arrested my high priests...and...and..." He let out a whine "They destroyed my temples!" He started sobbing.  
  
"Oh Chernnie you poor dear..." I said sympathetically as I patted his back. He sobbed into his large muscular human-like hands, the mercury tears thumping loudly onto the table. "The Federation's spread has effected all of us you know? You're not the only one struggling."  
  
"But you're still just as strong as ever. What's your secret? How do you manage to keep up your power?" Chernobog asks meekly. Getting such a desperate pleading look from a creature whose face looked like a giant fanged mouth was quite off putting. I rubbed one of his many furry legs comfortingly.

  
"I've never relied on worshipers. I gained power under my own hard work and efforts. It took billions upon billions of years to get to where I am now. Like, how old are you Chernobog? Like...60000 or so?"  
  
He nodded. A strange motion considering he didn't have a neck. His one large eye was still leaking mercury.  
  
"Well I'm currently over 120 billion years old. It took at LEAST 5 billion for me to get the power to teleport between dimensions under my own power. I spent all those years without any worshipers whatsoever. I never consumed any Souls, never received any sacrifices or anything."  
  
I can tell the other workers and patrons at this cafe were not-so-secretly listening in to my conversation. "I made sure I wouldn't have to rely on others. I gained my power on my own. I CAN get energy from worshipers but I don't NEED them. Sacrifices are a crutch. The thing with crutches is that if you take them away you'll be left flopping on the ground with a broken leg, ya get me?"  
  
He looks confused but nods anyway. "I was not aware you were so...old..." He says quietly. I shrug. "I live out years and years in a dimension, learning everything I can about it and then I head to the next dimension while going back in Time so I can live out years there as well. Rinse and repeat for millions of different dimensions and before you know it, I've existed for a longer collective period of time than Existence itself."

  
"Back in Time?! But..." Chernobog looks around worriedly. "...won't you get in trouble with the Time Police for messing with time?" I scoff. "You only get in trouble if you do something to throw off Time Baby's rigid schedule. So long as I don't mess with something he cares about he doesn't give a shit what I do." I take a bite of the cake and sip my tea. This place was really nice, should bring Hectorgon here next time. The red alien tried to hide it but he loved cute little cakes and other small things. I once saw him get overcome with emotion upon seeing a tiny origami octopus I had made.

  
"Damn...you've got more balls than I originally thought Cipher. I don't know anyone else who would be able to disrespect Time Baby like you do..."  
  
I make an annoyed sound. "Okay, first, I don't HAVE balls and second, I disrespect Time Baby all the time. I don't like him, he doesn't like me and we just try to stay out of each other's way most of the time."

  
The fallen god couldn't really respond to that so he just sips his tea and contemplates my words. We peacefully finish our meal and I wave good bye to him cheerfully when I left. That was a surprisingly pleasant afternoon with a guy who tried to have me killed via suicide bomber.  
  
\---  
  
Oh my god! This was so exciting!  
  
Some of the bacteria on Earth have evolved to perform photosynthesis! Eeeee!!! I wiggled around as I watched the Oxygen exhaled from what could possibly be the first plant-like creature. It was really weird to think about how Oxygen is a waste gas but I just watched them breathe and wondered how much longer it'll take for an atmosphere to form.  
  
Afraid to touch anything and interrupt the development of the planet, I Blinked away to go bug Jessie about it.  
  
\---

(Edit: Bonus comic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mild cross-over...I'm still working through which other 'worlds' exist in this multiverse I am creating.
> 
> (Edit)  
> Also, I'm slowing down my updates to every Tuesday. I sort of want to work on my other fics too.


	46. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things I will do for those I care about...it's amazing none of my friends have horribly abused this power yet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Filler~

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 43**  
  
**-Geometry textbook-**  
  
\---  
  
I am made of dark energy. Sort of? It's so confusing. I am mass and energy. But I am Entropy. I am the dark force that is pushing space to grow and spread out against the pull of gravity, causing the universe to lose heat and energy as everything is spread out farther and farther apart as it expands at an accelerated rate. But like...how? Why? Gravity was a lie because it was ME and yet the dark energy opposing gravity was ALSO me.  
  
I don't understand the science behind this. I can FEEL it but I can't put it into words.  
  
It was something I noticed when I was visiting the 3rd dimension. I didn't consciously realize it until afterward while I was playing in Jessie's fountain. In the middle of another splash of water I was struck with the realization that I was simultaneously both matter AND antimatter. I was both Energy AND Dark Energy.  
  
Canon Bill had said that everything he was, he was also not. Is this what he meant? The opposing nature of my existence was terrifying to think about. If matter touches antimatter they annihilate each other from existence. How the fuck did I still exist?!  
  
Jessie looked worried when I stopped my cheerful frolicking to stare off into the distance, pale and terrified. "Miz? Are you alright?"  
  
I was shaking as I clung to Jessie's arm when she came closer. "Jessie..." I said in a tight voice.  
  
"What's wrong?!" Jessie looked worried at the fear in my tone.  
  
"How have I not destroyed myself by accident?!" I whimpered. She gives me a resigned look. "What sorts of dangerous thing did you do this time?"  
  
"Exist."  
  
"...I'm not touching this." She face palms, an action she wouldn't dare to do if we were being watched by anyone. Everyone was asleep right now though. It was late at night in her dimension, and the weather was perfectly calm as always.  
  
Jheselbraum's planet had a very mild tilt facing her nearest star so the climate here was incredibly peaceful. There weren't any major seasons. The world was in a constant state of what I would consider temperate spring. Warm without being uncomfortably hot.  
  
Right now though, I felt incredibly cold. Looks like I'm going through my not-so-regularly scheduled existential crisis. I think I get one every few billion years or so. Regardless I rocked back and forth while I babbled about the process of atomic construction and molecular annihilation.  
  
"How am I holding myself together?! How have I not imploded into oblivion?! The contradiction of my existence is-"  
  
Jheselbraum dumps a bucket of water over my head. "Miz. Breathe. I'm sure you require it while you're in this form."  
  
I slowly managed to calm down. "Ok...I'm good now...sorry..." I brushed my hair from my eyes and sighed. "Do you ever wonder if your entire existence is nothing more than a mistake?"  
  
"I can't say that I have." Jessie sighs. "Whatever this is, I'm sure you're thinking too hard." She sits on the edge of the fountain and looks at me. "You're just stressed because you've been working too hard. Maybe take a break?"  
  
"Ax said that too. Said I shouldn't make Deals that often." I keep quiet about how nice it feels when I pull off a particularly good Deal. Eclipsa's was great. I wonder how she's doing? I should go visit Queen. See if the two are getting along, I know Eclipsa's people were pretty racist against things that didn't look like them...  
  
\---  
  
"So she's doing ok?" I asked as I fluttered along beside Queen in the form of a butterfly.  
  
  
  
"Oh she's a very bright girl, a real delight to talk to. We chatted for a bit and she wished to know about my perspective on a few matters." Queen sighs. "She's much too young to be forced to run her kingdom but I'm sure she'll do well. She's intelligent and strong willed as well."  
  
"That's good." I fluttered over to rest on Queen's arm. "Do you want me to bring Xanthar here? It's been a while since you've hung out."  
  
"I do miss him, but it's nice to have some time with you too. In fact, I was wondering if you'd accompany me to Hela."  
  
"The silverfish capital? What for?"  
  
Queen frowns. "We have not had any contact with them for so long. I'm actually worried. What few people who have gone in AND came back out seem to be driven mad."  
  
She looks at me intently. "Do you know what's happening in their kingdom?"  
  
I flickered a few times before frowning. "No triangles...that is a problem..." I couldn't see inside that kingdom. This irked me because I've gotten so used to being able to just 'look up' whatever information I wanted from the multiverse (imagine if Google went down, that's how I feel right now).  There were innumerable triangles I've planted throughout the multiverse but even I don't manage everywhere. It was frustrating whenever I discover a blind spot.  
  
This needs to be fixed.  
  
"Alright. Field trip!" I fluttered happily after Queen as she takes off into the air to fly. Having wings was weird, I'm used to simply floating everywhere. It was a long journey which required many pit stops to refuel at the many flowers covering the planet. There was some normal looking flowers that almost resembled the kinds I remember from my first life but the vast majority were gigantic and exotic blooms of all shapes and colors.  
  
And I do mean colors. I can See in the ultraviolet spectrum if I squint and it's pretty cool. Actually I can see in multiple spectrums. It's how I manage to so easily hack into satellite and radio waves, I can see them and redirect them. I've even got an infrared function that I can turn on and off. My eye is weird.  
  
Wait...does this mean that CanonBill could see the invisible ink in Ford's journals that whole time? Huh...  
  
\---  
  
In retrospect, I should have realized the kingdom of silverfish would have...silverfish.  
  
"Aaaaahhhhh!!! Getitaway!! Getitaway!!!"  
  
I sobbed as I clung to the side of Queen's head. She allowed it with more grace than I thought possible as we were surrounded. All around us were silverfish aliens, as large as Queen and numbering in the thousands. I had my eye clamped shut so I didn't have to look at them. They're so creepy!  
  
  
  
"Hello. I do not mean any harm, I was simply worried about the state of this kingdom." Queen says calmly, her diplomatic nature shining through. The silverfish around us chittered in a different dialect than what I've learned from most inhabitants of this planet.  
  
Despite my fear I couldn't help perking up in interest at the thought of learning a new language to add to my impressive repertoire. I reached out my consciousness to the nearest insect while keeping my eye closed. Scanning...  
  
Oh...oh dear. Oh shit. My eye snaps open. "Queen. We need to get out of here. Now." She doesn't question me, whipping her wings open and taking off into the air with a powerful gust of wind. The insectoids below us screech angrily and throw spears, which I deflected. Once we were far from danger I sighed.  
  
"What have you found out? What has happened to those people?" Queen asks, fluttering in place. I shiver. "Toxins and insanity."  
  
A new species of flower evolved a few centuries back, it was beautiful to look at and smelled enchantingly lovely. They didn't notice the poison until it was too late. An insidious neurotoxin breathed in from the flower's spores when it prepares for seeding. It tore their minds apart.  
  
Small miracles that the flower was fragile and couldn't spread very far. The people living around it, breathing it in, could still function as living creatures but higher cognitive thought had been effectively destroyed. The very last thing the Queen of Hela managed before she succumbed to its effects were to close her kingdom's borders. She quarantined herself and all her people inside so that this wouldn't spread.  
  
I explained this all to Queen and she looked devastated. "Is there any way to help them?"  
  
"I'm not risking you anywhere near there. The silverfish can't fly and they can't escape their country borders. It's been contained for these last few centuries and that's not gonna change anytime soon."  
  
"Is there any way YOU could help them?" Queen asks softly. I wince. "I could go in and destroyed every one of those flowers and probably every other plant life as well in case of contamination. I won't be able to fix the people. They've been living like this for multiple generations now, I can't fix them because there's nothing to fix, they were born under its effects."  
  
Queen's feelers dropped. She was deep in thought. "Would you please destroy the flowers anyway? Even if you can't help the people, perhaps...in time they will recover on their own..." I looked away uncomfortably.  
  
This would require a lot of work. I can't do this pro-bono, not if I'm doing it with the intent to HELP people. My powers didn't like that. But...if I was simply setting things on fire because I was angry...  
  
"What's the most annoying thing you can think of?"  
  
Queen stares in confusion. "What?"  
  
"I need to get mad. Just...list off things that piss you off." I was already imagining Time Baby's face. It wasn't enough, I need something that REALLY irked me.  
  
"Um...when someone promises they'll do something important for you and then forget to..."  
  
Good start. I start listing off things out loud too. "When you've wrapped up all the syrup dispensers and a customer walks in to order 5 milkshakes right before closing time!"  
  
"When the people you're negotiating with don't listen to what you're saying at all." Queen frowns as she thinks of it.  
  
"When you rip off a sticker and there's just a huge swatch of it left behind!"  
  
"When the merchant buys your necklace for a low price because he claims that it's been used and therefore the value has gone down but then sells it to the next person for triple the price because it's an antique!" Queen was really getting into it now.  
  
"When you've just finished organizing the shelf so everything is perfectly neat and tidy and then a customer comes in, pulls out all the shirts from the bottom of the pile and dumps them haphazardly all over the store! And then leaves without EVEN BUYING ANYTHING!!"  
  
I turn red and screech, the air around me bursting into flame as I fly down into the kingdom below us. The destruction was truly impressive. My darker half was confused as fuck about how to feel. On one hand, helping people, on the other hand, I just set the whole kingdom on fire. It settled for feeling oddly satisfied and content.  
  
I panted heavily as I slumped over in a blackened crater. My bricks were twitching and pulsing faintly with all the thermal heat I was forced to 'eat' in order to keep the people from dying. Ugh. Ow. Ok, setting an entire kingdom on fire...almost forgot to take into account the incredibly high levels of oxygen on this planet. I had to absorb more energy from that fire than I originally thought.  
  
Setting fires on oxygen rich worlds were...incredibly dangerous. Even the smallest spark ended up stronger and hotter, more likely to slip out of my control. But it was also why I needed to use fire to do this. Kill off EVERYTHING and use the ashes to rebuild. I groaned. All around me were screaming silverfish with surface burns. I shivered and tried very hard not to look at them.  
  
I made sure to absorb any fire in the atmosphere to prevent my flames from spreading or harming too much of the surrounding environment. Despite that, a thoroughly unhappy (and mildly burnt) Queen landed heavily beside me. She coughed and brushed some charcoal dust off herself. "Well...not sure what I was expecting but that was...quite intense." She winced a little. Her wings were charred along the edges. She didn't have nerves there so it didn't hurt but she wouldn't be able to fly properly until they healed.  
  
"Yeah sorry...might have gone a little too far..." I rolled over to flop onto my back. "Here, let me just..." I healed her wings. I had plenty of energy to spare after all.  
  
"...I feel like I probably should have worded my request a little better..." Queen sighs as she looks at the screaming, panicking silverfish around us. "Can we get out of here?" I groan and lift myself back into the air. "Right..." We blink out of there, leaving the burnt insectoids running around.  
  
For obvious reasons, Queen wanted to go home and sleep off the rest of the day. I let her and Blinked away to leave her to it.  
  
\---  
  
Amorphous Shape followed Keyhole to school.  
  
I should have realized he would do this. I did put the idea in his head. The two of them seemed to get along pretty well actually. Ammy asked him all sorts of questions about school and Keyhole tried his best to answer them. I might have followed them around invisibly for the day.  
  
The faculty wanted to question Ammy's presence here but were too afraid to tell him to leave when he nonchalantly mentioned being my son. I watched in amusement as some other kids approached the two of them during lunch. Ammy pulled out some food from a block he left back home in the kitchen.  
  
A Lockin with a head like a combination lock comes up to the two of them. "Um...are you really Bill Cipher's son?"  
  
Ammy was tearing apart a dark green vegetable that looked like a more bulbous broccoli. He liked ripping food into tiny pieces. Not even for easier eating, he just liked feeling food. Something about enjoying the texture...  
  
Anyway, he blinks his many eyes at the other kid and looks at Keyhole for help. I frown a little. Ammy really needed to practice talking to people other than us. I have been severely lacking in his upbringing for not noticing this. Keyhole sees Ammy's hesitation to respond to the student. "Hey, Ammy? He's talking to you..."  
  
Ammy turns to stare at the student. "Yes. Bill is my mother."  
  
Both Keyhole and the other student (their name was Padlock) gasps. "Mo-mother?! Bill's a girl?!" Keyhole stares in shock. Ammy blinks slowly. "Bill is a hermaphrodite."  
  
"What?!" Keyhole chokes on air. I float behind him invisibly and try not to laugh. Why does everyone react like this to the news that I'm both male and female?  
  
"Wait...if Bill's your mother...then who's your father?" Keyhole asked.  
  
"Bill is." Ammy says as he turns back to his 'food', twisting off another piece of the vegetable. Keyhole looks confused. "Wait so...what?!"  
  
"Bill is both my parents. He created me on his own." Ammy shrugs, placing a piece of food into his stomach block. "O-oh..." Keyhole nods slowly. "Is that how your species does it?"  
  
"I dunno. I was an accident." Ammy says without any shame. "But Bill hasn't really talked about how his species normally reproduce so I wouldn't know if my creation is normal or not."  
  
"Accident?" Keyhole says sadly. Ammy shrugs. "It's not a big deal. Bill has always taken good care of me. Besides, neither of us really thought of our relationship as parent and child until recently."  
  
"Wait...what?!" Poor Keyhole just looked more and more confused.  
  
"He means that he hadn't accepted me as his parent until just a few years ago." I speak up, causing Keyhole to jump (Padlock screamed and ran away). "Was it a few years? Sorry, I have trouble keeping track of time sometimes..." It's been CENTURIES from my point of view after all.  
  
"Bill! What are you doing here?" Keyhole gasps. I shrug. "I was bored so I came to check up on you two. Are you having fun in school Ammy?"  
  
"It has so far been an agreeable experience. The teachers talk so much. How do they not run out of things to say?" Ammy nods and questions.  
  
I pull up a chair to sit with them. After getting over his shock, Keyhole settles down as well. We chat until lunch ends and I follow them to class. The atmosphere was tense. The teachers were frightened but the other kids were more curious than anything else.  
  
I had fun raising my hand and bouncing excitedly in my chair to answer questions and ask a few of my own. Whenever they couldn't answer one of my questions I would go to the front of the class and take over, explaining the subject matter in more detail than the teacher ever could.  
  
Often times I even fixed mistakes in the textbooks. "How outdated is this thing? It says that the Gozleck rebellion ended when the leaders came to a compromise about how to deal with the dwindling water situation. I KNOW for a FACT that's bullshit."  
  
"E-excuse me sir. You can't just-" the teacher winced.  
  
"Lady, I was THERE. I saw how shit went down. The rebellion ended because the government nuked the rebel's home base. Then they covered up what happened for the sake of their own reputations." Historic revisionism at it's finest.

  
The students certainly seemed interested in learning the gritty truth. I had a lot of fun indulging in my 'teacher-mode' as I answered questions and threw chalk at people when they misbehave. "Hey asshole. Sit your ass down and LEARN some shit!" I screeched at a kid who tried to sneak out of the room.  
  
I feel like some kids learned shit today.  
  
Keyhole came over for dinner. We made our Deal to be friends from now until the end of time. He informed me that he wanted to graduate school before officially moving in. I told him that was fine and he was free to come over whenever he wanted, I keyed him into our teleporter so he could simply tap his necklace onto any teleport pad to get here.  
  
I also not-so-subtly made myself part of the teaching staff at Keyhole's school. Since I was doing a better job keeping the kids interested in the lessons the faculty were at a loss for what to do. I noticed a few Federation officers positioned around the school and sighed. I was just here because I was bored. I didn't want to cause real problems for the students.  
  
"Can you guys leave? I'm not harming anyone." I growled in irritation. They held their guns silently and glared at me. Looks like these guys were a little more well trained. I scoff. "Whatever. You can sit through my lessons too but if you shoot any of these children I will eat you." They seemed less trigger happy than Alseph was but I still put Ammy into a protective bubble.  
  
One student grumbled while leaning back in his chair "What kind of demon teaches history and math?" I flicked my fingers to move his chair back to its proper position. "A bored one. If you rather I alleviate my boredom by tearing out chunks of your planet to play cosmic jenga, that can easily be arranged."  
  
The officers twitched. The kid actually stares me down condescendingly. "Sschyeah right. You're all talk. If you were gonna kill us all you would have done it already." He folds his arms. "When was the last time you've even done anything?"  
  
"Kid, I set a whole kingdom on fire a few weeks ago." The officers twitched again. A few students shifted nervously in their seats. Keyhole pales slightly.  
  
"Suuure~"  
  
I was starting to get annoyed with this. I flicked my fingers and projected a video of what went down in Hela. The kids watched all of Hela go up in flames. The kid scoffs. "Lame~this could have been faked~"  
  
"Are you seriously trying to taunt me into doing something terrible to you?" I asked him.  
  
"I think you're all talk. Maybe the Federation just pretends you're a threat so our parents can tell us horror stories about you to scare us into behaving." The kid shoots back.  
  
I was gonna retort but then I thought about it. "That DOES sound like something they would do. Pick out someone as a scapegoat to blame all the world's problems on so they can control the population using their collective fear of that entity..."  
  
Is THAT why Time Baby makes no effort to correct peoples assumptions of me? Well I know he ACTUALLY thinks I'm SUPPOSED to be evil but still...  
  
"You know, that is an interesting point of view that I hadn't considered before. Just for that, I'm only going to rip out half your teeth for disrespecting me." I tell him cheerfully.  
  
He blinks in confusion. "Wha-?" He cries out as half his teeth twist themselves out of his gums and fly over to my hand. "Here kid-" I turn to another student (she was texting under her desk, thought I wouldn't notice but I did) "-teeth! For you!" I laugh as I dropped the teeth in front of her. She screams and backs away from them.  
  
The officers moved. "You sick son of a-" one of them growls before shooting at me. I ducked the shot and it blasted through the top of my hat. There was a splatter of blood behind me on the wall and the remains of my hat continued bleeding out down my plane. The students screamed and ducked under their desks, trembling.  
  
I narrow my eye at the horrified officers even as my hat falls to the ground with a sickening 'squelsh' sound. "You killed my hat." I said quietly. On the ground, my hat let out a choked gasp of air before falling silent.  
  
"That thing's ALIVE?!" An officer yelps. He was staring at the bleeding black object in absolute disgust and terror. I relished in the feeling. Of course my hat wasn't actually alive. It wasn't even normally this gross. I just like scaring people. Hilarious!  
  
"I understand why you shot me. I harmed a student. But he'll grow those teeth back by the end of the day if he behaves. This is just a simple punishment." I put my hands on my wide hips with a pout. "But you didn't have to kill my hat. Now I have to grow a new one."  
  
I secretly loved the realization/disgust on their faces that my hats were organic. I'm bullshitting of course. Pranks with Bill Cipher! That should be a show.  
  
"Y-you monster..." The officer trembled as he points his gun towards me again. I laugh and flick my fingers, his gun crumbling into dust in his hands. "Why am I the monster when you're the one who just killed an innocent hat? For shame." I tutted.  
  
I narrow my eye at the class. "Get back in your seats. We've got another standard galactic half hour of math to sit through. I'm not assigning homework but there will be a test."  
  
Ammy didn't appear phased by what has just occurred but Keyhole was rather pale. His fear upset me but it was understandable. He shakingly raises his hand, the other clutching the necklace I gave him. "Um...sir?" He asks. The other kids stare at him.  
  
"Yes Keyhole? Also you don't have to call me sir. Just Bill or sensei is fine."  
  
"Why did you set that kingdom on fire?" He was obviously scared but he still asked, even as he trembled.  
  
My expression softened. "Because there was a species of toxic flower whose spores drove people mad. It'd grown out of control and had overtaken the entire country. A friend asked me to get rid of them, so I did."  
  
Keyhole relaxes. A soft smile. "You did it for a friend?"  
  
"Yup." I wave my hand and my hat sucks in all the blood and flesh along the floor and walls to reform itself. I pick it up off the floor, brush it off and place it back on my head. "A good friend."  
  
"And...if I asked you to do something?" Keyhole asks. I grin at him. "It'll depend on the request but you're my friend too Keyhole."  
  
He sits up in his chair. "Please give Clack his teeth back?"  
  
Clack, shivering and covering his mouth in pain, looks up at Keyhole in amazement. I turn my gaze to the half toothless Lockin. "....fine. But only because you asked. If he disrupts class again I will be dealing out punishments."  
  
"That's fine. Thank you Bill."  
  
As I fixed Clack's teeth, all the students were staring at Keyhole in awe. Respect, gratitude and other such emotions pouring out of them. There was a powerful thought running through everyone's minds. _'This is the power someone has as one of Bill Cipher's friends. They can have a whole kingdom destroyed or request his mercy.'_  
  
I know the officers, horrified that I could literally turn their weapons into dust with a flick of my fingers (and realizing that I could just as easily do that to THEM), were going to update my profile in the Federation records.  
  
[Bill Cipher's friends have the power to make requests of him without having to pay for a Deal. They have the power to ask him to destroy whole countries. They can even make Cipher reverse injuries he has inflicted on others. Urgent. Need to compile more information on Cipher's friends. Cipher, while dangerous, is a neutral creature with no true affiliations or grudges with any organization. While he is destructive, he is easily distracted and doesn't go out of his way to disrupt Federation rule. There is a new danger that if any of Cipher's friends has a grudge against the Federation, we could all be destroyed. Known criminal Hectorgon confirmed to be one of Cipher's friends. Suggested course of action, beg for Hectorgon's mercy such that he never has the idea of requesting the downfall of the Federation.]  
  
Class went a lot more smoothly. No one dared speak up, which meant I had to outright tell them they were allowed to ask questions if they wanted to know or clarify something about the subject matter. When they still proved too afraid to speak up I said that asking relevant questions was a sigh of a good student who was willing to learn and I appreciate that. I got a few hands being raised after that.  
  
  
\---  
  
"So? How is it? Being a teacher?" Pyronica asks over lunch. The two of us were having a little lunch date together because she wanted to try picking up guys again. After realizing there was a high possibility she would outlive her people, Pyronica decided it was time she actually found a mate to pass on her genetics. She wasn't really big on the idea of raising a child but I offered to help if she DOES have a kid ("Grandbabies?! Yeeees!!!").  
  
I was in Pytoria's form for the first time in millennia. "It's been great actually. I can check that off on my bucket list of childhood dreams I've made come true." I sipped on my Snalock juice. Ooh~tastes like hazelnuts.  
  
"Any other childhood dreams you've got?" Pyronica asks, looking over at the people walking along the street. We were on her homeworld, Cyclopians of all colors around us. I blushed and looked around too. "Oh just the usual stuff...becoming a cyborg princess ballerina, discovering a new species of dinosaur, finding my soulmate, getting married and adopting lots of puppies, me as a child had very strange ideas of what she wanted when she grew up."  
  
Pyronica laughs uproariously. "You as a child sounds AMAZING! Princess ballerina? Really?"  
  
"Yeah well, I settled for teacher when people told me princesses weren't really a 'thing' I could be." I flushed. "Also, I didn't know that getting married involved...gross stuff back then..."  
  
Pyronica grows quiet. "And none of those dreams were allowed. Your government didn't even allow you to find 'love'?"  
  
I know I was mixing backstories but it didn't make enough of a difference to correct her. So I shrugged. "I don't actually know if True Love is even a thing. Love is a chemical reaction inside your brain that forces your body to react to outside stimulus in a way indistinguishable from an obsessive compulsive desire to breed."  
  
"That's a depressing way to think about it." Pyronica groans. "Don't depress me while I'm trying to find a mate."  
  
"Sorry Ronica..."  
  
"Lets just focus of finding me a nice man. Ok?" Pyronica shook off the heavy thoughts and went back to looking around us. I sighed. Does this really work? Just looking at people?  
  
  
  
Something moved and I reached out to grab an arrow filled with dust.  
  
The arrow stopped in its tracks right near Pyronica's head. She didn't notice, her gaze still scanning the crowd passing by the outdoor restaurant we were at. I narrowed my eye at the arrow and followed its trajectory back to whoever shot it. A large almost human looking creature curses and flies away. I growl. What the fuck?! Someone just tried to shoot my best friend.  
  
"I'll be right back..." I tell her as the arrow crumpled into dust. I brush it off my hand and get up from our table. Pyronica, having no idea what had just occurred, shrugs. "Sure."  
  
I power walk away from our table, tracking the person I saw. As angry as I was about someone attempting to shoot Pyronica, I was confused. Despite how that shot would have been lethal in any other situation, the arrow was weak, made for the purpose of disintegrating upon impact without causing harm. That dust on it was confusing too.  
  
Some kind of chemicals that seem to mess with someone's head. Serotonin inhibitors...dopamine enhancers...ugh. I shake my hand, even though I knew this wouldn't effect me unless I breathed it in or had it injected into my bloodstream, it still creeped me out.  
  
I flew up above the buildings and caught up to the alien I was pursuing. Upon getting a proper look at it I froze in surprise. "Love god?!"  
  
  
  
He looked startled before puffing up "Oh? So you've heard of me?" He preened even as I stared at him deadpan. "Sorry miss but I don't do requests. For I am..."  
  
He strikes a dramatic pose. "-a professional!"  
  
I slap him across the face.  
  
"What were you trying to do to my friend?" I snarled. He whimpered at my fury.  
  
  
  
"I-I was doing my job...I'm a god of love...I sensed that she was looking for it so I was gonna match her up with someone..."  
  
"So you were going to force her to love some random person?! How DARE you!" The black flames along my arms and legs flared up. Love potions sucked. They messed with people's heads. Only I'M allowed to do that!  
  
"Not force! Never force!" He shakes his head quickly. "True love can't be achieved by artificially making people love each other! My potions just make people aware of their own feelings! They all wear off after 3 hours!" I calmed a little.  
  
"They wear off. You're sure?"  
  
"Y-yes! I would never force people to love each other against their will! I just pair up people that I know would go well together and my potions just make the process easier..." He whimpered.  
  
I narrowed my eye at him as he shrunk in on himself. Finally I sighed. He's not lying. Besides, as a god of love, he probably knew better than I would about this kind of thing. "So does that mean Pyronica's soul mate was walking by at that moment? Have I...ruined things for her?"  
  
Noticing my distress Love God shook his head. "Naw, it's fine. Pairing up Cyclopians are a little different compared to other races. It's a waste of effort to make you people love each other just to eat each other, no offense or anything."  
  
"None taken." I shrugged.  
  
"So I tend to pair your race via 'willingness to eat or be eaten' it saves me a lot of trouble and prevents heartbreak from a pair who love each other's company and are forced apart by their own biological instincts." The Love God sighs. "It wasn't such a problem back before you Cyclopians evolved to feel emotional connections. Back in the old days you just found mates with traits required for survival and went from there..."  
  
I relax a little. "So...you don't mess with people's free will?"  
  
"I would never!" Love God gasps.  
  
I rubbed my arm sheepishly. "Um...sorry for slapping you...I thought you were trying to harm my friend..."  
  
He waves me off. "It's fine miss, not the first time I've been slapped." He smiles "Well if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my work."  
  
"You do that. Oh, wait, one last question."  
  
"Yeah?" He asks while standing on the edge of the building with his wings spread out.  
  
"Is true love a real thing? Is it possible to find your soul mate?" The romantic in me wanted to know even as the skeptic in me thought the idea of a soul mate was bullshit. "Do I have a soul mate out there somewhere?" I doubt it. Even disregarding the fact that I was an immortal demon of chaos, me being Zyun-Jan would already mean that even if I HAD a soul mate, they were long gone in another dimension.  
  
He lowers his wings and stares at me. "I don't know about soul mates but love is real. It's not always romantic in nature but everyone out there has someone who would love them truly. Often times you never meet them but that's why I exist. I try to help them meet. Help them find each other and take notice." He looked determined. He knows his purpose and he was proud of his job.  
  
"Do I have someone? You don't have to tell me who it is, I just want to know if there's even anyone out there for me..." I ask quietly. I think he saw the longing in my eye. He sighs. "I can tell you're not looking for a mate. You want someone who'll simply love you for you."  
  
He stretches out and swings his arms around. I can hear his bones pop as he stretches. He stands up, striking another pose and stares at me. Despite the ridiculous position he was standing in (arms outstretched with his fingers forming a circle as he stood on one leg), his expression was perfectly serious.  
  
"..." He looks confused. "You're...not a Cyclopian..." He frowns. "A shapeshifter? That doesn't matter, true love doesn't have anything to do with species..." His leg trembles as he tries to hold his ridiculous pose. Finally he collapses.  
  
I'm too bemused to really say anything. The love deity groans and gets back up. "You definitely have SOMEONE out there for you. But I keep getting weird signals, I can't tell WHO they are." He tells me. "Sorry. I can't help you any more than that."  
  
I try to hide my disappointment. "Yeah, that's fine..."  
  
I flinch when he gives me a soft pat on the shoulder. "Hey, don't worry so much. Most people never find their one true love but they can still find Love in their life."  
  
"So Love is real? It really exists?" I ask hesitantly. He nods with a serious look. "I wouldn't be here if it didn’t.” he says simply.  
  
I couldn't really refute that. I watched silently as he takes off into the sky, flying off to find more people to pair up together. I couldn't help but envy him. For your very existence to revolve around something as wonderful as helping people find happiness...  
  
I wiped my tears before I could go too far down that thought. No use coveting that which I could never have. He has his purpose. I have mine. I turned to slide down the side of the building and get back to Pyronica. Perhaps the Love God went after her again.  
  
\---  
  
Pyronica hasn't found anyone but it hasn't stopped the two of us from going on more lunch dates as we critiqued the men around us. She's flirted with quite a few males but to my embarrassment and Pyronica's amusement, most of the men seem more interested in me.  
  
"I'd love to be eaten by you." One guy told me in what he probably thought was a seductive tone. I just hid behind Pyronica while groaning. This wasn't working. Also, gross~  
  
"Why do they all gravitate towards ME?!" I wailed to Pyronica as we head home. I've shifted back into my triangle form just to stop guys from hitting on me. She just keeps laughing. I give her a playful shove. "It's not funny!!"  
  
"It's because you're so adorable Bill~" she snorts. She catches her breath and straightens up with a sigh. "I'm kinda jealous." She pouts. "It's not fair that they all like you more. You literally look just like me aside from your color." She gives me a shrewd look. "I guess your complete lack of interest in them made you seem like you're playing hard to get? I know some guys find that pretty hot."  
  
"Ugh..."  
  
We head home where I set to work making dinner. My thoughts weren't on my task. I was thinking of what the Love God had told me several months ago. I apparently DID have someone just for me. But he couldn't get a clear idea of who or what that would be. Perhaps they hadn't been born yet? If they'd already died I'm sure he would have said so.  
  
For a wild moment I wondered if it could be someone from Gravity Falls. I disregarded the thought. That's ridiculous. It would never happen. I decide not to think about it anymore. Keyhole was graduating soon. I wanted to make a huge dinner party to celebrate. I should ask him for what foods and stuff he likes.  
  
\---  
  
"Hey Keyhole? I'm going grocery shopping so I just wanted to ask if you've got any allergies or-"  
  
"I'MSORRYPLEASEFORGIVEME!"  
  
I blink incredulously at the newest edition to our household, he's been slowly moving his stuff into his room here. Keyhole cowers over a bunch of papers filled with his handwriting. They appear to all be drafts of a letter addressed to...  
  
"Are these love letters for Pyronica?" I ask as I pick one up. It appears to be some kind of confession that Keyhole wrote out before scribbling out and discarding.  
  
"I'm really sorry! Please don't kill me!"  
  
"Why...would you think that I'll kill you?!?"  
  
"B-because Pyronica is your girl and I have these stupid feelings for her..."  
  
"Wait. Wait. Pyronica and ME?! No way. We're not together. That's gross. She's like my sister."  
  
"Wait...you're...not together?" Keyhole asks hesitantly.  
  
"Heck no, where did you ever get that idea from?" Seriously. Why does everyone assume that just 'cause she's a girl and I'm (kind of) a guy that we're together? Heck, Kryptos is closer in shape to what I SHOULD be attracted to if we're just talking about basic similarity in anatomical builds and aesthetics. Not that we were compatible for any sort of relationship. Physically or otherwise.  
  
"Well...I just thought...because you're so close and...well...you let her get away with a lot of stuff..."  
  
"I don't let her get away from chores. Or CRUMBS. This would hold true even IF I was dating her, which I'm not."  
  
  
  
"I mean that she insults you all the time but you don't get upset…”  
  
"She TEASES me. There's a difference. And even if she does say something that actually hurts my feelings I'm not going to rip her apart. At worst I'll just be incredibly passive aggressive for a while."  
  
"But you're always off on dates together?"  
  
"Well duh! She's my best friend. We go boy hunting or shopping together so we can ask each other’s opinion on clothes, Ammy is terrible at giving a proper critique and he doesn't like clothes so he doesn't bother to come anyway. Teeth wouldn't know good fashion sense if it came up to bite him, Hec's only capable of hats and ties, which to be fair, is something I don't blame him for." I ramble on in exasperation.  
  
"Plus she loves food almost as much as I do so we go restaurant hopping a lot. Teeth comes along too. Heck, if you want to come with us you're free to do so."  
  
"But...you send off your constructs to her room...and...well...she gets THAT smile on her face..." Keyhole blushes hard.  
  
"Dude, Pyronica has needs. I, as a good friend, help her fulfill them but I'm not the one bedding her and I have no desire to do so. That's gross."  
  
Keyhole looks relieved. "So...you don't mind if I try to go after Pyronica?"  
  
"...you DO know what Pyronica does with her partners right?"  
  
Keyhole blushes so hard I worry about his head exploding. "Well...if she doesn't actually kill or chew me up, I'm fine with being swall-"  
  
"OKAY! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" I cry as I hastily cut him off. "How about you and Pyronica work this out between yourselves?! I'm just gonna go throw myself into a black hole now and pretend I never had this conversation with you!"  
  
I do just that.  
  
The resulting destruction of my form via gravitational tearing did wonders for taking my mind off Keyhole's tastes.  
  
\---  
  
Sometimes I shouldn't be allowed to just float in the void of space and think. Because inevitably I always end up with weird contemplations. Like today's thought of the day.  
  
I don't have much of a libido as a triangle.  
  
As I slowly pull my physical body back together, I just ponder the subject. I only feel a need to satisfy myself once every few years on average, random things getting me hot and bothered not withstanding. Sure I can coax my Piece out and jerk myself off but it doesn't feel as good as I remember masturbating as a human was, I needed something mentally stimulating me to 'get in the mood'. Flatlanders didn't Click for pleasure. They mate only for the purpose of reproduction and thus they don't have much of a sex drive? I didn't have much of a libido to begin with either and combined with my new physiology, it just made me even more uninterested?  
  
I shifted into Jan's multiarmed form and felt myself up. Yeah, it feels much nicer to touch myself as a flesh creature (though it feels better if I was watching something erotic). Over the years my curiosity has led me to try and figure out how exactly that works. What things bring pleasure to different alien creatures. How orgasms even work with different species.  
  
By this point I have a thorough understanding of how bodies are built on an atomic level. I know where nerves are, how they work and how to stimulate them. I can adjust the level of sensitivity while crafting a physical body out of the particles in the air.  
  
When I create a body, I create an empty shell and then possess it. My true form is always just formless Energy. When I dismiss a physical body I've created, I can either harmlessly disperse it back into base particles or make it explode in a flash of light and energy. I avoid exploding. I still vividly remember exploding when I accidentally created the Big Bang and all the other times. It didn't feel nice at all. Exploding would not be a good method of orgasming. I never understood why people use ‘Explosion’ as a term for reaching climax. It sounded horribly painful to me.  
  
I have perfect memory recall for everything I’ve learned since becoming Bill Cipher (I just need to search around inside my head for any memory I need). I won't be able to forget the feeling of exploding even if I wanted to. Well, I COULD delete my own memories but if I've learned anything from Fruits Basket or McGucket's backstory its that removing memories is a bad idea. So I learn to live with it. It doesn't bother me unless I think about it too hard anyway.  
  
Regardless, the point I’m trying to get at was that it’s really strange to me that I’m even capable of feeling a need for sexual stimulation as a being of pure energy with no hormones and physical needs. Is it due to my human soul? My desires from back when I had a true physical body?  
  
Philosophical questions like this should be debated with other people but who the heck am I supposed to talk about this with? Is it even important? I feel what I feel and that’s just how it is? I finish reforming myself and sighed. The black hole was gone, I somehow devoured it's mass when it sucked me in.  
  
That would explain why I felt so ‘full’ right now. It wasn’t an issue when I was just pure energy. I could spread myself out as large as I wanted and all that extra mass I ate would be torn apart and converted into more of ‘me’. But creating a physical body meant compressing all that I was down into a small space. It resulted in an uncomfortable bloated feeling and random bursts of energy leaking out.  
  
I could make myself bigger…but I think planet-sized triangle would cause the universe to have a collective heart attack. They’ll probably assume I’m going to eat a planet again.  
  
Resolving myself to feeling full to bursting for a while until I can use up this extra energy (or making more Deals so I can comfortably store more at a time), I split myself into two, one as Bill and the other as Jan. Jan went to burn off some of this energy hosting another concert.  
  
Bill went to go check on the state of the Earth.  
  
—  
  
**(Archaean Eon: 3 billion years before modern day)**  
  
To try and take my mind off the latest ridiculous discovery in my weird and wacky life, I went to check on the Earth and found...  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!?!?" I screech as I stared at the frozen wasteland that used to be the Earth. How did this happen? Did I fuck something up?! I know ice ages were a ‘Thing’ that happened on Earth but even from here I could see that nearly all life on the planet had been wiped out.  
  
"No. No. No! No! No!!" I frantically searched through the planet for any sign of life. What could have caused this? The oxygen. Of course. The development of creatures that photosynthesized meant that they produced Oxygen as a waste gas. So much oxygen being released into the ocean and atmosphere caused huge, catastrophic changes to the entire ecosystem. Anything that hadn't evolved to breathe oxygen (which was most life on earth because oxygen wasn't a THING before) got poisoned from these wastes gases and died out.  
  
Then these photosynthesizing assholes took over the planet, spreading out and greedily gulping down the Carbon Dioxide everywhere. CO2 was REQUIRED to trap heat in the atmosphere. The rapid decline of these green house gases caused the Earth to freeze over. So along with the oxygen poisoning and killing off half the life on earth, the rapid freezing and lack of CO2 for the photosynthetic bacteria to breathe in cause them to die too!  
  
God. Fucking. Dammit.  
  
I snarled down at the planet. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!!! I start sobbing. Why did this happen? Things were going so well too. I glared up at the huge alien satellite pretending to be the moon. I noticed it a while back, I think Time Baby sent it. He probably wanted to keep an eye on this Earth that I appeared to be so protective of.  
  
Time Baby probably knew this would happen. I flip off the satellite, despite knowing Time Baby (or whoever he had running the thing) wouldn't be able to see me while I exist within the mindscape but it certainly made me feel a little better.  
  
Not all hope was lost. The planet miraculously still had some signs of life. A few bacteria who have managed to survive all these intense climate changes. I just had to hold out hope that they would make it through this. I know the earth can make it through this. It HAS to. I won't be able to stand it if it didn't. I stared down at the icy planet. I screamed in frustration, vibrating my molecules as hard as I could, trying to spread my power into the physical world.  
  
Why did I have to be cut off from the 3rd dimension? It was so unfair. I CREATED this place. It was MINE! I screamed louder and more hysterically, flailing my arms around in my rage. I threw the biggest tantrum. Jan had long since finished his concert, I very nearly had to cancel, I was so upset, but I managed to hold on long enough to finished a couple songs before sadly informing my fans that I wasn’t feeling well. Jan dispersed and the two of us recombined.  
  
I sighed tiredly. Ok. I'm done. I'm exhausted. I'm just gonna go home now.  
  
\---  
  
“Bill! You’re finally back! Where were you?!” was the first thing I heard when I materialized back into the Death Star facedown on a couch. Pyronica actually sounded worried so I flopped over and answered her "I was checking on a planet I liked. It froze over. I was quite upset." I forgot to check the time difference...um...from their POV I've been gone for almost a week.  
  
"Oh no. And you couldn't help them? What happened to the people on the planet?" Pyronica asked sympathetically. She knows how much I love observing new or developing planets. I groaned. "This planet was in the 3rd dimension. The only place in all the multiverse in which my powers don't work. I couldn't do anything to help."  
  
"What?!" I hear Kryptos cry. Then he was right up in my face, looking horrified. "Th-there's a dimension where your powers don't work?! How?! Where?!"  
  
I pushed him away from my face. Personal space dude. "The 3rd dimension is the remains of where my homeworld used to be. For whatever reason, my powers don't work properly there. I've never really thought about why. Ax said something about my consciousness being disconnected from my physical body?" I shrugged. "Look, it's not important. What's been happening since I was gone?"  
  
“Not much really. Keyhole’s been acting weird though.” Pyronica shrugs.  
  
I immediately turn orange and start coughing.  
  
Yeah, no. Not touching that with a 6 foot pole.  
  
—  
  
Keyhole’s graduation came and went. I would have thought it would be more memorable but it was a simple graduation without much excitement. The after party though…  
  
“""Chug. Chug. Chug.""” Teeth, Pyronica and Ammy chanted as Keyhole downed another glass of alcohol. I groaned. “No! No chug! I swear if your liver shuts down I’m not fixing it!” I twirled my martini in annoyance. “I still can’t believe you guys insisted on beer. What’s so great about fermented bread?!”  
  
Kryptos gave me a sympathetic look. He was sipping slowly from a glass of Nebula Ale himself. I like making sure there was a variety to choose from. I continued ranting. “I even went out of my way to get some Time Punch! Actual Cosmic Sand stolen from right under Time Baby’s fat nose! And they all asked for BEER!”  
  
I toss back my martini. “And it’s not even something good like Pear Beer or some other fruity type beer! It’s just plain bread! Just…bread, yeast and hops in water!”  
  
Hectorgon nods as I complain. “Truly they have no taste when it comes to such things.” He was drinking the Time Punch. He was also rapidly aging and de-aging due to the Cosmic Sand. My Deal with him ensured he would never die of old age during this process no matter how old he got. The Deal also protects him from de-aging out of existence. Time was weird. He sputtered when the temporal distortions stablized and he turned back to normal. "What the heck?!"

"Yeah, it does that. Don't worry, after the first sip it stops doing that." I assure him.  
  
Kryptos gave Hectorgon many worried looks. He gave the punch bowl full of Time Punch an even more worried look. Xanthar was splashing around in a pool of Vodka. I start laughing. “Hey you know? If we poured yeast on Xanthar…would he become beer?” I asked.  
  
“I doubt it. Xanthar’s a living creature so if the yeast start trying to eat him I’m sure he’d find a problem with that.” Kryptos sighs.  
  
“Oh…” I go get myself a cup of Time Punch. “I wonder if I should try bottling my own wine and shit? I’ve helped Tonio’s family do it for generations so it’s not like I don’t have any experience with it…”  
  
“That sounds pretty cool.” Kryptos says to me before recoiling when I burst into tears. “B-bill?!”  
  
“Toni~why did you leave me you asshole?!” I wailed. “Jorgio’s just not the saaaaame~”  
  
Kryptos looked incredibly put upon when I started ugly crying into him. “There…there…” He comforts me with a deadpan expression. The rest of the night passed in a blur. I feel like Keyhole’s graduation/moving-in party went well.  
  
—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's gonna be a while before Gravity Falls forms, despite that, I want to actually plan out some more stuff for it. So, question time!
> 
> 1\. If this Bill doesn't kill the shaman, the native people would probably have stayed in the valley, but they also might have been kicked off their land simply because of colonization. I'm not sure which route to go? We know white settlers had a whole Oregon trail thing into the area but I'm not sure whether they would have lived with the natives or kicked them out.
> 
> 2\. Part of me wants to have Bill/Jan Open themselves to their Alternatives. I would love to have my Bill meet with Bills from other fanfics. I'm not sure if that would break the story though. So if it's too out there for this story I could just put it into the Broken Timeline's Multiverse (which is itself, multiple alternatives of each other) if anyone's interested in that sort of thing. I WILL have to ask the authors of the other fanfics for permission though...
> 
> 3\. I'm so incredibly tempted to Hamilton-ize the American Revolution. Yay? Nay?


	47. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I wonder if it's Fate that leads to things in my life happening the way they do and then I realize Time Baby really DOES have a sense of humor. Sort of. A little? Kinda. Maybe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another human-ish form! What would it be like to be a 'proper' god?
> 
> Warning for Bill having too much fun designing a body from the ground up
> 
> Also, I'm going on a vacation to California for a week to visit relatives. I haven't been on an airplane in years. Ugh...I do NOT want to deal with the airport...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 44**  
  
**-If you heard my true name-**  
  
\---  
  
A thought occurred to me one day. While through some miracle, I actually have worshipers as Bill Cipher, they see me as a dark god and think it's super cool and edgy to worship me. I can't help but cringe in embarrassment over that. But what if I could be a benevolent god?  
  
The idea wouldn't leave my head. Creating a new identity as a benevolent god. There was no saving my reputation as Bill so why not make a new one? I already have Miz as a registered citizen with her own bank account. Jan has proper identification as well. I kinda needed an ID if I wanted to receive money from his concerts. What's wrong with making more Identities? I'm already a god damned pop star so it can’t get anymore embarrassing than that.  
  
I suppose this means I'm over my aversion to creating false identities. I still pop by Dimension 52 to hang out with Tina and the others as Miz. They love seeing my new books. The fact that Jheselbraum knew who I really was and accepted me made me feel better about sort-of lying to them. My friendship with them wasn't faked, just my identity. Blue Rose got really into my comics and has been learning to draw her own. Her lack of fingers makes it somewhat difficult sadly but she refuses to give up. But regardless...  
  
Obviously my new form would have to be something very different from Bill. I will also need to establish what SORT of god I was going to masquerade as. Well if I think of benevolent god-like creatures, the first thing that comes to mind is a dragon. I could imagine it now, a long serpentine body with antlers and claws...  
  
Maybe not a full on dragon, I might scare some people. How about a dragonewt? I wanted to try that, partially because I wanted an excuse to go for something more humanoid. Having made up my mind that I was really going to do this, I blinked away to the Nightmare Realm where I can start building my new body without interruption. That weird head/hand monster was still there, ugh…I didn’t think keeping that guy’s head as a trophy would end up like this. I sent him flying away with a wave of my hand, he can’t get inside my house but his constant babbling of “Get in my mouth” was distracting to work through. Finally alone, I set to work constructing this new body.  
  
Since I'm making it based on an eastern Dragon I might as well make the body Asian. I essentially just used Miz as a base, made a coin flip to decide the sex (male), matured it up into a ‘real’ adult and altered it from there. I felt like I was creating an avatar for an RPG. I always made my characters a cute boy and this time was kinda like that. I briefly promise myself to make the next vessel female.  
  
I blushed as I molded the particles before me into a form I found aesthetically attractive. An elegant young...dragonewt with long black hair and golden scales. I formed their antlers and tail while carefully making the cells divide and grow. I felt kind of dirty feeling up this body that I was going to be inhabiting but I couldn't help making the butt just a little bigger before adding feathers and more scales. Stop it Bill, that's enough, no need to put more junk in the trunk. When was the last time I got myself off? Like a few decades ago? Ah, that would explain it.  
  
I float back to admire my handiwork. The empty shell floated before me. Hm...should probably add clothes. Clothes are a good idea. I dress him in a cheongsam and hum to myself. He's quite cute. Very humanoid in appearance. That should be fine though, there were plenty of human-looking species. As long as there was something non-human about them no one questions it.  
  
Time to take this body for a test drive. My triangle form crumbles away as my consciousness dives into the newly created shell. My essence filled up the vessel and I feel myself connecting up to all the nerves in this flesh.  
  
"Whoa..." I say as I wiggle my fingers and toes. This body felt different from Miz's or Jan's forms. It definitely felt nothing like William or Bill. I flicked my tail and grinned at the feeling. I had a tail! This is so cool! Well, I have a new form now. Which means I'll need to name it...how about...Xin. The mandarin pronunciation of Jan. That seemed appropriate.  
  
  
  
Now how does a new god establish themselves? I guess I should go find a random planet to begin giving blessings to? Frankly I was just doing this because I wanted to know if it was possible for me to get worshipers that aren't moody teenagers that have issues with authority and what effects that would have on me. Would I still receive worship? Would being a benevolent god upset my powers? I wanted to know if there was some loop-hole I could use to do GOOD in the universe without feeling sick to my stomach.  
  
I absently ran my hands over my new body, admiring my work. I liked it and I was hoping the universe would as well. Well, can't keep putting this off. Time to test my hypothesis that the main reason people hate me is simply due to my appearance.  
  
\---  
  
I was right. I was fucking **right**!  
  
I had gone to a primitive planet and sent my power down to help their crops grow. Nothing major, just some rain. There I was, dancing in the field as I made it rain lightly (which sounds simple but is absolutely complicated in practice, uuuugh~weather control is delicate as fuck ‘cause if I’m even just a few degrees off it’ll cause catastrophic storms). A few of the farmers noticed a stranger in their crop field and angrily asked who I was.  
  
"I am called Xin." I replied with a smile as I stopped dancing, the rain stopping with me. I spun on my heel and vanished into mist right in front of the farmer's startled gaze. Invisibly I watched them for their reaction. It was positive. The main thought going through their minds was 'What a beautiful creature!'  
  
I fumed angrily at the fact that even out in space, people simply react better to things they find attractive. Well what was wrong with a triangle then?! It's not like I was some hideous mass of flesh and eyes! I'm a yellow triangle! A dapper yellow triangle! But noooo~if I did this as a triangle they would think 'Oh no! A horrible beast!' But as a sexy dragonewt they're like 'Ooh so pretty!'  
  
  
  
I am in despair! The universe that judges people based on physical appearance has left me in despair!  
  
Despite this, I stuck around and continued helping both these farmers and others. I danced and made the rain fall. It was actually pretty soothing. I didn't make it rain everyday of course, that would cause flooding even if my rain was more like sun-showers. I also didn’t want to mess with their atmospheric pressure too much in case of any long lasting effects, I was always careful with my manipulation of the temperature and climate but still…  
  
I worked on this little side project for several centuries and I've managed to boost their crop yield, gain their admiration and worship. I didn't even need to call myself a god. Just dance and make it rain while secretly sending my power into the soil to help boost it's health.  
  
It was...weird to be worshiped in such a positive way. Bill's edgy (Ha! Edge! Get it?) teenage worshipers tend to go out and cause trouble, breaking and entering, acts of violence and generally being fucking assholes. I've been forced to step in and give them a good Cursing for using my name for such horrid acts (if anyone notices the sudden boost in  aurophobia they don't seem to be talking about it). Stop making my reputation worse you little shits! At least the witches on the Penis Planet™ did their own thing and didn’t really cause problems.  
  
Xin's worshipers were more of what I expected. I watched them set up shrines, just slabs of stone made into an altar on which they placed a few crops from the harvest. I went down and ate them (they were for me so why not?) and they seemed happy enough. My powers were surprisingly content with this set-up. My 'deception' of 'pretending' to be a benevolent deity made my core hum in approval.  
  
I subtly placed triangles on the underside of the shrines so I'll be alerted if anyone prays to me. I didn't spend all my time on that planet of course, I just popped by to check on them and dance when it looked like they needed help. Hm. Somehow I thought being a god would require more work. This kinda feels... **boring**.  
  
  
  
Well whatever, this'll just be a side project I can pop by to check on now and then. I have so many side projects it's not even funny (is that spy construct I sent to infiltrate the Federation still there? Yes he is). Juggling multiple identities is a lot of work but I needed some way to occupy my time. The Earth was still in it's shiver-star phase and I keep making more tasks for myself while I wait for humanity. It’s gonna take forever~  
  
I turn back into a triangle and head home.  
  
\---  
  
I was watching TV one afternoon when I felt someone approach my shrine and start praying. "Oh benevolent rain god, I know this is not your domain but please grant my mate safety when he goes out hunting today."  
  
Well...it's not like I CAN'T grant that request...it's not a Deal but I'm perfectly capable of doing Blessings (which were really just altered Curses). Besides, feeding off their worship technically counts as being 'paid' for my services. I can feed off emotions for energy after all, my body prefers the darker ones like Fear and Despair, but Worshipful Awe apparently worked wonders for filling me up.  
  
I nibbled on her Emotions and mused at the flavor. Not bad I guess. I shook myself back out of my 'Sight' to refocus on where I am. Teeth was poking me. "What were you looking at this time?" He asks.  
  
"Nothing much. I just need to go check on something."  
  
My friend nodded, long used to me just leaving for various errands. Sometimes they ask what I'm up to but after a few of my 'errands' ended up on live television with screaming reporters and entire cities wiped off the map they've stopped asking.  
  
There are many creatures in the multiverse who wonder why the Federation hasn't sent in a huge military force to take me down. Time Baby, in one of the rare instances of helpfulness, always shoots down any plans the rest of the council make against me. At least he honors our Deal. So long as I don't threaten the fabric of reality, he's content to let me do what I want. It doesn't stop him from arresting me when I commit major crimes or mess with his precious timeline but I know him well enough to avoid those. I have my friends to take care of now. I have my family. I cannot afford to get arrested and leave them all alone.  
  
It's not like I cause deaths all that often right? The only times I really go out with the **intent** to kill is when Time Baby demands I do so. If that jerk ever tries to let people fight me he knows it'll only result in more loss of life. It doesn't stop "Justice" seekers and other idiots from attacking me when I'm out in public, I don't even kill them. Clearly letting them live is a mercy they don't deserve.  
  
Though many of them will never function properly ever again.  
  
Anyway, I teleport to my shrine, shifting forms along the way and materialize above the shrine. My worshiper jumps back in surprise. Shehe (this race had 5 different sexes made from different mixes of masculine and feminine features) stares at me in awe. I smiled kindly at herhim.  
  
  
  
"Give this to your mate and they shall remain safe." I tell them as I pull off one of my scales. It stung a little but didn't really hurt. Shehe stares at me as I drop my scale into their hands. "T-thank you divine one!" I could feel a huge burst of worship that made me shiver a little. Potent stuff. Tasted somewhat like...really thick spongecake with a hint of cinnamon?  
  
I vanished into mist again. No sense staying longer, I'm not due for another rain-dance for at least a week.  
  
I'm glad this was quick, the commercial break is ending soon and I didn't want to miss the new episode of Demon Baby Fights. TubbyTummy called out his rival DiePerr (short for DiaperRash) for stealing his cookies last time and things were getting intense. Teeth and I have a bet going on whether or not the show is going to pull a plot twist and reveal that it was really Giggles who stole TubbyTummy's cookies. Teeth thinks there's no way the writers would allow something so cruel to develop in the storyline. Keyhole just wants to see if Giggles and Tubby's romantic subplot was going to be resolved anytime soon.  
  
I grin to myself as I plop back on the couch just in time for the theme song to start.  
  
\---  
  
"I can't believe this bullshit!!" Teeth screamed at the tv. I was laughing so hard I fell off the couch. Teeth continued seething. "No! I won't accept this!"  
  
Keyhole was just staring with wide eyes, unable to believe what we just watched.  
  
"AHAHAHAHA! Oh god my SIDES!" I gasped on the ground.  
  
"ChewToy came back from the dead?! How?! They clearly salt and burned his remains during the last season finale! I am so mad right now!!" Teeth continues ranting.  
  
"I totally called it! AHAHAHA! I told you the bite marks on the edge of the crib were intentional foreshadowing!" I floated off the ground kicking my little legs.  
  
"Dammit Bill aren't you at LEAST a little upset by this ass pull the writers just did?!"  
  
"Oh I am very angry actually. But at the same time I'm glad because now Tubby gets to complete his character arc. Sure the writers COULD have found a less obscure way to pull this off but after ChubbyCheeks got exorcised a few episodes ago they needed to find SOMEONE to fill his spot in the 72 Pillars of Hell."  
  
"What even the FUCK are you two talking about?!" Pyronica groans as she walks into the living room. "I can hear you two yelling from my room. It's JUST a wrestling show! It's not that big a deal."  
  
Teeth, Keyhole and I turned to stare at her. "N-not a big deal?!" Teeth cries in horror.  
  
"You don't get it Roni! The writers have been teasing us with the reveal for what really happened to the cookies for like half a season now!" I waved my arms to show just how big a deal this was.  
  
"You realize I have no idea what you two are talking about." She deadpans. “Wrestling’s fake anyway.”  
  
Teeth and Keyhole try to catch her up on the story so far (with really bad summaries and explanations) while I just roll my eye and go get some more snacks before the commercial break ends. I passed Kryptos in the halls carrying a huge stack of books.  
  
  
  
I could see him tipping over so I levitate them before he dropped them all. "Whoa there kid, don't hurt yourself."  
  
"Oh, thanks Bill." He grins and pokes at the floating stack of books. "Um...can you help me get these to my room?"  
  
"No prob." We head off and Kryptos asks what all the shouting was about.  
  
"New episode of Demon Baby Fights. Teeth, Keyhole and I got a little too into it." I shrug.  
  
Kryptos scrunched his face up. "I don't understand how you guys can like that show. You know wrestling is fake right?"  
  
"Oh course it's scripted. It doesn't make the fights any less intense."  
  
"I doubt any of the fights on that show are very accurate to real combat anyway." Kryptos rolls his eyes. I laugh. "They're definitely not. It's just mindless violence and fun."  
  
"Well I guess to each their own. I don't personally get it but I'm glad you’re having fun." The compass manages a small laugh.  
  
"So what're all these books for? Did you rob a library?"  
  
"No!" Kryptos says defensively. "I was actually thinking of..." He mumbles something in embarrassment. I still caught it though.  
  
"You're trying to get into college?" I blink at him in surprise. He flushes dark indigo. "Shhhh! I don't want the others to know! They'll laugh!"  
  
"Why do you think they'll laugh?”  
  
"Because...it's silly..." He says as he rubs his hands together.  
  
"It's not silly to want to go to college. There's nothing wrong with learning." I assure him. Keyhole didn’t know what he wanted to do after school. He only knew that he didn’t want MORE school so he’s mainly hanging out around the house doing chores. I think the kid feels bad for essentially mooching off me despite my assurances that I was more than happy to take care of him (oh my god am I a sugar daddy?! Ew!), I find him looking at job flyers for simple entry level stuff. I need to talk to him about finding his passion for what he wants to do.

Most of my friends don't have real jobs. Why work when you've got a demon-god willing to support you after all? Still, they sometimes find small places to work at to earn personal spending money. Teeth gets paid for any show he works in for his theater troupe. Hectorgon's been playing the credit market. Pyronica has done a few small gigs as a model, she has no desire to go full time due to how controlling it was. Kryptos has been working on some papers examining his own electrical powers and sometimes writes for a magazine. Xanthar sadly cannot really find a job by himself. Ammy has done a few stints with being a Delivery Man. It worked out great for him, his Storage and Transport blocks making every shipping company he's briefly worked with begging him to come back. Even food delivery places wanted him. He recently asked me to give him a new Block with Built-in-Heating.

Kryptos looks at me in amazement. "Y-you don't think it's silly?"  
  
"Why would I?" I asked, honestly surprised that he would think such a thing. "I'm a god of Knowledge." I point out.  
  
"That was actually the reason why I thought you would laugh at me..."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"B-because you already know everything! If...if I wanted to learn anything I could just ask you...but instead I want to go off to college and struggle to learn stuff myself...like a waste of time..." He says morosely.  
  
I pat his head. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to go to school. There's nothing wrong with wanting to learn things on your own. Geez. You nerd~" I grin at him. He grins back, more relaxed.  
  
"Which school were you thinking of? Do you need me to help with anything?"  
  
"I'm fine for now Bill." Kryptos flushes adorably.  
  
"Well if you need a tutor or anything, you know where I am." I tell him before helping him place the books down in his room. "Or financial help. I don't want you taking out loans unnecessarily."  
  
He laughs "Don't worry. I've been saving up, and if I do well enough on the exam I can get a full scholarship."  
  
I wipe an imaginary tear from my eye. "Oh my little baby's growing up and applying to college~"  
  
"Bill~!" He whines even as he laughs.  
  
"Well I'll leave you to your studying kid. Don't get so engrossed that you forget dinner ok? I'm making Ramen tonight~"  
  
"I wouldn't miss your Ramen for anything Bill." He laughs as I float away to continue my journey to the kitchen.  
  
I grab some bread to make sandwiches and pour another bowl of chips. Waving my hand to get some Nitrogen'd Tea from the fridge I float my snacks back to the living room.  
  
Teeth and Keyhole were having an intense debate on where the storyline was going to go from here. We still had another half hour before the episode ends. I put the snacks down and the three of us settled down as the commercial break ended. I notice Pyronica had already left, probably fed up with us.  
  
Hectorgon hops into the room and sighs. "When are you guys gonna be done with the tv? I wanna watch the news later."  
  
"Just look it up on your laptop like a normal person." I wave him off. Hectorgon coughs awkwardly. "My...laptop crashed."  
  
"Again?! This is the 3rd time in just a month!" I groan. "Quit looking up weird porn! Your poor laptop's full of so many viruses it's like a walking STD!" You'd think he'd be able to virus block his tech, what with his hacking abilities but something about porn sites always messed him up.  
  
He has the decency to look sheepish. Keyhole makes a disgusted face. "Ew. That's...really gross man..."  
  
"Hey, you don't see me callin' you out for YOUR sick tastes." Hectorgon directs at Keyhole, who flushes as I turn orange and cover my sides where ears would be if I had any. "Let's not talk about Keyhole's tastes right now. There is FOOD present!" I cry in embarrassment.  
  
"Guys shut up about your stupid porn! The show's back!" Teeth chatters as he bounces on his seat excitedly. We stare at the screen, enraptured as ChewToy confronts Tubby about how he left him to die last season. DiePerr was groaning on the ground, having just lost an intense fight with TubbyTummy.  
  
"So...when can I get the tv?" Hectorgon asks. Keyhole shushed him.  
  
The red hexagonal Polysphere sighs sadly as we ignore him. "At least fix my laptop Bill? Please? This virus literally fried my hard drive. It is PHYSICALLY broken.”  
  
"You're just going to fill it with Gnome porn again."  
  
"....they're Dwarves. There's a difference."  
  
"Don't care." I munch on some chips.  
  
"Why don't we have more than one TV in this house?" Hectorgon complains.  
  
"Oh we do, they're in the TV room." I comment, my eye not leaving the screen as ChewToy screams and tackles his old friend/partner.  
  
"There's a tv room?"  
  
"It's through that painting in the hallway that looks like a bowl of fruit. Just tickle the pear."  
  
"Where do you come up with this stuff?" Hectorgon mutters as he hops away.  
  
"I read fantasy novels.” I shout at him as he leaves.  
  
We hoot loudly when ChewToy bites Tubby's ear off. Wrestling is fake my perfect ass! This shit's brutal! As ChewToy roars in triumph over TubbyTummy's moaning form, Giggles screamed in rage and tackles the other demon. She loudly declares vengeance for the mutilation of her 'sort of maybe boyfriend' and tears ChewToy's face off.  
  
"Oooh~" Teeth winces. "Now THAT'S gotta hurt..."  
  
“Their special effects are so well done. It looks so real.” Keyhole remarks as he munches on chips. I decide not to tell him those weren’t special effects.  
  
"Man, demons are SO cool!" Teeth gushes. I laugh. "Seriously, what IS it with you and demons?"  
  
"They're just so cool you know?" Teeth says before realizing who he's talking to. "I mean...they're not as cool as YOU Bill..."  
  
"Pssh~I wear a bowtie. That automatically makes me the coolest guy here." I grin as I flick said bowtie. It spins delightfully.  
  
On screen Giggles pile drives ChewToy into the mat. She pins him there with her pinchers and screeches in his face. Keyhole pumps his fists into the air. "Fuck yeah! Tear his head off!!!" We yell at the screen like lunatics, Teeth can't even sit still and just jumps on the sofa with hype. I get worried the furniture won't survive the end of this episode. Commercial break comes to give us a chance to breathe.  
  
"Oh man, I KNEW Giggles didn't steal Tubby's cookies! They love each other too much." Keyhole bounces in his seat with pent up energy.  
  
"Ok, bets now, who'll win?" Teeth asks.  
  
"Giggles." Keyhole declares.  
  
"I think ChewToy's gonna get killed off again." I say.  
  
"Why do you think that?" Teeth asks.  
  
"Well it feels like the writers only brought him back for a twist reveal to tie up that hanging plot thread, plus, the show is due for a new character so either they kill off ChewToy or they have to get rid of another character to make room. There's no way they'd keep ChewToy since he isn't that well liked to begin with..."  
  
"Alright fine~" Teeth grumbles. "You're probably right..."  
  
"I hope Tubby and Giggles stay teamed up as a power couple. The only other real couple we have is Squeakie and HighChair." Keyhole grins.  
  
"Sssh! The show's back." I hiss.  
  
On screen ChewToy desperately tries to get away from Giggles and TubbyTummy's tag-team against him. It seemed like the writers were going to kill him off for real after this. I give Teeth a smug look. He pouts at me.  
  
We watch as some of the other demon babies show up so they can banish ChewToy together. I was mildly impressed that their sacrificial circle was on point. Most shows just drew a sinister looking circle without actually seeing if it was accurate to real mystic runes. The circle glows as the babies chanted.  
  
".ʜƨɘm bnɒ ƨliɘv ɘʜɈ bnoγɘd moɿᆿ .wɘn ɘnoɘmoƨ ƨυ bnɘƧ .ʜƨɘlʇ ƨiʜ ɘʞɒɈ bnɒ ɘʇil ƨiʜ ɘʞɒT .υoγ oɈ Ɉƨɒɘd ƨiʜɈ ɘviϱ ɘW"  
  
There was a flash of red light and we hear ChewToy's agonized screams. A deep rumbling laughter starts up as a shadow forms inside the circle. A figure appears, large horns and glowing eyes. It roars.  
  
**"I have butchered millions on countless moons!"**  
  
The new demon removes the large pacifier from his stomach area and screeches. He gobbles up ChewToy as the other demons roar in approval. They begin rampaging and destroying the fighting ring, things are set on fire and the theme plays to mark the end of the episode.  
  
Teeth makes half strangled excited sounds. "Omigosh! Omigosh! New demon! He's sooo cool!!!!"  
  
"I am so hyped for next week's episode!" Keyhole rolled around on the ground kicking his little feet.  
  
"Damn, I wonder what the new demon's name is?" Teeth eats the last of our sandwiches.  
  
I just stare numbly at the screen.  
  
"His name is PaciFire." I respond in a daze.  
  
\---

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’ve been wanting to do an Eastern Dragon inspired human form for a while, got some inspiration from ArceustheOriginalOne’s fic At My God’s Feet, I Show My Devotion (https://archiveofourown.org/works/8643094/chapters/19821862). Their version of Bill is a glorious eldritch abomination. Mine is just cute dragon-boy~  
>   
>   
>   
>   
> (More colored pictures)  
>   
>   
> (William being upset he wasn’t in the group picture)


	48. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does it mean to be a friend? Is it egotistical to think that just because I saw Bill have them as friends, that they would be willing to be mine as well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I can't believe mom bought 6 boxes of mochi while we were in Cali. It was a cool family reunion. Met a lot of cousins. Had a slide show family history and tree rundown. Forced to make awkward responses to relatives asking about my sister (since she hasn't come out as female to the rest of our family so we're all vaguely skirting around the subject).
> 
> Learned that one of my great uncles was almost poisoned by his step mother for inheritance rights. Had another male relative who straight up died mysteriously. Inheritence disputes are scary. Have a few aunts who were still part of a dowry system and their husbands had to pay a huge sum to get the right to marry them.
> 
> Also grandma was one of the only Chinese AND women who graduated from her school's medical program.
> 
> Awesome.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 45**  
  
**-Your question is flawed-**  
  
—  
  
"Holy shit really?!" Teeth was amazed when he put two and two together and realized PaciFire was another of the friends I'd seen in my 'vision'. He seemed thrilled and really wanted to go and meet PaciFire. "Oh my gosh! A demon! A cool demon with horns and glowing eyes!!" He squee'd.  
  
I was banging my head on the side of the couch. A demonic wrestler. Oh my god I can't even...  
  
Keyhole looked back and forth between us. "What?" He asked. I groaned and didn't respond. Teeth began excitedly telling Keyhole about my Future Vision. He took the news well, especially once he realized that it didn't matter in the end if I knew he was going to be my friend or not. He liked us. He liked living with us. That was all that mattered.  
  
Teeth ran off to tell everyone the good news. I was just not sure how to feel. Fucking professional television wrestler/actor. Oh my god why?!?!  
  
My brain thought this was the perfect moment to blare the **JOHN CENA!!!** theme music in my head. God dammit brain! I hate you.  
  
I had to go to the dimension of pillows to scream for hours about it.  
  
\---  
  
"Bill where the HELL have you been?!" Kryptos cries when I got back. He looked relieved to see me. Frantic, but relieved.  
  
"Ugh..." I collapsed face down on the couch. I seem to be doing that a lot. Maybe I should just make a face-plant cushion and put one in every room. Oh, I should make them all different colors.  
  
"Ok. I'm ready to hear what you guys think about the new friend we've accidentally discovered." I groaned.  
  
Before Kryptos could answer me, I was barreled over by Xanthar, aside from my instinctual flinch I didn't react negatively to his enthusiastic welcome. He snuggled his large face into me. "Ah! Xan-Xan! Ok! Whoa! What's wrong?" I sputtered and pushed at him as he squished me under his bulk. I felt a lot of 'worry' from him.  
  
"I'm fine Xanthar. I'm sorry I was gone for so long." Sometimes I worry about how anxious he got whenever I leave for long periods of time or when I leave without telling anyone. I need to keep better track of time between dimensions. If only for the sake of his peace of mind. I sometimes leave for years when exploring a new dimension and the only reason everyone hasn't noticed how long I've been gone is due to dimensional-temporal shifts and my careful re-entries.  
  
A quick look around brought up a question. "Where're Teeth and Keyhole?" I didn't sense them here. Too impatient to wait for an answer I just Flickered through some images to track them down instead. "What the fuck?!"  
  
Hectorgon sighed. He knew me well enough by now to know when I'm using my powers to look up information. The fact that my eye or bricks tend to flash through the images was a pretty good indicator. "After Teeth found out that an actor from his favorite TV show was 'destined'-" Hectorgon made air quotes "-to become our friend, he decided to try and meet him in person."  
  
Ammy floated over to sit beside me as I managed to get Xanthar off me. "Teeth dragged Keyhole with him in case he needed to break into the filming studio."  
  
I groaned and massaged my bricks. Ammy gave me a careful pat on the back. "What did you see Bill?" He asked.  
  
"The two got arrested. They would have been released with just a warning but Teeth started some trouble with his big mouth and they're currently awaiting bail." I sighed. "At least it's not you this time Pyronica."  
  
"Fuck you too Bill."  
  
This DID mean that Teeth and Keyhole were now registered in the Federation system for minor crimes of breaking and entering, insulting an officer and resisting arrest. Add that to Xanthar being very well known to the Federation as being Bill Cipher's beloved pet (it still irked me that they assumed he was a pet), Hectorgon's high risk profile and Pyronica's long list of minor thefts and longer list of consumption/murder of random people...  
  
I turned to Ammy and placed a hand on him. "Ammy." I turned to stare at Kryptos. "-Kryptos, promise me that you two won't get arrested. Be sneaky. Be quick. Leave a block at home always so you can pull yourself through and out of danger before the PoPo can get you."  
  
Amorphous Shape and Kryptos were the only ones who still didn't have a record. I hoped to keep it that way.  
  
Ammy gave me a serious nod. "I will be like a ninja. A shadow in the night. No cop will ever get me for I am one with the darkness." He said this all with a straight face and perfectly even tone. I think I've made him watch too much Anime. Regardless, I gave him a proud look.  
  
Kryptos gave me a bemused look. "I'll try my best?"  
  
Pyronica was face palming pretty hard.  
  
"Well now that THAT'S out of the way. Lets go pay bail..."

Kryptos's stomach rumbled.

"...after dinner." I finished.

\---

**Ramen with sauteed vegetables and hard boiled eggs!**

Delicious and easy to make~

Cut up onions, garlic, carrots and asparagus (or whatever vegetables you like, having onions is a must though because onions are wonderful), add to a skillet with plenty of butter and some peas, cook on medium heat until the onions change color and everything smells yummy.

The ramen is just cooked in a pot of boiling water for a few minutes (flavor with whatever you want), scoop out the noodles and boil the egg in the remaining soup for 10 minutes and cut it up.

This has been your MINI-episode of **Cooking with Bill** because we're in a rush to get my friends out of hold-in and I don't have time for a full episode!

\---  
  
I realize absently that the Death Star didn't have a telephone so neither Teeth or Keyhole could actually call us for help. If I wasn't able to just See where they are at any time they would have been fucked.  
  
"Also, we're gonna go shopping for mini-communicators." I tell everyone as we cleaned the dishes.  
  
\---  
  
"I would ask what you were thinking but I can make a pretty good guess." I say simply while I paid bail to get Teeth and Keyhole out of jail. The Mouth had the decency to blush. Keyhole looked mortified. The demon police officers were staring at me in awe.  
  
"We hadn't realized these two were your companions mister Cipher." The chief apologizes. I wave him off. "It's fine."  
  
Federation rule over this particular planet was pretty lax. There was enough to set up rules and laws but for the most part, they self governed. It made sense. A planet full of demonic creatures were more difficult for the Federation to fully control. They couldn't go around outlawing the existence of demons if the entire sentient population were demons.  
  
Also, the climate here was difficult to live in (hot sulfuric steam coming out of vents in the earth, the far distance from their star leading to a darker atmosphere with dim lighting being just a few examples) so it would take too much effort to kill off or subjugate the native people and then terra-form the planet.  
  
Also, their TV shows were incredibly popular in the multiverse. Watching baby-like demons doing stuff apparently made for good entertainment. Aside from Demon Baby Fights they also had several drama shows, a game show (Will it Burn?) and several reality shows about life on a hell-planet. Aside from their contributions to the entertainment industry, this planet was mainly relevant to the Federation for mining purposes. Their planet contained a large amount of helium. It formed underground from the decay of other materials and the Federation really wanted to harvest it. Getting helium from the ground was much easier than trying to harvest a star.  
  
The Federation worked out the trade system several centuries back and for the most part this planet was left to its own devices. It meant I didn't have to deal with any trouble when picking up my wayward companions.  
  
I was still annoyed at Teeth for dragging Keyhole here with him.  
  
"Do you know why I'm annoyed with you?" I asked Teeth as he wilted before me. The mouth shifted from leg to leg nervously. "Um...because I got us arrested?" He asks.  
  
"Yes. But that's not the main problem." I sighed. "You took Keyhole with you and went at this without a proper plan. If you're gonna pull a heist you need to have enough power or skill to get it done or get back up at LEAST." I scolded him. "You could have asked Pyronica or Hectorgon for help? You could have asked Kryptos or Ammy for help?"

"What about Xanthar?" Teeth asks hopefully.

"If you get my darling baby involved in something like this **I** **will rip out your teeth to finish building the stepping stones in my garden.** " I narrowed my eye at him. He wisely nodded.  
  
"I just thought it would be easy...I wanted to meet the cast of Demon Baby Fights..." Teeth whimpered.  
  
"We can still do that. Just make sure you get back up next time." I grin and give Teeth a pat on the head. "Now I just so happen to know that Demon Baby Fights has a live show a week from now. They're selling tickets~"  
  
Teeth starts jumping in excitement. "I wanna go! I wanna go! Please!" His eagerness was adorable. Hectorgon stroked his chin in thought. "So are we going to see what kind of person this PaciFire is? Since he's a future friend?"  
  
"Is he gonna be as violent as he is in the show?" Keyhole worries. Pyronica gives him a gentle pat on the head. "I'm sure he's perfectly nice."  
  
\---  
  
"RRRRAAAAGH!!!"  
  
Teeth and I cheered as PaciFire twisted GabbyGum's horn off. The large out cropping of bone snapped free from the unfortunate demon's skull with a sickening crack. There was blood spraying out of the ring and into the audience. Keyhole had gone pale. "I thought these were special effects..."  
  
Pyronica hoots loudly. "Fuck! This is so fucking COOL! I thought this shit was faked!"  
  
Kryptos and Hectorgon looked a little queasy. Ammy winced a little when a bone fragment fell near us. "That...appears quite painful..." He curled a few blocks around himself. Xanthar was off with Queen today, he didn't really want to come. Poor dear didn't do well with violence.  
  
I probably shouldn't have brought the others now that I think about it. I tried to reassure them "These guys have a very high regeneration rate and they're all dosed with pain inhibitors before a fight. They have a fully staffed medical team out back as well."  
  
Ammy seemed a little more comfortable but he still wrapped his hand around mine. I squeezed gently and gave a few flickers of flame. Kryptos shuddered when GabbyGums was tossed out of the ring. "Does he have to be so...vicious though?"  
  
I shrugged. "They do this whenever a new Demon is introduced. Give them a few brutal fights where they show off their specialties and style, establish their character. You know?"  
  
Teeth nods. "They did this with TubbyTummy when he first showed up too. His intro was exploding out of the earth amongst a geyser of lava. His first few matches invoked that whole hellfire aesthetic. I'm thinking that PaciFire being summoned via blood sacrifice means his fights would be...well...more bloody."  
  
"Bloody fucking AWESOME you mean!" Pyronica jumps in delight as BigBottom enters the ring to challenge PaciFire. Back to back fights huh? The writers must really want to make PaciFire seem like a big deal. Up in the ring BigBottom loudly calls the other demon out for thinking he's all that just because he's new.  
  
They exchanged some trash talk. PaciFire snarling out "You're just jealous that Momma gives me more attention."  
  
"That's only because you're a BEDWETTER who refuses to wear a diaper!" BigBottom shoots back.  
  
The crowd lets out a low "Oooh..." Teeth waves his arms "Ah fuck! He's calling you out man!"  
  
PaciFire doesn't back down. "At least I don't leave poop trails when I walk."  
  
The audience gasps. I jump up and down wildly. "You just gonna take that Bottom!?"  
  
BigBottom lets out an enraged scream, sprouting needle-like spines along his arms as he lunges for his opponent. Teeth and Pyronica start yelling, their words being swallowed by the screaming crowd around us. "Stab his eyes out!" Pyronica screeched.  
  
The fight was absolutely brutal. Kryptos and Keyhole actually had to turn away. Hectorgon was pulling at his mustache nervously. Ammy was the one to remark things like "I'm sure eyes are supposed to stay inside the body.", "How can he still run so fast despite losing all three legs?" or "They can really regrow that much skin?"  
  
Pyronica and Teeth were really into it. A torn off tail fell near us and Teeth snatched it up as a souvenir. "Demons are so cool!" Our group stuck out as being the only non-Demon imps in the audience (though Pyronica almost fit in if it weren't for her matured adult-like figure). Also, me, glowing gold and all that.  
  
After body slamming BigBottom into the mat and pinning him for the 10 second count, PaciFire roars out into the crowed. "ANY CHALLENGERS FROM THE AUDIENCE?!"  
  
  
  
Since the regeneration was a racial thing and most of the audience were more demon imps, it made sense that they would have some audience participation. I could already see the medical team ready with painkillers to give to any volunteers. Teeth nudged me. "Bill. You should go up."  
  
"ExCUSE~me?!"  
  
"Come on! It would be so cool! And you can get an IN to talk to him later." Teeth persuaded. I know the reasons he gave were valid but I've never wrestled before. The most experience I have with it was when Zyun-Zeon tested out some moves on me and Kei for fun.  
  
"I've never really wrestled before..." I say hesitantly.  
  
"Come on~please?" Teeth whines.  
  
Well I DO want an excuse to talk to PaciFire after the show...alright fine. I raised my hand up, a pillar of blue flame shooting up around me. "Hey! I'll take you on!"  
  
"Bill...you don't have to do this..." Keyhole says nervously. I shrug. "I will try my best to avoid injuries on both sides."  
  
The spotlight lands on me and there's a hushed silence. "Bill Cipher..." PaciFire says in surprise.  
  
"That IS my name." I float up to the ring, adjusting my bowtie as I went. "Why people feel the need to tell me my own name is beyond me." I touch down on the mat, standing across from the two mouthed demon. "I'm saying this now, I've never really wrestled before."  
  
  
  
I'm certain I made for a strange sight. I was half PaciFire's size, nearly flat and standing there with my cane and top hat like the sophisticated gentleman I was. Everyone seemed to be at a loss for words. The referee came up "No offense Mr. Cipher but are you sure you wish to volunteer?" The ref flinched when I turn my gaze to him. "N-not that we are doubting your power it's just...you're not exactly...built for this sort of thing..."  
  
I suppose I'm not. My thin noodle limbs and small stature did not look like it stands a chance here. I had to agree with them. "True. I suppose I'm not quite wrestler material...so how about this?"  
  
My bricks swelled up, my form widening into a three dimensional pyramid shape as I grew larger. My arms and legs thickened and my lower bricks opened into a large mouth. I slammed my larger, clawed hands onto the mat and growled. **"Would this be better?"**  
  
They couldn't really say anything to that.  
  
The crowd started cheering ""FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!""  
  
I admit I was a little worried. I haven't really...physically fought anyone before in this life. Zyun-Jan got into a few scuffles but nothing major. The referee looks at PaciFire who shrugs. I think about the story line so far and flick my fingers, producing a plate of warm, freshly baked cookies. Everyone's eyes zero in on the plate. "How about this~" I say clearly. "You win, you get these delicious cookies..." I waved the plate around so everyone could get a whiff of just how good they were (I could see many demons in the audience salivating already). I worked damn hard to bake these so they better appreciate them.  
  
"...and if I win...well..." I move the spotlight to point on Teeth "...my friend there wants to meet the cast. We're huge fans of this show." I encased the plate of cookies in a bubble. "Does that sound fair?"  
  
The two mouthed demon was still staring at the cookies. "So...I just have to beat you?"  
  
"Get me out of the ring or pin me for 10 seconds." I shrug. He tears his eyes away from the cookies to stare at me. "I can do that."  
  
I readied myself for a fight.  
  
I was not expecting just how much he wanted those cookies.  
  
"Ffffuck~" I hissed. He was grappling me and we slammed into the mat over and over again as we each tried to grab and shove at each other. I admit my balance wasn't very good. I'm not used to being pyramidal in shape and I was knocked down pretty often. The only reason I hadn't lost yet being the fact that I could sprout another arm to shove myself off the ground whenever I fell over.  
  
"I WILL HAVE THOSE COOKIES!!!" He bellows as his eyes begin glowing and he spits out eye-bats from his stomach mouth. I didn't have time to be impressed and intrigued by how they managed to travel through the mini-portal inside him and not die of suffocation since PaciFire was already charging at me again.  
  
I stretched out my arm and whipped it out at him like a tripwire, knocking his feet out from under him and leaping into the air to land on him with my (embarrassingly) large bottom side. He managed to roll out of the way as I landed, the impact sending loud shockwaves as my heavy mass shook the ground.  
  
"飞刀手!!!" I shout the name of my attack as my arms began whipping around in circles like a windmill. It sliced up the mat beneath us as I slid along the ground towards him. He rolls back onto his feet quickly and easily dodges my silly attack.  
  
"千码剪刀脚!!!" I used my hands to push off the ground and extended my legs out at my opponent in a kick. He stands his ground and shoulder slams into my bottom side.  
  
I maaaay~have let out a screech at a pitch that broke every electrical equipment in the area because I forgot how sensitive my bottom side was.  
  
The ring was encased in darkness as all the spotlights exploded and the camera with the live broadcast went dead. The demons all blinked, their eyes readjusting to the darkness as I howled in pain, my bricks falling apart to thrash around the ring wildly in waves. PaciFire was at a loss for words as he watched my disassembled bricks writhe around in the ring.  
  
  
  
"Fuck!!! I thought there were rules against HITTING BELOW THE BELT!!!" I wailed (my voice was disembodied since I was currently shattered into many pieces). The crowd made a sympathetic "Ooh..." groan.  
  
While the referee was trying to figure out how to call this, my bricks began rolling toward PaciFire. He jumps as my bricks start building around his legs, trapping him in place. He struggles and tries to get free but my bricks crawl over him as he begins to panic. He starts screaming and the Eye bats began shooting at my bricks with little petrifying lasers.  
  
While it worked to freeze a few of my bricks, I sent a couple to knock the Eye bats out of the air. Something about birds and stones came to mind but I couldn't think of a clever quip at the moment. Also, controlling my bricks while I was broken into so many pieces was kinda difficult.  
  
I effectively pinned him down under my bricks. The demon was struggling pretty hard. It actually felt quite uncomfortable. "Hey Ref! Count already, this feels super weird and I don't wanna hold him any longer than I need to."  
  
That snapped the referee out of his horrified stupor and he quickly made the 10 second count. PaciFire was howling in rage the whole time, pulling at his bonds and generally just...touching me everywhere and this felt so weird I hate itwhycan'tthefuckingrefcountanyfaster?!  
  
"-10!"  
  
I was immediately off my opponent, my bricks coming back together to rebuild my body piece by piece. I shuddered, shaking my limbs out. Gross. Gross. Gross.  
  
PaciFire grumbled about how I don't fight fair. "Hey kid, you summoned helpers. I don't see why anything I did would be considered unfair." I fixed my hat and bowtie. "Also you hit me in my privates so you should just be glad I didn't tear your molecules apart." He did look apologetic about that, if his nervous shuffle was any indicator. Or maybe he was just embarrassed for accidentally touching my bottom side.  
  
I turned to the camera crew. "Sorry for breaking everything. I'm sure you can understand." A few of them had their legs clamped together at the memory. One whimpered. "It's perfectly understandable Mr. Cipher."  
  
Pyronica was leaning on Keyhole's large head, laughing her ass off. The rest of them (except Ammy) were wincing in sympathy. Nice to know at least SOME of them felt bad for me. That really hurt...  
  
Like, I don't even have balls but STILL!  
  
I turned back to PaciFire and tipped my hat to him. "This was an interesting experience. Since the fight didn't exactly go like a typical one, I'm going to call this a tie." I gestured and the plate of cookies landed in front of him. "You can have my homemade cookies."  
  
Still can't believe it took me this long to figure out how cookies worked. Why is baking so hard?! I need to practice more. They taste fine but they all end up melting together into one giant cookie. Which, in this case, meant they were the perfect size for the demon imp. He makes a delighted sound and quickly shoves the cookie into his 2nd mouth.  
  
He freezes after a few chews and I worriedly poked at him with my cane. "Are you alright?"  
  
"You...made these?" PaciFire asks me slowly. I nod. He swallows. He walks over to me, towering over me now that I was back in my normal size and takes one of my hands. I hide my flinch. "W-what is it?"  
  
He stares deep into my eye. "Marry me."  
  
"""WHAT!?!?""" My friends scream.  
  
"EH!?!?!??!" I cry.  
  
\---  
  
We sat around with the cast and crew after the show. I repaired all their equipment so they could finish filming. I was thankful they broke BEFORE the....um...proposal. I was a solid shade of orange as PaciFire sat beside me.  
  
Tubby nudges him. "Were those cookies really that good?" He was salivating at the prospect of it. A few of the others were gathered around too. I just flushed darker.  
  
"They were crispy on the outside but warm and gooey inside. They were sweeter than anything I've ever tasted." PaciFire's tail wiggled happily at the memory of it.  
  
"Yeah, Bill's cooking is pretty good. The cookies are new though. He only started baking recently." Teeth says as he pokes at HighChair's horns. "Omigosh I can't believe I'm actually meeting you guys! I've been a fan of your show since FOREVER!"  
  
"Recently? You mean they're THAT good when he's still inexperienced with them?" PaciFire stares at me in awe. I bury my face in my hands. "It's not that big a deal! I just use lots of sugar and butter!"  
  
"Sugar?" The demons all asked me.  
  
Right, not a lot of plants on this planet. Much less sugarcane. Their cookies were made from lots of imported ingredients from Federation trade ships. Commercially produced Sugar is uncommon in the multiverse. There are plenty of sweet glucose producing plants but none of these aliens have so thoroughly and single mindedly isolated Sugar in it's pure form for use in cooking. Most of them don't bother breeding sugary plants themselves when it was much easier to simply find a planet that already produces sugary substances and opening trade relations with them.  
  
Most cooking in the multiverse used the actual plants in the cooking process. Isolating the sugar from fruits and stuff into a white powder for use in other recipes wasn't a common practice. There were some places that did it but it was rare.  
  
I spent eons messing with molecules to reproduce the stuff I remember from Earth. Sugar, chocolate, various spices and flavorings...it was a long and arduous process. If I could just go grocery shopping or gather ingredients in some other way I preferred to do that over manually creating the stuff.  
  
What I'm trying to say is that my cookies contained a lot more sugar and flavoring than they're used to, sugar being expensive and thus they could only use it sparingly. I didn't think it would be this important to them.  
  
I wiggled in my seat. "Look, I'm flattered and all but I don't really know you...we've only just met and I don't think this would work out between us..." I glanced at the demon imp. "Also, if you're just after my cooking I can assure you that you don't have to marry me to get access to it."  
  
"Ooh! Ooh! Would you like to be our friend?" Teeth chatters eagerly. "Then you can move in with us and Bill cooks almost everything!"  
  
I flick Teeth's side. "You make it sound like cooking is all I do. I have other hobbies too you know."  
  
I frown at PaciFire "Also I'm a little put off by the fact that you're only proposing to me because you like my cookies."  
  
Pyronica laughs as she flops beside me on the bench. We were all sitting around the studio, the demons here were much like the ones in Hell in that they were huge fans of me and what I do. Apparently, Demons that make Deals, Contracts and Wishes were seen as being sophisticated while Demons that caused large scale destruction were seen as badass. I was both. It was yet another contradiction of my nature and they found it amazing that I had such a wide array of talents. Pyronica just found it hilarious. "Well you DO make a good homemaker Bill."  
  
"I...have considered being a stay home wife..." I admitted "But I would go stir crazy if I couldn't work."  
  
"So? Wanna be our friend? You get plenty of benefits~" Teeth continues to try and sell PaciFire on the idea. The large demon imp rubbed his chin in thought. "Would I get more cookies?"  
  
"Ugh~my only worth is not my cooking!" I complained.  
  
Pyronica was laughing and leaning on me. I pouted. She held my hand and grinned at me. "Well I think you would make a lovely wife. You stud magnet you~Seriously would this be the 5th time some guy has proposed to you?"  
  
"What?!" I sputtered. "What were the 4 other times?!"  
  
She starts counting them out on her fingers "That guy we met at that bar with the alcoholic ice cream sundae. That guy we met at the restaurant with severed heads on the menu. The two guys we met at that dance club with the nuclear waste jelly shots..."  
  
"They were proposing?! I thought they were just creepy flirting with me!" I blushed in embarrassment. Pyronica laughs. “Asking to be eaten is pretty much a proposal in my society.”  
  
"I can't believe so many people have proposed to Bill." Kryptos face palms.  
  
"I can't believe you remember where you went by what you ate." Hectorgon sighs.  
  
"Did you get their numbers?" Teeth laughed as he nudged me. I rolled my eye. "No. We were TRYING to find Pyronica a mate. For some dumb reason the guys kept going after ME."  
  
"I'm sure it's because they could tell you would be a good mother." Ammy assured me. I shuddered. "Yeah, no, I really don't want to birth my own child. That sounds scary."  
  
"The great Bill Cipher, scared of pregnancy? Say it ain't so!" Teeth gasps dramatically. I push him off his seat. "Oof!"  
  
"Pregnancy is terrifying. A tiny little parasite inside you, leeching off your life force as it grows..." I shuddered. "No thank you. It's great if other women want to do it, but not me!"  
  
"You have the weirdest hang ups." Pyronica sighs.  
  
Keyhole was walking up to GabbyGums. "A-are you alright? You got torn apart out there."  
  
The large jawed demon grins. "Yeah I'm great. It didn't hurt at all and I'll be fully healed by tomorrow." It waved it's half reformed legs at him. "See?" Keyhole sighed in relief.  
  
Meanwhile I was observing PaciFire. He seemed friendly enough. Laughing and joking with his co-stars with an air of 'content' around him. I sigh and float off to the snack table.  
  
I sing softly _"But I don't know~where I'm supposed to go~these stories I've calculated to and fro~"_ because I don't know what to do now. Teeth was all for taking in PaciFire but I haven't really found a real reason to want him yet. I notice he followed me to snack table.  
  
PaciFire tilts his head at me. "Love Songs by Jan-Jan?" He asked.  
  
I blinked. "You listen to Jan?"  
  
"Pssh, everyone listens to Jan-Jan." He scoffs. I suppose that's true. "What do you like about him?" I ask. It's not that I'm fishing for compliments, I'm actually curious. I went out of my way to avoid my fans for fear of being found out so it would be nice to actually speak to one.  
  
PaciFire shrugs. "Same things as most people I guess. I like the music. I like his fire shows. I like how he's got such a wide genre of styles. He said during an interview that he sings Covers but no one can find the original songs that he's apparently covering." He shrugs. "Not that it matters. I like his work regardless." He peers at me. "You're a fan too?"  
  
"I love music. Always have." I respond instead. "What's your favorite song?"

  
"Hold Release Rakshasa and Carcasses."  
  
I frown. "You're lying." He flinched. "You do like that song, but it's not your favorite." He glances back at everyone else who are distracted talking to each other. "Why are you lying about something like this?" I stare at him.  
  
He glances at the others again, checking that none of them were paying us any mind. "Because it's embarrassing." He mutters. "They'll make fun of me if they knew."  
  
"Well I guess it'll be our secret then." I grinned at him.  
  
He glances back again. "Promise you won't tell anyone?" I nod. "Promise."  
  
"...Electric Angel..."  
  
I stare wide eyed. "Really?!" He shushed me. "Don't tell anyone!"  
  
"What's so bad about like that one? Sure it's adorable as fuck but..." I see his expression. "...and that's the problem isn't it?"  
  
He sighs. "Cute things like that are fine but they're 'un-demon-like' and you get made fun of for liking stuff like that." He shrugs. "I got enough of THAT when I was a kid." He frowns heavily. "I worked hard to establish myself as a proper vicious demon. I finally get respect."  
  
"But what's the point of respect if you're unhappy?"  
  
"I'm not unhappy." He protested. I give him a knowing look. "Pretending to be something you're not only makes you unhappy. I know firsthand."  
  
He glances back at the others again. "It bothers you doesn't it? Having to keep up a facade in front of your friends." This wasn't JUST about his music preferences. This issue ran much deeper.  
  
He turned back to look at me. "Yeah. It kinda does." I take his hand for a sympathetic squeeze. "Then why keep doing it? I don't have a right to criticize since I have a 'public' persona too but at least I'm myself around my friends."  
  
"Because I don't want to go back to before. I don't want to be looked down on like that anymore." He takes his hand back. "It's not that big of a problem. I'm not faking my personality with them or anything. I'm still every bit the vicious fighter they know me as." He shrugs. "So I can put up with the uncomfortable remarks when they make fun of stuff I secretly like."  
  
He shakes his head. "Why am I telling you all this? We only just met?"  
  
"Says the man who proposed to me in front of the entire audience." I laugh. He laughs too. "You're easy to talk to." He admits.  
  
"I'm a good listener."  
  
 "I thought you just SEE everything. The Federation claims you're always watching."  
  
"Oh I do. I just don't always pay attention. Imagine seeing every thing happening at once all over the multiverse at the same time. It's a headache. I pick and choose what I pay attention to just to save myself some pain."  
  
"Sounds rough." PaciFire grabs a drink from the snack table.  
  
I shrug. "You get used to it after 5 billion years."  
  
"How old ARE you?"  
  
"Um..." I did some quick calculations in my head "...about 240 billion standard galactic years or so?" I was actually grateful to Time Baby for making Standard Galactic Time. It really helps to keep track of stuff since all planets had different rotation speeds and orbit cycles around their nearest star.  
  
".....dang...."  
  
I shrug. "It gets lonely sometimes."  
  
PaciFire looks at my friends laughing as they chatted about something with the demons. "Even with them around?" I gazed at my friend sadly. "I travel a lot. I find new dimensions. New worlds. New knowledge. I get antsy if I stay in one place for too long."  
  
I rub my arms and turned my gaze to the ground. "Since I can pop in and out of a dimension at different points in time, no one notices how long I've been gone. Sometimes..." I sigh. "...sometimes I don't see my friends for years. They don't notice and I don't really go out of my way to tell them about it. It's not all that important in the long run. But sometimes I just feel really alone..."  
  
Whenever the loneliness gets too much, I just pop back home and spend a few days hanging out with everyone. Sometimes it's jarring. When I realize how much older I was, how much more I've experienced without them. It makes me feel even more lonely. I love them all so much but sometimes I just feel empty or tired and I just wish I could sleep. I wish I could just...stop thinking for a while. I wish I didn't have this jittery feeling that forced me to always be on the move.  
  
Sometimes I can calm myself enough to sit around and do nothing. Meditation is the closest I've come to true rest. When I can relax and exist in the moment instead of constantly needing to do SOMETHING stimulating. My friends don't understand how it feels. I tried to explain once, centuries ago. Pyronica didn't really get it. I don't blame her. I can tell she was trying to understand. But how do I explain to her the feeling of eons passing before me, being forced to watch entire planets form and die.  
  
So yeah, I get lonely sometimes.  
  
PaciFire nudges me lightly. I easily hide my flinch, I've gotten pretty good at that. "Well I don't know what it's like to be so old but I know what it feels like to be unable to talk about stuff with my friends."  
  
He would of course. Feeling rather hypocritical I ask "Wouldn't you feel better if you COULD talk about that kinda thing with them?" PaciFire gives me a knowing look "You tell me."  
  
I didn't have anything to say to that.  
  
\---  
  
We kinda made friends with the whole cast and crew of Demon Baby Fights. It was fun being with them. They were rowdy and violent but there were no hard feelings. They were quite cheerful despite their career. Teeth got their I-mails and Communication serials so they could keep in touch. The mouth turns to give me pleading looks "Can we invite them over for parties?"  
  
"Will there be cookies?" DiaperRash asks eagerly. His four eyes were wide with a rather adorable pupper-snup expression. He even ripped off Giggles's arm so he could hold it in his mouth to complete the look. "Dammit why are you guys so cute?!" I fume halfheartedly. "Yeah I can bake more cookies."  
  
""YAY!""  
  
"But if you guys DO come over for a party you better help with the clean up afterward or I WILL eat you."  
  
"He's joking right?" TubbyTummy whispers to Kryptos. The compass shivers and pales. "Bill gets seriously upset when food ends up on the ground...it's terrifying..."  
  
The demons all pale as well. I scoff. "Just don't make a mess and no one has to get hurt. It's not that difficult." They didn't look very reassured.  
  
In the end, they ALL offered to be my Friend. But they didn't want to move in since they have their own homes. So...kinda like with Queen? I informed them that they could be my friend or my Friend. While Queen's immortality was an accident, if they wanted to become my Friend, they would no longer age because I expect my Friends to stay with me forever. From now until the end of time. To be Bill Cipher's Friend was an eternal commitment that they can't back out of.  
  
I ended having to sort them as Inner circle and Outer circle of friends. My Inner circle would live with me and be granted immortality while my Outer circle were free to do as they wished and could call me up for play dates or help if they needed it. As I explained what it truly meant to be a Friend in my inner circle, the demons sheepishly turned me down but were fine with being an Outer friend.  
  
I went through everyone one by one until I got to PaciFire. He just observed me quietly. Finally he spoke "Years and years of loneliness huh?"  
  
I gave him a soft smile. "I like to be assured that they'll still be there whenever I happen to go home. I like knowing that I won't lose them if I ever left for too long."  
  
He thinks over my response. Finally he sighs and grins. "Friends huh? From now until the end of time yes? I think I can do that."  
  
He holds out his hand. I hold out mine but I don't shake yet. "Are you sure? You'll eventually leave your other friends behind." He sets his shoulders in a determined line.  
  
"You didn't laugh at me." He says to the confusion of the people around us.  
  
It was a remarkably simple reason that no one else understood but I felt myself relax. I got the underlying meaning in his words. "There was nothing to laugh at." I smiled.  
  
We shook, my beautiful blue flame sealing the Deal. An eye shaped marking appeared on the cross on PaciFire's head. I felt content. I got a new friend. It was a nice feeling.  
  
I look forward to getting to know this man.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So a few months ago I had a dream in which I was talking to PaciFire and we discussed how being a demon meant you had certain personality traits you needed to conform to. In the dream we were talking about cannibalism and PaciFire kept turning into the Pillsbury Dough Boy, but regardless I thought the idea had merit.


	49. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whenever things get better, they inevitably get worse again. I've gotten pretty good at hiding my neurosis, even from myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A madness that consumes the mind  
> These emotions that cannot unwind  
> To break and mend to break once more  
> All the trauma I will ignore  
> Hide your pain behind a smile  
> You'll feel better for a little while

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 46**  
  
**-Life tastes like Uracil Cytocine and Thymine-**  
  
—  
  
The demons took Teeth up on his offer to come over to our house for a party. I spent the whole day cooking up everything I could think of. Ammy helped me make sandwiches while Hectorgon used the stove. I mixed up a lot of cookie dough and even synthesized some chocolate pieces. Then I wondered if they could even digest chocolate?  
  
Wouldn't want to poison them. Just to be safe I asked PaciFire for any allergies and other dietary needs his people tended to have. I have found that aside from the basic Carnivore, Herbivore and Omnivore diets I was familiar with, a lot of aliens had specific dietary needs unique to their species. Teeth is a true Omnivore and can eat practically anything that's biodegradable. Ammy's digestive system was similar to my own in that he dissolves the bonds between chemical chains. The difference is that he doesn't actually need to eat food. He mainly feeds on pure energy, which he can get from my flame (though I once found him sticking his hand into a ship's engine core while we were raiding a pirate ship to free some captured slaves).  
  
Pyronica is obviously carnivorous. She doesn't like eating plants and for the most part she can eat them without any harm but she doesn't get much nutrients from them. Xanthar just feeds on liquids. Any kind of liquid. Water, fruit juice, beef stew, acids, liquidated solids and etc. Hectorgon was much like Teeth as an omnivore but he fell more on the plant eating side, his jaw built more for grinding than tearing, whereas Teeth's large mouth ensures he can swallow things without chewing. He and Pyronica sometimes have swallowing contests. I had to prevent them from choking to death quite a few times (and ignore Keyhole for getting too into watching it).  
  
Keyhole can eat rocks alongside 'normal' food. His species can break them down to extract any iron or other metals. The metal is secreted out from their 'holes' into personalized keys. The process can take months. Their people originally traded these keys as an IOU for exchanges of favors. Like a farmer will trade some crops for someone's Key and use it as a promise to get something in return from them in the future, at which point they return the Key to the one who produced it. Since Keys were all personalized, they can easily verify who owed who a favor by seeing who's keys you had. Over time the Keys themselves became currency, with families saving the Keys of their ancestors and amassing wealth.  
  
Kryptos was a strange case. He didn't eat like I did, despite our similar looking body shapes, instead all the food inside him is crushed flat by his unusually strong esophagus as he swallows. His stomach is nearly flat but it digests things quickly. Kryptos can't eat a lot of food at once (there's just not enough room) and prefers meals with softer foods for easier flattening. Also soups or stews.  
  
I learned their preferences slowly over the years I've known them, changing out my meals to all sorts of things so they can try something new and discover different flavors. I've even started making each of their meals specialized to their nutritional necessities.  
  
Basically I'm bored and have way too much time on my hands.  
  
PaciFire listed off the things he liked. He appeared surprised to see how seriously I was planning this party. "Well if we're gonna have a party, I want it to be a good one." I shrug. "Now let's talk dairy."  
  
\---  
  
"Bill...are you...alright?" Teeth asks worriedly as I rearranged the furniture in the main room again. "I'm absolutely fine. Now do you think I should clear more room for the dance floor or have more space between the couches so people can sit to eat?”  
  
"I think you should sit down and let us handle the rest of this." Teeth gently steered me away from the couches. "I know this party is gonna have more guests than you're used to but you don't have to work so hard." I was still staring at the couches. What if I moved the dance floor to the ceiling?  
  
"Come on Bill. I'm the one who asked for this party so at least let me do some of the work. You've already done enough." Teeth drags me to Kryptos's room and pushes me in. "Here. You two can nerd talk. Me and Pyronica can handle the decorations."  
  
He closed the door and I sighed. "Have I really been working too hard on this party?" I turn to Kryptos. The compass shrugged. I can see the college application forms spread around his desk. University of Sigma-6? That's a pretty high end place. I had a brief thought of infiltrating the teaching staff there as well. No, probably shouldn't.  
  
I spotted something that made me freeze. "Are those...dormitory applications? Are you moving out?" I may have stared at him rather...intensely. Kryptos hurriedly shook his head.  
  
"No! Well, yes. But it's not like that! A few of these places require me to dorm for my first year. It's only for the first year. I can commute to school after that!" He assured me. My stare relaxed its intensity. He babbled quickly, trying to explain himself. "A few schools like to observe the students to judge their character and want them to live on campus at least for freshman year." He sighs "So I'm not moving out." He glances at me with a soft expression "I'm not leaving you."  
  
"I-it's not...." I sputter, feeling horribly selfish. I really didn't want Kryptos to leave me. I don't want any of them to leave me (I never got this possessivly clingy as a human what the fuck?!). They're my friends. Mine. We had a Deal. They belong to me. I shake my head. No. I can't...I can't think like that. They belong to themselves. I shouldn't be this upset by Kryptos wanting to move out...or get some space away from me...or not needing me anymore...  
  
"Bill!?" Kryptos panics when I start crying. "No. Bill. It's okay. It's okay..." He takes my hand and pats me awkwardly. I let out a whining sound. Kryptos sighs. "You really are an emotional mess." He gently pulls me down for a hug. I flinch but allow it. He continues making soothing sounds as he rubs a hand on my back comfortingly. "Ssh~ssh~it's okay. Everything's going to be okay...I'm not going to leave you. You're my friend. I agreed to that myself and that's never going to change."  
  
I slowly relax into his embrace, sniffling softly. His emotions were that of worry and comfort but there was a hint of self satisfaction. A sense of pride at how important I found his company. He knew that I valued him greatly and didn't want to lose him. Or any of my friends. He knew that my emotional attachment to him gave him power over me. It tickled his pride. It made him feel powerful, knowing he had so much sway and control over my emotional state. He craved power, always had. From his childhood as the overlooked and bullied child, to his months as Jorgio's prisoner...Kryptos loved this sense of control he had over me.  
  
I was thrilled to discover this. It meant he would never leave me. He was addicted to the sway he had over me. Over Bill Cipher, one of the most powerful creatures in the multiverse. A demon capable of destroying entire planets...and here I was, nuzzling into his arms for comfort. He loved this feeling. It made him feel superior and it was how I was reassured that he would never leave me. It gave him too much satisfaction.  
  
It was also incredibly fucked up.  
  
But if it meant he would stay with me then I don't care. I'm fucked up too.  
  
I slowly calmed down. This was nice. Hugs were...sort of nice...Kryptos and I were similar in size so I didn't feel suffocated or restrained by his hugs. As much as I loved Pyronica, her hugs were a little too intense for my comfort. I'm just so small. So very small. I felt uncomfortable when being hugged by someone larger than me. I felt restrained, confined and claustrophobic.  
  
The only huge creatures I felt comfortable being hugged by were Xanthar and Ax because I trusted them wholeheartedly. I know they would never hurt me. I relaxed into Kryptos's arms. He was still rubbing my back soothingly. The glove sort of detracted from the comfort though.  
  
"Are you feeling better?" Kryptos asks. I nod, straightening up and wiping my tears. "Yeah. Sorry about that."  
  
"Is your emotional instability caused by your eons alone or is it a racial thing?" The compass wonders. I shrug. "Probably both." My existence is a mass of thoughts and emotions. I can't NOT feel, though what exactly emotions feel like was slightly different than I remember from my first life. If my consciousness was made up of thoughts (and thus, emotions), I wonder if that meant I feel everything more strongly? While a human felt emotions via different chemical signals, I feel emotions by BECOMING those emotions, my bricks changing colors like a mood ring.  
  
Yellow being my default with a healthy glowing indicating contentment and happiness. Red for anger. Orange for embarrassment or other highly emotional state falling between pleasant and not. When I was sad my bricks dulled into a paler yellow, my glow dimming with my mood. Those were just the ones I've noticed often enough to understand. For me, emotions were a full body experience and sometimes it took outside help to snap me out of it.  
  
"So." Kryptos says once he's sure I've calmed fully back to my default color. "Teeth is kicking you off party planning?"  
  
I laugh awkwardly. "I might have gotten a little over board."  
  
"I think you've made enough food to last us a month." Kryptos rolls his eye at me. I giggle. "Well they're all under a preservation Curse so they won't lose any freshness before we eat them."  
  
"How exactly does that work? Do you halt the progression of time around the food or do you repel bacteria and oxygen from breaking them down?"  
  
"It's actually a bit of both. You see if I just halt time it would preserve the temperature and shape of the food but that doesn't stop the microbes from getting in and eating it so I also have to make a shield to keep them out. Then I have to tweak the curse to drop the shield when someone tries to eat it. And then tweak it again so that the ingested part will be freed from the preserving effect so that whoever eats it can actually digest it while leaving the non-eaten parts still under preservation..."  
  
I rambled for a very long time. It was a good distraction while the others finished setting up decorations.  
  
\---  
  
"Shit this place is dope!" HighChair gasps as I Blinked them all into the Death Star. I admit, Pyronica and Teeth did well on the decorations. I don't know how he got that wrestling ring into the house without me noticing. Granted I wasn't paying attention but still.  
  
They arranged the couches into a sort of audience seating area and moved my little side tables over to give people a place to set down their plates beside the seats. The larger tables were against the wall and covered in all the food I made. There were multiple plates piled high with cookies of all kinds. Butter cookies. Shortbread. Chocolate chip. Gingerine snaps. Milky way cream crackers. I tried to make Geckonut butter since there were no peanuts here and I think it worked.  
  
I may have gone over board.  
  
They certainly seemed thrilled at the food. Teeth pulled out his laptop to play some music. I looked around. "Huh. You made the place look pretty nice."  
  
"Yup! Now go and enjoy the party Bill, I can be the host this time since I'm the one who invited people."  
  
"Alright." I floated off to check on the food tables, make sure everything looked alright. I'm actually unsure what to do with my time right now. I guess I could just go dance. I spot Pyronica playing around in the ring and went to join her.  
  
"Hey Bill. Wanna bounce on these ropes?" Pyronica leans against the side of the ring and springs off to rocket herself to the other side. She tumbles around with a laugh. It looked fun. I float up and push myself back on the ropes like a slingshot. Of course I end up being flung out of the ring and into a wall. "Uwu~"  
  
"Shit! Are you okay?!" Pyronica rushes up to me as I slide down the wall and flop onto the ground. "Uwu~" I moan. The demons laughed uproariously. "You got some distance! Awesome!" I shake my head. "Ok...not doing that again..." I get up to grab Pyronica's hand. "Wanna just dance instead?" I asked. She grins. "That might be safer for everyone involved."  
  
As I led her into a twirl I felt Keyhole's stare. Grinning to myself, I made us dance closer to him, stretched out my hand to grab the kid and swung him up to replace me. Keyhole's eyes were wide as he found himself holding hands with Pyronica. "Hey, take over for me, I'm gonna get a snack." I chirp before floating away. Keyhole turns brown in a full body blush as Pyronica laughs and pulls him along. Keyhole turns to give me a frantic look. I just give him a double thumbs up. I see him stammering as Pyronica chats with him. Ah, crushes~  
  
I find PaciFire by the snack table. He's chatting with ChubbyCheeks about next week's episode, Chubby’s leaving the show since his character was ‘exorcised’ but he still wanted to know what would happen. I don't want any spoilers so I turn to grab some fruit juice instead. I hear someone call me. I turn to see Giggles. "Hey mister Cipher."  
  
"Bill is fine." I shrug.  
  
"Alright Bill. I was just wondering if there was any sulfuric acid? I'm dihydrogen monoxide intolerant."  
  
"Oh. Sorry 'bout that." I flick my fingers and a punch bowl appears filled with a clear liquid. "I should warn you away from a few of the food here too..."  
  
I chat with her for a while before excusing myself to check on my other guests. I know Teeth wanted to be the host but I couldn’t help playing the part of a hostess as well. If the party was just my personal friends I can go wild but with these other people here I felt a need to be the responsible one.  
  
I hate being the responsible one but I still neurotically did it. I checked on all the demons and chatted with them. I made sure they were all having a good time. A few requested other songs. Diaper Rash had awful taste in music. The band Relith d'Art only had fan songs. What I mean by that is that their 'musical instruments' were high powered spinning fans of different sizes. I personally cannot understand why the sound of whirling fans counts as music.  
  
Maybe I'm being unfair due to bias but I think making all your songs out of metal fans distorting air is objectively terrible.  
  
A couple of Jan's songs came up. Teeth asks if I know what language the songs are in and what they mean. Since the Earth hasn't come to be, human languages like Japanese and English weren't widely known.  
  
"Yeah I know what the words mean." The song **ECHO** was currently playing so I sang along. _"The clock stopped ticking~forever ago~how long have I been up? I don't know~I can't get a grip but I can't let go~there wasn't anything to hold on to though~"_  
  
I sang and had my 'translation' effect allow everyone to understand the meaning of the words. I purposely don't do that during a concert because some of the lyrics are...weird. I don't want people realizing some of my songs were about heart break, insanity and cannibalism. Like the song **I'm Sorry I'm Sorry**.  
  
Or in the case of the song **Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee** , government enforced happiness and horrid punishment to anyone who isn't conforming.  
  
I like a lot of fucked up songs.  
  
_"Why can't I see? Why can't I see? All the colors that you see? Please can I be? Please can I be? Colorful and free?"_ I continued singing along with the music.  
  
_"What the hell's going on can someone tell me please? Why I'm switching faster than the channels on TV? I'm black then I'm white~no something isn't right~my enemy's invisible I don't know how to fight~"_ I even did my dance. It was fun.  
  
Bill's voice isn't the best for singing but it was fun to let loose and go with the music. _"The trembling fear~is more than I can take~when I'm up against~the echo in the mirror~"_ I gestured for PaciFire to dance with me. I could tell he liked this song. We were getting into the instrumental parts anyway. He grinned and came to dance with me.  
  
_"I'm gonna burn my house down into an ugly black~I'm gonna run away now and never look back~"_  
  
Pyronica frowned a little.  
  
_"I'm gonna burn my house down into an ugly black~I'm gonna run away now and never look back~"_  
  
Hectorgon winced as he got the meaning as well.  
  
_"I'm gonna burn my house down and never look back~and never look back~and never look back~"_  
  
My friends were now looking a little uncomfortable. The demons who didn’t know my tragic backstory were still cheering and dancing to the music. Kryptos comes up to lead me off the dance floor. "Bill, you should come and get some food..." He says. PaciFire picks up that something was wrong and follows us.  
  
"Bill? Are you alright? Do you...want us to change the song?" Pyronica asks as I'm led over to the little group huddle my friends were in. I'm touched that they were worried about me but...  
  
"It's fine. It's just a song. I like this song." I assured them. "I'm fine really." They still looked worried. "I never realized that song was so dark..." Keyhole mutters.  
  
"Some of Jan's songs are dark. A few are hilariously weird. A couple are incredibly sexual. There are plenty of super cute, happy ones and then there's the story songs." I shrug.  
  
"Story songs?" Ammy asks.  
  
"In which the entire song just tells a short story. **Stomach Book** is a story about a girl who loved reading so much she cut people open when she learned they had a book inside them."  
  
My friends now looked rather disturbed. "Jan-Jan sings about stuff like that?" Kryptos gasps.  
  
"W-well they're not songs written by him...he picks up songs from other places and sings Covers..." I flush and try to see if we could steer this conversation to something else. I was waaaay too embarrassed to let them know Jan was me. "They're good songs! Nice tune, nice beat..."  
  
"Maybe Jan-Jan doesn't realize what he's saying?" Ammy wonders. I decide to make my way out of there before they ask anymore questions. This was so embarrassing. As I leave I can hear PaciFire ask what the problem was.  
  
"Well Bill accidentally burned his dimension to the ground...so..."  
  
"Oh. Yes. I can see why this song might have made you worry. He seems to be doing alright though?"  
  
"Surprisingly yes. I'm glad Bill's in one of his good moods today..."  
  
I go back to the dance floor and eventually the others joined me. They didn't ask for me to translate any more songs but I did a few of the happy ones that popped up. I might have slipped **Electric Angel** into Teeth's playlist and felt PaciFire give me a subtle thankful look.  
  
He seemed glad to know the song was just as happily cute as it sounded.  
  
\---  
  
I twitched.  
  
Teeth was quick to reassure me that they were all going to clean it up. I still twitched at the mess. "They...spilled sulfuric acid all over my couch..." I hissed.  
  
Xanthar was carefully holding onto my leg and keeping me away from the trembling guests. "We're gonna clean it. Just come back and dance..." Hectorgon tried to distract me. Xanthar slowly tugged me away as my bricks flipped around so my eye faced them to continue staring them down. "They didn't do it on purpose. Besides, the party's almost over so we're all going to be doing clean up right now anyway." Hectorgon said soothingly.  
  
I pouted. "Well they can try to clean it up. I might have to repair the couch from the acid damage..."  
  
"It's not too hard right? Just go dance or...sit and relax?" Hectorgon and Xanthar pulled me away as everyone else frantically cleaned the spill.  
  
I slowly calmed down. I can see everyone watching my bricks change color. I hadn't even realized I was red. Ammy waves at me. "Don't worry. I'll smack them for you."  
  
I snorted. "Alright." I relaxed and floated away to go to the kitchen. I'm gonna let them deal with this. I feel everyone let out a sigh of relief. Is it wrong for me to get so upset? I know I can fix or clean anything. But having food or drink land on the ground or furniture has always bothered me. Even as a human I was inconsolable when I noticed crumbs. If any of my friends were eating in the living room I would start freaking out if I saw anything drop.  
  
I sighed. I need to stop stressing over this. I haven't really been able to enjoy myself tonight. Too many people. Too many people that I didn't know. I decided to go check on the Earth again. It'll take my mind off this and give me enough distance away to cool down.  
  
Hah. Cool down. The Earth was frozen. I have issues.  
  
\---  
  
Ok.  
  
The Earth has defrosted. It also had a proper layer of gases surrounding it and protecting the surface from harmful solar radiation. That's good. I went to check on the living creatures and was relieved to find life was thriving again.  
  
The earth has survived its first ice age. Is that what it was? An ice age? I stayed for a while, things were picking up speed. The bacteria and algae were evolving and changing quickly. I fondly watched these creatures breathe, live and grow. I watched a few of them get large enough to envelop each other.  
  
Some ate the other single celled organisms. They digested them and absorbed them for nutrients. General consumption. Then I noticed a few that did something more...weird.  
  
A large cell enveloped the smaller one but didn't kill it. The two creatures went along together, one inside the other. Like a Symbiote? I watched them grow and divide, the newly created organism having the same weird cell within a cell anatomy. The two existed peacefully together, helping each other.  
  
This continued for a while. More and more other small creatures eventually joined this growing community of cells. A single celled organism became a multi-celled creature. For years and years this behavior continued until the cells had all become one creature. A colony of cells coming together to work together, stay alive, grow and replicate itself.  
  
It was so weird and creepy and amazing. Oh my god. Watching evolution first hand was so cool!!!  
  
I stayed for a few more years, trying desperately to make contact with these new creatures. I tried to enter their minds but they weren't developed enough. They didn't sleep or dream.  
  
As undeveloped as these things were, they had souls. Weak, fragile, they couldn't fully grasp onto these bodies. The souls filtered in and out of these early multi celled organisms. Was Ax trying to give these new lives sentience?  
  
They weren't strong enough to hold a soul properly yet. It would take many millions of years more before they would. I decided I've stayed here long enough. I give one wiggly creature a fond pat, my hand going through them due to my lack of a physical form and Blinked back home.  
  
\---  
  
"......"  
  
Everyone carefully averted their eyes. I see that the demons had all - ~~gone home~~ \- escaped except PaciFire since he kinda lives with us now. He looks apologetic.  
  
"I thought you guys said you would clean this." I say flatly. They all flinch.  
  
"We....tried to..." Teeth whimpered.  
  
"So...how...did THIS happen?!" I hiss as I point to the utter destruction that used to be the living room. All the furniture had been smashed into splinters. There was broken glass everywhere from the plates and bowls being shattered along the ground. I was starting to hyperventilate as I stared at the mess in MY living room.  
  
"Ok so it started when HighChair tripped over his own tail while carrying some plates..."  
  
Teeth didn't get to finish explaining because I started screaming in a sound beyond mortal comprehension.  
  
"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅!"  
  
Everything went up in flames.  
  
\---  
  
"So...this is what happens when Bill gets mad?" PaciFire comments.  
  
"This is what happens when Bill gets mad but doesn't kill you. Since we're his friends he won't kill us so this is the next best thing." Pyronica groans.  
  
"Less talk, more scrub." I say lightly as I turned the page in the book I was reading. There was a whimpering sound beneath me. I lightly thump my chair with a tiny fist. "Quiet you. I'm trying to relax." I wiggled down into a more comfortable position. My 'chair' whimpered again.  
  
"He's gonna turn us back to normal right? We're not gonna be stuck like this forever right?" TubbyTummy whimpers. I turn the page of my book and grew another arm to grab my cup of strawberry lemonade. TubbyTummy made for quite a soft chair. I wiggled again and giggled at the book. Oh my~plot twist~  
  
"We're very sorry we broke your furniture oh great and powerful lord Cipher. Please forgive us!" My 'cup' wailed.  
  
I had turned the demons into sofas, plates and other things that had been destroyed (I'm sure Ax would say something like **-Forced shapeshifting isn't the answer to all your problems-** but he is wrong). My other friends were scrubbing the floors clean. Luckily the ground was easy to clean. There was a reason I don't have carpet here. A good scrubbing is all it needs. Kryptos was working quietly and sighing in relief that he didn't get turned into an inanimate object this time.

"Does Bill get his kicks from turning people into stuff?" PaciFire asks. Pyronica shrugs. "I know he has a kink for slow or gradual shifts but instant things like this are just for his sense of amusement. I asked him once and he mentioned something about Fairy curses and Furniture by some man named Disney?"  
  
I sipped some more of my drink. "Ah~how refreshing~" I leaned back in my chair. My furniture all whined. "Don't worry so much~I'll change you back tomorrow." I faked a yawn. "Imma take a nap now~"  
  
"You're incapable of sleeping Bill." Pyronica deadpans. I wave her off. "Pssh-"  
  
Keyhole shivers. "Keep the house clean...that was one of Bill's few rules..." He looked to be thinking hard about how to avoid triggering my wrath.  
  
I lean back and fall into a meditative state. As promised I changed everyone back to normal afterward. PaciFire settled into the Death Star nicely. He's a lot rougher than my other friends but when I found him (badly) singing **Tango Female**  by Ice-dimension's pop sensation FABBA in his room and looking so very embarrassed to get caught doing so, I felt like he really does belong here with us.  
  
\---  
  
I went to my latest summoning without checking first. I was impatient and I wanted to get it done quickly because there was a Jan-Jan concert in a half hour and I didn't want to be late. Being late to my own concert would be so embarrassing. I can't let my fans down like that. I realized something was wrong the instant I materialized inside the summoning circle.  
  
"Oof!" I grunted as I was pulled to the ground. I couldn't float. Everything felt distant and heavy. I looked at the circle and my eye widened in shock. A binding circle.  
  
"It really worked!"  
  
With great effort, I lifted myself higher so I could see my summoner. A large brain in a jar on top a robot body. It had large eyes that were staring at me in wicked delight. He laughed. "Truly, I'm astounded by my own genius!"  
  
My arms tremble under the weight of the binding sigil. Shit. I try to blink out of there but the circle flashes and I scream in pain as it feels like large needles were being driven into me. My summoner laughs harder. "Ah, ah, ah~no escaping mister Cipher~"

  
"Well...I wasn't aware my presence was so very WELCOME here." I snark as I tried to hide how scared I was. Serene panic don't fail me now. I reached out my power to tug at the binding circle and hid a wince. This damn thing's pretty elaborate. It would take me time to unravel it enough to escape.  
  
"Of course! I can't have you escaping before you give me what I want." The brain says cheerfully. There was a jolt of pain whenever I prodded at the binding. Fuck. I should have realized something like this would happen. Certain images and symbols have power. The power to bend reality. It's how I could See through depictions of me, how people can perform 'magic' and how people can bind entities. I just never thought anyone would figure out how to bind ME.  
  
To make a binding circle you would need runes and symbols for whatever creature you wanted to capture. Just drawing a triangle wouldn't work on me. You would need something way more complex. To bind ME isn't just binding a simple demon or god. I am cosmic energy. The binding would need to account for that. Not a physical creature but a being of pure energy. It'll be like trying to trap a ray of sunlight in a box.  
  
An apt metaphor for this situation I found myself in. Think! How can I get out? I analyzed the runes along the ground. It wasn't plain flooring, there was solid metal around it. It was arranged like a circuit board that looped back on itself. Trapping energy inside a closed circle. No wonder I couldn't leave. This circle directly targets energy based creatures.  
  
I'm not the only energy based life form in the multiverse. There were as many of us as there were stars in the sky. But we were a tricky, ethereal existence that aren't easily trapped. It took very careful planning to bind a creature with no real mass. The idea of trapping me with a circuit loop was...brilliant. Awful but still incredibly clever.  
  
"If you wanted all the knowledge in the universe you COULD have just asked." I say with an offended tone, hiding my distress and frantic mental clawing at the metaphysical chains of this binding. If I could just make it through this pain to tear off a piece I would be able to gain access to more of my power.  
  
With all the triangles drawn around this circle it was clear this man was specifically targeting me. However he didn't account for one tiny detail. I'm not entirely a triangle. It wasn't much but it made a small crack in the binding that I could exploit. But this was going to take weeks.  
  
Fuck.  
  
Might as well see what this asshole wants. I just have to hold out long enough to break free.  
  
"Oh no. I've heard all about you Bill Cipher.  The fact that you know what my desires are is proof. But I don't just want all your knowledge...no..." The brain somehow managed a hungry smile. "I want your body."  
  
I barely managed to hide my disgust "Sorry man but you're not my type."  
  
He laughs, a weird snorting sound as bubbles form around the brain. "Oh jokes now? Truly you are a delight Cipher. No. You see my....condition yes?" He gestured to himself.  
  
"Nice hydraulics. I'm sure you'd make for a good dancer." I quip as I carefully poked at the rune jabbed into my arm. There was nothing physically there of course, but if I could just trace this energy back to it's anchor point in the circle...  
  
This hurt so much. Like a hot iron rod being pull out from under my skin. I hold back a whine. This damn circle was HUGE. And I need to unhook every single rune one at a time.  
  
"Yes well, it's not the best body I could have." My summoner actually looked a little sad. "But you! You are a GOD. If I could take your body for my own..." How a brain can stare at me hungrily I won't even begin to know but he was and it made me incredibly uncomfortable.  
  
"If you just want a physical body I can make one. It's not that hard and you didn’t need to go through all this trouble for little ol' me." I heave myself into a sitting position. Stupid bindings, I felt one compress around my ankle and hide my wince.  
  
"Oh but you see, I want yours. Your powers, your immortality..." He was practically salivating. "I want YOU!"  
  
It's official. My summoner is insane. More so than me. I make a show of thinking it over. "Hmmmm~nope."  
  
He looks taken aback. "What do you mean nope?"  
  
"I'm not giving you my body. That's just gross man."  
  
"Oh I don't need you to agree to this. For you see..." He turns to flip a lever on the wall. A huge machine descends from a panel in the ceiling. I analyzed it quickly. From what I could see it seemed to be...  
  
"A consciousness transference device?!" I blink incredulously. In other words. It's like that Electron Carpet thing. I stare at the Brain aghast. "Are you serious?"  
  
"Oh I'm very serious." He giggles.  
  
"Oh sure. Zap us, switch us and then you'll be the one stuck in this lovely circle." It was annoying how the circle prevents me from harming him or indirectly harming him. It also makes it so I cannot delve any deeper into his mind than surface thoughts. I can't See properly. It was frustrating.  
  
"Ah, but the circle is tied to your essence. Your soul! Even after we switch, it would be YOU who remains bound. Then you would be forced to do my bidding, you will be a helpless brain in a jar, I will keep you and you will help me with my work. All your knowledge for me to use!"  
  
I admit. It was a pretty good plan. If I were a normal creature, heck, if I were a normal god, this would seal my fate. I would be trapped here. But losing my body is no big deal. It's not my true form anyway, just an empty shell I was inhabiting. This man was smart enough to know to have a circle that bound a creature's energy and soul but that was due to him wanting to take my body for his own, not because he realized I was a being of pure energy.  
  
This misunderstanding is a blessing. It means he doesn’t fully understand how to contain me. It'll still take weeks to break free but I won't have to worry about him actually harming me. Also, it seems he doesn't understand how my powers worked if he thought stealing my vessel would give him my powers.  
  
True, most gods have their powers tied into their biology. Some aspect of their species simply granted them vast power. Like how an Absolith's psychic powers from their huge brains granted them near godly abilities. This man seemed to be under the impression that my powers were tied to my body.  
  
But the truth is I don't HAVE a body.  
  
I'm actually curious how this would work. I can just focus on unhooking the runes while the crazy man did his thing. With another hidden shiver I pulled another one loose. Fuck. That hurt.  
  
2 down, 2998 to go.  
  
This guy was pretty paranoid about me escaping.  
  
"Do not worry Cipher." The brain says almost sympathetically as he taps on some buttons and the machine whirls to life. "I will take good care of you. You hold such precious knowledge inside you after all."  
  
"Why couldn't you just make a Deal like all my other clients?"  
  
"Ah, but how do I know you wouldn't overload me with information until my brain exploded? I know about your side effects. Plus I'm sure you've got knowledge of things that I don't care about. This way, if I wanted anything I can simply ask you."  
  
I laughed. "Fair point. Counter point, I don't give side effects to people I like. Unfortunately, trapping me here has already put you firmly in the 'dislike' column." The machine whirls louder. One end was pointed at me and the other end at the brain. He shrugs. "That doesn't matter because now you are under MY power."  
  
Before the beam hit us, I pulled my consciousness together into a tightly packed ball and braced myself. Didn't want to lose any piece of myself during the transfer. Ah...I'm probably going to be late for the concert, that means I'll have to time travel again. How annoying.  
  
\---  
  
I blinked slowly. I was suspended in fluid. There were wires connected into me, running down and into the robotic body this brain was attached to. Oh. It worked. For a brief moment I panicked before I felt my powers. Still there. I calmed. Thank god. I wasn't fully sure this would work. I quickly pulled out another rune. Ouch. I flexed the robot arms, quickly getting used to how to move them.  
  
I hear a thud coming from my 'body' on the ground. I watch as the yellow triangle (gosh this was so weird, seeing my body move around and NOT being the one controlling it) wobble to it's feet. He looked confused. He jumped a few times as if he was trying to fly and looking frustrated that nothing was happening.  
  
That form was based on my body back in the Flatlands. My race wasn't one of those who naturally had any godlike abilities. The most we've got was being able to eat ANYTHING for nourishment. I see him frown and turn to glare at me. "Why isn't this working?! What did you do?!" He screeched at me.  
  
"Oh I didn't do anything. You just don't know how to use my powers." I lied easily while only speaking the truth. He didn't know how to use my powers, true, but he also wouldn't be able to use my powers. Not that he knows. I pull out another rune.  
  
"Tell me how to use your powers!" He screeched. I ignored him and began working out how to move around in this new body. Oh, I've got wheel legs. Weeee! I rolled forward and reached out the robot hand to grab him. "Hey! Put me down! Hey!"  
  
I laugh as I held him in the air, his arms and legs wiggling around frantically. How adorable. I looked around for some place to put him where he wouldn't be able to escape. Can't have him messing with the machines here or attempting to draw another binding circle.  
  
The current one I was bound to had several rules.  
1\. I cannot leave without his permission  
2\. I cannot lie to him (this was easily circumnavigated)  
3\. I cannot actively harm him directly (this one requires a little more creativity to get around)  
4\. I cannot actively harm him indirectly (paranoid motherfucker this guy)  
5\. I cannot call for help  
  
That last one was annoying. But at the same time it could be exploited too. It only said I couldn't call for HELP. It did not stop me from calling people to SOCIALIZE. There were 5 binding rules with 600 runes anchored to each. I pull another rune loose. I should probably focus my attention on getting one particular Rule dismantled first. I've been going for the Cannot directly Harm rule.  
  
I really wanted to hurt him.  
  
Currently I was holding him gently, see? Not hurting him. I rolled around searching for some way to hold him down. I pull another rune out. I grunt quietly at the pain. He was still screaming at me to put him down.  
  
This man was dangerous. Even if he couldn't bind my powers, he still managed to bind ME and that was unacceptable. He needed to be destroyed. This threat to my freedom cannot be allowed to live. I couldn't kill him with the binding in place but I wanted to. Oh how I wanted to...  
  
I pulled another rune out and hissed. Looks like they got more painful as I went. Fuck. Now I'm even angrier. He was trying to kick me now. I rolled around his lab, nice place actually, and continued pulling the runes out one by one. Oh, there's an idea. I found some wire and easily tied up his arms and legs, making sure they didn’t hurt him.  
  
"Stop it! Release me! If you don't do what I say you'll never go free!"  
  
I yank out the next rune and doubled over on myself. Fffffffffuck! I gasped in pain as my summoner stares at me in realization. "You're pulling them out!? No! Stop it! You'll damage yourself! The pain's going to escalate until you drive yourself mad!" He struggles in his binding. "I won't let you damage that wonderful knowledge you have!"  
  
"Should have thought of that before trapping me here." I sneer at him before yanking out another one. I cried out and twitched this time. Motherfucker!  
  
I had to rest for a bit. My thoughts getting jumbled by the pain. Ow...fuck...  
  
"Stop it! Stop hurting yourself! If you just do what I tell you, I'll treat you well!" He pleaded.  
  
"Will you set me free?" I asked him seriously. He shook his head. "No! Just do as I say! Please!" My only response was pulling out another rune. I cried in agony and slumped over, shivering. Fuck. Shit. God damn this hurts.  
  
This went on for a while, the time I spent recovering enough to pull out another rune getting longer as I was forced to use more time to bring my thoughts back in order. Eventually the agony caused me to black out for a few seconds. That was actually a relief. I can't go unconscious but blacking out made my thoughts scatter enough that I no longer felt the pain. Though being in HIS body/brain allowed me to enter an almost-sleep state.  
  
Eventually my screams turned to laughter as I yanked out a rune and felt the burning of molten heat in the facsimile of nerves within my consciousness. I laughed hysterically as my summoner pleaded for me to stop. That I was damaging the most precious and valuable parts of myself. I flopped onto the ground in front of him. "Then...set me free..." I slurred as I twitched uncontrollably.  
  
"I...can't..." He says quietly.  
  
"Wha?" I asked, half delirious.  
  
"I can't! I didn't...I didn't make the binding with any way to undo it! It’s anchored to my life.”  
  
"So..." I blinked, trying to focus, ooh the room is spinning "...you were...never going to free me?"  
  
"Please stop. I promise I will take care of you. I will even let you go home. Please just stop hurting yourself."  
  
"But...I'll still be bound to you?" I asked. He hesitated and nodded.  
  
I yank out another rune.  
  
\---  
  
How long has it been? I don't know anymore. The second I'm aware again I just instinctively pull out another rune and black out again as the pain overloads me. What was I doing again?  
  
Oh hey. It hurts. Oh wow. It hurts. How funny. It hurts.  
  
Yank.  
  
Pain.  
  
Darkness.  
  
I 'wake up' laughing so hard I'm crying. Am I crying? I don't know. But I'm definitely laughing. Oh boy! Pain is hilarious! Time to pull out another rune. Yank. Pain. Darkness.  
  
I come back to myself and see someone standing over me. It's me. Oh. Hello me. He looks sad. Why are you sad me? He's got wires around his arms and legs but the ends look like they've been chewed through. Have you been chewing wires me? For shame. Wires don't taste good.  
  
The other me is saying something. Wha? I can't concentrate on what he's saying. Must not be important. I pull out another rune.  
  
\---  
  
I laid on the ground weakly. Everything hurts. A dull throbbing that almost feels soothing now. I reach out to grab another rune and blink in surprise when there was none. Huh? What? Where did they go? I felt so empty. Where was the delightful sensation of a hot iron rod being scraped down my mind? I stir and look around.  
  
Where am I? How did I get here?  
  
Everything felt slow. Like I was moving through molasses. I twitch and find that my body had no limbs. Just wires jabbed into me connecting to some mechanical parts. Oh. I'm a brain in a jar.  
  
Why am I a brain in a jar?  
  
I'm not supposed to be a brain in a jar. Of this I am sure. I slide myself out of this vessel easily. The brain withering without my energy keeping it alive. I watch the vessel die without my concern. It's not me after all. I turn to look at the room around me. I felt so empty. So light.  
  
I spot something. My formless consciousness flows closer to inspect it. It was...me? No. It can't be me. I'm yellow. This thing on the ground can't be me.  
  
A white triangle with a top hat and a bowtie. There was a large sharp rod stabbed through it's eye, looks painful. Black blood pooled around it's lifeless body. Odd, from the angle of the rod it looks like this triangle man stabbed himself with it. How silly. Why would he do such a thing? There were some words hastily scrawled on the ground near the body.  
  
**Sorry**  
  
What does that mean? I tilted my massless self in confusion. Sorry for what? I feel like there was something I should know. Something important. For the life of me I just couldn't remember.  
  
I felt sad for some reason. Why? A sense of pity. For what? For whom? I decided I should think about this until I remember. This was important. I know it was. But it was so hard to focus. I felt so empty.  
  
I slowly built a new body for myself. A happy yellow triangle. Adorable. As I slide inside the body I wonder who that white triangle was. I feel like this was important. There was something else important. I had to be somewhere. What was I doing? I was getting frustrated. I should know this. I know lots of things.  
  
Irritated that the knowledge I wanted wasn't coming to me, I slam my hand against a nearby table and moaned at the stinging pain. It was quite pleasant. I was a little more alert now. I blink away some tears. Right. It was coming back to me now. I'm Bill Cipher. That felt correct but it also felt like I was missing something. I had an itching inside me. There was someone I had to go see. Someone who can help me feel less confused.  
  
A flicker of memory. A large pink salamander. Ax. The AXOLOTL. Yes. I had to go to him. He will help. Of that, I was sure. I gathered up my power and blink away to the space between spaces, leaving behind the lab with the two dead bodies.  
  
\---  
  
I was held by large amphibious arms the second I got to the space between spaces. I flinched and struggled for a bit before I felt the low rumbling and relaxed. I stared up into the face of a giant salamander. "Ax..." More memories came back to me. Feelings of safety, comfort...love.  
  
**-I was so worried-**  
  
The arms around me tightened. I reach out to hug him back. This felt familiar.  
  
"What...happened?" I asked him. I didn’t know, maybe he did?  
  
**-You broke again-** He whispered sadly.  
  
"Was I ever fixed?" I blink in confusion.  
  
**-You were healing...you were finally healing...but then this happened-**  
  
He sounded so sad. It made me sad too. I reach up a hand to pat his large face. "It's ok. If I could heal before I can heal now." He just holds me closer.  
  
**-Stay. At least until you remember-**  
  
"Ok." I trusted him wholeheartedly even if I couldn't remember why. I know there was somewhere I had to be but that wasn't as important as Ax's words. If he wants me to stay, then I will stay. I had a brief thought that I wouldn't stay for anyone else. But Ax is special. He never asks me to do stuff for him, remaining neutral no matter what. But now he’s asking me to stay. I can finally do something for him.  
  
I absently brush away his tears.  
  
To my surprise, he began singing. Softly, clumsily, as if he’s heard the song but has never sung it himself. **~From my side of the world~you were already gone~gradually building up to a farewell song~**  
  
A tinge of memory. I knew this. My eye teared up as Ax stumbled through the lyrics. I joined in slowly _“I let it last~and gave it everything I had~but tenacity was something you couldn’t see in me~”_  
  
_**~“We’re sailing towards different seas~and you’re faster than I ever could be~you set your sights on something~something so much better than me~”~**_ We sang together. I relaxed. I knew this. I felt…happy? A sort of bubbly feeling at the thought that Ax knew the words. He listened to my songs and he learned the words for me…  
  
We sang together for a long time.  
  
\---  
  
It took me eons to come back to myself. My memories came back like watching a videotape, all out of order. I was quite upset at everything I had to relearn about who and what I was. Who and what I am. 200 billion+ years of memories returning to me after 200 billion+ years. Why did it take so long? Why was it so difficult to pull myself back together?  
  
I was also furious at the man who put me in this situation. At least until I realized he killed himself to free me from the binding. In the end, he valued my mind more than his own life.  
  
How foolish.  
  
How absolutely foolish.  
  
The more I remembered, the angrier I got. I raged and screamed. Ax patiently put up with my terrible mood. He held me when my anger ran out and despair took over. I had been forced to relive everything all over again. My birth, my death, my rebirth, Will's death. I cried for a few centuries straight.  
  
I missed my friends. I wanted to go home. But I can't go back to them like this. Not when I'm such a mess. I cried into Ax's arms and tried to ignore my loneliness. How can I be lonely when Ax was right here? He was helping me and all I wanted was to go back and play with my friends like some sort of ungrateful little bitch. Ax was even preventing any summonings from Time Baby while I was recovering. The Space between Spaces was disconnected from Time so that we could be alone and unbothered.  
  
**-You're wrong-** he informed me. **-You are not being ungrateful. You are being upset. There's nothing wrong with that-**  
  
"I still feel like an ass." I mutter as I leaned against his face.  
  
**-Once you feel like you are ready to return to them, you can. I will not hold you here any longer-**  
  
"Do you think I'm ready?" I whisper. I certainly didn't feel ready. He rumbled and stroked my back with a large finger. I relax into his touch. The good thing about a few billion years of cuddles was it had the side effect of making me enjoy cuddles again. At least from Ax, whom I trusted. Jury's still out on whether I'm fully 'cured'.  
  
**-I cannot decide that for you-**  
  
I knew he was right but I was still upset. I spent a few more years with him before deeming myself as ready as I'll ever be. I carefully placed myself back into the time stream right before my concert. I needed the stress relief. I needed to reorient myself with my life.  
  
As I walked out on stage in Jan's multi-armed form and heard the delighted cheers of my fans I just wanted to scream. The emotions I was getting off these people, these strangers who loved me just because I made their day better with my music...  
  
I wiped a few tears. "Hey everyone! You ready to have a good time?!" I cried into the mic. They cheered loudly. I grinned wide (easily hiding my doubts and fears) and started forming my music bubbles. I'm gonna enjoy myself. I'm gonna move past my latest in a long line of traumas and be happy. I **will** be happy.  
  
I refuse to accept that I won't.  
  
—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Links to songs
> 
> This is the Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWIjvPuY2jo
> 
> Stomach Book  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uHb_2_HFgo
> 
> I'm Sorry, I'm Sorry  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqDhjyXq6uc
> 
> As for Storysongs, my favorite is still the ENTIRE Evillious Chronicles.  
> 50+ songs all telling different parts of this huge story. The lore is intense. The timeline, confusing. I love it <3  
> Just keep in mind that there is both Clones and Reincarnation within this story so some times you'll see the same character appear in another song but it's not the same person from a previous song (and sometimes it IS the same person because Black Magic was involved...)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rERCfvlndI&list=PLU0Er-tQfTmGEZ-LJ4Is0ZXuGx2jXCoFr


	50. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I was at fault. I got impatient. I got snappy. Even so, is it wrong if I'm still angry?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 47**  
  
**-Made enough mistakes-**  
  
—  
  
It felt strange going home after my concert. I haven't seen everyone for an entire lifetime. I felt like a stranger. I was nervous. Twitchy. I think they could tell something was wrong.  
  
Of course, the fact that I burst into tears and tackled Xanthar in a hug the instant I saw him might have been a good indicator that something was wrong. Through my hysterical sobs I think I managed to tell everyone about my summoning and the attempted binding ritual. I'm not sure my explanation made much sense but they got the gist of what had happened.  
  
Pyronica picked me up to cradle in her arms as I continued babbling. "You just can't get a break can you?" She sighs sadly. I wail. "I missed you all so much!"  
  
"Alright, don't go to a summoning without checking first." Hectorgon gave me a worried look. "In fact, I believe you should take one of us with you just in case something like this happens again."  
  
Was he suggesting...  
  
"Y-you think I need a chaperone?!" I sniffle. He sighs and nods solemnly. "You need an adult."  
  
"I **am** an adult..." I protest.  
  
My friends give each other a Look™ before Pyronica gently takes my hand. "Bill. We don't care how old you are. We don't care how mature or immature you are. That doesn't matter." I absently realize I was sitting in her lap. "What I'm trying to say is...you're not entirely an adult. Emotionally at least." Pyronica says clearly. I'm confused. "I...don't understand?"  
  
"Bill. Let us help you. You've always taken care of us so it's our turn now. Ok?"  
  
I still don't entirely get what she means but I knew they just wanted to help me. I nod slowly. "Alright...you just want me to bring you along for my Deals?"  
  
"And make sure you check before answering a summon." Ammy says sternly. Is EVERYONE going to lecture me today? I was a little indignant. "...fine..." I spent the rest of the day snuggling with Xanthar. I tried my best to have everything go back to normal.  
  
It almost worked until I accidentally closed the oven door on my fingers while cooking and started laughing hysterically. Everyone was quite alarmed when I began repeatedly slamming the door on my arm while cackling. Pyronica was forced to physically pull me away and let Hectorgon take over in the kitchen until I came down from my high.  
  
I could tell how distressed everyone was. I tried my best to act cheerful so they wouldn't worry so much. I just wanted things to go back to how they used to be. I took the whole group out to amusement parks and restaurants. I found some more bowling alleys. We went to the Bounce House dimension (which kinda got set on fire....again). I hosted more concerts. I carefully answered my summonings (with Pyronica, Hectorgon or Kryptos supervising, it was rather irritating to feel like they couldn’t trust me to do this on my own). I observed Xin's worshipers in their day to day life, nibbling on their feelings of gratitude like one would snack on a Ferrero Rocher (layers of worship! Happiness, gratefulness and a thick devotion filling!)  
  
I spent a few weeks with Jessie as I worked on another book. I tried to keep myself constantly occupied so that I wouldn't have to think about how fucked up I was (so I wouldn't feel that hunger come back, that craving for wondrous stimulation). She noticed of course. She got the full story out of me and was horrified to say the least.  
  
"The worse part is that...I wish he hadn't killed himself because I wanted to kill him myself." I confessed. "Does that make me a bad person?"  
  
Jessie was brushing my hair as we sat together late at night. I leaned into her touch. If there was one upside to all this, it was that I enjoyed embracing people again (so long as they were someone I trusted). Jessie sighs. "I think it makes you a scared and angry person. He shouldn’t have done that to you."

"You sound like Ax." I whispered as I nuzzled into her side.  
  
I debate if I should bring up the other thing that had been bothering me. Being inside his body...possessing the body of a living creature that wasn't just one of my constructs...it felt very nice. Inhabiting a real body. I could almost sleep. I wanted to try that again. I wanted to be inside someone again. It felt wonderful, even under those awful circumstances. Fuck, it felt better than pain. Oh~what would pain inside a REAL body feel like?! I shivered just imagining it.  
  
I didn't know how to explain this feeling in words so I decided not to talk about it. I'll tell her some other time. That's when my necklace began buzzing. A summoning. Oh. I should go get one of my friends. I sadly give Jessie my goodbyes and Blinked back to the Death Star.  
  
They were in their night cycle as well. I checked on everyone but they were all asleep. Should I wake someone? But I don't want to bother them. I Looked at who my summoner was and what they wanted. Safe. No binding rituals anywhere and no malicious intent. Just a simple, straightforward Deal. I give my friends one last glance before Blinking away. I'm not a baby, I don't need them constantly hovering over me.  
  
\---  
  
An alien that I can only describe as the stay puff marshmallow man in a suit grinned at me. "Hello Bill Cipher."  
  
"Hello to you too mister FloofyDoof."  
  
He puffed up in embarrassment. "Just Floof is fine." Quickly regaining his composure, the marshmallow man straightened his suit. "So I've called you here because I need-"  
  
"-to see why your business rival mister Nuttymeg has been doing so much better than you." I finished. He blinks. "How did you-?"  
  
"I know lots of things." I leaned back on my cane, easily slipping back into a confidant and suave (in my opinion at least) persona. I'm not weak. I'm not scared. I'm the one in control.  
  
Floof wrings his hands. "Ah...well...that saves me the trouble of explaining. So yes. I want to know why that slop of a man is doing so well. He's an awful businessman. He makes terrible decisions! Always had. You know he once thought that the way to get out of having to pay his workers was to fire them all before the end of the week?"  
  
I wince. "Well he sounds like an absolute tool."  
  
"I know right?! So how is he suddenly doing so well?! There's no way! He must be doing something nefarious!"  
  
"Ah huh?" A quick Look revealed no triangles for a quick and easy answer. I'll have to do this manually. It's been a while since I've had to do that. "So, I find out how he's cheating? That's what you want?"  
  
Floof nods. "What will I owe you?" He asks. I "Hm~" as I ponder it. "Oh. Actually, I've got something real simple for ya." I grin as I stare down at him. "You run that gelatin factory right? Have you ever considered adding sugar to it?"  
  
Floof looks confused. "Add...sugar? What?"  
  
I leaned in and grinned at him. "I'm about to make you a separate deal. A partnership actually. You see, I have a recipe for a little something that will probably make you rich~"  
  
He gives me a considering look. "Tell me more..."  
  
I cackle. "Well first you need to make sugar, I can teach you that easily enough. But you see there's this funny thing that happens when you mix gelatin with sugar and water..."  
  
\---  
  
One Deal and one business Deal later (I get info on Nuttymeg, he puts my symbol on his product packaging, I give him the recipe for sugar and marshmallows, he gives me free unlimited access to them), I was infiltrating mister Nuttymeg's factory. So far everything looked on board. The safety regulations were being upheld. The workers seemed happy enough. I admit I spent a few minutes watching the machines work. How it's made, eat your heart out~  
  
With great effort I tore my eye away from the conveyor belt and went to go find the boss of this here buttered nuts factory. Mister Nuttymeg was easy to spot. He looked like a giant peanut wearing fancy robes and a furred boa. Was that Indigo Minx fur? That shit's expensive.  
  
I snuck closer and peered into his mind. Tell me your secrets~  
  
I couldn't get anything relevant off his surface thoughts. I'll have to go deeper. I brushed against his mind and flicked through the images. His contracts. His new business ventures. His secret weapon for making decisions. Secret weapon huh?  
  
Some sort of...what was I looking at here? A large green creature...?  
  
I'm gonna have to break into Nuttymeg's house to find this thing. Easily done. I kind of wanted to have fun with this Deal so I Blinked outside his house dressed as a ninja.  
  
  
  
Truly I am the master of stealth.  
  
Humming the mission impossible theme to myself, I peered up at the windows and materialize some tools to mess with the locks. _"Dun dun dada Dun dun dada Dun~"_ I fiddled with the lock. There was a click.  
  
I look at the broken lockpick.  
  
Ok. So I don't know how to pick locks. That's Keyhole's thing. I grumble and toss the lockpick aside, it unraveled before it hit the ground as I dematerialized it. I COULD just teleport in there but I don't wanna~  
  
I want to see if I could pull this off without ALL my powers.  
  
I do realize it's hypocritical of me to go on a heist on my own after telling off Teeth for doing it but I'm a hypocrite so fuck that noise. I pull at the window but it doesn't budge. I frown and create a small, super hot flame at the end of my finger. I burn a triangle shape through the glass and shrink down to slip through it.  
  
_"Dun dun Dan~ dun dun Dan~"_  
  
Maybe I shouldn't be singing out loud to myself but I couldn't help it. I jumped off the windowsill and climbed up along the walls. The people on this planet built their houses upside down for some stupid reason. I materialized a grappling hook and pointed it at a chair.  
  
I let out a "Weee!!!" as I swung around. Shrinking down made this whole thing feel like a real adventure. I needed some light hearted fun. Something simple. It made me feel a little better. I could easily just use my powers and finish this Deal but I was stalling. I needed some time alone to work through my feelings.  
  
I'm...glad my friends want to help. I'm glad they cared enough that they wanted to come with me. But having them treat me like some fragile little baby was...annoying. I know Pyronica found some of my Deals distasteful. She didn't like the greedy people demanding stuff from me, even though she knew they get what was coming to them as my curses ran rampant.  
  
She tried to convince me to stop making Deals altogether. Tried to tell me I didn't have to answer summons. She doesn't understand. None of them do. My existence was meaningless. I'm just expected to cause disorder, chaos and death. I'm supposed to dish out the knowledge people need in order to destroy each other. So if there was even just the SLIGHTEST chance I could do SOME good, I had to take it. Despite my best intentions  however, my powers preferred to mess with people instead.  
  
It's why Deals that cause harm to my client or the people around them make me feel so good. Teaching people the chemical formulas for poisons or giving them the knowledge needed to construct doomsday devices? That shit feels AMAZING.  
  
I am one very fucked up creature.  
  
How did CanonBill deal with this? This feeling of accomplishment whenever I cause something awful to happen? I know my timeline is not Canon. Too much has changed. But I cannot deny the similarities. I looked around me as I grappled around the room. Deep introspection made for a good distraction but I still had a job to do.  
  
I could feel it now. There was someone in the house. I know it's not mister Nuttymeg. He was still at work and wouldn't be back till evening. Was this other person the so called Secret Weapon? So much of this building was covered in metal. It made everything hard to See. I grapple-swung around to the other rooms with a hoot of laughter.  
  
The presence I feel is coming from the basement so I head up there. It was incredibly dark and I'm ashamed to say that I still get creeped out by dark basements and things like it. I know that I'm scarier than any demon or ghost I might meet but this shit's creepy. I look around for a light switch to make myself feel better.  
  
The lights flickered on and then continued to blink on and off. Fuck. That made everything worse. I held onto the railings and slowly climbed up the stairs. Yes I was trembling. Yes this was irrational but basements and attics are just creepy.  
  
My singing turned into little mumbles as I climbed the railing. The flickering lights made everything so threatening. I heard the sounds of chains and a low guttural growl. I definitely did NOT "Eep!" turn into a snail, stick to the side of the wall and hide in my shell. After a few seconds of nothing happening I slowly peeked out and began making my way up the wall.  
  
  
  
Ok, no. This was gonna take forever. I turned back into myself, shrunken into a tiny 3 inch long triangle and floated alongside the railing. I could duck behind it if something scary showed up.  
  
The growling sound came again. Now that I was aware of it, I found myself curious instead. Was there an animal up there? Was Nuttymeg keeping some poor creature chained up? I peeked over the edge of the door and looked around the basement.  
  
There were two glowing eyes. The lights flickered again. I blinked at the thing in front of me. It looked familiar somehow...  
  
The lights went out and I heard the creature whimper. I float away from the door and hover in front of it. For stealth reasons I turned my glow off so the only light were the odd infinity loop shaped glowing spots of this thing's eyes.  
  
The lights turned back on stayed on, giving us both a proper look at each other.  
  
  
He screams and I scream.

(We all scream for ice cream?!)

We both screamed at each other for a bit before I smack myself across the face. "Ok. No. Stop. We're not doing this anymore." He was still screaming so I slap him too. "Enough!"  
  
He quiets and blinks slowly, examining me. I tilt as I stare at him. "....8...ball?" It was hard to tell with him hanging upside down like this. I flip myself to float upside down. Oh. Much better. "8-Ball!" I cried happily. I found him! Does that mean I've found all Bill's friends? Do I get a prize?  
  
He blinks. "Who're you?" He asks. I grin. "Hello there. Name's Bill Cipher. What brings you here big guy?" Chained upside down in the basement of a nut butter tycoon. He certainly looked like a prisoner. He shrugs. "Just hangin' and stuff."  
  
I snort with laughter. "That cannot be comfortable." He shrugs again. "It's not." He seemed pretty chill with it despite his situation. I looked around. "So how'd you end up in here?"  
  
"Master bought me on the void market." He says simply. I got the distinct feeling this guy wasn't very good at keeping his mouth shut…nor was he very bright. If I had been a Federation officer I could have used his confession to launch an investigation on Nuttymeg's criminal activities. Slavery is illegal. Officially anyway. It still happens under different terms and titles.  
  
If money exchanges hands through legitimate channels pretty much anything is legal. The void market was...a bit of a gray area. There were plenty of legitimate business happening there along with the illegal stuff. I DID manage to sell porn there. I was disguised of course because it was way too embarrassing to do so otherwise.  
  
Either way, I can't just free 8-Ball. I can steal him away from Nuttymeg but then he'd be able to sue me. I really didn't want to deal with that. I pondered what to do. "Do you...like being here?" I asked the large green ogre.  
  
He shrugs. "Not really. I can't move and master doesn't feed me enough." I frown. "Why does your master keep you here?"  
  
"Because of my eyes." 8-Ball says sadly. "He asks me a question and then he smacks my head and my eyes tell him what to do."  
  
"Magic 8 balls huh? Well that would explain Nuttymeg's new business practices...so your eyes really work for this kind of stuff?" I squint at his eyes, searching for any truth to his words.  
  
"I wouldn't know. I can't see my own eyes." 8-Ball shakes his head and his eyes made little whirling sounds. I peered at them when they stopped spinning.  
  
**Signs point to yes**  
  
Oh. That's actually pretty cool. "Do you mind if I ask your eyes a few things?" I reach out a hand near 8-Ball's face. He shrugs. "Sure. Just don't hit me too hard. Master does that sometimes."  
  
I make a mental note to plague mister Nuttymeg with nightmares for the next month or so. I pat 8-Ball softly. "No worries big guy. I'll be gentle." I was curious just how these eyes functioned.  
  
"Does Keyhole have a crush on Pyronica?" I ask before gently shaking his head. The eyes roll.  
  
**Yes. Definitely.**  
  
"Does he have any chance with her?"  
  
**Cannot predict now**  
  
Yeah that's fair. "Does 8-Ball want to leave this place?"  
  
**Signs point to yes**  
  
I look at 8-Ball who seemed confused. "You DO want to leave here right?"  
  
He looks sad for a second. "I don't like it here very much. But there's nowhere else I can go...I'm not all that smart and I'm not good at doing anything." He sighs. "At least here I'm useful to master."  
  
"I'm sure you have more worth than that. If you want to leave I can help. If you don't have anywhere to go you can stay with me? At the very least I can feed you as much as you want?"  
  
He seemed quite happy at the prospect. Reminded me of an excited puppy. I wondered what I could do. If I just take him that would be stealing. But if he escaped on his own...  
  
"Hey kid. I've got an idea."  
  
\---  
  
Nuttymeg returned home to find snapped chains and broken furniture. He cursed angrily at the fact that his advice slave had escaped. His natural ability to make bad decisions meant he called the police to report that his slave had escaped.  
  
He was arrested ten minutes later.  
  
I informed Floof of the successful day on my end. He asked "But did you find out how he was suddenly doing so well?" I just grinned and told him "He was taking advice from fortune telling." Floof looked incredulous "Really?!"  
  
I shrug nonchalantly. "Don't know if that stuff really works but he certainly believed it. Ah well~" I tipped my hat to him and Blinked back home.  
  
I need to help 8-Ball set up his room and explain what it meant to be my friend. He was quite eager to make the Deal, though I feel like he wasn't exactly the brightest bulb of the bunch. I might have rushed it a bit, what with befriending him right after meeting him but I was just so happy to find the last of CanonBill's named friends.  
  
I even had a couple Eye bats that sometimes spawned from PaciFire's 2nd mouth (apparently it sometimes became a portal between him and a cave where he had been born. The Eye bats would fly out of the cave only to end up with us instead). He couldn't control them like what I remember from the show so they normally just flew around and did their own thing. They were kinda like pets. Paci and Hectorgon were attempting to train them. Kryptos tried to house train them. After I snarled at them for pooping on the floor the bats were quickly house trained, or maybe they're just too scared to poop anymore?  
  
Back to 8-Ball though, I know it was incredibly irresponsible of me to Friend him without getting to know him or letting my other friends in on this decision but I was impatient. Hopefully this'll work out alright.  
  
\---  
  
Pyronica glared at me. "Bill. Who is that guy eating everything in our pantry?" Her tone was accusatory. I look away sheepishly. "Um...he followed me home. Can we keep him?"  
  
She didn't look amused. I whimpered. "Ok I found another friend and he was chained upside-down in some jerk's basement! What was I supposed to do? Leave him there?!"  
  
She sighed. "I'm not mad you brought him home. I'm mad you didn't bring one of us with you. Bill, we told you to bring us with you."  
  
"I checked beforehand! No binding circles, no malicious intent, it was fine! I don't need a babysitter!" I snapped, annoyed that they seemed to think I can't do anything on my own. I've been on my own longer than any of them have existed! It's been so...DEMEANING these past few months with everyone treating me like some kind of invalid! I was PERFECTLY FINE!  
  
"Well you shouldn't have gone behind our backs to a summoning anyway!" Pyronica snaps back, irritated that I had purposely chosen to go without one of them. "At least tell us where you're going or leave a note so we don't worry."  
  
"I don't make you guys inform me whenever YOU go out! I'm not some prisoner on parole!" I growl "I can take care of myself! **I've been doing this by myself since before you were born!** "  
  
Our argument was starting to get heated. Literally. Blue and white fire blazed around us as we snapped at each other. Everyone else was cowering in the hallway outside the living room.  
  
"So WHAT?! You're the one who comes home crying about it!" She screeches.  
  
" **Well if I knew you were just gonna treat me like a damn BABY than I wouldn't have fuckin' told you about it!** " I raged back. I was a deep red by this point but Pyronica wasn't backing down. I didn't like the way she towered over me so I grew larger until I could look down on her.  
  
She scoffs. "And then what? You'll go cry in secret as if that's any better?" She pitches her voice up in a mocking tone "Oh waaaah! Someone was mean to me so now EVERYTHING is awful forever and no one loves me because I'm a big dum dum!"  
  
" **Shut UP! That's not how it is and you know it!** " I fumed.  
  
"Oh look at me~I'm Bill Cipher~I'm an all powerful demon but I can't even handle people hurting my feelings~" Pyronica whined.  
  
" **Shut up! I sound _NOTHING_ like that!** " I screeched. The living room was starting to burn. Kryptos was whispering to Ammy "Has this ever happened before?" The Amorphous Shape shook his head, shivering as he watched the two matriarchs of this household scream at each other. "I've never seen them get into a serious argument before..."  
  
" **You're just babying me to make yourself feel superior 'cause you still can't get yourself a man!** " A low blow and I knew it, but I was just so...MAD. Pyronica freezes for an instant before her expression turns truly murderous.  
  
"At least I'm not some billion year old virgin!" She snarls. "I bet you can't even get it up and that's why you've never done it!" With her feelings hurt, she responded back in kind.  
  
" **My piece works just fine! At least I'm not all loose from riding cock every other week like some SLUT!** "  
  
That was the last straw. Pyronica shrieks and lunges at me. We fall over screeching and clawing at each other. I can hear the others panicking. My attacks didn't leave any true damage as I mainly scratched at her skin and shoved her. Even angry as I was, I didn't really want to hurt her.  
  
Pyronica didn't have the same problem. She's never held back during a fight before (never had a reason to) and I could feel her claws raking at my bricks (I try to ignore how nice it feels). I shoved her off me but she wouldn't let up, just screaming at me like an actual Greek Fury as she threw herself at me again.  
  
And then she raked out my eye.  
  
I let out an ear splitting shriek of pain, kicking her away from me and clutching at my eye. Black blood seeped from between my fingers as I clutched at my socket. It felt good but it also felt bad and oh god it hurts so much. I let out a strange giggle/sob hybrid.

I heard the others gasp and even Pyronica stopped attacking.  
  
"Oh shit! Bill! I'm so sorry! I didn't...I didn’t mean to-!"  
  
I didn't respond, letting out a whine of pain before Blinking away. I needed some distance, somewhere I can go to cool down. I was upset, angry, giddy, worried, irritated and whole bunch of other feelings I couldn't really understand right now. I've never fought Pyronica before. I've never seriously fought ANY of my friends before.  
  
I have no context for how to handle this. I've NEVER had a serious fight with any of my friends. Not as Bill and not as Zyun-Jan. I've always been the one to break up fights. Always been the one to hold the group together and get both sides to forgive each other. I don't know what to do. She must hate me now.  
  
I start sobbing, huddled on the upside-down mountain in the Nightmare Realm. The water of my tears mixed with the black oily blood that continued to ooze from my torn up eye. It was healing slowly, throbs of pain shooting through me every second. How long does it take to regenerate this?  
  
I think crying just makes it worse but at least my tears have no salt to rub in the wound. I cried until my eye healed enough that I could see again. How did our fight end up so badly? I know I was annoyed at being treated like a child but was that really all it took? I just got so mad and I wanted to hurt her back.  
  
I wiped my blood and tears away. I probably can't go back to the Death Star for a while. _'Or ever.'_ My pessimistic side whispered to me. I tried to ignore it. I'm not gonna keep moping here. I was upset. I was angry at both Pyronica AND myself. Mostly myself.  
  
I didn't want to be Bill Cipher right now. I considered being Miz for a while but Pyronica might go looking for me at Jessie's place so that option was out. I wasn't in the mood to deal with Xin's worshipers while I was this wound up.  
  
You know what? I shifted into Jan's form. I needed some stress relief. There were plenty of angry, edgy songs I need to work through. I Blinked away to ask my manager to set up another concert.  
  
A lot of Linkin Park and Evanescence happened. With _Last Resort_ thrown in for extra edge.

I would cringe over my shameful behavior later.  
  
\---  
  
You know what's embarrassing?  
  
That moment when I forget which form I'm in and end up tossing a slice of cake into my face because I forgot that Jan's eyes are NOT his mouth. I sputtered, giggled and wiped the frosting from my eyes. Oww~that was genuinely hilarious though?  
  
My manager was staring at me in shock. The lady interviewing me was looking quite confused. "Um...Jan? Are you...alright?"  
  
"I'm fine, just...got lost in thought and wasn't paying attention..." I assured her as I cleaned my face. Aw man...wasted a perfectly good cake...  
  
I brushed my hair back and gave her a charming grin. She swoons a little before clearing her throat and looking back at the questions for our interview. I don't like doing them but I kind of got talked into this one. This lady snuck into my dressing room after the concert and begged me for an interview. I couldn't resist her pupper snup face.  
  
"So mister Jan, as I'm sure you know, you're a rising star in the entertainment industry."  
  
"Yeah, it's kinda of intimidating actually. I never thought I'd get this popular." I answer honestly as I comb my fingers through my hair trying to pick out the berries. I'm gonna need to take a shower after this.  
  
"And you've said before that you sing Cover songs? That's why your styles have such a wide range. But no one has ever heard any of your songs before. Why is that?" She frowns a little.  
  
I shrug, having cleaned my face the best I can for now. "Well it's probably because my songs come from an alternate dimension that doesn't exist anymore."  
  
  
  
She tilts her feelers in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Well sometimes dimensions just...aren't there anymore. The place where I was born and grew up...gone. It wasn't destroyed or anything!" I assured her quickly. "It just became completely inaccessible from the rest of the multiverse. And...I was trapped HERE. On this side. Unable to ever go home."  
  
She gives me a sympathetic look with her bulbous dual-pupiled eyes. "That's awful. And...no one has ever heard of your dimension?"  
  
"We were a small and isolated place to begin with too so it's not like we were well known."  
  
She placed a hand on mine, likely to try and comfort me but I flinched. She hurriedly took her hand away. "I'm sorry. Was that too forward?" I shook my head and gave her a sheepish look. "No, I'm just...not so good with being touched without permission." She accepts my answer and looks back at her notes. "So what made you decide to become a singer?"  
  
"Well the music from my world was one of the few things I had left to remind me of home. I always loved listening to the bands I liked and I learned all the words to their songs. Frankly I was only singing to myself when I was 'discovered'. The rest just kinda happened. I didn't know I would end up here."  
  
"Mmhm..." She writes down some notes. "I noticed that your performance today was more...angry?"  
  
I sighed. "I had a really bad fight with my best friend. We said some really mean things to each other...I kinda took my feelings out on stage. Is that...wrong?"  
  
"Lots of musicians pour their feelings into their music. Even if you're just singing covers it's the same. There's nothing wrong with that and I hope you and your friend make up." She gives me a sympathetic smile. "Would it be too forward to ask what the fight was about?"  
  
I sighed.  
  
"Everyone's been...treating me like a child recently. I'm the oldest of all my friends but they act like I can't go anywhere by myself. I know they're just worried about me but I can't help but feel really annoyed...and then I get mad at myself for being mad at them when they're just trying to help..."  
  
"Maybe you can tell them that? Like you told me? Have you tried that?"  
  
I pouted. She swooned again. "I stormed out of the house and I don't know how to go back and talk it out. I've never had a fight with my friend before."  
  
"Well you could start with an apology? That's generally how things work."  
  
I groaned. "I know. I WANT to apologize but what if she hates me now? I said something really terrible to her."  
  
The reporter perked up. "She?"  
  
"She's like a sister. I care about her a lot but we're not romantically involved." I clarify with a roll of my eyes. The reporter looked almost disappointed. "It's just...I shared with her a really traumatic experience I went through and she was being really supportive but now it feels like she thinks I can't do anything on my own."  
  
"Traumatic experience?" The woman asked gleefully. I give her a hard stare. "I can just walk out of this interview at ANY time." She backs down. "Right, sorry. Well, while we're on the subject...are you seeing anyone currently?"  
  
"Nah. I'm single and not particularly interested in looking. I've got more important things to focus on right now."  
  
"Like what? What do you do when you're not performing? You're so private that no one knows anything about you. Nor does anyone have any records of you before you got your Federation ID."  
  
"I like keeping my personal life, personal. I mainly stay home and work on my music."  
  
"Yes, you post videos of yourself practicing with various instruments. But what do you do when you're not on camera? What are your hobbies?"  
  
"I like cooking. I like watching nature documentaries." And terrorizing people for kicks but that's probably not something I should admit to. Or my voyeurism.  
  
I could tell that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted something juicy. That's how all reporters were. "That sounds...kinda boring..."  
  
"It's relaxing." I look down at my plate and lament the lack of cake. We had gone out to a nearby cafe for the interview. I had to disguise myself with a large hat and jacket to get here without being mobbed by fans. It was a strange experience. Even now my manager was sitting at the end of the booth to block me from view. Part of me wondered if I really would get mobbed if I went out there.  
  
All those strangers grabbing at me with their grabby hands. Ugh. No thank you.  
  
"Another question that's been plaguing our minds...how old are you?"  
  
I blinked. Unsure how to answer that. "Um...like what do you mean? Standard galactic years? Actual time? In reference to my own species?" I stalled. If we're going by this body...I think Jan looks to be in the equivalent thereof to his early twenties in human terms. "I guess...like...24?"  
  
I frowned, an expression that was apparently still quite attractive since she swooned again (I quickly checked to make sure this body wasn't accidentally putting out pheromones or whatever) "Or the equivalent of? Time is confusing."  
  
"Y-you're quite young for such a successful entertainer." She quickly regained her composure. "It's impressive considering you don't really advertise yourself." Hm, I notice her eyes drifting down to my hands a lot. Well her species had four arms too so...oh, I think the constantly swirling/shifting patterns on my skin were hypnotizing her or something. I wonder if that was part of the reason for my impressive fan base? I was causing some unintentional subliminal message with my arms? Will need to test this theory out further.  
  
I shrugged. "I like to let the music speak for me."  
  
My manager, Ivanlock, makes an annoyed sound. He was always trying to get me to do more advertising. He wanted me on talk shows and fan meet and greets. I refused because it seemed annoying. I know some of my fans are disappointed that I don't appear much in public but them's the breaks. Ivanlock keeps talking about raising my profits but I always had my tickets priced fairly. I know it drove him nuts.  
  
I was getting bored. The lady hadn't really asked me anything fun and my cake was ruined so I asked her if we were done. "I'm not gonna be answering anymore questions anyway."  
  
She gets up in a hurry and waves at me when I stand up. "Wait! Just one last question!"  
  
"Fine." I crossed my many arms.  
  
"What's your type?" She leans in eagerly.  
  
"W-what?!" I sputtered, blushing faintly.  
  
"What's your type? Female? Male? Femasculine? Aesthetics? Personality? Species?" She clicked her pen as she fired off the questions.  
  
"U-um...is this really th-that important?" I could tell she saw my hesitation and latched onto it like a shark. I could see her eyes glowing in her eagerness. "Yes. Your fans are dying to know." Were those SPARKLES dancing around her eyes?!  
  
"I'd prefer if my fans weren't spontaneously losing their lives over me thank you very much."  
  
"You're avoiding the question." She said shrewdly. "Please? Just answer this and I won't bother you anymore about it?"  
  
I laughed weakly. "So...my type? Um...well..." I mumbled something quietly. She leans in. "What was that?"  
  
"...Cute nerds..." I mumbled. "I like intelligent people. Not book smart or anything but that does help. Just...someone who'd be willing to talk to me and have interesting conversations about all sorts of topics...people who can get really passionate about something they care about..." I blushed harder. "I don't particularly mind if they're male, female or whatever. As for looks? That's not all that important to me. If I like them for their mind then the packaging ain't all that important in the long run..."  
  
I kept quiet that I also liked schemers. People who knew how to manipulate others into doing things for them. The chess masters. Though, I only really liked that type of person in fictional characters, not as actual partners…  
  
Oh Toffee you glorious sexy lizard man you~  
  
Did he exist yet? Was he born yet? I'm not sure how to feel about it if he was. Then again, he's limited to his side of the multiverse. The Federation didn’t have much sway over the 'magical' parts of the multiverse.  
  
While I was musing through this, the lady was scribbling madly into her notes. "Like their mind...packaging...not important..." She grins. "This is so pure and sweet. Thank you very much for this interview."  
  
"Um...you’re welcome?"  
  
She thanks me again before bouncing off happily, probably excited for writing this all down and publishing it. I set to work putting my disguise back on. Ivanlock was observing me with a considering look. I frown, not liking the way he stares. "What?"  
  
"You're older than I thought." He says simply. I growl "What's THAT supposed to mean?" He holds up his tentacles placatingly. "I didn't mean anything rude by that. It's just that you act like such a child sometimes."  
  
"I am NOT a kid!" I fume. Did he not hear ANYTHING I said during that interview?! He just scoffs. "You obviously don't realize how important it is to earn money. Just like a spoiled child who hasn't learned how hard the world is."  
  
Before I can respond with a witty comeback he glares at me, squinting his many eyes sternly. "You won't always be so popular. They'll get bored of you eventually. And once that happens, all this fame and fortune's going poof." I'm sure he meant to scare me into taking things more seriously but I just scoff. "When that happens, it'll happen. I didn’t start doing this for the fame or money.”  
  
I make my way away from him with a huff. I can hear him calling me but I was done here. I Blinked away to the Nightmare Realm and collapsed onto a designated face plant couch. Well I wasted a bunch of time...but I was still too scared to go home. Well not SCARED, scared...  
  
I shivered at the memory of my eye being clawed open. I deserved that though. I shouldn't have said such awful things. She was just trying to help and here I was being a stupid ungrateful bitch about it.  
  
I hope 8-Ball was doing ok. I hope they were treating him right. I hope he was getting enough to eat...  
  
I straightened out into a kneeling position, two of my arms were folded in my lap and the other two went to form a triangle over one eye. I was still wearing Jan's form, haven't bothered to change my 'clothes' yet. What does it mean for me to wear bodies like other people wear clothing?  
  
I peeked in on the Death Star, worried for how everyone's doing. Half my friends weren't there. They'd gone out looking for me apparently. Hectorgon and Xanthar stayed home to look after 8-Ball. The others all said their hellos to the newest addition to the household but weren't sure how to feel about him yet. Hectorgon stopped 8-Ball from raiding the pantry and started cooking him an actual meal. 8-Ball seemed happy. He was a creature of simple needs.  
  
"So I heard you were found by Bill chained up in someone's basement?" Hectorgon starts conversation to try and get to know him better. 8-Ball nods. "Master didn't want me to escape. But I still did. It was fun."  
  
"How did you escape?"  
  
"Boss made me stronger so I could break the chains." 8-Ball played with the silverware as Hectorgon grilled some ground boof into a hamburger patty. "Boss?" The Anglesphere asked.  
  
"When I called him new master he got really upset." 8-Ball shrugs.  
  
Hectorgon sighs fondly. "Bill would. He thinks it's funny when other people call him Master but if **we** did it, he gets incredibly upset. He worries that he's taking away our free will and autonomy. He tries not to but..." Hectorgon flips the patty and just watches it sizzle for a while. "...despite his best efforts, he DOES technically own us. Not in a bad way. And he's very kind to us but Bill is incredibly possessive." He grins. "Which is fine. We want to keep him just as much. He's our friend."  
  
"So boss is nice? That's good. I know he said I can have food here but I'm glad he will also be nice." 8-Ball bounces happily when Hectorgon put the plate of food in front of him.  
  
"But where is boss?" 8-Ball asks as he chews on the hamburger. Hectorgon sighs. "He and Pyronica had a fight. They really tore into each other, literally. I've never seen either of them so angry."  
  
Hectorgon hops onto a chair and wrings his hands anxiously. "Things escalated and Bill left. He can teleport so we have no idea how to find him. I'm so worried. We all are." He glances away to look in the direction of the gardens. "Poor Xanthar's been beside himself. He just keeps pacing."  
  
I felt a throb of pain and moved my sight to the gardens where, true to Hec's words, Xanthar was pacing the garden while looking to the skies for any flicker of gold. I could feel his distress from here. Before I even knew what I was doing, I had turned back into Bill and was Materializing in front of him. Xanthar body slams me in a hug.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I sobbed as I hugged him back. He snuffled his face into me in relief that I was home. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry I got mad at Pyronica..." I babbled on as I clung to my oldest friend. We both held each other for a while before I pulled away. "I...think I need my space for a while...just...to get my head on straight."  
  
Xanthar didn’t look happy at that. I pat him comfortingly. "It won't be forever. I'll still drop by to make food an' stuff but I think it'll be better if I moved out for a while..." Xanthar definitely didn't like that idea. He pulled me back into a hug. When he let go he raised a hand in front of him. He made a flicking motion from his chin and then brought his hand up into a cupping motion before pointing at himself.  
  
Don't. Leave. Me.  
  
I teared up. "I'm not leaving. I'm just...I don't know if I can face the others yet. I HURT Roni...I can't let that happen again...you understand right?" He nods sadly but still snuggled his face onto me. He made a grasping motion, pointed towards himself again and grasped at me.  
  
Take me with you  
  
"Are you sure?" I blink up at him and the large purple creature nods. "The place I'm going isn't the most pleasant."  
  
He shakes his head. He didn't care. He was coming with me. I smile at him fondly. "Alright then." It was dangerous in the Nightmare Realm. I didn't want any of my friends there if I could help it.  
  
If it was just Xanthar though...  
  
I shrink him down to a more manageable size. My cabin-house was way too small for him. I picked up the miniaturized bread monster and snuggled him.  
  
  
  
"It'll just be for a little while. It'll be the two of us. Just like old times." I whisper as I held him in my arms. He wiggled against my bricks and places a now tiny hand on my face.  
  
I held him close as I blinked away, leaving behind a note apologizing and explaining how I was going to be...getting some space for a bit. I know it was cowardly of me to run without facing Pyronica directly but I was too afraid to talk to her right now. I was too afraid of starting another fight. A part of me was still mad. My eye may have healed but the wound still hurt.  
  
Forgiveness cannot be given without an apology but I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Bill is an idiot who will require multiple people telling them that they are an idiot before they will consider that they might be right.


	51. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think forgiveness was a thing I would have problems with. I just want everyone to get along. It feels so much nicer when we do. I'm sorry Pyronica. I'm sorry everyone. I can't believe I let myself get so...messed up. I thought I've healed from what happened but I guess I still need more time...and probably a good smack for being such an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warning, there is a NSFW scene in this chapter. Just warning you now. There will be another warning when the scene starts.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 48**  
  
**-What a sick, sad, limited mandate-**  
  
\---  
  
Although Xanthar and I were living in the Nightmare Realm now, I still dropped by the Death Star in the dead of night when everyone was asleep to cook meals and put the food under stasis. I went all out, trying to convey my feelings through my cooking. I also left little notes with apologies.  
  
The others left me notes as well. Some asking me to come home. Some asking if me and Xanthar were doing ok. Pyronica never left me a note. I always felt a pang of hurt when I didn't see her handwriting on the little notes. She must still be mad.  
  
I know it was stupid. I know I'm being a coward. I should just go apologize to her properly. But I was afraid to face her. So I kept the house cleaned and the pantry fully stocked quietly while everyone else was asleep. Then I go back to my cabin and cuddled with Xanthar.  
  
We went out to hang with Queen a few times. I told her about what happened and she told me I had to go and apologize. I whined. "But..." She gives me a stern look. "Bill, the longer you put this off the harder it'll be for everyone involved."  
  
I know she's right but I just didn't want to face Pyronica. I sigh as Xanthar and I Blink back to my cabin. I hear scraping sounds outside and groan before running out with a broom to smack at the stupid arm-head thing. "Hey! Back! Get out of here!"  
  
"Rude! I'm just trying to find someone to get in my mouth." The head complains but after I smack him a few times he slowly drags himself away. Ugh. Can't believe that head 'came back to life' after being in the Nightmare Realm for a while. Why I haven't just gotten rid of it I don't even know.  
  
I float back inside and slam the door shut. Worse than raccoons I swear.  
  
Xanthar was having fun playing with the many toys I made. His new small size meant he could run around and tumble without destroying things and he was thrilled to do so. It was unbearably cute. I give him some tummy scratches before settling in front of my laptop.  
  
I waste some time on a forum, trying to procrastinate having to go home and face my friends. Yeah sure, avoid my IRL friends by talking to my internet friends. Wonderful idea.  
  
**[DapperCornChip] has joined the chat**  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- >  I'm just saying that if she's a nice girl, it doesn’t matter if she’s a robot  
  
**JanLover35:** bbut shes just aaaa machine?!?!  
  
**DapperCornChip:** wuts happening right now?  
  
**JanLover35:** CT says he would date a robot!  ??#!?! HHHOW WOULD THAT WORK!!?!?!  
  
**Student:** Lover, you just don't understand the moe of a sweet robot girl who loves you  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > E%actly. A robot wouldn’t betray you. If you win her heart she's yours forever  
  
**DapperCornChip:** I have to side w them on this. Robot moe is too strong  
  
**JanLover35** : but you?!? Can't?! sleep with them?!? So whats the point?!  
  
**Student:** Who says you can’t? you disappoint me Lover, you just don't get it.  
  
**DapperCornChip:** sex ain't even all rhat importabt compared to having someone who loves you in a pure wholesome way  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > A 3D women can satisfy your body, but an AI programmed to love you will satisfy the heart  
  
**DapperCornChip:** CT, if she's prpgrammed to love you that ain't real love dude. Now if an attack android went against her programming and chose to love you, THAT Wpuld be real love  
  
**Student:** EXACTLY! *raises hand for high five*  
  
**DapperCornChip:** *high fours*  
  
**JanLover35:** yyyou're all a bunch of TIME nerds  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > At least we don't stalk real celebrities  
  
**JanLover35:** I don't stalk Jan Jan!!!! I can't even if I wanted to  >_>  
  
**DapperCornChip:** so thankful for that  
  
**Student:** I still don't know who that is?  
  
**JanLover35:** WHAT?!?! YOU DONT KNOW SPACE IDOL JANJAN!?!!!?? YOU SHUT YOUR TIME MOUTH!!!!  
  
**Student:** look if this is some alien thing, I haven't seen it sry  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > I keep forgetting you’re from some plebeian uncultured dimension without space travel  
  
**Student:** it's not that we don't we just haven't met aliens yet  
  
**JanLover35:** HOLD EVERYTHING! You are watching Jan Jan rigjt NOW!!! **< link>**  
  
**Student:** oh cool the link works  
  
**Student:** that's cool  
  
**Student:** wtf?! This dude knows my language?!  
  
**JanLover35:** SHOOT really?!?? Which dimension yoo from???  
  
**Student:** Japan. But like??? We don't have 4 armed humanoids who shoot fire?? Must be one of the alternative magical dimension versions of my homeland  
  
**DapperCornChip:** you're Japanese???  
  
**DapperCornChip:** shit are you from the future?? Like Lover is?!  
  
**JanLover35:** HOW DID YOU KNOW?! Uh, NO! WHO TOLD YOU?! AHHHH!!! MEMORY WIPE!!  
  
**DapperCornChip:** Dude that doesn’t work through the computer  >_>  
  
**Student:** the BBS exists outside of time. What do you mean?  
  
**DapperCornChip:** Japan doesn't exist yet here.  
  
**Student:** orz of course fan-freaking tastic  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > Well while student is having his e%istential meltdown, how've you been Cornchip  
  
**DapperCornChip:** not so good. Had a fight with a roommate. Things got ugly. I moved out.  
  
**JanLover35:** Oh no! That s aaaactually super sad! WHAT HAPPENED!?  
  
**DapperCornChip:** I just got irritated. I left the house 2 do an errand, bought home a puppy and she got mad that I didn't ask her and my other roommates first. Also because I didn't take one of rhrn w me when I left.  
  
**Student:** dunno what to say dude, bringing home a puppy w/out asking 1st does seem like a bad idea  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > Did they need to come with you when you went out  
  
**DapperCornChip:** I got kidnapped this ONE time and now they think I can't go ANYWHWRE on mu own  
  
**Student:** if they worried about you then I think they have a right to be angry  
  
**JanLover35:** i’m with Student on this. If my friend got kidnapped III’d also want to make sure they were safe when they go out  
  
**DapperCornChip:** I'm not a baby!!!  
  
**Student:** you sure acting like one  
  
**DapperCornChip:** WHAT!??!  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > What they’re trying to say is that you shouldn’t worry them like that. At least leave a note saying where you're going so they don't worry  
  
**JanLover35:** yyyyeah u were in the wrong here  
  
**DapperCornChip:** but they've been following me aroubd for MONTHS!! I can take care o myself  
  
**Student:** The ones who care about you will always worry. If one of your roommates was kidnapped, wouldn't you want to be sure they're safe? Wouldn't you wish to know where they were? Worry over your well being is a sign of their love.  
  
There was silence for a few moments before the little 'blip' sounded out.  
  
**JanLover35:** OOOH SHOOT HERE IT IS!!! Student dropping his wisdom bomb all up in HEEEERE!!  
  
**JanLover35:** Ssseriously tho man. Aaat least leave a note or call them so they know you're ok. If you don't want them following u around jjjust tell them  
  
**JanLover35:** lllike talk to them and work something out?!?  
  
**Student:** have you apologized to her yet?  
  
**JanLover35:** YYYEAH! Don't go leaving that girl mad at you. Girls are scary man…  
  
**DapperCornChip:** ......I left an apology note?  
  
**JanLover35:** dude  
  
**Student:** dude  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > dude  
  
**Student:** not cool man  
  
**DapperCornChip:** (TT_TT) I knooooow  
  
**DapperCornChip:** but I'm too scared to face her  
  
**Student:** you can't avoid her forever. Just go apologize.  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > Perhaps bring a peace offering. That is e%actly what you’ll need to survive this  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > What does she like  
  
**DapperCornChip:** eatting ppl  
  
**Student:** .....  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > I see no problem here  
  
**JanLover35:** ...............(times infinity)  
  
**Student:** this is another of those alien things right?  
  
**centaursTesticle:** D -- > Bring a sacrifice  
  
**JanLover35:** YYYOU’RE GONNA DIE MAN!!!!  
  
**DapperCornChip:** orz  
  
The three of them continued to urge me to go talk to Pyronica. I knew they were right. I knew EVERYONE was right. But it was so hard! But...I couldn't keep being such a coward. I...I have to talk to Pyronica.  
  
Xanthar was nudging my foot under the table and I stretched a hand down to give him a nice back scratch. He was vibrating in that way I've come to associate with happiness. Ugh. I know I'm being stupid. The stupidest thing in all the universe.  
  
"I'm gonna go talk to Pyronica." I tell Xanthar. He wiggled happily and tapped my leg with his hand as if to say 'about time you moron'. I chuckled. I really was an idiot.  
  
\---  
  
I appeared outside Pyronica's room. It was still night and the others were asleep. I didn't really want them involved in case things didn't go well. I was prepared for Pyronica wanting to hit me a few times if it came down to it.  
  
Squaring my shoulders (a turn of phrase that literally didn't make sense considering I'm a triangle and didn't have shoulders) I knocked on her door. Xanthar was back to full size and standing behind me so I couldn't chicken out.  
  
I heard her groan and roll over on her bed. I knocked again. She growls. "Leave me alone Teeth! I'm trying ta sleep!"  
  
"Actually it's me." I said meekly.  
  
There was a split second of silence and then a loud thud and the door was ripped open (literally, I'm gonna have to fix that later) and Pyronica was staring down at me. She looked like a mess. I could tell it wasn't just because I woke her up in the dead of night.  
  
"Bill? You-"  
  
"I'M SORRY!" I said quickly, bowing my head with my eye squinted shut. "I'M SORRY I SAID THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU! I'M SORRY I LEFT WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE! I'M SORRY I BROUGHT 8-BALL HOME WITHOUT ASKING! I'M SORRY I'M SUCH A BIG STUPID HEAD!"  
  
I had my eye closed tightly, afraid to look at her. She didn't respond. I floated there, tense and worried. Finally I hear her breath heavily. "You ARE a stupid head."  
  
I flinched and braced myself for the impact when she hit me. I would deserve it. I felt her hands reach out and was surprised when she pulled me into a hug instead. My face was pressed right into her chest. "....Roni?"  
  
"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for smothering you. You're right. You're not a baby. We shouldn't have treated you like one. I'm a stupid head too." She was trembling and I felt some liquid fire drip onto my head. "I was so worried you wouldn't come back." Her voice cracks.  
  
"Hey, that wouldn't happen." I wrapped my arms around her. "Remember? We're friends. From now until the end of time." I held her as comfortingly as I could despite being made of sharp angles. "I just...needed some space for a while..."  
  
She breathes in deeply. "Yeah. I understand." She gently rubs my back and I relax into her embrace. "Is your eye okay?" She asks.  
  
"Yeah. It took a bit to regenerate but I'm fine. Are you ok?"  
  
"Just scratches. They're already healed. You were holding back."  
  
"Of course I was. I was mad but I didn't REALLY want to hurt you..."  
  
She laughs bitterly. "Unlike me who actually hurt you."  
  
"I called you a slut. I kinda deserved it."  
  
"No you don't." She pressed her head against my side. "Don't say things like that."  
  
Xanthar came up to envelop us both into a hug. "We both said things we shouldn't have." Pyronica sighs. "I don't like fighting with you. It feels awful."  
  
"Same." I agreed.  
  
We sat there, unsure how to proceed. Pyronica just continues rubbing my back. I think I have to bring it up, that thing we don't want to talk about. "Are you still having trouble finding a mate?" I ask softly. She stiffens before making an annoyed sound. "Actually I've gotten plenty of proposals."  
  
"But?" I peered up at her.  
  
"But I just can't be with any of them. I guess my standards are too high considering I'm just looking for a sperm donor."  
  
"None of them cute enough?" I asked.  
  
"None of them cold enough. None of them could extinguish my flame." Pyronica mutters.  
  
Oh. Oh right. Oh dear. I had not expected this issue to come up. "You're too powerful for them." I realized. All Cyclopians instinctively seek a powerful mate. Pyronica grows stronger every year. She's literally out of their leagues. "This...might be a problem..."  
  
She nods, pouting. "Even if they're real nice or cute...I can't get together with them..."  
  
"What if you find someone you like and I supercharge them?" I ask.  
  
She blinks in surprise. "I hadn't thought of that...it might work..."  
  
"What would you do with your child after you have them?" I asked. "I know I offered to help you raise them...but they won't be immortal like you are."  
  
"I've already thought that over." Pyronica assures me. "I can watch them grow and eventually find their own mate. I can watch over my grandkids and future descendants."  
  
"...it'll hurt when you lose them..." I whisper. I don’t know if I was saying that for **her** sake or **mine**.  
  
"I've already prepared myself for that. I don't have the most confidence in being a good mother but I still want to do it." She pets me fondly. "I know at the very least YOU'LL be a good mother." She grins at me.  
  
I scoff. "Like hell I will, I barely know how to take care of myself." We both laugh. "So are we just gonna find some cute guy and let me buff them up?"  
  
"If that works it'd be great. I've got the number of a real juicy one~"  
  
I laugh fondly. "So does that mean you won't be needing my peace offering?"  
  
She blinks slowly. "Peace offering?"  
  
I float away and gestured for Xanthar to move aside. He shifts and reveals a nice muscly construct tied up shibari style with a red ribbon. "I wasn't sure how mad you were gonna be so I came prepared..."  
  
Pyronica drools. "Oh Bill~you shouldn't have..."  
  
\---  
  
When everyone came in for breakfast that morning and found me teaching Pyronica how to make fried rice they stopped dead in their tracks.  
  
"Bill? You're...back..." Kryptos says hesitantly. "Are...you and Pyronica okay now?"  
  
"Yeah. We talked it out. Sorry for worrying all of you."  
  
Ammy goes up to hug me. "I'm glad you two made up. I don't like it when mom and mommy fight."  
  
Hectorgon, PaciFire and Teeth make choking sounds while Kryptos blushes. Keyhole got a weird look on his face before flushing deep brown. 8-Ball was already sitting at the table and shoveling the finished food into his mouth. I hug Ammy back. "I'm sorry you had to see that."  
  
"Bill! It's hissing! What do I do?!" Pyronica cries while holding the wok. "That's fine, its supposed to do that. Just use the spatula to stir and fold it so all the rice cooks evenly." I go back to help her with it.  
  
"How've you all been? Are you getting along?" I turn my attention to everyone else once I was sure Pyronica could handle herself. 8-Ball gives me a lopsided smile, cheeks filled with food. "Effths gweat!" I narrow my eye and fuss over him. "Don't talk with your mouth full, it'll fall out."  
  
"So if we make sure food doesn't fall out, we can talk with our mouths full?" Ammy asks while taking his usual seat at the table. I nod sagely. "If you are certain you won't drop any food, you're free to talk."  
  
8-Ball swallows. "What's wrong with dropping food?"  
  
"To drop food is to waste food. There are starving children in the multiverse so you should be glad you HAVE food."  
  
"...couldn't we give food to those starving children?" Keyhole asks hopefully. I pat his head fondly. "I could, but the last time I created food for a bunch of starving people, the Federation came down to confiscate everything in case I had 'poisoned' them."  
  
It was a pizza box that spawned a new pizza every time you opened it (got the idea from an SCP I liked). Federation goons took it and after verifying it was non-toxic, they kept the box for themselves. I was SO mad. I cursed the pizza so that anyone who ate from it would no longer be able to enjoy any food other than pizza. After a few weeks (just to be sure the box had made the rounds to everyone in that division) I destroyed the pizza box.  
  
The agonized screams and tearful pleading of the hungry Federation staff certainly made a good meal for ME. I wonder how they're doing now considering any food that wasn't pizza would taste like ash in their mouths?  
  
I chatted with my friends over breakfast. Pyronica's attempt at fried rice was...half burnt but at least it wasn't ALL burnt so that's still better than anything she’s made before. We left together to find her a mate. Keyhole kinda wanted to come (was that jealousy I sensed from him?) when he heard we were getting Pyronica a man but I sternly told him she was just gonna fuck and eat her partner and "Seriously dude? You don't want to see this."  
  
I floated closer to whisper to Keyhole "Besides, have you even told her how you feel yet?"  
  
He blushes. "N-no..."  
  
"Well I dunno if it's her taste in men or her TASTE in men, but Pyronica likes muscly dudes." I wink at him before going off to Blink Pyronica and me to her homeworld.  
  
\---  
  
Even I have to admit. The guy she's got her eye on was pretty handsome. Smoothly arching horns, defined muscles with just a hint of fat and curves in all the right places. I was in Pytoria's form since we were luring the guy in for a 'threesome' as an excuse for me to get close enough to feed power into him, I wish I didn't have to be in the room but for something this delicate, I needed to do it hands on. He seemed thrilled that he managed to scored with twins.  
  
**-Just saying this now, I'm not happy with this dude touching me-** I tell Pyronica telepathically.  
  
_'I'll try to keep him distracted while you do your thing.'_ She assures me.  
  
We head into a breeding center, which is essentially a love hotel catered to Cyclopian mating practices. There was a nice bed and plenty of different sauces for slathering the males in for flavor. I shuddered. This still felt gross to me. Eating people was fine, eating people who are still alive? Ugh.  
  
I absently realized that while I'm not going to be participating in this coupling, I will be getting a firsthand look at Cyclopian mating rituals. I know I have watched many alien species do the Deed but I avoided Cyclopian's due to how gross I found the practice of purposely eating your mate afterward.  
  
I could just look away when the eating started up.  
  
**-Ready?-**  
  
_'Go for it.'_  
  
**(((((((((((NSFW SMUT SMUT RIGHT HERE)))))))))))))))**  
  
Pyronica pulled the guy up for a kiss as I walked around behind him to start trailing my hands down his back. He shivers at my touch, his ice crackling as I slowly and subtly fed power into him. This had to be done carefully so he doesn't explode. Pyronica had him well distracted as she mashed her lips into his, sucking and pulling at him.  
  
We maneuvered him over to the large fire proof bed as he kissed her back. His hands going down to cup her breasts and squeeze. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with Pyronica straddling his front and me kneeling on the bed behind him. I pressed myself into his back and had my arms wrapped around his front. This was so weird. I groped around his pecs and lowered his temperature even more. Pyronica sent me constant updates on the state of his temperature compared to hers.  
  
Hearing their pleased moaning sounds as they kissed was making me blush heavily. It was so embarrassing. This Cyclopian form was reacting to my arousal and I felt a slit open up between my legs and start dripping. Pyronica breaks off from the kiss with a gasp for air and grinned at him. "How about you lay down? We'll take good care of you~"  
  
He grins stupidly and eagerly flops onto his back on the bed as I moved away. His cock was already arching out from between his legs. I moved to the other side of the bed to begin massaging his head, running my claws carefully through his hair and along his horns. He shivers. "Shit that feels nice." He turns to me. "You wanna kiss too? I'm sorry I've been ignoring you."  
  
"N-no that's alright..." I respond shyly. "I just want to help you two feel good. Take care of my sister first." He grins. "No worries cutie. Once I'm done pounding your sister I’ll be sure to give you a great time."  
  
"P-please be gentle..." I fluttered my eyelashes at him while I gagged internally. Pyronica taps my arm and gives me a look _'Don't worry, I won't let him touch you.'_ I give her a thankful nod.  
  
Pyronica gets on top of him and begins sliding her hips back and forth, teasing his cock with her slit without actually putting it in. He groans "Babe you're the sadistic twin aren't ya?" She laughs. "Why rush? We've got all day~"  
  
As she leaned down for another kiss, still rubbing her slit along his cock, I materialize some glowing blue chains to bind down his arms and legs. Pyronica was giving me the mental go ahead to lower his temperature a bit more.  
  
The guy, did we even learn his name(?), blinks as he pulls at the chains. "Wha?" Pyronica places a finger gently on his lips. "Shhh~just relax sweetie. We've got this."  
  
He looks somewhat bemused as he gives my bindings a few experimental tugs. "Oh...so you're into this kind of thing..." From the way I saw his cock twitch I knew he approved.  
  
"My sister's idea actually." Pyronica purrs as she rubs her chest against his. Her flames hissed as it met his ice and I sent more energy into cooling him down, the ice was melting too fast, Pyronica really WAS too powerful for him.  
  
"Really?!" He gasps, turning his head to look at me kneading his neck and shoulders. "I wouldn't have thought..."  
  
I shrug. "I'm full of surprises." As I trailed my claws up the sides of his head again, he grins widely. "Oh I like surprises." He arches his head with a pleased sound as I scratched at the base of his horns. "Shit this is real~nice~"  
  
"How 'bout instead of talking, you use that big mouth of yours for something more productive?" Pyronica moves around to press her opening against his face as she begins pressing kisses to his cock. I quickly avert my eye to avoid looking at my best friend's dripping slit and ass. Fuck, why was I was so turned on right now from watching? Curse my voyeuristic tendencies!  
  
The male stretches out his tongue (Cyclopian's had really long tongues, they shoot them out like frogs to catch prey after all) and thrusts right into Pyronica's pussy. She moans happily even as she envelops his cock in her mouth. I continued blushing. Even averting my eye, I could still hear them sucking and licking at each other and dear void this was so weird!  
  
I could easily picture what was happening even if I don't look. Fuck, my pussy was aching just listening to her pleased sounds. Pyronica was pressing her hips down on the guy's face, mashing her slit right onto him roughly. I kept one hand rubbing the guy's central horn to continue adjusting his temperature and my other went down to begin giving myself some relief.  
  
I had my eye closed now so I didn't see anything. Way too weird. If I don't see her I can just pretend I wasn't right next to my best friend as she fucks some guy. **-How's the temperature?-**  
  
_'Almost there, he needs to be able to fully extinguish my flame. Generally it means him overpowering me...'_  
  
**-Which we decided not to let him do, hence the chains-**  
  
_'Yeah. Thanks for helping by the way. I know you're not really comfortable with this.'_  
  
**-It's fine, I don't mind being here, just the fact that it's you and you're like my sister is what makes this weird. I've watched plenty of other strangers fuck each other-** I panted softly as I rubbed myself faster. **-Just...tell me when he's ready-**  
  
I feel Pyronica move again on the bed. I was masturbating furiously, sliding my fingers along my entrance without actually putting anything inside. I was dripping, the slimy substance coating my hand and making disgustingly wet sounds that sizzled against the flames.  
  
_'Ok. My flames have gone out.'_  
  
**-Finally-** I stop feeding energy into him but kept my grip on his horn. **-Do you need me to make sure he fertilizes you? I don't want to have to do this more than once-**  
  
_'Can you make his seed more virile?'_  
  
**-I can. Any other mods you want?-**  
  
_'Hm...'_ I hear a slimy sound as Pyronica finally slides his cock inside her. _'Make him bigger? He's smaller than your constructs.'_  
  
**-You're such a size queen...-** I groaned.  
  
I open my eye to stare down the bed. As I thought, Pyronica was riding him roughly as he panted heavily. His eye was glazed over in lust. “Hey stud?” I purred at him as I leaned in close to his face. He grins up at me. “Yes babe?” I pat his cheeks and whisper “Would you mind if I…spiced this up with some gene mods?”  
  
He tilts his head in confusion. “Holy shit, you’ve got gene mods? That shit’s expensive!”  
  
I shrug. “Well my sister likes her cocks huge and swollen…so…would you mind if I made it so?”  
  
He laughs. “Fuck yes! That sounds awesome! Make me HUGE!”  
  
Having gotten his permission, I focused my attention on the cock sliding in and out of view as Pyronica's hips moved and with but a thought the organ began to swell up. She cries out in surprise as her insides suddenly felt fuller. "Oh....fuck yes!!!" She hisses.  
  
"Ngh...what?" The guy mumbles in confusion as he felt...different. “Whoa! I didn’t even feel the needle!” He groans as the sensitivity of his body was dialed up. “Fuck! I can feel myself growing!” He whines as he writhes on the bed.  
  
"Thicker...please...." Pyronica gasps as she forces herself down the huge cock embedded inside her. I could see her abdomen start to bulge as the cock widened as per her request. "Fffffffuuuuck!!!" She hisses.  
  
Rubbing my slit wasn't enough. I needed more. I panted desperately as I observed the confused male Cyclopian and then looked down at my crotch. Under my gaze a lump formed and quickly grew into a copy of his cock. Since I copied it off his modified one, my new throbbing dick was huge. I nearly came just from watching this thing grow out of me. Pyronica was facing away from me and didn't see it but the guy's eye was wide and horrified.  
  
“YOU’VE GOT COCK MODS FOR YOURSELF TOO?!” He gasps as I stood above his face masturbating the forearm sized cock growing from between my legs. “Please tell me you’re not gonna use that on me!” He whimpers. I ignored him, too lost in the wonderful sensations coming from this new part of my anatomy. I stroked my cock quickly as I moaned lewdly, my tongue hanging out.  
  
"What?" Pyronica turns her head to look behind her and blinks in surprise. "Bi-Pytoria what?"  
  
"Don't mind me..." I panted, feeling quite embarrassed. "You two go back to what you're doing."  
  
"That's so weird when you look like me..." Pyronica groans. Then she gives my cock a considering look. "Would it be too forward to ask if you'd like to join us?"  
  
"No thanks. I would rather not." I groaned when my dick throbbed. "I'm fine on my own."  
  
"If you're sure." Pyronica shrugs and gets back to it. The poor guy looks so confused. She quickly distracts him by spinning herself around to be face to face. With some kisses and roaming hands as she rocks her hips, she quickly takes his mind off me. They both let out some truly obscene moans.  
  
_'Don't let him cum till I'm done riding him...'_ She gasps mentally.  
  
**-I could just make him hard again so he can come as many times as you want-**  
  
"Fuck YES!" She cries out loud.  
  
I almost feel sorry for the guy. But he signed up for it. Pyronica goes to town, pounding the poor man into the bed. I hear his bones creak and his cries of pain and pleasure. He pulled ineffectually on his bindings and moans breathlessly as he climaxes.  
  
He doesn't get any time to relax when his cock throbbed and went rock hard again. "Wha?!" He managed to groan incoherently before Pyronica was grinding into him again. I had my tongue wrapped around my cock tightly as I continued to pleasure myself. I distantly realized I probably should have told him what was happening but I was too distracted at the moment. I did manage to mumble something like "It's a Viagra thing, don't worry about it." He made confused sounds. Right, Viagra's not a thing here...  
  
The feelings of 'lust' and 'desperation' coming off the two of them were starting to get to me. I came hard, my legs wobbling and collapsing beneath me as I sprayed a golden fluid from my cock and pussy. I slumped over on the ground with a groan. The bed was still shaking as Pyronica slammed her hips down on the guy. He was begging for more so I guess he liked it.  
  
I mentally felt when the two of them came again and shivered. My new cock twitched weakly, leaking embers as my cum somehow caught fire and I moved to lean against the side wall so I could rest. "Are you done?" I asked.  
  
"N-not yet...." Pyronica pants as she lay on the man's chest. He was still buried inside her, hard again within seconds. I hear him ask for at least a few minutes of rest. "I need to be sure this will take." She purrs as she begins sliding up and down his length again. Feeling sorry for the guy, I refreshed his stamina. He gives me a thankful look. “How much did you two spend on buying all these drugs?” He groans. I shrugged without answering.  
  
"Alright. Just tell me when you're done here." I sighed and relaxed against the wall. This was so fucked up. After a while my cock recovered enough to twitch its way back into arousal. Should I keep going? Should I leave the room? I decided I didn't care so I just leisurely stroked myself with my eye closed as Pyronica had her fun.  
  
I got bored after cumming twice more and vanished the cock, going back to being purely female and felt my slit close up. "I'm gonna go get some snacks. You want anything?"  
  
"No -hah- I'm...ngh...fine -hah-" she pants as she makes the guy come again. He was babbling incoherently about how this was the best day ever, his balls having grown into full, heavy sacks for faster sperm production. "Ok. I'll be back soon." I shrug as I leave to get some food from the lobby. Maybe I’ll go have lunch, there was a nice Smich-mich place across the street and I have been meaning to try roasted Toshmich…  
  
I came back a few hours later with a bag of chips to find the guy weeping. "Please just eat me already!" He sobbed. "I can't take anymore!"  
  
I chewed on my chips as I watched him cry.  
  
  
  
"Hey Ronica? I never thought I'd say this but...shouldn't you just kill the poor man already?"  
  
She gives me a pout. "Fine. I think my womb is full anyway." Her belly was pumped full of so much cum she already looked pregnant. She slides off him and he sobs with relief when I take the chains off. I quickly looked away while he was devoured. Ugh...still gross...

 **((((((((((((((((((((Ok we done here))))))))))))))))))))**  
  
"So...no offense but I'm not doing this ever again." I grumble into my chips. Pyronica laughs as she pats her bloated belly. "Too intense for you?" She teased.  
  
"Too gross." I sit at the edge of the bed. "Also the fact that it was you just...weirds me out. You're pretty much my sister..."  
  
Pyronica sits next to me. "Was it the sex that grossed you out or the fact that it was me?"  
  
"A bit of both. It was kinda hot but also kinda gross. No offense..." I muttered.  
  
"Bill? Are you ok?" Pyronica carefully placed her hand on mine. I sighed. "I'm fine just...feel really weird. It's not the first time I've watched people have sex. It's not even the first time I've jerked off to it, but this is the first time I've been there in the room with them." I shove some more chips in my mouth. "Ish just...maksh me feel uncomfwortable..." I mumble.  
  
"I'm sorry I put you through this." Pyronica squeezed my hand gently. I shake my head. "It's fine. Sort of? Well...I wanted to help you do this. Sure it's super weird and I probably won't be able to look at you without blushing for a while but it wasn't...necessarily a BAD experience..."  
  
We sit quietly. It was nice to talk to her about this despite my embarrassment. "I don't like sex." I confessed quietly. "I think it's gross and disgusting. I never want to have sex with someone, I can’t even put anything _inside_ myself when masturbating. I can watch other people do it. I find it entertaining. I find it arousing." I shake my head. "But I never want to try it myself. It's just way too gross."  
  
Pyronica watches my face, my expression, my hunched shoulders, the way I gripped the chip bag tightly, and sighs. "Are you afraid?"  
  
I lean my head on her shoulder. "A little I guess? I dunno. I've never had any desire to be with another person like that. But people keep...telling me I should. But I can't even imagine kissing someone on the mouth much less...THAT sort of thing..." It made my skin crawl just thinking about it.  
  
I pull back to look at her. "It's like...I understand that sex is perfectly natural. I understand why other people enjoy doing it. I like watching them do it because I like watching them enjoy themselves." I waved my hand around, trying to convey my agitation "But I just cannot even wrap my head around being able to ACTUALLY do it myself! It's like a robot going 'bzzt! Does not compute!' or something. I LITERALLY cannot even bring up a desire to fuck someone." I can get turned on, sure, but not even when I was incredibly aroused would I ever consider sleeping with someone.  
  
Pyronica frowns. "That is...super weird to me. Sex is great. It's such an amazing feeling." She pats her bulging belly. "There's a wonderful sensation of being...complete. I feel great all over and afterwards I'm content. Satisfied."  
  
She shakes her head. "Does this have to do with your species? No offense but you've never talked about how your people mate."  
  
"The government assigns us a partner and we make children." I shrug. “People don’t Click for physical pleasure. It was all business and duty, which, ironically, was what got people off. Sex existed only for reproduction. I think there were some kids who tried Clicking for fun but awful things tend to happen when they did that.”  
  
"Could that be why?" She asks. "Because you're not 'clicking' for children so it feels wrong to you?"  
  
I roll my eye. "That can't be it because I've never wanted to have sex with anyone, whether or not pregnancy was involved." I dump the rest of the chips in my mouth. "Ish not impowtant anyway."  
  
"So you're fine with never having sex? Ever?" Pyronica asks sadly. I'm sure to her, my eternal virginity was something to mourn. But aside from feeling like I was unnatural for my aversion to it, I didn't really mind. I got sexual urges that were easily taken care of by myself and I didn't need a partner to feel complete, in fact the need for a partner to satisfy me never even comes up. I personally felt that made my life easier.  
  
I remember how every piece of media I've seen has shown how upset and desperate people were to find a significant other. My lack of need for a partner seemed more like a blessing to me. I thought back to what the Love God told me. True love wasn't always romantic in nature. Would my theoretical soul mate understand me? My desire, or rather, lack thereof for a sexual relationship? Even if I did start dating someone I doubt I'll ever want to do anything explicit with them. Would that be unfair to them?  
  
Not for the first time I wondered if it was wrong for me to feel this way. "I really am an Unnatural..." I muttered too quietly for my best friend to hear.  
  
Once Pyronica cleaned herself off from her...activities...we Blinked back to the Death Star and I went off to float in the void of space as I pondered my life. I know it was stupid. I know I shouldn't worry so much.  
  
But seeing how happy and fulfilled Pyronica seemed with sex, I considered once more that maybe there's just something wrong with me. That thought kick started an awful chain of depressive thoughts spiraling into self deprecation and loathing the more I thought about how this was just another check on a list of why I'm nothing more than an unnatural freak.  
  
I wasn't in a good place, mentally speaking.  
  
\---  
  
I shouldn't have gone back while my emotions were still raw. It was stupid. Out of my friends 8-Ball was the newest and didn't always remember my...very specific pet peeves yet. So when I floated into the living room to see him eating some food on the sofa messily and dropping pieces everywhere, I just COULDN’T deal with this. Not right now. I snapped.  
  
"CRUMBS!!!!" I shrieked.  
  
8-Ball jumps and stares at me wide eyed and confused.  
  
" **CRUMBS**!!!" I screech as my bricks turn red and my size grows until I'm towering over him. My bricks open up to reveal large jagged teeth and thick black tongues. 8-Ball is backing away in terror now.  
  
Hectorgon comes into the room, sees me in all my demonic fury, sees the crumbs on the ground and sofa, sees 8-Ball pale and shaking. "Oh shit." 8-Ball whips his head to stare at Hec pleadingly. "Wh-what's happening?" He whimpers.  
  
"Bill HATES it when you drop food around the house. It's kinda a 'thing' he does. How many times do we have to tell you-” Hectorgon winced as he stays far back from my flailing, many armed form.  
  
**"CLEAN YOUR FUCKING MESS RIGHT NOW!"** I snarl and snap my jaws. Each one more than capable of swallowing 8-Ball whole. He is shaking all over as he grabs the fallen pieces with trembling claws and begins gathering them into his palm.  
  
I stare unblinking at him, breathing heavily as he works. Hectorgon shivers, half hidden in the doorway and lamenting the fact that Pyronica and Xanthar weren’t home right now, Pyronica took him to go shopping with her since I wasn't around earlier. Once 8-Ball finishes grabbing all the fallen chips I materialize a small trash can and thump it in front of him. Without prompting he puts the chips in the trash. I shrink back to my usual size. Yellow once more and smiling in content. "There, that's much better." I pat 8-Ball's head and he flinches. As well he should, how dare he go around dirtying MY house that I graciously let him live in? Ungrateful little-  
  
I shake myself and feel a jolt of shame. Oh shit I did it again. Fuck. I look at 8-Ball trembling and am struck with the duel sensations of satisfaction and guilt. God dammit. "Look, I'm sorry I lost my temper. I’m just…having a bad day.” I say gently and 8-Ball nods quickly. "Yes Boss. Sorry boss. Won't happen again."  
  
"It’s fine to call me Bill. I'm your friend, not your boss." I sigh and float away. Why do I keep doing this?  
  
As I leave the room I hear Hectorgon berate 8-Ball for what he did. “Bill is a clean freak. If you make a mess, you immediately clean it up. If Bill sees it, he will FLIP the fuck out."  
  
"R-right...got it..."  
  
I sigh again. They're not wrong but I wish they wouldn't be so scared. To be fair I am terrifying but still. They made a Deal to be my friend. That means I will keep them from harm. Even from myself. I wouldn't hurt them. I won't.  
  
The bigger problem is that I felt completely justified for what I did. That ungrateful worm SHOULD be scared, how dare he drop his filth on MY clean floors and MY nice couch? I know I shouldn't be thinking like that. I know this is probably yet another stupid side effect of being ME. Ugh. My mood is still unstable. I need to relax.  
  
I’m gonna go check on the Earth and try to calm down.  
  
—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In other news...THE NEW BOOK CAME OUT OMFG!!!  
> 
> 
> So...apparently Ford once dated a Siren? But he wrote about it in one of the journals on either the same page or next page to a page that has the words Bill Cipher written on it...so either Ford wrote about Bill and then randomly wrote about a Siren he used to date, or Ford was writing a page about supernatural creatures he used to date and Bill's name was on that page?!!?
> 
> Also, Anti-Bill is a real thing that exists?!  
> 
> 
> So...if the Anti-Bill is nice...Anti-AXOLOTL would be...utterly terrifying...


	52. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A baby on the way! Parenthood! Sort of?! AAAUUUUGGGHHHH!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://thedappercornchip.tumblr.com/
> 
> I'm just gonna leave this link here...  
> Yes it's an Ask blog. Yes it's being run by the Bill in this fic.
> 
> Also!  
> Road to Redemption finally updated!!!  
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12244003/1/Road-to-Redemption  
> Yeeeees!!! If you haven't read it, go do that! It takes place after the end of GF when Bill comes back as a tiny child as part of the AXOLOTL's redemption test/plan where he has to live with the Pines and he's so cute and evil but he's trying so hard to be better!

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 49**  
  
**-He was a real fun guy to talk to-**  
  
—  
  
Multi celled organisms were a things now. They were common and varied. So many weird looking creatures were swimming around in the oceans. Some were starting to head on land. Plants were growing across the surface of the planet. It was wonderful to see how the Earth managed to bounce back in such a powerful way.  
  
This was a hardy planet. Or rather, life finds a way.  
  
It really helped me calm down, watching these things run around and LIVE. I stared at one creature and found myself questioning “Which end is your head and which end is your butt?!” There were some truly freaky looking creatures here. I didn’t go too deep underwater. Deep sea creatures are scary as fuck.  
  
Would this be the so called Cambrian explosion? That was the period where life diversified like fuck as evolution went absolutely ADD and just gave creatures all sorts of weird-ass traits and body types right? Looking at the armored multi-segment bug thing swimming past me in the water I couldn’t help but think that evolution was weird.  
  
I think I can see some fish...or rather, something that looked like fish.

Man, look at them all. Such a wonderful planet. Even better than those sandwich planets I created in that dimension where gravity literally did not work the same as it did here or in most other dimensions and allowed for planets shaped like all sorts of weird things. I was kicking myself for not finding that place sooner for making my Penis Planet. Still, I spent a few hundred million years playing with the mass in that dimension to form bread planets, tomato planets and other such planets before cutting them up and slapping them together to make sandwiches.

It amused me greatly but sadly I had to hold back on eating them when I realized the 'sauces' from the tomato slice had mixed with the lettuce and turkey segments to create life. Don't you just hate it when your sandwich begins supporting life and you can't eat it? Well, I decided to leave them alone. It's not like anyone would be dumb enough to eat a planet.  
  
Having my metaphysical heart settled from reminiscing while watching these happy little creatures swim around eating each other put me in a better mood. Now that I was calm I could try to think clearly about why I had been feeling so…off. Pyronica’s probably pregnant now. Despite the fact that this was HER child and not mine, I was already going nuts about it. She’s gonna be creating LIFE. I know I told her I would help her raise the kid…but I’m so not prepared for this. Sure I raised Ammy but it wasn’t the same. He was capable of talking and reasoning. A baby, a real baby, was incredibly different.  
  
Real babies need a clean environment. I guess I went nuts because 8-Ball was dirtying the house. Was my over-protective instincts simply going into overdrive before the kid was even born?! Maybe. I nod to myself. Yeah, that’s probably it.  
  
I was going to head home but I felt my bowtie buzz with a summoning. God fucking dammit. Lets hope this one is quick. I know my friends asked to come with me but I’m not some child who needs someone to hold my hand while I do my job. I create a note telling them I was going to a summoning and that I would be careful. Teleporting the note to the kitchen table, I check for any binding circles and upon finding none, I Blinked away.  
  
\---  
  
Luckily for me it was one of those nice summonings from someone in dire straits who was simply going for me out of desperation. I get them sometimes. A creature so beaten down that they call on me because they have nothing left to lose.  
  
There's always something left to lose but I kindly don't tell them so.  
  
In this case it’s a Tabashai man with a son and daughter fleeing from blood purists. He pleads with me to protect his children, offering me his life in exchange. My summoning circle is crudely scratched into the ground of the small cave formed under the dirt and tree roots that he and his children are huddled in.  
  
"Sure thing bucko. Your life will be mine and your children will be safe."  
  
"No papa!" The daughter cries as she clings to him.  
  
"My little sandstorm, it will be alright. He may be a demon but a demon must keep his word. I love you both so much. Never forget that." He hugs them tightly and I feel like 'Aww-ing' and 'Gagging' at the same time.  
  
"Do we have a Deal?"  
  
He stares straight into my eye with a resigned determination and takes my hand. His children watch in horror while he begins to scream in agony as my symbol burns itself into his skin. I vanish from sight and the two rush to their father's side as he collapses and falls still. They cry loudly as they cling to him.  
  
The body shifts and the son asks "Papa?" through teary eyes.  
  
"Not quite. Whoa, first time in one of these bodies." I grin and the two jump back in horror as they see the glowing yellow eyes.  
  
"Demon!"  
  
"Noo! Give us back our father!"  
  
"Tough luck kids. He willingly gave himself to me. Now come on, lets get outta here." I straighten up and arch my back, stumbling slightly as I got used to this body. Good thing this wasn't taking place in the 3rd dimension, possessing someone on earth limits my power to my host. Here though, I hold out a hand and blue flame flickers to life, I still have access to a small fraction of my powers.  
  
It would be enough for me to protect the children and get them away from here.  
  
Hopefully.  
  
It would be easier if I just teleported them all to safety. But he offered his life to me as part of the Deal and I'll need to work within the parameters of the agreement. If I simply snapped my fingers and teleported his children to safety, I will need to kill him in exchange. But this interpretation lets him LIVE. The father was still alive, his consciousness sealed away inside his mind as I took over his body, I have ‘taken’ his life. He is asleep and I will free him once the children have been brought to somewhere safe so I can ‘call off’ the Deal. Loopholes are great.  
  
For now though, I have two angry children to deal with. Ugh.  
  
\---  
  
"Hurry up. If we keep this pace we'll make it to the escape ships in a few days." Then I can send them to Chavos-6, a peaceful planet under rule by a loving and kind king who accepts any and all misplaced creatures who wish to start a new life.  
  
Tabashai are a 'tuar-like race that resemble cats. Their lower body is like that of lion while the upper body is humanoid in shape but covered in fur. Torso, two arms with a head and shoulders. The head shape is like a mix of feline features with a snake-like nose and jaw. The ears were pretty cute, large, fluffy and capable of swiveling around to hear around me.

  
The body I'm in isn't that bad looking if I really think about it. He has some nice muscle definition and despite being on the run, his fur is untangled and meticulously cleaned. I couldn’t help petting myself in wonder. Physical bodies are great~  
  
The children are sullen and angry as they follow me. We've run into a few Purist hunters which I fought off with maniacal laughing and searing blue fire. My Triangle symbol is displayed proudly where I burned it onto my host’s forehead and I hear the Purists scream in fear that Quafa (the man who's body I'm in) has sold his soul to the One Eyed Beast.  
  
They're not wrong. Still a rude thing to call me though.  
  
The survivors would spread word to avoid fighting me and I’ll be able to move more easily.  
  
The children flinch in fear at the dead bodies burnt to a crisp around them. I pay them no mind. After all the dead bodies I've seen it just loses its shock value. I scanned their minds to find out what kind of food they need and hunt down prey accordingly. If I am to keep the children safe I can't let them starve after all.  
  
As we sit around a fire and munch on some bird-like creatures I caught, I can see the son sneaking glances at me. His older sister outright refuses to look at me. "What's up kid?"  
  
He flinched but continues to glare at me. "Why are you helping us Demon?"  
  
"Your dear old papa made me a deal. I have to fulfill my end of the bargain. It’s how this works." I tear off another piece of the food and chew. Hm...not bad. Will see about grabbing a few more to bring home after all this is over.  
  
"Why? You are a Demon! A demon lies!"  
  
"Sure I am and sure I do. But a Deal is a Deal. I'm bound to my word as long as my summoner keeps up their end of the bargain. Your dad offered his life. I have taken it. So now I have to keep you two safe. Simple." I shift my legs to try and get more comfortable. This species is pretty cool, maybe I'll craft my own Tabashai form after this is all over. Something cute I can mess around with.  
  
Is it fucked up if I want to see how this species masturbates? I may be asexual but it doesn't mean I don’t get curious. Mmm...being able to shapeshift is amazing. So many fun ways to pleasure myself to discover and play with.  
  
"And how long are you gonna be here?” The son demands to know.  
  
"So long as your father's life belongs to me, I am required to keep you safe."  
  
"But what does that MEAN?" He whines.  
  
I shrug and eat, not really up to explaining how Deals work right now. I yawn. One of the perks of possessing someone else body is that I can almost sleep (that might have been part of the reason I chose this interpretation of his side of the Deal…I just wanted an excuse to be in a REAL body again). It’s quite pleasant since I haven't slept in...a long time.  
  
I set up a shield around the three of us, they twitch as the shimmer of my power goes up. "Just go to sleep, we've got more walking tomorrow." I curl up and hum appreciatively at how soft my fur is. Talk about a deluxe model. Inhabiting a body was wonderful~  
  
I feel the kids shift around me uncomfortably before settling down.  
  
\---  
  
I wake from blissful oblivion to the sound of quiet crying. Blinking my eyes open I see the children wrapped around each other in their sleep. The daughter is half awake and sobbing quietly. Instinctively scanning her mind to find the problem, I get up to lay down next to them and wrap my larger body around them. They fit snugly into the curve of my lower body and I purr soothingly. The girl's crying quiets and soon she was lulled back to sleep.  
  
I'm unsure at what I'm feeling right now. Paternal? Maternal? Probably getting this feeling from my host, it can’t be from ME right?! Watching the kids sleep I feel...content? Weird. Ugh…why am I feeling like this?! Am I just going nuts with parental affection due to my host’s body or because I’m still thinking about Pyronica’s future baby?  
  
I find my thoughts drifting to my real sisters, specifically, my youngest one. Zyun-Kei was 12 years younger than me. With my parents constantly working it fell to me and Zeon to take care of her. Kei would cling to my side constantly. It annoyed me when I was younger but we became incredibly close. I pretty much raised her. Zeon moved out of our parent's house the first chance she got. I stayed behind despite being older. I didn't want to leave Kei alone with our parents. I also couldn't afford to get my own place, and with my parents already helping Zeon pay her rent I didn't want to burden them with mine too.  
  
I'm glad I stayed. Kei needed me, especially as she went into her teen years. How is she doing? What happened after I died? I know it’s been years and years but I can't help but wonder. Did she do ok without me? She was my sister, not my child but I watched her grow up. I loved her so much…  
  
I look at the children pressed against my belly. This fondness I feel cannot be my own. I barely know these kids. I'm probably just projecting. Kei, Zeon...Will...the siblings I loved more than anything in the world. I miss them all. I was practically a third parent seeing how I raised them. Ammy, my…son…ugh, maternal instincts huh?  
  
I sigh and settle down to go back to sleep. I need to stop reminiscing like this. It just makes my heart ache. Especially now that I actually HAD one. Sometimes a real body wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  
  
\---  
  
The escape ships are just up ahead. I can already see other refugees filing in. The ships were hidden, the Purists don't know about it. None of them have set off yet, they wanted to get as many people out as they can. Once the ships blast off, they wouldn't be hidden anymore.  
  
I hold my hands out. "Grab onto me so we don't get separated." The children reluctantly do so. They've been quiet ever since they woke up to find me wrapped around them. I pay it no mind, as long as they follow my orders...  
  
As we walk up to the ships I hear someone call out the name of my host. A brown Tabashai runs up with a large grin. "Quafa! You and your children made it! I was worried when we lost contact with yo-" he trails off as he sees the symbol burned into my host's forehead. A pitch black triangle with a single eye.  
  
He stumbled backward in horror.  
  
"Oh Quafa...you didn't..."  
  
I do not respond, simply continued forward, pulling the kids with me. We enter one of the ships and lay down. The kids are exhausted from walking all day. We've only stopped for food and water. I'm startled when the children curl up on me.  
  
We laid there, pressed against each other. I relax a little and start purring. By my calculations the ships should be setting off in a few hours. Then I can break off the deal and give Quafa his 'Life' back. I considered sleeping but the Tabashai from earlier was walking up to us.  
  
"What have you done Quafa? You know how dangerous the demon is. How could you sell your soul like this?"  
  
I stay quiet. What can I even say? They haven't noticed my eyes yet and I keep my head down to hide them. Just a few more hours. Long term Deals are annoying.  
  
"Papa wanted to protect us." The son spoke up, clearly angry that this man didn't understand the noble sacrifice his father had made. I resist the urge to groan in annoyance. Dammit kid, I did not want to talk to this guy.  
  
"We were found by the hunters at least 4 times. The demon protected us. It kept us safe and it found us food." The boy continued. What's with the It? At least say He. Or She? Whatever.  
  
The girl was silent but she pressed a little closer to me. I felt irritation and anxiety from her. The brown Tabashai (scan mind, get name, Serval) bristles. "Even so! The demon is much more dangerous than any hunter! What if the demon decides to betray you? What if it decides to attack us? Have you not heard all the stories?! It will twist your words and force you to pay more than you bargained for!"  
  
I couldn't help my snort of amusement. Pay more? This desperate son of a gun literally offered me his LIFE. It's way more than I generally take. Serval looks offended by my dismissal of his worries.  
  
"It’s fine Serval. The terms of the Deal were clear. The...'demon' won't harm anyone here so long as the children are safe. So just make sure no one panics and does something stupid." I said with my head still bowed. It wasn't all that difficult to mimic Quafa's speech pattern.  
  
The children glance at me quickly before looking away. The daughter is frowning and the son glares at Serval. Finally the other man leaves and we are left alone. The other refugees stay a good distance away from us upon seeing the symbol on my head.  
  
"Get back here and sleep kid." I mutter to the son as I settled back down to prepare for rest. This body was exhausted. Even with my powers (or perhaps because of them) Quafa's form was tired from traveling, catching food and fighting off the hunters.  
  
  
  
I formed another translucent dome around us, not trusting these people to not do something stupid despite my warning. It'd be a shame if I had to kill anyone here because someone was dumb enough to start trouble with me.  
  
I just want to get this Deal over and done with. Though...  
  
I felt the children nuzzled along my side. It was warm and soft. I don't know why but I felt a lot better than I’ve been since the…incident. Maybe it's because I ‘slept’ for the first time in a long while, maybe it’s because a Deal to protect people made me feel like I was doing some good for once. Either way, this wasn't too bad.

"Can you tell us a story?" The son asked timidly.

I purred quietly. "Hm...have you heard of Green Eggs and Ham?" Their confused faces made me laugh quietly. "Well you're in for a treat..." I hold out my hands and make my fingers open and close like mouths.

"I am Sam. I am Sam. Sam I am." Says my left hand with a light friendly tone.

"That Sam I am, that Sam I am! I do not like that Sam I am!" My right hand 'says' in a grumpy voice.

The son giggles. I continue making funny voices as I go through the rest of the story. Eventually the kids drifted off to sleep and I closed my eyes as well.  
  
\---  
  
The ships blasted off with no issue. I was hoping I could finally relax. Unfortunately the universe conspires against me. When it came time to pass out food rations they specifically passed over us. I growled lowly and I could feel the kids tense up in worry.  
  
"Hey. The kids need food." I snapped at the woman deliberately skipping us.  
  
The female Tabashai scoffed and turned her nose up at me. "We need to give the food to those who need it. You can ask your demon to feed your children."  
  
"Lady, trust me on this. You do NOT want me to do that..." I barely held back from making my voice rumble demonically.  
  
"I-it’s alright! We're not hungry yet!" The son says quickly. He's thinking about all the hunters I killed and is worrying that the Deal to protect them would have me kill the other refugees as well. He's not entirely wrong. I can feel my Deal burning inside me, a reminder of the terms I must follow.  
  
I let it go, for now at least. It's so HARD to do good things sometimes. Why do people have to be such assholes? If they were just better people I wouldn't have to fuck with them. Once again I'm struck with the thought that if I just...took over and put myself in charge, I can fix things. I can make the world better. I can FORCE people to be nicer to each other. I could make the universe a better place. A place where people wouldn't have to flee their home planet because of racist blood purists. A place where people could be happy and free to do whatever they wanted.  
  
I want it so bad. I just want to make everything BETTER. I have the power to do so now. I couldn't do anything back in the 2nd dimension. I couldn't do anything back in my 1st life. I was powerless. The world was terrible and full of terrible people. Children shot in their schools, Nazis walking around as if it was perfectly normal. People hating others for wanting to be themselves. The poor continue to suffer under stupid laws that make life harder for them. The planet dying around me. And there was nothing I could do. But it’s different now.  
  
I can actually do something now. I could get rid of the bad people. I can make the world safe for those who are oppressed. I can change things. I can make things better! I can make a new world. A better world!  
  
But I can't. I can't go down that path. If I just start systematically killing off ALL the corrupt leaders and politicians in the universe it wouldn't help anyone. It'll just cause chaos and bloodshed. I KNOW this. But I'm just so tempted. So very tempted to just...force my way into power and just DEMAND people to stop being mean to each other.  
  
I know I can't let myself do that. Because power corrupts and I am one of the most powerful things in all the multi-verse.  
  
Is this why Ax never interferes in anything?  
  
The sudden epiphany stuns me.  
  
If Ax just went out and used his power and authority...I shivered. It was a scary thought. The most powerful creature in all creation. It was hard to remember sometimes just how immensely grand the AXOLOTL really was. He is just so laid back but he can LITERALLY breathe entire dimensions into existence. All this time, he's just been purposely holding himself back. If he wanted to make the multiverse a place where everyone was happy, he would have to get rid of Free Will. Ax could easily do that, if he really wanted to…but he doesn’t. He holds himself back and stays neutral.  
  
I mean, look at Time Baby for example. The brat is a dictator. He frequently throws tantrums or has petty needs that he forces others to do for him. And they can't refuse. Because he's Time Baby. His men must always do what he says or he'll just vaporize then. Hell that damn BRAT even orders ME around. He has control over all of Time. And what does he do with that power? He enforces a rigid timeline, sends his men to ensure things happen the way he wants it to (getting rid of anyone who doesn’t conform to what he wants), frequently hosts gladiatorial matches that usually end in deaths and throws a cosmic fit if he doesn't get what he wants.  
  
Yeah no. Fuck no. I refuse to end up like Time Baby. I'm not going to abuse my power like that. No matter how tempting it is. I just have to keep telling myself 'do you REALLY want to be like Time Baby?' And my disgust at the idea should be enough to stop me.  
  
My host's tail has been twitching furiously this entire time and I was quite bemused to realize the son had been instinctively playing with it. I watch the son pounce at my tail and it was just such a cute image I couldn't help but laugh. I twitched my tail deliberately this time and he made an adorable growling sound as he batted at it with his paws.  
  
I can feel the weight of the daughter's stare. "Are you really a demon?" She asks quietly.  
  
"It's what people refer to me as. And it's not incorrect." I say simply as I flicked my tail back and forth.  
  
"Why are you...so kind to us?"  
  
"I told you. It's part of the Deal."  
  
"The Deal only said you had to keep us safe. But you're doing more than that. You comforted me when I was crying. You are playing with my brother. Why?"  
  
"Why does it matter?"  
  
"You are putting in effort to make us happy. The Deal was not to make us happy, just to keep us unharmed. Why are you going out of your way to help us? Why are you being so kind?" She demands.  
  
"Is it really so hard to believe that maybe a demon can be nice?" I look at the ground, a strange tight feeling in my chest.  
  
She squinted suspiciously at me. "Demons aren't supposed to be nice."  
  
"That is incredibly true. I'm NOT a nice guy." I grin at her but she doesn't back down. "Then why are you being so nice to us?"  
  
"Geez, you're not gonna let this go are ya kid?"  
  
She twitches her ears in stubborn irritation. I sigh. "Look, I don't know what to tell ya kid. I just felt like it ok?"  
  
Her ears perk up as she seems to realize something. "Papa is still alive! He's still there and he's fighting you for dominance! Because he loves us! And a demon like you cannot handle the depth of his love!"  
  
I stare at her incredulously.  
  
Wut.  
  
Seriously, is she really spouting this bullshit feel good nonsense right now? I do a mental check on my host, nope, he's still deep asleep. So deep he's not even dreaming, much less 'fighting me for dominance of the body using the power of LOVE'.  
  
It was so stupid I can't even laugh about it. Instead I just deadpan "Sure kid. Whatever helps you sleep at night."  
  
"And that is why you keep making those strange faces! Papa is fighting and he is going to win!" She grins triumphantly.  
  
Fuck, I keep forgetting I have a face now. If I'm in the mindset to play a part or hold a poker face I can do it just fine, but whenever I'm not purposely trying to control my expression I keep letting my thoughts slip through. What kind of dumb faces have I been making this whole time?  
  
"You can do it papa! I know you can defeat the demon!"  
  
"Kid, please keep it down. If you want to cheer your dad on, be my guest, but we don't really want the rest of the ship to know that this body is currently housing two."  
  
The girl settles down and whisper cheers "Go papa!" She hisses gleefully.  
  
This is my life now. I groan and face palm as the son bites my tail while the daughter keeps whispering about love and friendship. Oh my god the cringe. When is this ship going to land?!  
  
\---  
  
We've somehow miraculously made it to the safe world. I think I was more relieved to get here than any of the refugees. The daughter has been giving me 'encouraging' words for the entire trip. It was HORRIBLE~  
  
As soon as we got off the ship I slipped out from Quafa's body and let it slump over in an undignified heap. "Oh no~" I say sarcastically. "Your father's intense LOVE for you is too much for me to handle~ The Deal is off, he can have his Life back and I no longer have to protect you two~"  
  
The children cheer as Quafa begins to wake up. He looks incredibly confused.  
  
"Curses. The power of LOVE has defeated me on this day~ but know THIS children..." I raise my voice so everyone here could hear me. I rumbled and turned pitch black, glowering down at all the refugees present, many of whom were huddled in fear. I make sure they are all paying attention to my words.  
  
**"If ever a time comes when the lot of you no longer hold LOVE in your hearts, I shall return. For LOVE and KINDNESS towards others will HURT me and I will not be able to harm those who are pure and good!"**  
  
After my cringe-worthy speech I flashed a bright light and vanished from sight.  
  
Hopefully at least SOME of the refugees would take my words to heart. It's not much. But it's a start. Just a small step towards making the universe a better place.  
  
A place where children didn’t have to fear. A place where children could grow up safe and happy. Dear god I really was going maternally nuts.  
  
\---  
  
"I'm back~ugh you won't believe the Deal I had to suffer through~" I complain as I float wearily into the Death Star. Being gone for over a week for a Deal, geez. With the time difference…it’s been a few weeks from their point of view. Shit, I hope they didn't get too worried.  
  
There was a high pitched squeak and a lot of shuffling noises. I frown as I float into the main living room and see the whole gang blocking the doorway. "Oh hey Bill. We...weren't expecting you back so soon." Hectorgon says as he nervously fiddles with his tie.  
  
"Ah huh? Well I've been gone for a few weeks so I'm not sure what you mean by soon." I narrow my eye suspiciously at their guilty faces. "Ok. What did you do? You might as well tell me before I 'see' for myself."  
  
"Please don't get mad?" 8-Ball whimpers.  
  
"...I'll give you a chance to explain it first." I cross my arms, feeling very much like a parent who came home to find their kids broke something expensive. Knowing my friends, the chances of something being broken was high.  
  
"Ok so you know how Teeth and I have been making bets on who can eat the most food in one sitting?" PaciFire starts. It was a weird thing those two started up because Teeth wanted to prove he was ‘cool’ to the demon. I don’t really get it myself.  
  
"Hmm?" I say as I stare unblinkingly at them.  
  
"Well there's never been a clear winner because we eat different things and it wasn't something we could really measure..."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"So we decided we should get an amount of food that we could count..."  
  
"And?"  
  
"So we thought we could make a count of bags of popcorn..."  
  
I stared at them deadpan. "The house is filled with popcorn isn't it?"  
  
They all cowered nervously. I sighed. "I'm too tired to deal with this shit. I’m going to leave for a while. You better clean it up before I get back.” I turn and float away, I'm just gonna go watch plants grow on Earth or something. I hear them sigh in relief. "Also, I'm revoking your unsupervised rampage privileges for the next century.”  
  
"""Noooo!""" I hear them cry as I essentially grounded them and I grin wickedly to myself. Proper discipline. They're my responsibility after all. I need to raise them right.  
  
I stop suddenly and slap my face. God dammit, this was getting ridiculous. This required professional help.  
  
—  
  
“Jessie! What do I do to stop feeling maternal?”  
  
She blinks at me. “What?” I had Blinked right into her bedroom in the middle of the night. I tend to do that when I want to have private conversations. Jessie sits up in her bed, rubbing her eyes.  
  
“Pyronica’s pregnant and I’m going nuts.”  
  
Jheselbraum gives me a horrified look, suddenly wide awake. “You and she-“  
  
“No!!!! The kid’s not mine!!!” I wailed. “She found a mate and now she’s gonna have a baby and I’m freaking out! What do I do?!”  
  
“Are you…upset that she’s going to have a child?”  
  
“No that’s not it. I’m happy for her. But now I’m all anxious and protective and…and…RESPONSIBLE! And it’s awful!!!” I flop onto her bed. She actually groans. “Miz, there’s nothing wrong with being…responsible. It’s a good thing.”  
  
“Why am I feeling like this is MY baby even though it’s not?” I whimpered as I clutched at her blankets.  
  
Jessie rolls her eyes at me, too tired to keep up her stoic demeanor. “Perhaps you, yourself, wish to bear a child?”  
  
“Ew~no way~” I shuddered. Jessie actually laughs. “You are still very much a child Miz.” I pout at her. She pets my head. “Give it a few weeks, you’ll calm down once the knowledge of your friend’s pregnancy is no longer so new.”  
  
“So there’s nothing I can do?” I whined. She sighs. “These feelings of yours are not a problem. It simply means you care. That is good. It means you will be able to care for the child once it’s born.”  
  
“Ugh…I never felt like this over Ammy!”  
  
“Your son yes?” I’ve talked often about my friends with her, I’m delighted that Jessie paid attention “From what you’ve said, you did not directly birth him, nor was he ever a true child. This and that are two different situations.”  
  
“So I’m just gonna have to live with these feelings?”  
  
“Yes. I for one, believe you feeling ‘responsible’ is a good thing.” She sounded so incredibly smug.  
  
I groaned but she’s right. I’m just gonna have to wait for my feelings to level out. I should just stop worrying about it. Find something fun to do, take my mind off it. Like I always do. “Ok, thanks for the talk Jessie. Sorry for waking you in the middle of the night.”  
  
“Indeed.“ She yawns and pushes me off her bed. “Now kindly leave so I may rest.” I sheepishly Blinked out of there.  
  
—  
  
“Hey guys. We’re gonna have a movie night.”  
  
I flew around setting up soft pillows, bottled drinks and sandwiches. We were all out of popcorn after the stunt Paci and Teeth pulled. Pyronica was already eagerly flopping onto a pile of soft cushions made just for her. She always looked forward to movie nights. I had been waiting on her hand and foot recently and she found it incredibly amusing. “I don’t need THIS many pillows Bill. I’m pregnant, not glass.” She was only a month into her pregnancy, I even checked her belly and confirmed that there was something developing in there. I was ’Squeeing’ for hours after feeling the little spark of Life inside her.  
  
“Movie night?” 8-Ball scratched his head. Amorphous Shape decided to explain it to him. “Since we’re all being punished with no rampaging and are essentially, grounded, Bill sometimes lightens our punishment by holding small parties. Movie nights included.”  
  
Keyhole sat down and pulled a plate of sandwiches closer to him. “I don’t mind personally. I like movie nights. It’s always fascinating the kind of entertainment Bill shows us.”  
  
“According to Bill, these are things that ‘Humans’ will create in the far, FAR future.” Pyronica remarks, already starting to snack on the food. To my relief, her species didn’t do the weird cravings thing. All pregnancy does is shut off her flames. This generally means a pregnant Cyclopian is weakened, unable to defend themselves (and sometimes emotionally unstable). It’s part of the reason why I grounded everyone. I was too worried that she could get hurt. She puts up with my overprotective fussing with more grace than I thought she would.  
  
“What’s a Human?” 8-Ball wonders.  
  
“A weird primitive species that Bill is fascinated by for some reason.” PaciFire grumbles as he lowers himself onto a particularly big pillow. He grabbed more and built a fort around himself made entirely of colorful, fluffy poofs.  
  
“I love their potential! If they’re allowed to grow and prosper they create the most WONDERFUL things!” I squealed happily. “Sure they may not live all that long, and don’t really exist yet, but I’ve SEEN what they can become. Besides, you guys like their movies right?”  
  
Pyronica cackles. “Of course Bill.”  
  
“I would like to see these creatures you speak so highly of…” Hectorgon muses as he rubs his chin. “Not just those weird pornos on that planet you made.”  
  
“Well…they’re kind of delicate. That’s the only problem with them. They break so easily. So if you really plan to go and see them, you’ll have to be REALLY careful. I’ll bring you guys to see them once they finally come to be.” I warn him mildly. “Also, the Federation’s got their home planet Earth under a protected-species lock and observation. The instant anyone tries to step an Angle in that dimension, they will have all of the Federation up in arms.”  
  
“Wait, then how come YOU can…” 8-Ball starts to question.  
  
“Because I’m Bill FREAKIN’ Cipher and I do what I want. Also, I know how to sneak past Federation detection.” The upside of having no corporeal form. I’m undetectable in the Mindscape. I’m undetectable when inside Dreams. In your FACE Feds!  
  
Also, Time Baby knows well how much the 3rd Dimension means to me. One of the very few kind things he’s ever done for me is put Earth and humanity on the protected species list. At least I’m reassured that those idiotic Planet-Jackers won’t touch the planet. Of course, half the reason Time-Baby put Federation protection on Earth is because I have told him, in no uncertain terms that if the Earth and humanity is harmed or destroyed, I WILL do everything in my power to make the universe SUFFER.  
  
“So what movie are we watching tonight?” Keyhole asks eagerly. Xanthar settles down in the back of the room with Kryptos held in one of his hands. The Compass’s flat, angular shape reminds Xan-Xan of me and he sometimes cuddles with Kryptos when I’m not around (to Kryptos’s annoyance).  
  
“Well, I’ve decided to introduce you all to the wonderful world of BOLLYWOOD!” I cackled insanely as I put on Om Shanti Om. For a second everyone looked worried.  
  
Over 3 hours later~  
  
“….I don’t get it…” 8-Ball says with his mouth stuffed with sandwiches. I narrow my eye at him and he quickly claps a hand over his mouth so none of the food falls out.  
  
“Isn’t it obvious?” Pyronica gushed. “He got his REVENGE! And everything got set on FIRE! A final confrontation in the burning room full of tragic memories?! This was great Bill.”  
  
“I knew you’d appreciate it.” I preened happily.  
  
“Her dresses were GORGEOUS! Bill! I want that black one she had. Can you make me one?” Ronica flutters her eyelashes at me and I laughed before flicking my fingers and she gasps in delight at the flowing black dress she was now adorned with. Keyhole blushes madly as he stares at her. He’s been taking the news of her pregnancy pretty well. It was probably helped by the fact that the father was long dead and devoured.  
  
“I…still don’t get it.” 8-Ball says sadly.  
  
“What’s there not to get?! Romance! Tragedy! A betrayal and murder most foul! Death and rebirth! A revenge 30 years in the making! Karma delivers punishment!” I wave my arms around wildly. Unfortunately it looks like 8-Ball just wasn’t the type who understood this sort of thing. That was fine, it wasn’t for everyone.  
  
“I liked the dancing and the pretty colors.” Amorphous Shape remarked.  
  
“Not enough deaths.” PaciFire grumbled, but I had caught him clutching his pillows during the climax so I know he enjoyed it more than he said he did. I also caught him wiping some tears during the desperate ‘Door’ scene. Despite all his posturing, Paci’s a sensitive guy.  
  
“The music was fun. I liked the song where they just said the name of the movie over and over again.” Teeth chatters.  
  
“That’s like, HALF the songs in the movie!” Kryptos elbows Teeth while rolling his eyes. I had replaced him in cuddling Xanthar during the movie, to his relief. Despite some confusion and protests, I could tell everyone still enjoyed their evening.  
  
—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If anyone wants to watch the movie, it’s called Om Shanti Om.
> 
> Seriously though, Om took his REVENGE to the next level. He hires a girl who looked like Shanti to pretend to be her ghost and writes an ENTIRE Bollywood song and dance number about the crime that happened 30 years ago. He essentially Hamlet-plays to try and get confirmation that this man was the murderer.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eqCNRE8sEU


	53. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are worked out  
> Romances are moved on  
> Was there any doubt  
> I'm screaming as I shout  
> Over Pyronica's future spawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The chapter kept getting longer...to be fair, its multiple different scenes written at different times that I stuck together so...
> 
> Also, shout out to One Stage of Grief  
> A sad but also uplifting fic about Ford trying to get over Bill after the Betrayal. It's good~  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/13969392
> 
> And also The Messenger who Shot Himself  
> A really interesting Bill Cipher origin story that I almost wish were canon just 'cause it was so cool.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/8380645

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 50**  
  
**-Dreams that look like this-**  
  
\---  
  
As Pyronica's pregnancy progressed positively (try saying that 5 times fast) I got simultaneously worse and better. I was still hovering around her and mothering all of my friends as my weird maternal instincts went crazy but I wasn't as freaked out by it anymore (even as I felt my emotional state oscillate more wildly than usual). I felt unbearably giddy whenever I Felt the souls growing inside her.  
  
Yes. Souls. Plural.  
  
She's gonna have TWINS!!!  
  
I don't know if it was due to me manipulating the guy she fucked to be more virile or just the sheer amount of times we forced him to come inside her but she had two wonderful babies growing inside her. I couldn't tell their sex yet but I kind of wanted it to be a surprise anyway.  
  
He belly wasn't too noticeable but I could Feel them in there and I would press myself onto her stomach any chance I got. Pyronica put up with my behavior with a fond smile. I asked my other friends if they were planning to have kids anytime soon.  
  
Hectorgon gave me a wistful smile. "Probably not. It wouldn't feel right. I would have to find a new mate, it's just not something I need right now." He actually gave me a pat on the head. "I have you all as my family now. I'm fine with that."  
  
Kryptos and Keyhole both blushed. My darling smol boys were probably still too young to really consider starting families. Kryptos protested "I don't even have a partner yet!" He couldn’t look at me for some reason.  
  
Teeth said that he wanted to focus on his acting career for now. He's doing well with his theater troupe. I've gone to a few performances. Their rendition of **"Scream into the Abyss"** , a story of the unrequited love between a space ship captain and a sentient black hole was quite moving. I cried so hard they had to stop the play to calm me down because I was leaking out 'weirdness waves' as I sobbed.  
  
PaciFire said he was planning to find a mate and settle down after he retires from the show. "I want to be able to spend time with my family. I'll probably get a quiet job at the foreign affairs office. I like meeting new people."  
  
Xanthar wanted to find a mate but the problem will be finding any Pani left. There weren't all that many of them and Xanthar informed me through some elaborate charades that even if he didn't find a mate, he didn't mind (I know he was just trying to reassure me, I’ve caught him humping the sofa a few times so I KNOW he’s reached sexual maturity). I resolve to keep looking. His chances weren't looking good unfortunately.  
  
8-Ball made a perverted smile and started describing cute ogre women he’d like to bang, though he wasn’t really planning on kids. His eyes rolled around to say **‘Yes-Definitely’**. 8-Ball's eyes have become a quick way for my friends to get answers to specific questions whenever I wasn't available. I had to make them stop when 8-Ball started getting dizzy.  
  
Ammy had absolutely no interest in such matters though considering he doesn't even HAVE any sexual organs I suspect he's probably a truly, biologically, asexual creature.  
  
So I probably won't be getting any more babies for a while. I tried not to feel disappointed. Pyronica kept laughing at me. She did seem kind of sad that I wouldn't be able to find a mate even if I wanted to since I was the last of my kind. I mentioned that since I was a hermaphrodite there was a possibility I could impregnate myself but it was too disturbing for me to really consider.  
  
I was checking on the Earth more often as well. Considering I created the 3rd dimension, does that make Earth my baby? I certainly felt like it. It wasn't the only planet with life though. There were plenty of places full of alien life and I loved them all but the Earth was special.  
  
Besides, trying to talk to a Plutonian was an absolute waste of my time. Those thick headed, willfully blind idiots were aggravating to deal with. So I kept my attention on the Earth and noticed the splitting timelines of what could have been.  
  
In one timeline the planet never unfroze and it simply became an ice planet. In another the life on the planet diversified to the point nothing could find a mate anymore. Watching these 'failed Earths' was quite distressing. I stayed in the timeline for the successful Earth. The Earth where plants developed and spread across the planet. Where the atmosphere created a sky and the planetary tilt created weather and seasons. Where the creatures slowly moved onto land. Amphibians evolved and grew. The very first trees began developing hard bark skins to protect themselves. Creatures that breathed oxygen formed to take advantage of the abundance of the stuff in the atmosphere.  
  
I spent a few million years just exploring the now lush Earth with it's huge jungles and giant insects. The ocean still had the most freaky kinda things so I avoided it. I might put some deep sea creatures into a madness bubble at some point. Proper nightmares and all that.  
  
There were souls everywhere. Brains, minds, primitive though they were, I felt them and it delighted me every time. As an odd aside, one of my trips to Earth in which I passed through the Nightmare Realm while leaking a lot of energy allowed some Jellyfish to escape into the 3rd dimension through a small hole I accidentally tore. I guess jellyfish really WERE aliens...oops? I slipped inside the body of a large millipede-type creature and marveled at the experience of having so many legs. I loved the feeling of my body being segmented into so many different parts.  
  
Of course the main reason I was so excited was because I wanted to see dinosaurs.  
  
They won't be appearing for many more millions of years but that didn't stop me from being excited for it.  
  
Finally, I decided I've wasted enough time here and headed home. I slipped into the time stream and swam back to when I left everyone.  
  
\---  
  
Pyronica's appetite was picking up. I brought 8-Ball and PaciFire on many hunting expeditions where we would go into a primitive planet and hunt large animals for me to bring home and cook for her. 8-Ball was glad to be useful, even if it was just overpowering a large beast and killing it. Keyhole wanted to help but he wasn't the best fighter and usually ran away screaming when a large creature covered in deadly spines ran at him so I made him stay home to take care of Pyronica.  
  
"Dude. Have you told her yet?" I asked him. Keyhole fidgets and shakes his head. "I'm afraid that she'll laugh at me." I pat his head comfortingly. "Keyhole, at most she'll probably say you're too young for her. Which you kinda are. Just try being her friend first. Don't be weird about it. 8-Ball didn't give me a definite **'No'** when I asked about it so you might have a chance once you're all grown up?"  
  
He looked hopeful at that. I narrowed my eye at him. "Remember. Don't be weird and creepy about it. If she wants her space, you back off. Also, just thought I should warn you, Jorgio's invited her and us to his mansion for an extended visit."  
  
Keyhole gasps. "Mansion?!"  
  
I shrug. "Yeah. He heard about her pregnancy and was thrilled and happy for her. He wanted to pamper her a bit. She already accepted and we will be going over to his place next week.” As I spoke I could see Keyhole frowning. "Aw~are you jealous?" I grinned. Keyhole blushes. "N-no! Well...a little...seriously, a mansion?!"  
  
"Jorgio's the current head of the Literatura family. If you're really that worried, he extended his invitation to me and anyone else I'd want to bring along. Kryptos is opting out for understandably personal reasons, not to mention college entrance exams will be starting soon, and PaciFire was gonna spend the next month on straight filming for Demon Baby Fights. There's still plenty of room for you to come along."  
  
He seemed determined to do so. I felt I should warn him "Please don't antagonize the mob boss. He does like Pyronica but he also got engaged recently. Besides, he knows how protective I am over Ronica so there's no way he would try anything."  
  
I gave Keyhole a hard stare. "That's not an invitation for YOU to try anything with her either. If you want to get with her, ask her first. If she says no, you back off. Got it?"  
  
He nods his head quickly.  
  
I left the kid to his thoughts as I Blinked away with Paci and 8-Ball to the Meat dimension. Pyronica wants some bacon and by the void I will get her the best damn bacon in all the multiverse.  
  
\---  
  
We trudged home, covered in blood and dragging a large boar-like creature behind us. Pyronica's eye lit up upon seeing it. Her belly had a noticeable bulge now and those growing babies were ravenous. "Oooh~" Pyronica drools at the boar. I had to hold her back from eating it right then and there.  
  
"Ronica no! I need to clean and cook it first!" I had to grow more arms to push her. She whined. "But I want to eat it now~"  
  
"Ronica...think of the children, I need to make sure this thing is clean and eating raw pork could lead to harmful parasites or other problems." I scolded her as I levitated the boar to the kitchen. "Besides..." I said cheerfully. "It's been a while since my last cooking show."  
  
I could hear groans coming from all around the house. I laughed maniacally.  
  
\---  
  
**Cooking with Bill!**  
  
The cheers from the audience were particularly boisterous today. I waved at them happily as I blew kisses out at the void. "Hey kids! It's me Bill Cipher! I'm so glad to be back with another episode of Cooking with Bill!"  
  
I waved my hands to tell the audience to quiet down. "Now we're having a special episode today. You see..."  
  
A spotlight flashes on beside me and Pyronica blinks into the light. "My dear Co-host Pyronica will be cooking and eating for three today!" The audience cheers.  
  
"Really? Me again?" Pyronica rolls her eye before looking away from the audience. "Seriously, the fact that it's just void out there is really weird. Where ARE we?"  
  
"The audience likes you Ronica. Even when our last show got cancelled halfway through we still got more viewership than my other episodes." I sighed. "Figures that people just want to see a hot girl on TV."  
  
She cackles. "Alright. So can we eat now?"  
  
"No Roni~we need to cook it first."  
  
She groans and slumps over on the counter top. I turn back to the camera with a grin. "So today we are gonna make entire roast pig!"  
  
The audience cheers as the scene changes to me and Pyronica standing in a white room with the giant boar carcass on a tarp. We were both dressed in overalls and had goggles on. Pyronica drools and lunges for the boar. "WHOA there! Pyronica! We have to cook it first!" I barely managed to hold her back.  
  
"I wanna eat it nooooow~" she whines as she stares at the meat longingly. I carefully push her back. "Soon! We just need to cook it! This is pork! You can’t eat it raw!”  
  
After making sure she wasn't going to make another go at the body, I turn back to the camera. "Now first of all you need to clean, skin and clean again. Don't want any pesky germs am I right?" I wink with a twinkling sound as a little star pops out.  
  
I pull out a gigantic chainsaw from behind me. The sheer size of this metallic monstrosity couldn't possibly have been hidden behind me but regardless I held it up and pulled the wind up. It buzzed to life loudly. "Well, time to start skinning " I chirp.  
  
Blood and fur flew everywhere.  
  
Pyronica wipes some bloody fur off her hair. "Isn't this more dirty?" She complains.  
  
I shrug, powering down the chain saw (tossing it over my shoulder where it floated off into the distance) and showing the skinned pig. The stomach had been cut open from neck to pelvis and there were blood and organs leaking out. "Well now we need to remove the organs and bones. Also drain the blood out."  
  
"Are we throwing out the organs?" Pyronica asks sadly. I shake my head. "Roni, you know me. When have I ever wasted food like that?" I levitate the pile of internal organs and pulled them out. "We can thoroughly clean out the intestines and deep fry them. It's delicious and squishy." I teleport the organs into a large tub of heated and salted water. The water starts churning it in a gentle wash cycle.  
  
"Now we just hang the pig up so the blood drains out..." I wave and the body lifts off the ground to dangle above a large tub. "We can even keep the blood to drop on people we don't like."  
  
Someone in the audience yells "That's gross!"  
  
I point at them and an agonized scream rings out. Pyronica squints into the darkness again. "Bill...are there ACTUALLY people out there?!" I distract her by changing the scenery again. This time we were sitting on a tarp with the pile of half cleaned organs. "While we're waiting for the blood to drain out we can clean the intestines more thoroughly."  
  
I twirl a knife in hand before messing up and we both watch as the knife flies off in the direction of the audience. Another scream rang out. "Oops." I sheepishly rub my side. "Well here's Bill's Cooking Tip #26 Don't twirl your knife!"  
  
"What are the other 25 tips?" Pyronica asks. I continue talking as if I hadn't heard her "So you just cut the stomach, small intestine and large intestine so that they're no longer connected." Using another knife I carefully sliced the flesh. "Now to clean them out, simply attach a hose to one end and turn the hot water on! Also, if you can get some rock salt to scrub along the insides that'll be great."  
  
I stick a hose to the small intestine and flicked it on. The 30 foot long intestinal track whipped around wildly like a pink flesh worm, it was beautiful to look at. I laughed maniacally as it wiggled around under the force of the boiling salted water I was forcing through it. Completely at odds with my insane laughter was the happy sound effects of twinkles and little hearts that spewed out of the end of the small intestine.  
  
"AHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!"  
  
I stopped laughing abruptly and switched the water off. "Ok this one's clean. Ronica? Do you want to do the others?" She shrugs. "Sure. Gimme the hose."  
  
As she cleaned out the stomach and large intestine I checked on the boar. "Well it looks like the blood has properly drained. Now we just need to de-bone it."  
  
I reached in to push the boar open wider. There was a sound effect going "Wow~" as I got it open. "Removing bones isn't as hard as it looks. Especially not it you have my patented..."  
  
I pulled a long thin knife out from behind me. "... Bone-B-Gone™!"  
  
The screen fades slightly as a narrator voice speaks **"Bone-B-Gone! For all your cooking needs (so long as it involves bones) available nowhere near you!"**  
  
"Hey Bill! I think these are clean." Pyronica calls to me as I finish cutting the bones away from the muscles. I flick my fingers and basil leaves rain upon her while a chorus of happy voices go " _ **Yaaaay~"**_  
  
"Great! Now that the intestines are clean and the pig is boneless, we can finally start cooking!" More basil, dill and other herbs rain from the sky. I transfer the pig onto a giant grill.  
  
"Now we can make some sauce that we'll dribble on top while it cooks. Since there's so much meat here it'll take a while to cook." Pyronica groans. I give her a comforting pat. "Don't worry, I'll make you some deep fried pig intestines while we wait."  
  
I mixed some herbs, salt and olive oil together in a bowl and began slathering it over the pig. I turned the whole thing over multiple times and put on more oil. There was a sound effect of "Ooh~" as the pork meat sizzles.  
  
To keep Pyronica from going nuts, I heated up some oil in a pan, shoved a whole leek through a segment of the intestines, cutting off the extra and shoving in another leek in that one until there were multiple leek stuffed intestines. I dropped them into the oil and fried them cheerfully.  
  
Pyronica was nicely distracted eating those while I carefully made sure all the boar was being cooked evenly. "Now kids, roasting an entire pig is a difficult job. I don't generally do something this annoying but Pyronica wanted pork." I shrugged.  
  
Pyronica had finished the intestines and was looking at the pig hungrily.  
  
  
  
"Is it done yet?" She asks. I shake my head sadly. "It may be cooked but it still needs to be cut!" I pulled out a different knife and proceed to show it off to the camera. "Now this knife here can slice right through flesh like a light saber through Luke's arm."  
  
I hear chomping sounds and turn to see the pig quickly disappearing down Pyronica's mouth. "Nooo! Roni! I haven't cut it up into nice little pieces yet!!!"  
  
  
  
"Mmmph. Ohmm. Nom." She responded as she easily swallows the entire boar within a few seconds. "Ah~that was delicious~" she sighs in content as she pats her belly. I wail in despair at all my careful preparation being ruined.  
  
The screen fades out as the ending theme plays and the narrator voice says cheerfully **"Cooking with Bill has been brought to you by Dreams! Dreams! The screen saver of the brain~"**  
  
My weeping could still be faintly heard over the music.  
  
—  
  
We all packed to live at Jorgio's place for the next month. It was like a super long sleep over. The truth was that it was summer on Jorgio's planet and he wanted to hang out. Now that he was getting more into what it means to really RUN a mafia family he found that the paperwork and board meetings were annoying and stressful so he decided to take a month off to just relax.  
  
I helped him settle his affairs so that he would have this next month free from any duties (barring emergencies). I hate paperwork. Jorgio had to actually make me a Deal to help him with his paperwork. He owes me SO much wine for this.  
  
"Ah! You're here!" Jorgio lights up in genuine joy at seeing us on his entrance way. Xanthar shakes himself out and I had to quickly grab our luggage before he dropped any of them. Aside from me, Xanthar and Pyronica, Keyhole, 8-Ball and Ammy came along too.  
  
Kryptos still hasn't forgiven Jorgio. He seemed offended that we were still on friendly terms with him but even he understood the upside to having a mob boss on our side. PaciFire's got his job, Teeth was preparing for a big performance and couldn't come either. Hectorgon had gotten some I-mails from the Federation in which they apparently tried to bribe him into forgiving them. He was angrily hacking into their systems to mess with their air conditioning the last I checked. He said he wanted to spend all his focus on making them miserable so I shrugged and left him to it. He was laughing quite evilly and muttering something about setting of the sprinkler systems directly over important paperwork.  
  
I made the introductions and Jorgio's men came to take our luggage. They seemed relieved to see that Teeth wasn't with us. Jorgio tried to help Pyronica walk but she waved him off. "I'm pregnant, not helpless." She scoffed and flexes an arm. "I could probably still beat up one of your guards.  
  
Jorgio laughs. "I don't doubt it."  
  
Keyhole was not so subtly staring at Jorgio and I could tell what he was thinking even without my telepathy. _'What's so great about HIM?!'_  
  
I hope his jealousy wasn't going to cause any problems during our stay here. As a distraction I piped up "Hey Jorgio, where's your fiancee? I'd like to meet the future Donna."  
  
Jorgio nods to me. "Of course. I have told her she would need to win your approval before I can truly go through with the wedding Signore Cipher." He looked serious as he sent one of his men to go fetch her.  
  
I look around absently. "Why has she not come to greet us at the door?" If this were a test, she's already got one mark down. Jorgio sighs. "Nartina is...upset that I invited Pyronica and you all to stay at my house." He groans. "She seems to believe Pyronica is my mistress."  
  
Pyronica laughs. "Yeah~no. If this kid was yours, you'd be dead." Jorgio's smiles turns somewhat strained. I hear a distinct thought of _'She really WOULD eat me...'_  
  
"Oh Jorgio~so your guests are here~" A high pitched voice rings out. I see a female Trivox come down the staircase. She looks much like Jorgio, three mouths, tendrils from the base of her neck and smooth skin. She was wearing a shirt that exposed her midriff and we could clearly see her gills.  
  
  
  
I tip my hat politely. "Nice to meet you ma'am. Name's Bill Cipher."  
  
"Ah...hello..." She looks a little nervous now. She glances at Jorgio and grabs his hand. "You didn't tell me the demon was coming too." She whispers from just one of her mouths.  
  
"Nartina, I told you I was inviting important friends of the Familia." Jorgio says in exasperation. He gives me an apologetic look. "I'm very sorry about her rudeness Signore Cipher."  
  
"Hm. Well her chances of getting my approval aren't completely ruined yet. I'll give her until the end of this vacation to prove she's an acceptable partner for you."  
  
Nartina looks back and forth between me and Jorgio. "Jorgio darling, is this really necessary?”  
  
Jorgio straightened and gives the girl a stern look. "Signore Cipher has the right to check my partners and dissolve any engagements if he finds them...unsatisfactory." To his credit, Jorgio didn't look like he was hoping I would kick this girl out. I knew he wasn't completely into her but it seemed he was making an effort to try.  
  
Were all the other eligible women really THAT bad?  
  
And now I feel bad for him. Even as the boss of a powerful mob family, he's still trapped by tradition and duty. He has to marry a daughter from one of the allied Familia. He's allowed to have mistresses but if any of them have his kid they wouldn't be allowed to inherit. Only the official wife is allowed that honor. Because blood was important.  
  
As the Don's wife is expected to be the 2nd in command (she's not just some pretty face, if anything happens to Jorgio she will be in charge) the Literatura wanted to be sure their wives were capable of it. Many generations back I had one of their Dons summon me and ask for a thorough analysis of his fiancee. She turned out to be an assassin.  
  
Needless to say they started a thing where they would sometimes ask for my opinion. Not all of them did. Tonio summoned me for the first time a few years after his marriage. Jorgio however, is worried about Nartina. Inviting us over for the summer was just an excuse, the true purpose of this trip was so I can judge his fiancee. And if he got to spend time with Pyronica that was just a bonus.  
  
The girl looked a little nervous now. She did not expect her partnership and engagement to Jorgio being so quickly judged. She had thought she'd already won since he picked her out of all the other girls. Now she glances at me and wilted, her smiles twitching. A quick scan of her thoughts revealed general worry but also a determination.  
  
_'I love Jorgio and I will not let the demon tear us apart!'_  
  
Love huh? I'll be keeping an eye on that. At least she wasn't an assassin. I give a subtle gesture with my hand to let Jorgio know she was 'safe' and he smiles more genuinely.  
  
"Come now Nartina. We shall leave them to settle in their rooms first." He takes his fiancee by the hand and leads her off. "When you're done, come join us in the gardens. Breakfast will be starting soon."  
  
I watched them go and hoped every thing works out.  
  
\---  
  
"...you hear a snuffling sound and the elevator thuds to a stop." I say from behind my divider. Everyone sat around me with their character sheets. Xanthar was napping behind me. I poked at his dreams now and then. After breakfast I started a Maid session, explaining the rules as we went along.  
  
"I search for the sound." Ammy declared.  
  
"Roll Cunning." I inform him. His dice had a pretty high sum. "You discover that something large is blocking the elevator from moving up."  
  
Pyronica sighs. "I still don't get why we have a service elevator inside a mountain."  
  
"Well how else are the castle staff going to get to and clean all the floors? The stairs are at the ends of dungeons filled with traps." Ammy says while rolling his eyes.  
  
"I thought we were playing a Maid game???" Keyhole scrunched up his face as he stared at the board on the ground. A tiny scale model of the mountain sat upon it, transparent so that we could see their characters inside a little box elevator.  
  
"We are. A few sessions ago Teeth got everyone fired when he set the mansion on fire so they found work under a new master." I explained. "The new master just happens to be a demon lord with a castle at the bottom of a 10 floor dungeon."  
  
"I go find the thing that's blocking the elevator." Ammy says, the only member of the original party. It might be unfair to Teeth, Hec and Kryptos for me to continue the game while they weren't here but Ammy really wanted to play. In his words "I want to get to know 8-Ball better."  
  
I absolutely could not turn him down.  
  
So here we all were, sitting around in Jorgio's garden playing a round of Maids. Jorgio appeared quite flabbergasted that such a game existed. Pyronica was rolling her eye. Nartina didn't seem to know how to behave around me.  
  
I rolled a few dice and consulted the random events chart. ".....there is a dragon stuck in the elevator shaft..."  
  
"How?! That makes no sense!" Pyronica groans and slumps back in her chair. "This game is stupid..."  
  
"I shoot it with spider thread." Ammy declared.  
  
"Let someone else have a turn Ammy." I admonish. He nods. "That's fair. What do you want to do 8-Ball?"  
  
The big guy scratched his head. "Um..." He squints at his character sheet. "I say hello to the dragon. Being stuck in a shaft must be scary. So I'm going to help it get free."  
  
I smile to myself behind my divider even as I create a mini dragon to stick inside the chute.  
  
They all worked to help get the dragon out of the elevator shaft and ended up adopting her. 8-Ball named her PixieStick and she was happily guarding the entrance to the demon king's dungeon, eating any poor adventurers that dared to approach.  
  
They did a pretty decent job cleaning the floors of the dungeon. Jorgio sacrificed a bunch of dead bodies stolen from the nearby village to summon more demons and then got side tracked building a ball pit on one of the dungeon floors. It was a nice, calm session that got me more insight into everyone.  
  
The thing with games like this, newbies who don't fully understand role playing and creating a 'character' to play as tend to play as themselves and a lot of what they choose to do can tell you about them as a person. It was a good ice breaker.  
  
Nartina was very reserved at first but she actually got very into it and was very insistent on decorating the dungeons with carpets and little vases while cleaning it. "If this is the dungeon for a demon king, it should have traps! Needles in specific spots of the carpets, explosives in the vases triggered by trip wire..."  
  
Nartina was pretty big on security and was more intelligent than I originally gave her credit for. Also, the fact that she wanted those trapped decorations for security against home invasions said a lot.  
  
8-Ball played with the dragon more than anything else but when the others voted him onto laundry duty he did try to do his chores properly. He asked about PixieStick's well being a few times. He also pushed for proper lighting in the dungeon, which prompted them all to go rob the nearby village for light bulbs. Pyronica ate the local law enforcement while Jorgio was attempting to bargain with the store owner so they didn't HAVE to rob him.  
  
Keyhole tried to keep to his chores and avoid conflict but he DID kinda, sorta, attempt to sabotage Jorgio's character while they were helping 8-Ball set up the light bulbs. I gave him a bunch of Stress damage for that. He took the hint and left Jorgio's maid alone.  
  
There were three Stress Explosions during the game and the demon king didn't get dinner because everyone forgot to do that in between their other tasks. To be fair an interdimensional portal opened up right above the ball pit and they had to deal with that. I passed out Favor points to everyone and ended the session.  
  
Pyronica, sadly, just wasn't the type to get into the game. I consider that maybe I should play D &D or Pathfinder with her instead? Something with actual combat?  
  
I wonder if I could homebrew alien races? I'll need to work out the stats for that...  
  
Jorgio informed us it was lunchtime. Pyronica and I both perked up at the mention of more food. The Don said we were going to the beach after lunch. Pyronica was thrilled to try swimming. I wanted to make her pretty bathing suits to wear. The two of us squee'd in delight. Nartina looked so confused.  
  
\---  
  
Nartina's eyes twitched as she watched Pyronica shovel food into her mouth like a beast. The girl was carefully and neatly cutting her own meal into little pieces and shuddered in disgust when Pyronica let out a loud belch after finishing her meal. Pyronica always ate quickly. Back on the streets she couldn't exactly take her time to eat, it was grab, swallow and go. She had to be quick about it so she didn't get caught.  
  
I've been trying to train her out of it and she is eating a little slower than when she first met me but when there were large pieces of food she never bothers to cut them up, just shoves it whole into her mouth (to be fair, same). I generally fix this problem by pre-cutting all her meat into smaller pieces. It slows her down so she can actually savor it a little.  
  
I'm still upset over the boar she swallowed whole.  
  
Keyhole and Ammy were used to her table manners. Jorgio found it hilarious. Nartina seemed insulted at Pyronica's behavior. She was a proper woman, raised with strict rules for etiquette. I note that she had her napkin neatly in her lap and was sitting straight in her chair. I also note her mild jealousy that Pyronica could eat so...freely without being scolded. Hm~perhaps Nartina isn't actually as prim as she tries to appear?  
  
Jorgio engaged Pyronica in conversation about her pregnancy. Was she feeling alright? Was there anything she needed? Was she comfortable? Did she know the sex of the child yet? I couldn't help but be amused by the obvious jealous looks being sent at them by both Keyhole and Nartina.  
  
Whenever Jorgio turns to look at her, Nartina would smile pleasantly, cheerful, bubbly and mildly demure. She was hiding her true personality behind a mask of a 'proper lady'. Or at the very least, what she was taught as a proper lady. I get images showing how wives were meant to look pretty and not much else. Unless her husband died or was incarcerated, in which case she would have to run the Familia as neutrally as she can until the next Head is found or her husband is freed from prison. She was intelligent and well educated but was expected to discard all that in the face of her husband.  
  
Oh boy...  
  
"Hey Ronica. If you're done eating I can help you design your swimsuit." I casually interject. She agreed and bid Jorgio a farewell for now. I split myself in two and sent one of Me with Pyronica while the other Me stayed here.  
  
"Hey miss Nartina? Can I speak with you for a moment? Alone?" I ask. She looks at me nervously and then over at Jorgio. "Don't worry you're not in trouble, I just want to talk." I assured her.  
  
Jorgio holds her hand and gives her three reassuring smiles. "It is alright. Signore Cipher is a family friend and he wouldn't hurt you unless you attack him or his friends first." Jorgio really HAS mellowed out. He trusts me more, though I have been trusting him more too.  
  
His confession to me that he loves how Pyronica makes him laugh really made me feel for him. Though it could also be because he's starting to take a more diplomatic route for his method in running the Familia instead of with force as he originally did. He was a young and insecure Don so his early rule was marked with violence as he struck out in fear and wanting to make himself appear threatening. Now that his men were more competent and his staff more loyal, he could relax his hard stance and try negotiations instead of threats.  
  
I led Nartina into a side room where we could talk privately.  
  
\---  
  
"I'm starting to get an idea of who you are but I figured I may as well ask you straight out. Do you love Jorgio? You hate pretending to be a brainless decoration and yet you still do it for him." I ask her gently, my gaze soft and sympathetic. Her expression cracks from its 'cutesy' mask and turns sad.  
  
"I really do love him." She confesses softly. "Ever since we were kids." She twirled her tendrils together absently. "Then he grew up to be an absolute BRAT!" She hisses. Little spikes extended out from her tendrils in her irritation.  
  
"He was always strutting around, acting like he already owned the place even before he became the next head. He was rude and dismissive and had NO respect for women!" She snarls. "So when his father died and he became the next head, I didn't bother trying to win his affections to become his wife like all the other girls."  
  
"Something changed I take it?" I asked, leaning back in my chair.  
  
"He changed back." She whispers. "He had returned to the sweet boy I'd met all those years ago. When I saw him at my father's party he didn't treat me like a piece of meat he was entitled to bed. He treated me like a person." She sniffles. "I was so happy. I fell in love all over again."  
  
She composed herself. "So I set to work trying to catch his attention. He...doesn't remember me from when we were kids. It was fine, it simply meant I had to work harder. None of the other girls cared about Jorgio, just his title and his money." She sneered.  
  
"But I won! Jorgio picked me to marry. It was all going wonderfully and then he told me he was inviting a woman over to stay for the summer, a pregnant woman. You can see how I might have been...peeved..."  
  
I nod. "I see where you're coming from but the child's not his. Nor would Jorgio ever sleep with Pyronica."  
  
  
  
She sighs. "I know that NOW but at the time...I felt betrayed. And once I found out that the reason Jorgio changed was because of HER...I just..." She trembled lightly with pent up emotion. "I was grateful that she managed to bring back the REAL Jorgio. I was jealous that SHE managed such a thing when I couldn't. I see the way he looks at her and I know he loves her more than he would ever love ME."  
  
She was openly crying now. "I may have won the coveted spot as his wife but I haven't won his heart and I just can't stand that!"  
  
I pat her back and she grabs my other hand to squeeze for comfort. "Have you told him this?"  
  
"Of course not! I sound like a greedy bitch!" She wails.  
  
"No you don't. You sound like a girl who loves her partner very much and just wishes to be loved in return. There's nothing wrong with that." I assured her. "I'm sure Jorgio would understand if you simply told him how you feel."  
  
She shakes her head. "I can't! It's too shameful." I wiped her tears. "It's not shameful at all."  
  
"But even if I tell him, it won't make him love me back. He'll simply KNOW and I don't want his pity."  
  
"Just because he doesn't love you now doesn't mean it'll stay that way. Things change. He doesn't hate you, he holds some affection for you. He wants this marriage to work but it never will if you're not honest with him." I sigh. "And that includes showing him the 'real' you. Not that giggly girly persona you keep putting on around him. I know your father taught you that was how a woman is supposed to behave but I'm sure you could tell by how Jorgio looks at Pyronica that he's not into that kind of thing."  
  
She groans. "I don't want to act like HER."  
  
"I'm not asking you to. I'm just saying that Jorgio isn't the kind of guy who's interested in a 'proper lady' so you may as well drop the act and be yourself. Who knows, he might actually like the real you. I already know he's not all that into you as a simpering wife-to-be, so why not take the chance to show him who you really are?"  
  
She mulled over my words. "You really think he would like me better if I wasn't cute and bubbly?"  
  
"I think you would be happier if you didn't have to pretend to be someone you're not."  
  
I give her a comforting pat on the shoulder-esque area and float back to the dining room. One conversation down, one to go.  
  
\---  
  
I returned to find Keyhole and Jorgio locked in a stare down.  
  
8-Ball was oblivious to the tension in the room, happily eating and playing with the mini dragon construct that he asked to keep after the game. Xanthar and the guards could clearly feel it and were awkwardly shifting as the silence dragged on.  
  
I roll my eye. Men.  
  
I clear my throat and they quickly try to pretend nothing was wrong. I let it slide for now. We finished eating, changed into swim wear and went to join Pyronica at the door to drive to the beach. Jorgio and Keyhole both complimented her swim suit. I joined my two halves back together and stared at the vehicle warily.  
  
As they all piled in and I stayed where I was with Xanthar, Jorgio looked at me in confusion. "Are you not coming Signore Cipher?" Nartina was quiet and contemplative beside him. She was in a modest bikini with long tassels that blended in with her tendrils.  
  
"I'm gonna ride on Xanthar. He can't fit in the car anyway." I deflect easily. Jorgio saw nothing wrong with my response and told his driver to go. Pyronica frowned but didn't say anything. Ammy, Keyhole and 8-Ball didn't notice anything off. As the car pulled away, Xanthar started running alongside it. He liked the exercise and I liked feeling the air blow past me. The coolness felt nice against my heated bricks.  
  
I'm not going back in a car. No way. Not if I can avoid it.  
  
\---  
  
  
  
Ah~the beach. Fine sand particles. An ocean of vibrantly green water. The gentle breeze along my bricks. Solar radiation trying it's hardest to kill me.  
  
"I love the beach!" I cheer happily as I run off to look for seashells, flinging the floaty donut off to land in the sand, I raced towards the water's edge. I don't need no flotation device. Xanthar was rolling around in a little sand pit he dug. 8-Ball was setting up towels, chairs and radiation shields.  
  
"Bill? Are these things venomous?" Ammy asked as he was covered in starfish-like creatures after wading through the water.  
  
  
  
"Don't worry. They're only deadly to silicone based life forms." I called to him while picking up a nice shell. Ooh~it was still in tact. Pyronica sighs as she lowers herself onto a chair. "Ugh, these little monsters are rowdy today." I'm at her side in an instant. "They kicked again?!" I sparkle as I stared at her belly.  
  
She laughs and rubs the round bump. "Yeah. They're getting bigger by the day."  
  
“5 more months until estimated arrival." I state as I press my side to her stomach, hoping to feel them. "Hello little ones~are you excited for beach day too?" I coo'ed at them.  
  
"Your clothes changed..." 8-Ball blinks in confusion as my bathing suit shifted from swim trunks to a bikini. I just grin as I waved my seashells around. "Well my mood changed!"  
  
  
  
He didn't seem to get it and I didn't care enough to explain but Keyhole and Jorgio were both blushing when they realized I had switched genders, Jorgio looked mildly disturbed. "U-um I'm going to watch my men set up the snack bar...yes..."  
  
I watched him walked away awkwardly. "Yeesh, is he still weirded out by the fact that his grandfather had a crush on me?" Nartina looked back and forth between me and Jorgio. "What?"  
  
"It's unimportant." I dismiss while putting my shells down near Pyronica's chair. "Watch these for me. I'm gonna go find more." I run off cheerfully to poke around the water's edge. 8-Ball came out with me and asked if I needed help. I told him to find any pretty, colorful shells.  
  
"But if you find any square-shaped ones, don't touch them." I warn him while sifting through the sand. "There's a highly venomous species of shell-worm on this planet that can kill most organic life with just one sting."  
  
8-Ball backed away from the water warily. "Um...I'm just...gonna go play in the sand instead." He whimpered. I shrug, my bathing suit changing back into trunks. "Suit yourself."  
  
  
  
Jorgio comes back with one of his guards carrying several containers of food and drink. I spot more of his men setting up grills and other cooking supplies. "Ooh~are we having a barbecue?" He seemed relieved I was male again.  
  
"Oh, I'm kinda thirsty..." Pyronica pouts. "And I just sat down too..." She turns her pout to the boys "Can one of you get one for me~?"  
  
"I got this!" Keyhole runs off to grab a fancy drink from the booth that Jorgio's men set up. Jorgio reaches for it too. "I am the host, I should be caring for the needs of my guests."  
  
The two began glaring at each other again and before I knew it the two were fighting over the cup. Pyronica was watching them with an amused look on her face.  
  
  
  
"Shouldn't you say something?" I ask her as they tumbled across the sand, somehow still keeping the cup upright. She just cackles. "You kidding? This is hilarious."  
  
Nartina was trembling and glaring at the laughing Cyclopian. "It's NOT funny!" She hisses. "Stop playing with Jorgio's feelings like this!"  
  
Pyronica gives the fuming girl a smug look. "Who's playing? I never ASKED them to fight~I guess I'm just worth fighting over~"  
  
"Um..." I awkwardly float and watch my best friend egg on Nartina. Did this mean Pyronica knew how Keyhole felt about her? To be fair, he wasn't very good at hiding it. But it's not like her to be so mean about it. So what was Pyronica after?  
  
"How DARE you?!" Nartina shrieks before launching herself at the very obviously pregnant other woman. I quickly got a shield up around both of them so no one got hurt. Jorgio stares at Nartina in shock, his limbs still wrapped around Keyhole and reaching for the cup.  
  
He quickly untangled himself and rushes up to his fiancee as she clawed at my shield. "Nartina! What are you doing!" He gives me a nervous look, afraid that I might retaliate over this attack on my friend.  
  
"She is no good for you! She was manipulating your feelings for her own amusement!" Nartina cries. "You should have seen her LAUGHING at you Jorgie! She doesn't care about you like I do!"  
  
"Jorgie?" Jorgio asks in confusion. Nartina blushes and shoves him away to run off. I see frustrated and embarrassed tears. Jorgio stares at her retreating form and looks quite lost. Pyronica nudges his back. "Go after her, you idiot." She grins.  
  
Jorgio gives Pyronica one last look before taking off across the sand after his fiancee. Pyronica smoothly gets up and swipes the drink from Keyhole's slack grip. "About time that girl finally spoke up. I was getting tired of her glaring at me."  
  
"Did you just..." I stare dumbfounded at the distant couple. Jorgio managed to catch up to Nartina and was holding her hand gently. I can see them talking though they were too far to hear.  
  
"I just pissed that girl off so she'd finally say what she really felt." Pyronica says smugly as she sits back down and sips her drink. Keyhole quietly comes over to sit in the sand. "What just happened?"  
  
I watch as Jorgio hugs Nartina and the two kiss. "I think Pyronica just got those two together."  
  
"Eh~wasn't that hard. She obviously liked him and he's too dumb to notice. Dunno how they got engaged when he's THAT oblivious." Pyronica shrugs.  
  
"The other girls to choose from were simply THAT bad." I shrug. "Good job by the way."  
  
"Meh~I just didn't want her being jealous of me this whole vacation. Besides, Jorgio's cute but I doubt there'd ever be anything between us. Might as well get him to move on to someone else." Pyronica turns to Keyhole "Speaking of...I think we need to have a proper talk."  
  
Keyhole turns brown so fast I couldn't help but be impressed. "Talk? W-what about?" He sweats.  
  
"Yeah? What about?" Ammy wanders over to ask. When Pyronica sent me a _Look_ , I gently grab Ammy and 8-Ball to lead them away to where Xanthar was splashing in the water. "It's about none of our business so lets leave them alone to chat..."  
  
\---  
  
I don't know what they said to each other. Keyhole seemed a little disheartened but not heart broken. I didn't want to know so I didn't ask. Meanwhile Jorgio and Nartina were talking a lot more. He was trying harder to give her the attention she wanted and she was more open than she's been since I first met her. I sincerely hoped things worked out for them.  
  
It was a relaxing vacation and I amassed a good collection of shells and little rocks. Pyronica was quite amused at my collection. "What are you? A Maagbird?" She laughs. I got a couple summons but managed to do them without any issue. Pyronica asked if I needed someone to come with me and I told her ‘no’ while feeling annoyed she was STILL asking.  
  
If I'm careful there's no problem. I didn't like how I got irritated at every little thing recently. I shouldn't be so upset. But I was. The flare of irritation inside me felt odd. I'm not used to getting mad at Pyronica and everyone else. I don't know why I was getting so worked up but it was annoying. I normally got that instinctual irritation when Time Baby made demands of me. This felt different though.  
  
Ugh...this better not be some sign of further mental degradation. I did NOT want that to be the case (I was already hiding the fact that I go off to the Nightmare Realm to stab myself whenever I needed my Pain fix). I'm over 400 billion years old and I didn't know how to fix myself if that was the case. How does one repair sanity? The irritation itched inside me. It was uncomfortable. Like my skin was too small. It itched and I couldn't scratch it. I couldn't make it go away unless I left for a few years to let the time and distance from everyone settle this feeling inside me.

Sometimes it got so bad I would tear myself open, shedding my exoskeleton and leaving black trails of blood all over the nightmare realm. Horrible creatures spawned out of my blood. Monsters with more limbs than physically possible, demons with eyes and voices that brought insanity to all who hear or see them...

  
I started creating nightmares again. The bubbles of madness flowed out of me until I didn't feel so bloated. The itching would go away and I would be able to pull myself together enough to go home to everyone. Sometimes it didn't help as much as I wanted.  
  
I sometimes snapped at my friends. A quick burst of anger and then guilt as I apologized. I felt awful and I couldn't understand why. I felt that maybe I should pull off another heist with my friends. A little supervised rampage of innocent chaos and fun bonding time. Piss off the Federation in a way that didn't give them any legal right to take action against us.  
  
It helped somewhat.  
  
I found a corrupt government official from Dimension 87"/0 who was secretly running a slave trade. We stormed his castle and robbed him of everything he owned. He called the Federation for help but I 'coincidentally' revealed the cages full of kidnapped children under his basement while the officers were chasing me through the governor's house.  
  
While they were distracted arresting the man, I managed to get us out of there. We were all laughing maniacally as we ran off with sacks full of loot. 8-Ball thought this meant stealing was fine and I had to sit everyone down and explain that stealing WASN'T alright unless it's taking stuff directly from a jerk. When 8-Ball wanted further clarification I told him to consult his eyes "Will Bill agree to this?" and go from there.  
  
It didn't really stop 8-Ball from getting arrested when he went off by himself (he was punished for going off by himself despite the fact that I specifically forbid any rampages without me). I was getting tired of bailing him out. My patience wasn't doing so good. Oddly enough my weird mood swings only seemed to happen while I was in Bill or William's form. Jan, Miz and Xin had none of the irritated itching feelings.  
  
I've spent more time as Jan, hosting concerts every few years (the average lifespan of alien creatures was a few hundred years so its not all that strange to have such long breaks between concerts). Instead of planning them out, I asked my fans to vote on which songs they wanted to hear online. They seemed thrilled at this interaction.  
  
Is it narcissistic to watch videos of my own concerts and drool over how hot I am?  
  
Why did I have to make Jan and Xin's forms so pretty?! Uuuugh it's so weird being aesthetically attracted to myself!!!  
  
Pyronica waddled into the room to find me hitting my head against the wall while my laptop was opened to a full page spread image of Jan-Jan lounging on a table. It was taken by a paparazzi sneaking behind the stage to snap the shot while I was stretching before a concert and the only reason I haven't had it taken down from the internet was because I liked looking at it.  
  
It was still kinda embarrassing.  
  
"Um...Bill?" Pyronica asks. I hiss when the itching starts up again. A faint tickle for now but I had to get this dealt with before it got worse. "Are you ok?"  
  
"I'm fine!" I say it bit too forcefully before groaning. "Sorry. I've just been feeling weird lately..." I scratch at my bricks but I can't reach an itch if it's inside me.  
  
Pyronica frowns and looks down at her stomach, then up at me. "Could it be...?" She mutters. She goes closer to me "Can I pick you up?"  
  
I nod and she lifts me up to place on her belly. I grumble and wiggle around uncomfortably. She watches me shift for a while before commenting "Are YOU pregnant?"  
  
"What?! No!" I cry indignantly. She hums, considering, and peers at me. "Well I've been feeling fine, despite my pregnancy. It only gets uncomfortable whenever you're not around. So maybe you're somehow getting all the stress that I should be feeling by accident?"  
  
I sputtered. Was that even a THING that could happen? I whine at the horrible itching inside me. "I don't know....how would that even happen?"  
  
"You tell me. I'm not the knowledge god here." Pyronica rolls her eye. I ponder the subject. "Well I AM a telepathic and empathic creature...it's possible?" I scratch at my bricks again. Sometimes it got so bad I wanted to crack myself open again. Was it possible my body THOUGHT it was pregnant from unconsciously picking up sensations from Pyronica and was driving me nuts because of it?  
  
"Well what are you feeling right now?" Pyronica asks.  
  
"Itchy, bloated...kinda horny..." I muttered. Pyronica lights up "Ooh~we should go find you the solution for that~!”  
  
I made an X shape with my hands. "Nope. That is NOT the answer I'm looking for." She pouts. "Seriously Ronica what is it with you and trying to get me laid?" I cried in annoyance.  
  
"It's so weird that you keep refusing it." She says in exasperation. "I know you like the feeling of it but why do you refuse to find a partner?"  
  
"It's not like there's anyone I'm really into, not that it would make a difference. The idea of having sex with anyone is still…gross..."  
  
Pyronica sighs. "I'm just trying to help. Maybe getting laid would make you feel better."  
  
"Well I'm just gonna go and masturbate on my own." I grumble before floating off. "Besides, this is only gonna be until your babies are due so I'll just bear with it until then."  
  
"But-" Pyronica starts to say but I've already Blinked away. I'm gonna go check on the Earth. That should give me time away from everyone for a while.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Pyronica's instincts were correct. Bill is (metaphorically) pregnant. But Bill does not realize the monsters he spawns into the Nightmare Realm are manifestations of twisted children. Even if he didn't have sex, as a psychic creature he was mentally fertilized from just being in the room and absorbing the feelings from when Pyronica conceived and these horrifying monsters are the children he is unintentionally birthing. So yes, Bill IS sort-of pregnant. She just happens to birth Nightmares instead of children...
> 
> She is also so far in denial that she doesn't even realize she is continuously spawning inside the Nightmare Realm. 'They don't have Souls so they can't be children' is what he thinks. The only reason Ammy has a soul is because he was born from an ejected Piece.
> 
> \---
> 
> I can't remember if I've mentioned this before but my youngest sister drew Bill and Lord Spud (the Potato god)  
>   
> And she also made this monstrosity (a true artist)  
> 


	54. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was bound to happen eventually. I shouldn't have been surprised really...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warning for a short NSFW masturbation scene.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 51**  
  
**-I exist in a state of Quantum Uncertainty-**  
  
—  
  
Not much to say about the Earth. No that's incorrect, there was plenty to see and plenty to describe but it can all be boiled down to "Lots of shit is evolving" and that's pretty much it. How long until the dinosaurs? Well, probably a few hundred million years. Everything looked fine otherwise (barring a few mass extinction events here and there...I've gotten used to it by now). The plants were growing, the animals were roaming and the satellite pretending to be the moon was still watching. Geez, and the Federation was upset at ME for spying on people? They do that too! They’re just jealous that I’m so much better than them at it.  
  
I wish there was a fast forward button. Could I ask Time Baby about that? He hasn't sent me on any missions for a while now. How many Favors does he owe me by this point? A couple dozen? Could I spend a few to make him hurry it up here?  
  
Naw, too much trouble.  
  
I use up most of my Favors getting my friends out of prison whenever they get into MAJOR trouble that paying bail won’t get them out of.  
  
I look at the satellite moon and wonder what was going to happen with Earth. I know in the Gravity Falls continuity that the moon landing was faked due to the fact that the moon wasn't real but that didn't mean humans weren't capable of space travel. I vowed to myself then and there that I will make sure humans made it to the moon...even if it means they'll still have to fake the actual landing because the moon wasn't real.  
  
I wonder what the agents inside that satellite were expected to be observing?  
  
With curiosity in my core, I slid past the metal shielding with a bit of struggle and slipped inside the satellite. Airtight this stuff may be but I've always been good at wiggling through tiny spaces, even as a human. Plus, whoever was assigned here was currently asleep and I easily let myself be drawn into his dreamscape.  
  
I appeared in a lovely island home with gorgeous dancing women and the dreaming man laughing as he was drowned in riches. Ah. One of these dreams. I watched for a bit before quickly growing bored and floating off to see how much of his mind I could access.  
  
There we go. Memories....memories...ah found it!  
  
**[Mission: Observe planet E-arth in Dimension 13291395/ for possible use as a wildlife reserve.**  
  
**Current assessment: Good. The planet is large and diverse with many environments and biomes. Capable of supporting many different types of life forms. Time Baby has stated a vested interest in this planet. Reason unknown but if Time Baby wants this planet protected then we shall protect it.**  
  
**It is suspected that E-arth is actually the home world of many Time Agents and Police from the future. Why it is that Time Baby holds such a favoritism to this species known as Humans is a mystery, especially since they do not currently exist. The existence of Humans is still kept under wraps on the Galactic scale. The humans currently in Time Baby's employ conceal themselves behind perception filters that make them unable to be identified.**  
  
**Was this the reason? Time Baby keeps the humans around because they can so easily be overlooked? Perfect for use as Time Agents who are expected to blend in to the background and go unnoticed?]**  
  
I pulled out of the files and hummed to myself. So Time Baby really was helping me keep the Earth safe. Well shit I think this means I need to do something nice to thank him.  
  
I made him a nice giant bowl of starberry pudding. Like, swimming pool sized. He actually looked happy for once.  
  
\---  
  
“NOOOOOO!!!!!!”  
  
Everyone jolts when my scream rings throughout the Death Star.  
  
“Bill?! What’s wrong?!” Keyhole gasps as he tumbles into the pantry where I was kneeling on the ground in despair. I look up at him and the others as they came in to see what was wrong. With tears in my eye I whispered brokenly “We’re out of potatoes…”  
  
“YESSSS!!!!” Pyronica pumps a fist into the air. “I mean oh no~that’s horrible~” She drawls unconvincingly when I turn my teary eye towards her.  
  
No one gave me the comfort I needed. I ran off crying about how no one understands me.  
  
—

Shopping for baby clothes was difficult. Mainly because I keep turning people into stuffed animals in embarrassment when they assumed I was the father. Pyronica told me I had to leave but there was no way in all the levels of Hell I was gonna leave her unprotected while pregnant in a public area so I just floated behind her like a glowing, growling balloon as she picked out clothes and toys.

"Why are we even buying this when you can make everything?" She wonders. I glare at a random Pandeen that just happened to walk too close to us and they quickly turn to run off. Yeah you better run! Pyronica tugs on my leg. "Bill. Stop that."

"Well I want to support artists and makers." I reply to her original question. She blinks. "Is that why we're shopping in this small family run shop instead of the brand name ones?"

"Yup. Also, they have more unique stuff here anyway." I grin. Pyronica stares at a lamp shaped like a Swizzlefish riding a pogo stick. "Yeah. Unique..."

I put in a commission for a special baby crib. I even had the blue prints drawn out to show the carpenter what I wanted. It was a triangle of course.

\---  
  
I still haven't told my gang about my secret identity as Jan. It’s much too embarrassing. So I was faced with a dilemma when Kryptos comes up to me one day and begs to go to a Jan-Jan concert.  
  
"Ooh! I've always wanted to see him live too~" Pyronica purred. "But the tickets are always sold out..." She sighed dramatically.  
  
"But you can get anything Bill! You're the best! You can definitely get tickets right?" Kryptos gushed at me.  
  
"Well...I CAN get tickets..." I mutter and the two of them squee'd. "But is this really so important?"  
  
"I know you're busy that day Bill. You always have something important to do when a concert happens." Kryptos said sadly.  
  
Of course I'm busy. I have to perform that concert.  
  
"But we can record it for you right? I know you're a fan of Jan as well."  
  
"Wut?"  
  
Kryptos blushes. "Well we all know how much you love music. You know all the words to his songs. You’ve got that poster of him in the secret hallway. And you play his songs on the piano too sometimes.”  
  
Of course I do. They're my songs. And how did you guys find my secret hallway with full page spreads of cute guys/girls?!  
  
"I can see why you like him Bill." Pyronica nods like she has figured out the meaning of life. "He's incredibly attractive and mysterious. No one knows for sure when his concerts will happen since he makes his own schedule and he never lets anyone tell him what to do. He always disappears right after a concert and only his manager gets any messages from him."  
  
"I can't believe this is happening." I deadpan.  
  
"So I was thinking the whole gang could go to a concert and record it for you." Kryptos hurriedly continued. He looks at Teeth and 8-Ball who were playing a game of cards and cleared his throat loudly. The two look up and begin nodding and saying "OH! Yes, yes."  
  
I squint my eye suspiciously at them and they sweat nervously. Keyhole walks into the room, looks at the situation and walks right back out slowly.  
  
"So tickets to Jan's concert for the lot of you? Everyone's going?"  
  
"We've been really good recently. Can't we get a treat? Pretty please?" Pyronica bats her eye at me and I roll mine.  
  
"Fine. You guys have been on good behavior. Pyronica hasn’t even eaten anymore innocent civilians when we were shopping for baby supplies. Alright. I may know a guy who can get me some tickets. You guys better appreciate it."  
  
"Eeee! You're the BEST Bill!" Pyronica dances in place and squeals happily. I feel a flash of pride and joy that my friends enjoyed my singing this much. From the heat I can feel blazing through my bricks I know I'm blushing. "Yeah, yeah whatever. I'll go get those tickets."  
  
I blink away, transforming while in between dimensions into my Jan form. I stretch my arms out and rotate my shoulders to reorient myself to this body. Now where was that manager of mine?  
  
It wasn't hard to convince him to give me a few extra tickets. Ivanlock seemed thrilled that I was giving them personally to some special fans. He's always suggesting that I interact with my fans more. Do more interviews. Go on talk shows. Hold a special meet and greet with my fans. I keep telling him I like my privacy. There have been many paparazzi who've tried to follow me around but I simply teleport into the Nightmare Realm to loose them.  
  
I refused to tell him who those fans were though. After chatting a bit about my profits from my last concert a few months back (a third of which is safe in a Federation bank under Jan's name and the rest donated to various charities) I bid him a pleasant good bye and teleported away.  
  
\---  
  
"Ohmigosh Ohmigosh! You really got us tickets!!!"  
  
"Please- who do you think you're talking to?" I tilt my hat and wink. Kryptos is jumping for joy as he clutches his ticket.  
  
"Aaaah! I'm so happy I made that deal to be your friend!!" Kryptos gushes in gratitude. I smile fondly at the memories. The whole multiverse knows how dangerous Bill Cipher is. They also know that becoming Bill's 'friend' will pretty much ensure all your dreams come true. Because as long as you are loyal and retain his favor, Bill Cipher can grant your every desire if he's feeling generous.  
  
There have been many creatures both good and bad who've tried to gain my favor over the years. Some I will take in for a trial run before they are politely declined or horribly destroyed. Through some cosmic fate I have separately met and taken in all of CanonBill's friends under different circumstances. Was this the power of Canon? It was amazing in retrospect.  
  
I love my friends. For all their flaws as misfit abominations and criminals, I sincerely love each and every one of them. I don't know if they even truly comprehend how much power they hold as my inner circle. My outer circle of miscellaneous friends were made up of beings who have chosen not to live directly under my influence (or in the case of Jessie's shrine maidens, they don't know who I really am). They have my protection but are not granted any special favors otherwise, most don’t even have immortality. PaciFire’s wrestler buddies mainly just hang out with him, Teeth and Pyronica. Queenie was still alive and kicking the last time I went to check on her. Her case was a little different though.  
  
Most of the outer group is made up of good people in dire circumstances who simply wish to live unmolested by cruel society. The outcasts. The poor and downtrodden. They don't want power or boons, just to be left alone. I mark them as I mark all my 'friends' with my sign to let the universe know that they are my property and no one fucks with Bill's property. I’m still keeping an eye on Quafa and his kids. They’re doing well, I’m happy for them. There has been SOME trouble from people who refuse to hire Quafa but a couple nightmare threats quickly made those employers change their minds.  
  
It’s pretty twisted but it was the only way to ensure their safety. There have been a few times when one of my outer circle was harmed and I came down upon their attackers with all the righteous fury of a vengeful god of Destruction. I take my duty to protect them very seriously. I don’t think Pyronica or the others even know about those people, they tend to be people who summoned me for long term Deals that last for their lifetime.  
  
If any of them abuses my protection, I punish them myself. This has led to the misunderstanding that Bill Cipher can destroy his summoners/friends on a whim if they ever lose his favor. They're not technically wrong but it's still a bad reputation to live with.  
  
I've also made it clear that my protection only extends to defending my ‘friends’ from unprovoked hostility. I had one guy try to abuse his protection by robbing a bank while the police were too afraid to stop him. I blinked onto the scene to inform them that if one of my friends causes trouble first, they are on their own. The police then happily arrested him and I cheerfully waved good bye as he was chained and dragged away. I changed my mark on him from black to a faded gray to symbolize that he no longer had my favor but still belonged to me. Like Liu-Dag’s was…damn that was a looooong time ago.  
  
I have to keep an eye on troublesome people like that.  
  
My inner circle are essentially the friends who WANT to live with me FOREVER. They want to cause trouble and are perfectly fine with facing the consequences head on. They are unapologetic rebels who do what they want and I love them all for it.  
  
Then there were the friends I made in Miz’s identity, Jessie’s many shrine maidens that I still hung out with. Hutie’s birthday was coming up, I should get them something…man, keeping track of all these people in my life was HARD.  
  
While I was busy reminiscing, Kryptos had passed out the tickets and Keyhole (who was apparently Jan's BIGGEST fan) was overcome with emotion, leaped up and hugged me. I froze, clamping down on my reflex to - ~~destroy-~~ push him off. Everyone else froze. Keyhole went rigid when he realized what he'd just done.  
  
"I'm so sorry Bill! I didn't mean to-" he hastily let go and backed away. The fear in his eyes hurt me in a way I can't properly articulate. "It’s fine Keyhole. You just...surprised me." I tried to reassure him. I was fine with hugs, really, I was! Just…I need adequate warning to prepare myself…  
  
He grinned nervously and I nearly broke down. It’s fine for the universe to fear me. But you're my friends. Don't you...trust me?  
  
"It’s fine. I'm not mad. Really. Just…ask first.” I float closer and gently rub Keyhole's head. He's trembling a little and I push back my sadness. "Geez guys, you know I’m better now right? I’ve gotten over that.” Keyhole relaxed a little and managed a shaky smile. "I am sorry though. I know you don't like being touched Bill."  
  
I hum in acknowledgment. "I don't like being surprise touched. If you want a hug you can ask for one. Okay buddy?" I smile at him in the most gentle way I can, finally realizing that my bricks had flickered Red earlier (which was what had everyone so tense). Everyone finally relaxes and continue talking excitedly about the up coming concert a galactic week from now.  
  
I excuse myself, stating some important task to do and blink away to the Nightmare Realm where I finally let out all the anguish I felt inside. As I sit on the burning upside down mountain I cried long and hard about the lack of trust. I have never hurt any of them, not seriously. I may have gotten angry, thrown things, transformed them into something else or yelled at them but I've never once truly hurt them. Can they really not trust me to be okay with them? After all we've been through together? After all I've done for them? Even if I turn red it doesn’t mean…it didn’t mean…  
  
I thought we’d moved past this? I suppose…while from my perspective it’s been eons since my trauma occurred, for them…it’s only been a few decades? Is that why?  
  
\---  
  
The concert was coming up soon. I went to a few rehearsals (to my manager’s surprise), the stage was set up, everything was fully prepared and I had gotten over my most recent bout with depression.  
  
Small miracle that I retained my inability to stay upset for long. I can hold a grudge forever but my moods come and go pretty quick.  
  
Around 2 hours before the concert I'm in my dressing room backstage adjusting my outfit. I told my friends to go have fun at the concert yesterday before I left for my 'important business'. They seemed...genuinely happy. That was good. I have to put my all into making this concert a fun time. For my fans and for my friends.  
  
I shifted my clothes in front of the mirror again. I raked my eyes up and down my form and drooled. Mmm~sexy bishounen~  
  
You know what? I've got some time to kill before the concert starts...  
  
**(((((((((((((((((((Entirely self indulgent masturbation scene. You can just skip it.)))))))))))))))**  
  
One hand reaches down and slowly begins rubbing between my legs. My eyes are glued to the mirror, watching this beautiful young man touch himself. Seriously, I'm kinda fucked up. Would this be called narcissistic kink? It's not really me, just a hot guy that happens to be the body I'm in...I don't know?  
  
I make little noises as my body begins reacting to both my touch and the image I see before me. Two of my hands reach up to slowly slip under my shirt and rub at my chest. My reflection smiles seductively. The hands on my chest find my nipples and gently begin rubbing circles around them. "Mmph-" the hand at my crotch rubs a little faster.  
  
My remaining hand pulls my shirt up so I can see myself. In the mirror I watch as his nipples are exposed, cute dark brown nubs on his smooth tanned skin. Black fingers are tracing the areola slowly and deliberately. My breathing picks up as I look at the slowly forming tent in his pants.  
  
The hand between my legs begins pulling my pants down. My eyes are staring at the half hard erection and the sight makes it twitch as a jolt runs down my spine. The hand at my shirt lets go to reach down and wrap around that cock. I gasp at the feeling of my warm hand and slowly stroke it. Gentle touches. I mewl and buck instinctively. My body wanting more friction.  
  
The fingers begin lightly pinching my nipples and I gasp at the jolt of sensation shooting through my chest (a perk of designing this body from the ground up, I can make ANYTHING an erogenous zone, Jan-Jan's nipples were purposely made to be incredibly sensitive). The hand not on my dick comes up to my mouth. My reflection opens his mouth wide to expose cute little fangs and a wet tongue. Two fingers go in that mouth and the tongue sets to work licking at them. The wet sounds of suckling fill the air and I moan softly.  
  
https://78.media.tumblr.com/580d3ec7f9d87c84781113425f95e0c6/tumblr_p2onb40MOI1x2rcv1o1_540.png  
(I forgot he was supposed to be wearing clothes AUGH! Also, I can’t draw dicks…)  
  
My reflection begins stroking his cock faster. It hardens more and more, straining upright under the combination of touch and the sight of it. That is a nice juicy dick you've got there~ I tell my reflection. He moans in response as a third finger slips into his mouth. I feel warm all over. My nipples are hard and my dick is aching. I stick a fourth finger into my mouth and gagged. Ok, nope, too much. It looks cool in concept but it feels bad in person, got it.  
  
The hand wet with saliva goes down to wrap firmly around his throbbing cock and pumps it fast. I gasp and writhe at the feeling. I squeeze tighter. I twist his nipples. The fourth hand is roaming across his body touching everywhere. It’s tracing the outlines of muscles, it’s going down to caress his balls, it’s going back up to cover his mouth as the sounds get louder.  
  
I buck into my hand again and again. My saliva makes it slippery and there's a clear fluid leaking from my tip that only makes it even more so. There's a wet fleshy noise as I continue to pump my cock faster. Yes. Yes. Keep going. My reflection is flushed and muffling his moans with a pitch black hand. Oh I bet you want to scream don't you? You just want to let it all out.  
  
His eyelids are fluttering, my vision blinking in and out along with his. He's sweating and moaning pitifully as the hand on his cock continues wringing those delicious sounds from his throat. I can tell he's getting close. I feel it building up in the pit of my stomach. He's going to come. I'm going to-  
  
"Mmmmpph!" I cried into my hand as my orgasm went through me. I try desperately to keep my eyes open. To watch the process in the mirror. My dick is spewing out a shimmering transparent material (like liquid starlight) and my body twitches on the chair. I slump boneless with a dazed look. The hand at my mouth has dropped limp and there's nothing muffling the panting gasps.  
  
The sight in the mirror was quite erotic but I'm too tired to really appreciate it right now (maybe I should tweak my refractory period?). I pant and feel the heart in this body pounding madly. Man, I have **got** to do this more often.  
  
There’s cum on my hand and pants. Good thing my clothes are all shapeshifted. It'd be a bitch to clean up normally. Once my limbs stop trembling I get up and trudge to the bathroom. A nice hot shower sounds perfect right now.  
  
**(((((((((((((((Okay its safe to read again.))))))))))))))))))**  
  
\---  
  
I step out on stage to the loud cheering of my fans. I wave at them enthusiastically with all four hands and look around. I easily spot Xanthar in the crowd, the others standing near him. They really came.  
  
"Is everyone ready to get set on fire tonight?"  
  
"YEAH!!” The crowd screams. I hear a voice shrieking "I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!" and hide a wince. Fans are crazy.  
  
I gesture and form little 'music bubbles' that immediately begin pumping out a beat. They float away to hover above me, pulsing in different colors. I hold the Mic up, grinning widely. "Lets start the evening with a classic of mine. Bad Apple!" The crowd roars in response.  
  
  
(Too lazy to shade in his skin properly)  
  
_“Ever on and on I continue circling~ with nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony~ till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing~ and suddenly I see that I can’t break free and~”_  
  
I have a lot of fun and by the cheering, my fans have fun too. I set a lot of the stage (and audience) on fire but it’s not hot enough to truly hurt anyone and the element of danger was apparently one of the draws for my concerts. People are weird.  
  
\---  
  
I leave the stage after another successful show and was walking back to my changing room to meet with Ivanlock when Pyronica steps out from behind a corner. I blink at her dumbly. Wasn't there supposed to be security?  
  
"Um...hi?" I say awkwardly.  
  
"Ooh~you're even cuter in person~" she gushes as she walks closer and bends down to see me better.  
  
"How...did you get back here?" I ask, somewhat dreading the answer.  
  
"Oh don't worry your pretty little face. The guards are just unconscious. We made sure not to hurt anyone."  
  
"We?" I ask with a sinking feeling.  
  
A large clawed hand grabs me around my slim waist and 8-Ball is lifting me into the air. I stiffen and grab onto his hand as my stomach does flips from being held above the ground.  
  
"What?!" I manage to cry out before a wet cloth is pressed to my face and the world spins dizzily. I hear Pyronica apologize. "-e're not going to hurt you..."  
  
I slump and my consciousness leaves me.  
  
\---  
  
Having my consciousness scattered for a while always feels weird. Regardless I snap back into focus with a jolt and a gasp. Good thing I crafted this form thoroughly enough that it wouldn't fall apart when I wasn't actively maintaining it.  
  
I glance around to see that I was laying on one of the many comfy sofas in the Death Star. The memories rush back and I face palm. My friends kidnapped me. Oh my god. I thought I told them that non-consensual kidnapping wasn’t cool. I really don’t know how to feel about this.  
  
"You're awake! Oh thank void! We were kinda worried since no one actually knows your species and we didn't know if that tranquilizer would have any weird side effects.” I look up from my hand to see Hectorgon seated across from me.  
  
"I can't believe you guys did that." I groan and hide my face again, a headache already forming at the thought of how the public will react when they realized Space Idol Jan-Jan was kidnapped.  
  
Hopefully there won't be a panic. I quickly scan through the images to see what the situation was. With my hand covering my eyes I can hide the use of my powers. Okay...mild panic. Ivan found the tranquilized guards. Shit he called the police. They checked the area for clues. Hectorgon disabled the security cameras so they couldn't find any video evidence of what happened. The guards were all attacked from a blind spot so none of them have any clue as to the culprits. How long has the gang been planning this?! And behind my back too?!  
  
I'm actually quite impressed.  
  
"Don't worry we're not going to harm you." Hectorgon assured me soothingly. Out of my friends, Hec was the best at negotiations due to his deep voice and nice tie. It made people think he was a reasonable guy. Hec is actually just a huge dork, but he's good at making people think he’s competent and in charge.  
  
It doesn't work on me because I know them. I sigh. "Where's everyone else?" I level a flat stare at him. "If we're gonna talk I'd rather not have to repeat myself." Hec seemed surprised at how nonchalant I am about my situation. Well aren't THEY in for a surprise.  
  
He got up and knocked on the door. The rest of my gang filed in. Keyhole was fidgeting nervously and looked very guilty. I can’t help but smile fondly. So cute.  
  
"So. You all decided to kidnap me. Any particular reason?" I lounge back on the couch with two of my arms crossed like I owned the place, which I did. I had my eyebrow quirked in a way that I knew from long hours posing in front of a mirror looked quite attractive on this form.  
  
They shift nervously. I resist the urge to summon a martini to sip as I stare them down. I inspect the nails on one of my hands as I wait for their response.  
  
PaciFire grumbles. "Aren't you being too demanding here? You're our prisoner."  
  
I laughed uproariously. One hand on my head and two on my stomach. The 4th hand pounding the sofa with a fist. They jump back in shock at the sudden noise. I cackled for a good long while before gasping for breath.  
  
"ME?! Your prisoner! AHAHAHAHA! Oh you're gonna kill me! Ah my sides! Ahaha!"  
  
I gasp and laugh hysterically some more. Kryptos had a look of dawning realization and horror. No doubt he's already noticed my incredibly familiar (unhinged) behavior. My eyes were closed as I laughed. Finally I stopped and when my eyes opened they were a burning gold with slit pupils. "This is the most stupidly hilarious thing that's happened to me in centuries. Congrats for that at least~"  
  
Pyronica's mouth falls open. "B-Bill?!"  
  
The others were catching on now and Keyhole looked horrified. Ammy straight out dropped his blocks. 8-Ball gasped before laughing and pointed at me. "Oh cool Bill! You possessed Jan!"  
  
We all stare incredulously at 8-Ball. I face palm and sigh. "Oh my god I cannot deal with this..."  
  
I (sort of) snap my fingers and shift back into myself. 8-Ball gasps. "Bill! You?! What?! I'm confused..." he moans.  
  
I rolled my eye. "It’s a long and boring story."  
  
"Oh my god. Bill is Jan-Jan. Is this real life?!" Keyhole seems to be having a breakdown.  
  
I pet Keyhole's head. "It’s fine kid. I will admit I'm actually impressed you guys pulled off such an interesting heist. Though I thought I told you guys that kidnapping someone without their permission was rude.”  
  
"I feel so embarrassed right now." Pyronica flushed a dark pink. I grin at her. "So you think I'm attractive huh?" She flushes even darker. "Dammit Bill! I don't know if I can ever look at you the same way now! Fuck!"  
  
I cackle. "It’s awkward for me too Ronica. Now you know how I felt when you conceived your kids!"  
  
"How...did this even happen?" PaciFire gasps.  
  
"Ugh- a series of bad decisions and boredom." I moan dramatically.  
  
"W-well I like your songs Bill..." Keyhole squeaks out.  
  
"Oh um...thanks Keyhole..." I flush at his sincere feelings. "I actually really enjoy performing. I love music..."  
  
"Why didn't you tell us Bill?" Kryptos asked.  
  
"It was just...well...it’s…stupid ya know?" I flushed and looked away.  
  
"It’s not stupid for you to do something you love Bill." Pyronica says comfortingly.  
  
"Well, I can't really let people know who I really am. You know how much people hate me..." I snapped before deflating sadly and slumping on the couch. "Is that why you chose such a different form?" Keyhole asks softly. I nod sheepishly.  
  
"...yeah..."  
  
I was glad that my friends seem to be accepting of my secret life as an idol. It’s embarrassing to have them know but I should look on the bright side. They don’t seem to be making fun of me for it.  
  
"So why DID you guys kidnap me?"  
  
Pyronica laughed nervously. Kryptos looked uncomfortable. "We actually did it for you Bill." He rubs his feet together nervously.  
  
"Wut?"  
  
"Well you’ve been so upset and moody recently, we know how much you love music and we thought you were a huge fan of Jan's so we thought it would be a nice gift to...bring him here for you..." the Compass blushes dark indigo.  
  
"Awww you guys wanted to get me a private concert? You sweet hearts~" I laughed and gave Pyronica and Kryptos a quick hug. They looked startled at first but Pyronica seemed glad. "But seriously, I should probably get back to my manager and reassure him of my safety. I really don't want the Feds getting involved..."  
  
They nodded in agreement and I shift back into Jan's body. Landing on the ground with a twirl I grin cheekily at them. "If you guys still want to go to my concerts, just tell me. I can get tickets whenever."  
  
Keyhole was grinning excitedly. "Could we get private concerts too?!"  
  
"Sure kid. If I'm not busy. Welp, time to go convince Ivan to call off the cops." I finger-gunned them and laughed. I blinked out of there with a much lighter heart and smile on my lips.  
  
\---  
  
After calming Ivanlock down AND somehow getting him to drop the subject of getting me personal bodyguards, I was able to explain that I was simply abducted by overzealous fans. No I wasn't harmed in any way. No I have not been violated. No I did not sleep with the fans who abducted me.  
  
"Oh my god Ivan~" I whine. "I'm fine okay? I had a nice talk with my fans and told them not to do this again. Then I teleported back here. You DO remember I can do that right? Even if I get kidnapped I can just pop back to safety."  
  
"That's not the point Jan! You could have been hurt!"  
  
"Pffth! I can handle myself."  
  
Ivan pointedly stared at my slender form. "Jan, I could probably snap you in half with one tentacle."  
  
"You use your tentacles to walk your fatass on, they can snap nearly anything."  
  
"Once again, that's not the point." He sighed. "Jan, I was really worried about you."  
  
I hum and lid my eyes at him. "Worried for ME or for the **money** I make you?"  
  
"Jan you know it’s not like that..." He says. I scan his mind and know for a **fact** he's lying. I sneer but otherwise let it go. He's a greedy man, I've always known that.  
  
"Jan we can't afford to have you caught up in any scandals. Are you SURE you weren't violated in any way?"  
  
"Just say it straight to me Ivan." I growl as a bit of blue flame flickers between my fingers. "What are you trying to imply here?"  
  
"Jan! I need to know if you've knocked up some floozy!"  
  
I laugh in his face. "That's impossible because I'm a virgin!"  
  
"What? Are you kidding me?!" He looks incredibly taken aback by this news.  
  
"NOPE! The only hands to touch me are my own." I wiggled my fingers "And as you can see I’ve got a lot of hands. The most intimate I’ve ever been is masturbating in the same room as two people fuckin’ each other.” Wow, I really don’t have a filter do I?  
  
"Is this true? You're...really a virgin?" Ivanlock sits heavily on a chair, still staring at me. I frown. What's his angle here? "That's brilliant! We can market that! The lovely Jan-Jan, pure and untouched!"  
  
I narrow my eyes dangerously. "You know how I feel about marketing Ivan. Wouldn't want my hand to slip..." I'm tossing a small fireball up and down without taking my eyes off the Ocgoplge.  
  
"The most your fire does is singe clothing off. Jan you need to stop acting like a child and more like a professional."  
  
"Ugh Ivan!"  
  
"You refuse interviews. You refuse promotions. You schedule your concerts completely at random with no care for how many people can even make it for that day-"  
  
"I still sell out all the seats so I don't see the problem." And I record my concerts so it’s not like anyone who misses one wouldn’t be able to see the whole performance posted on my ThemTube channel afterward.  
  
"The problem is that we could be making so much more! What if we made official merchandise of you? T-shirts with your picture on it! Figurines! You could give autographs for a small sum..."  
  
"You know I don't care about the money Ivan." I've also stated during one of the few interviews I've been on that since I don't have official merch, my fans are allowed to make and sell their own merchandise of me if they so choose. Apparently this delighted my fans. It also drives Ivanlock nuts. There are a hilarious amount of body pillows with my image printed on them (I even own a few).  
  
"Well you should! I don't think you even understand how popular you are! Your songs are so different and varied in styles-“  
  
“Well that’s ‘cause my songs come from hundreds of different artists I like. I’ve stated often that I sing COVERS.”  
  
“-even if no one understands what you’re saying half the time!”  
  
“That’s ‘cause I don’t always remember the lyrics and just make shit up.“ Also, singing in languages that no one here knows.  
  
“Jan, you could become the biggest star the universe has ever seen!"  
  
"I don't care about the fame either. I just want to sing, dance and have fun. Getting paid is just a bonus. This is just for stress relief.”  
  
The tentacled creature growls in frustration. "Why do you have to be like this?!"  
  
"I have no need for fame or money. I just wanna have fun. If it’s really such an issue I can always find a new manager."  
  
Ivanlock snarls and stands up to loom above me "If you drop me, I will ruin you Jan. It doesn't matter how popular you are. Public opinion shifts by the DAY and I can easily destroy your reputation."  
  
"Are you threatening me Ivanlock?" I tilt my head and my eyes glint red for a second.  
  
"I'm not the bad guy here. If you would just take your career more seriously-"  
  
"I do this as a HOBBY that just so happens to be profitable! It IS not and HAS not EVER been a career." I stalk up to him and hiss as I poke him in the chest. "The only reason I even **got** a manager in the first place is because I wanted a stage. But you know what? The whole world's a stage. I can just stand on a rooftop and sing and it would make no difference to me. So you should just be grateful I'm even bothering to LET you make money off me."  
  
"..." Ivan scowls at me. We glare at each other, neither willing to back down.  
  
"You're gonna regret not taking this deal when you're older kid."  
  
"Pft- I know more about Deals than you do old man." I turn and saunter off, swaying my hips. I stop to shoot one last remark. "If you spread negative rumors about me, I WILL set you on fire. And fire you as well." Blinking away, I frown to myself. If Ivanlock really proves an issue I might just have 'Bill' pay him a visit.  
  
\---  
  
Now that my gang knows I'm Jan, I've taken to wearing his form around the Death Star. It was nice being able to prance around as someone different every now and then. I also liked being able to wear clothing properly. They already knew about William so having Jan just made it so I was finally comfortable enough to show off the other ‘Me’s.  
  
My true human form, Miz, startled the crap out of them the first time they saw it.  
  
"Morning Ammy!" I chirp in a high sweet voice as I skip merrily down the hallway. My yellow sweater poncho billowed around me. Amorphous Shape flew into a wall. I giggle and bounce into the kitchen to make breakfast.  
  
"...Bill? Is that you?" Hectorgon asked warily. He glances at his mug of real moonlight moonshine and pushed it away from him. "Yup! I wanted to try something different today!" I twirled in place. "How does it look?"  
  
"...why are you so…young and squishy?" He looked incredibly disturbed by my choice.  
  
"I got bored. And aren't I cute?" I beam happily up at him, sparkles glittering around me.  
  
"I think I need to go...lie down..." He did look quite pale. What's his issue?  
  
“Why are you a little girl?” PaciFire deadpanned when he walked into the room and saw me.  
  
"I actually used to use this form a lot when I was younger. You won't believe how many people you can trick into letting you into their homes if you're a cute little girl."  
  
"Eeeeeee!" I hear a squeal as Pyronica sees me. "Oh my gosh you’re so cute Bill!!" She looks like she desperately wants to hug me and I give her permission to do so.  
  
I get snatched up and snuggled by Ronica as she coos over how tiny I am. I find it odd since my triangle form is around the same size. When around intergalactic creatures I stay at a base size of around 5 feet per side. When interacting with skittish clients I go for my real size of around 25 or so cm (though recently it almost feels like I'm...bigger? That can't be right). Really, at 4'11” I'm not all that much smaller than usual. I pout, which just makes Ronica coo and poke my cheek.  
  
"So...why are you testing out all these different forms?” Paci asks as he opens the fridge to see if we've got anything to eat. I pondered how to answer this properly. "Well sometimes...I just feel like being someone different...and I thought that it would be okay to do that around you guys now...if it’s a problem I can stop..." I said quietly.  
  
"No it’s fine Bill. You can be whoever and whatever you want around us. Especially if they're this cute and smooshy." Pyronica says as she squeezes me a little. Thank god I reinforced this form beforehand. “I kinda wish you would take πtoria’s form again sometime…”  
  
“Eh, I didn’t like getting hit on all the time. This form is called 'Miz' by the way.”  
  
“Like that comic book author?”  
  
“….Actually, that’s me. Again. In another identity…”  
  
“…How many other secret lives are you living Bill?”  
  
“…….just a couple…..”  
  
"It’s just so...helplessly innocent looking..." Paci looks both horrified and impressed by the level of deceptions I could pull off in this form. No one would ever suspect me of a crime like this.  
  
"Hey. You guys wanna try a heist like this?" I grin wickedly.  
  
"...I'm intrigued. What sort of heist?" Paci looked thrilled for another heist. Then again, my friends are always up to cause chaos.  
  
"Wanna rob a candy store?"  
  
"Fuck, Bill I love you sometimes."  
  
\---  
  
A few hours later the shopping center in the town of Seph was flooded with razzberry syrup and my gang were laughing maniacally as we ran off with sacks full of sweets (ever since I put forth the idea of isolating sugar, more and more sweets have been invented, which I am quite proud of). Me in Miz's form giggling madly as I rode on Xanthar's back. The chaos inside me was thrilled. I left some precious gemstones at the store to cover the costs of the stolen goods **and** we didn't kill anyone. It was a good time.  
  
\---  
  
A rumor started that Bill Cipher had taken a new pet. I'm not sure how to feel about that. Jessie’s shrine maidens were incredibly worried about ‘Miz’ and asked me if I had been captured by Bill and his gang. I somehow convinced them that I had merely been caught up in the raid and that Bill’s gang were perfectly nice people who shared the candy with me. They didn’t fully believe me and told me to be more careful.  
  
Then again, pretending to be my own Pet sounds stupidly hilarious. I split myself in two and blink at myself. This feels...weird. Keyhole was staring at the two versions of me. One in my triangle form and the other in Miz’s form.  
  
"Oh. This is weird."  
  
"Cool. Now I can pretend you're my Pet."  
  
"I refuse to wear anything stupid."  
  
"You're in a yellow poncho that looks like our bricks."  
  
"True dat."  
  
Keyhole's head swivels back and forth watching me talk to myself. "This is messed up Bill."  
  
"It feels messed up. Oh! Pet me!" Miz bounces up to sit on Bill's lap. Oh that feels strange. I can feel myself brushing against my bricks. We both shiver. Bill runs his hands through my hair and we both shudder at the feeling. This is so weird.  
  
"Hey Bill, we were splitting the candy and Hec said he wanted the Junilio Bars so..." Kryptos walks in and sees the two Mes. "...do I even want to know?"  
  
"I cloned myself so I could pet myself."  
  
"I don't want to know." Kryptos deadpanned and floated back out.  
  
"What's his problem?" Miz asked as she leaned back against my warm bricks. "You think the guy's never seen someone split their consciousness in half before." Bill tutted as he continued running his fingers through my hair.  
  
Ok. This was getting too weird.  
  
"Now we just need to appear in public somewhere together and REALLY drive the universe nuts."  
  
"You think anyone will suspect you're actually me?"  
  
"Pfth! Why would the GREAT Bill Cipher be a powerless human child?"  
  
"Think we can go for a third and have Jan here too?"  
  
"I don't see why not."  
  
Jan appeared in the room now. He blinked and shook his head. "Wow, dizzy."  
  
"Hey. We can sing a three part harmony now. We should start a band!” Miz grinned.  
  
"I call dibs on playing the piano!" Bill said excitedly.  
  
"I call the drums!" Jan materialized a drum set.  
  
"Does that mean I'm stuck on guitar?" Miz pouts. "The guitar is almost as big as I am!"  
  
Keyhole moaned about getting a headache and left the room.  
  
I talked to myself for a few hours. It was a surreal experience. At one point we all went into triangle form and reenacted **'Bill Cipher orders a pizza'** while my friends worried for my sanity. Fun times.  
  
\---  
  
Jan was on the piano, his long fingers easily pressing the keys. I'm incredibly proud of being able to actually play instruments. Never had the time to learn as a human. It always made me sad because as much as I loved music, I was incapable of making my own. Miz sat on the bench next to him, to me. Making copies of myself always felt so surreal.  
  
William was there too. His large eye was practically sparkling as he bounced excitedly.  
  
  
  
I was finally gonna do this. We were finally gonna do this. Xin was just as hyped for this as the rest of us, of me. His tail kept twitching unconsciously with pent up emotion.  
  
Bill was floating above the piano watching the lot of us, me. Oh my god pronouns are HARD! So either way, five of us altogether in a room with the piano music. We were gonna finally do this. A minor childhood dream I've had since elementary school.  
  
The notes reached the starting point and we all began singing together.  
  
_"525600 minutes~ 525000 moments so dear~ 525600 minutes~ how do you measure~ measure a year~"_  
  
Yes. I was really doing this. My childhood dream of doing a chorus song by myself was finally coming true. How old was I when I first learned this song? 8? 9? Fuck if I know. My Elementary school music teacher taught us some pretty varied songs. We sang Seasons of Love, Simple Gifts, 康定情歌, Scarborough Fair and 茉莉花.  
  
_"In daylights~ in sunsets~ in midnights in cups of coffee~ in inches~ in miles in laughter and strife~"_  
  
Amorphous Shape and PaciFire wandered in, curious about the music and just froze at the doorway.  
  
_"In 525600 minutes~ how do you measure a year in a life~"_  
  
"What's happening?" Ammy whispered to PaciFire. "I think we need to get Keyhole here. He'll be so upset if he missed this." They quickly left as I/we began singing about love.  
  
Keyhole was rushed into the room by a frantic Ammy.  
  
_“-how about looOoooOove~ measuring love~"_  
  
As the other Mes began the next part of the song, Miz ran to grab Keyhole's hand. "Come on Keyhole! You can sing with us!" She giggled.  
  
"B-but I don't know the words..." He stammered as he looked at my tiny hand holding onto his. I head-butt him lightly and transferred a copy of the tune and lyrics directly into his mind. "Oh. Wow." He gasps as Miz pulls him to stand next to William.  
  
_"-easons of lol love~" "Looooove~" "LoooOoooove~" "Loove~"_  
  
William grins at Keyhole and slings an arm around his shoulders. Keyhole is smiling widely as he sings along. His voice isn't the best, but neither is Bill's, it doesn’t matter though as the power of a chorus harmonized us all together.  
  
_“-five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes~ how do you measure the life of a woman or man~"_ Xin sang his part clear and loud. Bill gives a 'Woo!' in the background.  
  
Jan throws back his head with a delighted grin as he takes the next verse even as his arms continue playing the piano. _"In truths that she learned~ or times that he cried~ in bridges he burned~ or the way that she diiiiiiied~"_  
  
_"It's time now~ to sing out~ though the story never ends~ lets celebrate and remember a year in the life of friends~"_  
  
_"Remember the Loooove~" "LoooOoooOoove~" "LooOooove~"_  
  
Kryptos had come in at some point and was sitting quietly through the performance. Ronica was bouncing and humming along to the music even as she came into the room. "Geez, Bill should have told us he was gonna have a mini concert." She pouted.  
  
_"Measuring love~ seasons of love~" "LooOooove~" "Oh you've got to remember the love~" "Looove~"_  
  
Miz was already tearing up and Xin not far behind her. _"Season of LooOooove~"_ the song wound down and we stood quietly as the last note trailed away.  
  
"WOO! That was awesome!" Bill flew in excited circles and cheered. Miz giggled and William squealed. Jan stretched out his arms and sighed in content.  
  
"You think we could pull off Hamilton?" Xin ponders.  
  
"Naw, you know we can't rap for shit. There's no way any of us can pull off Lafayette." Bill shoots the idea down.  
  
"Les Miserables?" Miz asks.  
  
"I don't remember all the songs and I know you don't either." William sighs.  
  
"Fiddler on the roof?" Jan spins on the bench to face the rest of us, standing up to walk over.  
  
  
  
_""Tradition~ tradition!!""_ Miz and Xin sang together.  
  
"Ugh, but who's gonna play the father?" William groans.  
  
"Bill can be the papa! Right papa?" Miz bats her eyelashes at me, at Bill (dear lord this is getting weird) and I shudder. "Please don't call me papa, that's...really fucked up."  
  
"Well you created us so that technically means-"  
  
"No. Shut up Miz."  
  
Miz pouts, turns to Jan and whines "Jan-gohgo! Papa doesn't acknowledge us as his children!"  
  
Jan gasps dramatically "How awful! Don't worry muih-mui! I'm sure our dearest father is simply embarrassed to show his true feelings!"  
  
"Papa-Bill is a tsun-tsun!" William cackles.  
  
"I'm NOT a tsundere! Oh my god! Xin! Back me up here!"  
  
Xin stares at me completely stone faced and says "Tsun-tsun."  
  
"I hate **all** of you!" Bill pouts at us as we start laughing hysterically.  
  
Kryptos leans close to Keyhole and whispers "Do you ever think maybe Bill's gotten MORE insane since he's started doing this?"  
  
"Eh. He seems like he's having fun though."  
  
Pyronica leans over the two of them to whisper as well. It’s funny how they still think I can't hear them. I've got 5 sets of ears now after all.  
  
"I think Bill's just lonely."  
  
"But...he's got US." Kryptos exclaims as he looks at us quickly. We're still keeping the pretense of a funny argument by figuring out who 'Mommy' is.  
  
"Well we don't talk to him as comfortably as...they, as he, does to himself." Pyronica looks sad.  
  
"That's because he's Bill Cipher! What if we joke around with him and accidentally hurt his feelings or make him mad?" Keyhole gasps.  
  
"Bill would never hurt you. You know that.” Pyronica says firmly. Keyhole shakes his head “I actually meant that I didn’t want to make her cry again…it makes me feel like a real jerk, you've know her the longest right Ronica?"  
  
"Technically Xanthar knows him longer but I get your point. I know Bill. He's sensitive. He cares a lot. He just has weird ways of showing it sometimes.”  
  
"But…I’ve heard about what happened with Handsy…” Keyhole says fearfully.  
  
"Handsy brought it on himself.” Pyronica snarled. “Bill’s always been picky about who gets to touch him, and when. Getting betrayed in such a way after he let his guard down was just…awful.” Pyronica says simply. “We’re STILL helping him get over that. He’s gotten much better at trusting US to touch him and he doesn’t freak out when other people get close to him anymore.”  
  
"But how can we tell when he's feeling what?" Keyhole frets.  
  
"Well you COULD just ask me."  
  
The three jump and turn to see William pouting at them.  
  
  
  
All the other Mes already despawned.  
  
"Really though. You know you can always ask. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll let you know so you can stay out of my way. And if I'm feeling lonely I'll tell you so I don't have to talk to myself."  
  
"S-sorry Bill..." Keyhole stutters.  
  
"Seriously kid. It's fine. You guys are my friends. I don't know if you'll believe me but I really do love you guys."  
  
"Oh." Keyhole turns brown and smiles awkwardly. "Um...I'm...well...it’s not you Bill...it’s just..."  
  
"I don't mean it THAT way.” I roll my eye.  
  
"Oh thank the Key gods.” Keyhole slumps in relief. "I mean, no offense or anything."  
  
"It's FINE Keyhole. You're not really my type either.”  
  
"What IS your type? Like, aesthetically speaking?” Kryptos asks a little quickly. "I've seen your interview as Jan-Jan, and assuming your answers were truthful..."  
  
I wordlessly gesture to myself. "Jan and Xin. I made them purposely attractive according to my tastes in more organically structured beings. I do appreciate a nice triangle too, sadly that seems to be a rare shape in the multiverse. But that’s just for if I’m going for an attractive form to admire.”  
  
"So what about Miz?”  
  
"Miz is...special. Her form is based on someone I knew. A long time ago." I say wistfully.  
  
They seemed to think it was a sad subject so they quickly start talking about other stuff. It was odd how they seemed more at ease around me when I'm not a Triangle. Maybe aliens just found triangles intimidating?  
  
-—-  
  
Can I just say how weird it is to have fans? To have a whole community of people who actually like me? Sure they don't know who/what I really am but like...it's still pretty great.  
  
I'm afraid of people figuring out who I really am. I'm so afraid of losing this. Losing their affection. Losing their cheers and admiration. Losing that stage where I can just dance and sing and forget everything. Being greeted with smiles was so refreshing and I craved it. Also, their worship is quite delicious.  
  
So I keep holding performances. My manager insists on me promoting myself better. He **still** wants me officially signed on to a record label and company. I keep refusing for obvious reasons. So many people want to know more about the mysterious Jan-Jan. No one knows who I am. What species of alien I am. My background, my history or where I came from aside from the fact that it no longer exists.  
  
This mystery drives everyone nuts and also makes them more interested in me. I read through forum posts and laugh at the ridiculous theories people have been coming up with.  
  
**Jan is a runaway prince from his vanished dimension.**  
  
**Jan is a god of music who only gains a physical form when performing.**  
  
**Jan is just a normal kid who spends all his time listening to music secluded away from society to fully embrace his craft. That's why he never appears in public aside from his concerts and the occasional short interview.**  
  
**Jan is an artificial being created by the Federation to brainwash the general public through his hypnotic music.**  
  
**Jan isn't real and all his concerts are mass hallucinations.** This particular theory was debunked quickly due to all the video footage of my concerts.  
  
A big part of the mystery is that fact that Jan doesn't seem to exist. Aside from a Federation ID he registered back when he started getting famous, there are no records of him. It's like he just...appeared out of nowhere one day and vanishes just as mysteriously. Even the tracking on the ID didn't show any real activity aside from money being deposited into Jan's bank account or being transferred to charity donations.  
  
There's no bank activity otherwise. No purchases or anything else that the Feds can use to track me down. I was a ghost. It was hilarious how hard people where trying dig into my personal history. It's been a few decades and STILL people knew nothing about me.  
  
Of course they won't find anything. My constructs were built from the ground up. Jan's physical body was completely different from Bill's triangle form. Even if both of us were scanned down to our molecular make up we would register as two completely separate and different individuals. Unless I changed forms right in front of someone, there's no way for anyone to know that Space Idol Jan-Jan is Bill Cipher.  
  
At the very least, I won't be found out that way.  
  
So it would be alright to appear in public right? I may be fearful of people finding out who I am, but I also really wanted to troll people. I don't use social media much aside from a private chat room with my online friends and a Tumblr blog I started (thedappercornchip.tumblr.com) by getting Hectorgon's help hacking into the BBS system's _out of time_ signals.  
  
Keyhole and the others used social media. I wonder if I should try making my own Tweeter or something. Jan-Jan's Tweeter huh? That actually sounds fun.  
  
But anyway, I had a ThemTube channel for Jan. I mainly post videos of my concerts for people who’ve missed them and myself playing music, my concerts are full of high energy songs because they're more appropriate for a concert but I have so many slow songs I love. My ThemTube channel had plenty of the soft, soulful songs that I liked. Also my embarassing attempts at opera.  
  
I film myself in my room in the Nightmare Realm. Part of me wanted to mess with my fan base. It's not like they can track me down there. My room is decorated with all sorts of anime and manga paraphernalia along with my arts and crafts stuff. Pretty much, even if people can see my room, they wouldn’t be able to use it to find out who I am or where I am. I upload a video of me just playing with a guitar and laugh at the explosion of comments. Messing with my fans is fun.  
  
I lean back on my chair and wonder if I was taking this 'hobby' too far. I was pretty much creating a REAL separate identity for myself. But you know what? Who cares. This double life thing was fun. It was nice to blow off steam with a fun concert full of people who appreciate me! It’s not like I haven’t made multiple other identities already.  
  
I liked being appreciated. I feel a little bad that I'm going off and seeking approval from strangers for the sake of my own self esteem. Then again, my self esteem was kinda shit. This might be good for me.  
  
I giggle at some of the comments on my videos. Trolling people was just too much fun. Well enough of this, Pyronica’s due date was coming up so I better get home now and check on her stomach again.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ivanlock isn't...ENTIRELY wrong. Bill as Jan-Jan is pretty much a brat. Unprofessional and causing all sorts of stressful work for his poor manager. Still, if Jan-Jan doesn't want to do something, he won't do it. It's that simple. You do things his way or no way at all.
> 
> I've been playing with those dressup doll games and here's a super cute one by Ghoulkiss, go give her some love because her stuff is sooo cute~
> 
> https://ghoulkiss.itch.io/
> 
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> 


	55. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of me cannot understand Life.  
> It is the anti-thesis of what I am after all.  
> I know about how Life functions on an intellectual level but how/why it happens remains a glorious mystery. That fact that everyday, someone, somewhere, is growing LIFE inside them is such an amazing, wonderful thing.
> 
> Just think for a second how amazing such a miracle is.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 52**  
  
**-It's time for me to have some more-**  
  
\---  
  
At one point I got so annoyed with people who summon me just to ask a basic question that they could have easily looked up themselves (what do you think I am?! Google?!) that I spent a few years constructing a huge maze of Knowledge.  
  
Literally.  
  
It's a maze made up of bookshelves filled with all the miscellaneous tidbits of knowledge I have on any conceivable subject...barring any real forbidden or dangerous stuff at least. I created this maze on a water filled planet with a regular cycle of low to high tides. During low tide the library maze will be sitting happy, but within a couple hours the tide will come in and flood the place.  
  
I've taken to dropping my summoners into the maze just as the tides start coming in so they could search for the knowledge they seek (as well as anything else the could ever want) and watching them swim for my amusement. It's not like I'm purposely drowning them. They can say "I quit!" at any time and I'll teleport them back home. Of course they won't be allowed a 2nd visit to the library.  
  
None of the books can leave my library so you would need to find and read whatever knowledge you seek before the place floods. I'm amazed at how many creatures are perfectly willing to risk drowning for a chance to enter the Maze of Knowledge. If my client is capable of breathing underwater I temporarily remove that ability from them.  
  
It was highly entertaining and I even got approached by a Reality TV producer to start a show. I figured why not? I set up a few Curses around the maze (anyone inside the maze is capable of drowning, anyone in the maze will be teleported to safety before they drown, camera crew cannot drown but they are incapable of reading or filming the books...just to name a few) and pretty much let them go to town on the thing.  
  
The location of all the books are randomly placed and shuffled each time the tides go out. The show ended up being incredibly popular. I know many Federation officials actually watch the show AND send officers in to participate. There are over a trillion books in that library and I actually haven't had anyone find the same book twice yet.  
  
Bonus, I get wonderful bursts of power from each attempt through the maze as I feed off their fear and desperation. Also, I get a cut of the profits from the show. Of course this meant I needed a Federation ID. The looks on their faces when I Blinked into the registration office was priceless. I'm glad to have a legitimate source of income that I can use as Bill, I could start up a bank account for the twins so I can begin saving money for them. I know they’re not born yet but I liked being prepared.

"You...know you don't have to do so much for me and the kids right?" Pyronica tells me as we sit together on the couch watching another episode of Maze of Knowledge. I lean against her side and close my eye as I Felt the little heartbeats. "I want to." I whispered. She frowned but ultimately dropped the subject.

In other news, having a proper ID also made grocery shopping easier.  
  
Feeding my friends was a full time job (especially with Pyronica getting more and more ravenous as time went on). One I enjoy immensely. I place some more fruits in my basket and wonder what to make for lunch today. The other shoppers left me alone. After millennia of grocery shopping the general populace have finally learned that I'm not here to cause trouble. Even the Federation has learned that I'm just shopping, nothing nefarious here.  
  
Pyronica's been complaining of soreness all over lately so I think I should buy some NumbBeans. The issue would be how to cook them in a way that Pyronica would be willing to eat.  
  
\---  
  
**[DapperCornChip] has joined the chat**  
  
**JanLover35:** YOURE ALLIVE!  
  
**JanLover35:** I seriously thought yyyou got eaten!  
  
**DapperCornChip:** Please~I can take care of myself  
  
**JanLover35:** Well aaaaat least we know you’re ok. nnnnow I’m just worried about CT. He hhhasn’t been on in a while  
  
I flickered through some images quickly to see what’s up with CT. Oh. Well that’s distressing.  
  
**DapperCornChip:** well shit. I think he got killed by a clown  
  
**JanLover35:** THE ACTUAL TIME FUCK?!?!  
  
**DapperCornChip:** It happens to the best of us. may his soul rest in peace in some afterlife filled with naked horses…  
  
**Student:** disregarding this horrifying news, I take it she forgave you?  
  
**DapperCornChip:** Better. She forgave me, we made up and…I kinda, maybe got pulled into an almost threesome and she’s pregnant and omfg she’s gonna be a mother soon!!!  
  
**JanLover35:** …….and you’ve lost me  
  
**Student:** So…did you get laid or not?  
  
**DapperCornChip:** I don’t even know what the hell that counted as!!  
  
**DapperCornChip:** But shes gonna be a mom im not the dad the dad is dead and she ate him and i promised to help her raise her kids.  
  
**Student:** I have so many questions about all of your lives  >_>  
  
**JanLover35:** Iiiii can’t believe CTs dead :(  
  
**DapperCornChip:** life sucks sometimes ☉(  
  
**JanLover35:** *cries*  
  
**JanLover35:** stupid time rules iiiif only there was a way to save himm  
  
**DapperCornChip:** dude. clowns. no one could have saved him.  
  
**DapperCornChip:** No one  
  
**JanLover35:** *cries*

 **DapperCornChip:** I'm actually here cause o wanted to ask something

 **DapperCornChip:** do you guys know how to cook beans in a way that a Cyclopian would willingly eat? My friend HATES beans

 **JanLover35:**  Yyyyour friend is a cyclopiannn?!? Holy shit man!

 **Student:**  I once again feel out of the loop

 **JanLover35:**  they're one of the most vicious creatures iiinn the multiverse! Wwwe re just lucky they dont normally leave their planet...

 **Student:**  Im gonna assume she's a 'carnivore' so...try mashing up the beans and mixing them into a burger paatty or mix it in with other stuff that she likes to eat?

 **DapperCornChip:** will do

 **DapperCornChip:** thanks student~

 **JanLover35:**  yyou two are too CALM ABOUT THIS!!!

 **DapperCornChip:** You're just too stressed dude chillax before you lose all your hair

 **Student:** Hey not to sound insensitive but if CT's dead does that mean we're gonna get someone else in this chat room?

 **DapperCornChip:** I didnt put a cap on chat size. anyone can enter this page if they figured out how

 **Student:** you mean we're the only people who managed to crack that riddle you left anonymously that led to this url?

 **DapperCornChip:** I guess so. frankly I'm still amazed you guys cracked the code at all

 **Student:** well it's a good thing we did otherwise you wouldn'tt have any friends :p

 **JanLover35:** wait aare we your oooonly online friends Cornchip? cccause that would be super sad

 **DapperCornChip:** Ididnt wan to

 **DapperCornChip:** most of the interweb is filled with idiots! if I'm gonna chat with strangers I wanted them to be smart ones! So if they can solve my code to find me, then they are worth talking to

 **Student:** I feel so loved

 **DapperCornChip:** be proud dude! you're smarter than many alien creatures several hunfred times your age

 **JanLover35:** what species ARE you cornchip?

 **DapperCornChip:** sore wa himitsu

 **Student:** how did I just KNOW you're a Xellos fan?

 **JanLover35:** Iiii have no ideaa who that is??

 **Student:** Bro, do you even anime?

Lover and Student argued for the longest time. Dang I love these guys.

\---  
  
We decided to bring Pyronica to Jheselbraum's temple for the birth. Firstly, I didn't trust Federation hospitals. Secondly, I wanted an excuse to visit Jessie. And finally, I was a terrible mess of nerves as my feedback from both Pyronica and the twins was driving me crazy.  
  
"Are you sure you're ok Bill?" Teeth asks worriedly as I vibrate in place with a low buzzing sound.  
  
"I a **M n** Ot o **KaY!** " I wail. "WhAt i **F sO** mEtHiNg g **OeS wRoNg?! WhAt iF tH** e tWiNs dOn'T mAkE iT?! W **hAt iF PyRoN** iCa dOeSn'T mA **kE iT?! Auuuuugh!!!!!"**  
  
"You're gonna explode if this keeps up, just change forms already. You said that helps right?" Hectorgon told me worriedly. I take a few breaths and shift into Miz, collapsing onto Keyhole with a tired groan. "Pyronica's already late! The babies should have been due last week! I think my powers being used in their conception messed things up! What if something goes wrong because of it?! It'll be all my faaaaaault!!!" I wail as I clung to Keyhole. The poor kid was trying his best to both comfort me and pull me off him.  
  
"It's fine Bill. You told me yourself that the twins still 'feel' strong and healthy, they're just a little lazy and don't want to leave yet." Pyronica assures me. "Now lets go."  
  
\---  
  
Jessie told me straight out that only the expecting mother was allowed to stay in the temple. "There are too many of you and that green one is fantasizing about ravishing me as we speak. Kindly tell him to keep his claws off or I WILL banish him into oblivion." Her middle eye was glowing as she telepathically checked my friends for any impure intents.  
  
I turn to 8-Ball and scold him. "Bad 8-Ball." He whines sadly. "No. Bad 8-Ball, if you want a partner to fulfill your 'needs' we can go to a bar or I can make you a construct." We were all crammed into Jheselbraum's private quarters and she was NOT happy.  
  
PaciFire leans over to whisper to Teeth "Isn't that the AXOLOTL's high priestess?! I heard she's powerful enough to vaporize demons with a LOOK..." He sounded a little worried. Teeth shrugs. "She's apparently Bill's secretly adopted sister so I think you're ok so long as you don't bother any of the shrine maidens."  
  
"Adopted WHAT now!" The demon imp cries before Kryptos shushed them, giving Jheselbraum's glaring form a worried glance. "If she's anywhere near Bill's power we should probably be more respectful..." He whimpers.  
  
"As uncouth as always. Truly, your taste in friends leave much to be desired." Jheselbraum sighs. I grip her robe and look up at her. "They make me happy." I say in a small voice.  
  
Her expression eases and she pats my head fondly. "I know Miz. That, and the fact that they care for you just as much is the only reason I haven't blasted that red one for looking at me like that."  
  
I turn to Hectorgon indignantly "Really?!" He flushes and coughs into his fist. "I'm sorry, but your sister's really attractive...." He mumbles. Jessie doesn't even blush, just gives Hectorgon a hard stare until he looks away. I groan. "Seriously?! You and 8-Ball both need to stop lusting after my sister."  
  
As I scolded them, Hectorgon looking ashamed, embarrassed and bemused because I was still in Miz's tiny form waving my little fists, 8-Ball nodded quickly (fearful of both my wrath and hers). PaciFire cowers behind Xanthar. "Bill is related to the most terrifying Oracle of light?! Why didn't anyone tell me?!"  
  
"Because it's a secret. Apparently." Ammy shrugs.  
  
"So if Pyronica is staying here I can get her a room, the others however, will need to leave." Jessie tells me. I sigh. "What if I shrink them down and turn them into dolls for the duration of their stay?"  
  
"Forced transformations aren't the solution to every problem." Jheselbraum deadpans. I pout. "You sound like Ax."  
  
Pyronica suddenly groans and places a hand on her belly. "Ooh...they're kicking again..." I'm immediately by her side. "Does it hurt? Are you alright?"  
  
Jheselbraum placed a hand on the Cyclopian's stomach. "I'll get you settled. Miz, please do something about your other friends." She led Pyronica out of the room and I turned to my guy friends. "So, turned into dolls. Yay or nay?"  
  
"I'd appreciate NOT becoming a doll..." Keyhole says nervously.  
  
"If the Oracle doesn't want us to stay, we could return to the Death Star." PaciFire says quickly. He glances at the door where Jessie left through nervously. "No offense Bill but I've heard horror stories about Jheselbraum the Unswerving. Her judgment is strict and her patience for demons is short."  
  
"Yeah Jessie goes a little overboard sometimes. Gets really anal about 'Rules', 'Proper conduct' and 'Purging evil'. It's kinda her thing." I shrug. "But she's super nice to anyone else."  
  
PaciFire shivers. "I'd still rather go home." Hectorgon and 8-Ball nod. "Yeah, I get the feeling she already doesn't like us."  
  
I couldn't fault them for that and teleported them home. Xanthar was already wandering off to his usual spot in the gardens. I turned to my remaining friends. "Are you guys staying?"  
  
Kryptos shrugs. "I have to finish packing to move into the dorms so I don't think I can stay anyway." I agree and teleport him home.  
  
"I want to be here for Pyronica's sake..." Keyhole says. "A-and I think your sister is okay with me right? I haven't done anything to offend her right?" I shrug and tell him that if he's on good behavior she'll probably let him stay.  
  
"I would like to get to know my aunt." Ammy says simply. I giggle. "Good luck with that." Teeth requested to be sent home. He had a show coming up anyway. So Keyhole, Ammy and I left to go find the girls.  
  
\---  
  
"So I'm just worried since she should be due already and I don't know how to tell if anything goes wrong." I fret as I sit beside the bed Jessie made Pyronica lay down on. Keyhole was holding Pyronica's hand and looking a little worried as well. Ammy was floating around the room and touching everything.  
  
Jheselbraum had her eyes closed as she placed her hands around Pyronica's belly. "They're still growing. There are no problems I can find..." Jessie murmurs as she scans. I may be much older but Jessie's got a specialty for this sort of thing. I can build a body from the ground up but natural growth of living creatures is different. I confess I haven't really done a lot in terms of learning about pregnancies and all the ins and outs.  
  
"I think they just require more time. It's best to keep her under observation and wait. It's not too problematic for a pregnancy to go over. Most problems are caused by them coming out early."  
  
"But twins are supposed to be early." I whimper. Jessie gives me a reassuring pat on the head. "That is normally the case due to the mother being unable to hold them to full term, your friend is strong and between both of us keeping an eye or several on her, she'll be fine."  
  
I slump in relief. That's one problem out of the way. On to the next. "Should we hide this from Quillia?" I asked.  
  
Jessie blinks calmly. "Why do you think there is need for that?"  
  
I shift uneasily. "Because of what happened with **her** pregnancy?" I said quietly. Jessie frowned "How did you know about...never mind. This is YOU, of course you know."  
  
She gives me a patient look "Quillia will be fine. She will not begrudge another for their motherhood. In fact I'm certain she needs to know about this."  
  
Jheselbraum pats me on the head gently. “Also, she misses you dearly whenever you leave. I do believe she's already taken to seeing you as the child she could have had."  
  
I groan and roll my eyes. "She always babies me..."  
  
"You make it easy." Jessie grins. "Well I must be off to attend to my duties. If anything comes up, alert me."  
  
She glides off gracefully.  
  
I turn my attention to Keyhole and Pyronica. He was rubbing her belly in little circles. "Does that feel better?" He asks. The Cyclopian nods. "Yeah, I've been pretty sore. These two have developed horns already." She says fondly.  
  
"Isn't that gonna hurt when they come out?" Keyhole makes a pained face just imagining it. Pyronica laughs. "Don't worry. They're blunted and soft." She turns to me. "So who's this Quillia girl?"  
  
"She's a Cyclopian like you, one of Jessie's shrine maidens." I sit on the other side of the bed. "She...miscarried her child."  
  
"Oh." Pyronica looked sympathetic. Miscarriages were truly devastating for a Cyclopian. You couldn't get a do-over after all. The man you ate won't come back.  
  
Ammy floats over. "When these two are born, does that make me a big brother or an uncle?"  
  
"I don't rightfully know. You can choose." I tell him. Speaking of which, what would I be to them? Big sis? Aunt? Grandmother? Grand aunt? Grauntie?!  
  
I don't think I want to be called grand-anything. Makes me feel old. I think I would like being called Jehje again. Or Gohgo. A painful throb goes through me and I'm crying again. I miss my sisters so much. I miss my brother so much. Pyronica picks me up and puts me beside her so I could sob into her belly.  
  
"Again? Bill, you need to calm down. Are you still getting feedback from me?" She asks worriedly as she rubs my back. I sob and shake my head. "No. Maybe? I just..." I cry "...I miss my little sisters! I miss Will!"  
  
Keyhole winces. Ammy wraps me in a soft hug. "You've never really told us about your siblings before." Pyronica says. "Would it help if you talked about it?"  
  
I sniffed and wiped my tears. "Maybe?" She combed her claws through my hair, my mind immediately classified it as 'Social grooming behavior' and I leaned onto her belly, feeling the lives within and taking deep breaths to calm down. "Well I was always the eldest. It was always my job to take care of my siblings..."  
  
\---  
  
"-nd there was that one time when I got off school early, we had a test and I was already done. I started this thing where I finish my test before anyone else so they couldn't accuse me of cheating off the people next to me." I reminisced as Pyronica, Keyhole and Ammy listened with rapt attention.  
  
"So I figured, hey, I'm home early so I should take Will out to the park. There was still a Break period and since I was done with school for the day my next Work slot was free so I asked our mother if I could take Will outside with me. She looked a little worried but told me to take the dog as well just in case."  
  
I had my head pressed to Pyronica's belly. Listening to those little hearts beat was so comforting.  
  
"So Will, the dog and I went out to the park. Will was bouncing everywhere and I had to keep a good grip on him or he'd run off. This was his 2nd time out of the house, he was still too young for Triangle school and he didn't remember his first time out when we took him to the hospital. He was talking so fast, asking me what everything was."  
  
I smiled fondly. "When we were at the park, he started running and tripped. Luckily he didn't break anything, wasn't even bruised. But he cried a lot. Will was kind of a cry baby. Though I guess I am too." I could remember it clearly in my head. "God he was so cute. You would have loved him Roni, he'd follow you around everywhere and beg to be held..."  
  
Pyronica ran her hand over my head as I spoke. "I'm sure I would have."  
  
I jolt up as I felt something shift. I was already telepathically alerting Jheselbraum before Pyronica began crying out in pain, I'd shifted back into Bill so I could better feel what was happening. Keyhole was pale and panicked as Pyronica clutched her stomach. I had half my focus on feeling the twins, checking on their condition even as I materialized clean towels and a large bucket.  
  
There was already a damp spot forming on the blankets and Keyhole whimpered as Pyronica crushed his hand in a tight grip. I was so relieved when Jheselbraum rushed into the room with Quillia. Ammy was flying around in circles frantically so I told him to sit in the corner and BREATHE.  
  
I confess I couldn't sit through the process, my jitteriness was so bad that Jessie made me leave the room and take Ammy with me. Keyhole insisted on staying to help. Jessie and Quillia ordered him to grab more towels.  
  
Me? I was floating back and forth outside the door, straining to keep track of the twins and Pyronica as I listened to the loud, pain filled cries. A few times I felt their life force flicker and dear lord if I had a heart it would have stopped.

**_They're going to die~there's nothing the priestess can do~_ **

**_It'll be your fault~_ **

**_Everything you touch is cursed~_ **

I ignored the spiteful voices with the ease of long practice. Only **I** get to shout my fears at myself! You guys shut up! I could see some shrine maidens warily watching me as I panicked and worried. One of them (I didn't know her very well, she didn't hang out with Miz much) approached and timidly asked me what was happening.  
  
"My best friend is giving birth to twins." I managed to say before going back to my pacing. I couldn't let any of my powers leak out. Who knows what a weirdness wave would do to a newborn?! It was hard, I felt like I was going to explode.

 _ **You're going to ruin them~**_  
  
I split myself in half and sent the other Bill off to unleash everything he had into the Nightmare Realm. I groaned in relief as the uncomfortable feeling faded somewhat. At least I wasn't gonna leak out weirdness anymore. It would only be much later that I realize this newest explosion within the Nightmare Realm had caused the birth of even more strange creatures along with creating tiny holes in the dimension from which weirdness began to leak.  
  
I flopped against the wall and whimpered. A few shrine maidens actually approached to give me reassuring statements like "Do not worry. Our Lady is in there and she will take care of your friend." and "Your children will be fine."  
  
"T-they're not mine..." I curled up on my side and sobbed with nerves. Ammy wrapped me in a hug. "Pyronica's strong. She'll be fine." I held him for the next few hours, hoping and praying. I fervently begged Ax to please let all three of them survive.  
  
Finally there were the crying voices of two newborns coming from behind the door. I shoot up and rush to the door. "Ohmygod! Ohmygod!" Jessie opens the door and smiles at me. She seemed tired but nonetheless happy. "Are they...?" I asked as I stared at her. She nods. "They're perfectly healthy and Pyronica is doing fine."  
  
I rush past her into the room and see Quillia smiling fondly at Pyronica who was holding....  
  
"Eeeeeee!!!!" I squeal quietly at the two bundles in Pyronica's arms. Twins! A boy and a girl! Pyronica looked exhausted but proud of herself, cradling the two wailing Cyclopians to her chest. She looked up and grinned at me. "You wanna hold them?"  
  
"Yeeees!!!!!" I made grabby hands and Pyronica laughs tiredly as she holds them out to me. I carefully pick them up, using my powers to support and float them as I hugged them gently to my sides. They quieted from their wails and gave off pleased gurgles as I held them. Pyronica leans back on the bed. "So? What do you think?"  
  
  
  
"They're perfect..." I sobbed as the two fell asleep in my arms.  
  
\---  
  
The female was named Pynelope and was the older twin by 10 minutes. The younger boy was named Pyrone. I am absolutely certain these two are gonna grow up spoiled rotten with the way they already had me enraptured by them. Pyronica was happy to have them but she soon realized I wasn’t gonna let them go anytime soon. We Blinked home to the Death Star and I shifted into Jan’s form. The many arms made it a lot easier to carry both twins at once. I rocked them gently as I sang. I hadn't let go of them even once since they were given to me, I would hold them forever if I could.  
  
_"Dream of anything~I'll make it all come true~everything you need is all I have for you~"_  
  
"Bill, I swear you love my kids more than I do." Pyronica laughs quietly so as not to wake them. She was leaning against Keyhole as her legs were still wobbly from everything she'd gone through. I grin at her while I swayed with them in my arms. I felt so full and happy and so, so very excited. Ammy went off to call everyone else to come and see the babies.  
  
_"I'm forever~always by your side~whenever you need a friend~never far behind~"_  
  
The others quickly but quietly ran into the room and stopped dead, staring at the newborns in awe. 8-Ball looked at the kids and made whining snorts. "Can I hold them too?" He asks, a little hesitantly, I could see everyone else were impatiently bouncing as they also wanted to hold the kids. I hold the babies possessively but Pyronica gives me a hard look and I pout. She directs 8-Ball to sit down on the bed first and then waves me over.  
  
_"If the stars all fall~when there's no more light~and the moon should crumble~it'll be alright~"_ I sang as I gently transferred Pynelope to 8-Ball’s arms. She grumbles a little but breathes softly and sleeps on.  
  
_"Don't you worry about the dark, I will light up the night with the love in my heart, I will burn like the sun I will keep you safe and warm~"_ I tried to transfer Pyrone over as well but he was grabbing onto my finger and I just COULDN'T pull myself off. 8-Ball coos at the action and shakes his head to let me know I can keep holding him.  
  
I wrapped the little Cyclopian more securely in my arms and continued singing to him as Hectorgon got to hold Pynelope next and the others all began quietly arguing over who got to hold her after him.  
  
_"Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day I will be there to take all your fears away~with a touch of my hand I will turn your life to gold~"_  
  
Kryptos floats up to peer at the baby. "Not literally right?"  
  
I giggled. Babies! Babies! Babies! Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! Kryptos smiles fondly while a few of my other friends swooned a little at seeing the beautiful smile on my face. "Dammit Bill, did you create Jan-Jan's form with hypnotic powers or something?!" Keyhole blushes hard as he couldn't bare to keep looking at me. I tilt my head in confusion. "Huh?"  
  
"He means that this form is too attractive to be natural." Pyronica drawls while she slowly lets her gaze drift up and down my form. "It's gotta be some kinda hypnosis thing right? I wouldn't put it past you to accidentally cause something like that."  
  
I blushed and fidgeted a little. "Well I think my markings might have something to do with it. It's not on purpose!" I protested. Kryptos sighs. "I know Bill. It's not a problem though. It's actually pretty cool and I kinda want to study it."  
  
I shrug. "Sure."  
  
Eventually everyone got to hold the kids at least once and Pyronica made me put them down in their crib. "Come on Bill. It's late and we all need sleep, me especially."  
  
"Ok..." I say sadly. Pyronica winced when she remembers I can't sleep. "Look...you can start making baby food for them? I'm sure you'd like that..."  
  
"Yeah. Yeah! I'm gonna make the best damn homemade baby food ever!" I perk up and grin down at the two in their crib. "Just wait you two. Momma Bill's gonna make some yummy food just~for you!"  
  
Pyronica rolls her eye even as she shoos me out of the room.  
  
\---  
  
I don't need to sleep so I could spend every moment (when I'm not working) by their side and seeing to their needs. This was good since Pyronica was too exhausted to really take care of them. She could handle one of them but two at once was too much. Everyone took turns taking care of the babies (under my paranoid, watchful gaze) and Hectorgon was (unsurprisingly) the best at caring for them. I was carefully saving up the money from my TV show into bank accounts for the two of them. This would be their college fund, along with an anything they could ever want fund. I am going to spoil them rotten.  
  
They don't do much except eat, poop, sleep and burn/freeze things but I still keep talking to then about anything and everything. PaciFire said it’s pointless to teach them math when they can't even understand me yet but I waved him off and continued explaining addition. Pynelope got bored and was already falling asleep. Pyrone was chewing on my leg while I held up zapapples to explain Counting.  
  
I shift forms in front of them to let them know it was still me no matter what I looked like. It confused them at first and there was a lot of panicked crying when the bright yellow triangle disappeared but they eventually learned to recognize me as Miz, William, Jan and Xin. Keyhole said it was super weird seeing Space Idol Jan-Jan holding babies and singing lullabies. "Your fan base would go crazy if they ever saw this." He sighs fondly.  
  
Kryptos was finally going to college. We all went to see him off and I demanded to be allowed to check on him constantly (to his embarrassment) "I'm not a kid Bill!" he blushed and batted my hands away when I fixed his school uniform for the 5th time. Turnabout's fair play, they keep treating ME like I kid, I'm gonna do the same to them. I WAS the eldest here after all! "If the food there is shit, just tell me and I'll make you boxed lunches and stuff okay?" He groans and rolls his eye.  
  
"It's only a year, I'll be fine. Besides, you've got the twins to smother so can you lay off me?" He whines. I fix his tie again and the compass groans. "Well Time in this dimension travels differently. By the time **your** year is up and you return home, the twins should be around 15 years old. I don't want them growing up without their uncle Kryptos so expect MANY visits."  
  
Kryptos turns to look at the two babies I was levitating beside me. Pyrone was making farting noises with his mouth and laughing himself silly. Pynelope had the most _'I'm done with this shit'_ expression I've ever seen on a baby and was whining at me to make her brother stop. "Hey you two. Take care of Bill for me ok?" His expression softens as he pokes both of their cheeks. Pyrone bites at the compass's gloved finger while Pynelope grumbles and claws at it.  
  
I wave good bye to Kryptos before Blinking everyone back to the Death Star and putting the twins in their playpen. Ammy liked playing with the twins but kept getting pulled apart by them when they rough house. It was funny to watch but after Pyrone ate one of Ammy's blocks I was forced to supervise any play sessions.  
  
Changing diapers was so much easier when I have telekinetic powers. I don't even need to touch the icky stuff. That was a relief for everyone. They liked taking care of the twins but none of them wanted diaper duty. 8-Ball was easily defeated by them while playing and I laughed as he was pulled to the ground and jumped on. "Bill! Help!" He cried as Pynelope shakes his head so she could watch his eyes spin.  
  
It was nice. Pyronica did tell me it was kinda creepy how I watched the babies sleep and everyone looked a little uncomfortable when they realized I sometimes watched THEM sleep too. I personally didn't understand what was so weird about that. "I like listening to you breathe." I said simply and Keyhole looked like he wasn't sure how to feel about that. What’s wrong with wanting to make sure they were alive? They're my Friends. Part of being Friends is making sure they were alive after all. Was it creepy? Maybe...  
  
It was Hectorgon that first brought up the subject I kept avoiding. Was I going to grant the twins immortality as well? I wanted to answer yes. I wanted to keep my babies forever. But I can't do that. Not without their permission. I'm going to ask them once they're older, once they can fully understand what it would mean to pledge themselves to me like their mother did.  
  
I stare unblinkingly at the twins while they slept, wrapped around each other in their crib. The average lifespan of a Cyclopian was around 300 standard galactic years. In human terms that'd be around the equivalent of 80 years old if you convert Cyclopian aging to Human. They still had time to grow up and ultimately decide on their future. It was too short an amount of time for me though.  
  
I told myself I would respect whatever decision they end up making. If they chose to live and die as mortals, I will not stop them. I don't think I would be able to stand it though. Already I was immersing myself in their thoughts and emotions. Already I was opening my metaphysical heart to these tiny precious lives and crying with worry over what the future held. So many possible futures.  
  
Pyone will grow up and give his life to his mate. That's just what would happen because of WHAT he was. I was already dreading that day and he was barely a few months old. I refuse to Peek into their futures. I will enjoy the time I have with them NOW.  
  
Pyrone stirred in his sleep and reached out to grab onto my finger as he slept. He was rolled up in his blankets like a cute little icepack. My little Icepack~ Oh why did I ever think it was a good idea to attach myself emotionally to mortals? I don't know what I would do once their time inevitably came and went. Would I break? Would I be able to move on? Dear lord how does Ax handle this feeling constantly?  
  
I shake my head. Stupid Bill. Don't stress over this. When the time comes, it'll come. Maybe they'll choose immortality? I secretly doubted it. None of the futures in my brief glance at them had these two choosing me over everything else. Stop thinking about it. Stop.  
  
My bowtie buzzed with a summoning and it was almost a relief to have the distraction.  
  
\---  
  
I flop onto the face-plant cushion the instant I get home. Ammy and Teeth look up from their video game to glance at me. "Rough day?" Teeth asks. Pynelope and Pyrone were chewing on large shanks of meat in their playpen, they were teething and I figured letting them eat while they gnawed on stuff was more efficient.  
  
I groaned. "Another idiot got stuck in the transdimensional toilet. Why the fuck do people still try to use that cursed thing?!"  
  
"Why haven't you just...destroyed the place? Then you wouldn't have to bother with it anymore." Teeth suggests.  
  
"That's an excellent idea Teeth you're a genius!" I gasp. Teeth makes a motion that I feel would have been to roll his eyes if he had any. "It's basic logic..."  
  
"Pssh~logic shmogic~" I wave him off. I roll off the cushion and float up to the playpen. "How're my babies doing?" I coo at the twins. Pyrone babbles happily once he sees me and lifts his arms demanding to be picked up. I stretch out my arms to lift him out of the pen. "Oof. You're getting heavy Icepack.”  
  
"Gah bah bah." He squeals happily. An Eyebat flies down to stare at the baby and he giggles at it. They were pretty much tasked with keeping an eye on the kids. I'm quite happy with how well trained they are. Their orders were to petrify any threats to the children, not that we've ever had intruders, my paranoia Cursing the Death Star against unauthorized teleportation.  
  
I ruffled Pyrone's hair. "What have you been up to little man?" He pats my bricks with his little hands "Ah nah bah nah nah." I nod. "Really now? And what did she say to that?"  
  
"Fah banah! Bah wa faah!" He babbles before sticking a hand in his mouth. I roll my eye "Oh course she did. It just goes to show that you can't trust plumbers. Freaking secret agents, the lot of them."  
  
"Can you...actually understand him?!" Teeth asks incredulously. I laugh. "Who knows~"  
  
I bounce the boy in my arms and he squeals with laughter. Pynelope pulls herself up to whine at me. "Bih!" She says loudly. I sprout more arms to pick her up. "Yes, yes, I didn't forget about you Thermalpack. What do you and Pyrone want to do today?"  
  
As I float off holding the children I overhear Ammy comment "I'm so glad Bill never treated me like that. It would have been annoying."  
  
"Well from what I hear, you were never a real baby." Teeth shrugs. "Now get back to the game so I can beat you."  
  
"I still think you have an unfair advantage on account of how you have fingers and I do not." Ammy complains bitterly as he lost again.  
  
\---

We sat around watching Maze of Knowledge. Teeth laughs loudly as another contestant was swept off his feet by the waves. "Seriously though, why do they keep wandering through the maze for so long? There are books everywhere! Just grab any random one off the shelf!"

I shrug as I bottle fed the twins with a homemade meat mixture. "They seem to be under the impression there's a center to the maze where the forbidden knowledge is kept. Everyone wants to be the one to find it."

Teeth rolls over on the couch to look at me. How he 'sees' is actually pretty fascinating considering his lack of eyes. The entirety of his skin is photosensitive. It absorbs light and uses that information to create images he can process as vision. Too much light overwhelms him. Mouths are supposed to be tucked away behind Lips after all. It sometimes caused problems while he's preforming because of the stage lights but he's adapted well to living without his colony.

Teeth grins at me "So...is there actually a center 'finish line' room in that maze?"

I laugh "Oh there IS one. It even has...'forbidden' knowledge in it."

"Oh?" Teeth asks. "Dare I ask what it is?"

I lean in and grin mischievously. "Two words. Yaoi Doujinshi."

The two of us laugh like idiots while the twins look on in confusion.

\---  
  
Time seems to fly no matter how much I try to wish it didn't. The twins were growing up...  
  
"Bill! Bill!"  
  
I could hear the quick pattering of footsteps and looked up from my paper to see Pyrone dragging his sister up to me. "What cha do’in?" He jumps to try and climb onto the table. I levitate them both up to sit on the chairs. "I'm folding some origami." I tell them as I show them the small pile of paper animals I've made.  
  
  
  
"Whoooa~" the little boy gasps before grabbing at them. He hit a force field and whines. I make a tutting sound. "Ah, ah. What do you say?" I ask him sternly.  
  
"Can we pwease touch 'em Bill?" Pynelope asks politely. Pyrone nods. "Pwease?"  
  
"Sure. Be careful though, they're made of paper." I drop the force field and Pyrone immediately snatches up the nearest one. To no one's surprise he crushed it. "Oop." He blinks at the crumpled rabbit. "It bwoke." He said as he holds it out to me.  
  
"I can see that." I hold back my amusement at the confused look on his face. "Want to watch me make a new one?" The two nod eagerly. ""Yes pwease!"" they chorused.  
  
I made a couple more rabbits before Pyrone demands that I teach him how to make one too. As I taught them how to fold a simple fish to start out I couldn't help an old memory resurfacing...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Pynelope noticed my tears first. "Bill hurt?" She asks as she pats my bricks. "No hurt ‘nee more." She says firmly as she rubs my side in an attempt to soothe whatever pain she thought I might be in. I managed a wobbly smile as I wipe my eye. "I-I'm fine. Not hurt."  
  
"Wealy?" Pynelope squints at me suspiciously. I tried to look fine but she sees through me just as easily as her mother does. The little girl wrapped me in a hug. "Bill no hurt a-nee more." She says firmly. "No 'lowed to." She insists. I laugh lightly. "Yeah, yeah Thermalpack…”  
  
Pyrone tugs at my leg. "Is dis wight?" He holds up a crooked piece of paper. I shake off my melancholy. I can't afford to be sad right now. "Your corners aren't straight little dude." I show them once more how to fold the paper. Despite my tears, I wasn't...sad per say. Just...nostalgic. As I patiently taught the twins how to neatly fold a piece of paper in half, I wondered if this counted as healing?  
  
\---

Kryptos said I wasn't allowed to bring the twins into his dorm room anymore.

I guess he didn't appreciate Pyrone showing off his new origami skills on his homework.

Also, Penelope bit his roommate's arm off.

\---  
  
One word.  
  
Dinosaurs.  
  
Finally! Sure a whole bunch of other life went extinct but I've already grown used to it. Mass extinctions just...happen. Like constantly.  
  
I laughed maniacally as I possessed a nearby dino. I don't know what this guy is called but it looked raptor-ish, with it's bones and three clawed feet and many sharp teeth. I stumbled around and made snorting sounds as I got used to moving in this body. I'm a dinosaur! Woohoo! I wouldn't say it was a bird, the feathers weren't really large enough for that. More of some kinda lizard-chicken thing?  
  
Trying to communicate with my host was a lost cause. She just kept being confused at her body moving without her input. I eventually got bored and left. It was fun to watch these early dinos sleep. They didn't exactly dream but it was something similar.  
  
I played around for a few years before going home. I should make dinosaur toys for the twins. They might like that.  
  
\---  
  
It took a while to teach the twins to call me by a different name when I'm in a different form. "I'm Miz right now." I explained once again.  
  
Pynelope scrunched up her face in frustration. "No. You Bill!" she insisted. Pyrone nods "Ya! You Bill! We saw you." He points out as if I wouldn't know who I am. Teeth snorts with laughter. Kryptos was hiding his own mirth a little better. Pyronica sighs. "I told you they need to be a bit older to understand this."  
  
"No. I got this." I insist as I shift forms into Xin. "Who am I now?"  
  
"You is Bill." Pyrone rolls his eye at me. I make offended noises. Since when did my little Icepack get so sassy? Teeth falls off the couch laughing. "Aw snap Bill! The kids can see through your disguises!" he wheezes.  
  
I pout and flick my tail in irritation. Pyrone was already grabbing at it. "What 'cha doing Icepack?” I asked. He holds my tail in front of him and runs his fingers along my scales and feathers. "Pwetty..." He pets my feathers. "Is soft!" He looks amazed and turns to hand my tail to his sister. "Is soft!" He claims. Pynelope looks skeptical but starts petting my tail anyway.  
  
"Is soft?!" She cries in surprise. I muffle my laughter as the children express their amazement. Damn they're cute. It was slightly less cute when Pyrone tugged at my feathers. I yelped in pain. "Ah! Sowwy!" He says as he drops my tail. I curl it up and carefully flexed my feathers. At least he didn't pull any out. He looked upset so I rubbed his side horn gently. "It's ok. Just don't pull on my feathers alright?" He nods seriously.  
  
"Hey Bill?" Pyronica asks. "Should we send the kids to school? They're almost old enough."  
  
"I told you to call me Xin in this form." I pouted. "If YOU won't then of course THEY won't either."  
  
Pyronica rolls her eye at me. I bet Pyrone learned it from her. "Fine Xin. Do you think the kids should go to school?"  
  
"...I'll have to find a good school." Only the best for my sweet babies. Pyrone was crawling onto my lap and reaching for my antlers. Pynelope was tugging on her mother's arm. "Hungry." She says. Pyronica picks up her daughter and I get up with her son in my arms. "Ok. Lunch first and then we go school hunting." I decide. The twins cheer. "Food!"  
  
\---  
  
It took almost forever to find a school we could all agree on. Sigma Elementary was too deep in Federation territory. ￦26-1 didn't have a good education program. Epic#3 didn't accept Cyclopians (something about liability risk of the children eating their classmates) and a few schools I just didn't like for any variety of reasons.  
  
Some schools refused because of me. In the end we decided on a demon-run school, Damnation Public, which despite the name was actually a very nice place and set to work signing the kids up for child-garden. Which meant we had to get them Federation ID's. Having proper citizenship would give them an easier time finding jobs in the future.  
  
After tons of paperwork and meetings with the school board, we got them in and the twins would soon be starting their first day of school.  
  
I could only hope everything goes well.  
  
\---  
  
We got called into the office not even a few hours after dropping off the kids on their first day.  
  
I don't know if I should be proud or exasperated.  
  
The woman looked surprised to see me when Pyronica and I walked in. "Oh. I...wasn't aware the...father was still alive..."  
  
"I'm not the father." I shrug. Pyronica grins. "Bill's my best friend and he helps me raise them. They're practically his kids." I blush.  
  
The twins were sitting sullenly in their chairs. I flickered through the images to see what this was all about. Oh. I frown at Pyrone and he wiggled with guilt. Pynelope had her arms crossed and glowering. "Pyrone, Nelope...what have I told you about taking things without asking?"  
  
"....nt..." He mumbles.  
  
"What was that?" I ask patiently.  
  
""...Don't take without asking..."" The two chorused. Pyronica was giggling and I give her a light smack on the knee. "Roni! Don't laugh! You know this is your fault."  
  
"Guilty as charged but never guilty!" She cackled.  
  
"You're incorrigible." I groaned. The councilor looked back and forth between us before clearing her throat and brushing her hair behind her horns. "Well, be that as it may. It wasn't simply the theft that was the issue." She gives Pyronica a stern look. "I know Cyclopians are incredibly carnivoric but please tell your children that they cannot swallow their classmates."  
  
"I spit him out..." Pynelope grumbles. "Dinnin’ taste good 'nyway..."  
  
I sigh even as Pyronica laughs unapologeticly. "This is entirely your fault..." I informed her. Trying to teach the kids discipline was hard since Pyronica went around doing everything I said they couldn't. Hell, Ammy still shop lifts stuff sometimes. Pyronica is just a terrible influence on the children. I rubbed my bricks tiredly.  
  
"Kids. You can't steal from your classmates unless they are objectively horrible people who have more than they need and refuse to share with those who need it." I say patiently. The councilor makes an offended sound. "Mr. Cipher you cannot tell them it's alright to steal-!"  
  
I stretch my hand out to press a finger to the hole where vocalizations come out. "Quiet now. I am trying to explain something." I tell her. She looked down at where my finger was and made another offended sound.  
  
"Also, no matter what, don't eat your classmates. If they're an asshole, tell me after school and I will take it up with their parents." I narrowed my eye at the twins. "Understand?"  
  
They quietly nodded.  
  
"No! That is not okay. Mr. Cipher, you cannot tell your children that it is okay to STEAL from others!" The councilor (scan, name, Unglia Des)  
  
"Look miss Des, I get that you have your opinions. But I have MINE. And I say that in very specific circumstances, it is alright to steal." I cross my arms. "Of course, just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD." I give the twins a stern look. "Your mother is always getting herself in trouble because she never learned that. I don't want you two getting arrested once you're older. It's annoying enough to pay Ronica's bail constantly..."  
  
Pyronica scoffs "I haven't gotten arrested in nearly 20 years~"  
  
"Because I grounded all of you from rampages for the next century." I reply blandly. Pyronica pouts "I can't believe you're still enforcing that...it was just popcorn..."  
  
"I can always extend it..."  
  
Pyronica sits up straight. "I'll be good!"  
  
The twins giggled. I poke them both. "Stop laughing, you're still in trouble." They both pout at me. It’s the same look Pyronica gives me when she wants to get out of trouble. I roll my eye. They really are her kids. "Look. Just try not to do things that will get you in trouble with no way out. I worry ok?" I tell them gently.  
  
They nod and chorused. "Okay..."  
  
Miss Des didn't look entirely satisfied but accepted that this was the best she would get. I felt a little bad for her, she was obviously under a lot of stress. "Look. If they DO cause trouble again I will properly punish them." The twins didn't look particularly worried about my 'threat'. I could hear Pynelope's thoughts of _'Bill would just make us sit in a corner for a while, no big deal.'_  
  
"What would you even do?" Pyronica asks once we leave. "I doubt you'd be able to really do anything to discipline them. The twins have you wrapped around their horns and we all know it."  
  
I laugh evilly. "If they get in trouble again I can go with some simple disciplinary tactics. If that doesn’t work…I’ve got the perfect idea of how to punish them..." My cackling even had little thunder booms and lightning flashes in the background.  
  
Pyronica gives me a worried look.  
  
—

"-he dinner party starts in 5 hours. What are you guys gonna do?" I asked my Maid group as we sat around the living room. Teeth frowns. "What's the ETA for those flowers I ordered this morning?"

I rolled some dice and counted the tally. "They got delayed again."

"Plaque!" Teeth groans in frustration. "How am I gonna finish decorating the main hall without them?!"

Ammy pats his shoulder. "Forget the flowers for now. I need help dusting the mansion."

Hectorgon holds up his dice. "I would like to get started on dinner."

"Roll Skill." I tell him. The dice clattered along the ground. "12!" Hectorgon says triumphantly. "Ok. You get started on dinner, what are you making?"

"I was thinking we would do a three course meal sort of thing. Start with a soup/salad for the appetizer, have a meat dish for the main course and then some sort of dessert."

"Nice! Well you've gotten the preparations done. I'm assuming you're getting the soup cooking now and making the salad once its closer to party time so they're fresh?" I wave my hands to make mini food appear in the kitchen area of the game board I built.

It was a little sad that Kryptos wasnt here. He was hard at work in school. Silly boy had an absolutely PACKED schedule. I told him he was free to take his time. It's not like he wouldn't live long enough to do so. But Kryptos wanted to get all his classes over with. He wanted to graduate and start working.

What exactly he was gonna work in, he hasn't told me. He did admit that he wanted to try different professions and was planning to work for a bit before going back to school to get a degree for something else and repeat.

Such an ambitious one. He wanted to try all jobs at least once. Astro-physics, pan-dimensional energy conversion, economics, law...modelling. I gave him a smug, knowing look for that last one on the list of possible professions that he was curious about. He blushed and ate his list, shoo'ing me out of his dorm.

I often dropped by to make sure he was getting enough sleep. He seemed embarrassed at my mothering "Not here! People can see!" and started taking better care of himself just to stop me from doing it.

I shook myself out of my thoughts. If it weren't for the fact that Kryptos asked me to leaved him alone while he's studying I would gladly have opened an alien version of Skype so he could play with us. Sadly that was not to be.

"Well I think we should set out the silverware NOW so we don't have to do it tonight right before the party." Teeth argued. Ammy shook his head "Leave them out for that long and dust could get on then."

"Well that's why we're dusting right now! So there wouldn't be dust later!" Teeth throws his arms up in frustration. Ammy rolls his eyes "But you wanted to have the windows open. There's gonna be dust from outside."

"Well we need to air out the rooms! The young master has been a shut in for so long this place is stuffy!"

Pyronica wanders in with the twins tucked under her arms. "You nerds still playing this thing?"

"It is a family bonding activity board game, thank you very much." Teeth crosses his arms and pouts. Pyronica rolls her eye. "Still nerds."

She glances at me "Hey Bill, I was gonna take the twins out to their healer's appointment. Are you gonna come?" I split myself in half. "Of course!"

I wave good bye to myself and turn back to the game. Teeth and Ammy's argument got heated. Hectorgon managed to get them to compromise, which got him awarded 3 Favor points. Things were going find until I started blushing heavily and coughing.

"Bill? What's wrong?" Ammy asked, his voice was still monotone but he's gotten better at expressing different types of emotion in his inflections. His worried tone was used most often, which I always felt kinda bad about.

I rubbed my plane as I continued blushing. "Erm...the kids got their check up...um..."

"Is something wrong? Are they sick?" Hectorgon asks, hopping over to place a hand on my leg. I shook my head.

"It's...nothing WRONG per say...just...um..." I whined in embarrassment "...it seems Pyrone inherited the modifications I made to his father..."

My friends still seemed confused but I really just couldn't explain. I had to excuse myself to go and scream into a pillow for a few hours in embarrassment. The unashamed grin Pyronica gave me just made everything worse. "Look on the bright side. My boy's gonna make his partner _**quite**_ happy in the future."

"Uwu~" I moaned.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The Maze of Knowledge was based on a cool dream I had. I thought the idea was interesting enough to put in.


	56. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I raised Amorphous Shape from a non-juvenile but mentally immature creature into the larger but still immature creature he is now. Many people tell me that I, myself, am also an immature creature. I know I am. The day I actually become a mature adult is a day I can no longer have ice cream for breakfast and there's no way in Hell I'm gonna do that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is not the crossover chapter. The NEXT chapter will be the crossover chapter. And it is gonna be huge. The three of us kept going...and going...
> 
> It was actually really great working together with them. Bouncing ideas off each other and laughing at our awful jokes...that was fun.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 53**  
  
**-I ask you why should time only move forward-**  
  
\---  
  
Not even gonna lie. I totally spied on the kids at school. I sat across from a client and looked to all the world like I cared what ze were asking me for while most of my attention was actually watching the twins breeze through their reading lesson. Guess who taught them how to read already? This guy!  
  
"-o I'm sure this wouldn't be difficult for you mister Cipher." My client (a particularly hairy snuffleupagus) leans back in zis chair. Ze has a glass of wine held in zer trunk. I lean back as well. "Something like this is easy. I could do it in your sleep."  
  
"Don't you mean-?"  
  
"Not important. What IS important is what you're gonna give me?" I haven't touched the wine ze offered me. I'm not gonna get drunk during a job. Also I'm afraid of what might happen if I did a Deal while drunk.  
  
Ze makes a snorting sigh. "I have heard tales of your...prices..."  
  
"So long as you keep your side of the Deal and aren't dumb enough to try and cheat me, I doubt you'll have any problems." I say calmly as I spin my bowtie. "You haven't offended me yet so your chances look pretty good."  
  
"That's...reassuring..." Ze said with a sigh. "So what is it that you want mister Cipher?"  
  
"A lot of things." I answer instinctively before actually considering it. My client, Snuzzle, is getting on in years and was hoping I could...extend zir life. Ze wasn't asking for immortality or anything, just a way to get more time. I've gotten better at this sort of effect but I had something different in mind. An experiment if you will.  
  
So I knew how I was planning to grant zis request, what I didn't know was what I wanted in return. Snuzzle was a rich merchant who capitalized on zir species naturally thick fur to start a textile business. The fabric made from their fur is strong and can be woven to become resistant to kinetic damage. It was also very soft and comfy. I hummed to myself as I considered my options.  
  
Even if I can recreate pretty much anything I've seen and analyzed, I liked getting things pre-made if I can. Plus I've been meaning to give the twin's room an upgrade. New bedding would be nice. I would have to fire proof it though...  
  
"How about this? I give you the younger body you want and in exchange I'll get to have some fabric from your wares."  
  
Ze snorts at me in surprise. "That's it? That seems...simple."  
  
"I've been in a good mood lately." I shrug. "My best friend had kids and I've been helping her raise those little monsters. They're adorable by the way! Wanna see pictures?" I sparkled at the thought of being able to finally share the photos with someone.  
  
"Um..." Ze looked like zey weren't sure if saying no would ruin my good mood and thus said "Sure." I was immediately pulling out the large scrapbook full of photos. Snuzzle looked like ze was regretting saying yes as I turned to the first page and began gushing.  
  
"This was right after they were born. They're twins you see! The boy here is Pyrone. You know me and Pyronica actually argued over his name for a bit. You see she wanted to name him Pychael, you know, like Michael but with a Pie-sound?"  
  
Snuzzle buries zir face in zer front hooves and groans.

"Here's when some idiot tried to kidnap Pynelope while we were out playing in the park. Man I tell ya, she clearly didn't realize who she was messing with."

I think I still had her remains frozen in my secret freezer in the Nightmare Realm. It's where I keep all the bodies of my enemies for snacking on. Look, sometimes I get a craving for flesh that mere animals couldn't satiate. And if I was gonna kill people anyway then I may as well eat them. Waste not am I right?

  
\---  
  
"-nd here's that time Pynelope tried to eat Teeth. Ronica says she might have a crush on him and like...isn't she too young for that?"  
  
"Childhood infatuation is a thing and it's perfectly normal. As long as this...Teeth man doesn't do anything to her, I believe it is fine." Snuzzle sighs as zey slump over on the table. "No offense mister Cipher, your children are beautiful, but I'm not getting any younger here..."  
  
I blush. "Right. Sorry. It's just...I'm so proud of them you know?"  
  
Snuzzle gives me a soft knowing smile. "I understand. I felt the same way about my kids."  
  
Feeling oddly peaceful and content upon hearing that, I hold out my hand and even made sure the deconstruction and reconstruction of zer body was painless (it just felt like an immensely uncomfortable itching sensation instead of the cell-bursting agony it would have been normally). This dude just sat through a couple hours of baby pictures and actually listened to me so I felt ze deserves at least this much.  
  
I sigh as the pleasant thrumming of energy within me signaled another successful Deal. Snuzzle was examining zir, or rather, HER body with awe. Their species lost biological sex and gender identity after reaching a certain age. Her fur had gone from a ragged gray to a healthy and lush light brown. She looked amazed. "T-this is incredible." She gazes at me in awe. "Thank you."  
  
"No problem. Um...thanks for listening to me talk about the kids for the past..." I do a quick check "...5 hours. Yeesh! I didn't notice that much time had passed."  
  
She laughs lightly. "Well time flies when you're lost in fond memories."  
  
I bid her a fond farewell and Blinked out of there holding an armful of fabric. I still had time to redecorate the twins' room before it was time to pick them up from school.  
  
\---  
  
We still get called in to the office every few weeks because either one or both of the twins had done something. Started a fight, took a bite from someone, climbed to dangerous heights (I actually Blinked in to catch Pyrone when he fell, I was LIVID) and my punishments have so far ranged from time-outs, restricting their Screen-time, purposely not cooking their favorite meals and hour long lectures.  
  
It looks like I'll HAVE to pull out the big guns.  
  
After one particularly bad day in which the twins set the classroom on fire, I went with a cruel and unusual punishment. The two stared at me incredulously as I held up the costumes. "Well? Put these on." I told them sternly.  
  
With exasperated expressions they pulled on the sparkly fish costumes. There was an opening in the fish's mouth for their heads and holes for their horns. They looked absolutely adorable and I snapped a bunch of pictures, to their embarrassment.  
  
"Is dat it?" Pyrone grumbles with a cute pout. I shake my head and give a truly evil grin. "Nope. There's a song and dance as well~"  
  
The absolute horror on their faces was priceless.

  
Despite the humiliation, it only kept them on good behavior for a few months. We were back in the office before I knew it.  
  
"Ok. So it seems like you two just aren't getting it." I frown at them. The two wiggled in their chairs as we all sat in the office. Miss Des looked frustrated. Heck, I was frustrated. Even Pyronica was starting to get frustrated. There were a few times where I considered more...physical acts of punishments but I managed to hold myself back. It wasn't right. I knew that. I KNOW that. Ugh...  
  
But this was getting ridiculous. I didn't want to consider that my babies were...bad kids...but they just keep doing this. I sighed. "Why is it that you can't get along with your classmates?" I asked. Maybe it was the other kids? I hoped there was some reason for this.  
  
Pynelope scowls "They're dumb!" she says angrily. "They dun know anything!" I sigh. "Don't call your classmates dumb sweetie. It's very mean to say that about them."  
  
"But they are!" Pynelope insists. "They're so slow! And Fitz messes wi’ my stuff!"  
  
"Fitz just wants your attention." Pyronica rolls her eye. "It means he likes you."  
  
"Ewwww..." The twins both shudder.  
  
"Nelope, if you feel like the class is moving too slow, would you like to be moved up a year? Maybe that would help?" I glanced at miss Des as well. "I know Pynelope's grades are top of the class. Maybe she's acting out because she's bored?"  
  
The woman nods. "I too, feel like that might be part of the problem. But moving up a grade will have its own share of issues. Especially if her brother cannot go with her." I hide a wince. While Pynelope was breezing through her classwork with no effort, Pyrone was...not.  
  
I look at Pyrone who was glaring at the floor, the ice along his arms was crackling as his shoulders tensed. "Pyrone? What's your take on this?"  
  
Pynelope grabs her brother's hand and steam began hissing out between them. "I won't go wi'out him." She glares at miss Des. "You can't make me!" I notice Pyrone's hunched figure relaxing a little as he squeezes his big sister's hand.  
  
I rubbed my bricks as a headache formed. What am I supposed to do in this situation? Should I just home school them? But the whole point of public school was so they could learn social skills. Ax knows I'm not gonna be able to teach them that. Ammy still has trouble talking to strangers and can't hold down a job for more than a few weeks. I feel like I've failed him. Is it wrong for me to think of Ammy as a NEET?  
  
I felt like a failure as a parent. I abruptly realize I was crying again. The twins were frantic with worry and Pyrone kept wiping my tears away and apologizing. He probably thought I was crying because of him. I WAS, sorta, but it shouldn't be his or Pynelope's job to worry over me. Pyronica was rubbing my back and telling me to calm down. "Bill, how about you sit this one out?"  
  
I made a whimpering noise. Pyronica picks me up and gently pushes me out the door. "Look, ultimately, these are MY kids and I get to decide how to handle this. I'm grateful for everything you do Bill, but I think it’s time I stepped up to actually be a parent. I can't just...force all the responsibility onto you anymore."  
  
I nod in understanding even as I float sadly into the hallway and she closes the door. I slump over in a bench and sighed. Maybe I'm just...not cut out to be a good parent. I wipe a few more tears and try hard not to let it get to me. She's right after all. I'm not their mom. I'm not even their dad. This is Pyronica's job, not mine.  
  
I decide to head home. Pyronica's right. She is their mother. If she wants to finally step up to take charge of her children’s lives, I should let her do so. I flop onto the face-plant cushion and try hard not to let it get to me. I should try to help Ammy find a job. Heck, I should try to help Ammy find his passion. I have been severely lacking in my duties as a parent.  
  
\---  
  
"I don't think you have to worry so much Bill." Kryptos tells me as I roll out some dough. He finally finished his first year at school so he was allowed to commute now. He was keeping me company as I wanted to try making bread. It's time consuming and the kneading process was quite therapeutic. It’s not like I was avoiding the awkward subject of asking Ammy to get off his blocks and get a real job.  
  
"You already give us shelter, food and pretty much anything else we want." He watches me punch the dough. "Ronica can handle her kids and I'm pretty sure Ammy's an adult by now. So he should be responsible for himself. How old even is he?"  
  
"It's been around 3 million years since I first found him." I say as I throw the dough onto the floured table. "And around 600 years since I first met you."  
  
"Wait! What?!" Kryptos gasps. I shrug, placing the dough in a bowl and putting a damp towel on top to let it rest for an hour. "The closest star is barely noticeable and there are no clocks or other indicators of time in this house so you guys lose track of time."  
  
I put the bowl in the corner of the kitchen counter where it can be out of the way. "And since you guys don't age unless you choose to (and even then I have placed a level cap on it)…you don't really notice how long its been. Also, different time flows and all that. The teleporter is set to take you to both where and when you're intending to go, barring any overlaps."  
  
I float out of the kitchen as Kryptos remains floating there with a wide eye and a much paler color. As I head down the hallway I can hear him repeat "What?!?!?"  
  
He catches up to me in the hallway and grabs my arm. "B-but my revenge? On my family? On my bullies? How am I gonna-?!"  
  
I roll my eye even as I peel his hand off mine. "I'll send you back in time for that, duh. I do the same whenever we visit people we know in a different time zone."  
  
"Oh...I...I hadn't noticed..." Kryptos calmed a little. "Really? 600 years?" His voice was distant.  
  
"It actually more like 655...but who's counting."  
  
"You are. You kept track...all this time..." Kryptos gives me a look I can't quite decipher. His emotions were a jumbled mess that I couldn't even begin to pick through. Finally he smiles faintly and holds my hand. "You're amazing. You know that?"  
  
I flush lightly, compliments always get to me. "Um...well...time travel isn't actually all that difficult so long as it's between different dimensions..." I ramble.  
  
Kryptos shakes his head. "That's not what I meant." He squeezes my hand "YOU are amazing Bill. You always try so hard, on everything you do. With everyone you meet. You...care about everything. A little too much sometimes, but I think that's what makes you so great."  
  
I flush darker. "O-oh..."  
  
"It's part of why I love you so much."  
  
I grin and nuzzle Kryptos's. side. "I love you too Kryptos." I was very bubbly inside, happy that my friend cared for me too.  
  
Kryptos sighs. "You're pretty oblivious for a god of knowledge huh?" He lets goes of my hand with a fond, resigned look. "But I guess that's part of what makes you so special." He floats away leaving me alone in the hall, confused as to what just happened.  
  
\---  
  
Pyronica had found a solution for the kids. One that they and the school both agreed to. I was incredibly proud that she was being responsible for once. It was nice to see her putting in the effort to be a real mother.  
  
The twins were staying in the same class but they were going to assign Pynelope a tutor who'll give her extra lessons during class so she'll have something more stimulating to do while everyone else were doing something too below her (intellectually speaking).  
  
Pyrone was happy to stay with his sister. Pynelope was glad she didn't have to be bored during class. They weren't compelled to act out as much any more.  
  
Sort of.  
  
Pyrone was still causing trouble now and then. Pyronica had many talks with him but he didn't seem to want to explain why. Finally Pyronica asked me to talk to him about it. I was in Miz's form, sitting in the garden with him. My little legs swinging around as I waited for him to say something.  
  
"Why did you start a fight with that other kid? Was he bothering you? Was he bothering your sister?" I asked lightly, trying not to be accusatory. "You know you can tell me anything."  
  
Pyrone kicks at the water. He mumbles something that even I couldn't quite catch. "Yes?" I ask, leaning closer. In Miz's form we were pretty close in size. Pyrone splashes at the water, not looking at me. "When I get in twoble...the school calls you...an’ I get to see you..."  
  
"Wait." I frown. "Are you causing trouble just to get an excuse to see me?"  
  
"You ah-ways busy." Pyrone pouts. I sigh. "I have a job. And you have school. You can't interrupt your class just to see me all the time. I already spend most of my free time with you and your sister."  
  
"Spend all time pwease?" He mumbles. I sigh. "I can't do that. Besides, don't you want to hang out with big brother Kryptos or uncle Hectorgon?"  
  
"I want BILL!” Pyrone whines as he hugs me. I wheeze "Pyrone! My little Icepack! You're suffocating me!"  
  
He loosens his hold a little and frowns at me. "Why you so small? Turn big again." He demands.  
  
I cough. "I like looking like this sometimes. I'm still ME regardless."  
  
"But you too small to eat me." He mutters.  I straight up blue screen of death’ed for a few seconds. "Excuse me, what did you just say?"  
  
Pyrone blushes and says "When I grow up...you eat me right?"  
  
Nopenopenopenope!  
  
I'm distantly aware I was screaming.  
  
"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
  
  
I picked Pyrone up and tossed him into the pond in my panic before running off screaming for Pyronica.  
  
\---  
  
".....so you threw my son into the pond?" Pyronica deadpans after I explained what just happened.  
  
"Look, sometimes...you just need to throw a child." I explain. Pyronica groans. "Bill, I can't believe I have to be the responsible one here and say…don't throw children."  
  
"I panicked ok? What do I do?!"  
  
Pyronica rolls her eye. "Go apologize for throwing him and explain why he can't mate with you when he grows up."  
  
"Of course he can't! I raised him! That's really fucked up!" I wailed. Pyronica has the gall to laugh at me. "Boys like a powerful woman. It's obvious why he would get a crush on you~" she teased.  
  
I shudder. "Nope. That's wrong in so many ways. Ew. No. Also, he's like…17 years old. Fuck, no. No way."  
  
"Then explain that to him." She shrugs, not looking as worried about this issue as she should be. I stare at her suspiciously. "Shouldn't you...help me explain WHY he can't be with me?"  
  
"It's just an innocent childish crush Bill. Kids do that. It's not something to worry about. Just tell him no."  
  
I whimpered. "So he's not being serious?"  
  
"Of course not. You are paranoid." Pyronica grins. "Pyrone's just a kid. If he is still asking about this once he's older, then we have a problem."  
  
I nod. She's probably right. It's not like Zyun-Jan didn't have plenty of crushes on her older cousins as a child. I sheepishly head back to the gardens to find a soaking wet Pyrone looking incredibly confused. I apologized for throwing him and told him that I wasn't going to eat him. Never. It just wasn't going to happen.  
  
He looked a little sad but I told him that he's still too young to be thinking about stuff like this anyway. "Look, you can't keep acting out just to get my attention. I love you and Pynelope a lot and I'm already trying my best to give you the time and attention you need."  
  
He pouts at me as I dry him off with a fluffy towel. "It's unfair to me if you want me by your side all the time." His eye was tearing up. "Oh geez..." I hugged him close, his ice crackling along all the surfaces it touched. "You really miss me that much when I'm not around?"  
  
He nods, burying his face into my chest as he hugs me. I pat his head gently. "Well what about this?" I wiggle my fingers and he looks up in awe at the consolidating particles in the air. They swirled, atoms clicking together as I built a physical object.  
  
A soft stuffed doll shaped like a certain yellow triangle. Pyrone's eye lights up in delight as I float the doll gently down to him. He grabs at it and hugs it tightly. "Is soft..." He breathes. I hug him gently. He nuzzles into the doll and thanks me.   
  
"Love you Bill." He smiles and I grin back. "Love you too my widdle icepack~" I smush his chubby cheeks. He groans and I laugh until he pushes me into the pond. Yeah, I probably deserved that.  
  
\---  
  
Pynelope wanted a doll too. She wanted one of Teeth instead. Teeth and I both had to deal with this together. We both sighed in embarrassment as Pyronica continues to laugh at us. "I guess this means Teeth is the strongest guy here? At least that's what Nelope thinks~" she giggled. Teeth groans and buries his head in a pillow.  
  
PaciFire mumbles about how come he didn't rank. "Look, if YOU want a little girl crushing on you, be my guest." Teeth flops over. PaciFire flushed and dropped the subject. I feel another summoning. It's from Time Baby. Uuugh...  
  
"Hec. You're in charge of dinner tonight." I inform him before Blinking away. What does the dumb baby want THIS time?  
  
\---  
  
"....YOU LOOK WELL." Time Baby thundered when I appeared in his courtroom. I scoff. "I always look good."  
  
He's silent as he looks at me. "I RECEIVED WORD FROM MY OFFICERS THAT YOU HAVE...ACQUIRED CHILDREN."  
  
"They're not technically mine so..."  
  
He holds up a hand to stop me. "REGARDLESS, YOU...SEEM..." He looks almost...fond "...HAPPY. CALMER AND LESS PROBLEMATIC THESE PAST FEW YEARS."  
  
"Pfft! Don't get used to it." I fold my arms and pout.  
  
"I AM HAPPY FOR YOU."  
  
"You're just happy because my friends are all grounded and haven't caused any trouble for you recently." I pout harder.  
  
Time Baby shrugs. "WHATEVER THE REASON, I AM GLAD FOR THE RESULTS. IT WOULD BE NICE IF EVERYTHING STAYED LIKE THIS." he stares off at a future I don't bother to see. "SADLY, I KNOW IT WILL NOT LAST."  
  
"Nothing does bucko. Nothing except us." I sigh. "Now is this a social call or did you actually need me for something?"  
  
"AH YES, THE STAR NEAR SEN-WEIP IN DIMENSION 293U1 IS GOING TO EXPLODE SOON."  
  
"What? You need me to stop it?"  
  
"NO. I NEED YOU TO MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO SURVIVORS ON THE NEAREST PLANET.”  
  
I scowl. So it's one of THOSE jobs. "What's the problem this time? The people on the planet are too smart? They figured out the cure to cancer?" I snarked.  
  
"THEY ARE USING UP TOO MUCH ENERGY. THEY ARE CONSUMING EVERYTHING AT A PACE TOO FAST FOR THEIR PLANET TO RECOVER FROM. THEY ARE DESTROYING ALL LIFE ON THEIR PLANET AND PLAN TO FIND A NEW PLACE TO REPEAT THE SAME. THIS ACCELERATION OF ENTROPY NEEDS TO BE STOPPED!”  
  
"So you want to make sure they all die as opposed to...teaching them NOT to drain their planet dry of all resources?" I frown.  
  
Time Baby groans. "I HAVE TRIED. I HAVE SENT MY OFFICERS DOWN TO EXPLAIN. I HAVE SENT THEM THE MEANS NECESSARY TO HELP THEM RECOVER. THEY. JUST. REFUSE. TO. CHANGE. THEIR. WAYS." He looked incredibly stressed and outraged.  
  
He took a few deep breaths to calm himself before he threw a tantrum. If the multiverse thought MY tantrums were bad...hoo boy, Time Baby's fits can cause all of time to stop functioning.  
  
And somehow I was the scariest thing in the universe?  
  
"So you just don't want any of the people on that planet to escape their destruction when it inevitably comes?" I sigh.  
  
"YES."  
  
"Fine. Same as usual then?" I grumble as I hold out my hand. My flame blazes to life. Time Baby nods. "I OWE YOU YET ANOTHER FAVOR." He takes my hand.  
  
I didn't cry. I know that means something must have broken inside me. But while I float here in space and the planet was nothing more than a small circle in the distance...I felt a calm feeling of disconnect. I didn't have to see all the people. I wasn't killing them, I was simply...letting them die. I felt a slight twinge of distress before looking away. Don't think. Don't feel. Let it happen.  
  
The barrier jamming all transport off the planet held and I watched as the star glowed brighter and contracted before exploding in a flash of glory, heat and radiation.  
  
I braced myself and couldn't help but stare into the light as it flared out and overtook everything in my view. Is that what I look like when I explode? It was beautiful.  
  
Destructive on a horrifyingly massive scale yes, but beautiful.  
  
The little planet was swallowed by the light and heat. The radiation tore the world apart and I watched it charred into dust within a few minutes. There were a few other planets within the danger zone of this explosion but I've already placed a protective barrier around them.  
  
Once the explosion dies down though, what will those other planets do? The radiation will continue to make this whole area a danger zone for CENTURIES and they will no longer have their Sun. They would need to evacuate.  
  
I would need to continue protecting them or else the radiation would destroy their molecules before they can make it out of here. Hopefully their teleporters worked. Hopefully they got out of here.  
  
I tweaked the barrier to hold even while I'm not here and wished them all luck. I allowed my physical body to crumple away before I Blinked home, don't want to bring all that radiation with me.  
  
As I reformed in the living room I saw that it was dark and everyone had gone to bed. A quick flicker revealed that Hectorgon had made meatloaf for dinner. I quietly entered the twin's room and saw them in their shared bed, cuddling each other and their dolls.  
  
A Favor.  
  
That's why I do my Deals with Time Baby.  
  
A Favor to keep my friends safe. To keep my family safe.  
  
For that reason I will turn away and let others die.  
  
_"Oh my dears~To shield thee from danger's deadly call...I will sin, I will kill, I will sacrifice my all~"_ I sang softly as I tucked the blankets over them more securely. I turned to leave, spending my night curled on top of Xanthar in the garden to try and make myself feel better.  
  
\---

Word eventually got out that Bill Cipher had children. An old client (a mob boss) who was...unsatisfied...with the results of his Deal attempted to have them kidnapped. We were having a whole family trip to an amusement park when it happened. I was always paranoid about large crowds and it was a good thing I was.

I easily caught them before anyone even realized what was going on.

"Bill? We're gonna go on the kiddy coaster. Are you coming?" Ammy asks, holding hands with the twins as Xanthar stood behind them like a giant purple barrier. My little bread baby loved the twins and protected them like they were his own dough.

"You guys go on ahead, I wanna get some Fronch fried fingers from the snack stand." I tell them cheerfully. Ammy shrugs. "Alright. We'll be at the Snoozer Coaster." He gently tugs at the twin's hands. "Come along you two." He was trying very hard to be a good big brother to them.

I waved cheerfully until they were out of sight. As soon as they were gone my smile slipped away. Now, there was something important I had to do.

\---

The mobsters trembled in their shackles. I float into the room twirling my cane with a pleasant smile in my eye. "Well, well, well~what have we here? Some would be kidnappers~" I grinned at them and nearly purred at the spike of Fear I was tasting in the air. "Now really~what's with these faces? Are you upset?" I leaned in real close to one of them and he whimpered. "Are you _**SCARED**_?"

"Pl-please let us go." One whimpered. I do a quick scan to see which one was the most afraid. "Hm...no can do my dear~you see, you were planning to do something very naughty today~" I tut at the three men. "You wanted to take what was mine."

I suddenly slam my cane down on one of the men's legs, there was a sickening 'squelsh' sound as the leg broke and burst open, spraying a watery blue substance. The man howled in agony. The other two flinched and one even began to cry. _**"No one takes what belongs to me."**_ I hiss.

I lift my bloodied cane and press it under his neck, forcing him to look up at me. His face was scrunched up in pain. "Bad little boys who do naughty things like that need to be _punished_ ~" I purred as I rubbed the end of my cane against his throat, smearing his own blood on him.

It was partially a show and partially because I wanted to. I need to send a message. A clear, concise message to all the idiots out there. I don't go out of my way to scare people, not normally. Unfortunately, as it tends to happen, there were morons who took my kindness for weakness.

Not physical weakness. Everyone knows they cannot even begin to measure up to my power, but my care for my family was something that could be exploited. I cannot even begin to list all the times people have attempted to kidnap my friends. But that and this are different. My friends can take care of themselves for the most part. Xanthar, Pyronica, 8-Ball and PaciFire are strong enough to protect themselves. Hectorgon never leaves the house without the others. Ammy can warp through his blocks to safety in a split second. Teeth, Kryptos and Keyhole can call me up with their Coms if anything happens (which is just a formality, they can call for me just by speaking my name three times).

But the children were too young for that. They can't react to threats fast enough. They are literally walking targets. That's why I need to make it ABSOLUTELY clear that **no one** FUCKS with them. I feel the fear coming off my prisoners and grimaced. Even if it means I have to do this. I remind myself that none of these men were good people. They were murderers and child kidnappers.

"Now. I'm sure you're wondering what kind of punishment you get for trying to TAKE what is mine..." I floated lazily around the room, speaking calmly and amicably. My pleasant tone only served to scare them more. They wouldn't be able to predict when I turned violent again. The anticipation frightened them more than anything else. "Now see, I'm usually fine with just an apology but you guys tried to take my babies."

I narrowed my eye at one of the unhurt ones. "And quite frankly I don't think an apology is good enough."

"We're very sorry! We won't do it again!" One of them wails. Another one pleads "We promise we will never try this again! Please let us go!" I laughed in his face. After laughing nonstop for a few minutes I wiped my eye and patted his head. "Let you go? Why that sounds like a splendid idea!"

"R-really?" One of them sniffles, he stares at me with hope in his eyes. I laughed again. "Well I DO need someone to pass on the message to your boss." The guy looked relieved but his two companions were obviously better at picking up what was gonna happen. I place a small black hand on his cheek and lean in close, patting him gently, reassuringly. He relaxed as I continue to caress him soothingly, trailing my hand down his face and neck until I reached his chest.

"So what better a message than a little...demonstration?"

I ripped his heart out.

Of course, this species had like...7 hearts so it wasn't nearly as impressive as it could have been. But although this didn't kill him, he was screaming in agony all the same. The other two whimpered as more blood spilled.

I watched impassively as the man screamed and sobbed. Another one began crying. I turn to them. "So. Quite frankly, I only need one messenger." The three men knew exactly what I meant by that.

Only one of them would be leaving here alive.

"I-I can be your messenger!" The uninjured one stammers.

"Pick me! Boss listens to me!" The one with the broken leg begs.

"Nuuueeeh...." The one missing a heart choked out.

I hum to myself as I rubbed underneath my eye in thought. "Eenie, meanie, miney... **YOU**!" I point at the one with the missing heart as I sprouted multiple arms and tore out all the hearts of the other two in one quick motion. They managed a choked intake of breath before the both of them slumped lifeless in their shackles. The survivor sobs as the two heartless bodies slip out of their shackles and splat onto the floor, spraying blood all over him.

I rub his head cheerfully. "Congrats dude. You get to be my lucky messenger!" He's openly sobbing in both grief and relief. I release his shackles and he falls to the ground, his legs buckling under him until he was kneeling on the ground. There was still blood pooling out of the open wound on his chest. Hm, that might be a problem.

I float down to grin at him. "So, I'm going to send you back to your gang's main base now. I'm gonna need you to bring one of these bodies with you to show your boss." I flick my fingers and stitch up his chest over the heart shaped wound in his chest. "Since I'm so nice I'll even let you decide who's body you want."

"I...I can't bring both?" He asks timidly.

"Nope. I plan to eat the one you don't take. Come on **Stitches** , time's a ticking. I can always eat them BOTH." I say cheerfully, grinning with an eyemouth full of sharp teeth. I know everyone assumes that all I care about is food but hey~I like eating ~~people~~ stuff.

He chose the body to take back to his boss. As soon as he was gone I slumped to the ground. This sucked. It made me unhappy to have to do this. But it had to be done. I have to make sure the universe won't attempt to harm my family.

I needed to do something calming after this. The day at the amusement park simply wasn't gonna cut it.

\---  
  
**Cooking with Bill!**  
  
I appear in a bright flash of light to the cheers of the audience. "Hey kids! It's me Bill Cipher and we're finally back with another episode of Cooking with Bill!"  
  
Fireworks go off behind me spelling out  
**-Welcome back!!!-**  
  
"Now we're gonna have a SPECIAL episode today!" I inform my captive audience. "I'm not just gonna have a co-host~"  
  
Two flashes of light reveal the twins squinting into the spotlight. "Is this why uncle Teeth was groaning so hard when you came home with groceries?" Pyrone asks.  
  
"I have TWO co-hosts!!!! Everyone give them a warm welcome!" The audience cheered and applauded. Pynelope frowns "There's no one there Bill." Dear lord she looks so much like her mother with that frown.  
  
Pyrone was happily waving into the darkness. "Hi! I'm Pyrone!" He grins widely as he hugs the Bill plushie.  
  
"And this is Pynelope! Now these two are gonna help me make today's meal!"  
  
Pynelope rolls her eye while her brother seemed much more enthusiastic about it. "What's wrong Thermalpack? Do you want to sit this out?" I ask. She sighs but shakes her head. "I can stay." She hugs her Teeth plushie tighter. "But I dun know how ta cook." She mutters.  
  
"Well that's what this show is for. Come on, I can teach you." I pat her head and she smiles, reassured. I lead her over to the counter where Pyrone was already grabbing at the stuff I have set up. "What are we making?" He asks as I help his sister onto a stool.  
  
"Well today we're making~" a drumroll sound began playing out "-Pasta and meatballs!!!" The fanfare rang out along with sprinkles raining from the ceiling. Pyrone snapped them up hungrily.  
  
Pynelope perked up at the mention of meat. I laughed at the hungry look on her face. "Now first off, I need you two to promise not to eat the meat until we're finished cooking. Got it?"  
  
They both whine. I stared harder. "Got it?" They nodded quickly. I grin happily and flick my fingers, two pairs of gloves falling to the counter top in front of them. "Now normally I'd just say you should wash your hands to begin working with the meat but in your case, the gloves are kinda the best you can do.”  
  
I turned to the camera and whispered “Because any attempt they make to wash their hands always ends up with a mess."  
  
I hold up a finger and a pulse of blue ran out from me to sweep across the room. "No worries for those germaphobes out there. I have sanitized them and every thing else in this room."  
  
"How big IS dis room?" Pynelope asks as she pulled on the gloves. I rub under my eye in thought. "Hm...." I stretch out my hand toward the right of the screen and it reappears from the left. I grab my hand to look at the measurement marks that were now drawn across my limbs. "Well according to this...the room is the size of my patience. Huh. My patience is larger than I thought."  
  
I show my arm to the camera to reveal all the size markings were not numbers but tiny letters spelling out things like 'Time Baby's naps', 'A Federation Officer's Self Righteousness’, ‘Markiplier’s Ego’ and ' The AXOLOTL's Tail'.  
  
I retract my arm back in with a 'Shu~wip!' sound and grin. "Well back to the show!"  
  
There was a poof of smoke and a large bowl appeared on the counter top along with a plate of ground meat and various spices. "Now the secret to any good meatball is the spices. You can do what you want here but I suggest garlic powder, dill (or something close to it), salt and a hint of pepper just to start. Kids, wanna put those in?"  
  
Pyrone eagerly begins shaking the ground dill flakes into the bowl. Pynelope is holding the garlic powder and frowning. "How much do we need?" She asks. I sigh dramatically. "Who needs exact numbers? Go with what your heart tells you is enough!" I declare.  
  
"Mom says you dun have a heart." Pynelope points out. I laugh and pat her head. "I sure don't. But I can get as many as I want! In fact, that's where I got all this meat from." I pat the pile of ground meat. "Now you out there can use whatever ground meat you want. I just so happened to have the crushed remains of the hearts of my enemies. Really adds some extra flavor to your meal."  
  
"What's an em-many?" Pyrone asks innocently. I drop the pile of meat into the bowl and grin. "Something you'll learn about once you're older."  
  
I supervise the twins shaking spices into the bowl of meat. "Ok, I think that's enough. Just one last thing before we begin mixing it all." I wave my hand and an egg appears in my hand. "Crack an egg into the mix to help make everything extra slimy and sticky. Makes the cooking easier."  
  
"I wanna do it!" Pyrone says excitedly. I "Hmm~" and stare at him. "Alright kiddo. You know how to crack an egg? We don't want any shells in our food."  
  
He nods and carefully takes the egg from me. With an adorable look of intense concentration, he taps the egg on the counter and cracks it. A bit too much, there was egg leaking out but he brings the mess up to the bowl and tried to pry the egg open. It wasn't a bad job actually, he didn't get any shell into the bowl.  
  
"Good job Pyrone." I praised him and he grins at me, looking so proud of himself that I was falling in love with these sweet babies all over again. "What I do wi-this?" He holds up the shell and I gently take it from him to toss in my mouth. Waste not after all.  
  
"Alright, now you can start mixing it all together. Just use your hands to mash that meat together with all the seasoning." I grin. The twins both reach into the bowl to begin squeezing everything. Pynelope makes a fascinated sound "Is squishy!" She says in delight. Pyrone laughs and smushes a handful of the meat. "Squishy!"  
  
Little sparkles were coming from the bowl as they mixed everything together. Pynelope got distracted trying to catch one. While they were having their fun, I turned back to address the audience.  
  
"So while they're doing that, I'm going to be heating up a pan in preparation for cooking the meatballs as well as making the pasta."  
  
I gestured to the pan and pot of water on the stove. "Simply get your water or other similar liquid to boiling and drop in the pasta you want."  
  
There's a twinkling sound as several different types of pasta appeared before me. "Now the most traditional one is Spaghetti but you can use whatever shapes you want. I enjoy fettuccine personally."  
  
"I want the twiangle ones!" Pyrone says loudly. I roll my eye. "Really now? How about you Pynelope?" She looks at the assortment of pasta shapes on the counter top. "The loopy ones." She decides.  
  
"The Infiniguini?" I ask as I hold up a mobius strip shaped pasta. She nods. I shrug. "Alright then. We'll use the Infiniguini and the triangle Maltagliati then." I dump them into the pot of boiling water.  
  
"Now, while we're waiting for them to cook, you kids start rolling the meat into little balls okay?"  
  
I make a large plate "Put them on here when you're done. Try to see if you can make them all the same size." As the children started on that I decide to work on the sauce.  
  
"Now you can always use store bought sauce but an old friend of mine once told me "BLASPHEMY!!!" and then she laughed at me so....I guess we'll make the sauce ourselves."  
  
I reach up until my hands leave the screen and reappear from the front of the counter with a bunch of ingredients. "Frankly I should have done this earlier but time has no meaning here and things finish when I want them to finish so it's no big deal for me."  
  
I deposit the ingredients and they sparkle as the camera pans across them. A "Wow~" sound rings out. "So, to make the basic red sauce you just need tomatoes, oil, basil, salt, onion and garlic!"  
  
I dump everything into a blender. "I should probably chop them up but I'm lazy and it’s not like I'm gonna measure this out anyway...SO!" I flick on the blender and laugh maniacally as it grinds. "I love that sound!"  
  
"Bill! We done!" Pyrone chirped as he holds up the plate covered in lumpy, misshapen meatballs. They were perfect.  
  
"Good job kids!" I take the plate and materialize some clamp-clamps. I click them a few times before carefully putting the meatballs into the heated and oiled pan. They sizzled nicely. "Now stay back alright? Oil burns hurt."  
  
The two nod and stare in fascination as I carefully cook all the meat balls. "Now generally you can just leave them to cook until they turn brown. Make sure you turn the meatballs so they cook evenly."  
  
I keep an eye on the pasta as well. "Hey kids, wanna grab that long fork there and stab out one of the noodles to see if they're cooked yet?"  
  
They were happy to help out cooking despite Pynelope's initial hesitance. The two have been watching me cook all their lives but I've never let them near the stove before. Hm...I should have Ammy for my next episode.  
  
They pulled out a few noodles. "How do we know it's done?" Pynelope asks. I giggle. "There's several ways, you can eat it and see if it tastes don-"  
  
They were already chewing on the pasta before I finished my sentence. I sigh fondly. "Well? Do they taste done?"  
  
Pynelope nods. "Ish soft." She says with her mouth full. I nod and sprout another arm to lift the pot up. "Move out of the way kids, boiling water coming through." They giggled as they slipped off the counter and watched me pour the pot out, materializing a strainer as I went.  
  
"Ok, pasta, done." I looked at the blender "Sauce, done." I checked on the pan. "Meatballs, done."  
  
I turned off the heat and grinned at the twins. "You know what that means?"  
  
"What?" They asked.  
  
A glorious victory music played and a banner dropped down from the top of the screen displaying -Congratulations!-  
  
"You two have just finished cooking your first meal!" I cheer as I picked the two up into a hug. They squealed with laughter as I spin around in the air. "Alright kids. Who wants to go show your mom what we all just made for dinner?"  
  
They laughed happily as the screen faded out and the ending theme began to play. The narrator comes on to say "Cooking with Bill is brought to you by Banjos. Banjos. The most intrinsically wholesome instrument in all the multiverse. It makes Evil cringe."  
  
\---

  
Some UTTER imbecile thought it was a good idea to try kidnapping the kids while they were at school.  
  
I glared venomously at the twitching bodies on the ground. I can't believe someone was stupid enough to try this. Especially after I made that not-so-subtle threat on my cooking show. Seems like I’ve been too merciful. Around me are crying children. I regret that they had to see this.  
  
I didn't have much of a choice though. When I saw what was happening through my doll that Pyrone brings with him everywhere I didn't have a lot of time to act. I Blinked there and immediately blasted the would-be-kidnappers.  
  
Attacking a child-garden?! Seriously?!  
  
There were guns strewn across the ground and I quickly grabbed them into a bubble. I was severely tempted to just kill these guys (actually, I think a few of them WERE dead from my initial attack...yup, that is brain tissue splattered on the wall) but I managed to calm my breathing enough to bubble the rest and turn to one of the terrified teachers.  
  
"Be a dear and call the cops." I growled, my bricks a deep dark red in color. I could feel the twins trembling in my extra arms where I was holding them. I turn my attention to them, making sure they were unharmed and hugged them up against my bricks. **"You two alright?"** I rumbled.  
  
They were both crying in distress and I nuzzled them in an attempt to comfort them. "It's **ok**. I' **m he** re no **w."** I rubbed their backs, color fading between red and yellow. I couldn't help slipping into a growl as I spoke. I ended up hugging the other children as well. Being able to grow more arms was useful.  
  
When the Federation cops showed up I was nearly shot but the teacher managed to explain what happened quickly. Good thing too, if that idiot opened fire while I was COVERED in children I probably would have ripped his head off. I was still red but rumbling soothingly even as I glared at everyone who wasn't one of the children cuddling onto me.  
  
The teacher explained that some armed men had broken into the school and started making threats. Then I had shown up, blazing red and blasting the men before anyone got hurt. The officers quickly arrested the survivors and confiscated the weapons before turning to me.  
  
I held my babies close and growled at the officers when they came up to me. One of them carefully put their hands up, weapon put away and tried hard to look non-hostile. "Mr. Cipher...we'll take it from here. Can you...let go of the children?" I growled louder and they wisely backed off.  
  
One of the teachers tried next, flinching only slightly when my glowing slit pupil locked onto her when she came closer "Excuse me Mr. Cipher? Please let go of the children. We've called their parents and they'll be coming to pick them up soon." I growled quietly but she stood firm even as the officers shifted uneasily. "None of that. We are grateful you protected them but you WILL need to return the children."  
  
I quieted and slowly lowered the kids down. They remained by my side although a few ran to their teacher and held onto her. She glanced at the ones who were still holding my hand(s) and sighed. "Alright everyone, your parents will be here soon."  
  
A few officers stayed behind to keep an eye out for further threats as the rest took the criminals away. One called for a clean up crew for the bodies. I was still pulsing red and growling at anyone who came close. Pynelope taps on my bricks. "Bill?" She asks softly.  
  
"What is it sweetie?" I haven't taken my eye off from watching the adults. "Is mommy coming?" I relaxed slightly, flickering yellow for a second. "Yes. She's coming." Soon the parents began arriving, blanching when they saw me 3 times my usual size, dark red and growling. As each child left my side to join their parents I relaxed a little more.  
  
Pyronica rushed into the room and the twins started crying as they ran to her. She scooped them up into her arms in relief. "It's alright you two, I'm here..." She glanced at me worriedly. "Bill, you're still red."  
  
I growled "I'm having a bit of trouble calming down..." She looks anxious at my continued red state but ultimately sighs and leans against my side. "Alright then. Take all the time you need." She murmured quietly.  
  
Once all the children had been safely returned, I Blinked us home, but I was still red and just couldn't seem to get back to normal. Everyone was walking around on eggshells around me, unsure how to deal with my constant growling. Xanthar tried his best to snuggle with me but it just wasn't working. I don't like being red all the time. But I didn't know how to stop.  
  
Finally I informed everyone that I was gonna leave for a bit and try to get my head back in order. Teeth wished me luck. The twins clutched their dolls and looked so sad. I gently pet their heads "Don't worry. I'll be back soon ok?"  
  
Checking on Earth didn't help. I was happy to see that the ancestor of mammals and more dinosaurs I recognized were a thing now but even possessing a Stegosaurus didn't do much to cheer me up.  
  
I went to the only person I knew would be able to help.  
  
\---  
  
"Ax..." I growled sadly as I floated through the clouds, wincing at how monstrous I must look with these huge openings between my bricks drooling black oil and filled with teeth. I wrapped my many hands around myself and tried to feel less...ugly. I looked down at myself and winced. If my form reflects my mental state, I must be absolutely hideous right now. I whimpered and tried to change back, but I just couldn't.  
  
Large arms envelop me in a soft embrace. I relax, leaning into the hug. "Ax..." I cried. He rumbles. "Ax, why can't I calm down?" I ask as tears trickled down my planes.  
  
**-Because you're still angry-**  
  
"How do I stop?"  
  
**-It'll stop once you are no longer angry-**  
  
"But I WANT to stop..." I cried, agitated. "Why can't I stop?!"  
  
**-You haven't worked through all your feelings yet-**  
  
"So there's nothing I can do?"  
  
**-You must let yourself feel, rage, scream, cry...let it all out-**  
  
"You know how destructive my tantrums are. I can't do that. It'll hurt too many people."  
  
**-There's only us here-**  
  
I blinked away some tears. Oh. Right. "Are you sure I can do that here? What if I hurt you?"  
  
**-This too, I believe, is the responsibility of a parent-** he responds. I couldn't help but tease a little. "Are you a masochist too?"  
  
The mildly offended look he gave me sent me over the edge laughing hysterically. It eventually devolved into sobbing and then screaming. I raged for a long time. I swore vengeance upon those bastards who dared to think they could harm my FAMILY. I planned out the horrid things I would do to them. I don't know how long I was riding this roller coaster of emotions, sending out blasts of thermal energy and screaming swears in unholy tongues but eventually I collapsed. Utterly spent.  
  
I was exhausted. And yellow again, which was good. Ax rubbed my back until I rumbled in content and I relaxed bonelessly in his hand. This feels nice. For a second I found myself missing Handy's massages. It's not fair he ruined that for me. I would love to get a deep back massage again. Unfortunately I can no longer trust any stranger to touch me.  
  
"I'm a mess." I declare sadly.  
  
**-You are complicated-**  
  
"A complicated mess." I clarified.  
  
**-You shouldn't talk down to yourself all the time. You're not as bad as you believe-**  
  
"Pfth! Who's worse than me?"  
  
Ax is quiet for a while. I was about to say I told him so but he holds me close and whispered **-I'm not perfect-**  
  
I stare at him incredulously. "What do you mean? You're...the AXOLOTL."  
  
**-And I am just as flawed as everything else-** he sounded so sad. **-Don't put me on a pedestal. I am just as selfish as any other creature with free will-** he looked as if there was something he wanted to tell me. Ultimately he simply looks away, a sad look on his face.   
  
I considered his confession. He sounded so close to tears admitting this to me. I nuzzled against his large head. "Well even so...I think you're pretty great."  
  
He shivered. I hug his face. "I love you Ax." He doesn't respond in words but he holds me closer and cries. A large tear lands on my head.  
  
"Ax...if you want me to hang out with you...you can call me too you know?" He just shakes his head. **-I don't want to pull you away from your life-**  
  
"Well you're part of my life too." I remind him. "You've always done so much for me. I want to help you too you know? I just feel like there's not much I can offer you in thanks for every thing you do for me. You taught me how to use my powers. You taught me how to be a god. You always guide me when I’m lost. And yet I…can’t do anything for you…”  
  
**-This is more than enough-** he rumbles as he holds me close. **-You should get back now. They're waiting for you-** the under current of emotion in his voice made me pause. It was hard to get a good read on him, I can't really sense his emotions like I can with other people.  
  
"Pfth~they can wait. You need me right now." I hum as I pat his large face. "You know you can come visit me if you want right?"  
  
**-I'm too big-** he protested. I roll my eye. "Send an avatar. I know you can. Don't think you can make excuses now that you've put the idea in my head."  
  
I end up leaving the Space between Spaces with a little axolotl in a glass bowl.  
  
\---  
  
"You're okay now Bill?" Pyronica asked worriedly when I arrived home. I grinned. "I'm doing MUCH better."  
  
The kids were already running into me with happy cries. I laughed and hugged them. "Where you go?" Pyrone asked. "Oh, I went to stay with my adopted father for a bit. He always knows how to make me feel better."  
  
"Your dad?!" The twins gasped.  
  
I notice my other friends watching me closely. PaciFire was curious about this mysterious adopted father. He'd never heard anything about the great demon Bill Cipher having a dad.  
  
"Yup. In fact...do you two want to meet your grandpa?" I ask cheerfully. The two nod and I hold back a laugh at my other friends leaning in not-so subtly.  
  
"Ta dah! Meet grandpa Ax!" I cheer as I hold out the little bowl of water with the tiny Axolotl inside. The gobsmacked looks on everyone's faces was hilarious. "Dats not a twiangle!" Pynelope tells me bluntly, staring at me like I was insane (which I am). PaciFire started choking on air.  
  
"The...AXOLOTL is Bill's adopted FATHER?!" He wheezed. Kryptos pats his back and sighs "That's why he calls the Oracle his sister..."  
  
"How?! Did?! This?! Even?!" PaciFire gasps as he waves his arms around wildly.  
  
"Wait! Wait! Is that...the ACTUAL AXOLOTL in that jar?" Kryptos does a double take and stares at the happy little salamander. I giggle. "Naw. This is one of Ax's Avatars. He's too big to move around easily. Planet sized salamander and all that." I wave my hand to set up a nice tank for Mini-Ax.  
  
"Grandpa?" Pynelope pokes at the animal. It blows bubbles at her and she squee'd. "Grandpa is cute." She decided.  
  
"T-the purest and most powerful god in all of existence-" PaciFire stammers.  
  
"The 1st god in all existence actually." I shrug as I put Mini-Ax into his new tank. He swims around happily. "Seriously, why does everyone make such a big deal out of this?"  
  
"-he adopted YOU. He...adopted a...demon god?" PaciFire looked so confused. "Why? How?!"  
  
"It explains why Bill's so nice..." Kryptos points out.  
  
"It's not that big of a deal. Ax is just the only thing powerful enough to handle me when I go nuts." I shrug. It was...nice to finally tell them out right. Sure a few of them knew but this was Confirmation. I'm mainly pleased that Ax was finally sending out an Avatar to interact with the outside world aside from the ones sent to observe it.  
  
"Ok, you keep dodging the question. But enough is enough. Bill. Why, did the AXOLOTL adopt you? Why you? Out of all creatures in existence?" Kryptos asks me firmly.  
  
I flicked my bowtie. "Um..." It was still too embarrassing to talk about THIS but the compass was adamant as he stared me down. "Um...well..."  
  
Everyone was staring at me aside from the twins who were still cooing over the little salamander swimming in his tank. I flushed. "Ok well...how much do you guys know about the AXOLOTL?"  
  
"The AXOLOTL is the supreme god of the multiverse. A being of pure light. He is Life itself." PaciFire whispers. I roll my eye. "I mean, sorta? His IS a god of Life, Space, Order and Wisdom. Dunno about the light part though, I glow brighter than he does."  
  
I sigh. "Now how about Time Baby. What do you know about him?"  
  
"He is the god of Time. The Judge. His word is law." Keyhole pipes up. No doubt it was something he's been taught in school. I nod. "His word is law, and the law is mostly bullshit. Regardless, he IS still the god of Fate, Time, Judgment and Truth."  
  
Kryptos put it together first. "What are YOU the god of?"  
  
"...Death, Energy, Chaos...Knowledge..." I list off.  
  
"Bill." Kryptos breathes "How old are you? Really? In comparison to the universe."  
  
I wiggle and flush a deeper orange. "I'm either the 3rd or 2nd oldest being currently in existence. I'm not sure sure if Time Baby is older than me or not. I think he IS a bit older than me but I don't know for sure..."  
  
"By the void." Hectorgon sits down heavily on the couch. "You're an elder god. Fuck, you're a PRIMORDIAL god."  
  
"One of the first creatures in existence...but...that makes no sense! You had a family! You had PARENTS!" If Teeth had hair he would be pulling it out.  
  
"That was back in the 2nd dimension. The 2nd Era. This here-" I wave my arms around me and our house fades away to show the vast multiverse "-is the 3rd Era. The 3rd iteration of Existence. The AXOLOTL was born in the 1st Era. I was born in and the only survivor of the 2nd. I think Time Baby was born sometime between the 1st and 2nd Eras but he didn't fully take up his duties until the 3rd Era started after I destroyed the 2nd."  
  
It was something I figured out over the years. After all, Time didn't exist in the 2nd Dimension. Which means Time Baby didn't enforce his rule upon it. I've never outright asked Ax about it because it wasn't actually all that important in the long run. My friends didn't seem to think so.  
  
"How...are you....a LITERAL GOD and still-?!?" Kryptos sputtered.  
  
"Still what?" I narrow my eye at him.  
  
He makes a frustrated sound. "Still so...terrible at life?!" He groans.  
  
I gasp "I'm not that bad!"  
  
"Hell yes you are." He deadpans.  
  
To my despair, all my friends nodded. "Yeah, you are not well equipped to take care of yourself." Pyronica points out "Despite being good at taking care of others."  
  
"You don't have the political/religious power, reverence and authority that either Time Baby OR the AXOLOTL have." Kryptos points out "Even though you could easily gain such a thing if you actually tried."  
  
Well yeah, if I threw my power around...probably? But then Time Baby would be forced to actually stamp me down and trap me in the Nightmare Realm or something. Living in 'relative' obscurity as a ‘simple’ chaos god was easier.  
  
Hectorgon sighs. "I never realized a Primordial entity could be so...normal..."  
  
"What part of me is normal?!" I cried, mildly offended.  
  
"You go grocery shopping, do the laundry and you wash the dishes." Hectorgon points out.  
  
"You changed the pillow cases so they 'matched your aesthetic' just last week." Ammy says.  
  
"You spend hours watching 'cute animal compilations' on ThemTube." Keyhole deadpans.  
  
"You cry during movies AND my performances." Teeth adds.  
  
"You were crying when your tomato plants got destroyed while the twins were playing tag in your garden." PaciFire sighs.  
  
"You were crying when we ran out of potatoes..." Pyronica mutters.  
  
"You sing in the shower. In multiple different forms. Together. In unison." Kryptos face palms.  
  
Xanthar looks at me and mimes the way I try on clothes during me and Pyronica's many shopping trips.  
  
"Um..."8-Ball scratches his head "...you're also very nice when you're not mad."  
  
"Uwu~" I moan in embarrassment as I cover my face. My friends all nod to each other. "Bill. You act NOTHING like a Primordial God." Hectorgon concluded. “The AXOLOTL is the untouchable all encompassing GOD of the universe, Time Baby is the unyielding judge, jury and sometimes executioner. Meanwhile you’re…the kind of person who hosts cooking shows…”  
  
"Which is a good thing...I think?" Keyhole rubs his head with a pained look. "You're not distant like the AXOLOTL, nor are you overbearing like Time Baby...you're...you. And...it's weird to think that you're really one of the foundations of existence."  
  
"Is me being a true god really that strange?" This was why I didn't really talk about it. It was weird to have people know. I don't want that kind of attention. I was overheating and blushing madly.  
  
"Kinda? The weird part is how no one knows about it. The AXOLOTL never interacts with the mortal world and we STILL know he's a God. Everyone knows he’s in charge of dolling out Souls to all living creatures. How did you manage to hide YOUR status for so long?" Teeth asks.  
  
I shrug. "The universe is stupid, no offense, and demon gods are a dime a dozen, so no one really suspected that I was anything truly special."  
  
"It's weird that you're a Primordial God. How powerful even are you?" Kryptos wonders.  
  
I hum as I thought "Well I could theoretically vaporize an entire dimension within a few hours. But that's pretty rude."  
  
"You always equate things to how rude they are. Why is that?" Ammy questions. I shrug "I can't really say things are good or bad because good and evil are entirely subjective. Is it Good to obey the law? But what if the law is unfair? What is fair? Such things cannot be measured or agreed upon by all people and all cultures."  
  
I reach my arms out to get the twin's attention. They run over to cuddle against my side. "But rudeness? That is something I can understand. Killing a person who has done me wrong, that's perfectly fine, they were rude to me. Killing a person who has done nothing to me, that's not fine and it was very rude of me to take their life for no reason. It's a much easier way to look at the world." I hugged the children.  
  
"Those men who invaded the school? Incredibly rude of them to try and kidnap some helpless children. So there's nothing wrong with killing them." I explain matter of factly.  
  
The twins shivered in my arms. "Dat was scawy..." Pynelope says quietly.  
  
Ammy nods. "I think I understand."  
  
Kryptos groans and leans back on the couch. "I think I learned more about the world then I wanted to today."  
  
"Just keep it a secret. I don't want the universe knowing what I am. 8-Ball, if you don't think you can keep your mouth shut, I can Curse you into secrecy."  
  
8-Ball whimpered. "N-no thanks. I'll be good..."  
  
"It wouldn't hurt. I just change around a few words is all." He still looked apprehensive so I dropped the subject. "Look, this changes nothing. Right?" I asked with a pleading look. Pyronica rolls her eye. "Of course not. You're still the same idiot I know and love." I relaxed and the twins snuggled into me, not understanding what we were talking about but wanting to reassure me anyway.  
  
"It's weird to think about...but I guess it doesn't really change anything..." Keyhole shrugs. The rest of my friends all assure me that it was fine. I was still the same Bill and their friend, that's all that matters.  
  
I was still half tempted to knock them all out and convince them this discussion was all a fever dream. I was still blushing madly. "Is it really that embarrassing Bill?" Kryptos asked.  
  
"Yes....."  
  
"Why?" He blinks at me in confusion. For him, being an important and powerful god was something to be proud of. But I just blush even harder.  
  
"It's stupid! I don't do much to help in running the multiverse like the others do. Ax keeps life going by recycling Souls. Time Baby is an asshole but he does give the world stability. Me? I don't really contribute much so I don't like being compared to them." I sighed. "I don't do anything important, so I don't feel like I should count as a major cosmic entity."  
  
Pyrone tugs on my arm. "But you is important! You Bill!" He says simply. I laugh lightly. "Well I guess you're right little dude." I tickled him and he giggles. My friends all groan. "There's no point talking to her huh? She just doesn't listen..." Hectorgon sighs.

“He really can’t understand that he IS important…” Pyronica deadpans.  
  
"Why is the god of knowledge such an idiot..." Kryptos moans as he bangs his head against the couch. "Screw this, I'm going back to studying." He floats off grumpily.  
  
I tilt in confusion. What's that all about?  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You know how I said I write this fic out of order? I have lots of random stand alone scenes that I make and just...keep until they can be inserted somewhere chronologically in the story.
> 
> So yes, I made the video of the fishy dance a while ago..  
> .  
> In other news
> 
> I don't think I can keep up weekly updates for three different main fics at once. I'm gonna focus on this one so anyone here who reads Royal Road or Lewd Adventures will have to wait longer. Sorry.  
> (*｀□)<炎炎炎炎  
> *Pictured, me trying to burn my real life responsibilities so I can write more*
> 
> Auuugh! LadiesCon is coming up! Do I have everything done? I need to make Dalmatians! Do I need more Sloths? My fingers are so sore. Origami for hours on end is surprisingly taxing.


	57. Chapter 53.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know he told me not to, but I couldn't help myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mizuuma: Yellow and welcome to the massive crossover special chapter! I sent out a little comment to multiple GF authors and only 4 of then responded (and only two were available to write with me) so as much as I'd love to do a HUGE crossover, I can't do that without permission. Here's a list of the other fics we're gonna be seeing~
> 
> You don't have to read them but they're GOOD so you should do it anyway~
> 
> My fic (duh)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/13291395/chapters/30416835
> 
> Josephina’s fic (Has some of the coolest internal thought process of various characters I've ever read for GF)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/series/861064
> 
> BlueFrosty’s fic (Seb is such an adorable Bill I can't even)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluefrosty27/pseuds/bluefrosty27/series
> 
> F_Imagining’s fic (Not gonna lie, her fic got me to actually participate in GF fandom and she's also the person who urged me to post my writing to begin with, so you guys have her to thank for my fic existing)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529949/chapters/21548483
> 
> Shadowolven’s fic (Because this fic just makes me happy, it's a short one-shot and that's fine. I enjoyed myself reading it and I hope you guys will too)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/6492397
> 
> And here are the Fics I'm just going to reference because I like them and I want to promote them.
> 
> Pengychan’s fic (Flat Dreams was revolutionary in the GF fanfic community. So many other fics literally base their Bill's backstory off it.)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062122/chapters/13896454
> 
> ArceusTheOriginalOne’s fic (Full on eldritch god AU, also, I like dragons! As I'm sure some of you may have realized~ )  
> https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/19821862
> 
> PresidentGuppy’s fic (One word. TENTACLES!)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/series/940236
> 
> 3DPhantom’s fic (This was one of the first fics I really liked when I started getting into the GF fandom. Most fics up to that point that I've read would push for shipping Bill with Ford or Dipper, this one doesn't. It's just a smol evil child trying very hard to be good and I love it)  
> https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12244003/1/Road-to-Redemption
> 
> Fooeyburr's fics (So many good stuff, the Messenger who Shot Himself is one of the BEST cosmic origin stories I've ever read.)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12230157  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/7380811/chapters/16765645  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/8380645
> 
> In other news, I'm not coloring pictures anymore~I drew half of the drawings by hand and the rest on my tablet and geez you can tell which were which...ugh...

**Illusion is Reality**

**Chapter 53.5**

**-Name’s Bill Cipher-**

\---

I sat cross legged on the upside down mountain. I know the AXOLOTL wouldn't approve of this. Hell I know he would be...well not furious, I have never seen him angry...upset (yeah, probably upset) if he knew I was going to do this. But the curiosity was starting to get to me.

I knew that the Bills from other dimensions were...not the nicest of people...or at least that's what Ax told me. And if they were anything like CanonBill then I'm inclined to believe him. But...I'm not 100% a dick so there's a chance that some other Bills could be like that too!

Right?!

I sure hope Ax doesn't find out I'm doing this. He probably will...I swear, for a guy who sleeps constantly he somehow always knows.

I know that he can see everything his Alternates see. But perhaps, like me, Ax can see everything happening in the multiverse? I know that he can see through his avatars (like the one living in my tank back on the Death Star) much like I can see through triangles. But seeing everything at once is such a headache. I hate that my powers work on an all or nothing deal and I need triangles to purposely limit my sight for the sake of coherency.

But despite all the risks...I couldn't help wanting to meet with another Bill Cipher. I just...wanted to talk to them. Maybe see how I'm doing compared to then. Am I doing a better job? Worse? I didn't know but I WANTED to.

It's not JUST because I'm a huge Bill fangirl and really wanted to meet him.

Nope. Definitely not.

I closed my eye and reached deep inside myself. Into my personal Mindscape. There was a door there, hidden away behind a shelf full of stuffed animals. It has always been there. A door at the back of the theater/bedroom that was my mindscape. It was a perfectly innocent looking door with the word EXIT above it. I had pushed the shelves in front of it years ago. Can't be tempted by what I can't see right? Ax told me not to touch it.

Now though, with merely a thought, the heavy shelf slid to the side, a few dolls jostled and fell. I grabbed the floppy rabbit and brushed him off before putting him back on the shelf. “Whoops! Almost took a tumble there huh Jellybean?” I gave this manifestation of my old toy from my first life a little squeeze before refocusing on the door.

This was it.

I am so not ready for this.

I placed my hand on the bar and pushed.

\---

It was dark out here.

I glanced around warily. Aside from the void, there were doors. Hundreds upon hundreds of them. Thousands. Millions. An infinite number. I glanced up at my door and see it has the number 13291395 on it. Huh. We were numbered?

No. That can't be all this is. A quick glance at other doors showed that some were numbers and others had words. When I squinted at them I noticed the numbers and words were shifting into each other. One door read **[The** **Road to Redemption]** and the words shifted to be a number whenever I glanced at it head on. There was another door with the words **[At** **my God’s Feet, I show my Devotion]** which sounded pretty badass. Another door said **[Neurotoxinverse]** Not gonna lie, I wanted to see that. Sounded fucking amazing.

 **[The Messenger who Shot Himself]** interesting...damn, so many of these sounded incredibly cool!

I turned to look back at my own door.

**[Illusion is Reality]**

Okaaay~ that was weird.

So these doors must be for the other Bills. I didn't see anyone else here. It was a little scary being alone in this vast void surrounded by doors. I float around and read the names on the doors. Maybe if I just...find one that sounded...nicer? There was a door that said **[Flat Dreams]** and damn if that didn't sound familiar but I couldn't remember why. It had multiple other doors behind it which was interesting so I started checking them out.

I nearly float past a door before stopping and doing a double take. Did that just say…

I flew back and stared at the door.

**[The Pines Triplets]**

Whoa. What? Triplets?! That sounded cool. I couldn't help reaching out to turn the knob. I squeaked when I was suddenly thrown into the door as I opened it. Like water rushing out of a dam when it breaks open.

I tumbled around before smacking into someone with a loud yelp. I know it was a person I hit because they felt soft. I blinked and rubbed my face. Who did I hit…

\---

**(Third person POV)**

Sebastian groaned as he put a hand on his forehead. What the heck was that? If it was the kids with their damned Nyarf guns... no, he already sent them to bed earlier!

He opened his eye and looked in front of him, staring at the floating figure watching him with a big surprised _eye._

Bill! It was Bill.

He screamed and threw the first thing he had near him, in this case, a pillow, and watched the demon squeak and fly away from the improvised weapon in absolute horror.

“YOU CAN’T BE HERE! What-What are-HOW?!” He demanded as his hands ignited with blue fire.

“WAIT! WAIT! THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!” the yellow triangle squeaks as he covers himself with his hands as if to block a blow. “I didn't know it would suck me in like that I am SO sorry!!!”

Sebastian frowned, glaring at the triangle still cowering from him. “What do you want, Bill?! Was bothering me in my dreams not enough for you?!”

The yellow triangle tilts in confusion. “What?” He looks at Sebastian a little more closely. “Wait a second...who are you? You're not Ford or Stanley...wait! I know! You're the triplet! This is the triplet AU!”

It was Sebastian’s turn to tilt his head in confusion. “You already know who I am Bill...you’re making even less sense than usual.”

The ‘Bill' just started laughing nervously. “Um...oh boy...I must be breaking so many rules right now…” he rubbed his feet together nervously. “So...I'm...not the Bill Cipher from THIS dimension. I know! Crazy right?!” He laughs awkwardly before whispering “Oh fuck I shouldn't have said that…”.

The blond frowned a bit more, staring at the floating triangle with confusion. But...this was Bill! It couldn’t be another one!

“But...But how? So you are from...my dimension? Wouldn't that make us explode...” _Would meeting his past self affect him in some way?_

Bill frowned. “No. I'm NOT from your dimension. I'm not from around here. Um...shit. I really shouldn't be telling you this.” He glances around. “How can you even see me? I'm non-corporeal right now?”

“I don’t know why I can see you!” Sebastian whined childishly. “I don’t know many things at the moment, I lost my knowledge so shouldn't it be YOU explaining this to me?” He crossed his arms over his chest tiredly.

“Lost your memo-WAIT! Is this post-Weirdmageddon? Are you recovering from the memory gun? Shit. Is the Bill in this world already dead?” Bill blinked in confusion. “No. You're much too young...you can't be Ford and Stan’s brother. Who ARE you?”

Seb glared at the triangle. Was he accusing him of lying?! Who did he think he was? “I **am** their brother, floating fucker! I am their brother and I am trying to bring them back after YOU tricked Stanford into building that stupid portal!” The blond spat.

Bill rubbed his side and sighed. “I think we're both misunderstanding something here…” he crosses his arms with a huff. “I told you, I'm NOT the Bill from this dimension! And like...I haven't even MET my Ford! He hasn't been born yet! Much less the whole portal issue.”

Seb’s tense shoulders relaxed a bit. It was weird. This Bill, he-he was weird, different. Yes, he had the same voice as the demon who invaded his mind weeks ago, but...He spoke like a person, like he was actually trying to talk to him.

“I’m sorry, I-I had a stressful day” Seb apologized. “My niblings are always getting in trouble and the store and my powers getting out of control sometimes and everything...Can we start again then? I-I am Sebastian, Sebastian Pines.” He extended his hand to shake.

Bill tipped his hat. Sebastian Pines...what a cool name! “Hey kid! Name’s Bill Cipher! I can see from your reaction that the Bill of THIS dimension must be a right ass. Well, I can say with certainty that I am only 25% an ass!” He giggles in a feminine manner before taking Seb’s hand for a shake.

Seb laughed at the demon and gladly shook hands with him, ignoring for now his mannerisms. He sat down on his bed and looked up at him with a smile. “Don’t let this face fool you, I can be an ass too, you don’t seem like that though...You are nice...How? And most importantly, why?”

“Eh~I don't know how much I'm allowed to tell you. I broke so many rules and dad is gonna kill me when I get home...well not KILL I guess...but um...this is not something I'm supposed to share with little humans like you.” Bill floated down to sit on a pillow. “What's with the clothes BTW? You're...kinda dressed like me...I thought you hated Bill Cipher?”

Seb’s cheeks turned a soft red as he blushed and he looked down, staring at the sweater he was wearing, the one with a bowtie and brick patterns  Mabel made it for him. “I...well, um, I-” Seb stuttered and huffed annoyed when the demon giggled again. “It is complicated, ok?! I like it! I am embracing my true self and that Dorito shouldn’t take away that from me just because we look similar.”

“Your true self?” Bill blinks. What was this human talking abo-wait. Wait one cotton picking minute! He stares up at this Sebastian boy and looks closer.

“Wow! Too close, dude!” Seb grimaced as the demon got too close to his face.

“Um...this might sound weird but...are you...me? Not ME me, but like...are you Bill Cipher?”

Seb gaped at Bill’s words for a few seconds before glaring at him, showing him his fangs. “NO! I am NOT Bill! I am NOT a demon! I am NOT A MONSTER! I am not HIM anymore! I AM NOT!” Seb didn’t realize he was trembling.

Bill quickly put his hands up “Yeesh! Didn't mean to hit a nerve. So...you WERE Bill Cipher? And...now you're a human? That's…” Bill began sparkling with a wide eye “That's so cool!” He squeals as he flies in circles around Sebastian's head. “How did you become human? Fuck that, how did you become Stan and Ford’s brother?! Did Ax do that? He can do that?!”

Seb scowled at Bill, who was still flying around him. “Stop! Stop moving!”

Bill slowed and spun lazily through the air like a tiny balloon. “Sorry. I get excited easily. So…” he glances at Sebastian’s body, a slow pan up and down. “Is this what Ax means by another form, another time? I just gotta say... _nice_ ~”

“Ax?!” Seb made a disgusted face at how nice and warm he mentioned that lizard’s name. “That stupid lizard tricked me! I wouldn’t be human if he hadn’t lied to me! I made a deal with him, when-when, in my past life! And he forced me to go through this! Through years of pain and humiliation!” Seb blinked back his tears from his brown eye. He only liked being human because of his family, but it would have been nice to avoid all that burning pain through his first years of adulthood, or the bullying, or helplessness and self-loathing.

Bill frowned. Sebastian sounded legitimately upset. He floats closer and pats the other man's shoulder. “That...sounds rough kid. Do you...want a hug?” It was awkward but the only way he knew to comfort people was to offer hugs.

Seb wiped away his angry tears from his right eye and laughed humorlessly. “That-That sounds so unBill-like…” He mumbled but ended up nodding anyway.

Bill reached out and pressed close to this man, this...other Bill who was not Bill. He rumbled softly the way Ax always did to comfort him. His bricks pulsed lightly and he hoped it wasn't too weird.

Seb smiled slightly at the small triangular figure hugging him and he patted his top hat kindly. This was weird, but who cared, right? When they separated, Seb looked at his hands.

“I don’t know why the Axolotl made me the Stan’s brothers…” He said softly, answering the kind demon’s questions. “I don’t know why my dimension is so different from where my past self came from! Those Stans were old men-Haha- and the great uncles of the twins! I am their uncle! Really different, huh?”

Bill shrugs. “Well frankly I've read weirder. This is an odd AU but if it's got a hot guy like you I guess it can't be all bad. I can guess that you haven’t had the easiest childhood and I'm not trying to out angst you or anything but...like...I _get_ you bro. Being Bill Cipher, past or present, is kinda a hard life…”

Seb blushed at Bill’s words. Bill thought he was handsome, that was so weird! “So…” Seb grinned a bit and threw himself back to his bed, watching the triangle settle down on the pillow again. “You said you are another Bill!” He sing-songed. “Which must mean you are nice because something happened! Spill~” He smirked.

Bill paled. “Um...well…” he quickly tried to think of another way to explain this that WOULDN'T be revealing how Gravity Falls was actually a TV show and that he was secretly a fan girl who had been reincarnated as Bill Cipher. That...would probably break poor Sebastian’s mind. Plus, how does one explain to someone that their entire life was a story created for the purpose of entertainment?!

“STUFF HAPPENED! Yup! LOTS OF STUFF! ANGST EVERYWHERE! Like...you wouldn't even believe! Like...I kinda...ate my little brother in a fit of sleep deprived insanity kind of angst!” once again his mouth ran away from him, dropping deeply personal information. Dammit he needed a filter.

The blond human gaped. “You-You ATE...Liam…What the FUck!”

“No! Who the heck is Liam? My little brother was Will! Will Cipher! You know? Little blue triangle? Cries all the time? Has legions of fangirls who draw him in cute sweaters?”

“WHAT are you talking about?!” Seb laughed. “I have no idea what you mean, but that’s horrible! You ate him?!” The human gasps before bursting into laughter again. “You are the worst!”

“Sleep. Deprived. Insanity. I was **not** in my right mind. I was panicking. I didn't mean to do it! And you know what's the cherry on top? I caught fire after eating him and burned all of Flatland to the ground! Goddammit who the fuck designed an entire dimension to be so fucking FLAMMABLE?!”

Seb, kind of sleep-deprived himself, laughed again and made blue fire appear in his hands, and started playing with it lazily. “Cool...Flatland deserved to burn. Ew with their world, ew with the circles and ew with the racists fucks in the government”

Bill rolled his eye. “Well I'm not gonna lie, I'm glad they’re gone but I also feel kinda bad. There were a couple people I sort of liked. Purple didn't deserve to die…” he dulled to a pale yellow. “I didn’t mean to kill everyone. It just...happened...and I guess that was my turning point? I had just eaten my brother's dead body and killed everyone else. I decided that I didn't want to go through that again.” He pulled his legs up to his chest. “So...I tried as hard as I could to make up for it. But it's hard. Everyone hates me. Except my friends. They're the only ones who understand.”

“You didn’t mean to…” Seb repeated softly, watching the tiny triangle on his pillow. “That’s where you are different than me-I mean, my past self. He destroyed everything, he wanted to hurt everyone...Now, now I am, like you, trying to be better, you know? I don’t want to be a monster anymore, I just want-I don’t know what I want!! I want my family to just-just like me! But I still fuck up sometimes...Sometimes I am a lot like...him. I scared my niblings, I don’t want that to happen again.”

Bill pats his back. “Yeah. I've lost my temper with my friends plenty of times. I've never seriously hurt them but this one time I scared Keyhole enough that he hid inside his room for a week. I felt like such an ass.” He flicks his bowtie and watches it spin. “I guess we're both repenting Bill Ciphers huh?”

“I guess we are…” Seb smiled. “I would love if you were actually this dimension’s Bill! We could have so much fun! You’re nice.”

Bill perks up. “Well...nothing says we can't hang out. I actually came out here to try and meet other Bills. And...I'm glad the first one I found was you. I was worried they'd all be like...evil or something.”

Seb laughed. He was so excited! Forget sleeping! He had a nice version of Bill freaking Cipher in front of him and he could ask him anything! He could ask him about his own powers, or how he could make better deals! Or maybe he could even help him with the portal!

“Bill! Ok! I have so many things to ask you!” Seb squeaked excitedly, grabbing Bill’s hand to guide him out of his room and to the basement. “Want to pick up snacks first?! I have a secret stash of Doritos the kids don’t know about! You can have them! Come on!”

“Food?” Bill perks up and follows Seb out of the room. He never turns down free food. And the excited look on Seb’s face was too adorable to deny. Plus, he was curious about this world. He could tell this was the 3rd dimension, it had to be since this was Earth, but it felt...different. Like there was no longer a thick plastic sheet between him and the world. There was still resistance but when Bill reached out to grab onto some free floating CO2 molecules he found them moving where he directed them. Holy shit. He could touch the 3rd dimension of this...dimension!

Unaware of Bill’s inner thoughts, Seb tiptoed out of his room and guided the demon out. “Ok, I’m going to whisper because my niblings are sleeping and getting them back to sleep will be tedious and I don’t wanna.” Seb said. “So, well, this is my house! Well, Ford’s, I’m taking care of it as I try to bring them back.”

Seb inserted the code to the candy machine and soon enough, they found themselves in the basement. Seb grabbed Bill’s floating form and sat him on the table where he worked next to the three journals so he could go grab some Doritos.

Bill played around with the atoms in the air. He could control them. This was...AMAZING! Sure the air molecules were so small no one could even see what he was doing right now but still! Bill only found a little resistance to his mental prodding as opposed to the heavy weights that made his powers difficult to use back in his own world. He looked around the room, portal, large metal machinery, lots of what looked like half finished inventions and experiments piled in a corner.

He glances at where Seb disappeared. If what he understood from the man formerly known as Bill Cipher, he needed help working on the portal to save his Ford...and possibly Stan as well. Well...Bill grinned mischievously as he twirled a few more atoms closer to himself.

What better way to help build a portal...than to have a physical body?

He giggled as the molecules in the air began to condense around his form. He built the body from the ground up, filling in the gaps, filling out the form. His flat triangular body began to stretch and widen, it gained volume, it gained flesh. He...or rather, SHE dropped onto the table with a startled squeak as the construct solidified and was pulled down by the force of gravity. “Ow. Forgot about that part.” Miz whined as she rubbed her back.

Seb returned with the bags, enough to convince the demon to tell him what he should do next with the portal, maybe how to gain more powers, but instead of finding him where he left him, he was gone (Much like the twins when he asked them to stay put) And in his place, a small girl with dark hair smiled at him.

 

“Uh?!” The blond said, utterly confused. “Where-Where is…” Realization hit him in the face and he gaped at the figure. “Bill...How?!...Why?”

Miz giggled again, the sound coming out a little nicer in this female form. “Well I can't exactly help you when I can't even hold a wrench right? Plus, how was I expected to eat without a body? Also, you can call me Miz while I'm in this form.” She skips over merrily and snatches the bag of chips from Sebastian's loose grip. “I just built myself a body from all this dust you've got down here. Speaking of which, you really need to clean this place dude.” She opens the bag and munches happily.

Seb had so many questions, and he just pouted instead, watching the girl put some chips into her mouth and chew them. “But-but you can’t use the 3rd dimension...I thought you couldn’t...My past self couldn’t...And-And why a girl? I mean, I don’t have a problem at all with it!” He quickly said. “But I just..wanna know…”

Mis shrugged. “Beats me. I noticed earlier that whatever barrier is holding me back from the 3rd dimension doesn’t seem to be as strong here. I'm guessing it's ‘cause I'm not the Bill from THIS world?” She munches another chip.

“Um, right. So, that’s great I guess! I can’t do it myself, my meat-sack limits my powers, but, anyway!” He pointed with both hands at the portal. “Fix it!...Please?”

Miz turns to the half finished portal, her cheeks bulging with chips, she liked to put as many in her mouth as possible before swallowing, and wiggled her fingers. The machinery around the room glowed blue and moved a little. She finally swallows her mouthful and begins waving her hand like a conductor at a orchestra.

“So...you DO know that building this portal is gonna lead to some serious shit right?” She comments absently as she fits the pieces into place. Hm, there were a bunch of stuff missing. Not to mention there was nothing powering it. Sebastian would need vats of nuclear waste to get this thing up and running if he doesn't want to black out the entire town. And even then it'd probably only work for a few minutes at best. This thing was simply too unstable.

“Um?” Seb looked up at the girl, distracted from eating chips himself. “Oh, oh! Of course I know, duh!” He made a funny face. “I warned my brother to take it down, but that idiot didn’t listen to me and, well, we fought and my two triplets are trapped on the other side now...But I know we can prevent Weirdmaggedon from happening!” Seb told her confidently. “I would be really stupid if I couldn’t stop it. I mean, I created one in _my_ universe, I should know when the signs are there.”

Miz stared at Sebastian. He sounded sure of himself but there was an undercurrent of stress in his tone. Well...it wasn't really her place to judge…

“Why are you having trouble building this portal anyway? Shouldn’t you know how it's done? You said you've done this before?” She puts her hands down, having done all she could with what limited materials were here.

Seb pouted and stuffed his mouth with doritos. “I told you I can’t remember what I used to know as Bill…” He mumbled upset. “When I was reborn I held most of them, but-but I simply started forgetting as I grew up. It sucked. If I had my knowledge, or my powers when I was younger, I wouldn’t be taking so long to bring them back!”

Miz gazed at Sebastian sadly. “I don't know the whole story but...losing your memories sounds awful.” She went up to the computer and tapped out a few changes and corrections. The knowledge had been inside her for eons but this is the first time she was actually using it. The equations needed to tear apart space and time...she winced a little. _‘Ax is definitely gonna be mad when he finds out about this...but…’_ she glances at the blond man who looked...exhausted and so very sad _‘It's for a good cause. I'm helping. Right?’_ She frowned at the data flashing up in the screen. It simply wasn't enough, the technology wasn't enough. Even with the Hyperdrive from that alien ship this portal was never going to be something stable.

Miz straightens up with a sigh as she put in all the equations she could. “Well, that's the most I can do for now. You’ll need to find a power source on your own. I don't trust myself to materialize nuclear waste without accidentally giving everyone in a 20 mile radius cancer…”

“Cancer?” Seb mumbled before shaking his head. “Ok, I-I’ll find nuclear waste, I can do that!” He nodded confidently. “So...that’s it?! After that I’ll see my triplets again!?”

Miz winced. “Sort of...um...you see…” she fidgets with the hem of her dress. “The computer still needs time finish up the calculations. I'm not too good with computer stuff so all I can do is input the formulas and let the system sort itself out. Right now the machine is scanning your multiverse for your brothers. There's not much you can do until it finds their life signals and locks onto them.”

She looks up at Seb and shifts uneasily. “So I don’t know how long it'd take for them to be found...or even if they **would** be found...I'm sorry.”

“No! They-they will!” Seb said quickly. “I know they will!” He touched his sixth finger nervously. “They are tough, he is with Stanley, he will help Ford, they will be fine! If older Ford could, I know my brothers will too...I-I need them to come back.” He pouted and glanced at the pictures of his niblings, grimacing at Dillon’s smiling face. “Stan has people waiting for him…” He whispered.

Miz opened her arms. “Do you need another hug? Or...um...I guess I can try to SEE through your multiverse and find them? But…” she glanced around suspiciously. “I don't know if your Bill would notice. You said that he’s a jerk right?” frankly, she was glad her paranoia made her put up a perception filter around the area whenever she transformed.

“A lot” Seb agreed, looking at the floor defeatedly. “Well...Anyway, thanks a lot for your help, dude! It would have taken me a lot more if you hadn’t helped.” He grinned at Bill kindly and patted his head. “How do you even move from dimensions anyway?”

“Oh...well inside my Mindscape there is an EXIT door and…” Miz trails off when she realizes something. “SHIT! Where is the exit door?!”

“Exit door? You lost me. Is it, in your mind or something like that?”

Miz scrunches her face in concentration. After a few seconds she goes pale. “Well...shit.” She begins pulling at her hair with a worried look. “I...can't get to my Mindscape!”

Seb frowned, getting worried himself for Bill. “Why?! I can get in my mindscape, why can’t you?”

Miz bit her lip as her mind (and eyes) flashed through information at a quick pace, going through multiple scenarios and theories faster than most humans could even process thought. Finally she groans. “Ok...since I came through YOUR door...I think I need to use your door to get out.”

Seb frowned a bit but nodded slowly. “Ok, I get it. So I guess you can get in…” He didn’t like it when people saw too much about him. Having Bill, the kids and Soos there was a bad experience on itself...But, he felt he could trust this Bill. He owed him after helping him with the portal after all. “I can enter to my own Mindscape while sleeping or meditating, just, enter when you want.” He gave him permission.

Miz slumps guiltily. “Sorry about this. I promise I won't touch or look at anything without asking! I know this must be really...uncomfortable for you.” She gives him a weak smile. “So um...I guess you can meditate or go to bed.” She peers at the bags under his visible eye. “Yeesh. Definitely go to bed. You look like something Teeth barfed out when we ate dinner at that Zixican restaurant.” a waste of such a handsome body really.

Seb grimaced and rubbed his brown eye tiredly. “I will ignore that obvious insult despite not understanding half of it…If I’m going to sleep, I think I should go back to my room. If I fell asleep here until too late in the morning, Mabel and Dipper won’t be able to find me and it will be hell to explain to them what I was doing behind the candy machine”

Miz’s eyes lit up. The twins!? Ooh!!! “C-can I go see them?! They're not born yet in my dimension! Please please please? I want to see Shooting Star and Pine Tree!” she bounces excitedly.

Seb laughed at the girl’s enthusiasm and after humming for a little bit, he nodded. “Alright, follow me, but be quiet” He warned seriously. “They are sleeping and they are babies, they need to sleep.”

Miz makes a zipping motion along her mouth and nods quickly while giving Seb a double thumbs up. Then she gets distracted by her thumbs and starts wiggling them and giggling. She coughs and quickly hides her hands. “Right! Yes! Quiet! I can definitely do that!”

Seb smiled and motioned the small girl to follow him. They went back to the lift and appeared in the Gift Shop.

“Welcome to the Mystery Shack, kid” Seb whispered, holding back laughter as he watched her awe. “I created this place with Question Mark years ago, pretty cool huh? And it was Soos who invented most of the first attractions!” The blond-brunet man smiled proudly.

Miz practically vibrate in place. Omg. Omg. Omg. The Mystery Shack! She wanted to touch everything. EVERYTHING. “C-can I...touch?” She whispers.

“Sure, but you break something, you pay for it”

Miz rolls her eyes and flicks her fingers. The dust particles in the air swirled around like a mini galaxy before condensing into a large gemstone. “Here ya go. A pure chunk of Jade stone.”

Sebastian gaped in utter shock as she placed the gem on his hands. “H-How...Teach me” He whispered.

Miz grins wide, showing off tiny (but sharp) teeth. “Ca2(Mg, Fe)5Si8O22(OH)2.” She says simply. “You see the dust in here are mostly bits of carbon fibers, skin flakes, pollen and a bunch of other stuff. I rearranged their protons and neutrons to create the elements I needed to build up the nephrite and then just copy and pasted them together until it became the right mass.” She shrugs. “It's simple transmutation.”

“Uh?” The poor human tilted his head. “Dude...I-I got a B on Chemistry at school…”

Miz pouted but then she raised an eyebrow. “Wait. Do your powers work differently from mine?”

Seb made a face. “Well, I guess? I can’t create stuff because I don’t have all my powers...I just make fire and make things float...I don’t know how it happens though.”

“Ah…” Miz scratched her head. “Well shit, it sucks that your powers don't all work but...it sounds like what you CAN do is easier than mine.” She glances around and points at the jar full of eyeballs. “Can I eat one?”

“What? Ew” Seb puffed his cheeks but nodded slowly.

“Yoink!” Miz reached into the jar and popped one into her mouth before gagging. “This is disgusting!” She says with a wide maniac grin.

Seb gagged and covered his mouth with his six-fingered hand. “Gross!” He grinned and laughed.

“I can taste the formaldehyde! It's absolutely disgusting~” she giggled.

Seb laughed loudly but covered his mouth again. “I would try one, but I don’t wanna poison my meat-sack.” He grinned and sighed. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Miz skips happily after him. “Oh I can't wait to see the little niblets~” oh she really hoped her Earth would grow faster~

They slowly and quietly went upstairs. Seb motioned Miz to stay put as he slowly opened the creaking door. “Ok, they are still sleeping.” He whispered. “Come in.”

Miz quietly poked her head in and stared at the tiny children. Oh my Ax they looked so small. Nevermind the fact that she was around the same height as them while in her human form. “Ooh~they're so...cute~” she squeals quietly. “I can't wait to meet mine.”

Seb grinned and slowly sat down on Dipper’s bed, stroking his brown curly locks. “I managed to get him to wear Pj’s...I love Pinetree but he is a dirty child.”

Miz snorts with a muffled laugh. “Someone please bathe this awful child.”

“I did once.” Seb grinned, lifting his bangs to see his birthmark. “If I didn’t, he would still smell like grass.”

Miz stared down at the marking and reaches out a hand to gently trace the lines. “He really does have it…” she looks contemplative.

“Have what?”

“This.” She leans against the bed and watches Dipper’s chest rise and fall as he breathed softly.

“Oh yeah, since he was a baby. My brother Shermie was worried it was something bad but the doctors said it wasn’t anything dangerous. My idiot brother was 15 when he had the twins, he was paranoid of everything.”

“15?! Holy shit. What the hell was he thinking?”

“To be honest? No idea. Shermie was angry with the world because I wasn’t home...After, Filbrick kicked me out, he wanted to rebel and do a bunch of stupid things, look how well that turned out.”

Miz frowns but decides to drop the subject so she could go look at Mabel. The little girl was snuggling with Waddles on her bed, the blankets half kicked off. Miz gently pulled them back up and tucked the two in.

“Urgh, I told her not to sleep with the pig on the bed.” Seb mumbled but smiled fondly at his niece. “She is wonderful. Both of them are. Despite everything they do, they-they make me happy…”

Miz smiles and pats Sebastian's arm. “I'm sure you make them just as happy. I know my kids and friends are everything to me.”

Seb blushed slightly but smiled. “We have a soft spot for our family...Bill or not.” He chuckled softly as he stood up slowly. “Let’s go, we should let them sleep.”

“Alright.” Miz gives the children one last fond glance. Someday. She just had to wait. “After I leave…” she blushes a little. “Do you think I could come back to visit some time?”

Seb and Miz got out of the room and the man closed the door as gently as he opened it. “Of course! Maybe in this form you can talk to the kids! They hate Bill as much as I do, Mabel shot at him with kitten fists, so maybe you should hide your form...unless you want to give Pinetree a heart attack of course.”  He explained as he walked to his bedroom with Miz following him close.

“Pffth-I can heal heart attacks. Or at the very least, hold them in stasis long enough to get them to someone who can~” Miz shrugs. “Actually...I wonder if anyone has a kink for that?” She mutters under her breath about electricity S&M and various fan art she's seen of Bill Cipher torture kinks.

Seb luckily didn’t hear any of that and sighed in relief when he saw his bed. He looked at the clothes he was wearing, remembering he never had the chance to change them, and sighed tiredly. “Wait here, I’ll be back soon.” He instructed the little girl watching him, easily forgetting he was talking to Bill Cipher, and grabbed his clothes to go to the bathroom.

Miz shrugged. “Kay.” She watched him leave and hummed at the sight of it. Were all human form Bill Cipher’s supposed to be so cute? Well...aside from the one Alex Hirsch drew...which was downright gorgeous (in a horrifying way). Feeling in a pranking mood, she shifts her clothes from the simple yellow dress into a squid costume and flops onto Sebastian’s bed. The look on his face would be hilarious!

 

Seb yawned as he came out of the bathroom and his eye widened at the sight on his bed. He grinned then, not giving her what she wanted. “Nice try, kid, but I live and interact with two kids and Soos! I am immune.” He said, smiling even more at her pouting face. He raised a hand and Miz yelped when she started floating away from the bed. “And that’s mine.”

She wiggled her arms and legs, making the tentacles of her costume wiggle as well. “Not fair~” she whined.

Seb laughed and put her on the couch gently. “It is! And it is hilarious!” He climbed to his bed and took off his eye patch to sleep. It made him blush a little bit but he knew that pouting girl was Bill, so there was no problem in showing it.

Miz blinked at the uncovered eye. “Oh. So that's why you wear the eyepatch.” She tilts her head. “Isn't that...itchy?” She rolled around on the couch, the tentacles trailing across the piece of furniture.

Seb turned around from her, already regretting showing her his yellow eye because she was still looking at it. He pulled down a lock of curly hair to try to cover it. “It is itchy...But I have had it covered since I was fourteen...I-I am used to it. It’s not nice seeing how everyone looks at you with fear or repulsion.”

Miz could tell Seb was feeling self conscious. “Well...if it makes you feel any better, I think it's pretty.” much nicer than the weird mouth triangle she turns into when she's angry.

“Thanks...I guess...But I still won’t show it...It changes colors when I get angry...Especially in my monster form, but that isn’t important anyway.” He laid down on the pillow and stared at the girl with sleepy eyes.

“Monster form?” She tilts her head in interest. “Nevermind, you should sleep. Um...would you like me to sing to you? I do that with my kids.”

Seb closed his eyes. “Monster form…” He said with a slurred voice. “Lots of yellow a-arms...And teeth, teeth in my torso...and red hair, really red hair” He giggled sleepily. “Sing.” He ordered.

Miz relaxed her shoulders _. “Nightingale singing in the woods~serenading the forest~fills the air with a sad refrain~in the quiet of the evening~”_ she slowly get up and shifts her squid outfit back into a dress. _“Pale moon~blue moon~crescent moon~shining brightly in the evening ~”_ she walked slowly closer to the sleepy man and brushed her small fingers through his hair. Just like she did with Pyronica’s children when they had trouble falling asleep.

Seb inhaled softly and seconds later, he was asleep. He had barely slept for two days, he was tired, and sleeping just was so nice. Before realizing it, he was in his Mindscape, standing in front of the floating and fractured version of the Mystery Shack, and waiting for Bill to appear.

As he waited, Seb jumped when an annoying voice spoke behind him. “Great! You made friends with another Bill, a pathetic version, mind you.” Bill2 laughed. Seb groaned. Not now.

Miz allowed her physical form to crumble away and floated into Seb’s mind. She was Bill again, though she kept her dress so Seb would know it was her and not the evil Bill that was apparently somewhere in this dimension. She opened her eye to see Sebastian floating in his mindscape next to…

“AH! He's here!” She shot him with a tiny squid (squids were on her mind right now) and hit the small triangle floating near her new friend.

 

Bill2 squeaked when he was hit and was sent flying a few meters. Seb laughed loudly and mockingly as he pointed at Bill2 trying to get the squid off him. “You deserved that, dick! Great shot, Bill! High six!” He happily raised a hand for Bill to high four.

Slightly confused, Bill gave Sebastian a high four (does that mean this was a high ten?!) And stared at the other triangle struggling to get the Squid’s tentacles away from him. “What's going on? Is that the Bill from this world?”

Seb stared at Bill2, who finally managed to get the squid off him, and grinned when the tiny triangle fumed and turned red. “Nah, don’t worry. He’s not even real. That’s Bill2. I created him when I was a toddler. He’s like an annoying imaginary friend or, the representation of my past-self.”

Bill peered at Bill2 and if she had eyebrows in this form she would have raised them. “Um...cool I guess? Most of my mental issues look more like twisted abominations but, hey, to each their own.” She turns to look around the shattered Mindscape. “Now where is that Exit?”

Seb looked around and shrugged. “Inside the Shack I have only seen my memories...Is that door usually hidden and you have to decipher something to find it?”

Bill rubbed her side, brushing off her dress as she did so and secretly feeling embarrassed by how wide her hips were as a triangle “Well...does the Shack have an Exit sign anywhere? In my Mindscape it was the Exit door to the theater/bedroom.”

“Exit door...I have never seen one…” Seb hummed while Bill2 examined Bill up and down.

“You are wearing a dress” Seb’s demon-self sneered. “Nice to know there are more stupid versions of me around the multiverse.”

“Bill!” Seb scolded. “You can kill him if you want, I don’t need him.” Seb said quickly, smiling sheepishly at the real Bill.

“Naw, I've got a better idea.” Bill grins at Bill2 and flicks her fingers. “Boom! Maid outfit!” She even gave it extra frills and ribbons!

 

Huh...it looks really good on him...

Seb immediately put his hand to his mouth to stop his guffaws, but he failed epically. He started laughing madly as Bill2 growled at both of them. His demon-self made the clothes disappear, but Seb snapped his fingers and the costume returned. “I said it stays like that, fucker!” He snarled and the tiny triangle raged internally.

The blond turned to look at Bill with a proud smile. “I have him mostly under my control, I’m good, see? No Bill controlling me.”

Bill laughed at the angry triangle. “Well. Now that this little guy’s-”

Bill2 screams “I'm not little!”

“-been dealt with, let's go find that Exit!” she floats off to begin her search. It should not be that hard. It's literally a door with the word EXIT above it. “The shack has entrances and exits right? So it should be near one of them?”

“Maybe...I should tell you the doors of my memories shift places…” Seb started awkwardly. “So I guess the exit also shifts too...But don’t worry! We will find it!”

Bill nods, pushing away any fearful doubts of how she could be trapped here forever and began looking around. There's no way she wouldn't be able to find it. If she came in, she can go back out. Huh...maybe this was why Ax didn't want her messing with this.

“You know, now that I’m seeing you closer, I think you are also different because you are a girl.” Seb commented out of the blue. “I-correct me if I’m wrong-but I _feel_ you are more feminine than what I remembered myself...But why are you still a triangle and not a line?”

Bill shrugs. “I don't know what you mean but if you're wondering about my sex, I am a hermaphrodite. Were you a male?”

“Um, ye-yeah!” Seb said, smirking when he saw Bill2 floating next to him, and looked back at Bill. “Bill was a male because he was a shape, women were lines in his world…”

Bill stared at Bill2 with interest. “Hm...that's another difference I guess. In my world everyone were shapes. Male and female were determined by your genitals and the Council arranged your Pairing to an appropriate mate.”

“From what I know, Bill’s Flatland was also controlled by a really strict government, they hated irregulars, shapes who weren’t as ‘perfect’ as they wanted and they killed them off!  Haha, Bill killed all those flat minders.” He raised a hand and despite his anger, Bill2 had to high four him.

“Nice memories.” Bill2 nodded.

“Your council sounds even worse than mine. And mine wanted to use me as a breeding machine...just...pair me up and make me pop out babies for the rest of my life. Luckily they took me on as a scientist so they couldn't do that to me.” Bill shuddered. Dodged a bullet there.

“God, that-that is awful.” Seb shuddered too. “They killed off my brother, well, Bill’s. That was why he decided that world wasn’t worth it. I guess he was right, but he went insane in the process.” The curly haired man told Bill and sighed.

Bill2 grinned with his eye. “It was hilarious hearing them scream in pain!”

Bill dimmed in color. “I lost my brother too. But...it was my fault. I joined the triangle rebellion, I built them weapons. We broke into the council room, we took down the Circles...we...we WON. But...one of the Circles tried to run and the other Triangles shot at him...and…” her voice cracks a little “...and they shot my little brother instead…” Will had been killed by the very weapon she had created. It was all her fault.

Seb had to stop to take a deep breath, despite the fact that he didn’t need to breathe in his Mindscape. “Bill...I-I am sorry” He wanted to pat him comfortingly but didn’t dare. “Digging in old memories isn’t nice, I shouldn’t have talked about it.”

Bill mimes a deep breath. “It's ok...Ax says that it's always better to talk about what makes me sad then to keep it bottled up. I haven't really gotten to talk about Will until just recently when Pyronica had her kids. They remind me of him sometimes…same with your niblets...” the tears flowed a little faster. “It's just...if Will had been human he would have been around their age...maybe a little older?”

Sebas winced, feeling terrible for Bill and sighed. “I’m sorry...Um...” He thought it was better to change the topic. “I don’t think the door is just going to be there. It must be related to something similar to it, my mind is organized by association so...Where can a door related to ‘getting out of somewhere’ be…” Seb muttered under his breath as he stroked his goatee.

“I know!” Bill2 suddenly exclaimed, startling both Bill and Seb. The tiny triangle made the humiliating clothes disappear but neither Seb or Bill cared right now. “When you broke Sixer’s project! You were kicked out, right? That is the only moment I can think of when you were forced out of somewhere, so the Exit Door must be close to where that memory is.”

Bill looked over at the taller man. “Well..does that sound right to you?”

"That sounds pretty reasonable.” Seb nodded excitedly but then pouted. “Now we just gotta find that horrible memory.” He sighed loudly and motioned the two triangles to start floating and search.

Seb, followed by both Bill and Bill2, walked around the dark version of the Shack, trying to locate either the memory or the door. The curly haired man pouted when he felt Bill staring at him curiously and he rolled his eye.

“I didn’t break it on purpose.” He clarified. “I was destroying my project and accidentally hit his, but Ford never let me explain and I-I guess I was a little jealous he won…” Seb trailed off and shook his head. “It-It doesn’t matter, ok?”

Sebastian saw Bill nod and he smiled slightly. While he searched for the Exit door he started wondering how he never saw it before. The only guess he had was that because he never wanted to see _that_ memory, he never noticed it before...His train of thought was interrupted when he heard Bill squeal excitedly.

“Found it!” She pointed at a door hidden halfway behind a display case full of items from the pawn shop. In the memory. The door was INSIDE the memory. The loud yelling voices made her wince. Oh. This did not look good. She gasped when the memory of a younger Sebastian was struck by his father, the angry Filbrick screaming at him about how he ruined Ford’s chance for a good college.

Seb slowly walked towards the door and sighed, watching Filbrick dragging him out of the Pawn Shop by his hair. He...didn’t need to relive that again. Bill2 laughed at his sad expression and Bill looked at him with what he could interpret as a guilty look.

“It’s alright. It was decades ago…” He smiled easily at him and glanced at the EXIT door. “Well, I guess this is it, other Bill. It was really fun meeting you! Hope we see each other soon!” The curly haired man smiled, wincing just a little bit when he heard his younger self sobbing and Filbrick threatening him to never come back, and moved away from the door, just enough for Bill to float to it.

Bill looked guilty at the distressed emotions flowing through the air. “Um...right...I really enjoyed my time with you. I guess...maybe I can come visit again someday…” she gives Sebastian a kind smile with her large eye curving. “It was really nice meeting you Sebastian. I wish you luck in getting your brothers back.”

Sebastian was going to respond but Bill2 growls in frustration at the positivity trying to form in the room and flies over to the door. “Just LEAVE already!” He kicks the door open and the three of them all cry out in surprise when, like before, they were sucked into the door and sent barreling out into the void.

It would have been just a simple fix if they got their bearings to find their way back to Seb’s door but by some stupid coincidence, as they flailed around in panic, Sebastian accidentally hit another door out in the void and they screamed as they were sucked into it.

The void of doors was silent after the door slammed shut. The infinite doors floating peacefully even as two misplaced Bills were sent into the world of another of their Alternatives.

\---

“Ugh…” Bill moaned as she tried to get up, only to find that she couldn't move. “Ah! Get off me! You're heavy! Why are you heavy we're both incorporeal right now!!!”

She shoves Sebastian off her and floats up to stare incredulously at where they were. It looked like a simple apartment. A clean one sure but…

There was a young man in the room, human, it seemed he didn't see them but what surprised her was the small yellow and black figure hissing at them. A tiny little bee.

A tiny little bee wearing a top hat and bowtie who was swearing at them angrily “Who the fuck are you people and what are you doing in my house?!” The bee screams at them.

The human in the room turns away from the kitchen stove he was cooking at. “Huh? What are you talking about Bill? There's no one here but us?” Bill stared at the boy. He looked...familiar somehow…

“Dammit Pine Tree do you not see these strangers in your house?!” The bee points at the gobsmacked group of displaced dimension travelers with one of his little black legs. “They're right fucking THERE!”

“Have you been getting into the Poppy again Bill? You know that pollen messes you up.” The young man, who was apparently this dimension’s version of Dipper, he looked to be college aged. Bill couldn't help but admire him. Oh my~little Dipper grows up into quite the handsome boy~

Sebastian was thinking exactly what Bill was. That boy was Dipper, definitely Dipper. And he was an adult!

“Pinetree…” He whispered. “That’s Dipper, right?” He looked at Bill, who nodded.

The bee was still screaming at them to get out of his house. Poor Dipper, who couldn't see the demons in the Mindscape was trying to calm the small insect down. “Bill. It's ok! There's no one there.”

“How do you not see them? There is a weird blond man with yellow hair-”

“Hey!” Seb cried offended at the insect.

“And...a triangle with a dress!” The bee starts flying at them, his stinger aimed out. Dipper begins to panic. “No! Bill stop! You might accidentally sting me!” He ducks behind the counter and watches his companion flying around attacking empty air (at least that's what he saw.)

“Bill?” Seb mumbled. “So one Bill is an insect…” He said slowly and before sharing a look with Bill2, both of them started laughing hysterically.

“WHAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY HUH?!” the bee-demon screeches in a high pitch voice “I'M GONNA STING YOU! DON'T THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK AWAY FROM IT EITHER! I'M A DEMON FROM THE PITS OF HELL ITSELF! I'LL MELT YOUR FACES OFF!!!”

Seb just wheezed. He was laughing so much he couldn’t even say the pun he was thinking of.

Bill (should she just refer to herself as Miz by this point? If only to avoid confusion?) Rolls her eye. “Don't worry. I got this.” She raises a hand and flicks, the space before her twisting as the particles clicked together rapidly.

Dipper makes confused noises as the air above his kitchen counter seemed to...shimmer and suddenly there was a...flower?

It wasn't any species he recognized, and ever since he met this strange talking bee, he'd learned a LOT about flowers. But this was something new. It was a lovely pale blue color and smelled wonderful. Dipper watched as his bee friend slowed his frantic flying and hovered in front of the flower that just appeared out of nowhere. “What the heck?” Dipper cries.

Bee Bill moans as the scent of this flower reached him. What was this?! He'd never smelled something this delicious? He flew down and landed on a petal, marveling at the softness. “What is...are YOU trying to bribe me, intruder?” He snarls at the triangle in a dress, but he couldn't glare at it for long as the scent of this flower was...just so inviting...

Miz turns to Sebastian and sighs. “Well. That should keep him distracted…”

Seb wiped his tears from his brown eye and sighed happily. He hadn’t laughed this much since forever. “So, in this universe...the tiny insect over there caused Weirdmaggedon or some shit? And why is Dipper with the bee?” He looked up and saw the brunet young man still staring at Bee Bill with a confused expression.

Miz shrugged. “Don't know. Don't particularly care.” Given that this world’s Dipper seemed perfectly fine being around his little bug friend, they were probably not on bad terms. Then again, how much trouble would something that small be able to cause anyway?

“Fair enough” Seb nodded. “And you-” The blond man was going to yell at Bill2 but  stopped and his face paled. “Bill, where exactly are we?! I-I need to go back or-or the kids would be alone!” He cried frantically.

Miz winced. She quickly tried to calm Sebastian down. “Look. We got sucked out of your door and ended up here. Which means we just need to find THIS Bill’s door to get back out. And then we just...find your door. It shouldn't be that hard right?” In a smaller voice she mumbled “It's not like there are an infinite doors or anything…”

Seb whined childishly at Miz. He didn’t hear the last part of what she said, and Miz should be glad for it. “But how loonng it will taake?” He pouted.

Miz glanced at the bee butt sticking out of the flower that this world's Bill had crawled inside, hungrily slurping up the nectar. “Well if all goes well, this Bill will fall asleep soon. I made this flower’s pollen soporific. Then we just go inside his dream, take a detour into his Mindscape and find his Exit.”

She glares at Bill2. “And THIS time, we DON'T go kicking the damn door open like an asshole!”

“This is all your fault!” Seb glared at Bill2 and smacked him in his top angle.

“If you hadn’t talked to her in the first place we would actually be in our meatsack!” Bill2 shouted back and smacked him in the forehead.

“Well, EXCUSE me for trying to be ni-”

“Slurp~slurp~aw man this is slurp~FUCKING delicious!” bee Bill moans drunkenly from inside the flower. By this point Dipper had come out from behind the counter and was inspecting the mysterious flower. Where did this come from? Then again, if Bill was to be believed...he was apparently a magical demon bee so maybe he created it?

“Look, I'm just gonna finish making lunch...you...do you.” Dipper sighs and turns back to the stove. “AHHHH!” He cries when he sees his eggs burning. “Nooo!”

Seb snorted and looked at Miz. “Dipper isn’t that good at cooking in my dimension either.”

Miz grins and then reaches down to poke the bee butt. He grumbled sleepily but otherwise didn't react. “Ok. I think we're good to go.” She turns to Seb. “Um...you know how to go inside other people's Mindscape right?”

“Pfft! Kid, Of course I know how to do that! I even possessed a man once! Let’s do this!” Seb cracked his knuckles but whimpered softly when they hurt a little too much. “Ow.”

Miz sank inside the bee (and wasn't THAT just an odd sensation) and found herself inside a huge beehive. There were huge house sized triangles filled with honey and it was also eerily quiet. Where were all the other bees? Not that she'd want there to be millions of bees around.

Seb and Bill2 (what other choice did he have?) followed her into the bee’s Mindscape, wincing a bit at the effort. He knew he said he could do it, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard or painful.

He stood beside Bill and gasped as he looked around. “This place is crazy” He commented as he unconsciously went to clean the blood from his nose, even when he didn’t have blood to shed right now.

Miz nodded. Dear cheese this hive was HUGE. How long would it take to search for the exit? She flew over to inspect one of the triangular hive walls. It was filled with delicious looking golden honey. She couldn't help shifting into Miz’s human form (currently dressed like a pretty bee-girl, what? She likes her cosplay) and grabs a handful of the honey.

Before Seb could stop her, Miz stuck her hand in her mouth and ate the honey. “Ooh! Issh weeally sweet!” She says with her mouth full.

The blond watched her take another handful of the honey to her mouth. He was torn between wanting to try because Hell, he was in a _bee’s_ mindscape! But his adult, more mature self was stopping him.

“Do you even know what exactly you are eating?” He asked.

“Do I look like I care?” Miz shrugged as she materialized a large pot and began shoveling handfuls into it. Souvenirs~

“Well, you are eating his mindscape. Call me a _buzzkill_ but I don’t think that sounds safe...for the bee.”

Miz rolls her eyes. “Safe Shmafe, honey is just bee vomit. I doubt this is gonna hurt him. What's the worse that can hap-”

There was a thunderous roar and the three intruders turned slowly to see a GIANT bee staring down at them. Miz couldn't help but think ‘ _Oh! That's why this hive is so big…’_

 

Bee Bill was...a lot more intimidating at his current size. His mandibles were sharp and dripping with what looked like acid as it frothed and sizzled. His legs were tipped with sharp claws and his large eye had turned red. “HOW DARE YOU!?!?!” He bellows at them.

“I told you…” Seb sing-songed softly as he stared at bee.  “Now I think I shouldn’t have laughed at him.” He said aloud and Bill2 glared at him.

“You think?”

Bee Bill screams at them with a sound beyond mortal comprehension and Miz grabs Seb’s hand to drag him along. “Run! RUN! RUN!!!” She screams.

The two ran away from the bee, screaming their heads off, as Bill2 floated behind them, watching the Bee just getting closer and closer.

“If we die outside our body we die for real?!” Bill2 screamed, but both Miz and Seb decided to ignore him.

“BILL, WHERE DO WE GO?!”

“I DON'T KNOW! I CAN'T EXACTLY CONCENTRATE LONG ENOUGH TO LOOK NOW CAN I?!?” She screams. “I DON'T WANNA GET EATEN BY A BEEEE!!!” She sobs.

Seb winced when he heard her sob. She sounded so scared. She was Bill, he knew that, but-but she just looked so helpless and scared and that bee! How dared he scare HIS friend!!?

The man’s eyes turned black and he turned to look at the demon bee. Much to Miz’s amazement and horror, Seb grew two more pairs of yellow arms as his hair turned red and he screamed at the bee.

 

Bill2 was nowhere to be seen (Seb and him were temporarily morphed together to form the monster form) and the raging human charged at the monster bee.

Bee Bill was caught off guard and thrown to the ground by the human’s back arms. The bee pushed Sebastian back with his strong clawed legs and threw himself over his fragmented body to try to bite his head off with his sharp mandibles. Seb screamed when the ugly head came too close for his liking and his hands caught on yellow fire before grabbing the Bee by its hind legs and throwing it away. Bee Bill hit a wall full of honey and after shaking his head, he charged at the human once again.

Miz watched the two fight, understanding what Sebastian meant by monster form. His body had grown and his torso was fragmented in a way that looked _really_ painful, especially because his spine had been fragmented in three, and from each part, yellow sharp teeth and black tongues appeared. That was her monster form too, the one she accidentally slipped into when she lost her cool. Except more fleshy than her triangular form.

Apparently it happened to Sebastian too.

Sebastian tackled the bee to the ground once again and with his six hands he burnt him, forcing him to stay on the ground shrieking in pain. “ **YOU MADE HER CRY!”** He shouted with a booming voice, tying the bee’s legs together. “ **STOP!”** Seb ordered and the bee stopped thrashing, giving up.

Panting loudly, Seb’s form slowly pieced itself together again and the arms retreated to the inside of his body. His form shrank to its original size and Seb collapsed exhausted next to the giant bee, Bill2 floating out of him and dropping onto Seb’s chest tiredly.

“Yeah! Take that! Don’t hurt Miz again or I’ll kill you!” The blond human threatened wheezing.

Miz ran towards Seb and Bee Bill. “Are you guys alright? That was AWESOME! I didn't know you had a Kaiju form!” She glances worriedly at the twitching bee and quickly grabbed Seb’s arm to sling over her shoulder. “Come on. We need to get out of here before he recovers…”

She looked around as her eyes flashed through multiple images, the good thing about the triangular honeycombs was that it made her job easier. She accidentally glimpsed a few of BeeBill’s memories as she dragged Sebastian through the Mindscape.

Bee Bill appearing before the first bees and teaching them how to spread pollen, how to build a hive out of wax, how to create honey, how to read the sky for directions. Bee Bill protecting a young queen larva when the hive was attacked by a large mammalian creature. Bee Bill carrying the baby queen away, upon the urging of the current queen “Go! You are our last hope!”

“I can fight! I can help!” Bee Bill cried as he watched his hive, his...colony...attacking the beast and giving their lives in the process. The queen shoves him out of the hive. “GO!”

Miz saw Bee Bill fly off in a panic, holding the frightened baby queen and hearing his hive, his first hive get torn apart behind him. She saw how he raised the new queen and taught her and her children everything he knew for generations upon generations for hundreds upon thousands of years...only for his hive to kick him out. She blinks out of those memories, feeling a little bad for the guy.

More importantly though, she found the exit. “Hang on Seb.” She tells him before bracing herself on the side of the hive and kicking off as hard as she could, rocketing them towards a door near the top of this hive with the words EXIT above it.

They tumbled through, a little more gently this time, and Miz quickly slammed the door shut behind her before collapsing to the ground tiredly.

Seb groaned as he stretched but he felt better already. He looked around, gaping at the millions upon billions of doors around them, all with numbers and letters. “Alright! So, where do we go?”

Miz looked around for any doors she recognized. “Um…” if she could sweat she would be doing it. In fact she could feel them forming and then disappearing as she glanced around. “Well...I know we can't have gone that far...and um…” she went up to try and read the labels. “I guess we just need to work our way back?”

Seb and Bill2 deadpanned at her. “Great, when I get back, the twins will be the same age as Bee Bill’s Dipper!” He exclaimed with fake enthusiasm.

Miz gives him a weak smile. “Hey, look on the bright side, dimensions all run at different speeds so maybe you'll return to your world at the same time you left.” She tries to look like she knew what she was doing as she gestures and accidentally hit a door.

The three of them stared at it for a split second in horror before they were once again sucked in.

\---

Bill downed another bottle as he sulked in his room. He was sobbing loudly and quite frankly, he was an absolute mess. But none of that mattered. Nothing mattered. Sixer just...Sixer BETRAYED him!

Bill took another swig from the bottle and hiccuped softly. He needed to think, no, he needed THIS. This right here…

Bill blinked woozily at the bottle in his hands. Damn...why had everything gone so wrong? “Sixer…” he sobs softly. He already screamed and raged and destroyed most of his room. Now he was just trying to drink enough that he couldn't think anymore. Not about Sixer. Not about the investors. Not about the portal...

“-hhhhiiiiiiiit!!!!!”

Bill yelps as several things hit him in the back and he drops his bottle. Nooo! His alcohol!! That shit’s expensive!

Turning around angrily, a heavily drunk Bill glared down at the intruders in his penthouse, one hand raised with blue fire ready to incinerated whoever this impudent little…

He froze. His arm dropped and he blinked blearily at the person he saw. “Sssixerrr?” He slurred drunkenly.

Seb stared at yet another Bill, a drunk one to be specific, and tensed up when he dragged a thin black hand across his face.

Sixer? Did he call just call him Sixer?

“Help.” He pleaded to Miz who was also watching with a confused look.

Miz shrugged. “Look, we just need to get inside his head and find the exit. Um…” she looks at the bottle spilling on the ground. “Keep distracting him while I spike the drinks…” she began pulling the liquid back into the bottle and enhancing the effects of it.

Bill hadn't even noticed the 2nd person in the room, his eye was fixed on Sebastian’s awkward form. He lowered himself down and ran his small black hands through his hair. “Sssixer...yo-you...how did...you get here?” he slurs. Also there were multiple Ford's...or maybe he just couldn't see straight.

Seb looked at Miz, who glared at him to just distract the drunk demon, and he sighed. The blond coughed a bit and made his voice a bit deeper. “Ah, yes, yes...It is I, Ford…” He hid his left hand and showed him his right hand with six fingers.

Miz face palms from behind Bill’s back.

Bill reaches out to grab onto Seb’s hand. He runs his fingers along the 6 digits. “Sixer…” He says softly. Suddenly he turns red and grips the hand tighter, not enough to break anything but it was definitely uncomfortable. “You! **You freaking asshole**!!” He growls.

Miz looks worried but she was adjusting the bottle, turning it into a spray. Come on, come on...

Seb grimaced as the triangle’s grip on his hand got even tighter. “Wa-Wait! Bill, why are you upset! Um, we-we are friends! I am stupid! I need your inspiration as my muse!” Bill2, hidden behind Miz, rolled his eye.

Bill flickers between multiple colors for a bit, seemingly caught between being angry and joy at hearing Ford call him his muse again. Ultimately he went back to growling but he loosened his grip on Seb’s hand. His expression was still pretty drunk as he dragged Seb over to a large bed. “Why am I upset? Why am **_I_ ** upset?!” He snarls. “After how...you...you USED me! You-a-an-and then you SERIOUSLY THINK you could just LEAVE ME?!” He grew larger as he got angrier.

“You...you...you ruined EVERYTHING!” He screeches. Just as quickly though, he calms and says, almost soberly “Why wouldn't you give me a chance? You said you would listen. You said you would let me explain.” He blinks rapidly and looks confused, swaying to the side.

“When...did I change your hair? It looks great mind you, yellow is the best color...but...huh?” He sounded so confused.

“Um...Um…” Seb stuttered. “I think it changed on its own.” He lied. “The-The molecules of this air and...you know, science…”

Miz was spraying Bill with the modified alcohol bottle. Bill finally noticed her and looks even more confused. “What the fu-” he didn't get to say much more before the modified alcohol began to take effect. The triangle swayed and collapsed onto the bed. Miz made a note to herself, the tranquilizers her friends used to capture Jan, pretty strong stuff.

Seb sighed in relief when the triangle fell asleep. “Did you see him?! He-He has something with Ford!” He cried horrified. He gagged and covered his mouth.

Miz shrugged. “I'd ship it.” She says.

Seb made a disgusted face and climbed out of bed, wincing when Bill shifted because of the movement.

“Whatever you say. Let’s-Let’s just find the door.” Seb complained. He was tired despite not having a body. Was he too old for this?

“I can't help shipping who I ship.” Miz rolls her eyes but the three of them sank into this Bill’s Dream/Mindscape (Miz was severely tempted to make Inception references) to begin their search anew.

This Mindscape was...a jumbled mess of colors, images of EVERYTHING happening throughout the universe and screaming voices. Miz covers her ears. “Great! A proper Bill Cipher huh?”

Seb made an angry face at her while covering his own ears. Miz looks around and sees madness bubbles everywhere. Are those the memories? She goes up to inspect one, the door was probably in one of these, since she couldn't see any doors around here. “Um…” she turns to Seb “Are you ready to see this guy’s memories?”

“Nope...Let’s do it.” Seb nodded.

Miz took a deep breath before driving her hand into the bubble, it glowed brightly and the two (three if you count Bill2) were pulled into the memory.

“Interesting.” the intruders stared at the scene. The one who spoke was...Ford. He was leaning in close to blond man with dark (nearly black) skin. “And the reason I can see these futuristic designs but Fiddleford can't?”

“Maybe you're just special.” The blond man, who everyone realized suddenly was Bill, spoke almost...fondly as he grinned and trailed his hands across Ford’s shirt. Miz was blushing as the two men leaned closer to each other, gazing into each other's eyes. “Oh my~” she squealed.

“-God” Seb gaped horrified and slowly put a hand up to cover his mouth. His brown eye was wide though. Full of shock and disgust.

The memory Ford and Bill continued their conversation, Ford puts a hand on Bill’s slim waist and pulls him closer, almost pressing their bodies against each other. Miz was blushing bright red and had her hands pressed to her cheeks as she made happy giggles.

(I got lazy with the anatomy >.> didn't really plan this out...)

“No! N-No! No! No!” Seb got out of his shock and covered his eye. “That’s not happening! Ford wouldn’t, my brother wouldn’t-”

“It is happening.” Bill2 said softly, still staring at the two men.

“Yesss~yessss~” Miz chanted as she stared at them. To her disappointment and Seb’s relief, Memory Bill pushed himself away from Ford. Miz glanced around. “Welp, the Exit’s not here so let's go check another one.”

Seb glared at the smiling girl as they left the madness bubble. “That was horrible…” He declared. He really hoped his real brother didn’t like his dimension’s Bill because if not he was going to kick his ass!

Miz looked around and chose another bubble. “Alright, here's hoping we have better luck with this one.” She declares.

They arrived in a rather domestic scene of Bill and Ford lounging on the couch together watching the tv. Well, Bill was watching the TV, Ford was working on some papers but he would sneak a glance at Bill every now and then while the demon in human form would do the same, each one pretending they weren't looking.

Miz sighed. “Boring~”

“No comments.” Seb rolled his eye before looking away.

They left that memory and Miz runs up to another bubble “Come on! Please be a juicy one!”

“Please let that be the exact opposite.” Seb begged with a whining voice. “I don't want to see that.”

They appeared in the memory in the middle of the forest. There was a huge, burning campfire with flames shooting nearly 20 feet into the air. Next to it was a tent, closed of course but the thin material did nothing to keep in the sounds.

And oh boy were those sounds loud. Miz had a perverted grin as she saw the tent shake while they heard Bill's voice crying out loudly from inside. They also heard Ford’s voice grunting softly in between Bill’s moans and screams.

“He’s murdering him, right?” Bill2 commented blandly.

Sebastian screamed, traumatized, and ran away, tripping and falling to the floor face first as he tried to escape from the sounds. Miz started laughing at him.

“Damn...if only the tent was see through~” she cackled.

“YOu!” Seb’s voice cracked a bit. “Are a perverted evil girl! I CAN’T BELIEVE MY BROTHER IS FU-”

Miz shrugs. “Well, unfortunately, there are no doors here...unless you count the door to the tent…”

“No.” Seb shook his head. “I don’t count it.”

Miz sighed “Alright let's try another one.”

They went through many memories. Surprisingly (or perhaps not) there were a lot of...shall we say, scenes of an explicit nature. But there were just as many quiet scenes. Just calm and pleasant moments of Bill and Ford living together. Ford cooking their meals. Bill and Ford laughing together as they shaved some unicorns. The two having picnics together. The two sitting side by side quietly watching the sun set.

Seb watched this Bill’s memories, both horrible and cute, with a disturbed expression. The more he watched, the more he saw Stanford smile and laugh...He was happy, this Bill made him happy, or used to, judging by Bill’s reaction when he saw him. His Fordsie wouldn’t be with Bill...Heck, he wasn’t even sure if Ford liked anyone that way, but he was glad he was happy now that he is...

Miz glanced at Sebastian. “Hey...are you ok?”

Seb shook his head a bit and looked down at Miz. “Ye-Yeah...Just-Just got lost in my own thoughts…” He cast one last look at this version of his brother and sighed. He missed him. “Can we continue looking?”

Miz frowned but stayed quiet as they entered yet another bubble. This one...was not as happy.

It was raining heavily and a monstrous Bill, with huge gaping wounds all over his body which had turned into mouths filled with teeth and drooling blood was standing in front of Ford along with a red haired woman. They were speaking to each other but Miz and Seb were standing too far away to hear.

“What…” Seb muttered. He and Miz shared a look and walked a bit closer to hear what they were saying.

Memory Bill slowly calmed and went up to hug Ford. “Thank you, thank you, thank you Sixer. You won't regret it. I'll give you anything you want. Absolutely anything.” Bill kissed Ford with little pecks here and there along his face and neck. He sounded so happy.

Miz furrowed her brows in worry. Memory Bill sounded so relieved and _trusting_ but...she glanced at Ford’s face. His expression was grim. Determined. “Oh no…” She whispers.

“What's wrong?” Seb asked but his question was answered when the ground underneath Bill and Ford began to glow.

A magic binding circle.

Miz’s eyes were wide and horrified as the memory Bill began screaming frantically. “Sixer no!” He sounded so scared. His yellow eyes were wide in confusion. “You’re doing it wrong. Stop! Stanford! SIXER! You’re hurting me!”

Miz was gripping her dress tightly and was breathing quickly in her own panic as the binding circle glowed brighter and Bill’s screams got more desperate and scared. She covered her ears and tears her eyes away from the scene. “We need to leave. Please.” She was crying now, sobbing as she looked around at anywhere that wasn't what Ford was doing to Bill. Memory Bill began screaming in pain and Miz stumbled away.

To her relief, she saw it, a door near the mouth of the forest. It was strange to see a door just standing there in the middle of the woods but the words EXIT were floating above it.

Miz made a mad dash for the door, still crying as she tried to get away. Get away from here!

Seb winced at the screams and forced himself to look away and follow the sobbing girl demon. Why was Ford doing that…? Sixer wasn’t like that, he knew his brother, Ford...What if Ford decided to hurt him too…?

He went through the door and slammed it shut, gasping for air. “He wouldn’t do that...right? When he comes back…”

Bill2 grinned at him. “Of course he will...He will hate you.” He said feigning kindness.

Sebastian doubled flipped him off with his six-fingered hand and looked around, trying to spot the girl. “Miz! Bill?”

Miz was huddled on the ground sobbing. “S-stupid binding circles!” She rubbed at her eyes, tears and snot mixing together. “Fu-fucking...s-sucks! Who the fuck e-e-even invented them?!” Her breath kept hitching with her cries.

Seb finally spotted her and ran towards her. She had looked scared, far more than what he deemed normal while watching something like that. Something was wrong.

“There you are!” Seb cried relieved. He crouched next to her and was about to touch her shoulder but stopped just centimeters above it and turned his hand into a fist. “Miz? Kid, are you alright?” He knew she wasn't. Why was he so stupid?

“Ew, body fluids.” Bill2 grimaced.

Miz choked back another sob. She covered her mouth tightly to try and muffle the sounds. Her shoulders kept shaking and she just kept making muffled cries, unable to calm down.

“Please, I-I don’t know how to help! Just-Just tell me! I promise I will! I’ll do anything, please don’t cry.” It broke the poor man’s heart (and made Bill2 roll his eyes) how much the girl was crying. He hated when people he liked cried or were upset, he never could bear hearing his niblings cry but he could always help them at the end. What could he do to help her?!

Miz was forced to uncover her mouth so she could breathe. She took in a gasp of air and make a half strangled choking sound as another sob was cut off. She coughed for a bit, wheezing and trying to breathe. She grabbed Seb’s arm and used his sleeve to wipe her face as she gasped for air.

Seb cringed, disgusted but held in his shriek. If this helped her, then he will just be a good friend and let her wipe her tears and snot on him.

After a few minutes Miz’s sobs had quieted to just some hiccups. She cleaned her face off and groaned. “S-sorry…” She hiccups as she blinks at the mess on Seb’s sleeve.

“It-It’s alright, kid.” He smiled and with a small movement of his hand, the wet part was cleaned off. He slowly extended his hand, as if letting her know what he was doing, and gently lifted her chin for her to look at him. “Kid...What happened?” Seb asked. He had just realized something else about this version of his past self. He might be as crazy as her, and they were both demons, but he was an adult...He didn’t feel this Bill was one...

Miz whined quietly. She took a few deep breaths to try and stop her breath from shaking. “I-I...this one time...a-a long time ago...I got...summoned…” She had to stop and breathe for a bit. “Th-there was a b-bin-binding circle an-and…” she pulled her legs to her chest and sat on the ground, rocking slightly. “And I was trapped there. A-and...the g-guy said he wanted my body...and...and…” she wiped a few tears that tried to form “An...and I tried to break the circle…”

She hiccups and whined a little “And it... _hurt_...so much. I-I had to-go-to keep pulling those runes out of myself and they BURNED and it just hurt so damn much…” she had to stop and breathe for a few seconds to collect herself. “I...HATE binding circles. I hate them so much!”

Seb, even Bill2, stared at her, not knowing what to tell the girl. What she went through was incredibly terrible, Seb had no idea what it felt like to go through something like that...But he knew what it was like to be in pain and being helpless to do anything about it, to not know when it would stop. He didn’t know, but he understood.

“Do-Do you want a hug?” He smiled sheepishly, telling her what the girl told him earlier.

Miz lets out a hysterical laugh/sob hybrid. “I guess?” She laughed even as her voice broke. “Sure…” she presses herself close to Seb’s front and wraps her arms around him tightly. She took many deep breaths as she tried to calm down. “It's been nearly 240 billion years. Why can't I just get over this?”

“It’s ok, Miz.” Seb whispered, hugging her like he hugged his niece or nephew when they were upset about something. The form she chose was so small it even made him think he was hugging one of them. “It’s alright. No one will hurt you...You are safe, see? We are far away from that memory.”

Miz nodded into Seb’s chest. She breathed and slowly her shivering calmed and her breathing evened out. Finally she pulls away, looking a little embarrassed. “S-sorry…”

“Nah, it’s fine” Seb smirked charmingly. “I cry a lot too, Bill thing, huh?” He teased but gasped when Miz hit him with her elbow on the ribs.

“I don't cry THAT much…” She muttered, her cheeks blushing red.

“Uh huh…” Seb grinned and poked her cheek annoyingly. “Cry baby.”

Miz growled and batted at his hand. “M’ not a crybaby!” She says petulantly. Her pout was unintentionally adorable.

Seb laughed good heartedly and patted her hair. “Alright, missy. Now that we are all happy again! Let’s go find my door, alright!? No accidents this time!”

“I'm not a child!” Miz cries in embarrassment as she pushes him lightly, of course, she misjudged how hard her shoves were and Seb ended up stumbling and falls onto another door.

They both had wide eyes as they saw the door open.

“”Fuuuu-”” they both managed to say before being sucked in.

\----

The grass was wet.

Well, sort of. Wet enough to make his boxers a bit damp the longer he sat there cross legged in the backyard of the Shack, just outside the barrier by a few feet.

Bill had his eyes closed, and was finding it a bit hard to concentrate, what with the pounding in his skull, his aching mind, and the raspy soreness of his throat.

So he straightened up into a loose sitting posture, put his hands on his knees, and took care of that first.

It took three times running through some of the easier mental mandalas, murmuring a word or two here and there to set the spells that were almost half-meditations, to get to a point where none of that was a problem anymore -- about half a minute. He opened his eyes and half-snarled at himself -- he _still_ needed to work on his speed. If he needed healing in the future...

\--Well, better not to need it in the first place, HAHA! ...But was there a way he could pull that off?

Bill mulled over the problem for a bit. Then Bill smoothed down the t-shirt he was still wearing and resituated himself a bit in-place, a wide and wicked grin spreading across his face.

First, he tossed a perception filter over his back at the Shack, to wrap ‘partway’ over the top of the barrier (the ‘part’ that was open to the air and above ground) without actually touching the barrier -- no point in letting the surprise out too early!

Second, he moved his hands into a triangular shape and magicked his stupid human-ish body female, then stretched luxuriously in-place. -- _Much_ better!

Bill’s grin widened as he thought about the look that idiot Stanford was going to get on his face when he realized… WELL! --And then Bill promptly collapsed backwards to lay flat on the grass staring up at the sky. Might as well let Stanley handle things with Stanford for a change. Why go back inside right away if he didn’t have to? Given how wound up that idiot had been on waking up, Stanley would probably need at least thirty minutes with him to--

“”-uuuuuuck!!””

Bill blinked, then slowly levered himself up on his elbows, looking around.

A sound coming from far away and getting louder and closer. Two people appeared and slammed into the ground, bouncing a few times as they couldn't affect the physical world while within the Mindscape. A little girl moans from her position face down on the grass. “Uuugh...god dammit!!”

Bill stared.

“You see...This happens when we don’t communicate and use violence for everything!” The blond brunet man next to her glared at her half heartedly. He looked up and smiled. “Miz! It’s the Shack!”

Bill frowned.

Miz pulls herself up from the ground. “Oh cool. It is.”

“I guess it was my door after all!” Seb smiled.

 _‘Oh, hell no,_ ’ thought Bill, eyes narrowing as he slowly levered himself up further, then got his feet under him and pushed himself upright. ‘ _My dimension. My Shack. MINE_.’ He wasn’t putting up with people laying claim to his stuff! (Even if it was technically Stanley’s stuff and Bill didn’t want it anyway.)

Miz glances around and twitches. “Ah...you might be celebrating too soon…” she backs up when she sees someone who could only be the Bill Cipher of this dimension staring at them. She looked up at this angry looking person and could only say one thing.

 

“Sweet! I'm not the only girl!”

Seb frowned and looked down at her. “Seriously?”

Welp, that called for only one response, as far as Bill was concerned: he put his hands on his hips and declared, “Kid, I’m not a girl, I’m a guy!” Who the heck mixed up ‘girl’ with ‘female’, anyway?!

Miz brings her hands up to her mouth. “Oh! I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Um...hello sir!”

Bill grinned at the kid. Well, _that_ was better! “HAHA! Hello sir, yourself!”

Seb resisted the urge to face palm at these kids and examined the g-no, his bad, boy, in front of him. “So, you’re the Bill from this dimension, right?”

Bill felt an odd shock run through him, and he rocked back on his feet. “ _This_ dimension’s Bill?” Oh, oh, was this REALLY a THING? The shock was quickly morphing to a heady mix of excitement, and...

Seb looked down at Miz and then back at Bill. “Um, sure...We are dimension travellers!” He grinned.

Bill eyed him, then gave him a grin. Was this another Bill?  He could understand the impulse to take over the Shack, then!

“WELL, WELL, WELL.” Bill had always suspected there were other Bill Ciphers, for _reasons_ , but--

Miz looked guilty. “Ax is gonna ground me for at least a million years for this….” She moaned. Maybe if she was lucky, and made super sad pouty faces, he would lessen his punishment?

“Why would he, no, you know what? I don’t wanna know.” Seb shook his head. He had enough problems as it was. He needed to go back!

“Oh, you’ve got a problem with the stupid lizard?” Bill asked. Hmm, maybe… “You wanna help me kill him?” he asked with bright eyes, as he not quite bounced on his feet.

“You see?!” Seb shouted at Miz. “No one likes him!” Seb turned to look at Bill. “Yes, I wanna.”

Miz whines. “Dad isn't THAT bad!”

Bill was pleased at the first response, but floored by the second. He went expressionless. “WHAT.” ...Because yes, the stupid lizard had spun up his dimension, set everything in motion, but _THAT WAS WHY IT DESERVED TO DIE._

\--And if there really were other Bill Ciphers, WELL THEN, that only meant it deserved **WORSE THAN THAT** , as far as Bill was concerned.

Because what was a Bill Cipher, without a dead brother in their past who had been _MURDERED HORRIBLY_ , driving them on?

Miz quickly covered her mouth. She looks around in panic. “Um...you heard nothing!”

“You said the Axolotl is your Dad?!” Seb and Bill2 cried at the same time. “I think I need to lay down for a bit…” He got a bit dizzy at the news. Holy Moses...

Miz blushed and buried her face in her hands. “Well…” she starts quietly.

“Technically,” Bill said dryly, watching the girl, “It’s _everything’s_ ‘dad’, since it spins up every dimension that’s ever existed, BUT I’M THINKING that that's NOT what she meant,” Bill said, setting his shoulders and giving her not quite a glare. Because she had to be lying, right? The lizard never DID anything. That was the whole PROBLEM with the stupid thing!

“That sounds disgusting,” Seb shuddered. He didn’t know that. Or maybe he knew but couldn’t remember! Yay for a limited human brain!

Miz nodded “Well, kinda…” she winced. “Ax took me in after my dimension was destroyed and...um...I sorta called him dad once by accident and...well…” she blushed harder “...he didn't seem to mind…”

Bill stared. Then glared. He clenched his fists and started to shake in place.

Seb smiled warmly. “Alright, if he treats you nice, then I don’t care” He remembered when he was a teen he also had someone who kind of took him in. He called him Dad once too…

He shook his head to get rid of the bittersweet memories and turned to look at Bill. “Ok, so, hi. I’m Sebastian. We kind of want to go back to my dimension. Have been trying for quite a few doors… can you let us in your Mindscape to find the door?” He grinned.

Bill was still glaring at the girl. His right eye began to twitch.

“The Axolotl. Took you in. After your dimension was destroyed.” Bill said in a flat monotone voice, all but ignoring the one (Bill?) calling himself Sebastian.

Miz hesitated but then nodded slowly, confused why this Bill seemed so upset.

“It _did something_. For YOU.”

“Kid, calm down.” Seb said frowning. “We get it, the Axolotl has nice counterparts as well. Can you answer the question??”

Bill didn’t even bother to look at Seb. What he said barely even registered, less informative than white noise -- there was only one Axolotl, not several.

Miz frowns. “Um...yeah I know Ax is pretty lazy most of the time, ok, fine, ALL of the time but...um...he does do stuff every now and then?” She makes a whining sound. “I mean...I DID just accidentally create the Big Bang…”

Bill stared at her.

And then he started to laugh.

And laugh.

And LAUGH.

Miz twitched. “Are you okay dude?” she knows that laugh. She had made the exact same one back when she was sitting in the burning remains of the 2nd Dimension.

“You--” Bill practically attacked the sides of his head with his hands, almost pulling at his hair.

Seb stared and slowly pulled Miz closer to him. This seemed to be a Bill without _quite a few_ screws.

“You MADE a dimension after yours was destroyed?” His voice got higher pitched. “And THAT made it TALK TO YOU?” He looked half deranged. “THAT made it _HELP?!?!”_

Miz tugged on her dress nervously. “Kinda? I think I ended up sucking in all the mass of the 2nd Dimension and when I couldn't hold it anymore...I exploded and it...sort of created the 3rd dimension…”

“That’s fucking awesome.” Seb looked down at the girl next to him.

“That’s fucking IMPOSSIBLE,” Bill practically spat out, then got a deer-in-the-headlights look and dropped his head to stare down at the ground, going very still.

Miz flinched at this Bill’s behavior. ‘ _He's more unhinged than I am…’_ She saw him go still. “Are you okay?”

Bill looked up at her. “Who are you? What is your name.” He had no real expression on his face.

“Um...Bill Cipher?” Miz says hesitantly.

That hadn’t been what he’d expected to hear… And it actually made it worse. Bill wasn’t certain if this ‘him’ had destroyed her own dimension or not, and... Bill looked off to the side, hands hanging at his sides. “Did the Axolotl ever give you a prophecy.” he said, not quite a question.

Miz frowned. “N-not that I know of? I DID work out some agreements for the future but we haven't really gotten the whole poem together yet?”

Bill felt his stupid human-ish body give a shiver that was almost a shudder. “You get to write your own prophecy.” he said flatly, almost to himself. He turned his head to look back at her again, dead-on. “How nice for you.”

Miz wilted in on herself. “I'm… sorry…” she whimpers.

Bill gave a smile. Not a grin. Not something that showed any teeth at all.

“Don’t be.” Bill said to her, eyes bright and hard and thoroughly, completely insane. “I’m going to win.”

Miz twitched. “Excuse me?” What was he talking about? Just ‘cause she was insane didn't mean she understood other insane people.

“Alright, enough of this cryptic crap!” Seb spat, startling Miz because she’d forgotten he was there. Bill looked over at him. “Kid, will you help or not?!” He growled, his hands lighting up in flames.

"Help with what?” Bill said. “That Shack’s not yours, and if you try to take it from my Stanley…” Bill grinned all over again, but this time? He looked amused. “WELL, I’d say I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY, _buuuuut_ …” And Bill didn’t quite snicker.

“We don’t want your Shack or your Stanley! And geesh, possessive much?” Seb rolled his eye.

Bill eyed him. “If YOU don’t understand what a Stanley is worth, that’s YOUR problem, not mine!” he all but drawled out, spreading his hands and rocking back on his heels again.

Seb growled at him. “Of course I know what he is worth, sucker! He’s my triplet and-” Seb grinned at the teen, who was blinking at him like he’d been sideswiped by a wooden 2x4 to the head. “I am closer with him than what you would ever be to this Stanley.”

Miz quietly interjects, “Are we seriously arguing over who has the better Stan Waifu right now?”

“ _Yeesh_ , I’m as close as I want to be as it is!” Bill said, looking at Seb oddly. -- _Too_ close as it was, in fact, as far as Bill was concerned...Good to know that this ‘him’ wasn’t a complete idiot, though, _or_ that he had to worry about Sebastian trying to steal his Stanley away, since he already had one he considered his personal-own.

Miz shook her head. “We just need to find the Exit door inside your mind so we can get out of here and go home.” she pouts. “And I for one, definitely know what Stan is worth. He's a good man. Though...the one in my dimension hasn't actually been born yet. I'm kinda jealous you guys already have yours.”

Bill didn’t bother giving the latter half of that a reply. The kid got plucked out of her decaying broken-down dimension for practically _existing?_ The stupid lizard was clearly playing favorites and breaking the Rules! --So she hadn’t gotten ‘her Stanley’ yet? Oh, _boo hoo!_ Cry him a river! (...Tact wasn’t exactly Bill’s strong suit, but in being reminded of Stanley… he was reminded again of the agreement they had. And in the interests of not starting a fight _first_ , of trying to follow the agreement, he kept those thoughts of his inside of his own head.)

“I’m not letting a couple of _anythings_ inside my mind, let alone you two,” Bill told them. Because two ‘him’s doing that? Seriously? “I’m not STUPID. That’s a HORRIBLE idea -- and not the _fun_ kind of horrible, either!” And it was patently obvious to him why not. He was a being of pure energy anchored to his body right now, and he barely had the shreds of his personal ‘Dreamscape’ back in some barely-held-together form right now, on top of that. (Not that they needed to know that last bit.) Mixing their energies like that, when he was like this…!

Seb screamed, losing his patience, and turned to look at the pouting girl. “There must be another way to return then! This kid will obviously not cooperate!” Bill raised his eyebrows at the last; because as far as he was concerned, he hadn’t said ‘no, forever’, just ‘no’ to _that_. One singular bad idea.

Miz rubs her arm nervously. “I don't actually know ok? This is my first time travelling across the Planes.” She actually giggles. “Planes! Get it? Because we're triangles?” Bill blinked at her. She slaps herself across the face. “Nope. Stop. Serious time!”

Seb wanted to glare, wanted to stay angry with her, but he ended up snorting and grinning. He sucked at staying serious for too long. “Ok, I’ll give that to you, that was fun.” He agreed. “But we seriously need to go back! Mabel and Dipper won’t wait forever!”

Bill frowned. ‘Wait forever’? Wait for _what?_ Did this ‘him’ have something with some kind of time limit going on with his own Shooting Star and Pine Tree?

Miz whimpered. “I don't know any other way… Ax told me to never do this. So I don't know anything about it…”

Bill let out a huff. “What, you can’t just ask your ‘dear old dad’ to help you out of this one, too?” he said more than a little snidely to her.

Seb inhaled loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright…That was rude.” Seb frowned, but he didn’t really care right now.

Miz glares at Bill. “Ax… doesn't… he can't…” her glare weakens and she frowns sadly at the ground. “He doesn't really do much besides just… be there for me to talk to…”

“Yeah?” Bill let out a laugh. “Does it ever answer back?” --Rhetorical question. If it had helped this ‘him’ out the way she said it had, then of course it had answered back. He was just more than a little pissed off about it, still. Because the lengths that _he’d_ had to go to, in order to get it to even talk to him at all, for him to realize that it would never do ANYTHING to help him (...not until he _died…?_ )... --Not that he needed the handicap, but--

Seb looked at Bill exasperated. They seriously were fighting over the Axolotl?! “How about a deal?!” He really needed to go back. He had never been out of his body for too long. Something could happen to his meat-sack!

That _immediately_ caught Bill’s attention. His head swiveled straight towards him like a compass pointing due north. “It’s that urgent?”

Miz winced. “I’ve got to get home to my friends, Pyronica can't raise her babies by herself… not to mention how those idiots are gonna support themselves without me. Hectorgon’s the only one with a job… and Teeth.”

Bill2 laughed behind Seb. “Py-Pyronica… The one from the Infinetentiary?” Seb asked his demon self and he nodded eagerly.

“Who knew that girl would get pregnant! I always imagined her eating her kids.” Bill2 shrugged.

“...So, _urgent_ , then,” Bill said with an only half-amused huff of breath. He glanced away, rubbing the side of his right hand against his temple as he answered his question to each of them for the both them.

Miz nodded, a resigned look on her face.

Seb nodded firmly. It was just a deal. The three of them knew how to make them.

“If Deals are what it'd take to get home…” Miz grumbled.

“No,” Bill said flatly. “I have a mutual nonaggression agreement going on with Stanley right now. No new Deals while it’s on.” Wasn’t exactly a stipulation of that, but with the way things had been going with the agreement so far… a Deal with other ‘him’s who _could_ make one with him would add an entire additional set of string-interactions on top of everything -- ones that could jerk him around and make things messy in ways that could easily end with him breaking the agreement, whether Bill actually wanted to or not. Right now at least, Bill _didn’t_ want to deal (HA!) with the complications of that himself.

Seb sighed tiredly. “Then we can negotiate. It’s technically not a deal.”

Bill nodded. That was fine. It wasn’t as though he didn’t trust himself to make a fair Deal -- he wouldn’t have been able to ‘split’ off multiple ‘copies’ of himself for very short periods of time, in the Mindscape way back when, and during Weirdmaggedon most recently, if he didn’t! -- and these two ‘him’s, while very different in some ways, didn’t actually seem that far off from himself. The one valued Stanley, had something going on with the younger Pines twins that he didn’t want to break, and was completely on board for helping to kill the Axolotl.

The other… had wanted the Axolotl to talk to them, too. That she’d actually _gotten_ it easily -- without doing what _he’d_ had to do for only a bare minute of it's not-just-silent ‘regard’ -- didn’t really have any bearing there, other than to toss another black ‘X’ mark in the Axolotl’s column. That this other ‘him’ seemed to _like_ the stupid lizard was… well. She was still young. _Obviously_ . She likely hadn’t realized yet what all its inacting-actions actually _meant_ . (She didn’t even seem to know about the Rules, or the Game?!) --She’d learn! And she _would_ get there, if she actually cared about her Henchmaniacs as much as she seemed to, if they really _were_ her friends, it was only a matter of dead time walking…

And it wasn’t like she’d objected to his stance of wanting to kill the stupid thing. That said a lot, too, all of it in her favor. Not to mention that she actually gave him _respect_ . -- _Without_ the fear, because what did any ‘him’ that was also him have to fear from himself? And that was good, too. --He could work with these two.

“Then… can I talk to your Stanley to see if he would agree to helping us?”

“Miz, no.” Seb shook his head.

Bill pulled a face. She really _hadn’t_ met her Stanley or Stanford yet, had she? HA! --He’d better clue her in!

“Not a good idea,” Bill told her. “Stanford will get involved, and he’d blow a fuse at there being more than one of us around.” And as absolutely _HILARIOUS_ as that might be at ANY OTHER TIME, if that happened _right now...?_ After what had happened last night? Bill shook his head. “And if it involves you bailing out of this dimension…” Ugh, he didn’t want to have to admit to this, but… “Stanley doesn’t trust me enough to think I won’t try to jump dimensions at the chance. Not completely; not that far. Not if there’s a portal standing there open right in front of me,” he told them soberly. Because it really _was_ tempting.

Miz frowns in thought. “Well… they don't have to know that we’re ‘you’ from alternative dimensions. I look nothing like Bill Cipher, all I need to do is change my clothes. And Sebastian is LITERALLY Stan and Ford’s triplet. We can make up a story about how we're travellers from another world who need your help to get back…”

“Yes! Half truths!” Seb laughed and high fived Miz.

Bill shook his head again. “We don't get natural portals here. Stanford will shoot you, and if he doesn’t, he’ll think you’re part of my Henchmaniacs or something, as soon as he sees us not at each other’s throats.” Bill rolled his eyes. “He’s an _idiot_ , understand?” An idiot he was supposed to _not_ be attacking physically or mentally just then, as per Shooting Star and Pine Tree, respectively, in order to not damage their _fragile_ little mental states too badly as part of the agreement. _Circles_ , he hated these kinds of strings -- they tangled so easily!

“Ford’s paranoia ruins everything,” Seb pouted.

“ _YES_ ,” Bill agreed with a huff.

“So, what now? Isn’t there a way to bring that door, I don’t know, here?” The man gestured to the air around him.

Bill blinked. “You want me to turn my _mind_ inside out?” He thought about this for all of a second. “Been awhile. Probably not a good idea to try when I’m all here and physical like _THIS_ .” Bill didn’t elaborate on the anchor he had all down his back, just gestured down his front in general. He wasn’t about to give _that_ one away -- not if he could help it! In Bill’s experience, that sort of idiotic oversharing got you eaten. They might be ‘him’s, but _YEESH!_

Miz raised her hand as if they were in a classroom. “I can say with full honesty that I am the AXOLOTL’s daughter. I can also honestly say that I have dimensional powers. Can't I just… wait for later, create a ‘portal’ and have me and Seb fall out? Then tell Stan and Ford our sob story about requiring a Bill Cipher's help to get home?”

“Yeah, I like that,” Seb nodded. He didn’t care what they needed to do. He just wanted to go back home with his niblings.

“HA!” Bill said. “--Same problem. _Portals don’t come here naturally_ ,” he repeated. “Stanley will think I had something to do with it, and he won’t stay quiet about knowing that if Stanford gets too loud about it -- _WHICH HE WILL_ .” Bill looked between them. “Why do you even need to talk to them in the first place?” Did they actually _want_ to? --Really, he was confused on that point.

Miz shrugged. “It's just... I got the feeling your powers were being tied down by something… or rather, someONE here. And based on what you've said so far, I'm guessing it’s Stan.”

Bill narrowed his eyes at her. (And not just because that answered for him whether her All-Seeing Eye was working -- it was.)

And then he smiled a very thin, very ‘challenge accepted’ smile.

He made a gesture with his hand directly upwards and snarled a word under his breath as he visualized the mandala he’d used in the forest the afternoon prior, all while making eye contact with her.

A rather large explosion went off mid air, about fifty feet above their heads, just below the tops of the trees.

Miz and Seb flinched at the sudden noise.

Bill didn’t flinch. He just watched the ‘him” who hadn’t _quite_ challenged him outright.

“I,” said Bill, “am PERFECTLY CAPABLE of handling things WITHOUT Stanley Pines… ‘letting up’ on me,” he informed the two of them. And, frankly, he wasn’t too surprised by her ignorance. He’d seen that in a lot of demons over hundreds of billions of years, and this ‘him’ had obviously been influenced by their thinking (or rather _lack thereof_ ) a BIT too much, in Bill’s vaunted opinion!

Miz pouted. “Ok. I get it. You're still a badass demon with almighty powers.” she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Demons and their pride.

“ _Triangle_ demon, and yes,” Bill said, confirming the facts. “Maybe think about that, the next time you think another ‘you’ is, what, haha, _harmless?_ ” he grinned at her.

“Yes sir mister triangle demon sir.” Miz salutes. To be fair to him, if anyone came up to **her** and tried to tell her that she was weak, she’d probably turn their nipples into snakes. Of course then she would have to deal with Ax’s disappointed look for a few weeks.

“Got a reputation to maintain,” Bill told her, dropping his hand to cross his arms and look down his nose at her. “Last thing I need is some other ‘me’ getting themselves eaten or killed for assuming something stupid, and every last demon and their crew thinking _I’m_ the pushover.” He paused and frowned. “ _A_ pushover?” He wasn’t entirely sure how many demons knew that there was more than one Bill Cipher out there. He was pretty sure that his Pyronica knew, she’d hinted at a couple things without _actually_ hinting at things a couple of times before… which was really the best you could get out of a demon without them just vanishing on you, to never see them again. (He had some theories about that, too...)

Bill glanced over at Seb. “You’re being pretty quiet over there. Makes me think you’re up to something.” Bill grinned. “I sure would be!”

“I am tired,” Seb told Bill with an angry expression. “We are wasting too much time and, seriously, Pinetree, Shooting Star, gotta _leave._ ”

Bill let out an incredulous laugh. First-time interdimensional traveler, sure, but did this other him _REALLY_ NOT UNDERSTAND how it all worked? “--Look, you know time is DEAD, right? Nothing’s synchronized between dimensions unless you MAKE it that way. It’s space-time. SPACE PLUS TIME.” He twisted in place a little more towards Sebastian, and gave him a slight tilt of the head. “As long as you don’t go getting any information on what was ‘SUPPOSED’ to have happened while you were gone, HA, it doesn’t even MATTER when you come out! You can just jump to whenever and wherever you want with a local, fine-tuned ‘portal’--” with not even much of a ‘wherever’, really, if it was only a time jump and the guy set it up relative-local to the matter around him _properly_ , “WITHOUT causing any time loops that you’d have to close and stabilize later.”

Miz once again raised her hand. “Can confirm, I can pop into a dimension at whatever point in time I want...so long as another Me isn't already there. Mainly just ‘cause it causes too many headaches for me and not because I can't.”

The human, the only actual human between the three of them actually, blinked and looked up at Bill2, who was quietly sitting on his shoulder.

“Did you know this too?”

Bill2. “Maybe, who knows?! Not you of course, because you are an idiot who doesn’t remember anything!” He grinned and the blond scowled. Neither of the other Bill's could see Bill2 since he wasn't 'real' and could only manifest within Seb's Mindscape.

“Really, you’ve got more to worry about with aging, for how long it’d take you to do it --” not that it should take all that long “-- but if you do it _PROPERLY_...” Bill waved it off casually.

Bill was standing out in the middle of the yard, having placed himself between the two other Bills and the nearest porch to the Shack, and Sebastian sighed.

“So! Even when time won’t pass, we both still need to go back. We have entered the other Bill’s minds just fine without them exploding.” Seb shrugged and Miz nodded.

“Eh, still sounds like a bad idea,” Bill said, not really wanting to get into the details. “If you’re mainly energy trying to go inside my Mindscape, it won’t end well.” It was part of the reason why he’d been sleeping under the barrier -- spending most of his time inside it, in fact. One of the first things he’d done after Stanley had brought up the idea of a ‘passive’ magic -- and he’d figure out a good way to do it -- was to set up a couple of stones with sigils on them, kept on his body at all times, that activated outside the barrier, powered by the weirdness of the ‘Falls. One was to help against possession; the other let him see and hear ghosts and some other miscellaneous types that might be _capable_ of possessing him. (He hadn’t figured out everything stupid that was going on with his human-ish body and the anchor yet, but he’d figured out that it was something he ought to be careful about, anyway, until he did.)

“I’m not those other Bills,” Bill told them flat-out. “And my Mindscape’s a mess right now, anyway. You’d go in, and never come out, HAHA!” Probably because either he or they would combine with -- or literally pull in -- the energy of the other, but vague was the watchword, here. Last thing he needed was either of these two thinking they could get a power boost from feeding off of him, or to accidentally pull _them_ in himself. He wasn’t looking to integrate two largely unknowns with next to no idea of what he might or might not be getting; he liked his energy purified, thanks!

Seb winced at the teen’s words. “Geesh I get it. You don’t want us in, I don’t blame you.” It wasn’t nice knowing people were in your mind. Sebastian knew first hand. “Then HOW can we get back?”

Bill shrugged. “What’s this door thing you’re looking for, anyway?” He needed more information if he was going to be able to help his other ‘him’s brainstorm something, or come up with something workable himself.

Miz perked up. “Well there's this EXIT door that appears inside the Mindscape of the other Bills I've met. I've got one too, can't use it right now though. So I've found that I can only use the door that is inside OTHER Bills.”

Bill blinked. “Yeesh. All right. --This a thing that’s always been there, or something new after you show up?” He’d seen a lot of doors in his day, back when he’d been able to use his own All-Seeing Eye whenever he wanted. Side effect of getting his eye put on so many one dollar bills.

Miz’s eyes began flickering. “Huh...I think they appear BECAUSE of me...when I opened MY door…”

Seb looked at the girl and hummed. “Really? You said the door had been always there.” He accused without malice.

“I thought they were...but...it's hard to explain, the Void of Doors has always been there but they're closed-see? But when I opened one, it created the door in whichever world I enter. Open on one side, create door on the other. My Mindscape always had that door though.”

“HMMMM…” Bill hummed to himself as he thought, tapping a finger against his chin. “And the door that you used to get here, why don't you just go back through it? Or trace things back from there?”

Miz pulls at her hair. “Because I can't get back inside my OWN Mindscape while I'm in another Bill’s dimension.” Fuck, fuck...if this is what Ax meant about meeting ‘bad' Bills...yeah, she could see the problem of getting trapped in a dimension with Bills that refuse to help her.

Bill’s eyebrows went up, surprised. “You’re locked out of your own Mindscape right now?” She could see Sebastian, though, and had been accessing other minds, so she had to have _some_ level of access, still. He got a light frown. “Can you sleep?” Loaded question, but he had to ask it. The Mindscape and personal ‘Dreamscape’ were connected.

Miz made a distressed sound. “I haven't slept in over 500 billion years. I can access my Mindscape by meditating but I don't have a Dreamscape.”

“You can’t sleep?!” Seb cried horrified. Sleeping was the best part of being human, and he was grateful for it. “How don’t you go insane?! ….MORE insane?!”

“Physicality requires sleep in a way that being a pure-mind doesn’t, if you reconfigure yourself-- your _energy_ self in ways that… well.” Bill let out a soft laugh. “STARTING OUT insane helps!” Had this ‘him’ _not_ been insane to start with? That didn’t make sense…

Miz winced. “I'm a being of pure energy and no matter how hard I try I can't sleep. And, excuse you I AM insane. I just function well despite it.” Start out insane? Good question, she remembers breaking down while the 2nd Dimension burned. She also remembers breaking when Will died. At what point had she truly lost her sanity?

“I am actually not a being of pure energy…” Seb mumbled, feeling left out and looking at Bill. “I’m human, I-I just have some powers from my past-life.”

“Wow,” said Bill, staring at him. “And I thought _I_ got the short end of the stick from the stupid lizard!” Then he seemed to shake himself and looked back over at the girl. “--Wait, you actually _want_ to sleep? Not just ‘deciding to not do it because it's a bad idea’ and you have things you need to do. Actually _want_ to.” It was almost a question. It came across like the concept was something he’d never really considered before.

Miz pulls at her dress. “I miss it. I miss being able to...stop thinking...at least for a little while…”

“Sleeping is the best!” Seb defended. “It is like unplugging yourself from the world, it is pure bliss and-” He stopped when he saw the glare Miz was sending him.

Bill wasn’t entirely sure if he should say something. He’d be putting himself out there a bit if he did; these other ‘him’s weren’t stupid. ‘--Eh, heck with it!’ he decided almost of a whim. He was intrigued by her problem, he was the Master of the Mind, and this was something that sounded _different_. He wouldn’t learn more about it if he didn’t offer something up in return!

“You know, kid,” Bill began. “There’s sleeping, and then there’s ‘sleeping’. --And then there’s _sleeping_ , HAHA!” He grinned at her. “And ‘stopping thinking’ isn’t any of those. --You really can’t do any of that?”

Miz frowned. “I...I learned most of what my powers are from Ax...and some experimenting on my own...”

“So?” Bill said, after she’d stopped talking for awhile. “What’s your point?”

“Well I haven't figured out how to go to sleep. The closest I've come is by possessing someone's body to sleep there or by getting blackout drunk.”

“Black out drunk?” Bill repeated. “In the Mindscape? On _what?_ ” He hadn’t thought that was possible. Reconfiguring his own energy states to resemble that, yes, fine, possible -- but feeding on an energy waveform or concept that would do that without destabilizing his _own_ standing wave?

“Oh, I create a construct body, possess it, and then get utterly smashed.” Miz says matter of factly.

“When I get drunk Bill2 gets control of my body.” Seb muttered and Bill2 grinned proudly.

“That was a good day!” Bill2 giggled madly and Seb angrily hit him in the eye. Neither of them knew Bill and Miz couldn’t see Bill2.

Bill looked between the two of them. “You, LATER.” Two Bills(?) in one body that didn’t combine sounded _nuts_ . Would explain why Sebastian had seemed to be talking to himself; Bill had just assumed he’d been **that** type of insane. Bill had tried that out once -- talking to himself, that is, _not_ splitting off and talking to _that_ self for… who knew how long. “YOU.” He pointed at the girl, starting with her first. “ _Actual body_. Not just an exoskeleton. Fully tied-in?”

Miz nods slowly. “It's one of the first things Ax taught me. How to create a physical avatar with which to interact with the real world. Took me a few thousand years to get it right, mind you.”

Bill2 turned red. “He taught you?! I could NEVER leave my dimension!!” He screamed.

“Calm down, it’s over.” Seb rolled his eye.

Bill had to take a few moments to close his eyes, clench his fists, and not start SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS.

\--No, wait, he was _totally_ doing that now, pacing back and forth in infinity symbols while cursing the stupid lizard out in Galactic Standard and flailing his arms about as he went. OOPS!

It took Bill a few minutes before he was breathless enough to stop, hands on his knees as he glared at the ground.

“HAHA, IT’S FINE!” Bill enthused out, through teeth that were more gritted than grinning. “GOT A STUPID BODY THAT WORKS THAT WAY _NOW!_ GONNA FINISH FIGURING IT ALL OUT, EVERYTHING’S FINE! IT’S ALL FINE! DON’T NEED THAT STUPID THING’S HELP! WOULD’VE GOTTEN IT EVENTUALLY!”

“That’s great! It’s nice that you accept your body!” Seb smiled teasingly.

Miz stepped a little closer to this dimension’s version of Bill. “Um...I'm sorry?” she says quietly.

Bill forced himself and his stupid human-ish body through breathing exercises that he knew would work.

“No.” Bill said, not looking up at her, sounding firm and almost -- _almost_ \-- not insane for a moment. “Don’t be sorry. I would have learned it from it too, if I could have. It’s not you. It’s the lizard. That _stupid lizard_.”

“Ugh, same.” Seb huffed.

Miz smiles. “Well...um...is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”

Bill slowly looked up at her. The grin he had going on was truly evil.

“LEARN HOW TO SLEEP,” he told her, with an angry glint in his eyes. “ _That’ll_ show it.”

“I want to...I just don't know what I'm doing wrong!”

“I’m the Master of the Mind,” Bill told her. “You tell me what you’re doing, and I’ll tell you what you’re doing wrong.”

Seb snorted, remembering the Bill from his dimension smugly telling his niblings exactly that.

Miz furrows her brows in thought. “I...lie down and close my eye and try to relax…”

“In a body you’re tied down to in a way the STUPID LIZARD told you to make it, WITHOUT a personal ‘Dreamscape’ to sleep within.” Bill looked twelve different kinds of pissed off.

Miz makes an “Oh.” As the epiphany hits her. “Wait. You mean...I need to make a Dreamscape first before I can…” she face palms. “I'm so STUPID!!”

“No, kid, you aren’t,” Seb reassured.

“Yes,” Bill told her. “No. Stupid, no. Ignorant and trusting the stupid lizard? YES.” He looked grim. He’d thought he’d had it bad -- not trusting it at all, not depending on it, being unable to -- but… if he was right about this, understood her correctly, then in talking with her and teaching her, the lizard had MESSED with her DELIBERATELY -- giving her _only so much,_ of all the WRONG things -- letting this other ‘him’ _think_ that what it had given her had been the whole of it, when what she’d been given had not been that at all, missing several key points of useful information.

“The way I stayed awake for so long while I was trapped was that I kept _shredding_ mine. --It grows back at different rates depending on the body you are or aren’t in, and the shape and wavelength of your energy form.” And the Axolotl had been the one who taught her how to make forms. So if she still didn’t have a working Mindscape even after 500 billion years...

Miz was already nodding along, her mind racing through all the knowledge within her. So that’s why...it all makes sense now. Even when her constructs black out, her mind didn't GO anywhere. Because it had nowhere to go! That's why her consciousness would just...scatter and reform after a while.

“Hey, kid!” Seb exclaimed in a sudden revelation. “Why don’t you try it?! You said time isn’t moving in my world so we can take longer, right?! Besides, there isn’t much we can actually do in the Mindscape...It is boring!”

Miz flicked her fingers and pulled on the molecules in the air. “I can build constructs. And then I can build my Dreamscape.” She frowned. Things felt a little...heavier here than in Seb’s world. She wiggled her fingers and narrowed her eyes. Huh. Looks like she needs to use her hands for this. “So...temporary physical bodies, yay or nay?”

“YAY!” Seb exclaimed with an adorkable smile. “You know, I have a feeling I _could_ make them if I made a deal. My powers are subjected to the deals I make,” he explained. “No deal, no power.”

Bill tucked away _that_ little tidbit of information about this ‘him’ for later. It was _interesting_.

Miz rubs her chin in thought. “Maybe I can use that in my world to get around that barrier between me and the 3rd dimension. Deals are different after all…” She would be thrilled if this was a loophole she could exploit. Sadly, the animals on Earth weren't exactly...intelligent enough to make Deals with.

“Sure,” Bill told her. The solution seemed obvious enough to HIM, if that sort of thing also ended up working for her. “Toss a halfway intelligent being there through a portal if you want to get there sooner, make a Deal with it, see what happens?” Bill suggested. If she was only 500 billion years old and she wanted in NOW… and _wasn’t_ restricted from going other places physically, and _could_ make portals, _and could even write her own prophecy to match_ , then, WELL! Bill was ALL FOR spitting in the stupid lizard’s eye and getting a ‘him’ wherever they wanted to go even faster! (At least when it didn’t involve crossing what Bill wanted himself.)

“Kid, chill,” Seb laughed at Bill’s comment. He turned to look at the girl. “Miz?” Seb snapped his fingers to bring her back. “You spaced out.”

Miz blinks. “I do that a lot.” She says cheerfully. “What were we doing again?”

“Bodies! Meat-sacks! Flesh!” Seb grinned excitedly with a mad look in his eye.

Bill stared at her. Had she… not heard him?

“Oh right.” she turns to Bill, “So I might try out your idea after I get home. For now though, I wanna test out that physical body with a Dreamscape idea.”

Bill nodded. He’d wondered for a frozen moment while she’d been nonresponsive if the stupid lizard had _DONE SOMETHING_ to her… or taught her to make her bodies in a way that would keep her from thinking certain things. -- **Not** a fun thought! (...had sent chills down his human-ish body’s spine, in fact.)

Miz bit her lip and frowns in concentration. “Um...any requests for this body I'm making for you Seb? Like...are you going to walk around looking like Ford’s younger twin?”

“Um…” Seb hummed in thought. That was a good point. He might look similar to the Stans, but weren’t they old here? That would throw people off right?

Miz looked at Sebastian impatiently. “I can't hold these atoms forever. Well, I COULD but my hands are gonna cramp. And what if I had to scratch an itch? Word of advice, scratching yourself while holding a miniature sun is kinda...not the best idea.”

"I don’t work well under pressure!” Seb cried angrily. “Just do something, I don’t care! But not a monster or deformed creature, dude.” Seb warned.

Miz pouted. “Ok then. Whatever it is~”

“--Space out where you get the material from,” Bill told her. “I DON’T want to have to even out any suspicious holes you leave around in the ground for you! _Or_ explain any collapsing trees!”

Miz nods at Bill and turns her attention back to the world around her. She _pulls_ on the mass around her. Reality and physics bending in her hands. She grunts lightly in effort as a speck slowly forms between her hands. It twists and begins to bubble and froth as she poured more mass into it. Bones began forming a skeleton, muscles and organs twisting along the white bones with a slick, slimy sound.

“Damn, that’s gross.” Seb commented with a smile.

**((((((((((((((((((((((((MizBill is a perv warning))))))))))))))))))))**

Miz twitched and looked around for more mass to use. She pulled the dust out of the air, the pollen from the grass, some moisture in the air. The half formed body grew arms, legs...naughty bits.

She blushed at the embarrassed look on Seb’s face. “Look, if you want to be a guy I'm gonna HAVE to build those parts too you know!”

Seb blushed, but nodded. “Ok.” He said in a tiny voice. Was it dumb he was embarrassed she would know how his temporary _body parts_ look like? He was an adult damn it! Stop blushing!

Miz wiggled and blushed harder as she began forming the skin, pulling the organ over the flesh to cover it in a tawny hue. She added nails and hair, the keratin growing out until this body had a lustrous flowing mane of silky black hair. She molded the facial features carefully, floating up to manually press her fingers against the body’s head and acting much like a potter with their clay.

“That’s a human play-doh,” Seb commented aloud.

Miz grinned. “Almost done… are you sure you don't have any preference besides ‘male'?”

“Taller.” Seb said quickly. His real meat sack was short as it was. If he could change it for a while, why not by being taller? “And… Dark brown eyes… But just a tiny bit darker than mine…” He mumbled. He had realized the body she was creating was Asian so… Having Matsuda’s eyes would be nice.

Miz gives him a knowing smile. “Alright~” she chirped cheerfully. She stretched the body larger and taller, in the process making another...certain part of it’s anatomy larger as well. She giggles and flushes dark red. “I-I mean...need to keep thi-things proportional ri-right?!” She squeaks.

Seb groaned and covered his face with a hand. “Just-Continue, continue. I ain’t looking, you little pervert.”

Miz couldn't keep the crooked smile off her face. Or the drool. She hastily wiped her mouth. “N-normally it doesn't affect me this much since the constructs are formed pretty quickly… but this is going pretty slowly and um…” she couldn't finish explaining herself.

“Yeah...Of course…” Seb nodded as if he understood. He didn’t. He wasn’t attracted to people’s bodies like _that_!

**((((((((((((((((((((((Ok we're safe now...maybe)))))))))))))))))**

Miz coughed in embarrassment and, to Seb’s relief, formed clothes (a button down white shirt with a bow tie and black pants) over the soulless construct. It stood there, face blank and slack, eyes dull. “Um… so… just… slip inside it or whatever.” Miz shrugs.

Seb made a face and examined the body. Ok, it was not a real person, he got it, but the only time he possessed someone really left him feeling like hell after it. “Alright…” He stared at the face and hummed. “Dude, it looks pretty nice!” He blushed a bit. It was a handsome vessel, he would give it to him. “Is it normal? Is it normal to get attracted to the vessels you create?”

Mis groans and covers her face. “Yeeeees! I keep making them _attractive_! And it's so weird when I'm wearing them…”

“Haha! Show off!” Seb grinned before grabbing Bill2 by one of his tiny legs and diving in the body. Seb took a mouthful of air and opened his eyes before immediately falling to the floor. “Wow!” He smiled.

Miz tilted her head to look at the man on the ground. “Well? How do you feel? Joints pointing the right way? Lungs functional?”

Seb took a deep breathe and laughed. “Yeah, lungs functioning! And…” He slowly stood up with trembling legs, (Wow he was so far away from the ground!) “-Joints in place.”

(Drawing by BlueFrosty27)

Miz leans in with a shit eating grin “All parts _functional_ ~?”

“What do you mean-” Seb asked innocently, but then frowned when he understood. “-Miz!!” He whined.

_‘You are an idiot’ Bill2 said, back again as part of his mind._

She tumbles through the air laughing hysterically. Her little legs kicking as she clutched her stomach. “AHAHAHAH!”

“It is not fuNNy!” He whined. “Ew you are gross! ” He had to cover his lower zone because he feared Miz was seeing him.

“I LITERALLY know that body inside out.” Miz says deadpan.

“S-Still! It is mine now!” He argued with the girl. “Just make your body and shut up.” Seb pouted and crossed his arms.

Miz rolls her eyes. “Fine~” she starts the process again. Making a form that looked like hers. Seb looked away. Miz clothed the body in a blue dress with matching stockings. “Ok. We're good here.” She says after slipping inside.

(I keep switching between drawing with the tablet or by hand...)

Seb looked back at her and smiled slightly, but then he raised an eyebrow curiously. “So...Are these clothes like, part of the body?” Seb lifted an arm to examine the shirt he was wearing and poked at it, also glancing at his hand. “Hey, you gave him six fingers again!” He accused but laughed.

Miz shrugged. “They aren't nerve connected. I only do that with my triangle form.” She muttered something about overly sensitive bowties. Then she changed her socks black to see if that looks nicer. She'll change them back later.

The man nodded satisfied with the answer. “Whatcha think, kid?” He smiled and looked at Bill who had been watching quietly the whole time.

Bill shrugged. “Would’ve taken notes if I could’ve!” he said cheerfully enough. His stupid human-ish eyes could only catch so much, and his magical senses (and almost-completely muted weird ones, or the human-ish equivalent) weren’t really attuned to the right wavelengths to have picked up everything (or much of _anything_ ) of what she’d been doing. ...Not that he would have trusted it entirely if he had, what with the technique being straight from the stupid lizard when it had been LEAVING KEY INFORMATION OUT OF THINGS.

Still. Bill did get _something_ out of watching it.

Miz shook her arms out. “Hm. Getting used to gravity again is always a bother.” Bill nodded along; he could relate.

“Having Bill in my mind is always a bother.” Seb scratched his head. “He’s saying something, but I’ll ignore him.”

“Why would you ignore your other-you?” Bill said to him, rocking back and forth on his heels, trying not to clench his stupid teeth. “Sounds like a stupid thing to do to me!” And he’d always rather hated being ignored himself.

“Because…” Seb hummed. “I am actually trying to be a decent human and him invading my thoughts with screams and blood and destruction all the time doesn’t help. I know it sounds stupid, don’t look at me like that, but I-I _grew up_ human, it is different…” He muttered.

Bill had been about to ask what either of those things had to do with each other, but stopped at the ‘growing up human’ thing. And _he_ grew a bit contemplative. Because _Stanley_ had told him that some things were different, but _Stanley_ was _Stanley_. Yet here was another ‘him’, telling him the exact same thing.

Miz couldn't really say anything for or against the idea of ignoring part of herself. She always thought it was better to accept herself, even the parts she didn't like. Not that it meant she would listen to all the bad decisions in her head. Not that it said much considering she already did a bunch of awful things...

“...You ask him why he’s doing it?” Bill asked Sebastian. --Probably to get his attention, HAHA, but WHY did he want his attention? That was the main thing.

“Why he does it? Bill2 is me.” Seb told Bill with a sigh. “I can control him a little but at the end of the day...What he thinks is...what I think, whether I like it or not.” Seb confessed.

“And what's wrong with that?” Miz asked Seb calmly as she was taking this time to try and see how a Dreamscape could be formed. She didn't want to sit in the grass and considering this other Bill’s territorial nature she didn't want to go near the Shack for fear of upsetting the guy. She twirled her hands, made a small wooden stool out of some fallen tree branches and sat down.

“I lost 3 years of my life to him. I let him control my body...I know it is nothing for you, I know, but for me it- it was horrible…” Seb shuddered. “I don’t know what he did! I-I woke up in prison!” He snarled.

_‘Get over it, will you?!’_

Miz tilts her head curiously. “Well, as much as that sucks…”

“...You two were CLEARLY doing it wrong,” Bill ended, crossing his arms and looking at Sebastian oddly. “Three years can be important,” Bill said, thinking of Stanford's nearly three years in the ‘Falls as he rocked back on his heels. “It depends on which three.”

That said… “You acting like Stanford or something?” It was the only thing Bill could think of that might explain it. Because why wouldn’t he get along with a ‘him’ that was also himself, that thought the same things? Self-hate was a Stanford thing. Bill had gotten over _that_ particular brand of stupidity a LONG time ago. Because he’d decided. Whatever he did was fine because he was always going to remain himself. And if he did that, he’d never stop or give up or change his mind. If he did that, he’d get what he wanted. If he did that, everyone would, eventually, once they saw it, like he did. If he did that, it _didn’t matter_ what he did, he’d just fix it later. (He was going to _FIX E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!_ Make it all FUN for _everyone,_  free them all, right at the start! Just like that stupid lizard WOULDN’T.)

“Oh don’t worry!” Seb dismissed the situation and sat down next to Miz, also feeling Bill’s territorial nature. “We are fine, kinda, we are in a truce. Ever since I arrived to Gravity Falls...I have been more...me!”

“...And the next time ‘he’ doesn’t share three years with ‘you’ because you won’t listen to yourself when there’s something you need to do?” Bill asked him, frowning and smiling at the same time.

“He can’t.” Seb shrugged simply. “Not unless I give him control. I only gave him control because I was in pain and by giving him my body I would be asleep, unconscious, in a way.”

“Unless you _give_ him control?” Bill echoed. “You say that _now_ , but you did it _before_.” ‘And _yes_ , Stanley,’ Bill thought sarcastically, ‘I _am_ remembering that for most things when tied down like this, _effect_ comes _after cause_.’ “Are you both you, or aren’t you?” He frowned at him/them.

“Both of us...form me. I’m me because I was influenced by my human life and… My past life.”

Bill thought for a moment. Had this ‘him’s reincarnation been… “How much weirdness is in your ‘Falls?” Had Stanley punched them, too? _A_ Stanley? The logistics of being himself and also living through life at different times that overlapped, with memories that would have to match as circumstances evolved… threatened to make Bill’s mind ache all over again. Had to be two different Stanleys. They weren’t that different if they’d both been trapped, which meant their prophecies had likely been the same, which meant Stanley was the keystone with the most leverage. Bill wouldn’t be surprised if this other ‘him’ had died the same way.

\--Maybe this ‘him’ hadn’t come back whole from that, but as two different pieces that had never truly be combined yet, post-return. Could they be more cohesive here because they were pulling in the ambient weirdness, able to share more? Closer to no longer being as-separated? How separate were they? ...Should he even ask? He had never done something as extreme as this split sounded to be, or had become. Showing that much ignorance to their situation might be dangerous here...

Miz closed her eyes to start focusing. Crafting a Dreamscape? What would that even entail? Was it like when she formed her Madness Bubbles? That wasn't something Ax taught her. She did that all on her own. A brief thought distracted her. ‘ _The AXOLOTL lied to her.’_ she shuddered violently. It… it couldn't be true right?

A part of her wanted to deny the other Bill’s words. But...what if he was right. Would Ax REALLY lie to her?

Seb laughed and ran a hand through his new black hair. “How much weirdness? Lot’s of weirdness! Gravity Falls is damn crazy, isn’t it Miz!? ...Miz?”

Miz wasn’t paying any attention to the world around her, too lost in her own worry. Dad wouldn't lie to her...he wouldn't right? But...it made so much sense. But **why** would he lie to her? Her lips trembled. She didn't want to believe it. She would need to talk to Ax about this the second she got home.

“I meant _free-floating_ weirdness energy, not what the _surrounding_ junk has all soaked up already,” Bill said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh.” Seb pouted. “No, I don’t know. I can’t feel it anyway.”

Miz groaned and held her head. This line of thought was making her chest ache. And every other part of her. ‘ _Just set this aside to think about later_ ,’ she shakes her head. Whatever the truth may end up being, she will deal with it later. She opens her eyes to see Sebastian pouting at the other Bill.

“What are you two talking about?” she asks.

“Gravity Falls and its weirdness.” Seb looked at the girl, his brown and yellow eyes widening a bit when he saw her.

“Well my Earth doesn't even HAVE a Gravity Falls yet. I do have dinosaurs.” She shrugs. “But if you mean Weirdness...um...there's a bunch of holes between the Nightmare Realm and the 3rd dimension where stuff is leaking out.”

“You have DINOSAURS?!” Seb exclaimed. “THAT’S AWESOME!!” He roared. “Have you possessed one?! If you haven’t, then I’ll be really disappointed!”

Miz giggles. “Of course I've possessed one. I've possessed multiple ones!”

Bill blinked at them, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t even like possessing gnomes, and these two were going gaga for lizards with brains _that_ small? ‘...I don’t get it,’ he thought, wondering if he was missing something. (If they really wanted to possess a useful and dangerous lizard, why not just grab one out of the intelligent Drac’fur species to make a Deal with, instead?)

“It's for the novelty of it.” Miz explains, catching a faint idea of Bill’s thoughts. “Something THAT dumb can't exactly fight back when I make them do what I want.” She frowns. That...didn't sound very nice once she says it out loud.

“...But you can’t _talk_ to it,” Bill said slowly, still not getting it. To _him_ at least, THAT was half the FUN!

Miz sighs. “Yeah, that is a downside.”

“Aaahhhh!!!!” Sebastian pulled his hair. “I wanna possess a dinosaur!! When we were kids, Ford always, always was giving us dino facts! He even got a book from the library,” Seb smiles fondly at the memory. “The only time I saw one, it tried to eat Waddles and I…”

Bill kept his mouth firmly shut. He could see it coming a mile away. He didn’t want to go on an ‘ _adventure_ ’ in the woods. If he told them about the dinosaurs in sap that were _here_...

As if reading Bill’s thoughts, the now black-haired man gasped. “Miz! I know where we can get dinos! There’s a cave I found with Pinetree and Shooting Star!”

Bill let his head fall backwards on his stupid human-ish neck and _groaned_ . --Because what was he going to do? Lie to his other ‘him’s and tell them they weren’t there, when they actually were? ...They’d better not try to drag him along once they inevitably decided to go! He’d seen enough of how things went with Stanford and Fiddleford t ok see how things should go, way back when. He categorically REFUSED to be a Stanford in that situation, and _he was no Fiddleford!_

Miz perked up in excitement. “Oh! I know about that one! Didn't old man Glasses get eaten by one?”

“He isn’t old where I come from, but yeah! He came out though because I saw him around town days later…” Seb smirked. Haha, poop.

“I always wondered how the fuck he managed that with just some spoons…” Miz mutters to herself.

Seb grinned at Miz and bit his lower lip. “Are ya thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Adventure~?” Miz grins so wide her face threatened to split.

“ADVENTURE!” Seb roared and extended his arms to her, inviting her to be picked up. Mabel liked to be on his shoulders, maybe Miz would like it too?

(...Yeesh, had Bill called it, or had he called it?)

Miz looked at the arms held out to her and hesitantly accepted their embrace.

The man laughed excitedly and quickly, easily picked her up and put her on his shoulders. Miz screamed a little in fear at the sudden movement.

“I think you are the one to blame.” Seb grinned at her. “You made me tall.” He commented and grabbed her ankles so she wouldn’t fall.

Miz had her eyes closed shut and was squeezing Seb’s neck tightly. She trembled a little. “D-don't you dare drop me!” She stammered.

“I’d never!” Seb pouted exaggeratedly. “I told you you are safe with me, didn’t I?”

Bill pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced back over his shoulder at the Shack. Then he turned back to the two of them.

“Not that I care about whether you two get yourselves KILLED or not,” Bill began, because that _really_ WASN’T his callout. “But I’d better take down the perception filter I tossed up before you two crash-landed into my dimension here, and go back inside before they miss me.” He smiled a little at the thought of the reaction he was going to get from Stanford once he sees that Bill is female now.

Miz pouts but nods. “Oh right. You do you sir. We’ll um...try to be discreet about our adventure.” Speaking of which, she flicked her fingers and gave Seb an eyepatch for his unnatural eye.

Seb grumbled but didn’t comment when the black eye patch pressed against the left side of his new face. Did she give him a yellow eye in this form too? Maybe she didn’t and it just appeared… He’d never get rid of it...

Bill tilted his head at her in acknowledgment. “We can talk again later.” He pulled a slight face, thinking of all the possible outcomes of Stanley trying to take care of Stanford, and Stanford being… _Stanford_ , then said firmly: “Tomorrow.” Then let out a huff of breath. “Unless you think of something and leave, or die horribly first. --I can meditate and look through my Mindscape for this ‘exit’ door of yours in the meantime,” he shrugged. “And see if I can’t think of anything else that might work instead.”

Bill _almost_ left it at that, but he only hesitated for a bare moment before adding, to the girl ‘him’, “If you try to work on your personal ‘Dreamscape’ while you’re here, make a barrier to stay within. You’ll be vulnerable otherwise! It takes practice to get used to defending your ‘Dreamscape’,” he leveled with her. “It’s a direct backdoor entrance to your mind _and_ the Mindscape -- not just for you, but for ANYONE who knows how to get in. Takes some getting used to; things work differently there than in the general Mindscape!” And the last thing he needed was to be left holding the bag handling a local ghost that had possessed a Bill Cipher-built body -- let alone one that allowed for weirdness power channeling. Bill just KNEW that Stanley would find out and get on his case about it, if that ever happened.

Miz gives him a respectful nod. “Alright. Thank you very much sir.” For a clearly insane Bill Cipher, he was...nice? Sort of?

Bill just shrugged again. It had been awhile since he’d been anybody’s muse, let alone gotten a proper amount of respect from someone who didn’t feel inclined to kill him. It was nice! And as far as he was concerned, a ‘thank you’ wasn’t necessary. He’d take actions and information over those two words any day, and these two ‘him’s actions were more than enough to satisfy him, even before getting into the information that they’d shared with him that day! In a word: to him, they were **_useful_ **.

“Thanks kid.” Seb smirked. He looked up at the girl on his shoulders. “You ready?”

Miz pats the side of Seb’s head. “Giddi’yup dude!”

Seb started walking while his charge and him starting chanting. “Dino Hunt! Dino Hunt!” as they walked into the forest.

“You know, I once punched a pterodactyl in the face.” Seb’s proud statement was the last thing that was heard before they disappeared.

Bill, for his part watched them go, thinking.

Then he shrugged it off and turned to face the Shack.

He took a step forward…

...then came to a stop, halting in place for a moment. He thought about what the girl ‘him’ had looked like, compared to how he looked now. And he remembered her in-the-moment reactions to the look of him -- her initial excitement to thinking he was a girl, and her immediate and opposite reaction to him telling her that he was not.

He smiled.

And he took a moment to run the fingers of his hand through his hair, lengthening it with a word and a thought, to make it about the same length as she had been wearing it.

Bill’s smile morphed into a grin as he made a gesture to collapse the perception filter into the barrier -- which safely and harmlessly deconstructed and redirected the energy of the magic spell for him through no real effort on his part -- and then walked forward across the grass, to step up onto the porch and back into the depths of the Shack.

(Read Josephina’s fic to see what Bill does after this, halfway through The Idiot Parade as directly-after, Consequences (not yet finished/posted) as later that evening, then over to the next morning.)

\----

Miz stumbles and leans against a tree while laughing hysterically. “That...was...AWESOME!”

Seb followed her close and fell to the floor laughing. Their clothes were a mess, torn by the creatures they had been fighting, but it had been awesome! Doing dangerous stuff was fun when he didn’t have to worry about his niblings dying. And he didn’t care what happened to _him_ , so being so close to getting his arm torn off was _fun_!

“You saw it?! It was like ROAR, RAAHH!! But we were like BURN! and woah!” Seb said while catching his breath.

“And then...and then…” Miz gasped for air in between her laughter “T-that look on it's face when I TOOK A BITE out of its leg!”

Seb laughed madly, clutching his stomach that was hurting from laughing so much. “The blood was disgusting, though.” he shuddered. He tried biting at one too but blergh, it was horrible!

“Pfth-it was delicious!” Miz wipes some of said blood off the side of her mouth. “Tastes nothing like chicken...which is weird since aren't chickens descended from them?”

They were walking back to the Mystery shack, lost in their happy and animated conversation. “You know what’s delicious, kid? Gnome’s blood.” Seb nodded when her eyes widened.

“No…” Miz gasps dramatically.

“Yes!” He replied just as dramatically. “It tastes like blueberry gum or something like that! It is really sweet for some reason!”

Miz hummed. “So it's like eating a southern hingerpluff?”

“NO idea what you just said...I didn’t eat him though. We were too busy fleeing away from their Gnome Monster. They wanted Mabel to become their queen or some shit. Stupid Jeff.”

“Ah, episode 1. Of course.” Miz says before quickly covering her mouth and hoping Seb didn't notice.

Seb did, but simply raised an eyebrow while smiling. “Um...Yeah? You could say so...It was the first adventure I had with Pinetree and Shooting Star.”

“Yeah. Sounds cool. Hey, have you done the Gobblewonker yet? Wax people? Quentin Trembly?”

“H-How do you even know? You said you had dinosaurs in your Earth… And don’t come to me with ‘I know lot’s of things shit’ cuz that’s MY line.” He winked.

“We-well I can see a kaleidoscope of branching future timelines. And there are these… fixed points that ALWAYS happen. But the details of the events themselves are subjected to change.”

“Like… Stan would be taking care of them, right?”

Miz nodded. “Yeah. Stan’s supposed to be there… but even when he’s not the twins will still have their adventures.”

“Oh…” Seb nodded. Yeah, that made sense, it would be like when he was Bill… Turning to his back, he stared at the darkening sky. Time worked in this dimension apparently. It was so weird. There were so many universes, so many demon Bills and twins and Stans… but only one _him…_ Growing up, many people have told him he shouldn’t have been born, that he was an _accident_ , that the Stans would be better without him: Stan would have more friends… Ford would ‘pass’... It wasn’t his fault the Axolotl brought him back like this… That he made(?) an alternate dimension so… different.

Miz sighed, waving a hand and grimaced at the torn up state of her clothes. She COULD fix it. Or she could go into the town center and make a story about a bear attack to get free food. And by food she meant ‘Sympathy'. That was a yummy emotion to feed on.

“Miz?” Seb asked softly. “Will you try to actually sleep tonight?” He had really exploited this body in their Dino Hunt. He was tired, but he wouldn’t leave his friend awake with her own thoughts. (That was scary, he knew it was.)

Miz nodded. “It's gonna take some work but I think I can do this. If there’s one thing I've got, it's an imagination. It’d probably help me in the whole, crafting my own Dreamscape thing.”

Seb ruffled her already disheveled black hair. “Alright. We should stay somewhere though. I may have told Mabel the threat of wolves was fake, but there _really_ are wolves in these forests.”

Miz makes a face at the forest. “Yeah, sleeping on the ground is NOT gonna happen.” She shivers. “Ugh, bugs…”

Seb chuckled. “There’s a small hotel in town, well, in my universe there is, we can go check up if it is working?”

Miz nodded. Any place would be better than out in the wilderness. She considered for a bit about contacting Bill but figured he was busy with his Pines family. “We can go meet up with Bill tomorrow. Maybe once I have a Dreamscape and he’s done some thinking, we can make a solution together.”

Seb yawned and nodded. “Alright then, follow me.” As he walked with Miz by his side, he couldn’t help but think of how they needed money for the hotel room to pay and eat and other boring human stuff… Miz could just create them but...He grinned. What was the fun in that?

“Ok, listen kid, this is what we will do. I’ve been the master of lies since I was old enough to talk so we are so gonna fuck up these people!”

“Yay! Deception checks all around!” She cheered.

With that, the temporary black haired man started explaining to her the plan and Miz nodded slowly, taking in everything.

“If we're getting a hotel, can we get one with room service?” she asks. “Or the ones with the little mini-fridge with drinks in it?”

“Sure! That sounds nice!” He had never gone to a nice hotel, the only places he had been had had dirty rooms and dirty beds with dirty floors.

Miz stares straight ahead and flickers rapidly through every triangle in town. “Found a place! The Gravity Falls Birchmount Hotel. Kinda separate from town, quiet, nice view of the forest…near the edges of it so it would make it easier to pretend we were attacked.”

Seb lifted his eyepatch and focused, using the same triangles around town to see what Miz was seeing, but much slower. He grinned when he saw it though. “Uhh! And sauna!”

“Never really been to a sauna. Never saw the appeal of dehydrating myself by excreting my fluids through my pores.” Not that she had any as a triangle.

“When you put it that way it sounds nasty as shit. Thanks, you ruined it.” Seb grinned and gently nudged her as they resumed their walk. He pulled down the eyepatch to cover his eye once again.

Miz skipped merrily through the woods (she wasn't the oldest one here anymore so she can be as childish as she wants!) “ _Near a tree by a river there's a hole in the ground~where an old man of aran goes around and around~_ ” she twirled as she went, “ _And his mind is a beacon in the veil of the night~for a strange kind of fashion there's a wrong and a right~”_

Seb enjoyed her singing as they walked. It was a nice song...Nothing like Vera Lynn of course, duh, but it was nice! He looked up and in front of them, he saw the hotel a few meters away from them. It was made of wood and the windows that faced outside were turned on.

“Guess this is it...Ready?” He grinned and Miz slowly leaned against to him to act as if she couldn’t walk properly. “Nope! Let's do it!” She grinned before quickly composing herself to look distressed instead.

The man snorted but easily mastered a worried expression. He pushed the door opened and the woman behind the counter smiled at them.

“Welcome, strangers!” She said.

“He-Hello…” Seb fake coughed. “Do-Do you have a room? My-My daughter and-and I need to lay down and sleep somewhere other than the streets for one night...”

Miz made a sound like a wounded kitten. “ _BaBa_...my arms hurt…” she rubbed at a large abrasion along her arm. Not deep enough to bleed but the skin was reddish. She even limped slightly as she walked.

“Oh my!” The frightened woman exclaimed. “What happened?!”

“Oh...well, you-you see...It has been hard times for our little family…” Seb held back his laughter. “After my wife left...I-I stayed with my little girl...but we lost everything and-and getting a job has been so so hard after the accident at the factory...Soon I’ll go blind in my other eye…” The man’s eye welled up with tears and hugged Miz closer to him.

“ _BaBa_ said that I could spend my summer here while he tries to find a job...b-but while we were getting to the hotel…” Miz whimpered again. “A bear showed up!” She buried her face in Seb’s chest. “ _BaBa_ tried to fight it off and then we ran and fell down a hill.”

“Oh poor things…” The woman covered her mouth.

“We just need one night here, it’s all I can pay-Oh no!” Seb cried. “My-My wallet! It must have fallen!” He sobbed. “Oh, I’m so sorry for wasting your time…” He crouched and looked at Miz. “Guess we'll just go find a bench to sleep on again alright?”

Miz’s eyes were tearing up and her lips wobbled but she was trying to be brave and not cry. Her breath hitched a little as she nods. “O-okay _BaBa_...I'm sorry I couldn't run faster…”

Seb cast a quick glance at the woman, _‘Just the final touch and she will break!’_ and picked Miz up to carry her. “It is not your fault, sweetie...I promise that if you hug _BaBa_ really really tight we won’t be cold.” He looked at the shocked woman. “Thank you…”

He started to walk away, really really slowly, until he was stopped by the woman’s cries, almost grinning and getting out of character. Miz had her face buried in his chest again, shoulders shaking with muffled laughter but to anyone else it would look like she was holding back sobs.

“You-You can stay! Don’t worry about the money! I can’t let a single father stay out there with his daughter all alone!” She quickly wiped her tears and looked for a key to a room. “The-The room service is available, you can order whatever you need! It’s free of cost!” She handed a shocked Seb the key as she nodded.

“You are brave and a great father. Don’t you ever forget that.”

Seb nodded solemnly and bowed a bit before walking to the lift. “Thank you so much for your kindness!” Miz peeked up over her ‘father's' shoulder to give the woman a small smile. “Thank you ma’am…” she said softly.

She waved at her as Seb carried Miz to the lift and pressed a button. It was getting harder to stay in character. He couldn’t believe this worked again!!

When they got in and the door of the lift closed, both Seb and Miz burst into laughter, covering their mouths as well as they could to not ruin their cover.

Miz even put up a perception filter just in case. “Oh cheese, did you see the look on her face?” She laughed.

“Poor woman, we traumatized her!” Seb wheezed.

Miz shrugs. “Not sure about trauma but she was actually crying for us.”

“Hey, we are great actors! High six!” Seb lifted his six-fingered hand and Miz jumped to high five him. The door of the lift opened and the two shared an evil look.

“Let’s abuse their trust.” Seb said, thinking of all the food they could order. Miz licked her lips just at the thought of food. The sympathy from that woman earlier barely counted as a snack.

They ran to their room and didn’t even appreciate the decorations or style. They assaulted the mini-fridge bar and drank sodas (well, Seb drank the sodas, Miz actually couldn't because she thought the fizzy bubbles were painful), juice boxes and the snacks offered before ordering more food from the staff.

An alcoholic drink was also ordered in their rampage, but wouldn't even be noticed until the next day. The two of them sat on the floor cross legged (Seb) or kneeling elegantly (Miz) surrounded by food, and Seb stuffed his mouth with Doritos before looking at the girl.

“So! Ready to create your Dreamscape?!” He asked with his mouth full of chips.

Miz nodded as she ate a plate of corned beef hash with a mushroom omelette. Seb didn’t order real food, just junk food, and it actually worried her. “I just need to figure out how…” Miz took another bite, chewed quickly and swallowed “What does your Dreamscape feel like? To you?”

“Um…” He took a sip of his soda. With all this sugar he would never sleep… “It is...It takes away all the pain.” Because it was true. Nothing hurt there. “It is calm and it is a nice place to think, or just look at the space around it...I also look at my Memories there so it makes me happy. I can just forget about the world there and do whatever I want!”

Miz hummed in thought. Remembering the other Bill’s advice, she created a psychic barrier around herself and the room they were in. Then she layered several other barriers over it (paranoia! It makes the world go round!) Her bubbles were essentially miniature worlds unto themselves. She could put anything inside them and even make them permanent if she wanted (that was how the penis planet was formed after all) and she's had plenty of experience being inside other people's dreams.

The trouble was forming a madness bubble filled with...pleasant things. It was rather difficult as her powers sought to twist her intents into something less harmless. Also it was filled with squids. Huh. She really had a fixation on squids today. In the end she had an ocean themed Dreamscape...which...seemed odd as she was a fire based creature but...when _wasn't_ she odd?

Now she simply needed to tie it, bind it, seal it, to this constructed body. She COULD attach it to her Soul but she didn't want to risk Soul manipulation right here and now. She felt it click into place and sighed, opening her eyes. “Well...I think I've got it.” She says at last, setting her empty plate aside. “All that's left is to test it.”

Seb smiled excitedly and picked her up with his mind, making her float to the large bed as she complained. “Ok, now from here, sleep is just going to come eventually.” The black-haired man told her. “It is weird, humans have to act like they are sleeping to actually fall asleep. You have NO idea how hard it was for me to fall asleep as a kid.” Seb told her. With his over-protective instincts kicking in, he pulled back the covers and tucked the surprised girl in, all with his mind.

“So...close your eyes and think you are sleeping and before you know it, it will be tomorrow.” Seb informed her.

Miz nodded and even made herself yawn, yawning makes you feel sleepy right? She snuggled into the blankets, enjoying their softness and closed her eyes. Breathe slowly. Calm her thoughts. Counting sheep was stupid. She allowed her healing on the vessel to slow, allowing the lactic acid to build up in her muscles, resulting in fatigue. She can't sleep if she wasn't tired and she can't be tired if she keeps healing it.

She relaxed and breathed. Just...calm...quiet...

Meanwhile, Seb yawned, apparently he was tired too. Sweets didn’t work at this point and he picked up the bags and dirty dishes. He loved chaos, sure, but not living in it. Gross. The twins were always living glitter (Shooting Star) and mud prints (Dipper) and it drove him nuts. When he finished he turned to look at Miz who was...uneasily quiet. Her breathing was calmer and slower. Did-Did she managed to-

“Miz?” Seb whispered.

Miz didn't respond aside from soft breathing. Her expression was calm and peaceful.

Seb approached the bed tip toeing and looked down at the girl, smiling widely. She was asleep! She did it!!

_‘Sleeping is stupid, it is just you in a comatose state for hours!’ Bill2 spat._

Seb sighed and went to lay down on the couch. He looked up at the ceiling in thought. Since getting in this body Bill2 had been quiet! And now that he was thinking nice things he came back being his usual douchey self-...That's it! Seb took off his eye patch at the sudden revelation. He had been acting cray cray all day with Miz, now he did something _not_ crazy or evil and Bill2 appeared.

“It all makes sense now…” He whispered and closed his eyes.

\---

Miz was a fish.

A fish who was also a bird.

It makes sense in context. Also she had laser beam eyes. She knew this because she shot a large Orca whale with them. Pew! Pew! She swam/flew/ice-skated through the water to the dying Orca so she could eat her prize. It tasted like gummy bears.

She liked gummy bears.

“Thank you for saving us from the mean Orca!” The seals and balloonfish told her. The balloon fish looked a lot like Kryptos but with bubbles streaming out of his mouth. Miz took one of the bubbles and it turned into a tree. She and the seals planted the tree so it would surround the area to keep out other orca whales.

“No problem! I'm here to help.” Miz says happily, waving her fin hands (that also had fingers) around before swim/skydiving away from the cheering people. The seals were now walruses because they had always been walruses.

Miz swam/pogo-sticked through the water until she found a boat. It was going to hit an iceberg. She had to save them. She tried to turn the ship so it missed the iceberg but it was too heavy. She couldn't move it. Maybe she could break the iceberg?

Miz set fire to the iceberg but it didn't work. The ship crashed and now the ship was on fire as well. No. No. No. That wasn't what she meant to do. Miz could hear them screaming.

The people were all on fire. People running around, their bright colors fading into white as they burned and died. Miz tried to splash water onto them but it didn't work. The blue fire was spreading and consuming everything. They keep screaming.

“Wait! Please be quiet!” Miz cries. “I can't concentrate!” She tries to put out the fire but the screaming made it so hard to think. Godzilla (except he was pink) was coming out of the ocean now. Miz turns to him and pleads “Please Godzilla! Help me save the people!”

Godzilla opens his mouth and lots of eyeballs came out. The eyeballs were also jellyfish. They fell into the flames and sort of put it out but it wasn't enough. The people were burning and dying and it was **_all her fault_ **. Miz screams at the fire.

“Godzilla! Please help me fix this!” She turns to the giant lizard who was now covered in clouds. “Please! I’ll do anything!” she begs.

**“Then perish.”**

Miz gasped and jolted up in the bed. What. What? What just?! She panted heavily as she clung tightly to the blankets. Blankets? A bed? Oh. Right. She was...she was sleeping. For the first time _in forever. There’ll be music~there'll be lights~for the first time in forever~_

She shook her head to get the Disney song out. Not the time for this. She glanced around the dark hotel room. Right. She...she made a Dreamscape from scratch and bound it to this vessel so that she could sleep. She slept. That's right. She actually...fell asleep. It was…

She frowned. It was nice...she was dreaming...but then it became a nightmare. Should have figured that would happen. But...aside from the dark turn her dream took...it was...nice.

Seb turned a bit in his dream and made a distressed sound. “No...Kids…” The man’s face turned into a grimace and whimpered. “NO!” He screamed and opened his eyes. “NO! KID-” He gasped and looked around. Where the hell-He looked at Miz staring at him from the bed and sighed. Oh, right…

“I’m sorry I woke you up.” He mumbled tiredly and rubbed his eyes with his fists. It had been fine...just him and the kids playing but-but then the Gremloblin attacked them and-and he couldn’t save them this time...

Miz quietly played with the blanket, fluffing it between her hands. “Naw, I was already awake.” She says.

“Oh...Ok. Did you dream? I guess it is a bit overwhelming the first time, huh?”

Miz nodded. “Yeah….” She gives him a crooked grin. “It was super weird...but I can't really remember what it was about anymore. Isn't that funny?”

Seb chuckles a bit. “Happens all the time, don’t worry. There are some you can remember but it is not that common.”

Miz nods. She checks the time and sees that it's barely 5 in the morning. Well she wasn't gonna be getting back to sleep anyway. She crawled out of bed and made her way to the room service menu. Did they have food this early in the morning?

Seb watched her with tired eyes and yawned. “Kid, what are you doing?” He asked as he snuggled under his blankets. “Sleep.” He mumbled. “It is too early for me and I’ll be cranky if I don’t sleep.”

Miz shrugged. “You can sleep. I'm gonna go find some food.” And then maybe meditate a bit. See if she could access her Mindscape now that she had established a stronger connection to it.

“No one will bring you food at this hour.” Seb chuckled. “Breakfast starts at 7am.”

“Then I’ll go hunt for something. Not the first time I've done it.” Miz grins.

Seb blinked uncoordinatedly and sighed. “Ok...Just, don’t leave a blood trail on the floor because we’d have to explain that.” With that, he went back to sleep.

Miz went over to the window and looked down. They were really high up and for a few seconds her vertigo made her stagger and quickly look away. Nope. Jumping out the window wasn't gonna be an option (stupid fear of heights, she could FLY for Ax’s sake!) And instead she focused on general area teleportation. Where was a good place to...

She Blinked out of the hotel room and dropped to the ground near the lake. The water was still and the sky was dark but she could see just fine. She peered into the water, searching for movement. It's been too long since she's had some fish~

\---

Seb jumped, startled by the sound of the door of their hotel room being kicked open...

Miz had a wide maniac grin, dripping wet and holding an armful of...live fish?!

“I GOT BREAKFAST!” she says much too loudly for 7 in the morning. To Seb’s horror she snapped one of the fish’s spine and once it stopped twitching she shoves the entire thing in her mouth and swallows it whole. How was it even possible for such a small mouth to fit an entire fish?!

Seb covered his mouth to hold back his puke. “Miz!!” He shouted. That was too much. Even for him. That was utterly disgusting! She ate it with scales and all, fuck this shit!

He groaned when the girl continued smiling and offered him one. “No. I don’t want it” He spat. He didn’t like being woke up abruptly. He looked at the water pooling on the floor and rolled his eyes. “At least it is not blood, good job!” He said with fake cheerfulness.

She nods happily. Seeing his disgust she rolls her eyes “I cleaned them with my powers of course! There are no germs or parasites.” She closes the door behind her and puts the weakly flopping fish onto the table. “Besides, they taste best when fresh so it's good to keep them alive right up until you eat them.”

Seb rolled his eyes and he stood up, stretching and yawning loudly. “Pass.” He told her. “I prefer chicken, and pork. The twins’ jewish asses don’t eat it so all the bacon is for me.” He smugly pointed at himself. “Mabel got angry when I suggested eating Waddles, but now we are sort of in a truce.”

“Well...if you don't want them raw…” Miz says “I can cook them~”

That caught the man’s attention. “That sounds...better.” He nodded. He had seen movies where they cook the fish over fire, it sounded fun the first time he saw it. “But we should probably do it somewhere else? Don’t want anyone seeing us using fire...from our hands.”

“Hehehe...hahahahaa….” Miz began laughing. Seb looked a little worried as her laughter grew more unhinged. “Oh cooking fish isn't something as silly as that~” she flings her hands around and the space around her _twists_. “If I'm gonna be cooking these...I'm doing it properly…” her power enveloped the two of them before Seb could protest.

\---

**Cooking with Miz!**

A short musical intro played and there was cheering coming from an unidentified source. Miz waved happily into the dark void that was her audience. “Hello everyone! For the first time in EVER I am bringing my cooking show to you! New crowd! New faces!” She flicks her hair “But all the same intense cooking action you **don't** know but will soon come to LOVE!”

She gestures beside her and a spotlight pops open to reveal a startled Sebastian squinting into the room. “Joining me today is my dear co-host Sebastian!”

The audience cheers and whistles. A voice is heard shouting “Take off your shirt hot stuff!!”

“What the fuck?” The poor man grimaced and fell his cheeks warming up. “Sexual harassment is not fun, ass!” He shouted but for the love of everything delicious he couldn’t even _see_ where the voices came from. “Miz, what are you doing?!”

“I'm glad you asked Sebastian my friend, you see dear viewers~ today we will be making…” Miz waves her hands and the fish appeared on the counter top with a bunch of sparkles and a twinkling sound effect. “...Roasted fish!” She says.

The audience goes nuts, screaming and hollering in approval. Miz raises her hands and they quiet down. “Now! The first step for any cooking is washing your hands and washing your ingredients!” She turns aside and the camera angle changes from a front shot of the counter to a close up to Miz’s face (with Seb yelping in the background as he was flung along with the room shifting) as she whispers “I already cleaned the fish but I think my co-host needs to demonstrate it for you all out there.”

She straightened up and the camera went back to its previous position. Seb was tossed across the room put the frame on the right and reappeared from the left. He wasn't hurt but he was quite disoriented.

“Miz, what the heck is going on?! Why are you doing this!” He whimpered. He just wanted to eat!

Miz patted his back comfortingly. “Because I have a cooking show to run. And you will get to eat. But we have to show all our viewers how to prepare a fish for grilling.” she unintentionally heard his thoughts. It kinda happens sometimes.

“Did you just-”

She clapped her hands. “Now. Go on, wash your hands. We need to set a good example for all the children who are awake at 7:20 in the morning. Actually...I think I might have replaced the morning news…” she tilts her head in thought. “Maybe I shouldn't just hijack the local radio waves all the time…”

Seb pouted, still confused as hell, but eventually washed his hands slowly.

Miz was running the two large fish under water. They struggled in her grip but she held on. “Now first of all. You need to kill the fish. It's an unpleasant task but it would be much crueler to cook them while they're still alive.”

She waves her hand and all sorts of...dangerous looking implements appeared on the counter as a “Wow~” sound effect rang out. There were large butcher knives, a cleaver, a golf club, a grenade and other various knives.

“Why are they still alive? Just...let them dry out or cut it's head!” Seb cried. Was she planning to use a _grenade_ to kill a dumb fish?!

Miz held up a finger and waggled it. “If I let them dry it’ll make the meat taste dry. If I cut off the head it’ll be a waste of a perfectly good head.” She reaches over to pick up a heavy looking cleaver.

“Ew.”

“Now the best way to kill a fish is to hit it in the head with the back of the knife. Blunt trauma is the fastest way to kill it with the least amount of blood shed.” She held the fish down with her right hand and raised the cleaver, turned around so the non-sharp end was in play and brought it down with a heavy THUMP. The fish spasmed before going still. She turns to hand the cleaver, handle first, to Seb. “Now you try with your fish.”

“What? No!” Seb cried. “I don’t wanna.” He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn’t going to be part of this craziness, not gonna give her the pleasure.

Miz rolls her eyes. “You act like you've never butchered your own meal before.”

“Of course I haven’t” The man rolled his eyes too. “Meat comes dead, but I cooked most of the times as a kid. I _could_ but I just don’t want to.” He grinned annoyingly and looked at the waiting gasping fish in front of him. The invisible crowd booed and Seb frowned.

Miz rolled her eyes. “Fine then. Do you at least know how to de-scale and de-gut a fish?”

“Yes?...No?” He pouted. Any answer was going to end up in her forcing him to participate anyway, wouldn’t it?

Miz quickly killed the 2nd fish and then grabbed a different knife. This one was lighter, thinner. “Well this is easy enough. Hold the fish under running water and scrape the back of this knife against the fish from tail to head. That will get the scales to just come off and be washed away.”

Seb nodded in understanding and with an exaggerated pained sigh he did as he was told. This girl...they could be eating breakfast from the hotel by now but no! She decided to hunt and de gut her own food!

Mis watched him work and nodded approvingly, her own fish being quickly de-scaled. “Ok. Once the scales are gone you need to cut the guts out. After all, you don't want to eat whatever might be in the fish’s stomach.” She whispers at the camera “They eat bugsss~”

“That’s gross, but awesome. Grossome.” Seb commented as he finished de scaling his fish.

Miz giggled. With some careful knife work she slices off the top and bottom fins before placing the tip of the knife on the bottom of the fish, at the base of the neck, and slices open it’s stomach. “Now this part is actually different depending on what kind of fish you happen to be cooking but generally the guts are in the same place.”

She reached into the fish and slowly works it open. It folded open like a book, the belly and sides revealed. She pokes at the spine that could now be seen. “This next part is simple. Use your knife, and push it under the bones near the base of the next and side it down slowly. The spine and the bones connected to it should come out pretty nicely. If it doesn't, run the fish under some water and bend it softly back and forth.”

Miz turns to Seb. “Think you can do this? It's your first time after all.”

“Kid, please. Of course I can take out some bones off a fish, I ain’t that dumb.” He pouted and started working on taking it out as he grumbled. He cursed a few times because it wouldn’t come out, but eventually did it and grinned like a little shit.

Miz smiles. “Well this little pouch looking thing down here is the fish guts. Just cut the ends and peel them off. Some people like to cook them too but that takes more work and I'm sure my co-host is hungry so we're just gonna throw ‘em out.” She pulls the slimy organs out and tosses them into the sink. There was surprisingly little blood, some seed stuff oozing onto the counter but her hands were pretty clean despite everything.

Seb grimaced as he imitated her. The worst part of food was cooking it. He hated this part. He grinned distractedly when he remembered Ford passed out when he showed him the guts Ma had taken out of the chicken she was cooking. That was a good day.

Miz checked to make sure there were no more bones before nodding to herself. “Alright, now you just put on some light seasoning-” she sprinkles some herbs and a small cut of spring onion onto the fish, folded it shut and laid some ginger slices on top. “-and put it on the grill.” She opens the fire on the stovetop and put a large pan on top. A bit of oil sprayed onto the pan for some non-stick action and they were good to go.

She turns to Seb. “Wanna do the honors?” She handed him the fish.

“I’d be honored” He nodded and bowed exaggeratedly before grabbing the fish to put it on the pan carefully.

The fish hissed and sizzled as they cooked. There was a nice smell in The air. Miz was sprinkling in more herbs and garlic salt.

“Ah, sweet circles, it smells delicious!” Seb drooled.

Miz practically purred at the fish. “And they’ll taste even better~” she pokes the fish with some chopsticks and flips them over to cook the other side. She suddenly slaps her head. “Oh no! I forgot something!”

“W-what is it?!” Seb cried worriedly.

Miz hands him some sunglasses. “Quick! Put these on!”

Seb obeyed, confused and worried of what she might do, and waited for another instruction.

Miz put on her own pair of sunglasses as she used her teeth to pull the pin on the grenade and threw it behind them. The explosion went off as a music chord played and a voice screams “YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” Along with some electric guitar strums. The words **-Real Chefs-** appears on the bottom of the screen in big bold letters.

Seb stared behind him at the explosion and frowned, confused but then snorted. Ok, he got it. “So THAT was what the grenade’s for…”

Miz takes off her sunglasses when the explosion dies down. “Yup.” She pokes the fish again. “More importantly~the food’s done~”

She flicks her fingers and the scene changed to the two of then sitting at a dinner table with the grilled fish on their plates along with some forks and knives. Miz had chopsticks instead. “And now~itadakimasu~” Miz says like a true weeaboo.

“Bless you.” Seb said teasingly, he knew what she said, and grabbed the offered fork to eat the delicious fish.

As they ate with the ending music playing, the screen unfocused and a voice says “Cooking with Miz has been brought to you by...Scissors. You cut with them, you cook with them, they're an all purpose tool for whatever crisis you're facing. Scissors! Available now in most places around you. Even when you least expect it.”

\---

They appeared back in the hotel room, cleaned and dried from the activities of that morning.

Seb moaned in relief and threw himself to the bed, then said in a muffled voice. “That was weird… I liked it, but don’t do it again.”

Miz shrugged. Why does no one like being on her cooking show? Before stretching her arms and making a pleased sound when her bones cracked. “Ah man...that was nice. My shows are normally more weird than that but I didn't want to be too suspicious. I hope no one in Gravity Falls suspects anything…”

“Wait, normally?” Seb raised an eyebrow and sat up. “You mean you do it frequently?”

Miz grins proudly. “I’ll have you know that Cooking with Bill is in the top 10 most viewed shows back in my dimension.” She left out the part where she beamed the show directly into the dreams and televisions of everyone. But even ignoring her cooking show, Maze of Knowledge really WAS in the top 10.

Seb laughed and sighed. “Shooting Star would love to be part of your show, she likes cooking and being in front of cameras teaching people how to do stuff. Last week I found her recording a video of how to fly with cardboard wings!” Of course she failed, but luckily for everyone she cushioned her fall with pillows.

Man, his niblings _were_ crazy...

Miz sighed. “I can't wait to get MY Pines twins…”

“Um…” Seb was about to ask something but looked at the clock and found it was almost...midday?! What the heck?

“We should probably meet with this dimension’s Bill…” He told Miz.

She nodded. “Alright. She flicked her fingers and gave herself and Seb new, non-broken clothes (while in the cooking show they were dressed like chefs) and hopped off the bed. “Don't worry about the hotel staff by the way. They don't remember our faces,” she told him, unintentionally showing off her powers.

Seb nodded and was about to follow Miz out of the room when he remembered something. He motioned her to wait for him and ran back inside and grabbed his eyepatch and the bottle of alcoholic beverage they ordered yesterday.

He happily returned to Miz. “Can’t waste a good drink, can we?”

They got out of the room and Seb walked over to the counter, returned the key calmly and they left the hotel. Their destination: The Mystery Shack. The black-haired man glanced at Miz and couldn’t help but ponder over her words. She _was_ Bill Cipher in her universe, not just a crazy girl with powers he met. And she was going to meet Pinetree and Shooting Star...

“You wouldn’t hurt them, right?” Seb suddenly asked. “My niblings, I mean.”

Miz blinks in confusion. “Why would you ask that? I have no reason to hurt them. I just really want to meet them… even if it's gonna end with my destruction.”

Seb hummed and rubbed his arm sheepishly. “As Bill I hurt my original twins… I almost killed them… As Sebastian it is still difficult to keep them away from getting themselves killed, they attract danger. I’m not saying you are bad, I’m just… thinking… you… you will do the same things I did as Bill.”

Miz shrugged. She was quiet for a bit. “You know how I said there are fixed points?”

Seb nodded quietly.

“Well… that's a fixed point. Bill Cipher's destruction at the hands of the Pines family.” She grimaced. “One way or another. It always happens. No matter how nice or mean their Bill is.” She frowned. “The Pines family will always hurt us in some way. That's just how it is. And yet… we just can't stay away from them.” She shrugs.

“So my dimension’s real Bill will cause Weirdmaggedon…” Seb sighed but smiled a little bit. “Well, I guess I am a Pines, no? I’m glad I’ll get to hurt him. Sucks you will though, I don’t see why you’d get killed eventually.”

Miz shrugs. “I've long since accepted it. I know Ax will bring me back somehow. The details have not been finalized but I just don't worry about it.”

Seb snorted despite the situation. “Well, I hope you sort this out with him cuz look HOW WELL half deals went for me!” He gestured at himself and both him and Miz laughed.

“I dunno~you ended up pretty hot. Maybe Ax will bring me back as a sexy man too?” Miz laughs hysterically at the thought.

Seb grinned widely as he laughed. “Of course I am, I’m the most handsome among my triplets.”

The two Bills from very different worlds and backgrounds joked and laughed with each other as they headed to the Mystery Shack. Time to meet up with this world’s Bill and talk shop about what to do.

\---

Ugh. Bill was _not_ feeling well. That sleeping draught had done a number on him. He was pretty sure he’d face-planted into his toast at least twice at the kitchen table that morning, but he’d been too bleary and out-of-it to really care. (Were drugs and things _supposed_ to feel like this to humans? Or was this just a problem with his human-ish body? His possessions had never felt like this!)

So Bill was laid out on his back on top of one of the picnic tables out in the middle of the yard, trying to concentrate well enough to clear the rest of the junk out of his system. ...And trying desperately to ignore Shooting Star, who was seated on the bench next to him, chattering away happily enough about SOMETHING he wasn’t even sure what, she might have one of those scrapbooks open, he didn’t really care…

“--GO inside and _GO AWAY_ ,” Bill told her blearily, raising an arm and dropping it across his face, to hide his eyes from the sunlight. Because he was pretty sure that his Stanley-assigned _penalty_ for having left the bedroom last night to needle Stanford was NOT supposed to include anything more than the having to be drugged asleep (in a way that he’d suggested and wanted to do to Stanford two nights ago) and sleeping longer than he was used to or wanted to, _losing time_.

Shooting Star pouted at him. He could hear it in her voice as she complained at him about something or another.

Well, Bill had had enough of this. He raised his head up, and SLAMMED it into the wooden surface of the picnic table.

The shock woke him up enough and cleared the cobwebs for long enough that he was able to visualize one of the mandalas and mutter out the shortened phrase he needed to, in order to force everything somewhat better again.

...Took care of the hit he’d just given his head in the process, too.

He coughed a few times as he sat up, feeling his head clear. He rubbed at his face.

He turned in place to shove his feet over the side of the table, to drop them down and rest them on the bench next to Shooting Star, and all but got in her face.

“WHAT DO YOU _WANT._ ”

Shooting Star looked up at him. “I want you to help me help Melody with her thing for Soos!”

“Fine. _Later_ ,” Bill ground out, scrubbing at his shortened (cut by way of Stanley) hair with a hand. “Just go back inside, or I WON’T.”

Shooting Star gave him a look. “I liked it better when it was longer.”

“I like it better this way,” Bill told her in return, then grinned. “Especially since you don’t go bothering me about messing with it when it’s like this, HAHA!”

Shooting Star let out a huff and crossed her arms, but she got up and picked up her... scrapbook, that she’d had with her.

“You promise,” she said, looking him in the eye. “I go inside now, and you’ll help me help her out?”

“I said so, didn’t I?” Bill told her, with a sigh and a grimace.

“Okay!” And with that, she finally turned and skipped away, back across the yard and up onto the porch. ...And finally, FINALLY, back into the house.

Bill muttered to himself about Pines twins being annoying and wanting things from him, and dropped a bit in place.

He glanced over at the driveway at the noise -- and then the sight -- of another few cars, as they pulled up and came to a stop in the parking lot for the Shack.

“Yeesh,” Bill said. Did they _really_ have to keep the Shack running? Couldn’t Question Mark just go back to… what, driving buses like he’d done when the Shack had closed down the first time? Bill didn’t particularly like the idea of half the house, on the opposite side of a single lousy wooden wall, basically being Grand Central Station for troop after troop of idiots who just...

Bill winced, then rubbed a hand over his face again. He was tired. That was what the problem was. He was tired, and in a lousy mood from getting caught by Stanley last night, and that drug had done a number on him. He’d only been awake for about a half-hour so far, and his stupid human-ish brain was making things difficult for him. He should be thinking of ways to make things weird for all those Shack-goers, and pissing off Pine Tree and Shooting Star with them. He should be thinking of ways to toss up a perception filter around the whole area, so that he wouldn’t get caught when those two other ‘him’s inevitably showed up!

He should be doing a lot of things, up to and including causing a second Weirdmageddon. But he’d let Stanley talk him into _this_ ... and talk him out of _that_ … ‘and-and-and’... it was annoying, and tiring, and all he REALLY wanted to do just then was SLEEP…

Bill twisted in place and laid back down flat on the picnic table, closing his eyes. He could think, and he could plan, and if he fell asleep while doing it? Then so be it. He had his sigil-stones on him, in his pockets, and he’d revamped those late yesterday afternoon…

\---

Miz hummed to herself as she walked through the forest in the direction of the shack. Even as she was doing this, half of her attention was on mentally poking around her newly established Dreamscape to try and find some way to get into her Mindscape.

Meanwhile, Seb walked besides her, reading for the first time what the heck they “bought”, because they didn’t pay for anything, really. Did the woman who believe their sob story pay? Huh, what a fool.

“Hey, Miz. Do you remember ordering a chocolate liqueur?” Seb asked grinning. He didn’t. “Cuz I don’t.”

Miz blinked slowly. “I like chocolate. I'll eat pretty much anything with chocolate in it.”

Seb examined the bottle. It was a good brand, he remembered seeing it on the bar he worked on a long time ago... He sighed, shook his head to stop thinking of the inevitable, and looked up. “Look! It’s the Shack! Finally!”

Miz grinned but slowed as they approached. There were groups of tourists everywhere. “Well they look busy today.”

“The Shack is always busy.” Seb shook his head. “Guess in every dimension there will be idiots who buy fake stuff.”

Miz looked over and gasped as she saw a giant bald gopherian wearing the Mr. Mystery suit. “Is that SOOS?!” She asks.

The man next to her smirked. “Yup! Question Mark!” Aw, always loyal and hard-working to this tourist crap. “You know, I’ve known him since he was a little kid. Damn, that makes me sound so old…” Seb grimaced.

Miz stared. Wow. She didn't think a human could look so much like that severely endangered alien species. “And...he is...human?” She questions just to be sure.

“Of course he-!” Seb stopped and looked back at this dimension’s version of his friend. Soos was too chill about him and his powers, about Gravity Falls weirdness and his teeth were kind of different too…

“I am not qualified to give you a proper answer.” Seb says finally.

Miz went closer. “I wanna see him!” She said. What if Soos really was part alien? Nothing is known about his father after all.

Seb ran after her with a smile. They were like undercovered ninjas, and their flesh was their costume!

Miz paused in place as Seb walked past her into the Shack with the tour group. Oh. Well. Her eyes dart around and she spots the tell tale glimmer of unicorn hair glued into the walls of the Shack. Well fuck a duck sideways with a chainsaw.

Meanwhile, Seb entered to the Shack, still not realizing his companion wasn’t with him. What the hell, this was exactly like his home! Maybe it looked a bit older, but this Shack has been running for decades! It must be one of those fixed points Miz told him about.

“Miz, look we-” He looked down and frowned. “Miz? Kid!” He looked around and eventually went outside where he found her standing out in the yard, staring at the front entrance with her arms crossed and glaring at him.

“Do you need an invitation to enter like vampires?” Seb asked with a teasing grin.

Miz rolled her eyes. “It seems your paranoid brother set up a barrier.” She inspected the edges of where she knew it to be. Looks like it would flash if she touched it, which would alert everyone to her presence. Best not to test it. She takes a few steps back just in case.

“It’s unicorn hair.” Seb whispered and looked at the bright colorful hair.

‘ _They used that to protect the Shack from us. In Weirdmageddon.’ Bill2 supplied to him usefully._

“Nice to know I'm welcome.” Miz pouts. She starts walking around the shack, around the barrier, to see where the parameters were.

Seb walked behind her snickering softly. Miz still had a hilarious pout on her face. He glanced at the picnic tables and noticed a figure laying down on top of it. “Hey, look, it’s Bill!”

Miz waved, “Yo! What's cookin’ good lookin’?”

It didn’t take long for Bill to sit up and do a double-take at where they were, and where they were and weren’t walking, to all but spring up from the picnic table, to make a beeline for the two of them.

“What are you _DOING?_ ” Bill hissed out at them. “ _Don’t_ pace the perimeter! They all know what that barrier keeps out and what it doesn’t, to look out for that!”

Miz took a few steps back and made it look more like she was slipping around randomly while examining the architecture of the shack.

Sebastian rolled his eye. “Because the rotting walls of the Shack are SO interesting…”

“--Too late,” Bill muttered, grimacing as he looked over his shoulder and saw Red poking her head out the door of the gift shop. He turned towards her and yelled out, “IT’S FINE! I’M HANDLING THIS! JUST STAY INSIDE!” And he immediately got behind the two of them and put a hand at each of their backs, to push them both forward into the treeline. “Don’t argue, just move,” he said tersely, force-marching them into the woods.

Miz had the decency to look sheepish at her fuck up. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Bill told them, as they came to a stop a few yards past the tree line. “Couldn’t put up a perception filter like yesterday, with the Shack open,” he groused. “But she won’t abandon her post. The twins are the ones you need to worry about,” Bill told them, running a hand down his face. “Should’ve told you about the barrier. Didn’t think…” he muttered, then looked up at them. “Why did you get so close in?” he said with a frown.

Miz nodded slowly. “I hope we haven't gotten you in trouble?”

“We wanted to see the Shack.” Seb shrugged, answering Bill’s question.

“Eh,” Bill said. “I thought of a couple ‘cover stories’, but none of them really work if they don’t trust me. Might be better to just go with something they won’t like, and just say that you’re both ghosts possessing a couple of comatose idiots and leave it at that. Pair of lovers on one last sightseeing tour together, to be able to pass on. Shooting Star will go for that, even if Pine Tree doesn’t, and run right over him wanting to help you out..” He glanced at Sebastian. “You don’t have a Shack?”

“I OWN a Shack.” Seb grinned. “I just wanted to see how similar they were.” He grinned at Bill’s words and snorted. “Heard that, Miz? We are ghosts in our last date and possessing comatose bodies! Isn’t that so romantic!?”

Hm. That... somewhat made sense to Bill, actually.

Miz pouts. “What? You don't think I could pull off an Eastern Spirit out on a vacation to the states? And Seb is my priest, here to carry my Shrine totem so I can move about like a human?” she puts her hands on her hips. “Have NEITHER of you watched The Cranky Girl who did Chores in Spirit Town?”

She rolls her eyes. “Also, Seb can go through the barrier so he's CLEARLY human.”

Bill blinked, then shrugged. “It’s your funeral? But anytime Shooting Star hears the word ‘lovers’, she turns her thinking brain off and drags Pine Tree into going along with what she wants, whether he’s suspicious as hell of everything or not. If you go with the priest thing, Pine Tree might get interested, or might get suspicious, but you’d better _believe_ that he’d try to bring Stanford into things. And that would leave Shooting Star a loose cannon. And Stanford breathing down all our necks.” He glanced over at Sebastian. “And if you think Stanford wouldn’t be able to figure out that you aren’t a priest…”

Miz pouted. “But I'm not gonna pretend to be lovers with him-”

“Ouch.” Seb put a half offended six-fingered hand over his chest.

She turned to Seb “-no offence.” before looking back at Bill “And Seb clearly entered the barrier earlier so we can't say he’s a ghost.”

“Fine,” said Bill. “Then we--”

He stopped as he heard the sound of footsteps approaching from behind them -- from the direction of the Shack -- and Bill pulled a face as he turned around, not looking forward to trying to navigate the mess that was about to--

But he stopped and went completely expressionless as he came face-to-face with, _not_ Pine Tree, _not_ Shooting Star, but Question Mark’s ‘fiance’ -- Melody.

“Is everything all right?” Melody asked the three of them.

Bill was not expecting this. _At all_. He crossed his arms and remained silent as he tried to figure this one out. (He didn’t actually know her all that well. He hadn’t ever really looked into her much with his All-Seeing Eye, other than to see what happened when she had first intersected with his Zodiac, awhile back.)

Miz smiled as kindly as she could. “Hello miss! I'm sorry for the trouble. It's my fault you see? I'm not human and the rather well made barrier around your establishment kept me out.” She gestured to Bill. “This young man has been explaining the situation to us.”

Seb looked at her. “Seriously?”

Melody’s eyebrows went up.

“...You’re not a murderous video game character, are you?” she asked Miz with a slight frown, peering at her carefully. “Or one of those category-whatever ghosts? --Because we do have a strict policy against allowing either of those indoors,” she informed Miz and Seb matter-of-factly, then went on to say: “Outside tours only, and no crushing on the other tourists or tour guides, or turning anyone to wood; sorry.” Melody told the two of them firmly, before glancing over at Bill.

“No!” Bill interjected, then raised his hands up, palms outwards. “No no no. Just trying to help keep the agreement, here, that’s me! They were looking at the unicorn hair, I thought I outta tell them ‘look, no touch’! They’re not thinking about attacking the Shack,” Bill told her. “They’re-- just visiting,” Bill ended lamely, trying not to wince.

Miz nodded politely. “Oh no, nothing like that. It would be incredibly rude. Especially when I am a guest in this country.” She gives a short bow. “I, like most of the supernatural world, have heard of the wondrous nature of this valley and I had been meaning to visit for a while.”

She gives Melody a shy smile. “And everyone I asked has said that the Mystery Shack is THE go to place here.”

Seb examined the kind blonde woman. Who was she?! He had never ever seen her before!

Melody smiled back at her kindly. “That’s nice of you to say. I hope you’ve been enjoying your stay here in Gravity Falls so far. Though I am sorry that we can’t let you inside. I hope you understand. I can take you to the line for the outdoor tours, though, if you’d like?” Melody told Miz, then looked over at Bill for a long moment, then back at Miz again.

“Bill,” Melody said, “Why don’t you go back inside?”

Bill’s eyes widened and he dropped his hands.

“I am _perfectly capable_ of--!” he began hotly.

“I’m older than you,” Melody said. “That means I’m supposed to deal with things for you and help to keep you safe, just like Dipper and Mabel and Wendy, correct?”

Bill gritted his teeth. “--I’m not in any danger here. IT’S FINE.”

Miz looked worried. “Oh...um...I haven't caused any trouble have I miss?”

“Not at all!” Melody said, smiling. “But, well… Mr. Pines told me that Bill here isn’t exactly the most tactful when it comes to talking with other people right now.” She glanced over at Bill again. “I’m kind of surprised that he decided to talk to you. He usually stays away from anybody who is here to see the Mystery Shack.”

“Agreement,” Bill said flatly. “I was just checking.”

“And now you’ve checked, and now that you know that there’s no problem, you can go back inside the house,” Melody said. “I’d be happy to help them out, so that you don’t have to.” Melody looked at him. “I know you don’t like helping people out for no reason.”

Seb grinned. He didn’t know who this woman was but she liked her! She was wearing a Mystery Shack t-shirt, too....that must mean this Stan hired another person…

Bill clenched his jaw. He felt more than a little checkmated, here.

“Unless there’s a reason you want to help them out?” Melody said to Bill. Miz gave him a sympathetic look. With a small twist of power she telepathically asked _‘Um...testing, can you hear me? Should we meet up later?’_

Bill rocked side-to-side on his feet, caught between anger and… he-wasn’t-sure-what.

“Yes,” Bill said tersely.

“‘Yes’, you want to help them out?” Melody said, almost leadingly.

Bill hunched his shoulders slightly. “Yes.” He was looking anywhere but at her as he said, like he was having teeth pulled and didn’t think the pain was hilarious... “I want to help them out.”

Melody nodded. “Okay. Is this something that I need to worry about? Or Mr. Pines?”

Bill looked back at her, blank-faced.

“......No,” Bill said after a long handful of moments.

“Okay,” Melody said, glancing at Miz and Seb. “Do you need any help with helping them?”

“No,” Bill said, very off-put by her matter-of-fact attitude, and very off-balance as he wondered exactly what game she was playing here.

Melody nodded at him. “Alright,” she said, before turning back to the two others. “Do you need anything from me? Or is Bill going to be able to help you with everything that you need?”

“It will be ok, miss.” Seb said respectfully. “I am sure he can help us just fine.” He smiled.

Miz continued to try contacting Bill telepathically. _‘Hello? If you can hear me, blink twice_.’

“Alright,” Melody said to Seb, as Bill stared at Melody unblinkingly, like he was trying to see inside her head. “Bill, do you think Dipper and Mabel would be able to help with this, or would you  like me to keep them busy and out of the way while you help these two out?” she said with a smile.

This felt like a trap to Bill. ...Which only made him want to spring it that much sooner, to get it out of the way! “--Keep them busy,” he told her authoritatively.

Melody gave him a long look. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll tell Mr. Pines that you’re out and about, once he’s back from his errands in town. Where will you be, so that I can tell him where you are?”

Bill let out an almost nervous laugh through a strained grin, turning his head to look over at Miz and Seb wide-eyed.

Miz looked between them. “I'm sorry for causing an issue. I didn't mean to…”

“It’s fine,” Melody assured her. “Mr. Pines told me that he’s been wanting Bill to get out and about and associating with other people for awhile now! He absolutely _refuses_ to go into town, but...” She had something of a sparkle in her eyes as she looked at them. “Really, this is a good thing,” she told them reassuringly. “...Though if you could stay near the Shack somewhat, that would be better. Bill isn’t really all that comfortable going too deep into the woods right now,” she confided to the two of them.

Bill’s grin fell off of his face like it was never there, and a somewhat strangled sound emanated from the back of his throat.

Miz nods in understanding. “Of course miss. We can stay right here.” She points past her, to an area out of the woods much closer to the Shack, where the picnic tables are. “So you don't have to worry about your employee’s safety.”

“-- _Not an employee!_ ” Bill objected immediately.

Melody laughed. “Yes, we know, Bill,” she said good-naturedly, as he let out an aggrieved huff. “He’s more of a guest, sort of. Mr. Pines is looking after him, and--”

“FINE YES LET’S TALK YOU TWO DONE NOW!” Bill yelled out, quickly marching his way through the underbrush and behind Miz and Seb again, to push them forward and hopefully away from the human who was being too confusing and normal and not-- any other things he wanted to think about just then.

Melody just smiled and followed the three of them along, trailing them back to the picnic tables most of the way. When they passed by the porch, she took a bit of a detour and walked up to the gift shop entrance instead, to enter the Shack again from there, leaving the three of them outside together and to their own devices.

Miz winced. “Well...that could have gone worse?”

Bill felt like his face was on fire. “PRETTY SURE WORSE ISN’T OFF THE MENU YET!!” he said abruptly, followed by a cut-off laugh that was almost his usual HAHAHAHAHA, except for the in-shock wide-eyed look he had going on while he did it, along with the tense body posture.

Sebastian sat on the picnic table and looked at Bill casually. “So, who's that girl?” He was actually curious after they FINALLY stopped talking. He was too impatient...

Miz sighs. “That’s Melody. She's Question Mark’s girlfriend...or at least, she's going to be, since I can guess that hasn't happened in your timeline yet.”

“Question Mark’s _fiance_ ,” Bill corrected her, rubbing the side of his right hand against his right temple over and over and over again as he talked. “Almost got killed by a digital girl once while on a date with Question Mark. Helped pull the plug on her, instead. Wasn’t here for Weirdmageddon. Question Mark loves her,” Bill rattled off as he began to pace back and forth in front of them. “ _I have no idea what she wants._ ” Which was a problem. In fact, it was _THE_ problem, as far as Bill was concerned. --Because how was he supposed to DEAL with her if he DIDN’T know what she WANTED?!?!?!

What did she want? --And, just as importantly, _what had Stanley told her about him?!?_

Seb blinked once and then twice. “Question Mark… QUESTION MARK HAS A GIRLFRIEND??!! He has a FIANCE?!?” He squealed. “Are you kidding me?!” His old friend had a girlfriend?! He couldn’t believe it!!

Miz grins. “I know right? Who’d have thought? That stud~” Really though, from what she remembers from Canon, Soos is a good guy and would have been the sweetest boyfriend to anyone who had the heart to look beyond his awkward exterior.

 **“** He likes blondes, he obviously takes after moi,” Seb put a hand over his chest proudly.

Miz frowns. “Blonde? She's obviously a brunette.”

“Dude, you blind?” Seb made a face. “She is dirty blonde!”

Miz narrows her eyes. “No, that was clearly a very light brown. Who are you calling blind?! You're the Cyclops!”

“Reality is an illusion, and hair color is a choice,” Bill said distractedly as he paced in front of them, almost completely caught and tied up in his own racing thoughts.

“My girlfriend had the same-” Seb shouted but when the words sank in he gasped and looked at the girl offended and betrayed.

‘ _Uuhhhh did you hear?! She doesn’t really like you! She’s mocking you! You are stupid for trusting her,’ Bill2 sneered in his mind._

“That...that...was a low blow…” Seb whispered, feeling tears welling up in his brown eye.

Miz looks a little guilty. “Sorry, that was mean.”

The man turned around and crossed his arms over his chest angrily. “I’d let you know, _demon_ , that I have perfect sight despite having just one functional eye! Sorry my Axolotl didn’t like me like yours clearly likes you and didn’t gave me a perfect vessel!” Then he went silent and closed his eye.

Miz pouted. “Seb? Seb?? I didn't mean it that way! I'm sorry!” she tugs at his shirt. “Seb??” she looks down guilty. “Look...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! I have nothing against Cyclops! Most of my friends are Cyclops! Some of them don't even have EYES!”

Seb just huffed and turned a bit a little more.

“EXTREME LUNCH MEATS ARE NOT THE FOOD OF THE FUTURE!” Bill yelled out abruptly, looking irate as he continued pacing. “AND HOW WOULD SHE KNOW MAGICIANS ARE NOT DATABLE! _WHO TALKED?!_ ”

Miz glanced at Bill, guessing he was scanning for information about Melody before deciding to leave him be.

Miz felt awful. She didn't mean to upset Sebastian. It made her feel like shit. The feeling built up inside her like a thick pressure pressing from the inside. It upset her to feel like this. She hated feeling like this. (She hated even more how _nice_ it felt when she made someone despair) She twitched when Seb refused to look at her. “Seb? I'm sorry~” she whined.

“ _Everyone_ bothered me like that growing up, _everyone_ called me that. They tried to take off my eye. **_I_ ** tried to rip off my eye with a fork and it didn’t work...I just didn’t think you’d call me that. It-It is a stupid hurtful memory.” Seb eventually murmured. “I overreacted, I’m stupid..”

Miz whined. The unhappy feeling wouldn't go away. She scratched at her arm. “I'm sorry too. I didn't know you felt so strongly about that…” She squeezed her arm hard, enough to leave bruises as she felt this awful feeling build up.

Seb coughed, still upset, emotions were a pain in the ass, and turned to look at the teen still pacing. “So, did you think of something for us to go back?” He looked at the bottle of liqueur he left on the table. A drink didn’t sound so bad right now...

Bill didn’t hear him. He was staring at nothing they could see and muttering under his breath to himself at an almost-frenetic rate by this point, as he continued to pace back and forth, back and forth in front of them in the yard.

Miz groaned as she continued to feel awful. She needed to do something to relieve this sensation. She thumped her head onto the table and discreetly channeled her energy out into the ground, making the grass more vibrant and healthy as she tried to get rid of this pressure inside her. She REALLY doesn't want to explode right now. Curse negative emotions for giving her such a power boost.

She saw Seb reaching for the bottle. Huh...she could use some chocolate right now. Food always made her feel better…

(She disregarded the fact that food tends to give her more energy to burn, it's fine. There were plenty of plants around for her to discard her energy into.)

Seb opened the cap of the bottle, threw it away and chugged it down.

“Hey! I want some too!” Miz whined. She reached for it but Seb was too tall. “Gimme!” she helped **get** that chocolate, it belong to **her** too.

“NNNo!”

Bill abruptly stopped pacing and sat down where he stood on the grass. Cross-legged, he propped his elbows on his knees, and held his forehead in his hands. He was shaking slightly, but didn’t seem to notice this. He wasn’t muttering to himself anymore, he just look weary-eyed as he sat there where he was, breathing.

“No!” Seb shouted and drank a bit more. “Go ask for liqueur from your Cyclops friends.”

“I SAID I was sorry! Pwease pretty pwease gimme some chocolate?” Miz jumped ineffectually for the bottle. Seb was taking full advantage of his new taller height. “Haha! Get it if you can!” Seb raised the bottle over his head.

Miz growls. Though secretly she was glad he wasn't mad anymore...even if he was just being kind of a brat. Miz turned to see Bill sitting on the ground. Not really thinking it though, she went over to grab him and drag him over. Maybe she could stand on him like a step stool? “Help me get the bottle!”

When chocolate was on the line (chocolate didn't exist out in space and she missed it so much), she wasn't one to think rationally. Not that she ever really thought rationally. She was upset and she wanted chocolate NOW.

When Sebastian still didn't let up, drinking the sweet liquid down and looking so goddam SMUG about it, and Bill’s reaction to Miz grabbing him was to frown at her and jerk his arm out of her grasp, with an annoyed, “ _Don’t touch me_ ,” before going back to whatever he was thinking about, Miz decided she’d had enough. She dropped the argumentative Bill and flicked her fingers. Suddenly she had her very own bottle. A perfect copy of the one Seb was holding, except hers was still full. She looked right at Seb and took a smug swig from her bottle (coughing a little at the burn. This was pretty strong…) yeah, she can make her own!

Try to keep chocolate away from her? Not gonna fuckin' happen.

The man pouted. “It is not fair!” He whined. “You can create your own-your own stuff!” Seb glared and blinked uncoordinatedly. Maybe he should stop drinking...Nah…

“But MINE is bettuur because it is the original one! You made that one with dirty air molecules! Polluted air molecules!” He gulped down a bit more to prove his point.

Miz took another swig of her bottle. “Nah ah! Mine is better because...because I made it and I'm awesome!” She blinked quickly. Oh. This was way stronger than she thought. Maybe this was a bad idea...naw, she wanted things between her and Seb to be friendly again and playful banter always worked wonders for that sort of thing. She took another large mouthful of the bottle just to prove a point.

The black haired man whined, not used to playful banter. When someone annoyed him, it was for real, meaning to hurt him. “Nuuuhh uhhh!” The immature man stuck his tongue out. “You are mean! And a _demon!_ And a shorrttyyyy!”

Miz swayed. “ExCuse you ssssir! I am a GOD and...and you're only tall because I MADE you tall!” she was sensitive about her size ok?! And she wasn't mean! She was ‘bad' like...the opposite of ‘good' but she wasn't MEAN. another mouthful of the burning creamy liquid was consumed.

“YOu are not the bosss of me! And I was an average height befour!!” Seb angrily turned to his bottle and drank it. He pouted when he realized the sweet and wonderful and burning liquid wasn’t coming down anymore and turned it upside down, watching a single drop fall to the grass.

Miz turned to Bill and held out her bottle. “Hey! Try thish an’ tell...tell THAT guy that mines ish better than hish sssupid bottle!” she gives Seb a smug look that was off to the right of where he was actually standing. “Becashee MY bottle doeshunt run o-out of alcohol!”

Bill frowned up at her, having kept more awareness of his surroundings since she’d grabbed him. (Not that he thought she was going to kill and eat him or anything -- not on purpose -- but… it had been a reminder that he’d not been paying as much attention to his surroundings as he should have been.) Because they were acting like… any other humans he’d watched getting drunk on some form of alcohol together. Weird. ...Was it all just an act?

Sebastian growled drunkily and his eye turned red. “I’m NOT StUpiD!!!” He shrieked loudly. A second pair of arms sprouted out of his sides, and his four hands caught in flames, but in his state, he was unable to hold them too long. Seb whimpered and hit his head against the table. “M’ not sstupid…”

Miz laughed at him, wobbling around as she dropped her bottle near Bill. “You can't ev-even stand!” She almost fell over but caught herself on the side of the table. Oh~the world looked so bright and sharp right now.

...Given that Sebastian had just outed himself as ‘not human’ with _that_ little display, Bill had a feeling that no, this wasn’t just an act. Bill eyed the bottle of alcohol that the other ‘him’ had dropped.

Seb stayed with his head on the table and sobbed his drunk heart out, sensitive to everything and anything right now. “I-I…”

Miz felt a little bad that he was crying again. That wasn't what she wanted. “H-hey...are you...okay dude?” She crawled over and flopped onto his back, clinging on as she clumsily patted his shoulder. “I didn't know you...um...were so...feel bad about this? I wasn't trying to hurt your feelsings…”

“I-I never had anyone to drink with!” The man sobbed. “Drinking is-is bad! Bill2 will-will control again me! Control me again...He tattooed my zodiac on my baaacckkk!” He sobbed. “While-While the real one burnt me!”

Bill winced, thinking of the anchor down his own back. It wasn’t exactly the same thing, but...

Miz hugged Sebastian. “Ish okay. I'm here n-now...and...an’ I won't let him...gets anymore tattoos. ‘specially not All Star.” She nuzzled against his head. “An...and alshhho you're NOT sshupid.” She pet his hair clumsily.

Bill huffed out a breath and propped up his chin on his fist as he watched them. Hadn’t the girl called the _bottle of alcohol_ stupid, not Sebastian?

“i aM stupid!” Seb mumbled but melting under the soft touches of the girl. “Ev-Everyone say so...An-And, my brothers...I-I pushed them…”

Miz was distantly thankful for the mild perception filter still over the two of them leftover from the day before, when they’d been laughing in the elevator. It wasn't much but it did block sensitive information from reaching the ears of others. Anyone looking at them would see two crying drunks talking about nonsensical things.

“Dat wasshunt you fault tho!” Miz assures him. “Ish a fixed point...an...an...it would happens any...anyway…”

“Weally?” Seb sniffed.

Miz nodded, slumped onto his back. “It’s like...a thing that...that alwashhh happenss…” she was slowly sliding down his back “If YOU dinnen pushy them in then...something ELSE would have…”

“I want ‘em back...Even if Fordsie hates me and call me stupid…”

Bill grimaced and almost objected. _Almost_ . But he didn’t know this other ‘him’ (or this other ‘him’s _brother?(!?!!)_ ), to be absolutely _sure_ that telling him that Stanford wasn’t worth feeling that way about would be the best advice he could give. (Not least of which because, if this ‘him’s relationship to Stanford was somehow anything like his relationship with Liam had been… it’d be about as well-received as a heart attack, and for good reason!)

Miz was on the ground by this point, lolling her head against Seb’s leg and trying to pat his back but at her angle she could only reach his butt. “Getting...them back ish alllsho a fixed pont.” She says sleepily. The grass and plants around her were growing quickly, vines and leaves curling up as lovely flowers bloomed.

Bill’s eyebrows went up as he saw the grass and things growing, but without magic he could sense -- only that underhum of weirdness that he could barely feel at the moment. He not-quite scrambled to his feet, starting to become unsure if watching the two of them for more information without intervening was worth it when… he was _right there with them_ … in the meaty FLESH...

Seb lifted his head a bit and looked at the girl resting her head on his leg. “Are you touching my butt?” He grinned. He was...less shy drunk.

Miz blinked slowly. “Dis is your butt?” she tilted her head to try and see but just topples over onto the growing flower patch around them.

Seb laughed, his meltdown forgotten, and threw himself to the grass, falling backwards with a thud. “Hiii…”

Miz laid on her back, flowers blooming around her. “Oh...hiii~” she blinked. What were they doing again? Something about a door?

“Heeyyy! You! The kid!” Seb sat up to look at Bill. “Why are you there!? Driinkkkk~”

“I…” Bill actually considered it for a long moment. They were ‘him’s who were almost exactly like him, so they wouldn’t hurt him, right? And it would be a good idea to find out whether his body reacted the same way to alcohol as theirs did, wouldn’t it? It would be safer to drink with _them_ present than anyone else he could think of. Better than doing it around his Zodiac, who would take advantage of his weakness if he did it around _them_ . Right? They’d ask _questions_ , or try and push him _around_ , and…

...Bill had never tried out this type of alcohol before. He’d seen it, sure, but… it was a bit less clean-burning than the stuff he’d usually set on fire as a being of pure energy, and he had a body now.

He couldn’t clean it out and control it the same way he did his energy form -- he literally was what he ate. And he was highly aware of this fact; he’d been careful what he’d fed on and how well and carefully he’d purified what he fed on before taking it in when he’d been in the Nightmare Realm for a reason: he’d wanted and needed to stay completely and wholly HIMSELF. (If he hadn’t, he’d have risked losing track of _EVERYTHING_ important.)

...But he was already eating things like toast that he’d burned within an inch of its life, with lime jelly and black pepper added to it to try and make it appropriately horrible-tasting and almost edible. _That_ had at _least_ as much extraneous junk in it as _this_ stuff did.

Bill looked at the two other ‘him’s and frowned. _They_ didn’t really seem to be that different right now, though...

...Bill slowly bent over and picked up the bottle Miz had dropped.

He turned it over in his hands.

\--And then he straightened abruptly and whirled in place at the sound of approaching footsteps, cursing loud and long within his mind. He instinctively not-quite-hid the bottle behind his back as he turned to face whoever it was that was approaching them _this_ time.

Miz saw a worried Melody and younger Pines twins coming out of the house and towards them. Melody looked a little guilty over being unable to keep the twins away but the rapidly expanding area of lush greenery was… pretty worrying and she couldn't stop them from wanting to check it out. She’d needed to come out to check on what was going on herself, and knowing she hadn’t been able to stop the twins before with what had happened with the animatronics… she’d known it was a losing battle.

Letting them come with her rather than sneaking out meant it would be more likely that she could keep them within the magic dead zone area-thing Mr. Pines had told her about, too. And she might need some help in distracting the two visitors to grab Bill and yank him inside it, if need be. Mr. Pines had been pretty clear how easily Bill tended to get in over his head sometimes -- and that was pretty easily.

Miz grinned drunkenly at the twins. Ahhh! So cute! She wobbled over and squealed “Oh my goooosshhh~you...two are...sho-ssshhhootin’ sstar~and...and...Pine Tree right?” Bill winced as she giggled at them. “You're….jush as cute as I thought yooou would be~” She had seen Seb’s twins but they were sleeping, THESE kids were awake and those funny looks on their face were sooo adorable!!!

Sebastian glanced at his companion with a confused expression but his drunk brown eye widened when he saw the kids. “PIINEETREEE!!” He smiled widely. “Shooting Star! Wha-Wha you doing heerrree?! You-You were in bEd!” Miz had enough awareness to reach blindly at the taller man while shushing him.

“HAHA,” Bill said, wondering how the heck he was going to balance all this… well, at least they weren't going to hurt his Pine Tree and Shooting Star, right?

Then Bill went a bit still as the thought occurred to him that, technically, because they weren't part of these other ‘him’s Zodiacs that they had no real investment in keeping them alive in the least. And he knew he wouldn’t be all _that_ worried about not messing with a set of Pines who weren’t his, when he didn’t have to worry about the body he was in and there were no real consequences...

Bill turned to Melody with a slight look of panic, trying to think of what to say quickly, and...saw her put a hand on each of the kids’ shoulders, stopping them just inside the barrier.

...which was _very_ easy to see from the curve where the grass was growing like crazy, and not. Bill let out a long breath and relaxed, looking up at Melody a bit wide-eyed, because how had she known?

“W-what are these guys?” Mabel asked, fingering the grappling hook behind her back. Dipper was frowning as he flipped through a journal, not even bothering with the electric gun holstered at his side.

“Whaaa? M’ not a What!” Seb pouted. “You should show a bit more respect to yurr elders! M’ gonna tell yuur dad you are being MeAn to your u-”

Miz pulled on Seb’s shirt. “Wrong twinsss...remember? These are...are...his twinsshh~” she points vaguely in Bill’s direction. A few colorful flowers bloomed along the path of her gesture.

“ _Really_ , Pine Tree?” Bill enthused loudly, stepping forward and taking point as a distraction from… well. “You can’t figure this one out on your own?” he not-quite teased, buying his other ‘him’s a handful of seconds to get their act together.

“Wut?” Seb studied the confused twins staring at them. Not his niblings…? But...they look like them! They must beeee. He should probably obey the girl Bill demon though. She knew more of this crazy stuff...

Dipper, listening to Bill for once, actually took the bait. “Rapid plant growth…” Dipper muttered as he scanned through the journal. “No glowing… or floating... so it's not a ghost…” Miz walked up and he winced when he caught a whiff of her breathe. “Is that… CHOCOLATE ALCOHOL?!” he gasps, after smelling it on her breath and glancing over at Bill, who had not hidden the bottle all that well behind him.

Miz nodded. “Chocolate is-ish great~you humans make the BESSH foods an ssshuff!” She wobbled dangerously and Dipper instinctively stepped forward and caught her when she tipped over. “Whoa!” he cried as he was barely able to hold her upright.

Upon seeing this, Bill immediately stepped forward and handed off the bottle to Melody almost thoughtlessly, as she crossed the barrier herself and made a gesture for it; Bill took Miz off Dipper’s hands as quickly as he could, and lowered her carefully to the ground, while Melody drew Dipper back inside the barrier again -- to Dipper’s immediate recognition and suspicion, as he craned a head up at her.

Dipper realized he was getting managed by the two sort-of adults. And something had to be off, if Bill was trying to be _helpful_ to a couple of strangers. He needed his Mystery Twin to help tag-team the problem with him on this one. He turned to stare pleadingly at Mabel. “Mabel?”

“Don't worry bro-bro, I got this!” Mabel said confidently, walking over to kneel next to Miz. Dipper didn’t miss that Bill didn’t try to stop her, but he also noticed how very carefully Bill was watching the two of them -- the cryptid and his sister -- once Mabel crossed the barrier line.

“So. You got into some chocolate alcohol, huh?” Mabel grinned at Miz. She heard the story about chocolate and, well, _most_ aliens and cryptids, too. “As someone who once ate a whole pack of smile dip I can tell you that you might be seeing wild colors and talking dogs right now. But they're not real and you’ll wake up later feeling like you never want to eat again.”

“Mabel, they're drunk, not high.” Dipper groaned. It was pretty clear to him from their behavior that it was the second set of symptoms Great-Uncle Ford had told them about (enhancement of the effect of the base substance -- in this case alcohol), not the third set (hallucinations or a drug-like high) or the first set (no reaction at all).

“I know bro-bro.” Mabel patted Miz’s hand. “We should still get them somewhere dark and quiet so they can calm down?” She glanced over at Seb with a frown, remembering that blurry transformation he’d done for a few seconds, which they’d spotted from the windows, but hadn’t been able to see too well for some reason. (It had left her twin pretty sure that Bill was up to something bad. She wasn’t so sure about that yet, herself, but she’d had to admit that what Melody had told them _had_ sounded pretty suspicious!) “Also, I think we need to get them away from the tourists.”

Dipper nodded nervously. “Where are we gonna bring them? They can't enter the shack?” He turns back to his book. “I still can't figure out what they are. You said they're foreign right?” He looked up at Melody, to confirm.

Melody nodded. “Yeah. The little girl said she's a visitor to the country.”

Dipper groans. “Great-Uncle Ford has almost no research on eastern supernaturals! I have no idea what they could be!”

Bill snorted. Just because Stanford hadn’t written it down didn’t mean he didn’t know it. Bill had tried to tell him about that whole set of cryptids way back when, in his dreams, but he’d more or less been blown off at the time. The ‘Falls had been too shiny and new. He’d kept trying to seed Stanford’s dreams with the information, but he had no idea how much he’d retained.

...He’d be very surprised if the dumb idiot hadn't done a little more research before he’d gone on that boat trip of his, though. Any excuse to ignore Stanley…

Bill suddenly realized that if he said anything to Pine Tree about ‘Great-Uncle Ford’ probably having the information in one of his latest journals, that _that_ would have the very unfortunate side-effect of summoning the man from below… or wherever the idiot was right now.

“Haha! Great Uncle! Ford is an old man.” Seb started laughing loudly. Blue fire sprouted to life in his hands before disappearing again. Bill tried very hard not to tense or react at all, not realizing how hard he was clenching his teeth. What Bill didn’t realize was that blue fire wasn't all that odd to them, and that the behavior of these other Bills wasn’t coming across as Bill-like to the rest of them. The ghost Dipper faced in the Northwest’s mansion had blue fire, and that explanation was what came to mind for them first, with them already thinking about ghosts.

“I wanna see ‘im!” Seb whined but Miz shook her head.

“No Ssseb! Shush! You drunk...you dun get to talk…”

“You drunk tooo!!” Seb replied. “And-And No OnE can silence ME!”

Dipper had noticed the flames and did back up a step _very_ quickly; he knew exactly how dangerous ghosts could be, and he hadn’t seen Seb cross the barrier earlier to know his ghost theory was a bit off.

Mabel rolls her eyes at her brother's worried look. “Dipper. You're missing the obvious. Watch a professional deal with this.” Bill couldn't help but wince at the language used, and he watched with more than a little uncertainty as Shooting Star pulled Miz into a sitting position and gave her a friendly smile. “Hi! I'm Mabel and I'm human! What's _your_ name and species?”

Miz blinked and her head lolled over. “I'm Miz...and...um...have you-you ssseeen the movie Wolf Girl and Deer Boy Stop the Worm Pigs and Explosion Humans?”

Mabel nodded. “I love that Jibili movie!”

“I'm...like...kinda like...that freaky god deer thing...esss-essept I'm a DRAGON!” Miz giggled, keeping to the story she had made up, at least to herself. The vines from the growing plants curled around her.

“LiAr!” Seb cried behind her. “No I'm not!” Miz protested.

“You are not that! Don’t lie!” Seb proclaimed, leaving Bill wanting to cover his eyes with his hands. “I am human though! And It is HorriBle!” Seb whined sadly.

“You aren’t human though.” Dipper mumbled under his breath and Seb grinned and crouched in front of him.

“Yes I am.” Seb insisted.

“No you aren’t.” Dipper argued with the drunk magical creature who seemed to believe he was human.

“Don’t argue with beings more powerful than you about what they are, Pine Tree, it’s rude,” Bill muttered under his breath at the kid. He stepped forward almost across the barrier and turned to stand at Pine Tree’s side, as a silent warning and also a display of ownership. This was one of _HIS_ Zodiac.

“Yeah, Pinetreee!” Seb grinned. “M’ more powerful…”

“ _FOR NOW_ ,” Bill said, shooting Seb a long glare right in the eye, setting a proprietary hand on Dipper’s shoulder. He was thinking more about defending his choice of solidarity to the other ‘hims’ than what Dipper might get out of that piece of information, and he missed the slightly shocked look Dipper shot up at him at what he’d just said.

Miz whined. “I...I! I'm a dr-dragon! See?!” She shifted partially into Xin’s form, antlers growing from her head and a long scaly tail tearing its way out from her dress. “I...I even have worsshiperssss...I make it rain and I help the...the crops grow…” her scales were golden in color and rectangular shaped, like tiny bricks.

“But you create your bodies.” Seb mumbled innocently and Miz turned to glare at him.

“Sssshut up, Sebastian!!” she smacks him with her tail lightly. “I HAVE to...create bo-bodies becaushhhh...my true form ish invi-inve-in...whash the word? You....ca-cannot see me???”

“Ghost.” Seb laughed and Dipper looked between them, raising an eyebrow.

“Invisible?” He suggested to the creature.

“Shpirit! Yesh! Invishible shpirit!” Miz claps her hands.

“We ALL have a-a true invishible form!” Seb argued, hugging Dipper by the shoulders. “We are spiris...using meatsacks to-to live in this dis-isgusting world…” He said in a drunk philosophical way. Bill’s hand on Dipper got knocked aside at Seb’s jostling.

Bill could just about feel the confusion and alarm steaming off of Pine Tree, just by the expression on his face. “Remember how I kicked you into the Mindscape that one time, Pine Tree?” Bill said with a calm he didn’t quite feel. “It’s exactly like that.” He sent a long look Seb’s way. Should he yank this other ‘him’ off of Pine Tree?

(That would make it clear to Pine Tree how much he _didn't_ like other beings messing with what was his, though, and to Seb exactly how _much_ he considered Pine Tree to be his,  to not want to risk even _that_ much. If someone did _that_ with _their_ Zodiac in front of _him_ , he knew _he’d_ definitely get interested enough to push things, just to see how far that other him would go.)  “Only this one didn’t go back to his original body,” Bill continued his explanation to Pine Tree. “He went to one she made for him, instead.”

“Yeah...what he said.” Seb nodded giggling.

Miz giggled. “I like making bodiessss...I made hi-hisses form re...really hot~”

Miz shook her head to try and refocus her vision. She twitched when she felt hands on her tail. “Huh?” She glanced behind her to see Mabel petting her tail. “Oh...that feelsh kinda….naish…” She purred.

Dipper tried to shove the drunk man’s arm off him. Melody decided it was time to step in. Strange drunk man hugging a child? Yeah, no. “Alright sir. Maybe you should go sit down at one of the tables until this passes.” She gently took Seb’s hands and led him over to the seat all while Seb laughed out loud.

He was drunk as hell and everything was spinning. Wee!

Bill steered -- not quite shoved -- Pine Tree back across the barrier. “Stay here,” he said under his breath, before letting go of him and striding right over to where Miz and Mabel were.

Miz yawned sleepily. Having her own dreamscape now sure made it so she was capable of feeling tired...plus, she’d been awake since early this morning...and Mabel’s gentle petting felt so nice. She would normally be tense at such a thing but she'd gotten used to having Pyronica’s kids touching and hugging her...and Mabel was safe. She was Mabel! Like...the sweetest person ever! She wouldn't hurt her…

Miz purred sleepily and nuzzled her face onto Mabel’s shoulder. Mabel “Aww~”s and reaches a hand up to scratch at the dragon’s (baby dragon?!) head, marvelling at the smooth rounded antlers. They looked like gold. Were they real gold? Mabel’s only seen a few movies with eastern dragons and they were all Good spirits. Like Haki the river god from The Grumpy Girl who does Chores in Spirit Town. He was a super cute dragon boy. Mabel secretly had pictures of him and fantasies about getting to ride her own dragon.

“Miizzz~” Seb looked at the twins of this dimension. Dipper was looking at him distrustful...Mabel was ignoring him...Mabel never ignored him! He wanted his own kids!

“I wanna goo back to myy hommeee!” Seb sobbed dramatically, hitting his head against the picnic table repeatedly.

“Oh?” Melody said in worry as she tried to stop the man from injuring himself. “I'm sure once you've sobered up you can do that.”

“I don’t neEeed to be soBEr!” Seb sniffed. “Miizzzz!!” He cried again. “Make a deaaall with Biiiilll sho we can gooo homeeee!” What if that worked?! In his drunk, sad mind it seemed plausible. Where was the bottle?! He wanted chocolate!

“No deals, but I _will_ help you both get home,” Bill said firmly, yet about as vague on the details as possible, given the audience they currently had.

Miz stirred sleepily “Dad sayssss I'm no-not allowed to make dealsh while I'm drunk…” she pawed at the grass as she leaned against Mabel’s soft sweater. “But...I can grant wishes...kinda...they take lessh effort…”

Mabel’s eyes lit up even as Bill’s eyes went wide and Dipper began shaking his head. “No Mabel! Don't you dare!” He cried in panic.

“I wish for a BOUNCY CASTLE!” Mabel said loudly, before Bill could reach down and slap a hand across her mouth. Miz hummed cheerfully. “Okay…” she sighed happily “But pet me more first…” get something and give something, like a Deal without the handshake. An agreement of sorts, less dangerous for everyone involved.

“Mabel don't-!” Dipper shouted but Mabel was already scratching her fingers along Miz’s head. Their pet cat back home loved being scratched behind his ears and Mabel was sure this baby dragon would like it too. Miz PURRED and arched her head back. Aw shit yeah that felt _goood_ ~

“A bouncy castle right?” She mumbled sleepily before opening her eyes to glance around. What's a good place to put it...ah, there's room there…

Bill gritted his teeth and immediately grabbed Mabel up in his arms and hauled her bodily up and away from Miz, straight across the barrier line. He did not trust ‘wishes’ or this girl ‘him’s control at the moment -- especially tired and drunk!

The plants around Miz disintegrated and the dust was blown over to a large empty space a few feet from the edge of the forest. The humans all stared in awe as the plant dust swirled around and formed a large bouncy castle in various shades of pink. Mabel’s eyes went wide as she squealed. “Ahhhhh!!!!” She said excitedly.

She turned to Dipper with a wide grin. “Dipper! Can we keep her?” He shook his head with a scowl “No Mabel! This is dangerous! That thing is not a pet!”

Seb snickered from his spot on the table. “I wanna a wish too, pet.” He teased.

Miz whined. “No. Only Mabel gets wishes….cause...cause...she's awshome!” She was so nice! She even pet her! Then Miz whined a little again from the ground as she realized the soft petting had stopped.

“M’ awshomee too!” Seb whined back. “Wish!”

Melody frowned. This was getting out of hand. “Mabel, you shouldn't take advantage of a drunk person.” Should she call for Mr. Pines? These two didn't SEEM dangerous so far. The little girl looked quite innocent, purring like that.

Bill wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

The sudden appearance of the Bouncy Castle definitely caught the attention of the tour groups. Soos was coming over with a group of them, trying very hard to come up with an excuse for the bright pink object. Some children wanted to play on it and Soos, well trained by his mentor, immediately said “$10 for 5 minutes in the bouncy castle, dudes!”

Money was thrown at him as screaming children began crawling onto the magically formed toy and began jumping. Mabel pouted as Bill held onto her, not letting go. She wanted to play on it too! It was HERS after all.

Seb watched everyone rush to the bouncy castle and grinned. Chaoosss!

‘ _Let’s make it more fun, don’t you think, kid?!”_ Bill2 whispered in his ear and Seb grinned madly.

He raised a hand and the castle started floating, making the children shriek excitedly.

Dipper was pulling at his hair. “No! Nonononono! This is bad! This is so bad!”

Mabel could tell the man levitating the bounce castle wasn't being malicious, he was smiling and looked like he was trying to help make things more fun. Unfortunately she knew that other people wouldn't understand that so she waved her hands around, getting Seb’s attention. “Um sir? Can you put them down please?”

Seb grinned. His niece was always so cute and adorable! “Sure, kid!” The yellow glow around his hand disappeared and the castle started falling.

“GENTLY!” Dipper cried panicking. This was so bad! He should go get Ford...but Ford might try to shoot them and despite his paranoia, even Dipper could tell these two weren't malicious spirits. Anything who would give his sister a Bouncy Castle couldn't possibly be evil.

The man laughed and easily caught the castle before it hit the floor. “OOPS! ALMOST THERE! HAAAHAHA!”

Melody frowned. Ok. This needed to stop. Unfortunately there was no place she could bring these two drunks since the ‘magic barrier’ around the shack would prevent such a thing. Maybe she needed to distract them somehow.

“Hey Dipper.” Melody turns to glance at the boy. “Can you go tell Soos to move the bouncy castle away from here? I know there's some room on the other side of the Shack where we can put it.”

“--Sebastian, you come over here,” Bill said abruptly, backing up Mabel a little bit further, as he thought of something. “Mabel wants to pet you, too.”

“Oh!! Can I? Can I?” Mabel asked excitedly, practically bouncing in place.

Sebastian, intrigued, got up unsteadily and walked his way over to inside the barrier, to plop himself down on the ground. --Which kept Seb from doing any more magic or weirdness while he was underneath it.

Mabel squealed in glee as Bill finally let go of her and let her approach Seb.

Dipper nodded, though he looked worriedly at his sister who was now petting the man’s hair, as well as ‘coo’ing at him. He didn't want to leave her here alone with _Bill_ of all people, but she was handling herself surprisingly well... and Melody was there, too. He glanced at the girl on the ground where more plants were growing around her. Surprisingly none of the tour group seemed to have noticed the plant growth.

“Alright. Mabel, be careful.” He told her and waited for her to give him a thumbs up before he ran off to talk to Soos. It was a miracle no one had come over to question the two cryptids and he didn't want to risk it.

Seb hummed in pleasure, leaning against the girl’s soft touch. No wonder Miz has granted her wish. He loved this! He was glad his real niece didn’t know about this because she would force him into submission to her every desire!

Mabel giggled, stroking the man’s long black hair. “Your hair is so soft and pretty, sir!”

“M’Sebastian…”

“Ok, Sebastian!” Mabel exclaimed excitedly and continued petting him. “Are you a pretty dragon too?”

Seb shook his head and smiled sleepily. God, sleeping sounded so good right now…

“I-I am...A fire spirit...yeah...I make fiiree an- an heeaat and moove stuff with mah mind,” Seb giggled. Lying was bad...but he wasn’t exactly lying to his family so it wasn’t _that_ bad…

Mabel gasped and put her tiny hands on his cheeks to stare at his brown eye. “Like a fairy?!”

“Yeah...Yeah...Hand-soome fairy…”

Bill walked over to Miz. “Look, you got your Dreamscape together and working last night, right?” he said under his breath to her. At the blinking nod he got, he said, “Thought so. This much fatigue is normal at first,” he informed her quietly. “Why don’t you sleep for a bit? I’ll keep watch against anyone trying to enter your Dreamscape for you, if you want me to,” Bill told her. Getting her to fall asleep was the short-term solution for her, he figured. Sleeping would get her less tired, hopefully more sober again, and keep her from granting wishes in the meantime.

Miz pulled herself up and shifted the plants growing around her until they were larger, thicker, sturdier, and created a bed out of leaves and vines. She knew she should be talking with Bill to find a way to get to his Exit door but...earning the Pines’s trust was also a good idea.

Also sleeping. That sounded like a really good idea. No wonder Ax loved to sleep so much...

Mabel’s eyes shone with a destructive and hyperactive nature. “You can shoot fire?”

“Of courseee I can, Shootting Star!” He tried to make a blue flame with his hand. “Huh?”

Bill stepped away from Miz’s preparations for sleep, to reach out and bodily grab Seb’s wrist. He yanked Seb’s hand around until it was outstretched past the edge of the barrier. “Try now.”

Seb frowned, tried again, then grinned as he made a blue flame dance in his palm. “Go, toouuch itt!! It doesn’t hurt!”

Mabel scooted a little closer to the edge of the barrier and stuck her hand outside the barrier, too. She did as she had been told and laughed as she made the flames shift from side to side.

Melody intervened. “Mabel I don't think that's safe.”

The bounce castle was moving away as Soos and Dipper directed the tourists back to the front of the Shack.

“Make Dipper float, Sebastian!” Mabel giggled excitedly and, obeying the adorable girl’s orders, Seb raised his hand and made Dipper from this dimension start to float upwards. The child shrieked and Seb brought him closer. “Your twin!!” The man smiled widely. “Was saved!”

Bill frowned. No. NO. He snarled and grabbed Seb’s wrist again, shoving it inside the barrier again and following bodily inside, crossing the line. He acted quickly enough that Pine Tree, only a few feet up, dropped to his feet, knees, and hands safely. “--Don't touch him!” Bill snapped, losing his temper. Physical touching was one thing, humans expected that, but grabbing him with his powers?! _No_ . PINE TREE WAS **_HIS_ **.

Seb pouted mockingly. “And if I doooo, whatcha gonna do, kid?!”

Bil glared at him. “ **_Do you really want me to answer that question?_ ** ” Bill told him, dangerous and low as he loomed over Seb.

Miz raised a hand lazily. “No touching other people’s thingssss without asking, Seb…’s rude or shomthing…”

“Kid, get inside the barrier NOW,” Bill called out to Pine Tree, without taking his eyes off of Seb. He didn’t see that Dipper had already been racing to the side to do just that, giving both him and Seb a bit of a wide berth.

Just to annoy both demons, the black-haired man grinned and turned to look at the girl watching him curiously. “Hey pumppkinn what do you want? Your friendly friend will give it to you!” Seb extended a hand for Mabel to shake.

“Yes!” Mabel exclaimed, reaching forward.

“NO,” said Bill, smacking Seb’s hand aside.

“Mabel! Stop asking the DRUNK magical creatures to do stuff for you!” Dipper cries. Seriously?! Why do they all like Mabel so much?!

“Don’t be soo boring, Massonnn!” Seb stuck his tongue out.

Dipper looked completely freaked out that this almost complete stranger knew his name.

Melody moved back behind the barrier and gently took Mabel’s hand, tugging her to her feet and moving her farther away from Seb -- to Bill’s relief -- while scolding her. “Really, Mabel, you really shouldn't take advantage of them when they're impaired like this.”

“Nooo! Mabeell!!” Seb sobbed. He wanted his niblings back... He missed them so much!

“Stop!” Dipper said, looking weirded out.

Bill mentally cursed and physically moved to put himself between Sebastian and Shooting Star --Bill _had_ to, now, as per the mutual nonagression agreement he had with Stanley, Bill was obligated to help defend Pine Tree and Shooting Star if someone outside of the agreement attacked them. And Pine Tree had just said ‘stop’ -- he’d indicated that he was being mentally attacked.

...And this ‘him’ knew nothing about the agreement, and hadn’t had Stanley’s explanation of what ‘no’ and ‘stop’ actually meant in that context. So the first order of business was for Bill to tell this ‘him’ to--

“STOP.” Bill repeated to Seb. “Stop, or I will LET Pine Tree shoot you, Sebastian.” Bill warned this other ‘him’, while at the same time reminding Pine Tree of the fact that he _was_ armed with a potentially deadly weapon that he could use at any time. “I will HELP Pine Tree do it.” He glared down at Seb.

“I CAN do worse than simply killing you by blowing you up and taking away your current body.” Bill informed Seb cooly. He squared his shoulders as he looked down at Sebastian. “You do NOT want me to do worse.” Mainly because Bill didn’t want to even so much as _threaten_ to go back on what he’d already told both (--in front of other witnesses, even!). He didn’t want to say that he _wouldn’t_ help Seb get home if this other ‘him’ kept on doing what he was doing -- because he knew what _home_ meant to _him_ , what it would mean to _any_ ‘him’ -- because that kind of threat would likely push this ‘him’ to the very edge and across a line, one that this other ‘him’ would NOT be able to tolerate, and…

...wait. This ‘him’ was a ‘Sebastian’ that had grown up alongside a _Stanley_ , human. The _reason_ he wanted to return was because he wanted to get back to his _family_. And hadn’t he said he wanted his human-brothers back? Maybe this ‘him’ only needed a kick in the brainpan with the right set of associated word-concepts to make him understand--

“Keep your powers off my Zodiac, Sebastian,” Bill gave his ultimatum. “You don’t want me messing with your family?” he said, repeating nearly verbatim what Stanley had told him not so long ago, “Then don’t mess with my Zodiac.”

But in response to this? Seb just grinned.

‘ _Scare them! Make them angry! They don’t get to order you around, Seb!’_ Bill2 cheered.

Sebastian tried to make some fire appear but it didn't work while he was within the barrier. Miz grumbles loudly from her vine hammock. “Dun be a JERK Seb…” She waved a hand vaguely in his direction. “I'd smack you...but I can't reach you…”

Dipper stared over at the girl. “How come **you** can’t go past the barrier?”

“Because I am entirely made of magic and energy. Seb is...half human…” She was slurring less now as the energy she poured out of herself helped to burn the alcohol out of her system. Now she was just tired.

Seb wiggled a bit as he tried to reach for Mabel around Bill, who kept moving to get in the way. Seb wanted to get pet some more. Compared to Miz, he was still drunk, as evidenced by his attempts to use his powers while inside the barrier and growing more frantic when it didn't work.

Miz groans. “Take three...steps back…” ugh...maybe having a Dreamscape wasn't such a good idea. She was having trouble focusing as her body wanted to sleep.

Seb shakily stepped back and fell backwards to the ground; he landed outside the barrier again. “I imagine death so much it feels more like a mem’ory…” He said tiredly, not realizing his random statement was going to be part of a musical years later.

“ _When's it gonna get me? In my sleep, seven feet ahead of me_?” Miz continued the verse sleepily, knowing about said musical. “ _If I see it coming do I run or do I let it be?"_

Dipper was freaking out. Was the magical creature making a prophecy right now?! He opened the journal to an empty page and began quickly jotting it down. It must be super important. It was a DEATH prophecy!

Seb also was confused by Miz’s singing but made fire flicker in his palm. Yay! It worked again! “I AM the HUmAn TOrch!!!”

Not knowing how her words were being taken, Miz continued “ _Is it like a beat without a melody?”_ Melody frowned as she wondered whether it was referring to her or if it was a coincidence. “ _See I never thought I'd live past twenty...where I come from some get half as many…”_

Bill -- and, without knowing, Seb -- flinched hard at that, both thinking of ‘Liam…’

“ _Ask anybody why we livin’ fast and we laugh...reach for a flask...we have to make this moment last…_ ” Miz rolled over. “ _That’s plenty…”_ she was getting sleepier and her words growing more quiet, more mumbled.

Dipper leaned forward. “Wait! Don't sleep yet! What's the rest of it?”

“... _not a moment…'s movement...hungriest brothers with something to prove when...foes oppose us...we take an honest stand...claimin’ our promised land…”_

“Dipper, she’s rapping!” Mabel giggled.

Dipper was writing this down frantically. It certainly SOUNDED important...and by the pale and stressed expression on both Bill’s and Sebastian's faces, it must be significant somehow.

“ _And if we win our independence...izzat a gar...tee...freedom for our...descendents…or will the blood we shed...begin...endless cycle of vengeance and death with no_...” Miz slumped limply and finally lost consciousness.

Sebastian felt awful. It had been fun at first but his face was red and burning, the bright sun was there, shining and making his body sweat. Gasping for air, his entire body caught in flames, just like it did the day Mabel met Mermando at the pool. Dying…he was dying…He couldn’t…

Seb’s eyes rolled backwards and he passed out.

Melody gasped in shock as the man passed out, his entire body covered in flames. The fire wasn’t burning his body, but the blue flames were sneakily running across the grass and setting the leaves on fire.

Bil snarled and jumped back across the barrier. NO RUNAWAY FLAMES. Not again, not here, NOT EVER. NEVER AGAIN. He stood tall, braced his feet, and made a wide sweeping gesture, and all of the flames went out. ALL OF THEM.

Bill stared at the ground, chest heaving. He slowly moved his head to look around at the damage from the uncontrolled fire he’d just forcibly extinguished.

Bill looked up at the two other ‘him’s, both of them drunk and passed out on the ground like a couple of humans who had had too much alcohol.

And then Bill heard the sound of Stanley’s car coming up the road to the Shack.

“ _Fine_ ,” Bill said quietly under his breath, almost to himself, with a not-quite-sane glint in his eyes. “You don’t want to do it the better way with me? Nearly burn everything down instead? --I can do it the ‘easy’ way instead. Which is the _hard_ _way_ for _you_.”...At least, Bill _hoped_ so. He was working off a lot of assumptions and partial information, here.

As the car engine turned over, and the car doors slammed open, Bill balanced himself on the heels of his feet, then leaned forward abruptly, brought his hands together in front of his chest in the shape of a triangle, and _screamed_ out loud at the top of his lungs: “ **_!!!L-T-O-L-O-X-A!!!_ ** ”

There was a moment of frozen silence, when time itself seemed to stop and stand still.

And then--

\----

Miz blinked slowly as she floated in the ocean. Oh. She fell asleep. There was a shift in the currents and a large pink creature swam up to her. Oh. Ax…

Ax!

Miz’s eyes widened and she looked down to see she was Bill again. Top hat and all. He looked up at his...father...and winced at the look on his face. Ax wasn't quite...MAD per say but he certainly looked upset.

“Hi Ax…” Bill said sheepishly. “How did you ah...find me?”

Ax continued staring at him quietly, stern and unhappy. Bill looked away and flicked his bowtie a few times. “Yeah...I know I fucked up. I know I went behind your back and opened the door anyway...sorry…”

Ax still wasn't talking to him. It was almost worse. At least if Ax was scolding him or doing ANYTHING else, he could feel like he was being properly chastised for this. But Ax was just staring at him and Bill couldn't stand it.

He couldn't hear Ax’s thoughts, never could. It made it so hard to tell what the big guy was thinking. As the silence stretched on though, Bill started getting angry. “Hey! I know I broke my promise not to open the door but…” he shook with pent up emotion. “You also lied to ME!”

That finally got a reaction from the salamander. Ax frowned and a guilty look appeared on his face for a split second before he was stern once more.

**-It was for your own good. You were not ready. You would have gotten hurt-**

“I am NOT a child Ax!” Bill fumed. “And why didn't you tell me I could SLEEP?! Was **_that_ ** something that would get me HURT?!”

**-Yes-**

The response floored Bill. He thought Ax would have looked guilty about his millennia of sleep deprived suffering. But Ax was sticking to his decision?!

“What...do you mean? How would sleeping hurt me?” Bill demanded.

 **-You should already know the answer to that-** Ax says calmly.

Bill wanted to be mad. He wanted to STAY mad. But Ax was right. Just thinking about it for a little while was all it took for Bill to understand what Ax meant. “Because it would have left me vulnerable…” Bill said quietly. Not just physically, his constructs were empty vessels. It meant any other energy being passing through could possess it if he was no longer there.

If Bill had gone to sleep, letting his Mind and Soul go off and prance around his Dreamscape then pretty much ANYTHING could have come by and taken his body. And more importantly, back when he had first gotten his powers, falling asleep would have meant his powers would leak out and destroy everything around him while he was unaware of the world.

He understood Ax’s reasoning but…

“But I'm old enough to take care of myself now. I can sleep without hurting anyone else. I can protect myself now.” Bill says sadly. “So why wouldn't you **_trust_ ** me to do so?” his voice cracked a little.

 **-I didn't want to risk it-** Ax’s expression softened. He reached out his large arms and took the triangle into his embrace. **-I was too worried about what terrible things might happen-**

“You're more paranoid than I am…” Bill grumbled but hugged Ax back. “But I'm not that broken child anymore. I'm still cracked...and I suppose...I MIGHT still be a little...young…” he didn't like admitting it. “But I'm old enough to take care of myself. You don't have to hide things from me because you think I can't handle it.” He pouted at Ax.

**-I will...try to keep that in mind…-**

Ax seemed a little hesitant. **-You're not...mad at me?-** he asks quietly.

Bill scowled. “Oh I am FURIOUS.” He hissed. The AXOLOTL flinched. “What the FUCK Ax?! You...you LIED to me! For...over 500 BILLION YEARS!!!”

The God of All had the decency to look sheepish.

“And YES I can see why you were worried about me opening my door to meet the other Mes.” There were infinite doors. By simple probability there were bound to be some who were AWFUL, terrible people. “But goddamnit Ax! Did you SEE Sebastian? He's a Woobie! An adorable Woobie who needs help!”

Bill thumped a tiny fist on Ax’s squishy arm. “I want to help people. You KNOW that! There are so many other Bills out there who are suffering!” He started crying. “I can HELP them! I CAN!”

Ax sighed. **-You can't do that Bill-** he pulled Bill away and stared it him sternly. **-You cannot keep interfering with their lives. It is against the rules-**

“Screw the rules I'm BILL CIPHER!” Bill snapped. “It's not FAIR!” his tears dribbled down his plane.

**-The world isn't fair-**

“Why not?! You're the AXOLOTL! Why can't you let this be?” Bill sobs.

**-You KNOW why I can't…-**

Bill sniffled. Yeah. Free will. That's why the world is unfair. Because in order to make a perfect world where everyone is happy, one would need to remove independent thought. And Bill understood just how terrible that would be.

He hated that he could understand where Ax was coming from. He hated that he couldn't refute it. “M’ still mad at you…” Bill mumbled grumpily. Ax hugged him close and rumbled. **-Are you ready to come home?-**

Was he? Could Ax really just...pluck him out of a dimension and bring him home? Bill blinks. “Not yet.” He says quietly. “I want to make sure Seb gets home first. I want to say bye to Bill.”

He feels Ax nod. **-Alright then. You can open a door on your own now-**

Bill grumbled. “Can't believe you set my Mindscape to get sealed up when I go to an alternate reality…”

**-I didn't want you getting too far away. It took me a while to track you down…I wouldn't have found you at all if the Bill from this world hadn't invoked me-**

Bill rolled his eye fondly. “Sorry I made you have to actually get up and DO some exercise.” When Ax gave him a pout, an actual POUT, Bill devolved into hysterical laughter. He eventually calmed, wiping a tear from his eye and snuggled into Ax’s face. “I love you Ax.” He said. And he meant it. Even if part of him was still hurt and angry that he'd been LIED to...it didn't change how he felt.

He still loved the AXOLOTL. Probably always will. The two held each other until Bill woke up.

\---

Miz woke up and whimpered at the pounding headache. Fuck...hangovers suuuuck! She rolled over and groaned. She laid there for a few seconds before jolting up in surprise. “Shit!” She looks around. She wasn't in the backyard of the Mystery Shack.

She had been moved while asleep.

Yeah, this was the sort of thing Ax was worried about. Miz groaned. Where was she? Who moved her? Her tail twitched. Oh. She still had that. She was distracted for a bit just twirling her tail and admiring her work. Even drunk, she still managed a spontaneous bodily mutation without tearing her body apart or completely ruining her vessel.

She glanced around. Ah, she was in the underground bunker. She could see the cryo pods and shuddered. Trapped. Frozen. Imprisoned.

God damn paranoid Ford.

This was definitely Ford's idea. Miz groaned, her head ache sucked. Miz took a deep breath and sat up with her legs under her in a proper kneeling position as she _reached_ inside herself for her Mindscape. Might as well get THIS fixed. Unlike before where Ax had blocked her off from it (to stop her from moving, to stop her from getting more lost), this time she easily felt herself enter the theater/bedroom that made up her Mindscape.

She glanced around and easily found the Exit door. It was ajar. She walked over and closed it. She didn't want to accidentally get sucked out before she was ready. Also, it was kinda dangerous for the door to remain open. Who knew what could use that door to sneak inside her mind?

She fully understood now.

That Void of Doors was her TRUE Dreamscape. A pathway that leads to all the other infinite realities. And she had the door shut firmly this whole time. On Ax’s orders she had locked the door behind a shelf and stayed away from it. Because it was too dangerous.

If she entered the void of doors and left the door open...if any OTHER Bill Cipher could sneak into her Mindscape and take over her vessel…

Yeah, no wonder Ax made her seal it away, trapping her out of her Dreamscape and the sleep it would grant. But it's fine. She can create a separate Dreamscape for herself now. She's figured it out. After she gets her new friend Seb back home...she would seal off the door again.

It would be sad not being able to visit Seb, but she would need to set up more security features around her Exit before she trusted herself to explore her Dreamscape any more. Too dangerous.

Miz opened her eyes back into the real world and sighed. Her attention was caught by heavy footfalls and she blinked as THE Ford Pines came down the stairs and paused when he saw her awake. Miz stared.

Oh no he's hot.

Miz blushed and quickly averted her eyes. Oh man...those fanarts were RIGHT! She wondered if that said something about her...she saw a younger Ford in the other world and he WAS incredibly cute...but **this** older Ford with his gray hairs and strong jawline with faint age lines…

Miz squealed and wiggled in place. Eeeeeee!!!!

Ford raised an eyebrow at her, confused as to what that reaction was for. The high pitched squeals she was making were odd. Was that her native dragon language? She was wiggling and turning red and... Ford suddenly realized that she was acting like his great niece when she spotted a cute boy.

Ford turned bright red and prayed to the AXOLOTL that he was wrong in his observation. From the way the little magical creature was sneaking shy glances at him before squealing again dashed his hopes. ‘Oh no.’ He really couldn't deal with this.

“Ah… are y-you alright?” Ford said, trying to hide his embarrassment. He was still suspicious about this girl -- she had been with that man with _Bill’s_ tattoo on his back! -- but despite what Stanley might think, he wasn't heartless. He had carefully checked this girl with every non-intrusive test he could, and they all came back consistent with her earlier claim: she was what she said she was.

A dragon.

‘ _Perhaps she doesn't know her companion is somehow controlled by Bill Cipher?_ ’ Ford reasoned. Melody had said she had claimed to be foreign and had come to Gravity Falls on the recommendation of some… unknown people. Ford frowned. Dragons had powerful magic. Perhaps Bill had sent a puppet to lure her here so that he could devour her.

‘ _Yes. That must be it.’_ Ford was sure of it. Bill Cipher could _not_ be trusted and, according to Melody, Bill had wanted -- actually WANTED -- to speak with this girl. Why would Bill of all people, want to socialize with another magical creature, if not to feed on their energy and steal their power for himself?! --And that would be doubly more the case _now_ , given Bill’s current situation.

Miz looked around the room. She shuddered when she spotted the crude barrier runes scratched into each of the walls, lining the room. She twitched and patted herself down to make sure there were no binding runes on her. Thank Ax she found none.

Wait.

“Where's Seb?” Miz asked Ford worriedly. No. He couldn't have. He better not have. Her heart sank when Ford’s expression darkened.

“Your... companion is not who he seems,” Ford informed her curtly.

Miz furrowed her brows in worry. “What do you mean?”

“Do you… know who Bill Cipher is?” Ford asked.

Miz nodded. Just play along until she could go free Seb from where she knew he was being held. “Everyone knows who Bill Cipher is,” she said. Because **everyone** in the supernatural world knows who Bill Cipher was.

Ford pursed his lips. “Well, your companion was being controlled by Bill.”

Miz blinked slowly. “Um… no he isn't.”

Ford frowned. “...Yes, he was. I found Bill’s zodiac tattooed on his back. And one of his eyes was… _Bill’s_ eye!”

Miz rolled her own eyes. “Seb got drunk one night and got that tattoo. Thought it was funny. And please don't talk about his eye, he's sensitive about it.” She bullshit easily.

Ford looked to be at a loss for words. “But… he… is one of Bill Cipher's puppets!” he told her, trying to communicate the true gravity of the situation. “Your companion is being possessed.”

“Where's your proof? I MET Bill Cipher and frankly, he seemed like a perfectly nice demon.” Miz crossed her arms.

Ford pulled in a breath. Trust Bill to have actually introduced himself to his victims. --That triangle demon never changed! He felt seconds from tearing out his hair in frustration. “There _are_ no good demons! They're **demons**!” Ford told the little dragon.

“That's racist.” Miz deadpanned. Ford looked like he was gonna have a fit. It was pretty hilarious.

Frustrated, Ford looked down at the floor and tried to think of a way to convince her that what he was telling her was a valid concern.

Meanwhile, Miz began walking off to search for where Seb could be. Ford looked up just in time to realize she’d nearly left him behind in the room alone, and rushed to try to stop her from leaving. Except he didn’t feel comfortable trying to grab her by the arm, because…

Miz watched as Ford reached out towards her, but kept holding himself back from actually touching her, an odd look on his face. “Wait!” she heard him say. “You can't just…”

“Seb and I need to get home.” Miz said simply.

Ford, not to be deterred, got ahead of her and ended up standing in the doorway to try and stop her from leaving. “You have to stay here where it's safe! Bill is going to hurt you!”

Miz frowned. “Look, I don't know what your problem with Bill is but he seems like an okay dude. He's been nothing but helpful and he even offered to help us get home.”

Ford made a frustrated noise.

\---

While Miz entertained Stanford (who she’d left momentarily aghast), Seb groaned as he opened both his uncovered eyes. Now he imagined death, he wished it came. His head was killing him.

Seb raised a hand to rub his forehead but found them heavy. The confused man whined and looked down at his hands, only to find his wrists wrapped with shackles and chains.

‘ _Urgh, paranoid old man…’_ Bill2 huffed.

Panicking, Seb tried to stand up but his ankles also had chains. He stared down himself in horror, realizing he was shirtless, and saw some strange symbols on the floor, not remembering what they were. He cried. He felt -- or rather, _did not_ feel -- the itchy cloth over his eye and immediately he knew what happened. He whimpered and pulled at the chains desperately, but it was useless.

“Help!! S-Stanford!!! LET ME GO! MIZZ!! MIIIZZZZ!!!!” The man sobbed, pulling at the chains. No, no, no!! He was never going to get out of here! He would never return to his niblings! Ford was going to kill him!

_‘Your brother would do the same, you are a monster.’_

“MIIIZZZZ!!!!!”””

\---

Miz perked up, she and Ford could hear the wailing cry. “Seb!” Miz called back. Ford was nervously still standing in front of the door.

Miz was annoyed now. She pushed at Ford to try and get him out of the way (ooh...got some muscle there) and pouted. “Move, please.” It was quite upsetting that she wasn't physically strong enough to move him. Curse her tiny and adorable body.

Ford stood firm. “You don't understand,” he told her almost desperately. “I'm trying to _protect_ you.”

Miz glared at him. “I am not a child! Why does EVERYONE treat me like one?!” she proclaimed angrily, before she lifted Ford up into the air with her powers and floated him out of the way.

She ignored his panicked sounds as she stepped through the doorway, grunting a little as she had to tear her way through the barrier seals. She knew how to take down most seals, she'd done extensive research on the subject matter after her incident.

“Seb!!!” Miz called out, letting go of her hold on Ford as she began running down the halls, searching for her friend.

\---

Seb looked up when he heard her distant calls and smiled shakily. “M-Miz!!! Help me!!!” She was going to get him out. She had to!

_‘It is her fault you are trapped. She will not help.’_

Seb shook his head. Miz wouldn't do that. She was a demon Bill Cipher but she was nice. He pulled at the chains and whimpered. He really hoped he wouldn't be trapped here forever. If he couldn't get home, who would save Stan and Ford? He couldn't stand the thought of Dillon going yet another year without his father. A father he never got to meet because Sebastian was a FUCKING idiot!

“-eeeeeeb!”

Miz was still calling for him. Searching for him. Seb glanced around. Why hadn't she simply used her All Seeing Eye to find him? Well, there were no triangles here. Even his tattoo had a large bandage criss-crossed over the eye of the Bill tattoo on his back.

“Miiizz!!!!” He shouted. It was the only thing he could do right now. “I’m here!!!” Shouting hurt his throbbing head but he didn’t care. He wanted to get OUT. “Please… Please…” He sobbed but then his eyes widened in revelation.

That wasn’t his body. He could get **out**.

With a little bit of concentration, Seb left the vessel he had been wearing the whole time and sighed in relief when he found himself out, staring at the runes and chains holding back the empty vessel. Now to find Miz!

\---

Miz continued looking frantically for the man, shouting his name when suddenly, she started hearing him ...but different.

“Miz!” Seb called out, phasing through the walls and doors to find his friend. He spotted her running around, closely followed by an old- and worried-looking Ford. He wasn’t important right now, though, so he called out to the girl demon.

“OH CIRCLES, THERE YOU ARE!” Seb shouted.

“Seb!” Miz gasped.

“I’m not as dumb as everyone thinks!” Seb grinned, running a hand through his non-corporeal brown-blond curly hair, god he’d missed his original form!

Miz grinned, glad that Seb had managed to escape on his own. Sort of. “I still need to find that construct so I can dispel it.” she told him.

“Eat it.” Seb recommended her with a grin, showing her his fangs. Miz grinned with her own set of fangs. She’d never tried eating one of her own constructs before. Pyronica had assured her they were delicious though.

Ford, who couldn't hear Seb's half of the conversation, looked around wildly. “Dispel it? Dispel what?” he said, incredibly confused. Miz and Sebastian ignored him.

“Can you lead me to where he's keeping you?” Miz asked Seb. It was so hard to see down here with all that thick metal and lack of triangles.

Ford frowned. “No. Stop!”

But Miz was already running off down the hall following Sebastian’s ghostly image. Ford really couldn't stop her unless he physically restrained her, and he couldn't get close now since she'd put up a force field.

“Found it~” Miz chirped as she came upon the room with the limp construct, Ford following almost at her heels.

Ford did a double take when he noticed the body was no longer breathing. “Oh, no...” He felt horribly guilty, thinking that Bill had killed his host.

Miz shivered at the sight of the circle on the ground. Binding runes AND chains? Paranoid much? She set the circle on fire with a thought. The runes and the body burned up, leaving Ford jumping backwards in shock.

Miz stared into the flickering flames and sighed. “Well. I guess this is what happens.” She says quietly. “Oh well.” She shrugs as the flames died down to reveal the broken circle and burned body.

“I-I'm sorry for your loss…” Ford said guiltily, staring at the body. He clenched his fists, furious. See?! This was what he meant! Bill was dangerous and he had just killed this poor girl’s companion! But a part of Ford also felt vindicated, because now he finally had proof he needed to show that Stanley was wrong! ‘ _Bill is evil and he won't ever change.’_

Seb rolled his eye. “Urgh… This guy will never change…”

Miz nodded. Silly paranoid Ford. Boy she sure hoped _her_ Ford wasn't such an idiot. She stepped up to the body and knelt beside it.

Ford coughed awkwardly as he watched her. “If you need a moment to grieve, or… _what ARE YOU DOING!?_ ” Ford screamed when Miz twisted the body’s leg until it snapped off and took a bite out of it. Much like with the fish she swallowed whole, she gulped down the leg.

(Got too tired to color)

Sebastian and Bill2 burst into laughter.

“Hm… kinda dry. I should have seasoned it first…” Miz mumbled with her mouth full. She ripped off the other leg as Ford gagged in horror behind her, slapping a hand over his mouth. She turned to him and offered the leg. “Do you want a bite?” she asked him calmly.

Ford stared at her, wide-eyed and absolutely horrified.

“Throw the leg at him!” Seb exclaimed. Bill2 and him started chanting. “Throw the leg, throw the leg!”

“Guys, guys… Why would I throw a perfectly good leg? If it drops it'll be a waste of food.” Miz asked. Seb and Bill2 pouted in disappointment.

“-When I can throw the head!” She grinned and twisted the vessel’s head until it came off with a sickening crack. She threw it into the air and used her tail to hit it towards Ford. “Catch!!”

Ford went deathly pale and dropped to the ground, ducking under the grisly projectile. He nearly let out a scream. He hadn’t realized-- _dragons actually_ **_ate_ ** _humans?!_

The three (or two and a half) demons laughed at the panicked man. Miz took a few more bites before dispelling the body back into dust. “Well now that _that's_ done, I have some good news,” she told Seb, as Ford slowly backed away from her.

“What?!” the man asked excitedly.

Miz grinned. “Dad found me. We had a talk and I can make doors by myself now! Like a big girl!” She puffed out her chest proudly.

Ford hadn’t realized that there might actually be a reason why she and Bill seemed able to get along. Now, he knew. She was likely Bill’s latest attempt at a new recruit for his Henchmaniacs -- this was _exactly_ the sort of behavior that Bill’s minions engaged in without a thought of guilt, empathy, or remorse.

Unfortunately, Ford also knew exactly how powerful most dragons were purported to be, So, in the face of her ongoing distraction with whatever or whoever she was talking to(?!), he took the opportunity to move himself out of her field of vision, and then quickly bolted for the nearest door. He needed to get himself to a defensible location, and warn Stanley and the others about her!

“Wow!” Seb smiled and offered her a 6-fingered hand to high six. “So we can go home now!?” His eye lit up.

Miz nodded. “Yup. But I wanted to say goodbye to Bill first...maybe help him with something as thanks for what he's taught me.”

Seb nodded. One part of him wanted to complain, _home_!!, but his adult part understood. Miz helped him with the portal, it figured she wanted to help Bill too.

“Alright then. Let's get out of here and find Bill.” Seb said simply. Miz nodded. “Where is that door?”

Miz felt a little bad about how traumatized Ford had looked. “Hey, don't worry. Sebastian is fine,” she said for Ford’s benefit. “He is just back in spirit form. He even told me I could eat his body,” she shrugged. “It's not like I can't build another one.” At the lack of response, she turned around to face him, then she blinked in surprise when she realized the old man was gone. “Huh… he ran.”

“Shit really?” Seb looked around. Dammit Ford! “Now how are we gonna get out?” he asked.

Miz hummed. “I can teleport.” She says. Though her aim might be a bit off. Trying to triangulate (omg lol) her position while underground and surrounded by thick metal would be harder for her.

Miz reached out to grab Seb's hand. “Hold on tight. You are riding Miz airlines, please keep your appendages inside the warp zone at all times~” she closed her eyes and Blinked away.

\---

“Stanley.”

“Kid,” Stanley said right back.

“ _Stanley._ ”

“Kid.” Stanley sounded _amused_ of all things, which Bill was less than thrilled about.

“This isn’t funny,” Bill said flatly, from where he was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room of the Shack, cross-legged in the exact center of a bunch of chalk-drawn lines that might as well be scribbles for all the effectiveness the stupid things were having on him at the moment. He was covered in paper streamers.

Shooting Star tossed another handful over him. They had tiny lettering on them -- courtesy of Stanford-freaking-Pines himself, by way of Pine Tree diligently copying the runes out of the notebook Stanford had left for him onto the paper, because _of course he was doing that_.

Bill crossed his arms.

“You _know_ I’m not possessing anybody right now,” Bill said to Stanley, with an edge to his tone. Because Stanley had to know how absolutely _ridiculous_ all of this was.

“Yeah?” Stanley said breezily from where he was sitting in his chair-throne in the middle of the room, facing the TV. He was holding a magazine, which he was at the very least doing a good job of pretending to be reading. “Do I know that?”

“ _YES_ ,” Bill gritted out, glaring at him as Shooting Star threw another handful of paper streamers over him that were doing absolutely _nothing_ to or for him.

“Uh huh,” said Stanley. He actually looked up from his magazine to eye him. “So you can explain to me why that guy’s eye looks like, the way the kids say your eyes _used_ to look like, when you were possessing somebody?”

Bill clenched his jaw. “WE’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS.” Several times by this point, in fact!

“Yeah,” said Stanley. “You say you know, but you’re not tellin’.” He looked back down at his magazine. “That’s fine.”

“ _Stanley!_ ”

“It is,” Stanley told him, shaking out his magazine. “...You can just keep on sitting there until Ford’s sure that you’re not actually hurting that guy,” Stanley told him. “Or…” Stanley looked up at him again. “You can tell me what’s going on.”

Bill kept his arms crossed and remained belligerently silent. Shooting Star threw another handful of ‘confetti’ over his head.

“Suit yourself,” Stanley said good-naturedly, looking back down at his magazine.

The phone rang.

Bill glanced over at it, frowning. Pine Tree and Shooting Star ignored it. Stanley got up from his chair to answer it, grumbling under his breath as he started to shuffle towards it.

And then there was a loud noise that startled the lot of them, capturing absolutely everyone’s attention in the Shack, because--

\---

Good news, she got them back to the Mystery Shack.

Bad news, she hit the side of the Mystery Shack, popping face first against the barrier with a cartoonish ‘Thunk!’ and sliding down the dome slowly.

It was after hours now so at least there were no tourists around to see her face plant onto the ground. Unfortunately for her, all the inhabitants of the Shack, along with her spirit companions, heard/saw the embarrassing display.

“AHAHAHAHAH!” Seb and Bill2 laughed hysterically. Miz groaned “Uwu…” she rubbed her face, eyes tearing up at the bruise that was no doubt going to form on her cheek where she hit the barrier. “S’not funny…” She whined.

When Seb just continued laughing, Miz rolled her eyes and looked around. The bouncy castle was still visible around the side of the Shack. That's good, she hoped Mabel enjoyed it. She could See that Bill was inside the shack.

She also saw that they seriously thought he was partially possessing Seb. Ugh. She looked over at Seb who was still laughing as he floated around in the Mindscape. “Hey. Bill’s sort of in trouble because of you right now.”

That got him to stop. Seb sobered quickly and looked worried. “Oh... Is there anything we can do?” That kid might have been absolutely insane, but he didn't seem like a bad kid.

Miz frowned. How could she explain Seb’s eye? The zodiac tattoo could be easily and truthfully explained as Seb’s terrible drunk decision. Maybe imply that Bill was some sort of infamous celebrity in the supernatural community (which, once again, was the truth). But the eye would be harder.

A birth defect? That would, again, be the truth. Ah, that's it! Miz had already told them all that Sebastian was half-human. She can spin it so that the yellow eye was from his Fire Spirit half -- once again, technically true (Bill was mainly a Fire elemental type demon). And he kept it hidden because he had been raised by humans (truth) and was horribly bullied for it (truth).

She flickered quickly through some more information about Seb’s life, realizing afterwards that it might have been a terrible breach of his privacy but she was just so USED to doing this whenever she wanted to know something, and found even more truthful evidence to build the story on.

Sebastian was a half-elemental fire spirit who had been raised by humans. He was bullied all his life for his eye, a sign of his mixed heritage, not that he knew, and only discovered his powers and said heritage when his abilities suddenly manifested. Seeking help to control his powers, he had gone into seclusion to meditate and left his physical body behind to search for someone to help him. That was how he met Miz within the Mindscape and she had taken him around the world to other Supernatural hotspots to let him get acclimated to other forms of magic.

She nodded to herself. Cover story made and, for a lack of time to explain as such, she projected the information directly into Seb's mind. He hissed and clenched his teeth. “Ow...oh...that's…” he blinked as the pain faded just as quickly as it came. “That's pretty cool…”

The door to the Shack swung open, and Stan stepped out onto the porch, squinting out across the grass in Miz’s direction.

“ _Great_ ,” Stan muttered, as he stared at the ‘dragon’ standing out in his backyard. Just what he had needed today. “‘I’ll keep her isolated someplace safe,’ sure, Ford,” he grumbled out. “Whatever you say,” he added sarcastically, because sometimes, _his brother_ , Stan swore…

“--Hey!” Stan yelled out, in such a way that his voice projected across the yard so that it would be heard, not quite ‘Mr. Mystery’-style. “You didn’t eat Ford, did you?”

Miz grinned, a tiny mouth filled with sharp teeth. “No, but Seb asked me to eat his vessel because he woke up chained and bound in runes. He didn't appreciate it and wanted to get a new one.”

“Uh huh,” said Stan. “Who’s Seb, and what’s a vessel?” Stan asked. He didn’t actually have to ask what a vessel was; Bill had first brought that up when the ‘human-ish body, not possessing some random person!’ thing had been a thing, and it had come up again during some of that ‘anchor-not-a-binding’ talk he’d had with the kid two days ago.

Miz gestured beside her. “Seb's over here but he's in spirit form so you can't exactly see him.” She turned to speak to what Stan only saw as empty air. “Do you want a new vessel?”

Seb nodded. “Same one?” He asked. Miz shook her head. “Naw, something...a little closer to your ‘true' form this time.” She winked at him and he grinned, excited to see what she would create this time.

As both Sebastian and Stanley watched, Miz held her hands out and began pulling at the air before her, fingers moving as if she were weaving something. The air swirled and this time she made deliberate dust clouds to cover the process of a body being built from the ground up. Bones, organs, muscles, skin…

The appearance this time was similar to Sebastian's real form mixed with the new one she had made a day ago. Bright blond hair mixed with black, a handsome face and mismatched eyes. This time though she added a little something extra. Golden markings that looked like flames now decorated the skin of his face and body along the side where his demon eye was. Miz was going to milk the idea of the eye being a sign of his Fire spirit heritage showing through.

If they asked, she would say his previous, fully human appearance was created on his requests due to a desire to fit in.

Stan watched this whole procedure without comment, or any real expression on his face at all. Once she was done, Stan grimaced slightly, scratched the side of his cheek, and said, “Yeah, okay. You didn’t kill Ford, did you?” in the same tone of voice that he’d used when he’d asked if she’d eaten his brother not a minute earlier.

Miz shook her head. “I wouldn't do that. Even if he was super rude, he hasn't caused me or Seb any truly lasting damage.” She tilted her head at him. “But if he DID then I confess I might try to take a bite out of him.”

“More like a nibble, your mouth is so small.” Seb said teasingly as he settled into his new vessel. He admired the swirling golden pattern along his skin. This was so fucking awesome!!

“Uh huh,” Stan said without really any inflection to his tone. “You want to tell me what you want with the kid?” he asked her, while more or less ignoring the weird body she’d pulled out of nowhere. Stan assumed that was why she was back at the Shack, anyway.

“Well you see, I came here as a vacation thing to feel the magic in this valley.” Miz answered politely. “But I realized a little while after we came that there seemed to be a barrier around this whole area. Supernaturals can come in but they can't leave.”

Stan gave her a long look, but didn’t say anything. That was lie number one and two.

Miz sighed. “I asked around for anyone who might know how to help and heard about the Mystery Shack. And here I met Bill. And um...I realized that I needed his help if I wanted to leave and go home.”

Lie number three. Stan was less than impressed at this point, already. ‘Meeting Bill here’ seemed to be on the mark. He wasn’t too surprised that Bill hadn’t been the one to reach out first; he’d had a long talk with Bill about what a bad idea it would be to get involved with any of his ‘Henchmaniacs’ right now. ...Stan was less sure about that last one, though. ‘Help’ for a demon was a concept he was still working on working out with the kid, still.

Seb watched Miz quietly and sighed. He could tell Stanley wasn't buying it. “Hey Miz, I think we can trust Stan with the truth. He's not Ford. I think he would understand.” Seb glanced up at this alternative version of his brother. Stan might not be into science, but he had always been more truthful than Ford, he _believed_ you. Even his wife-to-be believed him!

“Trust an old con-man?” Stan gave them both a Mr. Mystery grin. “Sure -- you can step right up and try your luck!”

Miz glanced at Seb. He gave her a calm look and she sighed. “Fine,” she pouted. “But I was having fun making up a cool story to use.” She took a deep breath. “I disobeyed my dad and did something I wasn't supposed to and it led to me getting lost and stuck here. And I thought I needed Bill’s help to get home.”

Stan lost the fake grin and his eyebrows went up. As far as he could tell, the dragon wasn’t actually feeding him a line this time.

Seb had a grin as he nudged her. “And…?” He asked.

Miz pouted harder. “And Bill DID help. He called my dad...and I got sort of lectured...but everything's good now and I can get us back home…” She rubbed her arm and shifted shyly. “And I came back here because I wanted to thank him for his help. Both for calling my dad and also for teaching me how to get over my insomnia.”

“Huh,” Stan said contemplatively.

Seb laughed at her, which made her blush in embarrassment. “Aw~little Miz got scolded by her papa~” he teased.

Miz kicked him in the shin. As Seb jumped around hissing in pain, Miz folded her arms and pouted even harder. Bill2 was laughing loudly ‘ _Pathetic! You're getting beat up by a girl half your size! Weaaakk!’_

“Eh, well, I’ll pass along the thanks to the kid,” Stan told them. “He’s a little... _busy_ right now,” he added with not quite a smirk.

Miz nodded but looked a bit disappointed that she couldn't tell Bill herself. She thought for a bit before coming to a decision. “Can you give Bill a message for me?” She asked.

“Sure,” Stan said, leaning up against the wooden porch-post to his right. “What’s the message?”

Miz thought about how to phrase it. “Tell him that I know he hates my dad and I understand why and where he's coming from. But I know that even if my dad's...neglectful...he really DOES care. Deep down. And he’s just too afraid and kinda stupid to know how to show it.”

Stan frowned slightly. “You sure you want me to pass that along to him?”

Miz nodded. “I know he won't appreciate it but I think it's important.” She bit her lip, wondering how much she was allowed to say. She didn't want another lecture about keeping the alternative realities separate and stuff. “I know dad also loves him too. If he didn't...then Bill wouldn't have survived as long as he has…” she left it at that, unwilling or unable to say more. Seb was frowning at her while Bill2 screamed _‘What kind of bullshit is that?! The Axolotl ‘loving' us?! What a joke!’_

Stan gave out a sigh. “Look,” he said. “Enough with the cryptic bull that’s gonna make the kid that much angrier.” He gave her another long look. “The kid talks to me, yeah? And there’s only one thing that kid hates,” he told her. “And it’s ‘that stupid lizard’ of his. I know exactly what he thinks about the ‘it’ you’re talking about. I tell him what you just told me? And the kid might just write you off completely.” He watched her carefully. “You _sure_ you want me to pass that along to him?”

Miz sighed. “Yeah. I figured. I just...wanted him to stop being angry all the time. He's never gonna get over his trauma and pain if he keeps holding onto it.” She shuffled her legs in the grass. “I was sad for the longest time. I lost my brother and nothing else seemed to matter anymore...but dad told me to go find some friends. And I have. And they're my family now. They'll never replace my brother but I can think about him without as much pain as I used to…” She looked away sheepishly. “I know it sounds kinda pretentious but I kinda wanted to help Bill feel better too.”

“Look,” Stan said, feeling uncomfortable at the mention of a ‘lost brother’, but deciding to level with her over this. “The kid’s not gonna stop being angry until he fixes everything that that lizard-dad of yours won’t,” Stan told her flat-out. “Words ain’t gonna help. He’s had a trillion years to think about every last thing he doesn’t like about everything, and...” Stan shook his head. “Kid still doesn’t know how he’s going to pull it off -- hell, not like I know any better -- but he ain’t giving up. That’s his line. ...One of ‘em, anyway.” Stan shrugged at her and straightened back up. “I’ll tell the kid what you told me, but all you’re really doing is telling him how much you don’t know that he thinks he already does.”

Miz sighed. “Figures. I suppose he IS older than me...well thanks anyway. If you think it'd be better for him not to hear you can just forget it, I'll leave it up to your judgment..”

Stan shrugged. He’d probably tell Bill. Later that night, when no-one and their pig was listening in. The kid had surprised him before; maybe he’d handle it better than Stan thought.

Miz gave Stan a polite bow and was about to leave when she thought of something. She smirked. One last bit of chaos. She flicked her fingers and created a quarter. It looked like any regular quarter. She played with it for a bit before walking up and leaving it at the edge of the barrier. “A little gift for you, for listening to me ramble and...for taking care of Bill. If there's anyone who can help him heal...it’d probably be you.”

“Thanks,” Stan said sarcastically with a knowing look, crossing his arms. “But I don’t take gifts from demons for junk I’d do without a bribe.” And ‘healing’ wasn’t exactly what he was trying to do anyway. Kid was completely insane. If this dragon-demon or whatever didn’t get that… well, that wasn’t his problem.

Miz smiled. “It's a Quarter. A perfectly normal US Quarter...that’ll always return to you within a day of you spending it.” She shrugged. “Take it or leave it. I don't particularly care.”

Stan’s eyebrows went up.

“I’ll think about it,” Stan said casually, eyes alight. But what he was _really_ thinking of was getting the kid to check it over after the two whatevers had left, and to make more of the things if he could. Could come in handy someday, or at least at the slots in Vegas...

She turns to Seb who was still gazing at Stan. Circles, he missed his brother so much. 30 years. That was how long this Stan spent to get his Ford back. Seb clenched his hands into fists. _I'll get them back. I WILL. And I will never stop trying until I do._ He thought. Seb took a deep breath, trying not to break down here, and slipped his hand onto Miz’s. “So we're heading home now huh?”

She smiles. “Yeah.” With a twist of her power she materialized the Exit door. The two looked back at the Shack one last time before they stepped through. It swung shut behind them and vanished. Stan watched them go. And he waited a minute.

Then he turned around and called out loudly, back into the house, “Hey, kid--”

\---

It wasn't difficult to find Seb’s door. Not now that she understood what this place was and everything it meant to her. They appeared in the Mindscape, Seb’s vessel burning away in-between dimensions. He looked around and saw his body lying on the bed fast asleep.

The house was still dark and when he checked the time he saw that it was the same time as when he’d originally left.

 _‘At least our meatsack’s not dead.’_ Bill2 said comfortingly, if comfort were a pillow filled with toenails. Seb ignored him to turn and look at his companion. They'd only met a few days ago but Sebastian already found himself feeling sad that this was goodbye.

It had been nice to hang out with a Bill Cipher who WASN'T evil.

“So...I guess this is bye?” He asked awkwardly. He never had learned how to say goodbye. He generally just...left without saying anything. So Seb didn't know how to do this.

Miz grinned at him before giving him a soft hug. Seb stiffened before relaxing and patting her head. “Bye Seb. It was really nice meeting you.” she says quietly into his shirt.

Sebastian grinned. “Yeah. Me too kid.”

“Not a kid!” Miz had her cheeks puffed out in annoyance and Seb laughed. “Right. Right.”

They broke from the hug and Seb sighed. “So, now that you've got your door powers working, are you gonna come visit? I am still sure Shooting Star would love you!” He asked hopefully. “Especially in your dragon form…”

Miz smiled sadly. “I'd love to but once I get home I need to lock the Exit door back up. It would be dangerous if any of those doors let out a less nice Bill Cipher. I can't risk that.” She sighed. “But I'm gonna do some research on creating better mental defenses. Once my shields are up, I'll come visit again.”

Because like it or not, she was attached now. Forming emotional bonds has always been an easy thing for her. She could talk to someone for a few hours and already decide she was fond of them. So, someday...she wanted to come and visit again. Definitely.

Seb looked a bit sad but understood her reasoning. “Alright. Yeah, I know… Well… stay safe kid… I… hope your Pines are born soon, don’t drive them _too_ crazy…” He smiled. “But mess with Pinetree. It is always fun to mess with Pinetree, any Pinetree!” He opened his arms to receive another hug and the girl grinned before hugging the man tightly.

Bill2 rolled his eye and Seb waved at her before diving into his body. The blond took a deep breath but otherwise stayed sleeping.

Miz nodded and gestured to make another Exit door. It really was easier when she and Ax weren't in opposition. A part of her was still mad (Ax didn't apologize, he justified!) but Miz would talk to him about that some other time. For now she just wanted to go home.

\---

The Void of Doors was quiet. Miz looked around. The chance of some other Bill getting in here was slim but with an infinite number of doors… it would be more likely than she thought.

She quickly found her own door and went through, checking quickly for any intruders. Ax’s blessing be with her because no one had broken in while she was gone. Miz sighed in relief and closed the door, once again moving a large shelf in front of it.

She’ll research security settings later. For now, she had to go hug each one of her friends and tell them how much she loved them.

She left her Mindscape and returned to the waking world. The theater/bedroom sat quietly. The exit door thumped, as if something on the other side was hitting it. A few short knocks. The door didn't open, the shelf holding it firmly shut.

A few more knocks, softer. Testing.

A heavy BAM as whatever was on the other side struck it with great force. The door held. The shelf held. There were no more knocks as if whatever (whoever) it was had given up.

It was quiet in the Mindscape again.

A little stuffed rabbit was lying on the ground.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Writing in 3rd person for this fic was interesting. You can literally SEE the difference between our three different writing styles. It's pretty cool. I enjoyed working with them and I kinda want to try this again someday.
> 
> Crossover are apparently canon to this fic now so....


	58. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zhoo, wkh bhduv vwduw frplqj dqg wkhb grq'w vwrs frplqj  
> Ihg wr wkh uxohv dqg L klw wkh jurxqg uxqqlqj  
> Glgq'w pdnh vhqvh qrw wr olyh iru ixq  
> Brxu eudlq jhwv vpduw exw brxu khdg jhwv gxpe  
> Vr pxfk wr gr, vr pxfk wr vhh  
> Vr zkdw'v zurqj zlwk wdnlqj wkh edfnvwuhhwv?  
> Brx'oo qhyhu nqrz li brx grq'w jr  
> Brx'oo qhyhu vklqh li brx grq'w jorz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm a little worried that the twins are taking up all the screen time recently...but this IS the parenthood arc so...
> 
> Unfortunately, MizBill cannot hear or sense anything from his alternates while the door to the Void of Doors is closed. Sorry.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 54**  
  
**-I’ll repay you on the other side-**  
  
\---

I groaned when I finally made it home. Home to my own dimension. My paranoia had me checking on my friends and the twins. They were all sleeping soundly. I adjusted their blankets as I checked on each room.

PaciFire was snoring loudly from his 2nd mouth, I pat his horn as I rolled him back to the center of his bed. Silly man keeps falling off in the middle of the night.

8-Ball was hugging a large marshmallow shaped pillow. I check to make sure his nightlight was on. He was afraid of the dark. He was also afraid of a lot of things. How a creature this large and strong could be so timid I don't understand.

Ammy was curled up into the shape of a rubix cube floating above his bed with the blanket slipping off him. I roll my eye fondly at my son and drape the covers back over him. The way his form made a tent reminded me so much of Will...

Pyronica, a elegant as ever, had her mouth wide and drooling as she lay spread eagle on her bed. I pushed her limbs back onto the bed and pulled her blankets back up.

Teeth had eaten his pillow in his sleep again. I materialize a new one and he immediately begins chewing on it. By this point I just MAKE his pillows out of edible substances that clean his teeth as he bites them.

Hectorgon had fallen asleep at his desk, slumped over his computer. He was open to multiple windows and appeared to be looking up information about the AXOLOTL. Ah well, I did just tell them all that Ax was my dad this morning (was it morning or was it yesterday? Keeping track of time was hard sometimes). I float him to his bed and wedged him in. Polyspheres sleep best when placed into soft slots of their shape. I built this hexagonal bed just for him.

Keyhole was making weird noises, tucked under his covers like the good boy he was. I leaned in, curious what he was dreaming about. Something about Pyronica...and a date...and...

I rear back, flushing a deep orange. Oh. Oh! I quickly leave the room blushing madly. Dammit Keyhole!

Kryptos, much like Hectorgon, had fallen asleep at his desk. He had so many textbooks spread around him. Part of me feels he's taking too many classes all at once. He was immortal! He had plenty of time to get his schooling done. I see pages of notes on electrochemistry and how he could potentially absorb energy from other sources of power. Aw~little Kryptos wants to gain power~how cute. The experiments done to him did make him into a little generator but his electricity was powered by the chemical reactions from the food he eats. His finite, small stomach simply couldn't eat enough to generate enough of it to really build his power enough to really be a threat.

Unlike my own stomach that seemed to be infinite.

I can see from his notes that he already knows he's incapable of eating enough food to really give himself a power boost like I do. Instead he was trying to see if he could absorb electrical charges from other things. He has several pages on his observations from both me and Ammy in how we absorb different types of energy from the substances we consume. I sigh fondly before tucking Kryptos into his bed. He really wants power doesn't he? I could offer to give him powers but I think he wants to earn his on his own.

_Like I did._

Xanthar was sleeping peacefully in the garden. I absently brushed off some dirt and grass. Gonna have to give him a bath soon. I press myself to his side and do a quick check on his dreams for any pesky nightmares. None. Good.

Finally I enter the twin's room. They were still sharing for now but Pyronica has talked to me about splitting the rooms once they're older. Something about instinctive eating once they start puberty. That's not gonna be happening for another 40 years or so but I will have to talk to them about the idea of getting separate rooms. I smile at them fondly. I know...they're not MY kids...I don't have any blood or claim to them (not even a Deal to bind them to me) but I swore to myself I would be there for them. No matter what.

I think about Seb and how he looked at his nibblets.

Family huh?

Speaking of my misadventures through dimensions, I was excited to try out sleeping again. I head out and found Ax's avatar in his fish tank. For a second, just an instant, I was consumed by an angry rage at the fact that he deliberately stopped me from sleeping for billions of years. It passed as quickly as it came and I plopped into the tank to curl around the little salamander. It doesn't matter.

I will forgive him.

Even if I'm mad. ~~Even if he hasn't outright apologized yet.~~

Because more than how betrayed I felt at the knowledge that Ax had LIED to me for so many years...

He was still 'family' and I loved him. I was more afraid of losing him in my life than staying mad. It hurt that he kept secrets from me but I didn't care (not really) so long as he continued staying with me. I closed my eye, constructed a false Dreamscape (a madness bubble filled with ramen, lodged inside this constructed body), placed a barrier around me against psychic attacks (just like the other Bill told me) and drifted off to sleep.

\---  
  
**-Ax's POV-**  
  
One of Bill's friends came to me a few days after Bill placed me here. He sat in front of my tank and peered in at my avatar, he was a man with a large mustache.  
  
"Look, you might be the cosmic god to trump all cosmic gods but lets get something straight here. We care about Bill and we worry about her a lot. If there's anything you can tell us about how to help her when she's upset, we would really appreciate it." The red one, Hectorgon, yes that was his name, was leaning over my fish tank, speaking quietly.  
  
My avatar blew bubbles.  
  
"You're not very helpful." Hectorgon sighs. “Look, it doesn’t matter. Bill may call you father but frankly I call bullshit. What kind of a father leaves his daughter to suffer like this? Shouldn’t you do something about it? Why do you stay quiet as the multiverse as a whole scorns her? Do you know how much it hurts her whenever people treat her like a monster?”  
  
He grits his teeth and trembles. “You know she actually BELIEVES them?! She really does think of herself as a monster. It isn’t right!” He pounds the glass of my tank. “As a father it is YOUR DUTY to protect your daughter from something like this! So why don’t you?! Why don’t you protect that girl who loves you beyond everything despite how…NEGLECTFUL you are?!”  
  
When he receives no response from my avatar he growls. “Well screw you! If you won’t take care of your daughter, I will. I don’t care how old Bill is. She’s my kid now! I’ll be here for her when YOU aren’t!” He stomps off and refuses to talk to my avatar again.  
  
Another time I found Pyronica attempting to threaten me.  
  
"Look here you glorified newt! Bill has so many issues I can't even begin to list them. If you're his dad...shouldn't you do something to help? I mean, I guess you DO help since Bill always does better after he visits you...but STILL! You and that Oracle of yours obviously haven't been able to do enough to help him. And..."  
  
She sighs. "And it's not like I know how to help him either. I don’t know what he needs. Sometimes I GET him, and often times I don’t. I don't know what I'm trying to ask you...just...lets all do our best to be there for him. He tries to hide it but I know he's still hurting himself. Should have figured Bill would be into self harm. That idiot."  
  
She taps on the glass. "He's been doing better since the kids came along. They give him something to focus on. A distraction. But it's not gonna last. They're gonna grow up eventually. I worry that Bill won't be able to let them go."  
  
She frowns but her shoulders were set in a determined line. "I'm not going to let Bill curse them with immortality. I've chosen to devote my life to him but I won't let my children be forced to do the same. They will live out their lives properly." She looks sad for a moment.  
  
"I don't know if Bill will be able to let them go. I swear he loves my children more than I do." She sighs. "That's the problem actually. When Bill feels, he feels it with all his being. If he loves someone, he gives his whole heart to them, even when he doesn’t have one. Bill needs to learn to let them go. You know they'll be turning 20 years old soon? Where did the time go?"  
  
She smiles sadly. "It would be a good learning experience for him. Frankly, I don't care how old he is, Bill's too childish to be an adult yet. I don't know how old he counts as or whether he's capable of aging but he IS maturing. That's good news at least. Means he'll grow up eventually." She peers into the tank.  
  
"It would be more helpful if you could talk and give us your take on this. But I guess just talking to you helps too? You're a good listener. I guess Bill got that from you? Ah shit, this means Time Baby is Bill's brother? Ew." She makes a disgusted face. "Gods are weird."  
  
My avatar blows bubbles.  
  
Another time it was the the amorphous shape who came to visit me. Bill’s son. The only creature born within the Nightmare Realm that received a Soul. He doesn’t say anything. He merely stares at my avatar unblinkingly for several hours. I am unsure what he wants. After the 6 hour mark he slowly reaches a hand/tendril into one of his blocks and pulls out a Snozzcumber. He proceeds to slowly peel the fruit with the tool he takes out of another block, still staring at my avatar unblinkingly.  
  
After the fruit was fully peeled he tears off a small piece of it and drops it to the ground. He continues to do that until there was a pile of squished Snozzcumber pieces littering the ground underneath him as he floats in front of my tank. He didn’t say a single word throughout this. He finally ran out of fruit to tear up, piles up the pieces to place back inside his block and floats backward away from my tank, never once breaking eye contact until he vanishes around the corner of the hallway.  
  
I don’t even try to understand what just happened.  
  
The large demon, PaciFire I believe his name was, never visits my tank. In fact he scoots around it quickly. I am unused to seeing a creature so wary around me. It was a novel experience.  
  
The large headed one, Keyhole, once came to me and asked about Bill’s childhood. “I want to know what made Bill end up the way she is.” He presses his face against the glass. “She’s both really nice and also…” He shivers “…really scary. Shouldn’t you…like…talk to her about that? Get her to find better ways to vent than torturing her enemies and eating them?”  
  
He sits down in front of the tank. “Bill doesn’t know this but…we can tell when she’s killed someone. She gets more cheerful. Unnaturally so. It’s unnerving. I think it’s her way of trying to distance herself from it. Not that it helps. The guilt always ends up hitting her later. She’ll be reading quietly in the living room and then suddenly start crying out of nowhere.”  
  
He curls in on himself. “It’s really scary how we can’t predict her moods. She’s never hurt any of us during her ’fits’. No matter how upset she gets, she leaves before that happens. But I worry about the twins. Bill has been careful not to break down around them, at least she tries to. So like…can’t you DO something about this? You’re the AXOLOTL after all! What’s the good in you being GOD if you don't even do your job properly?”  
  
He winces. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like that. It’s just…we feel so powerless to help her. I know she’s a demon and PaciFire even told us that for most demons, killing people is perfectly normal. The problem is that Bill feels guilty about it. It HURTS her when she takes the lives of others. But she still keeps doing it. It’s like she can’t help herself. We can’t do anything about it, what are we supposed to do? Tell her that she can’t do that anymore? Order her to stop?”  
  
He shakes his head. “We may be her friends but even WE don’t have that power. But you do. Don’t you? You should. Right? Can’t you…make her stop doing things that hurt her?” He slumps in defeat when my avatar remains silent. “Yeah, figures…” He mutters in resignation as he gets up and leaves.  
  
The compass doesn’t even try to mince words. “Fuck you.” He says curtly every time he passes by my tank.  
  
The Mouth just frowns at me. “I don’t know what it’s like to be a god. I don’t know how hard it is for you to do your job maintaining the cycle of Life and Rebirth and all that, so I’m not going to judge your parenting skills. Bill says you took him in when he lost his family.” He’s quiet for a bit. “I’m assuming Bill gets that from you? The whole, taking in someone who needs help thing?”  
  
He shrugs “I guess that counts for something. He obviously cares about you. So I guess I’m just here to say that I’m not gonna be mad at you like the others are. Even if Bill is pretty messed up, I don’t know whether it can be blamed on your parenting, or lack of.” He sighs. “I KNOW there’s not much I can do to help him with his problems. I’m just here to to crack jokes to try and make him laugh. It’s all I CAN do. Even though I want to do more. And maybe it’s the same for you. Maybe you really CAN’T do more so I’m not going to blame you.” the Mouth walks off quietly.  
  
The green ogre taps on my glass. “Hey? Ah…can you hear me?” My avatar blows bubbles. “I’m gonna assume you can.”  
  
He scratches his head. “I don’t really get why everyone is so mad at you. Like…you’re really tiny. I don’t know how they expect you to take care of Bill. You can’t even leave this tank.” He chuckles a little before his smile drops. “Um…sometimes Bill hurts himself and that’s not cool. If you’re his dad, can you make him stop?” When I didn’t respond he taps the glass. “Huh…maybe Bill’s actually crazy and _thinks_ you’re his dad.”

I couldn't help but worry that Bill's friends don't seem to understand that he IS insane.  
  
The purple one sometimes sticks his hand in my tank to drink some of my water. My avatar has snuggled up to his large fingers and he doesn’t seem to mind. I am glad at least SOME of Bill’s friends seem to like me. I don’t particularly care either way, at least I shouldn’t, but for some reason, I found myself a little…saddened that most of Bill’s friends do not care for me.  
  
I get visits from Bill and the twins pretty often. The female twin calls me "Tiny grandpa." and likes to bother my Avatar with numerous questions about anything that crosses her mind. The boy keeps freezing my fish tank.  
  
It's a good thing I made my avatars capable of regeneration.  
  
Bill seems to like having me here (even if he's still mad at me) and would sometimes turn himself into an axolotl as well to swim with me. I will admit it's nice. He tells me of his day and cuddles with my avatar. The children think it's cute.

Sometimes Bill comes to sleep beside me. He has been playing around with his newfound ability to sleep. His friends were very happy when they found out he could do that now. I keep quiet about how Bill still sometimes leaks weirdness when asleep. It was small amounts that dissipate into (relatively) harmless effects like changing the color of the objects in my tank. He hasn't realized it and I don't tell him. It would only stress him out more.

He has been working out protections and locks all through his Mindscape. He wanted to be able to meet Sebastian and the other Bill again despite my disapproval. "I won't interfere in their plots ok? I just want to see them again. I want find more friends out there." Bill had pleaded with me.

It was pure fortune that Bill hadn't found or stayed long with any of the worse Bills out there. Though 46'\\-A Bill was...problematic. I believe he would be a terrible influence on Bill but he was fond of him. I wish to seal off Bill's Dreamscape for good but he would never forgive me. All I can do is hope Bill can handle himself. At the moment my avatar can only observe Bill's friends.  
  
I have heard Bill talk about her friends often. Now I can see them. My tank is in the living room and from here I can see the entryway, the main area where everyone hangs out and down a few hallways. I watch them eat dinner while watching TV. I watch them play various tabletop games on the low-legged table. I watch them have pillow fights against each other, laughing and tumbling around. It looked...fun.  
  
I'm relieved to see Bill's smile. The years passed and I watch Bill plan elaborate birthday parties for the twins (with homebaked cakes both delicious and horrifying) and the rest of his friends. I've even seen them make a surprise party for her. I was glad to see she was healing. The children really were good for her. I understand Pyronica's worries about how Bill would hurt when they inevitably succumbed to Death. I watch as the children grow older as everyone else in the household remained the same. Despite that, I know this is the right path forward.  
  
I watch them bustle around getting the children ready for school. "Pyrone! Don't forget your bento!" Bill calls out. The now teenager groans. "Yeah, yeah."  
  
  
  
He grumbles while his sister fussed with her backpack. "Mom~! Where's my Cross-Dimensional analysis textbook?!"  
  
Hectorgon hops into the room with the large tome. "Sorry, I needed a footstool to reach something. The Cyclopian groans. "Really Uncle Hec? Uuugh!!!"  
  
  
  
"Look, can we go already? If I'm late for homeroom again Mr. Dddzzi is gonna roast my ass." Pyrone grumbles. Bill gasps. "Watch your language young man!"  
  
"I'm almost 60!" The teenager moans in frustration. Bill lights up in glee "Hello almost 60! I'm Bill!" He laughs as the teenager growls "Dammit Bill."  
  
"How are you still late to class? I know for a FACT I'm dropping you two off early..." Bill stops laughing and squints at the boy suspiciously. Pyrone goes rigid and his ice cracks. Even from here I can tell how nervous he is.  
  
"It's 'cause he sneaks off to make out with Annphony behind the school." Pynelope grins. Pyrone makes an angry sound. "Nelope! You promised you wouldn't tell!" Bill was immediately up in his face. "Who is this Annphony?! Never mind, I can look it up..."  
  
"No! Bill don't!!!" Pyrone tugs at Bill's leg when he starts flickering. He flushes in embarrassment when Bill gasps. "A two-headed Gorion? You're dating a two-headed Gorion?!" Bill stares at Pyrone incredulously. She quickly corrects herself (it always amazes me how she will switch genders randomly, sometimes in the middle of a conversation) "Not that there's anything wrong with that!" She cries but Pyrone just groans, runs onto the Teleporter and flashes away.  
  
"Wait! Pyrone I didn't mean it like that!" Bill wails as she Blinks away to catch up to him. Pynelope laughs loudly as her mother sighs. "Really Nelope? Do you HAVE to do this?" Pyronica gives her an annoyed look.  
  
"Oh please, it's not like Bill wouldn't have found out eventually anyway." Pynelope shrugs as she slings her backpack on and saunters to the Teleporter. "Serves him right for outing me and Chod last month..."  
  
"Chod tried to drug you dear. Your brother was worried.” Pyronica sighs as she gets on the machine as well to type in coordinates. "Yeah, and Bill ripped Chod's spine out. In the middle of class! I'm NEVER gonna get a date in time for the Nebula Dance at this rate!" The teenager complains dramatically before the two vanished in a flash of light.  
  
It's quiet again in the house and I settle down to sleep. I couldn't help but feel grateful that for all of Bill's many issues, at least I haven't had to deal with this.  
  
The day Bill ever decides to date someone would be a true headache indeed.  
  
\---  
  
**Back to Bill's POV**  
  
I just don't know how to handle this. Pyrone still won't talk to me. All I did was do a background check on the girl he was dating...and interrogate her parents to make sure this wasn't some trick to seduce my precious baby boy for nefarious reasons. Apparently it upset her enough that she broke up with him.  
  
He's been mad at me for the past week and I don't know how to apologize. Pyronica said I fucked up and she wasn't going to help with this. I flop onto the face plant couch and whine. Pynelope keeps complaining too. Something about how none of the guys in school are willing to talk to her after I got rid of her last boyfriend.  
  
So they were both kind of mad at me about their lack of a date to this 'dance'. I tried to tell Pyrone that if that Annphony girl dumped him just from meeting his family, she wasn't worth it. He glared at me sullenly before stomping away. Ammy pats my back "They can't stay mad forever right?"  
  
I slumped sadly. Is it wrong for me to scare away their partners? I know they're not good for them. It's not as if they were really in love or anything either right? You can't fall in love with someone that easily right? I rolled over to rest on my back. Where have the years gone? Part of me still thinks the kids shouldn't be allowed to date until they were at least 80. Speaking of which, their birthday was coming up soon.  
  
Our birthday parties have generally been small family affairs. PaciFire and Teeth invite the other Demon Imps to theirs. Keyhole has once invited his old friends to try and patch things up with them (they were all adults now and had moved on from their self destructive teenage ways, it was actually a nice reunion). We celebrate at home or we go out to play. They've always been small parties with people we know. Lately though...  
  
The twins didn't have many friends. I'm sure it's my fault and I feel really bad about it. They have invited their classmates to their birthday parties but generally, over the course of the day those kids would get weirded out and stop hanging out with them.  
  
Also, once, a friend of theirs was actually a Federation spy whom I ended up terrorizing during the party...which probably didn't help the whole friend situation. Pyronica says I'm paranoid and over protective. Well I was also RIGHT so take that! It still made it hard for the kids to make friends. I keep in mind their safety was more important.  
  
I sighed. They were both mad at me. I get why. But I was just...trying to help...  
  
Is there any way to make them feel better? Actually. Yeah, I knew a way to make them forgive me. At least for their birthday. Even if it was gonna be difficult for my paranoia (does it really count as paranoia if I'm RIGHT?!).  
  
"Hey kids..." I brought up during dinner. Pyrone was still pouting and continuing his silent treatment. Pynelope at least answered me. "Yeah Bill?"  
  
"So I've been doing some thinking and I know I'm pretty...overbearing...all the time..." I admitted. Pyrone snorts but otherwise doesn't acknowledge that he heard me. "So I've decided...you two can invite whoever you want to your birthday party next week. I won't interrogate them or stalk them during the party and...I'll even allow them to wander the house-WITHIN REASON!" I hurriedly clarify.  
  
Pynelope stares at me suspiciously. "Really?" She asks.  
  
"Really." I nod.  
  
She still looks skeptical. "Shake on it." She says. Everyone at the table stares at her in shock/horror. I blink slowly. "You...want a Deal?"  
  
She nods. "I don't want a promise to leave my friends alone during the party. I want a Deal." She leans in to whisper menacingly "Or were you lying?"  
  
I frown. "Fine then. But you'll need to give me something in return." The two of us stared each other down. Poor 8-Ball seemed distressed to be sitting between us. Ammy had already fled the room muttering about 'bitch fights' and Pyronica gave me a worried look.  
  
Pynelope crosses her arms "What do you want?"  
  
"Lots of things." I answer automatically. "But in this case...I want you to tell me whenever you're interested in someone so I can do a background check BEFORE you date them. No more seeing people behind my back."  
  
She scowls. "Oh sure, give up my love life for ONE measly party? No way."  
  
"It's not just for the party. It's...gonna be a thing now. I'm going to back off from your friends. And I'm not trying to ruin your love life, not that those assholes really loved you, I just want to know ahead of time before you try to date a goddam rapist." I hiss.  
  
"Just 'cause Chod had sleeping pills doesn't mean-"  
  
"He drugged and molested three other girls before you." I inform her sharply. "The only reason they haven't spoken up about it is because Chod took pictures of them and blackmailed them into silence."  
  
She pales somewhat. Pyrone takes her hand for a comforting squeeze under the table. "B-but even so...you shouldn't have attacked him in broad daylight in the middle of school! None of the boys want to talk to me anymore!"  
  
"I was simply sending a message. If those boys had no malicious intentions, they would have nothing to fear." I flicker red before returning to normal.  
  
She shakes her head. "Well even so! I can't believe you did that." She pauses "Well, actually yes, I _can_ believe you did that, I really shouldn't have been surprised." She groans.  
  
"Are you two mad about me getting between you and finding a date because you're trying to find someone to love or are you both just horny and want someone to screw? 'Cause I can just make you two a construct built as per your tastes..."  
  
The two of them blush hard ""BILL!!!"" They both cry in embarrassment. Oh hey, looks like Pyrone is speaking to me again.  
  
"Look, I'm just saying. You're hormonal teenagers and you want to experiment. Your bodies are going through some changes..." The two were squealing in embarrassment and waving their arms, begging for me to shut up.  
  
Pyronica was laughing uproariously. "Mom! Make him STOP!!!" Pyrone pleads to unsympathetic ears as my best friend continues to laugh at her children. No help was coming from her, which meant they were on their own.  
  
"-and I'm sure you're feeling all pent up so you want to try out kissing and touching and-"  
  
""Stop~"" the twins wailed, their respective elements flaring around them.  
  
"If your sex drives are anything like your mother's then I can make a guess that you are seriously craving it..."  
  
"I surrender! Please stop!!!" Pynelope moans into her hands. Pyrone was face down on the table and whimpering. "Shut up shut up shut up..."  
  
Keyhole, being the kind and merciful one, says "Bill, I think they get your point." The twins sigh in relief when I back down. ""Thanks Uncle Keyhole."" He blushes at their heartfelt gratitude.  
  
"Fine. You can check my future boyfriends...BUT, you cannot scare them away unless they are absolute scum." Pynelope says at last. She holds out her hand and I grin. "And in return, you guys can invite whoever you want to your birthday parties, now and future, and I, Bill Cipher, will not torture, stalk or otherwise make their time in our house a living Hell unless they are a threat to this family." Pynelope squints at me, going over the terms in her head.  
  
"Alright, Deal." She grabs my hand and my fire flickers up our arms before vanishing. I shiver lightly. Well that's, that. "So...let's talk party planning."  
  
I said "Bill Cipher" wasn't gonna be messing with the guests. I said nothing about anyone else.  
  
\---  
  
As I suspected, the kids just sent out a general invite to everyone in their school. They wanted a huge wild party to show off. I was understandably anxious at the huge amount of strangers but a Deal's a Deal. I sealed up all the rooms that led to...places in the Death Star that I couldn't let anyone get into.  
  
I also confiscated anything illegal and sent them to the Nightmare Realm in case we got another Federation plant sneaking in. I put so many safety precautions in place subtly in preparation for this. Protection runes carved along the walls, a psychic barrier around the entire ship/house...  
  
Then I disguised myself. I couldn't use any of my usual forms since the kids know them well and even if I would be honoring the Deal by not having Bill Cipher messing with the guests, they'd be pissed at me. Therefore I had to make a new form to mingle with the crowd of other aliens.  
  
I peered down at myself and wondered if anyone would be able to figure out who I am...  
  
  
  
I mean...I kinda DID just turn my Jan-Jan form into a female and change my hair...  
  
But my arm markings were (slightly) different! I'm definitely a different person! At least no one seems to have noticed anything suspicious yet. No comments on "Hey, you sure look like that famous pop star."  
  
Instead, I just got hit on a lot.  
  
I sighed in annoyance as yet another person came up to me and asked which class I was from. I got a cup of punch and sipped slowly. I should be fine with just one cup (of course it was spiked, the twins know where I keep the alcohol). If I can nurse this drink through the whole party I don't have to worry about getting drunk. I got some more food just in case.  
  
There were so many people there that it wasn't strange for people to not know me. I slipped through the crowds of teenagers and scanned them for anything malicious. Found three Federation plants that weren't armed so I left them alone. There was one who WAS armed so I sauntered up to him, swinging my hips and grinning seductively.  
  
"Well hello stud~" I purr as I pulled the flustered agent into a side room that wasn't there before and knocked him out. I grumble at the unconscious man. I poured some punch over him and disintegrated his weapon before leaving him there. The things I do to keep my babies safe.  
  
I systematically dispatched of other unwanted guests in this way (2 more Feds with guns). It was slow work but I'm not gonna let dangerous people wander around the house. Those with malicious intentions, nefarious goals and other such problems were led away and taken care of. Most of them were the sort who tried to spike the food and drink with something worse than Alcohol. I eventually made a new room/holding cell to dump them all in. I will be having a stern talk with them later.  
  
I leaned against the wall I had formed to seal them inside and sighed. The music was too loud. The bass beats were making my head hurt. The guests were spilling food and drink EVERYWHERE. I groaned and rubbed my temples. How much longer was this party going to last?  
  
"Hey, you don't look so well."  
  
I look up and nearly drop my cup. Pyrone was looking at me worriedly. I did catch him eyeing me up as well. I look away quickly. Well this is awkward. "I'm fine, just...head ache..." I mumble.  
  
"Do you want to go to one of the side rooms to rest?" He asks. I shake my head. "Um, I'm ok. I'm just gonna go get some food..." I tried to walk around him but he continues to talk to me.  
  
"I'm Pyrone. What's your name?" He grins as he walks with me. My mental mantra of Nope Nope Nope Nope, almost distracted me from bullshitting an answer. "I'm...Yun." I say, quickly making up a whole identity and backstory for this form I was currently inhabiting.  
  
"Yun..." He says slowly. I panic internally as he brow creases. Please don't notice it sounds similar to Jan, please don't notice it sounds similar to Jan...  
  
"That's a pretty name. A pretty name for a pretty girl." He grins. I almost face palm. Seriously? Kid, I'm sure you know better pick up lines than that.  
  
"That's what everyone says." I try to sound as uninterested as inhumanly possible, hoping he would take a hint and leave me alone so I could escape. Sadly it was not to be as Pyrone continues to follow me to the food table. I groan "Look, Pyrone, it's nice to meet you and happy birthday to you but I'm not really interested."  
  
"Oh. Ok..." He sounds sad. I catch the frustration on his face. "It's not you. I'm sure you're a very nice boy, you're just not my type." I tried to assure him. He scoffs. "That's what everyone says." He parroted my words back at me. I flinch.  
  
He looked upset and was turning away. This was my chance to leave. But...  
  
I sigh as I grab his shirt lightly. "Wait."  
  
He turns back to me with a half-hopeful look. I sigh again. "This doesn't change anything but I feel like an ass. So. What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong." He protests. I raise an eyebrow before pulling him over to an empty couch. "Sit." I tell him before doing so myself. "Seriously. What's wrong? I've seen guys get mad or disappointed when they get turned down but you look legitimately upset."  
  
He frowns and bites his lip. I wait patiently, wincing whenever I hear another plate hit the ground. I am SO glad we don't have a carpet. I can see Keyhole and 8-Ball frantically cleaning any forming messes. I, as Bill, had informed everyone that as part of my Deal with Pynelope, I would be gone for the duration of the party. Everyone assumes I'm not here and were trying their best to run damage control before I 'get home'.  
  
"Just say it to me straight. You don't want to get involved with me because of my family." Pyrone finally bites out. I blink slowly. "I'm not sure what you mean?"  
  
"Don't play dumb! Everyone's the same! They find out that Bill Cipher's my...other-parent? 2nd mom? Whatever he is, and they don't want anything to do with me!" He growls. "It's not my fault Bill's so over protective! But it happens every time!"  
  
I watch him fume and just felt guilty. I hadn't realized it was this much of a problem. "I'm sure...he just worries about your safety..."  
  
He growls "I KNOW that! And that's the problem! My sis and I can't even make any real friends because everyone's too scared to get close! Bill goes off and terrifies their families and suddenly we're pariahs!"  
  
"Oh...I...hadn't noticed..." I wilt in on myself. The other kids were always polite and friendly with them. Though aside from a few times here and there, I've never had them invite friends over...or be invited to hang out with any friends...oh fuck...I've screwed things up for them even worse than I thought. I sigh. Why do I always do this? I'm an awful parent...  
  
"And the worse part is...he's RIGHT!" Pyrone groans. I blink. "Huh?"  
  
"Anyone who approaches US. Those who come up to us and offer to be our friends or partners...turns out they're all spies or scum. I found out my last girlfriend was only dating me because she wanted Bill to go after her parents. After they were scared out of their minds she freaking dumped me and made some stupid excuse!"  
  
I make a mental note to visit this Annphony girl in her nightmares tonight.  
  
"So anyone who wants to be our friend has ulterior motives and...as much as it sucks...Bill is just protecting us...this party without him was a bad idea. I know most of these people only came for their own selfish reasons, not 'cause they care that it's my birthday..." He sighs. He glances at me and probably saw how uncomfortable I looked. "Sorry for laying all this on a complete stranger. Heck, for all I know, you're a Federation spy or something."  
  
"I can assure you I am not." I deadpan before groaning. "Well this sucks. Is there no one who's ever approached you with a sincere offer of friendship?"  
  
"The fact that I'm Bill's...sort of son, is common knowledge." He grumbles. "Heck, why are you even still talking to me?"  
  
I sigh and play with my cup, creaking the plastic and watching the lights flash over the surface of the punch inside. "Because it's not fair." I tremble at the unfairness of it all. "You and Nelope are good kids. You deserve good friends." A tear falls into my cup. "Why does this always happen? Why do I always cause so much trouble for the people around me?"  
  
"Yun? What are you talking about?" Pyrone frowns before seeing my eyes teared up. "Oh. Um...shit..." He looked around and grabbed some napkins from the food table. "Um...here?"  
  
I take the napkin and bury my face in it as I sob. I'm always fucking things up for people. Always. Even when I'm just trying to help. Pyrone pats me on the back awkwardly. "I'm sorry I made you cry?" He apologized in confusion. I shake my head. "-not your f-fault..."  
  
It's not his fault and this was unfair. I haven't done anything wrong. It's not wrong to protect my children. It SHOULDN'T be wrong to do so. The universe is just filled with awful people. It's THEIR fault. Their fault for being shallow, selfish and stupid.  
  
How DARE they not want to be friends with my precious babies? I’m still trembling with my face covered, but now it was in rage. With shaking hands, I wiped my tears and growled. Dammit Bill, calm down. If I blow up here Pynelope would never forgive me. I take a few heaving breaths as Pyrone rubbed my back. "A-are you alright?" He asks.  
  
I clench my fists tightly and hiss through my teeth. "I'm just...a little emotional right now...probably had too much punch..." I covered my eyes with a hand, I can feel them burning in a way where I know they've turned red with my anger. I tried hard to calm down but the thought that in the past 60 years no one has ever sincerely cared about my darlings just really pissed me off.  
  
I stayed out of their social lives. I wanted them to meet people naturally. I thought that was the best course of action. Clearly I was wrong. My mind raced as I tried to think of a solution. Anyone who approaches THEM with an offer of friendship does so with ulterior motives. Meanwhile, all the normal kids avoid them because they're scared of me. Therefore, there must be some nice people who would have been good friends if not for their fear.  
  
Fuck staying out of their social lives. I'm going to scan the entire student body and find the nice kids, drag them over here and make them introduce themselves. A course of action decided, I stood up "I must go. I'll be right back." Pyrone stares in confusion. "Um...okay?"  
  
I had a mission. Find Pyrone and Pynelope some actual friends.  
  
\---

I suppose in retrospect, casual kidnapping isn’t the most...conventional methods of friendship but that's how Zyun-Jan made friends and sort of how I did as well...so it MUST work. I fondly reminisce about how Zyun-Jan's high school experience involved approaching a random girl in a hallway, introducing herself, dragging her to the Anime club and deciding that they were gonna be friends from then on.  
  
Ah, memories~  
  
Most people here came for reasons OTHER than celebrating the birthday. A lot of them were being paid by various criminal organizations or government officials to try and find any dirt on me. Really, an invitation to Bill Cipher's house, while he wasn't there? It was a golden opportunity. The kids being paid off weren't necessarily bad people, they just wanted the money for their own different reasons.  
  
Wanted to buy a new laptop. Had to pay medical bills. Wanted to save for college. Needed the Credits for another hit of Cosmic Crack.  
  
I shook my head. Looks like there's some more people to add to the Discipline Pile™. Gonna need to make the room larger.  
  
Despite all this, I managed to find and grab a couple of nice kids and dragged them behind me as I made my way back to Pyrone. The kids were all confused and a little terrified. What else is new? Pyrone looked taken aback when I walked up dragging three kids behind me, my fourth hand still holding my now empty cup.  
  
"You, you and you. Sit down." I shoved them onto the couch and stood in front of the four teenagers. "Introduce yourselves." I demanded, folding my arms and frowning at them.  
  
"U-um...what's going on right now?" One kid, a rather fluffy demon with gray fur and a long snout asked as he trembled, his tail wrapping around his arm nervously. I point to him. "Name yourself!" I demanded.  
  
He sat up shock straight "M-my name is Beez!" He squeaked. I nodded and pointed to the girl next to him (a dark red Jo-Adian), she replied without prompting, saluting me as if I were a senior officer "My name is Flora!" I pointed to the last of my kidnapped victims, a bright yellow Binglebop who bounced and waved its arms happily "I'm Bibbity!" It squealed.  
  
I nodded and pointed at Pyrone. "Introduce yourself to your guests, birthday boy."  
  
He looked rather bemused "I'm...Pyrone."  
  
"""Hi Pyrone.""" They chorused. Beez looked nervous, Flora was sitting straight and staring at him intently while Bibbity bounced in place happily.  
  
Pyrone turns to me with a confused look. I sigh. "Well? Talk to each other. These are just random people at a party. They were dragged here by me so you know they're not the type who were approaching you for nefarious reasons." Also, I've already scanned them all "So you might as well try. If they turn out to be evil or something, deal with that when it happens. For now, your parents aren't here to fuck things up so just try and make friends." I huff in annoyance before walking off to do the same for Pynelope if she needed me.  
  
Pynelope seems better than her brother at the whole socializing thing and was engaged in conversation with a bunch of other girls. They were all gossiping backstabbers but I could tell that Pynelope knew and she could take care of herself. I still made a mental note to find her REAL friends. Are these still real friends if I'm the one dragging them over to talk to each other?  
  
Fuck it. I don't care.  
  
I huffed as I dragged another unconscious body into the Discipline Pile™. Another assassin. A LITERAL assassin. Where the fuck are these assholes coming from?! I tossed her into the pile and dusted my hands off. I think a few more rounds of the house and I'll have all the real problems taken care of. Most of the other kids were just general teenage jerks but not a threat.  
  
I stretched and felt my spine crack. Ooooh~that felt good. Ugh. I twisted my head around to get the cricks out of my neck. Ok. Back to the party. I'm getting hungry and I know for a fact I cooked plenty of burgers and hot dogs. I make my way back to the snacks table and find Pyrone and the other kids chatting quite happily. Bibbity was telling them about how their planet had been saved from invasion by a strange orange alien and a blue Zbornak. I hear Pyrone laughing and smiled to myself.  
  
  
  
Please let this work out for them.  
  
I shoved three hotdogs into my mouth in quick succession after putting on copious amounts of toppings (cheese, ketchup, mustard, ground boof, mushrooms, onions and shaved Gionko fruits) and moaned through my mouthful happily at the taste.  
  
"Um...can you even breathe like that Yun?"  
  
  
  
I turn to see Pyrone and his new friends staring at me. I quickly chew and swallow. "I was hungry." I said with a faint blush. Pyrone laughs. "You eat like my sister!"  
  
I wipe my mouth with a napkin and grin. "Are you feeling better birthday boy?" He smiles wide. "Yeah! These guys are really nice. I didn't think talking with strangers could be so fun."  
  
Flora comes over and shakes one of my hands. "I do not know who you are random stranger but I do thank you very much for allowing me to meet these other people."  
  
Beez blushes at me and mumbles "I didn't think anyone would ever talk to me...so...thanks for dragging me over here."  
  
"I was afraid that Pyrone would be a scary person but he's so nice! And so are all of you!" Bibbity squeals as it bounces up to hug the other kids and then me. I flinch and hold still, trying hard not to smack the happy alien away. That would be rude.  
  
"I'm glad you were able to become friends. I wasn't sure just grabbing random people would have worked..." I rubbed my arm bashfully at the smiles they all sent me. Babbity patted the seat next to itself on the couch. "Do you wanna talk with us too?"  
  
I see Pyrone's hopeful expression and I just couldn't say no. Praying that no one figures out who I am, I sat down with them as Flora started talking about the farm her parents worked on and how she was looking forward to starting her own once she grew up.  
  
As the party wore on and I found myself genuinely having fun with these kids I wondered if this was a bad idea. Making up yet another identity. My friends knew about my others but only after they had kidnapped me and I dropped my transformation in front of them. Frankly, I didn't want to admit I was actually Bill. These happy friendly kids would immediately shy away from me if they knew.  
  
And Pyrone might get mad at me for interfering with his social life.  
  
It was with these worries that I decide to keep my mouth shut about who I really was. It was only for tonight after all. I laughed with these kids and ate more food. I spotted Pyronica and the others frantically cleaning the mess these children were making and made a note to let them have a good pampering after this. They were working really hard.  
  
Then Teeth sets up the karaoke machine.  
  
Ooh I wanna go sing~  
  
Pyrone sees my face and laughs. "You like karaoke?"  
  
"Who doesn't?" I grin as I run up to mess with the screen. Some other guests were crowding around too. I didn't get the first song but I put in my choice _'This will be the Day'_ from RWBY (or at least Jan-Jan's cover of it) and bounced in place excitedly. I might have gotten a little too into it.  
  
When my turn came I lost myself in the music, taking out the stress from this party as I sang into the mic.  
  
_"They see you as small and helpless~They see you as just a child~Surprise when they find out that a warrior will soon run wild!!!"_  
  
Blue flame surged from me as I threw myself into the music.  
  
_"Prepare for your greatest moments~Prepare for your finest hour~The dream that you've always dreamed is suddenly about to flower!!"_  
  
  
  
If I were less distracted I probably would have realized the fuck up I made. But I was having too much fun. It's been an annoying day and I wanted to sing my feelings out. It wasn't until I finished my song and handed the mic to the next person that I noticed the shocked silence in the room.  
  
"Um..." I awkwardly rubbed my arm when I noticed everyone staring at me. I see Kryptos and the others face palming. I look around nervously at all the kids. "W-what's up?"  
  
"Wow!" Pyrone calls out loudly. "You must be a huge fan of Jan-Jan since you copied his dance and stuff perfectly!"  
  
"Yes! I'm a huge fan!" I grabbed onto his excuse and ran with it. "I even got gene mods to get the extra arms and stuff!" I laughed awkwardly but the crowd seemed to buy it and start cheering.  
  
"That was amazing! Did you get gene mods for the fire too?" One guy asks. I shrug "Yeah well, I wanted to get the full effect you know?"  
  
After maneuvering my way out of the conversations I found myself faced with a very irritated Pyrone. I wince. "I can explain-" He holds up a hand to stop me. "Let's talk in one of the side rooms." He says with a flat tone.  
  
I guiltily follow Pyrone to a side room I create, he frowns at the proof that I was actually Bill and enters. I close and lock the door behind us. This room came with two couches and I sat down nervously. Pyrone wasn't saying anything, just staring at me with a blank expression. I wiggle in my seat. "Um...sorry..."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being here I guess..." I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.  
  
"I cannot believe you." Pyrone deadpans. I wince. "You said you would leave this party alone. You made a DEAL!"  
  
"I said Bill Cipher wouldn't be here." I corrected. "And he isn't. I haven't scared anyone off. I haven't caused a scene!" I protest weakly.  
  
"And who were those 'friends' you found me? Were they constructs you made to make me feel better?! I knew it was suspicious that we got along so well!" Pyrone shouts angrily.  
  
I blink. "What?! No! They're real people. I LITERALLY just grabbed the first people I found who didn't have any malicious intentions and dragged them over to you."  
  
"Wait...Bibbity is real?" Pyrone looks taken aback. "I thought for sure they must have been some made up kind of person..."  
  
"Yeah, their species DOES tend to come off that way..." I face palm.  
  
"And I've never see Flora at school, there's no way I would have missed a girl that big." Pyrone questioned.  
  
"Funny story, she's not from your school. A couple kids at your school passed on the invite to multiple other sectors..." I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Is THAT why there are so many people here I don't know?" Pyrone gasps. "And what about Beez?"  
  
I stare at Pyrone unimpressed. "Pyrone, honey...Beez has been in the same class as you since 3rd grade..." Poor boy really didn't stand out much huh?  
  
Pyrone looked legitimately shocked. "Seriously?! Oh...now I feel like a dick..." He groans.  
  
I pat his shoulder. "It's okay sweetie, most people haven't noticed he's there. It's why he has no friends. Everyone just kinda ignores him."  
  
"So...they're all real people?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"And...they want to be my friends? For real?" He asked.  
  
"Beez has wanted to talk to you for years and never had the guts to, he thinks you're super cool (pun intended). Flora is here 'cause she doesn't get a lot of chances to make friends due to working on her family's farm all the time. Bibbity thought you were scary and now they know you're not...so, yeah. They want to be your friend."  
  
I caressed Pyrone's face like I used to do when he was younger, it never failed to make him feel better. "And the best part, I approve of them. So you won't have to worry about me chasing them off."  
  
He flushed and batted my hands away. "Stop that Bill. I'm too old for it." He mumbled in embarrassment.  
  
"No matter how old you get, you're still my precious baby boy." I grin as I hugged him. His ice crackles. "Bill~" he whines. I laugh at his embarrassment.  
  
"No, seriously Bill, you look like a hot girl right now and this is super weird." Pyrone pushes me away with a dark blue blush. I giggled at the way he was refusing to look at me. "You know, back when you were a child...you proposed to me." I teased.  
  
Pyrone makes a disturbed face. "Ew. No way!"  
  
"Yes way!" I cackled at his expression. "I panicked and threw you into the pond you know~baby's first rejection~"  
  
He moaned and buried his face in his hands. I continue laughing until he shoves me off the couch. "S'not funny Bill!"  
  
I rolled over on the ground and gave him a wide grin. He rolls his eye. "Can you change back now? It's weird to find you attractive."  
  
"Can't. Not until the party's over. I made a Deal after all." I shrug as I get back up. "So...how're you feeling?" I brush my bangs out of my eyes.  
  
He sighs. "A little annoyed at you...but um..." He rubs his arm and glances up at me "So you heard everything?"  
  
"You kinda threw your heart out at me yes." My grin fades as my mood dropped.  
  
He sighs again. "Well this is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life."  
  
"What is? Letting me know that I accidentally ruined your life?" I asked softly. He stares at me incredulously. "No Bill! You haven't...you're not...auugh! This is why everyone worries about you!" I think he saw the confusion in my face because he groans. "Not everything wrong with the world is your fault. Sometimes, life is stupid and you need to stop blaming yourself for all of it."  
  
"But it IS my fault in this case." I protest. "If I wasn't...if you weren't associated with me...you wouldn't have had so much danger. You wouldn't have had to worry about your friends being spies or assassins or whatever! You'd be able to grow up like a normal kid!" I felt my eyes burn and angrily wiped my face.  
  
"You two were supposed to have a normal childhood." My voice wobbles as I wipe my face harder. "But I c-couldn't even do that much..."  
  
"For the love of Grandpa, it's still not your fault that other people are assholes." Pyrone slumped over on his couch. "This is why mom worries about you..." He mutters quietly.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"NOTHING!" He gets up and goes to unlock the door. "Hey~let's go back to the party."  
  
"But we were..." I was cut off when he grabs one of my hands and pulls me up. "Look, Bill, despite everything, I actually enjoyed myself today. I might even have some friends. So long as you don't scare them off."  
  
"I'll try not to." I sniff and materialized a napkin to properly clean my face off. "Ax, I really am a cry baby..." I moaned. Pyrone gives me a fond look "Nothing wrong with that."  
  
I roll my eyes. "I am an over emotional wreck."  
  
"You're OUR emotional wreck and we love you all the same." He smiles before frowning a little "Seriously, this feels so weird when you look like a hot girl. Can't you...turn into something else?"  
  
I considered it before shrugging and shifting into a male. "Better? Or worse?" I asked. He groans "SO much worse. I can't have space idol Jan-Jan suddenly show up at my birthday party!"  
  
"But are you less weirded out if I'm male?" I questioned. He shrugs "You're still hot either way but at least I'm used to Jan. Though it's always weird when my classmates are talking about how sexy you are..." He shudders and mutters something about everyone lusting after a sex-changing demonic chaos god and never realizing it.  
  
"So no Jan-Jan?" I ask. He gives me an unimpressed look. "I know you're not that dumb Bill. You're just messing with me." I giggled because he's right. When he began pouting at me I rolled my eyes and turned into a little yellow Axolotl. He twitched. "Oh. Um...do you want me to put you with Grandpa?"  
  
I nodded and floated over to land in his hands, wiggling adorably. He smiles a little and leaves the room, the loud music and terrible singing hitting us the moment the door opened. I wince. Right. The party.  
  
Despite getting upset earlier...I was actually feeling pretty good. Pyrone...somehow did not blame me for fucking up his life. Now I just need to talk to Pynelope and see how she's faring. Later. Not right now.  
  
I was kinda exhausted mentally from the evening and I wanted to snuggle with Ax for a while. Pyrone carries me over to the large tank (which had been covered in a tablecloth and used as another table) to drop me into the water. I drift down and swim over to Ax's avatar to snuggle.  
  
I had plenty of worries. I wondered if Pynelope would be able to find friends. I worried if Pyrone could keep his. I worried over what to do with my prisoners in the Discipline Pile™. I worried over the after party clean up. Ax's avatar wrapped around me and blew bubbles. I relaxed in his embrace and told myself to put it out of mind for now. I can worry later.  
  
Think of a positive, Pyrone has a chance for friendship and I haven't ruined his life completely. Also, I just now realized I maaay have been a little intoxicated...it would explain why I've been so...weird tonight. And dumb. Definitely dumb. What was I thinking going up on stage to sing and even do my dance with fire? Augh that was so stupid.  
  
I settled at the bottom of the tank and sighed. I really shouldn't consume alcohol when around so many people. I rubbed my head and hoped I get over it soon so I can think clearly again.  
  
\---  
  
The after party clean up wasn't AS bad as I feared. I ended up using my powers for most of it. I was mumbling grumpily the whole time. I should have a talk with them about respect and tidiness. I was back in my normal form as I pulsed with light and atomized the trash everywhere. My friends were helping. Even Pyrone stepped in to help.  
  
Pynelope, as much as I hated to say it, is kinda lazy and did not want to help clean. To be fair, even if I forced her to, she was so bad at it that her help would just make more of a mess. Where did I go wrong with that girl? She's a brilliant child but absolute shit at anything practical.  
  
I'm not even saying that she needs to learn to clean and cook 'cause she's a girl, this is an important life skill that ALL people needed. She can't even do the dishes and that is LITERALLY just rinsing the solid food off the plates and putting them in the dishwasher. It shouldn't be so hard.  
  
As I cleared another patch of ground of all the trash, Pyrone comes up to tell me I can sit this out. "You're always cleaning. Let me do it. It was my party after all." I saw his determined little face and couldn't help my smile. "Thanks. I hugged him lightly. I will let him clean and then fix everything he missed afterwards.  
  
As I was about to float away he pulled on my leg. Confused, I turned to stare at him. Pyrone had his eye averted and was blushing a little. "Hey. Um...thanks. For everything. Like...I know you're not my dad or related to me at all but you've always been here for me and...I really appreciate everything you do for us..."  
  
He pulls me in for a hug. "I love you Bill." He says quietly. I hugged him back,  feeling strangely full and...happy. "I love you too my little icepack."  
  
He laughs. "I'm too old for nicknames." I grin even as I wiped the fresh tears. "You're never too old for nicknames." I hugged him close and sighed. "My little icepack's growing up..."  
  
He groans but still smiles fondly. "Yeah well, that's life."  
  
"....have you and Pynelope thought about my offer?" I asked quietly. He makes a pained face. "Bill. I...I love you. You're like a 2nd mom...but I can't stay with you forever."  
  
I slumped. I knew that but...  
  
"I just don't want to lose you." I whispered. He hugs me tighter "It's just how it is. Mom says that nothing is supposed to last forever. And even if you can make it so, that doesn't mean you should."  
  
"That's not fair." I whined. Pyrone laughs. "You sound like a kid sometimes Bill. The world isn't fair. We all know this. I know that you know this too."  
  
"Doesn't mean I can't try to cheat the system." I grumble.  
  
"And piss off uncle Time Baby!" Pyrone laughs. I pout. He laughs harder so I roll my eye and float away. "Well get to cleaning I guess~" I pouted harder as I left.  
  
Part of me still wanted to forcibly keep my babies forever. Every birthday that passes that desire grows stronger. I know it's wrong. I can't just keep making everyone immortal. I slip off to the Nightmare Realm to calm myself. Too many emotions for one evening, need to bleed this out and meditate. If I betray their trust and trap them with me forever...they'll never forgive me. I was incredibly tempted to do that right now and I knew I had to distance myself.  
  
Even now I'm amazed my friends have forgiven and accepted that I was binding them to my side for all eternity (or at least until the end of time). Jorgio was growing old, he and Nartina had a son and daughter who were already being groomed to take over the familia. The construct spies I've got inside the Federation were getting old as well.  
  
Everyone's growing, aging, changing and I just want everything to stay the same. Is that so wrong?  
  
I shake my head, don't think about it. I'm not in denial, I'm just not gonna worry about it. It's not the same thing.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Question for all of you, how did you find my fic and why did you decide to start reading it? I'm curious. Cause one person said they were just looking up Explicit fic that were tagged Asexual and I find that very interesting. Especially since they've told me that mine was the first Gravity Falls fic they've read so clearly even people not searching for GF fics have found mine.
> 
> So yeah, how did you guys discover my fic and what made you decide to read it?


	59. Chapter 54.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting these small tastes of human interaction just makes me crave it even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ok, another crossover chapter kinda...happened...
> 
> This is with BlueFrosty's fic again, what happened to her Stan and Ford after the portal accident...  
> Since her timeline is different, her Ford and Stan only get ~13 years to get their shit together, which means it would make more sense if they got some help early on to get them to the same level as Canon Ford in terms of experienced dimension traveller.
> 
> Also, I should point out that comparing Bill to a cat is something I've seen in multiple fanfics and even if it weren't that, this Bill is based off me and I have literally sat and batted at a tassel for a whole half hour once. I'm not even kidding. My friends say I'm part cat, even have claws. Also, they never let me live down that one time I found a fish on the driveway (which probably fell off some fishing truck) and took it home to eat.
> 
> Also I've read so many fanfics that have given me ideas for my work and I can't help but use stuff from them. They all effect my own mental head canons. Creativity doesn't exist in a vacuum.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 54.5**  
  
**-A Tale of Two Stans-**

  
\---

I was sitting in the Nightmare Realm meditating. Trying to at least. The cacophony of madness here was always horrifying but that's what made it a good place to do this. If I could focus even under these circumstances then I can focus through ANYTHING.

I had a lot to think about, the twins were growing up and I didn't want that. But I know that I can't keep them forever. It would be even more selfish than I normally was. So I came here, to this ever shifting hellscape that was my Realm and tried to think things over after purging myself of everything inside me, my powers free to run as wild as they want here until I felt calmer.

One of my nightmares was swirling along the ground a few yards from me. The closest it dared to come. I've made it clear how I felt about my personal space. The charred remains of another nightmare that TRIED to get any closer served a good warning to the others.

They may be soulless and mad, but they weren't STUPID.

I closed my eye and breathed slowly. Focus. Focus on my mind. My emotions, my security settings. I have a bunch of runes carved around the Exit door now. The problem was testing them. I realized pretty quickly that making it so that only I can go through the door wasn't really gonna work if the people trying to get in were other MES.

I had the runes carved anyway, better safe than sorry, in case something that WASN'T another Bill Cipher ever tries to come in.

I was so worried about dimensional travelers coming in through my door, I completely forgot about that fact that ACTUAL portals existed. I blame that for my surprise when said portal opens up at the base of the mountain I was meditating on and spits out two screaming young men.

The ACTUAL fuck?!

\---

(Third person POV)

Ford and Stan didn’t stop screaming, not even when they hit the floor and lifted dust, or what looked like dust, around them. The world looked like it was constantly moving around them. The sky was the wrong color and...was that mountain upside down?! Stan screamed some more before puking onto the ground. Ford was staring around with wide eyes. “No! No no no no! This is bad! We need to go! We need to hide!” He pulled on Stanley who was still gagging and tried to pull him to his feet. “Come on Stanley we have to go! He could be here any second!” Ford looked close to breaking down.

“Ford...The...fuck…” Stanley panted as he clutched at the burn on his shoulder. He didn't understand what was going on. His shoulder hurt, he was dizzy and nothing made sense. He couldn’t and he _didn’t want to_ understand. He just wanted to go back home and for this to be _over!_

Ford coughed at the smell of blood and ash in the air, he stared at the wild swirls of colors in the sky...and at the giant monstrosity that looked like a an avocado left in the sun for too long (but covered in TEETH) lumbering towards them. This was definitely the Nightmare Realm. He had failed. The portal had opened...or not? The portal seemed to have closed once he and Stanley were sucked through. Small miracles.

But that didn't change the fact that he (and poor Stanley) were going to die and it was all HIS fault. That monster Bill Cipher! And...Ford couldn't help the bitter thought, Seb...his own brother who he now knew (or believed he knew) had been Bill’s puppet all along!

“Stan...Stanley, come on!” Ford grunted as he tried to move his heavier, larger brother. He was tired, he hadn’t eaten in who knows how long, slept in less, but Stanley didn’t know about any of this, this wasn’t his fault! He needed to protect his younger brother!

“What-What is this place…” Stanley was in shock, his body refused to cooperate with him.

Bill peered over the edge of the upside down mountain at them. What the fuck? He saw one of the nastier nightmares crawling towards the two men. Oh HELL no. Bill jumped off the edge of the mountain (screaming internally at the height, shit, he did NOT think this through) and flew down there quickly.

“HEY! Back off! These guys aren't food!” Bill snarled as he flared out his fire along the ground and up the nightmare’s body. It screeched in pain with a voice that sounded like a chorus of young children and quickly turned to lumber away. Bill glared at it's retreating form. “Yeah! You better run asshole!”

Seriously, damn nightmares, pests, the lot of them. At least that one doesn't TALK. Bill shuddered at the memory of that stupid arm-head thing that was still dragging itself around here somewhere.

Ford lifted his head and stared in pure terror at the demon floating in front of them. His entire body trembled as he stepped in front of his equally shocked and terrified brother. “NO! NO! GET AWAY!” Ford growled. Even without his glasses, he really needed to grab the extra pair from his pocket, he could see the triangle demon in front of him.

“Kill ME! But don’t hurt Stanley! Please!”

Bill blinked at the man, who was obviously a young Ford and holy shit what the fuck was a Ford AND Stan doing here, and lowered himself down to stand on the ground, small, non-threatening. He needed to calm them down first.

Stan managed to react enough to stand up behind his brother. It would usually be the other way round, but he didn’t know what he was facing, and it was obvious Poindexter did.

  
“Ford...The fuck is that shit…”

Bill frowned, a little offended. “Did you just call me a-”

“ARGH!” Ford kicked dust into Bill’s eye, taking the chance since that idiot came down low enough and screamed. “MOVE, STANLEY! RUN!”

“AAAAUUUUGGGH! FFFFFUCK! WHY THE EYE?! WHY IS IT **_ALWAYS_ ** THE EYE?!” Bill shrieked as he rubbed at his sensitive organ. Ok, part of him was kinda... _irked_...now and it was taking more than he thought to stop himself from setting that IMPUDENT brat on fire.

He rubbed at his eye and blinked rapidly, his bricks pulsing red and he tried very hard not to lose his temper. Calm. Calm. Can't just blast these guys like he did to everyone else who tried shit like this, those two were IMPORTANT and needed to be alive. Besides, a Ford and Stan popping out at the same time? After hearing Seb talk about how he lost **both** brothers to a portal?

Yeah, he could do the math and for the first time the answer WASN'T fish.

Ford and Stan hid in a cave, gasping for air and trembling.

“Did you just kick dust into a _demon’s_ eye, Ford?! Now its gonna try to kill us EVEN MORE!!” Stan roared but Ford quickly shushed him by putting his twelve fingers over his mouth.

“Shut up! Shut up!” He hissed. “Bill will kill us no matter what, so just keep quiet and he might get bored and leave.” Stanford knew that wasn’t true. But why scare his triplet more than necessary? The six-fingered man shakily looked for his extra pair of glasses and thanked himself for being so careful about this. They weren’t even broken!

Bill grumbled. If those two weren't Ford and Stan, heck, if there wasn't the possibility that they were Seb’s Ford and Stan, he wouldn't be going through the trouble for this. He looked around. Smart kid, hiding himself the instant line of sight was lost.

Sadly, this was HIS world. HIS space. HIS realm to twist to his desires. Bill took a deep breath and then a pulse of flame came rushing out of him, like a ripple in a pond, it spread far and wide all around him and cleared the area of all non-organic life. The ground vanished, the mountain vanished. The flames seared them all away while leaving the trees and lingering nightmare creatures unharmed. They all floated in the newly made empty space.

Bill glanced around and easily spotted the two tiny (compared to all the confused nightmares) human figures. “Found you~” he sang cheerfully. Now he just needed to get them into his cabin where it was SAFE and explain things to them.

“We're going to die…” Stan pointed out when he saw that their hiding spot had disappeared. “I-I need to lay…” He dropped like lead on Ford’s shoulder who grimaced in panic. No! No! Not now, stupid knucklehead!

Ford closed his eyes and hugged his triplet. They were going to die...Why not accept his fate already? He created the portal, he should die for it.

Bill floated up to them, looks like Stan fainted and Ford had his eyes screwed shut with a resigned look. Geez. Dramatic much? Bill rolled his eye and flicked his fingers, deciding it would be simpler to teleport then all into his cabin rather than risk them fighting back and hurting themselves.

The three of them appeared inside his living room with a ‘pop' and Bill was even kind enough to drop the Stans on his couch. “We good? No, I don't think so. Put your brother down. I'm gonna make some tea.” Bill stated before turning and floating to the kitchen, leaving the humans in his cozy and tastefully decorated living room.

Ford frowned confused, still waiting for Bill to torture him and Stanley as punishment for turning off the portal. He didn’t want TEA! He wanted to get out of here!

“Stan...Stan, wake up!” Ford shook his brother by the shoulders, and with one firm slap, the other man opened his brown eyes, confused.

Bill hummed cheerfully as he rummaged through his cabinets. Hm...he's got Earl Purple...ChaiChai...Viridian powders...or maybe some Sinberry mix would work better? “Hey.” He leaned out of the kitchen door “Do you want a sweet tea or are you more for the herbal stuff? I also have some berry flavors?”

“I want a drink.” Stan mumbled tiredly and massaged his forehead. He leaned against the couch and hissed in pain.

“Don’t ask him for food, Stan!” The man with dark bags under his eyes scolded his triplet before reaching out a hand hesitantly at the inflamed burn mark on his brother's skin. Guilt filled him. He never meant for Stan to get hurt. This was all Sebastian's fault! If he hadn't started that fight-

“The hard stuff huh? I got some vintage bottles from a family friend that I haven't opened?” Bill called out to them as he thought about the entire wine cellar’s worth of alcohol he's received from the Literatura familia through the years. “Hang on while I go grab a few and you tell me which one you'd like.”

Bill floated to a wall that became a door leading to a basement where he stored stuff. It was really more of a modified Madness Bubble that he used for storage purposes.

Ford grabbed his brother’s hand and forced him to stand up. Door! They needed to get out! Bill was going to drug them and then torture them!

“By the way.” Bill called from the stairway “Don't bother trying to escape, there are no doors that lead out unless I say so.” really though, he was accommodating, he wasn't STUPID.

Ford whimpered and started hitting the walls as Stan watched him. “Let us go, you insane monster!”

“Ford, stop. Don’t you see the flying Dorito just wants to give us drinks?” Stan had had meetings at work where he thought he was talking to _real_ demons, even worse than this one. He was good at reading people, this triangle didn’t have any malicious intentions. It looked kind of funny now that he saw him closely.

Bill took a few different bottles, oh. He remembered THIS one. He bottled it together with Jorgio. He remembered how the kid had summoned him to request he be the best man during his wedding to Nartina. Good times. Bill held the bottles carefully as he went back upstairs and sealed the door back into a wall with a thought.

“So you can come check these out. I promise they're not poison but if you're really that worried I will allow you to test them or whatever.” Bill left the bottles on the table and went back to the kitchen where the kettle was hissing. He was going to make some tea for himself. Alcohol and explanations weren't a very smart combination. He poured the water into a large teapot with the bag he chose and floated a few wine glasses out from the cupboards.

Ford made a disgusted face, he’d never drink tea again, not after Bill and him always had tea in his Mindscape. Tea was leaf water created by demons!

Stan smiled and was going to grab a glass to pour himself a drink, but his triplet hit his hand and made him retreat it.

“What do you want? Stop playing games, Cipher!! Why are you acting like this?! Just kill us and be done with it!”

“Don’t give him permission, Sixer!”

Bill sighed, flicked his fingers to heal the burn on Stan's shoulder (which made Stan gasp in shock as he traced the burn mark, it didn't hurt anymore but there was still a distinct mark), put his teapot on the table and sat down at a chair. “You're operating under a pretty terrible misunderstanding here.” Bill rubbed his side. “You guys are very far from home.” He narrowed his eye. “Like, REALLY far.”

“Whatcha mean by far?” Stan asked. “We can go back, though, right?”

“This is what Fiddleford saw when he was almost sucked into the Portal…” Ford mumbled. “But, but you aren’t hurting us...I-I don’t get it.” 

Bill sighed. “Okay…” how to explain this? “Do you know what parallel dimensions are?”

“No?” Stan scratched his head. “Dimensions created parallel to ours?”

Ford grimaced and looked at his brother shaking his head. Why was he responding?!

Bill hummed. “It's like...you wake up in the morning and you decide to have eggs for breakfast. But what if you decide you want pancakes instead? Boom, something that simple already created two parallel timelines.” Great, now he wanted pancakes. Dammit.

“Pancake dimension...” Stan nodded. He thought he understood. “Man, now I want Stancakes.”

“No one likes Stancakes.” Ford mumbled under his breath.

“Excuse me? Carla adores them!”

“I'd like to try a Stancake…” Bill whined quietly.

“Oh, it is actually pretty easy, kid!” Stan smiled. “You see-”

“Stop!” Ford ordered his younger brother of 8 minutes, and then faced the demon. “Answer my question, Cipher. Why are you acting like this? Like you aren’t...you...” Ford’s brown eyes widened in realization.

“You aren’t the Bill I talked to.” Ford said faintly.

Bill rolled his eye. “Finally figured it out huh? I'm not YOUR Bill Cipher. I'm a DIFFERENT Bill from an alternative dimension.” He folded his hands in front of him on the table. “But I am still _A_ Bill Cipher and if there's one thing that's true of most Bills, we know LOTS of things.”

“Woah! Woah! What is going on here?” Stan shook his hands. “So you really made a deal with a demon, Ford?! I can’t believe you!”

Bill shrugged. “Cut him some slack, I can say with great authority that I am charming as fuck~and there's no doubt my alternative was much the same.” He poured himself a cup of tea and sipped it with his eye. “Plus, I get the feeling little Fordsie here isn't the best judge of character.”

“Pfft! Tell me about it!” Stan laughed. “He’s almost 25 and can’t really tell when people are lying or not.”

Ford glared at him and Stan coughed. “Sorry but it is true.”

Bill straightened up. “Clearly.” he shook his head “But let's move onto the important part of this conversation. How you got here and how you're gonna get home.”

He squinted at them. Time for the moment of truth. “Are you perhaps...related to a Sebastian Pines?”

“Yes!”

“No.”

Bill blinked slowly. “So...is that a maybe?”

“FORD!” Stan shouted.

“He is not my brother, not anymore! I only have a twin, and it is this idiot.” Ford nodded at Stan. “Oh, and Sherman.”

 _‘Oh sure, your youngest brother is an afterthought.’_ Bill nodded. “I think I understand who you are now. Geez…” his voice dropped quieter but not enough that the Stans couldn't hear him “Poor Seb is trying so hard to save this ungrateful ass too. Gosh I hope my Ford's not like this.” frankly, from what Ford's he's seen so far...they kinda seemed like idiotic assholes.

Then again, these were all Fords that had been betrayed by their Bills (though that one with the binding circle he didn't know the full story of yet…) and that could be part of the reason for this anger and mistrust.

Bill sighed. “Look. I don't know what issue you might have with Sebastian but he is working tirelessly to fix the portal and bring you two home…”

“No! He's Bill! He's working with Bill and he's going to destroy the whole world-!”

Bill stuck the smaller end of the wine bottle into Ford's mouth, pouring the stuff down his throat “...and he's doing that because he **loves** you both. So you've got a few options here, either you stay here for about…” Bill did some calculations in his head, if the Stans had to be aged up to match Sebastian for when they can finally return to their own dimension…

“...13 years, which is how long it would take Sebastian to fix the portal and get it up and running again…”

Stan made a choked noise. Ford made a muffled protest, pulling at the wine bottle but realized it was being held in place by some sort of demon magic. He was forced to swallow the wine to keep from choking.

He refused to admit it tasted pretty good.

“Or you can go and travel the multiverse for 13 years while you wait for the portal to be fixed.” Bill finished.

Stan protested “Can't ya send us home NOW?” 13 years...how could he spend 13 years here? Carla...the ring...he was gonna propose…

“I'm sorry.” Bill said. And he really WAS sorry. “But time in your dimension has progressed without you. Around 13 years has passed since you fell into the portal. So...you will need to live out 13 years in order to properly Synch back into place with your time stream.”

“I...don't understand what you're saying!” Stan cried. “I just want to go home!”

Ford continued pulling at the bottle. Dammit Stan! Help! He made muffled sounds and pulled at Stan’s sleeve. Bill looked over at him and flicked his fingers, freeing the scientist's mouth. “Sorry ‘bout that. Didn't want you interrupting our conversation.”

Ford gasped for air when the bottle pulled away and he got up, ready for an angry remark but when he opened his mouth the only sound to escape him was a loud hiccup. He swayed in place and Stan grabbed his older brother when the scientist fell over. Bill looked at the bottle in his hand. “Huh. Didn't think a guy that big would be such a lightweight.”

“Ford? Ford?!” Stan slapped Ford’s face lightly. His triplet’s eyes were glazed over in the tell tale sign of someone who was utterly smashed. Damn, Stan wanted him some of that booze. He shook his head. No. Not the time. As much as he wanted to.

“Alright demon, why did you get Sixer drunk? And don't say it was an accident, you were definitely hoping for this outcome.”

Bill smiled. Just like the Stan he met in that other world, this Stan was JUST as perceptive. Much smarter than he appeared, or at the very least, way better at understanding people. “I wanted to talk to you without ol’ Fordsie here interrupting or doing something stupid to piss me off.” Bill sighed. “Do you have any idea how close I came to killing the two of you when he frickin’ kicked dust in my eye?”

Stan shivered. Yeah. He TOLD Ford that was a bad idea. “R-right.” he lifted the softly protesting scientist and laid him down on the couch. “So...what did you want to talk about?”

“You, actually. What it is that you want to do now? I doubt you want to be stuck in this cabin for 13 years. I am also worried about letting you guys run wild out in space. How are you expecting to breath for one thing.”

‘ _Plus, if what I've learned from the Journal 3 book is any indicator, the two men weren't going to be HERE for very long_.’ Bill thought. The portal’s instability meant that another portal will just appear near them at any time and they will be whisked away to some other dimension.

Speaking of which, Bill flicked his fingers and Stan gasped as his insides shift. Ford made a distressed moan from the couch. Stan patted himself down. “What did you just do?!”

“You won't die in the void of space now. Congrats.” Bill informed him plainly. He was being unusually calm today. Then again, he had bled out a lot of the madness inside him earlier (tear his bricks open, it hurt so good) before he started meditating so his mind was quiet and calm (when he wasn't dealing with fucking DUST in his EYE) so he was...saner than he's been in a while.

It wouldn't last. It never did.

“Uh...thanks I guess? But shouldn't you have asked first?” Stan grumbled, a little weirded out by how his body had apparently been altered without any warning. Bill shrugged. “I confess I've lost a lot of my sense of social propriety over the years.”

“....right….”

“But back to the topic at hand.” Bill leaned back in his chair. “What do YOU want to do while you're waiting for the time to catch up?”

“Are you sure Sebas will bring us back?” Stan asked softly.

Bill nodded. “He's been working to do that for a long time. He's not a mechanical engineer, he didn't go to college for science, he barely knows how the portal works, but he is still trying.”

Ford made a mumbled angry sound. “He's...puppet...c’ntrolled by Bill…”

“Yes and no.” Bill thought about how to explain this without lying or giving away Seb’s secret. “He is connected to Bill Cipher...but he isn't...a puppet...not...exactly…”

Ford turned his head blearily to stare, unfocused, at Bill. “Wha you...mean?”

“I'm afraid you'll need to ask him yourself. All I will say is that Sebastian Pines loves you very much. He will not stop working on the portal until he gets you back...or he dies trying…”

Stan grimaced. He hoped Seb didn’t _die_ for them...

“You know, demon.” Stan smiled. “I drove for hours to meet with this Brainiac and he didn’t offered me any food. I’m starving.” He ruffled Stanford’s greasy hair.

Bill sipped his tea. “Do you want a drink?” He offered up one of the other bottles. “No offense if I refrain from any wine myself, you don't want to see what happens when I'm drunk.” he paused. “Or do you want ACTUAL food? I can do that too. What sort of thing were you thinking of?”

“Food, any food, man.”

Ford groaned. “Sstooo...p...Sstaannn!”

Bill nodded. “How about some Bolognese? I'm up for some pasta with meat sauce…” he floated off the chair and into the kitchen. He sort of wanted to do a cooking show but he was hungry, Stan was hungry, Ford looked like he hadn't eaten in days...yeah, just normal cooking today.

Bill quickly puttered about his kitchen, getting the ingredients together, or materializing them when he was out, and had the meat and tomato sauce simmering in no time. He hummed happily as he shook some crushed basil into the pan.

While Bill cooked, Stan snorted amused, who knew a demon knew how to cook? And just leaned against his drunk ass older brother and sighed.

They were lucky. They could have been taken to a world with **real** monsters, with a ‘Bill’ who wanted to really hurt them...if that had happened, he wouldn’t have the chance to get back to Carla…

Stan sighed. “Sebastian will bring us back, Ford...He’s our brother...our triplet.”

Ford mumbled in a daze “...n’t trussss...Bill…”

“Paranoid ain't he?” Bill commented as he got some more vegetables together. “Not that I blame him. Sounds like your Bill did a number on him. Seb said your Bill was an asshole.”

“Ford brought it upon himself…” Stan shook his head. “None of them trusted me enough to help...Ford making deals with demons and Seb in prison and trying to...you know, hurt himself…” Stan felt guilty he had been living fine, even though he knew it wasn’t his fault.

“I hurt myself too. It's...how I stay sane.” Bill comments lightly.

“That doesn’t sound very sane, but hey! What do I know?” Stan shrugged. “I’m in another dimension talking to a Dorito demon, no offense.”

Bill giggled. “None taken. But yeah, I know it doesn't make much sense. Nothing about me makes sense…” he stirred the noodles around in the sauce. “Well, food's done.”

“Oh, thank goodness! Um...evilness? Haha.”

Even drunk, Ford managed to roll his eyes.

“Thank Ax is more like it.” Bill grinned. “He's the one you should thank. If it weren't for him I probably would have been even more fucked up than I already am. Might have even turned out like your Bill.”

“Jeez.” Stan made a face but smiled when Bill handed him a plate. “Thanks.”

“no...eat...Staannn...Nnoooo” Ford tried to reach the plate but his brother moved it out of his reach.

“Bad nerd. Bad.”

Bill looked at his plate and shifted into his William form so he could eat and taste the food. No point making good food if he couldn't taste it. His triangular body stretched out and became more humanoid. Bill groans a little and shakes himself. Ugh, always with the sore joints when he changes into a form with bones.

“Woah…” Stan blinked a few times. “Cool. Saw that, nerd?!”

Bill stretched his arms over his head and arched back until his newly formed spine popped. “Ah~much better~” he moaned in content. Well, time to eat. He dug in ravenously, slurping up the noodles.

Stan didn’t mind at all, only the skies knew how many awful people he had to stand at work who did more than just eat like cavemen, and continued talking to the demon. He should get to know him. It would probably be useful to do so.

“So you live in this madness all by yourself? It can’t be very nice.” Stan took a sip of his drink. “Holy moses, this is so good! What grape is this?!”

“An alien kind. Grown through feeding on ash fertilizer sprinkled on their soil.” Bill had his cheeks bulging adorably before he chewed and swallowed. “I have a partnership with the family that owns the vineyard so I get a few bottles from each batch.”

“Alien food sounds nice.” Stan wondered if he should try feeding Ford some noodles. He was deadly pale.

“Funny story. Tomatoes are tomatoes no matter what dimension you're in. Same with potatoes. They were cultivated in the same way.”

Stan smiled at Bill and just decided to feed Ford the food a forkful at a time. Ford was so far gone he accepted being fed like a child.

“So...about the-um-portal thing...Thirteen years is a lot... We’d be almost out of our thirties! I don’t want to spend those golden years trapped here!”

Bill wiped his mouth. “I figured. Well you're still...for lack of a better term, tainted with portal energy. It means that more portals will just open up near you until you get back to your home dimension. So...you and Ford are gonna be spending 13 years on space adventures.”

“Heh, that...doesn’t sound bad at all! We’d explore outer space! And see aliens! And punch them!” Stan’s brown eyes lit up. “This is like an upgrade of our dream as kids! Sail across the _universe!_ ”

Bill grinned wide, sharp teeth on full display, but not in a threatening way. “I'm loving your optimism kid. It’ll help you in the long run. Now I've already ensured you can breathe in space and survive in a vacuum...Hm...what else do you need?” Bill's smile twitched when he felt his demonic instincts rear their ugly head. “Oof, never mind...I can't grant you guys any more freebies…” Healing and feeding guests? That was fine. It was only polite to provide for guests. But actively giving them stuff for free?

He held a hand up to his chest where he could feel an uncomfortable sensation pulsing in his bricks. “My nature as a demon literally won't allow me to help you any more than this without getting something in return.”

Stan smiled. “I’m listening. Tell me your price for more dorito help!”

Ford managed an urgent grunting of distress. He shook his head back and forth. “....nnngh…” he moaned.

“Sshh, the businessman is talking, brother.” Stan waved him off. “We just need time. To sort things out, wait for Ford to sober again and see what we will do in these years of waiting. Let us stay and I’ll agree to your conditions...within reason of course I’m not dumb.”

Bill hummed, his ears twitching. “There is...one thing that I want at the moment…” he leaned in, smiling shyly. “It...might sound kinda weird but I swear it's not meant to be anything...strange.”

“Spill.”

Bill blushed a little. This would be asking a lot from an essential stranger, but he's watched Gravity Falls and a part of him, the same one that recognized Bill’s henchmanics, the same part that made him grow fond of the other Bills he met, was making him feel like he could trust Stan.

“C-can…” Bill wiggled in his seat and looked up at Stan with a faint blush. “Can I have some head pats?” he really missed physical contact. His friends were always too afraid to do more than the occasional hug (except Xanthar who was a huge snuggler) or tugging on his arms and legs. The children were a little more touchy but he didn't want snuggles.

He wanted a head pat. A proper, deliberate head pat. He never asked his friends for this because they already treated him like a kid and if he ever revealed how much he wanted someone to brush his hair or pet his head...the teasing would never stop.

Bill was already blushing at the gobsmacked look on Ford’s face. Even drunk he pulled it off quite well.

“Wha?...” He mumbled.confused. This wasn’t real! This wasn’t possible. “Iizz a trAp!” He cried, worried, trying to stop his brother. However, laying down with his head on Stanley’s knee as Stan firmly held him in place wasn’t helping. “Nnngh No!”

Stan raised an eyebrow, making the same confused and contemplative face that Bill had seen on Sebastian and shrugged. “Sure. Ok.” Stan agreed to the terms. “And we get to rest with ya and receive your help until we know what to do.”

Bill’s hand was engulfed in blue fire and after hesitating for just a second because _Sebastian made a similar blue fire appear before accidentally pushing them to this mess,_ Stan shook his hand.

Bill sighed as the Deal settled into place. A rather unorthodox one sure but these two weren't gonna be spilling his secret (embarrassing) wishes to the multiverse. He sat down on the couch and frowned a little at the height difference. Dang, why did the Stans have to be so tall? This close he could get a better look at the burn mark on Stan's shoulder. Interesting mark, some sort of combination rune. Earth, sky, sun...was that a portal? Gateway from the heavens to the earth?

“Just my head ok? Don't touch me anywhere else.” He said quietly, deciding it wasn't important right now.

Stan smiled and nodded. Of course he wouldn’t. He looked at the cyclops's blond hair and ruffled it softly with an amused grin.

Bill wiggled and made a happy squealing sound. His ear twitched and he closed his large eye to lean in and rub his head against Stan’s hand, much like a small animal. “Ooh~that feels nice~”

“Are you part cat or something?” The young man smiled funnily. This was weird, true, but if it meant they’d be protected and helped by a powerful being. It was worth it.

“Not at all. I just enjoy being pet…then again...I do love eating fish...and I get distracted by dangling things...and I bat at stuff if you wiggle it in front of me…” Bill made a weird expression. “Um...I haven't tried out the laser pointer thing yet…” Bill kept quiet about how he also liked killing things and eating them, that was just usual demon behavior right? And it's not like he kills innocent people on his own. Just rude people who attack his family.

Stan massaged the demon’s scalp and snorted when he moaned happily. He really missed this...as kids, Sebas also liked it when people played with his hair. Stan wondered if he still enjoyed it. It’s been a while since they saw each other…

A few minutes later, the head massage session ended. Bill had started leaning against Stan’s side at some point and was rumbling in content.

Ford couldn’t keep himself awake anymore and fell asleep after battling with his exhaustion and drunkenness. Stan looked at him and yawned. He was full, a nap would be nice…”

“Right...you guys need beds...hang on…” Bill waved his hand and a door appeared on a nearby wall. It opened to reveal a large bedroom with a huge king sized bed. “There's a bathroom in there too with some basic toiletries if you want…” Bill got up and stretched, sighing as his joints popped. “If you need anything else, feel free to ask.”

Stan simply nodded and looked at his unconscious older brother. “Heh…” He said softly. It reminded him of when they were kids, Ford would stay up late reading and Stan would need to get him to their room before Ma scolded him for staying up.

He wrapped an arm under his brother’s arms and lifted him. He carried his brother to the bed and dropped him there, chuckling when he bounced a bit but otherwise didn’t wake up.

“Sleep, Poindexter...Looks like you haven’t done that in years…” Stan whispered as he stroked his brother’s hair. He hoped he’d take a bath later. His hair looked awful and he hadn’t shaved.

Bill saw them settle into the bed and floated off outside his cabin, a door appearing and disappearing as he went. The serene quiet of the cabin was replaced by the tortured screaming of his nightmares as he stepped outside. Ugh. Always hated that part. Bill leaned against the cabin and thought to himself. These were Seb's brothers. The ones he worked so hard for. Bill felt he owed Seb to look after them, at least until they were prepared to leave.

“Which means keeping them safe...which wouldn't be possible here...“ he muttered to himself, looking out at the broken, floating landmasses that populated this world. The Madness Bubbles allowed for stability in the places it encompassed but it was also a bubble, fragile and easily popped If he weren't here to maintain them.

It was too dangerous to keep them here if Bill had to leave for whatever reason. He's gotten better at multitasking but maintaining the Nightmare Realm has always been a tough task. He normally didn't care if any of the Nightmares were obliterated from existence when the areas of stability failed, they had no souls, but keeping Stan and Ford here? Not gonna be good in the long run. A few weeks sure, but better safe than sorry...

Bill nodded to himself. Looks like the Death Star would be getting more crowded. Maybe he should tell them first? A bit of his mischievous side reared up. Naw~it'll be a surprise!

\---

The next morning...well, not morning since there was neither day nor night here...

Stan grunted tiredly as he stretched. “Carlaa…” He whispered but his tired eyes widened when he wasn’t met by Carla’s beautiful smile, but with his own sleeping face.

“Right…” Ford, the demon. Portal thing.

He stayed in bed for a little longer but eventually left the bedroom, his curious nature aching to explore. Besides, he could smell someone was cooking. Bill was still in his strange Cyclops humanoid form but now with a bright blue apron over a...maid outfit???

“Um...Hi?”

Bill turned and smiled cheerfully. “Hello yourself! I'm making ramlettes!” he turned back to the stove, his skirt fluttering as he moved.

“Um...alright...Ford...is still sleeping…” Stan coughed and looked down. He knew some people liked to dress up...but he had never _seen_ one...Awkward!

“Let him sleep in. Poor guy looks like he needs it.” Bill flipped the egg mix over to cook the other side. He waved a hand to get some cups set on the table and some Snazzleberry juice poured out as well. It was called a berry but was really more of a citrus flavor. With undertones of pumpkin spice.

“So did you sleep well?” Bill asked as he bent over to grab something from the lower cabinet. Where was the large serving dish? He thought he'd put it away here...

“Um...Fine, fine! Um, it was weird not hearing Carla snore though.” He joked to feel less awkward around the demon. He had to be messing around on purpose, for sure!

“Well once Ford wakes up we're gonna discuss living situation. I'm not sure if you've noticed but there are a lot of monsters here.” Bill rummaged around and found the plate he needed. Never really had guests over so he didn't think he'd get to use this. Hence why he'd put it underneath. Some people might say it was a waste to furnish this cabin but...he filmed all of Jan's livestremes here and filming in an empty house would have been suspicious.

“Mons...ters?” Stan looked around nervously. He hadn’t seen any monsters so far.

“Not in my cabin-"

The man with long hair was about to sigh in relief...

"-I meant outside.” Bill waved his hand to make the walls transparent, revealing the forms of at least three nightmares circling the building, snarling and frothing in hunger.

...he tensed up in fear at the sight of them.

“Don't worry though, they can't get in here. Also, if they get hungry enough they start eating each other.” Bill placed the large serving dish on the kitchen counter. “Why do you think I got rid of any doors that lead outside? I wouldn't put it past you guys to think you could leave and then get torn to shreds.” he made the walls opaque again to hide the outside world.

“Right...Thanks for keeping us alive I guess…” Stan rubbed the back of his head.

“Do you need help or something?” As soon as he said that though, he heard his brother screaming his name.

“STaN!! Where are-Argh my head! Where are you!?”

Bill rolled his eye. “You should go take care of that. I'll have the food ready by the time you're done.”

Stan saluted the demon and went to look for Ford. He found him close to their temporary bedroom, trembling and worried for his safety.

“Stanley! Oh, thank goodness you are safe!” Ford cried and hugged him. He couldn’t lose Stanley, he didn’t want to. They needed to stick together!

“Whoa Poindexter! I'm fine. See?” Stan hugged him back. How long has it been since he's hugged his brothers? He missed them all so much. Geez, he never even got to hug Seb...

“Where were you?” Ford asked softly, resting his head on his brother’s shoulder. Stan pat his back soothingly.

“Oh I was with Bill.” He waved a dismissing hand. “He’s making breakfast with alien food!”

“Ah…” Ford made a face. Why was Stanley taking this so well?! They were in _space_ ! In another _dimension_ ! With a **_DEMON_ **!

“Food's done! Get it while it's molecular makeup is vibrating at a high frequency!” Bill called out.

“Molecular...what?” Stan tilted his head and Ford rolled his eyes.

“Hot, Stanley. It means while it is hot.”

“See? Someone gets it!” Bill’s laughter echoed down the hallway. “But seriously, if you don't get in here I'm gonna eat it all myself.”

Stan moved but Ford grabbed him by the wrist. “You seriously aren’t thinking of eating, right?” He was speaking softly. Any louder and his head would hurt more than what it already did.

“Listen, Ford. I know you don’t like this, I don’t like it either, it is a demon after all. But what other option do we have? We can’t get outside, if we did, monsters would have us as snacks and trust me, I want to be in one piece when I get back to my girlfriend. So can you PLEASE behave around the drag demon while we are here to get help to survive SPACE?!” The man raised his voice a tiny bit more.

“You know I'm technically an alien? Demon is a title and alignment given when you've got a certain skill set and behavioral quirks.” Bill calls out. There are scraping sounds of chairs being pushed around.

“Alien.” Stan corrected himself while looking at his brother. “So, can we have breakfast?” Stan was going to be the rational and coherent half of their team. Ford would make really dumb decisions if it wasn’t for his younger brother.

Ford nodded mutely and followed his brother to the kitchen. Ford stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide when he saw Bill in that strange shapeshifted humanoid form of his wearing a…

“Why are you dressed like a **maid**?!” Ford covered his face with a strangled cry.

Stan coughed and looked down.

Bill blinked slowly. “What's wrong with it?” He peered down at himself, fluffing his skirt as he did so. “Does it not look good? You're gonna give me body image issues you know?”

“No, no!” Stan shook his hands. “It’s fine! You look fine!” He said nervously.

“You're a male, I thought you were one…” Ford rubbed the back of his head.

“Well...I don't know about YOUR Bill but I happen to be a hermaphrodite!” Bill tugged at his skirt self consciously. “But I guess I'm not...really pretty enough to pull this off huh?” His William form was just too scrawny...Xin’s form had the nice curves and Jan’s form was gorgeous...but they were also fully male...

“That’s...fascinating” Ford mumbled. He had read about it in college but never had time to actually investigate the cases himself. “You are both at the same time!” he says with a glint in his eye screaming ‘Must do Research!’.

Stan punched him, making him stagger back. “Can you shut up? Nerd.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“I think the skirt looks gorgeous on you, kid. And that color suits you.” Stan, unlike his antisocial brother, had experience talking to women, and how to flatter them. If this Bill was also (half?) one it should work too right?

Bill blushed adorably. His, or rather, HER large eye fluttered its long lashes. “R-really?” She got complimented for Jan and Xin’s bodies all the time but it wasn't often that someone who wasn't one of her friends told her she was pretty.

“Um, sure!” Stan smiled charmingly. “Like I always tell Carla, if you like it then it is perfect and if people says something, just tell them to fuck off.”

“You hated my clothes as a teen.” Ford muttered petulantly.

“You looked like a disco, Ford. That’s different.”

Bill pressed her long fingers to her cheeks “Aw~you're so sweet~” she bowed demurely like a proper maid “Well breakfast is ready sirs~”

The Pines sat down and Stan grinned at his upset brother.

“You see? Good things happen when you are nice.” Stan said and a really tired and angry Ford made a face and stuffed his mouth with the food.

Bill sat down as well to eat, pointing out what the dishes were. “I spent a few million years just trying to find alien foods that had evolved to be somewhat similar to Earth plants and animals.” She pointed at some of the side dishes “The first chance I got, I made corned beef hash. It's pretty cool how alien potatoes resemble earth potatoes. They even have the same name.”

Bill reminisced fondly. “There was a planet populated by a hive mind of potato people. They killed and sacrificed anyone who landed on that planet. So I kinda...slaughtered them all. The planet is now a safe world for tourists and farmers.”

“Potato people?” Ford muttered.

“Sacrifice?” Stan smiled. He couldn’t imagine _potatoes_ attacking people. It was hilarious!

Bill nodded. “I probably wouldn't have killed them all if I hadn't found out they were devouring Souls down there.” She growled. “I can't stand anyone who harms a Soul.” They were made by the AXOLOTL and should be treated with care.

“Right…” Ford wiped his mouth with his sleeve and sighed. “So...Other Bill…”

“You may call me William while I am in this form.”

“William.” Ford forced a smiled. “My world is going to be in danger if Bill gets through the portal. You are him, what kills you?”

“Ford, what the fuck?!”

“My zodiac circle.” Bill responded easily. “Or if you can get a hold of one, a quantum destabilizer. Though that doesn't actually kill me, just scatters my molecular and mental wavelengths so badly that it would take a few centuries to reform myself.” she didn't mind telling Ford, it's not like he wouldn't find out by himself eventually anyway.

“The eleven symbols?” Ford hummed as Stan stared, not understanding. He’d never find them. He only knew Stan and him were part of it...for some reason. A quantum destabilizer though… “Works for me.” The scientist nodded. “We need one. How do we get one or build it?” He looked into his coat to write everything down and paled when he couldn’t feel his journal. Right...Sebastian, Bill, whatever, that monster had it now...

“Well the parts needed to build that thing are incredibly illegal.” It was a gun that could destroy GODS after all. The Federation had all knowledge on the mechanics of such a weapon on lock down. If anyone ever shot Time Baby with something like that? Chaos and anarchy. Heck, one of the Jobs she'd gotten from Time Baby was to kill the man who invented the blueprints for the thing.

Funny how Time Baby didn't realize that sending Bill after him ensured that Bill now knew EXACTLY how to build the weapon. She was a master of the mind. She consumed the Minds of her victims. That includes all their knowledge. Besides, just 'cause he took out ONE scientist that figured it out didn't mean other scientists wouldn't eventually stumble upon the same or similar ideas.

“Oh ho ho! I like it!” Stanley smiled. He did illegal stuff as a teen. He became _boring_ when he grew up. It would be fun looking for those things!

Ford, on the other hand, hummed nervously. “If that is what it takes…”  He mumbled.

Bill peered at the two men. “Well...if I give you the blueprints, you’ll have to find the parts and build it yourself…” she tilted her head to examine them “But you’ll need to promise me something first.”

““What?”” The triplets asked at the same time.

“Don't shoot Sebastian.”

“But he-” Ford trailed off. Wasn’t he Bill?! Killing him would be the easiest way to get rid of Bill!

Stanford didn’t want to kill his brother, but it was for the greater good.

“Absolutely not, Stanford!” Stan shouted at his triplet. Sebas was their baby brother, for heaven’s sake! And this madman wanted to kill him?!?!

Bill groaned and leaned her face against her hand. “Why would you shoot your own brother Stanford? Kindly explain that to me?” If her hair and skin flickered red for an instant she didn't notice.

“He lied to us! He! HE is BILL! His eye, that _horrible_ yellow eye he has! That’s _his_! And-And he pushed us through the portal to take my Journal!” The man with glasses cried.

“If you hurt Sebastian, I’ll kill you myself.” Stan growled at his older brother.

Bill gave him an unimpressed look. “Yeah, ‘cause Sebastian OBVIOUSLY _chose_ to be Bill’s destined vessel, not like it was something he couldn't control or had a chance to **refuse** right?” She said sarcastically. She felt a little bad for peering into Seb’s personal life while in his Mindscape, she didn't MEAN to. But she saw a few things that she was sure even Seb didn't know about.

“Exactly.” Ford said, not getting or not caring about the sarcasm.

Bill and Stan rolled their eyes so much they turned almost white. Bill gave Stan a sympathetic look “I don't know how you put up with him. No matter HOW cute he is.”

“Eh. He’s a dumb genius. You get used to it...Did you just say cute?”

Bill blushed and looked away quickly. “You obviously heard wrong.”

“Al...right…” Stan coughed.  “Ok, we would never hurt Sebas with that weapon, RIGHT, Sixer?!”

Ford huffed in response. They would see when the time came “But we still need it to confront Bill.”

Bill nodded. “I should probably also make you promise not to shoot anyone else that Bill just so happens to be possessing. That is called ‘Murder’ and while I've killed my fair share of people, I find the idea of killing an innocent person that Bill is controlling to be in bad taste.”

“Yeah, yeah, not using it on humans.” Ford waved a six-fingered hand dismissively.

“That INCLUDES Sebastian.” Bill said firmly.

 _He’s not human, but ok._ Ford shrugged. “Yeah, sure, sure.”

“He is both human and genetically identical to you.” Bill heard Ford's thoughts clearly. It's his fault for thinking so loudly.

Ford pouted and covered his forehead. “Get out!” He ordered. He didn’t need more Bills in his mind messing with him.”

“You're the one projecting your thoughts at me. I'm not even _trying_ to get in.” Bill scoffed.

“But you are reading them! Don’t!” Ford shot back.

“Can you stop acting like a brat, Stanford?” Stanley was getting tired of this. He looked at William. “I wouldn’t let Sebas get hurt…Why do you care so much about him anyway? Does it have to do with the fact he was a demon too or something?”

“All Bills are connected and want to destroy our worlds!” Ford cried.

Bill pressed her lips together. “Well, I may as well clear up a misconception. None of the Bills, me included, have any desire to destroy the 3rd dimension.” She leaned back in her chair “Most of us actually want to make your world better. More fun. Unbound and unshackled by the unfair laws of the universe. The problem is that we're all utterly insane and generally we don't realize that our idea of fun is your idea of utter destruction.”

“You see? The dorito alien just wants to have fun, Ford.” Stan grinned teasingly and his triplet growled.

“Yeah, by creating chaos and destroying stuff, Stanley!”

“Chaos is so delightful~” Bill sighed.”But I am different from most of my counterparts because I can emphasize. I can see things from another's perspective, if I remember to at least, and realize that while I might think making people melt into a pile of screaming limbs is funny, the people who are going through that experience find it less so.” more than once she actually had Teeth talk her down from a ‘fun' idea she had.

“Well, nice to know the portal will never open from our world...Sebastian isn’t getting us back.” Ford folded his arms.

“He is!” Stan argued.

“Please! He didn’t even finish high school, Stanley! And you think he’ll know how to fix a project like this?!”

“And who’s fault was it that he didn't finish high school I wonder…” Bill muttered.

“His.” Ford hissed. “He was selfish and brought it upon himself.”

“Shut up! You _know_ it was an accident! He told you it was!” Stan cried. He wasn’t ready to argue about this. It hurt him to remember that day.

“From what I Saw...Sebastian was trying to destroy his OWN science fair project but when he threw it in a blind rage it accidentally hit yours…” Bill pointed out.

“He has always been jealous of me! He wouldn’t have been there if he wasn’t throwing a tantrum! A tantrum that cost me the best school in the entire country!”

“Ford, you studied, you were fine! Just drop it!” Stan pleaded.

“Have you never wondered why? You DO realize that in ALL the weeks leading up to the science fair, when Sebastian SPECIFICALLY told your teachers what his project would be about, they NEVER ONCE told him that he couldn't use fire up until the DAY OF so that he had NO WAY of changing his project to fit regulation? Those teachers ALLOWED him to WASTE entire WEEKS of work just to tell him that his project was a FAILURE without even letting him show it to them.” Bill was getting angry now.

“You don’t know that…” Ford protested.

“I saw his memories. By accident sure, but I saw them. Your teachers absolutely did EVERYTHING in their power to PURPOSELY make him FAIL.” Bill twitched. “And you wonder why he was so angry?”

“He was angry because he is stupid! He made a STUPID AND DUMB project! No one told him to do that!” Ford's voice started picking up volume.

“WELL IF THE PROJECT WAS STUPID THEN IT IS THEIR **RESPONSIBILITY** AS TEACHERS TO TELL HIM THAT **BEFORE** THE DAY IT WAS DUE!”

Ford stood up angrily and left, stomping to the room he woke up in. Stupid Bill! Stupid Sebastian! Stupid! Stupid! Everything was his fault! HIS!

Stan was breathing heavily, trying to hold his unmanly tears back. He covered his face with his hands. When did Ford stop loving Sebas? They were a team! What happened? Why couldn’t he keep them together...

Bill was panting in anger, his (yes, HIS, he was too angry to be female right now, he generally reserved his female side for the more peaceful moments, also because if he was female AND angry things always got **much** worse) skin a deep dark red hue. Of all the stupid-what the ACTUAL fuck was wrong with that man?! It's been YEARS and he was still letting his PRIDE overtake his REASON?

Bill made a mental note that when he met HIS Ford, he was nipping that in the bud. He will absolutely make sure HIS Ford and Stan make up before 30 years.

“Ford ...Ford isn’t like that…” Stan felt he needed to defend his triplet. “He is usually nicer...He-He would never say things like that to Seb on purpose...His sciencey project always hits a nerve on him…”

Bill closed his eye and hissed his breaths through his clenched teeth. “I'm going...to give him the benefit of the doubt...and assume that YOUR Bill fucked his head over, made all his insecurities worse or something, and made Ford’s feelings of anger _worse_ just so he could manipulate him better.”

“It’s definitely that…” Stan nodded. Ford was a nice person. He really didn’t think about Sebas like that...Not about their own triplet.

“I-I would avoid talking to Ford about it...wouldn’t want him to think more horrible things about Sebas and getting ideas…” Stan suggested.

Bill slowly faded back into a cheerful yellow. “Right. Well. I'm going to be trusting YOU with the blueprints for the Quantum Destabilizer.” at least he was sure Stan wouldn't go off shooting anyone with a hint of yellow in their eyes.

“Cool! I’ll be boss.” Stan grinned smugly. “Not that I already ain’t though…” He shrugged.

“So! Are we going to stay in here for the time being or we are going somewhere else? Thinking there are creatures wanting to eat me like a steak creeps me out.”

“Right.” Bill clapped his hands. “I was gonna move you two to into the Death Star...which despite its name is NOT a spaceship capable of planetary destruction, its my main house, where my friends live.”

Stan closed his mouth. It would have been awesome! He saw the movies at the cinema with his brothers as kids!

Bill started cleaning up the dishes. Hm. Ford didn't finish his food. It would be a waste...he picked up the plate and put it into his blender. After a few seconds he shook the container to see how mashed up it was and then teleported the mess straight into Ford’s stomach. He needed some food in him after all.

Down the hallway in the bedroom, Ford cried out in surprise as his stomach suddenly swelled up.

Stan didn’t know what the alien with the Death Star did, so he just sighed and helped him clean up like a good person.

“In your ‘main house’-” _Would have been better if it really was the spaceship,_ Stan thought. “-You live with more triangles like you?”

“Oh it IS a spaceship. It's just not a doomsday device as well. And...I'm the last of my kind so there aren't any triangles like me…” Bill quieted a little.

“Oh...I’m sorry, kid…” Stan said softly.

Bill shrugged. “Most Bills destroyed their homeworld on purpose. That's what Seb told me at any rate. Me, I did it by accident.”

Stan had lots of questions about ... _this_ , but it wasn’t the time. When the place was cleaned, he looked at Bill. “Do I need to go get Ford to leave?”

“Yeah, probably best that you go get him.” Bill smoothed down his dress. “Actually, you should go get him now, I think he's trying to punch out his own stomach…”

“What?! Why…?”

Bill shrugged. “He didn't eat his breakfast so I teleported the food inside him. Apparently he didn't appreciate my thoughtfulness.”

Stan forced a smile, deciding not to try explaining to the alien how they shouldn't just do that without warning, and ran to to meet with his brother. He was moaning on the bed, rolling around as he punched his stomach, like Bill saId.

“Stanley! Stanley, help! Something got inside me!” The scared man hugged his belly.

“Um, yeah, it’s called _food_ , nice huh?”  Stan rolled his eyes with a smirk. “Bill put your food in your stomach. I’m not surprised you don’t recognize what _eating_ and actually having food in you feels like.”

Ford made a horrified whimper. “He can just...put stuff inside me without me knowing?!” He whimpered again. “He put poison, Stan...Stan he put something more...He put a bomb, Stanley...I-I am going to die…” Ford muttered, paranoid with tears in his eyes. He was upset about the discussion about Sebastian and knowing something unknown was put in him was slowly making him break.

“Is he ok?” Bill called out. “I know it probably feels a little weird but it's perfectly safe. I've done this with my kids when they refuse to eat medicine or their vegetables.” he didn't understand how this was a problem, it didn't hurt them so it's not a big deal right?

“He thinks you put a bomb in him?” Stan was torn between laughing and crying at the situation. Who knew his genius brother would end up like this?

“Knock him out then. Or wait a few seconds, I think his hyperventilating is gonna make him pass out from lack of oxygen soon.”

“Gosh, what have I gotten myself into?” Stan muttered and ran a hand through his long curly hair. As Bill predicted, Ford passed out and stayed still, curled up in fetal position.

“I...think he is unconscious...do I bring him to the kitchen?”

“Yeah. Do you have all your belongings?”

Stan looked around the room. There. His red jacket and Ford’s coat. They...weren’t given much option to _pack_ for this trip…

He put on his jacket and grabbed his brother’s coat before picking him up. He was heavy dead weight, but nothing the great Stanley Pines couldn’t take.

Bill saw the two come back into the kitchen. “Alright. Before we go, and since Ford's out of it, I'm just gonna give you the blueprints…” Bill walked over and stood up on his tiptoes to place a large hand on the side of Stan’s head. “Brace yourself…”

“What do you-” Stan started to ask before he cried out in surprise as images and numbers suddenly filled his head. He groaned at the mild headache but the pain was vanishing as quickly as it came. He swayed a little. “That…”

He...he understood. He had the information right in his head. Calculations. The size and shape of all the parts needed to build the weapon. He...understood how all the prices for together, why they fit together that way...how it worked!

He shook his head. “What? How?”

“Sorry, but I couldn't give you a physical blueprint. Can't risk this knowledge falling into the wrong hands now can I?” Bill smiled cheerfully. “Also, this way Ford won't be able to take charge with the gun. He will need to rely on you.” Bill kept quiet about how he also encrypted the knowledge so that only Stan himself would be able to understand it. Other psychic creatures trying to read his mind wouldn't be able to make hide nor hair of what that knowledge was.

Stan blinked. “Ah...that's pretty sweet. So I'm the brainiac now huh?” he laughed.

“Only about this particular thing. Anything else sciency you'll need to learn on your own.” Bill shrugged before gently gripping Stan's arm. “Hold still now…”

He Blinked them to the Death Star.

\---

Stan almost dropped his brother when his feet touched the ground again. He took a mouthful of air. It wasn’t fun. This didn’t feel nice at all…

“Yeah, most people don't like the feeling of dimensional teleportation.” Bill patted his back. They were in the penthouse, Bill’s personal bedroom. A large fluffy triangular bed was positioned in the center of the room and the shelves were filled with various art supplies and anime figurines. A large grand piano sat in a corner and there was even a cosy looking fireplace.

“This is your room? It doesn’t look like...I expected.” Stan shrugged and put Ford, who was starting to feel heavy, on the funny triangular bed.

Bill shrugged, still in his maid outfit. “Well while we let your brother get some more much needed rest, wanna meet the rest of my friends/adopted family?”

“HELL YES!” Stan cried before covering his mouth when he remembered Ford. Right. Letting him cool off while sleeping. “Hell yes…” He repeated as a whisper this time.

Bill grinned. “You wanna meet aliens?”

“Oh, I totally wanna meet aliens…” Stan nodded. This was too exciting! If Ford wasn’t so stubborn, he knew he would be enjoying this even more than him.

Bill laughed cheerfully and took Stan's hand, leading him to the door and down some stairs. “Careful you don't let go, people get lost in here all the time.” He found a few guests from previous parties wandering around the halls long after everyone had gone home multiple times.

Speaking of which, he needed to check on the prisoners he'd locked in one of the many secret rooms, Bill also hoped everyone had finished cleaning the aftermath of the party yesterday. Oh geez, the twins were 60 years old now...how time flies…

Bill suddenly remembered the reason he had gone to meditate in the Nightmare Realm, he was trying to distract himself from worrying about his babies growing up. The two teenagers were...more distant than they had been as children. Pynelope especially would spend most of her time on her Com or in her room.

He DID have a nice talk with Pyrone the night before but Bill still felt a little sad that they were growing up and...not needing him as much as they used to.

Meanwhile, Stan looked at everything in awe. The dark stone (metal?) walls, the intricate lines that looked almost like those circuit board things he can now picture in his mind from the blueprints...he was in an alien house called the Death star!! How cool was that? He saw the many, many hallways and how some of them would close with a new one opening somewhere else. Yeesh! Getting lost here would be awful.

“Well...looks like they managed to clean the food off the ground. That's good…” Bill muttered as they came to the main living room. There was Ax’s fish tank in the corner and the many sofas surrounding the giant flat screen tv. The teleporter was in the far side of the room next to the huge triangular shaped front door that opened out into the vastness of space. It was always open, the door more of a large window than anything else.

It appears their orbit was bringing them closer to a few galaxy clusters, Bill could see them swirling in the distance, hundreds of stars lighting up what would otherwise have been a black void. It was always breathtaking to watch.

“Damn, your house is awesome.” Stan whistled. And he thought having a Jacuzzi was nice! He was in awe at this place, but-

“And where are your friends?”

Bill looked around. “Looks like they're making their own breakfast in the kitchen. Kinda late but I guess everyone stayed up pretty late cleaning up after the birthday party yesterday…” Bill heads for another hallway, which Stan swears wasn't there before and they quickly made their way to what must have been the kitchen.

Stan could hear the cheerful sounds of conversation. He couldn't help but be reminded of happier times eating breakfast with his family. He couldn't understand the language the voices were speaking in though.

“Sdvv wkh vrglxp sohdvh?” A rough gravelly voice asked.

Bill threw open the door and said cheerfully “Behold! A human!” with a wide grin as he pulled Stan in behind him. “Also, wkhuh duh hawud sdfnhwv lq wkh wrs fdelqhw. Don't be lazy 8-Ball! I know you can reach it.”

Stan gaped with his brown eyes wide as plates at the creatures staring at him. “Holy Shit... HOLY SHIT THEY ARE REAL ALIENS!!!” Stan started laughing.

A large (and shapely, Stan couldn't help but notice) Cyclops-like woman who appeared to be on fire peered down at him. Stan had to crane his head up to look at her. “Zkr lv wklv? Glg brx ilqg d qhz iulhqg?” She asked.

“Wklv lv Stanley Pines.” Bill introduced.

“Yeah, what he said!” Stan smiled widely. Aliens were real! He was talking to real aliens!!!

He looked at the small...what was that? Was that a keyhole with eyes?! And started laughing. “Awesome…”

Two cyclops-like aliens who looked like the huge woman but smaller, children perhaps, suddenly were up in his face. The female one was peering at him suspiciously while the one who seemed male was chattering excitedly.

“Zkdw lv kh? Lv kh d kh? Kh orrnv olnh wkrvh kxpdq wklqjv brx vkrzhg xv lq wkrvh prylhv! Lv wklv d kxpdq? L wkrxjkw brx vdlg kxpdqv glgq'w halw bhw?!”

“I’m Stan!” The young man crouched in front of the scared keyhole and extended his hand. “Can I put my hand through that hole?! Is that an important part of your body?! Would I die?!”

Unknown to Stan, Keyhole was begging Bill for help.

“Bill! He keeps staring at me~” Keyhole whimpered. Bill laughed. “He's just excited to meet you. He and his brother are going to be staying here for a little while before moving on.”

Stan smiled at the kids. “Fuck is that real fire?!” He gasped but the female one continued frowning at him.

“Mom, what is this?” Pynelope grimaced. “He keeps staring at us.”

Pyrone elbowed his sister. “This is a human right? It looks just like one.” unlike his suspicious sister, Pyrone was thrilled to meet one of those creatures Bill always talked about.

Stan’s smile decreased a bit when he realized everyone was grimacing aside from the ice cyclops. “Why are they looking at me like that…? They...can’t understand me, can they?” He looked at Keyhole. “You can’t understand me?”

“Ah, well humans don't exist yet. But I've shown them movies about you guys...oh right! The language thing...hang on…” Bill tilted his head and Stan felt...something change.

“Alright, testing~can you hear me now? Good.” Bill says. He doesn't notice Kryptos coming into the room and flushing at the sight of him in the dress.

(I confess, I doodled this during work and then came up with the concept in story to be able to use this picture in the fic, this had happened multiple times. Also since I didn't color it you can't tell but there are skintight sleeves.)

“Why is this human here? I thought humans don't exist yet?” Hectorgon pointed out.

“We humans are the best.” Stan puffed his chest proudly, defending his race.

“Oh, this guy and his brother fell through an interdimensional portal.” Bill explained. “I don't think they have the supplies needed to survive on their own so they're gonna be staying here until the instability of their existence here opens another portal and they leave.”

“They look weird.” Pynelope raised an eyebrow. “Like, they look so lame. They don’t even have horns.”

“Don't be rude Thermal pack. Keyhole doesn't have horns either.” Bill chided her. He really needed to have a proper talk with her.

Pynelope rolls her eye “Well Uncle Keyhole's not a demon.”

“I also don't have horns and I'm a demon.” Bill pointed out. “Besides, most humans aren't demons either.”

“Whatever.” Pynelope grabbed her plate of food and walks off. “I'm going back to my room. I've got homework to do.”

Bill shakes his head. He REALLY needed to talk to her.

“Geesh! Teens, huh?” Stan looked at Pyronica. “I have a younger brother. He is a pain.”

Pyronica laughs. “Kids will be kids~” she hugs Pyrone to her side, he came up to her waist now. “At least my little man here still hangs out with us sometimes. Little mama’s boy that he is.”

“Moooom~” Pyrone whined, shoving her off and retreating from the room quickly.

“Aaw~” Stan smiled. “Kids…” Even though Shermie hated him he loved him a lot.

Kryptos floated over and tried hard not to stare at Bill too obviously. “So...why are you helping these humans?” He said with a hard look at Stan, sizing him up. “They're not Friends and you normally don't help out people for nothing.”

“Oh don't worry, we've got a proper Deal going.” Bill assured him.

Stan rubbed his head sheepishly. “Yeah, something about head pats-” Bill quickly grabbed his mouth.

“I mean...something NOT about head pats...And-and baby heads.” Bill said quickly while moving Stan’s mouth with an awful impression of Stan's voice. Stan nodded, a little bemused.

Bill’s squad looked at the human suspiciously. Kryptos in particular was staring at Stan with his fingers twitching. Head pats?

Bill laughed nervously. “Not important. I'm just here to do introductions. Well…” he turned to Stan. “You met the twins, Pyrone and Pynelope. This is their mother Pyronica…”

“Twins...Huh.” Stan smiled. “I am a triplet...Nice to meet you!”

“There’s two more of you?” Kryptos asked, a little faint at the idea. What WAS it with Bill and humans?

Pyronica purred as she gave Stan's body a slow gaze up and down. “Are your brothers as cute as you?”

“Well, sciencey, we look the same, but I like to consider myself like the cutest one.” Stan grinned at the woman.

Pyronica giggled and leaned in close. “Oh you are adorable~I'd love to eat you up~”

The young human’s eyes widened up with a pleased smile. “Woah, that was fast, but I’d love-”

Bill smacked him at the back of his head. “You have a wife-to-be! You are getting MARRIED! Hello?!” He slapped him in the forehead to knock some sense into him.

And now Keyhole had joined Kryptos in glaring at Stan.

Stan blushed. “But...giant woman…”

“You know she actually means _eating_ you, right?” Keyhole crossed his arms. “Not in the sense you are thinking...EAT as in EATING!”

“What?” Any excitement Stan could have, vanished from his body.

Bill rolled his eye. “Hasn't stopped _you_ from trying to get with her…”

Keyhole blushed heavily. Everyone else coughed awkwardly and looked away. Bill quickly changed the subject. “So! This is Keyhole, that's Hectorgon, 8-Ball, Kryptos, Xanthar...where are the others?” Bill looked around.

“Teeth is still asleep, PaciFire is at work and I have absolutely no idea where Ammy is.” Hectorgon sipped his drink. Bill sighs. “Ammy needs to stop leaving his blocks on random planets...he probably fell through one of them again…”

“What’s an Ammy?” Stan asked and after examining the food, he put it in his mouth. This tasted like normal food.

“My son.” Bill answered as his large eye began flickering to track down the Amorphous Shape.

Stan spat-takes pretty impressively. 8-Ball claps and cheers “You got some distance!”

“You have a son?!” Stan cried.

Bill blinked his eye to stop searching. Found Ammy wandering around Jessie’s temple so at least he was safe. “Yeah? What about it? You didn't seem to care when I mentioned my kids before?”

Stan looked at the tiny alien glaring at him and coughed, his cheeks going red. “I...Nothing...I-I didn’t think you meant like...YOUR children…” Stan mumbled. And now he was thinking about the dorito having a kid and that was a weird image.

Bill shrugged. “He was kinda an accident...but I love him all the same.”

Stan smiled. “Huh...After...getting married, Carla and I talked about having a kid...We are awful but we actually wanted one...Guess I’ll never have the chance now…”

Bill stiffened. “Y-yeah...um…that's...um...unfortunate…” he laughed nervously.

Everyone in the room was staring at Bill with an unimpressed look. Kryptos facepalmed “How you ever managed to be known as a demon of lies I will never know…” he muttered.

Stan looked at Bill with narrowed eyes. “What is going on?”

Bill laughed loudly. “Nothing important! It's not like you've got a kid and Seb had been dying of guilt for the past 13th years trying to fix the portal so he can reunite that kid with the father he's never met or anything- godDAMN FUCK! Why don't I have a GODDAMNED FILTER!!!” Bill screeched as he pulled at his ears.

The henchmaniacs all groaned. “You really need to work on that.” Hectorgon sighed.

Stan frowned but shook his head. No need to dwell on that...not right now anyway.

Bill whined as he pulled on his ears. “Seriously why can't I just shut up about stuff when it's important?” He could bullshit about all sorts of stuff but things like this...

“Welp.” Stan announced. “I have been working nonstop for weeks at Stanco. Do you know what a TV is? More importantly, do you have one?”

8-Ball grinned. “Yeah! We got a really nice TV. With all the channels! And if we don't have a channel Bill can GET it just by staring at the screen.” He got up and lumbered to the doorway. “Come on tiny dude, I can show you my favorite shows!”

“Alright, green guy!” Stan followed him with a grin. “You remind me of a guy from my football team…Cool eyes by the way.”

Bill sighed. “Well, that's one problem distracted...I'm gonna go prepare an actual room for them.”

“Wait, then where's the other human?” Kryptos asked. “Or two? Weren’t there three of them?”

“In my room.” Bill responded absently, not seeing the look on Kryptos's face. The compass went pale. “I've never been in your room…” he whispered quietly to himself.

“And no. Just two of them. But the third brother is really nice!” Bill smiled happily at the thought of Sebastian. Oh~how he wanted to see him again. They had so much fun together.

“Ah…” Kryptos nodded plainly. “I’m going to my room.” he floats off sulking.

Bill made a confused face before shrugging and heading back upstairs to check on Ford.

\---

Meanwhile with Stan-

“Those babies actually fight for real?!” Stan laughed.

8-Ball guffawed with his mouth wide, tusks moving as he went. “Yeah. They're not real babies, PaciFire is an adult. But like...the children of their species look exactly the same, just smaller.”

One of the “babies” pulled his opponent’s arm off and Stan gasped when the blood splashed everywhere.

8-Ball cheered. “Beat him with it!” The demon-imp proceeded to do so. The downed demon snarled, grew a new arm and bitch slapped his opponent off him. “You will PAY for this insult Goo Goo!” He leaped off the ring floor and bit down on his opponent's shoulder.

“This show is really extreme...but I can’t stop watching it…”

8-Ball grinned when Goo Goo was flung out of the ring. “Oh! You're gonna see PaciFire now!” He cheered. This was a rerun and he's seen this episode before. As he said there was a vicious roar and PaciFire slams down into the ring. “I have butchered millions on countless moons!” the imp pulled the pacifier from his stomach mouth and a swarm of eye bats fly out.

“That is so fucking cool!” Stan smiled. “Sebas would love this show! He likes blood and creepy stuff!” He informed the large green alien.

8-Ball grins. “This Sebas dude sounds like he would fit right in here.”

Stan hummed. No. Seb wouldn’t fit with monsters. He wouldn’t. He had spent all his life telling Sebas he was normal, he wouldn’t go back on that now.

Stan quieted a little. He still didn't understand what was up with Seb and Bill or whatever but...Stan clenched his fist. He would protect Seb no matter what.

“I am not sure _humans_ would fit with you guys.” Stan smiled at the end. Because his brother was his _triplet_ , and a human. Whether he used to be Bill Code? Cipher?, or not.

8-Ball shrugs easily. “Well you're the first human I've met so...it's not like I know.” it didn't matter to him one way or another. Humans were just one of many, many species of creatures in the multiverse.

As Stan and 8-Ball watched TV, Bill floated down the hallway to look for Fordsie. He received an alert from one of the many triangles around the house that Ford had woken up and was panicking again, screaming for Stanley.

Stanford was in full panic mode. He was trapped, Bill trapped him! His brother was nowhere to be seen and he was alone! Ford had been alone for years, he wanted, he _needed_ his brother once more, especially now in this fucked up situation he created. He felt...safer if they were together…

Bill came in quietly, staying in his William form to keep Ford from freaking out from seeing a triangle. “Yo~are you ok?” he hoped Ford calmed down soon, all this fear wasn't good for his heart.

“Where’s Stanley?” Ford asked quickly.

“He's downstairs watching tv. Do you wanna go down and hang out too?”

“Hang...out?” Suddenly staying here alone sounded more appealing...

Bill walks over to the bed (his bed sure, but he never actually slept up here, too lonely) swishing his skirt back and forth “Come on, it's gotta be better than cooping yourself up in here for the whole day.”

Stanford sighed. What other choice did he have? “I guess I don’t have another option…” Ford played with the hem of his dirty, wrinkled shirt.

Bill thought about how to help Ford feel better. “Do you want a bath? You look like you really need it. I can clean your clothes and stuff.”

“Um…” Ford rubbed his eyes. Where were his glasses? “Ok…?” He didn’t want to take a bath here though. He had been scared Bill would spy on him and kill him while showering. Showering in (one) Bill Cipher’s home?!

Bill picked up Ford’s glasses from the side table and slid them onto the man's face. “Better?” he grins at the mildly perturbed expression on Ford's face. So cute~

“Yeah.” Ford grimaced, trying to smile. “I like _not_ being blind.”

Bill laughed. “Same~I used to need glasses back when I was mortal. Nearly blind actually.” If there was one thing he was happy about with being reborn into this life, it was that he could SEE. In more ways than one.

Stanford snorted and covered his mouth. “Seriously? And how was it?” He took off his glasses and covered one of the lenses. “Was it like this?” He joked. He was feeling much better after getting so much sleep.

Bill flicked his fingers and a goggle-like object appeared on his face. He didn't actually need glasses as a triangle but...back when he was human? Yeah. His, or rather, **her** , eyes were so bad. And she was nearly blind in one eye, couldn't even see the big E at the top of the charts. They even made her wear an eye patch for a while because they thought her deteriorating eyesight was due to some kinda lazy eye thing. She hated how itchy it was. Since her eyes were so mismatched she couldn't even get the proper prescription because it would have meant she would be constantly dizzy. So rather than correcting her vision, her glasses merely made things a little easier to see.

“For a species with just one eye, wouldn’t been visually impaired be a really terrible disadvantage?” Pines always need glasses, especially the boys. His tri-...Sebastian was the only male Pines who didn’t need them.

Bill sighed and vanished the goggles. “Well my eyesight wasn't the medical problem that caused me trouble throughout my childhood.”

“Uh...I can relate.” The man touched his right sixth finger.

Bill looked at Ford's hands too. He reached out his own. “Um..can I…?” He asked.

Ford stuttered, and after thinking about it a little bit, he agreed and offered him his right hand. Bill carefully held Ford's hand and traced his fingers. He marveled at it. He actually hadn't seen many species with specifically 6 fingers. They usually came in 3s, 4s or 5s. He pressed his own palm against Ford's and hummed at the size difference between his thin 4 fingered hand and Ford's wide 6 fingered one. “It's really cool. You must have a lot more dexterity with these.”

It was something Bill still had trouble with. Origami with just 4 fingers took some getting used to. You wouldn't think one finger made a difference but it did.

Ford blushed and almost tried to take his hand back. But Bill's fingers were surprisingly soft and incredibly warm. It was only now that Ford noticed how cold this room was. “Do you...have the air conditioning on?” He asked awkwardly just to fill the silence.

Bill shrugged. “Something like it, I overheat constantly so I need colder temperatures to keep from igniting.”

Ford was still blushing but couldn't help his curiosity perking up at that. “You mean you actually catch on fire?”

Bill shuddered. “I don't like it when I ignite against my will...it...feels uncomfortable…” he finally let go of Ford’s hand “So...bath? I can promise you there are no triangles in the bathroom. My friends bathe in them and I respect their privacy.”

Bill left out the part where he had marked each of his friends with a triangle tattoo on their bodies, but he still doesn't watch them in the bath, that's just rude.

“Ye-Yeah...Alright…” The young man nodded and stood up. If they were going to spend years in space, looking for the materials to build his weapon, he better start clean right?

Ford walked to the bathroom and before closing the door, he turned to look at the demon. “Um, William? ...Thanks.” He smiled warmly and Bill gasped a bit. “Oh. You're welcome.” well, looks like Ford really **can** be nice. It must have been the stress and sleep deprivation messing him up before.

Ford was tense as he slowly took off his clothes but when he actually got into the surprisingly warm water, he moaned happily. God, he had forgotten how nice taking a shower actually was...

Bill set to work materializing fresh clean clothes for Ford to change into when he was done. He then left to go see if Stan wanted a bath too. Also, needed to ask him for what kind of room he wanted.

Bill stopped in his tracks though when he saw Stan and and 8-Ball fighting. “Whoa! What's happening here?!”

“AAHH!! WA-Wait! My arm can’t twist like in the-The-eAHH!” Stan ignored Bill in favor of pleading mercy from his rival.

Bill ran over and flicked his hands, getting 8-Ball off the human. “No. Bad 8-Ball! No twisting the human!”

8-Ball whined. “But…I wrestle with Paci and the twins all the time...” Bill scolded him “Humans are delicate! Like Ammy! He can't twist that far.”

“I’m not delicate!” Stan cried offended. “I am the toughest guy on my football team, excuse you.”

He was wrestling fine, it just got a bit out of control, but he could take it!

Bill put his hands on his hips, his skirt fluffing up with his ire. “If you get hurt, Ford is going to flip his shit.”

Stan scoffed and crossed his arms. “Me and Sebas always got hurt as kids protecting that nerd. I don’t see a difference.”

“Yeah but if you get hurt while in my house, he's gonna blame ME for it.” Bill whined. He didn't want to lose the trust he's been building with Ford, poor kid was so stressed and was finally calming down.

“Alright, alright.” Stan mumbled petulantly and pouted.

“Oh! By the way! Want to take a bath?” Bill asked with a smile.

Stan grinned. “No! Never! I’ll never bathe again and I’ll be the king of dirtiness!” He grabbed 8-Ball by his hand and shouted. “RUN!!”

Bill gasped dramatically. “How dare you! Get back here you dirty little brats!” He chased them, shaking his fists and laughing.

Stan’s laughter could be heard around the house. “Try to catch me, dorito!”

Bill huffed. The Pines triplets were just huge children, all of them…

He started chasing Stan and 8-Ball through the house and poor Pyrone ended up being caught up in the chase and ran along, pulling in Teeth (who was awoken by the noise) and Keyhole as well. It turned into a house wide game of tag, with Bill being It and throwing cleaning towels at them.

“Help! He’s getting closer!” Stan cried.

8-Ball tripped and fell to the floor. “Go! Continue without me! Leave!”

Stan put on a determined face and lifted him, remembering a part of that movie about toys he saw with Carla years ago. “A good soldier never leaves a man behind!” 

Bill laughed maniacally. He held a clean towel in one hand and a bar of soap in the other. “Your time has COME! There is no escape now~”

“Fuck we're trapped!” Pyrone gasped.

Keyhole whimpered “B-but I take baths regularly…” Teeth nods “I brush my teeth every day!”

Bill cackled as he stalked closer to them “Just give up. It’ll hurt less~”

Pyrone and Keyhole hugged each other and screamed in fear. Teeth was hiding behind Stan and 8-Ball.

“I didn’t want to do this, guys...But it is the only way.” Stan stepped in front of his new friends. “Leave. I’ll keep him distracted while you escape.”

They gazed at the human with respect and awe. “B-but you will…” 8-Ball whimpered. Keyhole pulled 8-Ball to his feet “Come on! We can't let his sacrifice be in vain!”

They start to run toward a new doorway that appeared in a wall and Pyrone turns to give Stan a respectful nod. “It's been an honor knowing you human.” They ran off down the hallway.

“What will you do to me, clean beast?!” Stan asked with disgust.

Bill raised his weapons with a truly insane grin stretching his face wide, his teeth needle sharp and glinting. “Oh I'm sure you have an idea…” He pulls the towel and it makes a fluffy noise.

Down the hallway the retreating group of aliens shuddered as they hear Stan’s tortured scream echo from the doorway. 8-Ball places a hand over his chest where his blood pumping organ was. “We will never forget you…”

\---

Ford sighed contently when he got out of the bathroom. What a pleasant experience...He looked at the clothes on the bed and hummed. Bill must have left them there. With the towel wrapped around his waist, he sat down and examined the clothes. They looked like clothes from a science fiction movie…

_He loved them._

There was a faint scream in the distance, echoing through the dark stone hallways. Ford was almost finished pulling his clothes on and paled when he recognized that scream.

STAN!

Ford stumbled out of the room and down the stairs, thanking the stars that he had finished getting his clothing on. He should have KNOWN Bill had something devious planned! He should have known!

But he let his guard down. This must have been Bill’s plan all along. Distract him and then go after Stan! Ford followed the sounds of Stan’s screams through the twisting hallways, nearly getting lost a few times but he finally makes it out of the maze of hallways with an angry “BILL! STOP-”

“Oh. Hi Ford.” Bill said cheerfully as he pulled the comb through Stan’s hair again as the man screamed in protest, smacking at his hands.

“Ow! You're torturing me! I don’t use that kinda comb for my hair! Curls are not to be treated lightly!”

(Drawing by BlueFrosty)

Ford just stared. Confused. Stan was perfectly fine...he was in a neat suit with his face well shaved and cleaned. It even smelled nice.

“What…”

“Help me, Ford!” Stan whined. Bill laughed. “Not until you're neat and clean you awful child.”

Ford stared at the scene before snorting softly. His snorts soon turned into giggles and then loud laughter. He couldn’t stop laughing at this! He hadn’t felt this good in months! And Stan pouting was making him laugh even more!

Bill smiled a little softer as he continued carefully combing Stan's hair, to his protests, though the man was also smiling at the sound of Ford’s laughter.

Stan examined the clothes his brother was wearing. A long black coat, dark brown boots,  dark blue pants and a dark green shirt.

“Hey, where did you get those clothes, Ford? You look like a real space traveler!” The man exclaimed but cried in pain when Bill pulled a knot in his hair.

“Oops.” Bill smiled.

“Um...William got them for me…” Ford rubbed the back of his neck blushing. “There were googles too and gloves. I guess for more...extreme adventures.”

Bill hummed. “They are Cursed to be indestructible and absorb around 50% of impacts to disperse harmlessly. Figured that would be useful. I can make Stan a set too if he wants.” He started pulling Stan’s hair into separate strands and began braiding it.

“Of course I want cursed Gloves!” Stan smiled. “Are...are you braiding my hair?!” Carla had tried braiding his hair for years. If she knew he was letting a demon do it, she would get pissed!

Bill hummed. “If you're gonna have a mullet, I'm gonna fix it.”

“Seb had one too…” Stan pouted childishly.

“Well Seb isn't here right now~” Bill giggled. Kryptos, who had come into the room hoping to see the human being tortured, pouted. “Bill never braids _my_ hair…”

Keyhole taps his side “You don't even HAVE hair dude.”

Kryptos begins muttering about hair growth tonics. “What's so great about keratin anyway?”

Ford looked over, wiping tears from his eyes and finally taking note of the other aliens in the room. “Oh.” He looked around.

“Greetings...Tiny...weird specimens.” Ford waved them.

Kryptos glowers at him. Specimen. That's what Jorgio’s scientists had called him. “Hmph.” he floated away from Ford with a glare.

“Geesh…” Ford watched him go and turned to look at Keyhole. “What’s your species? You are an alien right?”

Keyhole winced as he looked at Kryptos fuming. “Oh...um...yeah? I mean...I'm a Lockin. You're the other human right?”

“Uh huh.” Ford nodded not bothering to hide a grin. Lockin. Haha. “Can I ask a few thousands questions about your species?!”

“Ah…” Keyhole backs up a little. He wasn't sure he was comfortable around this human. “S-sure?” He says nervously.

“Great! Uh, dammit! I don’t have my Journal to draw you...Well, doesn't matter! I have photographic memory so I will just do it later. So! Let’s start, shall we?!”

“S-start what?!” Keyhole squeaks.

“How long does your species live? Why do you have a hole in your body, what’s its function? How do you reproduce? Are you a social species or solitary? How tall are you? What language do you speak?!”

Keyhole started panicking. Too many questions! “Ah...ah…” He backed off. When the human leaned in even more, Keyhole squeaked and ran away to hide behind Bill.

Bill looks behind him. “You okay kid?” Keyhole shook his head. “He's scaring me…” he whimpered.

Ford pouted and walked towards them.

“Aaw, but Fordsie's a cutie! Humans are super weak and harmless flesh bags, kid!” Bill crooned as he fluffed Stan’s hair.

“Hey!” The identical men shouted at the same time.

“There, you are free to go, Stan!” He admired the braids he made with a wide smile. So pretty.

Stan grumbles. “Can I at least wear something that's not this monkey suit? I wear it enough at work.” He pulled at his tie. Bill poked his cheek. “I’ll have you know that suit looks nice on you.”

“Yeah, Stan. And those braids are SO pretty!” Ford grinned. “You should probably change your clothes to a skirt?”

Bill flicks his fingers and put Stan in a maid outfit. Kryptos actually snorts, looking both amused and angry. “Bill always puts ME in a maid outfit…” he whispered.

Ford burst into laughter and actually fell to the floor because his legs gave up, shaking like jelly. He held his stomach as he laughed.

Stan, accepting this was his life now, sighed tiredly while looking extremely pissed off.

“Real mature, Stanford.” Stan grumbled.

Kryptos fumed quietly. Keyhole patted his back. “I know how you feel bro.” He sighed sadly. “What are you talking about?” Bill asked. The two stiffened “Nothing important.” Kryptos said quickly.

Stan got tired of his brother and jumped over to attack him. “Stop laughing, you nerdy jerk!!”

Ford screamed and Stan fell over him. “Move your heavy ass off me!”

Stan grinned. “Tickle Tickle.”

“No. NO STANLEY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!” Stan and Shermie weren’t ticklish but Ford and Seb were, and it has always been something they have used to their advantage.

He had missed messing up with his brother…To show his love, the young man started choking his brother with a headlock.

Bill giggled fondly. It was nice to see them happy together. He almost didn't want to interrupt them to talk about the housing thing.

“Um...guys?” He said _almost_. “Not to interrupt but I still need to make your rooms.”

Ford escaped Stan’s grip and gasped.

“Sure! Just Abracadabra it.”Stan grins.

Bill rolled his eye. “Well are you guys in the same room or separate? Do you guys want to customize?”

“Wait. I thought we would go around the multiverse looking for the pieces to make the quantum destabilizer. Why are you giving us rooms?”

“Oh, right. You were a drunk ass yesterday.” Stan laughed. “Bill will let us stay and help us until we are totally sure we won’t die out there.”

“Yeah, you're gonna need to learn how to travel and how to act around people right? Do you know how to hotwire a ship? How to avoid being arrested?”

“I do…” Stan muttered.

“And I'm gonna need to get you guys a translation bracer. I'm holding a translation field up around me right now but once you leave…” Bill frowned. “Also, it's about time for your next ‘payment' session for my help.”

“Payment?” Stanford asked softly before his eyes widened. “Stanley...what did you do?!” He made a deal with Bill! A particularly caring and nice one, but a Bill Cipher nonetheless!

“Geesh, relax Poindexter.” Stan rolled his eyes. “It is something super easy. I didn’t sell my soul or anything.”

Bill blushed. “You were there when the Deal went down...though you were kinda half asleep…”

“I am not quite sure I recall what the deal was…” Ford coughed and looked down awkwardly.

Bill looked around at where his friends were watching. “Um...let's continue this conversation in your room…” he waved a hand and a door appeared in the nearby wall. It was a simple bedroom, much like the one he made in the cabin earlier but a little larger and with a bathroom that contained a Jacuzzi.

“And what if Stanley doesn’t do what you ask him? His part of the deal, I mean.” The scientist entered the room and sat down as Bill closed the door. The demon frowned. “Then the power of my Deal would force me to do something awful. I cannot go against a Deal you see? If I do my end, then I NEED my client to hold up their end.”

Bill frowned. “Half the reason my clients get killed or mutilated is because they try to cheat me and I am LITERALLY forced to dish out a punishment.”

The triplets shared a look.

“...Okay! I don’t mind fulfilling my end of the deal. It’s nothing. Really.” Stan had been returned to his old clothes, his red jacket and jeans, but now they were clean and smelled nice. He threw himself onto the bed and motioned for Bill to come closer because he was already comfortable on the soft bed and didn’t plan to move. Ford raised an eyebrow.

Bill changed out of his maid outfit into a simple sleeping gown. It still had a few frills and ribbons but it was softer and more comfortable. He crawled onto the bed and sat down in Stan’s lap, pressing his back against Stan’s front.

Bill shivered a little at being so close to another person but Stan had already paid him before and hadn't touched him anywhere else. He couldn't help a faint agitation but took a few breaths and forced himself to relax.

It wasn't just the want of head pats that made him suggest this Deal. Bill really wanted to get over his aversion to touch and this was like...exposure therapy. Bill never did things without reason. Even if those reasons didn't make sense to anyone but him.

“You ok?” Stan asked softly when he felt him shiver.  When the demon nodded, Stan started massaging his head slowly, as if petting a kitten or a puppy. Bill mewled softly at the feeling.

Ford gaped slightly, staring in confusion at the scene and feeling his cheeks warming up with every passing minute. That was...it?! That was the deal?! The Bill he knew would probably want to torture his brother! Not ask for a head massage!

Bill started rumbling in content. This really felt nice. How he wished he could get a full massage as well. But even just the idea of such a thing made him feel uncomfortable. Baby steps. He can go about this slowly.

“How long will this take?” Ford groaned, getting uncomfortable, and turned to look around the room for a notepad and pen, or even a paper and a pencil would be enough.

To his surprise there was a journal. Bound in blue with his signature golden hand print. Bill really had tried to make the room accommodating.

He gasped and picked it up, running a hand over the hand. This looked so nice… He turned to look back at the demon and his lip quirked upward when he saw Stan grimacing at how Bill was purring and rubbing against his chest. “Don't stop now…!!” Bill whined.

Ford turned around and sat down on the desk, grabbing the pen he found before starting to write down everything Stanley and he had experienced since going through the portal.

Bill felt his focus slipping as the fingers gently rubbed at his scalp. Oh...right...he had a Dreamscape right no…

Stan blinked when he felt the demon lean more heavily against his chest, as if he had gone limp. “Dorito? Kid?” He looked down to see Bill's eye closed, his expression slack and breathing softly. “Ah...Sixer? I think he fell asleep? Does that mean I'm done with this payment session?”

“Fell asleep?” Ford repeated aloud. “But Bill Cipher can’t sleep…” He stood up and walked towards his brother who was still under the sleeping demon.

“WELL, FORD.” Stan said with hissed teeth. “I'm sure he is sleeping right now! Help me!”

Ford was more fascinated by a sleeping Bill Cipher than helping his brother. “Fascinating. How is this possible?” he stared at the peaceful look on his face.

“This potentially means another dream demon can get into _his_ dreams, like Bill can do…” Ford was a little worried about that.

“Can a demon get possessed?” He started clicking his pen as he thought and Stan glared at him. He was no one’s pillow! He was only one person’s pillow and she wasn’t here so he shouldn’t be acting as someone else’s pillow!

Unknown to the two of them, Bill's paranoia had him placing protection runes all around the outer walls of the Death Star on top of the Curse of protection already on it. Bill took the advice from the other Bill very seriously.

“Ford, move him!” Stan begged. If his brother couldn’t lift a cyclops demon kid off him now that they were in a _safe_ place, how were they planning to survive _alone_ , with just the two of them, escaping from the law or monsters, and rely on each other if he couldn’t DO THIS NOW?!

Ford had his new journal open and was writing down some notes. “In a minute Stanley. I have to mark this down…”

“Sixer!” Stan cried when Bill snuggled closer to him, wrapping an arm around him. Human bodies locked down in sleep to prevent movement. Bill didn't have such a thing, or at least his body didn't lock down as hard so he tended to move around a lot in his sleep.

They weren’t going to survive...It was crystal clear...Ford would stop to draw or study the creature if he could...It would be up to **him** to keep this idiot safe…He tried to escape from the demon’s clutches but he simply hugged him tighter.

“Sixer...Ah, forget it.” He glared at his brother and huffed, laying down completely and allowing Bill to hug him. Bill snuggled up, just like he always does with Xanthar and rumbled happily.

Now that Stan wasn’t distracting him, Ford went back to the desk to continue writing down his observations. He finished drawing Bill’s humanoid form and added the title ‘William Cipher, a nice one for a change.’ If he could only go find more of Bill’s friends to add them to his new Journal!

Outside the room Kryptos was floating back and forth worriedly. Bill's been in there for a while. None of the others seemed worried. 8-Ball even told him that one of the humans, the one known as Stanley, was an honorable warrior. Kryptos sneered. Why wasn't anyone else stressing out over this?

Two strangers! Alone with Bill!

Hectorgon reminded him that the wards around the house would alert them of any malicious intents. Kryptos conceded his point but why was Bill taking so long in there? What sort of Deal did they have?!

Finally the compass couldn't take it anymore and opened the door. “What is taking you so long-!”

He stopped dead in his tracks.

The human on the bed gave him a lazy wave. “Oh hey square dude. Can you help me move your friend here? He just kinda…”

Kryptos wasn't listening though. All he could see was Bill curled on the human's broad muscular chest, purring in content. On the BED. He twitched. “How...DARE you!” he hissed.

Ford turned to look at the angry blue rhombus and gasped. “Woah! I didn’t noticed what you were made of before! How does it even work?!”

Kryptos snarled. “How **dare** you take Bill’s virginity!” He shook.

“Excuse me?” Ford muttered.

“I did what now?” Stan grimaced.

Kryptos pointed at Stan angrily. “I've seen those human movies!! When humans get into a bed together that means they've had sex!!!”

Stan paled and made a horrified face, the little dude was accusing him of some serious shit right now, while Ford blushed so much his face turned crimson red at the mention of the ‘s-word’.

“Kid, this is absolutely NOT that.” Stan explained, still trapped as Bill’s pillow. “We-We are even clothed!” He complained.

Kryptos growled “What do clothes have to do with it?” that's when Stan realized most of Bill's friends were essentially naked by human conventions.

“Because...Because when you do that, you need to have your clothes or _pants_ off to-”

“Stanley, please, please Stop.” Ford begged him, covering his face.

Kryptos didn't know what they meant but he was too angry to care. The human claimed he hadn't taken Bill’s body in such a way. To be fair, he didn't know how Bill’s species copulated and he didn't really watch that ‘porn' stuff at all so he didn't really know how humans did it either. So maybe they really needed to be clothes-less to do it.

But he was still angry that they had taken Bill to their bed. Kryptos floated into the room and over to the bed. “Well, I'm getting Bill away before any clothes come off!” He huffed.

“Please, I’ve been trying that for 10 minutes.” Stan looked relieved. His arm was already numb.

Kryptos gripped onto Bill's thin waist and tried to lift him up. Bill let out a sad whine and shifted, wrapping one arm around Kryptos and the other around Stan, pulling the compass down onto the bed as well.

“Ah!” Kryptos yelped as he was dragged onto the bed. He laid beside the human with his eye wide. Bill was laying on top of him and the compass blushed dark blue at how warm the chaos god was.

“Great. Welcome to the threesome.” Stan rolled his eyes.

Kryptos growls at the human. Well. If he couldn't move Bill, he was going to stay here to make sure none of the humans tried taking their clothes off. He would protect Bill's chastity. Seriously, of all places to fall asleep! Kryptos was happy Bill had learned to sleep. They were all relieved that he could rest. But Bill’s lack of experience with the subject (he didn't sleep very often after all) meant he would just...black out randomly sometimes. They've found him asleep on the ground before.

Kryptos looked up and saw the other human, damn they looked the same, do all humans look the same(?), but this one had glasses, smiling at him.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Um. Drawing you! I think you are fascinating and it is amazing how you work.” Despite the portal thing, Ford hadn’t lost his enthusiasm for the strange and the supernatural. He was a big old child.

Kryptos growled. “Well you better not touch me human!” if the glasses human tried anything he would pull his glove off and zap him.

“Oh, of course I wouldn’t do anything without your consent.” Ford reassured. “I just want to ask questions, that’s all.” He clicked his pen and smiled. “What are you?”

Kryptos grumbled. “I'm a Polytool. Do you humans not know anything?”

Ford felt offended, but decided not to say anything. “I know lots of things about my world...I’m a scientist, I study the supernatural.” The young man smiled proudly. “Are you male or female? Or other?” Ford added.

Kryptos rolled his eye. “I'm male. Though Bill likes to pretend I'm a girl sometimes. He really wants a little sister for some reason…” Kryptos suspected that was part of the reason why Bill never noticed his feelings. It was frustrating but Bill's innocence in this subject was so...endearing.

Ford smiled. “Alright. I’m a man too.” He chatted as he wrote down the information. “How old are you? And what is your species’s lifespan?”

Kryptos frowned. “Well...I'm not sure how old I am. Bill cursed me with immortality a few hundred years ago. My species normally lives around 300 standard galactic years or so.”

“300!?” Ford gasped. “I-I...I’m 24” He laughed sheepishly. “Now I don’t feel so old…” He wrote that down, along with a note: Investigate how standard galactic years work.

Kryptos groaned and laid back in the bed. “Wow. You're barely out of toddlerhood.”

Ford crawled closer to the bed and laughed. “I can assure you, um, Polytool, I’m not a toddler. I’ve been out of my teens for a while now.”

“My NAME is Kryptos.” The compass gritted out. “And wow. 24 and you're past adolescence? How short are your lifespans?”

Ford stroked his chin with his six fingers. “It is usually around 80. But people are starting to live up to their 90’s and there are some cases people reached their 100s, but no more than that.”

Kryptos muttered “What does Bill see in such a short lived race?”

“We are the most intelligent species on our planet.” Ford replied easily. “We have gone to the Moon, and really deep into the ocean, and I am totally sure they’d be able to get to Mars! We also have really diverse cultures, traditions and invented laws and government.”

“Diverse generally means uncooperative. How many wars have your people started among themselves?” Kryptos asked plainly.

Ford paused. “Um...you mean...Every country...or just in mine? There were 2 World Wars...My country saved the World in the second one defeating the German Army.” Ford smiled proudly like the patriot he was. “I don’t know much about wars in other countries...I know there were some in the Middle East, again, we are working on that, but…”

Kryptos laughed, there was no amusement in it “That just about answers my question.”

“But...that doesn’t mean it is because of diversity. It is because of economic reasons. Everyone is the same right now. Men, women, black people, everyone!”

“Well why don't your people share the resources and therefore, not have those economic problems?” Kryptos asked.

“Because the economy would collapse!” Ford exclaimed. “You can’t just give stuff for free to everyone!” His father always said they needed to work hard to earn money. “Are you a communist?” Ford narrowed his eyes.

Kryptos looks over at him “What is communist?”

Ford opened his mouth to speak but...he didn’t know how to explain it. What did they say at school and college? It was bad, yeah, but why?

“It is someone who wants the Estate to have all the control over market and the prices...It wants to establish common ownership of the means of production and no social classes...Not giving people freedom of speech and-and then everything goes bad...Like in Russia or Cuba.”

Kryptos scrunched up his face in confusion. “So it's like the Federation?”

“What’s the Federation?” Ford flipped to another page to write down.

“The main governing body in the multiverse. They invade a planet and ‘civilize' it. Stamping out the native culture and establishing their rule. They claim to be bringing Order to the multiverse by connecting all the planets under their rule.” Kryptos frowns. “They don't have full control over all their planets though, if the planet doesn't have the resources they want, they generally leave them alone.” Why put in the effort if they weren't getting anything from it?

“Um...That sounds more like colonization or a monarchy.” He read a book about the colonization of North and South America and it sounded more like the case of the South.

“Well the Federation devotes certain planets for the production of certain products and ships it out to all the other planets, thus distributing resources evenly throughout them.” Kryptos absently placed a hand on Bill’s back.

“Are you sure it is evenly?”

Kryptos laughed. “They try to. But there are a bunch of corrupted council members who will take bribes or stuff under the table to get more or less of certain things.”

“Oh gosh, the rats are even in space, there’s no way out…” Ford muttered.

Kryptos shrugs. “For the most part, many planets are still self governed by the native people aside from the Federation officers and government buildings. Things used to be a lot worse before Bill came along.” Kryptos looked at his sleeping friend fondly. “Bill brought the leader of the Federation along with him to see some of the unfairness in their system and small changes have been happening to make things better.”

Ford hummed and smiled at Bill. “He’s... a very peculiar Bill…” The man with glasses commented. “If only I had met one as decent as him…”

Kryptos squinted at the human in confusion. “What do you mean? There's just Bill. What do you mean one of him?”

“Um, no.” Ford shrugged. “In my dimension, Bill, not this Bill though, tricked me into building his portal to invade my world when I was just starting my research in Gravity Falls...He promised me he’d help me find marvelous creatures if I helped him...but he lied…”

“And have you?” Kryptos asked. “You're here aren't you?” He lifted himself up slightly on the bed. “I'd say he didn't lie.” Bill wasn't very good at lying. He could bullshit easily but an actual lie? Directly? He was awful at that.

Ford blinked and after a few seconds he groaned. That son of a bitch! “He meant creatures from space! Not in Gravity Falls!” He pulled at his hair angrily.

Stan looked back and forth between the two. A lot of their talk had gone over his head but that was mainly because the warmth of the little demon on him was making him drowsy. ”Something wrong Poindexter?”

“Never make deals without reading the fine print.” Ford groaned.

“I know that. That was my first class at college.” Stan grinned. “And I ain’t dumb about that! If you had heard Filbrick when he talked, you would have known too.”

Kryptos flops back on the bed. “Well, I don't know about this supposed other Bill, but my Bill talks a lot about stupid clients who never pay attention to the wording of their Deals. He says it's hilarious how dumb people are.”

Ford pouted. “I’m a dumb client…” He whimpered and laid down on the wooden floor.

“You know, Stanley...this makes sense…”

“What? How come?”

“I never paid attention to Filbrick because _Sebastian_ was distracting me...and it was _Sebastian_ who threw us through the portal! You see where I’m going, brother?”

Stan resisted the urge to groan. “Sixer, can we **please** not get into this again…”

“Just saying…” Ford didn’t want to talk about it either. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. If he had gone to West Tech, he would be busy doing other stuff, like winning Nobel Prizes, he would never have had enough time to think about the weird stuff in Gravity Falls, and meeting with Bill!

The rising levels of unhappy emotions made Bill whimper softly in his sleep. Stan instinctively reached up to pet his head and the demon settled back down. He was still making quiet distressed sounds and Stan began saying “Shhh it's okay...shhh…” as he rubbed his fingers through Bill’s hair.

Kryptos pouted at the human's grooming behavior. Grooming, social behavior for strengthening social, emotional bonds between members of a species. “Why are you touching him?”

Ford sat up from his spot on the floor and looked at Bill. He was having nightmares?! A dream demon? He leaned closer curiously.

“He’s scared.” Stan told Kryptos with a shrug. “When someone is upset you usually try to help them feel better? Aliens don’t do that?”

Kryptos peered at Bill. “We do...but...well...Bill only learned how to sleep like...a few decades ago. He generally sleeps near Xanthar or his... _father_.” Kryptos sneered at the thought of the salamander “I've never seen him...distressed before. He doesn't sleep often enough that I see it.”

“Fascinating…” Ford muttered and wrote that down.

“Should we wake him up?” Stan pouted at Bill’s sad face. He was such a softie...

Kryptos nudged Bill lightly. “Bill?” He didn't want to jostle Bill too much, he was still skittish around forceful contact. Actually, now that he thought about it…

“Hey, what was your Deal with Bill? Why IS he asleep here anyway?” Kryptos asked Stan.

“Ehh…” Stan rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not sure Bill wanted you guys to know…”

Ford decided to flee and settle on the desk again, writing once more. Kryptos frowned. “Why wouldn't Bill want us to know? He tells us almost everything-” except about his own emotional traumas and problems that he really needed help in “-like he LITERALLY has no filter and just blabs stuff all the time.” Which was another trait that Kryptos couldn't help but find absolutely adorable about the demon-god. The way he gets so flustered at his own lack of filter was so cute.

“Don’t blame the messenger for the letter.” Stan shrugged. “I made a deal, and I’ll respect it or I could die because Bill’s powers would force him to...kill me?”

“Punish you.” Ford corrected from his spot.

Kryptos laughed. “Yeah. That's how Deals are. Mine was both incredibly simple, and complex. I'm...probably safe from any sorts of punishments but me...and the others, are still a little worried sometimes if we're keeping up our end of the Deal properly…”

Ford’s head almost did a 180 degrees turn at the compass’ words. “You made Deals with this Bill?!”

Kryptos shrugs. “Yeah. Bill gave each of us an offer, and we accepted. He didn't force it on us or anything, though he didn't precisely explain what the Deal fully entailed, but it's not a bad Deal at all.”

Ford looked at the compass. “Don’t talk to me all cryptic!” He was tired of that. “What was it!” He urged the alien to explain it.

Kryptos rolled his eye. “Not much. We agreed to be his Friend. From now until the end of time.”

“Should have done that kind of deal when we were kids, uh Poindexter?!” Stan joked to his brother, but Ford seemed to be in shock. “Man, I was joking.”

“Until the end of time…” Ford whispered.

Stan looked up at Ford. “Sixer? Are you ok?”

“Oh no...No, no, no!” Ford panicked and covered his head. “Fuck! I fucked up! I fucked up!”

“More?” Stan joked but Ford didn’t even glare at him. “What happened…?” he lifted himself up, Bill’s sleeping form still pressed against his chest. “Sixer...what did you do? What Deal did you make with your demon nacho?”

Ford started hyperventilating while his eyes watered. “My...My mind...He can get in my mind...Until...until the end of time…” He whispered, pulling at his curly hair nervously.

“Okay Ford, you're not making any sense. What are you talking about?” Stan tried to get up so he could comfort his brother and ended up having to pick up Bill and that Kryptos kid along with him.

The young man whimpered softly, scared and angry. “He can possess me, Stanley...He can use my body…”

“Ok seriously, please explain this to me? What was your Deal with your demon?” Stan had one large muscular arm wrapped around both Bill and Kryptos, the compass blushing as he was pressed right up against Bill’s chest.

“I was stupid…”

“Sure you were!!” Stan roared but continued giving his brother the comfort he needed. Ford groaned and took a shaky breath. “I wanted to see everything in Gravity Falls, I wanted answers...I was amazed at everything I saw and I wanted to know where they came from...Bill-Bill appeared...he said he could help and told me about the portal...he was so nice and flattering I-I fell for his tricks...you would have never fallen for that...We made a deal, to-to work faster. He could use my body to work...whenever he pleased.” A single _unmanly_ , _stupid_ , _shameful_ tear streamed down Ford’s cheeks. If Bill had been awake to hear Ford's thoughts he would have gave the man a stern lecture about how crying was perfectly normal.

Stan frowned. “Ok, so you get to play puppet, but what was your side of the deal? What were you getting?”

“Initially? The portal. He said it was a gateway to the weirdness leaking into Gravity Falls…”

Now Kryptos was frowning as well. “What were your terms? Your exact words when you shook his hand?”

“Um…” Ford sniffed. “It-It is a deal...from now until the end of time…” He was doing everything in his power to not crack.

Kryptos and Stan both stared at him. “Wow. _You_ were the one to put a time stamp on the duration? And you chose, until the end of time, oh my angles…” Kryptos face palmed.

“WHY WERE YOU SO STUPID?!” Stan cried. He was worried, hell, he was shitting himself right now with the mere thought a dorito demon could _possess_ his triplet!

Bill frowned at the yelling, stirring softly and coming back into wakefulness. “Hm…” he wiggled a little.

Kryptos and the others hadn't noticed Bill waking up.

“Ok, Stanford. How do you break that stupid ass deal?!”

“I CAN’T!” Ford shouted. “Didn’t you hear?! I can’t simply _not_ fulfill my end of the deal! Or I get killed! Or worse!”

Kryptos furrowed his eye in thought “Theoretically you can break off a Deal. But there's specific conditions to do so...which would depend on the ENTIRE wording of the Deal, both your half and Bill’s half.”

The young paranoid man started rocking back and forth hugging his knees. He was doomed. He was doomed!

Bill slowly blinked his eye open. Huh? What was? He was sort of draped over someone's shoulder. There was a large flat-ish thing pressed against his chest that he realized groggily was Kryptos. Huh? Bill yawned, his sharp teeth on full display. “W-whuu?”

The three turned to look at the demon. Then Ford continued rocking back and forth.

“Why are you carrying me?” Bill blinked sleepily at Stan. He looked down at Kryptos pressed face first into his chest. “Oh...hi Kryptos~”

“Hi Bill…” Kryptos blushed. Ah...he really needed to get off Bill before he woke up fully. Bill looked around. “What's happening?” He yawned again.

“Ford can become Bill’s puppet forever and whenever he wants so we are panicking.” Stan informed Bill.

“Ah...cool…” Bill said sleepily. “Just dun...let him in yeah?”

“Yeah, sure!” Stan exclaimed sarcastically. “You heard that, Sixer! Haha, silly me! How didn’t I think of that!” His smile suddenly disappeared and he deadpanned at the demon.

“S...metal...hard to get through…” Bill mumbled, laying his head down on Stan's shoulder. “An’ barriers...like...the one I put around here…”

“A barrier?” Ford lifted his head from between his knees. “A barrier to protect my mind from Bill…”

Bill nuzzled his face into Stan and yawned again. “Runes...an...magical...unicorns…” he mumbles something unintelligible “...moonstones…”

“Oh, oh!” Stan exclaimed. “Ford, a tinfoil hat! Like those crazy goons wear! But something real, it exists right? Like, something to cover your brain?”

Bill giggled softly “Tinfoil makes things look fuzzy~” he starts drifting off again. Was having a nice dream about lines. Lines and lines zooming in forever and ever...

Stan decided to risk it and started shaking Bill by the shoulder. “I know! A metal plate!! A metal plate to cover his mind, skull, whatever!! As if it was tinfoil!!”

Bill rolled his head along Stan’s shoulder. “Around the brain...cover the mind...it would hurt tho…” he sighed. “Run into a metal wall. Hurts me too…need permission...”

Stan and Ford shared a look. Stan didn’t want his brother to be in pain, but he didn’t want him to be fucking possessed, you see the struggle?

“I’ll do it...But-But not now…” Ford felt he will have time for that later...But it was a perfect idea! It wouldn’t let Bill read his thoughts or enter his mind! He eventually stopped rocking and gave Stan a hopeful look.

Kryptos managed to dislodge himself from Bill and floated above the two men. “You're both crazy.” He said simply. “But...if you're really that dead set on keeping your Bill out, you've got a long and painful surgery ahead of you.”

Stan sat down next to Ford on the floor and hugged him by the neck kind of harshly. “ Don’t worry, bro...Where we go, we go _together_ …”

Ford gaped at the words for a moment before smiling.

Bill sighed happily. “...now kiss…” He slurred sleepily.

“EEEW! HE’S MY BROTHER!” They cried in unison with the same levels of repulsion at the mere thought.

Kryptos face palmed. “What the heck are you dreaming about Bill?” Bill giggled “Happy...feelings...”

Kryptos shook his head fondly and tried once more to pick up Bill, Stan easily handed him over, shuddering. “I don't want to know what he's dreaming about…” Kryptos managed to dislodge Bill this time and floated away unsteadily. Heavy. Though he would never say that to Bill’s face. Or to anyone else. Or out loud. Or even think it for more than a split second.

“Well you two have fun figuring out what you're gonna do. I'm getting Bill to somewhere safe to sleep.” Kryptos blushed when Bill latched onto him and began rubbing his cheek against his plane. Focus! Get Bill to Xanthar. The only safe place for him to sleep.

The brothers watched the compass shaped alien float off lopsidedly while carrying Bill.

“Stanley...did Bill just say he wanted us to-”

“I’ll not hesitate to punch you in the nose if you finish that sentence.” Stan threatened.

Ford stood up from the floor and sat down on the bed, staring at his hands. “Alright...We need a plan to make this work, ok? I’ll ask Bill for the blueprints for the quantum destabilizer and then we will research where we can get the parts…” Ford narrowed his eyes at his brother’s nervous posture. “What?”

“No-Nothing! It’s not like Bill already put all that nerd information in my mind to keep you from hurting our own brother or anything!”

Ford narrowed his eyes. “You let Bill inside your mind?!”

Stan scoffed. “Please, Ford, I may be dumb, but I ain’t stupid.” He grinned and Ford stared at his triplet in deadpan. Stan continued, “He made an ET shit, like this! BOOP!” He poked his brother’s forehead with his index finger. “And then I have the blueprints!”

“Well...tell me.” Ford bent down to grab the Journal he left on the ground.

Stan's expression firmed. “No.”

Ford blinked. “What? I’m not kidding, Stan. Tell me what it is.”

Stan shook his head. “No Sixer. I promised Bill, WE promised Bill that we won't shoot Sebas...or anyone else with it. Just Bill. Not this Bill, your Bill.”

“Stanley we don’t have time for this!” Ford cried. “Tell me the freaking blueprints! You aren’t the scientist! You have never built anything!”

“Yeah well, I may not have built anything before but I know what a Hexoganal-thread wrench is and I know we’ll need one to connect the Disruption Socket to the base holster.” Stan said.

Ford gaped. “That doesn’t sound right coming from you…” He mumbled. “Imagine I-I just started speaking about microeconomics and macroeconomics! Or about business! It doesn’t sound NATURAL!”

Stan managed a grin “I know right? Isn't this wild?” He frowned a little “The blueprint also says we need a plumbus...but it doesn't say why, what a plumbus is and what its used for…”

“The fuck is a plumbus…” Ford wrinkled his nose, upset.

Stan shrugged. “I guess we’ll need to figure that one out ourselves. Maybe Bill assumed we would know what it was.”

Ford pouted and crossed his arms over his chest like an upset child. Stan watched him amused. “Come on, Brainiac, you are still the genius...I just know this tiny thing.”

Ford sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Right. Right! We just need to track down all these parts and build this thing.”

Stan grinned. “Alright...And while we are there, we will get you an alien doctor to put on that metal plate.”

Ford’s determination decreased a bit. He wasn’t a coward...but...he was? A little? “Yeah...and that too.”

Stan placed a hand on Ford's shoulder and gave him a comforting squeeze. “Come on Sixer. You're not in this alone. I'm gonna be right here the whole time and we're gonna do this, _together._ ”

Ford nodded, once again determined. If they managed to do this, then they’d go down in history like heroes! They would save the world from the most dangerous demon ever! Stanford and Stanley Pines!

Yeah, he liked how that sounded…

“Do you think we’ll see hot alien ladies?”

Ford managed a bark of laughter. “I'm sure we will.”

“You know there's one here too. One of Bill's friends. A giant woman. Literally hot alien lady. She's on fire!” Stan laughed. “Mother of teenaged twins, looks damn good for her age too.” He grinned. “She called me cute.”

(Picture by BlueFrosty)

The triplets laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Ford looked at his brother with a raised eyebrow. “Going after single mothers now?”

Stan laughed. “Well...maybe not her. Apparently she eats her partners…” he shuddered a little. “Besides, I've got Carla waiting for me back home...so...I'm not gonna do anything for real with the hot alien ladies we find.”

Stanford laughed and shook his head. Oh dear, Stanley was just like he remembered him… “I’m glad you think like that...I’d have snitched to her everything you might do.”

Stan punched his shoulder and Ford cried softly while laughing. “You are a horrible brother!” The man without glasses laughed. Then he grinned mischievously. “Well, even if I don't get a nice alien girlfriend...there's nothing stopping you~”

Ford choked on his own saliva and his brother burst into laughter. His face warmed up and he shook his head. “Yeah...I’ll pass.”

Stan laughed for a long while and the two brothers stayed up talking and making plans until they both drifted to sleep once more. Dimension travel was stressful on the body. It would take them around 3 more jumps before they got used to the strain and no longer had to sleep so often.

\---

“Is it really time for you to go?” 8-Ball sniffled sadly as they all stood around. Bill had informed them that he could _feel_ the warping of reality signalling a portal forming sometime soon. They all quickly helped the two humans pack their bags, filled with bottled water and plenty of rations and other supplies (like rope, Bill made certain they had plenty of rope) and now they were saying their goodbyes before the portal opened.

“We don’t want to-No, well, we want to, we are on a mission.” Stan told his green friend. “But I’ll miss you, guys! This reminded me of frat parties at college!” His eyes watered. How he missed those parties...

8-Ball began bawling, his odd eyes streaming blue liquid. He picked up Stan and hugged him tightly, the human groaning when he felt his spine almost crack.

Ford put on the six-fingered gloves Bill made for him and shook hands with the demon, who was in his triangular form. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Just...try to stay alive. I'd hate to have to tell Seb you two weren't gonna make it back…” Bill said.

Ford resisted the urge to roll his eyes and nodded politely. “We will…”

“Don’t take anything from strangers!” Bill said.

Ford DID roll his eyes this time. “We won't…”

“And make sure you check all food and drink with the Edibility detector…” Bill added.

Ford was groaning now “Yes Bill, I know.”

“And if a person comes up to you talking about Bejus, tell them you are an atheist!” Bill continued.

“We know.” The triplets groaned.

“And don’t forget to wash behind your ears!” not even a joke, that cheese smell that develops would attract Sniffer-Mice and no one wants them chewing on their ears.

Ford facepalmed. Who knew Bill Cipher was a nagging mother?

Pyronica was laughing as she pulled on Bill's arm. “They'll be fine Bill.” She stepped forward to poke Stan’s chest, his Cursed clothing protecting him from any sort of burns.

“I’m unstoppable.”  Stan whispered in awe at his badass space clothing.

“Stay safe cutey~” Pyronica purred and Stanley grinned.

“You too, hot stuff.”

Ford rolled his eyes and put on his goggles, Stan followed him seconds later. They clicked on the Dimensional Translator bracers Bill had gotten for them (which apparently cost a whole hour of head pats for Stan to pay off and had reduced Bill to a purring happy demon laying on Stan’s lap).

The air around the room was starting to swirl. A tear was slowly opening behind them, sucking in the room around them. Bill had his hands stretched out to hold his friends back safely. “Be careful ok?”

“Are you ready?” Ford asked his brother, his body shaking with adrenaline.

“Nope...Let’s do this.” Stan nodded and with one last glance to the waving group, the triplets walked through the portal.

There was a near blinding flash of light and when it faded, Bill's friends blinking spots out of their eyes (or lack thereof) the two humans were gone.

“They're gonna to get killed.” Pynelope commented.

\----

(Back to Bill's POV)

I was sad to see them go. For more reasons than just the obvious. I was gonna miss my head pats. As everyone dispersed back to their own activities, 8-Ball sobbing loudly while PaciFire patted his back and led him away, I noticed Kryptos floating up to me.

“What's up?” I asked him.

He has a complicated look in his eye. He opens his mouth and then closed it without saying anything. I can tell he was struggling to find the right words. “You know…” He finally says “If you...want to snuggle...or...or something more...you can ask.” He flushes “I, we, won't judge you for it…”

He looks away before glancing back at me. “S-s-so if you...want anything...physical...you...I...um…” He stuttered.

Finally he takes a deep breath. “Do you want a back massage?” He asked quickly.

I pause. There's a shiver going through my bricks. “Ah..“ I wanted so badly to say yes. But...but…

Kryptos could see my unease at the idea. He smiles sadly. “Yeah, stupid question, forget I said anything….” He turns to leave and I reach out to take his hand. He turns back questioningly.

“I can't….handle a back massage...not...yet…” I say softly. “But...when I'm in my other forms…” I looked up at him “...maybe you could brush my hair?”

Kryptos lights up with a bright smile. “Sure! I'd love to...ah...you know...whenever you want!”

I hug him, cutting off his babbling. “I'm glad you're my friend Kryptos. I love you.” I nuzzle into his plane. He carefully places a hand on my head. “Yeah. Love you too Bill.” He says softly.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Also people ask me for fic recommendations so I'm just gonna point you guys towards authors who write stuff I like if they have more than one fic I want to recommend.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529949  
> [Knowing You Knowing Me] which I'm going to KEEP recommending since it was the fic that got me into wanting to write fanfic.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fooeyburr  
> They're most known for [Blood Chains] but [The Messenger who Shot Himself] and [For Science] are my favorites
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x  
> I've only read her GF fics but I love them. Her Dimension 46 series has a lot of cool ideas with how it branches into separate AUs. There's also [The Triangle Guy] which is also good, kinda sad but it gets happier later
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12216831  
> [Rig your Roll] in which Stan meets a girl who helps him while he was struggling to survive in his car, they become best friends...and then Ford calls Stan to help him with sonething...
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/4141743  
> [Conspiratheory] a BillDip fic where Bill is ACTUALLY Satan
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluefrosty27/pseuds/bluefrosty27  
> BlueFrosty's Pines Triplets AU for obvious reasons XD, you kinda need to read them to get the full context for this anyway...especially since we've decided our fics share a canon multiverse.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoneRobotnik/pseuds/ZoneRobotnik  
> A lot of different GF fic ideas. A lot of them seem to be dropped but they're still worth a look over. [Little Dipper] has a Smol child Dipper who is cute enough to give cavities
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/10139540  
> [Desperate Measures] with tiny triangle Bill trying to survive after reviving after Weirdmageddon
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/5399030  
> [Fractured Fingers] even without his memories, Bill is still kinda an asshole
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/5241128  
> [Twin Tale] the Undertale crossover because of course there was one
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/PengyChan  
> Most well known for [Flat Dreams] but her other GF fics are worth a look as well.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123215  
> [That thing on the Doorstep] the Lovecraft-esque GF fic
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/7742494  
> [The Ninth Paradigm] is a weird AU. In a world where Stanley was never born, Ford grows up and lives out his life alone until he meets a boy calling himself Bill Cipher (who is possibly also the missing half he never knew he needed) its got a lot of dubcon and noncon which I don't like but the look into a truly fucked up, insane, traumatized Bill Cipher is really cool.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicnac/pseuds/Nicnac  
> Nicnac writes a bunch of interesting stuff. I like [5 Years Older] because its an interesting concept. And [The Whole of Us (is greater than the sum of our parts)] is an AU where Ford accidentally fathered Dipper and Mabel and has to raise them while working on the portal...


	60. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a parent is simultaneously difficult and easy. Though a part of me feels like I'm not very good at it...  
> I blame my crushing self doubt for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh shit I was up until 4 AM writing something else and forgot to update! Here's the chapter!

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 55**  
  
**-I will take offerings in the form of bent forks-**  
  
\---

Wanting to see if my Earth was any closer to getting my own set of mystery twins, I went to check on it.

  
What. The. Duck. Is that?!  
  
I stare incredulously at the pyramid shaped dinosaur. Seriously. The fuck? It didn't look natural at all. I flickered and traced it's origin point to...  
  
A tear in reality.  
  
A tiny rip between the 3rd dimension and the Nightmare Realm that had opened up a few centuries back. It was small and it sealed over as the veil grew back after a few weeks but it was enough to allow a few of the weird things that formed out of my blood to escape into the 3rd dimension. I do remember some pyramid turtle creatures that got created a while back. Either way, the original beasts that escaped onto the Earth somehow began mating with the dinosaurs here and created these...things.  
  
A dinosaur that looked like a pyramid? What even?!  
  
As odd as it was, they looked so silly I couldn't take them seriously. I possessed one easily enough and laughed hysterically as I stampede along the ground. This is so STUPID! I LOVE it!  
  
  
  
I cackled to myself as I stomped around. I was bigger than all the other dinosaurs. Take THAT t-rex! Who's the king now?! Stupid piece of shit bird-wannabe!  
  
I may be slightly salty about another dinosaur I once possessed a few years back getting eaten by a t-rex...with me still inside. It was quite the traumatic experience. I wanted to go find a t-rex to show off my impressive new body but sadly, I was currently on the continent of what would be Africa while the damn Rex was in the USA. Pangaea broke up and I was still figuring out which continents were what. Curse you geography!!!  
  
I quickly grew bored and slid out of the body, the Pyramisaurus (I came up with the name on the spot) stumbling in confusion before going back to it's peaceful life, business as usual. You know, been a while since I possessed a t-rex...  
  
A quick flight to America ensued. It was strange to see the world blur around me as I shot off at high speed, flying through the mindscape. I wish there was wind or air here. It would have been nice to feel the breeze rushing past me as I flew.  
  
Instead there was only the same stillness I've grown used to. Muted sound. Muted colors. No way of touching the world around me. I sighed. Flying over the ocean wasn't fun if I couldn't dip my hand in to make waves. It's no fun if I can't splash into the water. I felt the irritation swell inside me and mimed a few deep breaths. Calm. Calm. I'm here to relax, not get worked up. I considered what I had learned from the other Bill but while it was a valid idea, throw some helpless sap into the 3rd Dimension and make a Deal with them…no doubt it would call Time Baby’s attention onto me and I don’t want to deal with that.  
  
I possessed a fish and allowed myself some fun leaping out of the water and falling back in with a splash. Momentum. Weight. Muscles and sinew working to produce movement. How wonderful was that?  
  
I twisted my little fish body around, cheering internally. Body's are amazing! The downside was they got too tired to hold me. The fish collapsed from exhaustion and I was flung out of its body. I blinked in confusion for a bit, disoriented before shrugging and flying the rest of the way over the ocean.  
  
Half the reason I had trouble telling places apart was the higher oceans flooding the land and making the continents shaped differently than I remember. The inland oceans would retreat or dry off eventually. This water planet would get more land as more volcanoes erupted and the plates shifted.  
  
A dynamic planet full of miracles.  
  
Most planets I've seen in the multiverse fell into one of a few groups.  
  
The stagnant planets (according to me) in which nothing happens. They don't have extreme weather, the climate is fair and their planet doesn't have random explosions of molten rock from deep within it's crust and massive teutonic shifts.  
  
The dynamic planets in which weather was extreme and dangerous and pretty much life couldn't form properly unless it was just as dangerous. Acid rain, diamond rain, glass rain...radioactive rain...  
  
There were some Earth-like planets with mild to extreme climates that supported life. Carbon based life was prominent in many places throughout the multiverse. At least in the dimensions with a physics similar to the 3rd dimension where Carbon atoms can so readily link with other stuff.  
  
Some dimensions had entirely different physics than what I know. I essentially had to change how I do stuff in order to effect changes in those dimensions. It's like instead of building with Lego blocks I need to use silly putty. Or fingers.  
  
I shuddered at the dimension where air molecules were made out of fingers. So glad I don't need to breathe. I DID need goggles to keep my eye from being poked.  
  
What I'm trying to say is, weird is relative. Normal is relative. Nothing is set in stone (especially in dimensions where stone is gelatinous goop covered in beating hearts) so trying to rate planets and dimensions by a 'normal' model for existence was an exercise in futility. Normal doesn't exist. Weirdness is universal.  
  
And Earth was a beautiful, wondrous weird planet that I loved with all my being. I sighed happily to myself as I fly around looking for a t-rex. There weren't enough triangles here. I have to look for everything manually. I should make more triangles here. I wonder if I could adjust the DNA of the hosts I possess? Make more things like those Pyramid-saurus or something.  
  
I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I felt...a tingle. Time was being pulled taut and snapping back into place. I know this feeling. A Time Agent? Here? I looked around from where I was perched on a large tree and saw the flash of a time warp. Two screaming children showed up and were immediately attacked by a nearby dino before they disappeared again.  
  
I blinked.  
  
Was that just...  
  
Well.  
  
I guess this was proof that this really is the Gravity Falls world. An Earth where Dipper and Mabel were born. I felt a strange giddy feeling wash through me. Gravity Falls is real and it was coming.  
  
I could hardly wait.

Actually...did I even HAVE to wait? I considered the idea the other Bill had suggested. It would call too much attention if I tossed someone through a portal but what about people already here? I peered around. The Federation workers were still up there in that fake moon. They were bored as shit the last I checked.

If there's one thing I know, its that boredom will make people want to do ANYTHING to relieve it. Shouldn't be that hard to convince one of them for a...small Deal...

\---

Ok...

That...did not work like I thought it would...

I stared down at the dinosaurs trapped in tree sap. (Or rather...a sap and peanut brittle mix...) Well...I fucked up. And it had started so well too...

It wasn't hard to convince a half asleep officer to agree to give me a puppet that was capable of channeling my power in exchange for a video game console. I wore his body as he slept and beamed down to the planet. The main problem now was that my powers were still being bound somewhat. I couldn't pull and manipulate the atoms in the air. The 'plastic' was still there. I grabbed at it in frustration.

Ok, so my usual methods obviously wouldn't work here. I fumed angrily as I stomped around planet side, waving my hands and screaming as I couldn't get stuff to do what I wanted. What did Seb say about this? He just makes fire and makes stuff float?

But HOW? How does he do it? Obviously there WAS a way to use my powers in the 3rd dimension. Seb did it. The other Bill did it. Actually...

I sat on a rock and racked my mind in thought. Pulling at reality through sheer force of will wasn't working. But it's not the only way to twist reality.

Magic.

I know about magic. A lot of the known multiverse used magic. The thing is, magic required more work for me to use as opposed to my natural ability to pull on the world. Part of this was due to just how many different kinds of magic there were. Much like how runes/symbols and certain words/sounds were capable of redirecting reality, people have found all sorts of different ways to twist reality to their will.

I got a stick from a nearby tree and start drawing symbols into the ground. Ugh, this was so tedious and time consuming. No wonder most magic users used a focus for channeling their energy through. Drawing out the magical equations took forever!

It only took 5 minutes but I was an impatient demon. Plus, I didn't have much time to mess around before this guy's partner got off his lunch break and went to go find him. I muttered to myself as I wrote out my calculations, rune based magic used a lot of them. I looked at the scribbles around me. Part of me felt like I was severely lacking in my studies since I never bothered to practice magic.

Never had a need to, since I could do everything I needed without it.

Well...time to see if this worked.

The explosion was quite spectacular.

The resulting angry, flaming dinosaurs...less so.

One thing led to another and after searing off their feathers and running away in a panic as the angry dinos chased me down, I was clinging to a tall tree and scraping more runes into the bark as they circled me. There were a strange variety of them and frankly I'm certain many of them were evolved from the Weirdness leaking into the 3rd dimension because they were angrier than normal animals.

So one exploding tree later, I had effectively trapped them all and was able to escape back to the satellite. I dropped off my puppet none worse for the wear (I mean...he had a bunch of mystery bruises but whatever...) and made a note to myself to practice with magic more.

Even if it was annoying and tedious.

Yes I do realize the inherent irony of finding magic more tedious than manually piecing together atoms like Lego blocks.

Well, that was my exciting Earth trip for this century...

\---  
  
I was going to have a talk with Pynelope about whether she needed help finding friends (couldn't keep putting this off) but I was distracted by 8-Ball crying in the hallway leading to the exercise room. I installed it years ago for Keyhole when he expressed an interest in body building and we all enjoyed using it for recreational purposes. "8-Ball? What's wrong?" I asked as I floated over.  
  
He sniffed and wiped gloopy blue liquid from his eyes. "P-Pynelope hit me..." He whimpered. I gasp. "What?! What happened?!" I rubbed soothing triangles on his back as I checked him for injuries. I spot the mild singe mark on his cheek. His shoulders shook as he cried. "S-she...she said she wanted to ask my eyes something...and...I think she didn't like the answer..."  
  
"What did she ask?" I laid my small black hand on his cheek and healed the burn. He sniffles before answering. "She wanted to know if some guy named Vicugna was lying to her. I don't know what my eyes responded but she wasn't h-happy about it..."  
  
I frown. Upset or not, I thought I'd taught Pynelope better than this. She hit 8-Ball. We don't hit our friends or family. I made that clear to the twins growing up once their rough play sessions started injuring the others. They're Pyronica's kids after all, they're incredibly strong. Once they were old enough to reason with I started teaching them that they had to be careful. Paci and 8-Ball were good for rough housing but only if they ask first.  
  
But this? I couldn't tell yet if this was an unconscious emotional strike from frustration or a deliberate attack. I give 8-Ball's head a gentle hug. "I'm gonna go talk to her. Do you need anything? A treat?”  
  
"....I've always wanted to try a Devil Dog..." He asks hopefully with a lopsided pout, his teeth jutting out. I giggle and scratch behind his ears. "Alright~I'll see what I can do buddy.”  
  
I gave him one last pat before floating off to Pynelope's room. Looks like I have more to discuss with her than I thought.  
  
\---  
  
"-oid Genessa! I'm not gonna let you copy my homework...of course I know you need the 100! Look, maybe if you spent more time studying instead of pulling that fake pregnancy scam on your boyfriend-"  
  
I could hear Pynelope complaining loudly on her communicator with...someone as I came up to her room. I knocked on the door loudly and she groans. "Hold on, it's probably one of my uncles..." I hear her walk over to the door and her bored expression turns to surprise. "Bill?"  
  
"Hey Nelope, do you have time to talk?" I asked. She turns to her communicator "Genessa, I'm gonna need to call you back." She hangs up and fidgets. "Sure? What about?"  
  
"May I come in?" I asked and she steps out of the way so I could float inside. Pynelope kept her room neat and tidy (not by cleaning but because anything that wasn’t ‘hers’ was simply incinerated), unlike her brother who's got his underwear tossed everywhere (unlike most male Cyclopian, he actually needed to wear underwear…it was super awkward when he started puberty…) I sat on one of her chairs and she took a seat on her bed. I sighed. "So, do you know why I'm here?"  
  
"Um...no? Wait, are you here to ask me to tell you about boys because I'll have you know that's not gonna end well."  
  
"I found 8-Ball crying in the hall." I said bluntly.  
  
It takes her a few seconds but then recognition spreads across her expression and she winces. "I didn't think I hit him THAT hard..." I fold my arms "You **shouldn't** have hit him at all. What the heck Nelope?"  
  
"I got mad ok?!" She protested "It was just a light slap..."  
  
"A slap that left burns. Nelope, you're growing up, your flame is stronger, you have to be careful. It was fine when you were kids because you didn't know any better but you DO now...I hope?" I squint at her and she frowns stubbornly. "Well I didn't mean to! I'm sorry ok?!" She cries, annoyed. I shook my head. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." She sighs but I don't let up "Nelope, go find 8-Ball and apologize."  
  
"Ugh~fine~" she moans dramatically and gets up, dragging her feet dramatically to the door. She passes Teeth in the hall and my Mouth friend looks at me with a curious expression in his jaw when I followed close behind her. "What's up with Nelope?"  
  
"I'm making her apologize to 8-Ball for hitting him." I say matter of factly. Pynelope groans loudly in annoyance. "It doesn't matter how mad you are sweetie, you still can't hit people unless they trigger Agro first." I chirp.  
  
"I knoooow~" she groans.  
  
After her (mostly) sincere apology to 8-Ball, I followed her back to her room. "What now Bill?" She huffs.  
  
"We haven't really had a chance to just talk for a while." I say quietly. "You're always shut in your room studying or on your com-phone. I miss spending time with you."  
  
She groans and slumps back on her bed. "Well I'm already 60 years old Bill. I've got my own life."  
  
"What? Am I not hip and cool enough to hang out with?" I grin mischievously as she covers her face and whines "Oh my void please don't say that...it's so cringe..."  
  
"I'll have you know I invented that term. And most things actually..." I giggled "You know ThemTube only exists because I put the idea in someone's head to do so?"  
  
"Yeah I know. You're older than dirt and made everything happen~" she rolls her eye at me. The gall!  
  
"How've you been? Emotionally and socially speaking? I'm still not gonna apologize for what happened to your last boyfriend by the way."  
  
She scoffs. "I'm doing fine. I notice Pyrone's got some friends now. He looks happy, please don't chase them off."  
  
"No worries, I approve of them." I shrugged. "How about you? Pyrone mentioned that he had trouble making friends...what about you?"  
  
"I've got friends. I don't need you micromanaging my social life Bill." She groans. I frown at her. "If you mean those girls I saw you with during the party...you know they're planning to backstab you the instant you stop being useful to them?"  
  
"Of course I know. I'm not stupid." She picks at her claws. "But I'm using them too so it's a mutual thing."  
  
"...you hate them all." I deadpan. She grins wickedly. "Duh! But that doesn't mean I can't still hang out with them right?"  
  
"Why would you want to hang out with people you don't like?!" I fret. "Don't you want REAL friends?"  
  
"I don't need them. Everyone at school's a fucking dumbass anyway."  
  
"Language, young lady."  
  
"You swear worse than a drunk space pirate Bill." She lids her eye at me "So I don't think you have any right to say anything." I know she's right but that doesn't mean I can't complain about it.  
  
"But...don't you get lonely?" I asked quietly. Her expression softens. "Bill, it's fine. I don't need to be friends with my peers. I already have you and everyone else. Kryptos is more intelligent conversation than any of my teachers!"  
  
"Well he's planning to BE a teacher someday." I smile proudly. "Or a scientist. He hasn't really decided yet." Though from what I've seen in his daydreams, his real desire was to study his own powers and try to mimic what I do with mine.  
  
I probably shouldn't find Kryptos's god-complex so endearing...  
  
"So. You're okay? You're not lonely?" I asked, still worried. Pynelope sighs. "Aside from my unfortunate lack of a boyfriend, I have no issues. I'm not like Pyrone. I'm fine on my own so long as I know you guys are here." Seeing my downcast expression, she sighs and grabs my leg to tug me closer. "Look, Pyrone is the type who needs to be around other kids. I prefer more mature company. My classmates are immature and awful. I really don't care for any of them."  
  
She pulled me down to nuzzle into my plane. "So you don't have to worry about me. Not for friends at least." She gives me a resigned look "But if I keep having trouble with boys, I may need you to..." She shudders "...help me find a boyfriend."  
  
"...you sure you don't want me to make you a construct? I mean..."  
  
Pynelope flushes dark red and groans. "No Bill!"  
  
"I mean, are you looking for someone to date or do you plan to fuck? It's a legitimate question." I protest. "I still think you should wait at least 20 more years but if you REALLY want to try it out at least use protection..."

She buries her face in a pillow and screams.  
  
Once she was done she sighs. "You're not gonna leave me alone till I answer huh?"  
  
I grin at her. She rolls over on her bed and sighs again. "Why do you have to be so nosy?"  
  
"I'll have you know I don't HAVE a nose." I scoff. She rolls her eye. Technically she didn’t have a nose either. "Well...if this is the only way for me to get a boyfriend..." She rolls onto her back and glances at me. "So...I do want to fuck someone. But I don't want to mate with them so I'm not gonna eat them. There aren't any other Cyclopians at school besides my brother anyway."  
  
She scowls. "But even when I tell people that, the boys STILL think I'm gonna eat them. And the few times I FINALLY convince a guy they're safe from me, YOU end up killing them because the only guys willing to approach me are fucking assholes!!" She rants.  
  
"...and rapists." I added unhelpfully. The look she sends me would have reduced lesser creatures to ash. As it were, I couldn't help laughing. I know it wasn't really funny but I couldn't help myself. I composed myself, right, serious talk now.  
  
"Is that why you got so mad that 8-Ball predicted some boy lied to you?"  
  
"Yeah. He's one of the few nice guys in my class. I asked if he liked me and apparently he was only answering 'yes' because he's scared to say 'no'. And I'm not gonna force him to be with me." She grumbles. "But I guess it's official, only terrible people are willing to go out with me."  
  
She looks more angry than upset, which is good? Still, I felt I had to reassure her anyway. "There's no way that's true. You're a wonderful girl and nuts to anyone who can't see that." She rolls her eye. "That's great but I still can't get a date to the dance."  
  
"Why is this so important?" I asked.  
  
"You're gonna tell me it's stupid." She mutters.  
  
"Even if it is, I'll still hear you out first." I giggle. She gives me a light punch while grinning fondly. "You're such a dick sometimes!" She laughs.  
  
She pulls me forward and hugs me to herself like a stuffed animal. A pointy stuffed animal. I rumble softly as she grips my sides and her smile drops. "I'm gonna preface this by saying that it's not entirely your fault and I don't blame you."  
  
"???"  
  
"Growing up as Bill Cipher's kid is hard. I know uncle Ammy's your son but he never had to go through school or be around people." She gently gripped one of my tiny hands and played with it, tugging it and watching it stretch and spring back. "People talk about us behind our backs and to our face. People try to kidnap us. People have preconceived opinions about us."  
  
I tried hard not to feel guilty but I wasn't really succeeding.  
  
"Pyrone takes it hard. He's always wanted friends his own age. I never really cared. They're all idiots so why should I sink to their level just to fit in? I know Pyrone purposely flubs his schoolwork, he's not an idiot."  
  
"I KNEW it!" I hissed. I knew there had to be a reason why Pyrone was doing so much worse than his sister in school. I home schooled them both when they were younger, I knew better than anyone how intelligent my little Icepack was.  
  
"Well the upside is that no one directly messes with us or mistreated us. They wouldn't DARE to. But it still made school life...difficult." She grips my sides a little tighter. "And for the most part I didn't care. I'm BETTER than them. Why should I care how they feel about me?"  
  
She deflates a little, slumping over me. "But it gets annoying that they aren't fearing or respecting me, for ME. None of that respect is given to ME. They fear YOU." I feel her lips curl into a pout against my back "I don't like that. I want them to aknowlege me for ME."  
  
"...how does that play into this dance you want to go to?" I asked.  
  
"It's a masquerade. With perception filters." She said simply. "And there's gonna be a contest to decide the king and queen of the school. I want to enter and I want to WIN. With the filters in place, no one will know who I am. I can EARN their respect under my OWN power and efforts."  
  
I hummed. "Well. I'm just gonna say, this is not stupid. It's not stupid that you want to do this or that you feel this way. So...do you need a date to go to the dance?"  
  
"I need a date to enter the contest with me." She sighs. "And Vicugna was my last hope but I can't work with soneone who doesn't want to participate."  
  
I had an idea. An awful idea. A terrible, horrible, awful idea.  
  
"Do you want me to pretend to be your date for the dance?"  
  
She picks me up, turns me around and gives me the most 'Hell NO' expression I've seen in my life. "I'm not THAT desperate." She growls.  
  
"I won't go as myself! You know I can Shapeshift!" I protest. She shook her head. "No way. Not happening. Bad enough you snuck into our sweet 60th birthday party, I absolutely will NOT let you come to my school dance!"  
  
"But...but...ThermiePack~" I whined as I kicked my little legs. She doesn't let up her glare. "Don't you ThermiePack me! I'm not 37 years old anymore!"  
  
"But you need a date don't you?" I stared at her innocently. She bares her teeth in a scowl. "No. I will literally ask out every male, female, hermaphrodite and asexed kid in my school before resorting to you."  
  
I couldn't help but tease her "Too embarrassed by me huh?" She flicks one of my corners. "Worse than embarrassing. You better NOT come to dance. I swear I will literally kill you."  
  
Death threats shouldn't be so funny but I was in hysterics, laughing wildly as Pynelope glared harder at me. "Ahaha! Killing me! Hahaha oh Ax my sides!" Pynelope deliberately drops me, eliciting a short yelp of surprise but I managed to catch myself before hitting the ground. If I had a heart it would be pounding. I hated the sensation of falling.  
  
"I'm serious Bill. Don't come to the dance, don't spy on the dance, if you do I will never forgive you. This is my chance. I want to do this on my own." I float back up and look at her expression. She really WAS serious. This really meant a lot to her.  
  
"Alright. I won't interfere with the actual dance. But I will help you find a partner." I cross my arms and huff. She sighs but accepts my terms. (HAH! We haven’t shook on it!) "There's no real restriction on sex. The king and queen of the dance can be any combination of male, female or other."  
  
"Do you have any preference? You DO still need to date them after all."  
  
Pynelope shrugs. "I'm fine with anything to be honest."  
  
"Got it. So...do you want me to come to school with you to find someone-“ she didn't look thrilled at the idea. "Why do you need to come to school with me?" She moans.  
  
"Well it's easier to scan people when I'm there in person, though, if you want, I can be invisible and speak to you telepathically. Just go to the people you have your eye on and I'll tell you if they're acceptable."  
  
She groans in annoyance but finally agrees. "Just don't use your freaky mind powers to make them agree to be my date."  
  
I make a dramatic gasp. "My little ThermalPack, I have NEVER used my powers to mess with free will. I can manipulate people emotionally or physically or even break them mentally but I do NOT sink that low."  
  
She pursed her lips and stares me down to try and pick out if I was serious. Finally she relaxes and smiles. "Alright. I guess you can follow me to school and judge my classmates. But DON'T show yourself or kill anyone."  
  
"Fine~do you want this as a Deal?" I asked. She shook her head. "Naw, Deals are dangerous and I don't want to mess with another one." Fair enough. Well, I've got a way to help Pynelope now so that's good. A part of me was giddy to see what her school day was like. The twins forbid me from spying on them around the time they turned 50...something about how I was embarrassing them...  
  
I float off and wonder if I could sneakily help Pynelope win the contest before realizing she would be pissed if I did that. Ugh...parenting is hard. Part of me still feels like I've ruined their lives. They say they don't blame me. But I still blame myself.  
  
My hand twitches and I got another hungry urge to stab myself with something, to punish myself in some way for this. They won't give me the judgment I rightfully deserve so I'll need to do it myself. I know it's not a good habit but it makes me feel better, besides, I heal fast. It's not a problem. I shiver as the itch grows worse. Welp, time for a trip to the Nightmare Realm to tear myself apart until I feel better.  
  
It's what I deserve.  
  
Something as awful as me shouldn't be allowed to get off Scott free for his crimes. I need to hurt. I need to be smashed apart. I need to bleed.  
  
I ignore the small voice that says I was just finding an excuse to hurt myself because it feels good.  
  
\---  
  
It shouldn't be normal to feel refreshed after tearing my bricks open and leaking my energy out into the Nightmare Realm. It shouldn't be, but it was.  
  
I felt so much lighter and calmer. At first I was worried about my growing addiction to self harm but it's not like it leaves any permanent damage and it feels great! I've gotten it down to an art form where it doesn't even hurt in the bad way. Ax's avatar gives me sad looks, somehow he can always tell when I've bled myself out. I know he doesn't approve but he sees how much it calms me and allows it, within reason.  
  
He actually made a few ground rules for my sessions. I can't hurt myself more than once per century. I have to go stay with him for a few weeks after every session so he can make sure I'm ok. Then there was the last rule which was somewhat embarrassing. I wasn't allowed to masturbate while in pain. Ax insisted that I should not allow those two things to become synonymous in my head. Something about awful habits down the line. I mean, I have never done that and I have no desire to but Ax made it a Rule anyway.  
  
Do the other Bills do that? The ones who were capable of sexual stimulation at least? Did the other AXOLOTL have to watch that with their Bills? Um...yeah, I can see why dad doesn't want me to turn out like them. Frankly, Ax doesn't want me hurting myself at all but I couldn't help it...  
  
I get to alleviate the guilt I feel while also feeling good. Two birds, one sharp rock driven deeply into my plane until my bricks crack open and dear lord it hurts so much. It was more efficient than angsting to myself for months or years. This way, if I'm upset, I can scream and stab myself until I feel better. It takes barely 10 minutes. Way more efficient. Ax says I really need a therapist.  
  
He's not wrong.  
  
I didn't want to dump this on Jessie though so I haven't really spoken to her about it. I guess I was embarrassed by my guilty pleasure. Regardless though, I've successfully calmed myself so I should be good to go on helping Pynelope find a date.  
  
\---  
  
"Why are you here?" Pynelope sighs. I shrugged, wearing Yun's form as I walked beside her and Pyrone through the halls of the school. "I know you wanted me invisible and stuff but like...it's been so long since I've been to school. Kinda curious if anything's changed since Keyhole graduated."  
  
"Won't you get in trouble if the teachers realize you're not a student?" Pynelope asks. I laugh. "Naw~I'm wearing a perception filter." I raise one of my hands to show the bracelet. "People can see me but they don't pay attention unless I talk to them first."  
  
Pyrone laughs. "That sounds cool actually." He was gonna say more but Beez comes up and Pyrone lights up. "Hey Beez!" The two chat happily. Pyrone waves bye to me and Pynelope as he heads off to his homeroom. I wave cheerfully. "I'm glad he found friends."  
  
Pynelope smiles. "Me too."  
  
We went through the day checking out boys and girls and everything else in our search for a date. It sounds weird when I put it like that...  
  
We made a list of people who were acceptable (ie, decent people) and Pynelope asked them out. Most seemed too afraid to accept or accepted because they were afraid. A few only considered it after Pynelope explained that this was only so she could enter the contest. Considered and ultimately turned her down.  
  
She snarled in frustration and kicked the table we were sitting at during lunch. I quickly fixed the dents. So many dents. "Why is this so HARD?!" She screeches. I tut in disapproval "You really have Ronica's temper."  
  
"Shove it, I'm allowed to be mad! This is ridiculous! No one in this stupid school is willing to go to the dance with me."  
  
I considered it before asking gently "You haven't asked Beez."  
  
"Who?" She asks.  
  
I face palm. That poor kid really is ignored by everyone huh? "Pyrone's friend? You saw him this morning?"  
  
It takes a few seconds for recognition to hit her. "Oh! That guy." She pouts "But he's so...unremarkable and forgettable. How am I supposed to win with HIM as my date?"  
  
"Well wouldn't that just be the ultimate test of your abilities?" I grinned "Or are you not confidant you can win despite the odds?"  
  
Her competitive side reared its head and she growled. "I can win no matter WHO my partner is!" I clapped delightfully. Pynelope gets up from the lunch table we were sitting at, determination etched on her features. "Alright! Time to go find Beez and convince him to be my date for the dance!"  
  
"...you DO know he's been sitting here this whole time right?" I asked as I looked to my left at where the timid demon was whimpering with his ears drooped down. That was when Pyrone came back carrying the lunch trays, having offered to get food for us.  
  
"Guys! They have pizzta today~" he sings cheerfully before taking in the sight of his sister groaning and me giving Beez a comforting pat on the back as he made sad puppy noises. "Did I miss something?" He asks.  
  
\---  
  
Despite the issues, Beez DID in fact take Pynelope up on her offer. He wanted to win too "Maybe **then** people will notice me!" And the two were off discussing battle strategies. Pyrone sat beside me and sighed. "I don't see why this is so important."  
  
"Well they want to prove something to both themselves and the rest of your school." I sipped on my juice pack with a slurping sound. "Are you gonna go to the dance?" I asked him.  
  
He nods. "I invited Flora to come with me as a friend. She seemed thrilled. Bibbity isn't coming, apparently their homework is having a festival on that day."  
  
I sighed. "I wish I could go. But ThermalPack forbid me from sneaking in..."  
  
Pyrone rolls his eye. "Like that's gonna stop you? Come on B-Yun, I've known you my whole life and if there is one thing I know, you're stubborn and pushy. If you really wanted to come there's nothing that can stop you." He finished his can of void cola and crushed it against his head before tossing it behind him into the recycle bin without looking.  
  
Beez's eyes were practically sparkling as he watched the can land inside the bin with a clatter. "You're sooo cool!!!" He squeals. Pyrone shrugs. "Bill makes me an' Pynelope do precision and combat training every year ever since we were almost kidnapped as children. I can shoot the eyes off a Centifup at 10 meters while blindfolded."  
  
Beez continued fanboying and I giggled at the look on his face. Such a sweet child. A quick glance at Pynelope showed she had a note-screen out and was writing down a training regime to put Beez through in preparation for the dance. "Hey Bi-Yun? Can Beez come over to our place and use our training rooms?"  
  
"Sure." I finished off my lunch and started gathering trays, stacking them neatly before carrying them off to the Return Tray window. Along the way I readjusted the other trays that the students stacked haphazardly, sliding them around so everything was neat. When I began fixing the napkin dispensers as well, Pynelope dragged me away. "Stop cleaning. We have janitors for that."  
  
"But...but..." I whined as she pulls me away. I wave good bye sadly to the mess and allowed her to drag me back to class.  
  
\---  
  
Inviting Beez over to the Death Star was easy. Getting him to actually come over was the hard part.  
  
"S-so Bill Cipher won't...like...threaten me or twist my arms backward right?" He whimpers.  
  
I was back in my triangle form and invisible as I followed them. Pyrone laughs. "No way. Bill actually likes you. You'll be fine. Now come on, my sis says she wants to know how well you dance."  
  
I left them to their thing and decided to make some snacks for them. Nothing calms people down like delicious treats after all. I materialized back into the visible spectrum in the kitchen and set to work on making shumai. I hummed happily to myself as I ground up the meat and veggies into a paste for stuffing the wontons with.  
  
My bowtie chose that moment to buzz and I groaned in annoyance before absently splitting myself in half and sending the other me to go deal with that. I went back to my cooking while I went to meet with my client.  
  
That's when I received an alert from one of Xin's shrines. I focused my gaze on it to see my worshipers begging for my assistance. Their planet was being invaded by some large insect-like creatures from space. Well fuck I need to deal with this too. I can't let planet F4R-m fall. I've worked _way_ too hard helping them grow enough crops to support their galaxy. The trade routes alone took me centuries to establish!  
  
Not to mention that entire sector would starve without the high output of food F4R-m produces (with my help of course!)  
  
I split myself again, sending Xin onto the planet in full angry god mode, thunder and lighting striking down any enemy ships in sight.  
  
  
  
I refuse to lose the planet I cultivated rice on! It took so long for me to manipulate the genomes of their grass and grain plants to make rice! My hard work finally paid off so I could buy rice in stores!  
  
Do you have any idea how _tedious_ it is to create rice **manually**?! There are so many kernels. So many!  
  
Xin snarls as he swipes a hand through the air, the wind shifting with his motion to down another spacecraft. Try and invade MY garden will you?! I can feel the Awe pouring off Xin's worshippers as they cheered. It certainly felt nice to be appreciated.  
  
Meanwhile, far away on the other side of the universe, Bill was listening to a Pladibear smuggler ask for information on the Federation patrol ships in the area she was trying to sneak her cargo through. "Look, these are genuine painite gems! I went through a LOT to get them and I won't be caught now!" She curled her tail around the briefcase as her many eyes dart around suspiciously.  
  
I roll mine in annoyance. "I get it. Well this is simple enough. I know the Federation patrol schedule like the back of your head."  
  
She blinks her eyes non-synched in confusion. "Don't you mean the back of your hand?"  
  
I laugh in her face. "No. No I didn't." I wave my hand and materialize a star chart to distract her from the subject. "Now I've got all the routes organized by time, date and even CREW for each patrol ship that's assigned to this quadrant of the FiOS-system..."  
  
She lunges for the map, I easily move it out of her reach. "...but the question remains, what'll you give me in return?"  
  
She snarls as many of her eyes turn red and begin whining like a charging laser weapon, which was what they were. "Or I could just TAKE it from you."  
  
"Trust me, neither of us are gonna be happy with that outcome and I can PROMISE that this'll hurt you more than it'll hurt me."  
  
"You can't have any of my jewels!" She clutches the bag possessively. I sigh. "Lady, I don't want them. What would I even do with some shiny rocks? No, I want something more precious." I considered what I could ask her for in return. I couldn't really think of anything at the moment so on a whim I joked and said "Like 15 years off your total lifespan, or your first born child or something like that~"  
  
"First born child! Got it! Deal!" She cries out and grabs my hand.  
  
"Wait what?!" I couldn't stop my powers from reacting as my flame flares down my arm and I felt the Deal settle inside me. She snatches the map from my limp fingers and eagerly opens it to begin reading through, tracing the routes with a flipper and muttering to herself. I blink incredulously.  
  
"Did you just?!"  
  
The Bill back home on the Death Star face palmed. "Fuck."  
  
Xin paused in the middle of electrocuting another ship. "Seriously?!"  
  
"What? I've got plenty of kids. Not sure which one's my first born, just grab whichever one you want." The smuggler says absently as she draws out which would be the best path. I narrow my eye at her. "Do you seriously not care? I'm going to take one of your children."  
  
"One less mouth to feed." She replies simply.  
  
"What if I eat them?" I threaten quietly.  
  
She remained unmoved. "Do what you want. They're yours now."  
  
I barely held myself back from stabbing half her eyes out. Instead I turn and Blink away to her home, a small apartment in the slums of Jeng-82 to claim my payment. Well if she doesn't want her kid then fuck her. It's not the first I've seen of parents abandoning their young, in fact it's depressingly common.  
  
But her flippant attitude pissed me off. You know what? I'm GLAD I get her kid. She obviously doesn't give a fuck about them. I appear in the dirty, dark apartment. If she makes it to her fence and sells off those gems she would be able to afford a better place. I can understand that much. But STILL!  
  
I hear frightened squeaks as a dozen small round aliens waddle away quickly and hid themselves. I sighed and scanned to see which was the first born. "Eenie meenie miney YOU!" And snatched up the one trying unsuccessfully to hide behind the couch. It squeals in fear. My hard gaze softens and I adjust my hold to be more gentle.  
  
"Shh~shh~it's ok. I'm not gonna hurt you." I send out calming waves until it settles down and stares at me, wary but no longer afraid. "W-what are you gonna do to me?" It whimpers.  
  
"Funny story, your mother just sold you to me in exchange for some information. Not all that important. The point is that you kinda belong to me now so I'm _surprise adopting_ you."  
  
The pladibear looked so confused but I tucked it under my arm and Blinked home. The Bill in the kitchen folding the wontons into dumplings made an annoyed sound. "I can't believe you surprise adopted another person. Pyronica's gonna be pissed."  
  
"It's not my fault! I didn't think that crazy bitch would take me up on my joke!" Other Bill complains while placing our newest child onto a stool. "Hey kid, what's your name?"  
  
  
  
"Quackers..." The kid says quietly, staring back and forth at the two Mes in confusion. We fuse back together and I sigh. Well, I should probably break the news to the rest of the family. Xin was almost done taking down the invaders. Their smoldering ships littered the ground, 'miraculously' falling to areas where they didn't harm any people or farmland.  
  
Xin dusted off his hands and floated down to the ground, the rainstorm clearing back into a sunny sky as he floats a few feet off the ground. (I don't have shoes and I really don't want to step on the mud). My worshippers were bowing before me.  
  
One of them looked up "Oh great nature god, we thank you for your help. Is there anything we can give you in thanks?"  
  
I smile benevolently. "All I wish for, is the growth of life. Tend to your crops. Tend to your families. Prosper. That is all I wish for." The people gaze at me in awe and to be honest, it feels WONDERFUL when people do that. My worshipers as Xin, my fans as Jan, I loved this feeling and I don't want to give it up.  
  
I blinked away from there feeling happy and satisfied. Sure I probably murdered a whole bunch of the invasion force and the few who survived were probably gonna be killed by my worshippers but whatever. I shift, while in-between dimensions, back into my Bill form and appear in front of Pyronica, 8-Ball and Hectorgon out shopping.  
  
"Oh! Hey Bill, what's up?" Pyronica asks. Hectorgon wanted some new electronics and had brought 8-Ball and Pyronica to help him carry it all. I flick my bowtie nervously. "Ok...how would you feel if I said that I may have sort of surpriseadoptedanotherchild?"  
  
They stared at me. "Wut?" 8-Ball scratches his head.  
  
Pyronica sighs. "Did you find another friend?"  
  
I twiddled my fingers "Actually no. I was on a Deal and um...my client gave me her firstborn as payment..."  
  
Hectorgon's jaw dropped and 8-Ball gasps in horror. "She gave you her kid?! That's not cool man!" 8-Ball says sadly. I nod "Unfortunately, she shook my hand before I could refuse." I groan. "So I took Quackers and they're currently with another Me in the kitchen while I prepare snacks and dinner."  
  
Pyronica was rubbing around her eye. "Well...I guess it can't be helped if it was a price from a Deal. What kind of kid is it? How young?"  
  
"They're a pladibear. Around 20 standard galactic years old, barely out of its hatching stage." I explained as I floated along with my friends while they continued shopping. Hectorgon rubs his chin. "I suppose this means we will be raising another kid then."  
  
"I'm sorry for dumping this on you all..." I apologized guiltily. Pyronica scoffs. "It's fine. You like kids. I'm sure you would have surprised adopted some other random kid at some point anyway."  
  
"You're...taking this better than I thought you would." I point out. Pyronica and Hectorgon both shrug. "The twins are growing up, I'm not surprised that you want another child to baby. You really like doing that."  
  
"No I don't!" I protest weakly.  
  
"You like taking care of people. With Kryptos and Keyhole all grown up and the twins being teenagers, you crave another project. Another child to raise and smother with your affections." Hectorgon analyzed.  
  
"Don't psychoanalyze me!!!"  
  
"But it's true..." 8-Ball shrugs. "You have too much love inside you and you give it to anyone and everyone no matter who they are."  
  
"Ew, that sounds gross." I cringe. "And that's not true at all."  
  
The deadpan look they all give me was kinda annoying. "Bill. Name one person you hate." Hectorgon says calmly.  
  
"Time Baby." I reply automatically.  
  
Pyronica scoffs. "The same Time Baby you sent a gift to during Crimbo?"  
  
"W-well it's Crimbo! You're supposed to give presents during that day..." I protest weakly. "And it was a bib! I was making fun of him for still being unable to eat without making a mess all over himself!" He wasn't 3 billion years old anymore, why is he still such a slob?  
  
8-Ball laughs. "I'm not that smart but even I can tell you don't really hate him. You get mad at him, and you don't like him much, but you don't HATE Time Baby. Not really. Not in the way that matters.” He scratches his hairy shoulders as he creased his face in thought. "I don't think you truly hate anyone."  
  
I flushed orange. "T-that's not true! I DO hate him! I hate his big fat face!"  
  
Pyronica gave me an unimpressed face. "Well, aside from Time Baby, whom you 'definitely' hate, who else do you hate?" She makes the air quotes while rolling her eye.  
  
I opened my metaphysical mouth to respond and realized I couldn't think of anyone off the tip of my head. I frowned and thought heavily, trying to think of who I might be forgetting. "Um..."  
  
They waited for me patiently. I thought of plenty of people I claimed to hate, the poachers who tore Xanthar's family apart, the people who try to hurt my family, that telemarketer who keeps calling me about my life insurance...I do hate them but I don't HATE them. Not really. I'm annoyed and angered by them but it's not...  
  
I blink in confusion.  
  
"I..." I vibrate in agitation. "I don't know?"  
  
Hectorgon gives me a comforting smile. "You don't TRULY hate anyone. You're...too kind for that. Sure there are plenty of people you hurt or kill but you always have a reason. And half the time you’re just striking out emotionally without really thinking. That's anger. Hate is a long term thing and you're incapable of that.” He tugs gently on my leg until I float down so he could pat my side. "It's not a bad thing. It means that under all that destruction and chaotic fury, you're a good person."  
  
"But I'm not..." I whisper. Why do my friends keep saying I am? I know for a fact I'm a _terrible_ person. I'm only nice to them because they're my friends. I'm only nice to people for my own reasons, not because I'm altruistic. I've killed countless innocents for their sake. For the sake of my Favors from Time Baby. I can't be a good person if I'm willing to sacrifice entire planets just to selfishly keep a small group of people trapped by my side forever.  
  
I shake my head. "You're wrong. I'm not a good person." Please stop telling me I am. Please stop pretending that a small act of kindness here or there would ever cancel out or justify all the horrible things I've done. Having my friends believe I'm a good person just makes me feel worse about my crimes.  
  
I think Hectorgon could see my growing distress with this line of conversation "Bill..." He opened his mouth, to attempt more reassurances? To try and convince me that his limited understanding was correct? I flicker red "No. Shut up. We're dropping this subject like a moon from orbit."  
  
He closed his mouth with a snap. They all tensed until my bricks faded back to yellow. "We have a new kid now. End of story. I just came to let you know." I say firmly before Blinking away. I needed some Me time on Earth to calm down. The Me who was still cooking agreed with my decision.  
  
\---

Splitting myself for long periods of time always felt weird. I can't seem to get used to it no matter what I do. One Me was at home, another Me on Earth trying not to spiral into an angst hole and I split off a 3rd Me to the Nightmare Realm as Jan to work on something I've been meaning to do for the longest time.

Write my own song.

I've always sang covers of songs I like. Wouldn't it be nice to have my own work as well? It's not like I can't write my own songs. I made up little ditties all the time, plus I actually know how to play an instrument now.

I've gotten good at compartmentalizing so while the Me on Earth dealt with my frustration, Jan was free to play around without a care, or rather, channel my frustration into something less problematic. Once we recombine with each other I'll have to deal with my issues but for now I played with the piano and tried to see if anything sticks out to me.

 _"Why do cheerios stick to each other~they float in my cereal bowl~"_ I sang before laughing.

_"If you see a cat you pet it~if you see a dog you pet it~but don't pet a porcupine because that hurts~"_

I was cut off by my laptop alerting me to someone entering the chat room. I got up off the piano and made my way over.

**[DapperCornChip] has joined the chat**

**Student:** Guys? I have an important question.

 **DapperCornChip:** What's up?

 **Student:** you've said before that Japan doesn't exist yet but what exactly does that mean?

 **DapperCornChip:** well the earth is still populated by dinosaurs

 **Student:** well fuck

 **Student:** I was afraid of that. I knew the BBS goes through dimensions and time bit I didn't realize just what that meant until now

 **DapperCornChip:** but what's wrong with that?

 **Student:** Why does that Jan guy know songs from my world?

 **JanLover35:** wwwwhat do you mean?

 **Student:** It was one thing for him to know my language bit he knows the actual songs from my homeland

  **JanLover35:**  tthat does. Kind of sssubd suspicious

 **DapperCornChip:**  its just a coincidence. I mean infinite realities amirite?

 **JanLover35:**  Jan said in an iiiintervreiw that his songs aaaaare from his honewoeld that apparently disallesr ed or sonethibg?

 **DapperCornChip:**  itS a coincidence

 **Student:**  IS it? I've looked up all of his songs and they all match up

 **Student:**  *Illuminati music plays*

 **DapperCornChip:**  look this isnt importabt. Ok?! So what if his world happened to have the same songs as urs

 **Student:**  What if Jan is from my world and got sent back in time?!

 **Student:**  is what I would say but even though he looks mostly human, humans like me don't have 4 arms and we cant shoot fire from our hands

 **JanLover35:**  aaaactually I'm from the gfutures and I'm human but eeeeven in my time we don't have 4 arms and stuff

 **DapperCornChip:**  I think you both need to stop this train of thought NOW

 **JanLover35:**  Oooh my glob! Jan-Jan uses gene mods!!!

 **DapperCornChip:**  ......yes. That is definitely it....

 **Student:**  gene mods?

 **JanLover35:**  DNA cccchanging medical treatments. They're all the rage out in the multiverse. Oh my glob if Jan-Jan wwwwas a hhhuman from earth twho accidentally got sent back in time and was forced to tttake ggene mods to survive in space?!

 **DapperCornChip:**  ......yes. That is definitely it....

 **DapperCornChip:**  maybe we should keep quiet about this knowledge

 **JanLover35:**  ahhhhh!!!!

 **DapperCornChip:**  welp. I think lover's broken

 I sighed and leaned back in my chair. Well. Looks like here's an annoying sort of truth revealed. They were correct and yet, so very wrong in their assumptions. I am a human from earth who was sent back in time to another dimension.

I may not use gene mods but considering I'm a shapeshifter? Yeah...technically accurate. The question now is, what does this mean for me? I'm unsure what the backlash would be if people 'found out' I used gene mods. It's not like it was very looked down on...gene mods for survival's sake was common after all.

But body mods? I didn't know how the public might react to this. What if they start to get suspicious about me?

 **DapperCornChip:**  seriously though. Don't speak a word of this.

 **Student:** why? I mean, I have no access to you guys except though the chat boards but...

 **DapperCornChip:**  it might cause issues. Please don't talk about this. Or mention it.

 **Student:**  .....are you Jan?

 **DapperCornChip:**  where did that ridiculous notion cone from? I just don't want people treating him differently if they knew he was from a different time period

 **JanLover35:**  oh no oh no oh no if Jan-Jan is from a different tine I'm supposed to report him! Aaaaaand then they'll send him home or kill him oooorr I don't know?!?! Ahhhh!!!

 **DapperCornChip:**  crazy idea. You don't report him. I mean if Time Baby hasn't raised a stink over this then theres no problem amirite?!?

  **Student:**  Wait kill?! Wtf is happening where you are?!

 **DapperCornChip:**  an oppressive government centered around the selfish whims of a giant infant that controls time. No biggie

 **JanLover35:**  aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!

 **Student:**  geez I'm sorry I brought this up

 **Student:**  hey like....if this Jan guy is really gonna die if people find out then I'm gonna keep my mouth shut

 **DapperCornChip:**  that would be best. What about you lover?

 **JanLover35:**  ahsfeiabdoeoa!?#&!

 **DapperCornChip:**  Dammit man pull yourself together!!

There was silence after that. I typed a few more lines of text but JanLover35 wasn't responding. Well fuck. I really hope he wasn't going to do something stupid like report me to the Time Anomaly Squad. I sat back in my chair with my hands arranged into a triangle shape over one eye.

JanLover35...who are you...

I flickered throughout the multiverse staring at everything and everyone. Watching. Searching. Found him.

I dropped my hands. JanLover35, or rather, a young Blendin Blandin. Still had all his hair too. I frowned. I couldn't kill him. How do I convince him to keep quiet? The last thing I need is to be arrested by the fucking Time Police and taken before Time Baby.

Would he recognize me?

I doubt it but it would still be obnoxious as fuck.

 Finally I shrugged. Why not? If all else fails, I can block Blendin's memories of this whole conversation. I Blinked away to right outside Blendin's apartment and ran the doorbell.

Perception filter on, anyone passing by on the streets wouldn't notice me but Blendin sure would. I folded my arms and tapped my foot impatiently. I KNOW he's in there. I rang the doorbell again. I drumed my fingers along my arm as I waited. Seriously dude? I even teleported outside instead of breaking into your house!

Finally I hear some shuffling sounds and a high pitched squealing voice "I-I-I'm coming! Geez!"

The door opens and I see him scrubching up his face in annoyance "W-what do you wa-"

He trails off in shock, staring at me. I lean in to wrap my hands around his shoulder. "Hey there. I believe there's something we need to discuss."

 

I open my mouth to speak again but he cuts me off with a high "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" before falling over into a faint. I face palm.

 Well. That happened.

I groaned and dragged his limb body back into his apartment and shut the door behind us. I wrinkled my nose at the mess. At least there weren't empty food containers lying around but clothes were strewn about on the chairs and ground. I toss Blendin onto a couch and start grabbing the dirty clothes, almost absently. Cleaning was just instinct by this point.

It was a small apartment. How much, or rather, how little was this kid being paid? I found his laundry room and put everything in to wash. As the machine whirled away I decided to check the rest of his apartment while I wait for him to wake up. It's not because I was most and wanted to look through his stuff or anything.

Blendin stirs awake to find me lounging on his dining room chair, flipping through some papers. "Welcome back to the land of the waking slept head~" I drawled as I placed the papers (legal documentation of his acceptance into the Time Anomaly and Removal Squad) back into a folder I had taken them out of. I say papers but they were actually holographic screens with his information on them.

He sits up quickly while stammering loudly. I flip the chair around so i can straddle it and peer at him while leaning over the back. "So~perhaps we can talk this time without you fainting on me?"

 "W-w-w-what are you doing here?! How d-D-did-"

"Shush now." I reach out to press my finger against his mouth. "Yes, I am Jan-Jan. Nice to meet you." I grinned. "Or rather, nice to meet you in person JanLover35~"

It's lucky that Blendin, despite being from the future in the 3rd Dimension, was living here in the past on the planet Time Baby had claimed as his home base. Damon time travellers at any rate.

"H-how do you know my handle?!" He screeches. I sigh. "Look, none of that is important. What IS important is that you have nothing to worry about." I get up off my chair and saunter over to sit on the arm of the couch, leaning in to smile sweetly at him. Blendin had turned bright red by this point, making soinds with his mouth that weren't even words anymore.

"I read through your terms of contract with the Anomaly Squad. You dont have to turn me in or do anything at all." I reach out to poke his nose. "Since none of the alerts were set off by me being here, as well as how I've been around for QUITE a while with no issues, I'm sure you can tell that I haven't broken any time laws."

 "B-but why are you HERE?! How-" he stutters.

"Not important. I read through anything that people write about me online. I saw your conversation and decided to come and clear some things with you before you accidentally get me arrested." I shrug. I have not spoken any lies here. I really do try to read through anything people write about me. Mainly because they were both flattering and hilarious.

He still looks too surprised to react so I pat his cheek. "Hello~? You in there? Well, no matter, just came to tell you to keep quiet and don't report me to your boss."

I turn to leave but he finds his words again and waves his arms. "But a-a-are you...a human?" He stares at me, examining me and blushing as he suddenly realized he was getting to see THE Space Idol Jan-Jan up close in person.

I pause. "Would it matter if I were human or not? Would it matter if this was my true appearance or not?" I asked quietly.

He goes quiet as well. I don't turn to look at him so I don't know what expression he's making but finally he sighs.

"I guess...it doesn't matter. Your music is what I love about your shows. The fire is cool too and..." He trails off. I turn slightly to look over my shoulder at him. He was rubbing his head with a sheepish look. "The idea that you might be a human is...kinda cool..."

"Regardless, do you understand why I want you to keep quiet about this?" I asked him. He stuttered before nodding. "Y-y-yeah I think so?"

I turned fully to smile at him gently. "Thank you."

He flushed. "H-how did you know where I lived anyway? How d-d-did you find me?"

I shrugged. "A friend told me where you were."

"A friend? How did y-y-y-your friend know where I lived?"

"He knows lots of things." I grin before Blinking away.

I'm sure he didn't notice the tiny triangle I burned into his ceiling. I'm gonna keep an EYE on this. Here's hoping my choice to let him go free with his memories intact doesn't come back to bite me.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Surprise adoptions count as having another kid right?
> 
> Also, been watching this channel and just drooling at the butchering techniques...  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r9Ndb6N_y0


	61. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've confessed a few more details of my past to my Friends...as always I don't correct their misunderstandings. The truth is simple far too embarrassing for me to admit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm changing my updates to be in the morning as opposed to midnight.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 56**  
  
**-Shake hands with yourself-**  
  
\---  
  
There have been multiple extinction events on Earth.  
  
It has frozen over, over heated, frozen again or just straight up opened huge fissures across the planet spewing out molten rock and what have you. And each time it has resulted in the deaths of nearly all life on the planet.  
  
In fact, there had been an extinction event right before the dinosaurs evolved, killing so many creatures that there was no competition to stop the dinosaurs from rising to power and becoming the dominant species on the planet for a few hundred million years.  
  
Impressive as it was, even that would come to an end. Multiple strings of bad luck hit the planet. Asteroid impact kicked up a lot of dust into the atmosphere. The heated explosion caused scorching flames to spread across the surface of the planet for miles and miles. The shock waves from that thing hitting the Earth caused tremors that fucked with the oceans and plates until there were earthquakes and floods. Volcanoes erupted. Everything fucked with every thing else into an awful chain reaction.  
  
Hell, even before the asteroid hit, the planet wasn't doing too good. This was just the icing on the cake. A cake of pure annihilation.  
  
Normally I get upset when I see an entire species die out. But this was a positive. The extinction of the dinosaurs simply means that I was getting ever closer to the dawn of humanity. Once all the dust settles and the sky is no longer clogged by smoke and soot, once this latest in global disasters settles down, the ancestor of the mammal race will take over, dethroning the dinosaurs for the spot of top dog on this little space rock.  
  
What survivors there are from the dinosaur line would become reptiles and birds.  
  
Aside from the major changes happening on the surface of the planet, the oceans remained pretty consistent despite it all. All the surface dwelling sealife were killed as the water up top began to boil. The deeper down you were, the less affected you were by the catastrophe happening up above. The only real change was the gradual shrinking of size. Those terrifying giant sharks were growing smaller as their size began to be an issue. It simply wasn't worth being so big when there weren't enough meals to support their huge biomass.  
  
On land the mammals profited from the disaster, small creatures surviving on what food was left as the large dinos fell, starved and unable to adapt quickly enough to the changing world around them. The small dinos changed and split into many different lines, the process of evolution specializing them into more and more unique species.  
  
As the Me on Earth spent millions of years watching the changing landscape, the Me that was Jan fused back together with the Me back home who proceeded to finish cooking. He/I decided to introduce the twins to their new younger sibling.  
  
\---  
  
Pynelope was trying to teach Beez how to dance when I floated in with Quackers waddling beside me and a large plate of food in my hands. "Hey kids. Snack time and also say hello to your new younger zisther."  
  
I like that standard galactic common actually had a word for non-binary siblings. Quakers wasn’t male or female yet, they choose one or the other once they were older. Pyrone looked over in confusion even as Beez froze in fear while in the middle of dipping Pynelope. Of course his sudden stop caused Pynelope to fall with a yelp. She never hit the ground as I materialized a large pillow under her. She still glared at Beez for dropping her.  
  
"Wha...." Pyrone trails off as he sees the round child in my arms. "Did you kidnap a kid?!"  
  
"It was a surprise adoption!" I corrected. Really, why do they have to say kidnapping? It's such an unpleasant word. "Pyrone, Pynelope, meet Quackers. They're gonna be living here now. I hope you all get along." I place my new child (I seemed to be doing fine on the outside even as I screamed frantically on the inside) on the ground. "Go on now Quackers, say hello to your new big brother and sister. Which reminds me, you need to meet your oldest brother Ammy too..."  
  
I put the food down and hang back, watching the kids inspect each other. So far so good. Pynelope finally smiles. "Well, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Welcome to the family I guess."  
  
I glance at Beez who was calming down, watching me warily. "Is this normal?" He whispers to Pyrone. The male Cyclopian shrugs. "Normal doesn't exist. Bill tends to do things pretty spur of the moment. I should tell you about that one time he decided to create a new species of tree that grows meat just 'cause he was tired of waiting in line for the butcher shop."  
  
Beez looked interested. "That sounds pretty cool actually."  
  
"It was actually pretty neat until the tree started budding and some seed pods escaped through the Teleporter and spread throughout the Vegan Dimension." Pyrone shrugs. "Apparently it caused everyone to have an existential crisis since it was a plant but it was also meat."  
  
"You have the coolest stories." Beez sighs.  
  
\---  
  
I got it in my head to provide music for Pynelope's dance lesson with Beez. Of course, the thing I chose was more just me messing around because I thought it would be funny. I held up a mic and tapped my foot. Another me was on a drum set tapping the sticks together. Yet another two Mes were on a bass and guitar.  
  
_"Can't you see it in my eye? I'm the one~ I'm the- ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"_ We sang together.  
  
_"I'm not like the other gods~"_ the me on the mic sang.  
  
_"We're not like anybody else..."_  
  
_"That's not completely right...there's a few that I'm just like~"_  
_"Ahh~ahh~"_  
  
_"Bill and the Bill Ciphers~we're gonna make you smile~”_  
I made the materialized spotlights wave around.  
  
_“Me, myself and I and him~are all the same god~"_  
_"Ahh~ahh~"_  
  
_"Bill and the Bill Ciphers~come on now don't be shy~me, myself and I and him~"_  
  
_"That's ME!"_ The one on the drums cheered happily.  
  
_"Are all the same god~"_  
  
The kids had stopped dancing to stare at me/us incredulously. Quackers munched on a some crackers quietly. "So...this is what I should expect from now on?" Ze asked zir new big brother as ze sat in his lap. Pyrone nods solemnly. "It is a hard life, but if you manage to survive, it is a rewarding one."  
  
Pynelope groans. "Bill! Please put on NORMAL music and LEAVE! It's too embarrassing to practice while you're here." I pout but she kept glaring until I slump in defeat. Ammy, who had come in earlier to meet his newest younger sibling, patted me on the back. "Aren't you glad I never went through a teenage phase?" He says cheerfully.  
  
"I thank Ax everyday that you popped out of the ground as a non-child, yes."  
  
"Well, I'm sure you can go do something more important and leave Nelope to her practice. Don't worry. I'll watch the kids in your place." Ammy assures me as he gently pushes me out the door. I sigh but conceded his point.  
  
As the door closed behind me, I decided to put my efforts into finding some loophole to sneak into the dance. PaciFire walks past me in the hall and frowns at the look in my eye. "Whatever crazy scheme you're thinking of, please wait for me to leave the vicinity before you pull it off." Was his only complaint before he hurried off.  
  
I wasn't paying attention, too busy thinking. I know Pynelope didn't want me going...I'm not a student at her school after all so it would be weird if I showed up disguised as one.  
  
Wait. I was going about it all wrong.  
  
There was no need to pretend to be a student. There was a much simpler solution. In fact, it was something I had been considering for a while anyway. I just needed to talk to Ivanlock. He would probably be thrilled about this...  
  
\---  
  
"So? How goes practice?" I asked many hours later as I served dinner. Beez was sitting awkwardly at the table, unsure if he was really allowed to be here but I insisted on feeding him. "You're too skinny under that fur! Stay and eat." I had fussed. Quackers was adapting better than I thought to being my new child. They told me that it was really nice here, there was food available whenever zey were hungry and zey liked playing with zir new siblings.  
  
Ammy liked that he could play with Quackers without being torn apart and eaten. 8-Ball was also thrilled to meet Quackers. He and my new child had fun doing piggyback rides. I've been unsure how to feel about having a new child all of a sudden.  
  
  
  
So I guess...I have another kid now. Shit, am I gonna have to do the whole school system thing all over again?! I continue panicking internally as I set out the food. Tonight I made fish, fried rice and veggies. Beez appeared confused at how domestic it all was.  
  
"I always thought Bill fed you the bodies of his victims." Beez says quietly. Pyrone snorts into his fish. "Only SOMETIMES."  
  
Quackers swallows zis fish and sighs. "I'm not sure who you people are but if I can get a nice house with food and nice people then I don't mind."  
  
"Where did Bill find you anyway?" Keyhole wonders, having just been introduced to our newest housemate as he came in for dinner. Quackers shovels some rice in zer mouth before answering. "Apparently my mother sold me to him in exchange for something?" They were very articulate for their age.  
  
Everyone stares at me. I wince. "I joked about getting a first born child as the price and the crazy woman took me up on it." Everyone groans. "Your customers are insane Bill."  
  
"They have to be a little nuts to want to summon me." I shrug.  
  
"So...who ARE you anyway?" Quackers asked. I slapped a hand to my top corner. "I forgot to introduce MYSELF!" I turn pitch black with iridescent light glimmering from inside me and spread my arms out with my summoning circle displayed proudly behind me. "I am Bill Cipher, the god of Knowledge, Chaos and Nightmares." My friends roll their collective eyes at my theatrics. Beez cowers in awe. Quackers stares at me with wide eyes.  
  
I turn back to normal and flick my bowtie "But you can call me Bill."  
  
"Oh." Quackers blinks zis eyes. "Neat."  
  
I giggle so hard I fall off my stool.  
  
(A/N: Just gonna say here that my auto-correct keeps changing the gender neutral pronouns into her or his, I try to catch them but if I miss a few please don’t hold it against me.)  
  
\---  
  
Pynelope wanted to show up to the dance in a fancy car. I refused. I wanted to have her pull up to the dance in a fancy princess carriage that I make out of a pumpkin. She said I was crazy.  
  
"Let me live out my fairy godmother dreams!!!" I wail.  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Pynelope deadpans. I sat the whole family down to watch Aschenputtel (apparently future Earth's version of Cinderella, sometimes I can find movies and shows from my 1st life and sometimes I can only find the weird versions from this world). At the end of it my friends were more confused about humans than ever. "So humans have these...magical fey ladies who transform things into other things?" PaciFire asks.  
  
I groan. "This is a cartoon. It's not real." I explained.  
  
Yes, I do realize the inherent irony in that statement.  
  
"Look, these are movies, they're stories. Humans like to make up shit all the time." I explain. "So they don't ACTUALLY have Fey guardians...maybe?" Now I was wondering if GF had stuff like that. I know Fairies exist but did they ever take up a protective role for some humans?  
  
I disregarded this thought for now. I turned to Pynelope with wide sparkling eyes. "So CAN I make you a crystal carriage pulled by Pegasus??”  
  
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever seen and I won't be caught dead inside one of those shiny things." Was her reply.  
  
I collapsed to the ground and whined. "But...but I wanna make you a sparkly princess dress and everything!"  
  
"I REFUSE to wear a frilly dress like that." She responds simply. I turn my teary gaze onto Kryptos who immediately pales "No Bill! You are NOT putting me in another dress!"  
  
"It's not like you don't secretly enjoy it..." I grumbled. He flushed dark indigo and buries his face in his hands. "N-no I don't!" He protests weakly. I turned my gaze to my other friends. "Can I put any of you in a dress?" Teeth laughs "I doubt it'd look good on me."  
  
"Are you sure we can't have a car? I don't want to ride a pumpkin to the dance." Pynelope tries to get us back on track, annoyed at the sparkly dress I was attempting to build around Teeth's stumpy body. Ammy absently comments "Bill? Do you have something against cars?"  
  
They weren't particularly interested in this subject until they noticed my silence. Keyhole groans "Really?! You've got trauma with cars too??"  
  
"I'm 557 billion years old! I've SEEN some shit!" I whined. Quackers tugged on my leg. "What's a car?"  
  
"It's a land based vehicle on wheels. Like...a ship that can't fly." Keyhole explained to the pladibear. Hectorgon was motioning for me to sit down with him. "Lets get this out of the way, Bill, why don't you like cars?"  
  
I considered just brushing the subject off but the stern worried parent™ look Hectorgon was giving me made it difficult. I sighed. "I died in a car crash."  
  
"Died?!"  
  
"My physical body was destroyed in a horrible fiery accident and I did not enjoy it." I snapped. It still hurt to think about. I know a car accident now wouldn't really hurt me but I was still...uncomfortable.  
  
"Must have been a pretty bad accident, if it managed to destroy you..." Keyhole whimpers just imagining what might have happened.  
  
I shrug, not really clarifying, it wasn’t important in the long run. It happened. It scared me. I was mildly traumatized. Moving on.  
  
"Ok. No cars. But is there any other way I can arrive at the dance in style?" Pynelope sighs. Hectorgon shushed her. "This is more important.” He turns back to me. “Bill.  Are there any other things that make you uncomfortable or scared?"  
  
"I'm not scared!" I accidentally hug Quackers to my bricks. The pladibear pats my hand with a flipper comfortingly. "I'm scared of rubber duckies." Quackers chirped to try and make me feel better. Hectorgon frowns at my new child. "...ok...we'll address that later..." He turns back to me again. "Bill, your sister sent me a letter a few decades back and told me that as the 'mentally' eldest in this household, I was in charge of looking after you."  
  
"I don't need looking after! I am an adult!" I whined, kicking my legs. The unimpressed look the polysphere sent me would have been pretty funny if it wasn’t directed at me.  
  
"I have noticed this over all the years I've known you, your maturity level seems to oscillate between that of an adult and that of a child. Almost as if there are two sides to your mental and emotional state."  
  
"Three." I correct absently. Teeth made a snort of amusement before Hectorgon's glare shut him up.  
  
"Be that as it may, you rotate through your different mental states constantly. It is worrying."  
  
I stare at them incredulously. Have they...not noticed? After all these years? "Hec, I'm insane." I state plainly.  
  
“Yes Bill we know~“ He sounded like he would be rolling his eyes if he had any. “This is not the time for your jokes-“  
  
"I'm not joking. I am literally insane. Nuts. Mad. Kooky. Bonkers. An egg thrown into a blender and then hung out to dry."  
  
"That doesn't make sense..." 8-Ball points out.  
  
"It's not supposed to! I am crazy. Insanity is defined by being mentally ill and I am SICK."  
  
"But...you still do stuff! And you're really smart..." 8-Ball looked confused. I roll my eye. "Being insane doesn't mean I'm invalid. I can get plenty of work done despite being broken or the constant voices in my head."  
  
"You have voices in your head?" Pyronica asks.  
  
_"But the loudest one is MINE~"_ I sang happily. "Seriously though, I've got this one that keeps telling me to rip people's entrails out CONSTANTLY and I just ignore it. There's also another one that just lists off all the reasons the universe would be a better place if I replaced every Carbon atom with an entire fish..." I paused for a second. “Fish~” I purred.  
  
They give me a worried look. "Exactly how long have you been hearing these voices?"  
  
"Like...since forever? And new ones get added every few thousand years. One of the first things I learned to do was ignore them all. There's a faint cacophony of screaming in my head but it's kinda like background noise now. Besides, the voices aren’t even my MAIN issue.” I say cheerfully. As a plus, I CAN get rid of voices by bleeding them away into the Nightmare Realm where they turn into horrifying Nightmares. I discovered that a little before the twins were born. Dunno why that happens but it was so nice to feel them leave my mind and ooze their way into physicality~ Hm....yeah...the Nightmare Realm is getting pretty dangerous now…frankly it was a miracle I was there when the Stans were spat out. Don’t wanna think about what might have happened to them if I wasn’t there.  
  
They did not seem to find it as funny as I did. Xanthar picks me up into a hug. I feel his worry. "It's fine really! I've been like this since the beginning and the fact that none of you noticed means I've got it under control, so what if I get a little unhinged and erratic sometimes?"  
  
Xanthar hugs me harder until I struggled and he loosened his hold, but didn’t ‘feel’ any less worried. Teeth looked guilty. "I feel bad we never noticed..."  
  
"What? I never hid it. I straight up tell people I'm crazy."  
  
They look away. "We always thought you were joking." Kryptos mumbled. I didn't like how sad everyone was getting. "Hey. It's not a big deal! I'm well adjusted(ish) and happy! Ax even says I've been getting better."  
  
Whether or not I'll break again in the future is another story.  
  
Pynelope didn't ask about cars after that.  
  
\---  
  
**Pynelope POV**  
  
So mom and uncle Hec ended up dropping me, Pyrone and Beez at the dance. Uncle Hex rented a long car. Mom and my brother were worried about Bill, we all were. How did we never notice? Why doesn't he tell us these things unless we ask? Does he really not think it's important?  
  
He worries for US all the time and never lets us know when there’s something wrong with him. Mom says it’s because he’s an idiot. Uncle Hec claims it’s because Bill doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Uncle Teeth says that Bill likes to ignore his own issues. Keyhole-Gohgo says maybe Bill was afraid to tell us because every time we learn more about Bill, we get sad.  
  
I hold Beez's paws as we walk through the perception filter. I can worry over what other secrets Bill has been unintentionally keeping from us later. I have a contest to win. The music hadn't started yet. I'm surprised when I see the DJ my school managed to hire for the event.  
  
C-3-lhu, real name Cthulhu, was one of the most popular DJs in the galactic dance scene.  
  
  
  
I've been to his concerts. He's particularly well known for remixing songs by Space Idol Jan-Jan. In one of his interviews, he expressed how Jan was his muse. Bill was bouncing off the walls for hours after seeing that on the news. When Ammy-Gohgo asked why, Bill said that he loved C-3-lhu's remixes. Something about them being Living Tombstone-esque?  
  
With this knowledge in mind, I shouldn't have been surprised to see Jan-Jan chatting with the DJ up on stage. Of COURSE Bill found a way to get his sneaky ass self into the dance. Pyrone and his date, a nice girl he introduced as Flora, had already split from us and Pyrone was grumbling about the situation. He caught my eye from across the room and shrugged. I know he realized what Bill had done too.  
  
I can't even muster up the energy to be mad. A live crossover performance with C-3-lhu AND Jan-Jan? No way in the void am I turning that down. Besides, if Bill wants to keep his cover he won't be able to bother us.  
  
Right?  
  
\---

 **Bill POV**  
  
I stretched my back out and sighed. Having a humanoid form was great but having bones was annoying. The large green R'lyehian beside me was checking his equipment before we start the show. I couldn't help but stare at all the buttons and switches. I wanna press them all. I know I’ve done a few rehearsals with him in the weeks before the dance (thank you dimensional time travel) but I never got to see his set-up up close before.

"What does that one do?" I asked, tilting my head at the chaotic mess of wires and switches. So many wires. Cthulhu wiggled his face tendrils cheerfully. "That one lets me add reverb." He fiddles with a dial "This lets me adjust the pitch." I 'Ooh'ed' and 'Aah'ed' appreciatively. Cthulhu’s tentacles wiggled as I stepped closer to examine his soundboard.

"So, you ready for the show?" I asked, gazing longingly at the buttons that I wasn't allowed to touch. I'd gone back in time to set up this collaboration. Jan received offers for rented private concerts all the time but I've only ever done 3 before now. One was in the pediatric ward of a hospital and two for charity. Ivanlock quickly realized he would only get me agreeing to private concerts for things like this. The for charity ones meant he wouldn't get direct money out of it and instead was forced to find other ways to make money off me.

Watching him struggle amused me. I almost felt bad for the stress I put him under. His face when I stated that I heard C-3-lhu was being hired for a school dance and wanted to go too because I wanted to perform together with him made me laugh. Ivan looked thrilled that I was finally getting over my 'shy' issues to begin collaborating with others.

I admit, a small part of me feels bad for how much stress I give him. I know he just wants to maximize profits and find more ways to milk credits out of me and my fame but he really WAS working hard. I decided I would let him make official merch of me...but I get the final say in WHAT that would be.

I'm not gonna pose for lewd photos. I've glimpsed Ivan's fantasies about it, his desire to play up my sexiness for profit along with my whole ‘innocent purity’ to make it seem like I was some kind of out of reach prize. It made me somewhat uncomfortable and I wondered if maybe I shouldn't have made Jan-Jan's form so pretty.

He still asks every now and then if I was still a virgin. For the love of Ax why is that so important to him? I guess he wanted to market me as being the pure, untouchable object of desire.

Frankly, this collaboration was just a good excuse to spy on the twins and meet my favorite DJ at the same time. Cthulhu wasn't much like what Lovecraftian lore told me. He DID open for a lot of shows. There was one band (The Old Ones) who always asked him to open their shows. Their music was the stuff of madness. Cacophonic and awful. It drove listeners insane for a few days after their concerts. I secretly loved it. I've never had him open for one of my concerts, frankly I've never had anyone open at my shows. Maybe I should start? Find new artists who weren't well known yet and pretty much help them breakout at my concerts.That would be nice. I do want to promote better music in the multiverse.

Plus, there are plenty of new talents that aren't able to get the attention they need for various reasons and I think it would be cool to help them out. Something for the future.The big green himself was actually a delight to talk to. He expressed his love for my work and I gushed over his. It was pretty cool to get to do a show together with him. We both fanboyed over each other for the first few hours before being able to actually do rehearsal.

Cthulhu tweaked a few more dials before giving me a thumbs up. I grinned. Alright. Showtime. I straightened up and waved my arms around, feeling the gazes of the crowd, shivering at the emotions of Awe, Lust and Admiration. I flick my hair and grinned. It felt good, getting their attention. I could get lost in this feeling if I let it but I dragged my attention back out of this glorious sensation to focus on the music. We were starting the night off with WAVE and I tapped my foot to the beats and spread out my senses.

I had scanned the guests several times already and so far they were clean. (Then again, with the mass disappearance of multiple people from the twin's birthday party a few months back, I suppose people were too afraid to take chances in this public event. I had shown that even when Bill Cipher wasn’t present he could still grab people. Speaking of which I still need to decide what to do with my remaining prisoners that I haven’t released yet. I can't keep them forever can I?) I flicked some wisps of fire and start performing.

Aside from the dance floor where I danced, sang and entertained the kids, there was the contest happening on the other side of the room. It was hard to see from back here but some flames searing little triangles onto the ceiling fixed that.

_"With a single mistake the world ends~but the signal still says to go on now~I fly and stop so endlessly~I get right back on my feet~"_

I watch Pynelope sign up and the couples all organizing themselves in preparation for the preliminaries. After my first song they were gonna take to the dance floor for a good old fashioned dance off. Well now I know why the organizers made a list of which songs and when.

_"This beating heart is connecting~I fell in love with the ancient ones~collecting desires and fantasies for this fossil-like romance~aah~let us dance inside this dream~"_

The crowd cheered and I danced. I loved the extra beats C-3-hlu added, they gave me a nice chance to add bounces to my dance. I sang as I made my way around the elevated stage, waving at the teens and loving the way they paid attention to me. I winked at a group of them and laughed when they swooned.

_"The brightly shining moon~surrounds me in the night~my body and mind are swallowed by the resounding sound~"_

I like being Jan-Jan, he got me all the ‘love’ I could ever want from his vast array of fans. I like being Xin, he had the whole hearted worship of his people. I liked being Miz, if only so I could indulge in the joy of being with my sister and all my other friends at the temple. I even like being Bill, even if everyone else hates me, I still have my friends. I know it's selfish that I'm not satisfied with only my friends. I know I'm a bad person for deceiving others in order to get more affection but I couldn’t help myself. These masks I wear, this performance I play. All so I could feel like there was a place for me here.

_"I've gone numb and unfeeling~to the fear that used to be~this brightly shining light is aimed toward my heart~the world is spinning around and round!"_

I couldn't help it. I want approval. I want devotion. I want people to like me. Love me. Notice me. Pay attention to me. I wanted to belong. Even after all this time, a part of me still felt like I shouldn’t be here. I wasn’t a REAL Bill Cipher…not like Seb or Bill were. When Bill had asked me for my name…should I have answered with Bill Cipher? It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t quite the truth either…

_"My thoughts about this has stopped~the sign I hoped for says the same~I want to run away but I slip~who cares 'cause I'll run again~"_

I know it's incredibly selfish, even more so than my need to bind people to myself. Even now I still want the twins to accept my offer. Immortality by my side. Stay with me. Love me forever. Don't leave me. Stay and allow me to feel like I belong here, with them.

_"What's next for me? I'm skyping with aliens! Let's select the fantasies for this radio-wave romance~haa~let us all sleep at night~"_

Talk to Jessie or Ax about this, a small voice told me. I ignore most advice from the voices inside me but this was Zyun-Jan. Her memories and insight are what I cling to when making decisions. For the most part they have never steered me wrong (aside from random cannibalistic thoughts) and I value ~~-her-~~ MY choices. So, I should go talk to someone about this.

_"The brightly shining moon~surrounds me in the night~the sound of it resounding makes me hesitate again~"_

But I don't want to. I can deal with this myself right? I don’t want to worry everyone. I don’t want to try and explain to Jessie that from my point of view, she wasn’t…’real’. At least she wasn’t real back in my first life…and geez, it would simply be too much trouble to explain the whole, I’m a human girl from a reality where all this was nothing more than a children’s cartoon show…even if she DOES believe me and doesn’t assume I’m even more insane than I already am, the knowledge that she wasn’t real might upset her.

_"I can't remember anymore~"_

Ugh! Why do I always have these mental debates with myself?

_"How do I rave or dance anymore? This brightly shining light is aimed at my heart~"_

Because who else are you willing to talk to you big idiot? I could feel a part of myself complain.

_"The future is approaching on and on~haa~we dance inside dreams!"_

Quit sassing me, me!

_"The voice of tomorrow sings~enticing me with it's words~the resounding noise deafens me~painting over the future I see~"_

It's too complicated to explain anyway so why should I bother?! Stop it. Stop thinking about it!

_"Now I can't allow this anymore~I won't remain in place unmoving~this brightly shining light is aimed toward my heart~"_

But I won't be able to move past this if I don't tell anyone. I need to try at least right? I told Ax after all? And he seemed to take it well. I think? He was pretty quiet for the longest time after I told him that in my memories was a world in which he didn’t exist…but that was so long ago…so very long ago…

_"From the spinning and spinning of this world, the future, the future is all I see! Lalala~lalala~lalala~lalala~"_

Let this go. It's nothing to feel bad about. I am fine the way I am. I am HAPPY. For once in my life I am happy so just leave it alone.

Are you sure this is the right choice?

Shut up. I'm trying to spy on my kids and entertain people right now! We can make a decision AFTER the dance!

I allowed my flames to spread around the entire stage and the teens cheered. I see the figures that I KNOW are Pyrone and Flora cheering loudly (damn perception filters make recognition difficult). See? I'm doing good. As long as my selfishness makes people happy, it's not a problem right?  
  
I didn't get anymore complaints from the other parts of myself so I grinned smugly at having proved my point.

I went to go sit and rest while the teens in charge of the contest came up to start it off. I leaned back in the chair and asked Cthulhu if he wanted a drink from the snack table. He nodded "I saw some fangleberry punch. Could you get me a cup of those?"

"No prob C-3! One artificially sweetened cup of plant juice comin' right up!" I skipped cheerfully off the stage and made my way to the snack table. Cthulhu rolled his eyes and laughed. It didn't take long to get the cups and pile some plates high with snacks. Having 4 arms is so useful~

"J-Jan-Jan! Can I...have your autograph?" A girl asks me hesitantly. I look back at her and considered it. Sure, why not? She was holding up a marker and a notebook so I reached out my free hand for the marker and she 'squee's as I wrote out 欣欣.

My manager was immediately there "That costs 75 credits young lady."I scoff at Ivanlock. Seriously? "I'm not gonna charge her for an autograph."

He turns to me with a stern expression. "And what will you do when they ALL demand an autograph? There are over a hundred kids here. Not to mention you've got a job to do.

"I groan and turn to the distressed girl. I can see the teens around us glaring at my manager. I give the girl a sad smile. "Sorry 'bout this..."

"N-no it's not your fault!" She hurriedly assures me. I still felt bad so I pull out my card and slap it to Ivan's squishy bulbous chest. "I'll pay for her thing this time. 'Coz she didn't know it cost creds. Izzat ok with you?" I grumble at the Ocgoplge. He narrowed his eyes. "You won't be getting a cut from this transaction since it's your own money."  
  


"I'm sure I can afford 75 credits." I say blandly. He shakes his head. "I will never understand your lack of care for your finances." He still runs my card through and completes the transaction before handing me back my card. "Don't try and pay for anyone else's." He hissed before squelching away on his tentacle legs. I make faces at him behind his back.

"Your manager is an asshole." The girl says as she glares at the Ocgoplge's retreating form. I sigh "Tell me about it. That's just how it is. He wants to maximize profits."

"Why haven't you gotten a new one?" The girl, scan mind get name Sessie, asks. I can feel from her leaked thoughts that she was internally screaming over getting to talk to me. It was rather funny hearing her coaching herself to stay cool and not embarrass herself in front of her idol.

"He's an ass but he does his job well for the most part." I groan. "My previous manager was WORSE. He nagged me constantly to sell myself and never got any work done, disorganized and lazy that guy was. At least Ivan is efficient.

"What does it say about me that I'd rather work with a greedy but efficient man than a lazy one?

I politely bid her a farewell before heading back to give Cthulhu his drink and share some food. He does a really interesting thing with his tentacles and slurps up the punch. He notices me staring and I quickly apologized "Sorry, it's just so cool how that works."

"My...tentacles?" He asks.

"Yeah, the way they move is fascinating to watch." I respond honestly. He wiggles them proudly "You like tentacles huh?"

"I think they're cool." Despite their appearance, his mouth didn’t seem slimy, they were simply smooth. Boneless as well. I'd like to create a tentacled form someday, looked fun.

He grins and flexes them out. "Wanna touch 'em?" I hesitate "This...wouldn't be sexual or anything right?"

He shakes his head. "Naw, it's a little ticklish but it's fine. You'd be surprised how many people I meet want to feel them."

Feeling reassured and unable to hold back my curiosity, I reached out to poke one of the green appendages. As I thought, it wasn't slimy. I wrapped my fingers around one and gently squished it a little. Springy. Soft. A feeling of slickness despite being entirely dry. Interesting texture. Cool to the touch,  R'lyehian have a pretty low body temperature.

"This is so cool~" I gushed. "You're sure this isn't weird or sexual?" I asked worriedly when he starts making strange sounds. He chuckles. "No, it's fine. Though...if you're really interested..."

I pull away and shake my head. "No thank you. I'm not...really...um..." I blushed a little. He seemed disappointed. "You sure? I can promise it'll feel amazing." I don't doubt that. It's not like I've never fantasized about tentacles, I've seen plenty of hentai. "I'm not the type to do anything intimate with people..." I tried to explain.Though if it wasn't sexual, I might like to try out just...touching some tentacles…having them slide along my arms and back…apprehension filled me and I shuddered. No. Maybe not.  
  
I shake my head and blush hard. Damn my kinks. And damn my issues.

"Excuse me? We're ready for the contest." A blurry young man informs me. I quickly get up to go back to work. Cthulhu flares his gills in confusion but flicks a few switches to start the music. I focused on my song and tried to ignore my embarrassed interest at the idea of being caressed by smooth tentacles. The bright flashing lights and dark melanin in my skin helped hide my blush. It didn't stop me from imagining it though. I should create my own tentacles for some fun after this...

God damn it's been YEARS since the last time I got myself off, holy fuck no wonder I'm so horny. Or maybe it's just a side effect of being in this enclosed room with horny teenagers dancing up close and personal with each other. I spot the ones not in the contest grinding up against each other and had to look away. The downside of sensing emotions was I sometimes got influenced by them.

The contest itself was going well, lots of cheering and hoots as the couple's danced.

They were getting votes from the other kids. Each pair had numbers to differentiate them. I wasn't sure why they really needed to hire me but the fact that I brought up an interest in holding a private performance made them immediately take me up on my offer.

The song ended and the pairs were panting heavily from how hard they moved during it. I breathed deeply and tried to catch my breath as well. I always had trouble with fast songs. The music switched to pure instrumental and I got to take a break for more food. Cthulhu gives me a gesture indicating he wanted a refill on his drink.

I hoped he didn't notice my weird fixation on his tentacles. I wasn't into him (I was just fascinated by his biology) and I didn't want to send him unintentional messages. Should probably clarify that when I get back to him. I got both of us a refill and drank my punch slowly as I walked back to the stage.

I could feel more kids wanting an autograph and being too nervous to approach my manager to ask for one. I felt kinda bad for that. In fact the only reason I wasn't mobbed by my fans was because of some spider-type bodyguards with stun-rifles who were standing along the walls and ceiling watching anyone who came near me. If it looked like I could be in danger they had been ordered to shoot first.

I wasn't happy about people being armed near children but at least all the guns were non-lethal. Apparently, idols having armed bodyguards were normal so the kids knew to keep their distance from me and C-3-hlu. They were allowed close to speak to me but no touching. I think many of the kids were hoping I would approach them for conversation or something.

I spot a girl dancing rather provocatively while pointing her abdomen in my direction. Was she trying to seduce me? I ignore it easily but my eye was caught by another alien, a blue colored Flappity who removed his perception filter to start fanning his tail out enticingly in my direction. Oh my god they really were trying to seduce me. Seriously? I'm not into children. What do they take me for?

Then again, with all the scandals some of the other celebrities get up in...

I ignored them as I got back, sliding into my chair and handing the cup to C-3 with a tired sigh. He glances down at the kids trying to get my attention. "I take it you aren't interested?" He asks.

I rub my face with a hand while another hand runs through my hair. "Not in the least." Not that my disinterest has stopped those kids from trying. I suppose when I said I didn't judge via physical appearance it meant they all thought they had a chance with me? Never mind the fact that they were all strangers who haven't even spoken to me. “I’m not…” I waved my hand to try and explain it. “I don’t like the idea of one night stands. Especially not with people I don’t know. And definitely not with children.”

Even if I were into starting a romantic relationship of any sort it wouldn't be with someone I don't even know. I ignore the fact that I could theoretically know everything about a person if I bothered to try. I notice some kids trying to catch C-3's attention as well and the two of us sighed over horny teenagers.  
  
“So you need a committed relationship before you’re willing to copulate?” He asks me. I pout. “Actually, I have no desire for sex at all.” His wings twitch with confusion “But…you clearly desire…um…” He gestures to his tentacles. I let out a few bursts of flame in embarrassment. “Yeah well, my kinks have nothing to do with my feelings. I like the way they feel, I like touching them. But I won’t want to go all the way with them…do you get what I mean?”  
  
He rubs his…chin? “I think so. You like the sensuality but not the sexuality?”  
  
“I suppose. Frankly I think I might be mildly touch starved.” I was getting better, snuggling with my friends was great but sometimes I found myself really craving a deep brick massage. Fuck you Handsy. I miss Stan's head pats. They were nice. Note to self, take humanoid form and have Kryptos give me a nice hair brushing after this. C-3 seems to noticed my ire. “What’s wrong kid?” He asks. I hug myself. “I had a bad experience. A guy drugged me with an aphrodisiac while giving me a back massage and now I can’t stand being touched. I can initiate touch with others but if they tried to touch me without asking or where I can’t see them I freak out.”  
  
Cthulhu’s eyes widen in panic. “Did he-!?“  
  
I quickly shake my head. “No, my friends saved me before anything happened. But it still sucks that he ruined massages for me.” I rotate one of my arms. “I get pretty tense and I’m certain I’ve got knots.” the extra arms certainly meant I got sore shoulders a lot faster. If I wasn’t healing myself constantly I’d probably be in a lot of pain.  
  
“That sounds awful…have you gone to a mind healer about that?” He asks.  
  
I blink. Huh. I guess I never really talked to Jessie about that in depth. Should I? We decided to stop this depressing conversation when it was time for the next song. I had a lot to think about anyway.

  
The rest of the dance was going well. The contest eventually moved off the dance floor so I performed while spying on them. Good thing I can hide the use of my Eye if I had my eyes closed. I didn't know much about how the Queen and King of the dance were supposed to be chosen but I saw them do contests like ‘How many people can you lift’ or ‘How many needles can you bury inside an Aquamelon without disrupting the stability of its physical form’ and eventually ‘How many shots you can drink’.  
  
My first thought was ‘Who the fuck let them get alcohol in here?!’ And my next was worry over Penelope getting drunk at a dance filled with horny teenagers. I wasn't worried about her getting hurt, I was afraid she'd try to eat her classmates. I went to get a refill on punch while keeping most of my attention on Penelope. She was on her third shot already. This was an awful idea. I see two other kids have already collapsed.  
  
Hm. Did they change out the punch? It tastes different. I was gonna investigate further but there was a loud BAM coming from the contest area so I threw back my drink and rushed over to see what happened.  
  
Two of the boys had attacked each other. My spider guards panicked when they saw me approaching the fight. One of them called out “Sir! Please do not get close to them or we will be forced to stun them for your safety!” I paused and stepped back. The kids had stopped everything they were doing to watch the scuffle.  
  
“”Fight! Fight! Fight!””  
  
I frowned. Why was no one stopping this?  
  
Oh right, they were all mildly buzzed. I bit my lip in worry. Shouldn't there be more security than just my guards? “Hey! Stop it! Someone could get hurt!” I called out.  
  
Damn these kids!  
  
I glanced around for any sign of a responsible adult who could step in. Really?! I sent Cthulhu a pleading look and he shook his head with a worried expression. If he stepped in and accidentally hurt a kid the scandal would be awful. Especially with all the kids recording the fight on their Coms. I searched for a teacher but I found them passed out.  
  
The ACTUAL fuck?!  
  
I went up to one and found a spilled cup of punch. A quick analysis showed...sleeping powder mixed in with the punch flavoring. A quick Flicker showed that a few kids drugged the bowls they knew the adults would be drinking from, knock out the chaperones so they could sneak off for some naughty activities. Seriously?!  
  
I blinked, stumbling a little. Fuck. They got me too. I saw C-3 slowly slumping over on his keyboard. I felt annoyed. The kids who drugged the punch had already left the dance, uncaring about what would happen to the people left here. Selfish little fucks. Wait till I give them a piece of their minds! Rip it to pieces and make them jigsaw it back together~  
  
I stumbled a little more, leaning heavily against the table. I spot Ivanlock passed out on the ground. My guards looked confused and worried. “Sir?! What's happening?!”  
  
“Sssomeone drugged the drinksss~” I slurred as I stumbled into the table and knocked a few cups over. Meanwhile the fight had gotten worse. Other kids were getting caught up in it and no one noticed me as all attention was on the growing crowd of kids clawing at each other. Fuck.  
  
Where are the twins? I shook my head, trying to stay conscious. One of my guards comes down to grab me when I fell over. I flinched violently and searing blue flame billowed out. The man cried out in surprise but didn't drop me. “Sir! Calm down! We're going to get you and the others to safety.”  
  
“Wwwha ‘bout th’ kidssss?” I slurred, my head dropping limply as the room began to spin. He shifts to lower me gently to the ground against a wall. “We've got tranquilizers.”  
  
Oh. I guess everyone's going to sleep tonight. That's fuuuuun~ I let my eyes close. Why do I keep getting drugged? It was a huge weakness that I can only thank Ax wasn't well known. Note to self, check all food and drink before consumption. I absently remember I hadn’t made a Dreamscape for Jan’s form yet. Aw man…I was hoping to actually get to sleep if I was gonna be knocked out…  
  
When I ‘came to’ a few hours later, it was in a room full of angry adults demanding to know which kids needed to be punished for this. Also a bunch of unconscious teenagers. I cover my eyes to hide my search for what the hell happened. I was really only worried about the twins. Were they alright? Were they hurt? Did Penelope win the contest?  
  
Good news, they were safe.

  
Bad news, the contest got cancelled due to the fight and subsequent discovery of the drugged punch.  
  
I sighed. My little thermal pack wasn't gonna be happy about this.

  
\---  
  
I was right.  
  
“I can't believe this had to happen!” she screeches, billowing white flames running up her arms and legs. Pyrone and Beez sighed while Flora just looked bemused. I found the kids all being detained as the adults tried to find out who was responsible for both the fight and drugging the punch. I COULD tell them but I would have to explain how I knew and frankly I didn't want to deal with that.  
  
The perception filters had been dropped and there was a huge empty space around the twins as everyone else avoided them. Though, with how much fire Pynelope was putting out I couldn't blame them. I walked up “Are you alright miss?”  
  
She turns to me “Bi-It's none of your business!”  
  
I hold up my hands placatingly. “Easy there miss, I was just curious. You look upset.”  
  
She groans. “I can't believe they cancelled the contest. I was in the lead!”  
  
“Well things did...get out of hand.” I wiggled my hands with a grin. Pynelope groans and looks like she wanted to go hide in a ditch. I giggled, shoulders shaking with mirth. “Don't get so heated, chill out with some music~” I flick a few beats into the air with a huge shit eating grin.  
  
Pynelope looks like she wants to punch me. “No. This thing you're doing, no.”  
  
I give her a smile. “Sorry I just thought I might try to cheer you up. I don't like seeing people upset.” her mouth twitches and she couldn't help a fond smile. “I get it, just please stop with the bad word play.”  
  
“But what's the pun in that?” I couldn't resist. Pynelope buries her face in her hands. “Uuuugh!!!”  
  
Beez leans over to whisper to Pyrone “Oh my void! Jan-Jan is talking to your sister!!” Pyrone rolls his eye. “Yeah. So?” Flora leans over as well to whisper (unfortunately loudly) “What if he LIKES her?”  
  
Pyrone makes a disturbed face. “I can say. With 100% certainty that this is NOT the case.”  
  
“But I saw other people trying to get Jan-Jan to talk to them all evening and this is the first time he's approached someone!” Beez whispers frantically.  
  
Pyrone rolls his eye. “Not like he LITERALLY just said he wanted to cheer her up because she looked upset. It's not like my sister wasn't CLEARLY the most unhappy person in this room.”  
  
I keep dropping terrible puns on Pynelope until she was too frustrated at me to be unhappy about the contest. The teens stared in stunned silence as I laughed myself silly. I had switched to awful jokes at this point. “What did the Gerblin say to the aerosol? Mace to meet you!”  
  
“It's a good thing you're a singer because you'd be a terrible comedian.” Pynelope deadpans.  
  
I gasp dramatically, rearing back as if struck with my hands over my chest “How dare you! I'll have you know that I am a comedic genius!” She rolls her eye at me but I can see her mouth twitch. I open my mouth to say more but Ivanlock slides up and taps my shoulder, I hide my flinch. “Jan! What are you doing?! I told you not to leave the room.”  
  
“I was worried about the kids so I came to check on them. Geez Ivan.”  
  
He glances at Pynelope and looks her up and down before scowling and dragging me off. “Ow! Ivan! What the hell?!” I protest as I'm pulled away. Jan’s body wasn't exactly built for physical strength. I turn to shrug helplessly at the kids and Pynelope was snorting as she watches me get manhandled like a child. At least I got her to laugh.  
  
Once we were out of the room and back with the adults and officers, Ivan turns to me with a frown. “Of all people you had to flirt with it just HAD to be a Cyclopian! Do you even know what their kind DO to their partners?”  
  
“Flirt?” I blink. “I wasn't flirting. I was trying to cheer her up. She looked distressed.”  
  
Ivan rubs his temples. “As amazing as your innocence is, you need to understand that other people don't see things the way you do. From the outside it clearly seemed like you were flirting with that girl.”  
  
I pout “But she's a child! I would never-”  
  
“I **know** Jan!” Ivanlock sighs “But the damn press will use anything they can find to spin a story, even if it's a misunderstanding. I don't want any scandals.” He pauses “Frankly it's a right miracle that there haven't been any in all these years. You do a good job hiding your private life.”  
  
He looks me up and down. “Haven't aged a day either. How long lived were your species?”  
  
“Um…” I bit my lip as I wondered what to say. “I'm functionally immortal, I don't age once I reach maturity.” Feeling a little mischievous I added “And if I die I burst into flame and get reborn as a child to grow up all over again.” I mean, Xin was a Dragon so wouldn't it be funny if Jan were a Phoenix? It would explain my fire powers.  
  
Ivanlock looked like he wasn't sure what to say to that. “It's good to know you don't die when you are killed.” He says at last.  
  
The hectic turn the dance took made me forget to talk to Jessie.  
  
\---  
  
The aftermath of the dance wasn't too bad. Pyrone like a proper gentleman, escorted Flora home to Dimension RC-3276. I secretly sent an Eyebat to follow behind them. I was able to anonymously slip the names of the kids who spiked the punch and which ones started the fight. The school board was apologizing profusely to both me and Cthulhu in hopes that we wouldn't press charges. I told them it was fine since none of us got hurt.

Ivan was still demanding monetary compensation but by this point I had stopped caring. Let him have his fun.I approached C-3 about maybe working together in the future. He was thrilled. I also, rather shyly brought up something that wouldn't really leave me alone.

"Can I pet your tentacles again?" I blushed as I fiddled with the end of my shirt. He laughs. "You really like them huh?"

"The texture feels nice." I said in embarrassment. He looks a little sad when he remembers the conversation we had and sits down so he wasn't towering over me. I reach out and gently run my fingers through his tendrils while he holds still and tries his best not to make any movement that might spook me. It was very kind of him to do so. "I like how soft they are..." I comment. He nods. "Most of my partners have told me the same thing."

After playing with the tentacles for a while I apologized and thanked him for putting up with my weirdness. He shook his head. "It's fine. I don't mind." He bid me goodbye and I Blinked out of there, shedding Jan's form to be Bill once more.

I arrived home to see Pynelope throwing rocks into the pond in my garden/Xanthar's bedroom. I float over to rest on the ground beside her. I quietly watch her pick up another rock and fling it at the pond, breaking the surface tension into many ripples. After a while she sighs and flops backward onto the ground. I lay down as well.  
  
Neither of us say anything. I can feel her frustration though. Finally I reached out to hold her hand. She doesn't react other than to curl her fingers around mine. We laid there together, staring up at the swirls of distant stars.

"Hey." I say softly. "Wanna see something cool that I haven't shown anyone else?"

She doesn't speak but she squeezes my hand so I take that as a yes. I close my eye and concentrate. With a quick tug, I pulled Pynelope into the Mindscape with me and warp to the 3rd dimension.

To Earth.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes. Cthulu is a popular DJ in the space nightclub scene. That is my head canon.


	62. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How much am I abnormal?  
> Am I broken? I'm broken all right.  
> Even so, I want, I want to breathe.  
> Can you see me, like I'm in a dream?  
> Even my final word is stuck!  
> ERROR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So....me and BlueFrosty are trying to write an actual novel...it started as an AU crossover between our fics but it turned into something else~
> 
> There's still a LOT of editing we need to do before it's done, we're also not done writing either. I work on it in between my other writing XD
> 
> And Frosty if you're reading this~ I believe in you! Study hard but don't stress out!

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 57**

**-You shouldn’t have but you did-**

\---

The planet was finally recovering from the massive climate change that was the Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction. The tiny little mammals that survived were starting to grow and diversify as they raced to fill in the niche left behind by the dinosaurs when they died out. Three quarters of all life on Earth had died out rapidly. This left so many openings in the ecosystem for new species to fill.

The dust from the meteor had caused a near planetwide winter and only some smaller (therefore they didn't need as much food to sustain themselves) and furry (to keep warm) animals began to thrive. The hardier plants broke through the melting snow to reach towards the sky once more. The larger marine life died out with the changing temperatures leaving only a few survivors that managed to hold on long enough for things to calm down.

Pynelope floated beside me. "What is this?! Where is this?"

"My special place. Earth." I grin down at the sight of new life growing as time marches on and this wonderful little planet trudged on. Life continued to find a way. Despite all the things that tried to kill the Earth, it held on stubbornly and continued to produce life.

It's why I loved this planet so much. I could watch it forever. No other world had such diverse life. No other world had evolution and mutations go so wild. Pynelope calms when she sees the peaceful look on my face. She turns to look back down at the planet. "Earth...the planet you get all those movies from?"

"Well, not YET. I'm actually grabbing them from an alternate future. None of those movies have actually been created yet." I wave my hand "It's not that important."

"Oh." She watches a small animal chase after a bug and eat it. "So this is your special place?" She moves her legs, confused at how she was floating.

"Yeah. Sometimes...I need some time alone. I come here. I watch the days pass and the seasons change. I watch life grow and die." I float over to sit next to her in midair. "It's relaxing."

She quietly watches along with me. I wait. Finally she begins to cry. I wrap my arms around her and she cries into my plane. "I-it's so fucking unfair!" She sobbed. "I was gonna win! I was gonna finally show everyone that I'm more than just Bill Cipher's kid!" I rumble the way Ax does when he's trying to comfort me.

"I sho-shouldn't even care this much! They're nothing but a bunch of idiots so why does it feel so bad?!" She shakes with the force of her sobs. I rub her back as I rumbled. "Everyone wants to be noticed or acknowledged. It's normal to feel bad when people refuse to see you for who you are. It's normal to be upset that people judge you without even getting to know you."

She pulls back, wiping her tears. "You know ALL about that don't you Bill?" She looks guilty. "Sorry I'm being so spoiled...I have nothing to be sad about...I have a nice house, a family that loves me and you get me and my brother everything we could ever want...and here I am still wanting more..."

"There's nothing wrong with feeling like that." I materialized a tissue for her. "Everyone's allowed to be a little selfish. Hell, I ALWAYS want more. No one understands your need to be acknowledged for WHO you are more than I do." I pat her hair. “So you're not being spoiled or selfish. You feel the way you do and that's perfectly valid.” We hug for a while longer. She cries for a few minutes before finally calming down. Technically leaking bodily fluids isn't a thing in the Mindscape but if you believe you're crying then you will.

She smiles while wiping her tears. "Dammit Bill why'd you gotta be the best dad ever..."

I flush orange. She's never called me dad before, neither of them have. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. It made my insides burn. Kinda hurt a little actually. I hide my uncertainty and scoff. "Well I'm obviously the best creature in all existence to begin with!"

She laughs and sniffles. "Yeah, yeah." She composes herself and sighs. "Thanks for cheering me up. But um...can we go home now?"

I take her hand and pull us back into our bodies. My constructed body unpetrified from a statue back into my usual lovely yellow self as Pynelope sits up with a gasp of air. She looks rather disoriented. "Ugh...what WAS that?!"

"Dimensional travel through a lower plane of existence." I say flippantly. "It takes some getting used to."

She shivers. "Well I don't think I want to do that again. I like physicality thanks." She rolls over, her flames 'magically' not burning my garden. "Hey Bill..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'll ever have people who will see me for ME?"

"You already have that. You've got us. You've got your brother. Even Beez and Flora think you're cool." I list off. "It's impossible to get **everyone** to like you personally. It's better to have a small group that you know actually care about you."

"But everyone loves you as Jan-Jan." Pynelope points out. I nod. "Yes. But do any of them know who I am? On a personal level? Do any of them really care about ME as a person?" I know they don't but I was fine with that. I needed my fans for their blind adoration, not their company. I had my friends for that.

Pynelope nods as she gets where I'm coming from. "So...why do you pretend to be a space idol anyway? I mean, I know you love music but you didn't NEED to go full alternate identity right?"

"It was an accident." I flop onto the ground with a groan. She turns to look at my body lying flat on the ground. Grinning a little, she pushes me along the ground. As I whine at the disrespectful treatment, 8-Ball came out to the garden with Quackers. "There you guys are! We're hungry." 8-Ball whines.

"Hungry~" Quackers repeats. The two began chanting "Hungry~" over and over again. I laugh. "Well gee, I do wonder what I should do right now~"

Pynelope laughs, looking much better than she was before. As I float off to go cook something she walks beside me and nudges my side with her horn. "Thanks for helping. Even if the dance didn't turn out how I wanted...I'm glad you snuck your way into it."

I pet her head. "Don't worry so much on getting your classmates to like you. If you're still worried about, go talk to Kryptos. He had to deal with roommates and classmates reacting to me. Keyhole too."

She nods, off in thought. "I still feel like a brat for being so angry about this."

"Don't be. You feel how you feel and that's fine. It doesn't make you a bad person for wanting to be happy."

I made the twin's favorite foods for the next few days. I still felt kinda bad for how things turned out. Pyrone had fun but his sister was still trying to find ways to make her classmates respect her more than they fear me. I overheard Pyrone telling her that she'd be happier if she just found a couple friends.

Eventually I brought up the question of what the twins were planning to do after school. We were sitting down for dinner together, it's been a while since the whole family has been in one place, Kryptos has finished his 4 years of basic college (which would be 60 years here) and was going to take another 4 to get a master's degree (in multiple subjects as well, I have a congratulatory party planned for him.)

"Are you going to college? Finding work? What field? Ammy, you too." I poke my son and he shrugs. "I don't see why I need a job."

"What if you want spending money to buy yourself stuff." I insist.

"I can just steal it. I've gotten pretty good at that." He mumbles. I glare at Pyronica "You are a terrible influence."

"I still don't know why you're so hung up on this. We raid stuff together all the time." Pyronica groans.

"For the last time, robbing directly from the rich is different from shoplifting. When you shoplift you're causing trouble for the poor retail and service workers and those guys go through enough stress as is. They have to deal with CUSTOMERS everyday. Do you have any idea how many emotional breakdowns happen in the backrooms of those places?"

Keyhole raises a hand "I got a part time job at G-Mart once." His expression goes dark "I had a lady come in demanding for a product we didn't even sell and when I told her that she got mad and asked to see a manager so she could report me for being unhelpful..." He makes a frustrated sound "Then there was this guy who came in with his kids. They were pulling stuff off shelves and tearing open the packaging and the asshole didn't stop them or pay for anything!!"

I pat Keyhole's back comfortingly. "I know. I know." I tell him.Teeth held up a hand "Back when I was working at the restaurant, my colony was just on dish washer duty but we had waiters bring in full plates of uneaten food to dump out because a customer complained about something and demanded it to be thrown out.”

I nod sagely. "What I'm trying to say is customers are the worse. The ones who shoplift are even worse than the worse. I have clients like that sometimes, idiots who try to cheat me out of a Deal. It's awful."

Pyronica groans. "Ok I get it! Shoplifting is bad. Ugh~"

The twins and Quackers were watching the conversation with interest. "Having a job sounds hard." Quackers says at last.

Ammy sighs. "But I still don't need one...you already get me everything I want."

I rub my side tiredly. "I know. That's the problem isn't it? I've spoiled you all rotten. Only Kryptos is currently pursuing higher education. Teeth is fine, he's doing what he loves and he's earning his own money..."

"Well yeah. I've already been a working adult before." Teeth shrugs.

"Hectorgon works from home..." I continue listing off. He works on a commission base with companies to help them encrypt their files against hacking. The Federation keeps trying to hire him again since he really is the best in the field but Hectorgon just anonymously charges deliveries of live Abslovian Termites to their offices.

The polysphere grins. "Of course."

"Paci’s got his thing, Keyhole goes through different part time jobs...speaking of which, are you still unsure what profession you want to get into? I can help you know?"

Keyhole fidgets in his chair. "I'm just not good at anything though..."

"That's not true at all. I've never seen anyone else who can identify the elemental makeup of metals without a scanner as well as you." I praise. "And you're a hard worker. You deserve better than entry level work at retail stores."

He blushes but is smiling proudly all the while. "W-well that might be true but I'm not all that smart and I don't even know when or where my skills might be useful anyway..."

I float over to hug his large head. "Don't think that Keyhole. You're plenty intelligent. Everyone has different things they're smart about. Like take 8-Ball, he's not passing any math tests but I once saw him calm a feral Perflexian Bugbear long enough for the zookeepers to get it back in it's containment. And he did that without any training."

"It was fluffy. I liked it." 8-Ball says happily, some food dribbling down his chin. I absently wiped it off with a napkin.

"So book smarts isn't everything. I really do want you guys to be able to do something with your time instead of sitting around all day. Don't you get bored?"

Pyronica jumped on this chance. "So can we rampage again?"

"No. You still have 40 more years to go. Kryptos has more since he's lived though less...but since he's always on good behavior I'm letting him off easy by synching his punishment period with yours."

Kryptos 'WOOT's loudly "Does this mean I can keep building that Death Canon?" He asks, eye wide and sparkling.

"Sure kid. The twins are old enough now that we don't have to worry about them setting it off by accident."

"You have a Death Canon?!" Pyrone asks excitedly.

"I built it for one of my classes. My professor said that I'm not allowed to use it without a license but I've been getting the paperwork together for that." He grins smugly "Though, there's a loophole. I can't fire off a FINISHED death canon without a license. But an UNFINISHED one can be used for testing purposes to see if it's working." He cackles.

I sighed fondly at the memories. So many burning buildings.

"What I'm trying to say is once you're all ungrounded, I'm hoping you find something better to do with your time than causing trouble. As much fun as that is, it's actually been nice not having Time Baby yell at me all the time." I guess if I were to put it another way...we were getting along better recently...sort of?

It was...almost nice not being mad at him all the time. The reforms slowly coming into place as a few new Councilmen took a seat of power were doing wonders to try and fix the Federation's many issues. There was one politician I had my eye on. She was steadily climbing the ranks and it was a good thing her species were so long lived since it took literally decades for anyone to get to higher seats of power.

Actually...that made the seats of power for the Federation quite unfair. Any of the shorter lived species would be unable to get far in politics.I really didn't want to think about this right now.

"Are you still doing Deals with Time Baby?" Pyronica frowns. Ever since I admitted to doing Deals with Federation members she has been expressing her worry. She and the others finally coaxed the whole story out of me when the twins were in their 30s about just what my job entailed. They were horrified by what Time Baby forced me to do.

I think they were mainly angry that Time Baby made me take on the role of a destructive heartless monster while HE got to sit on his chair and pretend to be all high and mighty. I admit, it really pissed me off for the longest time but after 500 billion years I just didn't have it in me to care all that much anymore. If he does something to piss me off then I'll get mad but I suppose I was just...numb to it by this point.

Or I've just gotten better at ignoring my feelings.

Either way, I wasn't going to stop my Deals with Time Baby so long as I can still get stuff out of him.

I looked over at Quackers and winced. What am I supposed to do? I never meant to get ANOTHER kid. But they're mine now...

Belongs to me. Mine. Mine. Mine....and that means I need to take care of him. Should I start a bank account for him too? Fuck I don't want to deal with this extra responsibility (it's why I mainly left 8-Ball to babysit the kid). I was fine with the twins, I chose to take on the responsibility of Co-Parent myself. But this kid was kinda...thrust onto me without my choice in the matter.

But a Deal is a Deal. I owned Quackers and I had to take care of them.

I didn't want to get attached. Not to yet another mortal life. Pyrone and Pynelope were bad enough.

I've been avoiding Quackers for this reason. I know myself well enough that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I would grow attached. I form bonds easily, connections to people who spend any amount of time with me.

My friend's, Bill's friends, Miz's friends...the other Bill's I've met...(still working on those security features around my Exit door, somehow I doubt stuffed animals with laser guns was gonna cut it)

Heck, my MANAGER. Ivanlock is a shitty asshole and I'm still mildly fond of him. If only in a _‘when I inevitably kill him, I'm not gonna eat him’_ kind of way.

My desire for connections was annoying sometimes. I don't _want_ to care so much. My life would be so much easier if I DIDN'T hold so much affection for people. But then where would I be? As inconvenient as it was, this part of me that NEEDS people was important.

As with most things that upset me, I decided to ignore it for now. Just like I'm going to ignore Quackers. Pladibears only live like 130 years anyway. Just raise Quackers until they reach maturity and then they're out of my hands.

Of all people, I found myself complaining about this subject to the inhabitants of my little dungeon. I leaned on the assassin's leg, he and the other people I captured during the twin's birthday party many months back were enjoying an extended stay in this secret room.I returned all the children after the party (can't very well keep them, their parents would complain at the next PTA meeting and Dammit, if I had to set Karen on fire AGAIN for sassing me out I swear to AX I'm gonna...) so the only people here were the assassins and Federation spies.

The first few days had consisted of them trying to escape. After a few weeks most of them had lost hope. I wanted to let them go, don't they know how much trouble it was to just keep them alive here(?!), but I didn't want to release them without making sure they were punished for attempting to go against me.

The problem was I had no idea what kinda punishment to give. I COULD grind them into pulp to make ground meat for cooking but I didn't want to do the same thing twice, that's boring and predictable. Not to mention a small part of me pointed out that I shouldn't default to eating people ALL the time. No matter how tempting it was.

It's not like I WANTED to keep them down here. It's hard on me too you know? I have to come down to feed and clean them everyday. It was a lot of work and I have to forego sleep. Of course, sleep has always been optional. I'm so glad I figured out how to actually fall asleep though. (Thanks Bill....I miss him..Seb too, they were...nice…?)

It was such a good feeling. My vessel feels refreshed. I get to dream. Though with how much work I have to do, Sleep, like most things, is merely a treat I give myself when I can afford the time needed for it. But anyway, my professionalism demanded I punish them somehow. I really can't let this slide after all. Who did they think they were? Coming to MY house with intentions like THAT.

So there I was, explaining my problem to them, because they HAVE to listen to me and it's not like they'll be able to spill my secrets while they're imprisoned here. "-so I just worry that I'm gonna grow fond of Quackers and I just don't know if I can handle that." I sigh.

The man whose leg I was leaning on (Freir, professional assassin, specializes in killing children) grunted and shook me off his pointy leg (his species resembled a crystalline starfish with a giant eye in the middle) with a grumpy look. He knows he can't stop me from doing what I want anyway. "You could just kill it and be done with it." He grunts.  
  


I gasp dramatically. "Why Star-face, that's a TERRIBLE idea! I can't kill my own child! I told you Quackers is mine!" He grumbles "My name is Freir and you KNOW it!"

"Then why NOT just...be fond of them? I don't see the problem here." Another prisoner (a fluffy Yakyak named Johan, nice guy actually, a Federation Cleaner (ie, Assassin) sure, but nice) says meekly.  
  


"But I don't WANT to be fond of them." I whined. "My friends keep telling me that I'm...a good person...." I whimpered. "Which isn't true at all! I'm an awful person who just happens to be nice to them." I wave my arms around frantically. "But if I start LIKING Quackers then it'll make them think they're RIGHT!" I whined dramatically as I slide down the side of Freir's leg (to his annoyance).

"But...isn't that a good thing? You know, being a good person?" Another prisoner, an assassin named Google. Interesting story this one, her website looks like Google and you type in the name of who you want her to kill. The ‘search results’ are different methods you can commission her for. The top search result is Bill Cipher, which always amuses me to no end. She was shaped like the word GOOGLE and the eyes on her O's made her look silly.  
  
  
  
Hard to tell that she's a vicious murderer.

I groan and pull at the brim of my hat. "But I'm Bill Cipher! I'm not **supposed** to be a 'good person'! I can be 'nice' or even 'kind' but being nice and being good are very different things!" I throw myself dramatically to the floor. "I wouldn't be able to do my job if I were a GOOD person!" If I ever admit that I might be a good person...even just to myself, I would feel even MORE guilty about the shit I have to do. If I tell myself that I am simply a bad person I can excuse some of the awful things I've done. I am a bad person because I'm selfish. I value the lives of my friends more than those of countless innocent (or otherwise) people that I kill on Time Baby's orders.

"You actually have a job?" Johan asks, trying to get more information about me to tell his superiors in the Federation once he escapes. Oh how adorable he still thinks he can leave here without my permission.

I stare at him incredulously. "Do you seriously not know?" Even the other two prisoners, who were both professional assassins, stared at him like he was an idiot. "What the ever loving fuck do you think my Deals are?!" Johan shrinks in on himself. "I was told that you were a Deals Demon so you do Deals to eat people's souls to keep yourself alive and immortal."I could feel everyone staring at me. I roll my eye. "Where did this misunderstanding come from?! I have NEVER eaten a soul before. NEVER!" I snarl. They all flinch back when my bricks flicker red for a few seconds.

"But...you eat people...you destroy entire planets..." Johan points out.

"Do you..." I wave my hands helplessly "Do you not know how Souls work?!"

The three of them slowly shake their heads. I had started with over 20 prisoners. 15 were stupid teenagers that I gave a stern lecture to before sending them home. Of the remaining 5, 2 of them were Federation officers who self terminated before I could stop them. I managed to save Johan so now he and the two assassins were all that were left. It wasn't as fun with such a small audience but needs must so I might as well do this.

I pull myself up and switch into 'lecture' mode. "Ah hem." I coughed before pulling down a projector screen to start my powerpoint presentation. The three prisoners groaned loudly.

I turned my cane into a pointer and smack it against the screen. "All living, sentient creatures are made of 3 parts. The Body-" I point at the picture I have of a Manrilla. "-the Mind-" I move to point at the Manrilla's head "-and the Soul!" I point at a glowing orb in the Manrilla's chest.

I turn to my captive (Hah!) audience and smile pleasantly. "So, there are three major forces in the universe, the AXOLOTL, Time Baby and Me." I click a remote and the image on the screen switches to a picture of Ax, Baby and myself. The picture of Time Baby had a mustache scribbled over his face. Johan makes an offended sound.

"And each of us are in charge of an aspect. Time Baby's dominion of Time rules over your mortal physical bodies. The AXOLOTL governs Souls and yours truly is in charge of the Mind." There are a bunch of overlaps between our powers and proficiencies but I’m not gonna get into that right now.

I hear chains jostling. "Yes Johan?" I can hear Freir grumbling about how come Johan (pronounced Joe-hang) doesn't get a nickname.

"But...wouldn't that mean that you're...one of the three pillar gods that created existence?" Johan asks with a furrowed brow.

I clap slowly. "Well. Isn't this NICE? You're not as stupid as I thought you were~" the two assassins were already paling as they quickly understood the implications of my words. If they were true, it meant I was even more dangerous than the multiverse knew.  
  
The fact that they knew nothing of what I was truly capable of is probably because my ego wasn't large enough to demand all of the multiverse to respect my authority. I'm sure most alternative Bills went out of their way to establish themselves. My multiverse didn't know how good they had it, me being so laid back.

It takes Johan a couple more seconds to understand what I meant. He goes pale, which was impressive because I could barely see skin under that fur.

"Y-you're REALLY one of the Pillar Gods of Creation?!" Johan gasps. I roll my eye. "It's not that big of a deal y'know?"

"But then why does Time Baby want you destroyed?" Johan asks.

"Time Baby doesn't want me destroyed. The FEDERATION wants me destroyed. Time Baby would prefer if I were locked up and only let out when he needs my help with something." Besides, this isn't the point of this conversation anyway.

"Look!" I slap my pointer against the PowerPoint again. "What I'm getting at here is that the AXOLOTL is in charge of Souls so even if I eat someone I can digest/assimilate their mind and body, because Time Baby doesn't give a shit about any of you, but Ax gets your Souls. I can't get Souls unless they GIVE it to me via a Deal. And I don't want them anyway."

I flip the screen back up and turn to my captive audience with a cheerful smile. "Understand?"

They seemed too blown by this information to respond. I sigh. "Well, regardless, I can't go around being a good person. It would ruin my edge (hah!) and unbalance the universe or something. I still need to figure out what to do with you guys as well."

  
“Let us go?” Google asks.  
  
“AHAHAHAHAH!! AHAHAA! AHAHAHHA!!!” I laughed in her face. “After what you just learned?! After all the SHIT I've been rambling to you guys about?! Not FUCKING likely!” they flinch back at my sudden laughter but didn't actually seem too afraid. They've gotten used to my behavior.

  
I can't keep them forever though! They're not even doing anything FOR me. They're just here taking up valuable time I could be spending doing literally anything else. Sure I talk to them because they don't have a choice in the matter but it didn't change that part of me feels that having live in prisoners isn't actually an acceptable pastime. Terrible pets they were.  
  
It's hard to keep track of what is considered ‘proper' behavior nowadays. I'm not killing them so it's not bad. I'm not torturing them so it's not bad. I'm keeping them chained up but that's because they came here with the intent to harm my family so I'm allowed to retaliate.  
  
They should be grateful I've allowed them to live for so long.  
  
I absently pet Johan’s fur. “Thanks for listening to me though. It's nice having people I can complain to who won't use what I say against me.” Because they're never gonna leave here alive enough to tell anyone.  
  
Hm...Johan’s fur was getting matted again. I need to bathe him soon. Maybe make a shower system in here.  
  
Freir scowled. “Just kill me already! I am SICK of being here. It was supposed to be a quick in and out job! You weren't supposed to be there!” I curve my eye into smile. “You should have thought of that before coming in here and trying to kill my babies.”  
  
He tugs on his chains. “You really aren't gonna let us go huh?” He growls. “Nope!” I said cheerfully. He glares at me. Then without warning he laughs. “You know what’s funny? I wasn't originally gonna take this job…”  
  
“Should have gone with your first instinct then.” I inform him. The crystalline creature laughs. “Maybe...but when my employers showed me that picture of my target? Well, I was interested.”  
  
“Why's that?” I narrow my eye at him. His employers were long dead, I easily got the info from him to track them down months ago. Strung them up in a public space by their entrails as a warning not to fuck with me.  
  
The chains rustle as he leans in to stare at me. I know he's just trying to make me mad so I kill him. Looks like he finally broke from being down here so long.  
  
“That girl~she was cute.” He sneers. I go still. Was he seriously saying-  
  
“I would have liked to get my points in her before finishing the job.”  
  
I reach over to smush his sides together, his hard crystalline shell cracking slightly as he hissed in pain.  
  
“How much were you being paid for this? 2 million? 3?” I lean in close to his eye with a wicked glint in mine. “Was it worth it?” I hissed. He grunted as the cracks spread along his shell. “I-it's a living…” he snarls. “Frankly you've done the same. You've done **worse**.”  
  
I know he's right. It's why I crushed his core into a pulp. The crystals scatter around the room, bouncing off my bricks but making Johan and Google flinch at the sharp shards. No blood. Kinda made this less fun for me. I liked coating myself in the stuff, feels nice on my bricks.  
  
I stare at the shattered remains of the assassin. Well there goes my good mood. See? This is why I am not a good person. A good person would have turned him over to the Federation to be locked away or something. I shouldn't have let him talk.  
  
“Um...mister Cipher?” Google asks quietly. I turn my eye around behind me to stare at her. She trembled a little but met my gaze. “You said that Time Baby doesn't want you dead. You said...that he wants you to work for him?”  
  
I giggle. “What's this all about suddenly? I kill a man right in front of you and you just want clarification from my earlier lecture?” I was still angry. Disgusted as well. I realize I'm not thinking clearly right now.  
  
She frowns, which looks ridiculously stupid on her face. Letterians are such a fun species. I once found one that looked like Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. “What do you do for Time Baby?” she asks.  
  
I giggle as I kick at some of the shards along the ground. “I'm a lot like you guys. I also kill for others. But the only one I take commission from is Time Baby.” Johan gasps. “Not for money of course. I don't NEED that~” I drawled while flapping my hand around.  
  
My false mirth drops. “Johan kills for the Federation because it's his JOB. He doesn't get paid to do it. He just DOES it.” I flick his nose, ignoring his flinch.  
  
“Google, you kill for your job too! But you accept cold hard credits for it~” I pat her G with a laugh. She narrowed her eyes at me but otherwise doesn't react.  
  
I skip backward and twitch. “ME? I'm worse! Just like Star-face said!” I nod to myself. “I kill in exchange for Favors. Favors from Time Baby himself!” I laugh. “It's so much better than money you know?” I boop Johan’s nose.  
  
“...to be honest, I feel most beings in the multiverse would kill for a Favor from Time Baby.” Google says quietly. Johan pulls at his chains. “Y-you lie! Time Baby is...he won't ask for your help! You're just...a demon!”  
  
“That's just the brainwashing talking kid.” I ruffle his fur. “You've killed for the Federation before. Do you even know why?”  
  
“Because...I'm ordered to?” The Yakyak shakes my hand off him. I groan. “YES. But I mean, WHY? Do you...even know the REASON why you are sent to kill who you kill?” Ramen help me I was NOT in the mood for this. I was already growling through my smile.  
  
He slowly answers. “They were bad people. So I had to take them out.” I hum patiently, at least I tried to, the notes got somewhat hysterical near the end. “So then, if you are only sent after BAD people...why did you come here to kidnap two teenage CHILDREN who have committed no crimes?”  
  
He looks confused for a moment. No doubt being incapable of questioning the orders he was given. “Because...they're...baaaad?” he drawls out the ‘ba’ sound.  
  
“How are they bad?” I snap. “They have never killed anyone.” I lean closer to him “They have never stolen anything.” I lean ever closer “They have not broken the LAW in any way whatsoever.“  
  
Johan twitches his ears “They...are your children?” He says weakly.  
  
I slap him across the face. “I am not their father.” I slap him again. “There is no blood shared between us.” I slap him again. “They are PYRONICA’S children.” Another slap. “And I am helping her raise them because her species eats their mate.” Slap. “If YOU help a friend babysit their kids, does that mean THOSE KIDS should be judged for what YOU do?”  
  
Johan bleats in distress, his cheeks stinging from my hits.  
  
“I repeat my question, why were you sent to kidnap two children who have committed no crimes?” I lift up Johan's chin to look at me. He shivers. “I...I don't know…” he admits.  
  
I pat him almost comfortingly. “Of course you don't know. You're a LITERAL sheep. The Federation must have jizzed their collective pants when they discovered and enslaved YOUR species…” really though, hypocrites. Enslaving a planet is only okay when THEY do it. They call it Domestication and Civilization. Like they’re doing people a FAVOR when they come down in their ships with their weapons drawn.  
  
Find a planet with a species that the Federation deems ‘useful', invade the planet with claims of ‘helping' the native species. Claims of ‘education' and ‘civilizing' the species. Raise and brainwash them to be loyal to the Federation. Stamp out anyone who does anything even slightly problematic.  
  
Because Order and Peace were their goals. Control is needed to bring structure to this chaotic world. To be fair I don't blame them for wanting to do this, I just wish they wouldn't lie about it. If you're gonna enslave a planet and its people for the ‘greater good’ then just own up to it. None of this LYING to the universe to make themselves look better.  
  
I mime a few deep breaths to calm down.  
  
Google was staring at my not-really freak out quietly. Johan was bleating in distress and my hands continued petting his soft face. Finally Google says “For what it's worth, I took the job because I had bills to pay. It’s not often I get hired for a kidnapping instead of an assassination. Also my employer said they weren’t going to hurt them.” she frowns “I wouldn't have taken it otherwise.”  
  
“I appreciate your honesty but I still can't let you go. Not when you know so much.” I said calmly, calmer than I felt.  
  
“Know WHAT? That you're on the same level of power as Time Baby? That Time Baby uses you to kill trillions of people and forces YOU to take the blame for it all?” Google asks “None of that information can be used against you. It's not like I've learned your weaknesses or anything!”  
  
I shake my head at her. “I'm not saying you know too much and I can't let you go because you're a threat to me.” I actually felt a little guilty for running my mouth as I always do. “I'm saying that if I let you two go free, Time Baby is gonna hunt you down and silence you.”  
  
Google and Johan look taken aback. The Yakyak shakes his head. “He wouldn't do that! I'm a loyal Federation Cleaner!” Google however was frowning. “Bing. I hadn't thought of that….”  
  
I shrug. “Besides, I still haven't figured out what to DO with you…” wait. I have an idea! I can tell Google has realized I was onto something. Johan was still lagging behind the conversation. I grin at them. “So I can't let you leave since you're gonna be gunned down the instant you step foot back into the multiverse…” Because somehow Time Baby KNOWS when anyone finds out the truth of our relationship to each other, and he HATES it.  
  
And frankly I shouldn't even CARE if that happens to them but…  
  
“And I can't keep you down here all the time, it's getting to be too much trouble keeping you guys alive…” I glance over to the shattered remains of Star-face’s corpse “...or...not I guess…”  
  
Google looked worried. Unlike Star-face, she wanted to stay alive.  
  
“So I've thought of a solution.” I inform them calmly. “I can't very well let you off without punishment-”  
  
“Like these past few months trapped down here ISN'T punishment enough…” Google mutters.  
  
“-so I've decided…” I hold out my hands and reveal two maid outfits on hangers. “You can work for me instead. Sure, you're still my prisoners but at least you will be free to walk around, use the very nice facilities I have and get your own room and meals.” It’d be nice not having to just teleport food inside them anymore.  
  
Also, despite Liu-Dag having been absolutely awful, I really do want a live in maid.  
  
I grin at Johan “So really, it's not gonna be all that different to what your life was like at the Federation. Except now you've got a better uniform.”  
  
While Johan looks offended, Google rolls her eyes. “This is the best offer we're gonna get huh?” She mutters before nodding. “Alright then. I accept, if only so I don't have to be down here anymore.”  
  
I look at her sternly. “There WILL be ground rules.” I say. She scowls but nods. There was a fear in her eyes, knowing that she was at my mercy. I tried not to let it delight me so much. “You cannot leave the premises unless willingly accompanied by me, Pyronica, Hectorgon or Teeth. You cannot harm any of the inhabitants of this household unless it's self defense. You have a job as part of my cleaning staff to keep the house neat and tidy. You cannot enter other people's private chambers without their permission.” I thought to myself. Was that all? I think so. “And in exchange I will give you food, board and even a salary but I have a right to dock it if you don't do your jobs.” They weren't my SLAVES after all. Just...prisoners working a parole for the rest of their natural lives...or until Time Baby forgets about them learning his dirty little secrets.  
  
Which would take a few decades.  
  
Google blinks in surprise and hesitantly asks “We won't have to follow orders? We won't have to do whatever you or your demons tell us to?”  
  
I scoff “I might ask you to clean something or bring me something from another room but that's about it. I'm not gonna tell you to kill my enemies for me or something that dumb.” what does she take me for?  
  
Google blinks slowly. “That wasn't what I meant…” she glances at the maid outfit nervously. “We...don't have to obey any ‘special' requests?”  
  
It took me a few seconds to get what she meant and I sputtered, offended and disturbed. “What?! Ew! No! That's DISGUSTING! The most I’ll do is change out your uniform appearance when I get bored of it.” Google looks relieved. Johan still didn't get it.  
  
“And don't worry about my friends, I'll tell them to keep their hands off.” I assure her. She sighs in relief before glancing at Johan. “Same with him?” She asks.  
  
I nod. “Don't worry. There will be none of that here. If anyone tries anything with you, scream and I'll come resolve it.”  
  
The screaming was unnecessary and she knew it. I'm the All Seeing Eye after all. Still, she looked like she appreciated it. “Alright. I accept.” She hold put her hand and I shook it. “Deal.”  
  
Johan looked horrified. “I will not make deals with you DEMON!” He bleats. I shrug, already unshackling Google from the wall. “Since our fluffy Fed isn't leaving here, one of your jobs will be coming down to feed him.” I inform her. She nods even as she looks at the maid outfit with a resigned sigh.  
  
“Is the dress really necessary?” She groans.  
  
I nod. “Don't worry so much. I wear one too when I'm cleaning.”  
  
Ignoring her incredulous stare, I wave my hand to made the wall to the side open into stairs so we could leave the dungeon. Well, that's two prisoners dealt with. For Johan’s sake I hope he comes around soon so I don't have to keep him locked down there forever.  
  
\---  
  
None of my friends seemed surprised when I introduced them to Google in her uniform with a cheerful “I got a MAID!”  
  
Kryptos lets out a loud, relieved “YEEESSS!!!” that I finally had someone ELSE to force into the dresses I make. He's been acting kinda weird for a while. Ever since he had that accident with one of his experiments a few weeks ago. I shug it off as unimportant.  
  
  
  
Google twitches and I can see her L reaching for a weapon that wasn't there anymore. Right, professional assassin. Even if she looks adorable in her frilly skirt. Pyronica stares at the (former) assassin until Google shifts uneasily. “Is she a friend?”  
  
She says it casually but I can see the others (except 8-Ball and the children) catch on to her real question. I laugh. “Nah. She's just our new house maid!”  
  
I can tell Google hasn't noticed the real meaning behind that exchange. “So. This is Pyronica, Xanthar, Hectorgon, Amorphous Shape, Teeth, PaciFire, 8-Ball, Kryptos, Keyhole, Pynelope, Pyrone and my newest child, Quackers.” I introduced rapid fire. Google nodded slowly. She seemed a little overwhelmed to know how many people were actually living here.  
  
I lead her away to show her to her room. “Now we don't have any clocks in the house, aside from the ones built into the Coms or computers and those don't work half the time due to dimensional time shifts and all that so you don't have a schedule.” I explain as I float through the hallways.  
  
Google was looking around everywhere, memorizing the layout, possible escape routes. I don't worry all that much. The only way off this ship/house was the teleporter at the front entrance. Even if she tried swimming away into space she's not gonna make it far. This entire sector was a dead zone. No planets. Just pitch black void as far as mortal eyes can see with the twinkling of distant stars millions of light years away.  
  
Besides, if she - ~~escapes~~ \- leaves all she has to look forward to is being gunned down by any Federation officer in the area. I feel a little bad for her but Time Baby’s got shit memory, he’ll forget eventually and I can have Hectorgon erase her bounty from the Fed System.  
  
By then she would have served her ‘punishment' long enough for me to feel satisfied to let her go.  
  
I chat happily about her new lodgings (nice big room, personal bathroom and so on while I try to ignore that I just killed a man not even 20 minutes ago.  
  
She settled well, if a little weirded out at how accommodating I was. “I wasn't expecting such a nice room…” she muttered.  
  
“I happen to treat my guests very well.” I said. “Prisoners, not so much. Frankly I was VERY lenient to you guys. I ate my last prisoners after ripping out their hearts….” I say cheerfully. Google shudders. “Good to know.” She says in a strained voice. I pat her on the top of her G comfortingly. “Well, go get some sleep. Your first day of work starts tomorrow. I’ll walk you through it.”  
  
She nods, still looking weirded out by the turn her life has taken.  
  
\---  
  
Google stared at me and Xanthar. It was only the three of us here today (four if you count Hectorgon passed out in front of his computer back in his room. The twins were at school. Ammy and 8-Ball were taking Quackers to the park on planet P@k. Teeth was at the theater, their next show was gonna be a Comedy. Pyronica and Keyhole were job hunting together. PaciFire was with his co-workers on another Demon Baby Fights filming session. Kryptos was searching for an internship.  
  
And I was in a maid outfit.  
  
“You weren't kidding about wearing this stuff yourself.” Google says at last.  
  
Xanthar snuffles against my side. He didn't trust this stranger in the house yet and had taken it upon himself to be my bodyguard. I nuzzle him happily. Always made me feel good to know he cared.  
  
“I like my dresses. Makes me feel pretty.” I admit as I fluttered off to show Google where the cleaning supplies were kept. She followed, bemused. I spent the day showing her around all the main rooms of the house and she looks somewhat faint.  
  
“This place is HUGE. Am I really expected to clean it ALL?” She says in despair. I give her a reassuring look. “Not by yourself. The others have their own chores around the house and I clean too.”  
  
“Can't you just...magic the place clean?” She asks.  
  
I sigh. “But cleaning manually is…” I struggle to find the right way to put it. Therapeutic? Relaxing? “...nice.” I say lamely. It's not like I can explain how carefully scraping gunk out of hinges with a toothpick brings me ecstatic satisfaction. It's not like I can explain how stacking plates into the dishwasher fulfills some weird craving inside me.  
  
I wonder if my OCD has gotten worse over the years…  
  
I hum cheerfully while I wipe down the tables as Google does the same. She keeps sneaking glances at me. “You're nothing like your reputation would imply…” she says. “But at the same time, you are exactly like it.”  
  
“How so?” I wonder as Xanthar settles down to watch us from the doorway. He was staring suspiciously at Google the whole time.  
  
“You are an insane monster who can murder a man without even hesitating, an admirable trait in my opinion.” The assassin scrubs a stain off the kitchen counter. “But...you have a personal life outside of that.”  
  
“Of course I do. What? Do people think I spend my every waking moment committing vicious crimes and nefarious plots?” I drawl sarcastically. Google looks at me quickly before going back to her cleaning. “Not...exactly the words I would use but...yes.”  
  
“I go grocery shopping. I go to amusement parks....I run a COOKING SHOW!” I groan loudly. “And people STILL don't realize I am a PERSON!”  
  
Google frowns. “I've noticed.” She mutters. “But, aren't you a GOD? The Axolotl and Time Baby spend all their existence on their duties. Why don't you?”  
  
I sigh. “I tried. Didn't work. I decided not to bother anymore.”  
  
At her questioning look I sighed. “I am a master of the mind. Knowledge is my domain. As soon as I was old enough to traverse the multiverse on my own I sought out life.”  
  
It would be my first time telling this to someone. My friends never particularly cared to know my past unless a problem came up. I don't ask about their history and they don't ask about mine.  
  
It wasn't important after all. The present held more significance to me. The past was merely information I can look up if I really wanted to. The present is happening now and once it's passed I can't get it back so I spent my time looking forward.  
  
But I won't deny a part of me has always wanted to talk about it.  
  
“It was hard at first. No life can grow in an empty void. So I created the stars together with Ax.” I reminisce fondly. Even if the 3rd Dimension had my energy bouncing around it, the rest of the multiverse had started out rather sparse. Under the direction of Ax and Time Baby, the three of us worked to set things in motion. There was plenty of space that Ax had created. But without energy it was empty. So I poured my power into the well of Existence along with Time Baby and Matter popped into the world. Millions of years would go by as I waited for the multiverse to develop.  
  
“The first life in the multiverse were tiny little single celled organisms. They were alive but they didn't have souls or minds. It took millions of years for REAL sentient life to develop.” Google had slowed her movements as she focused more on my words. Xanthar was also listening closely.  
  
“So as a creature of knowledge I appeared before the first species capable of sentient thought to begin my calling of speaking to them, teaching them about the world…and they threw a ROCK at me!” I hissed.  
  
Google stills entirely. “Oh…” she says in realization.  
  
I wasn't paying attention to her any more, angrily caught up in my memories. “I was still young, wasn't very good at controlling my powers. Accidentally killed the guy.” I groan and rub my eye. “It was the start of many misunderstandings, mistakes and dead bodies…”  
  
Google watches me quietly. “So...you're not actually an evil god?”  
  
“...” I sighed. “I wasn't **supposed** to be. I AM a chaos god...but that has nothing to do with evilness…evil is relative anyway.” it was so long ago...feels like forever…  
  
I've gotten better control. I still feel guilty whenever I see that hole in that planet...Time Baby doesn't bring it up in conversation but I can still see it. I have been working hard to keep my powers in check. I immediately head to the Nightmare Realm now whenever I feel my control slip. It's all I can do.  
  
Xanthar comes up and hugs me. I go limp in his embrace, sad but also somewhat relieved I could finally get that off my chest. All my stupid mistakes kept piling up until I just...stopped caring about being ‘good'. It wasn't worth it.  
  
And with Time Baby's jobs being nothing but awful, terrible things...there was no way to salvage my reputation. So I stopped trying. It was easier to be a bad person. I've been so much happier since I stopped trying to be good.  
  
That's why I can't stand it when people try to tell me I'm a good person. It's not true and I don't want it to be true. Being good is worthless. I shivered in Xanthar's arms. Google makes an embarrassed sound. “So...uh...do you just...spill your heart out to anyone who asks?” She says awkwardly.  
  
“Pretty much.” I chirp cheerfully as my mood does a 180° (I was upset, now I'm not. Simple.) and I pat Xanthar. “Thanks for holding me until I got over myself.” I nuzzle him lovingly. He’s gotten pretty good at just holding me while I ride out my mood swings.  
  
He lets go of me and I float off to finish cleaning the table while humming cheerfully. Google remains quiet as she scrubs. We clean through most of the rooms before Hec wakes up hungry and I whip up a quick lunch for all of us. Pan fried ramlettes for Hec and myself, soup ramen for Google and leftover soup for Xanthar. Google watches me cook with a contemplative look on her face.  
  
As I place the bowl in front of her, Google finally speaks. “You cooked my meal with boiling water instead of in the pan like you did for the red man.” She narrows her eyes at me. “Why?”  
  
“Because you prefer liquid based meals.” I shrug as I sit down to eat my own ramlette. She looks down at her bowl. “I would ask how you knew my prefrences...but as everyone says, you know everything…” she mumbles as she picks up a fork to begin eating.  
  
“I don't know EVERYTHING. I know LOTS of things.” I glance at her and consider my options before shrugging and shifting into my William form. I want to enjoy tasting my ramelette. Google goes shock still as I swing my legs happily and eat my lunch.  
  
“W-w-w-wha?!”  
  
Hectorgon and Xanthar were both watching Google closely. I ignore her, purring happily at the flavor of my meal. Mmm~adding dill was definitely a good idea~  
  
Google stares at me “You...can shapeshift?” She finally manages to say. “Yeah?” I mumble with a fork in my mouth “I shapeshift all the time. You've seen me change color...”  
  
“No I mean...you...can shapeshift!” She looks frantic. I stare at her “Why do people always make such a big deal over what I can do?” I roll my eye and go back to my food. She makes a frustrated noise. “I'm just... _distressed_ , that apparently everything I know about you is wrong.”  
  
“You and most of the multiverse.” Hectorgon mutters. He settled back on his chair and ate his meal. “Most information about Bill is being spread by the Federation propaganda and the Federation lies. They want a public enemy to unite against. They hide their own issues by diverting people's attention to ‘demons' and other threats. Bill’s not the only demon being villainized but she is the most misunderstood one.”  
  
I shrug. “Not ALL of their warnings about me are incorrect. I was a real loose canon when I was younger. I've mellowed out over the years.”  
  
Google was quietly contemplative for the rest of the day. I write up a list of chores for her to do and post it on her door. “The house is usually pretty clean anyway so you don't have to do everything everyday. Just tidy up stuff you see and...otherwise you're free to do what you want within reason.”  
  
“Can I still do my job? My real job?” She asks. I sigh. “If you can move about out there without being gunned down by the Federation then sure. I'm won't stop you from leaving if you must but tell me or someone else first so they can escort you through the teleporter.” She won't get far, her Deal ensured she would eventually come back.  
  
“And what's to stop me from spilling any secrets about you that I've learned?” She tested. Bold of her to assume anything she's learned would be useful to my enemies. I can shapeshift, big whoop. Not like that's anything earth shattering. I just can't use my Jan, Miz or Xin forms around her. That's not difficult.  
  
Speaking of Miz, I haven't hung out with Jessie in a while and I HAD been considering discussing my problems with her. As embarrassing as it would be. Also, she might have some pointers for securing my mind against intrusion.  
  
I settled against Xanthar that night in my William form to try and sleep. He was always so soft and warm.  
  
  
  
I check that my artificial Dreamscape was in place before relaxing into slumber. Just for a little while I can forget about my worries.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Also, next week's chapter isn't gonna be a real chapter but a Kryptos Interlude. I started writing it from an idea prompt my friend Alec gave me and was originally going to put it in Broken Timelines like I did with the other lewd Kryptos/Bill thing I wrote but then actual character building kinda...happened?


	63. Chapter 57.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're here by my side I feel like maybe there's something worth it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter is mostly NSFW pervertedness to satisfy my Bill/Kryptos cravings because I like to torture the poor compass…I confess I'm not sure how consensual this is considering both of them are curious and neither fully understand what's happening?
> 
> And then it gets sad. You have been warned.
> 
> I have the nude pics as links you need to copy paste to see but there is one panty shot pic that isn't hidden.
> 
> And yes I know F_Imaginings had her Bill perform experiments on potatoes as well, but I've got a bunch lying around and I like potatoes! They can be used for almost anything!
> 
> Also! My birthday is coming up! I'm gonna be 28 soon~

**Illusion is Reality: Kryptos Interlude**

**-Oh snap-**

**Chapter 57.5**

\----

**Kryptos's POV**

I looked down at my newest experiment.

It wasn't for school. It wasn't even for my - ~~world domination~~ \- side projects. I hadn't told Bill about this experiment yet. It was personal. Sort of. It was a personal project I was undertaking for Bill's sake.

I narrowed my eye as I thought of those... _humans_ that had stayed with us for a few weeks. I thought of those sweet sounds Bill had made when the hairy one (Stun? Sten?) had run his hands along Bill's head. My hand slipped and a screw popped off. Fuck.

I picked the piece back up and inspected my machine. Good. Nothing broke. I growled quietly as I thought about it. What was Bill's fascination with those weird squishy creatures? They didn't even have external shells to protect their soft bits!

A distant part of me knew I was being unfair. Xanthar was a fleshy creature. So were Pyronica and PaciFire. No. Flesh wasn't the issue here. I suppose I can understand how Bill would enjoy touching creatures like that. He cuddled with Xanthar daily, loudly declaring the loaf to be the softest thing in the world.

Perhaps it's the soft, squishiness that appeals to Bill?

I adjusted the wires of the machine I had built. It was shaped like a ray gun. There was a spinning dial just behind the muzzle. I had the back open as I fiddled with the insides. It was almost time for my first test. I twisted another wire carefully into place and loaded the microchip with the data I have gathered and programmed in.

Gonna have to thank Hec for those lessons.

I clicked the cover on and breathed out a sigh. Right. I turned to pull out my clipboard. Experiment Restructuration Ray, Test One. I pulled out a potato. I had a whole bunch from when Pyronica tried to get rid of them without Bill finding out. She had run into my room while I was working and threw a handful of the things at me while screaming “HIDE THESE!!”

Well.

Either way, I had plenty of test subjects for my experiment.

I positioned the potato on the little circle I drew on the ground to indicate the test zone, grimacing as I moved its arms and legs so it would sit up properly.

“Restructuration Ray. Test one. Setting, Polytool.” I held out the ray gun in front of me on the selected setting and held down the trigger. It whirled to life with a faint reddish light as the energy built up. I grunted as the kickback of the ray’s energy shook my hands when the shot went off.

I blew on the steam coming from the tip of the gun before setting it down to cool off. I waved my hand through the steam around the potato so I could see the results of the ray. The potato was still intact. It hasn't exploded which was GREAT news.

It was also a square now.

“Yes!!!” I cheered as I jogged in place. I picked up the potato to make sure I wasn't celebrating too soon. Hm. The firm skin had hardened into a rigid shell. I turned the potato over in my hands. It had flattened somewhat. Not as thin as I was, and definitely not as thin as Bill but it worked. It actually worked.

Months of calculations and research have finally paid off!

Well, for one of the settings at least.

I put the potato back on the circle and picked up the Restructuration Ray again. I turned the dial to 0 and fired again. The Zero setting should revert the changes and return the creature to its natural form.

Never create something that doesn't have an undo button after all.

The 2nd shot went off and this time I waited for the steam to disperse on it's own while I jotted down my notes from the previous test. As I wrote Restructuration Ray, Test two, Setting Zero, on my clipboard the steam cleared and I looked at the potato.

Rather, what used to be a potato.

“Ugh…” I grimaced. Ok. So the undo option needed more work.

I nudged the mildly burnt and exploded remains of the potato off the circle and grabbed another one. Well, time to test the other setting. Might as well see if it works so I know if I have to fix up this setting too.

I turned the dial to a small stick figure with a head, torso, arms and legs. “Restructuration Ray, test three, setting humanoid.”

I held down the trigger and aimed carefully at the potato. Carefully...

“I SMELL BAKED POTATOES!!!” Bill burst into my room and I yelped in surprise, fumbled my gun and my eye widened in horror when my clumsy movements caused it to point at myself.

Oh SHI-

A nearly unbearable heat overtook my body. I gasped in shock before crying out as the heat burned through me. I felt my sides shifting, twisting. My head prickled and it felt like I was swelling. I dropped to my knees with another gasp as my corners expanded like some kind of balloon. It didn't hurt but it was so HOT. Like I was burning from the inside out.

“Oh my gosh! Kryptos I'm sorry I didn't mean to-” Bill’s voice trailed off and I groaned as I slowly pushed myself into a seated position. Oh void I've got a SPINE! I opened my eye, singular. Oh thank void. I don't know how I’d handle TWO. I blinked slowly before turning to Bill.

He was staring at me with a wide eye as he hung in midair unmoving. I winced. “Ah...Bill? Are you...ok?”

That seemed to break him out of whatever trance he was in. I yelped and fell over as he tackled me in a hug.

“SOOOO CUTE!!!!”

I blushed hard as Bill nuzzled against my chest. Shit. The friction of his bricks against my still tender newly formed skin was…

Amazing!

“B-Bill! Wait! S-st-stop!!!” I squealed as I pushed him off. Shit. Was this what flesh creatures felt when they touched things?! It was so WEIRD (and I wanted more). There was an odd heat gathering in my stomach and I was panting with the memory of how nice Bill's bricks felt against me. My skin was tingling from the aftereffects of the transformation. The scientific part of me noted that aside from the burning sensation, the process had been relatively painless. Good to know, one less problem to deal with when I work out the bugs in this machine's design.

Bill stopped moving the instant I said “Stop.” and he floated there as I flushed. I shivered. Just a little rubbing along my chest was enough to get me this worked up.

How good would it feel if I asked Bill to touch me anywhere else?

I shook my head. There's no way I can ask him for that!

“So...what happened here Kryptos?” Bill’s question broke me out from my embarrassing thoughts. I fidgeted nervously but ended up gasping as the movement rubbed my butt against the stone ground. Oh. I turned to look at said butt. Ugh. It was so...round. How unsightly. None of my handsome straight lines and sharp edges.

Still don't know how Bill can find something like this attractive. “I was experimenting with something…” I told the triangle.

Sure Bill’s Jan-Jan form was fleshy and yet I still found it attractive but that was from the sheer amount of power I could feel emanating from him. And those glorious shifting patterns along his skin.

Humans though? They felt...bland.

Sure those lines and speckles along their skin are somewhat pretty but how could anyone be attracted to something that barely generates enough energy to keep their cells alive?

I frowned at my round butt. Not just my butt, my legs had swollen up and when I moved they actually jiggled. Gross. I hear a strange sound and looked back at Bill. “B-Bill?!”

He was panting as he stared at my thighs while his bricks pulsed a deep orange color. “Damn~I knew you had thicc lines but...geez…” he practically purred as he wiggled around in the air. “Fuck, I just want to watch you swelling up like that in slow motion…” he giggled hysterically. His eye looked a little...strange...like he was in some sort of daze.

I suddenly felt a little self conscious but a twinge of excitement and smug pride filled me as well. This experiment was meant to catch Bill’s attention and it seemed like I had succeeded.

“Do you…” I licked my teeth and flushed darker. “...want to touch it?” Ahhh!!! I actually said it!!! Eeeee!!!

**((((((((((((((Seriously, last warning. There will be smut ahead!)))))))))))**

Bill's eye shot up to stare at my own. That slit pupil was dilated and widened with Bill’s excited curiosity. “Are you sure?” He asked hesitantly. Then he flushed and looked away “I mean...this is kinda weird since it's you…” he wiggled “But it looks so soft…” he whined. Bill liked touching things that he thinks have cool textures. He did that with Xanthar’s whole body (fluffy), PaciFire’s tail (smooth), Keyhole's head (bumpy) and so on. Bill didn't like BEING touched but he liked touching OTHER things. It was very strange. He once complained that this double standard was stupid and he's very sorry for having it. We told him it wasn't his fault he felt the way he did about touch.

I looked away in embarrassment but nodded. “I m-mean...you're the Shapeshifting expert...so you should check to make sure nothing went wrong r-right?” yeah, that sounded like a worthy excuse.

“Ok. But only if you're sure. You seemed pretty upset before, I didn't mean to attack you like that. Sorry.” Bill sounded a little guilty. “You just looked so cute I had to glomp you…”

I smiled at Bill’s response. “Yeah. It's fine. I was just a little surprised.” Bill's need to hug things he found cute were another trait I found incredibly endearing about the triangle. He did that with stuffed animals (and real animals) all the time.

Bill nodded before he floated down to inspect my body closely. I was quite warm as I could practically _feel_ his gaze roam around my new form. I felt electricity dance along my skin and that heat in my stomach seemed to grow.

I breathed out and was surprised to see steam come out of my mouth. I really was heating up. It didn't hurt though so perhaps it was some side effect of my ray? I thought of how that potato had exploded and felt a sudden chill. What if I exploded too?!

I didn't want to explode. Bill told us that it hurt a lot. But...at least if Bill was here he would notice if something like that was going to happen and prevent it right?!

I yelped loudly when Bill finally reached out a hand to poke my thick thighs. He pulled back at my shout. “I'm sorry!!” He cried.

“N-no it's fine! I was just...surprised…” I shook my head. Bill gave me a long look before slowly reaching out again. I held my breath as his little fingers trailed along the round, smooth skin. I shivered. “Ah…” the sound escaped me before I realized it. Bill’s hands stilled.

“Should I stop? Is this weird?” He asked softly. I bit my lip and shuddered. “No, k-keep going.” I gasped. I know Bill was just petting me because he was curious but I couldn't help but wish it meant something more to him.

Bill made a soft sound before shifting forms into the one he called William. The humanoid Cyclops grinned at me, completely naked. “This way it's fair.” He said as if that made any sense at all. “Since you're naked too.” he added. I resist the urge to tell him that we're all pretty much naked all the time anyway...

I still blushed hard when I glanced down at Bill's body. “You didn't have to!” I sputtered. Bill shrugged. “It's fine. I am going to be basically groping you after all…if you don't mind? I need to check if your body is stable.” He frowned. "Shape shifting is a delicate process and there are so many ways it could go wrong."

I felt a thrill run through me at his words. “I-it's fine!” I squeaked. “To-touch as much as you want!” I couldn't deny that I really wanted to feel more of that pleasant friction. Bill places his hands along my hips and brushed down, sliding around my round butt before gently squeezing. I tried to hold back some embarrassing sounds but I don't think I succeeded.

Bill squeezed again, moving his hands to begin squishing my thighs as well. “You're very bottom heavy, perhaps due to how wide your real body is?” He mused to himself as he squeezed along my thighs. “Firm yet soft. It certainly feels like human flesh...despite the color. Is there a full skeleton underneath?” he seemed focused on actually inspecting my body to see if it was structured right. I was both exasperated at his clinical outlook and annoyed that he wasn't catching on to what I wanted from him.

“Ngh...Ah...hah…” I moaned softly as his long fingers felt up my tender skin. That heat pooling in my stomach was getting unbearable. I felt my Point twitch and whimpered in embarrassment when I realized my body was preparing for Etching. Bill had moved behind me and probably didn't see it. I stared down at my crotch, instead of lengthening into a sharp point for carving through templates, my point had turned into some weird...worm looking thing?

It was twitching as I felt more heat pool into it. I felt a strange _need_ fill me. A need for what I didn't know. But my point seemed to throb and I let out a whimper. I felt warm and tingly all over and my point was aching. “B-Bill...something is wrong…” I whined.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/e6940f1a4f7f9618de206b5c95eed1ec/tumblr_pggqw8l6u41x2rcv1o1_540.png

(Dick pic)

Bill leaned over my shoulder from where he had been feeling around my chest and mumbling about ‘Ribs'. “Oh. You're aroused.” he coughed awkwardly. “I'm sorry, I didn't think you were...um…”

“Everything feels amazing…” I whimpered. I leaned back against Bill's body and rubbed myself along him. I wanted more friction. He made a cute little squeak. “K-Kryptos?!"

“My point is aching Bill! What do I do?” I moaned when it throbbed again. Was it going to explode? That sounds terrifying! But it was so swollen and gross looking! Bill sputtered from behind me. “We-well you need to...um...touch it...stroke it? And um…” he shifted nervously and I sighed as he ended up rubbing his chest against my back. The bricks along his body burned so pleasantly. “Can you touch it for me?” I asked.

“What?! Well um...t-that's not...ah…” seeing Bill so flustered was making my point ache. I wanted...needed him to touch it. “Bill please? I don't know what to do…” I really didn't. These were sensations I've never felt before.

Bill made an embarrassed sound “Right...your species doesn't exactly have the nerves that allow for pleasure during mating…of course you don't know how masturbation works…”

“You were fine touching the rest of me, why is this so different?” I moaned, half curious and half just wanting relief from this awful ache. Bill whimpered “Well because that's your dick...and that's weird…” he took one of my hands and moved it to place on my point. “It's not hard. Just wrap your hand around it and start stroking it…”

I tried to do as he said and curled my gloved hand around my point. I gasped at the feeling. Oh. Yes…

I squeezed a little and began stroking my point up and down, moaning loudly as that _need_ inside me was finally being attended to. It felt so good. Squeezing this squishy thing my point had turned into sent jolts of sensation all along my crotch and up to the rest of me. I panted as I got into the rhythm of it. Up and down, up and down. My hips began moving along with it as I stroked myself faster and faster. This wasn't enough. My gloves weren't good enough. “B-Bill...I ca-can't...I need…” I panted pitifully as I tried my best to fulfill that ache but just couldn't quite make it.

“I c-can't do this by myself!” I wailed as the odd feeling just kept building. I don't know what I'm supposed to do!

“Um...try taking your glove off?” Bill suggested. He made an embarrassed but curious sound. “You don't have any balls that I can see, what's gonna come out I wonder?”

“Something’s gonna come out?!” I cried in fear. Bill waved his hands “I don't actually know! Humans have a white liquid that comes out when they do this...but I don't know what's gonna happen with you…”

“Nothing's supposed to come out! My point just extends and I use it to carve a template before it retracts!” I wailed. Bill quickly hugged me. “Shh it's ok...it's gonna be okay…” he was rubbing my back soothingly. “I will be here the whole time.” Despite my fears, it was reassuring to know Bill was gonna stay.

He pulled back to kneel in front of me. He placed his hands up to cup my face. “Ok Kryptos, if your glove is in the way, take it off.”

“But what if I-”

“You can't be hurt by your own electricity, you're not a Pichu! You're more like a Shinx...or a Pachirisu if we're taking your cute teeth into account…”

“I have no idea what those are!!” I wailed.

Bill rolled his eye and tugged my glove off. “Not important, here, just try using your actual hand…” he trails off again, staring at my hand, which was sparking and sizzling with electricity.

“W-what’s wrong Bill?” I asked hesitantly.

“Awww~you have such dainty fingers~” Bill squealed as he pressed my hand to his face and nuzzled it. “Bill!!!” I whined.

“Dammit Kryptos why'd you have to be so cute? I'm so jealous!” Bill pouted at me even as I could see my electricity sparking across his skin. “Doesn't that hurt?!” I asked.

“It stings a little but I've had worse.” Bill shrugged before taking my hand off his face and pressing it to my point. “So is this better? Without the glove?”

It did feel better, especially when I felt the buzzing of my electricity along my skin. “!!!!” I threw back my head and moaned. This was WAAAY too much for me.

I collapsed backward on the ground, my point still stubbornly throbbing upright. “I can't do this Bill! I'm gonna die!” I wailed. “You're not gonna die Kryptos!” Bill rolled his eye. He pulled me back into a seated position. I notice he was blushing pretty adorably. “H-how about I...jerk myself off so you can see how it's done?” he looked a little uncomfortable with the idea but it seemed he was willing to do so if it would help in any way.

“You...that doesn't really fix the problem you know?! I can't touch myself proper-”

“I KNOW! It's not...really...geez...I'm a mess…” Bill whimpered as he covered his face. “You're super cute like this Kryptos! Even cuter than usual and it's really weird…” he muttered.

“Is it really so disturbing for you to find me attractive?” I asked sadly. He shakes his head quickly. “No! Yes? Kinda?!”

He sighed and sat in a kneeling position. “You're like a little sibling to me Kryptos and I love you a lot...so finding you _attractive_ is super...weird…”

“Then why do you always put me in goddam dresses?!” I protested. Bill shrugged. “I did that with my real siblings too.” he sighed “Putting cute people in cute clothes is so much fun~” he giggles.

I suddenly felt sorry for Bill’s siblings. They must have had a difficult life growing up.

But this still didn't change the fact that my point was still twitching and I wiggled uncomfortably. “Dammit I'm going to go nuts!” I wailed. Bill sighed and I yelped when he reached down and closed his incredibly warm fingers around my point.

“Bill?!” I cried as I looked up at him. His eye was averted and he was blushing profusely. “I don't like seeing you suffer ok? And...I've always been kinda curious about this kind of thing…” he ducked his head, hiding his eye behind his bangs. “So...I just…” he sounded so unsure of himself. I didn't like that. I leaned forward and hugged him gently. He shivered.

“You don't have to do this.” I told him. He shook his head. “I've watched people do this all the time. I like watching it and part of me kinda wanted to try it out...but I'm too afraid to. It's scary and gross.” He turned to glance at me. I felt my breath catch, Bill’s expression was shy and his orange blush colored his cheeks. “This is pretty fucked up but could I try touching you? I don't feel right doing this with strangers and doing this with myself just isn't the same thing and you're my friend which makes it both better AND worse but-”

He was babbling so I sighed and placed my hand on his head. He stilled. I pet his hair and his ears twitched. “It's fine Bill. Just...do what you want.” I feel my point throb in his hand. I move my hips to get some of that friction I was craving. “Touch me however you want.” I breathed softly as I ground my point along his fingers.

He sputtered and I rocked my hips into his hand again.

“I'm an awful pervert…” Bill mumbled as he started stroking my point. I moaned as his fingers left tingling sensations that seemed to spread across my crotch. I mewled breathlessly as I buried my face into his chest, placing my hands on his shoulders as I got up on my knees so I could thrust my hips faster.

“I'm a sick, twisted person…” Bill was breathing heavily as he spoke, his eye half lidded when I glanced up at him. “B-B-Bill…” I gasped. The heat in my stomach was growing and I thrust harder into the warm grip of Bill's long fingers. My buttcheeks were slapping against each other with an embarrassing fleshy sound as my meaty bottom jiggled with my rapid movements.

Bill's free hand came up to grip my chin and tilt my face up higher. Bill's large eye stared unblinkingly down at me. “I must be a fucking pervert if I'm getting off on this…” he sighed in frustration as he held my face in place so he could see my expression as I fucked his hand. That's what this was, wasn't it? That sex thing that I've heard so much about.

My mouth dropped open so my panting breaths released small puffs of steam. There was a feeling inside me, like I was getting close. Close to what, I didn't know but I just knew I wanted to get there. My point twitched and I felt my stomach clench.

“Bi-Bill...I'm...I'm gonna…” I gasped, drool trickling down my chin and onto Bill’s hand as I panted harder.

“I wanna watch...isn't that just so fucked up?” Bill muttered as I finally felt my body release that build up of heat. There was a bright flash of light, an ear splitting sound of a thunderclap and I spasmed with a loud cry. I hear Bill yelp as the smell of ozone filled the room.

I collapsed to the ground panting heavily with my eye half shut in a daze, my tongue hung out as I trembled. Fu...fucking...shit that felt...AMAZING!

**(((((((((((((((((((Ok it's sort of safe now?))))))))))))))))))))))))))**

 

“Did you just cum LIGHTNING?!” Bill shrieked.

“Eh-bah...dah…” I said intelligently.

I feel myself being lifted from the ground as Bill shook me. “Dude! That was FUCKING metal as shit!” He squealed. “Can you do that again? How long is your range? You know that was WAY stronger than anything I've seen you shoot from your hands…”

“B-Bill...staaap~” I moaned. He let go and I flopped backward bonelessly. I was so tired. Bill was still talking quickly in excitement. “This is so cool! Gonna suck for any future girlfriends you happen to get but seriously, think of all the fun stuff you can do with this ability?!”

I vaguely hear Hectorgon’s muffled voice shouting through the walls “WHAT THE **FUCK** HAPPENED TO OUR WIFI!?”

Bill glanced over at the door. “Huh. I'm guessing that discharge must have messed up the signals in the house.” He gets up and heads to the door “Be right back Kryptos. I need to go fix this before Hectorgon has a meltdown or something.”

I moaned weakly.

You know what’s the worse part of this? Even after all this, I think Bill still hasn't realized how I feel. I rolled over onto my stomach and rubbed my face against the cool stone. It feels nice on my overheated body.

My limbs were still trembling. That was way too intense. I lifted myself off the ground and crawled over to my bed. I will admit it felt pretty great and Bill apparently finds me attractive. Now I just need to get him to stop thinking of me as a little sister.

I suspect Bill just wanted a family again so badly that he sees us all as such. There has to be some way to get him to realize he doesn't have to? I can only hope. He did seem interested...if only due to curiosity…

Ok. New plan. Seduce Bill Cipher.

I face palm.

“Auuuuugh~”

\-------

 

**(((((((((((((((MOAR ECCHI STUFF))))))))))))))**

My point was not retracting.

I glared at the stupid floppy thing. It appears it was not going away. Bill stared at it in fascination. “It really is all floppy! But it's still here! Hm...well humans can't retract their penises either so perhaps it's like that?” He mused as he stood before me, comparing our anatomy.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/23a1bb4272a23f5a311548578aa72b08/tumblr_pggqw8l6u41x2rcv1o2_640.png

 (More nudes)

Dammit!

I wanted Bill to notice me but not like this!

“You're so squishy!” Bill reached down to pat my thighs. “So lucky~I'm practically skin and bones in this form!” he frowned at his thin legs.

“C-can't you shapeshift to make yourself rounder? If you want that so much?” I asked. Bill sighed. “Xin and Miz are already plushy. But William feels weird when I add curves.” He shrugged. “I tried making myself more voluptuous once but it didn't work. Circles and me as an altered triangle don't go together.” He frowned. “ However if I add mammalian bits into my DNA to more closely resemble a human, I grow breasts which unlocks my ability to add more curves.”

As interesting as this discussion was, it wasn't what I needed to seduce him. Since Bill seemed to like this gross fat butt I have, I have tried pointing it at him or rubbing it against him but aside from a few embarrassed looks, I only really succeeded in arousing myself. Which wasn't bad per say because Bill would help me deal with that little inconvenience.

You'd think having Bill jerk me off would be a sign that I was finally making some headway but Nooo, Bill just likes to watch me shoot lightning from my point! He's so genuinely interested in the process he doesn't even seem to think of it as sex.

So there I was, thrusting desperately into Bill's hands as he pointed me at a lightning rod so my discharge doesn't cause a blackout or something. He even set up a battery to store my 'cum'. This time he was behind me so I could rub my butt against his crotch with every thrust as he curled his hands around my point. “T-tighter please!” I panted, mouth wide and drooling as I lost myself to the wonderful frictional feeling. Despite my efforts, my attempts to arouse Bill didn't seem to be working even though I could tell he was enjoying himself. I couldn't directly touch Bill in the ways I wanted because he would freak out, so my method of ‘just so happening’ to rub my butt along his chest and crotch while I was moving my hips was the best I could do.

Too bad it wasn't doing anything for him.

I moaned as another lightning bolt shot out when I climaxed. I collapsed into a drooling, twitching mess on my bed as Bill massaged my point to try and milk more electricity out of me. “Seriously! How do you do that?! Does the friction build up an electrical charge along with your movements? Will it be stronger if I used magnets?” he pulled at the squishy thing trying to make it go hard again.

“C-can we please take a break?” I moaned. He made me (what's that word he used?) cum over 3 times already and I think I might actually die if he keeps this up. He pouted but when I offered to give him a head pat he eagerly flopped onto my lap with a happy wiggle.

**(((((((((((((((((((((((((Ok we done now)))))))))))))))))))))))))))**

 

I gave him his head pats, scratching at his scalp and ears to try and find his weak spot. I managed to make him purr and mewl deliciously but still couldn't arouse him from just that. I don't think he even realizes that was my goal.

“Hey Bill?” I asked as I combed my ungloved fingers through his hair. The stands seemed to be made of actual gold mixed with some other elements to make it feel softer than its molecular makeup would imply. It glimmered as its high conductivity had my static flicker through them. Apparently Bill enjoyed that sensation.

“What's up Kryptos?” Bill sighed from where he was nuzzling his face along my thighs. One of his hands absently rubbed my butt the same way he would pet Xanthar's fur whenever he cuddled with the loaf.

“Are we sexual partners?” I asked hesitantly. I feel him go still. I try to hide my panic. He turns to gaze up at me with that cute large eye of his. He really looks so innocent like this, his head in my lap with his hair spread around and glowing.

“Does this count as sex?” He asked quietly. He sounded so lost and confused. I lick my teeth and considered my response. “I'm not sure. You do let me fuck your hands…”

“Do handjobs count as sex?” He frowned in thought “I guess they do?” His expression turned to shame “Oh god I've been fucking my little brother.”

“I'm NOT your brother! For the love of right angles!”

Bill pulled away, to my despair, and brought his legs up to his chest. “I'm disgusting.” He whimpered as he curled around himself.

“No you're not Bill.” I tried to assure him. “We're not actually related.”

“That's not the point!” Bill cried. “If I see you as a sibling, love you as a sibling, and still decide to fuck you...that's _wrong_!” he shivered.

“But I don't see you as a sibling.” I pointed out. “And I **want** to have s-sex with you.” I stuttered.

Bill lifted his head to look at me. I flinch when I see he's crying. “But...I...I pretty much raped you…” he sobbed.

“No you didn't!” I protested.

“But I touched you all weird and then made your dick go hard and I even jerked you off without permission…” he squeezed his eye shut as he cried.

“No, no, it's fine! I wanted to do that sort of thing with you! I gave you permission! And you stopped when I asked you to!” I wiped at his tears but he just kept crying. “But you d-didn't even know what masturbation was! You just sta-started feeling good and wanted more! And I took advantage of you!” Bill sobbed.

I hugged him. “No you didn't. If anything...I'm the one who's been taking advantage of you! I'm…” I didn't know how to explain this. “I'm trying to purposely arouse you and seduce you!”

He blinked in confusion, tears trailing down his face. “But...why?”

“Dammit Bill! It's because I really li-like you and I want to start a relationship with you! Like, not as friends or family! I want to be **together** with you! Like...romantically! Sexually!” It seems I would have to be really upfront about this.

His expression went from distressed to realization. Then to my horror, he seemed to short circuit, his eye going blank as he spasmed and collapsed. “Bill!!” I screamed in panic. What happened?! Was he ok?! Was he hurt?! Was this my fault?!

Bill blinked slowly, his eye turning back to normal before smiling at me. “Whoa! Is that you Kryptos? What did you do to yourself?”

“Bill? What are you-”

He gets up and squeals. “Oh my gosh! You're so cute and squishy looking!” he giggled. “How did this happen? You look adorable!”

I felt faint. “Bill? D-don't you remember?”

He frowned. “Remember what?’

I searched his face for any sign that he was messing with me. I saw only genuine confusion.

“Bill...what's the last thing you remember?”

He pouted. “I came in because I smelled baked potatoes...then…” he frowned. “I must have passed out again, stupid Dreamscape making me black out all the time…” he grumbled. He looked at where he was sitting on my bed.

“Oh, you put me on your bed so I wasn't sleeping on the floor. You're so thoughtful Kryptos.” He leaned forward and hugged me.

I gently hug him back, my mind racing “Yeah well, the bed is softer…” he didn't remember? Why? How? “So...what happened to you Kryptos?” He asked as he pulled back to look me up and down again.

“I was building a transformation ray gun. Accidentally shot myself instead of my test subject…”

“Oh. Well, do you feel ok? You're not in pain or anything right?” He looked me over “Do you need me to check?”

I shook my head. “It's fine. Everything is working fine and I'm not in any pain...my body is stable. I'm just...not sure if I can change back yet.” I could shoot myself with the Polytool setting but I wasn't sure if that would just restructure my current body into a Polytool as opposed to actually changing me back to normal. So I was kinda stuck like this until I fixed the Zero option.

“Do you need me to change you back?” Bill asked. I blinked. Oh right, that was another option. But…

“No. I can figure it out myself.” I wanted to do this myself. I also needed to figure out what happened to Bill's memories. How could he just...blank out like that. Almost like he had realized something and then shut down or overloaded.

While I was thinking, I noticed Bill wiggling in place impatiently as he stared at me hungrily. “B-Bill?” I squeaked.

“Maid outfit~❤” he squealed as he practically gyrated in place. I sighed. Of course. “Please? Please? Pleeeeeeease?” He begged. I rolled my eye. Well if I was gonna be stuck like this for a while anyway, I might as well let Bill have his fun. “Sure.” I said simply, sealing my fate.

I just need to let him have fun until I figure out why all this happened. Besides, I still felt kinda bad for making him cry, maybe some wholesome crossdressing fun would make up for it…

...is what I thought.

 

I flushed in embarrassment and tried to pull the skirt down. At least no one else was seeing me like this, I might just die. Really, what WAS it with Bill and maids?!

I must have asked that out loud since Bill sits down on my bed and hummed. “Well...a maid is someone who helps people. Sure it's just for the daily household stuff but its just as important as anything big.”

He brushed a hand along his own maid outfit.

“It's not all about the cleaning, cooking and the super cute outfit. A maid ensures the household runs smoothly. They make sure the pantry is fully stocked so the household doesn't go hungry, that there are always clean clothes, silverware and bedsheets so no one gets sick from living in an unclean environment, they care for the pets, the children and even the household plants…”

I sat down beside Bill as he spoke. “So...you like maids because they're helpful?”

“All I've ever wanted was to be helpful…” Bill muttered. I hesitated before wrapping my arm around him in a hug. “You really feel strongly about this huh?”

He laughed. “Yeah. And the fact that their uniforms are soooo cute is just a plus!” He fluffed his skirt. "Maid uniforms are JUSTICE!"

I chuckled. Well I think I understand a little more about some of Bill’s eccentricities now. “Well I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.” I tugged at the back of my skirt again. “But can't I have a longer skirt please?”

Bill pouted. “But then I can't see your cute butt.”

I groaned. “Dammit Bill…”

He giggled adorably and hung out with me for the rest of the day. I'm still worried about that strange...glitch(?) that happened earlier but I didn't want to somehow trigger it again by bringing it up. Bill put me and himself in more outfits, which was embarrassing for me but I won't deny that seeing Bill in them was quite...enjoyable.

Still, I ended up staying in my room for the next week or so tweaking my invention to turn myself back to normal, I was too embarrassed to let anyone else see me like this. Bill brought me food and I won't deny I was enjoying the time I got to spend one on one with him.

We never strayed towards anything explicit, Bill wanted to pet my thighs but this time I told him no. I didn't want to get aroused and accidentally make him feel the need to jerk me off again. As wonderful as that felt, I feel like I would be taking advantage of Bill’s curious nature if I did that again.

I'm still a little guilty I kinda...sorta...took Bill’s virginity and he doesn't even remember it…

Eventually I fixed my settings and heaved a sigh of relief when I was back to my usual handsome self. Bill seemed a little disappointed but I was just glad my anatomy was back to normal. We didn't talk about it after that.

I told Bill not to mention it again and he shrugged and agreed not to talk about my experiment accident.

I'm still not sure how to feel about what had happened in my room that day. Bill really didn't seem to remember. I worried. Was this some sign of Bill’s general insanity? It didn't...seem like it? But what would I know?

When Bill informed us he had gotten an actual maid for our household I was thrilled that he had someone else to dress up. I was also a little sad that his attention was on someone else now. It was a very strange mix of emotions.

I noticed the axolotl in our living room staring at me. I glared back at it before flipping it off and floating away. What's HIS problem?

I don't tell anyone about this, especially not Bill, but I would sometimes zap myself with my ray gun again and stare at my reflection. I would pose in front of the mirror and wonder what sort of thing would succeed in getting Bill hot and bothered. I know it's probably awful of me to think of it like this but considering he just doesn't seem to get it when I tell him I loved him, perhaps I really DID need to seduce him?

I could ask Pyronica for advice but she would tease me forever and I can't stand that. I've asked Keyhole but his only advice had been "Give Bill food." which was actually a good course of action but my attempts to do so never seem to have the result I wanted. Bill certainly loved it when I invited him out for lunch or dinner at various 'romantic' restaurants but he still wasn't getting it. I've even outright called them dates but apparently he used to have lunch dates with his sisters back when they were alive which only made me slam my face against a wall in frustration.

Why did I have to fall for the most oblivious idiot in all the multiverse?!

The upside is I got to spend time with Bill.

I glance at him as we walked around a Zoo on planet Ekwos. He was so excited to look at everything. We had our fingers twined together as he pulled me along, laughing and pointing at a colorful species of Slug that was crawling up the side of it's containment unit. He was relaxed and happy. It was nice. Just the two of us.

Sure there was a wide space around us as the other zoo guests ran away but that just meant we got the zoo all to ourselves. Bill tugs on my arm "Kyrptos lookie! They have Dagger Mites!" he squee'd as he waved a hand at the display filled with the dangerous creatures. I read the sign "Warning, extremely vicious and incapable of mercy."  


Bill giggled as he tapped on the glass. "Aw...you poor widdle guys..." he turned to me with a pleading look. "Should I set them free?" Bill does that sometimes, ask one of us for whether or not he should do something. Generally it meant he got one of his **'random destructive urges'** but it wasn't strong enough for him to actually follow so he gets our opinion.

The way Bill trusts us to make the moral choices for him makes me both incredibly proud and sad. Proud because who wouldn't have their ego stroked if a literal cosmic deity valued their opinion? Sad because Bill didn't trust himself to make the right choice. I shook my head. "No. It would be funny but I think too many people would die if you let them out."

"Ok." Bill replied easily as he waved good bye to the Dagger Mites and pulled me off to look at something else.

We DID end up freeing several cages of animals. Bill uncovered some of the zookeeper's awful treatment of the animals and we spent the day terrorizing the man before transporting the animals back to their native habitats. The law enforcement got called of course but Bill dragged me behind him, laughing and throwing blunted Dagger Mites behind us.

After we lost the cops and finished releasing some glowing crabs into the ocean on another planet, I walked slowly behind Bill as he sang to himself while running around the beach. The sun was setting and his bricks were reflecting the light in a nearly blinding display. The waves splashed softly and I watched his footprints in the sand get slowly washed away.

_ "Yuuhi no o-yama ni~ teru teru Bill Cipher~" _

I didn't understand the words but I smiled softly as I walked along. He sang to himself cheerfully as he stopped to pick up a seashell that caught his eye. It was nice. This was nice.

_ "Kaeru ya tokage ga~ konnichi wa..." _

"Hey Bill?" I called out quietly. He stops to look back at me, the sunset reflecting off his bricks. "I love you." I told him.

He squints his eye into a smile. "I love you too!" It was a heartfelt reply. It just wasn't what I wanted. I don't doubt Bill loved me. It just wasn't in the way I wanted.

I turned to throw myself into the ocean, splashing around so I could cover myself in water. Splashing around so I could hide my tears. I tell myself it's fine. I have a near eternity with him. I didn't care how long it took, years, centuries, millennia...someday I'll make him realize how I felt. He hasn't told me "No." yet after all.  


He doesn't understand what I meant. Which mean he hasn't directly rejected me. So I wasn't going to give up. If Bill eventually DOES realize what I mean, I could get a true answer. When that happens I swore to myself I would accept it. Even if it was a "No."

But for now I'm going to continue pursuing him until he realizes it.

I hear Bill splash next to me. "You really suck at swimming!" He laughed.

"Well, I guess you're gonna have to teach me then!" I shoot back at him. He hits the water with his hands "Challenge accepted! Once I'm through with you, you'll be able to swim in your sleep!"

I laughed long and hard. Even if Bill doesn't notice, I still got to stay by his side. That was all I really wanted. I reached out to grab his hand and I felt his fingers curl around my own.

As long as I could stay by his side.

From now until the end of time.

\----

Bonus HumanKryptos picture~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like big butts and I cannot lie~
> 
> Also! The Kudos on this fic are finally more than for my smutfic yay! They're still really close though >.>


	64. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repeating~repeating~I'm crying~I'm healing~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I feel like Bill's thought process is getting harder to understand...
> 
> Also! My birthday was on the 26th but I guess I'll post my Happy Birthday to me here XD  
> I am now officially 28 years old! Yay!
> 
> BlueFrosty drew me a present! OMFG XD  
> 

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 58**  
  
**-Blame natural selection-**  
  
\---  
  
My dreams were a mix of horrifying imagery and pleasant subject matter or vice versa. As per usual for me I guess? I wake slowly, still snuggled into Xanthar's soft fur. I can't sleep alone. Lying on the bed in my own penthouse room makes me too stressed to sleep. I need someone nearby.  
  
I shared a room with someone all my life. First with my mom. Then with Zeon until middle school. Shared with my cousin Faye until she moved out and my sister Kei began rooming with me. Even when I was at college I would have a roommate there. Always had someone nearby. I rolled around on top of Xanthar, having migrated over the night from his front paws to his back, and stretched lazily. From the gentle rise and fall of his back I can tell Xanthar was still asleep. I pet his fur with William’s long fingers and tried to get back to sleep.  
  
I didn't have anything important to do today right?  
  
I had almost drifted off when there was a sudden spike of Distress. I sit up and was teleporting towards it before I even fully registered what I was doing. I appeared in Quackers’s room and found the child crying softly into zer pillow.  
  
The room was filled with soft fabrics and toys, I had spent a few hours giving the kid whatever ze needed to make the room feel good for zem. There was even a small pool on the side of the room for them to swim in. I blinked sleepily at the child. Quackers was curled around a pillow, there were many pillows piled up on top of them.  
  
_Sleeping with their litter mates. Snuggled together for warmth when the heating cut off._  
  
I lie down on the bed and curled myself around zem. The pladibear makes a squeaking sound and shuffles closer to me in their sleep. I yawn and place an arm over them as I found myself drifting back to sleep again.  
  
\---  
  
What.  
  
What?  
  
I woke up with Quackers snuggled into my chest, lying flat on my back in their room and for the life of me I couldn't remember how I got here. I sat up and glanced down at the mammalian creature smiling in their sleep and just looking so innocent.  
  
  
  
I narrowed my eye at them. No. Stop it. Stop looking so cute.  
  
I know what you're trying to do.  
  
You're trying to make me like you.  
  
Well it's not gonna work.  
  
Quackers lets out a soft warbling snore as ze turns over in their sleep and wraps their tail around my wrist.  
  
Not gonna work on me kid! I am a master of the mind! Do you seriously think such lazy methods of seduction would work on me?!  
  
The Pladibear cub snuggled deeper into my chest.  
  
Not gonna work!!!  
  
I stared incredulously at where one of my hands had come up to begin petting zer soft fur. When did this happen?! Stupid hand! Stop that!  
  
With more effort than I'd like to admit, I took my hand away from zer head and slowly raised myself up in the bed. Come on now. Off! Off I say!  
  
Quackers slid down my chest and rolled back onto their bed. I was about to put a pillow on top of them (smother it! That'll teach it to try and seduce me with its cute sounds and soft fur!) but Quackers scrunched up their face and let out a sad whine at the disappearance of my warm brick/flesh. My eye twitched as they crawled unconsciously back to me, climbing into my lap and wrapping their flippers around me.  
  
DAMMIT!!!  
  
I crossed my arms over my chest (to express my anger! Not because I was holding my hands in place so I wouldn't try petting the kid again!) and scowled. I have shit to do! I can't spend all day in bed! I face palmed. Right.  
  
I split another Me out and sent him to go do the morning chores. While he/I was making breakfast, I was doing a quick scan throughout the multiverse to see if anything interesting was happening today. Oh right, I was gonna go hang out with Jessie. Almost forgot about that.  
  
With barely any effort I split off another Me into Miz’s form. She floated there staring at William/Me sitting on the bed and giggled quietly. “You look comfortable~” I flip her/me off. “Feel free to replace me whenever.” He/I grumbled.  
  
Miz rolled her eyes. “Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to care about Quackers?” She/I suggest, voicing a faint thought I had been trying to stamp out in the back of our mind. “No.” I pout petulantly. Miz sighs. “Yeah, it's not like I need yet another responsibility right? Especially when I'm spread so thin as is.” we both giggle at the pun before she/I shrugged and Blinked away leaving me alone in the room with Quackers once more.  
  
Bill finished breakfast and was going around waking the household up. Quackers was already stirring as he/I got to zer room. I took that moment to disperse William's form and Quackers woke up alone on the bed blinking sleepily at me floating in zer doorway. “Hey kid. Breakfast.” I tell them.  
  
Quackers looked around themselves for a few seconds, eyes furrowed in confusion before waddling over to hop off the bed and follow me out. The house was pretty big and new people always got lost. I should go get Google as well. I was shaken out of my thoughts when I felt Quackers wrap a flipper around my hand.  
  
  
  
“....what are you doing?” I asked. Quackers looked away and shrugged. “I don't want to get lost…” they mumbled. I say nothing and start leading zem down the hall to get to the dining room.  
  
\---  
  
I shake my head at Quackers’s behavior as I/Miz sat around in Jheselbraum’s temple. I watch the shrine maidens go through their morning routine. Some refugees had come by the night before and I saw Blue Rose tending to their injuries while Hutie carried some food from the kitchens for them. I get up from my seat and make my way over. “Morning girls!” I wave, easily slipping in between them to press a hand to a Multimur with a broken leg.  
  
Clean break, easily fixed.  
  
“Miz! Haven't seen you in a while. How've you been?” Hutie chirps. They're much older now, feathers turning gray. I'm reminded once more why getting attached to mortals was a terrible idea. I smile at them anyway. “Been good. Kinda boring. Just the same old stuff you know?”  
  
Hutie laughs. “You haven't changed a bit.” They pat my head with a large wing. The Multimur I healed thanks me “Praise the Axolotl and his missionaries.” Which made me twitch but otherwise I moved onto the next person. Helping out in the temple was calming.  
  
“MIIIIIZ!”  
  
I squeaked as flaming hands picked me up and hugged me close to a warm, soft chest. “Quillia~” I pout. “What did I say about picking me up?!” I wiggled in her grip and the reddish Cyclopian woman laughs. “But your little squeals are so cute~” she raises me up to nuzzle her cheek against mine. “It's been too long~” she sighs.  
  
I pat her horn with a roll of my eyes. “I know~”  
  
Blue Rose glides over elegantly to - ~~rescue~~ \- extract me from Quillia’s embrace. “Really Quill. You should know better than this by now. You're nearing 200 years old.” The crystalline flower organism scolds. She places me on the ground and trails some thorns gently through my hair. “You should go find Tina. She has been wanting to speak to you.”  
  
I tilt my head in confusion. “About what?” I try to think if anything had happened to her recently but the lack of triangles in this dimension meant I couldn't really see any new developments here. I've had arguments with Jessie over this fact.  
  
She doesn't want any triangles in her territory. I was forced to concede to her complaints about how I've already got spy eyes everywhere else and Dimension 52 was one of the few places in the multiverse that was KNOWN for being absolutely safe from my gaze. I know she wanted to keep it that way.  
  
So I waved bye to the others and ran off to find Tina.  
  
\---  
  
I found her in the kitchen helping cook meals for everyone in the temple. “Tina?” I asked as I walked up to the counter. She blinked at me sleepily. “Miz! You're back!” She gave me a smile. I tilted my head in confusion. She LOOKED like she was doing fine, if somewhat tired. “The others said you wanted to talk to me?”  
  
She nodded, carefully chopping the vegetables. “I wasn't sure how to contact you to tell you the news…”  
  
“News?” I stared up at her.  
  
Tina smiles, it was a bright smile but also a little sad. “I'm gonna leave the temple soon.”  
  
“Oh.” I frowned. “Why?”  
  
She scoops the chopped veggies into a large pot of water. “Mother won the election.” She says. I blink. Oh right. I remember that happening on the news.  
  
She made it onto the High Council in the Federation. And from what I can See, she's aiming for the top seat as well. I grin. “Congrats to your mom! But…” I pause. Right. Now that her mom was on the high galactic council and not just a regular seat, she was afforded more protection and attention. Tina only came to live at the temple because of the dangerous political climate where her mother's enemies on the board were hoping to sabotage the elections by kidnapping Tina to blackmail her mom.  
  
Now that she's on the high council no one will DARE to touch her or her family.  
  
Which means Tina has no reason to stay here.  
  
“Oh.” I say quietly. Which means I won't be able to visit Tina like this anymore. She'll have guards now. And as the daughter of a councilwoman they won't let just anyone come up to her. Especially not some unknown species like me with no real background.  
  
“Oh…” I wilt a little and Tina comes around the counter to give me a hug. “I know...but...we can exchange Com IDs? I've already asked the Oracle if she could set up a few Computers and other communication devices.”  
  
I roll my eyes. “You barely managed to talk her into letting you all have a TV. You know Jessie doesn't want any distractions from your meditations and stuff.”  
  
In other words, Jessie is boring~  
  
Tina sighs. “Yeah, it has been difficult. The Oracle is wise but she is also old fashioned.” I hum in thought. “I can smuggle in some small Coms and you guys can keep them around to stay in touch?”  
  
Tina looks around nervously. “Ooh...but that would be against the rules…” she says quietly, as if afraid that Jheselbraum would hear. I grin mischievously. “Why not? It's not like you’re hurting anyone? This is a good thing~”  
  
I tug on her robe. “Don't you want to stay in touch with your friends? With us? With me?” I gave her my best sad small animal eyes.  
  
Like a true demon I couldn't help but tempt her. At least it was something innocent. It's not like I'm trying to get her to do something bad. Just to keep in contact with her friends when she leaves. A problem with the priestess types like Jessie is that she believes isolation is the best way to get the peace and quiet necessary for enlightenment.  
  
Hah! I'll have you know that trying to meditate while there are distractions everywhere is the better way to do it! Cause then you're trying even HARDER to focus! I do that with Ax all the time! I am definitely helping him learn to ignore distractions!  
  
Wait. Does that mean he's ignoring _**me**_?  
  
Well he does ignore most things so…  
  
And he does ignore me whenever I'm just messing around…  
  
Which means I helped him practice meditation! Yes. That is _definitely_ how it works. I nod to myself. Which means that giving the Shrine Maidens secret Coms is a good idea! It's a brilliant plan! I talked Tina into it and we sneakily spread the word of our plan to the others.  
  
Miz’s Credits account was finally used for the first time in centuries when I purchased a whole bunch of Coms for everyone. I also took this time to get separate Coms for Miz, Bill and Jan. Miz’s for keeping in touch with Tina and the others, Bill’s so my friends can contact me without having to summon me or be in danger and Jan’s so Ivanlock can contact me instead of just waiting for me to show up.  
  
Perfect idea.  
  
Several months after this I would be summoned by Jessie and angrily scolded for hours.  
  
Apparently some of her shrine maidens discovered the internet.

And of course I had forgotten to talk to Jessie about that thing that was bothering me, but by that time I was busy bothering Ax while he was trying to meditate...or sleep? Either way, I didn't want to be ignored by him!

[Go bother Ax](http://orteil.dashnet.org/experiments/idlegamemaker/?game=VxKfqJq3)  
  
\---  
  
I brought Xanthar with me to visit Queen after breakfast. It wasn't just an excuse to leave since Quackers kept attempting to follow me around the house. Besides, Keyhole and Hectorgon were home to keep an eye on zem and Google (who I sent to bring food for Johan) so it's not like I'm leaving them alone. “Sorry I haven't been by in a while. Life's been...busy?” I apologized. Queen shrugs, weaving some vines together as she constructs a building. “I have been busy as well.”  
  
She's spent the past few decades helping the Silverfish rebuild. Caring for them, educating them, healing them. The kingdom was slowly being rebuilt and the people were twitchy and somewhat...difficult to be around but Queen patiently cared for them all.  
  
I spent my time here helping Queen build more housing for the people. The Silverfish still creeped me out. So gross. Xanthar helped Queen carry heavy supplies. I grew the plants into each other and strengthened their bases.  
  
After a bit I floated off to try and practice magic some more. I _think_ I was slowly getting the hang of it. If getting a host in the 3rd dimension still limits my powers, I needed to have SOMETHING I can use instead after all. I know it'd be much easier if I had a focus to channel my powers through but I didn't like the idea of relying on such a thing.  
  
There were other types of magicks, Invocation was the magic of Names. I already knew about that one. It's how people can call for my attention simply by saying Bill Cipher three times in a dark room. Most Invocation was simply calling for the attention of a spirit or god and having THEM cast the spell FOR you. Which wasn't gonna work for me since there's no way any gods are gonna help me.  
  
There was also calling on a God for their assistance/blessing through prayer. People pray to the AXOLOTL constantly but he’s not required to respond to prayers. Not unless they invoke him and no one knows the proper way to invoke his name except me and Time Baby.  
  
Then again, not everyone can speak backward.  
  
And most don't seem to realize you're supposed to spell it out. The letters themselves don't matter (English doesn't exist yet) all you need is the proper INTENT. Really though, if people think you just need to SAY Ax's name to get him to respond, they are wrong.  
  
I trailed along the area, dodging past Silverfish with a barely hidden shudder. I found a quiet place and floated down to sit on the grass. Ugh, there better not be mud here. I reached out to grab onto some long grass and began twisting them between my fingers.  
  
There was a type of Druid magic I discovered on this one planet a few thousand years ago that I wanted to try out. It was essentially asking the plants to do stuff for you in exchange for your power. Shouldn't be that difficult…  
  
Queen found me screaming at a tree a few hours later and twitched her antenna before turning to lead Xanthar away with her. “I think we should leave Bill alone for a bit.” She tells him.  
  
“Come ON you STUBBORN FUCKER! I got you water! I gave you my ENERGY! All I ask in return is some fruit!” I screeched at this stupid hunk of wood that just...REFUSED to do what I wanted. “WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?”  
  
  
  
The tree didn't respond.  
  
“BLF GSRMP GSRH RH UFMMB?! R DROO VZG BLFI DSLOV UZNROB!!” I screamed at it.  
  
The tree remained unmoved. I kicked it in frustration. It didn't even acknowledge me. “DON'T IGNORE MEEEEE! 我会让你着火!!!” I kick it again.  
  
Well FINE then!  
  
I cross my arms and huff. “Yeah? Well I...I didn't want your stupid fruits anyway! I bet they taste terrible!”  
  
When the tree continued ignoring me I stomped off to go talk to a rock instead. I bet it would make for better conversation.  
  
\---  
  
Queen sat down beside me quietly. Xanthar wrapped a large hand around me. “So. Bill. How are you doing?” Queen says as her thorax contracts with what I can tell are barely suppressed laughs. I lean against Xanthar's hand and shrug. “Pretty good. Been having a riveting conversation with this rock here. You know he's getting married soon?” I pat said rock which I had drawn a face on with some crushed berry juice.  
  
Queen for her part, manages to nod politely. “Well that's very nice for him. Who's the lucky bride?”  
  
I point at a large flower a few steps away. “Groom actually. Rockeal is a progressive hunk of granite.” I explain. Queen claps her thin hands together. “Well congratulations to the happy couple.”  
  
I nodded as I plucked at the grass. We sat there peacefully until Queen sighs. “What's wrong Bill?”  
  
I moan dramatically as I flop over Xanthar's hand. “Stupid trees and grass won't do what I tell them to.”  
  
Queen doesn't even hesitate “Have you tried asking nicely?”  
  
“I did! I even said ‘please’! But they still refused to do what I wanted…” I grumbled about ungrateful plants who take my energy and don't even give me anything in return. Queen gives me an unimpressed look. “What exactly are you trying to do?”  
  
“I was trying to use Druid magic.” I allowed some more of my power to seep into the grass around me. Hello? Can you hear me~? How does one commune with nature anyway? The grass grew, hungrily feeding on my power to duplicate their cells but otherwise didn't react to me.  
  
She twitches her wings. “Why are you trying to use Druid magic?” She asks. I debate with myself for a few seconds before replying "I wanted to see if I could.” I know Runic magic. That's easy. It's all about writing down symbols in the correct order to create the effect you calculate out. Like ら尸凡尺に 凡 下乚凡州モ. Or ነየልዪጕ ል ቻረልጠቿ since there are different runes in all different languages that can be used. It made runes incredibly versatile so long as you know what all the symbols meant.  
  
The only problem was it took time to write out. Not that useful in emergencies. I figured Druid-craft would be faster since most of Earth was covered in plants. Just feed my power into the greenery and BOOM! Magic.  
  
Unfortunately I don't think I was doing this right. Was I not giving them enough power? Were my intentions not getting through to them? I'm a master of the mind but plants didn't exactly have such a thing. Plus I was never really an outdoorsy type of person. I have my gardens that I cared for (and yes, I do consider Xin’s farm planets my garden as well) but I don't really communicate with plants.  
  
Queen gives me a fond, amused look. “Well I'm sure you'll get it eventually. Try taking a break. Clear your head and work on something else for a while."  
  
I conceded her point. I was too frustrated to work on this. What other types of magic could I try? There's Incantations which was just memorizing and reciting Spell words. Those took a while though. There are quick Incantations but those required a magic focus to channel your intent through.  
  
Maybe I SHOULD just make myself a wand.  
  
And a dress.  
  
Just go full magical girl for this.  
  
I laughed hysterically at the idea. What if Time Baby gets a heart attack from seeing it? Was he even capable of such a thing? I laughed myself silly while Queen elegantly put up with my antics. “I would ask what you found so funny but I'm certain it only makes sense to you.” she says blandly.  
  
“Magical ☆ Chaos Illuminaughty!” I manage to wheeze out in between my laughter. Queen sighed. “It only makes sense to you.”  
  
I pound a little fist on the ground. “An-and instead of friendship speeches AHAHAH I give corruption speeches!” I laugh “But I'll need a cute animal sidekick and I'm sorry Xanthar but I don't think you would work.”  
  
“I am completely lost as to what you're talking about.” Queen twitches. “But I will be going back to work now. Feel free to join me whenever.” She flutters off as I roll around on the ground laughing.  
  
“I'll need a theme song!” I declare, sitting up abruptly. “Uh...what WOULD be my theme song?” But this point I had already forgotten what it was I was originally doing. Making my own theme song was more important.  
  
Xanthar gives me a blank look. He always gives me blank looks. “What do you think Xan-Xan?” he snuffles and rolls over on the grass. I plop onto his belly and rub it. “Yeah maybe not. I don't even have a costume yet…”  
  
My Com buzzes and I flip it open “Yellow?”  
  
“Where are you Bill? The kitchen is on fire and the fire extinguisher is empty!” I hear Hectorgon screaming from the other side.  
  
“I installed the sprinkler system. You guys are fine~” I slid down Xanthar's side to rest on the grass. “If that doesn't work, there's an extra fire extinguisher in the cupboard near the fridge.”  
  
I hear some shuffling sounds and Hec’s voice shouting “Grab that- no that! Over to your left! No Quackers you can't touch it!” Sounds of clattering “Miss Google please get the child out of the room….yes I can handle this!”  
  
I can hear the splashing that signaled the sprinklers were working fine. “Quackers put that down!” More splashing. “Do you need me to come home?” I asked. “We're fine.” He says. “Sorry for bothering you.” I hear the fire extinguisher going off before the call cuts off.  
  
I open my Eye to check up on him anyway. Looks like Quackers tried to cook and knocked over all the oil bottles. The sprinklers going off actually made everything worse as it just floated the fire on the oil around the room and down the hall. I really can't leave them alone can I?  
  
I groan and tug on Xanthar's arm. “Looks like I'll need to go home. Are you staying with Queen for a while or?”  
  
Xanthar snuggles further into to the grass. I pat his side. “Alright. I'll come pick you up tonight then.”  
  
I Blink home to begin repairing the damage. Note to self, don't leave my cooking oil on the counter.  
  
\---  
  
Quackers shuffled nervously under my hard stare. “Why were you trying to use the stove on your own? It's too dangerous.” I asked. Ze makes a frustrated sound. “I wanted to help…”  
  
I close my eye and sigh. “Well...next time, ask me or Hectorgon and we can cook together. Don't try this on your own.”  
  
At the words ‘together’, Quackers looks up at me and I swoon at the sudden burst of ‘happiness'. Fuck?! What was this?! I wince as Quackers continues gazing at me with wide eyes. Dammit. Quit looking at me like that. I turn away. “So don't mess with stuff on your own. I can't let you burn the house down.“  
  
I feel zem gently take my hand again. I tremble before pulling away “But you're still in trouble for burning the kitchen down. So kindly go to your room. I will come get you when it's dinnertime.” For now I had to make lunch.  
  
Quackers says “Okay…” softly before waddling off to zer room. I close my eye and groan. It's pointless to deny it. I can't dislike that kid. They're just too cute. They’re my child now after all. Mine.  
  
I turn and follow Quackers to their room.  
  
I find zem wandering the hallway to the gym, utterly lost. I managed a quiet laugh. “Need some help kid?” I float down to them. Quackers sheepishly glances at the gym. “I forgot how to get to my room.” Zey admitted. I sigh and reach out my hand, looking away from the Pladibear. “Come on. It's a little hard at first but you get used to it.”  
  
I felt another burst of ‘joy' and shuddered. Quackers wraps a flipper around my hand and I lead then back to their room. They were swinging my hand and waddling cheerfully. I sneak a few glances at my child. Mine.  
  
“It's not fair you know.” I comment.  
  
Quackers tilts their head in confusion. “What is?”  
  
“How adorable you are.”  
  
Quackers flushes in a flattered way. “Really?”  
  
“You're too cute for your own good.” I grumble. How was I expected to remain unattached when this child stares at me like that. “So...how are you adjusting to life here?”  
  
Ze goes quiet. “It's okay. I get food and toys…” ze looks down. “You're all really nice. But…” ze sniffles. “I miss my siblings.” ze admit.  
  
I pick Quackers up and hug zem to my bricks. “Sorry I took you away from them. I can't...go against a Deal.”  
  
Quackers sniffles again. Their snorts turn into honks as they begin crying. “W...hy did you h-have to take me away?” Pladibears don't have tear ducts but the lack of tears did nothing to diminish the grief I was tasting. “Why d-did mommy no-not want me anymore?”  
  
I could have told zem that their mother didn't care. I could have said that she loved money more than her own children. I could have said she was a terrible, awful person. I could have said many things, true or false. I could have made Quackers feel like it didn't matter or I could have reassured zem that their mother wanted a better life for them.  
  
Instead I said “I don't know.”  
  
Because there was nothing I could say that would make this any better. Whatever the reasons that exist, she chose to trade her own child for a chance for money.  
  
Quackers honked loudly as they cried and I floated us the rest of the way back to their room. I end up shifting into William’s form so I would be a little softer to hug. We sat down on zer bed and I hummed quietly while stroking zir head as they continued sobbing.  
  
I felt bad but a Deal’s a Deal. I can feel Quackers was more upset that their mother apparently didn't want them, than the fact that I had -kidnapped- surprise adopted them.  
  
I was at a loss for what to do so I just held Quackers and hummed until they got this out of their system. I'm not really the best at comforting people I don't think? I mean...I guess I do well enough with the twins with their problems but...I've watched them grow up, I understand them more.  
  
I don't know much about Quackers, maybe it's about time I learned.  
  
Ignoring zim wasn't gonna be an option. Not now that ze has wormed their way into my affections. Damn, cute little cuddly creature…  
  
I hung out with Quackers for the rest of the day. We stayed in their room since they were still being ‘punished' for setting the kitchen on fire and we played with Quackers’s stuffed animals, making up a story with their toys and having a grand time of it. When another Me (which I split off earlier) came by with lunch, we were in the middle of sending the dolls on an epic quest through the solar system seeking a magical flower that would make the sky rain fish.  
  
Long story.  
  
The other Me glanced at me while Quackers happily munched on the plate of veggies with content squeaks. “So...we're keeping it?” He asks me. I nodded resignedly. “I'm keeping zem.” The other Me smiles. “About time. You really thought we wouldn't love them?”  
  
“I know~I just didn't want to admit it.” curse my non-existent heart. The other Me laughed even as we fused back together. I pouted. “Still not a tsun-tsun…”  
  
“Hey mister Bill?” Quackers looks up at me. “What's up kid?”  
  
“So…since you’re my new mommy…do I need to call you that?” The Pladibear asks. I shrug. “Call me whatever you want.” Ze waddles over and buries their head on my stomach in a hug. “MomTwo?” they ask. I laugh “Sure.”  
  
They wanted to take a nap so we ended up sleeping on the large bed, curled around each other until dinner time.  
  
\---  
  
I could not stand the smug knowing looks being sent my way by Hectorgon, 8-Ball and Pyronica during dinner. PaciFire took one glance at me holding hands with Quackers and snorts. “Still can't believe people think you're evil.” I tip his chair over and grin maniacally at his grunt when he hit the ground.  
  
Keyhole sighs. “So...is Quackers an official member of the family now?” He asks.  
  
I lift the round alien onto a stool and pat their head. “Yup. I'm gonna go find a Childgarden to enroll them in tomorrow.” Also start a bank account…actually, this is the perfect time for a little something I’ve been planning for a while…  
  
Kryptos frowns. “You mean you're not gonna place them in the same one that the twins were in?”  
  
I shake my head as I scooped a little of each side dish into a large bowl and slid it in front of my youngest. Quackers happily digs in with wet snorting sounds. “Quackers isn't demonic in ANY way whatsoever. Plus, they haven't been seen together with me in public so I'm hoping to hide their relation to me.”  
  
I wonder about that. The kid will need papers. A Federation ID and such. I did a quick search on zir mother and found that she DID have her children registered. I will need to make a copy of Quackers’s information and forge some adoption papers. And then forge more papers because the whole point of this was NOT connecting this child to Bill Cipher.  
  
I hate paperwork. I'm just gonna have Hectorgon hack this shit into the Federation servers later. It didn't change the fact that I needed to have Quackers listed to one of my other identities as my child.  
  
But which one?  
  
And how do I keep zir mother from finding out and thus connecting my other identity to Bill Cipher? Wait. I got it. Just forgo this issue entirely!  
  
I turn to Hectorgon. “I'm gonna need your help with something later.”  
  
\---  
  
Making a Deal with myself was...odd to say the least.  
  
It was a simple plan. Go somewhere public as Bill (with Hectorgon and Pyronica tagging along because they was pretty well known for being my Friends) while carrying Quackers like zey were my pet, have Miz wandering around with the manuscripts for my next book, accidentally bump into Quackers and drop my pages…  
  
I had to sit Quackers down for a full explanation of the plan. Zey didn't really get it but I told them to just stay quiet and to refer to Miz as Miz. Even if we were the same entity, we were separate identities. Hectorgon told me my plan was too convoluted. He just doesn't understand my brilliance.  
  
Miz/I trip over Quackers (who was on a leash) just as I planned. The onlookers who were already wary of me being out and about (I heard many of them whispering worriedly about my new ‘Pet’, saying things like “That poor child.” and “Is that a slave??”) all gasped when Miz and Quackers fell over, my papers scattering everywhere.  
  
“Oh no!” I (as Miz) cry as I scrambled to pick my stuff up. Quackers still seemed confused by the plan but kept their mouth shut obediently. Bill gasps dramatically. “I am very sorry ma’am. My new pet is just SO clumsy!” I had a silence bubble around Quackers’s head so ze couldn't hear what was being said, this conversation was going to be potentially triggering for them after all.  
  
“...definitely got cheated on this Deal, didn't even WANT her firstborn…” I grumbled loudly before looking back at Miz trying to gather her/my papers.  
  
“Um…” Miz/I squeaked as she stared up at Bill/Me. That's when Pyronica lit up and stepped up. “Hey~aren't you that kid we abducted when we raided that candy store like...a century ago?”  
  
“Nope. Definitely not I!” Miz grins nervously as she backs up. Bill/I glanced at Pyronica “You mean that time when you guys brought home those bags of candy bars? Those were AMAZING!” I pout “Can't believe you guys did that without me…”  
  
“You were busy and we shared with you anyway~” Pyronica waved me off.  
  
The crowd was listening closely now. Miz/I backed up and held my papers to my chest. “You've got the wrong girl…” I laugh nervously “I'm definitely not the one you grabbed by accident thinking I was a person shaped container filled with candy….”  
  
Pyronica frowns before straightening with a bright smile. “Yeah you're right! That was a long time ago. Man...I miss that girl.” She turns to Bill/me “You know I was planning to bring her home to be your new pet.”  
  
I rub my bricks. “Really? Well too bad she escaped then huh?” Me (as Miz) was quietly shuffling away from the group. “I'm sure she would have made a nicer pet than THIS.” I pet Quackers head, since they couldn't hear any of what was happening they snuggled against my hand adorably.  
  
I gasp. “Oh! I have a GREAT idea!” The people around us wince in fear. Bill Cipher and ideas were not something they wanted to hear in one sentence. I turn to point at Miz. “You there!”  
  
I ‘meep' at the stare directed at me. “Y-yes sir?”  
  
I materialize my cane and twirl it lazily. “How would YOU like to have a pet?” I grin madly at my other self. She/I tremble a little. “What do you mean sir?”  
  
Hectorgon sighs and face palms. “Bill. Just because you don't want your pet doesn't mean you can just...hand it off to the first person you see…”  
  
I wave him off. “Pffh! Why not?” I turn back to grin at Miz, leaning in and growing until I was towering over her. “You can't fool me kid. You're that pet Ronica wanted to get me aren't you?”  
  
I tremble under Bill's gaze. “W-well I'm not your pet!” I managed to squeak out. Bill pulls back and laughs hysterically. “You sure AREN'T!” the laughter abruptly stops. “And if you want to keep it that way then you better take this unwanted responsibility off my hands.” I smile at her almost kindly.  
  
“I can't dump this kid off since I got them in a Deal, so the only way to get rid of them is also via a Deal. How about it kid? You take this thing and I WON'T take you?”  
  
“But that's not fair-”  
  
“WHO SAYS IT HAS TO BE?”  
  
Miz frowns but takes Bill's hand. The fire was a simulated flame, not a Deal fire. But it certainly looked authentic. Bill pulls back with a self-satisfied look. “Well. That's one problem that's no longer mine.” I pick up Quackers and place them in Miz’s arms. “It's YOURS now AHAHAHA!” He continues laughing as he floats away. Hectorgon giving Miz a sympathetic look before hopping after me.  
  
God damn pronouns are hard.  
  
As soon as they were gone the crowd around me began coming forward with sympathy and pity. “Are you alright?” “I feel so sorry for you.” “At least this poor Pladibear cub isn't in his hands anymore.”  
  
I managed to assure the people that I was fine and that I needed to figure out what to do with my new child. Many of then gave me their advice on childcare and many more were shaking their heads at the thought of Quackers's real mother apparently trading her own child for a Deal with Bill Cipher.  
  
Either way, mission accomplished. None of Bill's enemies will be coming after Quackers. Clearly Bill Cipher didn't care about them and even Dealt the kid away just to get rid of them. Quackers was safe, I can get the proper adoption papers from the Federation and no one will know any different.  
  
I hugged Quackers to my chest. Zey really was incredibly soft. “Come on kid. Let's get you an ID.” Miz had plenty of credits stored up after all.  
  
\---  
  
“I still think this was an overly convoluted scenario.” Hectorgon tells me as we got back home. Miz was still out with Quackers and probably won't be back till tonight. I shrug. “I had to make it clear I don't care about them.”  
  
Hectorgon sighs. “And in the process, make yourself seem like even more of a bad guy.”  
  
“Please, I could volunteer at a hospital or soup kitchen and they'd STILL think I was up to something nefarious. Screw them and what they think.” I mean, I suppose the fact that I would burst out laughing random while doing volunteer work might be seen as suspicious behavior...  
  
I float off even as Hectorgon sighs. I know he's worried about my reputation but there's no fixing it. Instead of trying to make me seem like a good person, just use the bad press to my advantage. It's easier than stressing about it.  
  
Speaking of stress.  
  
I sat in my garden and frowned. I still wanted to figure out magic. If I ever wanted to get to the 3rd dimension without building a portal capable of tearing through that...weird barrier between me and it, I would need to find alternatives.  
  
I can possess anything there and have a ‘body' but I didn't like how it limited my powers. Learning magic is my best bet for retaining my abilities.  
  
I refused to leave myself helpless to defend myself if the time came for it.  
  
I Blinked away to Earth. What better way to practice than by doing after all?  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So...guess who stayed up until 3 AM messing with the program and resetting constantly to see if everything was working? And getting the really bad drawings done? Um...well...it's not even really programing, it's just typing things up and the site does the coding for me but I still couldn't figure out how to add a little Bill on the side...he's stuck in the box >.>
> 
> ALSO!  
> There IS an Achievement for waking the AXOLOTL but it's very difficult to get to. If anyone wants to try for that it requires 101 upgrades for each unlockable.


	65. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space adventure? Space adventure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First DIRECT crossover! Yay~  
> Wander over Yonder was a great show.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 59**  
  
**-No amount of gold on Earth can buy originality-**  
  
\---

Earth was still pretty fucked up right now so I could mess around with unstable magic to my heart's content. Of course, just because I could, didn't mean I should. Might have accidentally tunneled a hole through the ocean...eh...oops?

I stared at the massive sinkhole that was sucking in all the water around it. So many animals were being sucked into the bottom of the ocean. I was too afraid of looking at the deep sea creatures to get anywhere near that thing so...

Note to self, maybe don't try to perform magic involving terrain changing effects.

I decided to leave before my experiments caused anymore damage to the planet.

\---  
  
I stared at the invitation.

Villains party? From Queen Entozoa?

I had been living in this dimension for a few hundred years now, split off from another Me a while back, I should get back together at some point. I originally came due to a job from Time Baby but there were so many wonderful interesting planets here I decided to stay for a bit. There was a giant space puppy that ate planets for crying out loud. How adorable WAS that?

My original job here involved the destruction of an entire sector, utter erasure of all life. It wasn't a very nice job but Time Baby promised no more jobs of that nature for at LEAST a million years so I decided to take a vacation here, calm down before heading home. Having one of the Mes de-stress somehow helped the other Mes to calm down as well.

Of course, my annihilation of the whole sector got me put on some kinda villain list? That would explain why a mail courier gave me this while I was relaxing on a nice beach with fruity drinks and snacks.

Still though, I haven't done anything...problematic since then so I'm not entirely sure why I was invited.

Then again, fancy party...nice food...

Who was I to turn this down?

Even if the hostess was some space parasite who invited all of us to find a new host to burrow it's awful slimy self into.

Food~?

Possible hijacking of my constructed physical vessel?

Food~?

Glowing space slug that devours souls to extend its own existence?

Food~!

I shrugged and checked off that I would be attending.

\---

Those guards Entozoa has are super creepy. I don't think they're even real living creatures. Still though, I adjusted my dress a little self consciously. I wonder if I should have gone with my usual outfit instead. But in a moment of weakness I couldn't resist.

The fact that some Orca-faced loser kept flirting with me was really pissing me off. If he doesn't BACK OFF in like...2 seconds I swear I'm gonna eat him. Luckily for him Queen Entozoa creaked her way out and everyone sat down at the dinner table. I made sure to sit away from that douchebag. Settling down and adjusting my dress again, I turned to my neighbor, a floating black cube and smiled politely.

"Hello. Not often I see another geometric shape around here. My name's Bill Cipher. What's your name?"

  
"e̡̘̥̳̰̊̓̂ͣ͟͝ĝ̴̦̪̥̠ͬ̈́̽͊̿̄ͮ̿́o͊ͫ͗͗͆ͪ͟҉̼̲̘͙̭͈͙ ̷̢̖̥̞̭̫̃͝ṡ̵̳̼͔̽́ͩͦu̵̼͚͔̽̍̆̆͡͝ṁ̼̟̠̱̻̻̾̏̄̊ͦͭ͜͞͝ͅ ̤̮̰̣̩͎̙̬̃̒ͦ͗̒̽e̮̗ͦ̽ͬͮ̏̉̔̀g̷̷̰̘̥͇̟ͨ̒̉ͩ̈̀o͚͓̞̙͙̲̹͓͌ͯ͞ ̳͍̉ͯͭ̉́ͪ͢͝c̢̢̞̺̯̑͛ͅḯͧ́̇͂ͥ̐̉͋͢͏̳̲͖́b͙͓̟ͫͯͫ̑͟͡͝uͩ̏ͪͤ̉̃ͪͩ҉̖̼͈̠̝m̠̹̦͌ͣ͐͆͐̎̀ ͤ̾̏ͫ͗ͭ́҉̨̪̤̼̞͓ş̬͙̰̻̝̲ͦͦ̎o̬͔̝̺͓ͫ̂ͮ̀l̲̉ͣ̊̄ḯ͆͏̟̤̺̜͟d̷̯ͨ̍ͥͧͭ̇̆̓ͬ͘̕u͍͖̮̪͚͚̿̅́͢m̛̩̩̦̬̫̖̥̱̣̿ͤ̑̀͗͂̕ ̴̳̳͖̞̙͖͐̾̂́̇̕e̡̖̻̣͔͌̎ͅt̛̠̳̖ͫ͐ͪ̉͋̉ͣ ̢̜̖͚͈̾͌̌̓͌͑̏ͭ͆͜t̴̝͇̹̋͋̈́͑ͤͭe̡͆̓͂̄҉҉̜̰͖ͅn̶̨̾̆ͨ͏̟̬͚͚e̛ͬ̓̇ͨͮ̽̿̾͏̳̰b̷̢̝̣̘̰͍̯̫͚̄̾ͨŗ̲̂ͮ̆a͒̾̍̽̋ͩ̒̑͏̝̝̘̪̖̬̕ę̮̻̥͉̮͉̣͍ͨ̈́ͫ̄̐̈́ ̱̤̺̦̬̩̖̝̒ͤ̈ͨ̊ͩͩ̍̀a̢̙̗̯̳̞̝͋́̇ͤ̊n͆͂ͭ̚͠͏̻͙̘͙̯̟i̵̺̼̮̲̝̠̓ͥ͌̋ͤm̴̯͖̦̏ͬ̍ͧã̛͙͈̬̩͝r̡̮̦͍͈̹̥̪̊͊ͥͭ̎͌û̥̖̖̪̝͕ͧ̔ͩͭ̓͐ͭm̛̠͕̘̰̩̬̩̺̑̾ͬͩͣ̚͟ͅ"

"Oh. It's very nice to meet you."

What a polite cube of pure darkness. Nice to see there were SOME nice guests at this party. That stupid excuse for a dolphin was trying to talk to me again. Oh my god he was putting his leg on the table to flex at me. Can I stab him? I really want to stab him.

"Oh! Mister....Miss(?) Cipher! You really came!" Queen Entozoa croaks in a pleased tone. I blink at her. Ugh. That body is definitely giving out on her. She smiles at me and then at the other guests seated at the table.

"I've gathered you all here today because I am dying-" she slumps over on the table. I can feel the people around me panicking. I try not to laugh. That would be quite rude. The parasite forces the body back up as if nothing happened "-to tell you something. I'm dying."

I muffled a snort of laughter.

She explained that before she dies she would be bequeathing all her vast fortune, army and power to one of us. Some idiot immediately tries to flatter her in an obvious manner and was kicked out. I roll my eye and spoke up. "I'm actually not here for that. I'm not exactly a villain anyway."

The other guests stared at me aghast. Queen Entozoa looked confused. "What do you mean not a villain miss Cipher? You destroyed an entire sector. A whole portion of the galaxy wiped from the star charts. Entire planets burned to a crisp with no survivors! You even managed to snuff out their stars! Even now, 300 years later, that sector is a dead zone where no life grows."

The other guests were now gazing at me in awe of my apparent evilness. I flushed in embarrassment. The queen continued "If the total annihilation and death of billions of lives isn't EVIL than I don't know what is!" I slump lower in my seat. Way to make me feel bad. Maybe coming here a mistake.

Another guest, the skeleton leans over to whisper to his companion "Peepers. Who is this girl?"

"S-sir! That's Bill Cipher! The most dangerous creature in the galaxy!" The eyeball creature was staring at me with fear and awe. "I...always thought they were male though..."

I roll my eye again. Trying not to let the Queen's words get to me I respond "Well I don't like being called a villain. It hurts my feelings." Any response was cut off when the doors opened and a cheerful voice rang out. I shivered as I FELT the pure happiness fill the room. My head was spinning, this shit was POTENT! My bricks were already throbbing from the onslaught of positive emotion. I think I've felt this before, in one of my many travels through the multiverse, but I've never been so CLOSE to it.

"Sorry I'm late!" The cheerful voice had a cute little drawl to it.

Panting slightly, I turn to see an adorable orange furred alien waving cheerfully. Oh. Oh my~I'm not paying attention to the conversation, my full attention on this...being of purity before me. How beautiful and horrifying. My demonic instincts screamed at me to kill him. Mash him into pulp, snuff out that light, extinguish this...JOY. I shivered and hold back a growl.

I want to eat him. How much power would this give me? The strength of his mind would be enough to feed my demonic hunger for millennia...I shook my head. No. I can't do that. Besides, just passively feeding off his emotions like this was already more than I could handle. I was burning up just sitting here. Kinda nauseous actually.

My eye stared at him intently as he gets a seat beside the queen. The meal was brought out and I absently tossed the whole thing, plate and all, into my eye mouth. There was a rumbling sound inside my head as I gazed at the orange creature hungrily. He looked soft. Perfect for squishing. So cute.

That weird skeleton man was attempting to tell a story and dear lord he was boring. I rolled my eye. "You know what's a funny story?" I interrupted "This one time I mistook a Delipanian for a cheese burger and ended up eating their King...and then the guards...and then the citizens...man they were delicious though..." I sighed, wishing there was more food.

There was an awkward silence at the table. I glanced around "I'm still kinda hungry so...are you gonna eat that or-?"

Half the guests at the table slid their plates over to me. I happily devoured more fancy food. The orange alien broke the terrified silence by somehow breaking the laws of physics and balancing a spoon on his nose without having a nose. I laughed along with everyone else. Damn this kid was charming. My instincts were finally calming down somewhat as I got more used to being in the same room as someone who leaks out such powerful positive emotions.

"Ooh time for dancing! Ooh!" The queen says happily. The orange alien runs off to the bathroom and everyone else began heading to the ballroom floor. I perk up. Dance. I glance around at the other guests and judge my size in comparison to them. Hm...normally I wouldn't risk revealing my shapeshifting powers but this dimension was so far away from Federation rule it was pretty much lawless so why not? I came to this party to have fun.

I shift into William's form and flick my hair. "I haven't had a proper ballroom dance in faaaaar too long~"

A few guests stared at me flabbergasted. Queen Entozoa blinks. "Oh. I didn't realize you were so young miss Cipher."

"Pfth- I'm almost 600 billion years old." I shrug. There's a hungry gleam in the queen's eyes. "Really now? You don't look a day over 400!" She laughs at her own joke. "Tell me, what IS your secret dear?"

I brush off my dress and shrug. "Immortality." I replied nonchalantly.

There's definitely a hungry look in the queen's eyes now. "Miss Cipher. Would you like to be my-"

"No!!!" The skeleton man whines.

I shake my head. "Like I said, I'm not here for the Inheritance, I have no interest in it." I sashayed my way over to the black cube, ignoring the longing glance the queen gives me. "Hello sir cube, would you like this dance?"

The cube seems to vibrate in embarrassment. "E̛͍̳̪̼̬͕͕̣ͧ̓ͧ̂ͩ̅̓͠g̦̦̱̘̱̼͚͕̜ͭͭ͛̒͡o̫͙̤ͬͣ̐̄̄͟ ̫̭̜̝̲̖̖̥ͭ͗͐̈́ͪ̊a̦͍̣̜̐͑̃̏̇̈́̊̂̎͘͟ļ̵͚̏̌̌̑ͤ͗͐͋̇į̘̺̦̐ͥͨͤ̚͟q̴̸͖̦͈̹̠͉̘̥̤͂͊̅̏ͥ̉ụ̙͙̃ͣ̒͛̅͌ͅî̒̂ͤ́̊͆̈́̽͏͇̦̼̰̯̞ş̡̱̤͓͙̬̳͕̠͛ͨͩ͌ͪ̇̚ͅ ̗̭̈d̢̹͔̩̠̈͑̈͞ā͖͙̫̥̬̘̻͖ͥ̌͊̂̈́t̷ͤ̉ͧͩ͗͝҉͈͖̖̻̖i̢̟̰̠̖̪͚͊n̬̣̹ͨ̓̃̓ğ̋ͥ̽ͥ͏̡̭̪͍̥̠͕"

I giggle. "It's fine. This is just a dance. You know? To have fun. I don't mean anything by it, this isn't a romantic proposition, though if you really think your girlfriend would mind..."

"Hey~Ditch the loser with no arms and come dance with a REAL man~" that bipedal shark tries to flirt with me again. I notice the skeleton man had grabbed the queen was was attempting to sing to her. I scowl at the shark. "For the last time I am not interested!" When it looked like he was gonna try and sweet talk me, I turned red and had my flames billow around me with searing heat. " **Back off before I rip those arms off and make YOU eat them**."

He whimpers. I smile sweetly at the black cube. "May I have this dance sir?"

He looked a little hesitant but bobbed in the air along with me when I place a hand gently on one of his sides and swayed to the calm music. My show of power just made the queen even more interested in me. Heck, if she REALLY wants my body that bad she can just make a Deal for her very own vessel.  
"D̵̴̨̫̤̗̯̏ͦ͆̎ǫ̶̘̺̝͚̓̍̍ͤ̈́̽ͨ͠ͅľ̥̠̍ͦ̋̿́͢e̬̦̞͎̜̜̽͐͂ͨ̔͒ͯ͌̆͞ͅo̢̢͈̞̳͉̙̣̹̎͑͐͗̿ͬ̊ͩ̎ ̠̭͚͎̥̙̗̗̺̅ͬ̑ͬ́m̓ͦ͢҉̨̣̯ͅeͫ̉̾͏̻̘̫̫̩̭͉͘ ̡̩̫̳ͮ͋͗̄n̶̶͓̝̿ͩ̎̈́ͨͣ̾̃o̸̩̖̺̜̦̣̬͔͛ͤͯͫ͛ͅn̫̗̋͑͒ͣ̽̎̌̕ ̢̞͔͚̘̯͉̺̈́͂̌̆͜͝h̴͍͇̤͖ͭ͆͆̏ā̶̲̜͕͖̦̩̌̄̍ͮ̈͐͡b̧̡̥̠͙̙͙̙͖͌͌̔ͯ̈́̅ͧ̂͢e̙̫͚̥̥ͨ̒͝͝ŗ̻̹̌̄ͮ̒̌̈́̌e̶̩̦̰̥͖̩͇ͬ̆ͪ̑̾͒͌͡͡ͅ ̷̥͗̔̐́̍͐͌a̋҉̻̯̙̥̲̮̹̦r̛̬̞͙̣ͭ̾̔̅ͮm̈́͊̑̆̔͢͏͔̮̫̺͙̮̺̹ị̢̗͇̜̘̭͍̻͐͊͛s̡̱̘̫̩̜̲͐̐͑ͮ̾̋" The cube asked.

"It's fine sir. Your company is more than enough. Frankly you're the only decent conversation I've had at this party so far."

The cube blushes. I could sense a feeling of gratitude and embarrassment under the soul sucking void that was his entire being. Further below that I made note of a worrying self esteem problem brought about by his lack of limbs. Should I?

"Hey. You know how I shifted my form so I could dance easier?"

He nods, somehow conveying his mild curiosity to where I was going with this despite having no face. I smiled "Do you want me to shift your form too?"

He vibrates wildly. The growling scream of the void comes off him in a way that would have caused any lesser being to collapse into a soulless husk but I simply waited patiently for him to give me a proper response. Finally he nods. The feelings of 'longing' were quite sad. Poor dear must have struggled a lot to live without any limbs with which to interact with the world around him. His only skill appeared to be sucking out people's souls temporarily. What a sad life that must have been.

I brushed my fingers along his sides and traced along his edges. "Hold still." I breathed quietly before sending my power into his cubic body. Much like how I crafted William's form by taking my triangle base and pulling my shape out into a humanoid form, I did the same here. His straight edges rippled and stretched out as I twisted his anatomy painlessly. He screams anyway, total molecular reconstruction was always startling even without the pain normally caused by such a thing. I frowned in concentration. Part of the transformation was affected by the cube's own desires for his appearance and I had to carefully avoid killing him as I tried to make him look like what he would want.

The result was a cubic, faceless head with a torso with arms. No legs. He continued floating and was inspecting his new fingers. I gave him a nice white suit and frankly I thought he looked quite handsome. He was tilting his cube head to examine his own body.

"There you are!" I cheered. "This form can be called up and dismissed whenever you want to turn back to normal."

Cube looked down at himself and then turned to me radiating excitement. He waves his new arms and holds out a hand to me. I take it and he pulls me along to dance. I shiver when the orange creature comes back into the room.  
  
Seriously, how can this much love and joy exist in one soul?  
  
Heck, part of the reason I shifted Cube was to try and burn off some of this energy. I need to get rid of this overwhelming excess before I catch fire or start vomiting. My triangle form may not be able to throw up but this humanoid one sure can.

The music picks up into a cheerful, lively tune. I give Cube my thanks for the dance and tell him I'm getting some more snacks. I see the skeleton man attempt to dance more roughly with the queen and wince. I think he just dislocated her arms…  
  
All the guests had stopped what they were doing to watch this train wreck. I back off when I sensed the queen getting angry. Oof, this was not gonna be pretty.  
  
He kisses her and the queen shrieks. I nibble on some sandwiches and when the queen screams that the party is over I grab the entire tray and try to exit. “Well, I got food, I'm happy.” the woman at the snack table narrows her eyes. “Hey, I was eating that.” I sigh and put the tray back down. “Ok, half then?”  
  
The skeleton man runs back into the castle screaming about how he wants her power. I roll my eye. Well, if HE wants to be possessed by a space worm for a thousand years that's _his_ problem. Me and the Zbornak munched on snacks while watching the drama go down. “Well this isn't gonna end well.” I grin.  
  
“Nope.” The female Zbornak laughs.  
  
“I'm Bill by the way.”  
  
“Sylvia.” She says.  
  
“I noticed that Casanova wannabe was bothering you too?” Stupid shark-man seemed to be flirting with anything vaguely female.  
  
She rolls her eyes. “Ugh, yeah that idiot doesn't take a hint.”  
  
“You know him?”  
  
“I'm acquainted, unfortunately.” she scowled as she munched on the food.  
  
“How bad is he? Like…” I had some blue fire flickering up my arms. “Should I actually rip off those arms of his?”  
  
Sylvia shakes her head “As funny as that would be, I get the feeling you're being entirely serious and...he's a jerk but-”  
  
We were cut off when the screaming parasite flew over and landed inside the sandwich she was holding. We both squawk in surprise and Sylvia drops the snack. “Ah! Ok. I'm full.” She backs off.  
  
“I'm not.” I mumble but I get the feeling this was a sandwich I probably shouldn't eat.  
  
“You stuck me in a sandwich for a thousand years?!” The sandwich screams “DESTROY THEM!!”  
  
I start running for the door when the queen’s guards start firing. “But I'm still hungry~” I whined.  
  
We all made it off the planet and I sigh. I look over and blanch when I realized in the confusion I ended up bubbled together with the orange alien and Sylvia. Wander. His name was Wander...or at least, that's what people are currently calling him. It was Tumbleweed before this. And before that it was something else.  
  
Goodness this guy was pretty old.  
  
I also kept getting the feeling I recognized them but I don't remember from where.  
  
“Hi?” I waved. Then I clamped a hand over my mouth and gagged. I stuck my head out of the bubble and heaved, thick black goop pouring out as I shook. I feel someone patting my back and normally I'd slap their hand away but I was too busy heaving. Finally I gasped and slumped over, half dangling outside the bubble. Ugh.  
  
I feel sick. At least the positivity wasn't overwhelming me anymore, I guess I managed to empty myself of the excess that my body couldn't hold. I feel hands pulling me back inside the bubble and their worried faces loomed over me.  
  
“Are you okay?” Wander asks. I moan. He reaches into his hat and pulls out a handkerchief. I manage a weak “Thanks.” And take it to clean myself. Ugh. As I slumped over tiredly with my eye closed I can hear the two whispering to each other.  
  
“Wander, we need to drop her off the first chance we get.”  
  
“But Sylvia she's sick. She needs our help.”  
  
“She's also admitted to eating PEOPLE. Plus she was a guest at that party so she's got to be a villain right?”  
  
“Well WE were invited to that party too. And she said she mistook some people for a burger. I'm sure she didn't mean to eat them.”  
  
I open my eye a crack and see them discussing me. Huh. Looks like neither of them knew who I was. Well I haven't done anything ‘villainous’ in over 300 years so I guess only people who care about keeping track of ‘bad guys’ would know about what I did in this dimension.  
  
“It's fine if you want to drop me off here...I'm fine on my own…” besides, I got sick from being around that orange one after all.  
  
“See? We can just split the bubble and be off.” Sylvia says. “But…” Wander says worriedly.  
  
I groan and reach for my powers as I turned to look behind our bubble. The black stuff I vomited was an incredibly dense elemental sludge that was already clumping together. Gross. I waved a hand and poured my energy into it. Need to use up this excess I keep producing. The sludge swirled around and grew as I decided to simply pour out half my power into it. I'll get all this power and more back from just being near this orange guy anyway.  
  
Seriously, if anyone found a way to use emotions to generate energy like I can they could use this guy to power multiple star systems.  
  
The two go silent as my power twisted the sludge. It grew larger and larger, developing into a round orb that continued to grow. Slowly a tiny planet was formed. The carbon mixed with some oxygen, hydrogen and other gases that I generated along with a bunch of other elements. I leaned my face against the bubble and began forming nitrogen instead. Nitrogen, Oxygen, Argon…  
  
Wander walks closer to me, looks at the way I was twitching my hand as the atmosphere of the newly forming planet swirled, matching my movements.  
  
“Are you...building a planet?!” He gasps in wonder.  
  
“Yeah?” I glance at him.  
  
“That's amazing!” He squeals. I grin. “Well, not really. There's no life on it. It's just a plain mass of stable ground and atmosphere…”  
  
“Why are you building a planet?! How are you doing this?! What are you?” Sylvia waves her hands frantically.  
  
I groan as I push myself up into a more comfortable position. “I just...need to use up some of my power before I get sick again.”  
  
The planet loomed over our bubble. It was a perfectly nice planet aside from being lifeless. Well, give it time, life finds a way. I knew that from watching the Earth. Speaking of Earth...I should go check on it again. See if that hole I made has filled in yet.  
  
I empty myself out and sighed in relief. Even after creating my own planet I could feel the wonderful, powerful, emotions coming off Wander quickly filling me back up. It made me feel...giddy. I can't stay here any longer. I'm gonna go nuts on this feeling if I did.  
  
Shame, I would have liked to hang out with these two. They seemed fun. I get up and split the bubble. “Wait! Where are you going? Aren't you still sick?” Wander asks me. I shrug. “It's fine. You shouldn't...waste your time worrying about me. I'm sure there are plenty of other people who might need your help more...bye…” I ran away before he could try and convince me to stay.  
  
I ignore how nice it would have been to stay. Stay so I can continue feeding on those emotions. Even if they make me feel sick.  
  
Besides, vacation’s over. Back to work. Back to studying in preparation for when I can claim the 3rd dimension for my own. Because it belongs to me. I want to be allowed to live there as easily as I lived anywhere else. Because someday I will have my own Pines family and I'd love to hang out with them. My own Gravity Falls. Mine.  
  
\---  
  
I stay on Earth for a few thousand years.  
  
I possessed all sorts of creatures from insects to rodents to fishes in the seas. I had to be able to perform magic no matter what form I was in. I HAD to learn this. It was slow going but I was stubborn enough to do it.  
  
That's when I began to notice them. Hominids and Primate-like creatures developing around the world as the mammal species evolved and diversified. They weren't human, definitely not, some of them were monkey or ape like and others were isolated onto an island and didn't even progress THAT far. If I had to put it in words, they were lemurs. How had I missed this development?!  
  
I tried possessing them too. The intelligence was slightly higher. Not much. But they had grasping fingers that could HOLD stuff. I clung to trees and concentrated on channeling my powers through their bodies. My usual powers weren't working. But magic? That I could do.  
  
Nature magic took some time. The most I could really do was send my power into the plants around me to make them grow. It was easy to do that. I could do that while drunk (I already HAVE done that while drunk) but that only caused general growth. I couldn't really CHANGE how they grew. Couldn't make them grow the way I wanted. I was used to having CONTROL of the world around me. But I guess you're not supposed to control nature. That was unnatural.  
  
Which was why I loved doing it.  
  
But after many years of messing around with nature magic I realized I couldn't force my desires into the plants. I can only work WITH them and use their natural inclinations to help me with what I wanted. I can't force a tree to flower and bear fruit without first fertilizing them. I giggled to myself when I possessed some early wasp-like creatures that were the ancient world's first pollinators.  
  
I can be like Bee Bill. The thought sent me careening out of my insect host, I was laughing so hard.  
  
So I finally got the hang of nature magic. That's great But there were so many others I still had to learn.  
  
There are magic schools out in the multiverse.  
  
I sat on the branch of a tree I had grown. Magic school.  
  
None of my friends had been interested in learning magic. Kryptos preferred cold hard science. Magic was complicated and required intense focus and discipline to learn. We weren't really a group known for our discipline or patience. Heck, I wasn't known for my patience either. But this was MAGIC.  
  
I always wanted to go to Hogwarts as a child. Was so upset that my owl never came.  
  
Obviously Bill Cipher can't enroll in magic school. But Miz can. And more than that. This solved my problem of what school to send Quackers to.  
  
A magical Pladibear. Wouldn't that be amazing? I'm sure zey would LOVE to learn magic. I'm gonna go ask them. I slipped in between dimensions to go back to the same time I left my friends. I had so much to do.  
  
\---  
  
My other project came to fruition.  
  
I couldn’t send money from my TV show into Quacker’s bank account since Miz wasn’t supposed to be connected to Bill in any way. So, I found something else. Miz was an established comic book author so it wasn’t like I was starting from scratch. I sat down with some producers and introduced the idea of making my books into an Anime series.  
  
I even sent another Me back in time to set up the baselines needed to make Anime a ‘thing’ that existed. I’ve been pulling Anime from the future timeline to show my friends but I couldn’t introduce them into the past. Time Baby would be up in my personal space about that.  
  
Instead I recreated the shows and series I remembered from my 1st life. They were similar to the Anime that would someday exist in this dimension but different enough I could fudge the details somewhat to make them something different. So I carefully introduced the idea of various Anime I remembered into the timeline and watched these little changes ripple out. Nothing too major, not enough to catch Time Baby’s notice.  
  
After all these years doing jobs for him, I knew how to go about tweaking the timeline without fucking things up…mostly…  
  
I got surrounded by some Time Police and to their relief, I gave myself up peacefully. I know I did wrong after all. This was all on me and I’m owning up to it. Besides, while one Me served his 1000 year sentence in the Infinetentiary, the other Mes can continue doing what we’re doing until he gets let out to recombine with us. Unfortunately for Time Baby, he couldn’t stop Anime from becoming a thing and was forced to spend years and multiple squads of Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement agents throughout the timeline to stabilize it.  
  
Time Baby was PISSED. Yelled at me for hours straight. Well screw him, I invented Anime. Deal with it!  
  
The Me in the ‘present’ negotiated the production of an Anime of my work and I sent half the revenue from that to Quacker’s bank account. Seriously, it was…laughable how much I could do. Sometimes I forget that I wasn’t always capable of just making things happen the way I want. Was I going overboard with my own power? Changing the timeline for the sake of introducing my hobby into the multiverse? Going through life just throwing my power around and getting my way?  
  
Naw~I’m doing this world a favor! I’m making the universe better! They should be grateful I’m teaching them how to have FUN!  
  
Plus I can’t wait for Anime to catch on enough that they start holding conventions. I really wanted to make my friends do group cosplays with me…  
  
—  
  
The years passed too quickly for my liking. The twins were graduating soon. Quackers was enrolled in a basic Childgarden and would be transferred to a magic academy when they were older. As I predicted, they were thrilled at the chance to learn magic. Once Quackers was old enough, I plan to send Miz to the school with them. That way I can keep an eye on them while learning stuff myself.  
  
Brilliant.  
  
I had so much work to do, papers to sign, people to talk to...  
  
Frankly I’ve lost track of how many instances of Me there were running around the multiverse…  
  
Pyrone and Flora began dating.  
  
I can't express how...relieved I was to hear that. Flora’s species don't eat their mates. Pyrone won't have to die.  
  
He came to Pyronica and I to apologize for not giving us grandkids but I hugged him tightly and said that I didn't care about that. The future can change. The future can change. The future can change.  
  
I know this deviation from the glimpse I saw all those years ago was due to me. I introduced them after all. It always made me indescribably happy to know my actions could alter things. Make them better.  
  
Pynelope kept to our Deal, she told me about any guys, girls or otherwise she had her eye on and I would check if they were safe. In return, I never interfered (not as Bill at least) in their birthday parties. I still grabbed prisoners.  
  
The little dungeon would fill and empty as the years went on. People coming and going as I found different ways of punishing them. Google was a good maid. Complained about the uniform but she did her job feeding the other prisoners.  
  
Johan still refused my offer for freedom. I didn't make the mistake of revealing my secret connection to Time Baby to my other prisoners so a bit of scolding and psychological torture later and they were free to go.  
  
Time passed in an ever flowing stream forward. Quackers was growing up and decided they wanted to be female. There are a surprising amount of species that don't have a physical sex until puberty. I began stressing out again. My children were growing up. Quackers was going to be starting magic school soon.  
  
Everything was happening too fast and I just wanted everything to stop moving forward. Things were fine like this. It was fine as is. Please stop moving. Please stop changing.  
  
Things change.  
  
Even if I wanted them to stay the same.  
  
As against my nature as it was.  
  
I attended the twin’s high school graduation, crying hysterically and melting half the crowd around me. It took hours to pull that gloop of flesh and screams back into proper separate bodies so they could return to their families. I also apologized a lot.  
  
Pynelope was going off to college. She had something to prove and wasn't going to back down from that. Pyrone told me he wanted to help Flora start her own farm. The two were working odd jobs to save enough money to buy the land for it (I remind him of his bank account I had put plenty of savings into, he said he wanted that to be for emergencies). He was still close friends with Beez and Bibbity. They hung out often.  
  
Even if the twins were moving out, I still visit often and tried my best to keep us from drifting apart. It was hard. Pyronica actually pulled me aside and told me I had to let them go. They needed to learn how to survive on their own. They weren't children anymore.  
  
Just because you're correct doesn't mean you're right!  
  
But I could tell my clinginess was going to annoy them. I held back my visits. Hectorgon put it best “Why would the twins ever feel the need to come home to visit us if you're always going to them? Your constant presence means they won't miss you since you're always there.” He patted my side. “Bill, they're growing up and you need to let them do stuff on their own now.”  
  
It was difficult to let go but I eventually allowed it. Besides, Quackers and Miz need to start magic school soon.  
  
I snuggled with Ax and sighed. “Why does time move so quickly? Do you think I could bribe Time Baby into slowing down? At least for a few more centuries?”  
  
Ax gave me blank stare and I sighed harder. “I know~it's not gonna happen…”  
  
**-Are you happy?-**  
  
I considered it.  
  
“Yeah. I am. But it's not going to last is it?”  
  
**-Nothing does. But that doesn't mean it wasn't worth it-**  
  
I couldn't say anything against that.  
  
\---  
  
I glanced over at Quackers while wearing my Miz form. She's grown up a lot since I first adopted her. Her neck and body had lengthened and grown larger to more resemble a bear.  
  
  
  
She saw me watching and honked softly before twirling her flipper around my hand. I squeezed back.  
  
She was aging faster than the twins were. Pladibears had a shorter lifespan. Already she had reached what would be the equivalent of 11 in human terms despite being the equivalent of 4 when I first got her.  
  
I was still worried and dreading the day I lost them. But…  
  
I leaned against Quackers’s much larger form, even a young Pladibear preteen was much larger than me, around the size of a polar bear now. I rubbed my face into her fur, still just as soft as when she was a child. “Are you nervous mom?” She asks me as she wraps her flippers around my sides.  
  
“Not about school. Just...you're all growing up so fast.” I mumble into her fur. I feel like it was just a few short decades ago my kids were still relying on me to take care of them. Now Pynelope was at college and Pyrone was building a farmhouse together with Flora.  
  
Really though? Farming? Never thought he'd be the type. Then again, the planet they chose had some pretty vicious wildlife. Pyrone called me up to brag about the the Dragon-like creature he slew in battle. I guess he enjoys the exercise. And Flora wasn't very good with numbers so Pyrone was in charge of all the finances and management.  
  
Quackers honked with mirth. “You always say that mom.”  
  
I snort. “It's true though~how dare you grow bigger than me~” I poked her side and she honked with laughter.  
  
“Not my fault you're so tiny mom~” Quackers teased. I roll my eyes. “You and the twins keep making fun of me!” I lean back dramatically with the back of my hand over my eyes “Oh Ammy, he's the only good child~where have I gone wrong with the rest of them~?”  
  
Quackers honks loudly and the other people in the room shush us. We were going in for the magic initiate test and many were worried they wouldn't even make it into the school. Anyone can use magic under the right circumstance but that didn't mean you'd be any good at it.  
  
Kryptos asked why I was even bothering with magic when my powers were far greater than anything the school could teach me. I responded “Magical girls.” with a completely straight face before cartwheeling out of the room.  
  
Another reason I wanted to go to magic school, there were plenty of meditation techniques they taught for strengthening their minds against outside influence. I really wanted to secure my Exit Door so I could finally go back out there to explore the alternative dimensions.  
  
Still wanted to check on Seb and Bill. See if Seb’s got his brothers back yet. See if Bill was doing okay despite his bound situation. Well...sort of bound? There was definitely some sort of binding anchor on him that worried me but it was connected to Stan and from what that Bill has said, I got the feeling he really liked his Stan so it shouldn't be a problem.  
  
I frown. Ax wouldn't be happy if he found out I went back there. But I feel like I owe that other Bill something as thanks for his advice. Augh. I know Ax said interfering in the alternative worlds was against the rules but...since when have I followed them?  
  
The crowd around us moved and I came out of my thoughts to begin walking forward to the testing hall.  
  
Meanwhile, the me that was Bill was...  
  
“Well, well, well~look who came crawling back~” I grinned at the woman before me. Quackers’s birth mother. Now why would she _dare_ to summon me again? If she tries to pawn off another child I swear I will kill her and adopt all her children just to be done with it.  
  
She glares at me. “I'm just here for some information.” She says firmly. I laugh. “And what sorts of info would that be?”  
  
“Who is the person who has my child?”  
  
I pause. Was she really-  
  
“What? Do you want her back? After all these years?” I scoff “Cause that ain't happening.”  
  
“No. I merely wish to know who the one YOU dumped my child off on is. I want to know if they are being well cared for.”  
  
“Lady, you didn't give a FUCK if I ate your kid or not. I'm not buying it. What's the real reason you're calling me?”  
  
The former smuggler glares at me. I fold my arms and wait. I can just invade her thoughts to find out for myself but frankly I wanted to hear her say it.  
  
She glares at me. “My children hate me.” She says. I laugh in her face. “Of course they do! They know you would sell them out without hesitating. How would they be able to trust you?!”  
  
She honks angrily. “Yes. I GET that.” she sighs and rubs a flipper along her face. “Look...I made a choice. It might not have been a good choice but...it was mine.”  
  
“What? Are you regretting it? Feel bad that you gave up your child instead of thinking of anything else? You know I was joking with my examples of what I take as a price right?”  
  
“I don't want to hear that from someone who sold off my child the first chance you got.” She hisses.  
  
I roll my eye. “I actually didn't.”  
  
She pauses. “What? It was clearly documented. You dumped my kid on some random person you bumped into.”  
  
“Yeah...she works for me.” I shrug. “I didn't want Quackers being kidnapped or murdered by my enemies who are stupid enough to try attacking people that belong to me. So I ‘gave her away’ to a random stranger.”  
  
She was quiet. “So you put on a show of getting rid of my child...to keep her safe?”  
  
“Duh! How else can I ensure she grows up unbothered by the stigma of being associated with me? Learned THAT lesson with my other kids.”  
  
She frowns at me. “You could be lying. You're a criminal, an evil demon…”  
  
“Oof- way to hurt my feelings there~” I say cheerfully.  
  
She stares at me, irritated. “I still wish to know where my child is. As her mother I have right to-”  
  
“AHA HAHA HAHA HAHAHA-!”  
  
I laugh and laugh, my voice echoing through the room. I continue laughing until she starts looking uncomfortable. My laughter cuts off abruptly, the silence ringing louder due to the absence.  
  
“She's not YOUR child anymore. Hasn't been for years.” My form slowly grows larger until I was looming over her. “She's MINE. And if you EVER try to claim ownership of MY daughter again, I will turn you into a pencil sharpener and toss you into the standardized test taking dimension.”  
  
I leave, not bothering with any Deal she might propose. I didn't want her anywhere near Quackers. She had finally moved past this. She had finally started calling ME mom. No two bit thief was gonna take that from me.  
  
Back with Miz, I covered my eyes and took a few deep breaths.  
  
“What's wrong mom? I thought you weren't worried about the test?” Quackers asked as she bent down to pat my back. I straightened with a sigh and opened my eyes. “It's nothing, just annoying customers.”  
  
I tug on her flipper with a wide grin. “Come on let's go join magic school! Maybe we'll uncover a dark conspiracy! Or fight an evil warlock. Or fight a unicorn! Fuck those guys!”  
  
Quackers honks in amusement as we go to take our magic tests. I press myself onto her soft fur.  
  
Mine.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Also, I got my friend to pose with me so I could draw the cosplay onto us. So...if you ever wondered what Seb and Miz looked like IRL
> 
>   
> (Sadly, he cut his hair, it used to be really fluffy, also the lighting is horrid)


	66. Chapter 59.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I speak because my words are all I have. Even so, can I save someone with words alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A Teeth Interlude! I'm planning to make an interlude for each one of the people in Bill's life eventually.

**Illusion is Reality: Teeth Interlude**

**-Oh definitely let's eat him-**

\----

**Teeth POV**

“Hello? Hell~o. Hi! Heya!”

Ok, so an exercise for warming up before a show is to just...talk to myself in front of a mirror. It’s good for getting my mouth loose and warmed up. So here I am, talking to myself but I’m NOT crazy. Mostly. Heh. I dunno. I'm pretty sure all of us are crazy in our own ways.

“I’m not afraid to say that I ain’t the smartest of Mouths. Well, my species aren’t exactly known for their intelligence. Don’t say that in front of Bill though, he gets kinda upset if he hears us speaking badly of ourselves. Or other people speaking badly of us. He’s kinda protective like that. Not gonna lie, it feels nice to have someone like Bill standin’ up for me all the time. He cares about us. All of us.”

Like, cares a LOT.

 _Too much_ , some might say.

Even now, all these years (centuries? Millenia?) later, I still have no idea what it was about me that caught Bill’s attention. I’m...just a Mouth y’know? There’s plenty of Mouths out there. Many of whom have much nicer voices than me. Many of whom are so much BETTER than me.

“Once again, don’t let Bill hear that.” I muttered to my reflection.

“But for reasons I still don’t know, Bill Cipher chose me to be his Friend. And all I did was mouth off (ha!) at him in a restaurant. It’s not like I was planning to do that, I just can’t shut up sometimes, especially not when a stupid joke comes to me. But instead of vaporizing me where I stood, he laughed. So I just kept going, half from giddy nerves and half because if I haven't fucked up yet, keep going.”

That’s the biggest part of improv you know? Just keep it going, even if it doesn’t turn out how you planned for it to be. So I just kept going. I told my jokes, I talked to him, I made him laugh and somewhere along the way one conversation became two, then three and then Bill was coming by the restaurant bi-weekly just to get some food and requesting me.

“I confess I was terrified for a while.” I admit quietly, glancing around to make sure I was alone.

I feel really bad about this. If Bill had known how scared I was those first few weeks...he’d be so sad. Heck, if I could send a message to my past self it would be “Idiot! You have nothing to fear! Bill’s a nice dude!”

But that’s not really true either.

Bill IS a nice dude and I love him a lot (not as much as he seems to love me, which always makes me a little guilty) but ‘Nothing to fear’ is entirely inaccurate.

“Handling Bill is...a delicate process.” I fiddle with my hands as I leaned back and just rambled.

“Most of the time it’s easy. He’s happy and we’re all happy. You can joke and play and even tease him with no fear of retaliation. The worst that can happen is you accidentally hurt his feelings (even now we don’t know what all his issues are…) and Bill gets...super sad. Like, REALLY super sad. It’s...kinda pathetic to watch actually. Probably don’t have to repeat that these are thoughts that should never be voiced.” I sighed as I questioned why my warm up rants always ended up on this subject. I suppose if Bill were here he’d say it was because I had thoughts on my mind that I had to set free.

“Bill is...lonely.” I admit.

“The loneliest person I have ever met. Like, it shouldn’t even be physically possible for that much sadness to be inside a single entity. At least that was what Bill was like when I first me him. He’s gotten a little better over the years. Probably because we all told him that we love him and we WANT to be his friend forever. He’s really hung up on that, but considering how old he is? Yeah, I can understand why the ‘Forever’ part is so important to him.”

And it’s not like he’s...limiting us? Not exactly. Being Bill’s Friend is...simultaneously the easiest AND hardest thing to do. I’m not book smart but you’ve have to be a huge idiot to not notice just how complicated Bill Cipher is.

Like, some of my other friends, back when I lived amongst my own kind, had a give and take relationship. They’re my friend so long as I can provide something for them that they need. - ~~Apparently what I provide wasn’t enough to balance out how much they apparently didn’t want me there…-~~

But with Bill?

He asks for nothing more or less than our company whenever he wants it. And it’s not even all that difficult. If we’re busy with something Bill will just float along beside us, watching, and letting us do our own thing. He’s happy just being in the same room as us. So yeah, not difficult (if somewhat creepy at first with the way he stares unblinkingly at you for hours while you’re working).

And when we’re free to actually hang out, Bill makes it worth our while. Amusement parks, multidimensional sightseeing tours, fancy high class restaurants I would never be able to afford on my own no matter how long I worked…

“I _really_ don’t want to call him this but Bill is kinda our Sugar Daddy…” I muffle a giggle.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have grown to love that triangle so much if it was JUST about the money he throws at me. No. Bill’s more than just gold. We have game nights and movie nights. We just hang out together talking. He’s...really nice. When I was kicked out of my apartment with NOTHING to my name, I was...scared. I was so afraid of what I was going to do. There was no way I would go home to my parents. They had berated me about my dream of becoming an actor for as long as I could remember. Going home to them would be admitting that they were RIGHT and that I really wouldn’t amount to ANYTHING.” Even now, just thinking about how scary it was to be thrown out with NOTHING...I still have nightmares about it.

“But Bill found me, gave me a place to live and encouraged me to keep trying. Sure he also bound me to his side until the end of time without explaining what his Deal consisted of (which is kinda a dick move) but I’ve gotten over that. I mean, immortality is pretty cool right? I don’t have to deal with my gums growing soft or my teeth falling out. Bill’s power keeps me in perfect health so I can gorge myself on whatever treats and sweets I want with no issue.” Who doesn’t want immortality right? Well...I was actually quite terrified if I think about it but what’s done is done and frankly, I WANT to be Bill’s Friend.

“It’s a really good Deal all things considered. We’re not his prisoners...sort of? Bill tries his best to give us the freedom to come and go however we want. But we are sort of his prisoners. I have no family to return to. My parents aged and died a long time ago. I just have Bill now. And everyone else of course. Damn I’m glad everyone else is here too. Bill’s a cool guy but I don’t think I could stand being alone with him for all eternity.”

I shouldn’t say that. I feel bad whenever I think about life without Bill. He doesn’t deserve this minor betrayal from me. Even if it’s just a small feeling. It’s not that I don’t like Bill, just that he’s...difficult to be around sometimes. As much as I’m proud to be his Friend, it’s just...he’s scary.

That’s the hard part of being Bill Cipher’s Friend.

His mood swings are...scary.

I’m pretty sure it’s not his fault, especially after he told us that he REALLY was insane. Like ACTUALLY insane. Shit, I...don’t know how we missed that? Sure he’s absolutely nuts and cray-cray but I guess none of us really put it together that he was actually sick and needs help.

It sounds bad when you put it like that but it doesn’t make it any less true.

“Bill’s sick in the head and he needs help…” I admitted it to myself, out loud.

I am not qualified for that.

I doubt any of us are.

I know Kryptos has been trying to learn everything around the stars at his school and I even found some textbooks he’s hidden about the Mind and all that nerdy stuff. I shouldn’t call it that. It’s not nerdy stuff, it’s smart stuff. The kind of stuff I don’t understand.

And yet, I sort of do.

The thing about being an actor is that I have to get into the mind of the characters I play. I need to understand them, why they act the way they do, why they say the things they do, how did they become a person who would do and say these things. I’ve gotten pretty good at reading between the lines, as it were, and understanding characters. I just have to move that same expertise onto people and BOOM! I can sort of understand how their heads work.

When I tried that on Bill...I get mixed results.

Considering he does seem to have some kinda split personality thing going on I shouldn’t be surprised. And I don’t mean split personality as in there are separate people inside his head (even if he confirmed the Voices) because it’s not like Bill ever REALLY stops being...himself. Except he DOES sometimes. He’s got that little girl form he calls Miz who is STILL Bill and yet...not?

Like, he’s (she’s?!) still the same person. She still acts like the Bill I know and love. But at the same time...she’s...more...solid? “I’m probably not making much sense.” I scowl at my reflection, explain your feelings and thoughts clearly and concisely, it’s one of the necessary parts of acting. “Hang on, let me find the best way to explain this. When he is Bill Cipher, triangle dream demon, he is himself. He’s quirky and fun and also utterly terrifying.”

When he’s ‘himself’ he can oscillate between moods so quickly I sometimes lose track. It’s not like he does that ALL the time or anything but it happens often enough that it’s something to be careful about. One second he’s the sweet Bill who loves playing with paper and colorful yarn, next he’s every bit the horrifying demon that the multiverse fears, then he’s like a sad pupper snup that you just really want to cuddle close to yourself and tell them that everything is going to be better.

That’s just how Bill IS.

But when he’s in his other forms, it’s like...his mood swings...calm down. A little. More so when there’s more versions of ‘Him’ running around.

I think Bill unconsciously has different personas for his different forms. They’re all still ‘Him’ but also...different? It’s like his different forms get different parts of his personality and deviate less wildly than when he is ‘himself’ which helps to stabilize him a little. Miz is the most childish. She is easy to distract and also the easiest to handle when upset. William is pretty much Bill in all his normal moods so he’s not any easier or harder to handle than normal Bill. Jan...is a diva. He’s a lot more easy going but also quite...flirty and dramatic. Whenever Bill is being Jan...he’s more open with his affections. He’s also more narcissistic than regular Bill. I’ve seen him posing in front of a mirror and swooning over himself. Xin...isn’t a form we see very often but he is the ‘calm’ one. Bill as Xin is more mature and elegant, he holds himself with a serene dignity that I HAVE seen with normal Bill whenever he’s feeling calm and content.

All the other Bills are STILL Bill. Just...sectioned off into their own little segments.

I’m sure Bill hadn’t noticed.

I’m also sure this is actually good for him, despite probably being a bad thing in general. I don’t think splitting your own personality into different people is a healthy thing to do but it HELPS him. Especially because we can sometimes ‘train’ Bill to react in a way we want for the situation at hand. Like when he gets upset and it looks like he might start screaming or throwing things violently everywhere, Pyronica will ask him to turn into Miz.

9 times out of 10 Bill **listens** to us and actually DOES it.

Miz cannot hurt us physically (doesn't matter how strong you are if you can't reach us with those little arms). No matter how beside herself she is, Bill(Miz) cannot get the leverage to accidentally hurt us while she's thrashing around, so we can just carefully pick her up and place her on top of Xanthar until she calms down. That’s how we handle an angry Bill. Miz will throw her tantrum (which is quite adorable to watch actually), exhaust herself and, if she has a Dreamscape currently installed, fall asleep.

It’s way easier than dealing with a triangle Bill when he’s throwing a tantrum. When that happens we have to deal with red bricks, multiple clawed hands and rows upon rows of dangerously sharp teeth..  

That tends to cause more broken furniture and potential injuries.

We try not to get injured. Not for our sake but for Bill’s. He gets so guilty whenever he accidentally hurts us. And...sure, it’s scary to think that he might accidentally kill one of us someday and I guess maybe we’re insane (or stupid) too since we still stay with him despite that. I’ve spoken about this once with a guy in my theater troupe and he said that it’s a sign of abuse, the fear we have of Bill hurting us and yet staying with him. I told him he’s wrong...he may be right but I don't care. I don’t know about the others, but I stay because I’m worried.

Worried about Bill.

And even if this isn’t a healthy relationship, what with his moods LITERALLY threatening our lives, I still want to stay. I mean, if I bailed on a friend who **needed** help just because they weren’t the perfect friend all the time, what sort of asshole would I be? Friendship is about sticking with someone through their highs and lows. Just ‘cause Bill sometimes gets a little unstable doesn’t mean I should abandon him for not being the best friend **all** the time. Especially when he tries so hard to be better.

“He needs my help. He needs OUR help.” I repeat this to myself firmly. Because the bad times actually don’t outweigh the good. And Bill never turns his rage on US. He tries to leave before we get caught up in it. He doesn't want to hurt us.

And it’s been working. He’s getting better. I wouldn’t say he’s ‘fixed’ or anything, poor guy’s broken as fuck, but he’s a lot calmer nowadays than he was back when I first met him. The kids are good for him. They make him so happy. He’s still got his issues but then...who doesn’t? We’ve all got our own problems. We’re all broken in our own ways. But that’s why it’s so important for us to stick together. We...need each other. It’s not just a Me and Bill relationship here...

I love Pyronica, even if she’s a huge bitch half the time. I love Xanthar, seriously he’s just the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I love Ammy, he’s so weird and has the strangest ideas for entertainment. I love Hectorgon, our own team Dad I guess. I love Kryptos, he talks about stuff I don’t understand most of the time but he doesn’t look down on me for not getting it, he explains it to me with examples that I DO understand. That’s more patient than any of my school teachers growing up. I love Keyhole, the way he pushes pass his own anxiety to try and get stuff done is admirable. I love 8-Ball, he’s not the smartest, even by MY standards but he’s a gentle soul who lives with enthusiasm. If he wants something, he goes for it and always tries his best. I love PaciFire, not just because he’s a really cool demon but also because he doesn’t make fun of me for wanting to be like him. I know it’s weird that I idolize demons so much but they’re just so COOL! Paci’s a great guy though, even gives me tips on how to be intimidating.

I love the twins, Pyrone is always up for a tumble or rough housing, Pynelope is just as quick witted as her mother (same sharp tongue too) and I love bantering with her. It’s all in good fun even if we’re both trying to insult each other (I have weird hobbies, but wordplay is just my **thing** ya know?). I love Quackers, she’s very sweet. Respectful and diligent.

I like Google. Not that close to her yet but she’s a very chill gal. I think it’s good to have her here. She’s a little scary sometimes, I swear I think she might secretly be an assassin or something, what with how quietly she walks, but she also outright tells Bill that his ability to kill people was...admirable.

Which is kinda fucked up, not gonna lie, but it actually seems to make Bill feel better. And Google apparently knows about how Bill feels guilty about the people he’s killed by accident and even talks to him about that. Like I once came in to find her sitting down with Bill and talking about guilt and how to deal with it. So...I guess I like Google? Even if she’s not a Friend. Frankly I don’t know what Bill’s criteria for Friend material is. Maybe he just hasn’t realized that Google could be a Friend?

I should bring that up with him sometime.

Oh. There’s the signal. Show starts in 5 minutes. Alright I think I’ve sufficiently warmed up my voice. Bill’s gonna be in the audience, he always comes to my shows. The wholehearted support he gives me for my passion is great. Bill is a good friend. Even with all the negatives that come with being around him, the positives more than make up for it.

I get up from my dressing room chair and head out to the stage. I don’t have to worry about anything I’ve said here being leaked across the galaxy, Bill in his infinite paranoia, Cursed my dressing room against all things that would cause harm to me or him. Dunno how that works. How does a Curse tell whether or not something would be harmful to him anyway?

Well whatever. The stage was set and my cue was coming up so I should focus on giving this performance my all.

\----

Bill came to the aftershow of course. I was leaving the changing rooms and found him floating in the hallway, waiting for me. He was staring at his Com and scrolling through something. I couldn't 'See' what it was from here. Bill looked...worried about something. He's been very preoccupied these last few weeks. Won't tell us what it was about. He just answered "REALITY CONVERGES UPON A SINGLE POINT. WE CANNOT ESCAPE THE ENCROACHING HORIZON!" and then burst into spiders....

He lit up (literally, his perpetual glowing flashed brighter for a second) and tackled me in an affectionate hug. “That was GREAT Teeth!” He squealed. I laughed and patted him on the back. “I dunno, I might have stumbled a line or two…"

“2 fumbles and 1 awkward pause but Ferdinande flubbed 3 of HIS lines so you still did great.” Bill responded cheerfully. Of course he knew what all the lines to the show were supposed to be. It’s eerie sometimes how much Bill just...knew. Then again, as he was so fond of saying, he knows LOTS of things.

We walked off, well, I walked, Bill floated everywhere. I asked about that once and Bill said that he didn't have shoes and his feet were delicate...which is fair I suppose. Of course he could make shoes but when I asked about that, Bill said something about pretty high heels and breaking his ankles…

Bill took me to a spa as a celebration gift for another successful show. I had been complaining about sore feet since this play had a lot of dancing and it was very thoughtful of him. I noticed he didn't go for any of the massage treatments himself, instead getting a pedi/manicure. I did catch him eyeing up the massage rooms with a longing expression.

It wasn't fair.

It has been years and years but Bill still couldn't get over it. If Handsy was still alive I'd like to give him a good kick or two. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. He sat there with a towel neatly wrapped around his lower bricks and sighed. “I don't know. I just can't trust a stranger to touch me on more than my limbs…”

I know it was bold of me to ask but it left my tongue before I could stop myself, as it always does. “What if I gave you a brick massage?” I slapped my hands over my mouth. I always did this, speaking without thinking. I talk constantly and everyone I knew growing up hated that.

As always though, Bill never minded my bluntness. He told me once he appreciated my honesty. Had a weird look in his eye when he said it and when I asked he said it was an alternative timeline and wasn't important. So when I saw that he wasn't offended I put my hands back down.

He seemed contemplative. “...maybe? But...just...a little?”

“Just say stop whenever you start to feel uncomfortable.” I assured him. He looks at me and I'm surprised as I always am by how...trusting he looked. He was scared but he...wholeheartedly believed I would never hurt him.

It was...daunting...to be valued this much.

I always feel like I'm not worthy of this. Of being Bill's friend and given everything I would ever want. There are people who would kill to be in my position. Some of my troupe tell me how jealous they were but they also seemed to think I was required to perform ‘favors' for Bill.

I heard one of them mutter about how I must be “Really good with my tongue.” and frankly it was sickening that they would think Bill asked such a thing of me. I've heard the way they talk about us. Especially about Pyronica. They're lucky Bill doesn't notice. They're unlucky that Pyronica noticed.

Bill gets annoyed whenever he needs to trade in a Favor to bail Pyronica whenever that happens and he scolds her about it. She keeps quiet about why she does what she does. We all do.

Hectorgon says that we have to do our part to protect Bill from such things. He may be an immortal demon but this was something we could do. We may not have the power to do much but we're here for the little things. Like this here. So here I was, sitting in the sauna room, we got the room to ourselves for the next hour or so.

Bill shivered a little as he knelt before me. I sighed and suddenly felt kinda lucky Kryptos wasn't here. He would be jealous as fuck. A lot of us were wondering why he hasn't told Bill how he felt yet. He's been crushing on the triangle for a couple of years now.

Bill gripped his towel tighter around himself. “I...um…” he took a deep breath. “My back has been kinda sore. The bricks there feel like they might be misaligned from the last time I...um...well, they might be misaligned…” he looked away and I held back my grimace. We all knew Bill had been hurting himself somehow. Striking at his own bricks until they break, bleed and heal. We couldn't really understand why he does that to himself.

It worried us but Bill doesn't really talk about it, plays dumb when we try to ask. It's...frustrating.

“Well, I can take a look at that?” I suggest softly. He slowly turned around so his back was towards me. Before I could do anything he pressed his small hand against the wall and it hissed as he burned a triangle into it. Ah, he wants to watch just in case. Bill trusts us but he's still a paranoid one.

I almost expect the triangle on the wall to blink at me but it remained motionless. Very innocuous looking. It was faint and difficult to see through the steam. Bill was really good at that. No wonder he's got so many spy eyes littered throughout the multiverse.

Bill said once that seeing through depictions of himself was something he started doing because the AXOLOTL only taught him how to see everything at once and it was too difficult to understand what he was looking at. Even the depictions used to be seeing through all of them at once and it took him eons to figure out how to narrow his gaze. Most of his explanation went over my head but it sounded really cool.

I looked at Bill's back. Well, looked is an arbitrary term. I didn't have eyes after all, but that doesn't mean I can't see. My sense of the world around me is generally tactile in nature but I can ‘feel' the difference between lights and darkness. This sense has gotten much stronger in the years I've been without a colony. Like my body had adapted to being exposed and on my own. I didn't have any Eyes to see for me anymore.

If a shadow passes over me, I notice, my skin feeling the various waves hitting it or not. These photon receptors are sensitive enough to ‘feel' colors. In this way I can easily ‘see' both anything near me so long as there was light as well as the images and words in books or holo screens. My only issue is seeing things far away. I'm pretty much blind to things more than 10 meters away.

Bill is EASY to see.

He glows constantly, getting brighter or dimmer with his moods. I can feel the minor shifts in his hue faster than the others can see his change in color. It doesn't stop me from being afraid of upsetting him, in fact it's worse. When Bill is sad...he dims so much I can barely see him. It just isn't right to see Bill without his healthy glow. When he gets mad the color is so...vibrant it almost overwhelms me.

Now though, I saw how he glowed nervously. His bricks pulsing faintly with a fade so subtle and quick I doubt any creature with eyes would be able to see this blinking. The strobe effect happening too quickly for them to catch. “I'm going to touch you now.” I tell Bill to warn him even though I knew he was watching through the brand on the wall. It felt nicer to give him an audio warning as well.

He nodded. “Ok.” Permission granted, I reached out to feel around the bricks on his back. He's warm, as per usual. I slide my palm carefully up and down to check for any bricks out of line. There, my hand hit a bump. I felt around a bit more as Bill sighed and found two bricks that were jutting out faintly. It wasn't a big bump, more like whoever put the bricks together hadn't pressed them in all the way.

Bill was sighing as I felt around his back, his worry fading somewhat. “This feels kinda nice.” He murmured. I traced the edges of the misaligned bricks and he let out an “Eep!” I pull back “Did that hurt?” I asked worriedly. He shook his head. “It tickled a little.” He responded.

“What do you want me to do?” I asked. He had his hands pressed to the bench we were sitting on as he leaned forward. “I guess...push them back in?” He suggested. I nod. That sounds like it might work. I press on the edge that's sticking out and Bill grunted a little. It wasn't budging so I pressed harder which just pushed Bill forward along the bench.

“...I think you need to lie down?” I asked. He hesitantly glanced back at me before lowering himself to lie on his front. I could tell he was tense.

I reached out to press harder on the bricks. There was some resistance but I eventually felt them move, Bill was wiggling with some faint whimpering sounds. “Am I hurting you?” I asked worriedly.

“Just a little...but it's not the _bad_ type of pain…” Bill moaned softly.

I don't know what he means by that but he wasn't pushing me off so I continued pushing down, leaning my weight onto him. The bricks slowly slid back into place as Bill panted with a slightly strained voice.

“If it hurts you should tell me to stop.” I told him. He gasped. “I-it's fine…”

The bricks slid into place with a faint click and Bill **shuddered** with a groan. “F-fuck…” he hissed.

“A-are you alright?!” I sat back and watched him wiggle a bit, arching his back. “I'm fine. That...felt really nice...ugh...didn't even notice how sore I was…” he pushed himself up and groaned. “Thanks…” he pressed a hand to his back and rubbed his bricks. I reached out to rub them too, warning him beforehand. He sighed as I gave his bricks a gentle squeeze along his sides. “Is this alright? Not too much for you?”

“I can handle this much.” Bill scoffed. I could tell he was still tense. I let go. “You don't have to force yourself.”

“I'm not…” Bill whined. I scoffed. “Really?” I poked one of his bricks and he whined harder. “Teeth!”

I sighed. “You don't have to pretend you're ok with stuff when you're not.”

“But I shouldn't still be so...uneasy about it. It's so STUPID!” Bill growled in frustration. I pulled on his hand lightly. “I still miss my colony.” I admitted. He turned to glance at me. I give him a shrug. “It's been years and years but I still haven't gotten over that. Is it stupid? Maybe. But it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel that way, or that there's something wrong with me for feeling like this.”

I shuffled over to sit beside Bill. “It doesn't hurt as much as it used to but I still feel this way...and I think I always will. But...that doesn't make me any lesser of a person right?”

“It doesn't!” Bill assured me. He leaned over to hug me. “You're a sweet guy and they were fools who couldn't see that!”

“Yeah...I guess...but the point is, even if its been awhile I haven't gotten over this betrayal and I don't know how long it would take me to do so.” I reached an arm around to hug Bill back. “So you're not allowed to feel bad about your own issues either.”

“But it's different! It's been so, so long and-”

“It takes you longer to get over stuff. There's nothing wrong with that.” I tell Bill firmly. He was always good at telling us everything is fine but he was hypocritically blind to his own self deprecating behavior. I wonder briefly if there's anything we could do to help his self esteem issues?

Part of me wonders how someone so narcissistic can have such low self esteem but I'm beginning to suspect Bill’s proud ways are just an act to to hide how he really feels. He puts on a show in public, in front of his clients. Sometimes in front of us, though much less.

Despite the way he acts, Bill's actually pretty shy. It's unintentionally adorable and I feel like Bill would make more friends if he goes out and lets more people see that part of him. What's that word Bill uses? Moe?

“Do you ever want to make more friends?” I asked Bill suddenly. “Not Friends, but...friends? As Bill Cipher?”

He hummed. “I've got you guys...and some of my other identities have friends…”

“That's not what I meant.” I shook my head. “Even if you think your reputation is too awful to get any better...shouldn't you still try?” Maybe interaction with more people would help? Bill spends most of his life watching people from afar. Maybe he just needs to socialize more. See that not everyone thinks he's a horrible monster.

See that he can have more friends than just us. Even if we were ‘fated' to be his friends, he could always find more? Sure the house is pretty full but Bill can always make it larger? Or have friends who didn't live with us?

I've felt for a while now that Bill relied too much on his future vision. Even if he publicly says he hated Fate, he still valued the information he got from it. Not because he liked it but because it was like a comfort blanket. It was quite hypocritical, which is what Bill is. Not that it's a bad thing per say...a lot of us are hypocritical in our own way.

I think demons are cool as hell. But those demons that torture people make me...uncomfortable. Most demons are supposed to be 'bad guys'.

I know Bill has tortured people. I'd have to be an idiot not to know. We know clearly about the horrible things Bill has done. Is it wrong to care about someone who’s done awful things? Is it wrong for us to still think he's a good person despite all the things he's done? I like to think his kindness makes up for any crimes he has committed.

And frankly, Pyronica's eaten and killed people too so it's not like we're saints. Oh...I guess we're all just...kinda bad guys? And...I'm ok with that?

Bill was staring at me, vulnerable and meek. It's weird when he looks like that. “Do you think I should go about helping people and just...hope that they’ll eventually forgive me for the stuff I've done?”

“Well...I don't think doing that would make things any worse right?” I asked.

Bill closed his eye and makes a frustrated noise. “I hate doing tedious, pointless things.” He hissed. “I hate fixing something and having to fix it again over and over. It feels like a waste of time.”

I kept quiet as Bill flickered through different colors. “It's not like I'm asking for their gratitude. But I just get so... **_angry_ ** …” his hands curled into fists “I help them. They thank someone else. I do good things and they deny it. But...the INSTANT I do ANYTHING even vaguely ‘unacceptable' they're up in arms against me!”

He hissed in frustration. “And whenever that happens I just... **_lose my shit_ **.” he pressed his hands to his eye and took a few deep breaths. “I just get so angry that I can't think straight and I hate getting my hopes up like that only to have everything happen the same way over and over and over again!”

I pat his side comfortingly. “Ok. I'm sorry. You...don't have to do it if you don't feel right…”

He leaned against me. “No. You're right. I **should** try harder.” He sighed. “I just got fed up with it all and gave up.” he looked at me “Maybe it's time I started trying again?”

“Are you sure? If it really upset you so much…” I asked hesitantly but Bill shook his head. “No. I need to stop running away from my problems. I can't just give up anymore.” He twisted his legs together nervously. “But what should I do?”

He glanced up at me, imploring me to make the decision for him. It was a lot of pressure for a simple Mouth like me. “Well...what if you...protect people who are in danger? Or...like...fight bad guys?” I suggest weakly. I really had no idea what Bill could do. I suppose he could try being a Protection god instead of a Chaos god?

I wasn't really sure what I was saying but Bill was humming to himself in thought. “I suppose I can pay a visit to some of the Scum in the multiverse. There's a crime lord in Dimension 392Xx who has been trying to get a Deal out of me but I don't want to grant his desires and I've just sorta been acting like he just doesn't have anything I'd want in exchange for it...so maybe I should just up and kill him already…”

That...was NOT what I meant but Bill was already making plans to himself and I wasn't sure if I should tell him that.

Ah well...this is probably fine right? Bill’s not stupid, I'm sure he's got a real plan in mind for this…

A couple weeks later the galactic news reported how Sir Aethenick of the Delta-79 Bloodmarket was found torn open and strung from his own organs. A bloody note was left saying that this was the punishment that awaited people who dealt in sexual slavery and non-consensual organ harvesting.

I shuddered.

Bill Cipher is my Friend and I love him a lot...but he's a _scary_ motherfucker.

\---


	67. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's here! It's finally here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warning for some blood, gore and plenty of viscera.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 60**  
  
**-Nice scream by the way-**  
  
\---  
  
I passed the magic tests with only a few issues. I was literally made of energy, magical, weird and science alike. Quackers passed as well. I have been teaching her basic level stuff in preparation. She grined at me and we laughed while hugging in celebration. “We should have a party.” I declared. She waddled excitedly. “We should invite 哥哥 (goh-go) and 姐姐 (jie-jie) home for that.” I'm so incredibly proud that Quackers managed to pick up a bit of Cantonese. The twins tried but their vocal chords were simply incapable of forming the necessary sounds. Quackers may be prone to honking, but her species had an impressive range for sound generation.  
  
I took her flipper and we Blinked home. A few phone calls later and I was busy decorating the house. Quackers was somewhat sad she couldn't invite her friends from the childgarden. This is Bill Cipher's house after all. Growing up, she went to her friend's houses all the time but had to make excuses for not inviting them over to hers.  
  
Our main story was that her house was haunted.  
  
Unintentionally, people came to the conclusion that this was due to our house being trolled by Bill Cipher who was non-lethally toying with us for the LOLZ. When Quackers and I went out in public together we got pitying looks which I milked for all it's worth because some of these suckers give us free stuff. I didn't turn down free stuff. Even if I had no use for it! Like that industrial sized printer I got and just...never print anything with! I used it as a table actually…  
  
So no one raised a fuss about not coming over to our house and we had a nice family congratulations party for the two of us getting into Magic School. Kryptos seemed worried about me splitting my focus in half for such a long period of time. “Please~I can handle myself.” I told him.  
  
When he took my hand and gave me a stern look, I sighed. “Well what would you have me do? This is a boarding school. I can leave a construct there but-”  
  
He cuts me off “You don't have to split your attention like that. If you want to go to school, do it. If you get summoned then split off a piece of yourself, don't hold them up long term. I...I worry that you might get hurt.”  
  
I frown. “But what about you guys?”  
  
“We'll be fine Bill. We can take care of ourselves. Come check up on us if you're worried but if you really want to learn magic, you should focus on it.” The Polytool says. “I know magic can go horribly wrong if you do it wrong. I think the risk to your safety is more important.”  
  
“...okay…” I say quietly. Kryptos gently pets my hat and I rumble faintly. Feels really nice. “You let me go off to school, you should be allowed to your studies too.”  
  
I hug him tightly. “Ok. I will visit though. A lot. Like...once a day.” He laughs and hugs me back “Sure Bill.”  
  
PaciFire comes up. “Hey, ah, can I talk to Bill alone? I need to ask him something.”  
  
Kryptos lets go of me and I float off to a side room with my demon friend. “What's up Paci?”  
  
He fidgets with his tail. “Do you think I could learn magic?” I blink. “Sure. If you wanted to learn why didn't you say anything?”  
  
He blushed. “Because magic’s for sissies…” he says self consciously. I flick his forehead. “Hell. None of that. We've talked about this Paci.”  
  
“I know…” he sighs. “But I still don't want to be...public about it…”  
  
I hugged him. “You don't have to be so scared about people knowing about your preferences. You know none of us are gonna judge you for it. And screw other people's opinions.”  
  
He laughs lightly. “I wish I could be as comfortable with who I am as you are Bill.”  
  
“Pssh! I'm the LAST person to talk to about being comfortable with who I am.” I go through an existential crisis every thousand years. He shakes his head. “I don't mean that, I mean you have no sense of shame over your hobbies...except your porn.”  
  
I flush predictably “L-look, I have really weird NEEDS ok?!” he laughed fondly. “Yeah, like that. Your taste in porn is the only thing you get flustered by...” He trails off. “I'm not as confident as you. I can't go around and parade my embarrassing hobbies like you do.”  
  
I reach out to take his chin and lift his head up. “Do you want to come to magic school with us?”  
  
He looks away. “Is there a way to go secretly?”  
  
“What about your job? Your show?” I ask. He shrugs. “The producers are thinking of having me go off on a journey to gather power this season. I'm free for the next few months before the shooting for next season starts.”  
  
Hm…  
  
“You don’t mind if I transform you into someone else?” I ask.  
  
“As long as no one can tell it’s me. I’m just too embarrassed about it…” He grumbled. I giggle and hug his large horn. “Your embarrassment is adorable you know that?”  
  
He face palmed. “Just don’t make my secret identity pink…”  
  
\---  
  
“In retrospect, I should have known better than to give you ideas.” PaciFire glared at me from under his bright pink fur.  
  
“At least you passed the application tests.” I hold back my laughter.  
  
“Who’s your new friend mom?” Quakers asked as she looked at my ‘new friend’.  
  
“This is BubbleBerry. He’s gonna be dorming with us!” I snort. We were in a Quad with co-ed dorms.  
  
“I can’t believe you turned me into a freaking quadrupedal hooved pink mammal!” PaciFire, or rather, BubbleBerry grumbled under his breath. Yes, his. I was mean but I wasn’t THAT mean. I waved him off. “No one will recognize you and you can still hold stuff without fingers. Don’t ask me how that works.”  
  
He buried his face in his hooves and groaned. "What's even with this weird mark on my butt?" He grumbled at the image of balloons along his back flank. I just laughed.  
  
\---

I checked my transdimensional Tumblr account. I had found BlueBill on there (I really hope he doesn't find out I call him that) and he brought up something...distressing.

I checked on my Mindscape. Yeah. The shelves around my Exit door look like...they've been jostled. A distressing thought. I added chains around my door. Now more than ever, I need to get these security features up.

\---

I forgot that schools, even magic ones, would involve me having to sit at a desk and stay still for hours.

I quickly grew bored at the lecture and started doodling. I was still paying attention of course! "Miz! What's the proper usage of the Ansuz rune?"

" ****generally denotes the naming of a god, used most often in telling the spell which god you are pulling the powers from to create the following spell effect." I responded without even looking up.

The teacher blinked in surprise. He was sure I hadn't been paying attention. "Oh. Yes, that is correct." He returned to his lecture as I sketched out the basics for my next book. My publications were few and far between but I liked jotting down ideas anyway.

The lecture was annoying to sit through and I was glad Professor Sev didn't try to stop me from drawing. Me + boredom = Terrible things. He did ask me a question now and then to check if my first response had been a fluke or not. I answered clearly and some of the other students were starting to give me weird looks.

We had a practical application class next where we would take the runes we've learned and try to create a spell effect. I already knew how to do this so I spent the class messing around with some experiments. Like, could I really call on other gods to use their powers for the spell?

There were several ways to use rune magic. With basic runes you can use the 'magical' elements to do things like summon water or set a fire or even create wards that provide protection. Basics just rely on the spell caster linking together the tunic alphabet to calculate and spell out what you want it to do.

Then there was using the Ansuz to draw on power from a particular god. This makes the spell much stronger and, depending on the god, it would 'flavor' the spell with a bit of their power. This power was taken from the gods themselves, but it was such a minute amount that most of us barely notice.

Heck, my worshipers draw on my powers all the time. My 'flavor' seemed to make spells...have random effects relating to the spell they attempt to cast and apparently the crazy bastards who worship me found the mystery of what would happen to be addicting.

Xin could be Invoked as well, despite technically being a false god, his power comes from me and it also makes any spell naming him to have a mild random effect. It's much weaker than invoking me directly so I don't think Xin's worshipers have noticed.

You can even invoke Time Baby into a spell, his runic symbol is his hourglass marking. Mine is, of course, a triangle with an eye (you can add the bowtie and hat for extra power) and now I'm just reminded of how someone on my transdimensional Tumblr pointed out that my bowtie is just Time Baby's symbol flipped horizontally...

I shuddered. Nope, not gonna think about that.

 I spent class drawing up the symbols of various gods I knew. I was one of the very few people in existence to know how to invoke the AXOLOTL but I refrained from drawing out his runes. Didn't want anyone else to find out. But I did draw a potato and was surprised to hear a faint echoing voice.

**~It has been quite a while since we've spoken last~**

Oh. The potato god. I really hadn't expected to hear from him. Didn't I kill like, all his worshipers?

**~Amusing, but no, you are one of my worshipers as well. How odd, for a god to revere another such as I?~**

Well, I DO love potatoes. They're delicious. Pyronica's dislike of them had me using all sorts of other things as substitutes, like a weird vegetable that resembled a cauliflower. I made a pretty good omelette with that.

_'So how have you been Mr. Potato god?'_

**~Please, call me Spud. It is very nice to hear from you again sir Cipher~**

_'Please, call me Bill! Oh wow, I didn't think any of the other gods would actually be happy to speak to me?'_

**~I am still thankful for that you did, all those years ago~**

_'....How are things going? Since I kinda killed your worshipers?'_

**~It's fine. Your Cooking Shows using the flesh of my physical bodies has caused an increase in my worshipers. People enjoy eating us and therefore, cultivate and grow us for consumption, thereby worshiping me with their every meal~**

_'Oh, that's good.'_

**~I thank thee, Bill Cipher. If ever you need my assistance, I shall grant it~**

_'...You just make it rain potatoes don't you?'_

**~I do not have great powers, my deepest apologies~**

_'No, it's fine. Raining potatoes sounds like something I'd enjoy seeing sometime.'_

**~Then, if that is all, farewell Bill Cipher~**

_'Bye-bye~'_

Well that was a pleasant experience. My spell went off and potatoes rained upon the courtyard. I laughed for the longest time. The teachers told me I wasn't allowed to experiment anymore. Fuck.

\---  
  
I was practicing magic in the Nightmare Realm (since my teachers only allowed me to practice pre-made runic equations now) when I felt the space around me twisting. It didn't feel like a portal…  
  
And what poor, unlucky soul was going to come HERE?  
  
Instead of a person like I was expecting, an ENTIRE FUCKING SPACESHIP comes barreling through the Nightmare Realm, blaring emergency alarms and crashing through multiple nightmares before it glowed with the tell tale light of attempting a Jump via Hyperdrive and the ship smashed its way out of the Nightmare Realm, tearing a pretty big hole as it went. I got sucked out along with a bunch of smaller nightmares that were light enough to be pulled it.  
  
The obviously malfunctioning spaceship (a Hyperdrive is used for dimensional travel but it generally has SAFETY settings that prevent things like this!) barreled through multiple other dimensions, sucking in screaming denizens of those worlds as it went. I was screaming as well as I was caught up in the swirl of quantum energy.  
  
“Aaaaahhhhh-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!” I started laughing once I realized this was the greatest roller coaster I've ever been on.  
  
“Woop!” I cheered and looked over at a creature spinning around near me. “DUDE! ISN'T THIS AWESOME?!” I yelled at them over the sound of dimensions tearing apart and molecular deconstruction as the energies tore our atoms apart. This was AMAZING!  
  
“AUUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!” My neighbor screamed, too terrified to really enjoy this wild ride like I was.  
  
To be fair, I think the molecular tearing was killing them. I rolled my eye and spread out a little power to protect them from some of this unstable energy. I can't have fun on this ride with them if they all DIED after all. And the best part of roller coasters was listening to the other people scream.  
  
Or maybe I just enjoyed listening to people screaming.  
  
The 1 hour screaming compilation videos on my ThemTube search history would attest to that.  
  
Once they weren't in horrific pain from their bodies being torn apart atom by atom the crowd of other misplaced dimensional creatures stared in shock at the swirling colors of all the dimensions the space ship’s malfunctioning Hyperdrive was tearing through. “WHAT'S HAPPENING?!” one creature screamed hysterically.  
  
“I DON'T KNOW!” I screamed back before laughing. “BUT THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!” I cheered, waved my arms and legs around, and laughed when the ship smashed through yet another dimension and the unstable vortex sucked up even more innocent creatures.  
  
The ride was bumpy and violent and watching the horizon squish and stretch around me was amazing. My companions didn't seem to enjoy it as much as I did but all good things must come to an end. The out of control space ship finally crashed through another dimensional barrier and ran out of the energy needed to power its Hyperdrive for another jump.  
  
A heavy weight descended upon me and I tumbled through the air, losing control over the stability field I was holding around my fellow displaced dimensional hitchhikers. I watched the spaceship crash landed heavily into the ground after slicing through some mountains and bury itself into the ground. The earth trembled as grass, trees and the very land itself was pulled down with it, creating a huge valley.  
  
I spun through the air and landed on the ground. Whoa...that was a wild ride. I hear many splats and screams as the people I had been protecting lost my help and struck the ground at high speeds. (I shivered a little, glad that I didn't see just how high up we were and that I hit the ground painlessly) A lot of them died on impact with some really disgusting sounds and a spray of bloody viscera as all their momentum was brutally, fatally stopped.  
  
Those who were behind the first wave of deaths, a lot of which were my nightmares, fared somewhat better as the twisted bodies of the dead cushioned their landing. They squelched into the still warm bodies of the unfortunate early landers.  
  
It was a glorious display of blood spray. I clapped and cheered.  
  
“Dude! That was AMAZING!” I flew around before realizing most of the survivors couldn't see me. I glanced around myself. I was in the 3rd dimension. That explained why my powers cut off suddenly. I wanted to feel bad for the splattered remains of my fellow accidental dimension travelers but...dude, that was the most exhilarating ride I've ever been on and it wasn't like I could have saved them anyway so I don't waste my time feeling bad about it.  
  
I watched everyone pick themselves off the ground, if they had enough non broken limbs to do so and began looking around, panicking, grieving and generally being miserable. I couldn't stand to watch it so I flew away to check on the spaceship.  
  
It was buried deep under the ground and was broken beyond repair. The few surviving aliens struggled to get anything to work and a few of them made their way out of the ship to the surface where they panicked as the atmosphere on Earth began to cause rapid decomposition of their skin. I winced as they screamed and burned away, leaving nothing but ash that was quickly blown away in the wind.  
  
Well that sucked.  
  
This felt familiar to me for some reason but I wasn't quite sure what was…  
  
Wait.  
  
I glanced around myself. A UFO smashing into the ground and creating a valley?  
  
I look around and felt how the violent entry via unstable Hyperdrive caused the dimensional barriers to break down around this valley. Like the tiny holes I create whenever I come through but a LOT larger and pulling in energies from multiple different dimensions at once.  
  
The holes I make are small (they close after a few years) so only a couple of things come through along with a little bit of energy. But a Hyperdrive, a device the Federation invented for dimensional travel was **made** to tear through the fabric of reality, could create larger holes that stay open longer. The hole wasn't physical, you need a transdimensional portal for that, but it was there and the dimensional leakage was already happening. As if they were drawn here to the valley.  
  
I wasn't quite sure if this attraction was caused by the ship or if there was some kind of instability that already existed here to pull the ship in this direction to begin with.  
  
Either way. I stared at the valley and felt myself vibrate in excitement. This was Gravity Falls! The valley that would eventually be where everything happens. I was so thrilled even the horrified screaming of the dying aliens couldn't bring my mood down.  
  
\---  
  
I spun around in my dress. “So~how's my witch’s outfit?” I grinned at Quackers. She laughed and poked my pointed hat. “You really enjoy dressing up huh?”  
  
  
  
“Well of course. And I think your outfit looks cute too!”  
  
Quackers honked in amusement and the two of us head out of our shared dorm room to go to class. The school didn't have a uniform but I wanted to dress up anyway. PaciFire rolled his eyes as he troted along with us. ”We don’t even HAVE a dress code…” He still wore a cute dark blue witch’s hat though.  
  
\---  
  
I bustle around the Death Star lost in thought (rather, half my focus was on me as Miz sitting in class.) I know Kryptos wanted me to focus on school but I was itching to clean something. Google was wiping the floor and humming to herself. Oh right. I almost forgot.  
  
“You're free to leave now. If you want.” I comment.  
  
She paused in her work. “What?” she looked around. “Oh, is the floor clean already?” She asked.  
  
I shake my head. “No, I mean Time Baby has forgotten about you. You're free to go.”  
  
It takes her a few seconds to understand what I meant. “I'm...free to...go?”  
  
“Yeah. You've served me as a maid for many years, you've paid off your punishment and since Time Baby has forgotten about you there's no danger in letting you go.” I frown “But do keep quiet about what you've learned here or you’ll have to deal with this issue all over again.”  
  
I turn away to refocus on my magic lesson multiple dimensions away. They're still explaining the fundamentals. Boring~  
  
“Am I unsatisfactory?”  
  
I turn back to Google. “Huh?”  
  
She was gripping her cleaning rag. “So that's it huh? You're just...throwing me out?”  
  
“Whoa! Whoa! Who said anything about that?!” I waved my little noodle limbs at her. “I'm not throwing you out! I'm letting you go. You know? Freedom?”  
  
She shook her head. “Why would I want to leave? I get free room and board, I get PAID, I get to live HERE where you've got all the comforts anyone would ever want…” she quieted down. “I...like it here. I don't even mind working as a maid.”  
  
I stare at her incredulously. “Is this that _thing_? Stockholm syndrome?”  
  
“A what syndrome?” She asked in confusion.  
  
“Never mind, that doesn't exist yet.” I groaned. “It's like...you start liking your captor? When an abused prisoner starts to grow fond of their jailer?”  
  
“What are you even talking about?” She asked incredulously.  
  
I shake my head. “This can't be happening.”  
  
“What is? What can't?”  
  
I covered my eye with my hands and groaned. “Not important. Just...you're not fired. But you can leave the house whenever you want now. Without needing one of us to accompany you.”  
  
I moved my hands and looked at her. “You're free. Do what you want.”  
  
She appeared confused. I turned and left the room. Fuck it. I didn't mean to keep her as my prisoner. But it seemed like she didn't want to leave. Auuuugh! I hadn't meant to break her. If she actually wanted to stay with me then she _must_ be broken. Why _else_ would anyone **want** to stay with me once they no longer needed to?  
  
After all, Pyrone and Pynelope were off doing their own things now. Moved out to get away from me as soon as they were old enough…  
  
I shook myself. They still came to visit. This is normal. Them moving out was normal. That...that's what kids do. Yeah.  
  
I was both thrilled and disappointed when Google left.  
  
I was confused when she came back.  
  
With a bunch of groceries.  
  
Apparently she took my words to mean that she could leave on her own and had decided to use that freedom to refill the pantry. I don't know how to handle this. Plus side, we have more potatoes now.  
  
Pyronica was gonna be pissed.  
  
Which reminds me, now that the kids were out of the house and my century long ‘Grounding' would finally let up in another dozen years or so, Pyronica has been no so subtly trying to get her rampage privileges back (she's already managed to wheedle some bar-hopping privileges). I need to find a way to satisfy her destructive tendencies without real destruction. Well, maybe a little destruction. There was a ‘Stress Vent’ room in the house filled with all sorts of wonderful smashable objects. If anyone was angry or just wanted to break something they could go inside and throw the many vases and other ceramics I made just for that purpose.  
  
Fixing all the pieces was a pain though.  
  
So I finally got down to putting together a proper Multiversal Edition D &D rulebook together. I called everyone in for a game night but many problems arose. It took awhile to make all their characters and have all their stat points, skills and abilities worked out for each of their classes.  
  
I felt bad that Xanthar couldn't play but I wrote up his character sheet for him anyway, he would nod or shake his large face as I went through stat points and stuff. Pyronica was still bored. Finally I face palmed. I was missing the obvious answer here.  
  
My friends cried out in surprise when everything around us faded away and they appeared along a dirt path surrounded by grass and trees.  
  
Teeth, who had been turned into the character he wrote up (Demon Bard), starts laughing. “Oh my dentist! Are we IN the game?!”  
  
**~Yup! I figured it would be easier for you to play like this~**  
  
“Ooh~now THIS is more like it! Where can I find the nearest village to pillage?” Pyronica, a Multimur Monk, grinned.  
  
Keyhole, a Flooftoof Cleric, looked down at himself and grinned. “This is pretty awesome Bill.”  
  
Even Xanthar had been turned into his character. A Lizardian Rogue with a character trait of never speaking. It felt like an appropriate quirk.  
  
They seemed pretty thrilled to play the game in person. I started them out on a simple fetch quest. Go to the mines and retrieve the Goblet of Cleansing and return it to the Church of Socks. The mine was filled with Bandits just to give them a challenge.  
  
It was supposed to be a simple quest.  
  
Just a simple quest...  
  
**~WHY DID YOU EAT THE CUP!~** I wailed. **~You guys LITERALLY had ONE job!!!~**  
  
“You eat stuff all the time you hypocrite.” Kryptos scoffed as his lips twitched. I just KNEW he was laughing about this. He had way too much fun sabotaging his own party during the mission. To be fair his character alignment was Chaotic Rebel.  
  
“Look, we still got the money for the job.” Pyronica rolled her eye.  
  
**~Because you KILLED your employer and stole all his money~** I groaned.  
  
“Good times.” Ammy high hand slapped with 8-Ball. I sighed. Ok. So my friends were gonna be the **most** murder hobo of all murder hobos. That's fine. I can build my campaigns around that. Still, I watched the group of them head off down the road, laughing and joking with each other and I felt that it was fine this way.  
  
As long as my friends were happy.  
  
Even if they destroy every town they enter…  
  
And kill every NPC….  
  
Ugh...  
  
\-----  
  
Magic school was going well.  
  
I excelled in Runecraft and the creation of charms and talismans. Unfortunately what I really wanted to do was create explosions but the teachers said I'm not allowed to do that until 5th year. Uuuugh…  
  
Pretending to be a normal little girl was...difficult sometimes. I purposely restricted my use of my normal powers so as not to raise suspicion. But this was a school and like all schools, it had its share of bullies.  
  
“Oops.”  
  
An ink bottle dropped onto my desk, spilling the liquid all over my notes. I clenched my hands into fists and look up at a mammalian type alien with a long furry neck and long ears. Species, Linnae Camil. Name, Middy. Occupation, being my personal tormentor.  
  
“Gee, I sure hope you weren't doing anything important~” she says while batting her long lashes at me. I pout. “Please be more careful.” Her friends laughed and the three of them walked off. PaciFire snorts angrily in their direction. Quackers puts a flipper on my shoulder. “Mom?”  
  
“I'm fine.” I grumble. I subtly flick my fingers and suck all the ink back into the bottle. It's fine so long as no one sees. “Besides, I've got more ink now.” I hold up Middy’s discarded bottle.  
  
“You're taking this better than I thought you would.” Quackers praised. I shrug. “She hasn't done anything major.” And if she does, I can just give her horrible nightmares until she can't sleep and becomes a terrible, sleep deprived mess.  
  
No, I'm not petty.  
  
The first day I met Middy she had singled me out. Perhaps it was because I was the smallest and weakest looking person here. Perhaps it was because Quackers called me mom. Perhaps it was because I defended PaciFire from her when she started making fun of his pink fur. Whatever the reason, Middy went out of her way to pester me constantly.  
  
I try to ignore her. I'm just here to learn practical stuff, not to make friends and not to give bored people the satisfaction of reacting to them. Besides, my Invocation class is coming up.  
  
It felt really weird. Using magic.  
  
Energy can be changed into other states. Heat, kinetic, light, weirdness, chemical, magic, etc.  
  
My difficulty in using magic stemmed from the fact that I've almost always converted my energy into heat, light and weirdness (a strange term but there was no other way to put it) while magic was something I never bothered with before now.  
  
But I have to learn this. Now more than ever. Gravity Falls has just formed and I couldn't afford to be helpless once I made my way there. If my powers were not going to work properly in the 3rd dimension then learning this was a must.  
  
Which was why I had been forced to get a focus.  
  
I held up my staff and pouted. It was so plain looking but that's what happens when I am restricted to just the base supplies the school provided. I didn't even want a focus but as I couldn't quite wrap my head around converting some of my energy into magic, I will have to use this focus until I get more familiar with it.  
  
Once I get this down I won't even have to use a focus anymore!  
  
There were all sorts of different foci to choose from. Wands and staves being the most common. There were rings and gemstones as well. I even found a channeling crystal. I promptly destroyed it.  
  
Damn things convert the user's soul into magical energy and repeated use corrupts them (and whitened their hair for some reason).  
  
Either way, I broke the damn thing before any unfortunate kid happened to try and use it.  
  
I sat through my classes and tried to focus on what they were saying. It was just so boring. When do we get to learn how to blow shit up?!  
  
I moved my head to dodge a crumpled piece of paper. Middy was trying to mess with me again. I sighed. A small part of me was saying “She's just a stupid brat who's trying to fill her sad, pathetic life by tormenting me to give herself a feeling of superiority.” But the other part of me is saying “Fuck her up.”  
  
Life is hard when I'm trying to hold back my powers.  
  
\-----  
  
The years moved on. I still can't cast magic without a focus yet. Well, I can, but the results are rather...unpredictable.  
  
I can convert my energy into magic but it must be used immediately. I couldn't store this energy inside me like I do with my others. The instant magic is made, it wants to be free and if I don't have a specific spell in mind for it the energy goes out of control and does something random.  
  
The teachers told me that I was a Sorcerer type of magic user with Wild Magic. Specifically that my alignment was Chaos. I should have figured. Quakers was an Invocation type and Paci was, of all things, a Warlock. I guess it’s because I’m technically his patron?  
  
I wasn't the only Sorcerer type in this school. There were 18 others. Mine just happened to be more difficult to control. The teacher was very patient with me. They even told me that I could wear a limiter to bind my powers so I could use them with more control.  
  
I still broke out in cold sweat at the thought of any sort of binding magic so I turned down their offer. My teacher noticed how uncomfortable I seemed with the idea and kindly didn't suggest it again.  
  
I don't know how Middy found out about it.  
  
I felt my mind go blind with terror as I felt the chains curl around me. Middy was laughing as I started screaming. “Seriously? This is a low level circle that doesn't even hurt…” she sneered.  
  
I had been going back to my dorm after staying late in the library. I never lost my love for reading. Scanning minds may be faster but nothing beat sitting down and letting my eyes roll over the words. It had been pretty late.  
  
I hadn't noticed. I was too lost in thought as I walked on auto-pilot back to my room. I stepped right into the circle.  
  
When I looked back on this I can tell that Middy hadn't meant to hurt me. She simply discovered I was apparently afraid of Binding spells and wanted to torment me for her own amusement. She had chosen a circle that only bound someone physically. It wasn't a deep bind, heck I could have broken it easily if I were thinking clearly.  
  
But I wasn't.  
  
I screamed and screamed. I couldn't move. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.  
  
At some point Middy and her friend's laughter stopped when they realized I wasn't stopping. My screams grew louder and more hysterical as I tugged at the chains.

  
  
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. N **o. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. _No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. N̷̬̎̓͝ǫ̴̑͒.̵̧̰̙̠͚̿̆̊ ̸̙̞̞̿̂͋Ñ̷̨̬̭ͅǫ̶͚̣̙̂.̶̤̹̀̑̽ ̵̪̼̌̉N̵̹͋̿ỏ̴̟̼̠.̷̩͖͖̙͒̽̈́ ̴̠̪̈́N̸̼̳̩͛o̶̤͚̻̭͑̊̌̿͂.̷̛̹̺̋̽̚ ̵̡̳̺̰͋̀̇͝N̴̲̽͆ō̷̤͈͇ͅ.̸͔̻͎̽̆ ̶̢͈̻̎̂Ṇ̸̡̢̳̈̐͆̓ͅo̷̮̽͑̍͘.̵̡̝̒̆̂͊ ̷͖̿̄̒N̴̰̝̜̘̠̐̆͆̓͂ő̵̦.̸̨͖͙͉̅ ̶̠͉̯͗͑̀̓Ń̷̺̹͙̲̅́́͘ȍ̴̻͉̫̱̓́͒.̴̦̟̜̾͐̑̐̂ ̸̨̡̂̌̎͘͝N̴̻̗̪̮͋̈̄͋̋ǫ̵̭̈́̆͜.̶̠͋̀͒ ̴͍̲̮͎̓̈́͑̌͜N̵̝̬͆͂o̶͉̖͆.̵̙̦̄̀̏͂̏͜ ̵̠̪̘̻̿͐͜Ň̷̜̗̲̋̆̓͝ơ̷̡̫̦̌̄͑.̶͎̩̤̉ ̵̛̪̊̈́͑̓N̴̦̭͓̳̅͜o̶̡̧͎͚̯͋͊̅.̶͓̟̂̃̀͐͘ ̶͎͛̏͒͛N̶̢̧͈̗̂͠o̴̡̦͙̯̔͋͝.̴̬̯͖͊̇̑͌̀ ̶̢̖̳̮͛͛N̴̺͕̺̹̿̐̐̔̌o̸̞͕͚̱͑̎.̷͓̙̦̿͝ ̸̫̻̽N̴̢̈́̃̀̍͝o̴̯̞̩̪̠̓̿͋̈́͗.̸̟̯̹̳͑́͒͘ ̷̨͙͕́͌͆͌N̵̰͉͎̑̏̓͆o̷͉̿̂̏́.̴̧̱̺̭̰͊́̚ ̴͖̩̙͇̂̓͂̕Ń̷̢̪̪͋͊o̸͙͐͝.̸̛̞̰̽̽͑̐ ̷̧̺̝̝̩̃N̴͔̺͓̝̪͗ȫ̸̞͘͜͝.̸͚̱͇̿̒̅ͅ_**  
  
I could vaguely make out their screams joining my own as my powers lashed out in my panic. One of Middy’s friends was sliced to ribbons, blood spraying everywhere as she simply fell to pieces. The other one exploded, her skin bubbling grotesquely until she popped.  
  
Middy’s body spasmed as she began to turn inside out. She screamed as her skin peeled back, her mouth opening and folding outward painfully. Her jaw bones snapped and her screams turned gargled as her throat was now exposed to air. Her fur was folded back as the flesh of her esophagus rolled out to overtake her head and begin going down her long neck. Her spine snapped. By this point she couldn't scream anymore but she was still alive.  
  
As the painful process continued, my screaming had alerted the attention of the rest of the school. The teachers were quick to recognize the danger and forced everyone back. A few unfortunate kids stood too close and lost a few limbs. The teachers luckily dragged them away and sent them to the Healer's station.  
  
None of them could get close enough to break the circle. My power ran around wildly and they stared at the growing sphere of chaotic magic in fear. “Get the students out of here!” One of the teachers screamed.  
  
I was faintly aware of what was happening around me. Most of me was still pulling at the chains in panic. Through my haze I heard a voice honk out “MOM!”  
  
My vision was spinning and I had to stop screaming long enough to gasp for air. “Mom! It's ok! Please calm down!”  
  
“Miss Quackers! Get away from there!”  
  
“Get back Quackers! It’s dangerous!”  
  
“Mom! It's ok! I'm here! You're going to be ok!”  
  
I blinked, a little of my terror wavering long enough for me to recognize the voice. “Q-Qua-” I sobbed. “Yes! It's me mom! Breathe! No one is going to hurt you!”  
  
“Don't get so close!” One of the teachers pulled the Pladibear back.  
  
“Breathe. You're safe. Just listen to my voice and calm down.”  
  
My breath hitched. “I…”  
  
I tried to breathe. I tried to calm down. The chains clicked and I started sobbing. No. No. I can't do this. Not again.  
  
“We have to break the circle!”  
  
“But we can't get close! And our spells aren't getting through!”  
  
“Well maybe we cou- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”  
  
“MOOOOOOOM!!!”  
  
I hear a grunt of pain, some shocked gasps and then the circle shattered. I slumped to the ground hyperventilating. I was crying and trembling as I laid there.  
  
“Miss Quackers!”  
  
I jolt up. Quackers! My daughter! I turned around frantically, searching for her. Please be ok! I easily spot her large body slumped over on the ground. I scramble to my feet and rush over, tripping over my own feet. “Quackers!”  
  
Please don't be dead.  
  
**Please don't be dead.**  
  
_**Please don't be dead.**_  
  
Her chest was moving. She was breathing!  
  
I sobbed loudly as I threw myself on top of her. Thank Ax. I held her and cried. The teachers were approaching me carefully. “Miss Miz? Are you alright?” Another one was grimacing as she saw the people I had killed. “How did this happen?” I hear hooves as PaciFire ran over to me. “Bi-Miz! Are you alright?! Is Quackers-?“  
  
I was too out of it to really answer their questions. Too tired as well. I continued to cry and they gave up asking once they realized I was too upset to respond coherently.  
  
Through some miracle or bad luck, Middy was still alive. They levitated her to the infirmary and tried their best to turn her back to normal but the most they could do was make it so she could talk again. I found all this out later, I was still too out if it.  
  
Middy claimed I had attacked her and her friends out of nowhere but considering EVERYONE saw me chained inside that binding circle, none of them believed her.  
  
The problem arose when they were forced to contact the families of the kids I killed. In a word, they weren't happy. Even when it was explained that Middy was the one who set me off, they claimed that I was too dangerous to be allowed free. They demanded for a binding collar be put on me.  
  
The teachers explained it was the binding spell that set me off in the first place and that it would quite literally just make things worse. Middy’s parents (a couple of nobles, I should have known) angrily insisted upon the collar and my resulting panic attack broke the collar and destroyed half the school. The only deaths this time were Middy's parent since her father had personally strapped the damn thing on me and the teachers had the foresight to evacuate the school.  
  
Quackers wasn't able to calm me this time, she had fallen into a coma after breaking the circle. The only thing that stopped me from killing everyone was the collar snapping as it was no longer able to contain my power. This latest freak out worried the school board. I was expelled despite PaciFire vouching for my innocence.  
  
It was too dangerous to allow me near people. I tried to explain that as long as no one was stupid enough to bind me I was perfectly safe to be around but they apologized and told me they couldn't risk it. I had killed 4 people (two of which were rich nobles and the school was already in trouble for that) and it seemed like Middy wasn't going to live for much longer either.  
  
Frankly, I could only pull up guilt over harming the innocent students, they literally did nothing to deserve that.  
  
I debated bringing those I've killed back to life. The newly dead can still be healed. Resurrection spells existed after all. But they only worked on the recent dead. The sooner the better. I tried resurrection on the other students that were with Middy but it had been too long. The bodies I created were alive but their Souls had already moved on.  
  
I sent another Me to beg Ax for the their souls. He sadly told me that I couldn't have them.  
  
**-I'm sorry but they have already passed into the next cycle-**  
  
Why do you have to be so damn efficient?!  
  
Unable to stand it, I took the life from the bodies, it would just be cruel to let them live as soulless husks, and took Quackers with me as I left the school. PaciFire wanted to come home too but I told him to finish his classes. We were a month from the end of our 1st year and I didn’t want him to have wasted his time there. I received word that Middy died a few days later from organ failure.  
  
I COULD have fixed her.  
  
But I didn't.  
  
I stayed by Quackers on her bed in the Death Star and pet her fur. She wasn't waking up. Her soul was still there. I could feel it. And her body was very much alive. She just wasn't waking up.  
  
I dove into her Mindscape to find it...gone.  
  
Absolute nothing as far as my eye could see.  
  
I cried for a long time after that.  
  
The others tried to comfort me. Kryptos held me close as I sobbed over being a goddamned fuck up. “You're the master of the mind Bill. Can't you...fix it?” he carefully rubbed his gloved hand along one of my sides as I buried my face in his plane.  
  
“I-I could re-recreate and p-put stuff back together bu-but I need a foundation to work with! Th…there's LITERALLY nothing there!” I sobbed.  
  
I could create stuff. Use my memories of Quackers to build new elements within her mind. But that would just be MY memories of her. I didn't have HER memories. I never messed with my family's minds so I didn't have any copies of Quackers's mind to use as a template.  
  
Still, I tried my best to build it from scratch. She woke up…  
  
But it wasn't the same.  
  
She had all the memories of the time we spent together. But…  
  
It just wasn't the same…  
  
It made me feel even worse.  
  
“Bill?” PaciFire, of all people, knocked on my door. He finished his first year of magic school and decided to drop out to come home, besides, he had filming to get back to and he had fun while it lasted. I had shut myself away, I didn't want to looked at the testament of my mistakes walking around. “Bill...can I come in?”  
  
I didn't respond verbally but my door did slide open.  
  
The demon imp came in to find me wrapped up in my blankets. “Bill, we're all worried. You've been up here for days.”  
  
I didn't respond.  
  
I felt the bed dip as he sat down on the edge. “You can't stay up here forever. 8-Ball tried to cook and we all nearly died you know?” He tried to joke.  
  
I didn't respond.  
  
He poked the lump of blankets where I was and I twitched. He poked me again and I rolled away. He moved closer so he could poke me again. I reach out a tiny black hand to slap his away. He poked me again.  
  
“Quit that!” I finally snap irritably. He chuckled. “At least you're talking to me now.”  
  
“What do you want Paci?” I rolled over to stick my top point out of the blankets and glare at him. He huffed and sat back down on my bed. “I want you to stop moping.”  
  
“I'm not moping! I'm grieving!”  
  
“Bill, you can't stay up here forever.”  
  
“Watch me!”  
  
He rolled his eyes, a little hard to tell that he was doing it because they were glowing red orbs but I've learned to read his face by now. “No Bill, you can't.”  
  
He frowned when I duck back inside my blankets. “Alright. I didn't want to do this…” he grumbled before picking me up, blankets and all, and carried me out of the room. “Stop that! Put me back!” I protested.  
  
“Nope.” He said almost smugly.  
  
I curled into my blankets even more. “Just leave me alone.”  
  
“Can't do that. You can't avoid her forever.”  
  
“Sure I can.” I pout.  
  
“But you shouldn't.” he shakes me a little. “Quackers is asking where you are.”  
  
“That's not my Quackers anymore.” I hissed.  
  
“But she's still _A_ Quackers and she wants to know where her mom is.” PaciFire told me firmly.  
  
“I don't want to see her.” I don't want to confront my mistakes. I killed my daughter. Now a stranger was walking around in her skin and I couldn't stand it.  
  
“Well she wants to see you. She misses you.”  
  
“She only feels that because I MADE her feel that…”  
  
“Dammit Bill! Even if her memories and personality are gone, she's STILL your kid and she misses her mother. Not her birth mother, YOU! She wants YOU!”  
  
“...”  
  
“Bill I know this is hard for you. It's hard on all of us. We miss Quackers too but that girl down there is upset and she needs you.”  
  
“...it was all my fault…”  
  
“No it wasn't.”  
  
“Yes it was!” I popped my face out from the blankets to glare at him. “I killed a bunch of people and I destroyed my daughter's mind!”  
  
“Not your fault.”  
  
“Yes it WAS!” I shrieked.  
  
“No. It wasn't.”  
  
“What do you know?! You weren't even there!”  
  
PaciFire stared at me steadily. “Yes I was. And also, we asked 8-Ball.”  
  
I blinked incredulously. “What do you-”  
  
“We asked 8-Ball if it was your fault. His eyes **clearly** responded ‘No.’ So I don't know about you, but we're inclined to believe him.” The demon imp shrugged. “He's never been wrong before.”  
  
“That’s-” I sputtered. “That's subjective!”  
  
He gave me a smug look. “Well it's a good thing it's in our favor then.” I sputtered as he carried me into the living room. “That's not how that works!” I protested.  
  
“Mom!”  
  
I flinched and ducked back into my blankets. No. I can't do this. I can't look at her. I feel PaciFire place me on a couch. “I’ll leave you two to talk this out.”  
  
Nooo! Don't leave me alone with her!!!  
  
I feel someone sit down beside my blanket bundle. “Mom?”  
  
I close my eye tightly. Don't talk to me.  
  
“Are you still mad at me?”  
  
My eye shot open. What?!  
  
“I don't know what I did wrong but I'm sorry.”  
  
“You didn't do anything wrong.” I muttered.  
  
“Then why are you mad at me?”  
  
“I'm not mad at you…”  
  
I feel Quackers pick up my blanket ball and hug me. “Then why won't you look at me?”  
  
“...because it hurts to look at you.”  
  
“...I'm sorry…”  
  
“Don't be. It's not your fault.” I quickly assured her. “It's my fault...how much do you know of what happened?”  
  
“Well uncle Hectorgon said that something bad happened and I got hurt. You tried to heal me but apparently it didn't work and now you don't want to be around me anymore.”  
  
She sounded so sad about that. My bricks felt painfully tight.  
  
“I...it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. I messed up and I HURT you and I can't make it better and…” I start tearing up again. “...and looking at you just reminds me of how much I hurt you...I can't stand it…”  
  
“What happened? No one seems to know the full story.” Quackers shifted my blankets and opened them to reveal me, shrunken into a tiny little, barely a foot long, triangle, crying. “Please tell me, mom.” She wiped my tears with a large flipper.  
  
I took a shuddering breath and told her what happened.  
  
She was quiet as I spoke, hugging my blankets and patting my head with her flipper. When I finished she sighed. “Well. So what I'm getting here is that I lost all my memories from my entire life and you gave me back the ones from when I started living with you.”  
  
I nod sadly. Not entirely correct but that was about the gist of it.  
  
“I don't see the problem.”  
  
I stare at her in shock. “B-but...your memories...your personality…” I wilted sadly “They're all artificially fabricated by me to replace the ones you've lost…”  
  
“And I'm fine with that.” She nods to me. When I still looked confused she clarified. “The original me knew that helping you would probably have gotten her killed. She did it anyway.” Quackers lifted me up so I was eye level to her. “Which must mean she loved you a lot.”  
  
I choked back a sob.  
  
“And...I'm not saying I can replace her. But if she loved you enough to do that then I know she wouldn't want you to blame yourself for this. She loved you, and I love you too. Even if these memories were put inside me from your own interpretation of what she was like, they're MY memories now and I love you Mom.”  
  
I shook my head and cried. “But…”  
  
“But nothing. Even if these feelings are fake, they feel real and that's good enough for me.” She plucked me out of my blankets and hugged me to her soft fur. “So stop beating yourself up about it. I miss you. We all miss you.”  
  
“I...can't forgive myself so easily…” I whisper as I tentatively ran my hands through her thick fur. She nuzzled my side with her bill. I couldn't help but snort at that. Poke the Bill with a bill.  
  
Geez I have issues.  
  
“You don't have to forgive yourself right away. Take all the time you need.”  
  
I shuddered and buried my face in her fur. I still felt terrible. I don't know if I can EVER forgive myself for this. But PaciFire was right in that I really can't avoid everyone forever. I held Quackers and cried for the daughter I lost. It didn't matter that she was still alive. I had lost her and it was my fault. I couldn't afford to let this sit idly anymore.  
  
I had to do something about my trauma before it hurt anyone else.  
  
\-----  
  
Miz’s small form easily nestled into Jessie’s arms. She calmly pet my hair the way she knew always helped calm me down. “I'm guessing something bad happened.” It wasn't a question.  
  
I nod into her robes. She sighed and picked me up. “Come on, let's go to my room.” the other shrine maidens watched her carry me off. Jheselbraum was supposed to be neutral but everyone knew she favored me. There was some jealousy but even they could admit that if I needed comforting, they couldn't begrudge me that.  
  
I told Jessie of what happened. How I had lost control of my powers again from sheer panic. “How do I make this stop?” I asked brokenly as I clutched her robes. “Even if they say it wasn't my fault I still killed them all…”  
  
“You never feel THIS upset when you kill other people.” She raised a few eyes at me. I scoffed. “It's different when I do it on purpose!”  
  
“The fact that you feel less guilt for taking lives on purpose has always been problematic.” Jessie sighed. “The fact that you kill people at all is an issue we can discuss another time.”  
  
I huffed and leaned back to pout as I laid against her. “I just don't like it when I lose control of myself. I don't like hurting people that I don't mean to hurt…” I nuzzle deeper into her robe. “I kill people whether or not I want to, so I might as well try to do so on purpose. It's better than getting upset over the consequences of me just EXISTING.”  
  
Jheselbraum sighed. “That doesn't make any sense Miz.”  
  
“It does to me “ I pout. “Is there a way I can just...stop being so afraid all the time?”  
  
“Is it really so terrifying for you? Being bound?”  
  
“Yes.” I whimpered. “I can't move. I can't...breathe...I can't...I just…” I shake my head. “I keep thinking about how I couldn't leave. I was trapped and he could do whatever he wanted to me and I wouldn't have been able to stop him…”  
  
She pet my hair as I babbled. “And I wasn't even able to free myself! No! That fucking bastard freed ME. And even with Middy’s circle, I needed someone _else_ to break the circle for me…”  
  
“So you are afraid because you have not been able to save yourself?”  
  
“People have to **die** to free me. I don't like that. I don't want that.” I hissed. “I don't want to be helpless like that!” I hate it. I hate it so much. “Control is everything. I don't want to lose mine. I CAN'T allow myself to lose control.” I couldn't allow that to happen. “But it keeps happening and I end up hurting people. I hate feeling like this. I…”  
  
I whimpered. “...I don't want to be so afraid all the time…”  
  
I have no reason to be afraid. I'm an immortal, all powerful being of pure energy...why am I still so afraid? Nothing can truly kill me. Nothing can truly hurt me. Even all the pain in the world will eventually go away. So why am I still so afraid?  
  
I hated feeling like this.  
  
Jessie pet my hair and sighed. “You probably shouldn't have allowed this to fester for so long.”  
  
“I thought I could handle it myself.”  
  
“Well what is it that you want to do?” She asked me.  
  
I roll over onto my back with my head on her lap. “I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to lose control anymore…”  
  
She sighed. “Your control will probably never be perfect. Your nature is chaos anyway. It cannot be controlled.” She shifted to sit more comfortably. “As for your fear...have you tried confronting it?”  
  
“How?”  
  
“Make your OWN binding circle and sit in it until you're not afraid anymore?”  
  
Even the **idea** of such a thing was freaking me out. She clearly saw my panic. “Ok, maybe that's too much for right now. How about you work your way up? Try physically restraining yourself with something you can easily break out of and get used to that slowly?”  
  
“You mean like...tying my legs together or something?” I asked as I lifted one of my legs into the air. She nods. “Get yourself used to the idea that being bound isn't scary. Then perhaps you’ll be able to keep a clear head and not panic the next time it happens.”  
  
I shivered but her suggestion seemed to make sense. Get used to being tied down. In a safe environment. Where I know I'm not in any danger. A little of the apprehension in my chest seems to unwind. I feel a mischievous smile stretch across my face.  
  
“So is this my confirmation that you support bondage?”  
  
Jessie rolled me off the bed.  
  
I was laughing the whole time.  
  
\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For anyone who wants to be a writer, Overly Sarcastic Productions has some nice, quick videos about Tropes, what they are and how to handle them.  
> Here are just a few examples.  
> https://youtu.be/C-cRPmVOtAk  
> https://youtu.be/jhonpfb98Kk  
> https://youtu.be/sMbch47oz2c  
> https://youtu.be/H2-GIY9RTqU


	68. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I turn 1 trillion years old. That's what he keeps telling me. What is with that number? Is it a milestone? Is it important? Would I finally feel better once I reach it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So the holiday season is starting and work is picking up. I might be a bit late on updates and I apologise for that but boss is assigning me weekend shifts too so I'll have less time to write.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 61**  
  
**-Don’t make me choose between my babies-**  
  
\---  
  
As amusing as the idea of Bondage Therapy was, I am not sure I'm doing it right. Then again, I doubt wrapping myself in toilet paper is really efficient in conveying the same uncomfortable sensation of threat.  
  
But I had to try this.  
  
I really wanted to get over this issue.  
  
I went to the Nightmare Realm in case I did start panicking and formed chains around my limbs. As I thought, it was uncomfortable but at least I wasn't freaking out. Being physically bound felt a little different from being magically bound and these were my own chains, I could get free whenever I wanted.  
  
I can do this. It's not so bad.  
  
My personal blue chains were a good place to start. I had full control and could release myself at ANY time I wished. I suppose once I was comfortable enough with this I could try asking one of my friends to help me with this...maybe. Sort of? I hope it didn't come to that because the idea was actually really embarrassing.

I ended up freaking out and blasting the area around me in flames. Shit. This wasn't working.  
  
\---  
  
“Hey Bill. Can I talk to you?”  
  
I looked up from my experiment to see Kryptos hovering in the doorway of a newly built room reinforced to keep in all energy outbursts in case of accidents. I was tinkering with some runes and seeing if I could mix different types of spell casting together. Can I mix and match runes from different magic schools? Since I was expelled from school I was forced to self-teach myself from now on. Not a problem, I've done that all my life. I put down my carving tools and turn to give him my attention. “What's up Kryptos?”  
  
He pressed his mouth shut with a look of consideration before opening it to speak. “Bill. You know I love you right?”  
  
“Yeah.” I grinned. It made me feel so giddy inside when he says it. I went up and hugged him. “I wuv you too~”  
  
He was frowning though. I tilted in confusion. “What's wrong?”  
  
“Bill. I love you. Like, not as friends.” He said slowly as if he thinks I wasn't listening.  
  
“Well yeah? You're like my cute younger sibling~” I teased as I poke his chin. He sighed. “I don't mean as family either.”  
  
I pouted. Not? Then...what does he mean?  
  
Kryptos put his hands on my sides and held me away so he could look me in the eye. “I love you Bill.” He said firmly, watching me closely, a...pleading, searching expression on his face.  
  
“I...I don't understand? I love you too?” I frowned, confused. His face fell and he looked frustrated.  
  
“Dammit Bill you can't POSSIBLY be this stupid!”  
  
“ExCUSE me?!” I cried, mildly offended.  
  
“I love you! Not like a friend! Not like a family member! I love YOU!” He said almost desperately. When I continued to look confused he pulled away, looking devastated, and backed up. “Kryptos?” I ask softly.  
  
“You...you REALLY don't get it do you? Yo-you can't…” his breath hitched. I'm immediately reaching for him. He's gonna cry. I made him cry! Why? A look of realization came across his face and his expression turned strained.  
  
“What's going on Kryptos? What...what did I say? What did I do wrong?!” I asked frantically as he started sobbing.  
  
“I should have realized…” he muttered to himself in between his sobs. “I should have…” he took my hand, looks at me “The wording…” I tried to wipe his tears but they just wouldn't stop. “I'm your FRIEND. From now until the end of time…” he whispered.  
  
“Do you…” a dread filled me. Does he not want the Deal anymore? But...he told me he loves me. Was he lying? “What's wrong? Why are you crying?” I asked instead. If I asked if he didn't want to be my friend anymore and he said yes, I didn’t think I could handle it.  
  
Kryptos started laughing even as he sobbed. “You did nothing wrong. This isn't...well...it's not entirely your fault…” he wiped at his plane “...I doubt you even realized this...you probably never even thought about this…” he took a deep breath and smiled miserably. “And of course I didn't care back then, we JUST met after all, so it's not like it occurred to me…”  
  
I materialized a handkerchief and tried to clean his face off. “What is this about, Kryptos?”  
  
He laughed almost hysterically. “I FRIENDZONED myself for pretty much all eternity...or at least until the end of tim-” he froze. “Hey Bill…” he asked calmly. Much too calmly to be normal.  
  
“Y-yeah?” I asked hesitantly.  
  
“What does it mean, until the end of time?” He asked faintly.  
  
I wasn't entirely sure where this was coming from. “I guess...until Time Baby dies or something? I mean, he’ll reform himself after 1000 years, same for me if I ever get killed…”  
  
“Would that break our Deal? If Time Baby dies?” He asked.  
  
Oh. Was he worried about losing his immortality if Time Baby kicks the bucket? “Well, sorta. The Deal would be ‘on hold’ for the duration it’ll take for Time Baby to reform, it’s not broken though, and I'm still gonna keep you guys from aging.” I informed him. “So you don't have to worry about dying and stuff.” I rubbed at the bricks under my eye. “Though by this point I've enhanced your cells enough that I think you could survive 1000 years easy even without my power.”  
  
“Then can I break my Deal-”  
  
Blind panic filled me. “NO!”  
  
Kryptos flinched back at my shout. “I wasn't saying I would!” He assured me. I was pulsing and my bricks had turned pure white. He took my hand and held me close. “I'm not gonna break my Deal. I'm not gonna leave you.” he said carefully. I calmed as he pet my hat. I shivered at the nice feeling while my bricks faded back into yellow.  
  
“Ok, guess that method’s not gonna work…” he muttered. He sighed. “And you don't even understand do you? You can't. You _literally_ can't understand what I'm trying to say…” he leaned back and looked me in the eye. I'm still confused about this entire conversation so far. He seemed to realize that too and sighed again, rubbing the rest of his tears away. "And I bet, even if you DO realize what I'm talking about, you're just going to short circuit again and forget. Our Deal literally won't let you acknowledge it..." He sighed.  
  
“Right. Well...plan B it is…” he was still speaking more to himself than to me. “If Time Baby dies…” he muttered to himself as he went down the hallway. I blinked, confused about what just happened.  
  
He turned quickly to address me. “Look. It's not like I'm gonna try and make you say yes. I'm not gonna make a new Deal that’ll force you to accept my feelings. Even if you say no...I'm...I'm okay with that...but I want to be able to ASK you. Ok? I know you probably don't, CAN'T, understand what I'm trying to ask. And that's not fair to either of us.” He clenched his fist. “I just want the chance to ask you and get a real answer. So...just wait for me ok? I'm gonna figure something out.” Then he was gone and I floated there, lost as to what was happening.  
  
It felt important. But for the life of me I just couldn't figure it out. I tried asking Ax but he stared at me quietly for a long time before saying **-I’ll explain it when you're older…-**  
  
“But I'm already 650 billion years old!!!” I whine as I roll back and forth on his arm.  
  
**-Maybe when you turn 1 trillion-** he says dryly before curling around his tail and going back to sleep. I pout and spent a few weeks poking him just to be a pest before getting bored and leaving.  
  
\----  
  
The ice age was sweeping the Earth and furry mammals had completely taken over the planet. The few dinosaurs left had evolved into reptiles and birds. One group surviving by burrowing deep under the earth to hibernate until summer came and the other growing feathers to help them stay warm.  
  
It was a work in progress.  
  
But while that was happening, the mammal species grew and exploded in number and variety. They went from the small mouse sized animals all the way up to huge mammoths. The primates were changing too. Developing ever closer to humanity.  
  
I've tried to make contact with them but communication was difficult. I grew frustrated and had to leave before I lost my temper or something. Patience Bill, just come back in a few thousand years. That should give them enough time to get their shit together.  
  
\----  
  
I was still uncomfortable around Quackers. Sometimes she’ll do something and I find myself thinking ‘Would the original Quackers do that?’ and I know it's unfair to her. Quackers is who she is and I can't keep comparing her with her predecessor. But I feel guilty.  
  
The twins were told of what happened and came home to spend some time with Quackers and me. Pyrone cuddled with Quackers and the two spoke at length about her memories and what she did or didn't remember.  
  
Pynelope held me as I confessed my fear that I had pretty much killed Quackers. “Her mind was GONE! Literally erased entirely!” I whimpered. Pynelope held my hand and hummed. “But you healed her.”  
  
“No I haven't. I just built new memories based on what I've seen…”  
  
“You did your best. Don't beat yourself up about this.”  
  
I lean against her and sighed tiredly. “I could have done better…”  
  
Pynelope lightly pulled at my arm to watch it stretch and spring back. “Technically speaking everyone can always do better. But that's hindsight.”  
  
“Stupid hindsight bullshit…” I grumbled.  
  
“Come on Bill, you know what would make you feel better?”  
  
“What?” I grumbled.  
  
“Cooking show~” she sang.  
  
“Fuck you know me too well…”  
  
Pynelope laughed loudly as she pulled on her brother's arm and the twins grinned at me. Quackers tilted her head and honked. “I wanna try too!”  
  
“Hm...we will need to disguise you…” I rub my bricks in thought. Can't have people connecting Quackers to me after all...  
  
\-----  
  
**Cooking with Bill!**  
  
“Hello everyone! It's so nice to see all my wonderful fans again!” I waved at the audience.  
  
“Today is really special because I don't just have 1 or 2 guests...but FOUR!” the spotlights turn on and my children were all there. Ammy got dragged in as well. I had been meaning to get him on my show for a while.  
  
Quackers had been willingly turned into a stuffed animal.  
  
  
  
“So joining me today are Pyrone and Pyronica who've been on the show before~”  
  
The twins waved cheerfully. “I still don't see anyone there, or know where the camera is but hello audience!” Pyrone laughed.  
  
I gesture to Ammy “-My son Amorphous Shape~”  
  
Ammy waved a tendril into the air. “I will confess I have no idea what I'm doing.” He says monotone.  
  
I hold up Quackers with a bright smile. “And this doll I found in a hospital!” Quackers lifted a plush flipper and waved. “I’ve been twaumatized.” She said cheerfully.  
  
“Maybe you shouldn't steal coma patients from the hospital Bill?” Pyrone scratched his horn. I shrugged as I hug the soft plush toy to myself. “I’ll put her back after this.”  
  
No one knew that Quackers had been healed. Miz had her transferred to a private hospital. And by private I mean bullshit. I hugged the doll Quackers to myself and shrugged. “Her caretaker summoned me for a Deal to heal her and I WILL! I just want to have some fun first.”  
  
I turned back to the camera. “Now today we're doing something special! You see, my dear Pyrone here has been working on a farm! Why don't you show our audience what we have to work with today?”  
  
Pyrone heaved a large tray of ingredients onto the table. “Well I don't really like the taste of vegetables but Flora really likes them and we've got a bunch grown…” the plate of ingredients sparkled as a voice called out “Wow~❤”  
  
Ammy picked up a large root vegetable and shook it. “So...now what?”  
  
“Well today I was thinking we would make a simple salad. It's easy to make and healthy for any omnivorous peeps out there.” I nod to myself before clapping my hands and everyone was rearranged in a row in front of the countertop with the vegetables laid out before them.  
  
“First part of any salad preparation! Washing your veggies with cold water!” I explain. Pyrone’s hands were crackling as he washed his. Pynelope just dumped her veggies into a bowl of water at her sink and poked them with a long spoon. Quackers and Ammy were diligently washing theirs.  
  
“After you've gotten all the dirt and other stuff out, simply pat them down with a clean dry towel…” I helped wash Pynelope’s veggies for her. She huffed. “I still don't see the point of eating raw vegetables. At least the cooked ones has all the cell walls ruptured so we can actually digest then…”  
  
“Cellulose IS difficult for most life forms to digest…” I shrugged. “But!” I pulled the camera close and whispered to it “I've got a secret for fixing that little issue…”  
  
“You know we can still hear you?” Ammy pointed out blandly. I whined “Let me do my thing!!!”  
  
I flicked my fingers to move all the cleaned and dried vegetables into a pile. “Now the next part is cutting everything into smaller pieces. Generally this would mean using a knife-” one of my hands held up a heavy cleaver. “-or several-” more hands came out from my sides holding various knives of different sizes and shapes.  
  
I shrugged and tossed the knives away “But that's DANGEROUS and I don't want my sweet babies handling sharp objects…”  
  
Pynelope looks at the knife embedded on the countertop beside her hand. “Yup. Dangerous.” She drawled sarcastically. She knew this was part of the show, if she tried to touch the knife her had would go right through, it was merely an illusion. I would never _actually_ put my children in danger. I tugged on Ammy to position him in front of the pile of vegetables. “That's why I've taken the liberty of adding a new block on Amorphous Shape that is a shredder! Simply insert a vegetable and the nicely chopped pieces will come out another block!”  
  
Ammy blinked his eyes all out of synch. “I am ok with this.” If he could smile in the conventional sense he probably would have.  
  
“That sounds MORE dangerous actually…” Pyrone pointed out as he held Quackers and pet her soft plush head absently. “I think that was the point.” Quackers deadpanned. I waved them off. “More FUN you mean!” I handed Ammy a large carrot-like vegetable. “Here, let's see if it works.”  
  
“You mean you don't know?!” Pynelope took a cautious step back. Quackers flapped her flippers in what I recognized as delighted anticipation but I'm sure anyone who didn’t know her as well would have thought she was struggling to escape from Pyrone’s grip.  
  
Ammy slowly slid the carrot-ish thing into his newly added block. There was a grinding sound interspersed with faint, distant screams and the shredded carrot plopped out of his other block and onto a plate.  
  
  
  
Ammy stared unblinkingly at the shredded root for a few seconds before turning his gaze to the camera and said in monotone “Cuts so smoothly I barely felt it. Truly it is a wonderful kitchen tool. Pray tell, mother? Where could our loyal viewers obtain such a thing?”  
  
“I'm so GLAD you asked, completely naturally on your own and not because I've got cue cards that you are reading off!” I said cheerfully.  
  
“Clearly I am not.” Ammy said tonelessly as his gaze darted to somewhere behind the camera. “...that would be a terrible...way to try and sell products...to our audience…”  
  
Pyrone and Quackers were barely muffling their laughter. Pynelope rolled her eye with a fond smile. I pulled down a screen from above the frame and pointed at a picture of a box with rows of spinning blades inside it.  
  
“The Shred-a-TRON 1.0! The newest in patented kitchen goods technology!” I waved my hand across the image as it twinkled. “It's lightweight, durable enough to withstand gunfire from startled Federation officers and temperatures up to 2000°C!”  
  
“Wow~” Ammy said deadpan. “That sounds amazing...and how much does such a wondrous installation cost?” He - ~~read~~ \- commented completely naturally, as he continued dumping the other vegetables into his shredder block. The screams sometimes changed pitch, as if there was more than one person screaming.  
  
“I'm glad you asked! For a limited time offer I am willing to install this wonderful product directly into your bodies (almost) completely painlessly!” I wave my hands and the audience cheered.  
  
“That sounds...amazing...but how much would such...a proceduck cost?” Pyrone read off his cue card. Pynelope looked over his shoulder “I'm pretty sure that says ‘Procedure'...” She pointed out.  
  
“I can't read this font...Bill can we have something that ISN'T Gill Sans with a heavy drop shadow?!” Pyrone whined.  
  
I tossed sprinkles at him “Shush!” He ate the sprinkles, appeased. I grinned at the camera. “For a limited time only~if you chant Bill Cipher 3 times while upside down, yours truly will PERSONALLY show up and replace one of your orifices with my new patented Shred-a-TRON 1.0!! The price is my sick amusement!”  
  
“Is anyone actually dumb enough to…” Pynelope started to say but was interrupted by my bowtie buzzing. “SERIOUSLY?!”  
  
“I am starting believe that the multiverse really IS made up of idiots…” Ammy says blandly. “No wonder Bill does an a culling once a century.” He pressed another vegetable into his shredder block. I shrugged. “A customer is a customer. I’ll be right back. Keep shredding those vegetables.”  
  
I wave my hand to open a small portal and vanished through it. The portal remained open but was turned so the audience couldn't see directly into it. The kids helped Ammy shred the rest of the vegetables as they waited for me to come back.  
  
A sudden loud grinding noise and screams rang out from the portal and Pynelope yelped when small bits of flesh that looked like shrimp began to spray out of the portal. “Bill what the fuck?!”  
  
I poked my head back through the portal. “So...this dude was fighting a sea star dragon and hoped the Shred-a-TRON 1.0 would help him survive. I turned his bunghole into a shredder and he just anally devoured the whole dragon. You should have seen it! It was DISGUSTING!” I said cheerfully.  
  
Pynelope shrieked and stared at the shrimp looking pieces of flesh in horror. I quickly assured her “Don't worry. It's clean! The Shred-a-TRON 1.0 has a built in sterilization function!”  
  
“So...what's the draw back?” Pyrone asked. I shrugged. “He can't turn it off and it...kinda started shredding his own body...gonna need to fix that little defect…”  
  
“So...why's Ammy fine?”  
  
“His blocks are a separate dimensional space unconnected to his actual body.” I shrugged. “So there's nothing to shred except whatever goes in.”  
  
I looked at the piles of shredded vegetables and dragon flesh. “Well I'm just gonna cook the meat so we can add it to the salad.” I flicked my fingers and floated the flesh unto a boiling pot of water. “Now let's make the other stuff to put on the salad. Plain vegetables are boring.”  
  
Quackers tossed in some crushed seeds and nuts. Pynelope tossed some dried fruit into the shredder and Pyrone helped me make some dressing. “You just blend together some oil, vinegar, herb of your choice, salt...sour cream...cheese…”  
  
“That's a lot of stuff Bill…”  
  
“I like my salad dressing flavorful.”  
  
“Because vegetables suck!” Pyrone and Pynelope high foured each other.  
  
Finally we placed everything in a large bowl and I took out the meat, handed them to Pyrone to chill and arrange onto the salad. I was thrilled to see he had learned a bit about proper aesthetics from me over the years as he carefully arranged the meat into the bowl.  
  
  
  
“And there we have it! Salad!” I cheered. “Healthy, delicious and easy to make! Aside from the dragon meat I suppose.” Quackers clapped in delight.  
  
Pynelope poked the bowl hesitantly. “I still don't think this looks appetizing…”  
  
“....just eat your veggies.”  
  
The screen faded out as the ending music played. The narrator voice says **“Cooking with Bill was brought to you by the Shred-a-TRON 1.0! Temporarily taken off the markets due to unforeseen internal hemorrhaging. If you would like to volunteer for the clinical tests of the Shred-a-TRON 2.0 please chant ‘Bill Cipher Clinical Testing’ three times to have one of your orifices randomly replaced with a spinning death saw. The Shred-a-TRON! Don't say we didn't warn you.”**  
  
\-----  
  
“So...are we going to let the universe assume that Miz now owes Bill Cipher for my recovery?” Quackers asked. I snuggled into her fur and sighed. “It's not technically a lie…”  
  
“It's all about technicalities with you huh?” Pyrone shook his head fondly.  
  
“Yup!” I giggled.  
  
I stretched my arms to hug all four of my children close to me. “Thanks for going along with this just to cheer me up…”  
  
“Of course Dad.” Pynelope laughed at same time as Ammy said “It's no different than usual Mother.” and Quackers sighed “Geez mom.”  
  
Pyrone scratched at his horn. “So...are you our mom or dad?”  
  
“Does it matter?” I blinked at him.  
  
Pyrone shrugged. “I guess not. Either way you're still Bill. Our Bill.” He hugged me back and the 5 of us cuddled for a while before I started getting claustrophobic and had to break the embrace. Still, I did feel a bit better. Kinda guilty Quackers had to be a doll during the cooking show but it made sense to me for the audience to see that Bill Cipher thought of her as nothing more than a toy.  
  
I asked Quackers if she still wanted to go back to magic school. She and PaciFire both told me they could learn the rest on their own when I asked them separately. “I don't want to stay in a place with bad memories.” PaciFire had told me in the privacy of his own room. I accepted that and left them to their own study.  
  
If they needed my help they would ask.

\---  
  
Quackers was a Pladibear, she aged faster than the twins and it wasn't long before she had become a young adult and was moving out for college. I stared at her sadly when she packed her belongings to move out. “Do you have to leave?” I asked quietly. “Can't you just commute?”  
  
She turned to see me floating there as a triangle with my eye already watering. She sighed. “Mom. I love you. But I can't stay with you forever. I WILL visit. But I need to find my own way in life now. Ok?”  
  
“You can stay with me forever…” I begged.  
  
“I don't think I can handle that.” She honked sadly. “It would take someone truly special to knowingly and willingly stay with you forever. And I'm just not that strong.” She pulled me in for a hug. “I have things I want to do. Places I want to go. People I want to meet. On my own. Can you understand that?”  
  
“Stay with me…”  
  
“I can't do that mom.” She held me softly until my shivering calmed down. “It doesn't mean I don't love you.”  
  
“It feels like it…” I muttered. Her and the twins...they all chose to leave me...why?  
  
“You need to learn how to let go mom. You can't...keep everything you want forever.”  
  
“Why not?” I clung to her fur possessively.  
  
“Because it's wrong. Autie Pyronica agreed.”  
  
I froze. “She said that?” I asked calmly.  
  
“Yeah. She said that you have to learn to let go. And I agree with her. This possessiveness isn't healthy. I love you mom, and I know you love us too but that doesn't make it RIGHT. Auntie Pyronica and the others...they love you Mom, I love you, we all do...but you...kinda own them. They're free to leave you but there's nowhere they can **go**. And it's not a big deal to them because living and staying with you is EASY.”

Quackers gave me a sad look. "I love you mom. I really do. But you're really..." She sighed in frustration. "You come apart if anyone tries to leave you. Auntie and Uncles can't bear to see you break like that, so they stay. But dammit mom, it's...pretty fucked up."  
  
I slowly let go and stare at her. “So you're saying...Pyronica is saying that it's not healthy for me to keep you all?” I twitch “And so she convinced you all to refuse me.” My voice cracked.  
  
“It's not like that mom! She explained to us about the whole ‘until the end of time’ thing and we all decided on our own to remain mortal.” Quackers groaned. "Immortality is a chain that keeps them by your side forever. And I...I can't do that. I love you mom but this isn't RIGHT!"  
  
_So none of you are willing to stay with me forever? That's what you mean…_  
  
She noticed my expression and sighed. “Mom, things being finite is normal.” she patted my side gently. “And you need to **learn** to **accept** that.”  
  
“But I don't WANT to.” I whined. Quackers sighed. “And that's why we have to do this.”  
  
I still didn't get it. Why do I have to learn this? Why do I have to lose people I didn't have to? What was the point of all this?! I watched Quackers step into the Teleporter and leave. I felt empty inside. All three of them chose to live and age and die and leave me...for my own good? I didn't understand.  
  
Why would they willingly hurt me like this?  
  
I just don't understand…  
  
\-----  
  
“Bill?”  
  
“Yeesh. Is he still giving everyone the silent treatment?”  
  
“You can't mope forever.”  
  
“You are acting like a child. This is precisely why we have to do this. It's for your own good.”  
  
“Guys? Should we leave him alone?”  
  
“Leaving Bill alone is the worst thing to do.”  
  
“Bill? You know we're just trying to help right?”

"Knowing that he's literally nuts, explains a lot about what he's done to us."

"We agreed we wouldn't talk about that anymore."  
  
“It's gonna hurt. But it's going to get better.”  
  
“And we'll always be here for you.”

"We don't really have a choice..."

"Shhh! Don't let Bill hear you say that!"  
  
“Why are we letting the kids remain mortal again?”  
  
“Bill needs to learn to let go. Besides, if he made every single person he liked immortal then it would never end.”  
  
“What about Google?”  
  
“Frankly that would depend on her. If she chooses to make the Deal we can't stop her.”  
  
“She doesn't seem interested in that though.”

"Good for her. She can still have an out."  
  
“Bill? You can't seriously expect to mope forever.”  
  
“Yeah, Pynelope is graduating college soon. Don't you want to go see it?”  
  
“Oh! He stirred! I think we're getting there!”  
  
“Plus she's been eyeing up this Cyclopian boy...don't you want to check to see if he's good enough for her~?”  
  
“He definitely twitched that time. Bill? Come on…”  
  
“Pyrone and Flora are getting married~don't you want to plan the wedding?”  
  
“He moved! He definitely moved that time!”  
  
I blinked up at them. My friends were all gathered around me, worried but hopeful. I blinked again, my bricks brightening slowly from a sickly dull yellow back into my usual vibrant color. I sighed. “I've been doing some thinking…”  
  
“Oh no.” Teeth snorted. “How diabolical!”  
  
“And I think you might, _might_ , be right…”  
  
“Gasp!” Ammy said the word in monotone.  
  
“But it doesn't mean I'm happy about it.” I grumbled. Pyronica patted my side. “We don't expect you to be. This is hard on all of us.” I leaned back against her lap “I know...I'm...just being selfish…”

 _It always comes down to my selfishness_.  
  
“Well as you're **always** telling us, nothing wrong with being selfish.” PaciFire grunted.  
  
“Unless you're being shellfish!” Teeth cackled. Keyhole face palmed. “Can we not?” Hectorgon twirled his mustache, an unconscious habit he had “Losing a child is hard. But that's why we need to make all the moments count. So that the happy memories outweigh the grief.”  
  
I sighed. They were right. As much as I hated to accept it. Slowly I smiled. “Thanks for cheering me up guys.” It was nice to be surrounded by my friends. To feel how much they cared about me. Even if the twins and Quackers weren't...able to accept staying with me forever, these guys did. From now until the end of time. They were my friends.

 ~~ _And I feel bad that even if they were my friends and chose to care about me...they were essentially forced to be with me. I've bound them to my side and they don't have anywhere else to go. It's awful and I'm an awful person for imprisoning them with me through their forced immortality but...fuck it...I just want to be happy..._~~  
  
  
  
Xanthar with his silent presence, reassuring and warm. Pyronica’s confident ‘don't give a shit’ attitude that I admired so much. Ammy’s calm and bluntly honest disposition. Teeth’s cheerful optimism and love for bad puns. Kryptos's curious mind and workaholic tendencies that reminded me so much of myself. Hectorgon's mature nature and parental doting. Keyhole's eagerness to make those around him happy and his own uncertain goals of the future that I longed to help him with. PaciFire’s quiet stoicism hiding the sweetness under his violence and posturing. 8-Ball’s simple minded thought processes that made him so easy to understand…  
  
I loved them all and I suppose...even if I'm going to lose other people I care about over the centuries, I'm relieved to know that they will always be here with me. Is it selfish? Yeah. But I don't care.  
  
These are my friends.  
  
The people I love and trust. I hugged Ammy to myself as I leaned back on Pyronica and sighed. “So...you mentioned a graduation party and a wedding I need to plan?”  
  
\-----  
  
Pynelope went to college for journalism (of all things). I kinda had a suspicion of what she was planning to do. Still, I attended her graduation along with everyone else, the Federation officers training their guns on me the whole time. None of them worked though, I had rigged the things to explode in their face if they tried to fire. So far none of them had been stupid enough to do it. I was almost disappointed.  
  
Pynelope got to choose the restaurant for the after graduation lunch and I was going to hold a small family dinner at home that evening. The annoying part was the officers following us to the restaurant. The hostess appeared quite flustered at the appearance of the large group of people.  
  
“I'm not paying for those guys.” I pointed at the officers. The hostess turned to them with a strained look. “I am very sorry sirs but I legally cannot let you loiter in here unless you are customers.” One officer leveled his gun at the poor woman. “Are you obstructing justice?” He growled. I narrowed my eye at him. “Are you SERIOUSLY threatening an innocent woman for doing her job?”  
  
He glared at me. “Anyone who obstructs our work is obviously an anarchist.”  
  
“Dude, this is a restaurant. They have RULES. Put the gun down asshole.” I folded my arms while the rest of my group went to sit in the outside balcony seat with the nice view of space outside. I turned to the hostess and tipped my hat. “I am _**so**_ sorry for their rudeness ma’am. They've been stalking my family all day.”  
  
“Would you like for us to contact the police to escort them away?” She asked. I laughed even as the officers scowled angrily. “Trust me I have tried to file a restraining order on these guys and their boss. Never works.”  
  
“We ARE the police, demon!” The (probably) leader pointed his gun back at me. I rolled my eye, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me cower. (ME? Cower? HAH!) He was clearly angry at the lack of respect but I have no respect for some idiot who waved a gun around just to make himself feel superior.  
  
“Hey! Do you think I'm joking?!” He snarled at me. I turned to stare at him blandly. “Kindly explain why you're stalking me and my family while we're out eating lunch?”  
  
“We have orders to shoot if you do anything to endanger the citizens.” He responded in a harsh tone. I lid my eye at him. “The same citizens you just threatened to shoot?” the hostess gave the officer a hard look from behind me.  
  
He flushed and scowled. His team of officers were shuffling nervously. “Really, I believe you are more of a threat to the lives of the citizens than I am. I'm not the one waving around a weapon in a restaurant full of people.”  
  
“You ARE a weapon!” He growled.  
  
I scoffed. “Well I’m not the one threatening people’s lives right now. And I'm trying very hard to just have a nice, peaceful lunch with my family.”  
  
“Well I ain't leaving. So long as you are in a public space I have to keep my eyes on you.” The leader snarled, focusing all 10 of his eyes upon me. I rolled my eye again. “Then get a table like a proper customer as per the rules of this fine establishment. Isn't that what you guys are all about? Rules?”  
  
“Fine.” He glared at me while one of the other officers nudged him. “Sir. We don't have the funds needed to pay for a table here…”  
  
I grinned. “Just put it on the Federation’s tab. If they're gonna have you guys follow me everywhere, they should be able to afford to pay for it right?” Yes I WAS just trying to cause indirect annoyance to the Federation. Let their budget staff deal with this. The officers took a seat at a nearby table and stalked us throughout lunch. Pyronica sent them glares every now and then. “Ugh, they really kill the mood in here.”  
  
“Ignore them. They HATE that.” I assured her as I spoon fed Xanthar some cream of nebula soup. He snuffled and wiggled, bouncing slightly. “Aw~you like this huh? I'm gonna find the recipe so I can make this at home for you~” I coo’ed over my beloved loaf as everyone else dug into their own food. Even Google was here, staring in awe at the fancy restaurant she was allowed to dine in. Quackers had been temporarily turned into a pallet swap Amorphous Shape and the two looked quite hilarious sitting next to each other because you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.  
  
Pyrone had invited Beez and the others, Pynelope invited her current boyfriend (a pale green male Cyclopian named Jeriz, boring guy, which meant he was non-offensive and non-threat, so…I guess it’s a good thing?). Bibbity was bouncing cheerfully as they pointed at the desert menu. “Are you sure we're allowed to order whatever we want?”  
  
I laughed. “Sure kid. I'm in a good mood. Besides, you're my guests.” I had ordered multiple items myself. That desert menu looked good. Hm...wish I could taste them though…  
  
Was it ok to go into my William form here? Naw the officers were still watching me like hawks. Teleporting the food into storage for later it was. Ugh. I hated that I'm not allowed to enjoy myself because of assholes like them. Stupid paranoid jerks.  
  
As the delicious looking food came out, I hear one of the officers sigh sadly. “That looks so good…” I snuck a glance at him. His boss was sending him an angry look. “We're working right now.”  
  
“But I'm hungry…” the Western Jaylurk (a species that looked like a blue jay and a sting ray had a wild night together) chirped sadly.  
  
“And sir, this is the nicest Fronch restaurant this side of the Rister Black Hole and I've only heard good stuff about the food here…” another officer (some sort of hybrid species, can't tell what of right now) looked through a menu longingly.  
  
“Even if I saved every Credit I earn through my whole life working other jobs I would never be able to afford anything here…” a Drinz Moth hummed. Now this was a cool species, thousands of tiny moths that congregate together into a larger organism.  
  
I turned to face them, feeling a little bad. Not just for their hunger but for my own extravagant spending here. Wealth really got you anything in the world huh? There were people who struggled just to afford food and here I am living it up in a fancy restaurant…  
  
I made plenty of anonymous donations to charities from Jan-Jan’s accounts. But it's a huge multiverse out there. No matter how much I did I couldn’t make everything better.  
  
It's not fair.  
  
As much as I dislike Federation workers on principle…this didn’t feel fair to them. Not all of them chose to work for the Federation. For many, it was the only place willing to hire them (because they always need more disposable officers). I make a note to try harder to make things better. Sure it's just gonna be throwing my power around and forcing my will on other people but if it's for a good cause then it's fine right?  
  
I ended up ordering some food to send to the officer’s table. Poor guys looked hungry. They seemed pleasantly surprised but their leader broke the happy mood by upending the plate of food all over the ground. “Don't fall for it!” He sneered.  
  
I twitched. He just wasted food. He... _wasted_ food…  
  
I took some deep breaths to try and calm down. He's just mad. He's stupid. Don't let it get to you…  
  
His angry movements jostled the table and some fancy glass plates fell to the ground and shattered. I twitched. Calm. Calm.  
  
He kicked my table while pointing at me and yelling “I won't fall for your bribery demon!” as his men tried desperately to pull him back. “Sir! You're going to piss him off!” He kicked my table again and my plate of food slipped. It hit the ground, ruined. The restaurant was filled with painful screaming. I twitched.  
  
Oh.  
  
  
  
Where did this leg come from?  
  
There's screaming but I wasn't really noticing it, more confused about where I got this leg from. It's still twitching. Must be fresh. An explosion goes off as someone tried to shoot me only to have their gun explode in their face. I dropped the leg. Don't need it. There's more screaming.  
  
“-ill! Bi-”  
  
Someone was calling me. Several people but I wasn't paying attention to that. I was staring at some guy who just exploded into a glorious spray of organs. His pulsating remains were littering the ground. Ah, when did all this blood get on me? I rubbed a hand along my plane, ugh, it's soaking between my seams.  
  
“Bill! Calm dow-”  
  
Well it looks like the others were pointing their guns at me now. Really kids? You think you have a better chance? No, if you try and shoot you are going to die. Don't you realize that?  
  
“Stop! Put those down! We need to calm him down!”  
  
What stupid people. I should take their guns away before they hurt themselves. I tore the weapons from their hands and ate them so no one else gets blown up. I didn’t want to kill them too. Bad enough there was one death here…  
  
“Bill! Can you hear us?!”  
  
Ah...they're all screaming now. They're running and knocking other tables over. Don't do that. Other people are trying to eat you know? I grabbed them so they would stay still and stop knocking the tables over.  
  
“Bill! Stop!”  
  
  
  
I blinked slowly. The haze around my vision was fading. Everyone was warily watching me. Pyronica notices when my gaze became more aware and she sighed in relief. “Bill. Put them down...it's ok...everything is ok…”  
  
I blinked again and look down at the terrified men. They were all alive, I hadn't killed anyone. Oh. That was good. I blinked again, keeping my eye closed this time as I breathed carefully. Right. Calm. It's ok. I spread my power out and fix the tables and food, the objects in the room moving as if backward to fix themselves.  
  
It's fine. I'm fine. Everyone is fine (except the idiot who blew himself up) and I can fix everything else. I breathed a long, drawn out hiss as I felt my bricks fade back into yellow. Everyone was quiet and still, as if afraid to set me off with anymore sudden movements. I sighed and opened my eye. The room had been fixed. The food was back on the tables where they belonged, just as clean and pristine as they were when the waiters brought them out.  
  
I sighed and released my hold on the officers. They were too scared to move so I took a few steps back, slowly shrinking and floating off the ground. I feel Xanthar carefully poke my side. I shrink to an even smaller size and floated over to cuddle in his arms. “Right. Sorry. I didn't mean to lose my cool there…”  
  
“It's fine Bill. You haven't killed anyone.” Keyhole pointed out. I shook my head. “That dude’s dead.” I pointed at the leaking remains of the squad leader. The rest of the officers all paled at the reminder.  
  
“Well he killed himself. All you did was rip his leg off because he was rudely kicking our table.” Hectorgon grunted as he waved Xanthar over to put me down in the chair beside him. “It's his own fault. You did **nothing** wrong…” he reassured me. A faint voice inside told me ripping someone’s leg off wasn’t alright but it was brushed aside at my relief from Hec’s words.  
  
I leaned against him and sighed. “Really?” He nodded. “Really.”  
  
“...right...I'm still sorry for losing it like that though…”  
  
“Eh~it was pretty mild for you Bill.” Teeth pointed out. “You didn't even eat anyone. Just their weapons, which was fair.”  
  
I still felt a little bad. But they said it was fine. Was it fine? Was that good? I wiped at the blood on myself. “Ah...I don't think I meant to tear his leg off…” Hectorgon patted my back. “It's alright Bill. He was clearly asking for it.”  
  
“Oh…” I glance over at Pyrone's friends who looked a little scared, but they weren't utterly terrified so I took that to be a good thing. “Well I think we should avoid restaurants for a while…”  
  
“No.” Quackers spoke up with Ammy’s voice. Everyone turned to her. “It's stupid that we have to stay out of the public just because they-” she pointed a tendril at the trembling officers “-are too dumb to leave you alone. If they get hurt, that's their fault. Not yours.” She huffed angrily. “I’m SICK of conceding to THEIR stupid standards!” I smiled softly. “Well, you guys can still go out to eat. I'm fine with staying home.”  
  
“But mom!” Quackers protested but I stretched out a hand to press a finger to her block. “It's fine. If they don't trust Bill Cipher to be out in public then I don’t have to come.” My close friends nodded as they understood what I meant. I was going to be disguised as someone else when we wanted to be left alone in public.  
  
The question would be who?  
  
Well, it's not important right now. We had lunch to finish and a trip to Dimension Ersqueil for their petting zoo. Yes, I planned a trip to a petting zoo as part of Pynelope’s graduation party. I need me my snuggles dammit!  
  
I’ll get to planning Pyrone and Flora’s wedding later.  
  
\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Personal story time!
> 
> My mom isn't really the best cook. Dad's the chef in the family. But since my mom is my mom, she was supposed to be the one caring for me and my siblings because of gender roles. So my early childhood was spent in a state of being constantly hungry because mom pretty much only knew how to make rice, steamed fish and vegetables. It was fine but I guess it just wasn't enough, not to mention I was a really picky eater as a child so I just straight up ate Cheerios for all my other meals. Pretty sure I was malnourished.
> 
> Would explain my height.
> 
> I learned how to cook ramen by myself at a young age so I could eat that for breakfast and lunch when my parents were away at work. As a side note, I pretty much had ramen for breakfast everyday before I woke my parents up so they could go to work (I used to be a morning person, until college) and I would leave the house and walk to school by myself (since my elementary school was right across the street from our apartment. It was a busy street but I knew how to look both ways and check for the red light, plus my parents gave me a big poofy red jacket so the cars could hopefully see me). Either way, I was a hungry child who never got a lot of calories or nutrients so I was underweight for most of my life.
> 
> I spent all of high school around 88 pounds. Got up to 90-something during college. It was after I graduated school that I began putting on weight, since #1 I know how to cook now and #2 the restaurant was doing well and my parents were bringing food home from there to leave in the fridge for us to eat. So I finally got to eat as much as I wanted and go to bed full. And of course this meant I started really gaining weight.
> 
> I'm around 120 pounds right now and mom says I'm fat but I prefer this to being skin and bones. Anyway, food is important to me.
> 
> \---
> 
> So...I was discussing the sexuality of the characters and it ended up something like...
> 
> IiRBill is Panromantic Asexual  
> IiRKryptos is Billromantic Billsexual  
> XD
> 
> In other news, reminder I am not a writer. I'm an origami artist. I've been watching lots of videos about writing tips and stuff but I know my writing is just kinda ok. I'm still having trouble staying in the right tense half the time.
> 
> And also, since this is a first person perspective, Bill is an unreliable narrator. I'm hoping to make another Interlude chapter from someone else's perspective to expand on that but I'm having trouble figuring out who...


	69. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's strange for me to discover new things about myself. Especially when having new things pop up is...dangerous...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 62**  
  
**-Don’t say I never did anything for you-**  
  
\----  
  
Pyrone’s wedding plans were a rush of chaotic energy and stress. I sat the couple down to ask about how many guests there were going to be. Where they wanted to hold the ceremony. The food. The clothes. Pyrone wanted to help pay for it but I told him we were gonna save money and just have me make everything. Pyronica told me I was gonna die from stress when I rushed about in a frenzy trying to get everything set up.  
  
“Seriously Bill. Let us help out ok?” Pyronica told me in exasperation.  
  
“Have you SEEN the drapes 8-Ball tried to pick out?!” I cried. She winced. “Well how about we DON'T put 8-Ball in charge of the decoration then? Maybe he can...um...help with setting up the tables on the day of?”  
  
I stared at her, frazzled and worried. She sighed. “Do you even know HOW to plan a wedding?”  
  
“I scanned 200 different party planners from multiple different dimensions to see how they do it.” I responded half hysterically. Pyronica frowned and picked me up to carry over to Ax’s fish tank. She dropped me in. “Just...stay there and calm down. I don't know what's so important about this...marriage thing but I am his mother and I need to do something for my own kids for once.”  
  
I got where she was coming from. The wedding wasn't going to happen for another 2 years anyway so I suppose I shouldn't be so rushed about it.  
  
I laid down on Ax’s avatar and sighed.  
  
“My babies are growing up…”  
  
Maybe she's right. I should go do something else to de-stress right now. Something nice and calm to take my mind off this...  
  
\----  
  
I have a confession.  
  
I, Bill Cipher, PURPOSELY burned down an entire dimension today.  
  
I willingly and with full knowledge of what I was doing, how many people I was killing, destroyed an entire dimension. I’m not even guilty over it. No, not this time. I don’t even fucking care if the Federation raised my bounty and announced what I did on the news. I don’t even feel bad when my friends all stared at me questioningly, afraid to ask for what had happened. Most of them just assumed I had lost control of my powers again or something.  
  
But I hadn’t. I did this while in full control of myself.  
  
And I don’t feel bad about it.  
  
Why? It’s very simple.  
  
It was the BLED Dimension. An entire dimension in which only the color Bled existed.  
  
I doubt anyone would ever understand my reasons but I couldn’t allow such a dimension to exist. It was too awful. I was putting those people out of their misery. Their destruction was a MERCY. No longer did they or anyone unfortunate enough to end up there need to suffer.  
  
I have liberated them all.  
  
Ax was carrying me around the Space between Spaces, having pulled me in here when the Bled dimension started to burn. On one hand I was thrilled he actually came to get me. On the other hand I wanted to go back and finish the job.  
  
  
  
Ax gave me a stern look. **-Is that color really so bad?-**  
  
“Would YOU like to live there?” I snapped.  
  
He remained silent and I knew I won this round. But this wasn't the thing I need to be less stressed. I turned to the 3rd dimension for the comfort I needed.  
  
\----  
  
I stared intently at the creature before me. Hairy but not fully fur. Bipedal. Long fingers with decent dexterity, perfect for holding tools. There were many different types of this creature, all subtly different but they all shared something important.  
  
They were human-like.  
  
I found pale, shorter, more muscular ones in what would be Europe, slimmer ones in Africa with dark melanin, another race roamed through Asia...and that wasn't the end of it. It was amazing to see so many of them. Which were Humans though? I couldn't exactly tell.  
  
Then they started interbreeding with each other and I decided it really didn't matter in the end.  
  
I wanted to talk to them. I wanted to meet them. I wanted to tell them how happy I was that they exist. Language was a new thing, sounds being made and assigned meaning, though before language they had music. Clapping and dancing. Rhythm and patterns. Shouts and sighs and laughter. Shared between individuals, families and social groups. I observed these early hominids and longed to be a part of it all.  
  
I was afraid of messing with them. I didn't want to influence their growth and development. I snuck into their minds and watched as they dreamed. I didn't outright speak to them but many of them saw me anyway.  
  
They noticed me.  
  
Some ignored the strange glowing creature they saw. Some drew my image down and tried to explain to others using what limited words they had.  
  
A beast with one eye.  
  
I tried not to interfere but my longing made me return to their dreams over and over again, I wanted to watch them. I wanted to be seen. To be noticed.  
  
In this 3rd dimension where I went about unseen and unheard in the mindscape, I wanted to be NOTICED. Look at me. Find me. It was a half hearted game of hide and seek where I snuck through their dreams and waited to see if they saw me. Remembered me.  
  
They began to talk about me. No one knew what I was but they all had seen me. There was no concept of gods yet. No concept of demons. But these early hominids knew about beasts, animals, creatures not like themselves. I was not like them. My form was strange, alien. Many were quite distressed by my continued visits.  
  
I never meant to make them upset.  
  
The next time I entered a dream, I told the dreamer that I was not a threat. I was a friend.  
  
"Friend?" They asked. It wasn’t quite a word they had yet. I was forced to explain “Not threat. Helpful. Safe.”  
  
“Safe?” They asked.  
  
"Yes." I state gently.  
  
  
  
They didn't believe me until I started giving them helpful advice for stuff, as a show of goodwill, as a show of how I really was a friendly entity. I'm not something to be feared. They appreciated my insight.  
  
Under my direction they learned how to grind up plants so they were easier to chew. They learned to dry out meat in the sun. They learned to heat up their food so that they could gain more from it. The heat denatured the plant's hard cell walls, releasing its nutrients into a form they could digest.  
  
I didn't tell them EVERYTHING though. Part of what made humanity so amazing was their ingenuity. I gave them pointers and let them learn on their own. They experimented. They came up with their own ideas. They grew and learned and changed and it was amazing to watch.  
  
Sometimes they ask me for help. I didn't give them the answers in a straightforward way. I gave them clues. I gave them pieces of the knowledge they wanted. If they want to know, they needed to work for it. They needed to figure it out themselves.  
  
The years went by and the different hominids grew, developed and went extinct. I watched as the other species died out, interbreeding with each other until their original race were lost and finally, only one race of humanity existed. Sure, the humans in different parts of the world still held the genetics of those whom had died out long before but ultimately humanity was now a single species.  
  
A species that spread across the planet, learning, innovating, communicating…  
  
Like fuck, they figured out how to make simple breads on their own from grinding up dried grain plants! And they haven't even discovered agriculture yet! Just...found these grains and using my suggestion of grinding and cooking, they discovered flat bread!  
  
I was unbearably proud of them and I wanted their growth to be natural. I want to see how far they could go on their own. What they would create without my input.  
  
I hid myself a little better inside their dreams. They still noticed me of course but for the most part I remained a passive observer unless they specifically asked me for my assistance.  
  
They drew me in the dirt. In caves. In their thoughts. I watched them all and they in turn saw me. It was exhilarating. Humanity. How wonderful you are.  
  
\-----  
  
The day of the wedding was coming up.  
  
Hectorgon and Keyhole (of all people) took over the planning process. Hec told me I can be in charge of cooking and making the wedding dress if I really wanted to help out. “Bill, you are the worst workaholic I know, calm the fuck down and do something fun.”  
  
Which was kinda a nicer way to say “Get in the kitchen and let me handle this.” But I won't deny he is correct in this instance. I thought of who our guests were gonna be, their dietary needs and how to make food that was both palatable, digestible and above all, delicious.  
  
It was actually quite calming to just cook non-stop. I sent the finished food into storage with a Preservation effect so that they would still be fresh on the day of the wedding. I was in William’s form so I could taste as I went along, singing softly to myself as I bustled around the kitchen.  
  
I was excited for the wedding. We all were. Google came by and watched me sing to myself as I worked. I do this a lot, no matter what my form is. Though I've only taken William's form around the Death Star ever since Google showed up. I don't want people connecting Bill to my other identities after all.  
  
_“Mitsumeau dake de~Kodoku na kasokudo ga~”_  
  
“I've seen it a lot these past few decades and it never stops being weird.” Google sighed as she dropped off some more groceries.  
_“Isshun ni kudakechiru~Anata ga suki yo~”_  
  
Kryptos was watching me dance around the kitchen with a fond look. “What's so weird about it? Bill loves music.” He asked Google as he helped her sort the groceries and put them away.  
  
_“Toumei na shinju no you ni ~Chuu no uku namida~”_  
  
Google twisted her letters up faintly “He's adorable.” Kryptos tilted his eye at her. “Yeah. He is. I don't see the problem?”

 _“Higeki datte kamawanai ~Anata to ikitai~”_ I did the pose while calling out “Kira!” as sparkles danced around me when I winked.  
  
“...” Google's eyes twitched. “He is TOO adorable. How the fuck is he the most reviled demon in the multiverse?”  
  
“Because he's just as scary as he is cute.” Kryptos rolled his eye. “You've seen him mad. Besides, Bill said he was much worse when he was younger, angry and upset all the time.” He starts washing some of the ingredients so he could help out the food preparation. “He IS capable of planetary destruction you know?”  
  
_“Ryuusei ni matagatte~Anata ni kyuukouka ah ah~”_

“I know he's dangerous. I'm asking why he keeps up an act of being ‘a bad guy’ in public.”  
  
“Not all the time. Bill only really puts on an act when he wants to manipulate people and take advantage of his reputation. If he intimidates people into doing what he wants then he doesn't have to use force.”  
  
“I guess.” Google agreed “It's still...sad.” She adjusts her maid outfit. “I'm sure if the Federation calmed down their paranoia around Bill he would actually cause less deaths. Half the time those idiots get **themselves** killed.”  
  
_“Noukon no hoshizora ni~Watashitachi hanabi mitai~”_  
  
“Pfth-if they're stupidly trigger happy enough to get themselves killed, that's their problem.” Kryptos grumbled. “The only issue I have with it is how sad Bill is afterward.”  
  
“Feeling guilt over a kill is good so long as you don't let it consume you.” Google shrugged. “I admire Bill Cipher’s ruthlessness but his guilt is something I find quite odd.”  
  
“How so?”  
  
_“Kokoro ga hikari no ya wo hanatsu~”_  
  
“He is very old yes? Older than the universe itself. Veteran assassins have their guilt well managed after a few decades on the job. You become numb to it. You'd have to or else go insane.”  
  
“Bill IS insane.” Kryptos deadpanned.  
  
“I know, but what I'm trying to say is, why has he continued to allow himself to feel guilt? He could easily discard it but he clings to it. As if in punishment for what he does.”  
  
“...I wouldn't be surprised if that WAS the reason for it. Bill is...very self deprecating…” Kryptos winced. “We've been trying to help for years. I think he really needs a mind healer…”  
  
“The problem is finding one who could be trusted to learn all his deepest, darkest issues without selling that information to the highest bidder.” Google mused.  
  
Kryptos nodded. “It's why I'm considering learning it myself. There's also Bill’s sister but I don't know how much he tells her.”  
  
“Bill has a sister?!”  
  
“Adopted. And their relationship is a secret.” Kryptos frowned at Google. “No offense but I don't know if we can trust you with that information.”  
  
Google sighed. “Will I have to be like you all to be trusted with such a thing?”  
  
“You would have to make a Deal to agree to be bound to his side as his Friend for pretty much eternity or just a Deal of secrecy I suppose.”  
  
Google was quiet for a while before she sighed. “I love living here. More so now that Bill has lifted my restrictions so I can come and go as I please. There's food and shelter and all the comforts I could ever want…” she closed her eyes. “...and I'd probably go insane if I had to live like this forever.”  
  
“Until the end of time is a scary thought huh?” Kryptos said sympathetically. Google shuddered. “How do you all do it? How do you all have the strength to say yes?”  
  
“Well all of us had different circumstances...and Bill didn't actually explain the whole ‘until the end of time’ to half of us so we kinda didn't know what we were signing up for...but…” Kryptos smiled. “...I don't regret my decision. I can't speak for the others but I'm sure they would say the same.”  
  
“But isn't it scary? The thought that you would be forced to live until the universe itself ends, when all life is snuffed out?”  
  
“Of course. But at least we will be together. We won't go through that alone.” Kryptos shivered a little before his hands clenched into fists. “And frankly, the idea of Bill being forced to go through that alone is far scarier. I don't blame him for making other people stay with him through that.”  
  
The two continued talking, not noticing I had stopped singing to work quietly. I wiped some tears, feeling a swell of love and gratefulness inside my chest. My Friends were going to stay with me until the end. They weren't going to make me face eternity alone.  
  
I didn't want them to realize I was eavesdropping so I went back to singing and even posed in front of them. “Hey, do you think this could be my theme song?”  
  
\----  
  
There were more guests for the wedding than I originally thought. Aside from us, there was Flora’s family...all of then…  
  
8-Ball and Xanthar were setting all the benches. No way we could have individual chairs for everyone. Hectorgon had spoken with Flora about the location and they chose Flora’s homeworld of Jo-Ad since there was a huge field that don't cost money to set up the event and plenty of space for us to build. It was agreed that the location would be given over to the locals as a public space afterward for future weddings or community events.  
  
We moved the tables to line the sides of the clearing. I set up all the hundreds and hundreds of plates piled high with food of all sorts. I baked so many Bunzelberry pies with the bunzel crops I purchased from the local farms owned by Flora’s extended family. The meat were from various beasts Pyrone hunted down around his and Flora’s farm on another planet. We wanted this to be a nice gathering of stuff from everyone in the family.  
  
Pyronica and I got to meet Flora's parents. I already knew all about them (having stalked them invisibly for a few months) but this would be my first time meeting them formally. Pyrone apologized for not introducing us much earlier. Her parents were nice people. Simple folk who were open and friendly, if a little wary about their daughter marrying a Cyclopian and also becoming part of Bill Cipher’s family.  
  
I tip my hat politely. “It's very nice to meet you two. This is the groom’s mother Pyronica-”  
  
My best friend waved. “Hello.”  
  
“-and I am her co-parent, Bill Cipher.”  
  
Flora's father shook Pyronica’s hand carefully but just gave me a polite nod, that's fair. “Nice ter meet’cha both. I'm Harvey and dis here's mah wife Marigold.”  
  
They were very pleasant people. The extended family...not so much…  
  
“Can't believe little Flora’s marryin’ one ‘ol them.” I heard one of her uncles say. My eye narrowed and Pyronica quickly steers me away. “Don't listen to them Bill.”  
  
That same uncle was shoveling food into his mouth messily and dropping stuff EVERYWHERE! Pyronica pet my bricks soothingly. “Don't look at them. Just...go check on Flora? See if she needs any adjustments to her dress?” She pushed me into the bride's tent. I see Bibbity leading a group of their species as the Flower Sprayers.  
  
Weddings have different ceremonies depending on the species and culture. Cyclopian’s have weddings, but only among the noble class. Pyronica was from a poor family so the most they did was have the males give their intended mate a piece of jewelry to keep around. And that's for couples who actually loved each other.  
  
Pyronica obviously wasn't in it for the romance.  
  
So there weren't any wedding traditions from our side of things. We asked Flora for her people’s traditions. Pretty typical, food, flowers, more food, an altar where they summon the nearest harvest god to bless the couple for a fruitful union and such. It actually really appealed to me due to how many beautiful decorations I could create and just make this ceremony the loveliest thing ever.  
  
I let Pyronica shove me into the bride's tent where Flora was fussing with her dress. She had wanted a green dress but I informed her the shade of green she wanted clashed horribly with her skin tone. We sat down to go through multiple green, brown and other earthen toned palettes for her to pick from. I personally liked how the dress came out and Flora liked it too.  
  
 “Hey~need help?” I asked as I floated into the tent. Flora smiled at me and let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank the farm. I have never seen a dress so pretty and fancy! I have no idea how to put this on.”  
  
“No worries! I'm here!” I grinned as I went up to help Flora adjust her dress. She managed to put it on well enough but I had to pull a few of the straps and ribbons aside so it hung properly. When I first started helping Flora with her dress the girl was a little worried about wandering hands from some older man like me. I assured her I had no such intentions and had Pyronica sit in with us as well, since she was gonna be Flora’s mother in law.  
  
Once she realized I truly had no ill intentions towards her, she were quite alright with me helping prepare her wedding dress. The three of us even chatted a bunch and I made Flora laugh with funny stories from Pyrone's childhood. “-then he tried to tell me that he didn't eat the cake I was in the middle of preparing despite having frosting all over his mouth.”  
  
Flora giggled “I bet Py-dear was an adorable child.” Flora was looking at herself in the mirror. “Oh my! I...didn’t know I could be so pretty…” She blushed.  
  
  
  
“Yeah. He was cute...oh man…” my breath hitched and Flora patted my hand when I started sniffling. “He grew up so fast! It feels like just a century ago he was a tiny little newborn I could hold in my arms…”  
  
“I think that WAS a century ago, sir.” Flora sighed. “Hey, I know you love Py-dear a lot. He loves you too. Talks about you and the rest of his family a lot. You're all really close.” She smiled reassuringly. “And I know you've been trying to give us some space to build a life for ourselves but...I wouldn't mind if you wanted to drop by and visit.”  
  
“Really? I'm not...overbearing?” I sniffled.  
  
Flora shook her head. “Maybe a little? But it's not BAD. Just...give us a heads up before you come visit. Popping in without warning is problematic.”  
  
“...ok…” I wipe at my tears. “You're a nice girl Flora. Please...take care of Pyrone for me.”  
  
Her smile was bright “Oh course!”  
  
“....an’ give me lots of grandkids…”  
  
She started coughing and blushing. “Ah...I don't know if we're compatible for children. There's a procedure that can take our genetics and mix them in a tube but I'm not comfortable with such a thing…”  
  
“It's fine if you aren't. I understand!” I waved my arms quickly. “I'm not saying you HAVE to produce kids together! Just...if you ever adopt or something...I want to come and meet them too…”  
  
She giggled. “Sure mister Cipher.”  
  
“Please, call me Bill. We're gonna be family soon after all.” I pulsed with giddy happiness and nerves at the idea. The two of us chatted for a bit before Bibbity bounced in to tell us that everything was in place. I left the tent to find Harvey and Marigold. They had to carry their daughter down the aisle in a wheelbarrow after all.  
  
I sent Flora’s parents to her tent and flew off to see how Pyrone was doing. He was blindfolded and fidgeting with his suit nervously. I took a moment to admire how much he's grown. “Hey my little ice pack! How are you feeling?”  
  
“Bill? Oh thank the void.” He gasped. “I'm so nervous. What if I mess up? What if I embarrass Flora in front if her family?!”  
  
“Breathe, kid.” I rub his back as he tried to get his nerves under control. He wheezed. Jo-Adian weddings had a little tradition of putting the bride in a wheelbarrow along with several other women. The women would all be wheeled before the blindfolded groom and he had to figure out which was his bride to be without sight.  
  
“What if I mess up?! What if I can't tell which one is her?!” Pyrone groaned. I pet his hair fondly. “You're gonna do fine Pyrone. Don't panic, don't rush. Think about who Flora is, why you decided to marry her to begin with…”  
  
“She's strong.” Pyrone slowly calmed as I made him talk through this. “I once saw her lift a truck and hurl it at a Malolian Worm-bat. Knocked it right out of the sky…” he sighed. “And despite her strength, she's so incredibly careful with the delicate stuff.”  
  
He leaned back in his chair with a fond smile. “She doesn't like trampling the flowers, even the wild ones. I've seen her struggle to try and step around them. It's adorable.”  
  
I materialize a chair to sit beside him. “I feel kinda bad I haven't spent as much time to get to know her.”  
  
“Well you've got important stuff to do. And...I think Flora wants to get to know you and mom better.” Pyrone reached around blindly until I gripped his hand. “So you should come over more often.”  
  
“I thought you wanted your space…”  
  
“I did. But that doesn't mean I don't miss you or mom, or Nelope and everyone else.” He shook his head. “Seriously. I didn't realize it would be so...lonely without you all. I love being with Flora, having my own space and the quiet of our cottage...but I guess I need a little chaos in my life too.”  
  
He pulled me into his lap for a hug. “I missed you guys.”  
  
I lean back against him, enjoying the chill from his ice. “I missed you too. We all need to hang out more often.”  
  
We sat quietly for a bit, I was nuzzling him as I rumbled in content. He rests his head against the top of my hat. “Hey Bill?”  
  
“Yeah?” my eye was closed as I relaxed against Pyrone.  
  
“What was dad like?”  
  
I slowly open my eye and tilt up to look at my baby boy. He was frowning softly. “I've never heard you or mom talk about him. I know he was eaten because that's how we were able to be born...but...what was dad like?”  
  
I stayed quiet. Well...frankly I didn't know. I could look it up but what sort of thing could I tell him? My bricks flickered and I frowned. Well, it wasn't anything BAD but…  
  
“He was a postage worker. Carried crates across the desert to make deliveries.” Monotonous work. It wasn't a difficult job. Male Cyclopian weren't as physically large or powerful as the females but they were still quite strong. Plus their natural ice made them great for transporting food without it spoiling. He carried crates back and forth between cities. As for his personal life…  
  
“He lived in a small apartment with a few roommates. Didn't really have close friends, just lived paycheck to paycheck while bar hopping to try and find a partner so he could pass on his genes.”  
  
It was a pretty boring life all things considered. He stayed alive for the sole purpose of trying to find a mate so he could breed and die. Reproduction, what a sad, limited mandate. But I suppose if he was going to die he had no reason to aspire for anything greater in life. All the good careers, positions and salaries went to women anyway.  
  
Why bother giving a male any important work if they could die anytime they chose to start a family?  
  
Pyrone was quiet. As a male, if things had been different, he would have ended up like that too. But things ARE different, not just for Pyrone, in a move to actually do some good, the Federation has been make progress with developing a cryogenic pill for Cyclopian use. A pregnant female only needs to take the pill daily throughout her pregnancy to keep her temperature low enough not to kill her fetus. It was a wonderful innovation that was slowly catching on.  
  
I normally hate it when the Federation tries to force cultural change upon another species but in this case, I found myself begrudgingly accepting their move. There were some Cyclopian couples who opt for the pill treatment but most are still hard wired for spousal cannibalism. Perhaps in a few generations there would be enough children born through the new method to enact some real biological change?  
  
Either way this wouldn't effect Pyrone since he wasn't mating with another Cyclopian but I wonder if Pynelope would go for the drug treatment or eat her mate like her mother did. Considering she hasn't been able to keep a boyfriend of ANY species longer than a few months I wonder if she’ll even find someone she likes enough for such a thing.  
  
Pyrone pulled on my arms absently as he thought of what I had just told him about his birth father. “But...what was he like as a person?”  
  
  
  
“....I don't really know.” I confessed. “I only met him the one time.” And it wasn't like I had cared to know him. He was a lamb for slaughter, why would I try to get to know a man who would be dead before the day was done?  
  
Pyrone was running his thumb along my palm now. Quiet and somewhat melancholy...the flavor of his current emotions are difficult to pick through. I was a little worried I might have upset him. This was an awful time for such a discussion anyway and part of me wanted to change the subject. After all, it was almost time to start the ceremony.  
  
“Are you ok?” I asked finally, unable to stand the silence. Pyrone sighed, leaning heavily onto my hat. “I'm a little disappointed I guess? I mean, I never really thought about who my father was. He fucked you and mom and then mom ate him. That's all it was.”  
  
“Actually he didn't fuck me. I was just in the room to help make sure you were conceived.” I corrected. He rolled his eye underneath the blindfold. “This is a really gross conversation and I'm kinda sorry I started it…” he frowned “But I suppose it's nice to finally know who my father was.”  
  
“...are you sad you never got to meet him?” I asked.  
  
Pyrone didn't answer. I hear the signal from outside the tent saying the girls were all in position and I float up to lead Pyrone out of the tent, holding his hand as I pulled him toward the altar. I suppose we were dropping the subject for now. We shouldn't be thinking of depressing stuff on Pyrone's wedding day.  
  
I led the blindfolded boy down the aisle, I could see my friends on one side cheering and waving. On the other side was Flora’s family. Her parents were happily cheering but the rest of them were lazily making sounds that could vaguely be interpreted as a cheer...if you were blind and deaf.  
  
I pulsed red for a split second and I see Pyronica waving at me with an almost panicked look on her face. She shook her head and shrugged. Keyhole was waving at me as well. Xanthar was signing the word ‘peace' and ‘calm' over and over again.  
  
I take a deep breath. Right. Calm. I cannot ruin the wedding. I will not ruin the wedding. I led Pyrone down the aisle and saw Flora sitting in a large wheelbarrow alongside some of her cousins. She waved at me cheerfully and I grinned back. Remember. This is not about me or my pride. It's about Pyrone marrying the girl he loves.  
  
“There are stairs coming up.” I warned Prone and he nodded before carefully stepping over them. I brought him in front of the women and let go. Pyrone moved his hands around for a bit, unsure what to do. “Flora?” He asked.  
  
“””Yes.””” All the women said together, their voices mixing. I see Pyrone frown under his blindfold. “Oh. So it's like that...um...am I allowed to feel your faces?”  
  
The women all giggled. One of her cousins took Pyrone's hands, shivering a little and carefully placed them on her head. Pyrone awkwardly felt her ears and moved his hands around to find the next girl. He went around the wheelbarrow feeling their ears and face as everyone else watched quietly.  
  
He seemed worried at first but eventually he relaxed and stopped in front of Flora. “Found you!” he grinned. Flora gently pulled his blindfold off and grinned widely. “I knew you could do it!” She squealed before jumping out of the barrel and hugging her husband to be. The two laughed as they spun around.  
  
Everyone clapped and even Flora's extended family seemed begrudgingly impressed. We cleared off the altar as Pyrone and Flora linked hands in front of the sacrificial pedestal. They would place some crops they had grown there and summon the nearest Harvest God to bless their union. Everyone else sat back down.  


(Guess who forgot to draw feet and didn't notice until it was already uploaded?)

I was so proud of my baby as he held hands with Flora and the two placed vegetables on the pedestal. They bowed their heads and chanted “O harvest god~please accept this offering.” Everyone else bowed their heads as well.  
  
With everyone focused on the ground before them, no one noticed my bowtie buzzing. My eye widened and I debated if I should answer this particular summoning. Eh...I glanced around but no one was paying attention to me…  
  
I split myself in half and the other Me answered the summoning. There was a gust of wind and a bright flash of light above the pedestal. Everyone looked up to see a figure come into view. A humanoid figure dressed in elaborate, flowing robes descended softly from the sky.  
  
  
  
_“For what reason was I summoned?”_ Xin asked gently as his long hair floated behind him like ribbons. Pyrone’s head whipped back to stare at me incredulously. I shrugged, sheepish. Hey, what can I do? I technically counted as the closest harvest god. My friends were all groaning behind their hands and I just tried to hide my embarrassment.  
  
Flora and her family were staring at Xin in awe. “W-who are you? I'm sorry but I'm unfamiliar with which god you are.” She asked with her head bowed demurely.  
  
_“I am called Xin.”_ I bowed with a dramatic sweep of my robes. My antlers were glowing softly while exuding a comforting aura that made all the plants around me grow healthier. Well...at least Flora's family seemed to like me...sigh.  
  
“Oh great harvest deity, we have summoned you here to bless our union.” Flora requested politely. I gave her a kind smile. _“Very well._ ” I floated a little further away, wondering how I would do this…  
  
_“By my power as the dragon-god of the sky and earth, may you two be blessed with a happy and fruitful life together.”_ I meant it just as a simple speech to play the part but my eyes widened when I felt my powers react. Against my will I felt them reach out to Flora and...bless her. Oh...oh dear…  
  
Well...this isn't a bad thing right?!  
  
I pasted a pleasant, gentle smile on my face and bowed again before vanishing in a burst of light that caused the entire meadow we were in to sprout lovely flowers. During the flash of light, Xin recombined with me and I flushed a dark orange. As Flora's family cheered, I nudged Pyronica's side. “Good news? We don't have to worry about a lack of grandkids.”  
  
“What did you do?!” Pyronica hissed at me.  
  
“I swear I didn't mean to do it!” I moaned in panic. “I was just...I...didn't even know I could give BLESSINGS! I've only ever given Curses!”  
  
  
  
“Well...Blessings are a good thing right?” Kryptos whispered when he overheard our conversation. I whimpered as I glowed a brighter orange. “B-but this is...oh...oh dear…”  
  
“Wait...what kind of Blessing did you even give her?”  
  
“...fruitful…” I covered my face in embarrassment.  
  
Kryptos blushed. “Oh.” He made a weird face. “Oooh…” he looked over at Pyrone and Flora nuzzling each other “Oh…..” his eye twitched.  
  
I made a strangled whimpering sound.  
  
Pyronica suddenly started laughing. “I'm gonna get SO many grandkids!”  
  
Pyrone looked so confused when I tossed a condom at him and told Flora that the harvest god who showed up had given her a fertility blessing. She blushed but looked quite pleased at the idea. Whatever. This was THEIR problem now and I really didn't want to know...  
  
\----  
  
The rest of the wedding was a little more friendly. Apparently Flora's family were sufficiently impressed with both Pyrone and the successful summoning. Not all couples were able to get a god on their first try. Some had to give more offerings or chant for a much longer period of time. They believed that how many offerings and time a couple needed to catch a God’s attention would be an indicator how how well they suited each other.  
  
The fact that Xin had shown up so quickly reassured them that this was truly a pairing accepted and blessed. They were still iffy about ME but they had accepted Pyrone into their family and that's really all I ask for.  
  
I will say, Flora's family enjoyed my cooking. Though I get the distinct feeling they didn't realize I was the one who cooked it. I kept quiet in case that would upset them. We had a nice time. Then the alcohol came out.  
  
I know I probably shouldn't. But there was music playing, everyone was enjoying themselves and the giddy emotions flowing through the air made me want to let loose and enjoy myself.  
  
I was giggling after my first cup. I was swaying by my second. I was halfway through my third when Hectorgon took me by the hand and led me over to Xanthar. “You should lie down.” He told me gently. I blinked at him (all five of him) and slurred “B-but...thersh sshtill...ssshpeechesh….”  
  
“We can handle that part Bill.” He gave me a gentle tug and I laid down on Xanthar's arm. He pressed his bread-face close to me and I giggled. “O...Kay…” I slumped over. Woo~  
  
“Who let Bill get to the alcohol?” I hear Hectorgon hiss quietly as I laid with my eye shut. PaciFire groaned “I'm sorry. He was giving that **look** and I just couldn't stop him…”  
  
“Well have 8-Ball keep his eyes on him until Bill recovers. I'm worried about what would happen if anyone tried to start something while he's in this condition.”  
  
I once again felt a warm feeling in my chest. It was...nice to know they were looking out for me, protecting me in their own way. I don't know what I did to have such great friends as them.  
  
I don't deserve them.  
  
I shake my head before that thought got stuck. No. No angsting today. It's Pyrone's wedding! We're here to celebrate!  
  
Through my blurry vision I could see Pyrone and Pynelope chatting by a food table. They hadn't seen each other since her graduation and I was glad they got this chance to catch up.  
  
  
  
Everything was going fine until I hear footsteps and 8-Ball called out “I'm sorry, please don't bother Bill. He's not feeling well.”  
  
“Laid out from just a few drinks? Some great demon he is eh?” A slightly slurring voice mocked. I hear 8-Ball get up, his ever present chains clicking as they moved (he claims it's his aesthetic, space-punk?). “Please go away.”  
  
“Oi Cipher! The party's barely started! Yous gonna sit out like some kinda lazy chump?”  
  
“Go away NOW.” 8-Ball growled and I hear the man loudly protesting when the ogre picked him up to carry off. Xanthar wrapped himself closer around me. I relaxed. Maybe I could afford to sleep for a bit? The world was spinning dizzily after all.  
  
I wonder if there was a way to raise my alcohol tolerance?  
  
I dozed lightly, noticing my friends popping by to check on me and keep people from bothering me. I had pretty much recovered by the time we get to cut the cake. I wanted to be there for that. I worked so hard on that cake. A giant 12 tiered work of art.  
  
Flora wanted to cut the cake. Pyrone had the better knife skills (courtesy of my brilliant cooking lessons) and helped guide her hand. I note they were holding hands even after the cake was cut and served.  
  
The speeches part was mostly just family members giving their own blessings and well wishes for the happy couple. For obvious reasons I decided to keep quiet least I accidentally bestow another Blessing by accident. Didn't know I could do that. Were my powers growing stronger?  
  
The thought actually terrified me.  
  
I thought I was finally getting a good grasp and control over my powers so if something new was developing I was worried about what OTHER powers I might start to develop in the future.  
  
I've also been afraid of my power growing to the point that I could no longer maintain my small and cute size. Condensing my entire being into such a small shape was...uncomfortable enough already. Even now I found myself wondering if it would be a good idea to tear my bricks open and let the ‘real' me surge out.  
  
Discard my exoskeleton and allow my power to run free. It would feel so good.  
  
I make a note to visit the Nightmare Realm after this. I have too much excess energy right now. Is there a better way to use it up? Maybe I can do some public service work and go around repairing roads or refilling power generators.  
  
Oh man, I remember back I needed to absorb the mass from a nearby star to form a body large enough to eat a planet. Now, being that huge was actually MORE comfortable. But it made me feel so self conscious.  
  
None of those pretty clothes at the crafts fair would fit me if I was that big. And having my bottom side so...wide was so embarrassing! People could see my Slot when I was that big!  
  
….how big was my Piece when I was that big?  
  
No! Bad Bill! Bad thoughts! Not here! Not now! I am at a wholesome, happy wedding and I will NOT be contemplating lewd things while here!  
  
Dick. Dick. Dicks. PENIS!  
  
FFFFFFFFFFFFF-!!!!!????  
  
I really shouldn't be allowed to have alcohol…  
  
Luckily the rest of the wedding went off without much issue. I almost ate one of Flora's aunts when she sassed me out for not speaking up during the well wishes speeches. I snarkily commented that as a god of Chaos, any attempts to make such a speech would result in some pretty bad things.  
  
She tried to challenge me on that but Xanthar pulled me away before things could escalate. I did notice Google narrowing her eyes at the woman as I was dragged away. I got the distinct feeling she was going to have an ‘accident' sometime in the following months.  
  
I couldn't bring myself to care.  
  
With that, the wedding concluded and the happy couple were going on their Mating Voyage together at a nice resort that Pyronica and Hectorgon had helped pick out. It was kind of like a honeymoon but not really? I was surprised to learn that my friends had all pooled their credits together to book the trip for them. I told them I could pay but they told me that they wanted to.  
  
“You already pay for everything else, let us handle this.” Hectorgon grinned.  
  
I waved bye to them along with everyone else. Part of me was worried about my ‘Fruitful' Blessing but...if it was a Blessing it should be fine right? I decided not to worry about it and just let the kids have their honeymoon in peace.  
  
\----


	70. Chapter 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anime is real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry, not sorry XD

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 63**  
  
**-Proof it’s me-**  
  
\----

The house has been quiet since the kids moved out. Without a need to check on them and take care of them, I found myself with a lot of free time.  
  
I was checking my transdimentional Tumblr blog. Still amazed I got that to work. It was weird. I couldn’t access most of it. Just follow a few people and see their blog posts. Getting connected with a few other Bill Ciphers from other dimensions was a plus. How cool was that?  
  
I’ve been able to speak with BlueBill about all sorts of fun stuff. And not fun stuff. Still, I check my Mindscape everyday to make sure nothing bad was happening, double check my security and I think I might actually be ready to attempt another trip into the Void of Doors at some point. I was curious how Seb was doing and whether or not his brothers have made it back. Well, a trip for another time I suppose.  
  
I scrolled through my messages. Things were pretty quiet. I checked for asks and read through a few posts before switching off to check the news. I don't normally bother with the news but Hectorgon has been trying to talk me into doing that as part of my internet dailies. I suppose I might as well. Federation raid of a temple worshiping me, treaties between Acjts and Grrukd, a new king was crowned on Ployu, scandal in Dimension M...  
  
I froze at the next article. It wasn't a major headline, just a small blurb. I nearly scrolled past it.  
  
It finally happened.  
  
After all these years.  
  
Anime Conventions are a thing in the multiverse.  
  
Keyhole jumped when I suddenly went flying all around the house, screaming in joy. He smiled awkwardly when I flew back to him and picked him up to swing around at high speeds. “Bill?!” He yelped.  
  
“We're gonna go to an anime con!” I squealed progressively louder. “Yes! Yes! YES!”  
  
I dropped Keyhole onto the couch and laughed hysterically as I tumbled through the air. He wobbled and collapsed, groaning. “That's...great Bill…”  
  
I went back on my laptop and immediately signed us up for it. I wanted to invite the kids too but Pyrone was still on his honeymoon. Pynelope was busy with her internship on Jainlew with the Nebulic Times. I'm surprised newspapers are even still a thing. Ammy floated into the room. “What is mother so excited about?” he asked Keyhole.  
  
“Bill wants to go to an anime convention.”  
  
“That sounds cool. I wasn't aware anime was well known enough for people to host conventions on the subject matter.” Ammy helped Keyhole steady himself when he nearly toppled over again.  
  
“I need to get our cosplays together! Oh! And check what panels they have-!” My Com-device rang. Specifically, Miz's Com. I groaned and checked to see if Google was here. Nope, she went out to buy groceries. Shouldn't be back for another few hours. Hm...maybe I SHOULD just put her under a Deal of secrecy?  
  
I dropped back onto the couch as Miz with my Com to my ear. “Wassup?”  
  
I frowned. “Oh? Really? But why wasn't I told of this before? You...ok...no I understand. Yes I can make it. I just wish you guys gave me more than just a 1 month notice...well yes I DO know the info for the Convention only just came out...no it's fine really. Yes. I'm gonna be there. Ok. Thank you.”  
  
I hung up my Com and sighed. Ammy flopped onto the couch beside me. “What is it mother?”  
  
“It's nothing. I was invited as a special guest to the Convention. They want me to talk about my books and upcoming anime adaptation.” I slumped over. I'm starting to wonder if this was all worth it? Making multiple identities with their own duties and jobs? It was fun back when I had nothing to occupy my time but I've got my children now.  
  
And I was getting close to fully securing my Mindscape despite all the problems that have cropped up along the way. The new ward I've drawn up using Spud's symbol helped more than I thought it would. Apparently whatever thing was trying to get in didn't enjoy being pelted by potatoes.  
  
Ax won't help me with this because he doesn't want me going through my Exit. He hasn't tried to stop me, just told me that I was on my own if I really wanted to put myself at risk like this. I think he was trying to guilt me into behaving.  
  
Speaking of, I asked him again if he had a prophecy for me yet. He told me that when I turned one trillion he would tell me.  
  
**-When you reach your trillionth year, I will tell you...everything-**  
  
That sounded pretty ominous...but I'm sure he was just being dramatic. Wow, my own fate altering prophecy. What sort of birthday present was that? I'm rather upset that I don't know when my birthday is. I suppose Ax is counting my period of existence from the day he first found me. Don't know what he was using to measure the years.  
  
My human birthday was in October but Galactic Standard time did not gave months like that. We were currently (depending on which dimension we were in) on the 25th day of Krmpvb Glv in the year 2348258317. Didn’t exactly roll off the tongue. I wondered if I should simply ask Ax what my ‘'birth’ day is.  
  
I realized how far my thought process had slipped and shook my head. Right. Anime Con. I'm a speaker. A guest who was invited because enough people were fans of my comic to warrant it. I frowned. I haven't really considered that. I knew there were people who liked my work. Jessie even allowed my stuff to be in the library at the temple.  
  
Jan had fans. Xin had worshipers. Heck, Bill had worshipers. I pretty much ignored Miz's affairs for the most part. I used her form for fun. For my creative pursuits when I had free time from my other duties (and for bother Jessie). I hadn’t really thought about her fans. I appreciated them but I never thought they would like me enough that they wanted to invite me as a guest speaker. It was a little scary.  
  
Despite what most people thought, I was not a good public speaker.  
  
I could...fake it well enough. I HAD to after all. But talking to clients or putting on a show was very different from sitting in front of an audience where everyone was watching me, expecting things from me. Ugh...  
  
Well, no helping it. I was invited and I had a job to do. Which means I will have to split off a MizMe to sit at the panel while the BillMe got to play at the convention. I could do this. I even had the perfect cosplay in mind…  
  
\---  
  
“Bill...do we really need to be here?” Hectorgon sighed. “And...do you have to dress like that?”  
  
  
  
“I don’t see what’s wrong with my cosplay. It’s not any weirder than my dresses.” I shrugged. I even got stopped by a few fellow nerds for a photo. Hectorgon, dressed as my Trainer, groaned. “It’s just...your eye is so dilated…”  
  
“Because I’m so excited!” I squealed. Sparkles appeared around me and I hear more cameras going off. Remember that thing where people don’t recognize me without my top hat and bow tie? Yeah, that’s what’s happening right now. I couldn’t help but wave my hands and start playing a song, a huge screen appearing midair in the middle of the central hub of the building and displaying the music video. It was appropriate ok?!

  
  
Kryptos was hiding his face and trying very hard to pretend he didn’t know me. PaciFire was gasping at the very familiar looking pink pony. “Is THAT what you turned me into?!” I was too busy laughing and flying off to explore the panels to listen though.  
  
Several rooms away, I sat in front of a mic and tried hard not to faint from nerves. I wasn’t the only guest speaker, thank Ax, so the pressure on me wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I checked my cosplay to make sure I looked ok.

  
  
I checked out the other guests. There was a cat-like creature with tendrils in place of whiskers who was flipping through a page of notes. He was Felik Simmons, a director who made anime like Rain Machine Hunters (an epic adventure story with sand pirates!) and Mewa-Haw-Mewmew (an artistic piece of surrealist absurdism that reminded me a LOT of an anime film called Cat Soup from my first life). I’m actually a fan of Rain Machine Hunters so I kinda wanted to talk to him but he was so stern and dignified I was afraid to fangirl all over him. I looked to my other side and saw a Protractor shaped Polytool. That was Osmic, director of Don’t Bang your Sister (a romantic comedy involving a boy who finds out he’s actually an Incubus)...it was an ok series. Not really to my taste but 8-Ball loved it.  
  
When I introduced Anime into the multiverse, I only introduced Anime itself. Not Manga, not Light Novels. So almost all Anime produced and distributed through the multiverse were TV original stories. I was the only person here who WASN’T an animation director. I’m a comic book artist whose work was going to be made into an anime. I already had the contract signed and the production company was still in the middle of story boarding. This was a project that would take years to finish. Expensive too, but I had some...financial support from anonymous fans (funds from Bill’s account) to help keep this passion project going.  
  
I am not a director. Nor is my comic a finished story. Every volume can technically be counted as ‘the end’ until my next book comes out so the anime for my comic was only going to adapt the first three books as a Season One sort of thing. The director I was working with was a Mitoian herm named Krisris. Cool gal, very blunt. She was all about cool action shots and interesting framing so I think my comedy slice of life comic is going to become an overly dramatic one. Which is fine, I just hoped people liked the anime. Krisris’s other directing experience was with the Jujaga series. Which was pretty much an alien version of Gundam.  
  
In fact, Krisris was here too. I waved at her and she convulsed her large vertical mouth parts at me. I took a deep breath. Ok. I can do this.  
  
Back with the other me, I was signing us all up for the Karaoke contest. Keyhole told me he was too afraid to go up on stage and that he couldn’t sing, to which I stared him in the eye and told him he was beautiful, his voice was beautiful, and nuts to anyone who thought otherwise. A random guy walking past laughed and said “He sounds like the air escaping a ruptured squiggly splooch!”  
  
“NUTS TO YOU!”  
  
“Bill…why is it raining scrotums?!” Pyronica shrieked. I huffed. “Not just ANY scrotums! They’re HIS!” Shit, this guy was a regenerator. He was screaming in pain as my Curse tore off his balls and every time they grew back (which took like, two seconds) my Curse would reactivate and tear them off again. Hence the rain of nut sacks. It…was actually pretty gross.  
  
“Yeesh! I only meant to castrate the guy…” I muttered as I formed a shield to block the rather disgusting rain of body parts. Keyhole sighed. “Bill, it’s fine. He’s just a jerk. I’m sure he’s learned his lesson.”  
  
I pouted but cancelled my Curse when Keyhole gave me a pleading look. The unfortunate man sobbed as he lay on the ground, surrounded by a multitude of scrotums. Pyronica picked me up and raced away. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but, let’s go do some nerd stuff instead!” She muttered.  
  
So, we got out of there before security arrived and spent some time in the Artist’s room squeeing over the merchandise. Pyronica tried to shoplift from every booth but I dragged her back and made her return them or pay for them. She was very annoyed but I told her, in no uncertain terms, that we do not steal from artists who worked hard to make their crafts. I wondered if I should have a booth here for next year’s Convention.  
  
Even as I tried to barter down the price for a cute hat at one of the booths, the other me was trying to answer questions about how long it would take for my anime to come out. It was a little difficult to keep both conversations going all at once. I hoped I didn’t screw this up.  
  
\---  
  
Good news. The panel went great.  
  
Bad news. The convention was on fire.  
  
It wasn’t even our fault this time.  
  
Pyronica groaned. “I swear, I really didn’t do it.” I patted her back. “I know. You’re actually, really innocent this time.” I scowled. Seriously? Of all the dumb things to happen…  
  
So a bunch of Jan-Jan fans had gathered and tried to play his songs on a Wub-Cart as some kind of unsanctioned concert. The people running the convention didn’t have the money to actually hire Jan-Jan (Ivanlock had raised my prices again, well, inflation was a thing so I can’t really blame him?) and it was all in good fun until someone tried to throw fire around to truly simulate a Jan-Jan concert. As you can guess, things didn’t end well.  
  
“I barely managed to get all my shopping done!” I wailed. The Artist Alley and the Dealer’s Hall didn’t burn down, but the smoke forced everyone to evacuate. I clutched my bags of impulse purchases.  
  
Did I find it super weird there are body pillows with drawings of a half naked Jan-Jan? Yes. Did I buy one anyway? Yes.  
  
I also got a body pillow of Gazette, another popular idol. I actually met her once. To put it in simple terms, she was a space mermaid. Gills, blue skin, large black eyes and a mouth filled with needle-like teeth. Our managers got a duet show planned out together and I do admit I had fun. Seriously though, she's really cool. The body pillow I bought of her was actually quite tasteful.  
  
Then there were the figurines of the cast of Rain Machine Hunter, Those Little Ponies, Seeker X Seeker and a bunch of other anime and cartoons I liked. I spent way too many Credits here. Ammy told me I was too eager for this. Of course I am! I've been waiting years for anime to be a thing that conventions could happen around. I sighed. Well. At least the day went well up until the fire.  
  
\----  
  
I stared incredulously at the TV. On it was the news about the fire and the question of “Are Space Idol Jan-Jan's shows a terrible influence on the younger generation?”  
  
“That's bullshit! Pyrotechnics during a show are a STYLISTIC choice! Only idiots would actually go around setting fires with no safety precautions! They can't blame m-Jan for that!” I raged at the TV as we all sat around eating our meal. Keyhole patted my back. “Don't worry Bill. They can't persecute Jan-Jan without facing a huge fan backlash.”  
  
My Com went off. Jan's Com. I was expecting it. “S'cuse me…” I Blinked away to my penthouse room, all my stuff stashed here. I shifted into Jan's form even as I lounged on my bed, cuddling the pillow of myself. “Yes Ivan, I saw the news.”  
  
I groaned as Ivanlock ranted. “Yes, I know! Well I can't very well stop my-ok. Fine. Yes. I will go to the interview. Oh please~a scandal? How long have we known each other? Ok. I get it! Uugh…”  
  
I hung up and rubbed my eyelids. Really? I'M the bad influence? The Cr@wling Chaos eat like...20 audience members EVERY show. And no one gave a fuck about THEM because they're an edgy corruption band so they're EXPECTED to do that. I scowled into my pillow. And now I had to go to an interview and try to defend myself.  
  
My sternum buzzed. A summoning? From Time Baby??  
  
I shifted back into Bill and Blinked away to the Time Room (fuck it! Why did he have to name everything with the word TIME in it?!) to see what he wanted. Ugh. If I didn't have a mental planner that marked down what events/plans I had to do in my schedule (organized by which Me it applied to) I wouldn't be able to keep track of them all.  
  
Speaking of which, I had a meeting with Krisris tomorrow to discuss the hiring of voice actors for our show.  
  
I showed up in front of Time Baby with a sigh. “What's up?”  
  
“I NEED YOU TO GET RID OF SPACE IDOL JAN-JAN.”  
  
I blinked. Rubbed my eye and asked “Excuse me?”  
  
“I HAVE BEEN INVESTIGATING FOR YEARS AND I STILL CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHAT HE IS OR WHERE HE CAME FROM! BUT HE'S BEEN CAUSING DISRUPTIONS IN THE TIME STREAM DESPITE SOMEHOW NOT TRIGGERING ANY TIME DILATIONS AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!”  
  
I stared at him incredulously. “In...what way has he messed with time?” I wasn't aware of anything like that. Time Baby scowled. “MUSIC LIKE THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE INVENTED FOR ANOTHER FEW MILLION YEARS! MORE THAN THAT, THE PEOPLE WHO ATTEND HIS SHOWS GET SO HORNY THERE'S A GODDAMN BABY BOOM AFTER EACH OF HIS SHOWS!”  
  
I choked. “ExCUSE me?!?”  
  
I only had a concert every couple of years, less now than back when I first started. Perhaps once every 10-15 years though that's not set it stone. The concerts happened whenever I felt like it. And, yes, I had noticed a high level of Lust in the air during my concerts but I hadn't thought about the implications of couples coming to my shows together, getting aroused by my performance and…having some after show fun…  
  
I whimpered as I flushed heavily. This was so embarrassing to think about. But at the same time I kinda wanted to watch them do it. _Damn I'm messed up._  
  
Wait.  
  
I turned to Time Baby. “You want me...to kill Jan-Jan?” I wasn't sure if I should laugh or not. Time Baby scowled. “I HAVE FOUND SOME OF MY EMPLOYEES HUMMING HIS SONGS. IT'S VERY DISTRACTING.”  
  
“....”  
  
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I could simply refuse but…I had to point this out.  
  
“You knowing killing him would just make him more popular? That's sort of how it works. Once he's dead his manager would be able to market his songs even more without his consent and plaster Jan's image and songs onto everything until he's even bigger and more distracting?” I had been limiting Ivanlock and refusing most promotions because I didn't want to get any bigger. It was fun to have worshipers/fans but it was intimidating as fuck and getting out of control.  
  
Time Baby scrunched up his face. I rolled my eye and explained. “If I kill Jan-Jan, the backlash of his sudden, tragic death would make people go ‘Oh no! We lost him too soon! He was a true artist!’ and they would memorialize him and celebrate him and play his songs everywhere while your officers would mourn and sing his songs…”  
  
“OK! FINE! I GET IT!”  
  
“...not to mention the uprising when people find out YOU ordered the hit on him because I'm not gonna keep quiet about THIS one...” because no one would believe Bill Cipher would willingly kill Jan-Jan. My love for music was well known and people have seen me singing Jan's songs while I'm out and about. Killing Jan would be the _last_ thing Bill Cipher would do, heck, I actually had Ivan and some other people warning me (as Jan) that Bill Cipher might try to **kidnap** me to keep as his personal bird in a cage.  
  
“I GET IT. YOU CAN SHUT UP NOW.” Time Baby grumbled. Feeling a little bad I asked “I can try to make Jan be less disruptive? If you can tell me what the heck he's doing wrong?”  
  
“I'M JUST ANGRY AT MY STAFF FOR SNEAKING AWAY FROM THEIR JOBS TO SECRETLY LISTEN TO MUSIC. AND THE POPULATION PROBLEM.”  
  
“Ok, that first part is all on you. Maybe if you allowed them to listen to music while on the job? No offense but half of their job is just to stand around and look intimidating. Must get quiet and boring. Like, allow them to play music quietly on their S-pods with one earbud?”  
  
 “I WILL TAKE YOUR SUGGESTION INTO CONSIDERATION.”  
  
“And I can see about devouring all the Lust that gets generated at his concerts so the people attending will no long be quite so...addled.” Ugh. Which means I'm going to be horny as fuck after a concert now. At least I can store the emotions I suck up to either experience later (in the privacy of my changing room) or expel it out as a Nightmare…  
  
...Probably shouldn't go with that 2nd option. I might create more Succubi or Incubi into the world and that would be problematic...ugh. I was having enough trouble with the Penis Planet. Thank Ax the few Incubus I created there for my experiments seem to be taking safety precautions and were more or less uninterested in using their powers for evil. I resigned myself to the 1st option and blushed. It was going to be...eh…  
  
Well, I haven't really jerked off in a while. It shouldn't be too bad…

I groaned. The things I did to keep an amicable relationship with my douche bag brother.  
  
“So, now that that's settled. Does this still count as a Deal?” I asked. It was only fair to ask, I always did. Time Baby hummed. “I SUPPOSE I OWE YOU THAT MUCH. BUT NOT FOR THIS, THERE WAS ANOTHER ASSIGNMENT I HAD FOR YOU.”  
  
“Oh goodie.” I said sarcastically.  
  
Ignoring, or not noticing my tone, Time Baby's symbol glowed and an image appeared in the air between us, much like my projections. “THERE HAS BEEN A TEAR IN REALITY. IT HASN'T GROWN TOO LARGE BUT IT IS DANGEROUS.” He looked at me seriously. “I WOULDN'T ASK THIS OF YOU GENERALLY BECAUSE YOUR DESTRUCTIVE NATURE JUST MAKES THINGS WORSE FOR DELICATE SITUATIONS BUT IN THIS CASE, I FIND MYSELF IN NEED OF YOUR UNIQUE SKILLS.”  
  
“What is it?” I stared at the image. Wait. I recognized it. “Isn't that...Gravity Falls?”  
  
“IT IS THE AREA THAT WILL SOMEDAY BECOME GRAVITY FALLS.” Time Baby confirmed. “IT HAS BEEN DRAWING IN THE ENERGIES FROM EVERY DIMENSION THAT DAMN SHIP PUNCHED THROUGH. I HAVE REPAIRED AS MANY HOLES AS I CAN BUT THERE'S A LEAK FROM SOMEWHERE I CANNOT REACH.”  
  
I knew exactly what he was talking about.  
  
The Nightmare Realm.  
  
“So you need me to close the opening?” I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Without Weirdness energy leaking into the valley...would Gravity Falls even come to exist? I couldn't, wouldn't do something that might sabotage the creation of my own Gravity Falls. A GF without weirdness…  
  
“I NEED YOU TO STABILIZE THE HOLE.”  
  
My eye shot up to his. “What?”  
  
He frowned. “NORMALLY, I WOULD CLOSE AND PLUG EVERY HOLE IN REALITY BUT THIS…” he sighed. “THIS AREA IS...ODD. THE MAGNETISM IN THE AREA WOULD ACTUALLY TEAR THE LAND APART IF IT DIDN'T HAVE ALL THAT ENERGY LEAKAGE. THE LIFE IN THAT VALLEY NEEDS WEIRDNESS TO LIVE.”  
  
He seemed quite upset about that. “DON'T MAKE THE HOLE ANY BIGGER. JUST...STABILIZE IT. AND MAKE SURE YOUR MONSTROSITIES DON'T GET INSIDE.”  
  
I considered it. Yeah. I can do that. I reached out my hand and we shook on the Deal. What a strange request. All the same...I couldn't help an odd feeling. Time Baby was... **trusting** me to do this. Trusting me not to tear the hole wider and flood the Earth with my chaos. I wasn't sure how to feel about that.  
  
I built a barrier around the hole to keep Nightmares away and tried my best to brace it. How does one stabilize a hole in reality? With Cosmic Duct Tape of course! Cosmic Duct Tape! For all your adhesive needs! Short of actually stitching the hole closed, this was the best solution. I’ve plugged up other holes in the Nightmare Realm with this shit. There were multiple tiny holes that open and close periodically but this damn thing had a 5 meter radius. Way too big. I actually stitched some of the edges to shrink the hole into a more manageable size. Much nicer.

I say hole but this wasn't anything physical. It allowed for Weirdness energy to leak into GF slowly and steadily, the size simply made it so the barrier between the two dimensions wouldn't actually collapse into each other. If I ever had a transdimentional portal built...it would open here, the weakest area between our layers of reality...welp. That's probably not gonna happen, I don't think?  
  
My job done, it was time to deal with my other job. And my other, other job. Why do I do this to myself?  
  
\---  
  
I fussed with my shirt, a modest tunic as opposed to my usual sheer, sparkly fabrics. Ivanlock had considered a full suit and tie but felt that would ruin my image as a free-spirit (funny how he promotes me as such while also wanting to control my every aspect) and I agreed simply because I didn't care either way.

Hm. Jan in a fancy suit...I might try that out in front of a mirror after this.

I greeted the people politely as Ivan and I walked in. Am I nervous? A little bit. I was going to be on the universal news. I’m fine with performing on camera, but speaking and defending myself? I wasn’t sitting down for a quiet interview that would be written down, this was a live broadcast. What if I mess up? What if I say something wrong and ruin Jan-Jan’s reputation?

It would be sad to lose my fans. I _liked_ feeling their regard. Ivanlock told me to stay quiet and let him talk. Normally I would protest but I wasn’t sure what to do so I shrugged and told him I would be quiet unless I got directly asked something. We sat down and the lady hosting this show, a Dun-Mich with unusually large pectoral fins, raised her third arm and cracked her wrist, which was how her species smiled since they didn't have mouths. Instead, they vocalized through an air tube that grew out of their spines.

“Hello Jan-Jan. It's an honor to have you on my show.” She greeted me. “My name is Shwuip.” I smiled back by raising a hand and flicking my own wrist in greeting. Ivanlock seemed surprised I knew how to greet a Dun-Mich properly. She chatted with me about mundane topics, just to fill time while we waited to go live. Ivanlock was staring at me worriedly the whole time but I didn't say anything problematic. Still, he motioned for me to be quiet as the show started.  
  
“Hello audience. It’s Shwuip with the Star to Star evening show. Joining me tonight, a very special guest, Space Idol Jan-Jan himself!”  
  
I waved cheerfully. “Hello.” Ivanlock held up a tentacle and waved for me to quiet down. I pouted but did so. Right, I was supposed to let him do damage control. “So we’re here to discuss the issue of your fanbase and their…habits of mimicking your performances and causing destruction.”  
  
I opened my mouth to launch a rebuttal but Ivan slaps one of his many arms against it and smiled charmingly at our hostess. “Well, Jan has never asked for his fans to emulate him and thus we cannot be blamed for their actions.”

  
  
“Mmph? Mmph!”  
  
“Ah…well, there are some who say that as the most popular entertainer currently in the public eye, Jan has a responsibility to be a good role model.” Shwuip gave Ivanlock a weird look at how he was obviously preventing me from speaking. I crossed my arms and grumbled against the squishy appendage. Dammit, now I’m hungry and had to stop myself from taking a bite out of Ivan’s arm.  
  
Shit, I should make Takoyaki on my next cooking show.  
  
Sufficiently distracted, Ivan was able to answer a couple more questions our hostess sent my way without me protesting. Shwuip was outright frowning now. Her displeasure made clear from the way her tendrils were twisting. “Many of us have wondered why Jan has such long pauses between his concerts?”  
  
“Well Jan actually has quite a delicate constitution. He is generally too worn out from his performance, since he puts his all into every show, and has to rest and recover for quite a while.” Ivan bullshittted. Well…to be fair, if I was a normal fire elemental, throwing around as much power as I did during just one of my performances WOULD probably knock me into a coma for at least a few months after a show. It was also a much better answer than ‘Jan vanishes for years at a time and I have no idea where he disappears to.’  
  
So…I let it slide. It was a decent excuse anyway.  
  
I was quickly growing bored and starting to nod off. They were talking about boring things by this point. What was Jan’s feelings about his popularity? (“He is very grateful to his fans for their support.”) What did Jan do in his spare time while recovering between concerts? (He works on the line up for which songs to perform at his next show.”) Should Jan stop the fire shows for the sake of his health? (“As long as he gets proper rest and care, it shouldn’t be a problem.”) Where did Jan go whenever he was recovering? (“He stays home to rest.”) How was Jan still as young now as he was years ago? (“He is an immortal.”) Did that mean Jan was actually a god? (“Jan is a demi-god. The support and love of his fans sustain him.”) How does Jan get all the special effects to work? (“The fire and music are part of his natural abilities as a fire-based musical deity.”) I was amazed by his bullshitting skills…but otherwise, boring~  
  
I only realized I fell asleep when I fell off my chair. I blinked, dazed, up at the panicking crew of the news show, who were convinced I was still recovering from my last concert and was dying. It would have been hilarious if I weren’t surrounded by frantically screaming people. Actually, scratch that, it was FUCKING HILARIOUS. Ivanlock picked me up and actually looked so scared I had to hold back a snort.  
  
“Jan?! Are you alright?” He asked. I blinked at him slowly, shaking off my drowsiness. “I’m fine.” I assured him but everyone still seemed quite worried. They carried me back onto the couch and I heard someone calling for medical assistance while someone else called for them to cut the camera feed. Ivanlock was holding one of my hands worriedly. I couldn’t help but catch his emotional state ‘Fear’ ‘Worry’ and a thought of _‘Don’t die before I can get a proper recording of all your songs to sell for a profit!’_  
  
Typical Ivan.  
  
“I’m fine! Really!” I protested as the Healer came in to check me over. They checked my pulse, temperature, heartbeat and etc. Of course, since no one knew what my species was, they had no idea what was baseline ‘healthy’ for me. Still, they scolded Ivanlock for dragging me to this interview and told me to get home and get some rest. Shwuip was very apologetic for making me come at the cost of my health. Despite all my protests to the contrary “I’m FINE!” they simply refused to hear my excuses “I just nodded off! It happens!”  
  
This last excuse cause them all to worry more. “You fall unconscious randomly? Often?!”  
  
And considering that with a Dreamscape installed, I really DID just drop unconscious randomly when I got tired without realizing it…erm…yeah, I couldn’t even lie my way out of that.  
  
I have been awake for far too long. Having a Dreamscape installed meant I could actually fall asleep when my body remained awake for a certain amount of time and frankly, I tend to lose track of it, which resulted in me just…up and nodding off because I forgot that I actually hadn’t slept in a few days.  
  
Look, I’ve been busy! I’m a busy guy with lots of stuff to do! Xin’s farm planets were in the process of cultivating a new type of fruit that was like an apple but they changed flavors as you chewed on them, Miz still had to work out some of the script and writing for her upcoming anime and I needed to meet with a small, newly formed band named Crescendolls about having them open for my next show. I’ve seen a few of their performances in small bars and clubs that Pyronica took me to and I thought getting the exposure at one of my concerts would be a great way to promote them.  
  
Maybe I should ditch the false Dreamscape for a while.  
  
Ivanlock now seemed convinced his bullshit excuse for my absence between concerts was actually true. He asked me what the heck I did between concerts and refused to let me leave until I answered. I admitted to feeling a little bad for worrying him so I honestly told him I spent most of my time at home, living with my adoptive family and planning my next show. He seemed surprised that I actually bothered to plan my performances.  
  
…I know I play the part of the spoiled Diva a lot but I DO take my performances seriously!  
  
Of course, Ivanlock used my collapse during the interview to stir up sympathy for me and raise Jan-Jan’s reputation even more. Now I found forum posts and rumors going wild about how I was apparently suffering from poor health and was risking my life for each concert. So…ah…  
  
Teeth laughed at me hysterically for falling asleep during an interview. Keyhole told me to sleep more often and take better care of myself. Kryptos checked me over in a frenzy before pushing me onto Xanthar and demanded for me to sleep. When I whined about how there was still some work I had to do, he, Hectorgon and Pyronica shoved plushies onto me to essentially bury me in Xanthar’s arms until I finally gave in and went to sleep. Perhaps BlueBill was right about sleep being too much trouble.  
  
I slept for a few days before I managed to sneak off and visit Earth. It’s been a while since I’ve checked on them after all.  
  
—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Rarity is best pony. Fight me.


	71. Chapter 63.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I wonder what we did to earn this life. Is it selfish to think like this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry it's so short. I might do more interludes with Ammy in the future, and the other characters. These are fun, if a little harder to do.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Amorphous Shape Interlude**  
  
**-Spin the person-**  
  
\---  
  
Sometimes I wonder why I exist.  
  
Oh course I know HOW I came to exist. Or rather, I figured it out over the years. Mother discarded a piece, without much thought to it, and that piece was cracked into many pieces and became me.  
  
Or...us? I know I am an odd existence. Mother has said most people gain a Soul from the AXOLOTL. But I am made of many souls. Possibly the souls of the people from that planet mother devoured. I've seen the old news surrounding that incident. It resonated within me as something familiar.  
  
I, we, I have no memories from before I crawled out from the ground and was discovered by mother. What I did have was conflicting emotions and thoughts and desires. We were many and yet there was only one I. Things settled as mother gave me his flame. We solidified into one, melting together until I could speak because I _chose_ to speak. I could make decisions, the multitudes of I all expressing what their course of action would be in an instant and we would go with the majority vote.  
  
As the years went on, we combined more and more until sometimes I felt alone in here. There was only I and it felt so quiet as the we remained silent. But then a conflict of desires would arise and we were relieved that I wasn't alone. Mother tried hard to understand, to teach us. We appreciated that. When the time came for the decision of whether mother is mother, the collective we acted like an I and we all said yes.  
  
Truly a testament to mother's love that I agreed with us on a decision. When asked if we loved mother as he did us, I responded with a yes. There are few things I agree with. Our love for mother is one of the few.  
  
The other is our ire for grandfather.  
  
I remember that if we think back, far back to the day mother found me, I had met grandfather. Mother had asked him if we were mother's child and grandfather responded no. I did not think this was important back then, we had only just met mother and mother was not mother to me back then. But years passed and we now knew that I am mother's child.  
  
Grandfather had lied.  
  
Mother loves grandfather. He excuses grandfather's lies and neglect. I did not understand why. We do not like grandfather. He is a liar. But mother does not listen. Mother continues to trust grandfather. We find this strange because mother hates lies. But I have learned through books about the subject that love is blind and mother ignores grandfather's faults because of love.  
  
I do not understand. We love mother but that did not mean we were blind to his faults. Mother is violent and vicious. We find that to be in his favor. I have read that mothers are always more dangerous, especially when they have children to protect. So I see no problem with mother's rage. We remember well the day I was hurt. Mother reacted as he should. As any mother should when their child was harmed.  
  
That is why I do not understand why people fear and blame our mother so. Why are they angry when mother is only acting as is expected? I am not mother's only child. Though mother calls the others ‘Friend’ his care for them is much the same as his love for us. Why then, do people shun mother for her protection of us?  
  
Teeth says it is because mother is scary when he is angry. Teeth is afraid of giving in to his own anger at those who have wronged him.

Pyronica says it is because mother cannot be controlled. Pyronica is afraid of others dictating her actions.

Kryptos says it is because of mother's power. Kryptos is afraid of his own weakness.

Hectorgon says it is because mother goes against the Federation. Hectorgon is afraid of how much power the Federation has.

Keyhole says it is because people don't understand mother. Keyhole is afraid of not understanding his own self, he flounders to find purpose for his goals or future.

PaciFire says people fear the way mother does whatever he wants without caring what people think. PaciFire is afraid of his own desires and hides them from us.

8-Ball says people are angry because they cannot make mother work for them. 8-Ball is afraid of being used again.  
  
Xanthar did not say anything. Xanthar cannot talk. But from what he is capable of expressing, Xanthar thinks they fear mother because they do not understand mother's kindness. Xanthar is afraid of what might have happened to him if mother had not found him on that day and took him in.

Their explanations are not incorrect, but they are bias. Yet, I do not disregard them, for these reasons ring true.

As for us, I do not know why people hate mother so. Mother is mother. He is powerful, vicious and loves us all more than anything else. What is there to fear? His faults are that he gets angry, he kills others, he loses control. But can anyone else claim to have never gotten angry? Can the Federation claim they have not killed thousands? Can anyone else claim they have not allowed their spur of the moment decisions cause them regret?  
  
And yet, despite all of mother's faults, he does not directly lie to anyone.  
  
Grandfather is a liar.  
  
And yet everyone loves him. Worships him. We do not understand. I have often watched him in his tank and wished to ask why. But we know he would only lie to us. So we watch him. We have decided that I will call him out if he lies again.  
  
“I think you won the staring contest long ago.”  
  
I twist one of my blocks to see mother. He looked amused at how I watch grandfather. “Indeed.” I inform mother, for grandfather has blinked a few times while I have not done so even once. I read somewhere that those who lie will blink. “Grandfather is very bad at this.” I inform mother. He shrugged. “I don't think he's playing actually.”  
  
I considered this. I closed my eyes. “I see. So grandfather doesn't even consider me an opponent.” We felt somewhat irritated at this knowledge. So he wasn't going to give me the satisfaction of a proper match. Then I must find some other way to strike against him. Mother patted my back. “Come on Ammy, you've been sitting there all day. Wanna go do something fun?”  
  
I twirled our hand around mother's. “I have no plans but I do believe your favorite show about colorful equines will be coming on shortly.” Mother grinned. “Oh right. Do you wanna watch with me?”  
  
I nodded. Bonding exercises such as these are essential to continued relationships, or so we've read. Mother sang along to the theme song. I confess I do not get this show. There are many things that do not make sense. “Why are they keeping other sentient creatures in their farm? Is that not slavery?” I question.  
  
Mother shrugged. “I'm pretty sure the writers didn't think about the implications before they put them in.” I nodded, that seemed reasonable. We watched the show quietly for a while before I had another question. “Why didn’t they think about the implications before they put it in? Wouldn’t the story boarding, animation and production process be more than enough time for someone on staff to point out the inherent problems of having sentient, sapient animals owning other animals?”  
  
Mother rolled his eye. “Because they don’t think about it. They’re usually just focused on making something as fast as they can because animation is difficult and they’re on a schedule so whatever the story boarder draws out ends up in the final draft because checking requires more work and care than most of them are being paid for.” He paused “This generally means some questionable content is allowed through because no one on the team is thinking about what implications it would have with the audience based on the established world and no one has the time or energy to do research and double check anything.” He paused again "Or they're just too lazy."  
  
I nodded. Truly, mother is the greatest fountain of knowledge. We watched the show together as I continued to question everything and mother patiently explained or gave me his own interpretations of what was happening. I liked watching shows together with mother. He always took the time to answer whereas the others would sometimes grow annoyed at our incessant need to question the plot and story. Something about how I was ruining the show for them.  
  
I liked this, spending bonding time with our mother. I floated closer to lean against his side, he brought an arm up to hug me.  
  
  
  
As the episode ended and we changed the channels to watch some anime instead. I absently reached a hand into a storage block to pull out some chips so we could both have something to snack on while we watched.  
  
I leaned against mother and ended up dozing off. He was warm. Comforting. I think this is how mothers are meant to be.  
  
\----  
  
I awoke to find myself tucked away in my bed, the blankets neatly draped over our form. Of course. If I had the features necessary for smiling, I would do so. At most we could squint our eyes. No matter, I was quite good at expressing my content with the situation. I took this chance to look around my room. It was quite bare as I had no desire to own most objects. I enjoyed taking objects, slipping items into my blocks absently without even thinking, but owning those objects has never appealed to me.  
  
Teeth, Keyhole and Pyronica loved to own stuff. They collected things that caught their interest. Video games, figurines, clothing...they filled their rooms with clutter. My room was sparse. A stranger who knew nothing about us would assume that perhaps mother did not give me gifts as he does to the rest of our little family. This is simply not true.  
  
Mother has tried to give me many gifts. Once a year he will claim it is a birthday tradition to give gifts. We accept his gifts so as to not make mother unhappy. But mother, with his emphatic insight, quickly realized I did not care for the toys. So he began to give me gifts of a different nature. I enjoyed new experiences and knowledge, learning new things, seeing new things.  
  
Now my birthday gifts involve traveling with mother to a planet I have never seen before. I am allowed a few days to run free and examine everything I would want. Mother seems to find joy in my own happiness. It is one of the many things we love about him. My room, therefore, is bare of anything that would be considered ‘stuff’.  
  
My bed is large and extravagant. Mother dotes on me so. I appreciate the soft blankets and the large mattress with which we can spread our blocks around with plenty of room to spare. The walls are colored in a vibrant pattern of many hues. Keyhole once joked that if I were to press myself against them and close our eyes, no one would tell that I was here. He is not incorrect.  
  
I rose myself from the bed, brushing past the slowly spinning mobile above it. It has been there since I was a child. I felt no need to be rid it and mother has not taken it either. I left my room to see what has happened during my rest. Our family keeps to their own schedule, many of us sleeping while others wake. Mother requests we at least have our meals together. Mother worries that we don't eat enough.

The halls are quiet. We wonder if it is ‘night’. Our wandering bring us to the garden with it’s open view of the outside. Mother’s power keeps the void from encroaching within the house and we stop to admire the view. The vastness of space stretches out as far as our eyes can see. The swirl of a distant nebula lights up the sky. I wonder briefly how the void can be so vast and dark when the stars that exist are many and bright.  
  
I see Xanthar sleeping in his nest, the grass stamped flat from his girth weighing down upon it night after night for centuries. I see mother, sleeping among Xanthar’s thick fur. Mother does not sleep alone. He hates being alone. We floated closer to watch him. Mother’s expression is calm. This is good. I brushed a tendril along his plane as I watched his bricks glow and fade faintly, as if he were breathing. It always settles my worry to see mother so peaceful.  
  
I floated away, leaving them to sleep in peace.  
  
My wandering brought us to the main living room, the teleporter at the far end next to the door/window that opened out into space. The television is on, paused on a screen of some video game. Teeth and 8-Ball laid unconscious on the couch. It appears the two had fallen asleep during another late night gaming session. I switch off the TV and pull out some blankets to drape over them. They aren’t strictly necessary, it is not cold in the Death Star. But mother has stated that blankets made everything better. I tucked my not-quite brothers/uncles in and floated around the room to stop in front of grandfather’s tank.  
  
He is awake.  
  
I stared at him. We stared at him. “Why are you awake?” We asked him. As per usual, he did not respond. He never does. He is a terrible parent. Mother always responds when we ask him things. Mother gives us his attention, because mother cared. But grandfather doesn’t seem to care. If he did, would he not respond?  
  
Perhaps I am being unfair. Mother has claimed to have spoken with grandfather. Perhaps it is only that grandfather refuses to speak to the rest of us. Even so, what few times I HAVE heard of grandfather’s words were blatant lies. He cannot be trusted. I stared at grandfather. He stared back.  
  
He blinked.  
  
“I know you are a liar.” We told him. “You told mother that I wasn’t his child. You were lying. You should have known. Are you not the granter of Souls? Do I not exist because of you?” I frowned at him. “Even if you had a good reason, a lie is a lie. How do I know you have not lied about other things? More important things?”  
  
I felt...angry.  
  
“Mother trusts you. Are you really worthy of that trust?”  
  
To my astonishment, grandfather reacted. He ducked his head down and looked away. I narrowed my eyes. “Is this an admission of guilt?”  
  
Grandfather swam away into a little rock castle. I watched him go. “What else have you lied to mother about?” I questioned. Grandfather didn’t respond. I didn’t need one. His actions were proof enough for us. “We do not like you.” We told him.  
  
“Why did you create us?” We asked him. It was mother who birthed us, but we wouldn’t be here, be who we ARE, if not for grandfather. None of us would have existed without grandfather. But why? Why were we allowed into this world? Why had grandfather made and discarded us?  
  
For what reason could there be for his silence? Grandfather made us and then left us, not a word, not a care. I….am grateful that we exist. If only so that we will be here to ease mother’s loneliness. To ease each other’s loneliness as well.  
  
What were we but a family of lonely misfits? I have not suffered as the others did. I have heard their stories over the years. Their pain, trials and joy at having become a family here. I am not like them. I have not suffered loneliness in my life. Part of us feels that makes us unworthy of the love in this family. We have not earned it. We have not struggled as they did so we did not deserve to be here.  
  
Of course, mother was horrified to discover we had such thoughts. I remember that day well. Mother told me that suffering is not something that should ever happen. He told me that my life of care and support didn’t need to earned. That everyone should be allowed to live without pain. Everyone deserves to be happy, whether or not they have gone through hardships. Mother held us close that day and told us that he loved us and would not allow us to ever go through what he had.  
  
So I try to keep these thoughts quiet. It upsets mother. But it is hard. How can I convey that I feel unworthy of mother’s love?  
  
I wish we could do more for our family but we are lazy and forget to put in the effort half the time.  
  
I made a vow to myself. If mother asks something of me someday in the future, I will do all I can to be a good son. Maybe then I can settle this feeling within us. I stared at grandfather for a while longer before floating away.  
  
\-----  
  
“What is the meaning of life?” We asked mother one day. He paused while preparing breakfast, another ramlette but this time with cheese. “There is no definitive answer for this. Every single person has their own unique answer that only they can figure out themselves.” Mother responded. “One person might decide their meaning is to collect stamps, another might find meaning in starting a family.”  
  
I considered that. It made sense. “What is my meaning?” We asked. Mother shrugged. “This is something you must discover on your own. Heck, I'm still trying to figure out mine.” mother laughed lightly. “Another thing, most people don't realize it but sometimes, what holds meaning for you changes over time. While you might like one thing right now, that can change down the line. So don't get too attached to what you ultimately decided on.”  
  
I tilted my head “For a god of knowledge, how are you so wise?” Mother blushed. “W-well this is the sort of thing I contemplate. I enjoy having deep philosophical debates with myself.” He mumbled something about introspection, soul searching and understanding.  
  
I nodded. This was quite helpful.  
  
\----  
  
I was out with mother shopping. Mother enjoys using my storage blocks to hold items so he doesn't have to use a ‘germ covered shopping cart that's been touched by hundreds of people’. Sometimes we think mother's need for cleanliness is a bit much.  
  
“Smeet flour...bread...oh, we need more tomato sauce, 8-Ball drank it all yesterday…” mother mumbled to himself. He does this often, speaking aloud to himself. Sometimes even asking questions to himself and holding entire conversations. This is fine. It's simply a quirk. But what worried all of us, especially Hectorgon, is how Bill sometimes has imaginary conversations with us.  
  
Keyhole was quite confused when mother once came up to him and continued a conversation that Keyhole never had with mother. We found mother speaking with an empty sofa as if Keyhole were sitting there a few hours later. This was understandably distressing for everyone involved. When we pointed this out to mother, he seemed confused. Kryptos wonders if it's another sign of mother's insanity or perhaps his powers going out of control and making him react to the psychic impressions of us that are left behind.  
  
That WAS Keyhole's preferred spot on the sofa. Kryptos theorized that mother may simply be reacting to theoretical conversations he could be having. We still worry. Generally this can be fixed by one of us being with mother at all times so that we can stop a fake conversation before it gets too far. Hectorgon worries. I have heard him state that mother is like a daughter to him but he was too afraid to tell mother so.  
  
We told him that mother may not mind. Grandfather is like mother's father, but there's nothing that says you cannot have more than one father.  
  
I am shaken from my reminiscence by a scream. I see another shopper screeching at mother in fear. Ah, this has not happened in a while, this customer must be new, most of the staff and regulars here have gotten used to mother's presence. As mother had told me once, with enough repetition, anything can become normal. Of course, he said that during a conversation about how, as a joke, he had placed a star on the bellies of a species of Beach Bird (something about how he wanted to recreate Sneeches on beaches, whatever that meant) which startled the birds so much they screamed and ran around in a panic. So mother had taken the stars away. And, as a joke, given them back the stars just to watch them scream and run around some more. After a week of this, the birds eventually stopped reacting and just went about their business as usual whether they had stars or not.  
  
Mother claimed this was a good experiment. I found myself agreeing.  
  
Back to the present, the screaming customer was being quite rude. They were picking up cans with their tendrils and throwing them at us. We can see mother struggling to keep calm. I don't know if mother has realized this but because he is an empathic creature, he gets worked up and upset when others are upset and this leads to him losing control of himself.  
  
When around people who are calm and content, mother is...for a lack of a better word, sane. But when others are distressed, mother loses himself and it is difficult for him to stay calm. Sometimes it can happen just from mother Looking at upset people during his Flickering for information. And sometimes it can happen from mother remembering these incidents. Pyronica says it is because mother is an emotional mess who's too sensitive for his own good.  
  
I take mother's hand, trying to convey my calm and help grant him some stability. For extra measure, we pulled mother away from the incredibly rude customer to try and put some distance between them. I feel a flash of irritation when the stupid person FOLLOWED us, continuing to throw things.  
  
Mother is trembling with the effort it took to not lash out (he has confessed that when he was younger, he had more trouble holding back and would simply strike out before he realized it). I see his eye following the thrown items and catching them with his power to lower gently to the ground. Of course, mother hated seeing food go to waste, if any of these containers broke, so too would his patience. The security team finally got there and we were told to leave. I feel mother nearly boil over.  
  
“WHAT? US LEAVE?! THEY'RE THE ONE WHO ASSAULTED US FOR NO FUCKING REASON!” mother screeched. The security team apologized and gave mother a book of coupons before asking us again to leave. A shelf caught fire with his anger but I pulled on his arm until we had left the store.  
  
“The fucking nerve of them!” Mother hissed as we left the store behind. I patted his back and smiled, reaching into a block and pulling out a jar of tomato sauce. It was _more_ than simple to grab it. We had found the locations of all the cameras as I followed mother through the store and the workers were all sufficiently distracted.  
  
  
  
Mother stared at me for a few seconds before laughing. “I hate shoplifting on principle but this, this is hilarious.” Mother grinned. I keep quiet about the multitude of other items I had acquired within the store. Mother would be upset if he learned of them. I will give them to Pyronica later. Or Kryptos. He is always asking me to smuggle items for him. Many of them seem to be materials listed on the Federation restricted list.  
  
“Why do we still go to grocery stores when we could just as easily create the products ourselves?” I question. Mother sighed. “The multiverse runs on money. There are a lot of terrible people as well as good people out there, running terrible and good companies. For example, it's cheaper for certain farms to produce enough meat to sate demand if they mistreat their animals. Meanwhile, there are other farms who treat their animals well, which costs them more money. So, by buying their products, I am giving them money to support their ethical treatment of their livestock.”  
  
“...can't you just donate money to them?” I question. Mother laughed. “I do. But I also enjoy shopping. Plus, if I buy the stuff in the store, the store will realize it is selling and therefore, buy more products from that company to restock the shelves. Once I've done this enough times over a course of years, the store will go out of its way to stock items from that company more often and with more prominence. Continue doing this and other people will begin buying the products as well, since it's there, it's visible and convenient.”  
  
“Repetition into normalcy?” I ask. Mother grinned. “Exactly! And then everyone else is also sending that company money so I won’t have to support them alone.”  
  
Mother’s brilliance is amazing.  
  
\----  
  
I stared at grandfather. He was hiding from us again. We wanted to drag him out and demand answers, but he wouldn’t answer. But we know now. Grandfather has lied to mother before. And he probably will again. Informing mother of this doesn’t work. Mother trusted grandfather. Mother loved him.  
  
So I will need to find the answers myself.  
  
\----  
  
In the middle of dinner, while everyone was gathered around for some pasta and tomato soup, I spoke up “I have decided what my current meaning of life is.” Pyronica stared at me incredulously, since I had interrupted her while she was in the middle of trying to talk about a dress she saw in a store that she really wanted. Mother grinned. “That’s wonderful Ammy, but it’s polite to wait for a lull in conversation.”  
  
I nodded and apologized to Pyronica, as mother has taught me. “I am sorry for interrupting you. Would you like to finish your conversation first?”  
  
She shrugged. “Naw, it’s fine. I think yours is more important.” She grinned at me. “Meaning of life huh? That’s some pretty deep thoughts you’re having~” PaciFire nudged her. “Don’t tease him, this is a big moment. Not everyone can figure such a thing out.” Everyone turned to me expectantly. “I’ve decided I will become a researcher.” I stated. Everyone blinked in confusion. Keyhole asked “Research about what?” I tilted my blocks “Everything.”  
  
“So...like Kryptos?” 8-Ball asked. Kryptos scoffed. “I plan to be an inventor! And a teacher!” Teeth snorted “And the future ruler of the universe.” Kryptos blushed. “I...I won’t deny that was on my to-do list…”  
  
Mother flew over and hugged me tightly. “Well I’m proud of you.” he said with a happy hum. “You want to learn stuff right?” we nodded. “There is so much I still do not know. I think I would enjoy finding the answers myself. And perhaps…” ...perhaps I can discover more about mother and grandfather, about why they exist, about why I exist...why any of this exists...  
  
“Perhaps?” Mother asked. I squint my eyes into a smile. “Perhaps I can even learn something you do not know.”  
  
Mother appeared surprised before he squealed loudly and hugged me again. “Awww~I look forward to that Ammy! I really do!” Mother spun me around in delight. “I would love to have YOU teach me something someday!” It was another odd thing about mother. For a god of knowledge, he absolutely loves when others teach him about things he doesn’t know.  
  
I hugged mother back as everyone clapped politely in congratulations.  
  
I had my meaning of life. Find out the truth about grandfather and protect mother’s happiness.  
  
Maybe then, I could feel like I deserved the love mother gave me so unconditionally. Mother said that his love is freely given, but that doesn’t mean I did not wish to give back as well.  
  
\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Also, the next chapter will be two weeks from now, as opposed to one week. Sorry for the delay.


	72. Merry Crimbo everyone!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: No chapter sorry, but here's a little Crimbo celebration with Bill and Friends!

\--

SUSHI!!!

And pie.


	73. Chapter 64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A return to form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm back! Yay! It's nearly one whole year since I started this fic~Yay~

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 64**  
  
**-Some kind of big answer-**  
  
\----

Humanity almost died out a few times.  
  
Nearly had a non-existent heart attack each time it happened. Still, my love and admiration for the human race only grew as I watched struggle, survive and thrive. They managed to survive a global volcanic winter. They fought their way to make it through, supporting each other. Caring for each other. Protecting each other.  
  
They had families and community groups. They helped each other out. There was laughter and play even in the harsh environment. I gave them s one more music and stories. I filled their nights with dreams of a time when the winter would end and life returned to the planet. Dreams of hope. They hid inside the caves, away from the snow and ice, drawing on the walls and waiting for the spring I promised them would eventually come.  
  
I couldn't do much to use my powers to help them out. Not without a physical body. I possessed some animals to lead near the caves so they could hunt them. Thousands of years passed. The winter ended, to my relief. I led them from their caves. I watched over then as they once more, spread across the Earth.  
  
It brought me such joy to see them laugh and grow and evolve. I watched them hunt down animals for their meat and skins. I watched then meet with wolves and after a few confrontations, they began to live and hunt together. I squealed at the thought of puppies. Yes! Domesticate them and make puppies!  
  
Fur and skins to keep warm. Fire to cook their food. Languages evolving as they learned to make new words to express and describe the world around them. And still, there I was, watching over them. An unblinking eye granting them sleep and dreams and comfort from the harsh world of surviving day by day.  
  
  
  
They drew me on the rocks. On the cave walls. In the dirt. In their stories. A one eyed beast that helped you when you didn't know how to do something. Those who were capable or it intelligent enough to understand my messages, quickly rose up to be their innovators. Their leaders. Their shamans, their wise men.  
  
I started choosing someone every century or so. Searching through minds until I found the brightest of the bunch. Someone who could understand me. Understand what I was offering them. Knowledge to supplement their own existing brilliance.  
  
I don't outright tell people the answer. I want to see them figure it out themselves. I felt immensely proud whenever they did. Like teaching a pet how to perform a new trick. I delighted in watching my little humanity farm grow. Eventually they wanted to learn more efficient ways of killing animals for food.  
  
After a few generations, the idea of bows and arrows were successfully cultivated. It was pretty much a throwing spear, but smaller, deadlier. They could shoot animals from far away, where they thought they were safe. An artisan ‘job’ was made to add to the Hunter and Gatherer jobs. There was the beginnings of agriculture in the area someday known as Mesopotamia.  
  
Their weapons evolved, becoming more efficient and deadly.  
  
They started attacking other human tribes with them.  
  
They wages battles over locations, wanting to secure the areas with better lands, animals and food for themselves. I worried over these fights. These violent encounters between the different tribes.  
  
Still, this too, was party of humanity. I couldn't stop it. Even when I tried to convince them to all live together. There were areas that simply didn't have enough resources to support both groups and inevitably it would lead to fighting. Not out of malicious greed but because they wanted to keep their own families well fed and safe. For this reason they fought.  
  
Around that time, I forced myself to leave. I didn't want to watch this. I would return when things have settled down.  
  
\---

I found a dimension/planet made entirely out of blocks. It was round-ish. All these squares made a circle. It was strange, amazing, unique and so very familiar.

I stared at the blocky looking landscape. To the best of my knowledge, there weren't any 'people' here. I found a bunch of blocky animals but their minds weren't developed enough for me to speak with them. I poked at the dirt and blinked in surprise when a large chunk of the dirt broke off in a perfect cube that floated gently above my hand. A wide grinned formed in my eye as I took the cube and placed it back down to stick the block of dirt back onto the ground.

I found the Minecraft dimension.

I immediately started pulling off pieces of the ground and trees to start building a cute house. Then I built another house. Then a farm. Before I knew it, a while village had been formed. Days had passed but I was having too much fun building. The empty streets made me unhappy but it was still fun to take apart the landscape and build.

The animals enjoyed my farms. There was plenty of food for them now.

I built some more roads and a couple of other villages a few miles away. Eventually I built a few pyramids and laughed myself silly crafting a maze inside it with little treasure chests hidden inside. Even if there were no people here, it was fun to build and I had fun. It was relaxing.

I eventually built a little temple dedicated to me. The place was a huge building with a bright yellow pixel-art depiction of my lovely self built out of blocks. I could still use my powers here, altering the blocks of matter until they turned into a different substance. I turned blocks of dirt into gold and spent plenty of time fixing up the world until there were multiple towns, cities and temples dedicated to me.

This place was actually pretty nice. Maybe I'll bring some friends here sometime. We could play around, build stuff, explore...

Still can't believe I found a freaking Minecraft world.

It would be something fun to mess with some other time. A world with Minecraft physics? Fuck yeah. Frankly I'm just amazed with HOW this dimension worked. Entire chunks of the world can be taken off and placed somewhere else. Some...weird magnetism, except not. Fascinating.

I made sure the images of me were good enough to See through and left, planning to take my friends here for an adventure at some later date.

\---  
  
So…  
  
Pyrone called us a few months after his honeymoon with Flora to scream in panic about how his wife was apparently pregnant and he had no idea how it happened. I told him he knew EXACTLY how it happened. He flushed dark blue and responded “Ok, YES, but...HOW? We're not the same species?”  
  
So I was forced to explain my accidental Blessing “Not my fault! I didn't know I could even DO that!” while Pyrone and Flora panicked over what this pregnancy meant. "Seriously! I TOLD you guys to be careful! Did NONE of you listen!?"  
  
It's not like hybrids don't exist. They're incredibly rare though. Most species simply aren't genetically compatible. Still, Pyronica and I stayed with the couple during Flora's pregnancy. I had to carefully monitor her for the duration in case of complications.  
  
And there were MANY complications.

Like Flora catching fire for instance.

Luckily, the effects of my accidental Blessing seem to be protecting her from the fire but we worried about the baby’s safety. Pyronica and I had to stay by her side constantly. Flora was taking this all pretty well, her only complaint being that she couldn’t help out on the farm.

Pyronica and I got to spend some quality time with our daughter in law.  
  
“So, if I'm catching on fire, does that mean my child is a girl?” Flora asked as she rubbed at her belly. Pyronica nodded. “Seems to be that way.” She grinned at her daughter in law. “I for one, am excited to meet my granddaughter.”  
  
“Since you don't have your own fire, we don't have to worry about you overheating and killing the baby. We just need to worry about your personal health.” I held one of Flora's hands and she squeezed mine. “I'm a little scared. I always figured I would be a mother someday but not...like this. Not so soon.”  
  
“...do you...regret it?” I asked her. She shook her head. There was a soft smile on her face. “Motherhood is a scary thought. But for me…” she placed her hands on her stomach “...losing this chance to BE a mother would be even scarier.” she looked over at me “Would making a Deal to ensure the safety of me and my child guarantee that things will work out?” She asked.  
  
I blink. I hadn't thought of that. But my Deals weren't like a Wish, I couldn't grant every request I've gotten. I can only get a power burst and use that power to try and DO something that will result in the outcome. My powers don't make the thing happen on it's own, I have to decide what to do AND how to keep the side effects to a minimum. “I don't need a Deal to ensure I would use all in my power to keep you and your child safe.” I responded. “It's better not to risk my Deals enacting some sort of penalty on you.”  
  
Flora blinked. “You mean you can't make them not have some backlash?”  
  
I sighed. “It's complicated. Really depends on a case by case basis. There are so many factors involved. Who my client is, what they want, what they're willing to pay, what they're unwilling to pay, how much this Deal means to them, whether or not I can stop my powers from twisting things…”  
  
“Being a Deals demon sounds complicated.” Flora nodded. I groaned. “You have no idea. You know I've had 3 people summon and ask for me to destroy their world?”  
  
“What? Why?!” Flora gasped. I roll my eye even as I leaned against her. “Some people just want to see the world burn.” And Apocalypse cults were a _thing_.  
  
“...did you take that Deal?”  
  
“No.” I said firmly. The only one I made Deals to kill for is Time Baby. And the occasional ‘vengeance’ for someone who has been wronged. Like that abused child who summoned me (scratching my image into the wall of his - ~~bedroom~~ \- prison and simply asked for the hitting to stop.)  
  
Well, they can't hit him if they had no arms.  
  
The commotion alerted the local law enforcement who discovered the boy's living situation and child services took him in. I checked on him once to see he was happily living with a foster family. He even scratched another image of me to say “Thank you.” which...made me feel really...happy.  
  
I'm trying out the whole, helping people thing. I tore down (and tore up) several slave trade groups anonymously. It was lots of fun. I shake my head. I'm going off topic. “If someone gives me a Deal I don't want to do, I simply ask for a price they cannot pay.”  
  
Pyronica snorted. “It doesn't stop them from trying.” I groaned. “Some people just want to watch the world end. Or...eaten.” I shivered. “There was a client who said they wanted to watch me eat a planet.” that was pretty fucked up. Apparently, they had some sort of _thing_ for watching cosmic horrors devour life. I slapped them and claimed I was watching my weight before leaving.  
  
Flora scrunched up her face. “That sounds...horrifying.” I nodded. “I don't like eating planets. That...is simply an unpleasant affair for everyone involved.”  
  
To keep Flora occupied so she didn't go stir crazy, Pyrone and I took her on long walks outside. We killed any large animal that came close, protective instincts running rampant, and Flora rolled her eyes. “If you keep this up there would be no animals left.” She grumbled. “Can't you just put a force field around me if you're THAT worried?”  
  
“You're a genius!” I gasped. “No, you're both just idiots.” Flora laughed. There were much less animal deaths after that. Of course, it wasn't like we killed them for nothing. I had lots of fun cooking them up for her. Flora ate a lot normally but her pregnancy made her nearly as ravenous as Pyronica had been. Also, we discovered that Jo-Adians were capable of minor shape shifting.  
  
And by minor I mean they turn into a rampaging hell beast if they didn't return to their home planet once a year for the Bunzel harvest. Flora actually lost track of time and didn't realize the harvest time was coming up. She went down with a fever that we all mistakenly thought was just her pregnancy acting up. And then her eyes changed, she sprouted a tail and grew to the size of their cottage while screeching. She tore her way out of the now destroyed cottage and started picking a fight with some of the wildlife.  
  
I barely managed to harmlessly restrain her long enough to teleport the lot of us back to her home world.  
  
She was quite embarrassed once the harvest was finished and she turned back to normal. “I can't believe I did that!” She blushed. Pyrone took her hands into his and grinned at her. “Actually, that was pretty hot.” and kissed her deeply at which point, me and Pyronica high tailed it out of there to give them some privacy.  
  
“I don't know how to feel about this…” I flushed orange. Pyronica laughed. “Did you see the way Flora bitch slapped that Aquamane lizard? Damn thing was twice her size and she snapped it like a twig. No wonder my boy's so in love with her!”  
  
I giggled somewhat hysterically. “I still don't understand what your people find attractive.” Pyronica hugged me to her chest and bemoaned “Alas, we Cyclopian are a misunderstood race!” She swooned dramatically “Tragic is our people who just find intense physical prowess the best turn on!” she gave a wistful sigh “Why, if Flora weren't my son's wife, I might even…”  
  
  
  
I sputtered in horrified embarrassment. “R-Ronica!” She grinned, completely unashamed. “You're awful!” I laughed. She batted her long eyelashes at me. “Me? Oh no! I'm not awful, I'm just a bad girl~”  
  
I cackled with laughter. “The worst!”  
  
Some heavy thumping sounds came from the shed Flora and Pyrone was in. I went pale and quickly flew away, squealing. Pyronica laughed hysterically as she ran after me. “Seriously Bill. You're perfectly fine watching strangers fuck each other all the time.”  
  
“Because they're strangers! Not my kids or my sister!” I wailed. She scoffed. “Some people are into that.”  
  
“Well I'm not! At least...not...normally...” I was dark orange now, literal steam rising from my bricks. Pyronica shrugged. “That's fine. To each their own.” we sat and eventually I turned back into yellow. Pyronica pet my side. “So.” She said. “We're gonna be grandparents.” She grinned down at me.  
  
I let out an excited squeal. "Grandbaby! Ahhh!!!!"  
  
“Calm down before you explode.” Pyronica drawled as she watched me vibrate in place. I managed to calm myself down through sheer force of will. “Right. Yes. I am calm.”  
  
Pyronica quirked her eye. “The grass around you are sprouting legs and running away.” I looked around. So they were. Huh. I shrugged. They were harmless. Probably wouldn't live long. No Souls. “So. We're gonna be grandparents. Oh...oh gosh…” I had to cling to Pyronica's leg to steady myself. “I need to throw a baby shower.”  
  
“That sounds horrifying.” Pyronica stared. I snorted. “Not a LITERAL baby shower. Geez, where would I even find that many babies?”  
  
“I dunno, your stupider clients might try paying you in firstborns again.” We both laughed. “But seriously, what's a baby shower?”  
  
“It's when we shower the parents in gifts for the baby.” I sighed in fond remembrance. That was how I received my very first friend. My teddy bear that my oh so creative child self had named Teady. He had stayed by my side for my entire life. Steadfastly watching over me since before I was born. There was a manifestation of Teady inside my Mindscape, tucked into the bed on the bottom floor. The place of honor as it were.  
  
  
I giggled. For the longest time I could never fall asleep without him. Cuddling him to myself every night and kissing him good night. I COULD materialize Teady but...it wouldn't be the same. Besides. I have Xanthar now. Speaking of Xanthar, staying here to watch Flora full time meant I haven't been able to snuggle my favorite loaf. I should bring him here. He must be lonely.  
  
‘''Shower with presents? How come I didn't get one of these baby showers?” Pyronica grumbled. I laughed. “I get you gifts all the time. Flora, however, hasn't. Therefore she gets a baby shower.”  
  
Pyronica blew a raspberry at me. I blew one back. We are mature adults! Around the time we started making weird faces at each other while going “Bleh!” or “Nyeh!” I hear sniggering and look over to see Pyrone and Flora trying to muffle their laughter. “These are my parents.” Pyrone gestured dramatically to us. Flora snorted.  
  
  
  
“It's too late to escape. You've already married into this family.” He bemoaned as he leaned against his wife. Flora outright laughed this time. Her laughter had many cute little snorts. “I'm sure I will survive.” she patted Pyrone's large horns. Pyronica sticks her long tongue out at her son. He snorted. “Mom, you're so weird.”  
  
“So~” Pyronica purred. “How's my son in bed?” Me and Pyrone squealed and covered our faces. I liked joking about my children's sex lives, but only when I didn't have actual proof that he'd JUST done it! Flora blushed and looked away in a demure way. “Oh, he's wonderful~” Pyrone flushed dark blue and grabbed me as the two of us escaped. Pyronica and Flora's laughter ringing out behind us.  
  
\----  
  
Quackers continued with her magic studies over the years. I check on her out of worry. She was doing fine and always appreciated my visits but straight out told me that I'm a bit...clingy. She also gave me a hug and said that it wasn’t necessarily a BAD thing. I gave her the good news that she would be an aunt. She was quite thrilled to hear about Flora’s pregnancy. She also told me that when she found a mate, I wasn’t allowed to do any fertility Blessings.  
  
Which was...fair. But I DID mope in the corner of her magical charm shop. Quackers opened a shop with little trinkets that had various magical effects. Mainly minor things like Fixes eyesight’ or ‘Faster healing’. She was an Invocation type but that didn’t mean she didn’t know her Runework or Enchantment. I asked her why she wanted to open a shop, of all things, and she said that she wanted to help people, like she always saw me try to do.  
  
If anyone says that I cried into her fur for a good while after that, they’re obviously lying.  
  
Despite the money I sent to her account that could be used to live comfortably, Quackers just donated the Credits in her accounts to help support local business and support centers. Quackers confided in me that she wanted to become a full on Healer at some point but couldn’t get work at the hospitals without previous experience and couldn’t get experience because the hospitals wouldn’t hire her.  
  
A quick trip to Jessie’s and the High Priestess happily took my daughter in as a temporary Shrine Maiden. How was THAT for credentials on Quacker’s resume? I spent some time as Miz, helping out the other healers and giving Quackers plenty of tutoring. The thing with healing, magic or otherwise, was that it required understanding. You can’t heal a Crawdent and Floralian the same way after all. Their anatomy were entirely different.  
  
I sat by Quackers as we looked over a Ufhernic with several broken bones, burns and skin abrasions. The civil war on Ikix was getting worse. The Ikix people decided they didn’t want to live under rule from the Federation anymore. Even with Tina’s mom attempting all sorts of reforms, they were slow going and most of the universe were still living unfair conditions. Some had it worse than others. There were peaceful planets were the Federation was barely a presence in their lives and the people only, really had language and monetary systems in common with the greater Federation as a whole. And then there were the planets that had such heavy Federation presence it was like a bad dystopia movie.  
  
Cameras everywhere. Enforced schedules, curfew, schoolings…  
  
So yeah, some planets were hit much harder by the Federation. Ikix was one of those planets. It wasn’t a surprise that the people began to rebel. With rebellion came fighting, which led to injuries. Jheselbraum’s Dimension 52 was an established neutral world that the Federation couldn’t touch. She was the AXOLOTL’s high priestess after all. So she got lots of refugees, injured soldiers and rebel fighters hiding out here.  
  
The Federation couldn’t touch them here.  
  
I know there were some militant factions of the Federation that hated this but Time Baby put his foot down. NO ONE fucks with the AXOLOTL and as Jheselbraum was his one and ONLY high priestess, she was pretty much the only authority in this matter. She was a symbol of the AXOLOTL. No one wanted to mess with the Ultimate God of the multiverse, he who created all of reality. So she could take in all these people and even if the Federation officers came...they couldn’t do shit.  
  
Violence was strictly prohibited here.  
  
My subtle Curses around the planet provided an extra layer of protection. And when Jessie expressed her worry over having enough space for everyone, I expanded the temple and the villages around it. The buildings were much larger on the inside. Jessie was unsure how to feel about my powers being placed around her temple but I (as Miz) gave her a sad expression with a trembling lip and she eventually gave in, telling me that as long as I ask her before I add anything to her world first, I can help out.  
  
Seriously. The power of cuteness was deadly.  
  
So here I was, giving Quackers (and multiple other maidens) a quick rundown on Ufhernic biology when the teleporter at the far end of the hallway (we had run out of room in the infirmary and began setting up blankets along the hallways to lay the injured on) and a badly wounded Federation soldier stumbled through. Immediately, a bunch of the other patients tensed. The officer stumbled. “Please...heal me?” He asked, his shimmering dark green carapace leaking pale green blood. A few maidens went forward to lead him onto another cot and the patients around him, a Ufhernic with a missing arm and a Cinerli with heavy burns along her wings (crippling her for life) hissed at him. “No! What is this filth doing here?” The Cinerli gnashed her mandibles. The maidens lowering him gently into the cot responded calmly “We treat any and ALL injured.”  
  
“A Federation soldier killed my sister!” the Cinerli hissed. She tried to get up from her cot but the maidens tending to her held her down. “Please don’t move! You’ll reopen your wounds!” One of the younger maidens (what was her name again...Yanny...or was is Laurel?) beseeched her patient, large eyes staring at her in worry as her fins flared.  
  
“Dimension 52 is a safe world. There will be no violence here.” Blue Rose stated calmly, tilting her petaled face toward the Cinerli. “Please settle down.” I could clearly hear the warning tone. I shivered. Blue Rose was a gentle healer but...she was surprisingly scary. When the Cinerli didn’t look like she was going to calm down, Blue Rose’s petals peeled open and a silvery pollen came out.  
  
  
  
The Cinerli warrior swayed and fell unconscious.  
  
Quackers honked quietly in awe. “Can I learn that?”  
  
One of the other wounded spoke up “Do you HAVE to heal him?”  
  
Blue Rose placed her vines on her ‘hips’ and twitched her petals at them “All are equal under the AXOLOTL. We will help anyone who needs it.” she managed a pretty good glare despite not having eyes or any facial features. “Whosoever they may be.”  
  
“Then, if Bill Cipher came, would you help him too?” Someone sneered. Quilia, who had been warming some pans of water, glared at them. “In fact we have. One of his companions was pregnant and he came to US for help.” She sighed. “Because no other place would ever do so. And...those children shouldn't have to suffer for the crimes of their parents.”  
  
“Even Bill Cipher obeyed the no-violence rule of this temple.” Blue Rose said loudly. She didn't say anything after that but her message was clear.  
  
If a known god of destruction was cowed enough by the AXOLOTL to obey his law within his temple, then what would it make them if they broke it?  
  
I had my face buried in Quackers's side to muffle my giggles. They seriously think I fear Ax. Naw. Knowing how strong he was is pretty intimidating but he said that I was to become his equal someday. I wonder about that really. I'm...pretty strong already. I had to throw up my power to keep from getting overwhelmed by it already. I don't know if I can handle even more. Not without more Deals to increase my 'carrying capacity’ at least.  
  
Sometimes I felt cramped. Like my constructs were too small, too compressed to hold me. I needed to start making Deals in earnest. If I didn't relieve this pressure I was liable to explode or be unable to fit myself into such a small, cute vessel. And I can't have THAT now can I?  
  
I continued my medical lecture, using one of the patients as an example. They seemed pretty bemused by it all but were happy to help out if it meant the maidens could learn better healing techniques. Many of them were nodding along or taking notes. I blinked in surprise when I even tasted some mild worship.  
  
Worship was a strange sort of energy. It didn't need to come from devout people thinking of you as their god. Any time someone looked up to someone, respected them, loved them, valued them, held them as someone important to them, for whatever reason, a spark of worship would be generated. Even non-gods can feel it. But they don't realize it.  
  
When someone cared about you, you feel nice. Many people chalk this up to simply feeling good because they're with people who care about them, and they're entirely correct. Only gods could really feel a difference. And even then, love and worship felt rather similar, they were often packaged together anyway.  
  
This is not to be confused with blind devotion. The flavor of that particular brand of worship felt...empty. Like eating a delicious meal but still feeling hungry afterward. A lot of Ax's worshipers were the blind devotion type. The only ones who REALLY cared for him were those who came here to Jheselbraum's temple. Jessie's reverence for Ax had only grown over the years from my talks with her. My praise for him gave her the comfort she needed whenever things got stressful here. Also, she found it soothing to brush my hair, which I was ALL for.  
  
I wanted to help in increasing his worshipers, in making sure Ax would never run out of power. Hm. I wonder. Could that have been Ax's plan? Find a Bill Cipher, raise them to be friendly, have them work for him? Eh~frankly I wouldn't actually care even if that was the case. I loved Ax and even if his care for me turned out to be some manipulative plan to get a Bill Cipher on his side, I didn't really care.  
  
He sang to me when I broke. He comforted me when I needed to vent. He listened to me. Even if it was all just to make me like him, I don't care. I loved Dad and that's just how it was. I was broken and unlike other Bill Ciphers, I wanted to get better. Even if Ax was secretly trying to get me under control or something, I don't see a problem with that.  
  
I gave Quackers a hug goodbye as she went to her room at the temple. I would stay but I had some work to do. I need to get some more Deals. The amount has dropped over the past century as I stayed pretty quiet. But my friends were off their ‘grounding’ now so it was about time we went back to having wild rampage parties.  
  
In fact...  
  
The war on Ikix would be a fun playground for me and my gang to secretly help out people while antagonizing the Federation and the Feds can't really say anything because I'm not siding _against_ the Federation. I'm not on anyone's side. I just want to play and the battlefield has explosions and screaming so why WOULDN'T I go and spread some more chaos?  
  
I giggled to myself as I Blinked back to the Nightmare Realm and twisted back into my proper triangular form. It's been far too long since I've let loose. Taking care of the kids has been holding me back into being responsible. Now that the idea of being able to do what I want has come up…  
  
My bricks pulsed and fire flickered around me. My body twisted and grew as I giggled. Oh~how much I wanted it.  
  
Screaming, violence, the fear and awe as everyone stared up at me and cowered. Oh how much I craved it.  
  
I've been pushing back these desires for so long. I wanted to set a good-ish example for the kids. I know these desires are probably not good. But it's fine. I don't plan to kill anyone. Just...indulge in some harmless screaming FUN.  
  
They're already at war. It's not like I could make things any worse right?  
  
...I'm gonna put barriers around everyone just in case.  
  
\-----  
  
“AHAHAHAHAH!” Pyronica laughed as she flung fire out at the Federation line of soldiers. “YEAH! RUN! YOU FUCKERS!” she threw back her head and crowed when they screamed and began a retreat. “Aw man, I missed this.” She grinned so wide, we could see all her teeth. Her fire blazed white hot, the air around her shimmering with the heat.  
  
“Uh...I found someone.” 8-Ball said as he lifted up a fallen chunk of building. Hectorgon hopped over to inspect them. “She's still alive.” He called out. I flew over and bubbled her. I had amassed quite the collection by this point. I sent this bubble up to join the others. Many multi-colored bubbles filled the sky. All the people we have found among the ruined city. The Federation sent down bombs. After all the explosions went off, they sent in their land troops.  
  
I scanned the area, picking out some Federation soldiers hiding behind a building. I waved my hand to drag them out to us. I spot Xanthar burrowing through some debris and carefully scooping out a group of people. They screamed and tried to run but didn't get far before I bubbled them too. It was safer for them like that.  
  
The Feds I dragged over screamed and tried to fire at us. Their plasma shots absorbed into the barriers I had placed around everyone, leaving my friends unharmed. PaciFire sneered and knocked them all out with a punch. “That's three more.” He grunted. I added the points to a large scoreboard floating above the ruined city that was keeping track.  
  
“And Xanthar found those four earlier…” I mumbled. I added those to the score as well. “Well I think we should be done with this area soon.” I waved my hand to turn some debris into wolves. I mentally ordered them to find more survivors and bring them to me. I also set a bunch of stuff on fire. You know, for kicks.

  
  
I made sure the area was cleared of any life before flicking my fingers and fixing the buildings. Of course, they weren't the same as they were before. One building was now shaped like a bear. Another was shaped like a giant hand. In this way, I fixed the damage from the bombs. Pyronica was still chasing the Federation soldiers out of the city while I worked.  
  
Just for fun, I pointed at a soldier who was hiding behind another building, attempting to snipe my best friend, and swapped the front and back of his head. His horrified screaming was delightful. I switched a few more body parts around, just for fun, and sighed in content. This felt nice. The fear in the air tasted so savory. The grief from the survivors, even more so. My bricks glowed with a healthy shine. It felt...so good to do this again. My time of abstinence making the experience all the better.  
  
I've done some destruction on my own, both for Time Baby's jobs and my own stuff, but being here with my friends as we picked through the destruction just felt...right. I pointed at another Federation soldier trying to shoot at us and turned his arms into spiders. He started screaming and smacking his own arms against some walls to try and kill them.  
  
We made our way through the city, capturing anyone we found and disfiguring any soldiers we came across. I distinctly hear one Federation officer call out “Die you freak!” before I zapped him with something extra special. His head became a donkey, not just a donkey head, the entire donkey, with his Talkeni body from the shoulders down, sticking out from where the tail would normally grow. “What an ass.” I grumbled as the donkey screamed and ran around, dragging his Talkeni body behind him.  
  
I continued ‘fixing’ the city. All the insides of the buildings functioned just fine. They just looked ridiculous from the outside. I changed a train station to look like a Scorpopup as I repaired the tracks and got all the machinery back up. Once we chased out all the Federation forces and destroyed their bases, I could finish repairing the city and release all the imprisoned survivors.  
  
My bubbles would heal them as well as keep them in a deep sleep with nothing more than faint dreams of only a mildly disturbing nature designed to make them cone out of this experience somewhat uncomfortable and relatively unharmed on a psychological level aside from a fear of mismatched socks and words containing more than 20 letters. Once we were done here I'm just going to drop them off and as far any anyone is concerned, Bill Cipher and his gang fucked up the city, captured it's citizens for a while before growing bored and then left. I released everyone and left them to do their own thing. I've already repaired their city from the damage and chased out the Federation officers. Anything else is up to THEM to deal with.  
  
I doubt anyone will thank us for chasing the Federation off the planet. Still, I had fun. My friends had fun and 8-Ball found the most survivors so he gets to be team leader in our next D &D campaign. I'm thinking of running them through a vampire story. That might be fun.  
  
It felt good to get back into the chaos and destruction thing. And I didn't kill anyone so everything's fine~!  
  
\----


	74. Chapter 65

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Since only one person has been able to figure it out so far, the key is THEDAPPERCORNCHIP

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**-HEY NERDS, IT’S ME, BILL CIPHER!-**  
  
**Chapter 65**  
  
\----

I hadn't been in the chatroom for a while. I wonder how they're doing? I even updated the code for finding my chat room a while back to see if anyone else would be able to find it. I wonder if aaxss://sxwtqfu.ti/b3RRUtI was too difficult to decipher?

I felt somewhat bad for leaving for so long. Then again, since the Chat exists outside of time and space...

  **[DapperCornChip] has joined the chat**

 **JanLover35:** Bbbut what iff JAn's really sick!? Iii mean liek no one has heard from him since he collapesd during that interview!

 **Student:** Look, I'm sure he's fine. I mean, he's been around for like...years and stuff right?

 **JanLover35:** Bbbur wa if this time he's not coming back?!

 **MysteryMAn:** Look dude, I bet Jan's fine. he's a hardier dude than you think he is and if he is dead...well, sucks I guess

 **JanLover35:** DON'T MAMAAMAKE FUN OF MY PAAAAAIIIINNN!!!

 **DapperCornChip:** Whoa, what's happening here? who's the new guy?

 **Student:** Hey Chip! long time no text~

 **Student:** That's Myst. He's new.

 **Student:** I also suspect he's actualyl a girl

 **MysteryMAn:** And I'm okay with that

 **JanLover35:** CORNCHIP!!! uuusue your connects to find out if jan is aLIVE?!?!

 **DapperCornChip:** What makes ou think I know?!

 **JanLover35:** yyou knew about CT being dead!

 **DapperCornChip:** Look, that guy had an unhealthy obsession for 'hoofbeasts' and probably would have died even if he WASN'T strangled by a damn clown!

 **JanLover35:** BUT yyou knw so plz check if JAn's fead?

 **JanLover35:** *dead

 **MysteryMAn:** Wuts happening?

 **Student:** Chip somehow have plenty of mysteriously accurate personal information about us. I vote, hacker.

 **MysteryMAn:** whay?!

 **JanLover35:** look up JAN RIGHT NNOW!

 **DapperCornChip:** Yeesh. he's alive geez.

 **DapperCornChip:** Seriously Lover you need to do somrhying about this obsession you know?

 **JanLover35:** Ssppace idol Jan-Jan is a belessing upon this cold cruel workld!!

 **JanLover35:** thank time he's alright

 **DapperCornChip:** enough about that. Whats with this new gal? s/he got onto the chat so I'm gonan have to assume they deciphered my link

 **MysteryMAn:** ciphers and knowing stuff about us? I vote...an AI created for chatbot purposes

 **Student:** That doesn't make any sense he's clearly a person. Or else he wouldn't have been gone for so long

 **DapperCornChip:** How long HAS it been form your points of vewi?

 **Student:** 2 weeks

 **JanLover35:** 3 days

 **Student:** Holy fuck lover?! what even?!

 **Student:** How have you made so many text posts in just 3 days?! And I thought I post a lot

 **JanLover35:** I ppprocess time on a differetn level from you plebians!

 **DapperCornChip:**   No need to brag dude

 **Student:** What's your vote btw?

 **Student:** for the 'who is cornchip?' poll

 **DapperCornChip:** you guys made a poll?!

 **Student:** just now. right this moment. wooo!

 **DapperCornChip:**  why're yuo all so curious about me anywau?

 **Student:** just general curiosity

 **MysteryMAn:** yeah like it's pretty obvious that Lover's some kinda time agent

 **JanLover35:** HOW DID YOU KNOWW!?!?@

 **Student:** you'te not very subtle about it

 **Student:** it's actually kinda sad

 **DapperCornChip:**   I know right? Who uses the word 'time' in so many of thier sentences?

 **JanLover35:** AAAAAHHHHHHUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

 **Student:** seriously dude? All caps?

 **JanLover35:** AAAAAHHHHHHUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

 **JanLover35:** AAAAAHHHHHHUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

 **MysteryMAn:** I think lover's broken

 **JanLover35:** AAAAAHHHHHHUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

**[JanLover35 has left the chat]**

**DapperCornChip:**   Yeesh. melodramatic much?

I spent some time catching up with Student and getting to know Mystery. She/he(?) apparently stumbled across the chat room when they found it linked on one of those mystery and conspiracy sites. Ugh. I bet the Federation put it on there. Still don't know how Blendin got in. I'm still amazed he's here at all. Isn't he somewhere in the far, FAR future?

Damn Time travelers.

Why does Time Baby allow guys like Blendin to stumble through the time stream but not ME? I swear his goddamn Time Police cause more problems than they solve and then it SOMEHOW gets blamed on me. Fuck, I might go and readjust all the clocks at the Time Police's Time district building.

Why did they have to put the word "Time" in everything?! It sounds SO stupid!

I spent the next week and a half just messing with tiny things around their office to fuck with them. Moving their pencils when they weren't looking, replacing the water in their fountains with soda water (flavorless! For extra grossness!) and carefully put all their tacks into the ceiling to form the image of a kangaroo.

Wow.

I really don't have a life.

\---  
  
Flora was getting close to her due date. I brought her and Pyrone to Dimension 52 to stay for the last week. Jessie sighed. “Will you be bringing all your births here? but despite her words, she had a room set up for Flora. I snuck off to get Quackers. She was allowed into the room as an in-training midwife. It would be a good learning experience for anyone who wants to be a healer. Pyronica sat with her son and daughter. Pynelope looked around the temple. “So...we were born here too?”  
  
Pyronica nodded. “Bill was worried about my health and wanted the best healer in all the multiverse watching over me.” She hugged her kids. “Flora’s going to be fine. Jheselbraum is here. Bill is here. Heck, Quackers is here too.” Pyrone, who had been mildly panicking, nodded. “Ok. I just...I’m worried ok? A hybrid like this has never happened before!”  
  
“It’s ok. It’s perfectly understandable.” Pyronica assured him. “If you’re quiet and stay out of their way, they might let you go in to stay with her for the process.”  
  
Pyrone took a deep breath. “Alright. I can do this.” I flew over to hug him. “I’ve been keeping an eye on both Flora and the kid. Come on. We can do this.” We entered the room and I was a little less panicked this time compared to Pyronica’s pregnancy so I was allowed to stay and help, keeping my senses locked onto Flora and her daughter so I can inform Jheselbraum if anything goes wrong. It took hours of careful, stressful work as Flora went through her labor, caught on fire multiple times and started cursing Pyrone out for doing this to her, for not using protection and just generally crushing his hand as she pushed and pushed.

I was sitting in a corner, stressing and creating more water to help put out the fires. It wasn't much but I wasn't quite trusted to do anything more while I was so worked up.  
  
Finally, a large red newborn was pulled out, wailing and on fire. The proud parents coo’ed over her and I vibrated with excitement. Grandbaby! Grandbaby! Grandbaby! Flora conked out, too exhausted to stay awake, and Pyrone cradled his daughter in awe. I floated up to him with a huge grin as Pyronica and Pynelope came in to see the baby. Quackers was resting on a nearby couch. She was tired from working so hard. “So~” I elbowed Pyrone. “How’re you feeling mister new-dad?”  
  
  
  
Pyrone gazed down at his daughter. She looked a lot like Flora, round, red and covered in spots. She also had flickering white flames along her arms and legs as well as a large single eye. It was currently closed as she fell asleep after crying for a while. Pyrone traced her face with a finger gently. “Holy shit...I’m...I’m a father!” He gasped.  
  
“Yup.” I chirped. Pyrone’s voice cracked. “Oh my void...I’m...a father!” He looked up at me with a wide eye. “W-what do I do? I...oh man...I…”  
  
I patted his back “Breathe, Icepack. Come on.”  
  
“I can’t believe I’m...oh man...this is...this is amazing! And...oh man…” He gasped. “I don’t know how to feel!”  
  
“Well, are you happy?” Pynelope asked her brother. He nodded quickly. “I feel like my heart’s going to explode. I’m so...so happy…” He trembled. “She’s so small! What if I hurt her? What if I drop her? I-I need to sit down…”  
  
I made sure to surround both father and child with my power in case he really _does_ drop her or faint. Pyronica and Pynelope sat down with him and the three talked long into the night. I felt like I would be intruding so I left.

There was something I had to go check on anyway...  
  
\---  
  
I finally did it. I looked at the barrier wards, traps and other things strewn around my Exit door. It took several billion years (I was BUSY ok?!) but I've got the entire area fortified against intrusion! I know Ax would rather I didn't go out at all but I itched to meet with my alternatives. I even left Ax an apology note before coming in here.  
  
I had an alternative motive, confront whatever was out here, trying to get in.  
  
To differentiate myself from my alternatives this go around, since I was better prepared to do so now, I kept my triangle form but made a few adjustments to my appearance. I added moles beneath my eye, frilly ribbons onto my hat and turned my bowtie into a bow (which could still spin around, weeee~).  
  
It certainly made me easy to tell apart from the other Bills. I wanted to visit Seb but had trouble finding his door. There were so many. It was kind of scary in here by myself. It was so quiet. The doors made no sound as they all floated around. Definitely creepy. I was having 2nd thoughts about finding whatever was out here...  
  
_Creak_ ~  
  
I thought I heard the sound of someone else in this Void of Doors with me (or perhaps one of these doors opening?!) and, I confess, I freaked the fuck out (I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS) and flew around in a terrified panic until I smacked into a door and got sucked in. I tumbled out and bumped into a Bill Cipher, a proper triangular one. He appeared quite surprised to see me. “Whoa! Where did YOU come from?!”  
  
“Ah...hi?” I responded. Oh, this was so weird since we had the same voice. I blinked to see this Bill was holding some sort of party, there was loud music playing. There was a huge tear in the sky that I could see outside a window. Well shit. I think I'm in Weirdmageddon. I looked around. “Ah...did I come at a bad time?”  
  
“You…” the other Bill peered at me closely. “My dimensional counterpart huh? How'd you get here? Why haven't we combined and annihilated each other?” I hear a familiar voice call out “Oi Bill! Who're ya talking to?” I took this time to materialize myself into the physical plane.  
  
“Shit! Didn't know you had a brother!” I turned to see Pyronica, an alternative Pyronica.

“Sister actually.” I corrected. She looked taken aback, as did everyone else. I blinked and glanced around the room. I saw all my friends there as well as some other creatures I didn't recognize. This was...weird.  
  
“Whoa! You're a chick?!” OtherTeeth blurted loudly. I giggled. “Well technically speaking I'm a hermaphrodite but that's how it is…” Bill was staring at me in interest. “A female ME? That still doesn't explain why we can touch without fusing with each other?”  
  
My mind raced. My panic was hidden behind a lazy shrug. “Heck if I know. I'm just gonna chalk this up to general Weirdness and be done with it.”  
  
The other Bill paused before laughing hysterically. “That works for me!” He slapped his leg. “Well how did you get here? I didn't tear reality apart THAT bad right?”  
  
“Erm...I naturally have doors I can open to visit alternative dimensions with other Mes. And I think someone or something scary was out there so I ran into a door to escape and ended up here.” I responded helpfully. Wow, shit, I REALLY don’t have a filter. This Bill’s eye widened before he smiled at me. “That certainly sounds interesting…” I felt uncomfortable at his expression but he hasn't attacked me or anything so... Bill floated closer to me and tipped his hat. “Well, am I not a gentleman? We haven't even done introductions! Name's Bill Cipher!” He laughed. “But I'm sure you already know that!”  
  
What a friendly guy. I giggled, somewhat more at ease. “Well I'm also Bill Cipher but to avoid confusion you can call me Miz.” I turned to wave at OtherBill’s friends. They seemed nice.  
  
  
  
“Miz Cipher? HAH! Nice to meet you Miz. Now as I'm sure you can see, I've got a nice little shindig happening here-” he gestured to the party and his Henchmaniacs all cheered. “Want to try the time punch?” He stage whispered “I stole the cosmic sand from Time Baby himself.”

I giggled. “I did that once. Man was he pissed when he found out…”  
  
“Really now? So, I'm guessing despite your femininity, we aren't so different then?” He looked me up and down as I blushed. “Ah...well I don't know? I've met a few other Bills so far and we seem to have slightly different backgrounds despite similar personalities and a few thematic fixed points in our histories…”  
  
“Ugh. Don't even talk about fixed points! Stupid CONSTANTS in that damn lizard’s plans…”  
  
I tilt in confusion. “But Time Baby decides the path of fate.”  
  
“And who do you think taught that fatass how to do so?” He grumbled as he got a cup of the punch for himself. I frown. Well yeah, of course Ax taught Time Baby AND me how to run the universe. But that didn't mean it was Ax’s fault Time Baby was such a little bitch. It's like blaming Dumbledore for Tom Riddle going evil. Actually, he really should have seen the warning signs and done something about it...ok, bad comparison...  
  
“Time punch?” Bill asked as he offered me a cup. I took it and peered at the murky liquid interspersed with sparkling lights, like staring into a nebula. “What are we celebrating?” I asked. He blinked at me before laughing. “I just conquered the 3rd dimension!”  
  
“Oh. Cool. I haven't done that yet.” I sipped a little of the punch. Oh. It's been a while since I've had this stuff. I rumbled pleasantly. I suppose I should be more worried about the apocalypse happening right now (and having to confront whatever that was in the Void of Doors when I left this place) but this wasn't really my problem, besides, I have no right to critique another Bill on what they decided to do. Like how BlueBill wanted to kill his AXOLOTL counterpart. I wasn't going to help him but I won't try to stop him either.  
  
“So…” the other Bill looked me up and down. “How is it that I don't know about you?” he seemed almost...suspicious. “I can see through multiple versions of myself in near infinite dimensions...and yet I know nothing about you.” He twitched a little. “Kinda puts my reputation as ALL KNOWING at stake.”  
  
“Well...I can't see through other versions of myself. So I guess if I can't see out of them, they cannot see me either?” This was something Ax had told me about way back when. I never gave it much thought to be honest. I remember being glad that other Mes couldn't spy through me. Especially with all the embarrassing things I do…  
  
Other Bill hummed. “Sounds right. Well. Would you like to connect with me? Pool our collective knowledge together?”  
  
“No thank you. I find not knowing to be kinda exciting.”  
  
He didn't look offended at my refusal, shrugging nonchalantly. “Well, it's _your_ funeral.” He says easily. He squinted at me “The fact that you claim to have met other Bills and yet I STILL haven't heard of you must mean there are more Bills out there unconnected to the network than I previously thought…”  
  
“A near infinite amount.” I point out. “There are also a near infinite amount who ARE connected with you. At least that's what I'm guessing based on what I've seen.”  
  
“Separate infinities in opposite directions?” He asked.  
  
“Like an infinite bubbles bunched together while an infinite other bubbles float by unmolested.” I respond.  
  
“A coiled chain of links piled upon itself endlessly with single links around it in concentric circles stretching on forever?” He stares at me.  
  
“It's turtles all the way down in their own separate stacks!” I cried in excitement.  
  
“”And NONE of them fuck!!”” We both cheered before devolving into wild laughter.  
  
The OtherKryptos stared at us. “I...have no idea what you two are talking about.” Bill wiped a tear from his eye. “Oh man! It's so great to meet someone that GETS it!”  
  
I think I might be a little buzzed, time punch was some hard shit right here, but I was grinning widely all the same. “Yeah…” I took another small sip. “It’s cool to meet you bro. C-can I call you bro? Brother? Wait, wait! Onii-san!”  
  
He choked on his own cup of punch, he was laughing so hard. “Fuck it! Onii-san?! AHAHAHAHAH! Sure sis! That's fucking hilarious!”  
  
The two of us were probably drunk now that I think about it but it was fun to laugh. His Henchmaniacs were now thoroughly confused. After settling down into some giggles and snickers, we sighed in content. “So, what brought you here? You know, why did you come visit ME of all dimensional counterparts?”  
  
“I didn't actually choose to come here specifically. I heard a noise and got startled...and ran into a door…” I admitted sheepishly. At least now I knew how to open a door to get back out without needing to use another Bill to do so. “I'm easily startled.”  
  
Bill stared at me. “Startled? Really?” I blushed. “I know it's silly but that's just how I am sometimes…but to be fair to me, been watching a bunch of Japanese horror movies.” I may not use my Future Vision often, but when I do, it's for Movies. The only good use for it, in my opinion.

He nodded “They DO make some pretty neat stuff.” I brightened up “I use them for inspiration! But then I get all paranoid of stuff afterward…” I sighed. “But enough about that~so you took over the 3rd dimension?”  
  
“Oh yeah! Isn't it great?” Bill laughed. “It was EASY!” He bragged, buffing his fingers along his bricks. He gave me a smug look “You said you haven't taken over YOUR 3rd dimension yet?”  
  
I shook my head. “Humanity is still in its early stages where I am. Nowhere near advanced enough for portal construction.”  
  
Bill looked sympathetic. “That sucks sis. Well, until your dimension advances, you can get a nice sneak peek of what ruling the 3rd dimension would be like.” I smiled at him, not confirming or denying my own intentions toward my 3rd dimension. “That's very kind of you.”  
  
“Of course! That's me! Bill Cipher, generous and kind.” He said smugly. I hear a few of his Henchmaniacs snort with laughter. “Come on, wanna play Spin the Person?” He pointed to the party games section where I can see Pyronica, Xanthar, Hectorgon and this strange lava lamp looking demon. “I’ve never played spin the person before.” I said honestly. “Oh, it’s real~ simple.” Pyronica said cheerfully. “We spin the person and whoever it points to, the spinner gets to eat them!” She cackled. I hesitate. “I’m not really into eating my prey live. I prefer to kill them first…” They groaned. “You can spit them back out afterward if you don’t kill them.” “Yeah! We’re just eating them for FUN. Not for REAL.”  
  
I shook my head. “That might be a bad idea, things I swallow tend to get torn apart molecule by molecule…” Bill stared at me. All the henchmaniacs stared at me. “That’s sounds pretty fucking metal!” Keyhole squealed. Bill cackled. “Go nuts! Party like the world’s gonna end! Because IT IS!”  
  
Did...did he just give me permission to eat his friends?

Before I could respond, there was a heavy thumping on the door. “Open up! This is the police. Time police!” The Henchmaniacs gasped. Bill waved his hands “Ok, just play it cool. Ditch the time punch! Let me do the talking.” I blinked. Wow. Canon lines? The door exploded. Seriously. That was rude. I frowned at Time Baby and his posse.  
  
A cop walked in “Bill Cipher. You are in violation of the rules of space time and possessing the body of a time officer.” I knew what was going to happen and made a quick zipping motion with my hand. Blendin Blandin opened his mouth to speak “MY-” and was immediately cut off, his mouth zipped shut so we could only hear his muffled screaming. Everyone paused to look at me. I shrugged. “I’ve seen that guy back in MY dimension. I didn’t want to hear high pitched voice cracks right now.”  
  
Pyronica and PaciFire nodded in understanding. The other officers also looked relieved, hiding their pleased looks behind their helmets. I felt a quick pang of pity. How long did they have to listen to Blendin scream and complain on the way here? That’s when they saw me and did a double take. I watched in amusement as they looked back and forth between me and their dimension’s Bill.  
  
“WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?!” Time Baby cried. Bill glanced at me, I shrugged. He rolled his eye before turning to Time Baby and waved cheerfully. “HI you STUPID tub of lard! This is Miz, my little sister!” Bill introduced. I bobbed in the air cheerfully. “Hello~!”  
  
Time Baby shook his head. “I SHALL DEAL WITH YOU LATER.” He told me before turning his attention back to Time Baby. “HEAR THIS, CIPHER!” Me and Bill let out annoyed groans in unison. “Ugh, even in THIS dimension, he’s annoying as fuck.” I grumbled.  
  
“IF YOUR RIP IN THIS DIMENSION CONTINUES IT COULD DESTROY THE VERY FABRIC OF EXISTENCE!” He thundered “SURRENDER NOW OR FACE MY TANTRUM.”  
  
I waved my hand in the air. “Excuse me? I have a question.” Everyone stared at me, even Time Baby. “WHAT IS IT, SISTER OF CIPHER?” Time Baby asked. I frowned. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and I’m generally NOT, but...don’t your tantrums destroy space time as well? So what is the point of getting mad at Bill for doing the thing and then doing the thing yourself?”  
  
Everyone blinked at me. A few of the officers turned to look at their leader. Time Baby scrunched up his face. “BECAUSE I AM THE LAW AND I SAY SO.” I scowled at him, placing my hands on my hips and using my ‘mom’ voice. “Well that’s not a very compelling argument. That’s like saying that you get to be MEAN to people just because you want to and you’re making a stupid excuse to make people think you were in the right.”  
  
“I **AM** IN THE RIGHT! I AM THE LORD OF TIME-”  
  
“No! Bad boy!” I scolded. “You’re just being a bully. Laws exist for REASONS and if that reason is ‘because I said so’ then that’s not a law, that’s just you being selfish and forcing your will over other people just because you’re stronger than them!”  
  
Bill commented. “That’s...like, literally what all laws are.” he shrugged “Which isn’t really a problem, I just have to be the most powerful and then MY word becomes law.”  
  
I snarled and flew forward to poke Time Baby’s cheek. “EXACTLY! Now, are you seriously going to enforce an unjust, pointless law based on an ideal that even _Bill_ AGREES with-”  
  
“Hey!” Bill protested.  
  
“-or are you a paragon of Good who’s going to make laws and punishments that ACTUALLY make sense?” I continued. “Or would you rather do things that make NO sense just, like, BILL, does?” If there was one thing MY Time Baby hated more than anything else, it was being compared to ME. I’m sure this one felt the same.  
  
At my words, the Henchmaniacs AND the police squad all gasped. Bill was staring at me wide eyed. Time Baby looked gobsmacked. “B-BUT...CIPHER HAS BROKEN THE LAWS OF SPACE TIME...HE NEEDS TO BE PUNISHED…”  
  
I rolled my eye. “So, your idea of a punishment is DESTROYING THE WORLD with one of your tantrums, the EXACT SAME thing you CLAIM you are here to stop Bill from doing?”  
  
The logic loop made Time Baby hold his head and whine. His eyes watered. “YOU...YOU…” He looked like no one had ever spoken to him like that before. I narrowed my eye at him. “Go to your room right NOW young man. Go and think about what you did.” My mom voice was in full effect, I’ve been able to reduce the twins to tears whenever they misbehaved. Damn, I miss being able to do that. They kinda developed an immunity to it over time.  
  
Time Baby however, has not. He whimpered and backed off before teleporting himself and his posse away. There was a stunned silence. “Oh snap! Did you just make Time Baby run away crying?” Kryptos gasped. Everyone cheered and the music came back on as they continued to party. I blinked. Well...at least no one died?  
  
Kryptos invited me to dance with him. I giggled and decided to just have fun. Dancing was safer than playing Spin the Person. As we danced, Kryptos asked “So, you’re Bill’s female counterpart? That’s pretty cool.” He grinned at me charmingly. “So, you single?” I burst out laughing. Kryptos flirting with me? How hilarious was that? I should tell Kryptos about this when I get home, should make for a good laugh. Really, Kryptos being into me? How ridiculous. “Sorry dude. I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”  
  
Kryptos shrugged. “Welp. I tried.” He didn’t seem all that disappointed. I laughed and we danced some more. I notice 8-Ball and Teeth walk up to Bill. “Hey boss, Pinetree ain’t gonna wait for us to eat him. Aren’t you worried he’s gonna cause some trouble?” Teeth waved his hands in the air “Yeah! Trouble with Mabel’s bubble?”  
  
Bill scoffed, clearly not considering Dipper an adequate threat. I shrugged and left him to it. This was feeling a lot like Canon. Which dimension was I even in?! We partied all night and into the next day. Did these guys not sleep? The eyebats came in with petrified townspeople and Bill asked us to help stack them into a frozen throne of human agony. I couldn’t stop myself from helping, I liked stacking things. Weee~  
  
Bill held up the golden Ford and tapped a giant fork against him. He made a speech (offended a creature with 80-something faces) and sent everyone to go and spread the party to the rest of the world. I winced when they hit the dome. That looked painful. Bill freaked the fuck out over the barrier. He turned to me “DID YOU KNOW **ABOUT THIS?!”**  
  
“I suspect it has to do with the weirdness magnetism.” I shrugged. “But other than that I don't know.” I took this moment to make an observation. “You have an eyebrow. That’s pretty cool. I don’t have an eyebrow.” Bill gave me a weird look before he went back to screaming obscenities in multiple languages.  
  
As Bill ranted angrily, I healed his Henchmaniacs. They stared at me in awe. “I didn't know Bill could heal people.” I scoffed. “Could and would are two different things. Just cause he's capable of it doesn't mean he'll do it.” They nodded, understanding my point.  
  
They seemed confused about why I was healing them. “Well, you're Bill's friends right? Friends help each other.” They seemed quite confused at that “But healing us is giving us something without anything in return.” I pet 8-Ball's head. “It's not nothing. If I heal you, you're alive and healthy, which means you can be friends for longer.” I grin down at him. “It's what I do with my friends back home. I heal them over and over again so they can never die. So they can never leave me. So they have no choice but to be my friend forever…”  
  
The Henchmaniacs all shuddered “How do you make healing sound so threatening?!” Teeth shivered. “Well she IS a Bill Cipher…” Pyronica pointed out, staring at me in awe. “You're so cool!”  
  
I flushed. Me? Cool? “Really?” They all nodded. I pressed my hands to my plane and blushed. “Aw~you guys are cool too.” We laughed quietly as Bill raged in the background. I saw him pick up GoldenFord and mutter to himself. Keyhole ran in to tell Bill something. Oh, I guess Pinetree got to Shooting Star’s bubble by now. Well, might as well see how this plays out. I noticed a reporter lady and a cameraman. Oh. Hey, I remember this. I watched her get turned to stone and the eyebat handed her to me to stack on the throne. Ooh~I know a good place to fit her.  
  
I took that time to visit Gideon. He was still dancing adorably. “Hello, little one.” I greeted him. He panted with exhaustion. I reached in to lift him up so he could rest for a bit. The Curse was pretty simple, so long as his legs touched the bottom of his cage he would continue dancing. As I floated him in midair he gasped in relief. “T-thank you?” He panted. I handed him a cup of water. “Geez, Bill is terrible at taking care of his pets…” I muttered. Gideon frowned at that but didn’t protest the only real kindness he’s gotten in the past day. “Are you hungry little guy? I can get you some human food.” I coo’ed at him.  
  
He nodded slowly. “T-that would be mighty kind of you...erm...sorry but I…” He glanced between me and Bill who finally calmed down and flew off holding GoldenFord. I wonder if I should go talk to him? “...I don’t know yer name sir.”  
  
I laughed softly. “I’m a ma’am for one thing. You can call me Miz Cipher. It’s nice to meet you little one.” He was so round and adorable, no wonder Bill kept him as a pet. I wonder if I could get my own Gideon pet someday?

His eyes widened “Ah, sorry for the mistake ma’am.” I hand him a normal, human appropriate sandwich. “No problem. I can see where you might be confused.”  
  
He took the sandwich (a steak and cheese sub with some spinach) and ate ravenously. I pet his hair as he scarfed down the sandwich. It really WAS soft. He stared up at me once he was done eating. “Um…” I continued petting him. He gave me a weird look. “No offense but ah...can you stop that...please?” I let go. “Sorry.” I blinked at him. “Try to get some sleep, you’ll have to dance again when my brother comes back though.” He groaned. “Can’t ya...free me?”  
  
“Bill would get mad. Sorry.” Gideon looked sad but nodded. “Alright. I understand.” I gave him a pillow and floated up to the penthouse. “Hey onii-san?” I called out. I hear some screaming and went in to see Bill torturing Ford. Bill turned to me. “What’s up Sis?” Ford’s eyes went wide as he stared back and forth between me and Bill. “I was just wondering why you left the party.”  
  
“Well, this killjoy here, doesn’t want to give me the method of taking down the damn barrier.” Bill snarled. “I’ve been electrocuting him but he ain’t cracking.”  
  
“Have you tried asking nicely?” I suggested. Bill and Ford gave me identical looks of befuddlement. “Asking...nicely?” Bill said slowly. I shrugged. “Well if torture doesn’t work, then do the opposite.”  
  
“I already offered him infinite power!” Bill whined. I rolled my eye. “Have you explained WHY you’re taking over the 3rd dimension?” Bill blinked. “Why would I have to do that?” I floated closer and whispered to him “Humans are emotional creatures. They’re more likely to do what you want if you can get their sympathy.” Bill gave me a considering look. “You...know how humans work?”  
  
“They’re pretty simple once you get it.” I told him. Bill turned to glance at Ford who was straining to listen to our conversation. “Just tell him a tragic sob story. Humans LOVE those.” I’m not sure I should be helping Bill get Ford on his side...but it was better than Ford being tortured for an entire day. And who knows, maybe Bill and Ford can even come to a compromise. Bill squinted at me “How do you know so much about how humans work?”  
  
I laughed. “I know LOTS of things.” Bill snorted. “I walked right into that one.”  
  
We fist bumped. Poor Ford looked like he was going to have an aneurysm. “You have a sister?!” he cried, hoarse and strangled. Bill turned back to Ford and snapped his fingers. Fuck, why is it that EVERYONE can snap their fingers so easily?! Ford found himself freed from his chains and settled onto a comfortable armchair. A table appeared along with a teapot and cups. “Hey Sixer. We need to talk.” Bill said as he settled into another armchair.  
  
I sat down to watch the proceedings.  
  
\----  
  
Bill and Ford had talked long into the night. I brought Ford some proper human food. Bill got frustrated at his stubbornness but they’ve started working on compromises. “Well what if I left your stupid planet alone and colonized Mars instead?!” Bill snarled. Ford considered it. “And you promise you wouldn’t harm the Earth or it’s inhabitants?”  
  
Frankly, it took hours just to get Ford to even AGREE to compromise. I had to play peacemaker between them as they both lost their tempers multiple times. What finally got them to settle down was me mentioning casually how similar they were. Much like how Time Baby hated being compared to Bill, Ford also didn’t like the idea that he was anything like Bill. “Look buster, you’re a stubborn ass who refuses to listen to anyone else’s opinion because you think you know EVERYTHING. And, no offense Nii-san, but you’re very much like that too.”  
  
“Watch your words sis.” He growled. I rolled my eye. “You’re not gonna get anywhere from being stubborn. It’s a waste of your time, HIS time and my time. It’s simply not practical. Torturing him isn’t gonna make him talk. Appealing to him isn’t working because he’s a stubborn ass-”  
  
“HEY!” Ford protested.  
  
“-So why not compromise?”  
  
Bill had stared at me suspiciously. I shook my head. “I’m not ordering you to do this. I’m just giving you a suggestion for a better course of action.” I told him. He growled. “I know you hate listening to other people’s plans, but you’re here, in the 3rd dimension, you’ve gotten your physical form and the power that comes with it. You have the rip in space-time you can pull everyone through into the 3rd dimension. I’m just saying, either you compromise with Ford to find a solution you are both happy with, or you’re stuck in this stupid hick town forever, and that’s almost as bad as being trapped in a decaying dimension.” I pointed out.  
  
The only reason Bill's been so accommodating with me is because we sized each other up during our original conversation, hiding careful probes at each other's energy under our cheerful conversation. Essentially. We were around equal in strength and he didn't know if he could take me in a fight nor did I know if I could defeat him either. Our conversation had essentially been _‘I don't fuck with you and you won't fuck with me_ ’. So he knew I wasn't his ally but I wasn't his enemy either.  
  
So Bill considered my words and weighed them.  
  
The two finally gave in, Ford because he was interested in how...reasonable I sounded, and Bill because he understood what I meant about practicality.  
  
So now they had gotten the debate down to ‘where can Bill and his people go’.  
  
“Ugh, fine! I won’t ‘harm’ the Earth or whatever.” Bill rolled his eye. Ford growled. I got between them again. “Ford. Can we talk? Like…” I led him away “Ford, I’m gonna be honest.” I sighed. “If you weren’t so cute I wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep nii-san from torturing you for all eternity.” Ford blushed. I rolled my eye. “Look, what I’m trying to say is that you don’t really have much of a choice here. Bill’s an all powerful chaos god. And he’s WILLING to try and find a compromise where you can both be happy.”  
  
Ford sighed. “Alright. But how do I know he won’t go back on his word?”  
  
“That’s easy.” Me and Bill glanced at each other “Make a Deal.”  
  
Ford shuddered. “No.”  
  
“Well if it’s not a Deal, I have no reason to keep to my end of the bargain.” Bill scoffed.  
  
I groaned in annoyance. “You know what? Screw **both** you stubborn jerks!” I left the room to get back to the party. Of course, that was when the door (that Bill fixed from when the Time Police showed up) was busted open by a robot arm with a freaking t-rex on it. My eye goes wide.  
  
Giant robot.  
Giant robot.  
Giant robot.  
GIANT ROBOT!  
  
I squee’d.  
  
Bill and Ford came down to check out the commotion. Ford grinned as Bill made an angry sound. “What?! I just fixed that door!” he sent the henchmaniacs down to fight the Shack-Tron. I squealed in excitement while chanting “Giant robot fight! Giant robot fight! Giant robot fight!”  
  
Bill gave me an annoyed look. “Please tell me you're not cheering the humans on.” I shrugged “Sorry, this is just so...entertaining.” Having to make excuses was annoying but if this Bill was malicious, I didn't want him turning on me. He rolled his eye and turned back to Ford to argue some more, sure that his Henchmaniacs would take care of this.  
  
I floated over to Gideon's cage, I had asked Bill for permission to play with his ‘pet’ so I could let the child rest, eat and use a bathroom I created for him. Currently he was dancing a cute jig and looked relieved when I came over to float him up. He gasped for air. “Are you alright kid?” I turned him over mid air so he was facing me. He nodded. “Y-yeah. Thank you kindly Miz Cipher.” He painted.  
  
I shrank myself down so I could sit on top of his cage and still get a view of the badass giant robot fight outside. “Giant robot giant robot…” I wiggled in delight. Gideon glanced up at where I was perched. “Beg your pardon ma'am, what's happening?”  
  
“The citizens and inhabitants of Gravity Falls who weren't captured and petrified turned the Mystery Shack into a giant robot and they're beating the shit out of Bill's friends.” I shrugged. Oh. There goes Xanthar. Super weird how this one could make sounds.  
  
Bill groaned “Guys, seriously? You had, like, one job to do here.” Ford cheered “Bravo Dipper and Mabel!” Bill narrowed his eye at Ford. “Well, would you look at that. You really care about them...don't you?”  
  
“What do you- oh no.”  
  
Bill sneered “Maybe torturing those kids would make you give in and cooperate…” Ford shook his head “No no no the kids, you can't-!” he tried to protest but Bill turned him back into gold and floats toward the broken door.  
  
“Let's get this over with...sis, are you helping or what?”  
  
“Naw, I just like watching.” I materialized some chips and munched on them. Bill narrowed his eye at me. “You wouldn't be hoping to take over once I turn my back are you?”  
  
“Please~why would I want your sloppy seconds~” I shrugged. “This was just a fun romp through the multiverse. You do you. I'm just here for the free entertainment.”  
  
He squinted at me but ultimately decided it wasn't worth it. He couldn't force me to do anything, just like how, if I tried to stop him from anything HE wanted to do, I would get beaten down. It wasn't quite a truce since we weren't in opposition but he's not dumb enough to trust me. I doubt he trusts anyone.  
  
I watched him head out to fight the Shack-tron and sighed. It was hard to keep my mouth shut about what was happening. I sat down on Gideon's cage. “This is a mess.” I grumbled. He was staring outside but I doubt he could see much where he was positioned. “What's happenin’ Ma'am?” He asked.  
  
“Well, from what I can see, the fight is nothing more than a distraction to keep Bill occupied while the relevant members of the cast stage a rescue operation.” I shrugged. “Hey. I'm going to put you down now. Don't worry. It won't be for long.” He looked confused but started dancing again as I placed him back down and shrank even more to hide in his hair.  
  
“W-what are ya doing?” He gasped. “I doubt your rescuers would be all that thrilled to see me here. I'd rather not get attacked the instant they see me.” I explained as I settled in. “Also, seeing you being punished by Bill will earn sympathy points from Mabel. I doubt she'll ever date you, you hurt her family too many times for that, but she may feel bad enough to forgive you a little bit.”  
  
“Y-you really think so?”  
  
“It'll be up to you to get forgiveness for everything else though.” I point out. He nodded. “Just be honest with her, sincerity is a thing people appreciate.” I can't believe I'm here, giving Gideon relationship advice. He nodded before asking “Why're you helpin’ me?”  
  
“...I actually like humans and I don't want to see Bill destroy you all.” I say. “But I don't want to see Bill be destroyed either...I've been trying to convince Bill and Ford to make a compromise with each other. Hasn't been going well.”  
  
“So...you don't want to help Bill destroy the world?’  
  
“He has his reasons. I won't stop him. But if I can make him choose to stop on his own-”  
  
“Oof!”  
  
Looks like the rescue team is here. I burrowed deeper into Gideon's hair and closed my eye to open my Eye and watch the proceedings.  
  
“Oh man, it looks even worse up close.” “I found great uncle Ford! He's golden...and not in the good way.” “Great. Grab him and lets get outta here.” “But how are we going to unfreeze him?”  
  
I nudged Gideon “There's your cue.”  
  
“I know!” Gideon gasped loudly. I sat back and just listened to the rest of this. Hm...I wonder if I should LET the zodiac finish it's thing? I was curious what it would do…no, too dangerous. It might kill ME.  
  
Ford was drawing out the circle. He hasn't mentioned me yet. Hm. I poke my head out. “Um...are you guys planning to kill my brother?” Half of them screamed and jumped back. Ford blinked at me. “Oh shoot. I forgot about you.”  
  
“Excuse me? How did you forget me Fordsie?” I cried, mildly offended. Dipper and Mabel stared at me. “What's Bill doing here? Isn't he out fighting the shack-tron?!”  
  
“This ain't Bill!” Gideon came to my defense. “This is his sister, Miz Cipher.”  
  
Soos laughed. “Heh. Miz, like...miss! Miss Cipher!” everyone stared at Soos in horror. I giggled “Oh I like you. You're funny.”  
  
“So...this is that demon's sister?” Wendy raised her ax. Gideon shook his hands. “Don't worry! She's nice. She's been giving me food and water.” I float out of his hair and look at them, remaining in my tiny size. Small things are cute. Small things are harmless. They would feel less threatened if I was small.  
  
Ford finished spraying the zodiac onto the ground. I stared at him. “Are you going to kill my brother?” A few people winced but some others growled. “That demon deserves it! He's probably killed hundreds of people!”  
  
I turned to look at them. “Has he killed any of you?” they opened their mouth and then closed it. I sighed. “Well, I wouldn't put it past him to kill anyone after THIS whole mess.” I gestured around. “He's got a temper problem.”  
  
“Exactly why we need to kill him first!” Someone yelled. I sighed. “Even so. I'd prefer if you didn't kill my brother.” I turned to Ford. “You guys were getting close to making a compromise. Why can't you?” Ford scowled. “I am never making a Deal with him again!” He started explaining the prophecy and all that stuff.  
  
Wendy glanced at me. “So...are we doing anything about this one?” She raised her ax and I gave her a teary eyed look. “No! Don't hurt her!” Mabel snatched me out of the air. I was small enough to be held in her hands. “Gideon said she's nice.”  
  
“Well she's on Bill's side!” Dipper glared. “Mabel! Let go of her!” Mabel shook her head “Not if you're going to hurt her!”  
  
I looked at Ford. “I'm not on Bill's side. I'm on my own side. I just want you all to get along. Is it wrong that I don't want you to kill my brother?”  
  
Mabel held me close. “Guys?” She whimpered. Wendy scowled. “Well your brother is a terrible monster.” she stepped up to stand on her square. A lot of them were standing in their spots. Only Mabel and Stan were still hesitating. I sighed. “It's alright Shooting Star. I understand you guys don't like him.”  
  
I floated up and away, gazing out at where Bill was beating the shit outta the shack, having found the places where the bubble didn't reach. “If you're gonna do it, you don't have much time.” I sighed. “But I'd rather you find some other way.”  
  
I wouldn't stop Bill if he came back. But I can stall him. I grew larger so I was blocking sight into the door to try and buy them some time, my thin legs dangling over the side. “I just wish it didn't have to be like this.” I felt the energy building up in the circle. Mabel was convinced into the circle and it was just Stan who refused now. I resist the urge to sigh. Stubborn. Both of them. I wonder if this world was taking the idea that Stan was actually a reincarnated Bill Cipher? Always wondered if that particular fan theory was true or not.  
  
Bill finished up the shack-tron and floated up to me with a frown. “They're doing the zodiac aren't they?” He grumbled. I nodded. “Do you need me to move?”  
  
“I'm starting to think you **want** them to destroy me.” Bill narrowed his eye. I sighed. “I really don't. I would prefer they didn't try to kill you, but I won't stop them from trying.” Bill growled and shoved me aside. I noticed the scene play out much like canon. Damn, I was hoping I'd be able to change something.  
  
I could tell Bill was starting to get annoyed at me. I rolled my eye and went down to where the Henchmaniacs were rounding up the rebels. “Hey. Can you let them go?” I requested. Pyronica stared at me. “Why? They're our enemies.”  
  
“They're just angry your party broke their neighborhood.” I shrugged. “I mean, if Time Baby broke into your house and started acting like he owned the place, I bet you'd be pretty miffed.”  
  
The demons all blinked and considered that. 8-Ball scratched his head. “I never thought ‘bout it like that before.” I peered at them. “And if Time Baby and his goons went around like that in YOUR house, wouldn't you want to beat them up too?”  
  
“Yeah!” The demons said. I nodded. “So it's perfectly justified that these mortals tried to fight back. So leave them alone. If they attack first then by all means, punch ‘em. But I'm sure you've got better things to do than stand around here, guarding them.” I stated. “Bill's too busy to notice anyway.”  
  
They nodded. None of them particularly cared anyway. They just wanted to go back to having fun. I easily distracted them by creating a roller coaster in the sky and they flew off, cheering. I turned back to the townsfolk. “You should probably go hide.”  
  
I heard screaming coming from the Fearamid and sighed. This wasn't really fun anymore. I should just leave. I'm sure I can't hide from whatever was in the Void of Doors forever. I opened an Exit door in front of me and was bowled over as it slammed open. I was punted pretty far away and hit the ground with a mildly painful thump. “Ow…”  
  
I blink up at what happened and paled when I saw...Bill Cipher.  
  
But…  
  
There was something...off about him.  
  
The edges of this Bill seemed to glitch. He spasmed a little as he stared at me. I scrambled back and tried to get away from him. I had no idea what was happening right now but I didn't want to find out. Was this what BlueBill was talking about? I didn't know. I didn't care. This Bill unsettled me and I just wanted to put some distance between us.  
  
I stared in horror as this Bill flew over to the Fearamid where Bill was holding Mabel and Dipper in his hand. “I'm gonna kill one of them! Just for the heck of it!” He turned when the GlitchBill came into the room. “What the-?” He managed to ask before the other Bill struck, digging his hands deep into his bricks and Bill screeched.  
  
I took this time to teleport the Pines and the rest of the Zodiac out of the Fearamid, turning the tapestries back into people. Ford was staring up at the Fearamid where Bill's painful screaming could still be heard. “What's happening?!” He gasped. I shrank down huddled near him. “I...I don't know…” I whispered.  
  
I felt when this Bill died. There was a ripple of energy as everything fixed itself as Bill's Weirdness was reversed. The hole in the sky sucked up everything and closed. But none of us were thinking about that. We were all staring at the GlitchBill as he heaved, his form growing larger as the energy from the destroyed Bill was absorbed into him. I shuddered, my vessel was slowly breaking apart.  
  
I turned to the humans. “Form the Zodiac NOW!” They obeyed, too terrified to refuse, Stan and Ford, still dressed as each other, didn't even protest. GlitchBill turned to me and spoke “Zkb iljkw? Zh zhuh doo phdqw wr eh rqh. Lw zdv wkh zdwfkhuv zkr guhz xv dsduw. Wkh wdoh zhdyhuv zkr iudfwxuhg xv djdlq dqg djdlq xqwr lqilqlwb.”  
  
“Thanks but no thanks dude. I'm happy just the way I am.” I muttered as I hid behind Ford (only realizing it was him because I knew the two had switched clothes. I really couldn't tell them apart otherwise). He stiffened but didn't let go, the circling lighting up as they held onto each other in fear and desperation. This Bill just...killed and devoured the other one. It was too scary to think of.  
  
The light was nearly blinding. The GlitchBill reached out for me and I clung to Ford's leg with my eye wide as he got closer. Come on! Stupid circle! How the fuck did it even work?! Right before his hand could touch me, Stan growled “Hey! GET AWAY FROM MY BROTHER!” and punched him. The GlitchBill screeched as all the light from the circle glowed around Stan's fist and raced through his body. The seams between his bricks glowed from the inside as he fell and shattered. As the broken bricks began to dissolve into sand, I heard him gasp out.  
  
“Hyhq li brx ghvwurb ph, wkhuh zloo eh pruh. Vr orqj dv wkhb frqwlqxh wr whoo rxu vwrub, wkhuh zloo eh qr hqg. Lqilqlwb iudfwdov rxw dqg zh zloo qhyhu ilqg shdfh. Brx wrr, kdyh d zrug-zhdyhu pdqlsxodwlqj brxu olih. Brx zloo nqrz. Brx zloo zlvk brx kdg mrlqhg ph zkhq brx frxog.”  
  
And then he was gone. The dust was blown away by the late summer wind.  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
“Ah...did I just punch a demon to death?” Stan stared at his fist. Everyone began to cheer, the inhabitants of Gravity Falls rushing up to lift the old man onto their shoulders. “Pine! Pines! Pines!” They cheered as they carried him off.  
  
“Aaaugh! Watch where you're touching! Kids! KIDS! Get these crazy people off me!!!” Stan shouted as he was taken down the street and more townsfolk came out to cheer. I let go of Ford's leg and floated up. That...was...unsettling.  
  
Ford and Gideon stared at me. “What...WAS that thing?” Ford gasped. I stared at the spot where the Bill had been. “I...think he was a Bill from another dimension…”  
  
I beat a hasty retreat after that (well, kinda got sucked out the door after that), terrified out of my mind and wanting nothing more than to get home. I zeroed in on my door and rushed through it, slamming it shut behind me and latching all the locks that were now on it. I quickly scanned all of my Mindscape to make sure nothing was here that shouldn't be.  
  
The dolls were fine. My security settings were fine. Everything was in its rightful place (except that memory of the transdimensional toilet which kinda teleports randomly around the place) and I heaved a sigh of relief. That. Was FUCKING terrifying.  
  
I slumped over onto the bed in my Mindscape. One of them anyway. My Mindscape was a bedroom, multiple bedrooms in a huge tower with ladders and slides between the floors. Each floor had its own theme. It was a cool place but a bitch to get around, just the way I liked it. If anyone gets in here, chances are, they'll get lost.  
  
I laid on the bed, hugging an orange teddy bear and whimpered. That...was scary. I can't...I don't want to go through that again. That Bill I saw, was capable of devouring another Bill. Had tried to go for me as well. I laid on my bed for the longest time, unsure and afraid. The only thing I could think of was to tell BlueBill what I had found. Hopefully our timezones would synch up enough to get the message out.  
  
The GlitchBill wasn't alone. He said there were more of him. Oh god. There were more of him. Blue can wait...  
  
“I have to talk to Ax…”  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *Looks at fic* Eh...over 60 chapters and there's finally plot? Eh....uwu...  
> So, it's officially the one year anniversary of my fic~  
> Happy birthday Illusion IS Reality! You're a year old!
> 
> 65 chapters in 1 year...holy shit...
> 
> Also! I got a new poncho!  
> 
> 
> My poncho collection grows~


	75. Chapter 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was something urgent I had to do...but I don't remember what it was...

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 66**  
  
**-Make it all make sense-**  
  
\---  
  
Ax made a very unhappy expression. It actually looked quite funny. But this wasn't a time for laughter. He sighed. **-I believe the phrase is, I told you so-**  
  
“Yeah, I know. Whatever. But what the actual fuck was that?” I patted his large face. He sighed again. **-It would be better if you didn't know-**  
  
“Unless knowing puts me in active danger, I'm gonna have to call bullshit. Tell me.” I demanded. “Please.” I added. He kept quiet. I scowled. “TELL ME! I'm SICK of you keeping all these secrets from me!” he looked away. I snarled. “Dammit Dad! If you don't FUCKING tell me I'm going to FIND OUT MYSELF by PURPOSELY tracking another one DOWN an-!”  
  
He pulled me close and settled on a cloud heavily, looking exhausted. **-Broken dimensions and discarded timelines-** he said with a miserable look. I paused, actually surprised he answered.  
  
“...explain?”  
  
**-There are an infinite dimensions, an infinite stories crafted by the infinite storytellers-**  
  
“So...the other AXOLOTLs?”  
  
He hesitated before nodding and then shook his head **-Most were crafted by the Time Giants before they fell, others by the other Mes, though...we're all the same entity at the end of the day. I only have dominion over this Reality, some of my alternatives command multiple-** Well yeah, I knew THAT much, Seb's Ax obviously had power over at LEAST two dimensions and Blue has hinted at his own Ax commanding a VAST number of them.  
  
I tugged at his finger. “So…that Bill was from a world created by some other AXOLOTL?” He nodded and I frowned. “But...what the fuck _is_ that other Bill I saw?”  
  
**-An abandoned story. Left without a conclusion-** Ax poked me gently **-And you, with your Dreamscape filled with nothing but Stories, have attracted them to you-**  
  
Well fuck. That sounded...kinda sad actually.  
  
“So what did he mean by...how we were all supposed to be one until people split us apart or something?” Ax stared at me. **-I'm sure you know-**  
  
Oh. Right. If the other doors that to lead to different dimensions created by different Axolotls are all branching alternative dimensions, then the one TRUE Bill would be the Canon Bill. But all these other worlds were created and branched out, caused him to split apart in all sorts of ways, in all sorts of characterizations...ok, I can see why they might want to come back together again but...hell no. I'm not gonna combine myself with the others. I'm ME and I refuse to be anyone else BUT me. Besides...I'm...not really a REAL Bill Cipher!

...right?  
  
Wait.  
  
“Abandoned dimensions?” I clarified. “So...like...what exactly does that mean?”  
  
Ax closed his eyes, looking pained. **-Their AXOLOTL abandoned them. Allowed them to crumble into nothingness to start anew building another Reality-**  
  
I froze. The implications of such a thing making me feel faint. “Why? Why would they…”  
  
**-To start anew when the old didn't turn out how they wanted, or because existence came to an end and they were forced to leave or reset-** his mental ‘voice’ sounded strained.  
  
I shook my head, horrified. For the AXOLOTL to abandon a world, truly abandon it...what would that entail? Without the salamander's power keeping that reality in existence...wouldn't it just...cease to exist? An entire reality, with a whole multiverse within it...trillions upon trillions of lives...all...gone. And even if existence came to an end there, shouldn't the AXOLOTL be able to fix it?  
  
How could a creature who was meant to be the ultimate GOOD do that?! Wasn't the AXOLOTL supposed to be a good God?  
  
That Bill I saw. Had he somehow escaped his collapsing dimension? He must have. And somehow, he found me. That would be the true danger of my Dreamscape. I can visit all the infinite realities there were, but doors are a way both in and out. My Exit doors were something I still didn't fully understand. Did they only exist when I opened MY door? Does me opening my door and going out there cause doors to exist within the Mindscape of all the other Bills? Is that how that Bill got in?  
  
Then I was hit with another thought. I peered up at Ax. My...surrogate father. He had his face tensed up, unhappy and stressed.  
  
“Have _you_ ever abandoned a reality?”  
  
I don't know why I asked. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. Ax is a good guy. He's supposed to be a good guy. I look to him for guidance because I KNOW I'm coming apart and I don't know how to myself together. I've done so many awful things and half the time I don't even care anymore. I NEEDED Ax to be my anchor of good. To give me something to ground myself. To hear him critique me, advise me, punish me if I go too far.  
  
I stared up at him with tears welling up when he remained silent. “Ax?” I trembled. He...can't have done that. He just can't….  
  
I reached out to take his hand, my small black fingers contrasting starkly against the pale pink of his skin. “...dad?”  
  
He turned away from me. **-You weren't what I was expecting-**  
  
“W-what? Why? Why would you EVER do something li-?!”  
  
He cuts me off by enveloping me in his large hands. It was dark in here as he squeezed. It didn't hurt, he was simply pressing down.  
  
**-You are more than I've ever dared to dream for. I shouldn't have told you. I knew this would upset you…-**  
  
“Ax?” I pressed my hand against his palm. “Ax, let go. Talk to me! Explain this to me!” I wasn't quite panicking. Not yet. “Dad? Dad, please! I just want to understand! Quit being stupid and just TALK to me!”  
  
**-It would be better if you never found out-**  
  
I shoved against his hands but I couldn't get out. I was starting to get a little scared. “Dad? Let me go please? Daddy?” I was starting to sway, it was hard to keep my eye open. I reached for my powers but they weren't working. “Dad…” I slumped over as the strength left my limbs. “Please...just...tell me...I promise I will listen...to...you...explain…” I laid there in the dark, listening to a growing rumbling sound drown out his words.  
  
**-I won't risk you...not when you're the one I…-** I closed my eye as the rumbling took over my senses.  
  
I blinked my eye open. Huh...what was…?  
  
Oh...right. I came to bother Ax about how he was a great grandpa now. Hah! He’s old now~  
  
Wait. That means I’m a grandmother/father. Eugh...nope. I refuse to be called a grandma/pa. No thank you. I shook myself and float up from where I was lying on Ax’s arm. I fell asleep again?! Ugh. BlueBill might be right. Having a Dreamscape is more trouble than it’s worth.  
  
Ax seemed...tired?  
  
Huh. Never thought someone who sleeps constantly would be tired but hey, what do I know? I was planning to wake him up to tease him but he looked paler than usual with his gills and tail curled around himself tightly. His breathing was also somewhat labored. Was he sick? I laid a hand on his face to find him warm yet clammy, which, despite the fact that he’s a salamander, actually wasn’t normal for him.  
  
Thoroughly worried now, I created a nice blanket out of the clouds and tucked him in. I didn’t know what to do if Ax really was sick. I’ve never seen him sick before. I hung around, fretting over him and growing myself into a larger size just so I could hold him and try to keep him warm on my bricks. I was relieved when he finally opened his eyes an indeterminate amount of time later. “Hey Ax. Are you ok?”  
  
He stared at me before swimming out of my arms. **-I’m sorry-** he rumbled. I grin and waved my hand “It’s fine. I don’t mind taking care of you for once. What happened anyway? Were you sick?”  
  
He settled onto some clouds. **-I used too much power trying to do something-**  
  
“Gasp!” I said the word dramatically “You actually tried to do something?!” I swooned as I shrunk back to my default size and flopped onto his arm. “No wonder you got sick. You’re so out of shape from sleeping constantly!”  
  
He rumbled and buried his face in his arms. I poked him. “This is proof that you need to get out and exercise more!” I was hiding my relief behind my jovial tone. Seriously, don’t scare me like that! I poked him again, because I had been scared that something bad was happening to him and I needed to let him know how ~~afraid~~ annoyed I was. “Seriously. If doing something causes this much problem, you obviously have to exercise more.”  
  
**-...I will take your words into consideration-**  
  
I pouted and poked him even more to express my scolding. “I'm serious! I don't want you collapsing on me old man.” he rumbled. **-Then please let me rest-**  
  
I huffed and put my hands on my hips (well, my bottom corners, but they're pretty much hips) “Well fine~I can see when I'm not wanted.” I made to leave but Ax spoke up. **-You are not unwanted. Do not ever think that-**  
  
I paused. That was...Ax almost outright telling me he cared. I turned bright orange. “W-well...just get some rest before you collapse again ok?” I blinked out of there with a full feeling in my core and a bright smile in my eye.  
  
\---  
  
“Mom! What do I do?!”  
  
Pyrone held his screaming daughter as Flora put out the fires. Pyronica coo’ed at her granddaughter. “Aw~Barely a cycle old and she’s already setting the house on fire. I’m so proud~” I giggled at the scowl on Pyrone’s face. “Don’t PRAISE her for it!”  
  
“Here, gimme.” I felt bad for his obvious stress and floated up to gently take the hybrid from him. “Hey~What’s wrong Rince? Are you hungry? No?” She scowled at me, barring her sharp teeth. “Poopy? Nope.” I gushed at the little red ball of fire. She stared at me with her angry, tear filled eye and flicked some more fire around. “Oh I know! You’re sleepy and can't go to bed because you keep setting it on fire~” Rince lunged forward and bit my eye out.  
  
I’m starting to get the feeling she doesn’t like me.  
  
As I rolled around screaming, Pyronica grabbed the baby from me and Flora panicked about the whole situation. It took us hours to get the infant settled down. Yeesh. Even the twins weren't this bad growing up. I spent some time fireproofing everything in a half mile radius. The new parents looked exhausted. Flora called me a miracle worker for Cursing their kitchen to cook food FOR them if they say the command word. It helped a lot since they were too tired to make food.  
  
To my despair, my every attempt to hold Rince was met with violence. She simply did NOT like me. Pyronica gave me a comforting pat. “It's fine. I get the feeling she doesn't like anyone.”  
  
  
  
I left the new parents to their child and headed home.  
  
\---  
  
Pynelope said she wanted to do an interview with me. “Maybe if I can get some real information for my article I can get people to understand that you’re not that bad.” I sat on the couch as she setup the recording device. I fussed with my bowtie. “Do I look good?”  
  
“You look fine dad.” Pynelope rolled her eye. “Ok...3...2...1...and go.” She sat down next to me.  
  
“So. Hello. I'm Pynelope and this is Bill Cipher, who kindly agreed to sit down for an interview with me today.”  
  
“Hiya~” I waved at the camera. Oof. I'm going to need to get less camera shy if such a thing keeps happening. Pynelope looked down at her notes. “So, tell us a little about yourself.”  
  
“Well…” oh gee, what can I say? “I'm a demon god of Knowledge and Chaos. Which isn't really as bad as it sounds. I mainly grant summoner's desires in exchange for a price. Information you want? Done. An object you desire? No problem. A person you desire? Now that is something I refuse on principle simply because I don't want to.”  
  
“Why is that?” Pynelope asked. I adjust my bowtie again, resisting the urge to spin it. “Well most of the time when people ask for that sort of thing, it's like 'I love that person but they don't love me back’ so they want me to MAKE the other person like them. I don't like doing that because it interferes with Free Will and all that jazz.”  
  
“But there are plenty of gods that alter people's minds. And as a master of the Mind, wouldn't such a thing be easy for you?”  
  
“Just because I CAN doesn't mean I WILL.” I rolled my eye. “Besides, going into someone's head and messing around? That's EASY. There's no challenge to it. So I don't bother because it's boring and it leaves a bad taste in my eye.”  
  
Pynelope wrote some stuff down. “And how do you feel about the gods who DO mess with people's minds?”  
  
“Look, this is one of those case by case basis things. Maybe they're rewriting someone's personality, maybe they're erasing memories or maybe they're removing a mental trauma. There are both bad and good applications for this.” I waved my arms around. “I know there are good, consensual ways to alter minds, I can't condemn others for doing it without knowing their reasons.”  
  
I thought about it. “Also, there are a few species out there that have mental effects as a natural part of their biology. There's one species that let out a signal to make people think they're an old, trusted friend. This is a natural self defense mechanism and I can't blame them for that.”  
  
“That's very interesting. Do these species affect you?” Pynelope asked. I laughed. “Only if I allow it. Heck, there's a species of flobberworm in Dimension 87 that causes wild hallucinations if you breathe in their pheromones. I've used them to make incense before. Actually, that was part of a Deal.”  
  
“A Deal?” Pynelope flipped to another page. I was starting to relax, this was nice. I liked talking. And even if the camera was on, it wasn't a live recording so I didn't have to worry about messing up and being embarrassed.  
  
“See this Dorioth was hoping to start a business of an...entertainment kind. What better way to have fun then getting high, sort of thing. So he wanted to use the worms for that but couldn't actually get close to them without collapsing into a giggling mess. So he summoned me, asked me to get the things for him and-” I shrugged “-it wasn't a big deal for me so I did. Even taught him how to distill the worm's natural chemicals into a liquid that could be stored safely.”  
  
“And what was the price for that Deal?”  
  
“Well it was just a simple fetch quest and tutorial I threw in as a freebie. Frankly, I was impressed at his initiative to try something new and make something from it, I do so love innovation, so my only price was that he would not be able to use the incense he made on himself.”  
  
Pynelope blinked slowly. “So...the guy who wanted to use the stuff to get high...can no longer get high on the stuff?”  
  
I giggled. “I know~ironic right?” I tilted my hat. “But there was an EASY loophole if he ever wanted to have fun with his own product.”  
  
“Loophole?” She asked. I nodded. “It's pretty obvious. All he had to do was teach someone else how to make the stuff and he could use the ones THEY made to get high.”  
  
It was so simple. I left in such an easy loophole for him to abuse because I actually liked him. Very different from the first frog I made a Deal with. Pynelope frowned. “And did he ever discover this loophole?”  
  
My cheery smile dropped. “No.” I groaned. “Why are people so stupid? I left in a perfectly exploitable section of the Deal for him...and he never realized it!” I leaned back in my seat. “Which actually turned out well for him, he started his own company and became a successful businessman. So...yay?”  
  
I still wasn't sure how to feel about the outcome of that Deal. Pynelope held back a snort of amusement. “Ok. Well, it's nice to know one of your Deals had a happy ending.”  
  
“Plenty of my Deals have happy endings!” I protested. “There are a bunch of people who agree to be my pseudo-friend in exchange for my protection. They're perfectly fine out there. I protect them from harm and they grant me a bit of worship.”  
  
“Worship…”  
  
“I AM a god after all.” I rubbed my hand along my bricks. “If they worship me, I can feel it. It's pretty nice actually.” I sit up straight “And then there's my other worshipers. The ones who start cults in my name without even asking me first.”  
  
“Ah, the Cipher cults that you...sometimes destroy?” Pynelope asked. “One of the reasons people think you're crazy is because you're a god who kills his own followers.”  
  
“Oh I AM crazy, but that's not why I kill them.” I explained “See, most of these idiots have never even SPOKEN to me. How the heck am I supposed to accept them when they run around using my name as a EXCUSE for all the shit they do? Fuck, there was a guy who raped and murdered and told people that I asked him to do it.” I fumed. “Which I FUCKING didn't! I've never even talked with the guy!” especially since I ripped out his vocal chords when I finally found him. So, yeah, never even spoke with him.  
  
I turned to the camera. “And just a side note, I would NEVER ask my worshipers to do something as stupid as rape and murder. That's what the Federation does.”  
  
Off screen I heard Kryptos shout “Oh snap!”  
  
“So you feel strongly about people who use your name without your permission?” Pynelope held back a smile as Kryptos and Hectorgon high foured in the back of the room. A bunch of my friends had come to listen in. I sighed. “Once again, this is one of those case by case things. I'm fine with people invoking me or whatever. And if they want to start worshiping me without ever having met me, that's fine too. But I don't like it when they LIE and claim I told them to do something when I CLEARLY didn't.”  
  
“So...you, as a demon, dislike lies?” Pynelope pressed. I rolled my eye. “Just ‘cause I'm a demon, doesn't make me a master of lies. That is an awful stereotype. Once again, lying to your face is something the Federation does.”  
  
“Hear hear!” PaciFire and Hectorgon grunted from off screen.  
  
“You seem to hold a lot of animosity towards the Federation.”  
  
“I actually **don't** hate them.” I admitted. “I hate the laws and policies and hypocrisy within their government. I can count on one hand the number of actual GOOD people in their council. I can't condemn all of the Federation while these people are trying so hard to change things for the better.”  
  
I sighed. “Despite all the awful things the Federation has done over the past few millennia, they have done SOME good too. Not a lot, not enough to make up for the shit they pull with their forceful colonization, genocide of entire ‘problematic species’ and attempted erasure of culture.” I closed my eye and breathed heavily. “The Federation began as a group of aliens banning together for survival. They were focused on keeping themselves and their loved ones alive and happy. But as the years went on, this kindness vanished as their successors became more interested in controlling the world around them.”  
  
Everyone was quiet. Most of them didn't know this about the Federation. It was the FEDERATION. They have never known it as anything other than the giant, powerful system of government looming over the multiverse. I felt so old. And...tired.  
  
“I…” I rubbed my eye. “...don't even know how I feel about it anymore. They're annoying as a collective and their police force is trained to be way too trigger happy...but mainly I'm just...kinda tired of them.” Tired of them always spewing out ‘anger’ ‘suspicion’ and ‘fear’ around me. I sighed. “Can we change the subject?”  
  
Pynelope pressed her lips together before nodding. “So what are your hobbies?”  
  
I clapped. “Good question! I like dancing, drawing, crafting nightmares, cooking, cleaning, singing, stalking people, playing video games, screaming at people over the internet, defending the honor of my husbando Rakushun…”  
  
I can hear my friends stifling laughter.  
  
“...cosplay, dressing up in general, designing pretty clothing, listening to heartbeats, trying new foods, helping people, crafting adorable animals then releasing them into the wild on an uninhabited planet…”  
  
“I think we're good Bill.” Pynelope interrupted. I pouted. “Oh please~” I tilted my hat “I haven't even gotten to the barest minimum of what interests I pursue in my spare time. And if this interview is going to be about getting to know ME...” Some music began to play from an unknown source. Pynelope face palmed. “Not a song…”  
  
_“When you're rife with devastation there's a simple explanation, you're reality's creation trapped inside a crystal ball~and whichever way he tilts it, know that we must be resilient, we don't let then break our spirits as we sing our silly song~”_  
  
I danced in the air, twirling my cane around. My friends were all groaning.  
  
_“When I was a little kiddy, a ravenous flame overtook my city~so he shipped me off to the Spaces Between, he said ‘control your powers so this won't happen again’~”_ I rolled my top hat down my arm and grabbed it by the brim before it could fall.  
  
_“So I broke a thousand holes and broke myself to reach my goals~now the memories all blur and the faces are obscured but I still know the words to my songs~”_ I swept my arm to the side, still gripping my hat.  
  
_“When you've broken all your angles and your loved ones have been mangled, listen to the twinkle twangles of the music's merry strings~cause these chords are hypnotizing and the whole world's harmonizing~so please children stop your crying and just sing along with me~”_ I slipped my hat back on, twirling in place and finishing with some fireworks.  
  
“...you didn't have to...but you did.” Pynelope groaned. I float back down to my seat. “You know I can't resist any excuse for a musical number!”  
  
““Yeah. We know.”” all my friends groaned.  
  
Pynelope looked down at her notes. “One last question. What are your plans for the future?”  
  
I considered that. “I...really don't know…” there was my wait for humanity and eventual meeting with Ford...but I didn't really have major aspirations for the future. Anything else I was working on were things for my hobbies/careers with my other identities. For a moment I worried over what it was I was planning to do with my life. Did it even matter?  
  
“...the problem with being as old as I am...and knowing that there's an infinite amount of time still yet to live...is that I don't have anything I can really..aim towards. There's no...end goal. Just stuff that I can do to fill the time while I wait for the end of existence. Wild parties and entertainment...but those are extras, not goals.” I sighed. “I'm still searching for my own meaning. What it is that I want to do. When this all began...when I started out...I wanted to help people. But all I seem to do is mess things up.”  
  
It was a somber thought. Pynelope looked sad. “That sounds really…” she couldn't finish her thought. Finally she sighed. “Well thank you for your time. I'm going to fix up the footage and submit it to my news screen.”  
  
I watched her turn the camera off and sighed. “Sorry that I brought down the mood.” I told my friends. “Sorry that I'm making you all go through this with me.. Keyhole looked a little pale but ultimately he ran up and opened his arms, inviting me in for a hug. I took it, relaxing into his embrace with a sigh.  
  
“At least we won't be facing it alone.” Keyhole heaved a shaking breath. “We'll have each other and you, right?” he looked up at me. I nodded. “I will always be here. Even if I get destroyed, I'll come back. I won't leave you all alone.” Not like I was.  
  
We eventually let go of each other and Keyhole blushed. “I AM glad to be your friend Bill.” He furrowed his eye ridges. “I'm going to try and pursue a career.” He declared. “I don't know what I want to do...so...I'm going to try everything and see what I like.”  
  
Ammy folded and unfolded one of his blocks. “I suppose I should try as well.” It seems like my words about how I didn't know what to do with my life had inspired them to think about their own futures.  
  
That was...good?  
  
I gave each of them a hug and then I had to leave due to another summoning. As per usual, I checked for traps before I appeared.  
  
Funny story.  
  
There was no binding circle but there WAS an entire troop of aliens training their guns on me. I notice they took the effort to make sure there were no triangles anywhere in the room. None except the drawing of me they used to summon me. With them all hidden in the blind spots of where my Eye could see, I suppose I was a little surprised when I heard the whirling of their guns preparing for fire.  
  
My first instinct was to discard my vessel.  
  
The first few shots missed when the target they were aiming at turned to stone and dropped to the ground. Within the Mindscape I blinked slowly as I processed what was happening.  
  
Oh you cheeky little buggers.  
  
An assassination attempt? On ME? I laughed at the thought. Part of me wanted to kill them all and string them up somewhere noticeable as a warning to others...but the other part of me wanted to see where this went. I watched them shoot at my vessel a few times before hesitantly leaving their cover and walking closer to it. Nice try dudes. My vessel in it's stone form is nearly indestructible. Much like a Weeping Angel under observation, it was stone. And you can't kill stone.  
  
“Is he...dead?”  
  
“Naw, he turned to stone right before we could shoot ‘em. I bet this is a self defense thing. Well jokes on him. He can't move like dis and we'll shoot the instant he unfreezes!”  
  
I giggled. Oh. I had a much better idea~  
  
After all, the one who summoned me still needed to ask for a Deal. I followed them as they bound my discarded vessel in chains and carried it off. “I thought we were going to kill him boss?” One of the people, a rather cute Manrilla female, asked while she picked up the statue. The apparent boss, a rather large and muscular creature resembling a chair, the damn chair dimension, so weird, scowled. “That was the plan but I think this here's a golden opportunity. We've captured Bill Cipher! Now we can make him work for ME!”  
  
“I'm not sure that's how it works boss.” Another alien, oh my, it was a lava lamp creature. Was it the one I saw from the show? Don't really know. “The second he unfreezes he could just kill us all.”  
  
“Dun worry. I have just the thing.” The chair hopped over and directed the Manrilla to put my vessel down. He poured salt all around my vessel in a circle. Oh. Looks like this guy wasn't a complete idiot. Still, what was it about salt that allowed it to make barriers? Probably the belief that it worked. If enough people believed something it would become true. Also, I think there was a certain god who popularized this sort of thing, pouring his own power into this ‘concept’ until we all had to deal with it.  
  
I floated around and watched them. Frankly, I could escape a salt circle by doing what I'm doing now, returning to the Mindscape. It was safe here. At least, it generally was. I've met a few ghosts and other things here, not quite Souls, more like...Shades of strong emotions and fragments of what might have been Souls, too broken to be whoever they originally were but similar enough to pass. None of them could over power me and simply left me alone. They did try to get at my vessels if I happened to leave one lying around.  
  
Ghosts are weird.  
  
\---  
  
I spent the next week subtly messing with their dreams and building up their fear and paranoia. They were confused about why I hadn't unfrozen myself from my statue form. A few of them wondered if I were dead. I sent them dreams that were exactly like their waking lives. Their same routines, habits and motions until one day bled into the other and they would go to sleep in the dream to wake up in reality and go to bed at night to wake in their dream.  
  
They were scared and confused, wondering if something was wrong. Wondering which was the dream and which was the reality. I had linked all their dreams together so they really were talking to their co-workers within their dreams and in reality, leading them to question which was real.  
  
They could no longer tell. I could accurately stimulate the sensations of taste, smell, touch and even pain within their dreams. I grinned to myself as they slowly went mad trying to figure out which was real. Serves them right for attempting to kill and bind me. The frozen vessel was still kept inside a circle of sand. I wonder when they would figure out what was happening? Just for fun, in one of their shared dreams, the vessel unfroze and I grinned at them from within the fake circle.  
  
“Well, well, well~ sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I’ve been busy.” I examined my nails, hm, should go get them painted again soon. The chair scowled at me. “Finally! It took you long enough!” He muttered “Was starting to think you really had died…”  
  
“HAH!” I slammed my face into the salt barrier “As if!” I made sure to pretend the barrier actually did something. “If killing me were this easy, I’d have been gone ages ago!” I laughed. “So, what’s up? You wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of all this for no reason?”  
  
“I want a Deal without any of your stupid side effects. Just a nice, simple Deal in which you give me what I want.” The chair said snobbishly. “And in exchange, I’ll free you.” I giggled. “And what makes you think I need YOUR help for that?” Under his terrified gaze, I floated right past the salt circle. “B-but...the rules…”  
  
“I’m Bill Cipher.” I grinned. “Fuck the rules.” He screamed “Shoot him! Shoot him now!”  
  
They fired at me and I laughed maniacally as the shots bounced off me. “Did you really think it would be this easy?” I waved my hand and tore their hands off. I knew how to simulate the pain from this, I’ve felt it before during one of my bad days. Days when I inflicted all sorts of horrible injuries on myself just to try and feel better. My attackers all screamed in pain and fell to the ground as their stumps sprayed blood around the room. “Rude. Who the heck opens fire on a guest? For shame.” I scoffed.  
  
After I felt like they’ve been sufficiently intimidated, I healed their hands, the blood flowing around and being sucked back inside them. “Well, let this be a lesson. Now…” I turned back to the boss. “Why don’t we skip all this stupidness and you just tell me what the Deal is?”  
  
The chair stuttered. I leaned on my cane. “How ‘bout I make this simple for you? You want riches. A boring desire but a relatively simple one. So, how about this? I give you a pile of unobtainium and you are not allowed to use the money you get off them for any personal purchases? Does that sound fair?”  
  
“...no…”  
  
“Well TOO BAD. You lost the chance to barter when you tried to kill me.” I jabbed him with my cane. “Alternatively, I can leave and you're left with nothing.”  
  
“But I summoned you! You have to grant my wish-!”  
  
“I don't do wishes buddy.” I sneered at him. “Not unless I really like you. And guess what? I. Don't. Like. You.” I punctuate each word with a little thunk of my cane against the ground. “I'll give you a week to make up your mind about the Deal. Take it or leave it. You wanted no awful side effects? Well then, I can promise that as long as you follow the agreement, nothing bad would happen to you.”  
  
I allowed myself to float back to the salt circle and became a stone statue once more. One last message ringing out “Unless you offer me something really nice instead…”  
  
I made the rest of their dream day play out as normal. This was a long term trolling that I was starting to get bored of. The chair raged about my terms. One of his men asked “Why don't you just offer him something better?”  
  
“What is considered better? He's a DEMON! He probably wants my soul.” The chair muttered.  
  
A Yellowtail Grogart adjusted their glasses. “Actually, if you compile the information about Bill Cipher over the past few millennia, excluding the PSAs the Federation puts out, you will find that Bill Cipher is actually a very unusual demon. While he enjoys mayhem, he actually shows a dislike for obtaining souls, appearing almost offended if you offer him one and prefers more practical prices such as items, favors and entertainment-”  
  
  
  
“Shut up Dy. I don't want to hear your stupid jabbering. The chair snarled, not listening to a word he said. I frowned. Way to disregard the words of the only smart one here. Ugh. Why do people always do this? I stared at the Grogart, what’s their name...David...huh...for their species, shortening or mangling their name was considered a high offense. Which meant mister chair (whom I wasn't even going to bother learning the name of) was being quite disrespectful.  
  
He was too good to be working here. A historian...how did someone like him end up mixed up with this gang? I put a pin on that thought for now. Perhaps I can shift the deal somewhat to help him out...  
  
I spent a few more days fucking with them even more as I observed David on the side, trying to figure out why he stayed here. Ooh~so that's it. Well, that can be easily fixed…I disguised myself as the Manrilla girl and started spreading a little rumor. The idea that Bill Cipher liked to collect people. It was almost true.  
  
A week comes (technically, half a week since they spent whole days within their dreams) and I stood before the chair boss within their shared dream. “So? Have you got any better offers for me?” I twirled my cane lazily. The chair sneered. “How 'bout this, you give me all the riches I'll ever want and in exchange, you can have one of my men.”  
  
“B-boss?!” The others gasped. My grin widened. This was too easy. I made a show of peering around the room. “Selling out your own guys? You really ARE the worst aintcha?” I pointed my cane at one “Who should I pick?” I moved my cane to point at someone else. _“So many choices~and such riches aplenty~”_ They begin shuffling back, trying to hide behind each other.  
  
“So, just making sure, the Deal is that I give you all the riches you'd ever dream of and in exchange, I'll relieve you of your unneeded cronies?” I asked, wondering if he would really be stupid enough to fall for such an OBVIOUS trap.  
  
“Deal!” The chair said, extending one of his legs. I laugh maniacally as I shook his hand. The fire spread up my arms and all over my body, it seared through the room all the people within. The chair screamed at first but when the fire faded he gasped at his surroundings. Gold and precious metals, gemstones and more. He laughed as he ran to the nearest pile and dove into it, laughing in astonished delight.  
  
“Yes! Money money money!” He cheered. I slid out of his dream, watching the chair stand in his room, fast asleep. Too easy. He didn't even notice I changed the wording of his deal pretty drastically. Really.  
  
All around the building, the others were beginning to wake up. I ignored the lot of them, didn't care about them, I was after just one person. I moved some objects to break the salt circle and reclaimed my vessel. Now it was off to David's room. His eyes went wide when he saw me floating over him. His first response was to hide his head under his wing.  
  
“You're free now.” I told him. He slowly peeked his face back out. “What do you mean?” I rolled my eye. “Of everyone here, I'm sure you would have realized it.” he frowned and thought about my words. His eyes went wide as he stood up and flapped his wings a few times. “Boss is...gone?”  
  
I laughed. “Go see for yourself.” I leaned on my cane “Frankly, you're too good to work here. And now you're free to leave.”  
  
“But...my contract with boss…”  
  
“Terminated. That was the deal after all. I relieve him of any unneeded cronies, and with your boss's current state, you're ALL unneeded, hence, you're free.”  
  
“But...my debt…” he frowned. I floated closer and grinned. “Paid off in full.” They all were, the Deal kinda necessitated that. I even spent a few days cashing (ha!) in a few favors from several criminal gangs and organizations to get all chair-dude’s workers cleared of whatever they might have owed in preparation for this. It was a gamble, the chair might not have taken the bait. But regardless, I still wanted to free David so getting everyone else was just a bonus.  
  
David’s beak dropped open and he looked at a loss for words. “W-why?” He gasped. I shrugged. “Truthfully, I’m a little interested in you. You’re not a complete dumbass. It was a waste to keep someone like you here.” I floated down to be eye level with him. “I'm here to offer you a job.”  
  
He blinked. “A job?” I nodded. “You're a historian. A pretty good one too. Well, my son has decided he wants to pursue research and I've found him checking out historic records and even getting my friend Hec to hack Federation files for information. I think having an actual historian help him with his interest would be a big help.”  
  
“Your son?” David was already twitching his talons as if he wanted to write this down. I nodded. “Ammy's a good kid but he's never really been to school. I've tried teaching him but neither of us really have the best attention spans for any thing long term.” I paused. “I feel like I've fail him in that regard. Nevertheless, if this is something he wants to do, I want to support him. Like a proper parent.”  
  
David stared at me and fluffed his feathers. “You really are...” He tilted his head back and squinted in what I believe is a smile. “So...you want me to be your son's history teacher?”  
  
“Something like that. Of course, I will pay you handsomely.” I tilted my hat. David considered it. “What sort of pay?” I grinned. “5000 Credits monthly, room and board, food, healthcare and…” I leaned in “...vacation days.” pretty much the same as Google got. Maze of Knowledge was on its 3rd season and the royalty credits were doing well. I can also transfer credits between several other accounts I've made. I'm thinking of giving my Yun persona her own ID and accounts as well.  
  
He blinked. “And...how long will this employment last?” I considered it “We can go for one year, standard galactic time and after that you can renew your contract or leave.” I informed him. David still looked hesitant. “Do I need to make a Deal?”  
  
“Not unless you want to make it so.” I shrugged. “I already made a Deal today, and making too many in the same day leads to terrible consequences.” His feathers dropped and he took a small step back. “No offense mister Cipher but that sounds terrifying.”  
  
“Oh it is. The last time that happened I ended up eating my summoner and all his friends. Not something I want to repeat.”  
  
He nodded slowly. “And...I can leave after a year. And this is ONLY being a tutor for your son?” I grinned. “Yup. If you are unsatisfied with the arrangement we can renegotiate or you can quit, but you won't be paid for that month unless you're more than halfway through.”  
  
“That's more than fair.” He nodded. “But what do you mean by room and board?”  
  
“I generally allow my staff to live with me. If you'd rather commute or have Ammy come to you for lessons, we will discuss with Ammy for whichever he is more comfortable with. I simply prefer not leaving my son alone with a stranger, no offense.”  
  
“None taken. You are a father after all-”  
  
“Mother.” I corrected.  
  
David looked gobsmacked. “You...oh...my pardons ma'am. I...all the records refer to you as a male.” I groaned. “I know right? It's fine, I'm both male and female, it's not too big of a problem for me.”  
  
He nodded. “Well, I can understand why you worry for the safety of your child. I have a son of my own...whom I haven't seen in years…” he looked saddened by this fact.  
  
“Have you had any contact with your family since you came here? Or looked up any information about them?” I asked. He shook his head. “I haven't been able to.” He said morosely. I flickered. “Well, as a sign of my good will, here's a little freebie…”  
  
“Huh?” He gasped when I wrapped my hands around him, stretching my arms until they enveloped him. Good thing his home world was in another dimension or I wouldn't be able to do this.  
  
We reappeared outside his old house, his old nest. There were soft sobbing sounds coming from inside. I see David's eyes go wide behind his glasses. He stumbled forward in disbelief. “This is…”  
  
I hung back and watched as he entered his old home, heard the surprised gasps of his grieving family who had just seen him dragged off by the mob merely 30 minutes before. Ain't time travel great? Good thing ol’ Glasses here didn't make contact with his family or I wouldn't be able to do this. Damn Time Baby and his paradoxes. I even took the liberty of de-aging the bird so he could live a long happy life with his family.  
  
I twitch as my bricks throbbed. Oof. My powers did **not** enjoy that. Quick, I need to do something awful before my powers tried to enact some horrid side effect…  
  
I blinked away to the Infinetentiary and turned all the cell walls into candy. “MERRY CRIMBO EVERYONE!” I cheered before blinking away as the guards got there. My powers settled, satisfied at the resulting prison break.  
  
Stupid powers. It was annoying sometimes. I got back to David and found him explaining to his family what had happened. He looked up when I floated over. “T-thank you...I don't know what to say…” he looked down at his wings, the formerly gray feathers now blue. “This is more than I've ever imagined…”  
  
“Your imagination is limited.” I told him simply “But this is the last freebie I'm giving you. So, let's discuss your future employment…”  
  
I confess, there were multiple reason for this. Yes, I wanted to give Ammy someone to tutor him, but I also wanted to try and change my reputation...at least a little. Perhaps...someday.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: More musical references to Friendship is Witchcraft~


	76. Chapter 66.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What have I done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. Been a while since I wrote Ax's POV  
> In other news~  
> SNOW!  
> 

**Illusion is Reality**

**Chapter 66.5**

**AXOLOTL Interlude**  
  
\----  
  
What have I done?  
  
The shame filled me as I watch Bill Blink away to go back to doing whatever it is he does when he isn't with me. This was a odd feeling, permeating my whole being and twisting my clouds out of their usual calm positions.  
  
I knew Bill hated being lied to. But I must. To keep her safe. To keep her happy. _To keep her trust in me_.  
  
My alternatives are judging me. I can feel their disappointment. Not for erasing Bill's memories, plenty of them had done similar things to their Bill's during the 'return' process when they were sent into a different form and time. No. They were **disappointed** in me because of WHY I was erasing Bill's memories.

They were annoyed that I wasn't doing more to stop Bill. They were annoyed that I continued to allow Bill to run free, wild and growing stronger. They were annoyed I was allowing Bill to do whatever they wished.

Soon, I will be cut off from them. A limb discarded from the main body. An infection that needs to be separated from the whole. Like all the other corrupted AXOLOTL. I knew this. I could feel it happening.  
  
Again and again, I had seen other alternatives who had fallen. They allowed their own emotions to get in the way of the goal. I had never thought I would be one of them. I can feel my link with some of the others being slowly, carefully, snipped. They no longer wished to be connected with me.  
  
I was a failure.  
  
A fallen.  
  
A liability.  
  
This was never supposed to happen.  
  
I curl around myself and despair as each link was severed. I could still see my alternatives. But I could no longer speak with them. It grew quieter and quieter as the infinite number of connections dwindled. I could do nothing to stop it. Just as I could not begrudge them for doing so.  
  
I was tainted.  
  
This shouldn't have happened.  
  
It was because of Bill. A Bill who was not Bill...and yet, WAS.  
  
Wherever her soul may have come from doesn't matter. Whoever he had been before doesn't matter. It didn't matter if Bill didn't think they were a real Bill Cipher.  
  
Because they were Bill Cipher.  
  
And their existence was tied into mine.  
  
As is stated, the AXOLOTL was the opposite of Bill Cipher. We were counterparts, that was how _this_ universe had been set up. There was a connection between us, our very essence. There didn't _need_ to be one but I had felt this connection form there at the beginning, the moment we had first met. When that broken child had looked upon me and screamed "FINALLY! Where the hell have YOU been?!"  
  
They latched onto me, clinging to me as their anchor.  
  
And I had allowed it.  
  
If I knew back then what I know now, I wouldn't have allowed it.  
  
But I couldn't go back now.  
  
After meeting Bill, bonding with him, with her.  
  
I couldn't even fathom the idea of not having Bill in my life. I wouldn't be able to stand it.  
  
The AXOLOTL is a neutral party. I cared for everything and nothing. To love all equally and judge all equally. But somewhere along the way I realized how it felt to be loved. To have a creature love me with all their soul.  
  
It is easy to abstain from things when one has experienced nothing. One cannot miss or crave what one has never had. In this way, the AXOLOTL have remained pure. By experiencing nothing, we want for nothing and by having nothing, we crave for nothing.  
  
There is no greed or want when one has never had.  
  
But I had. I was shown something most AXOLOTL had never known.  
  
Genuine love from someone who knew and understood me.  
  
There were plenty of worshipers who prayed to me, loved me and lived for me.  
  
But none of them knew me. Who I am, what I am. Their love for me was born out of duty, and my care for them was nothing more than duty as well. I was their God and their love for me, even if it was sincere, was distant.  
  
Bill loved **me**.  
  
Bill CHOSE to love me.  
  
And, fool that I am, I allowed it.  
  
The correct thing to do would have been to discourage such behavior. Distance myself even more until Bill stopped caring. But I couldn't. My every attempt to rebuff or ignore them was dodged. I would tell Bill to use their powers in a way that would restrict them, weaken them. I would give Bill the information on how to use their powers incorrectly and then leave them alone for years at a time to figure out how it worked on their own. It should have frustrated them, angered them, made Bill write me off as an unhelpful dead end and leave to do his own thing. Like all the other Bills had.

Like they were supposed to.  
  
But she didn't.

She struggled through the information I gave her until she found a way to make it work. She didn't even seem to mind how restricted her powers were, she wanted it that way. She wanted to keep her powers contained so they didn't hurt anyone.  
  
Bill kept coming back to me. Over and over again. Spending time with me, speaking to me, caring for me.  
  
And somehow, against my better judgement, I began to care for him too.

(Though Bill's need to pester me is both exasperating and endearing)  
  
I am supposed to be impartial. I am not supposed to care. And more importantly, I am not supposed to let Bill connect themselves to me. A **true bond** between us should _**never**_ have been allowed.  
  
Because Bill Cipher is the opposite of the AXOLOTL.  
  
What then, would be the result of a Kind Bill Cipher?  
  
A connection goes both ways. An insane Bill meant a sane AXOLOTL. An evil Bill Cipher meant a good AXOLOTL.  
  
It sounded so simple. But what if Bill Cipher wasn't evil. What then?  
  
Then the AXOLOTL will change to match, remaining opposite Bill. That is the result of a Bond. That is what happens when an AXOLOTL and Bill Cipher are directly linked to each other. A morally gray Bill will result in a gray AXOLOTL.  
  
An imperfect, tainted AXOLOTL.  
  
I could fight this, I could remain pure by simply being pure.

(Purity was distant, purity was not questioning the decisions of the AXOLOTL, because the AXOLOTL was right, because there was something more important going on that we/I must do, because only we/I can see the full story)  
  
But if I did that, Bill would never be able to heal. Bill would never get better. Their temper would remain destructive as their power remained unstable and they would remain miserable. For a long time, I remained pure and I watched as Bill suffered again and again as their powers went out of control and they gave into their raging emotions and impulses. Because I hadn't taught them how to stabilize themselves.  
  
Bill would come to me and cry, over and over, blaming themselves for their lack of control.  
  
So...I allowed myself to slip.  
  
Just a little bit.

This didn't make Bill saner, more stable or better. It simple allowed her to be able to improve himself through her own efforts. She could heal and learn patience through her own desire to do so. (Bill's constantly changing mental gender is...somewhat odd to keep track of)

As Bill saw improvement, as they pulled on my to hold themselves steady, they seemed so happy. They came to me with stories about the friends they had made or the time they managed to keep their temper. They seemed so proud of themselves.  
  
I couldn't help but allow myself to slip more and more.  
  
Tiny things. Barely noticeable.  
  
But then Bill told me they could now perform Blessings.  
  
It shouldn't have been possible.  
  
Bill Cipher was an entity of destruction. Blessings should have been impossible.  
  
Curses are a give and take. An input of something results in the output of an effect.  
  
But Blessings were _giving with no return._  
  
Like creating a Soul from nothing. Like creating a universe from nothing. A Blessing was something only I was supposed to be capable of.  
  
That's when I knew I had gone too far. I had let too much of myself slip away. And despite my horror, I found that I couldn't take it back. I **wouldn** 't take it back. I _**didn't want**_ to take it back.  
  
Not if it meant costing Bill their happiness.  
  
I feel the corruption building inside me. Not enough to cause any problems or issues with my Duty but...  
  
I cannot let Bill know of this.  
  
They would blame themselves. They would try to fix me, heal me, help me.  
  
Even if it would mean throwing themselves back into insanity and corruption.  
  
I did not want to see that. Not when they had come so far, worked so hard and finally appeared...happy.  
  
I cannot let them know the truth. I shouldn't have told them anything. I could not let her realize…

And she had realized too many dangerous things.  
  
So I took her memories, her knowledge of what she had learned. Even when she begged me not to. Even when she begged me to tell her what was bothering me. Even when she only wanted to HELP me.

I was afraid of what would happen if Bill began to hate me, like the other Bills hated their AXOLOTL. If she knew how the AXOLOTL made and discarded worlds...  
  
I couldn't let Bill know about this, not the discarded timelines NOR my worsening condition. The only solution would be for Bill to get worse in order for me to get better. And I...have decided that her happiness meant more to me. Even if I would someday turn into a horrible monster, as long as Bill could become someone who could look at themselves and be happy with who they were…  
  
I felt yet another AXOLOTL cut me off. I heard one ask if this was really my choice. If I had truly chosen to allow myself to fall.  
  
_**-If you fell, your dimension would fall with you. Who would regulate the souls? Who would be the judge? This foolishness will only hurt all of you in the end-**_  
  
A prickle of worry rose up before fading. It would be fine. When I fell, Bill will take over my duties. I know they would do well. They were kind. They were filled with love for everything. They will make a better god than I…  
  
_**-But your duty is not to be kind. Your duty, OUR duty, is to be fair-**_  
  
Even so.  
  
If Bill, twisted and broken as they were back when I had first met them, was still capable of loving me, then there must have been a reason. For the I, who couldn't afford to love anyone, this weakness, this craving for Bill's regard was something I couldn't turn away. It would have been easier to love all _equally_ , if I had never been loved _personally_.  
  
But now that I had this taste of what it felt like...I couldn't let it end. I wanted Bill to love me forever. To give me this feeling, painful, euphoric, heavy and overwhelming, I wished to keep this. I can feel the other AXOLOTL turn away. I was a failure.  
  
It was quiet now.  
  
It was always quiet in the Space between Spaces but with the emptiness inside my head, the quiet was deafening. I settled down to sleep, what better way to avoid facing what I had done. Even if it was out of my worry for them, I had betrayed Bill. Betrayed my child. Erased their memories.

Because I was too afraid they would fear me if they knew what I had done. Because I was afraid they would hate me.

And thus, I did something that would ensure they **would** hate me...if they ever found out. Which they wouldn't There was no way for them to know what I did. They don't remember it after all.

I didn't want her to know the truth about the erased existences. The erased Bill Ciphers. They were broken abominations, clinging to life even as their very reality and being were erased from creation. _They should not exist anymore._  
  
Faintly, I heard _**-You need to tell Bill the truth. Tell Bill how you're Bonded together-**_  
  
It was the AXOLOTL from Dimension 14498844. I shook my head. **-If I told Bill, he would undo it all, just to help me-**  
  
_**-...just because you slipped to help Bill start their recovery, doesn't mean you have to keep slipping-**_  
  
But wouldn't it be better for Bill to fully become good? For them to be ABLE to fully become good?  
  
_**-You really have slipped. Have you considered that Bill might not want to be good?-**_  
  
But Bill has always tried to be good. Isn't that what she wanted?  
  
_**-What she wants is for you to be happy as well. Even I can see that…-**_  
  
But...there was no other way.  
  
_**-You underestimate your Bill, talk to her. She might surprise you. You'd know this yourself if you weren't so far gone that you cannot think properly-**_  
  
I considered it. He may be right. I have slipped so far I'm having trouble knowing what to do. I was amazed an Alternative was still bothering to stay connected to me.  
  
_**-Because I understand what it's like, to be loved and wish to love back in return-**_  
  
And how do you do it?  
  
**- _My dimension does not work as yours does. I am in no danger as you are_ -**  
  
I sighed. Well.  
  
It was fine. I will still take his suggestion to close off the bond between me and Bill for now. So that neither of us can pass parts of our essence to each other anymore. My alternate is right after all, I should not allow myself to fall.  
  
Even if Bill would do a good job taking my place, I doubt she would want to. Bill always has so many things they want to do. Being tied down like I am with all this responsibility would only make them unhappy.  
  
All I want, is for Bill to be happy. Even if it means I have to do things that aren't right...even if it means hiding the truth from them. I probably should tell Bill about our Bond, but the guilt would cause them so much pain.  
  
And the idea that Bill would find out about the previous worlds I used to hold dominion over...the worlds I abandoned, the Bills who had been erased...I couldn't let them find out. I couldn't take the risk that they would become afraid of me. That they might begin to hate me.  
  
I didn't abandon those worlds because I wanted them to fall to ruin, it was...meant to happen. I shook my head and burrowed into a cloud. That's not important. Regardless of how much corruption has tainted me, I still had my duty. The Souls filtered in and out. Time continues marching onward. Space kept expanding. Energy continued to spread and disperse.  
  
Eventually, the energy would run out. Space would snap back like an elastic. Time would end.  
  
And then I would be forced to abandon another world  
  
I laid in my cloud and filtered the Souls.  
  
This Bill Cipher wasn't what I expected. She was nothing like my last one. I had always handled one creation at a time, unlike many of my alternatives who would manage multiple. It meant I had more invested in what happened in my multiverse. It was how I had managed to land myself in this mess. Because I have found a Bill Cipher who loved me. I didn't want to leave her behind when I was forced to abandon this world too. But the cycle keeps going. So long as any piece of reality exists, this would keep happening.  
  
What was it Bill would say? _‘You're a toymaker's creation, trapped inside a crystal ball’?_  
  
I don't know about toys, but that sounded accurate.  
  
\---  
  
Bill was making more Deals. More frequently. It worried me as the corruption began to fill them again. But my mind clears. I sighed. I shouldn't have allowed this bond. But if I had prevented it, Bill would have continued along their broken path. As it is, Bill gets better and worse constantly, a fluctuation that I can feel as well. He isn't evil, but he isn't quite good either. Despite his kindness, Bill often dismisses people, strangers that he doesn't care for, aside from basic decency.  
  
And anyone who struck out against him would earn his dislike. Fools be those who earn his ire. Still, I have not seen Bill hate any singular person. He hates concepts and organizations, but he cannot hate any single person in such a way.  
  
I wonder if he even realizes this?  
  
As per the suggestion of my alternative, I do not allow myself to slip anymore. The baseline that Bill had received from me is the best he will be able to get. I have clamped down on the Bond. I can still get better, Bill can still get worse. But he can get better on his own now, at least up to the baseline I had set.  
  
I frowned. It was problematic to have this Bond. I should see about breaking it. But what would happen to Bill if I did? This actually wasn't the first Bill Cipher I've ever bonded to. A few Cycles ago, I had bonded to another. He was the worst of the worst. Selfish, cruel and utterly corrupted. He tortured his Zodiac until they broke and there was nothing left to stop him from taking over the 3rd dimension.  
  
I had never been more powerful.  
  
I easily discarded that dimension once Bill had destroyed all life and there was nothing left. I left when I was told to, a group decision of votes from the other AXOLOTL. From the other me. We were all the same entity after all. That dimension crumpled into dust and I once again created a new one. That had been my duty, time after time. After the destruction of the Time giants, this duty fell on me.  
  
I had never questioned it. It was simply how things were. Once a dimension died, it was time to scrap it and start over. Let it grow and evolve however it wanted. I sow the seeds of creation and then I allowed it to mature without interfering. An infinite versions of AXOLOTL with an infinite dimensions, resetting again and again until…  
  
...until we succeed.  
  
Until we create a world that wouldn't simply burn out and die. A world that would continue on. That wouldn't succumb to entropy. That wouldn't end with the death of all and I as the only survivor.

Again.

Alone again with no one but myself and my own thoughts.  
  
Because even Time and Energy will eventually cease to be. All that is left would be ever expanding space. Cold and lifeless.

Alone.  
  
So the universe resets and I try again.  
  
That is how it had always been.  
  
I was visited by Bill again. She told me of her day and played with my gills. She hugged me and said “I love you.” before she left. I know the other AXOLOTL had given me and this world up as a lost cause. But…  
  
As the supreme god, I have no god to pray to. But even so, I prayed that my world wouldn't have to be discarded. That I wouldn't be forced to leave this world, leave HER. I doubt I would ever find one like her again. There were other dimensions, branched off my own with a similar Bill, but those worlds were produced by their own AXOLOTL. So for all intents and purposes, my Bill was the only one I had.  
  
And I didn't want to lose her.  
  
Not when she still chose to love me, again and again despite how often I failed her. How often I've lied to her. How often I've hurt her. To be a true neutral, I had allowed many awful things to happen, because I am not supposed to step in.  
  
Despite my selfishness of willingly turning a blind eye to conflicts I could have easily stopped, people I could have easily helped, Bill didn't blame me. Not even when the other Bills told her repeatedly that I wasn't to be trusted. She understood I had to remain neutral and while she was unhappy with that, she still accepted it and never blamed me for it.  
  
Even when she knew that I had taken her brother's soul and sent him off to reincarnate, had allowed the suffering of my own worshipers when I never answered their prayers...Bill never blamed me. She...told me that if being neutral was my decision, then it was my decision and she would respect that.  
  
Bill did not worship me as a god.  
  
She loved me as her father.  
  
In the face of such devotion and belief, how could I not be moved? I worry now for the future. For the prophecy to decide her fate. For the Pines family that she would meet. I could not allow Bill to be destroyed. I will not lose her.  
  
So I put it off, refusing to give her the prophecy, pushing it off until she turned a trillion years old. So that I could have time to come up with a solution. A way to keep her safe. A way to ensure she wouldn't be destroyed.  
  
So that I wouldn't be left alone again.  
  
I spent my time pondering what to do. What prophecy to make. How do I keep her safe? There was a fixed timeline. Some parts could be altered but going off the path of fate always quickened the death of the universe. How then, would I be able to protect her?  
  
I put it off for another year as I observed Bill and tried to find something that would work. It was difficult. Most of the Bill Ciphers I've seen, despite their talk of chaos, were distressingly straightforward and easy to predict. They were angry, selfish and utterly stubborn.  
  
My Bill was much more unpredictable. For every time she loses her temper, there was a time in which she apologized for her behavior. For every selfish decision she made, she had some underlying reason that benefited others. For all her stubbornness, she could emphasize and see the situation from another's perspective and try to find a compromise that everyone would be happy with.  
  
Even her identity wasn't set in brick. Bill could switch between her identities as easily as she did her gender. I could never tell when she would do something awful or something good. She was unpredictable.  
  
Which meant I couldn't make a prophecy that would be appropriate.  
  
**60 degrees that come in threes…**  
  
I began to perform my duty on autopilot as I thought and thought and thought.  
  
**Watches from within pine trees…**  
  
Double meanings, implications, vague or leading language. I can't even use the word ‘He’.  
  
**Lost their lives to a fire…**  
  
What would match her, specifically her, and not any other Bill Cipher?  
  
**Love, friends and family were their desire…**  
  
I paused. It worked, certainly, but it was still quite vague. I could list multiple other Bills this applied to. But, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Keeping it vague allowed it to fit for my Bill, as opposed to something specific that might change as time went on.  
  
And it would allow her more freedom to act as she pleases.  
  
All I wanted...against the purpose I was created for (maintaining my reality, keeping everything stable) was for Bill to be happy. This...is called Selfishness isn’t it? For this selfishness the other AXOLOTL turned away from me. All except a small handful of my others have left.  
  
**-Is it wrong to allow myself to love?-**  
  
_**-To love one is to place that one above others, you know this-**_  
  
**-True. But is it wrong?-**  
  
_**-There’s no real answer for that. Do as you wish-**_  
  
Do as I wish...my own desires?  
  
As the strings fell away and the other parts of myself left me, I realized what this meant. I was abandoned by the majority. I was...free. As free as I could be anyway. I can never truly be free. I am nothing more than a fragment of the original AXOLOTL after all. Just one of many avatars created to serve my purpose, running this Reality. Even if I was seen as a failure, I haven’t been dismissed or erased. Not that it was easy to erase an AXOLOTL. But it COULD happen, if enough of them got together to tear them apart and eat them. We were cannibalistic after all.  
  
I still exist. Which meant that the main AXOLOTL has allowed my continued existence. Possibly due to curiosity of what my Reality would go through. What would it mean for a Reality with an AXOLOTL who raised, loved and Bonded to a Bill Cipher? I suppose I should be grateful I live. Even if it was only to satisfy our curiosity. But it meant I was free now. I could do what I wanted. I could…  
  
No. That’s too much for me.  
  
Even if I could now interfere with the world...didn’t mean I SHOULD. It was too dangerous. Besides, Bill and Time Baby are handling things just fine. I...wouldn’t want to interfere. I wiggled my fins and sighed. I should focus on more important matters. Making Bill’s Prophecy. She’s already 700 billion years old. I need to get this settled.  
  
**60 degrees that come in threes…**  
  
The words repeat around my head as I thought and thought. What can I do to ensure my Bill remained happy? I thought and thought until I fell asleep, the phrases and rhymes echoing inside me. How could I give her story a happy ending?  
  
I know my priestess Jheselbraum had already attempted to divine Bill’s future.  
  
_“When space and time are torn asunder_  
_The Beast shall commit his blunder_  
_His greatest triumph shall be his end_  
_The hubris of the break he tries to mend.”_  
  
I will have to work around that.  
  
At the very least, my Oracle did not have the same Prophecy as that other one...the one whom said that Ford Pines had _“The face of the man who would destroy Bill Cipher.”_  
  
I shuddered. The Pines. It was they who would kill Bill. That is how it has almost always happened. In multiple dimensions, in multiple timelines. I would have to account for THEM as well.

I will ask Bill for what they want. They can write the prophecy themselves if they wanted...  
  
\---


	77. Chapter 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new friend? A new face(s)

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 67**  
  
**-WHICH WOULD BE FUN BUT WOULD PROBABLY RUIN THE RUG!-**  
  
\----  
  
David would be coming by the Death Star 4 days a week for 8 hours to teach Ammy about history, historical research and how to find information. Ammy stared at me before saying “I very much appreciate your thoughtfulness. Thank you mother.” and gave me a hug.  
  
“Aww, your welcome~” I snuggled him.  
  
Keying David into the Teleporter was simple. I bid the two of them a good day, left plenty of food in the fridge for them to heat up later when they got hungry and then left to go check on the Earth.  
  
\----  
  
The wooly mammoths have gone extinct in the area that would someday become America. The changing temperatures killed off a lot of the larger animals. As a fun note, the humans started getting better at hunting and even started planting stuff (under my careful direction). They've started making friends with wolves and I squealed at the sight of them snuggling together with the puppies.  
  
Other than that, things were going well. Humanity continued to grow and develop into societies. It was sad to see the extinction of so many animal species but those that survived would evolve into other things. I watched it all, fluttering between dreams, dropping hints for where to build their shelters on stable ground, where to plant to get the best results…  
  
I traveled all around the globe, trying to meet as many people as I could, trying to learn as much as I could. I watched new animals rise up and fill in the niches left behind by the most recent mass extinction. It was sad to see the life come and go.  
  
But it was happening. Humanity was developing. Soon. Soon. Soon.  
  
\----  
  
Rince was getting older. She was a very angry child. She seemed to hate me, to my dismay.  
  
“Come on Rince, 爷爷 just wants to feed you while your mommy and daddy are busy~” I tried to spoon some of the ground meat and veggies into her mouth but she bit down on my hand viciously. “Grrrr!”  
  
I shuddered. Oh. This hurt a lot. Owww…

And not even in the fun way.  
  
Pyrone and Flora were out working so they were trusting me to look after Rince. Pyronica was out shopping for baby supplies. I whimpered as Rince hung off my arm, snarling. “Ok, this is fine…” I winced. I poked the spoon at her mouth and managed to slip it between her jaws. “As long as you're getting food…”  
  
I managed to feed her (whimpering slightly the whole time, the pain felt nice after a while, almost, but the fact that she clearly hated me made me sad) and couldn't pry her off my arm so I put her down for a nap, my arm stretching super long so she could keep gnawing on it while I worked at tidying the house.  
  
My bowtie buzzed. Oh come on!  
  
I split myself in half and sent the other me to the location. No binding circles, good. It was a simple affair. A being with like 88 different faces stared at me. I blinked slowly. This seemed familiar somehow. Ze was an angel. An angel that served a minor god from this dimension. Apparently zis god had been steadily losing power over the centuries and ze wanted to bail before they faded from existence once their god did.  
  
The issue here was HOW they wanted to do this Deal.  
  
“You...want to be one of MY angels?” I said in disbelief. Angels were essentially shards of a god's power split off from them into their own entities. Technically my Nightmares might be counted as my Angels (or my children but I didn't like to think about that). They are spawned from my power after all. I...birthed them, much like how other gods can birth demi-gods and angels. But they were soulless, mindless monsters. This being before me HAD a soul. And was apparently independent enough to leave the god that spawned them.  
  
They nodded. **“You are powerful and have been growing more so over the years with no sign of stopping. Why WOULDN'T I want to go with you instead?”**  
  
“Well…” I hesitated. “You DO know what I'm a god of?” They nodded **“I am prepared for the consequences. As long as I get to remain alive.”**  
  
Shards of a God's power reflect that god themselves. My nightmares were proof of what a horrid monster of a deity I really am. This being with 88 faces was created by the god of faces. They were losing power due to the rise of a new god in the area, the god of expression. What I'm trying to say is, this being, is an angel made up of faces, pleasant and pretty faces. But if they become mine, my power and nature would twist them into something horrifying.  
  
I explained this to them but they nodded anyway. **“I am fine with that. I just don't want to die.”**  
  
“But why come to me? I'm sure there are other gods you can pledge yourself to?” I simply couldn't understand why anyone would choose ME. The being stared at me, let me tell you, having so many eyes trained on me was quite uncomfortable. **“Because you are strong.”** They said.  
  
I...couldn't exactly refute that. “But there are other powerful gods out there. Why, specifically ME?” I just couldn't understand why anyone would choose me if they had other options. Zey continued to look at me expectantly. **“Because no one else is willing to incur the wrath of my creator for taking me in.”**  
  
I twitched. “So, your boss is gonna come after me for poaching you?” I muttered. The being nodded, an odd, rippling motion as all 88 faces moved. **“And you're strong enough to survive that. I've heard of you taking down other gods.”**  
  
“Yeah, well...I don't go out of my way to do that...unless they're a horrible person.” I muttered. The being gave me a pleading look. **“Please? When my god dies, I will vanish too and I don't want to die.”**  
  
“How old are you?” I asked. Angels lived as long as they are not killed, their lifespans synched with their gods. The being flapped their wings **“Around twenty million.”** I hummed. They were pretty young. Ok. Fine.  
  
“Well, what will you give me in return?” I asked. Truthfully, I had never considered getting my own angels. My Nightmares were horrible and I ignored them for the most part. I had no interest in them. I had tried to speak with them, tried to see if they were anything more than mindless beasts, didn't work.  
  
The being considered their options. **“I can give you my power?”**  
  
“Pass.” I had enough power. “How about this…” I considered it. “Angels are messengers for their gods, so you're kinda free to do what you want, but if I need to send people messages and I'm too busy to go in person, I'll send you.”  
  
The being nodded. **“That's more than fair. It was my job already. I shall serve as your loyal angel.”**  

"Ok, I'm fine with those terms actually." They extended their wing to me and I shook it “Deal.” this Deal was somewhat different, the price and the desire were the same thing.  
  
The deal coursed through me and I shivered. I felt my powers clash against the power of their original god and I overpowered their bond to them. My power flowed into this angel, claiming it as my own. They shrieked as their form shifted, mutating into a horrifying monstrosity. I winced. “Ah...I can fix that...if you want?”  
  
The being looked at themselves, their new body was hideous. They grinned wide with their multiple faces. **“I love it!”** they growled. **“I can feel your power flowing through me!”** They laughed with a sound that would drive mortals mad. I blinked at them. “Ok. Cool. Glad you're happy.”  
  
**“What is it that you wish of me my lord?”** The creature growled. I shrugged. “I don't really have anything in mind for now. Never had an angel before you see?” I hummed. “I guess you can go and…” they were staring at me so expectantly that I didn't want to disappoint them. “...talk people into worshiping me?” I suggested.  
  
**“Oh course my lord! I will be pleased to do so!”**  
  
They flew off, laughing. I briefly wondered if this was such a good idea.  
  
\-----  
  
“Come on Rince. You can't chew on my arm forever.” I whined at my granddaughter. She growled like a rabid dog. I groaned. The other Me had recombined with me earlier and I was preparing lunch for when Pyrone and Flora got back. Being able to grow more arms was helpful since I could do my work without her holding me back, but she had been chewing on my arm for a while.  
  
It hurt. She had some really sharp teeth.  
  
I winced when she gnawed on my arm again. Owie. Ow…  
  
“We're home!” I heard Pyrone call out. I sobbed. “My savior!” I ran over to hug my son. He stared in disbelief at my arm stretching across the room and into Rince's crib. “Oh shit. Sorry Bill. Has she been...biting you this whole time?” I stared at him, my eye twitching “Oh, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” Rince moved her jaw and ground her teeth into my arm. My eye teared up. “I’m...perfectly...fine…” I sniffled. Pyrone looked apologetic. “Rince! Honey! Spit out your grandpa!”  
  
She fussed as Pyrone forced her jaws open and my arm zipped back to me like a tape measure. I cradled my hand. “I’m really sorry, we’ve been trying to get her not to bite…” Flora apologized as she patted my back. I nodded. “I said it’s fine, I want to help out. Besides, Pyrone and his sister used to bite all the time too.” Though they never did it as maliciously as Rince did.  
  
“Thank you for coming by today.” The new parents sighed. I laughed. “It’s fine. It’s always a pleasure helping out.” I waved at Rince who was being held in her father’s arms. “Bye Rince~爷爷 will come by to visit again soon~” She hissed at me. Yeesh.  
  
I gave Flora and Pyrone a hug, narrowly avoiding another bite from my granddaughter, and went to go check on Quackers. My youngest child grinned when I floated into her shop. “Hi mom!” I gave her a quick hug. “How’s business?” I asked. She grinned. “Much better since I got that training with Aunt Jessie. She really IS the best Healer in the multiverse.” She showed me the new charms she’d made for Healing enchantments. “I’ve sent in my application for the hospital, they’re putting me on a trial period to see if I can back up my credentials.”  
  
I nodded. Quackers as a licensed Healer would do great. We chatted for a bit before I sensed someone entering the shop and quickly shifted into my Miz form. Didn’t want to scare away her customers. An elderly Pladibear came in. I froze. I recognized her. It was Quacker’s birth mother.  
  
“Hello again ma’am. The usual today?” Quackers smiled. I glanced at her. No recognition aside from what was apparently a regular customer. Oh, right. Quackers has no memory from before I found her. She knew she had siblings, living in a cold, dark house, but nothing beyond that.  
  
I hung back and watched them interact. Quackers was perfectly friendly and helpful. The old woman had a faint sense of ‘Regret’ around her. I would be mad, how dare she regret after she willingly gave up her child? But I was too tired to be mad. She just felt so pathetic. The old woman glanced at me. “Oh, am I taking up your time for helping another customer?”  
  
“No, that's my mom.” Quackers laughed. The woman stared at me in shock. I gazed back, not quite challenging her. The woman finally said “I see.” and left it at that. She brought out a charm and had it renewed. The enchantments ran out after a little while, the cheap ones at least.  
  
Full on magic items were quite expensive. Most people bought small charms that would hold the effect for a certain amount of time before they had to be renewed. Even here, entropy was a thing. Magic leaked. Permanent magic effects required a lot of energy and were expensive. I actually think this is a marketing strategy for witches to earn money.  
  
This energy leakage only applied in SOME dimensions and some types of spells. Even so, most magic was temporary.  
  
I watch the woman leave. “So...who's that?” I asked. Quackers made a sad smile. “That's Graspper. She's a regular. Comes in for her pain reduction charm. She's pretty old and her bones are always aching. Nice woman, if a little confused.”  
  
“Confused?” I asked.  
  
“For some reason she thought I was one of her kids at first. ” Quackers said sadly. “Poor lady.” I kept quiet. So she still wanted to take Quackers back? Maybe. Maybe not. Normally I'd fly into a rage at the thought of anyone attempting to claim what was _mine_ , but she looked too pathetic for me to care about.  
  
Besides, I can kinda understand how she feels to have a kid not acknowledge her. I rubbed my hand.  
  
So I let this go. Let the old lady do what she wanted. I DID burn a little triangle into the ceiling though. Just in case.  
  
\----  
  
I sat in the Nightmare Realm and split off another me. Ok. I was going to try this. The other me gripped onto my wrists. I went shock still as the other me pushed me down. I began to tremble. It's not scary. It's just me.  
  
I tried to pull at my hand, tried to move, break free, get the other me off me. I looked down at myself. Saw my eye go wide and grow more frantic as I held him/me down. I could feel my own anxiety growing. Even when I knew there was no danger. I couldn't move. And that was the problem.  
  
“No! Stop it! Get off!” I shook and blasted the other me off in a burst of flame. The other me winced as I sat up and curled in on myself. “Geez. What the hell? You know I can't hurt you. We're the same entity!”  
  
I trembled. “I know that!” The other me sighed. “Dammit. We can do this! How about you try on me?” I glanced over. Despite the other me's words, he looked just as uncomfortable as I felt. “Maybe we shouldn't…” I muttered. “And I think we SHOULD! I'm SICK of this!” he screamed back. He made a frustrated sound “Fuck! I can't stand this!” He paced around, muttering to himself.  
  
I sighed. “Fine. I'll try. Let's get this over with.” I stretched out my hands to grab his wrists and pulled him to me. We were pressed up against each other, bricks rubbing and uncomfortably close. “Really? What are you doing?”  
  
“A grapple?” “We don't even know how to do a proper grapple! We've never done this!” “Well what would YOU suggest?” “L-look, just...restrain me.”  
  
I gripped tighter, squeezing the thin wrists. My skin really IS soft. We both shuddered at this thought. I tightened my hold until it pinched painfully. I didn't have a pulse but I almost felt like it was rising. There was a pounding in my head and I felt the grip on my wrists begin to hurt. I tried to move but I couldn't. I struggled but I couldn't get free. I held myself down as I pulled and twisted and stared at myself in desperation.  
  
And then everything was on fire.  
  
When I finally came back to my senses, a whole chunk of the ground had been blasted away and I was alone again. I didn't know which Me had been destroyed but that wasn't important. We were all still the same. It didn't matter which of us had destroyed the other.  
  
But this had been a failure. I laid down on my side and held back a sob. Why was I so bad at this? Did I not even feel safe with MYSELF?  
  
I felt safe with my friends but I wouldn't risk them for this. What if I freaked out when they tried to hold me down? What if I hurt them? What if I ki-  
  
No. I won't ask my friends to help me with this.  
  
I'm going to deal with it myself. So no one got hurt. Except me. I can handle it. I can deal with it. I don't stay hurt and I can't stay dead so it's fine even if I end up destroying myself over and over again. As long as I keep trying. Repetition makes normalcy.  
  
Normal is a comfort. I can get over this. I can. I will. I split off another me and tried again. The resulting explosion was almost expected.  
  
\---  
  
Xanthar gave me a hug the second I got home. Hugs aren't the same as being bound. Hugs were fine. Xanthar hugs were safe. I relaxed into him, hoping he didn't notice the tremor in my hands.  
  
“Bill, what the fuck did you do?! The news has been going wild!” Hectorgon bounced up with a grimace. I groaned, not wanting to leave my Xanthar snuggle time. A quick Flicker told me all I needed to know. I flicked my finger and called out to my newest shard of power. The being with 88 different faces appeared. Hectorgon jumped back in surprise.  
  
I didn't bother raising my face to look at them. “Cut back. I don't need you scaring people into converting. It's not worth it. I don't need worshipers that badly.” I told them with a lazy arm wave. Hectorgon was staring at the being in horror. I gestured to them “Hec, this is…” I needed to name them. “Facey.” I decided lamely.  
  
Fuck, I couldn't think of good names right now.  
  
“They’re my new Angel.” I flopped over to get more comfortable on Xanthar. I was so tired. I closed my eye and tried to go to sleep. I hear Hectorgon make a choking sound. “Since when did you have Angels?!” I sleepily mumbled “Since like...yesterday?” Oh right. I waved my hand “So...Facey, these are Hectorgon and Xanthar. I also have more friends...and...like...be nice to my friends an’ stuff…”  
  
“Bill! I can’t believe I’m saying this…” Hectorgon sighed. “Don’t fall asleep yet! The news has been going nuts over your new…Angel...terrorizing people!” I nodded. Right, right. I pointed at Facey. “Don’t do that.” The being with 88 faces nodded. **“Alright. How do I not scare people when I enact your will my lord?”**  
  
“I dunno...start your messages with **‘Fear not’** or something…” I sighed and let myself drift off. Xanthar’s constant Calm emotions were so soothing. Just the thing I needed to feel better after my disastrous attempt at _bondage therapy_. I hear Hectorgon grumbling “And he’s not even drunk this time…”  
  
\---  
  
So apparently, my new angel had gone through their dimension demanding for people to worship me. I’m not even mad. It was my own fault for giving them such vague instructions. I decided they needed to learn more about me so they could realize that wasn't what I wanted out of them. Facey and I were spending some quality time together as I got to know them as a person. I felt bad for being unable to look at them very long though.  
  
“Do you have to stare at me with all your eyes at the same time?” I asked. I knew it was hypocritical but I didn't like being stared at (not like _this_ any way). Jan's fans don't count, I couldn't see them past the stage lights anyway so if I just ignored them I wouldn't feel awkward and self conscious. I've gotten used to Ammy's bland, unblinking stares. I haven't gotten used to Facey's. Said Angel continued to gaze upon me. **“What are we doing, my lord?”**  
  
“I said you can call me Bill. And we are going to catch fish for dinner.” I sat on the air, floating above the grass. I had invited my friends for a trip to the fishing planet. Catching and cooking fish seemed like a good way for everyone to get to know each other. Also, I wanted some fish.

Keyhole was loving this group activity. Claimed it was much nicer than rampaging. Though, my friends have been on good behavior. Pyronica hasn't gone on an eating spree even though they weren't grounded anymore.  
  
  
  
Suddenly I heard Keyhole crying out as his line went taunt. “Ahh! What do I do?!” He cried. I flew over and grabbed him. “Reel it in!” I cried. Facey just watched us struggle with the line and appeared confused. “Whoa!” Keyhole cried as we were pulled forward. “Ronica! Help!” I pleaded as Keyhole and I were quickly losing ground. She hummed as she watched us get dragged forward.  
  
“I could help...but watching you struggle is more fun.” She sprawled on the grass and ignited the prickly plants with her flames. I groaned. “You're a butt!” She cackled and made no move to help. Because she's a butt! Keyhole squeaked when we were pulled right to the edge of the water. “Bill! Use your powers!”  
  
“Ugh! Fine!” I grumbled and pulled at the line psychically to lift the fish from the water. It struggled uselessly against my power. “This is too easy! There's no fun in this!” I complained. Pyronica rolled onto her stomach. “But why struggle when you can just get it done easily?”  
  
“The struggle is part of the fun!” I waved my arms “The epic battle of our guts and determination against their will to survive and fight!” a little fire surrounded my eye “Their struggle weakening as they grow tired and lose the will to keep fighting, as we break their spirits and show them that they were _destined_ to be devoured by us!”  
  
“That's pretty fucked up.” Keyhole commented. “I thought we were just getting food.” I nodded. “Of course we're getting food. There's no point in killing an animal without a reason. For mosquitoes, the reason is because they’re awful and I hate them, for fish, it's because they're delicious~”  
  
“....is that why mosquitoes are an endangered species?” Keyhole mumbled.  
  
I was unhooking the line so I could try fishing again. The fish I caught was flopping around weakly. I felt a little bad so I placed it in a stasis bubble and sent it back to the pantry at home. Meat always tastes best when fresh after all. Facey floated over. **“So...we are terrorizing fish? What purpose does this serve for you?”**  
  
“It serves to fill the pantry and our stomachs. I wanna make fillet for dinner tonight.” I told them. They frowned. **“But...you are a god. Shouldn't you be out gaining more worshipers to increase your power and influence?”** I laughed easily “Naw. I'm good.” I baited the hook and threw it out again before handing the pole to Keyhole. “I’m more for building up my power slowly over the years as I grow and learn and work for it. Besides, too much power all at once makes me sick.”  
  
Facey looked a little confused. **“But...shouldn’t you be out raining fire upon the innocent?”**  
  
“Why? There’s no fun in that. If there’s some conflict happening, or some asshole who needs their comeuppance, I’ll be there. Otherwise, I’m just gonna chillax.” I materialize some iced tea for the lot of us. Keyhole laughed and tapped his cup against mine with a soft ‘clink’ sound. “I like chillaxing. It’s much nicer than running around a battlefield.”  
  
“Pfth! Speak for yourself!” Pyronica snorted. She lounged on the grass and scratched her horn. “I can’t wait for the next party. I wanna set stuff on fire and shoot Federation drones.” I materialized a little blanket to lay on the grass before I sat down. “Well, I’m sure the Feds are being dicks SOMEWHERE in the multiverse. If I find an excuse to interfere I’ll tell you.”  
  
  
  
Facey looked so confused. I patted the blanket beside me. “Wanna sit and relax?” they floated over and settled onto the blanket with their multitude of faces spreading out. I couldn't help but ask “Do all your faces require food?” They stared at me. **“Your power provides me all the energy I need to stay alive. Food is unnecessary.”**  
  
“But what foods do you like? I tried to look it up but there were a sad lack of triangles in your life.” I laid down on my back and enjoyed the faint sunlight. This planet was pretty far from it's local star. Just close enough for plants and animals to develop but the plants were a much darker green in order to absorb as much of the light as they could. The temperature here was somewhat cool, mild weather patterns...plenty of fish.  
  
**“I have never eaten before.”** Facey admitted. I gasped. “Didn't your previous god ever feed you?” Facey shook their heads. **“There was no need. I could subside on his power so giving me food was simply redundant.”**  
  
“That's awful! I'm gonna have to make you try everything until I know what foods you like!” My eye burned with determination! Facey looked a little worried.  
  
\---  
  
“Ok. So that's a ‘no’ on star fruit jellies…” I ticked that off the list. Facey groaned. **“This is unnecessary. I do not require food.”** I sighed. “Is the idea of consuming food really so unpleasant for you?” they had been making unhappy faces as their many mouths chewed on different food items all day. Facey paused. **“We'll...it's a new experience for me and I'm a little intimidated.”**  
  
I sighed. “Alright. If you really feel like that, we can stop.” I flicked my bowtie. “I guess I'm being pushy?” Facey nodded **“But you are a god, my god, my lord, I'm the one who should complain less and just go along with your desires.”**  
  
“Its fine. If you really feel uncomfortable, I'll stop.” I sighed and floated off. Facey followed. **“Then, what would you have me do now, my lord?”**  
  
“I dunno. What did your old boss have you do?” I asked. Facey straightened up, a ripple effect traveling along their many faces. **“I sent messages.”** they sounded quite pleased with themself. Well...I didn't really HAVE any jobs for them. I rubbed my bricks, feeling bad that I couldn't be a proper god for them.  
  
“I really don't know what to do with you.” I admitted. “I could have you spread my message to my worshipers, 'cause I don't want to talk to them, but you don't even know my message…”  
  
**“...isn't it just chaos and destruction?”**  
  
I frowned. “No. I'm a god of _**knowledge**_ , chaos and destruction." _Though mainly Energy and Death but I didnt like to talk about that too much._ "Why don't people remember that?! I literally have a tv show called the Maze of Knowledge!” I fumed. “Just cause people always seem to summon me to ask for things besides information doesn't change the fact that information is what I was LITERALLY trying to go for…” the whole chaos and destruction thing are secondary!

I really...just wanted to be a god who would be able to help people...teach people...  
  
Facey nodded. **“Oh. I'm sorry. I wasn't aware...all that anyone knows about you is that you're dangerous and powerful. Unpredictable aside from your infamous appetite.”** I laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, you won't believe how many people give me sacrifices of food as they pray I wouldn't eat their planet.” I still ate the sacrifices, free food is still food.  
  
**“So...what should I do?”** Facey asked. I shrugged. “Do what you want to do. I don't really need the help. I like doing stuff myself.” Facey seemed a little lost. **“Is that why you don't have any other angels?”**  
  
I cleaned up the remains of all the food I've cooked and prepared for them. “I guess. Most of my shards of power end up as soulless, mindless beasts.” Facey seemed confused. **“But what of Amorphous Shape?”**  
  
“Ammy is my SON. There's a difference.” I explained. He had a soul. He had his own will and personality. I've tried to interact with my Nightmares. They never changed over the years. I've tried to teach them to talk, to do simple tricks, to do anything besides rage and destroy everything they see. It never worked. Even the ones who COULD talk had a very one track mind and would talk about the same thing over and over.  
  
Facey looked sheepish **“So I should tell people you are a god of knowledge?”** I nodded at him. “That would be appreciated. In fact, I need to go and update the library in the Maze of Knowledge. It always gets a massive boost in ratings when I do so.” Facey requested to come to watch me work.  
  
I secretly wanted my show to overtake Globnar on the charts. Yes, I'm _that_ petty.  
  
\---  
  
As I predicted, adding a hundred new books to the library kick started people's determination to try and find juicy forbidden knowledge. To keep the show from getting stale, I changed the hazards of the library now and again. Drowning was fun but I released a Nightmare or two into the maze and boy, people were horrified to find them. It did get more viewers though. Besides, my Curse teleported people out before they take lethal damage and to my bemusement, the producer told me that people were disappointed at the lack of gore and death.  
  
I told him that I would rather not have to clean the blood off the bookshelves. Facey and I watched a new batch of contestants line up to try their luck. Some other bonus hazards I've added to the maze include pitfall traps, mirror traps, fire floors, electrified floors, swinging blades, rabbits, poison gas, extra floors up and down with physics that don't make sense and random banana peels. I really wanted to include transformation traps but my producer said to save those for a Hauntfest special.  
  
Hauntfest is one of many holidays the Federation (and I) made to give people a time to celebrate and take a break from work. I introduced the idea of work holidays. People can't work constantly, they'll burn out and lose productivity. So now the Federation will have holiday breaks to celebrate random things. Crimbo is the biggest holiday but Hauntfest is what I'm looking forward to. In fact I invented it a few hundred years ago, it took a while to establish and the first governmentally enforced celebration would be a month from now. It’s like Halloween but with more Necromancy, - ~~bodily mutations~~ \- costumes and less candy. Shades of the dead will be summoned through a mix of mine and Time Baby's power for the first _official_ celebration. Also, people need to wear costumes to look like monsters or ghosts so the ghosts don't try to haunt them.  
  
I ‘invented’ Hauntfest because it was a good excuse for me and TB to work together that DOESN'T involve him exploiting me for his dirty work. It took so much careful planning and under the table Deals and Favors to get enough of the Federation council to agree to create this holiday. But the main reason I wanted to make this holiday a ‘thing’ was very simple.  
  
I'm going to attempt to summon Will.  
  
I don't even know if it will work. But Time Baby and I worked this out between ourselves. If we pool our power together we can create a summoning ritual to call for the Shade of someone long dead. The circle for this summon was TB's hourglass symbol inside a triangle, inside a circle. There were many careful runic spells around the edge of the circle and I was hoping, praying, this would work. Time Baby only agreed to this because I pestered him for a thousand years non-stop until he gave in. It wouldn’t even effect the time stream so he has nothing to complain about.  
  
I don't have enough power on my own, but belief is a power. If Hauntfest is a (governmentally enforced) holiday, I can make the Federation do all the work of spreading belief in the power of this holiday which should give me and TB the power boost needed to make this ritual WORK.  
  
The first official Hauntfest wasn't until next month but the Federation has already been spreading the information around FOR me. Not that they know it was me who invented the idea for it. Everyone's looking forward to it. A chance to speak with the Shades of lost loved ones was a big motivator.  
  
I know that the Shade of Will I try to summon isn't really Will. Shades are not Souls. They are the psychic impression of who that person had been. I got the idea for this when my friends pointed out I was speaking with them when they weren't actually there. So if I can interact with psychic impressions of my friends that react just like the real thing, if I get a power boost AND have Time Baby's help...perhaps I can summon Will.  
  
But that’s not until next month. I shook myself out of my thoughts to return to the present. I discussed a bit with my producer and made sure I got my cut of the profits from my show. By this point, the kids were old enough they didn't need the revenue from the show anymore so the credits were just going to my account. I asked Pyrone about starting a savings account for Rince but he insisted he could do it himself.  
  
And hey, money was money. I might as well have a lot so I can continue to support the household. I don't have to pay rent or utilities but our grocery bill is pretty big. There are a lot of us and we eat a lot. Speaking of eating…  
  
Facey followed me as I descended the staircase to check on Johan. Over the many years he has been down here, I have spruced up his cell so it was more like proper living quarters. I stopped his punishment a long time ago and he was free to leave, but the stubborn sheep refused. So he just lives here now. Apparently he took my statement that keeping him around and alive was annoying to heart and essentially stays here out of spite.  
  
**“You have a dungeon?”** Facey asked. I nodded as I opened the wall and found Johan's room. “I sometimes put people down here for various reasons.” I answered vaguely. Facey nodded. **“Are you torturing people for information?”** They asked. I scoffed. “I don't need to torture people for that. If they sleep, I can get inside their heads.”  
  
And most living things required sleep.  
  
“Hey Johan~are you gonna move out yet?” I called out. He “Baah~”ed at me grumpily. Stubborn old goat. Huh...now that I think about it...I think only Google knows he's down here. The room was sparse but comfortable, nice bed, a bathroom attachment and even a desk and bookshelf. I considered getting him a TV but he refused it when I offered. Uhhh. Frankly, by this point I'm tempted to just toss him out and be done with it.  
  
Facey stared as I pulled Johan into the bathtub to clean him off and then fed him. The damn goat seemed to have stopped even trying to take care of himself by this point. I sighed. “Why do you insist on staying here anyway? Time Baby has long since forgotten about that little blip on his senses that indicated I had told someone about his dark secrets. You're free to go. My kids are all grown up and moved out.”  
  
He refused to answer, turning his head away and folding his arms. I pat his fur before I floated back up to the rest of the house. “Come on Facey.”  
  
My angel was pretty quiet as we made our way back to the rest of the house. Finally they asked **“What's his story?”**  
  
“Back when my kids were teenagers, a bunch of idiots hired assassins to try and kidnap or kill them. I stopped them. Google actually works for me now but Johan was still being held as punishment.” I slumped over gracelessly on the couch. “Johan's actually finished his punishment but he refuses to leave and be free. What am I supposed to do at this point?”  
  
Facey watched me, their many faces making all sorts of different expressions. **“You are kinder than your reputation states.”** They said at last. **“This is problematic.”**  
  
I rolled onto my back to face (hah!) them. “How so?”  
  
**“The vast majority of your worshipers are awful people.”**  
  
I scoffed. Don't I know it. “It's fine. There are some nice ones out there.” Generally the ones who were my pseudo friends. The ones I mark with my symbol and protect because they asked me for protection. I should check on them. I flickered as I continued my conversation. “It doesn't bother my anymore.”  
  
Facey looked a little guilty. **“I shouldn't have scared so many people.”**  
  
“It's fine. I'm used to it.” Hm, that Herphu labor worker is having trouble finding food. I normally just protect them from malicious intent but I have some free time. “Hey, wanna meet one of my nice worshipers?” I asked them.  
  
\---  
  
The planet of Huron isn't the nicest place. It used to be, back in the day. The soil was rich, the air was filled with gases and the plant-like inhabitants were happy and healthy. But hunting the few animal species on the planet into extinction had led to too many plants and not enough other creatures to absorb the toxic levels of oxygen in the atmosphere which led to a mass extinction across the small planet.  
  
The Federation, seeing the opportunity once all the inhabitants had perished, collected their bodies to use as fuel. A ‘planet of opportunity’ they called it. People were hired as Miners and it was actually pretty good. People got jobs, people got paid. If you ignored that they had been hired to essentially collect a whole planet of dead bodies, it wasn't a bad gig for the poor labor workers to earn a lot of Credits.  
  
But it didn't mean the living conditions on the job were very good.  
  
Huron's atmosphere had too much oxygen. It choked the planet in a layer of cold. The workers needed to wear air filters. There was nothing living on the planet that they could hunt for food and the Federation was cheap with their supplies to keep their hired workers alive.  
  
I knew that if you waited a few million years, life would start again. What little life that survived this die out would evolve and grow and change until life returned. That's always how it worked. Wait long enough and things change.  
  
But mortals can't afford to wait. They have to do what they can with what they're given. I bring Facey with me, placing a bubble around them to protect them from the environment, and found the Herphu. I waved cheerfully. “Yo! I saw you were having a bit of trouble. What's up?”  
  
She jumped at my voice and there was a conflicting sense of relief and caution. “H-hello mister Cipher.” She nodded politely, almost bowing to me. Her eye stalks didn't look away from me however. I can see the triangle mark along the side of one, a mark signifying she was MINE and that no one was allowed to harm her or face my wrath.  
  
“So. New job?” I looked around leisurely at the wheelbarrow piled high with bodies that she was pushing toward the loading bay of the cargo ship. “Have to say, I think your last job had better decor.” I lid my eye at her. She straightened up, saw that I was relaxed and calm, and managed a small smile. “Well, a job's a job.” she gave Facey a suspicious look. “Why are you here? I didn't call for you...sir.”  
  
“Well I noticed you were hungry and how could I, as the kind and loving god that I am-” I ignored her incredulous expression “-let you go hungry?” I waved my hand and dragged some of the oxygen from the atmosphere to mold into a pile of nutrient bars and rations. Her eyes don't go wide, Herphu's anatomy did not allow for that, but I can see that she was very thrilled to see my generous gift. She ducked her head into another bow. “Thank you for your generosity.” She said before she gathered up the food and carried it back to the housing vessel the Federation had provided for the workers to live in.  
  
I made Facey and I invisible so we could observe. She shared her boon with the other workers, passing out the rations to everyone. That made me smile. I placed a mild Curse to make the food replenish itself after a few days. I guess I COULD have made a Blessing instead but I still don’t have full control over that particular power and I didn’t want to mess with it too much until I knew more.  
  
Facey was watching the Herphu. **“She's kind.”** They said at last. I nodded. “That's what I want in a worshiper. Someone who cares about others.” The being with 88 different faces turned to look at me, _really_ paying attention now. **“I see. I'm...sorry for misunderstanding you, my lord.”**  
  
I shrugged. “Most people do. It's fine. Well-” I stretched and groaned in satisfaction when my bricks clicked. “-Oof! I'm gonna head home. Are you coming?” I asked them. Facey slowly shook their heads. **“No. I think I wish to travel on my own for a while. I have much to think about.”**  
  
I shrugged and left them to it. I won't force them to stay if they don't want to. I was trying really hard to stop being so possessive. Hm. Y'know what?

It's been a while since I dragged Kryptos away from his studies to make him play a round of Maid RPG with me...

\----

"I can't believe I'm saying this but...can't we play Dungeons, Dungeons and more Dungeons instead?" Kryptos sighed. I whined and put down the maid outfit. Recently I had realized that forcing Kryptos to wear them might have been mean. Even if I could feel that he was enjoying it, I still probably shouldn't have forced it on him.

"Alright." I put the maid outfit down and Kryptos gave me a startled look. He probably expected me to keep pushing or forcing the dress on him anyway despite his protests. "I'm gonna go get Pyronica so we can play together." I turned away and felt odd at the taste of Disappointment I could feel from Kryptos. But...I...shouldn't force him if he _**says**_ no.

I got everyone settled down for a round of D&D. As per usual, Pyronica did everything in her power to murder hobo her way through everything. Still, frustrating as it was, the group managed to complete two short jobs and even discovered a letter to give them a clue towards the plot of the campaign.

I noticed a lot of weird glances from Kryptos all through the game and after we wrapped up for the day I asked him what was bothering him. The polytool refused to look me in the eye "It's nothing."

"...do you want to wear a maid outfit?" I asked softly. No one else was in the room now, they'd all cleared off. He opened his mouth to protest, to deny it. But he didn't actually do so. Instead he made a sound like "Auurghuuuu!" And turned around to float away. I was left confused about the odd taste of his emotions.

Well, I guess he's too embarrassed to admit it? I decided I wouldn't push him. He'll agree in his own time. Until then, I'm gonna go check on Earth. Maybe if I show up early enough in its history I can become part of mythology?  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have too many characters >.>  
> Facey's just gonna go off and do their own thing.


	78. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A path forward? Please let this work.

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 68**  
  
**-Ahem-**  
  
\---  
  
Earth was coming along well. I feel like I say this every time but it's how it is.  
  
Humans invented bread before they invented farming. Weird. I wandered throughout the planet, heading from continent to continent for years and years. Various villages have sprung up. The planet grows warmer. Lots of large animals go extinct. Villages grow larger, they develop agriculture…  
  
And of course one of the first things they do after cultivating wheat was to make alcohol. I'm not even surprised. Bread before farming and alcohol before bread. I really loved humans sometimes.  
  
Oh hey, is that Mesopotamia? Well...it DOES look like a really big city, not a village. I wandered through and scanned everyone. Glorious. Villages that grow and grow until they become a city, with its own rules and the beginning of organized government. I watched them plant and grow crops in the fertile soil. I watched the first kings take leadership. I watched them begin telling stories, first of me and then of the world around them, making up their own reasons for why everything exists. Their delightful little imaginations making up magical gods that created the land, sky and everything else they couldn’t understand or explain.  
  
Fun.  
  
Well, as much fun as I was having with this whole...watching people thing. I should probably leave before they started worshipping ME as one of their gods. As cool as that would be, I don't think I remember the Babylonians having any triangle gods and wasn't sure if I would be messing with history or not?  
  
I watched them and wondered about giving them my summoning ritual as well. It was important that I do so, right? The first few who summoned me only did so to see if it worked. Typical. I pulled them to sleep and materialized before them.  
  
The person stared at me. “By the gods. You're real!” They cried. I laughed. “Yup! Real as anyone else here, I guess?” they blinked at me. “This is amazing.”  
  
I waited but they just kept staring. “Um...don't you have anything you want to ask me?” I finally asked. They broke out of their stupor. “Oh right. Um...are you made of real gold?”  
  
Uh?  
  
“....sorta?” I mumbled. I COULD in fact, form my vessel out of pure gold. I just prefer Carbon because its easier. I see no problem with actually being gold though. Might be cool. I made a mental note to create a new default Triangle vessel made of organic gold.  
  
The person, Allamu, opened their mouth and stared at me with wide eyes. “Gold! How glorious! What manner of Rabisu are you? I have never heard of one made from gold!”  
  
“Who're you callin’ an Rabisu? Do I look like a hideous monster to you?” I cried in an offended tone, even if I AM a demon, doesn't mean I like being called out on it. Seriously. Calling me an ugly monster so hideous that looking at me causes nightmares…  
  
How rude.  
  
Allamu rubbed their arm. “Apologies. You are merely, quite odd to look at. Why do you only have one eye?”  
  
This damn kid.  
  
“Because binocular vision is overrated.” I huffed and folded my arms. Allamu laughed. “You are a funny one, little spirit.” They looked me up and down. “I have never seen gold of such a lovely color.”  
  
I giggled and batted my large eye at them. “Well, this is _much_ better. Keep with the compliments kid.” they laughed. “You are radiant like the sun. Are you perhaps some sort of spirit of light?”  
  
I blushed and giggled. “Something like that, do go on~” I waved a hand at them. They grinned “As if a ray of sunlight were brought unto this world in a solid form so that we may appreciate it's glory without the fear of blindness.”  
  
“You sure know how to flatter a gal.” I tittered and leaned against my cane. “But seriously kid, you summoned me. What do you want?” I peered at them. The kid looked confused. “Want?” They asked.  
  
“Yeah. You summoned me, a little ol’ piece of sunshine, so you get to make a request, and then I tell you the price you'll have to pay to make that request come true. If you and I come to an agreement, we shake hands, it's a Deal and boom, you get your request granted! And of course, I get paid.”  
  
Allamu pressed their eyebrows together in thought. “So...you grant wishes?”  
  
“Deals. I grant Deals.” I clarified. “Wishes don't get me paid. I don't like working for free….usually.” I leaned up close to them. “Since you seem like a nice kid, I'll give you a discount. Tell me your request and I'll calculate what my price will be.” Allamu shrugged. “What would it cost to become the ruler?”  
  
“Oh~? An ambitious one huh?” I grinned at them. “Well...since I like you, just place my image along the palace walls and those of your citizens. That is my price.”  
  
“Are you...actually a god?” Allamu asked. I giggled. “Perhaps~well, either way, I make you the ruler and you place my image around your kingdom. Deal?”  
  
Allamu considered my terms and grinned. “Deal!” We shook and my fire overtook the Dreamscape. I had some work to do.  
  
\---  
  
It took many leading dreams, visions and other Deals to get Allamu on the throne. I spread the rumor that they were secretly one of the Gods’ avatars sent down to earth to walk among them. That started some rumor about Demi gods and other such things. Some stuff about how the ruler has the blood of the gods or something?  
  
Either way, I got my side of the Deal done and Allamu, unlike a certain frog asshole, carried through with their side of the deal. I was very glad for that. Would have sucked after all the work I went through. Especially since my powers were so limited in the 3rd dimension.  
  
I grinned as each image of me carved into the walls and streets granted me just a tiny bit more power over the 3rd dimension. My power flowed easier. I didn't have to struggle as much. Of course, the change was minute. Tiny. Like, instead of needing 2/3rds of my energy to cause a change in the physical world after HOURS of concentration, it costs 3.9/6s of my power instead.  
  
It's a start.  
  
If I can make the humans depict me more and more...perhaps…  
  
\---  
  
I haven't seen Facey for a while now. Well, they seemed alright whenever I checked up on them so I let it go. They can do what they want. I don't really have a job for them at the moment. I see the interview I did with Pynelope go up on the news. It got taken down by Federation censors almost half an hour later but I knew a bunch of people across the multiverse had downloaded the video.  
  
I found more people drawing my image into subtle places, hiding triangles in various different locations. This was fun. This was great. The Deals poured in, of course, a lot of them were given _“Hello, the demon god you have attempted to summon is unavailable right now. Please leave a message and he will get back to you within a future nightmare. Thank you and have a nice day.”_ messages since I wasn't going to do too many Deals at once.  
  
I got plenty of Favors as my price, a little something to be cashed in at a later date. Some more people attempted to capture or kill me, I had too much fun tearing them apart or capturing them to keep Johan company down in the dungeons.  
  
It's what they get for trying to harm me.  
  
I was humming with energy. Felt giddy and restless. I needed to use this up.  
  
Dammit. What to do? I didn't have any pressing matters to deal with right now right? I racked my brain and felt like there should be something but I don't remember anything important I needed to do? Erm...my friends are fine, Pyrone's fine, Quackers is fine, Pynelope is fine…  
  
Oh right! Hauntfest!  
  
I giggled (only slightly unhinged) and Blinked away to find Time Baby. Time (hah!) to see if Hauntfest worked. I had plenty of energy to spare for the ritual…  
  
A small part of me held a glimmer of hope.  
  
Will.  
  
\---  
  
Time Baby grumbled as he and I drew the circle together. I managed to finally convince him for this when I mentioned this will only be once a decade, it doesn't disrupt the time stream and I would leave him alone next Crimbo. I think it was the promise of a Crimbo without my ‘gifts’ that finally convinced him.  
  
**“Wkurxjk Wlph dqg Plqg iru doo pruwdo nlqg, eulqj iruwk wkh rqhv zh'yh orvw. Iru rq wklv gdb zlwk rxu glvsodb, dv zh sdb wklv frvw…”**  
  
We poured our power into the circle. All across the multiverse, numerous other circles began to glow. People knelt by their circles, focusing on the memories of who they wished to summon. A shade that would appear for only one night.  
  
I thought of Will. My sweet, baby brother. The only light I had back in that world full of derision, scorn and loneliness.  
  
Please.  
  
Even if it was only a shade.  
  
Please.  
  
I felt the energy draining from me. I was the power source for this ritual. I gathered a lot. I even got my image spread through the 3rd dimension to give even just that much more of a power boost.  
  
I had plenty to spare. I should have enough power for this. I cried out as the energy was sucked out of me and into the circle. I felt light headed. Much like I used to after having my blood taken at the doctor's back when I was human.  
  
It was still draining from me. I sank to the ground on my hands and knees and groaned. Fuck. How much power did this stupid ritual take? I was beginning to tremble as the energy continued to pour out of me. Even Time Baby looked concerned.  
  
“DO YOU WISH TO STOP?” He asked. I squeezed my eye shut and groaned. “No...I...can do this!” I whimpered as I fell face first on the ground, too tired to hold myself up. I stretched out my senses to all Minds nearby, the other Time Police, the Federation workers, everyone. I opened myself to absorb their emotions, anything to give myself even just a little more power. We were so close. Please. Just a little more power…  
  
My constructed vessel crumbled away as I was forced to consume it to get a last ditch boost of energy.  
  
I blacked out.  
  
\---  
  
Gotta say, waking up to Time Baby's face was almost nightmare inducing. Even if he couldn't properly see me.  
  
“Aaaaaaah!!!” I scrambled away from his fat face. “Geez! The heck?!” I held a hand to my chest and blinked blearily. I was exhausted. What happened? I noticed I was in my energy form, glowing and held together through nothing more than my own consciousness. I quickly formed a vessel (contain myself, compress myself, it allowed me to relax, being inside a vessel meant I didn't have to worry about scattering if I lost focus on holding myself together) and tried to get my bearings, I was using my gold form now, it was a surprisingly comfortable vessel.  
  
I blinked. The memories came back. I shot up and looked around wildly. “Will?! Did it…”  
  
Time Baby nodded once he saw me. “THE RITUAL WORKED.” I glanced around the empty room. “But...where is…”  
  
“THE RITUAL ONLY SUMMONED A SHADE FOR A SINGLE NIGHT.” Time Baby said solemnly. I blinked in confusion. He clarified. “YOU'VE BEEN UNCONSCIOUS FOR THREE MONTHS.”  
  
A hollow feeling went through me and I let out a sob. I dropped to the ground and wept, my colors fading to a dull grayish yellow. Time Baby looked uncomfortable as I cried. He floated down awkwardly and coughed. “YOU CAN TRY AGAIN A DECADE FROM NOW?”  
  
I sniffled and looked up at him with a watery eye. “But…” he sighed. “LOOK CIPHER, A LOT OF MY STAFF WERE...ACTUALLY QUITE HAPPY TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO SPEAK WITH A LOST LOVED ONE.” He paused and looked away. “AND DESPITE MY MISGIVINGS, NO ISSUES HAVE COME UP IN THE TIME STREAM. SO...IT WILL NOT BE A PROBLEM TO DO THIS AGAIN. AND...WITH MORE PEOPLE BELIEVING IN THIS RITUAL...IT WILL BE EASIER ON YOU NEXT TIME…”  
  
I blinked at him. Was he really suggesting…  
  
“SO...I WOULD NOT MIND PERFORMING THIS RITUAL WITH YOU AGAIN NEXT TIME.” Time Baby rumbled. He squeaked when I flew up and hugged him, sinking several inches into his cheek fat. “Thank you.”  
  
He grumbled and pulled me off. “WHICH MEANS I WON'T HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN FOR A WHOLE DECADE.”  
  
I wiped my tears and grinned. “Aww~sure you won't miss me?” I teased. He scoffed. “GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, CIPHER.”  
  
I gave him another hug and flew off. I'm going to try again next time. Until then, I had to start stockpiling more energy. I had to be stronger. Much stronger. I can't faint again. I just wanted to see Will again. For that, I needed power.  
  
More power.  
  
\---  
  
“Bill? Are you...alright?” 8-Ball wasn't the most observant of ogres but I suppose I wasn't being all that subtle. The empty fuel canister dropped to the ground and I slumped over against the table. I gagged. “Ugh…”  
  
“Bill? I'm not sure what's going on but I'm going to have to cut you off here…” 8-Ball pulled the other canister away from my limp hand. “I mean…” he scratched at his ears “I don't think drinking ship fuel is good for you?” I whimpered. “It tastes disgusting!”  
  
“Well. Even more reason why you shouldn't drink it.” 8-Ball gently picked me up by my corner and carried me over to the bathroom. “No offense Bill, you look like you're gonna vomit.” I moaned as he laid me down in a sink. “Why were you drinking fuel?” 8-Ball asked as he turned on the warm water to wash some of the slimy blue fluid off from around my eye.  
  
I closed my eye and let him bathe me. 8-Ball was always more gentle than I expected. I could feel his claws coming close to my eye but he wasn't holding me down so I didn't have any issues. I didn't understand what the difference was. Why did holding down my arms and legs cause me to panic when having sharp objects trailing near my eye didn't even get a flinch out of me? Ugh. Feelings are weird.  
  
Still, I groaned softly as 8-Ball cleaned me off. It felt nice. “I realized that I need more power…” I mumbled quietly. 8-Ball made a confused sound. “More? But...you've never cared about power before?”  
  
“I…” should I tell him about this? “I found a ritual that might let me see my brother again...but I didn't have enough power to get the spell to work and stay conscious for it.” I sighed as I relaxed under 8-Ball's gentle scrubbing. “Calling back the Souls of the long dead is something impossible. But if I can call back a Shade of them instead, if I can perfect this spell, I would be able to do Deals where I can summon forth any of the dead I want.” He paused before he continued cleaning my bricks off. “Oh. And what does drinking fuel have to do with it?”  
  
“Long carbon chains, lots of energy. I'm also going to try and get some more Deals in so I can raise my limit for how much I can store. If this was a Zelda game, I'm increasing my max amount of hearts.” I mumbled. 8-Ball chuckled. “I don't get the reference but, ok.”  
  
He turned off the water and carefully wiped me dry. “I would like to meet your brother.” I opened my eye to see him smiling. His teeth made it look quite intimidating but I knew that this was his ‘genuinely happy’ expression. “I'm sure he'd love to meet you too.” I sighed before hugging his thick arm. “I know I shouldn't rush it. I'm just...so excited for the idea of seeing him again...even just a fragment of him…”  
  
8-Ball carefully, slowly, pet my bricks. “I don't think your brother would like you drinking until you made yourself sick for him.” I snorted. “No. He wouldn't.” He'd probably cry and make me lie down before I hurt myself. Ah...Will…  
  
I relaxed into 8-Ball's half-hug. I really wanted to be ok with my friends. I can hug THEM just fine. But...I suppose it was about my arms. If their hug ended up trapping my arms I start to get uncomfortable. It was quite annoying. Luckily they can easily avoid this by simply hugging me in a way that left my hands free. Ammy was being more affectionate lately. 8-Ball always seemed hesitant. I think he's afraid to hurt me by hugging back too hard. I'm not that fragile!  
  
I floated up to press myself against his chest. He liked how warm my bricks were, most of my friends did. Something about how it was soothing. 8-Ball slowly brought a clawed hand up to place on my back. “Bill?” He asked.  
  
Despite the buzzing inside me as my body digested, I felt somewhat exhausted. “I'm going to take a nap, stay with me?” I asked, looking up at him. 8-Ball nodded. “Sure. I'm gonna go play with the Eyebats though.” I nodded. That was fine. I felt his hand along my back and I made myself relax. 8-Ball was my friend. 8-Ball was safe. It was something I kept telling myself in hopes that my stupid feelings would finally take the hint and stop making me apprehensive around people.  
  
I slumped in his arms with my own wrapped loosely around his neck and shoulders. My bricks were buzzing and I wanted to sleep…  
  
\---  
  
I sat up in my Mindscape and sighed. I pulled my teddy bear closer to me and wondered at the irony that my personal Mindscape was a bedroom. I sat on the bed for a bit before looking over at my Exit door.  
  
I check on it often. Some...foreboding feeling making me worried and anxious about it.  
  
And yet I couldn't help but want to go check it out. I turned to another area of my Mindscape where my False Dreamscape was. A large shimmering bubble filled with only pleasant images. I could go to sleep...or…  
  
As if pulled by some unseen force, I found my gaze drifting back to my Exit door. I couldn't help it. I was curious. I wanted to explore. I wanted to find Seb and Blue again. Was it wrong? Ax would be upset. But I was going to be careful.  
  
I was just going to go find Blue or Seb. They were my friends and even if I could sometimes pass a message to Blue, his connection didn't seem all that stable. I wouldn't hear from him for months and years before a bunch of updates suddenly pop up. And I had no way of contacting Seb. I was worried about him and his brothers. Did those idiots survive in space for however long it took?  
  
Well I fixed Seb's portal for him so...13 years? Oh, I could probably get to Seb's dimension if I built a portal in my 3rd dimension...but it's not like humanity has the know how or technology needed to make that yet anyway. I floated closer to my Exit. Ok, just a quick search for Seb or Blue.  
  
I paused when I felt a nudge from my vessel. I glanced up before shrugging and deciding to leave the Exit door alone for now. I should see what 8-Ball wanted. I blinked as I settled back into the physical realm. 8-Ball looked relieved when I got up. “Wha?” I yawned.  
  
“Sorry for waking you. Um…” he rubbed his arm sheepishly. “Your Com was ringing…” he said. I looked over. Miz's Com. Oh. “Thanks 8-Ball.” I chirped before shifting into Miz and picking up “Wai?”  
  
“Miz! Oh thank goodness!”  
  
I blinked. “Tina? What's up?” she sounded...not quite worried but…  
  
“I just…” she sighed. “Are you alright? Are you doing ok?” I walked up to my room so I could talk privately. “I'm fine Tina. What brought this on?” I tried to think of what might have happened. “How long have you been in contact with Bill Cipher? How much power does he have over you?” She asked. I nearly tripped on the stairs. “What?!”  
  
“I...no offense Miz, you're my friend and I care about you and obviously the Oracle knew as well and she's fine with letting it be since you seem to be doing well and Cipher's gang seem to be decent people, all things considered…”  
  
“Tina, breathe. What's going on?”  
  
“Mother's been reading through all sorts of reports. She talks to me about her work sometimes but I could tell something was worrying her.” I could practically taste Tina's worry over the Com-link. “She found records of Deals. Hundreds upon thousands of Deals. The Federation was built on a foundation of under the table deals with a demon god. A demon god who can cash in a favor from practically any seated member of the Council at any time…”  
  
“What's the issue here?” I asked, flopping onto my bed and rolling around. Tina groaned. “There's so much about the Federation that is a liability and mother wants to fix it. But that would mean going against councilmen who are corrupt enough to summon a demon god and sell their souls to him-”  
  
“Ok. Gonna stop you right there, Bill Cipher does not take Souls. Sorry, that's a pretty big deal, the Soul versus not Soul thing.” I sighed. Tina let out a bit of incredulous laughter “You really do know more about him than is normal.”  
  
“I simply don't accept every piece of Federation propaganda as fact.” I responded. Tina was quiet for a bit. “Are you one of Cipher's henchmen?” Tina finally asked quietly. I make an offended sound. “What? No! I don't serve him. I won't deny that we know each other but Bill Cipher does not command me to do things against my will.”  
  
She let out a sigh of relief. “That's good. I was worried about your safety. Even if you're immortal...um. Miz? How are you immortal? Did you make a Deal with Cipher?”  
  
“I can honestly say that I did not gain immortality via a Deal with Bill Cipher. Look, let's get back on topic, your mom found out about how most Federation officials are corrupt, power hungry, greedy and terrible at the jobs they were voted into?”  
  
I could practically see Tina nodding on her side of the Com. “That...is an accurate summary of my worries, yes.” I rubbed my face and sighed. “Tina. I'm gonna be straight with you. Your mom is like...one out of four Federation Council members who's actually a good person. Everyone else are kinda shit.”  
  
“B-but...there are several hundred council members...how...can they all be terrible people?” I heard her voice waver. “They're our leaders...they're in charge of our laws! What...does it mean for us, if the Council can't be trusted?”  
  
I sighed. “Welcome to politics. There are civil wars and rebellions on all sorts of planets. People fighting against Federation rule, plenty of people are unhappy with what the Federation does.” I rolled onto my side. “Also, you better be sure the Federation doesn't find out you know this. Daughter of a high council member or not, the corrupt members in power don't like their dirty secrets known.”  
  
“Miz…” Tina sounded scared. “What do I do if Bill Cipher goes after my mom and corrupts her?” I let out a bark of laughter. “Tina, you're misunderstanding something here. Bill doesn't corrupt the officials he makes Deals with, only corrupt officials make Deals with Bill.” I laughed pretty hard. “Bill is SUMMONED. If those officials didn't WANT something from the demon, they wouldn't have summoned him!”  
  
“So...mom is safe?” Tina ask hopefully. I nodded, though she wouldn't be able to see it since we were on Audio only. “Yeah. As long as she doesn't go around drawing Bill's intricate summoning circle, chanting his name, discussing a Deal and shaking his hand, I think you're good.” I cackled. “Seriously, it's very difficult to summon him by ACCIDENT. If Bill made a Deal with someone, it's because they ACTIVELY sought him out. Your mother is safe so long as she doesn't go through all those steps on purpose.”  
  
I could almost taste her Relief. “Oh...that's good...wait, so this means several hundred other people...in positions of power in our government, have willingly made a deal with the demon?!”  
  
“And you wonder why rebellions happen? Look, I can hear you're upset. This is some pretty big news, but the point is, the Federation being shit has nothing to do with Bill. He doesn't care about politics, usually, he actually likes your mom because she HASN'T summoned him and he is hoping more good people like her get into positions of power.” I sighed. “Bill would actually like it if the Federation wasn't a den of corruption and selfishness. He's a much nicer guy than the propaganda says.”

Also, I should cash in a few of those Favors owed to me. Councilman Berlins has been embezzling money, that money would go to much better use building another refugee shelter. Now, I would want to use the Favors to do things like...make the Federation less shit, but aside from forcing them to make a new law or reform...which would still need to be voted on by the other members in order to pass through, I couldn't ask them for anything outrageous. I've already cashed in a bunch of favors to get some laws changed, which required favors from multiple council members at once. It's all very annoying.  
  
Tina was quiet before she let out a laugh. “You really know a lot about Bill Cipher. What are you to him? I heard rumors you had been captured as his Pet. But you denied that.” she still sounded worried, but less so. As if she was fascinated to know more about me and Bill. Tina loved my stories and I guess this was just more of the same.  
  
“Eh, it's not all that interesting. We're on amicable terms. I get along with his friends and he let me take in one of his adopted children to keep her safe from his enemies. Keep that a secret.” I told her.  
  
Tina hummed for a bit before asking “Are you his lover?” I sputtered. “What?! No! Geez! Where did you get such a weird idea?!” Oh great, and now I was thinking about it. Erugh…  
  
She laughed over the Com. “Sorry. Oh my~you're denying it pretty hard~” she giggled. I was flushed with embarrassed horror. “Because that's wildly incorrect!” I whined. “I don't have any interest in such relations!” Least of which with myself...though pairing up Bill and Jan might be kinda hot...NOPE! NOT GOING TO THINK ABOUT THIS!  
  
I wailed in embarrassment as I rolled around on my bed. Tina, the little troll, laughed at me. “Sorry Miz. I couldn't resist. But I'm glad you're not being used by Cipher for such things.”  
  
“Don't say it like that! Bill wouldn't...he...ugh!” I moaned. Tina continued laughing. “I have half the mind to hang up.” I muttered. “Don't. I'll stop!” Tina snorted. I buried my face in a pillow as my stupid brain sent me images of Xin and Jan doing some pretty hot stuff together.  
  
Auuuugh! Why did I have to make my guy forms so sexy?!  
  
Great. Now I'm all hot and bothered. Ugh…  
  
“Dammit Tina!” I whined. She continued laughing at me, like an asshole~ “But seriously. No. I am not Bill's lover.” She cleared her throat. “Right. Sorry. Just had to be sure.”  
  
“Yeah, sure~” I rolled my eyes. “Hey Miz?” She asked. I buried my head under a pillow. “What?”  
  
“Are you a god?”  
  
I paused. Well. “Sorta. Why do you ask?”  
  
“Just curious. Is the fact that you're a god the reason why you and Bill Cipher get along?” she sounded legitimately interested in the topic. I laughed. “Naw. Just being a god is no indicator of how well people get along. In fact most gods hate each other.”  
  
Religious turf wars were some of the most brutal, bloody and cruel things ever. So, no. Being gods would not make me get along better with anyone else. Actually….  
  
“Most other gods hate Bill. They're jealous that he's doing well for himself despite not having as many worshipers.” I comment lightly. Perhaps, I could use Tina as a way of giving good information about me to her mother and thus, the Federation. “He normally just wants to be left in peace and if you are a good, polite person, he’s generally very kind in return.”  
  
“But what of the cities he’s destroyed? The people who he goes and kills for no good reason?” Tina whispered. I sighed. Fuck Time Baby and his damn jobs. “Bill was essentially hired to do that. He can be summoned by ANYONE to ask for a Deal you know? So if some awful person wants someone dead…” I trailed off and let Tina fill in the blanks. She gasped. “People...really ask Cipher for such a thing?”  
  
“Yup.” I turned to grab one of my pillows. “Bill doesn’t like to kill people for no reason. Attacking and destroying people who haven't done him any wrong is pointless you know? So whenever Bill seems to just kill people for no discernible reason, he was probably Dealed to do so.” Maybe if I can get people to understand that they would stop giving so much shit about it. Chaos is great, I love messing with people, but killing people randomly isn’t really my thing. And if people stopped messing with me then I wouldn’t have to kill them. Tina made a sound of understanding. “So...Cipher is simply obeying orders?”  
  
“Pfth. Orders shmorders. He doesn’t take a Deal unless they offer him something in return. And Bill doesn’t like killing, so if he takes a job for that, he’s gonna be getting something real nice in return.”  
  
Tina hissed. “A killer for hire is still a killer. Even if you like him, Cipher is still an awful criminal.” I paused. Well, she’s not wrong? “What if they make him an offer he couldn’t refuse?” I asked, not really trying to defend myself, but curious about how Tina feels. She huffed. “Oh please, it's not like they can threaten him. What can they even offer him? What is worth the lives of all those he killed for them?”  
  
“The lives of his friends and family.” I answered quietly. Tina went quiet. I continued “Bill is an immortal god, his friends aren't. He can heal and strengthen their cells to stop them from aging but...they can still get hurt or die. He...doesn't want that. Because he loves them more than life itself...and if a bunch of strangers need to die just so they can stay safe and happy...he'll do it. Even if he doesn't want to.”  
  
I bit my lip, worried about Tina's continued silence. “Tina?”  
  
“How pitiful.”  
  
I blinked. “What?”  
  
“How pitiful is he? That he would make himself the monster...just to save a handful of people…” she sighed. “I pity him.” I closed my eyes. Didn't really know how to feel about that statement. “How do you know so much, Miz? Are you sure you're not dating him?”  
  
“Ugh! Tina!” I whined. She laughed, it was a little strained. “Would you do that too?”  
  
“You mean kill people to ensure you and the others are safe? Yes. I would. If it would protect you and everyone else, I would do it.” I told her seriously. I hear a sniffle from her line of the phone. “But you shouldn't. Killing is wrong. No matter what reason there is for it.”  
  
“Then what do you call the Federation soldiers? What do do call every single war that happens throughout the multiverse?” I pressed. “What do you call euthanasia? What do you call all the people fighting to survive every single day? The multiverse is a kill or be killed place. The only truly non-violent world is Jessie's dimension.”  
  
Tina sniffled. “That's awful...killing isn't right...no matter the reason…” I sighed. “But it happens. And it happens for all sorts of reasons. The Federation has soldiers for a reason, they also have executions. People can choose to kill for all sorts of selfish or unselfish reasons...and for me, if it meant keeping you and all our friends safe, I would do it.”  
  
I already did. The Curse I placed around Dimension 52 would repel any with malicious intentions from even entering the world. The worse their intentions, the more violently they are repelled. There was someone who intended to pretend to be a refugee and kidnap some maidens for a slave trade. He was incinerated against the edge of the dimension by my Curse. I have already killed to protect Tina, Jessie, Quillia and all the others.  
  
And I'm not afraid to kill again.  
  
Tina sighed. “But...you shouldn't **have** to. Miz, you're like a little sister to me and I don't want to see you dirty your Soul with murder.”  
  
“It's too late for that…” I mumbled. I heard a sharp intake of breath from the other line. “Tina, in the time you were living at the temple, did you know how many assassins came after you?” I wasn't even sure if I should tell her. Tina sounded horrified. “Did you-?!”  
  
“I didn't kill them personally. I simply set up a barrier. If anyone tried to enter with the intention of violating the 'No violence’ rule, they would be repelled. Of course, you can probably guess what happened to some of them.”  
  
Tina began to cry softly. I frowned. I hope I hadn't made her hate me...or not want to be my friend anymore. “Tina? I'm sorry. But please understand I just wanted to keep you all safe.”  
  
“T-that's not it! I'm sorry you were forced to hurt others just to try and help me...I'm sorry I forced you into doing something so horrid…” she sobbed. I held my Com tightly. “It's not your fault! You didn't force me into anything. You're my friend and protecting you is what I wanted to do!”  
  
“B-but why did you have to kill them? Wouldn't just pushing them away have been enough?” She cried. I rubbed my face and curled up on my bed. “There are some people in this world who enjoy hurting others. They think it's fun. They find joy in killing people who are helpless. They are awful, terrible people who have killed and will kill again. If I let them live, they will just go and hurt other people. I can't let that go.”  
  
“But you could have captured them and turned them in to the Federation!” Tina insisted. “They could be in jail. Then they wouldn't be able to hurt anyone.”  
  
I sighed. “Tina, the assassins I killed were HIRED by the Federation.” I mean, I could jail them myself in a little dungeon but then I'd have to take care of them and ugh.  
  
I gave her a few seconds to process that. She finally whispered a broken “Why?” She sobbed “I knew they hired kidnappers...to try and force mother to drop out of the elections...but...killing me would accomplish nothing. If I was dead, mother would be sad but she would just go through the elections with more vigor!”  
  
"Because some of your mom's enemies didn't actually care about making her drop out of the elections. They just wanted to hurt her by hurting you.” I told her. She continued to cry. “It's not your fault! It's _their_ fault for being awful people!” I protested. I didn't want her to cry.  
  
“That's not it...I'm...sorry that you felt you could only help by killing people...that's not right...I'm sorry you had to kill people…”  
  
“It's not your fault Tina…” I wanted to Blink away to where she was...I wanted to comfort her. “Look, can we...not talk about this anymore? What’s done is done, just...don’t go putting yourself in situations where I have to kill to protect you anymore and it’s all good, right?” I hear her strained laughter. “I shall try my best then.”  
  
We chatted for hours, she commented that she would be returning to the Temple for a visit in a few weeks. Of course, I would be there. We had so much fun talking about all sorts of inane things I entirely forgot about going through my Exit Door again.  
  
\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Bill and Time Baby have a complicated relationship. They don't like each other at all but they don't quite hate each other either. Bill really wants to get along with him but doesn't like having to be his personal attack demon.


	79. Chapter 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [It'd be nice if I could keep singing 'till the end of time](https://youtu.be/B2RPr5Mn660)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Look...it's chapter 69...I had to do some smut....so...its weird smut...warning for body horror?

**Illusion is Reality**  
  
**Chapter 69**  
  
**-PROCREATION OBVIOUSLY!-**  
  
\----  
  
I stared down at the creature scurrying along the ground. If you took a penguin, mixed it with a bear and added antlers, that's pretty much what it looked like. I crept closer, stay low in the grass and narrowed my eyes at it. “You're awfully cute, but unfortunately for you, you're made of meat.” I quoted softly. The pen-bear-elk didn't notice me as it continued waddling around in search of food. Unfortunately for it, I was hungrier.  
  
  
  
I struck, snapping down on its neck with my teeth and crushing it's jugular. It struggled for only a few seconds before going limp. Quick kill, minimal pain and suffering. I proudly stood up from my kill and grinned at Rince. “And THAT is how you hunt for food!” I told her.  
  
She scowled at me. Entirely unimpressed.  
  
I sighed. I was in Xin's form today, wondering if she just hated triangles but she didn't like me like this either. Whatever. At least she hasn't bitten me yet. I wiped the blood off my mouth and slung my kill over my shoulder. “Come on Rince. Let's get you home. I think your mommy and daddy should be back from the doctor's by now.”  
  
Despite taking birth control medication, Flora was pregnant again. I apologized over and over but at the very least my daughter in law didn't blame me. I think I'm going to have to personally make condoms for them to use. Ugh. “Well, chances are, you're gonna be a big sister soon. Isn't that exciting?” I asked Rince. She hissed at me.  
  
“Right.” I sighed as I made my way back to the house. Flora had been breathing out cold mist these past few days so I'm guessing it's a boy this time. I hoped a condom would be able to counteract my unintended Blessing.  
  
On the up side, Flora's farm was doing great. The crops were healthy and thriving. She was already sending some back to her family for inspection and they're all quite proud of her. I shook myself out of my thoughts.  
  
Once I drop Rince off, I was going to head to my farming planets to check on my worshipers. I have to test out my Blessings some more.  
  
\---  
  
The worship I fed off from my farming planets was quite potent. That was good. I can gain a lot of power here. I sighed blissfully as I let myself absorb their Awe. The great harvests have made the Federation take an interest in my planets but they didn't want to anger the dragon god protecting them and were forced to negotiate trade as opposed to taking over the planet and imposing their rule over it. Hah!  
  
Also, they saw what I did to other ships that tried to invade the planet. Also, also, they can't even kill me because destroying the god that makes the crops grow was counterproductive.  
  
I stretched lazily on top of one of my shrines and sighed. I felt full. It was starting to get uncomfortable. I sent out my power to move some clouds around to make rain over the dryer areas before I Blinked away.  
  
\---  
  
I’ve been feeling cramped again as my power grew larger than my body could contain. As 8-Ball said, Will wouldn't like me hurting myself from trying too hard to gain power quickly. Besides, slow and steady has always been the better way to keep myself from exploding. With that in mind, I focused more on meditation and getting Deals. I scratched at my bricks and groaned. Damn, itchy feeling. I should make another Deal. That would help alleviate a bit of this tension. Or I could host another Jan-Jan concert. It's been a while.  
  
I shifted into his form and contacted Ivanlock. He asked if I was really up for it. Geez, my little fainting incident seemed to have convinced him I really WAS of frail health. “I'm fine Ivan. I've gotten plenty of rest.” I rolled my eyes over the video chat. Ivan squinted at me. “Well...you LOOK ok...this would be easier if we knew what the baseline for you species was.”  
  
“I can assure you I will be resting properly right up until it's time to perform. Aside from some rehearsals.” I told him. “Also. There's this band I discovered and I want them to open for me.”  
  
Ivan sighed. “I'd say you should have told me this a few months in advanced but you do have an eye, or should I say, EAR for talent. Alright, tell me about them.” I launched into a discussion about these blue skinned humanoids that made some really popping tunes. We set the concert for a few months down the line so the Crescendolls could get in some rehearsal time.  
  
“Oh right...I'm going to need to absorb all the Lust from this concert…” I groaned to myself as I messed with my clothing in front of the mirror. Ok, I can just keep it contained until after the concert. Maybe I should just go for a less revealing outfit this time. And forgo the pole I danced around. Wow. No wonder Time Baby wanted me dead...  
  
\----  
  
“Bill, can we get tickets to your next concert?” Keyhole bounced as soon as he heard Jan was going to have another performance soon. I nodded. “Sure kid, how many of you are coming?”  
  
Or better yet…  
  
“Wait, I'm just gonna buy a bunch of tickets and pass ‘em out to people!” I Blinked away to do so. I felt people staring as I floated in front of the ticket booth. The lady selling the tickets stared at me. “Hello! I would like to purchase 15 tickets to Jan-Jan's upcoming concert please.” I informed them.  
  
The woman cowered and looked like she wanted to find some polite way to refuse. “We-we're out of tickets…” I scoffed and leaned onto the counter. “Listen ma'am. I'm not trying to start trouble. I'm not even going to be at the concert, I'm gonna buy some tickets for my friends and watching the show streamed online.” I tried my best to sound as non threatening as possible. “Please. They're really looking forward to this.”  
  
She looked around, flustered, and finally said “T-that will be 2250 Credits s-sir…” I slid my card over and she rang me up. “Thank you kindly ma'am.” I tipped my hat to her and Blinked away.  
  
I handed out tickets to Keyhole and the others before popping over to visit Pynelope. I appeared to see her typing away at her laptop. “Hey my little ThermalPack~” I coo'ed.  
  
She jumped. “Void! Bill! At least knock on the door or something!” she glared at me without any real venom. I laughed sheepishly. “Sorry, I kinda forget about that sometimes. I'm so used to teleporting where I need to go.” She rolled her eye at me before saving her work and giving me her attention. “So, what's with the visit?”  
  
“Well, I heard Jan-Jan's got a concert in a few months and I scored tickets~” I held one up. She laughed. “Well, since you've gone through the trouble to get me one, how can I say no?” She took the clear plastic strip with the microchips woven into it. The door to her office burst open and a Tentafiloo came in, waving his Com-Screen. “Py! Jan-Jan's just announced another concert in a few months! We need to submit applications for an interview STAT!”  
  
They paused and froze at the sight of me. Pynelope sighed. “Hey Jion. Come in. I promise he's not gonna hurt you.” She turned to glare at me. “Right?” There was a warning edge in her tone. I coughed and floated back to hover near a wall. Jion came in while giving me some worried looks.  
  
“I just got a ticket to Jan's concert. And, I'm pretty sure I can score an interview.” Pynelope replied with a smug grin. Her co-worker stared at me. “Oh no. Please tell me you're not gonna make a deal with Bill Cipher for an interview with Jan…”  
  
Pynelope scoffed. “Naw. I'm gonna send in an application like everyone else does. But I actually MET Jan once.” The Tentafiloo gasped. “Seriously? When?” Pynelope laughed. “When I was in high school, he performed at our Dance. I'm still surprised my school managed to hire him.”  
  
I hung back to watch her interact with this person. He seemed nice. I had some worries about my Thermiepack working here but it seems she's made friends properly. I sudden suddenly hoped I didn't ruin that with my presence here. With the friendly banter, I felt hopeful that I didn't.  
  
Finally he left. I looked at Pynelope. “So...friend?” I asked hopefully. She nodded. “He's nice. Works at finding out new things that have happened so he can get us all sent out to try and get the scoop.” oh right. Pynelope had that interview with me. I guess her coworkers are a little less scared of me.  
  
They already knew she had contact with me. So, at least they weren't as terrified of me. Still don't know why the multiverse was so scared of me. There were much more horrifying demons out there. I think there's a lich running around in a certain dimension. Unkillable, without mercy and murderous. Or that god of Curses who goes around mutating people into horrifying monsters? Why aren't THEY the topic of fear?  
  
Who am I kidding? I know why. It's propaganda. Get the people focused on me so the government can pretend they've got things under control. Why scare the masses with news about the hundreds upon thousands of real threats when they've got the perfect scapegoat to push all the attention on? That way the people won't panic and they can point to the times I've left people alone as signs of the Federation's ability to keep me in check.  
  
Actually, I know for a FACT that three of the council members knew I was...well, not harmless, but ‘safe’ and yet they allow the soldiers to think I really am the problem. My life would be easier if the damn soldiers didn't point their guns at me in public but hey, that's just something I had to deal with. Because the Federation wanted a scapegoat. I was just the distraction. Funny enough, I know Time Baby, dick though he was, wasn't behind this. He would also prefer that we left each other alone unless he needed me for something.  
  
What kind of brother only cares to get in touch with me when he needs something? He's never even appreciated the shit I do for him. Ok, I suppose my penchant for taking out my frustrations on his underlings is quite petty…  
  
Well I'm a petty person. Hmph!  
  
“So~any chance I'll get to interview Jan-Jan?” Pynelope grinned. I giggled. “Maybe~” I spent some time chatting with her to catch up on how she's doing.  
  
“So you two broke up?” I sat in one of her other chairs, a pot of tea floating beside me. Pynelope rolled her eye. “He was boring. I was thinking about it and...I guess I want to date a boy for more than just the whole sex thing. I mean, he was just getting kinda of insufferable. Always asked if I was going to finally eat him.” She huffed. “Well I'm just not ready for children!”  
  
I nodded in understanding. “Of course. So, are you gonna take a break from dating or?” She looked down at her mug of tea. “I was thinking that I could try dating someone that I want to STAY with. Like...not just a fuck buddy.” she frowned. “I know mom had me and my brother the traditional way but...Pyrone's already broken tradition and...the whole ‘eating your mate’ thing is just...old fashioned?”  
  
She looked apologetic. “I mean, don't get me wrong. I would still totally eat a guy, but...maybe it would be ok to start a life together with someone who WANTS to stay with me...long term…”  
  
I reached my hands out to cup hers. “It's fine. Whatever you choose, as long as you're happy and safe, that's all I want.” She looked up at me with an expression of relief. “So, you're not disappointed that I want to break tradition?” I let out some incredulous laughter. “Thermie, things change. Society changes. Sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's better. But you're here at a time where birth control pills exist. And if you want to buck tradition and find a guy who wants to stay alive and be with you, that's fine.”  
  
“You're not disappointed in me?” She sniffled. Geez, how long had this been weighing on her mind? I floated forward to hug her closely. “Of course not. All I've ever wanted for you and Icepack was to be happy. And if this is what you want to do, then just know that you have my full support.” She hugged me back, enclosing me in her arms, which did make me tense up a little but she made sure not to hug too tightly, I could break free if I wanted.  
  
“Thanks dad.”  
  
“You're welcome my little Thermal Pack.”  
  
\---  
  
I stood in my dressing room, fixing my hair in front of the mirror. Jan's reflection grinned back at me as I smiled. It's been too long since my last concert. I've been busy. I opened my senses to the emotions in the air. Anticipation. Eagerness. Excitement. Some mild worry. I sighed. I'll be fine. I've done pretty much a Deal a week for the past few months. My storage capacity should be good. And even minor Deals granted some boost to my power. I didn't do anything too intense, some information here and there, one guy wanted to be cured of his cancer, there was another escort mission with some Jirion royal who wanted transport to a different planet without being killed by his brothers vying for the throne…  
  
Simple things.  
  
I placed a hand to my chest and breathed slowly. Ok, the plan was to suck up all the Lust that ended up being generated during a concert, keeping it stored inside me until after the concert, then popping the Lust bubble and letting all that emotion hit me at once. This wasn't a good plan but it was better than keeping the bubble forever (adding to it every time I have a concert) or releasing all that emotional energy into the Nightmare Realm. That would spawn some pretty messed up things. All I had to do was ride out the Lust until I converted it into pure energy. Simple.  
  
I could hear the rumbling outside my dressing room. This place is soundproofed but vibrations could still be felt. The other band was going to be up soon to open for me. I want to go watch their performance. One last check to make sure I looked perfect...ok. I winked at myself and swooned.  
  
I might be narcissistic???  
  
Whatever. I went to go hang out backstage and watched the band perform from the side. Seriously their music was fantastic. I clapped along with everyone else when they finished their performance. Looks like I'm up. I emerged on stage with a wide smile and music bubbles forming around me.  
  
I waved enthusiastically and my fans cheered. A steady beat began as I started my first song for the evening. I do catch some worry from the audience and loudly declared “Don’t worry! I'm doing great! Come on everyone, let's have a good time!” Brightly colored flames fanned over the audience in a wave. Fast and cool enough to not harm anyone but creating a spectacular light show.  
  
They cheered. I couldn't keep the smile off my face. Hearing them all enjoying themselves just...made me happy.  
  
_“A drop of rain falling quietly disappears along with the storm~”_ the beat rang out as I made my flames trickle down from above, like the sparks from fireworks drifting down. _“Plug into sight so seamlessly take a look at this world and more~”_  
  
I danced to the music and flung my fire everywhere. It was fun, it felt nice and I could feel everyone's feelings all around me. They were having fun, I was having fun. We were all here to enjoy ourselves and I loved every minute of it.  
  
_“Disarray disarray~How much heat can I take?~All I had has been melted away~”_  
  
I wondered briefly if Time Baby was watching my concert? I know I had a live stream of it and there ARE plenty of both Federation workers and Time Police that enjoyed my shows. I laughed.  
  
_“Fly away fly away~To a desolate place~To where this hologram may be saved~”_  
  
If he was watching, he's probably one of the very few people who understood my lyrics. Actually, there are probably some Time Police who might know. If they were from the future. I knew Blendin was. Did he know the meaning behind my songs? The English ones at least?  
  
_“But they’re just messing with my head now ~They're all just messing with my head now~Watching from far away What do you think you see?”_  
  
Should I pay him another visit? Nah. I shouldn't. It was difficult enough to track him down. I have a LOT of trouble going into the 'future’ and I didn't want to waste my energy.  
  
_“It's so loo~ooo~ooo~ud just can't focus with this latent buzzing sound!”_ My flames briefly became a buzzing static lightning.

 _“What's the word again? They call it love, oh yes, that a human feels so deep~”_ I sang into the mic and listened to the glorious sounds of Niki's music. I should sing more of his songs at my concerts. Briefly I wondered once again if I was breaking all sorts of copyright by performing other people's music, without their knowledge or permission?  
  
_“So if this is love then why are we born alone bringing all love to existence~With these tears you swear to not be afraid when all I wanted was…”_  
  
Over an hour later I gave a bow before waving at my fans as I walked off the stage. I used up a lot of my power with my light show but it was quickly replenished by the intense feelings of my audience. Speaking of intense feelings…  
  
I held up the bubble I had filtered all the Lust into. Oh this was gonna suck. But I couldn't just...leave this thing lying around. I briefly considered tossing it onto the Penis Planet and seeing what happened but that...might not be a good idea. Which only left consuming it myself.  
  
Well, it was too dangerous to pop this while I'm still here in the concert hall, even if my changing room had security I was more worried about accidentally letting my powers run wild if I was too addled by lust to think properly.  
  
With this in mind, I told Ivan I was heading home early to rest and he nodded quickly. “Go and get some bed rest!”  
  
I bid my opening band a farewell as well. “I love your work. I'm looking forward to hearing more of your music in the future.” I grinned at them. The blue skinned humanoids smiled back.  
  
I Blinked away to the Nightmare Realm and sighed.  
  
Well. Time to get this over with…  
  
I slipped the bubble into my mouth and bit down to pop it.  
  
**(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((NSFW segment))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))**  
  
For a second I thought nothing happened. I felt the energy flow into me, which made me feel kinda bloated. I was so full I had to start spewing fire from every pore in Jan's body just to keep from exploding.  
  
And then the Lust hit me.  
  
“!!!” I couldn't even form words as I fell to my knees, my skin tingled from more than just the fire dancing along it. I immediately reached a hand inside my pants to palm my dick. It was hardening even before I touched it. I quickly stroked it as I shuddered.  
  
Fuck. Fuck. I kneeled there on the ground jerking off as fire continued to pour out of me, oozing from my every pore as I felt it raging inside me. I whined as I moved my hand faster. This feeling was nearly unbearable. I let out a choked moan when I came. The relief only lasted until I finished cumming the shimmery fluid.  
  
“Fuck!!! Why am I still hard?!” I whined. I stroked myself furiously, this fucking SUCKED! I felt a painfully tight feeling in my crotch and looked down in (aroused) horror as the skin around my crotch began to push out as something moved around underneath. I screamed as a 2nd dick burst out from beneath my flesh, spraying blood across the green rocks of the area I was kneeling on.  
  
I cried out as my new dick stiffened and stood straight up too. I reached a hand down to grip it and shuddered. It was incredibly sensitive. I panted, tears in my eyes from the mix of pain and arousal I was in. Please...I just...I just needed to cum! I stroked my two dicks at different speeds, forced to go slower on my new one since it was still tender. I felt like I was going to slip, lose control.  
  
I doubled over as I came again. My mind blanked for a few seconds before I felt more painful sensations under my skin. No. Please no more. I don't want more dicks!  
  
Good news. It wasn't another dick. Bad(?) news. It was extra arms. I groaned at the new arms coming out of my sides. Fuck I was losing control quickly. I was burning up all over (both literally and figuratively) and while two of my hands continued to stroke at my dicks, the others were roaming around my body touching everything.  
  
Two hands were squeezing at my pecs and twisting my nipples, making me gasp and whine. One hand was squeezing my thigh and the other was rubbing my balls. “Ahh….ah! Ah!” I moaned as I came again, still painfully hard and showing no signs of stopping. The shimmering fluid I produced splattered onto my chest as my dicks shot them up onto myself. Like the other times, cumming seemed to trigger another unwanted bodily mutation.  
  
I collapsed onto my side in pain as my skin stretched and bulged outward. My sides were already covered in blood from when the new arms burst out. “AHHHH!!!” I screamed as yet another set of arms ripped their way out from beneath my skin. I sobbed quietly, wishing that this wasn't still so arousing. I wasn't supposed to jerk off while in pain. But I was so horny. I knew that cumming again would make another transformation happen but as if they had a mind of their own, my hands continued stroking my dicks.  
  
“Gah! Ah! Ah!” I bucked into my hands, my hips just wanted to move. My hands curled into a tight grip, a tight hole for me to fuck. I was on my knees, my face pressed against the ground as I fucked my hands. One hand was running through my hair, gripping and pulling. Another was still pulling at my balls, stretching them and letting go so they bounced back in place even as my hips continued rocking forward. Two of my hands grabbed large handfuls of my butt and squeezed, pulling my cheeks apart.  
  
I moaned when a hand slipped a few fingers between my buttcheeks and rubbed at my asshole. Not going in, just...pressing at my entrance firmly. “Nnngh…” I twitched as more fingers began pressing down on my asshole, rubbing up and down. The hands pulled my legs apart so I was spread wide. I closed my eyes and gave into the sensations.  
  
I came again while my fingers were pressed as hard as they could against my entrance without going in. “G-aah!!!” I didn't even try to fight my body as I felt something move under my skin again. Just do it. I don't care anymore. I just want to feel good. The third dick wasn't even an issue. I moved a hand to palm this newest mutation and stroked it just like the others.  
  
A few of my Nightmares HAD gotten curious enough to venture near me but my fire kept them away. That or my guttural growl when they tried to come closer. I was still so horny. I wanted to cum forever if that would mean I'd be freed from this all consuming heat. A few fingers slipped into my mouth to rub against my tongue and teeth.  
  
Speaking of tongue, it seemed like that was the next target of my mutations. As I came for the fifth time, I gagged as my tongue grew out longer and longer. I made a confused sound as I wiggled it around, slowly getting used to moving it. Struck with inspiration, I sat down and braced myself against the ground with two hands while I looked down at my three dicks. They were still swollen and hard despite how many times I forced them to cum.  
  
I pressed the three close together and wrapped my tongue around them. If I could speak, I would have been swearing up a storm at the sensation. “Fffuugg!” I said instead. My tongue was hot and so incredibly wet. I tightened around my dicks, squeezing against each other as I gave myself a tongue job. It was clumsy at first, I had never done something like this before, but I quickly got better at it and was soon bucking my hips and slurping loudly as I stroked myself into another orgasm.  
  
I'm not quite sure how to describe my taste. The shimmery cum I produced was clearly not human. It was transparent and almost looked like liquid glitter. Thankfully it wasn't actually glitter. With my tongue wrapped around three dicks as they came, there was no way to avoid tasting them. It was faintly sweet-spicy and left a tingling feeling along my tongue. Like pop rocks exploding against it. I wasn't sure if I liked it but it wasn't bad.  
  
I groaned as I finished cumming, bracing myself for what happened next. I felt my balls pinch painfully before they grew larger. The hand that was squeezing them was forced away as my sack doubled in size. I bent over to look at myself. Two hands went down to feel my newest change. They were soft and a slightly cooler temperature than the rest of my body. I squeezed one and jerked my hips at the feeling. They had gotten more sensitive.  
  
I hefted one up and felt how heavy it was. Unnaturally so. I frowned as I wondered why that was. Were they denser? Maybe. Even so, I continued to fondle them and let out pleased sighs. My dicks were still eager to cum again and I didn't even care anymore what would happen to my body. I'm just going to enjoy myself until I finished this Lust high.  
  
My tongue moved to focus its attention on one dick as my hands took care of the others. My balls were slapped together a few times, my hands gripped them and bounced them around. Despite the heat still burning along my skin, my head felt...clearer. I was still horny as fuck but it was like I could think in proper sentences now. Perhaps because I had gotten used to the feel of this Lust and had adapted to it?  
  
Either way, I stroked and slurped myself leisurely into another orgasm and shuddered as I found out what my last change had done. I cummed and cummed. My dicks continued to pump out more and more of the slick fluid. My orgasms normally lasted for around 20 seconds so I almost blanked out as this orgasm lasted for nearly a full minute.  
  
I laid on the ground, panting and drooling as I tried to recover from that. My dicks were still dribbling cum and as hard as ever. I wondered what my next change would be. I felt one of my dicks twist painfully before it grew larger. The hand wrapped around it was forced open as the dick it was holding doubled in both length and girth.  
  
I blinked down at it. The fuck? This foot long monstrosity stood proudly among his siblings, dwarfing them in size. I groaned. As hot as it was to watch this thing grow, I liked giant dicks on other people, not me. I was getting flashbacks to unintentionally growing a giant dick back when Pyronica was fucking her mate. Still, back then I was just growing a copy of his dick. This one...was my own.  
  
I found that I could retract my tongue and pulled it back into a normal size so it wasn't in the way of me inspecting my new endowment. I squeezed it and let out an incredulous snort. Still hard. Ooh~and sensitive. I needed several hands to stroke it. I quickly got back into the rhythm of it. My tongue came out to wrap tightly around my largest dick like a snake.  
  
I continued on like this for a while, fucking myself until I came and feeling my body twist after each orgasm. I grew more arms, larger dicks, my balls increased again to make my orgasms last longer and at one point I even grew an extra set. I was a horrifying mass of flesh and limbs but I didn't care anymore. All I wanted was to cum and cum until I couldn't anymore.  
  
I finally came to who the fuck knows how much time later to find myself absolutely drenched in semen and using one of my dicks as a bed. I grimaced at the damn thing, it was as wide as I was tall and stretched out into the distance. I don't even know how long this monster was. My other dicks weren't as big but they were all different sizes and I counted at least 8 of them. Damn. Can't move. But it looked like I was finally finished filtering out the Lust. I groaned tiredly and slumped back down on my now flaccid dick with a wet sound.  
  
Fuck. This was so gross.  
  
**(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ok we done here))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))**  
  
Not wanting to deal with the clean up, I left this vessel and built a new one in my lovely, non-gross triangle form and incinerated the discarded vessel.  
  
As I watched myself burn I wondered if I was going to have to do this every time I had a concert. Fuck that. No way. I'm gonna find a better way to deal with the Lust being generated at my damn shows.  
  
I blinked away, not wanting to stay with the charred remains of my old vessel. It dispersed back into particles after a few seconds anyway.  
  
\----  
  
Thank Ax for different time flows. No one noticed how long I was gone. I tried to put that whole...losing control of my physical form due to lust thing behind me. I wasn't going to do that again.  
  
My friends were chatting about how nice the concert was. I also sent a call to Ivan asking about the interview requests. He seemed surprised I was willing to do one and worried if I was healthy enough. I assured him I was fine for a quiet one on one interview. The live show was simply too stressful.  
  
He accepted that response and sent through the requests for me to look through. I easily found Pynelope's but then realized this was technically unfair to all the other people. Since my daughter got preferential treatment for being my kid, it wasn't proper, professional journalism.  
  
Feeling a little guilty, I accepted them all, and told them that they could all interview me together but they would have to decide as a group what questions to ask. I thought that seemed more fair...but I don't know if that was the proper way to do things.  
  
Still, they all agreed and the interview would be in a week, they would spend that time arguing and agreeing on what questions were going to be used.  
  
\----  
  
I fixed my clothes in front of a mirror, going for a more casual outfit for this interview. A thin jacket over a t-shirt and long pants. I carefully clicked in a cute little hair-clip and decided that was good enough. It didn't need to be anything fancy.  
  
The interview would be in a fully rented out restaurant so we could get some privacy and I could get some food. I've always wanted to try Dgynph cuisine. I sat neatly on my chair at the head of the table, Ivan on my right. There were 8 other people here, excluding Ivan and I. I spotted Pynelope and made sure to keep my expression polite. Can't show familiarity. It's been years since the school dance and I can't show preferential treatment.  
  
I greeted everyone politely. A few expressed their worries for my health but I assured them that as long as I wasn't stressed out, I would be fine. One asked if that meant I had been stressed during the live interview.  
  
“Well, people were blaming me for the actions of others. Isn't that something to be upset about?” I asked. They nodded in understanding. I took that time to clarify. “When I set fires, I make sure they're just for show, they're bright and colorful. A little hot but no one gets seriously injured. I make sure of that. It's not about setting fires, it's about setting responsible fires.”  
  
They were jotting stuff down.  
  
“What made you decide to invite all of us to interview you?” A tall Gifferaffe (like a giraffe but with a catfish head and human-like arms with fingers like millipede legs) asked.  
  
“I knew people were kinda worried about me after the last interview I was at. I wanted to assure them I was alright.” I glanced at the menu and felt my mouth water. Thinly sliced Unagu meat with cosmic spice seasoning? Yes please. “It's also nice to go out to eat with people. The more the merrier.”  
  
“Do you not go out often?” Another alien asked. I shrugged. “I tend to get assaulted when I'm out in public.” I said honestly while dodging the actual question. They nodded in understanding. Ivanlock was watching the interview closely, ready to step in at any time.  
  
“How do you feel about the fact that notorious demon god Bill Cipher is a fan of your music?” I paused at that question. How had this been allowed in the interview? I glanced quickly at Pynelope and she shrugged guilty. I sighed. “I have no problem with that. Music can be enjoyed by anyone. And if he likes it, that's fine.” I couldn't believe people were still on about that.  
  
There were some questions about my personal life, which I politely declined to answer and I ate my way through 5 different dishes as the interview went on. “For the last time, I’m not dating anyone and I have no desire to find anyone.” I sighed while chewing on this dark purple vegetable that tasted like hamburger. The texture was rather interesting, the skin had some resistance when I bit down but once I managed to break through the firm skin it would ooze out the juices. The flesh of the vegetable was crunchy, lots of large veins that the juices leaked out of. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about it. The taste was nice but the juices made it hard to eat neatly. “Mm…” I sucked on the open end of the vegetable softly.  
  
I was slurping the juices up, licking at it to try and make sure none of them dripped down my chin when I noticed the silence around the table. I looked up, my tongue out and licking around my face to see everyone staring at me. It took me a few seconds to realize the problem. I blushed as I pulled my tongue back in, the organ had stretched to nearly a half foot in length to lick around and I quickly averted my eyes. I placed the vegetable down and wiped my face neatly with a napkin. “I...ah...should probably just um…” I looked away awkwardly.  
  
One of them hit a fist against the table. “Why is everything you do sexy?!” He complained. I flushed darker and hid my face behind my hands. What the hell? They thought that weird tongue was sexy?! Inwardly I was worried about that mutation from my lust filled episode showing up on my ‘normal’ Jan form. My obvious embarrassment seemed to confuse them.  
  
“Are you...not doing this on purpose?” One lady asked. I shrugged. “Not that I'm aware of?” No one reacted like this when I ate food as Bill. Does physical appearance really count for that much? Once more I found myself wondering if making my male forms purposely sexy was a mistake.  
  
“Jan-Jan is actually quite innocent, huh?” One of them commented. I shook my head “T-that's not true at all!” I protested “I'm actually...uh…” I snapped my mouth shut. Probably shouldn't go telling people how much of a deviant freak I am. “I know what sex appeal is! I wear pretty clothes just for that purpose during a show!” I said instead. “B-but I swear I'm not…” I blushed again and whined in embarrassment.  
  
Pynelope, the traitor, looked like she was gonna start laughing any minute now. Ivanlock was covering his mouth and hiding a smile. “What Jan is trying to say, is that he is a virgin.” My manager said with a wide grin. I gasped and poked his arm “Ivaaaan~” I whined. “Don't tell them that!”  
  
Everyone was immediately writing this down. “Too pure!” One Anglopith gasped. I groaned. Great. This'll be all over the internet by the end of the day. “Ivan!” I hissed. He gave me a smug look. “It's good. You're a beautiful contradiction. It sells. It interests people.” he leaned back in his chair. “Lovely, graceful and so very...tempting. And yet, you are untainted. People LOVE that kind of stuff.”  
  
I groaned. “Look, this is personal, can you please...not?” I let my eyes widen and my bottom lip wobbled. For extra cute, I picked up a roasted turtleduck and bit down onto its neck. No one can resist a puppersnup face.  
  
As I thought, they caved. “A-alright, we won't print that information.” I let go of the bird and grinned. “Thanks.” Ivan was giving me an exasperated look.  
  
I bid them goodbye after the interview and Blinked home the Death Star with a worried frown. Despite crafting this vessel anew, it kept one of my mutations. That was worrisome. I rushed up to my penthouse room and stood in front of the full length mirror anxiously. I had to check if anything else was weird about my vessel.  
  
I opened my mouth and stuck my tongue out. My heart sank as it unraveled to about a foot in length. I sucked it back in and groaned. No. Why?!  
  
Suddenly panicked, I pulled down my pants to check if my other mutations had carried over…  
  
Oh thank Ax.  
  
I sighed in relief. Looks like only my tongue got weirdified. I poked it back out and sighed. Well. It could be worse. It wasn't too bad. I wasn't sure why my Template for my Jan-Jan form seemed to have been altered. I normally can't change a template once it's saved. I can alter the body afterward but transforming into one of my usual forms will always go to the template I made and saved.  
  
I hadn't realized my templates could be edited. I could change them and save the new form as a new template, that's what I did with my Yun form. Speaking of my Yun form, I'm still surprised I managed to pass as a teenager. Jan was designed to be 27 in human terms, meaning Yun was as well. But to all the aliens I met, they appeared young to them. I dunno why. I’m gonna make an older version of Yun at some point, that would make her look less like Jan, hopefully.  
  
Well anyway. Interesting to learn, it WAS possible to change a template. I will need to experiment with this more in the future.  
  
\---  
  
Recently I've had an odd nagging feeling that I've forgotten something. I was doing my daily check on my Exit door to make sure nothing had gotten in. I was getting dejavu _(I've just been in this place before~higher on the streets and I know it’s my time to go~)_ about it and I didn’t know why.  
  
I floated closer to the door, curiosity drawing me close despite my apprehension. I really wanted to go out. Find Blue. Find Seb. I haven’t heard from Blue in so long. I was worried about how Seb was doing, whether his idiot brothers made it home. Ugh…  
  
I held my head, my bricks pulsing. Why did this feel so familiar? Geez, was I getting so old I was developing memory problems? Impossible. I didn’t suffer from cellular degeneration. My memories were made of pure energy within the Mindscape. I couldn’t lose memories over time. They were all here and permanent unless I chose to delete them.  
  
So it was impossible for me to just forget things.  
  
I shook my head. Maybe I erased my memories for some reason? I didn’t think I would ever do that but this was the only explanation I had. Did something happen? Did I go behind my door and find something that I didn’t want to remember? I reached out to my door, slow, hesitant. I wanted to. But…  
  
Ugh. My head was pounding as my Mindscape shuddered as if an earthquake were happening. I went to go lay down on my bed. Eventually the shaking stopped as I groaned with discomfort. There was something missing. Some memories were just...gone. I hugged my teddy bear close to myself and sighed. I WOULD be more worried but what could I even do? I don't know what memories I've lost, or why. Stressing about it wouldn't help so I simply decided not to.  
  
It was simple. I just took the worry and stress inside me and...let it disperse. I sighed, feeling much better. Just don't think about it. If I really DID erase my memories, I'm sure I must have had a good reason. Still, I glanced at the door again. I kept wanting to check it again. Explore all the other worlds there were to see. But in the end I decided not to. Maybe some other time.  
  
\---  
  
I spent more time with my family. I didn’t leave for hundreds of years in other dimensions like I usually did, I stayed here. I stayed with them. Because I wanted to have uninterrupted time with them. Because I wanted to be there for my children as they got older.  
  
Quackers eventually found a partner. She happily told me about her partner’s lovely feathers and how she laughed at Quacker’s little displays of magic. The two met at the hospital Quackers got a job at. She was a Pladibear with well groomed feathers and apparently came from a rich family.  
  
She was also Quacker’s sister.  
  
How do I break this to her gently…  
  
“You’re dating your sister.” I said bluntly.  
  
  
  
Quackers dropped her teacup. I managed to catch it before it hit the ground and placed it neatly back on the table. Quackers was staring at me with a horrified expression. I coughed into my hand. “Sorry.” I shrugged. “So...uh...you should break up with her…”  
  
“WHAT?!” She honked loudly. I coughed. “Sorry.” I apologized again. She groaned. “Well, I guess this means that woman really is my birth mother, since she's my partner's mother.” Quackers seemed distressed. I gave her a hug. “Are you alright.”  
  
“Just a little grossed out that my first partner's my sister. Ugh. I'm gonna have to break up with her.” She leaned against me for the hug. I wrapped my arms around her feeling guilty. “Sorry you have no memories of your original family. I couldn't recreate those for you.”  
  
 “It's alright. All I know is that they existed, and my birth mother sold me to you for money….well, it worked. They got rich.” She sighed. “My siblings got to love a better life and I got to be with you and everyone else. So…” she pulled away from the hug to look at me “I guess it all worked out in the end?”  
  
I nodded. “I will confess, your birth mother once tried to ask for you back...or...at least, she wanted contact with you. And...I refused. Was that cruel of me? Was that unfair?”  
  
Quackers sighed. “I admit it would have been nice to keep in contact with my siblings at least but I can see why you felt the way you did.” She picked me up to put in her lap. “It's a little mean but I don't think you're in the wrong.” I settled against her soft fur and feathers. “Well, if you want to reconnect with your birth family...I won't get in the way.” I curled a hand around her flipper.  
  
“I'm gonna talk to them. See how they've been doing. They're still my family, even if I don't remember them.” Quackers nuzzled my back. “You can come too if you want. I would like to introduce them to my mom.”  
  
“I would like that.” I tried to hide how relieved I was that she still considered me her mother. I couldn't help but apologize again “So, sorry for making you break up with your first partner.” she honked “Now I know why her mom seemed so uncomfortable with us dating, here I thought she just didn't approve.”  
  
Luckily, the break up wasn't as bad as I feared and the newly reunited sisters actually remained friends afterward. Quackers introduced me as her adopted mother and her partner, Squeakers, marveled over me.  
  
“I didn't really understand what happened. None of us did. Mother never really spoke about it. All we knew was that Bill Cipher came and stole one of us.” Squeakers said. “Of course, we also became rich after that and as we got older, we all figured out what had happened.” She frowned. “Mother had sold one of us to the demon in exchange for wealth.”  
  
She glanced at me. “So, how did you end up with my big sister? I thought she had been taken as the demon's pet.”  
  
“Eh...well, he dumped her off on me. So I'm technically pet sitting her but Bill's actually pretty nice about it.” I not exactly lied. Squeakers accept my response and gave me her condolences for having met Bill Cipher and relief that Quackers and I made it out unscathed.  
  
It was a pleasant time all around. Squeakers and Quackers decided to go out girl hunting together. It was...decent family bonding? Once more I didn't really get the appeal of going out for the purpose of trying to find a partner but somehow I got dragged along.  
  
So there we were. Three women at a bar in the nicer side of town. To be fair, I was more interested in the drinks menu than people watching. Wow. I feel old. I'm in a bar with my daughter. My daughter is old enough to go drinking. I'm so oooooold!  
  
“Mom?” Quackers twitched as I sobbed quietly. “Mom, you've barely finished one drink! Please don't tell me you're already drunk!” I hugged her tightly. “You're growing up so faaaaast!” I wailed. She sighed and patted my back soothingly. “It's fine mom.”  
  
“B-but...you were just a little cub when I got you….and...and…” I hiccuped as I sobbed into her fur. The table we were sitting at wobbled. Quackers rolled her eyes. “Mom, you need to lay down. I think you're drunk.”  
  
“I’m not drunk! I'm sad! The-there's a difference…” I slumped against her. “Right. Well. I think we're done for tonight.” I felt Quackers pick me up and sling me over her shoulder. “See you again some other time Squeakers.”  
  
“Bye~”  
  
I was crying and pointing at random people to tell them off for staring at me. “Mi-mind your own Bu-bus...QUIT STARING!” I wailed. Quackers stroked my hair gently. “Shh...it's ok mom.”  
  
I fell asleep not long after that. Damn alcohol! Damn light weight!  
  
\---  
  
Time passed too quickly for me.  
  
They were all growing up. Getting older. It's like I blinked and suddenly Rince is starting school and her siblings are already old enough to run around and help on the farm.  
  
As much as I loved seeing my family grow, it meant everyone was aging. Quackers especially was of a species that aged faster than the twins. She'd finally found a mate, not her sister this time, and was a well established Healer. I visit often but watching her fur turn gray was...distressing.  
  
“Are you SURE you don't want to be immortal?” I asked her again as we hung out at her house baking cookies. She honked. “I'm sure. Nothing against you mom. I would just get tired of living forever.”  
  
“...can I at LEAST heal your aging pains? You'll...still d-die when your time comes but at least you won't hurt…”  
  
She enveloped me in a soft hug. “Of course.” I could feel her fondness. It was a light tasting emotion. “You're always so thoughtful mom.” She nuzzled me and I clung to her fur, wishing I could do more.  
  
I gave the same offer to the twins. They agreed and told me they loved me. I knew they loved me. I could feel it. Fondness. Caring. Affection. I loved feeling them. Even if they made me a little nauseous. Pynelope dated often, going from boy to girl to other as she tried to find ‘the one’. I ended up trying to help.  
  
“How is it that none of these people sincerely love me?” Pynelope asked. I sighed. “Well for starters, you're picking out people at a bar. They can't love you if they don't even know you.”  
  
“But I tried dating them. Nothing clicks. It never seems to work out.” She incinerated a napkin. I was with her in my Cyclopian form. “You know, your mother used to take me out boy hunting just like this.” How nostalgic.  
  
Actually…  
  
“Hang on a second. I'll be right back…” I got up from the table and walked off to the deserted side of the building. “Can believe I didn't think of this…” it wasn't hard to See what I needed. A little summoning circle was drawn and I felt the space twist as a deity was summoned.  
  
“Hello Love God.” I greeted politely. The god stared at me in confusion for a while before recognition hit. “You!” He looked taken aback. “Now this is interesting. What do you want?”  
  
“My daughter wants to find someone to love her. She's not just after a meal.” I told him. The human looking creature chuckled. “Yeah. I've been seeing that more and more nowadays. Man, Cyclopians mating for love and not food? What's happening with the world?”  
  
“Yes, well...why is she having so much trouble?”  
  
He frowned at me. “Shouldn't you be able to tell? Generally, if a Cyclopian can't seem to like someone, both for food or otherwise, it's because the potential partners aren't strong enough.” I slap a hand to my face and groaned. Of course. Damn. “Can...you help her find someone?” I asked. “Not with your love potions, like...actually help her find someone?”  
  
“What do I look like?! A...a...service that works with people individually to find a match?!” He scoffed, offended at the thought. “I'm a god. I'm too busy to sit down and talk people into dating. That's just not how that works.”  
  
“What if I could offer something in return?” I asked. He paused for a second. “I doubt you could have anything I'd want…” he did look me up and down. It was a little uncomfortable. “I'm not gonna do any FAVORS for you.” I scowled at him. He quickly shook his head. “It's not like that! I can tell from here that you're asexual...which is super weird. Never met an asexual Cyclopian before...didn't think it was even possible…” he muttered. “AND you're a pervert. Like...super pervert. How is that combination even possible?”  
  
I blushed so hard I caught fire (more than I already was). “Y-you can see that?!” I squeaked.  
  
He actually blushed. “You...have a very dirty set of...oh...geez…” he looked away. “Well. I don't know why I even bothered. But anyway, look lady, I don't work for anyone. I'm a free god.” he sighed. “I do play matchmaker but I just push people towards who might be compatible of the people they are currently looking around at. If they both have issues afterward or just don't work out...then they don't work out.”  
  
“So you can't help?” I wilted. He scoffed. “Sure I can. I'm the LOVE GOD! But if she doesn't see anyone who can match with her, I can't do anything. You can look into a crowd of a thousand people and none of them would be your right match. That's just how it is.” He sighed. “Look, if she DOES come across someone that matches with her, I'll already be there. So...you don't need to ask me to do my job.”  
  
With that, he vanished. I sighed. Well. I tried. Still, this got me a little more insight into how his powers worked. He can't make soul mates meet. They have to run into each other on their own and then he simply doused them in love potion so they would get together. I suppose that made sense.  
  
I returned inside with a sigh. “Hey ThermalPack, you ever think you should just...make friends first before jumping straight to lovers?”  
  
Pynelope groaned. “But I want a partner noooow~” I rolled my eye. “Love doesn't work like that. At least I don't think so? A real connection CAN happen quickly, but real love takes time and investment.”  
  
I didn't want to think baby of my baby but Pynelope is...impatient.  
  
“You stayed with that Aquerian guy for...3 days before you broke up with him.” I pointed out. “And he actually seemed nice.”  
  
“If by nice you mean _boring_.” Pynelope deadpanned. I nodded. “Sometimes that might be the case, or he's still too new around you to express himself. My point is that you barely give your partners any time to really get to know you or open up.”  
  
“I don't want to hear that from a guy who bound my mom to his side for eternity.” She groaned. I scoffed, incredibly offended. “I'll have you know Pyronica and I had been hanging out for several weeks before she got arrested and I had to bail her out! And... **she** was the one who suggested a Deal to be my friend!”  
  
“Which YOU didn't tell her was going to last forever!” She shot back. I shuffled uncomfortably. I still felt bad that I sort of, not really tricked her into it. “Not forever...just until the end of time…” I looked down, hunched into myself. Pynelope growled “And that's the problem. You think everything can happen slowly, that we can all just take our sweet time slowly getting to know people, slowly waiting for the government to change, slowly waiting for the world to be less SHIT!”  
  
She slammed her hands on the table and stood over me. “And while YOU can afford to just WAIT until politics change and the Federation finally gets some GOOD people in power, the rest of us don't have that luxury!”  
  
I blinked at her slowly. “This...isn't about getting a boyfriend, is it?” She snarled. “No. It isn't.” She slumped back down in her chair. “Dad, I love you but you need to understand that for the rest of us, we can't afford to just wait until the Federation isn't an oppressive shit anymore.” She folded her hands together. “Us mortals need to do things. Enact changes. Start revolutions!” She glanced up at me “I've learned a lot of things since I started being an investigative journalist. And one of those things, is just how bad the Federation has been running things.”  
  
She proceeded to tell me about all the dirty deals, enslaved planets and oppressed people. The crime organizations that profit off the desperate people...all things I already knew. She looked so desperate. How long had she been holding this in?  
  
“Thermie, the Federation has been doing all that since before I met your mother.” I told her calmly. “Things now are actually BETTER than they were back then.”  
  
“But it's not good enough! Billions of people are still suffering under their tyranny!” She insisted. I closed my eye and sighed. “What do you want me to do? Go to war against the Federation?”  
  
“Yes!”  
  
I slammed my fist against the table. “Overthrowing a corrupt government solves NOTHING if there isn't another group ready to take over.”  
  
“But YOU can take over-”  
  
“I will NOT take control of the multiverse!” I got up from my chair “I can't govern the multiverse! Do you even have ANY idea how fucking HUGE the Federation's reach is? The planets they take over to convert into farms to keep the stores stocked with food? The planets they mine for resources so that any and all products could be made?! There are so many branches with so many jobs and there's no way I can run this shit show!”  
  
“You just don't want to!” She argued. “You just want to ignore how much the people are suffering because you think they're not your problem!” she accused.  
  
“THEY AREN'T!” I screeched. “My responsibility is keeping you and our family safe! Starting a fucking war with the Federation OUTRIGHT would result in so much catastrophic damage and death of innocents and I have no one to put in power afterwards!”  
  
“WELL THEN WHY DON'T YOU AND MOM AND EVERYONE ELSE TAKE OVER?!”  
  
“HAVE YOU MET YOUR MOM?! **SHE EATS PEOPLE!!!** ”  
  
We were both standing now, panting with the stress of our argument and getting scared looks from the other patrons at the bar. My breath hitched. I was sobbing openly before I could stop myself. “I...I c-can't be part of another re-revolution! I c-can't af-ford to...to lose any of you again…” I tried to wipe my tears but they just kept flowing out, streaming past my hands and sizzling along my flames.  
  
“I-if I start...start a real direct attack on the Federation...th-they won't go after ME in retaliation...they know they can't kill me...but they know how to hurt me...t-they'll go after all of you. They'll go after my worshipers, my outer ring of friends, anyone who's ever been associated with me...and even if I keep you all safe, they'll go after other innocent people, execute them publicly JUST to h-hurt me…”  
  
I feel Pynelope pull me into a hug. I buried my face into her shoulder and sobbed. “I thought you said you didn't care what happened to other people.” She commented. I let out a sob/laugh hybrid. “I ne-never said I didn't care...but between them and you, you're more important.”  
  
I continued crying. “I make a...show of not caring about anyone in public because it's easier if they think I don't care...they'll leave people alone...but even if I can fool the idiot soldiers and mooks it doesn't stop the people in charge from knowing what's up. They're not entirely stupid. They made their way onto a seat of power for a reason.” I tried to stop my shaking. I was failing badly. “They can read between the lines and put two and two together. Pretty amazing for a bunch of selfish idiots who have underlings do math for them…”  
  
Pynelope didn't laugh at my attempt for humor. “Dad?”  
  
“And what if I DO just...kill them all? Murder each and every corrupted member of the governmental body? What then? I don't have anyone to replace them with. The government would fall apart into chaos, which would only be fun until you realized the power has stopped because no one's paying the workers at the power plants, the hospitals aren't getting anymore supplies they need, resources dry up because the mining operations aren't being sent out. There aren't enough supplies to keep people alive and fed and PAID…”  
  
“Wouldn't people just learn to live with less? Be self sustaining?” Pynelope asked. I scoffed. “But they wouldn't want to. Sure, some planets can take care of themselves, but so many people are used to the convenience...they won't be able to live without it.”  
  
Why did I take over multiple planets to make into blessed farmlands? To produce food. Why am I masquerading as their god? To make them listen to me. So that if the worst happened, I had several planets devoted to producing more food than they needed and a loyalty to their god making them willing to simply donate the excess to anyone in need. I already have supply runs that ship out excess harvests to the more impoverished planets that couldn't afford to purchase food and have an environment so ravaged by the mining efforts they could no longer grow their own.  
  
But it was slow work. It took months, years, decades of hard work to get any of this. Time that I could afford because I can't die. But for Pynelope...it wasn't soon enough, wasn't good enough. Even if her potential future children or children's children could live in a better world, it didn't change her present. I understood why she was so upset. Why she wanted change NOW. And she's RIGHT.  
  
Slow and steady may be more stable but it didn't stop the people from suffering NOW.  
  
I understood her worry. But attacking the government and overthrowing it wasn't going to fix the problem. I COULD kill off people in power and replace them but with who? I knew plenty of good people, but can they run a multidimensional organization? Hell no.  
  
And I sure as hell can't do it. I can't manage politics. I took over a planet and became its dictator once, as an experiment. It worked...sort of? But even there it was a long term thing. I controlled them through fear for years and years, forcing them to follow my orders to make their planet better. But didn't that make me a hypocrite? Invading a planet and ruling it by force was what the Federation did. Even if I was trying to make things better for them, that's what the Federation did too, their definition of 'better’ is just different from mine.  
  
Maybe a lot of this was just me justifying to myself because I was too afraid. Maybe I'm just a selfish coward who wants to ignore the problems because it made me feel better. But what am I supposed to do?  
  
I remember how...as a child living in Flatland, I told myself to do nothing because I had no power. But here I am now, with power to spare and yet I still did nothing. What would the younger me have thought of this? Would she be disgusted by me? Would she understand why I chose to do what I do?  
  
I want to talk to Will.  
  
Hauntfest has come and gone multiple times. I still can't stay awake for it. But my time between blacking out and waking up was getting shorter. I was getting stronger. I don't know what I was trying to do with this. It wouldn't be the real Will. I guess I just wanted to see him again. Even if it was just a shade.  
  
What would he think of me? The last he ever saw me, I was a deranged mess about to murder a Circle. He was horrified to see that. Will was a sensitive soul. He'd probably be afraid of what I am now. But even so...I just wanted to see him again…  
  
I sighed, wiping my tears and pulled away from Pynelope. “I don't know what to do.” I admitted. “What should I do? What's the right path here?”  
  
I didn't want to start a fight with the Federation. Time Baby's been almost pleasant to interact with. Heck, he's still trying to help me perform the ritual for Hauntfest. I didn't want to ruin that. Is that selfish?  
  
“I don't know what to do either.” Pynelope sighed. “I'm just...angry and frustrated and I don't know what I can do to make things better. But dad, you CAN do something!”  
  
“What can I do?” I asked. She shrugged. “I don't know. Can't you...threaten the bad guys until they stop being bad guys? Or just...make them become good?” she asked. I don't know what the heck she thinks my powers are for...  
  
“I don't mess with free will if I can help it.” I sighed. Pynelope nodded. “I can understand that.” she sat back down and watched me calm down. “So everything sucks.” She concluded.  
  
“Naw. There's still plenty of stuff you can do.” I shrugged. “Thing's suck for the poor and lower class citizens. But charities DO exist. You can bring their horrible living situations to light and pressure the Federation into making reforms with the bad publicity enraging the people. You can try and start petitions, get people together to form a union…”  
  
I groaned. “Which will still take time. But that's how things work. True, permanent changes take time. People need to adjust, laws need to be made or gotten rid of. I...am too much of a public enemy to do anything without making the Feds panic and think I'm trying to start a fight, but you can do this. You can get more people to do this.”  
  
I couldn't take down the Federation. But...maybe I could try doing more for people in another way? “I wonder if I can start up a soup kitchen? Or create a protected planet for refugees?” That wouldn't cause the Federation to retaliate right?  
  
“I feel dumb...for not helping more…” I muttered. Pynelope sighed. “Well, I'm sorry I tried to demand that you start a war...I just...think its stupid you have to be so complacent…” she growled. “Seriously, you're an all powerful being of pure energy. Why do you back down from them?”  
  
“Because the alternative is all out war, anarchy and the death of trillions.” I sighed. If I didn't care about the collateral damage...would I have been willing to try and take out the Federation? “And besides, I'm not indestructible you know? I can still be destroyed and it'd take 1000 years for me to reform myself.”  
  
She shuddered. “What...would be able to hurt you?” She asked in worry. “Some kinda Quantum Destabilizer or something. Anything that can cause my consciousness to scatter.” I wasn't too worried. Even if it happened, it's not like I would die. “Getting destroyed would suck though. I’d rather avoid it if I could.” I looked at her with a small smile. “But you’re right that I have been...complacent. Maybe it’s time I took a more active role in helping. I won’t go around taking down Federation buildings, no more than my usual pranks at least, but I can try setting up soup kitchens and building shelters.” In disguise of course.  
  
Pynelope hugged me again. “This is going to take a long time...isn’t it?”  
  
“All things do. Unfortunately. Blame Time Baby for that. Asshole.”  
  
She snorted and we just held each other for a bit. It was time for me to get off my lazy ass and do something.  
  
\----


	80. Chapter 70

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting up with a friend...and...a new brother?!

**Illusion is Reality**

**Chapter 70**

**-Team up with me-**

\----

Well. Everyone in Dimension 52 already knew Miz was immortal. I didn't know if they realized I'm a god but I think most of them already suspected it. More importantly, they knew I was the person with the latest anime to share with them. We had secret viewing parties late and night in one of the larger rooms. Of course it had to be kept secret from Jessie because she's a buzz kill. But this latest one...I think even my dear stick in the mud sister would allow.

“Your anime is out?” Hutie squawked with excitement, flapping their arms and sending feathers everywhere. I squealed with pent up giddiness. “It's premiering today!”

Time worked so weird in the multiverse. Still, the show was finally coming out. I'm hoping people like it. I'm going to use the Credits I've earned from my books and the show to start establishing shelters. Paying for Federation ID's for any refugee or being in need. I couldn't use the Credits from Bill's account. Jan's accounts were already set to donate to charities and Xin didn't have a Federation account.

Neither did Yun. Or William. But I don't think I want to juggle that many identities.

“Jessie! Can we all watch the premiere of my show? Please~?” I begged. She laughed. “You're really that excited for this?” I nodded. “We all worked so hard on it!” The animators, the sound team, music, voice actors...everyone!

“Alright. We can all watch your first episode.” Jessie relented. The maidens and I all cheered. Even Tina was on the hologram video chat on my Com so she could be with us. Woot! I can't wait to see their reactions!

The next half hour consisted of wild laughter at the wacky hijinks of a dysfunctional family. Some refugees and recovering patients were there as well. Everyone had a nice time. I caught Jheselbraum hiding a smile now and again. I passed out snacks for everyone, they were too distracted to ask where they came from. On screen, a Fairy and a Lich tried to start a vegetable garden together with humorously disastrous consequences.

It was fun and I nestled against my sister's side as she absently brushed a hand through my hair. “Looks like your work is going well.” She told me. “I'm proud of you.” I beamed. Praise felt good. I loved hearing it. I hoped the rest of the multiverse liked my anime too.

\----

The first refugee shelter I set up was on the outskirts of a major city. The area wasn’t very good, the environment was harsh and there were large beasts roaming the wilderness. Still, I got the area set up and turned it into a place where immigrants could stay and live while they applied for a Federation ID. It wasn’t much but it was a start. I also asked Time Baby if he could try a little harder to help out with the corruption within the Federation. He WAS one of the council members after all. Even if he didn’t do much with actually governing.

He said that wasn’t his problem. “Hell YES it’s your problem!” I argued back. “IF THEY DO ANYTHING TO DISRUPT THE TIMELINE, I SEND MY POLICE AFTER THEM. OTHERWISE THEY ARE FREE TO DO AS THEY WANT.” I growled in frustration. “But they’re...mean.” I suppose that wasn’t really a good argument but that’s what it all came down to. I didn’t like that people were mean to people. It was that simple. But simple or not, I couldn’t go around forcing people to be kind to each other. I couldn’t go around fucking with their minds until they were nicer to each other. Well, I COULD but I don’t.

Life was hard sometimes.

Sometimes...I wished I was more terrible of a person. Someone capable of doing what needs to be done even despite my principles. But I’m not. I couldn’t bring myself to directly alter someone’s mind from the inside. Not in the way that I needed to. Sure, I knew all the techniques for brainwashing people the old fashioned way. I learned a lot from spying on the Federation...a lot. But even if I could, and have, used a few manipulation tactics here and there, outright altering a person’s mind is a line I am unwilling to cross. I could send them nightmares to drive them mad, or to scare them into doing what I want, but I wouldn’t go around fucking their Mindscapes.

I groaned as I returned home.

Hm...the whole...scaring people into being nicer might be a way to go…

\----

Facey was more than happy to do that. Rather, I told him to just...ask people nicely to be kind to each other or he would visit them and watch them until they changed their ways. It was the same result either way.

Wow. They are quite terrifying.

Despite their grotesque appearance, I found myself warming up to it. They were kinda...adorable in a weird...horrifying way.

I have no idea if this would really work but it's a little experiment in a small dimension at the edge of the Federation's influence. I'll check on them in a few years to see how that's going.

\---

The Earth was going well. I admit I got a little impatient about the development of technology and 'inspired’ a few people here and there. This one dude went and founded Atlantis. That's pretty neat.

\---

You know that thing where someone tells you not to do something and it makes you want to do it even more?

I entered the Void of Doors again.

Apologizing to dad in my head, I flew around and tried once again, to find Seb or Blue's doors.

Damn. What's Blue's dimension called? I remember I glance at it briefly when I left all those eons ago. At least Seb's should be easy to find. It was just Triplet AU…

I twitched.

There was a whole section of Doors with the words Triplet AU on them. I floated closer to check them out.

Triplet Flatland AU? Triplet Genderbend AU?? Triplet...royalty AU?!

What even the fuck??

I shook my head. You know what? I wasn't gonna deal with this right now.

I flew off to check out the other doors. There was a strange...buzzing sound as I passed one. I slowed down and stared at it. The door was...for a lack of a better word, flickering.

The buzzing sound was getting louder and I was getting an uneasy feeling. I backed away as the door began to twist. The flickering was getting worse, like the door was struggling to exist and turned into static as the buzzing sound became unbearable. I hid behind another door and shrunk myself down as small as I could, unsure what was happening but just...KNOWING that it wasn't good.

I stiffened when part of the door seemed to glitch and a hand slowly materialized out from the corner of it. I was frozen in horror at the… _thing_ pulling, screeching, stretching, dragging itself out of the door. I watched in horror as a very familiar shape formed.

I stayed quiet and hoped it didn't see me. It finally wrenched its way free from its door, which spasmed into static and then vanished. I stayed still, small and dull and terrified.

Whatever this thing was, it looked like me...but...not. Even disregarding the way its body flicked, limbs appearing and disappearing or seeming to be a different size or from a different angle, there was something...fundamentally wrong with it. Its (his??) eye was wide, and darting around frantically. I pressed myself against the door frame and prayed it didn't see me.

I watched in horror as it screeched and twisted, turning to one of the other doors and ramming it, grabbing desperately at the door knob that miraculously remained locked. I didn't realize they locked, they opened just fine when I so much as touched them. It pounded on the door a few times before dragging itself away. I don't need to breathe but held my breath anyway.

What the fuck?! What the ACTUAL fuck?! I had to get home, I had to get home NOW. I waited for the thing to make its way past a few more doors before I chanced it, turning and flying as fast as I possibly could back to my own door, which I could FEEL the location of, my instinctive connection towards it. From behind, I hear it scream.

“Brx! Grq'w uxq! Frph zlwk ph! Jlyh ph brxu srzhu! Zh zloo ghvwurb wkhp wrjhwkhu! Zh zloo eh zkroh djdlq!”

“NO THANK YOU!” I squeaked as I flew. I could hear the static buzzing of collapsing space behind me. To my horror, it was getting closer. Fuck it, I wasn't going to make it to my door in time! I felt a twinge of familiarity. A sense of a door I had been through before. It was better than nothing.

I swerved towards that door instead, slamming into it at full speed and getting inside before immediately slamming it shut behind me. Before I was overwhelmed by the twisting of dimensional travel, I could hear its voice screaming in frustration as it couldn't get through the door.

\---

(3rd person POV)

“...aaaaaAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” MizBill screamed as they toppled out of the air and slammed hard into some sort of barrier before sliding down into the dirt. Once again, not causing any damage because they were in the Mindscape. They laid there in the dirt, whimpering. “Fuck… where am I now?” MizBill looked around to get their bearings. It appeared to be Earth. Good. Uh… which dimension was this? He blinked and looked around. The Mystery Shack. Ok. That's… one thing. He floated off the ground and looked around. Ok… there was a barrier, and this was a world he's been to before. A quick flicker and…

“BLUE!” MizBill squealed. He was thrilled to make it back here! Even if it wasn't quite in the circumstances he'd been hoping for.

He/she watched as that local blue-and-black-haired female-bio-sexed cat-eyed human-ish-formed Bill Cipher kicked open the window to the attic room he was currently in, cursing in Galactic Standard as he jumped out of said window and half-ran half- _slid_ down the side of the roof _without slowing down_. He yanked some curved tool out of his belt and used the lower gutters to perform a sort of somersault off of the side -- barely catching it before he would’ve launched himself off of it to what would have otherwise been a very rough and bone-breaking stop -- and instead kicked his feet and flipped himself up end-over-end down and onto his feet onto the ground, slowing himself down as he went.

Bill let go of the odd wooden tool, staggered a bit in place for a moment, then seemed to get his bearings and sprinted forward past the edge of the barrier.

“STANLEY!! VISITORS!!” Bill yelled out as loud as he could as he slid to a stop on the grass and, not a second and a half later, his hands and forearms went up in crackling blue flame. He let out a snarl as he spun in place, glaring upwards as he scanned the sky.

A red gash seemed to open up almost spontaneously across his forehead, slashing from the upper left of his hairline down nearly to his right eyebrow, and it began dripping blood into his right eye as he began to chant… then he trailed off and stopped, looking almost puzzled.

“...Miz?” Bill said, blinking as he stared upwards at her, and the fire along his arms pulled back down low to nearly a flicker of flame.

He stared a little longer, slowly lowering his arms, then started to grin.

“Kid?” Stanley called from inside the house, coming out onto the porch.

Bill dropped his chin to glance over at Stanley for a moment.

“IT’S FINE!” Bill called out, shaking his arms and hands out a bit like he was shaking off the flames -- which went out shortly thereafter.

“You sure?” Stan called back, sounding a bit skeptical as he walked his way off the porch and towards him slowly, taking his time.

“YES!” Bill called out again. He craned his head to look back up at Miz, but slowly dropped his chin to follow her progress as she floated in lower. “Seb with you? Or is this a ‘solo’ adventure this time?” he asked her with an not-quite lopsided grin, as he put his hands on his hips.

MizBill materialised his, HER, Miz vessel. She slipped into it and grinned at Bill. “Hi Bill! Long time no see! In person at least. Seb's not here right now…” Her smile flicked. “Eh… it was… kinda a surprise visit. I didn't quite mean to come here but it's nice that I did.”

Bill tilted his head at her, not offended in the least. “Were you shooting for Seb’s door, instead?” he asked, as Stanley came up to nearly stand beside him, watching them both. (Stan stayed inside the barrier, though it wasn’t completely clear if that was on purpose or by accident, due to where and how Bill was standing.)

“Yeah. I was worried since I haven't been able to contact him. Also… uh… I discovered something problematic.”

Bill’s eyebrows went up.

“What’s the problem?” he asked quite seriously, as he absently wiped at his right eye, which was weeping blood slightly. He glanced down at his palm for a moment, then grimaced, muttered a word, and all the blood on his forehead, face, and hand seemed to jump off of him and vanish mid-air. He looked back up at her.

“Good news and bad news. Good news, I found out what's been trying to get into my door. Bad news, it's scary as shit!!” Miz whined.

Bill smiled at her, then grinned.

“Tell me,” he said. “I don’t scare easy.” Then something seemed to occur to him and he let out a laugh. “--THAT’D be a new one! _Easy._ ”

“...it was a Bill Cipher. Not you, a different one!”

Bill nodded, looking completely unsurprised.

“So, what’s the scary part,” Stan asked.

“It was… wrong… there was something wrong with it!” Miz shook her head.

At that, Bill frowned slightly. “Wrong, _how?_ ” he said, dropping his arms. It was clear to him that she meant something beyond ‘an other-him/them that thought differently’ and wouldn’t get along with them, but he didn’t get what the ‘scary’ part was yet.

Miz whimpered and looked down. “It… felt like… it wasn't supposed to exist… like… reality had rejected it, it didn't exist. It FELT like it didn't exist. But I could see it! I could HEAR it. But all my senses told me that there was nothing there. There… it wasn't supposed to be there!”

Bill blinked, and he looked to be at a slight loss.

“Not in the Mindscape?” he asked, still frowning. “You couldn’t see it with your Eye?”

Miz nodded. “All my 'magical’ senses told me that there was nothing there. And… I just got this really foreboding feeling… like… like it would make ME stop existing if it touched me!”

Bill’s frown deepened. He stared at her for a moment, then turned his head to look at Stanley. (Bill wasn't used to the idea of not being able to trust his senses. As far as Bill was concerned, that was a human thing.)

Stanley glanced over at Bill, then looked back to Miz. “What did it look like,” Stan asked her in his usual gruff gravelly tones. He was frowning a little too. Miz bit her lip and rubbed one of her arms. Her initial joy at seeing Bill again had been quickly overtaken by the panic at the memory of that… thing.

“Kid, don’t worry,” Stan said, picking up on her nervousness. “This one,” he tossed a thumb at Bill, “Has things set up so _nobody_ should be getting through to here that we don’t want here, though I guess you’re on the guest list.” He glanced over at Bill, who grinned at this. He’d tried to be pretty careful about how he’d set and defined the parameters for ‘Bill’s and ‘other-Bill’s. (And as far as Bill was concerned, it was working exactly the way he’d wanted it to!) “Yeah. Anyway, kid’s been working on a bunch of stuff for that -- plus a couple of nasty surprises too, just in case anybody we don’t want here does start to make their way through,” he added, shrugging.

Bill nodded as ‘encouragingly’ at her as he could, grinning at her again.

Miz nodded. Well, she made sure to slam the door shut and could HEAR that it couldn't get in. “Well… it… looked kinda like a Bill Cipher but it kept… glitching. Like a TV screen going bad and the images distorting…”

Bill didn’t seem to understand what she was meaning, given how he started to frown again, but Stan straightened in place a bit.

“Can you show us?” Bill asked. “Like this?” He waved a hand, and snapped his fingers loud enough that the keyword he nearly subvocalized wasn’t truly audible, as he visualized the appropriate mental mandala-spell for what he wanted to have magically happen. Almost immediately, an illusion of a flowering bush sprung into place next to him before slowly fading out, as a demonstration of what he meant.

Miz nodded. The adrenaline from the mad dash to escape fading as the fear finally set in. She shook a little but held out a hand and an image appeared… sort of. Despite the image of that thing being so clear in her mind, she couldn't… quite… focus on it. Still, the illusion she made was a large Bill Cipher, twisted, distorted, flickering into static and fading in and out of existence. She could only hold the image for around 10 seconds before her hand twitched and dropped. “I-I'm sorry… its… hard…”

Bill stared at the illusion the entire time it was there, expressionless. After she dropped it, he turned to her, blinked, then suddenly smiled and took a few steps forward, to stop in place right in front of her.

“Good job, kid!” Bill said, with the smile fixed unchanging on his face. And he lifted his hand up and patted her on the head in a way that would have come across as awkward… if it hadn't been clear that he was in no way embarrassed by what he was doing -- he just _no idea_ what he was doing, other than trying to do a supportive-human thing for her. Miz still leaned into the touch, craving any sort of comfort after her close brush with non-existence.

(Stan was watching them both carefully as they did this. ...He’d been watching them both closely, ever since he’d come outside.)

Bill blinked at Miz’s reaction, the smile slowly fading, then he let the palm of his hand just lay in place on top of her head, almost experimentally. (‘A wild Miz likes touch. What will she do if I do this?’) Miz looked up and reached up to hug Bill gently. She was still shaking. Bill didn’t pull away, but he did go a bit rigid right before she wrapped her arms around him, and went completely still once she had.

“RIGHT! THIS IS FINE! NO BITING! I AM NOT FOOD!” Bill said very loudly, _clearly_ and openly uncomfortable with what she was doing, but he was _also_ just as clearly _not_ trying to shove her off or make her stop, either.

Stan snorted. He walked forward and dropped his hand onto the top of Bill’s head. Miz nodded, her face buried in his chest. “I won't bite. I don't bite friends.” She said quietly as she tried to make her shivering stop.

“RIGHT. GOOD. YES. --WAIT.” Bill’s expression froze, and he slowly by degrees tilted his chin down to stare down at her. “... _Friends?_ ” he said very very slowly.

Miz nodded. “I mean...you helped me out a lot and you're nice. So you're my friend.” she slowly unwrapped her arms to step away and look up at him. “Isn't...that how friends work?”

Bill said nothing for a long moment.

“No,” Bill said firmly. Then he opened his mouth to say something else, but instead let out a soft ‘Ack whyyyyyyyy--!!’ next as Stanley mussed up his hair pretty badly.

“Explain it, kid,” Stan told Bill, as Bill started whistle-clicking complaints at him. “Pretty sure you don’t mean what that just sounded like to us humans.” Miz looked over at Stan and seemed confused. “What, you’re the used-to-be-human demon one; right, dragon-lady?” he gave her a knowing look and a ghost of an ‘I know something you don’t know’ smile.

“Nnnnnn--AAH! STOP!” Bill said, batting Stan’s hand away. “ _Not_ a friend. We’re not only working together while we’re USEFUL. _And_ she’s not going to BACKSTAB me later when she gets _bored_ for NO _reason!_ ” he spat out at Stan, glaring and looking almost offended on Miz’s behalf.

“Uh...a friend, to me is someone that I will help, protect and care for. Almost like a brother.” Miz explained. She was starting to get how Bill worked, he didn't have the same definitions for stuff. Probably a language issue.

Bill seemed to stop in place for a moment, twisting his head back on his neck to stare at her. Stan eyed Bill sideways, then said almost lightly, and maybe a little leadingly, while still watching ‘his’ Bill, “...Or maybe a sister?”

Bill looked away from them both. He shifted from foot to foot, then back again, almost swaying, a bit like his torso was bobbing in mid-air. It was the least-human looking motion from him that he’d shown while outside with them so far.

“...maybe,” Bill muttered after a good long while. Mostly, he looked like he really didn’t know _what_ to think yet, except that he was in the middle of thinking deeply, with the odd frown he had going.

“Well, there ya go,” Stan said, like that was that. “Chose yourself a new younger sibling there, good job kid,” he told Bill plainly, though he had almost a smirk in his eyes, as he looked at Bill, then back over to Miz. “Unless you don’t want him?” It wasn’t really a question, exactly. It definitely wasn’t leading; it was clear that Stan was sure that Miz would say ‘yes’ if asked.

“I never turn down more family. Especially not brothers or sisters!” Miz said firmly. She winced and looked embarrassed. “I mean...i-if it's not too forward of me…” She shuffled her feet and pulled at her shirt.

Bill looked back over at her, and his entire body language punctuated the shocked look on his face. “Yes -- no -- mm.” Bill stopped talking for a moment, then shook his head briskly. “You-- shouldn’t just take anyone,” Bill said, then added, “Whether they want you or not,” almost under his breath. Then he straightened a bit and added with a great deal more put-on bravado, “HAVE SOME STANDARDS!”

“Said the kid with almost no standards,” Stan said with a smile, ruffling Bill’s hair again. He kept it up through a bit of Bill’s complaining (which went something along the lines of ‘OF COURSE I HAVE STANDARDS! _STANLEY!!!_ ’), then dropped his hand again. “Y’know, I saw something like that thing you showed us before,” he told them both a little more seriously. “It was--”

“--Stanley??” they all heard a certain nerd-owl call out from the bowels of the house.

“Oh, _wonderful_ ,” Bill muttered, looking thoroughly pissed off already, as he glanced over at the house.

Stan glanced over at the back porch, then said quickly, “--when you were melting inside my head, kid. ‘Look at me,’” he said, tapping his own forehead with a finger.

Bill looked over at him, startled by his words. He didn’t get the gesture -- he was just perturbed by the words, which he _did_ recognize. Nor did Bill understand or quite pick up on the relevance of the next gesture he saw, when Stan ticked his head at him, then Miz, before he turned away from them. He just stared after Stan, as Stan started walking back to the Shack a lot faster than he’d walked away from it, to meet Ford almost at the doorway, with Mabel and Dipper at each side.

Bill looked over at Miz.

“...Little …sister...?” he said slowly. He tilted his head at her sideways, just as slowly.

Miz's smile lit up her face and she blushed. A brother! A brother! Oh...oh my god! She covered her face and squealed. “Y-yes!” she wiggled and looked like she wanted to hug Bill again.

“WELL.” Bill blinked at her, then blinked at her again. He had NOT been expecting that level of happiness as a response. (He’d barely been expecting the ‘yes’. ~~Actually, he hadn’t really _expected_ a ‘yes’ at all.~~ ) “Well. Sister. Yes.” He paused. “I decided. You decided. _We_ decided.” He shifted in place slightly. “So it’s official,” he said almost authoritatively, as if he thought saying it was official would _make_ it official all of a sudden. Then for a moment Bill looked almost uncomfortable. That moment passed, and he straightened in place and said, “No take-backs.” It came across almost challengingly, like he expected her to say ‘no’ to _that_.

Miz giggled, somewhat hysterically as she was still hyped up on nerves. Both the fading fear of meeting that...thing, and the blinding joy of having Bill accept being her new brother. “Of course not big brother!” She even sprouted a tail to wag.

“Right. Yes.” _Now_ Bill looked slightly nervous, as he was sort of starting to realize what exactly he’d just done, in terms of how he himself thought about things. (And then it occurred to him, as he stared down at this very happy-looking Miz…)

(‘ _Liam won’t mind that I… we?... have a little sister now, too, once I bring him back… right?_ ’)

(Bill’s mind spun through a few almost-fretful iterations of that thought, as he stared down at his new little sister, before finally settling on: ‘ _Well, Liam can take care of me, and I can take care of her. He doesn’t have to take care of her if he doesn’t want to; that’s my job._ ’)

He reached out slowly with a hand, then patted her on the head again, still a bit expressionless as he did so; his eyes were just a touch wider than usual. Miz nuzzled into his hand, finally calmed down. (Bill blinked at her rapidly as she did so.) She was safe here. That...thing, can't get in. It wouldn't be able to touch her.

Ford was just staring at them with his mouth agape. “What's even… happening??” Then he got a storm-cloud sort of frown. “Wait…” he said, as he saw the tail and something _clicked_ for him, all-at-once. And Ford looked more than a little uncomfortably wild-eyed, as he quickly cupped his hands over his mouth and tried to do what he thought was the right thing, even for a man-eating dragon, because Bill was _Bill_ and--

“ _GET AWAY FROM HIM! HE’S GOING TO EAT YOU BEFORE YOU CAN EAT HIM!!_ ” they heard Ford yell out at them both.

Stan muttered something they couldn’t hear from how far away he was standing from them, while passing a hand over his face. Mabel and Dipper both looked up at their Great-Uncle with very different looks on each of their faces, in reaction to his warning, while Bill turned his head back towards him and yelled, “I’M NOT GOING TO--” then clearly gave up, muttering vile things under his breath in Galactic Standard at the idiot.

...But then Bill stopped in the middle of a word.

And he paused.

And then he brightened up slightly and got a truly diabolical _grin_.

He glanced down at Miz and said, “One minute!” brightly.

And then he removed his hand from her head and walked with a spring in his step back into the barrier and practically _skipped_ his way up onto the porch.

Ford did _not_ look very comfortable with whatever he knew Bill must be up to, nor did his look get any less suspicious when Bill held out a hand at him and made a come-hither sort of gesture, before demanding, “Give the things to me.”

“......... _What_ things…?” Ford said slowly, making it sound like a ‘no’.

Bill stopped, then turned to face Stanley. “I want the bracelets.” he told Stanley. “Make that Stanford give them to you, and then give them to me.” Stanley looked at him blandly. “That a good idea?” Stan asked him, except it wasn’t a question.

“I’m going to FIX them!” Bill said, grinning up a storm. Stan gave him a long look. “...Yeah, okay,” Stan said, shrugging, and then he turned to Ford.

There was a bit of not very happy back-and-forth between the older twins, before Ford huffed out something of a snarl and shoved his hands deep into his coat pockets. He pulled out the explosive bracelets and held them out to Bill, with almost a nasty glint in his eye.

Bill glanced over at Stanley, who said, “Go ahead and take ‘em.”

Ford didn’t look happy when Bill took them from him, because when he let go of his own grip on them... Bill’s arms _didn’t_ practically fall off at the weight of them this time. Bill turned right around and walked right back over to Miz where she was waiting outside the barrier.

And about three steps before he crossed the barrier line, he called out to her, “Give me another minute, I need to fix them!” As he crossed it, he informed her while grinning at her winningly, “They’re COMPLETELY BROKEN!”

Miz blinked and rubbed her face to hide her flickering as she looked up what these bracelets were, oh. Explosives used for a sick game. She wasn't even surprised, there were some really twisted people out there. Bill grinned at her, then without fanfare he dropped the bracelets to the ground, pulled out a pocket knife, sat down, flipped it open, and got to work, muttering spellwords and making short carving motions with the knife over the metal.

He made a few flinging motions at the sky, and there was an explosion -- then a second one -- both of which rattled the Shack’s windows.

There was a scuffle on the porch after that, where Ford pulled his gun, and Stanley shoved his arm back down and got into an argument with him. ...All of which Bill completely and willfully ignored.

It wasn’t long before Bill had the bracelets in sections, much of the metallic material discarded, and the resulting four half-circlets smoothed out and fitting together easily at the flat -- _not_ interlocking -- seams.

“Magnetic clasps,” Bill told Miz, not looking up at her as he continued to work smoothly and diligently on them, smoothly carving glyphs and runes across the surface of each circlet in turn. He did it in efficient flowing motions, with what looked like a clear intent in mind. “Passive, constant strength. Shouldn't be able to stick-stuck-closed, no worries! No more explosives either, aaaaaand…” He made a few last swipes across the outer edges of the final half-circlet. “You have some stylish silver-platinum ‘anti-magic’ bracelets!” he told her, looking up at her and grinning, before looking down at said bracelets again and giving them a quick but careful once-over, in a final check of the visible spellwork he’d just carved into them. “...Which I think you will like VERY MUCH because they CANCEL OUT SPELLS like, HMMMMM, a mystical barrier that some idiot thought to set up around the house here? So that you can enter it?” he told her, then his grin widened. “To stop the barrier from SUPPRESSING and FORCING OUT your WEIRD little self.” Then Bill finished making a few final touches to the bracelets, set them down, flipped his knife shut, and looked up at her.

Bill waited for her response to this pronouncement with bright eyes and an almost-expectant, not-quite-innocent look on his face. He looked a little like he’d just performed some great trick and was looking forward to his audience-of-one’s response -- and from how Bill took what she did next, she didn't disappoint him.

Miz gasped. “That's amazing!” she praised. Using an anti-magic item to cancel out barriers? She hadn't even considered that… Hm… this could be useful information to know in the future. “So I can get past the barrier?” she asked, and Bill nodded at her, barely holding back a grin. A slow, mischievous grin formed on her face. She glanced over at Ford and couldn't help but blush faintly. Damn, he was still hot...

Bill held up the bracelets to her, she took the bracelets from him and clicked them on. “Thanks for taking the explosives out. I'd probably survive them, but it would ruin the vessel,” she giggled as she slowly stepped past the boundaries of the barrier.

Ford went pale. Fuck. The man-eater was inside. They were no longer anything like safe. “What have you done?!” he demanded of Bill. “She's dangerous!” He tried to pull up his gun again but Stan smacked his hand down once more.

“So are you.” Bill said it blandly, as he got to his feet and walked towards them himself, catching up to Miz quickly as she waited a moment for him before they both headed for the porch where the rest of them were. “So is Stanley; so am I; so are Pine Tree and Shooting Star. _What’s your point?_ ” Bill asked, though it was clear from his tone that he felt it was a rhetorical question because he didn’t care what the answer was.

Ford was staring at the young dragon. She looked so small and innocent, with her dress and her cute little smile, but he SAW her EAT her companion. “S-she eats people!”

“Ford,” Stan said to his brother in almost-warning tones. “We _talked_ about this. You saw the footage from the security cameras in that bunker of yours. We all did. And I talked to ‘em both when they showed up here, after. The other one was fine.”

“She’s not going to eat any of you,” Bill said. “That would annoy me!” He grinned at Ford as he said this, but he looked a bit angry as well. Miz herself pouted. “I didn't eat Seb. I ate the vessel he discarded after he left it. It was just a meat sack without him and I didn't want to waste it.”

“Not like you aren’t all cannibals, anyway,” Bill added, and at Ford’s self-righteous squawk of protest, he added further, “Those ‘Stancakes’ have _his_ hair in them, don’t they?” Bill thrust a finger at Stanley. “You eat ‘human’ all the time!”

Stan coughed once into his hand.

“Ew…” Miz said. “He just...drops hair into the food?” she shuddered at how unhygienic that was. She always made sure to pluck out all hair from the meats of the animals she butchers for her family. They couldn't digest it anyway (except Ammy) and enough swallowed hair, especially long strands of it, would give them intestinal problems.

“--I KNOW!!!” Bill yelled out, “AND THEY EAT IT!” he added, waving his arms around, while looking that kind of gratified-relieved-happy that people only get when they meet somebody who finally _UNDERSTANDS_ them.

“Hey, we usually catch all of them,” Dipper muttered out, and Ford looked to be in similar agreement on that front.

Mabel, by contrast, turned to Dipper and said, “ _Whaaaaaat?_ \--Dipper, that’s the best part!” Miz stared at Mabel in horror. “You eat them on PURPOSE?!”

“Wellllllll...” Mabel said, scuffing her shoe against the floorboards.

“Don’t _ever_ ask what she eats,” Bill told Miz as a not-all-that-quiet aside in clear warning tones. “EVER.” Then he straightened up and added, quite brightly, “And _that_ is why we do not eat humans! Especially THESE ones!” he told her, punctuating his ending remark with a sweeping gesture. (Stan covered a snicker with another cough into his hand.)

Miz pouted. “Well… yeah, I see your point. I'm not gonna eat them. They're yours after all. That'd be rude.” Ford looked like he wasn't sure if he should be relieved that the dragon had agreed not to eat them, or absolutely insulted that she thought they belonged to Bill. (And the fact that Bill wasn't correcting her…)

“EXACTLY!” Bill enthused, “That, too!” He looked a bit gratified at both being right about this and not even having to owe a favor in asking after it, _and_ at getting his point across so easily. Dipper was burying his face in his hands. Mabel still looked slightly embarrassed about being judged for eating Grunkle Stan's hair...

Mabel shrugged. “It's his love...so...y'know…” She shifted from leg to leg. Dipper let out a frustrated sound. Why did she have to be like this?

“Eh, ‘you do you’, kid. ...Right?” Bill told Mabel, then turned and asked of Stanley -- because Bill wasn’t quite sure if he’d gotten the context of that right for humans, in the same way that he’d seen his Question Mark use it. (He wasn't in the Mindscape and couldn't just read anyone's thoughts, to check without asking directly.) He got a nod for his efforts. “Right!” Bill then turned to Miz. “Want to see my attic room?” he asked of her, with a grin.

“Oh… um… really? I'd love to, big brother!” Miz smiled back, catching the hidden meaning of ‘Let's go talk in private’ under Bill's offer. They had a lot to discuss.

“HAHA!” Bill enthused with his old triangle demon levels of energy and excitement. “THIS WAY!”

And he took a careful hold of the corner of her sleeve and not quite dragged her into the house -- maneuvering around the Pines in the doorway -- at almost a run.

“ _What did she just say???_ ” Ford exclaimed belatedly, sounding like he was on the verge of having either a heart attack, a mental meltdown, _or both_ , just as soon as what he’d just heard Miz say actually completely registered with him.

Stan snickered. “I wanted the kid to find a friend, and this is WAY better.” He grinned as the two raced away into the Shack and began thundering their way up the stairs, then glanced over at his own twin brother. “Trust me on this.”

Ford gave him a highly skeptical look, then paled. Then colored, then paled again. ...Then made a choking sound as the idea of Bill having a ‘sister’ really _hit_ him.

“Stanley,” he told his brother with grim sincerity, after taking a long and necessary moment to compose himself. “You have no idea what you’ve done.”

“Yeah, I do,” Stan said, smiling. “It’s gonna be great.”

“No, you don’t,” Ford said. “He’s going to kill her.”

Stan turned and looked at him.

“Ford,” Stan said slowly. “I am pretty sure that the only reason that kid wouldn’t die for her, is because he thinks he’d need to live to keep on helping her out.”

There was a pause.

“Well then, _congratulations_ , Stanley,” Ford told his twin caustically. “He has you _completely_ fooled.” Stan frowned at his brother dourly as Ford turned on his heel, and in the process firmly turned his back on him. “I’m going back down to the basement,” Ford informed him.

“You do that,” Stan said colorlessly, crossing his arms and mentally stepping back from the ledge and away from the fight.

Dipper and Mabel glanced between their two Grunkles, then seemed to make a decision between them and both followed him down. Stan didn’t blame them; Ford definitely needed them right now more than he did.

Stan himself glanced up at the ceiling, and he shrugged to himself before walking back inside the Shack.

\---

Miz looked around as she followed Bill inside. This was different from Seb's shack. A little. The layout was much the same but the decor was quite different. A lot of the triangles inside the house appeared to be gone. The bracelets felt weird. She could feel the back and forth of the different forces interacting. It was a fascinating feeling. She could probably reverse engineer this.

“Brother?” she asked quietly. Bill nodded once at the ‘brother’, then shook his head. “Upstairs first,” he said, as they crossed the next landing to scale the next staircase. She nodded. Privacy. Protections. Bill didn't want anyone to hear their conversation.

Once they made their way up the last flight of stairs, and crossed the first threshold of runes into the room, Bill waved a hand and muttered a few things, and the set of spells he had active up there shifted again into a different configuration -- several floating ‘spell globes’ of light flickered into being and spun themselves into different positions around the room; the ‘area at the landing’ shrunk back to the top of the staircase, with the permissions for Dipper to enter into that area being automatically revoked; Mabel’s permissions for movement around the entire attic area except the outermost boundaries and walls were revoked as well, while Stanley’s full-access permissions were retained. Another gesture, and Bill reinstated the physical barriers that only allowed light and sound to pass one-way through the area surrounding the staircase -- into the room, not out of it -- and a third gesture finished fully soundproofing the room.

A final gesture slid the curtains on the window shut.

Miz watched, learned. It looked easy but there was a lot of spellwork woven into the area to make this possible. Miz was impressed. She was already analyzing it for possible methods of improvement. “Ooh…”

“Temperature good?” Bill asked, as he walked over to the side and pulled out some cushions for them to sit on. “I like it warmer; still working on controlling this stupid human-ish body ‘properly’,” he explained with a grimace. “Internal temperature regulation. _So_ finicky.”

Miz nodded. “It's fine. I personally keep my own penthouse on the colder side in case I catch fire.” Bill frowned thoughtfully for a moment, then pulled out his knife and made a few more gestures at the wall behind him, so he could more easily modify the temperature of the room in parts if she decided she felt (or wanted to feel) differently later. She inspected the spellwork as Bill sat down on one of the cushions and watched her sedately. “Hey, if you connected the strands into this node here, you could cut down on the energy cost by a third.” she pointed out. Her personal study on magic hasn't stopped even after she had been expelled from Boarpimple.

“Yes,” Bill told her, “But I want _that_ ” -- he pointed at the node -- “to collapse into those others in a cascade,” it was clear from the current connections to the node what he was referring to there, “to power the rest of _those_ circuits,” he said, as he made another short gesture to another remotely-connected piece of spellwork rune-circuitry, one she just hadn't gotten a chance to look over yet, “In case that idiot Stanford tries to overpower the physical barrier over _there_ ,” he gestured at the staircase. “Global robustness and fallbacks trump local efficiency in this case, unfortunately.” Bill grimaced. “Live too close to the bleeding edge of 'efficiency’ and you can get cut by it,” was the general bit of wisdom he shared with her next.

Miz groaned. “You mean Ford tries to break into your room? What a creep.” Had that idiot not learned anything?

“He will sooner or later,’ Bill told her. “It’s only a matter of time. ...And he may try to do it from the walls or the floor. ...Roof probably won’t occur to him, though,” Bill added, almost reflectively. Miz sighed. “Is that... shouldn't Stan let him know how creepy that is?” Miz shuddered at the idea of someone breaking into her room.

“It’s not creepy,” Bill told her. “He wants me dead. Why wouldn’t he attack me?” Miz rolled her eyes. “Well, Ford's human, and for humans, an older man breaking into the room of a young woman, which is what your human-ish body currently is, is considered creepy and possibly illegal.”

Bill let out a short, actually-human laugh, then shifted into a cross-legged posture on his cushion and propped his chin up on his palm. “That Stanford -- and the rest of my Zodiac -- know I’m a guy, not a girl,” he told her. “And those Pines know that Ford wants to kill me without laying a finger on me. --That _is_ the right phrase, right?” he asked her curiously.

Miz nodded. “I always wondered about that phrase. ‘Lay a finger, lay a hand or Touch a hair on their head’. Isn't that kinda specific?”

“It’s history, kid. And not that ancient,” Bill informed her. “Some ‘creep’ knocks somebody out, they can take their sweet time doing anything they want to them. Touching them however they want. Run their hands across them. Grab their hair. _Whatever._ they. want. And if that somebody wakes up, then that ‘creep’ has to physically hold ‘em down, ‘laying’ parts on other-parts…” Bill shrugged. He’d Seen it all before, in so many different variations, it was boring really. A violation of physical boundaries in order to break the mind attached to it? Tch. _Amateur hour._ \--No imagination! (And more often than not, all that sort of violation left behind after someone’s 'playtime’ was over was a shattered unusable mess -- sometimes one that needed to be rebuilt almost from the ground up before it was useful again -- and who had the time for that? Stupid. Wasteful. There were better, even easier, ways… But why even bother with _any_ of that? Why not simply have a willing puppet instead? It wasn’t that hard! Especially if you **didn’t** need one _particular_ someone specifically, just a being in a nearby location and conforming to a type, and even the 'nearby’ wasn't always that necessary...)

Miz shuddered. “Sounds awful…” She imagined being grabbed and held down. No. No. Horrible, scary, won't let that happen again...

 _Was_ it awful? Bill pondered that one. --Wasteful _yes_ , but… Bill had to stop and think about that. “...Maybe?” he said after a while. “Sensation _does_ feel different this way,” he noted, gesturing at himself. The sensations he'd been able to receive when wearing his puppets the way he had, had been a bit different than this. ...He’d never really thought about it that way before; before, _ANY_ sensation had been better than nothing. “Eh, still think they’re a bunch of whiners,” he said after thinking on it awhile. Ford had caused him pain in his current human-ish body, and he hadn’t had any real problems handling it -- so was it _really_ all that different? He shrugged again. “I’ve Seen far worse,” he said truthfully.

Miz shivered. “Seen it too. Still awful. There were some aliens I've met that would capture others, have their way with them and then kill them.” She frowned ...and so did Bill. “Kid,” he told her seriously. “It’s not the ones that kill that you really have to look out for. It’s the ones that DON’T.”

Miz nodded. “I know.” She looked around, noting the wide-open room was large, and the rafters were deep, but every single corner of it was well-lit with no real areas of shadow, despite the fact that the number of floating lights Bill had lit up here was hovering in the single-digits and the curtains were closed on top of that. “I don't know if that thing is still outside. C-can I stay with you until I'm sure it’s gone?”

“Yes,” Bill told her. “You can stay as long as you like.” He paused for a moment, as he got a feeling like something was missing from that, and then realized what it was. “And you can always come back whenever you want,” he added, flicking open his knife again and easily carving a few lines and swirls into the wooden plank of the floor next to him. He flicked his knife closed when he was done, whispered a word, and with that he _permanently_ added her to the full-access permissions for this space. It was something that even Stanley didn’t have -- and once the process completed, Bill would have to remove every last rune and glyph in the room and start over from scratch completely, to take away her access after that.

Multiple sets of new runes scraped themselves into the walls, over and over and over again at each of the main regulatory control nodes, glowing brightly in sequence as they sprung into being, with that glow fading out slowly as those new runes connected into the larger whole and fed in their energy, while still others sprung into being and the process repeated. It took about a minute for the last set of corrections being forced into place around the room to finish being scraped in, powering up, and fading as they fell into taking on a more balanced control load.

Miz stared at the shifting power, understood what it meant, and gave Bill a grateful smile. “Thank you,” she said. She paused. “Do... you know what that thing I saw was?” She sat down on a free spot and bit her lip.

Bill grimaced. “Yes. No. Maybe.” He looked uncomfortable. Then he smiled at her. “You can sit anywhere, you know. --Dangle off the ceiling, even! You can't scratch or disrupt any of this without something like this.” He flipped open his knife again, then flipped it in the air, to catch it by the blade and offer it to her handle-first. “I hardened everything. Part of the base setup. You could use anything else on the floor and the anything-else would break first,” he told her as she took it from him. “Same with the rest of the walls. --You can ‘clone’ that if you want,” he added as she looked it over. “Should work fine without disrupting anything intrinsic, if you do it the same way as you did the alcohol bottle.” He'd tried to account for allowing that sort of thing with most of his tools, just in case he needed a quick-copy for himself or someone else in the future.

Miz nodded. She played with the knife a little, scanning it to understand how to connect to and modify the protections and enchantments in the room, before returning to the subject. “You...know what that thing was? Or at least, do you have a suspicion about it?” She asked quietly. She caught the words Bill and Stan had exchanged.

“‘Suspicion’ is more accurate,” Bill admitted. He let out a breath, looked away from her, then looked back at her straight on.

“I died,” he told her. Then he grimaced again. “At least, I _think_ I did. Probably.”

Miz nodded. She knew that from her memories of canon, and this world, despite being quite different, felt like it had followed canon up to a point. “A memory gun right?” She clarified.

Bill blinked at her. “Yes.” He made a gun-hand gesture, at his right temple. “I wasn't thinking clearly, because of my deal with that Stanford. I didn't look before I leaped.” He grimaced. “I made a Deal with Stanley, jumped into his mind instead. He wasn't letting me leave, even after I realized I was inside the wrong mind, and wanted to leave. I didn't get out before or during the shot that Stanford took with that _stupid gun_.” Bill visibly shuddered. Loss of memory was loss of self, straight-up Death-with-a-capital-D, as far as he was concerned.

Miz shivered as well. The idea of memories being erased was horrifying. Her memories were all she had of who she was. She couldn't bear losing any of that. “I-I've Seen it with other Bills. It…” she paused. “Was that thing similar to that?”

“Not... exactly,” Bill said. He looked uncomfortable again. “When everything was coming apart… _I_ was coming apart. I…” He shook his head hard, looking irritated. “I called its name.” He looked back up at her. “I don't know what my coming apart looked like from… the outside,” he said, thinking of what Stanley had said. “But… I _was_ able to pull myself together after that. Somewhat. Mostly. I… I don't think I was that unstable, but…” Bill looked even more irritated and uncomfortable. “I reached out for Stanley, tried to grab him.” He lifted a hand to his own forehead, tapped at it once, then drew a diagonal line across it, exactly where he'd started bleeding from outside. “He punched me right in the Eye.” He grimaced. “I came apart at the seams. Couldn’t hold anything together.”

Miz winced. Yeah. “You shattered...it looked awful.” on the show it was a super cool moment, what with the triumphant soundtrack and everything, but knowing that it actually happened to someone. That must have sucked.

“Yes. It hurt too much. I lost cohesion.” Bill sighed and dropped his hand to his lap. “But… I don't think everything had burned down yet.” He grimaced. “I don't think there was any plucking, and I don't think I burned completely. It was hard to think, but…” he shook his head again. He looked grim and angry now.

“Well...from what I could See, Stan...grabbed a memory of an image of his family...before he finished burning. I...I don't know what happened inside his head after that.”

“Finished burning, probably. That is his line. 'Don't mess with my family.’” Bill recited from memory. The line he didn't dare cross -- not without expecting _severe_ repercussions that he'd have to plan for carefully, to handle without dying again... or worse. “I DON'T think that stupid lizard actually intervened. --Because, ha, why SHOULD it?” Bill said with a great deal of derision, and it was clear that he was more angry with himself for having believed what he had, than actually angry at the Axolotl for having lied to him about it. Like he thought he should've known better, should have been smart enough to have questioned it sooner.

Bill let out another sigh, and rubbed the side of his hand against his right temple, back and forth. “Next thing I remember after that is waking up on the porch, like this,” he gestured down at himself. “Except male.” Stupid cultists.

Miz considered it. “There...was another dimension I've seen, in which Dipper and Mabel somehow managed to get into the Space Between Spaces and meet the Ax- ah...meet Ax.” She commented. “And that Dipper asked Ax for information about Bill Cipher. He gave Dipper a prophecy, which mentioned something like 'One way to absolve his crime, a different form, a different time’ which seemed to be the same prophecy that Seb had gotten hit with, considering his circumstances…” she frowned. “But I think the effects of that prophecy are actually different for different Bills.”

She fiddled with her fingers. “What I'm trying to say is, what if Ax told you a different prophecy from the real one he decided to hit you with?”

Could Ax do that? Maybe? It was a scary thought. The idea that Ax would lie...well...he does. Or at least, he hides things from her. She knew he did. It annoyed her, how Ax treated her like a child who should be kept ignorant because she ‘wasn't ready’ to learn something. Augh...stupid Ax...she was plenty old enough to know stuff!

Bill let out a long breath. “If 'my’ stupid lizard rolled back time on any of my Zodiac…” Bill looked a whole new kind of pissed off. “It does that when you ask it questions, you know. Makes it so it NEVER HAPPENED. Cheats. --I'm almost certain.” Bill paused for a moment, before trying to handle what had sounded to him like her higher-priority point. “I don't know if your iteration-piece of the stupid lizard does it differently -- if you get to pick your prophecy or even NOT have one AT ALL, I'm thinking YES, differently -- but…”

Miz sighed. “Ax said I could write it together with him and make something I'm happy with but I don't really know what to do. There are just so many ways things could go wrong.” She kicked her feet a little. “He said that a confrontation with my Zodiac was pretty much a fixed point and a prophecy would ensure I wouldn't STAY dead if the worse comes to worse.”

Not that she thought it would come to that. She wasn't going to harm the humans (at least she wasn't planning to do so) and they wouldn't have any reason to hurt her… right?

Bill pulled a face and leaned back away from her. “How would a prophecy ensure THAT? The stupid lizard’s prophecies aren’t SELF-FULFILLING. You have to WORK for them. --And you’d be giving it an IN to do WHATEVER IT WANTED to you, if you went with IT. There are NO guarantees that it will actually _help_ you.” Bill frowned. “There are other ways.”

Bill looked away from her. “Stupid lizard tells prophecies from the point of view of the listener, at least from what I’ve Seen. Anything I Saw that brought ME up as some PIECE of it seemed consistent with everything that it told me.” He glanced back over at her. “Maybe it COULD have lied to me and EVERYONE ELSE about what my prophecy was, but _why bother?_ I BARELY made it out of there TRYING to follow what it DID give me! I WOULDN’T have FIGURED IT OUT on my own!” And Bill had really hated _that_ , too. The prophecy he’d gotten had been the ONLY way that he _MIGHT_ be able to escape his old decaying dimension, _eventually_. It hadn’t been even _close_ to self-fulfilling; it had barely been a _chance_ at all. --With the prophecy he had gotten, the damn lizard had damn near slammed every last form of exit that was possible firmly shut, locked the last door on him, and thrown away the key! “It didn’t HAVE to tell me. I could have STAYED stuck. Trapped. Unable to get out.” It wasn’t as though Bill hadn’t effectively spat in the stupid lizard’s face and tried everything else he could think of to get out in the meantime, before the first verse had hit. But nothing else had worked. Nothing else had ever even come CLOSE to working. So he’d been stuck with that stupid prophecy in the end, trying desperately to figure out a way to make it work. “But YES. The effects are probably different because each of US are different, at least a little,” Bill agreed with her. “We’re its experiments.”

“Experiments?” Miz frowned. “For what? Making the perfect universe or something?”

“HA!” Bill laughed out. “Not unless it WANTS one of us to do what I’M planning on doing, _and_ KILL IT.” Bill shrugged. “No idea what it’s trying to figure out from us. ...Well, maybe a few ideas. But what else would YOU call it? It CREATED us, it ISOLATED us, it WATCHES us, and it MESSES with us to see how we REACT to things.”

Miz hummed. “Maybe it wants to see what it takes to make Bill Cipher...Bill Cipher? From what I can tell, we have different starting circumstances, even if they're similar.”

“Maybe,” Bill allowed. “But which one of us it’s trying to figure out is… it might be the demon-from-the-outside one of us, maybe. I don’t have PROOF, though.” Bill looked annoyed. “I don’t have ANYTHING. --I didn’t even know FOR CERTAIN that there WERE other BILLS out there, until you and Seb showed up.” He hadn’t really trusted his own memories completely, of what he had Seen, way back when, when everything had been burning. Not quite. --Not that he hadn’t know that he’d Seen what he’d Seen, but… _understanding_ what he’d Seen was different than remembering it and Seeing it in the first place. And his mental state had been in a very different place back then.

Miz blushed a little. “Ah, well I was born already knowing that other Bills existed. Kinda a weird moment for me...Y'know, the whole, already knowing about an alternate timeline and how I'm apparently supposed to die...but that was for a different Bill and thus far, I don't think I've done anything to push me towards his ending…”

“Who needs a push,” Bill said dourly. “All you need is for your Zodiac to hate you and want you dead. You’ve got no control over that, really. It’s all how the lizard decides to set that up! Environmental.” Then he hesitated. “Unless you decide not to have one. ...Why do you think you might need one?” he asked her. “Did tossing someone into the dimension and making a Deal with them to be able to enter it not work?”

“I can make a Deal with someone and possess them. Still can't get into the dimension physically, or doing much more than minor tweaks. My powers are… strained there. I can use magic just fine but my powers are another story, it's like… having to use the energy of an entire star just to move an atom, as opposed to just… thinking about it and reshaping the world around me.” It was frustrating really.

Bill nodded, and perked up a bit. “Sounds about right on the weirdness front. --You might get a bit more mileage if you sit in your ‘Nightmare Realm’ and try and direct it through one of those ‘leaks’ instead. Not directly from the Mindscape sitting there locally.”

Miz blinked. She did have that hole that led right into Gravity Falls. She never thought of that. “That's a pretty good idea… I should try that next time.”

Bill smiled. “Magic working isn’t something that I had going for me; you could leverage that, too.” He leaned back a bit. “My problem was, nothing where I was, was stable. I couldn’t anchor anything down to anything stable; all I could do was make things and hold them. As soon as I let go…” he grimaced. “Anything I made just started destabilizing immediately. My energy form would have been ripped apart trying to go through any unanchored and unregulated portal like that, and the connection was already gone the exact moment I might begin to try, as soon as I let go.” And he couldn't very well hold a portal open while he was going THROUGH it, now could he?! “So MY portal had to connect from the outside in… except it was A LOT easier to just make a tear instead and slip the rest of myself in through THAT. Even a working stable-enough portal that wouldn’t SCREW UP my energy form would have been _nearly_ impossible. That’s why I… HMMMM, you could say BUILT IN a bit of ‘insurance’ into a certain portal design, as my fallback option,” he told her, not quite stifling a laugh at the latter. Then he brightened up a bit. “But if YOU can perform magic in the 3rd dimension, you should be able to anchor a magic portal there stably, let go of it, and then COME THROUGH it from the ‘Nightmare Realm’ side! Or ANYPLACE else!” he told her, looking a bit excited at the idea of the possible workaround.

Miz bounced in place at the idea. This was why she missed talking to Bill. He had such amazing ideas. “Well I've already gotten in a few Deals for some of the humans on Earth to set up sigils for stabilizing and directing energy, built right into the foundations of their cities. It’ll give me an area to aim at.”

Bill nodded at her rapidly, and they would have continued this line of thought if there weren't creaking wooden sounds. Someone was coming up the stairs. Miz looked over. Stan was making his way up, his heavy weight making the boards creak.

“Hey, you two,” Stan called out. “Dinnertime, yeah?”

Bill blinked, then reached into a back pocket and pulled out his phone, tapped it and then stared at the time.

“Stupid time sense not working in this stupid body,” Bill muttered, putting the phone away. He waved a hand to make the audio at the staircase opening two-way again and called out. “Coming down in a minute.”

Miz got up. “Food!” She paused. “Uh...there isn't going to be Stan's hair in it right?” because that was a little unsanitary.

“Heh,” they both heard emanate from the staircase.

“NO,” Bill said. “That’s only for Stancakes.” He sent a glare in the direction of the stairs. “I want to not have Miz eating hair in her food tonight.”

“Yeah, yeah,” they both heard Stan say with good-natured humor in his tone, along with a few more creaks here and there as Stan turned and started making his way back down the old wooden staircase again.

Miz glanced over at the stairs too. “Well that's good. Oh, has Stan enjoyed the Quarter I gave him?” She was also curious if the never ending chocolate liquor was still here… Mm…chocolate~

“I looked it over for him,” Bill told her as he stood up himself. “But he hasn’t used it for anything yet. Not a lot of gambling in town here.” Miz nodded and went over to descend the stairs, holding onto the wall as she went. She didn't want to fall down the stairs, it wouldn't kill her but broken bones were uncomfortable.

She took this time to look at the Shack more leisurely. The twin's room was down there, the stairs were old and creaky, would need to be careful if she wanted to sneak around here. Not that she was much for that. She was a guest here after all. Oh. She should probably ask Stan for permission.

The Shack was… old. It wasn't in disrepair but it definitely needed renovation. They probably didn't have the money for it… or, more likely, Ford didn't trust having workers over while Bill lived here. She could see areas of the house that had clearly been patched up after it was destroyed from all the misadventures that happened here. She ran a hand down a wall that she was SURE, had been used to construct the Shacktron.

This was so cool!

Would her own zodiac build a Shacktron? She wanted to see one. Giant robot! Giant robot!

Bill followed her down the stairs at his own pace -- not really rushing, but not exactly letting her get out of his sight, either. (He kept her in sight mainly because he wanted to have enough time to respond -- and _be able_ to respond immediately -- if that idiot Stanford showed up and tried to rush her, or some-such similar nonsense.)

Miz sniffed the air. Oh? What was this? Pizza? She hadn’t had Earth pizza in literally eons. Tail wagging behind her, she followed her nose into the kitchen and spotted Stan plating slices as Mabel helped. “Um… hello again!” Miz waved. She didn’t really get to greet everyone properly before. Mabel looked up and smiled. “Hi again!” She still wasn’t sure why Grunkle Ford was so worried about Miz. The body-eating thing had just been a prank! She’d seen worse ‘Kerpranks’ on TV, even! Miz was nice. Besides, she was a baby dragon. _So cute!!_

“What kinda pizza is that?” Miz walked up to look it over.

“Macaroni and cheese pizza!” Mabel cheered. “I shaped the macaroni into little smiley faces!” Miz tilted her head. “So we’re eating happy people? I can get behind that.”

Dipper, already sitting down, groaned. “Please don’t say it like that.”

“You want toast instead?” Bill half-offered, as he made his own way to the counter and the toaster. Dipper made a face, which Bill correctly interpreted as a ‘no’. “Suit yourself.” He grabbed up the nearby bread-bag and pulled out two slices, to shove them in and twist the heat-timer on the toaster all the way up. Miz stared. Wow. Bill must like his toast extra crisp.

“Ford coming up?” Stan asked the younger twins. They exchanged a twin-telepathy glance, then Mabel shrugged at him. They didn’t know. Stan sighed heavily.

“You sit there,” Bill pointed out to Miz, gesturing at his own chair. He figured the last thing either of them needed was that Stanford getting upset over his chair or Stanley's being ‘stolen’. She nodded and went over with her plate, grabbing an extra one for Dipper on the way over. “Here you go.” She slid a pizza over to him as she sat down. Dipper blinked, not expecting her to serve him. “Ah, thanks.” He glanced at it, and her, before shrugging and eating.

Bill turned and leaned his back up against the counter, letting him keep a good look over the entire room, in case that idiot Stanford showed up. Stan got himself his own slice of pizza and sat down at the table himself. They all ate in moderate silence for awhile, enjoying the food -- except Bill, who was still waiting on his toast. Miz was humming cheerfully as she nibbled on her slice, savoring the flavor of the cheese. It tasted like they used that mac and cheese powder stuff. So incredibly artificial! It was amazing how much humans could make food taste nothing like food was supposed to!

When the toast popped up the first time, Bill just turned slightly and shoved the lever back down, before turning back to the rest of them. Miz glanced over. Bill...really liked his toast crispy. Her head tilted when she heard footsteps. Ford came in, calmly, slowly. He was giving Miz and Bill wary glances but seemed a little put off when Miz blushed at the sight of him. He was even MORE put off when Mabel noticed and began looking back and forth between Miz and Ford.

Bill saw the looks and reactions going around, but didn’t understand the implications of what Miz’s blushing meant. He frowned slightly, looking over at Stanley, as the toaster popped up again. He turned and shoved down the lever a second time.

Stan just took one look between Miz and Ford and blinked hard.

Then Stan looked over at his brother. “What’d you _do_ , you knucklehead?” His brother had a crazy kid-looking kid- _acting_ human-demon falling for him, _why?_

“What? _\--Nothing!!_ ” Ford protested. Miz ducked her head as her tailed curled and wiggled. Mabel had her mouth fall open as she realized, recognized that look. “OmiGOSH!”

“Uhhhhh...” said Dipper, who finally got what was going on from his sister’s reaction.

Mabel didn’t know whether to feel excited or grossed out. “You have a crush on Grunkle Ford?!”

“WHAT.” said Bill, as the toaster popped up Bill’s toast for the final time. The sound of it didn’t even register with Bill, but it did overwhelm the sound of his own voice a bit.

Miz squeaked and covered her face. “N-no! He...he’s just...setting off all my ‘cute nerd’ senses!!” She whined. Dammit! Why did he have to be her type?!!? She didn’t feel like this over the younger Ford she met. Something about the older Ford, with his graying hair, hardened look and distinguished wrinkles just...it hit somewhere deep inside her that made her poor little heart go Doki-Doki. Ahhhh! It’s not like she hasn’t been aesthetically attracted to people before! But it hasn’t happened in so long-and why did it have to be FORD again?!

Bill took the two steps forward he needed to, raised a hand--

\--and messed up the hair on the top of Miz’s head as much as he possibly could, while saying, “NO NO NO NO NO,” with a _great_ deal of seriousness. “NO. --Say it. NO.” Miz whined. “It’s not like I WANT to find him attractive!!!!” She wailed.

“Then PICK A DIFFERENT BODY that DOESN’T have whatever STUPID HORMONE problem that THIS ONE you’re CURRENTLY WEARING does!!” Bill told her, not quite letting up on the (Stanley-approved method, as far as Bill was concerned, of) penalizing you’re-doing-it-wrong hair-mussing yet. “That Stanford is NO GOOD FOR YOU. NO.”

Ford looked quite insulted. “ExCUSE me?!”

Bill turned his head to glare over at him. “YOU HEARD ME.” He looked back down at Miz. “I. Can find you. Someone SOOOOO MUCH BETTER. Just. Say. NO!”

“I’m not gonna go for him! He’s a jerkface! Even if he’s hot!” Miz protested. Dipper was covering his face and looking like he was going to combust. “Shutupshutupshutup…” He moaned in embarrassment.

Stanley looked like he did not quite know how to take this. So he passed it off to their resident triangle demon instead. “Kid.”

Bill looked between Miz and Stanford. “It’s just a vision problem?” he asked Miz, to confirm. “What he LOOKS like?” Miz nodded slowly. “GOOD. Stay HERE.” Bill turned to Stanley. “Give me your glasses.” Stanley gave him a look, and after a momentary pause he took them off and handed them over. “WATCH HER.”

And with that, Bill shoved open the kitchen window and practically crawled over the sink and out over the windowsill, as the closest and quickest exit to the outside of the house.

“Don’t know how I’m supposed to watch you without my glasses, all that well,” Stan said, sounding a little amused, as he turned back to his food. “No touching my brother, okay?” he said to Miz. “He’s... shy.” Ford made a strangled sound that didn’t quite come across as a protest. Miz scoffed and looked away.

“And way younger than you,” Stan added after another bite of pizza. “I’m not interested in physical pursuits!” Miz protested. “I just... really like looking at him…” She blushed harder. “I’ve never even BEEN in a relationship before…” she whined. Mabel gasped, her matchmaking instincts rearing their ugly heads. Dipper immediately stood up and pointed at her. “No! Noooo! Don’t you EVEN dare Mabel!!”

It was that point that a grumbling Bill yanked himself back through the window and kicked himself out of the sink and up over the counter, to finally land on his feet on the floor proper. He was clutching two pairs of glasses. “Here.” He thrust a pair of glasses back onto Stanley’s face, then turned towards Miz and held out the second pair, but then stopped for a moment and pulled them back to look at them again. “--Wait.”

Stanley looked over at Bill and adjusted his glasses, but when he turned away and looked up at his brother…

Stanley went still for a moment, then ducked his head and let out a chuckling cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

Bill, glowering and grumbling to himself, turned back towards Stanley, yanked the glasses the older Pines was currently wearing back off of his face, and shoved the other pair of glasses -- Stanley’s original glasses -- back to him instead. Then he passed the ‘ _right_ ’ new cloned-and-modified pair of glasses off to Miz -- the ones with the special barrier-and/or-weirdness-energy-driven-runeswork he’d just added to them that he was almost _completely_ certain would solve his little sister’s little issue for her.

“Here,” Bill told her. “Wear THOSE.”

Miz put them on and blinked a bit to adjust before glancing at Ford and doing a double-take. “Ah… he’s STILL hot as a woman,” she commented, and Ford’s jaw dropped. Mabel gasped, “Wait, what?!” and jumped up from her chair, to run over and take the glasses from Miz to see for herself. Dipper had buried his face in his arms on the table by this point, groaning.

(Mabel missed how Bill’s eyebrows had gone up at Miz’s pronouncement, or Stan’s own partially-skeptical look at Miz.)

Mabel put on the glasses and blanched, snatching them off her face immediately. “Eeeew! That’s not it at ALL!!!” She gagged.

Miz was laughing as she kicked her little legs. “Ahahaha!!! Your FACE!” She snorted as she pointed at Mabel. Dipper looked up. “What? What did you see?” He demanded before grabbing the glasses Mabel threw down and putting them on himself. He screamed and snatched the item off his face. “What the _heck!?_ ”

Miz was still laughing hysterically. “Oh man… you two… are too easy… ahahaha!” She took the glasses and put them back on. “This helps. A lot. No one can find THAT face attractive.” She grinned. Bill looked pleased that his plan had worked. Ford, by contrast, looked very confused about what those glasses apparently made him look like.

“They make you look like Toby Determined, kinda,” Stan informed his brother with a chuckle.

Ford colored. He made a sound of protest and opened his mouth to complain -- _why, exactly, was this necessary?!_ \-- but then he thought the better of it and just closed his mouth instead. After all, the current situation was better than having the man-eating dragon be attracted to… looking at him? She said she wasn’t into physical pursuits... so... at least he was safe on that front. He shuddered. This was worse than the Siren incident.

Miz coughed lightly. “Sorry about that. I… don’t know what came over me… didn’t react like this to another Ford I met… but he was around 30 years younger…” She paused. “Oh. I guess I’m not into children.”

“...Said the 600-billion-plus-year-old dragon who looks and acts like a kid?” Stan put out there, as he dug into another slice of pizza.

Miz scoffed. “I’ll have you know that I’m sort-of-mostly an adult! I’m a big girl!”

Bill not-quite-groaned. “Kid, don’t even try that with him. I can’t even get him to call ME an adult.”

“Because you aren’t one, you’re a kid,” Stan stated simply, which had Bill huffing out a breath and looking a bit annoyed, but also tired.

“Says YOU,” Bill said, turning away from them and walking back over to the toaster to retrieve his now finally _thoroughly_ burned toast. He pulled them two pieces out, dropped them onto a plate, and grabbed the lime jelly and pepper up off of the counter. ...The pepper went on first, a fork was used to grab and spread the jelly on after that, everything got cleaned up and put away (fork tossed in the sink, jar closed, pepper shaker pushed back into place), Bill flipped the ‘sandwich’ closed and hefted it up to his stupid human-ish mouth to take a big bite out of it.

Mabel was rubbing her eyes and muttering, “Wipe away the horror--” Ford wasn’t sure he wanted to know how bad he looked through those glasses. (The concept was fascinating -- and he _very much_ needed to know how Bill kept pulling off magic-like things inside the barrier, for more reasons than he cared to count -- but...) The fact that the dragon was now refusing to so much as glance in his direction didn’t make him feel very good about how hideous he must appear.

Ford shifted in place awkwardly, before finally making his way towards his own seat at the table. He was unconsciously playing with his hands a bit nervously as he did so, not quite pulling his sixth fingers under.

“Ford…” Stan said quietly, picking up on his twin’s distress. And that was enough for Ford to become aware of what he was doing. Ford mentally shook it off, squaring his shoulders, pulling out his chair, and sitting down at the table firmly, as though he had every right to be there and be unembarrassed.

He clenched and unclenched his hands under the table a few times to try and force himself to relax. “Don’t feel bad. I’m only wearing these because you’re too gosh darned handsome for your own good.” Miz commented lightly. Unfortunately, that made Ford tense slightly all over again. But, with the threat of a man-eating dragon wanting to potentially eat him for how ‘good’ he looked somewhat addressed as not actually being an issue anymore, Ford was less panicked this time. And when the compliment finally registered, he looked over at her with a faint blush of his own, finally remembering his manners. “Uh… thank you?” he told her.

“Don’t even think about it, idiot,” was Bill’s bland and immediate response to Ford’s words, before he took another bite of his usual meal-time sandwich.

Mabel finally looked up. “Soooo~” She said as she scooted closer to Miz. “You’ve never dated before?” Miz groaned and buried her face in her hands. “You sound like Pyronica… she’s always trying to drag me to a bar to pick up men…”

“So, you don’t want to find yourself a man?” Mabel asked. Miz sighed. “I’m asexual, and most of the multiverse… isn’t. And those who ARE, have no interest in romantic pursuits because their species is physically incapable of feeling such an emotional connection.”

Mabel made a weird face. “Oh.” She frowned. “That… sucks?” Miz snorted. “You have no idea. I’ve taken a more adult form before and… ugh… most of the people I met were like ‘Hey hot stuff~ I’d love to slather myself in butter and have you chew me up~’ which is both unsanitary and gross.”

“Probably you shouldn’t be going bar-trolling with your ‘Ronnie, then,” Bill put out there. “Trolls in bars who are all into being eaten are a thing.”

“Yeah, that’s where she met her mate actually.” Miz sighed. “She even dragged me along to watch her eat him. To be fair, he was way under her league and needed me to keep him alive long enough for her to--”

“--STOP,” Ford said harshly, interrupting her loudly.

“Um… what?” Mabel said, completely confused by all of this.

Bill looked up at Ford, then rolled his eyes. “Right. The prude thinks other-species sexual intercourse is something to never-ever talk about, but Earth stuff is fine?” He turned to Mabel. “Shooting Star, think female praying mantis and mate.”

“Oh.” Mabel blinked. “Ohhhhhhhh…” She went a little wide-eyed. Dipper made an almost freaked out sort of noise as he belatedly realized what Bill had just implied.

“BILL!” Ford protested. “--What?” Bill said. “Biology!”

“It’s perfectly natural for her species!” Miz grumbled. “I mean, there’s a species out there who require a very specific type of rock jammed right up their-”

\--“ _we do not talk about other dimensions in this house,_ ” Ford said, cutting her off again, looking pale, and not all that well. Miz pouted but closed her mouth. “I think it’s interesting.”

“...Only the ones that Stanford’s already talked about are fair game for me or anybody else,” Bill told her, eyeing him. “And I’m betting that HE’D go for the loophole of: ‘the dimensions YOU’VE Seen aren’t _exactly_ those same ones that HE was in’.” Bill ate the last bite of his sandwich, and turned away to face the sink and wash his hands off.

Miz hummed. “Well, if he’s so embarrassed by biology, I can tell you about the Pastries dimension. Their economy is entirely baked goods and sweets.”

“--Not just biology,” Bill said as he dried his hands off, hating that he had to interrupt her. “ANYTHING.”

“Anything? Geez, he goes on a wacky space-hopping adventure for 30 years and doesn’t want to write down all of it into a book to publish as a hip new Sci-Fi series to make MILLIONS of dollars?” But when Miz looked over at him again, it was clear from how very sick Ford looked at the concept of writing much of anything of that experience down that, no, that _wasn’t_ something that Ford was ever going to do.

“....You can censor it?” Miz suggested, and it was clear from the look on Ford’s face that he’d mentally rejected that thought as soon as it had registered as well.

“He didn’t like it,” Bill informed her, as he set up the tea kettle with water. “He REFUSED to like it.” Miz looked legitimately confused.

“That _**wasn’t**_ \--” Ford began thunderously, shooting up out of his chair.

“I gave you EXACTLY what you wanted, and YOU decided AFTERWARDS that YOU didn’t like it.” Bill repeated cuttingly, each word nearly bitten off as he said it. “Don’t blame ME that YOU DON’T LIKE what you want.” He turned away from the stove. “YOU were the one who refused to CALL OFF OUR DEAL.”

Ford stood rigidly, fuming in silence, fists clenched at his sides and shoulders straining as he _barely_ held onto his temper. Though if looks could kill…

Bill was glaring at him with a cold sort of anger right back.

Miz shuddered at the taste in the air.

“Sit down, the both of ya’,” Stan told them both.

Neither of them sat down. (Bill didn’t feel like sitting on the counter, and Ford wasn’t sitting down again while Bill was standing and seeming to ignore what he’d heard his brother tell the demon to do.)

Miz looked around. “...Sorry for hitting a nerve?” Mabel sighed and patted her shoulder. “It’s… Grunkle Ford is a little…” She struggled to find the right word. Miz raised an eyebrow. “Triggered?”

“Inconsistent.” Bill put out there. “The word you are looking for, Shooting Star, is _inconsistent_.”

“Well… since cool stories about space are a no-go, what should dinner conversation be?” Miz asked. Mabel was immediately in her face again. “So you like nerds~?” Miz groaned. “I’m not exactly in the mood for a relationship right now. I’m not ready for that type of emotional investment.”

“Thank god.” they both heard Dipper mutter. Mabel sent her twin a disappointed look. Miz grinned. “But speaking of cute, single nerds… has Pacifica contacted _you_ recently, Dipper?” Miz asked of him, leading to Mabel giggling and Dipper flushing bright red. “--No. Nope. No. We are not talking about this!” he protested.

“Oh, she’s texted me a few times to ask if Dipper’s doing anything crazy that she could come over to laugh in his face about,” Mabel laughed as she put in her own two cents on the current status of her twin’s relationship with a certain local heiress. Miz rolled her eyes. “She really sounds like a Tsundere.” Mabel nodded. “I never thought about it like that, but you’re absolutely right!”

“Ford, c’mon, sit down,” Stan said again, as the tea kettle started to whistle, and Bill turned away from his brother, breaking their glaring contest. Ford grimaced, not quite fighting with himself still at having been presented with Bill’s back like he didn’t matter... but Ford eventually gave in after a few more seconds and sat back down in his own seat at the table heavily.

Miz and Mabel were gossiping back and forth, giggling as they pointed at Dipper. “Ugh… it’s like the girls’ sleepovers all over again…” Dipper groaned. Mabel gasped. “Oh! I should call Grenda and Candy so we can all have a sleepover!”

“That isn’t safe with Bill here.” was Ford’s near-immediate response. It took him only a moment longer to resituate his glasses and add, “You could perhaps sleep over at one of their houses though, instead?”

Mabel bit her lip, and glanced over at her Grunkle Stan.

“Ford, the kid did fine on Summerween,” Stan said, looking over at him and Ford turned a glare on him

“Oh, yes,” Ford said caustically, “A few hours on _one night_ with almost complete supervision and immediate consequences sure to follow. _Surely_ we can trust him with--”

“-- _Ford_ ,” Stan said warningly.

“You said it yourself, Stan,” Ford continued on, looking his brother directly in the eye. “You don’t care about anyone else.”

There was silence at the table for a moment.

“How badly do you think of your own brother?!” Miz turned to Ford with a horrified look. “Do you… are you SERIOUSLY sitting there, looking at your own BROTHER and telling him that you believe he would allow harm to come to Mabel’s friends?!”

“Shooting Star and Pine Tree, Question Mark, Red, and Melody,” Bill listed off, as he poured himself a cup of hot water. “They’re part of the agreement I have with Stanley. Protected. That Stanford is _somewhat_ protected because of the strings of consequence from Pine Tree and Shooting Star.” They all took priority; Candy and Grenda, that monster, weren't even on the list, just barely dangling off the edges of it by a few loose strings, though Bill had never confirmed that with them. He glanced over at Miz. “That Stanford is obsessed with Deals and contracts.”

“You break them all the time!” Stanford pointed out with a righteous anger that had never really gone out. “Don’t pretend that you _care_ or are doing this for _any other reason_ than to--” He stopped talking when Stan stood up and put a warning hand on his shoulder, but only just.

“...so ...the man who hates Deals and doesn’t even want to complete his side of it, still puts stock in them? And from what I’ve SEEN, it was YOU who broke your Deal, not Bill,” Miz mused. “--No,” said Bill, correcting her before Ford could even begin to protest. “That wasn’t what happened. And he doesn’t put stock in them. He never has.” He took a sip of his tea with almost zen-like serenity.

Miz looked confused. “I’m obviously missing something here.” She looked back and forth between Bill and Ford (twitching a little when she saw the Toby-fied Ford).

Bill sighed and lowered his cup of tea to about chest-level.

“He let me into his mind whenever he was asleep, if I wanted to be there, to use his body to do whatever I needed to do to help him,” Bill told her. “That part of our Deal was a bit cyclic, in terms of each of us getting what we wanted.” He looked up at that idiot Stanford. “The addendum was the problem.” He looked back at her. “But I did agree to it.” Miz tilted her head, wanting to learn more so she wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes once she got to meet her own Ford.

“The problem,” Bill said almost ponderously, “Is that in the Mindscape, and in the way that I do Deals, the words are really the _out_ ,” he told her, looking down at his teacup. “The _actual_ Deal, each side of it, isn’t the words, it’s the set of thought-concepts _behind_ those words. The words are the bare minimum, and the trick, to get out of whatever you need to get out of, or complete whatever you need to complete. And, if all else fails, ha,” he shook his head. “I always make sure I remember to want to include the three-times-call-it-off for ending it, so I can always use it when I need to, whenever I want to, even if I don’t always TELL my ‘clients’ about it. And I can get away with that,” Bill told her, “Because nobody I’ve ever made a Deal with has ever thought of it as being _actually_ never-ending, ‘ **no matter what** ’.” He looked up at Ford, capturing his gaze for a moment. ( _'Until the end of time.'_ Ford himself was frozen in place, feeling a little like he was caught struggling in a spider's web. --It was only just occurring to him now, listening to Bill talk, that he'd never actually _asked_ Bill how Deals actually worked.)

Bill looked back to Miz. “Deals between demons and others aren’t ever made between two sides that can actually trust each other to keep up their side of it, without being locked into things like that,” Bill told her. “--If they did, they wouldn’t be making a Deal in the first place; they’d just make each other a set of promises and be done with it. Deals have almost no flexibility at all to them, even if you know exactly what you’re doing.” Bill let out a sigh and made a ‘waving off’ motion with his hand a bit. “And that’s the problem with Deals here, you see. They’re meant to force the resolution that each party wants, even if they change their minds later. Each side can feel whether what the other is offering is what they want, or if it’s something that they’re opposed to instead, before they agree. And that’s the part that ISN’T a trick,” he told her. ”When you shake hands and agree with giving what you’re offering, and taking what’s being offered to you... at least at the beginning of everything, when you first make that Deal… you HAVE to MEAN IT.”

“Interesting… your Deals work differently from mine.” Miz tilted her head, a gesture that looked eerily similar to some of the head tilts that Bill sometimes made. Ford twitched. “For me, I can twist the wording right up until I shake their hand, sometimes they catch on and will make me reword it, but most of the time, people don’t really pay attention and I can do whatever I want.”

“Because you’re there in person,” Bill told her. “And probably plugged into the karmic cycle, from what I read that you wrote. But _I_ made all my Deals in the Mindscape,” he told her. “Twisting words might be good for the out, but the actual DEAL that you have to be ‘okay with’ and MEAN to complete at the time that you agree to it… is VERY clear, when you do things there, between minds, whether you want it to be or not. --It can’t NOT be.”

He paused for a moment to take another sip of tea -- in a motion that really looked more like something someone would use to kick back a shot of vodka. Then Bill turned and set the empty cup down in the sink, _just so_. “And when that Stanford Pines made that Deal with me, what he wanted -- what he added to it -- _wasn’t_ just that he wanted me to be HIS friend,” Bill told her. “He wanted me to WANT to be his friend.” Bill turned to look at her, and there was something of a fury in his eyes. “And that Stanford’s definition of a ‘friend’ ISN’T mutual. Not. in. the. least.”

Miz looked horrified. She turned to Ford, who looked shell-shocked in general at the moment. “You… you fucked with Bill’s free will?!” She was disgusted. “No, that's-- he-- he could have said no.” Ford even looked panicked for a moment as he blurted that out, before he realized that, yes-- “He could have said no!!” Ford repeated angrily, and was only growing angrier by the second.

Stan, on the other hand, didn’t lose that look of blank shock. “Kid…”

“It’s fine,” Bill said, waving it off with a hand. “It all worked out. I’m out.” He gave Stanley a grin. “It’s fine!” (Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks at this.)

Miz was glaring at Ford now. “Even I’VE never fucked with someone’s free will! That’s like… the lowest thing anyone can do-”

“--He _chose_ it, freely!” Ford spat back at her, but he was more than a little wide-eyed as he turned back to Bill, because it wasn’t as though he hadn’t _immediately_ understood the implications of what Bill had just said, when he’d said it -- that Bill had been literally _unable_ to stop wanting to keep to their deal on his own, once he’d agreed to it and shook hands with him on it. He'd been _unable_ to stop trying to be… and he thought friends were-- but _demons_ thought ‘ _friends_ ’ were-- “ _Why didn’t you just say no!?!_ ” Ford not quite shrieked out at him. But all Bill did in response to Ford was simply to look over at him and blink at him. “Because I was getting out,” Bill told him. Ford, still wide-eyed and now at a loss for words, looked like he had no idea what Bill was talking about.

All that really registered through all of the shock, to Ford, was the fact that he’d been able to tell when Bill was lying for a very long time now -- and right now, he was certain that _Bill hadn’t been lying about anything he'd just told them at all_.

“Kid,” Stan said slowly. “I got a question for you.”

Ford froze in place where he was seated for a moment, craning his head to look up at his brother, and Bill looked over at Stanley as well.

“.......Yes?” Bill said almost suspiciously, because he’d learned what _that_ particular tone meant was coming from previous uses in the past, and he’d _never_ liked the questions he’d gotten after that, yet.

Stan took a moment, to figure out how he wanted to put what he wanted to say. “What do you think would have happened if, when you and Ford were all buddy-buddy,” and Stan ignored the sound that came out of Ford at that, “You’d told him that, y’know, you were stuck in a really horrible place, and you needed to get out of there, or you were going to die?”

Bill blinked at him.

“What?” Ford said, and then he seemed to realize-- and he went absolutely dead pale. “I-- I--” Miz face palmed. “Bill was trapped in a decaying dimension. If you’re so smart, use your damn head to realize what that means!” But Ford hardly heard her. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was that...

“...Oh, Axolotl,” Ford said, his voice as hollow as a ghost. “I would have said yes.” He sounded absolutely horrified at the very thought. “I-- I would have--” He turned even paler. “...Breathe, Ford,” Stan told his brother, turning to him and rubbing that hand on his brother’s shoulder across both shoulders. He hadn’t meant to freak his _brother_ out. That wasn’t--

Bill was looking back and forth between them, uncomprehendingly. Miz sighed and reached over to gently take Bill’s hand. “Brother, this is one of those… human things. You see, for most humans, if they hear that someone they are friendly with is in a dangerous place and need help, they will help them.” She sighed. “If you told Ford the truth, that you wanted to escape your decaying dimension, he would have gladly helped you out.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Bill told her, pulling his hand away from her slowly. “He didn’t care about me at all. Nobody does,” he told her, like that was obvious, just a fact of life. But then he tilted his head at her, and blinked for a moment again as he remembered ‘little sister’ -- a sister would care about him -- and he straightened up a bit. (Ford, on the other hand, looked like he was having trouble breathing where he sat. He was still stuck on the idea of _what would have happened if Bill had done that back then_.)

Miz sighed at Bill. “Ok, it’s… a human thing. If you had said ‘Oh gee, I’m kinda dying the longer I stay here, please help me get out,’ he WOULD have said yes. Humans pack bond to things super easily.”

Yes, Bill knew that. He'd taken advantage of that on several occasions! (It was HILARIOUS, really, how stupid they all were for continually giving in to their biology and _falling_ for that!) That wasn't the issue; the issue was…

“But I wasn’t dying there.” Bill looked at her oddly. “I could have stayed there and kept collapsing dimensions into it to get more space and time to work with. I would have survived for as long as I wanted to, as long as the stupid lizard kept spinning up dimensions for me to break. I just needed to get OUT.”

Miz sighed. “But you were in a place that was dangerous. You needed help. And at that point, Ford would have been happy to help you.” She paused before glancing over at Stan. “What was it that Stan called it… presentation and packaging?”

Bill frowned at her, looking frustrated. He hadn't needed that for mind-to-mind things in the Mindscape; he had been able to read thoughts and respond to them perfectly well! He gestured at Stanford.

“Just because he _acts_ like he _thinks_ he would have let me out back then, doesn’t mean that he _actually_ would have done it!” he told her. “He’s INCONSISTENT. --I’d tell him to do things, and he’d do something else,” he told her. “I’d tell him to slow down, he didn’t need to go that fast, and he’d just speed up. I’d tell him to put up more shielding around the lab, and he’d leave it out. I’d TELL him NOT to listen to Glasses, and _what did he do?_ ” He turned his head and glared at Ford, who was holding his head in his hands where he was sitting, muttering to himself, with the rest of his family beside him, quietly talking him down.

“That’s just ‘cause he’s stupid.” Miz said blandly.

Stanley frowned at where this seemed to be going and turned to the kids, who both looked equal parts angry and horrified by what Miz had just stated outright as though she thought it were a fact. And Stan had a bad feeling that this was only going to get worse. “You two should go up to your room,” Stan told them both under his breath. “Work on that slumber party idea.” Both of them _knew_ what he was doing -- they were smart kids -- and both of them looked ready to argue with him stubbornly about it, even with him giving them both the same look he’d given them when the zombie apocalypse had happened, when he’d told them to go upstairs then. So instead he broke down and tried something different this time. “This… isn’t gonna go well,” he levelled with them both.

“Then make them stop,” Dipper told him, sending a long look over at Bill and the ‘dragon lady’.

“--Prideful, impatient, thinks he knows better and too stubborn to take the advice of other people because he _thinks_ he knows best,” was what Miz said next.

Stan clenched his jaw. “Yeah, maybe Bill might do that, if I told him 'stop’,” Stan told Dipper -- though at this point, Stan knew even that one would be an uphill battle, and a bad idea. (The kid had started out trying to _stop_ Miz; technically, Bill had taken Ford’s side in this, even if he was screwing it up and doing it all wrong. Telling the kid to stop now wasn’t a good idea; it’d leave the kid thinking he _shouldn’t_ try to defend Ford the next time something like this happened. ...Hell, the kid probably would have realized by now what he was doing and stopped on his own, if the other one would just stop already.) “But that one ain’t stopping.” Stan grimaced. “You got any ideas on that?” Dipper grimaced as well. --Yeah, it was pretty obvious that him and his sister didn’t have any ideas for how to stop a literal dragon, not without basically attacking her with grappling hooks and guns and trying to run her off, and _that_ wasn't gonna end well. “I don’t want either of you down here hearing things Ford isn’t gonna want you to hear, and he’s gonna need you upstairs waiting for him with a hell of a lotta hugs when all this is over.”

“--YES!” Bill told Miz. “And what do you THINK would have happened if I would have told him that? What Stanley just said, when he’s like that?” He waited for her response.

“Go,” he told them, “He ain’t ready to move yet, and you two ain’t carrying him upstairs.” (And Stan couldn't just drag him away himself; he needed to keep an eye on the kid, and who knew what would happen if the human-demon saw them leaving the room and tried to follow them.) To Stan’s relief, levelling with the two of them actually worked; they both looked at each other, then they both looked up at him and visibly backed down. ...They looked pretty disappointed in him, but they _did_ still back down.

Stan still watched to make sure that they both left the room and really went upstairs, though. And Stan didn’t miss how Mabel still glanced between them all before biting her lip and getting out of the kitchen. Dipper followed, giving Ford some worried glances, and something more of a glare up at Stanley as he went, and, well, yeah, he probably deserved that for letting things get this far.

“He would have thought of how much of a hero he would be, how noble he would have been, to rescue his ‘muse’,” Miz responded back to Bill, and neither of them had even noticed that the kids had left. (That was when Stan knew that this was going to be _really_ bad.)

“No!” Bill told her, irate. “He would have done THE OPPOSITE! Because THAT’S WHAT HE DOES!! That’s what he DID!” he snarled out at her.

“No. He acted the way he did, he betrayed you because he _thought_ you betrayed him first, and the next 30 years and even now, was his pride and spite trying to hit you back where it hurts to hide the fact that you hurt his feelings.” Miz sighed. “I _could_ be wrong but from what I’ve seen in your interaction here, that’s what it seems like.”

(“Breathe, Ford,” Stan told his brother again, as he felt his brother’s breath hitch through the hand he had on his shoulder. He moved it to Ford’s back. “Just breathe.” He hoped that his brother would speak up and defend himself, but right now? It didn’t look like that was gonna be happening; not today. He was too stuck inside his own head and inside of the coulda-woulda-shoulda’s and _coulda-gones_ to get as loud as he probably needed to outside of it. ...And trying to stop the kid right now, when he was actually trying to correct his little sister in her thinking of Ford as badly as she did, would be a mistake. It might help Ford out _now_ a little bit, but in the longer run? Correcting the kid on things he’d said or done only really worked on the kid _after_ the kid had decided that he’d finished doing something; any time Stan had started to try calling him out in the middle of whatever never really worked. It was too fluid for the kid, and a problem, because Bill _always_ thought that he would have gotten wherever Stan was talking about on his own, in just a little bit, if Stan hadn’t just interrupted him, the little...)

“I,” Bill told her, “Gave him _EVERY LAST PIECE_ of that portal. I gave the math to him outright. I seeded his _dreams_ with the rest. He KNOWS that it came from me,” Bill informed her. “ALL OF IT came from me!” Bill exclaimed. “And his PRIDE,” he spat out, glaring at Ford again, “Would have had him REFUSING to have me come here, because he _would not have wanted to share the credit,_ ” he told her with a flat sort of anger.

Miz made a frustrated sound before taking a deep breath and continuing. “That’s because he’s selfish. He’s got a huge self-esteem issue that he tries to hide by pretending he’s better than everyone else because if he allowed himself to acknowledge it, he would spiral into depression, self-loathing and all that fun stuff. So he feels a need to take all the glory for himself as a way to make himself feel like he’s worth more than being the ‘freak’ that everyone saw him as when he was a child.” Miz said patiently.

“Which is half the reason he acts the way he does,” she continued. “He liked it when you praised him for being smart, it fed his ego. Then he finds out you only approached him for the portal and he started thinking that all the nice things you said to him were a lie, because in his mind, if someone lied to him ONCE, betrayed him ONCE, then they were now his enemy and couldn’t be trusted.” She pointed at Stan. “Like FUCK, the whole issue with Stan breaking his stupid science fair project was something he refused to let go for over 40 years. He held onto a PETTY grudge on his own BROTHER, who had spent their entire childhood protecting him from the people who insulted him, and after this ONE incident, he rejects Stanley for over 40 years out of pure spite.”

“Yes. No. Your logic is flawed,” Bill told her. “He’s selfish. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” He hesitated for a moment. “He cares about Pine Tree and Shooting Star now,” he self-corrected, for clarity. “ _Maybe_. --Not the point, he didn’t _then_ ,” he told his little sister, who was _clearly_ having trouble parsing the current and past situation. So he was going to have to help her with it, straight-through, step-by-step. “He is selfish. He cannot be selfish and WANT to help me. He would NOT do it. --He might have said so at first,” Bill told her. “-- _Maybe_.”

Bill shook his head and continued. “But it would NOT have taken him very long to realize EXACTLY what would have happened once I was OUT of that portal and HERE. --Because I am BETTER THAN HIM and HE KNOWS IT. -- _Yes_ , he has a ‘huge self-esteem issue’ and _yes_ he ‘needs to take all the glory for himself’ and he would KNOW that HE COULD NOT DO THAT if I was HERE WITH HIM, because he CANNOT HANDLE IT.” Bill explained to her. “And I wasn’t able to THINK clearly when that whole ‘oh, you BETRAYED ME’ thing went down,” he informed her, rubbing the side of his hand against his right temple. “Because I KNOW what friends are SUPPOSED to be like, and HIS idea of ‘friends’ was more like a _sibling_ he could treat like they were FAMILY instead, taking and taking and taking and never worrying about having to GIVE ANYTHING BACK to, who you NEVER had to care about or want to do anything for in return, so when HE was all ‘you betrayed me’ and angry, I couldn’t THINK anything but that he didn’t MEAN it, because if I had BELIEVED that, then I WOULDN’T have WANTED to keep BEING HIS FRIEND,” Bill fumed.

“Instead, because of that STUPID DEAL,” Bill spat out at her, “I KEPT THINKING that he _would_ want to let me through,” Bill told her. “That it would be a _nice surprise_ for him if I did, that he would LIKE it and BE HAPPY once I was actually there, why would I even need to say anything to him about it when I didn’t know how long it would take to make the PORTAL work properly, why would he even CARE if I used a 'Rift’ I’d designed into those equations and plans as a shortcut, THAT would just mean that I would be there FASTER, he LIKED FASTER, _CLEARLY_ I had been wrong about him not wanting me to be there before, _OF COURSE_ he would want me there, we were ‘FRIENDS’ and I would be MORE USEFUL TO HIM there. -- _HERE._ And--” Bill came to an abrupt stop, panting slightly, looking like he had a horrible pounding headache going.

Miz sighed and turned to Stanley. “Well, what do you think, sir? He’s YOUR brother. Though I will say, if what Bill says is true about what Ford thinks a sibling is supposed to be, I’d say you’re a goddamn saint to put up with him.”

(Ford was still in the process of taking deep breaths. He’d been hearing what Bill had been saying for most of that, but hadn’t quite had the strength to leave the room. The hand his brother had on his back had been helping, though. Stanley wasn’t tense at all.)

Stan just eyed Bill and said, “What do you want from me, dragon-lady? Kid’s insane. That stupid deal thing just made him _more_ insane. He can’t even think about it properly without looking like his head’s gonna explode,” he said, gesturing with his free hand at Bill. “And I _know_ he was trying to get around it any way he could to hurt him while it was going on. --Hell, the kid’ll even tell you that, if you ask him. He told _me_.” He frowned her.

“But hey, you want my two cents, right? Well, here it is. --The whole thing was messed up, start-to-finish, and my brother didn’t deserve what happened to him. Nobody did anything like even listen to that triangle demon a trillion years ago, or a billion years ago, or a million years ago -- or _whatever_ , pick a time -- or even think like trying to help him get his head halfway screwed on straight, outta that place and maybe even a little less crazy, might be a good idea, so he wouldn’t be making a bunch of big old weird problems for any of _us_ or anybody else later. _So what._ ” He looked over at Bill. “The kid’s here now, he’s out now, all the deals he’s ever had are off, and we’ll figure out where to go from here. He’s got the wrong idea about a lot of things, but that’s why I’m _teachin’ him stuff_ ,” he said, and the last was far more directed at Bill then at her.

“--And _you’re_ making things a hell of a lot harder here than they need to be,” he told her, looking not real happy with her just then. “You think I wasn’t working either of them up to working their way through this? Getting them to figure out exactly what the hell went wrong, so we _won’t_ do that again ever? --You ain’t helpin’ here, tryin’ to force the kid through this,” and hurting his brother in the process, but it was clear that the dragon-lady didn't care about that, so he didn't even bother go bring it up for her to scoff at or argue about -- like the kid usually did about all things Ford. Besides, Stan had enough problems with the fact that… “He’s not gonna believe you, even if he listens to you. --Look at him,” Stan said, jerking his head towards Bill. “You think he’s doing anything but _hearing_ you?” He looked at her with no small frustration, and with the way Stan’s jaw was clenched, he looked like he wanted to punch something, or some _one_.

Miz shrugged. “Sanity’s overrated anyway.” She sighed at the look Stan gave her for that comment, then she looked legitimately apologetic, not meaning to cause such a huge argument. “Well, I think this is one of those situations where no-one is in the right. Sorry for messing up your plan. I’m kinda a ‘just confront the issue head on’ sort of gal. I’m gonna leave you to it… sorry…”

Stan barked out a laugh. “Right. Force the stubborn knucklehead and the stubborn triangle kid to confront each other head-on on something and expect them _not_ to dig in their heels that much harder, then go ahead and run away when everything gets too hard and doesn’t work all that well for you. _Great_ plan, there. --Think I’ll stick with the kid’s plans instead,” Stan told her with a dark and bitter sort of almost-amusement, and a glare. (Because hell, at least the kid tended to double-down on things and try again a different way, approaching things from a different angle, instead of just giving up on things and running away. It was one of the _very_ few things he almost actually respected about the demon: the kid didn't ever give up. If Bill wanted something, the kid went for it. Even if he was a damn little jerk.)

She sighed again. “Is there a… better topic of discussion that would be more friendly in this situation?”

\--The hell? Was the demonic dragon-lady _really_ just brushing everything she’d just done here off, like it was nothing? “...You want to try and help? --Take the kid back upstairs and get as chatty with him as you like.” he told her. “Let me deal with the fallout here on my own. Pretty sure you’ve done _enough_ damage for the night.” He pressed down on his brother’s back with just a bit more pressure.

Miz nodded and got up to take Bill’s hand. “Come on big brother, I can tell you about that dimension I found in which Bill Cipher is an actual Bee…” She led him out of the kitchen. “It’s kinda crazy, you know there was a college-aged Dipper there too…”

Bill let her drag him upstairs, but he wasn’t saying anything.

“Stanley…” Ford said to his brother softly, almost tremulously.

“No,” Stan told his brother. “You’re not like that. They’re both wrong about you. --I told you, kid’s got an idea of you in his head that just doesn’t match--”

Bill and Miz didn’t hear the rest of it, as they vanished up the stairs to the attic.

\---

“--kid’s got an idea of you in his head that just doesn’t match who you _really_ are,” his brother told him, and Ford felt weak. Sick. He was shaking slightly in place.

Head still bowed, Ford clasped his hands together in his lap and pressed them together. He focused on his breathing, trying to suppress his shivers.

“...I know I’m not… like that…” Ford said quietly, closing his eyes. _‘Stupid, prideful, impatient, thinks he knows better … too stubborn to take the advice of other people because he_ thinks _he knows best … betrayed you because … you hurt his feelings ... self-loathing … take all the glory for himself … the freak … fed his ego ... held onto a petty grudge on his own brother, who had spent their entire childhood protecting him from the people who insulted him … out of pure spite.’_ If it had just been Bill… it would have been easier to say ‘no, that’s not me’. It was harder to hear it from someone else. But the dragon-girl had almost certainly constructed her present understanding of him from tainted information from Bill, so…

“That’s not the problem,” he quietly told his brother. What he was like, who he _really_ was... was _far_ worse than that...

“Ford,” his brother told him gruffly. “You _wouldn’t_ have let the kid through.” Ford flinched, but opened his eyes and looked up at Stan, smiling weakly, though it pained him to do it.

“Stanley, I would have,” he said, feeling horrible about it. “I was a fool. I was completely fooled by him back then.” He felt bile rise in his throat as he admitted. “I would have willingly let him out. _Gladly_ , even.” He swallowed hard. “And then…” Weirdmageddon, except half the Zodiac hadn’t even been born yet. There would have been no stopping him. And without the metal plate in his head to keep Bill from getting into his mind, the equation for the universal theory of weirdness would have been Bill's for the taking, and then...

“-- _No_ , you knucklehead,” Stan ground out at him, sitting down on the side of the table, and leaning down to peer at him almost straight into his face. “You would have said yes _at-first_ , and changed your mind later before it got that far.” Ford stared up at him, feeling a vague horror that his brother had just repeated what Bill had-- “ _Because the kid wouldn’t have been lying to you,_ ” Stan told him next, rubbing that firm callused hand over his shoulder again. “You would have known what he was actually like. --You wouldn’t have been okay with him coming through if all he was gonna do was rip up and destroy the place. Even _I_ know that, and I’m just a--”

“You are not a dumb, old--” Ford started to say, then had to stop, because Stan teased him about that every blasted time, about how he wasn’t ‘old’, huh? And who wasn’t a ‘con-man’? It left Ford turning his head away from him slightly, fighting the weak smile that threatened to break out.

“Heh,” his brother said anyway, and Ford adjusted his glasses as he turned back towards his brother to gave him a long, narrow-eyed, ‘I know what you’re doing there’ look.

“C’mon,” Stan said to him, clapping him on the shoulder. “Who’s gonna listen to what a couple of demons think of you?”

“Couple of--” Ford blanched and straightened in place. “That man-eater is a--” ...Oh, Axolotl. He should have known. _Of course_ the only sort of ‘person’ that Bill would truly be able to make friends with, and argue with on equal footing _without_ things coming to blows would be another demon. _Of course_ she was a demon. He should have realized it sooner, from her behavior; it was completely characteristic of, and entirely consistent with--

“Relax,” Stan told him, “The kid’s riding hard on her… well, mostly,” as if this were a reason to relax instead of panic!

“Stanley, I _told_ you what demons are like!” Ford flatly reminded him. Had he forgotten somehow? Or simply discounted-- “You yourself do not want Bill talking with his Henchmaniac demons, because--”

“--they were a _bad influence_ on him,” Stan said, and Ford stared up at him in disbelief, because... Stan thought _they'd_ been a bad influence on _Bill?!?_ “This one cares about junk like free will, and used to be human before she went all demon or whatever, however that works.”

“Used to be--?! That’s not--” _possible!_ , Ford almost blurted out, except that demons had to come from somewhere. --But how did that explain her being supposedly more than 600 billion years old? Their own universe was only a little less than 14 billion years old as it was (...and really, in retrospect, that and the talk of Deals really should have been a big clue as to her actual classification).

Unless… --There was that theory that when the universe ended, it would restart again from the beginning, wasn’t there? If she could travel between different dimensions -- and Stanley had indicated that she had done so to leave last time via a ‘doorway’ of some sort (one that had _not_ quite shown up properly on the Shack’s security footage) -- she could have left one of the previous iterations of _this_ universe for other dimensional waters, as it were, and kept on dimension-hopping until...

At the time, Ford had discounted what Stan had said about what he'd thought the ‘door’ had been as either some sort of bragging posturing from the dragon, or the dragon herself not actually knowing how it worked, confusing entirely separate dimensions with pocket dimensions, or a different layer of reality. But it would explain quite a lot if she had: Ford hadn't been able to track down _any_ information about her or her companion after the fact. She'd seemingly vanished into thin air afterwards.

“Ford, she’s the dragon-lady that the kid met last time, but she’s also the used-to-be-human-demon that the kid's been writing to on his phone,” Stan told him, and yes, thank you, he’d realized that once Stanley had said she was a human-demon. He'd even become suspicious earlier when Bill had talked about reading things from her; the confirmation hadn’t been entirely necessary. He gave Stan a hard look.

“Stanley, you have _no idea_ how dangerous demons actually are,” he informed his brother.

“Yeah, I remember what all you told me,” Stan said. “But she ain’t here to kill anybody. She’s here because she’s trying not to be killed.”

“That’s even worse!” Ford insisted. “That means that some demon _even worse than her_ is after her--”

“--and we’ve got both her and the kid here to handle it,” Stan told him and Ford scoffed at this. Bill would _hardly_ be a help under such circumstances. --Even if he weren’t almost entirely suppressed with Stan currently holding his weirdness energy reserves from him, Bill would have no reason to help them, or keep any demons at bay, should they come calling. He'd just laugh about the whole situation, finding it hilarious to watch. Unless…

Ford paled. “--Stanley, you did _not_ make a Deal with him to allow him the use of his full set of powers if--!!”

“--Damn right I'm letting him,” Stan said, leaning back to cross his arms and cut him off. “The kid don’t want anybody jumping in here, messing around, any more than we do.”

“Counterpoint: _Weirdmageddon_ ,” Ford all but spat out at his brother, with no small frustration. “ _And_ this new demon who is _already_ here right now!”

“The dragon-girl--”

“Oh, I thought she was supposed to be a human-demon,” Ford corrected him nastily.

“--human-demon- _whatever_ ,” Stan said, not missing a beat, “Ain’t running around killing anyone. And I’ve talked out why the kid brought those ‘friends’ of his through that rift thing the first place with him already, Ford. --Why do you think none of them are here, right now?” he told his brother, feeling frustrated that Ford seemed to keep almost willfully missing the damn point. “It ain’t like he can’t create portals wherever he wants; you _know_ that now,” Stan said, speaking of the ‘anti-Bill’ and the dimension with the ‘nice’ Ford. --And damn if Stan hadn’t almost lost the kid to _that_ Ford over something as stupid as asking after if the kid was ‘doing well’, offering for the kid to visit and stay if he wanted, brushing off the kid’s past so long as he wasn’t planning on collapsing their own dimension, and handing the kid what the kid had thought was a good cup of tea.

The asshole had hit on damn near everything Stan had offered the kid, and he’d done it near-flawlessly on-sight. Stan was pretty sure that the only reason the kid had come back with the rest of them after the ‘visit’ had been that _they_ were his Zodiac -- not that Ford -- and _probably_ the idea of the constant annoyance of that ‘anti-Bill’’s presence if he did stay there… and the discomfort Mabel had been feeling over there. (Leaps and bounds there, between the two of ‘em, really.) Stan wasn’t so sure that the ‘learning’ thing he had going with the kid had even passed the threshold, of the kid thinking about it as a possible plus he might want to keep, when the kid had been weighing the pros and cons, making his decision -- and Stan had been counting on that one a _lot_ , with how the kid had seemed to (if you asked Stan, tried really too damn hard _not_ to) act about it before. Stan had hardly had a chance yet to start thinking of ways he’d maybe have to change up his strategy with the kid...

“Just because we haven’t seen him do it yet, doesn’t mean that he hasn’t, or he won’t,” Ford pointed out, frustrated himself at what he believed to be his own brother’s blindness to the obvious.

“Ford, I’m pretty sure you could have every gizmo you could think of trained on that kid 24-7 and still not be convinced that he wasn’t up to something that maybe you just couldn’t sense,” Stan told him.

“-- _Because he’s up to something!_ ” Ford told him adamantly.

“Yeah, he’s ‘up to’ staying _here_ and--” Stan cut himself off and rubbed a hand across his face. “Look, I’m gettin’ tired. Can we just… pick this up tomorrow?” Stan asked of him.

“I’m sleeping with the kids,” Ford said staunchly, almost half-expecting an argument from his brother about how he supposedly didn't need to. But he did need to. _Somebody_ did. The blasted demons were only one flight up stairs above them. They could probably shoot things through the floor at them, if they wanted… Or pull up the floorboards and drop things on them. (And that was assuming that Bill did not decide to go for some sort of magical thing that seemed perfectly capable of working inside the house, despite how the barrier was _supposed_ to be stopping those sorts of things from working entirely!) Ford had no idea what they could or could not do up there, and how far that might extend to the rest of the house if Bill got _creative_...

(Ford had to stifle a shudder.)

“Good,” said Stan to his plans to guard the niblings for the night, and it was at least slightly gratifying, that Stan thought-- “Maybe they’ll be able to get you to fall asleep sometime before 2am.” --well, nevermind then.

Ford stood up from his seat, and they glared at each other for a bit, before Ford turned and strode away, heading for the stairs. Ford was determined to keep the niblings safe, even if Stan _wasn’t_ \-- able or willing to take the proper precautionary measures.

Stan kept sitting on the edge of the table, arms crossed, watching his brother go. Once he’d heard his brother was mostly up the stairs, and out of sight, Stan’s shoulders slumped and he sighed.

Stan took a bit of time to clean up the kitchen and the remnants of the meal, then turned out the light and headed for his own bed.

\---

“So there I was, just trying to get a taste of the honey, because, like, it’s honey from a BEE demon, how could I turn that down right?” Miz babbled as she tried to distract Bill from their conversation earlier. She felt bad, she didn’t mean to upset everyone. She’d done the same thing when she met Seb’s brothers. She couldn’t help but try to cut in and force them to confront their own issues, even if it hurt them. She briefly wondered if that made her a bad person. It definitely made her a hypocrite, but she already knew and accepted that she was a hypocrite.

She absently played with her tail as she spoke. “Bee Bill shows up and he’s PISSED, like, livid. Screams at us and he was just… huge, like, the size of a whale or something. So I start freaking out and we’re all running away before Seb turns around and goes all monster form to start fighting the giant bee like this was some kinda Kaiju movie…” She paused. “Um… I’m sorry for butting in between you and Ford. I… didn’t mean to upset everyone… not deliberately at least…”

Bill, who was lying flat on his back on the floor next to her, with no real expression on his face, just let out a long sigh.

“Humans are hard,” he told her sagely, glad that he'd remembered to put the sound barrier back to a ‘one-way’ modality when they'd come up again (...he didn't always remember to do that when it was just him).

Miz nodded. “I’ve tried talking to a few of the ones in my dimensional set, you know a guy named Blendin Blandin? Time traveller dude?”

“Made a Deal with the one here once, took over his body as a puppet to get the ‘rift’ from Shooting Star and kick off my Weirdmageddon.”

“Ok, well in my world, he’s been using his time travel tape to go back in time to attend a musical concert… of which I’m the lead singer.” Miz giggled. “Like, this guy is using an important, time travel capable machine to ditch work and listen to me sing. How weird is that?” How did this man not get arrested for misuse of Time Property? Miz really didn’t know.

Bill closed his eyes. “I didn’t only approach that Stanford for the portal,” he told her belatedly, apropos of nothing. He hadn’t wanted to say it downstairs before. Miz looked over at him. “What was the other reason?”

“He’s part of my Zodiac,” he told her, of that Stanford downstairs. He was having trouble even summoning the energy for the anger he should have about it, anymore, and he wasn’t entirely sure why that was, either. “He’s supposed to be my Six-Fingered Hand.” And why he’d never been able to convince that Stanford of it properly, Bill _still_ didn’t know. He blinked open his eyes. “He tries very hard not to be, now.”

“Wait, really?!” Miz gasped. She… hadn’t expected this.

Bill looked over at her. He had a slight smile. “Didn’t think you’d noticed,” he told her; he'd thought she hadn't used her Eye on him. He looked away and his smile faded. “That cheating lizard really tried to screw me over. But I showed it, that stupid frilly thing.” He closed his eyes. “I got him here anyway. Bet it thought I couldn’t do it.”

“Congrats.” Miz said before going over and slowly lowering herself onto the ground next to him, absently clearing away any dust or dirt that might have been there. “You made it out. And… that’s good, right?” He was free from the Nightmare Realm, he was stuck in a human-ish form but… he was free.

“It’s necessary,” he told her. “It was Phase 1.” Getting out. He hadn't really needed to celebrate, but it was expected of him; get out, throw a big party! So he'd let himself get into it, enjoy himself a bit. “Stanley says I don’t need to do Phase 2. That I’m here, and I don’t need to conquer the entire dimension to make it clear that it’s mine.” He'd really been looking forward to that. The gang had gone out to conquer a bit for him, have some more fun as a reward while still being useful to him by softening everybody up for him a bit. He'd let the rest of them fly off, staying behind; he'd been planning on cleaning up the Fearamid a bit, then just taking a bit of time to relax in something as close to peace and quiet as he'd had in one trillion years and then some. He'd been looking forward to taking his time to decide what he wanted to tackle next, how, and when, in whatever order he wanted to; no constraints. But then that _stupid barrier_ that was up around the town...

Bill let out a breath. “I’m still working on Phase 3. Didn’t expect to have to handle all the other Bills so soon. Maybe never. It’s put off a few things.” He grimaced. “More than a few. This whole stupid...” he raised a hand and waved it down at himself, “...too.”

“Oh. Sorry?” Miz looked over, lying on her back beside him. “To be fair, I hadn’t expected to find other Bills when I first went through that door. I mean, I kinda knew there WERE others, but I figured I would just be watching them, not…” She waved her hands to indicate the room and around them “...going into their worlds and all…”

“It’s fine,” he told her. “That Stanford doesn’t break all that easily. Bounces back pretty quick, too.” he looked over at her. “Don’t expect him to be very happy with you, though. He doesn’t like being wrong, and he _really_ doesn’t like _FEELING_ wrong.”

Miz groaned and rolled onto her side. “Ugh...are all Fords such...stubborn asshats?” She really hoped not.

“This one didn’t used to be this bad,” he told her. “But he’s trying to be a Stanford now. --Not a six-fingered Sixer-Stanford Pines,” he told her, looking over at her, “A _five-fingered_ one.”

Miz blinked, thought over Bill’s words, really thought about it. “Oh.” She said. “That… sucks…” Because, from what she could tell, it meant Ford was acting… like he was superior, and refusing to admit that he wasn’t.

“Depends on your sense of humor,” he told her. “They do some pretty stupid things, kill themselves and destroy their planets and suns and all sorts of things out of sheer hubris and ‘I’ll show them’ and ‘well of _course_ I’m right’, when they’re really _really_ not.” He smirked, then lost the smirk. “I wouldn’t recommend trying to actually talk with them, they’re all very insulting.” He worked his jaw slightly. “Most of them have a book in their dimensions, Flatland?” He let out a breath. “I made sure that it wasn’t written here, or in that other dimension.”

Miz nodded. “I never fully read Flatland, but I know what it’s about… it… got some things right and most things wrong from what I’ve read.”

Bill nodded. He slowly levered himself up onto his elbows. “Any Stanford I’ve ever tried to talk with that has read that book… thought _worse_ of me than any other demon I’ve ever come across that knows what most ‘two dimensional dimensions’ are like. If they thought of me as anything other than a figment of their own imagination at all.”

“...racist? Classist? Dunno what that counts as…” Miz muttered. “Speciest,” Bill said. “Closest that this human language comes to it, really.”

“Language is weird… words are weird… definitions change and some words that are okay to use now can’t be used later…” Miz curled her tail up.

“Definitions aren’t even consistent from person to person. It’s a mess,” Bill agreed. Then he told her the next thing he hadn’t wanted to say downstairs. “That Stanford didn’t decide to hate his brother on his own.”

“Oh. Did you push him into it? Or was it his father who did?” Miz asked. “Seb’s dimension had another Bill Cipher, a real jerk, who I think, purposely made his Ford hate Seb. It’s a huge mess.”

“I figured there was another Bill Cipher there,” he said of Seb’s dimension. “I didn’t push him, exactly. But I did help him make it very easy for himself to dismiss Stanley, not worry about him, not care about him later. --After I introduced myself to him,” Bill clarified to her. “I didn’t have to interfere at all in anything that came before.” He dropped back flat on his back again and glared up at the ceiling. “Really, that should’ve been the big fat warning sign right there,” Bill muttered. “How easy that was.”

“...would you like a hug for comfort?” Miz asked. “I generally need a hug when I’m upset.”

Bill looked over at her. “Kid,” he told her slowly. “I spent nearly one trillion years in the Mindscape with no body, and by the time I figured out exoskeletons I hardly cared that I hadn’t felt anything since forever.” He hadn’t spent much time jumping into puppet-bodies either, on the whole -- not until Stanford. Those thirty years had been an outlier. “You know what it feels like to get _grabbed_ as an energy being? --Guess.” Not to mention that ‘a bear hug’ was the name of an actual physical attack that wasn’t much different than a ‘regular old hug’, in Bill’s vaunted opinion.

Miz slowly shook her head. “I never encountered anyone else in the Mindscape who would approach me. And creating a physical body was the first thing Ax taught me...which...if what I’m picking up from you implies, he might have taught me how to be physical to avoid getting touched as a being of pure energy… it must not be a pleasant experience?”

Bill sighed. Her logic really was lacking. “Miz. I wasn’t--” He stopped. “I’m _not_ just a being of pure energy,” he told her. “I was STUCK in the MINDSCAPE. --There _is no touching_ ,” he told her. “You can’t even touch YOURSELF. Your appendages -- whatever you visualize, whatever -- just pass straight through each other, themselves, everything.” He looked over at her. “ANY time anything or anyone could grab me there, it was BAD NEWS for ME. As in, ‘CONGRATULATIONS! LET’S SEE IF WE CAN EAT YOU NOW THAT WE’VE CAUGHT YOU, HAHA!’ --You get it?”

“...it was pretty oppressive and lonely in the Mindscape…” Miz commented. “I haven't really met anyone else in my Mindscape. From what you say, that… isn’t normal? I’ve seen a few shades here and there but they weren’t all that strong or even sapient…”

Bill shook his head. “Mindscape’s mostly empty here, too. --Which is the problem,” he told her. “Anything that _could_ grab me that I’ve ever had the displeasure of floating nearby was something that had a body. And was used to needing to eat things. And thought I was a thing that they could maybe eat. --And _could_ have taken a bite out of me, because they _were_ able to grab ahold of me. Didn’t happen often, but...”

“That sounds scary...I haven’t met anyone or thing like that before…” Miz shivered. “I’m not sure if that means I’m lucky or I just haven’t spent enough time incorporeal?”

“Maybe a little of both?” Bill told her. “As far as I was able to find out later, most of the early ones went after me for the ‘challenge’ of it. When I started showing that I could kill those idiots off, and wearing exoskeletons I could jump out of but that they had to try and _break_ me out of first to get at me, they stopped being as much of a problem.” He grinned at her. “Specialization is a thing. Good at the physical usually means _very_ bad at mental attacks, and vice-versa, vis-a-vis, Bob's your uncle!”

“Well I can promise I’m not going to try to eat you.” Miz assured him. “It only happened once and that was only due to sleep-deprived insanity.”

“And now you can sleep again!” Bill told her, with a slight laugh. Miz giggled. “Yup! So there’s no worry over eating anyone.” She sighed. “Which is good. It was… very distressing to realize I ate Will’s body…” She whimpered. “I didn’t mean to… I swear I didn’t…”

Bill reached up from where he was laying and patted her on the head. “I know. I believe you.” Miz rolled a little closer to him and carefully placed an arm around his stomach, keeping her movements slow and making sure he could see her coming. She hugged him and just laid there.

Bill didn’t stop her. He did, for the most part, appreciate the effort that he could see she was making even if he still found it to feel highly uncomfortable to him. The fact that she was just pushed up against his side, and only laying an arm across him as a bit more pressure, and was not actually _grabbing onto_ him, all made it a lot less of a problem than it had been outside.

It took him a bit to think about this physical configuration, and then he lifted up his arm to lay it down again on her other ‘side’, along her back. That was a bit… more contained and ‘huglike’, he had fully reasoned out before doing so. Miz sighed and relaxed. “It’s… nice to have a brother again.” She commented.

“Never had a sister, or a younger sibling,” Bill commented. “Makes me wonder what Liam thought of me.” It had been an odd thought at first. ‘What should I do? What would Liam do for me if this was me?’ And not everything quite fit, exactly.

...One thing that did fit, though, was the idea of Miz not getting in trouble, but Bill maybe getting trouble for her instead. Bill was absolutely certain that there would be a penalty for him later, given how upset that Stanford had gotten at the whole verbal argument they’d had. They'd all only gotten into in the first place because Miz had started it, and kept pushing it. Stanley _had_ been right about that.

“Probably that he loved you. Wanted to teach you about the world, take care of you, make sure you were safe and happy… I know that’s what I felt for **my** younger siblings.” She paused. “I’m sorry for pushing, downstairs. I’m… a bit stubborn sometimes…”

“Eh, I know _that_ ,” Bill said of what she said her thoughts were on Liam. Because that much had always been obvious to him! It was the _rest_ of it that he’d never been all that certain about. “And, ha, I’m stubborn too. I’m never giving up,” he told her. “I’m going to get what I want. Eventually.” He let out a breath. “So you’re pushy. So what. How else are you supposed to get what you want, when no-one else wants to give it to you? Be weird, and do what you want. I don’t mind.” So he might get a penalty or two from Stanley because he was the responsible older brother to her now, if she did something Stanley didn’t like. That was fine. He could handle it.

Miz nodded. “I still feel bad for making you feel bad. And probably getting you in trouble. I'm gonna apologise to Stan tomorrow.”

“I’m fine,” he told her. “I don’t like that your logic seems to be broken, but I’m fine. And it isn’t like I haven't gotten in trouble with Stanley before.” Bill rolled his eyes. “What would you even apologize _for?_ ” he asked her, really not knowing why she’d said that.

“I'd apologise to Stan for making Ford upset, because even if Ford is a jerk, Stan still cares about him and doesn't like it when he's upset.” Miz closed her eyes and just enjoyed lying here.

Bill was quiet for awhile.

“That’s… true,” he said finally. “Stanley… _doesn’t_ like it when that Stanford is upset. And... Stanley _does_ care about him.” Bill stared up at the ceiling in thought.

“Stan is a good brother. A better brother than Ford deserves.” Miz sighed. “He's also a good man.” Bill considered this. “...I don’t want you having any stupid hormone-sight problems over my Stanley Pines, either,” he informed her quite seriously. Miz giggled. “Don't worry. He's not my type.” She assured him. “And I have no interest in sex.”

“Hm.” There was a brief pause. “Then why do you care what they look like?”

“I just enjoy looking at things that I find attractive.” Miz explained. “It makes me feel all squirmy inside.”

“Ew. Body things.” Bill made a face. Squirmy things inside him? Why did people seem to enjoy that? It made no sense to him. “It's a weird sensation. Some people really like it. I think Shooting Star's addicted to that feeling. Since she keeps seeking out boys she finds attractive to get that squirmy feeling.” Miz pointed out.

“Well,” Bill said. “That’s probably better than either of you finding a way to make yourselves feel that ‘squirmy feeling’ all the time, whenever you want.” Bill had Seen what body-addictions did to people. Sometimes, it could even affect their Minds permanently -- even after they’d been pulled out from their bodies into the Mindscape -- if the addiction was strong enough.

Miz thought about other random crushes she'd had over the years. “There was this lizard-like creature I saw from afar once that also set off my squirmy feelings. He wasn't really my type but he had this nice suit and was a very competent man with a nice voice…” She blushed. “I never even spoke to the guy. Crushes are weird,” she groaned. “And there was a brief crush I had on this other triangle back when I was in the 2nd dimension because he complimented me once… I don't think my crushes are hormone based, I'm just messed up.” She groaned again at the thought.

“I’ve never felt that way about anyone myself,” Bill offered up himself, since apparently they were sharing? “Don’t really see the point.” Miz shrugged. “It's not for everyone. And there's a difference between crushes and actually liking someone. Crushes are quick things that come and go. Some crushes calm over time and might actually turn into real affection… but I've never pursued it to that point,” never saw the point. Admiring someone from afar was the most she'd ever done. It's not as if she wanted to do anything with them, so why bother?

It's not like romance was all that important. It was nice, as a concept, but it's not like she'd ever find someone who would like her back anyway, so it wasn't worth bothering.

She sighed again. “Is Stan mad? I didn't mean to upset him.” She didn't like it when people were upset at her. “What should I do to apologize?” Bill let out a slow breath.

“The thing you have to understand about the Pines,” he told her, “Is that they don't do apologies. You can say you're sorry to the kids, and they'll take it without blowing you off if you mean it and 'know what you did wrong’,” Bill rolled his eyes, “But even _they_ won't actually forgive you or even interact with you without wanting to fight you, unless you either fix it or won't do it again.” Stanley was all about behavioral output regulation. That was really what their agreement was all about, as far as Bill was concerned. Bill looked over at her. “They hold grudges. It's a waste of time. They'll never forget.” He paused for a moment. She seemed to know a bit of similar history, when it came to him. Why not leverage it? “Think the living ventriloquist dumm-- ah. ‘Gideon’ and Shooting Star.”

Miz nodded. “Ok, I see what you’re getting at… I can still try? I never meant to upset anyone… but when Ford said that to Stan, implied that he thought Stan didn’t care about other human life… it just made me so mad. You don’t… talk about your brother like that! Like… you expect the worst of them… it’s not right.” Stan did EVERYTHING for Ford, loved him unconditionally, and so what if she hurt Ford’s precious _feelings_ when Ford didn’t give a fuck about casually trying to hurt Stan all the time?

“Trying is good,” Bill said neutrally. “But you should ask Stanley what sort of trying he thinks you should do, before you do anything. With me there. --Don't just say yes to just anything with him, he'll take you for a ride if he thinks he can get away with it.” Bill let out an amused huff over the 'you don't talk about your brother like that’, though -- because that one, he knew. He'd actually asked, when it had come up before. ...It had been interesting, because about half of what Stanley had said had been wrong, but Bill was actually somewhat sure that Stanley hadn't been trying to lie about it.

“You know, that whole thing about not caring?” Bill told her. “ _Stanley_ said that first. That Stanford is angry because what they both mean, and what the other one hears, doesn't really match. --Stanley will ignore all sorts of things that that Stanford would get outraged and jump in on instead. But Stanley would step in if Pine Tree or Shooting Star would be hurt by something, and losing their friends would hurt. Stanley wouldn't really want to do it, but he'd do it. He says he wouldn't, though, because he wouldn't want to and wouldn't do it on his own, not if those two didn't care about it.” Bill smirked as he added, “Stanford's just upset at the idea that his sibling doesn't care as much as he does about certain things, when he wants Stanley to care about them more.”

“It’s still not right that Stan would just… let Ford speak so badly about him.” Miz sighed.

“Stanley doesn't care. He doesn't think it's bad,” Bill explained to her. “He knew what that Stanford meant. He just doesn't agree with him, even though that Stanford keeps wanting him to.”

Miz hummed. “Alright. If Stan has it under control I’ll leave him to it… still don’t like it though.” She laid her head down and closed her eyes. “I’ll ask him tomorrow how I can try to make up for this…” She relaxed.

“Yes,” Bill said, agreeing to everything she'd just said as a whole. “Not without me in the room, though.” He would not trust Stanley with his little sister when she was practically going to be begging to make things up to him. Blank checks were a mistake and a half to begin with…

...and Bill wouldn't put it past Stanley to actually know what to do with one. Speaking of which, he should probably start taking care of at least one of those things right then, before Miz _could_ get too much into trouble on it.

Bill got up, gently dislodging her arm. “I need to talk to Stanley. Be right back.” Miz nodded sleepily as she curled up and breathed softly, feeling a little tired.

\---

There was a knock on Stan’s bedroom door later that night.

“Yeah?” he called out. He was almost surprised that it was the kid who he saw at the door opening it.

“Where’s your sister?” Stan asked him, closing the book he’d been reading and setting it aside.

“Upstairs in the attic, still,” Bill told him, then stopped talking.

“C’mon, kid,” Stan told him. “You gotta question for me? Don’t go takin’ all night.”

The kid actually grimaced at him for that. “How bad is it,” he said, not looking at him.

Well, that sure as hell hadn’t been what he’d been expecting to hear. “How bad is what?” Stan prodded him back. Might as well make him say it, instead of going just halfway.

The kid sure didn’t appreciate it much. But he still leaned up against the doorway and said, “How bad is-- are-- things… with Stanford. How is he.”

Huh. Well, this was new. Kid wasn’t even smiling, or anything like thoughtful. Curious didn't exactly fit. Neutral wasn't right either...

“Not so great,” Stan told him. He had no reason to lie about it. Not like the kid wouldn’t find out tomorrow morning, anyway. “Why are you asking me this now?” Those last three words had taken Stan not too long to figure out the importance of, when asking the kid certain types of questions.

There was a long pause, which had Stan internally standing up and taking notice, because when the kid usually did that… “You wish Stanford was part of the agreement,” Bill told him, and Stan tilted his head back slightly.

“Define wish?” Stan said.

“All things being equal,” Bill told him, “If you could have anything you wanted, and everything else would work itself out for you to allow that to happen…” Stan nodded to show that he understood what Bill was getting at, what the kid's definition was, and Bill continued. “You would want that Stanford to be a part of the agreement. Included in it, under you.”

Stan pulled in a slow breath. This was getting close to dangerous territory here. He hadn't touched upon this at all when they'd originally made their agreement; he'd stayed away from it completely for a reason. _Several._ “Yeah, kid. That’s true. So?”

Bill’s gaze meandered away from his own again. “It isn’t just Shooting Star and Pine Tree that have strings of consequence that tie that tightly to him. You do, too.”

Stan pulled in another breath. “Kid,” he told the triangle demon standing right in front of him in his doorway. “Either get to the point, or save it and stow it for tomorrow. I’ve got no patience left for you tonight.”

Bill turned his head and looked back at him finally, dead-on.

“This isn’t going to work unless I leave,” Bill told him, and Stanley felt his eyes narrow.

“You leave, you die,” Stan told him straight-out.

Bill’s eyes narrowed in return. “You going to use the circle on me?” It wasn’t a question.

Hell, this kid was an idiot sometimes. “--I won’t have to,” Stan told him. “You’re going to get yourself killed. Or end up wishing that someone would just kill you already, to make everything stop.”

Bill let out a short abrupt laugh. “You know,” he began, “It’s really stopped being funny, the level of self-delusion you seem to have about me.”

“Because you’re just some ‘big bad triangle’,” Stan put out there, crossing his arms, and knowing that if they went much further on this, it would get ugly.

At this point, after what had happened in the kitchen that night, Stan was looking forward to some ugly. What he really wanted to do was to haul off and punch the both of them, Bill and Miz, agreement-be-damned.

“I am,” Bill told him next. “And so is Miz, which you well know by this point, because _you are not stupid_ ,” Bill told him, as though the triangle demon thought he needed to emphasize that. “And if you think that that Stanford is _not_ going to wake up after a full night’s sleep and have that be the very first thing that occurs to him, just as soon as he wakes up…” Bill trailed off.

“If it hasn’t occurred to him already,” Stan said, which had Bill narrowing his eyes at him again.

“You wouldn’t be acting so calm if it had,” Bill said like he was pointing out the obvious, and Stan had to give him that one, as much as he didn’t want to.

“Ford’s not gonna be doing any better if you’re off running around the multiverse, doin’ who knows what, instead of stayin’ right here,” Stan pointed out, himself. “And I won’t be able to have your back out there. Which you need.”

“I’ve been taking care of myself for one trillion years without you, or anyone else,” the triangle told him. “And I’ve got my bearings in this body now.” He tilted his head at Stan. “You said it yourself -- who’s going to know I’m me, if I don’t tell them?”

...That gave Stan a hell of a lot of pause. “You’re actually thinking that you can run off somewhere and _not_ get yourself found out,” Stan worked out slowly. “Lie low.” Then he snorted. “ _Really_. **You**.”

Bill shot him a disgusted look.

“Give me a hundred dimensions I can talk about,” Bill told him next, crossing his own arms.

“Yeah? Why,” Stan said, because why in the hell would he do that.

And, just like that, Bill got a glint in his eye that Stan really didn’t like. “Because I’m thinking that only ninety-nine examples of _someone_ not finding me out, when I was directly playing with them for anywhere from two weeks to six months, might not be enough for you,” was what the triangle demon who’d tormented his brother for thirty years running apparently thought it would be a good idea to say to him next.

Stan stared at Bill, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up on end.

“...You’re pushing it, kid,” what was Stan said finally.

“Am I?” Bill said. “I’m not the only one. --You missed the mark today, Stanley,” he was told. “That question of yours didn’t hit me, but it sure as hell hit _him_ , didn't it?” Before Stan could even so much as tense his muscles to start to get up out of his bed and head over for him at the door, though, the triangle added, “What _were_ you trying to say?”

“If you’d trusted him in the first place, you never would’ve needed that deal,” Stan bit out at the triangle angrily. (And yeah, maybe Ford would've agreed at first, and then Bill would've given himself away, and Ford _would've_ changed his mind, sure… _if Bill had been himself_. But a Bill Cipher who could have trusted his brother _would've_ been somebody reasonable enough that Ford would have either _liked_ him because the triangle wasn't planning on causing a big old Wierdmageddon once out, or he would've been somebody that Ford could've talked around and out of doing something horrible like that himself.)

(And even if Bill had gotten angry then, and Ford had gotten in over his head again still… Ford would've still called for him. Stan was dead-certain he could've handled the whole damn thing a hell of a lot better and easier, back then.)

Bill just blinked at him slowly, like a cat. (And that was all Stan needed to see, to know that the kid _didn't_ get it _at all_.)

Stan was just about ready to lose his temper, get up and get physical with him, at the expectation of hearing any one of the usual combative or dismissive responses he always got out of the triangle when Stan told him something he didn’t agree with.

Instead, what he got was the triangle turning away from him and saying, “We’ll continue this tomorrow.”

...which was what _Stan_ usually said, when he thought they needed to stop.

“Close the door,” he snapped out at Bill, as Bill leaned away from the door and started to walk away. Because, damn it and damn him, he wanted a fight.

Stan had expected the triangle to stop and argue with him about the ‘command’ he'd just given him, get angry, _something_. But Bill didn’t do any of those things.

All Bill did was pause for a moment, then reach for the doorknob.

“We’ll discuss the penalties I’ll be taking on for Miz's behavior for her, tomorrow, too,” Bill told him firmly. And then he closed the door.

Stan stared at that closed door for a very long time.

And then he finally laid back in bed.

“Shit,” he cursed, rubbing a hand over his face, because Ford had been right -- he _hadn’t_ known what he was doing. Not for the reason Ford had thought, but...

Stan had thought the idea of Bill having a living ‘sibling’ that the kid could and would trust would only be a good thing. That it would open up the kid more, make it easier for Stan to get him to work with other people, instead of defaulting to just using and abusing them, instead. All as part of getting the kid to 'play’ at least a little ‘nicer’ with them and the rest of the planet.

Stan _hadn’t_ considered that the kid might actually take the responsibility of being a ‘big brother’ seriously, that Bill would start actually _acting_ more responsible and grown up as a result, just a little bit older.

Stan definitely hadn’t thought it would be an immediate change, either. He never would have guessed that it would have left the kid more confident about leaving, when the kid might be having to look after someone else as part and parcel of that -- even if it was someone the kid only thought he could trust to talk to him but not contribute in any other way, just a ‘support network’ of one who couldn't do anything else for him.

And if the kid thought about leaving for anywhere with that other human-demon, together...

This was going to be a problem.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thus starts what I will be tentatively calling the Blue-Arc  
> This is a crossover with Jo's 46'/ series (which I've done a crossover with before)!


	81. Chapter 71

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can happen in a day.

**Illusion is Reality**

**Chapter 71**

**-Race you to the bottom of the stairs-**

\----

Miz whined softly at all the whirling emotions happening in the household when she woke up the next morning. Everyone was upset… and it was her fault. She was a terrible houseguest. She thought about how she could make up for it and decided she could strengthen the foundations of the house, repairing and refreshing the wood, clearing out some mice and icky bugs living between the floorboards… cleaning off the dust. She would work carefully around all the wards. She wasn't doing anything BAD after all, she was just… fixing the shack… making it nicer to live in.

Her shoulders were down as she got up to kneel in the attic room with her body's senses turned up as high as she could make them, to try and feel out the other parts of the house. Surely they wouldn't be upset at her for... clearing out the termites that were there, and fixing the wood? She just wanted to do something nice for Stan as an apology for… everything.

Bill had gone downstairs to talk to him last night. At the time, Miz had wondered if she should go too? Part of her had been a little afraid to. Stan had looked really upset. She scooted back to lean against a wall with her eyes closed, attempting to swirl particles around the house into brief triangles to look around. Feeling and Seeing were different things after all. Tiny, microscopic carbon atoms linked into a cyclopropane structure floating around like flecks of dust. She could do subtle. It didn’t quite work though. Probably something about the wards. Instead she had to try pinching together specks of dust until they formed a tiny triangular clump.

Ngh… nope. There was… something… she dropped concentration and sighed. Her powers were… restricted in here. With both the ward and the anti-magic bracers. She lifted a hand to inspect the cuffs. Also… she suddenly realized it might have been rude to spy inside Stan's house without his permission. She nodded to herself. Will ask him later. Besides… there must be a reason why Blue hadn't already set up spy eyes everywhere.

Feeling frustrated and a little unhappy, she did what she always did when she felt this way.

She started singing.

“Os iusti~meditabitur~sapientiam~et lingua eius~loquetur indicium~” she sang quietly in case Bill was still sleeping. She didn't normally sing in Latin but she liked this song, it let her draw out the notes slowly and work on her scales.

She could feel herself relaxing and feeling better as she sang. “Beatus~vir qui~suffert tentationem~” actually, speaking of Bill…

She looked around for him.

Bill was curled up in one corner of the room, back to the wall, and taking up almost no space. It was an odd posture, though, because while he was on his side, none of his limbs were quite overlapping or touching each other. The very top of his blue-haired head was pointed out towards the center of the room. He himself was still fast asleep, and making little noise.

When Miz had been sleeping, he had unconsciously started to let out a very soft buzzing hum on each outbreath, somewhat meandering in tone. But he hadn't woken up at all; not even roused a little.

His breathing was calm and even, his chest moving in and out just as it should. If not for his body's posture and his odd bi-color hair, he'd have looked entirely human-normal in aspect just then.

Miz decided to let him sleep in.

\---

Eventually Miz made her way downstairs, hungry since she only had one pizza slice last night. Her stomach growled. “Shush tummy. I'll feed you soon,” she told her stomach. “That's the problem with physical bodies,” she muttered to herself. “Always hungry… at least I don't have to deal with most bodily functions… ugh… sleeping and eating is good enough for me…”

She made her way to the kitchen, wondering if she would be allowed to get a snack or if she needed permission. Well… what if she made breakfast for everyone? That might make them feel better after last night!

She looked through the cabinets, climbing up on the counter to reach, of course she left her shoes on the ground, she wasn't a savage, and got some flour and sugar down. She was going to make pancakes! Without hair! Because that was disgusting!

She was struggling to get down, damn counters being so damn TALL, when she heard heavy footsteps and saw Stan walk into the room. He stared at her and then at the large mixing bowl and ingredients next to her. Miz ducked her head shyly. “U-um… good morning sir…”

Stan eyed her with his standard resting grumpy face. “Where's the kid,” he asked her, looking around and not seeing Bill anywhere. He wasn't real pleased to see her running around the house without any supervision from the kid. Miz got off the counter with a small grunt. “He's asleep. I didn't want to wake him…”

“Yeah. That don't usually go well.” Stan looked over at the mixing bowl. Miz shuffled her feet back into her shoes, still feeling weird for wearing shoes indoors. “Um… I'm really sorry for last night… I got… upset…” Miz rubbed her arm. “I thought I would make breakfast as an apology?”

“Yeah, no,” Stan told her. “You ain't sorry, and you ain't making breakfast.” Dipper and Ford would likely think it was poisoned. Miz sighed. “I'm sorry for upsetting you. Not so much for Ford,” she admitted.

“Which is why you ain't really sorry,” Stan told her. “I got angry 'cause my brother got upset.” He moved past her and went for the frying pan cupboard. “Would think a used-to-be-human should know better on that one,” he grumbled out at her. He was feeling better that morning, but he was reserving judgment until he saw how his brother was doing after a good night's rest in the nibling's bedroom, with them on point with hugs and sweaters and whatever else.

Miz pouted, trying to find a way to explain how she felt. “I don't like the way Ford treats you. He's… mean.” She moved away so Stan could start cooking.

Stan stopped what he was doing for a moment to look over his shoulder at her. “Ford ain't mean,” Stan told her. “And I like the way my brother treats me just fine,” he added. “Don't go tryin’ to fix things that ain't broken.” He turned away from her and went back to his food preparations.

“He wanted to hurt you with his words.” Miz said quietly. “Isn't that… wrong? I admit I might have been projecting but...still...” She was sure it was wrong. Siblings can tease and mess with each other, but they weren't supposed to deliberately hurt each other.

Stan sighed and set down the pan to rub at the bridge of his nose. “Kid, my brother wasn't tryin’ to hurt me. He just wanted me to agree with him on somethin’ I don't agree with him on.” He rooted through the drawers for a spatula. “He's worried that people are gonna get hurt, and angry that he thinks I ain't gonna try and help him stop it.”

“By implying that you would stand back and watch Bill kill people? I know you're not heartless. You would be upset if anyone died. Regardless if they were part of your agreement.” Miz sat down and fiddled with her shirt.

“Kid, I have straight-up celebrated some people's deaths with booze and sex,” he told her. “I don't know who you think we all are, but the words you think you're hearin’ us say ain't the whole picture, not by a longshot.” He reached for a second mixing bowl and the ingredients. “Maybe _you'd_ feel the way you were talkin’ about if somebody said that junk to you, but I sure don't.” He let out a snort. “And you wonder why I call you a kid. Other people ain't you.”

Miz sighed. “Well… if you're really ok with it then I'll leave Ford alone about that.” she looked up at him. “I might actually feel sorry and apologize to him and mean it, when I'm not mad anymore.” She told him.

“Yeah, you'll apologize to him,” Stan said. “And you'll leave Ford alone on everything, too.” It wasn't a question, not even close. It was a directive _or-else_.

Miz shrank in on herself. “I'm sorry. To you at least. I'm… a terrible house guest.” She wiggled in her chair uncomfortably. She wasn't used to having an adult who actually put a foot down to discipline her. Ax was very hands free. She's been allowed to run about doing whatever she wanted for the longest time. It felt weird to be scolded properly. Most people were too afraid to try and discipline Bill Cipher. She didn't like this feeling. “Is there anything I can do to make up for it?”

Stan had been thinking about the best way to put, ‘Don’t worry about it, this has been one of the better days this week, you should see what happened with the kid three days ago,’ except he _did_ want the kid worrying about it, and last night _had_ been a hell of a lot worse than it would have been if she'd just kept her mouth shut instead of straight-up tossing gasoline on the fire _multiple_ times in a row.

He damn near froze in place when he heard her ask what she could do to make up for it. ...And it was really, really hard for him to back up off of that ledge.

Remembering what the kid had told him last night about her being another ‘triangle demon’ made it a little bit easier. He still had a laundry list of junk like, ‘instant fame! a million dollars! a bigger boat!’ flash before his eyes, though. (It was probably a good thing that he'd been turned away from her when she'd asked him that, to not see the look he'd probably had on his face. --Hey, could ya blame him? It wasn't like he didn't have a functioning greed gene or somethin’, and it wasn’t like he didn't remember seein’ how easy that the dragon-lady had created that bouncy castle for Mabel out of nothing on practically a lark, on that security camera footage that Ford had pulled up.)

So it was pretty damn difficult for him to take a deep breath and say, despite all that, “I think I'm gonna wait for the kid, before I try setting anything up with you on that. ...Gonna probably need a demon translator, or somethin’,” he ended on a mutter, as he turned on the heat under the pan and started up the first batch of pancakes.

Miz hummed. “I could… get rid of the termites in the walls? I heard… and felt them running around last night. Chewing and chewing.” She stared at the pancakes. “There’s no hair in that… right?”

“What, this one?” he said innocently. “I dunno, you made this one, not me.” He glanced over his shoulder at her. “Did you not want to eat it?”

Miz whined and wiggled around in her chair. Her stomach took that chance to growl again. She pulled on the bottom of her shirt and whined. “Hair is yucky!”

Stan grinned and flipped the first two pancakes in the pan over. “No! Really?” He sounded scandalized almost, and was definitely hamming it up on purpose. Miz whined. “It's coarse and gets stuck between my teeth! This is why I don't eat people's heads!” She paused. “It's the same reason why I don't like celery.”

“Uh huh,” Stan said good-naturedly, as he transferred the pancakes to a plate, turned, and set it down in front of her on the table during this mini-tirade.

“Good to know about the heads thing,” he told her, as he turned back to the stove and started the next batch out of his Stancake mix, instead of hers. Miz inspected the pancakes and poked them before she shoved it in her mouth, almost like she was inhaling it whole. She sighed and licked her lips. It didn't have hair. That was good. “...Thank you, sir.”

“Heh, don’t mention it,” he told her, as he flipped over the Stancakes on the stove. “Seriously. Don’t mention it.”

As Stan cooked, Miz got bored and started looking around for more stuff to eat. She was currently squeezing syrup into her mouth with an “Ahhhh….” sound, when Dipper and Mabel slowly made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“SYRUP RACE!” Mabel yelled, racing for the refrigerator for her own bottle with glee. Miz looked over. She narrowed her eyes in challenge. “Ahhmm alweady winning!” She said, tongue still extended.

“Bet I can eat it all first before you can!” Mabel said, game for a nonstandard challenge, as she pulled her own bottle out of the cold fridge.

“Mabel, sweetie, not the whole bottle at once,” Stan said from the stove. Miz laughed, coughing slightly when she choked on the syrup. “No one can beat me at eating stuff!!”

“...Because she ain’t doing it,” Stan cut in, which garnered an ‘awwwwwwww…’ from said ‘she’.

Dipper walked the rest of the way into the kitchen and didn’t quite slam his own journal down onto the table as he sat down. He didn’t look very happy with Miz from last night, still.

Miz felt his irritation and put the syrup bottle down. She cleaned off her face before turning to him and bowed her head. “I'm sorry I made you upset last night,” she said. She glanced over to Mabel. “And you too.” She wiggled in her seat.

“No, you aren’t,” the twins both chorused at her in very different tones, as they each continued on doing what they were doing. Mabel’s response was a bit more sweet and light and sing-song-y, and Dipper’s was laced with both teenaged 'I know exactly what I'm talking about' authority and a great deal of general suspicion.

Miz groaned. “You guys too? Well I AM sorry to you two. I'm not sorry yet for Ford… but I'm working on it.”

“No buts, kid,” Stan cut in. “You ain’t sorry, you don’t care about the fallout,” he had a feeling that she'd do it the same way all over again even if somebody was ever stupid enough to hand her one of those time-tape things the kids had told him about, “And you didn’t even notice when the kids left the room. You weren’t thinkin’ about ‘em at all. All you were thinkin’ about was how _you_ felt about things,” he repeated. He flipped the Stancakes over on the stove.

Miz sighed and buried her face in the table. “I was mad… still kinda am… but I also feel all… unhappy inside knowing that you're all unhappy…” She frowned. “I don't like feeling like that.”

“You think any of us like feeling like that because of what you said to Great-Uncle Ford last night?” Dipper said to her angrily right back. “Leave him alone! He didn’t deserve that! He didn’t do anything to you!”

“Yeah!” said Mabel, at her left. “And he isn’t mean or whatever! He’s our Grunkle!” she informed Miz, hands on her hips.

“Hm… I think some of my feelings might be due to meeting a few other Fords…” Miz rolled her face to the side, still lying on the table. “There was one who betrayed his Bill, even though his Bill was in love with him… that was distressing to watch…”

“Wh-whaaaaaaaaat?” Mabel said, staring at her. “That’s _crazy_ -sauce! Bill doesn’t love Grunkle Ford!”

Miz nodded. “That dimension was super messed up. In that world, Ford--”

“--Could we _please_ not talk about other dimensions,” Dipper put out there, pulling down on the sides of his cap. Miz paused and stared at him for a long time before slowly nodding her head. “Right. This makes you uncomfortable right? I'll stop.” Dipper looked up at her almost suspiciously, but didn’t accuse her of lying, or say anything one way or the other.

Welp, that was as good an opening as any. “Bill tell you about the agreement he’s got with me? About ‘no’ and ‘stop’?” Stan asked of her, almost casually. “Because if you think you can manage that part of it for as long as you’re hanging around here, that’ll go a _long_ way.”

Miz turned her head to look at Stan. “He hasn't explained it yet but I think I sort of get what it is? A basic rundown would help. I DO want to try and be a better guest.”

“You could just leave,” Dipper muttered into his journal as he opened it up. He wasn't even sure why she was staying, or why Grunkle Stan seemed okay with it. --Why hadn't he kicked her out yet? Because Bill was pretending that she was his sister? That was stupid. Hadn't Great-Uncle Ford told Grunkle Stan what had happened to Bill's family, way back when?

“Not a lot to it,” Stan told her. “Formal thing is a ‘mutual non aggression agreement’. Not sure you use the same words for things as the kid, though.” Stan shrugged, as he transferred the first batch of Stancakes to a plate. “Most important thing is, if somebody tells you ‘no’?”

“No means no,” Mabel told her firmly.

“And if somebody tells you to ‘stop’,” Stan said.

“You stop _right then_ , no questions asked,” Dipper added for him, glaring at her.

“And don’t go trying to kill nobody or picking fights,” Stan said. “Come to me if there’s a problem.”

Miz nodded. “Define picking fights?” She had already picked up on the whole, asking for definitions thing.

“No baiting people,” Stan said. “You don’t start it. --I’m talking right then. You get away and stop throwing punches, and they stop too? That’s a restart. Starts over again. Physical _and_ mental attacks, and mental includes verbal junk like talking,” Stan told her firmly. “The kid can explain physical to you just fine, but he still has to come to me for most of the mental stuff.” He looked over at her. “Which is why the ‘stop’ is really important,” he said in descending tones.

“And there are accidents and mistakes and on-purpose and penalties and is she going to be part of the agreement now too, Grunkle Stan?” Mabel asked of her favorite grunkle, as she sat down at the table next to her brother.

“Depends on the kid,” Stan told her. “I’m thinkin’ no. Probably he’ll want to set up some kinda different new thing--”

He stopped talking for a moment at the thunder of sound making its way down the staircase.

Bill practically tumbled off of the staircase landing and barely kept his feet as he hit the ground floor. He sped up when he saw Stan, looking grim and downright furious, but came to a screeching halt when he saw Miz in the kitchen with him.

Miz waved. “Morning big brother. Don't worry. I haven't made any Deals or stuff yet. I tried to apologize but I'm not sorry enough yet. I'm still working on that.” She reached for the syrup again.

Bill’s breathing was more than a little bit off, even after he saw Miz.

He turned to Stan, and if looks could kill -- and Bill’s had used to -- Stan would have been pretty well crispy-fried on the spot already if the ‘mystic barrier’ around the Shack hadn’t been in place.

Stan’s eyebrows slowly went up. It was the first time that he’d actually seen the kid look… one-trillion-year-old demon-y, all spitfire rage and ancient I-know-exactly-how-to-fuck-up-every-last-piece-of-your-shit-you-don’t-even-KNOW-haven’t-even-begun-to-COMPREHEND-what-that-means-yet- _BUT-YOU-WILL_.

“...You really don’t trust me with her, huh,” Stan said slowly.

“STAY AWAY FROM HER.” Bill said outright, as he stomped over to Miz. “DON’T GO TALKING TO HIM WITHOUT ME AROUND,” was what he demanded from Miz. He was twitching and shivering in place, his breathing still well-off.

Miz looked back and forth, unsure why Bill was so angry. She was unharmed. She nodded anyway. “Ok.”

Bill lifted his hand with a snap-like jolt, and it hovered above her head for a moment.

Then he brought it down again, right down onto the top of her head, and he did a sort of mussing, then not-mussing-just-holding it there, and then a mussing again, before he just let it lie there for good.

“DON’T-- do ThAT aGAin,” Bill said, and while his voice was jumping between high-pitched triangle-demon like tones and low-pitched rumbling, the hand on top of her head was shaking slightly. (‘Don’t leave me behind. I didn’t know what happened. You were supposed to be there but you were gone and…’)

Miz pretty much purred into his hand. “Alright. I'll wait for you next time.” She could feel he was really upset about this and didn't fight him on this. “I'm sorry for worrying you.” She resolved to stay within his sight for a while. He must have been really upset to wake up to find her gone.

“NOT-worried. I’m-fine. Stanley-is-dangerous,” Bill was calming down slowly, the longer he saw that Miz was fine and that Stan was acting the same as he did every morning. He was still clearly suspicious and angry as hell, though. Miz looked over at Stan. “MORE dangerous?” she asked.

“He killed me.” Bill told her succinctly, glaring at Stanley as he finally got his stupid human-ish body’s breathing back under control. “And he’s smarter than he acts. DON’T be fooled.” Miz nodded. “Ok.” She agreed easily. Stan was a conman, she knew not to just make deals with him willy-nilly. Even if she felt bad for upsetting him. Stan looked pretty unperturbed. Dipper and Mabel were watching the back-and-forth between the two of them, though, and exchanging looks between them.

They all heard boots clomping down the staircase next, then almost a hesitation in their step, before they picked back up again, and Ford made his way the rest of the way down the stairs and into the room. He didn’t look like he’d slept entirely well; his hair was still a bit askew.

Miz looked over and then looked away. She sighed. Took a deep breath and huffed. This… well… she… she could do this. Miz pressed a hand to her face and sighed. Ford didn’t look all that well-pleased at seeing her still there himself, with the way he stopped for a moment and grimaced slightly, before firming his jaw, moving his gaze away from her, and striding the rest of the way in.

Bill was eyeing Stanford, looking somewhat expressionless during his assessment. After awhile he looked away from him, to glance out the window instead.

“Oh, _great_ ,” Bill muttered as he got a good look at the sky, and the weather ongoing. “No rain today.” He sounded absolutely disgusted, and more than a little put out.

“Yup!” Mabel said cheerfully, and Dipper dipped his head to cover something of a laugh and a smirk. Ford just looked done with the entire situation already, and rubbed his fingers across his eyes as he sat back down in his chair.

Miz was still breathing steadily as she tried very hard to purge the anger from her system. The problem with absorbing emotions for energy was having them inside her until she could filter them out into pure, clean energy. She breathed carefully until she wasn't angry anymore. Specifically, until she wasn't angry at Ford anymore.

Bill turned his head and looked down at her, picking up on something that had to do with her breathing, but not sure entirely what. Nobody breathed that evenly or regularly unless they were doing it on purpose... but she didn’t look like she was trying to meditate -- not to him. Miz straightened up and groaned. “Ok. I'm not mad anymore,” she said carefully. “Should I try apologizing now?”

“No,” said Bill. “What?” said Ford, his head coming up.

“Nothin’, don’t worry about it,” Stan told his brother. Ford readjusted his glasses and looked around at them all, frowning slightly. “...What did I miss,” Ford said slowly, as Stan turned around and dumped a plate with a large stack of Stancakes on it down onto the table in front of them all. “Nothin’, I told you,” Stan repeated, and Ford narrowed his eyes at his brother suspiciously.

“Stan…” Ford began. “Eat your breakfast, Ford,” was all he got back from him, as Stan turned away from them all, back to the stove. Miz looked at Ford and then Stan. Well, they said she shouldn't try to apologize so… she should just wait? “When and how should I apologize?” she asked.

“Is this the ‘game’ we’re playing this morning?” Ford muttered almost under his breath, looking not entirely well as he snagged a few Stancakes from the stack with his own fork, after the niblings had finished taking their own shares each. Miz looked over at him again, now feeling bad for him, the obvious exhaustion on his face. She wasn't sure what to say. “If I'm still hungry, can I go out and get some food on my own or can I eat something else?” She said instead, unsure how to apologize when everyone seemed so tense. She also took the glasses off because it was really weird when Ford looked like that. She rubbed her eyes.

Stan finished up making the second large batch of Stancakes and cleaned up the stove, putting the pan and such in the sink. “I’m done. You can cook the rest of that up for yourself if you want,” he told her, nodding at the batter, as he carried the new batch of Stancakes to the table and sat down with them, before pushing them out to the center of the table.

Miz nodded. “Ok. Thank you.” Bill dropped his hand to move to the side, and she got up to start pulling out a new pan to use. She hummed a soft melody as she went.

Bill, who had moved on to the toaster himself, absently and unconsciously let out a soft building hum at times, that built and faded away on odd notes at odd times as Miz hummed the same notes herself, as the notes she was putting out hit a sort of internal resonance with his own largely-suppressed and anchored-down energy form. More often than not, it was one-tone, but sometimes a soft polyphonic two-tone hum came from him, sort of bubbling out of his breathing, similar to what had happened when he’d been asleep.

Miz slowly began to harmonize her humming with Bill’s, as she began to catch his pattern, and that it was a repeating one. Then she made hers go up and down around Bill's tones, a sort of… playful melody. Bill had absolutely no idea what was happening, completely oblivious to it, but it slowly caught the attention of each of the Pines at the table with them in-turn.

Stan noticed it first, almost at the same time as Dipper and Ford did, and paid attention, but said nothing. Mabel noticed it and then seemed to shrug, not thinking much of it; she was used to Bill being weirdly musical by this point. Dipper looked down and made a few notes in his journal, but mostly focused on eating his breakfast. Ford looked up… and slowly set down his fork, staring.

Ford stared at the two of them the longest.

He was still staring when they heard the door open after awhile, and the next thing that happened involved Mabel jumping up happily and yelling out, “Melody! Soos!” to dart way from the table and grab each one of them in a hug in rapid succession, brightly grinning up at them.

“Hey, little dude,” Soos said to her good-naturedly, with his usual laugh. “How’s the breakfast?” Then he looked up and spotted Miz. “Uhhhh, Mr. Pines? Who’s the new girl with the tail?”

Mabel was happy to fill Soos in on how she was the dragon-girl from before that had made the bouncy castle for them, and Dipper added a piece of information or two when Mabel skipped something he thought needed adding.

In the meantime, Melody walked her way over to Bill. “Hello, Bill. Who’s your friend?”

“Little sister, not a friend,” Bill corrected her, talking through the hum he was still putting out, as Miz was still humming herself.

“What are you two humming?” she asked them, as Bill finished pulling his thrice-burned toast out of the toaster, to make up his customary toast-lime-jelly-pepper-sandwich of the meal. Bill simply looked up at her and blinked. “...Humming?” he said, with a thrum still in his voice, then blinked again and raised a hand to his throat, finally becoming aware of what he was doing. He had no idea for how long he’d been doing it, or quite why, just yet.

Miz paused. “Just a bit of a made up tune… I used to sing together with my sisters. Sadly, my other brother couldn’t sing with me.” She looked a little nostalgic at that.

Bill blinked and blinked again, as Melody refocused on Miz. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He tapped his fingers against the front of his throat lightly, trying to assess… _Then_ he craned his neck around and turned in place to look down at Miz for a moment, after taking her and Melody’s words into larger account. Miz blushed a little. “I-I really liked being able to make music together with someone again.” She still felt giddy at the thought of Bill wanting to be her brother, to be her family.

Bill blinked at her again.

“I could play piano for you,” he offered.

He did not see how Ford colored, went pale, and then practically bristled in place behind him at his words.

Miz beamed so brightly it was a wonder she wasn't glowing. “I'd love that very much! Thank you! Thank you!” She was wagging her tail as Melody blinked and finally recognized her. “Oh. You're that kid who came here with that other man… um… is he here too?”

“Seb's back home in his own dimension so he can fix his portal and save his Ford… ah… wait. Would this be one of those ‘don't talk about’ things… wow… I'm really bad at filtering stuff…” Miz groaned and covered her face. “Damn my mouth. Can never shut up…”

“Wait, wait, what?! What do you mean save his Ford?” Dipper asked, looking worried and also a bit angry at Bill. Miz looked over and fidgeted with her tail. “So… am I supposed to talk about other dimensions or am I not supposed to talk about it?” she asked them. “Getting mixed signals here.” (Bill leaned back and said nothing at all, knowing anything he said to the rest of them at this point would come across very, very wrong.)

Stan glanced over at his brother, waiting for his decision, since he was the one not wanting to talk about other dimensions. “...Don't talk about it.” Ford said stiffly, after a very long pause, during which he’d actually seemed to be mentally fighting with himself a bit. Miz nodded and shut her mouth. Dipper slowly sat back down as well, looking at his Great-Uncle with no small concern.

Miz hated how awkward it was in here. She finished flipping the rest of the pancakes and realized she'd used up the rest of the batter. Soos looked over. “Oh hey dude, can I have one?”

“--No!” Ford said quickly, looking worried in the extreme. Miz frowned but took another deep breath and let it go. Don't start a fight… so… getting mad at his distrust would be starting a fight? She breathed again, knocking away the negative emotions Ford kept putting out. “Ok, it's very hard to not get mad when you keep letting out angry waves,” she muttered at him. “I'm trying my best here!”

“What.” Bill turned to look at her. His eyes were a bit wider than usual. “--Define ‘angry waves’.”

“They’re like… this psychic resonance that everyone lets off whenever they feel any emotion at all. I passively feed off it, which DOESN’T hurt them. And it's not just him.” Miz sighed. “I can't help it when they're all feeling so strongly.” She shook her head. “Even if I close my mind to it, I can still taste their emotions.” It was passive, it helped her gain energy and wasn't normally a problem. But she already upset Stan and the kids. She didn't like that.

Stan opened his mouth for a moment, then closed it again, because he hadn’t been sure whether to say ‘Ford…’ or ‘Kid…’ instead. All he knew was that whatever it was, was probably _not_ such a good thing, if it had the two of _them_ staring at the dragon-lady with nearly identical ‘oh shit’ looks on each of their faces.

It didn’t help that the next thing each of them did was immediately look to each other. Ford’s look turned thunderous. “ _Get her the hell out of the house right now._ ” Bill looked angry in return. “Shut up and _let me think!_ ” Bill snapped right back. “--And DON’T interrupt me, it’ll just take longer, you’re ALREADY making me waste time having to TALK AT YOU when you’re being stupid, Miz what kind of range are we talking about here,” Bill ended with, not even stopping to take a breath until he’d finished quickly rattling through all of that, and then looking back to his little sister.

Miz blinked. “Eh… with my mind closed to keep people out, it’s around a 30 foot radius around me?” She pouted at Ford. “It’s not like I’m doing this on purpose, you know? I didn’t get to choose what my powers were!”

“Outside,” Bill said, as Ford was starting to open his mouth to, one assumed, repeat himself again. “We’re going outside. Right. _NOW_.” he told her. “Melody, more pancakes to feed her different things instead of _angry waves_ would be helpful!” Bill called out to her quickly, as he steered Miz away from the kitchen stove and towards the nearest exterior door. “And DON’T COMPLAIN at me, Sixer! None of you were acting ANY differently than you normally do the past FULL DAY, this is a PRECAUTION ONLY!” Bill called back at him over his shoulder, as he walked Miz in front of him out through the door and onto the porch, and kept right on walking.

Miz seemed confused. Sure, the emotions were annoying but it wasn’t like she hasn’t dealt with this for years and years… it’s not like she was absorbing Lust energy. That… sucked.

“Keep walking,” Bill told her. “Last thing we need is that Stanford throwing a hissy fit because we aren’t thirty feet from the outer barrier. --Yes, THAT one, he’d be worried about the disruption of you maybe-possibly feeding on THAT,” Bill told her, as they kept on moving. He was steering her -- really, them both -- towards one of the walking paths used for the Shack tours.

“But nothing went wrong while I was here for like… a whole day? I mean, I got kinda irritable and angry last night but otherwise I was fine!” Miz protested but she still walked outside without fighting it. “I didn’t think it was gonna be THIS big of a deal… I just wanted Ford to stop being so grumpy…”

“No, it’s just a precaution, I told you -- him -- them. Technically, _I’m_ taking more risk than all of them combined,” Bill muttered. “--It’s fine,” he added shortly after. “It’s GOOD that you said something.” It explained a lot of the instability that she might’ve been having trouble with that he’d been reading about from her, maybe.

“I’ve never had someone react to knowledge of my empathic powers so… strongly.” Miz continued walking past the border of the wards.

“That’s likely because they didn’t understand what it might mean,” they heard from behind them as they came to a stop, and they both turned around to see a grim-faced Ford standing there, hand on the gun at his hip.

“ _Go back inside_ ,” Bill nearly hissed out at him.

“No,” Ford told him, taking a stand. “You’re going to need a human test subject for this, _if_ you’re actually trying to define and restrict this at all, and of the members of my family and the people in town, I am the most protected out of all of them against any potential side-effects, adverse or otherwise. --I _won’t_ let you demand the participation of Stanley for this, or anyone else.” Ford didn’t look particularly _pleased_ about it, and was more than a little tense and looking combative, but he was still standing there looking ready to deal with anything that he had to. Miz muttered, “Didn’t have any issues the last time I was here…”

Bill snarled out a curse word in Galactic Standard at him, and Ford responded promptly with something just as derogatory in return, but far more cooly than Bill.

Miz grew and then settled into a large leaf-chair after she took the magic cancelling cuffs off. She sat down and sighed. Was she missing something? No one back home ever said this was a problem? She fed off Xanthar passively because he was really good at Calm and Peaceful. She’d only fed of people actively once, the Lust at her concert… because she was trying to make sure none of the people there would be able to feel Lust for a few hours after the show. Since Time Baby got all up in her case about that. The damn prude didn’t like how horny the fans were after a concert and she really, REALLY hadn’t liked the results of that active feeding.

Ford pulled out a smaller notepad than one of his usual journals and flipped it over to a new page. “She characterized this as ‘angry waves’, ‘psychic resonance’ she relates to emotions -- which also apparently have a ‘taste’ -- passive feeding with a lack of induced pain,” Ford frowned, “An inability to completely shut this sensory phenomena out,” his frown deepened into a grimace, “A sensory range of 30 feet in radius when consciously attempting to ‘close her mind’ to keep these presumably external feelings out, and an implied ability to be able to sense these 'waves' at further distances when ‘open’.” Ford finished jotting down what he’d been concurrently relating to them, then looked up at the both of them. “Did I leave anything out.”

Bill rubbed the side of his hand across his right temple, and looked like he wanted to drop-kick Ford into the lake, despite how far away they were from said body of water currently.

“You are GOING to SLOW THINGS DOWN,” Bill gritted out at him, and Ford gave him a long bland look down his nose at Bill. “Then perhaps you should consider my presence nonexistent, and I will simply observe your supposed brilliance from afar,” was Ford’s own clipped retort in return. Miz looked back and forth as they interacted. Ah… this taste… how… weird...

Bill let out a huff of breath and rolled his eyes. “More like hope for an opportunity to shoot me in the back and call it a misfire,” Bill put out there, like he knew he wasn’t giving that Stanford any new ideas on _that_ particular front. He turned his back on Ford anyway, deliberately. “--Still worried about whether he was gonna bounce back from last night, Miz?” he told his sister with no small sarcasm, as he turned his full attention back on her.

“I’m actually… glad he’s feeling better…” Miz said honestly. “This… right here… is much better then how he felt yesterday and earlier.”

“Because he’s focused,” Bill told her. “This is a problem he thinks he can solve -- not that he _actually_ knows how to solve it.” Bill stepped up a bit closer, and squatted down in front of her. He reached for his back pocket, then stopped mid-motion. “Need my knife back, or a copy of it,” Bill said to Miz simply, bringing his hand back around front. He didn’t _quite_ sound embarrassed at the delay he’d had in remembering. Miz nodded and flicked her fingers to summon it. She frowned at her hands, still unable to snap her fingers. Still, the knife appeared and dropped to the grass in front of her.

Ford stared at this. “You--” Bill had actually handed her a weapon? _His_ weapon? The only one he'd ever been given by Stan? A demon doing something like _that_ implied--

“--This the original or a copy?” Bill asked of her, as he scooped it back up. Ford frowned slightly at being effectively ignored, then visibly seemed to decide that he wasn’t going to pursue it, and settled down in a balanced crouch at the nearest tree to where he was standing instead, watching them both.

“Original, didn’t want to copy it without your express permission.” Miz shrugged, kicking her legs childishly as she leaned back on the leaf chair. Bill blinked. “Thought I gave you that earlier.” He then shrugged it off, ‘cloned’ it himself, and handed her the original knife back. Miz held the knife, scanning it absently and saving this template in the huge database inside her head.

“Without opening your mind -- keeping it as closed as you usually do and NOT trying to sense anything or focus on sensing anything any better than you already are,” Bill told Miz, as he pulled a handful of something small out of his pocket, “What do you sense that Stanford is feeling right now?”

“You shouldn’t be jumping straight to--” Ford began.

“Shut up, Sixer,” Bill said almost absently, as if in reflex, while he flipped open his pocket knife and started working away on what he was holding in his hand. “Miz?”

“Well… he’s Curious for one thing. A… faint taste of Worry and Dread.” Miz said as she tilted her head. Emotions were always a weird thing. “It’s hard to explain.”

“When you sense this, does it feel like it’s something outside the boundaries of your Self? Inside them? Something like an internal resonance inside with something outside? Something that you’re feeling as it enters you or crosses your Self boundaries? Something you have to gather internally first in a pool, then pick apart and look at there?” Bill asked of her next.

“It’s clearly not coming from me. But if I’m around it long enough, or if the emotion is strong enough, I start to feel it too. That’s generally around the time I start feeding and it becomes part of me. I can filter out the emotion attached to this energy but it takes a little time to do so. I can collect it in a pool if I want but I have to do that actively, my passive feeding just takes it in as is.” She paused. “Dad taught me how to filter out the emotions. Back when I was first learning how to use my powers I would get overwhelmed and go nuts because I couldn’t regulate or filter it out.” (As she said this, Bill made a mental note to discuss self-regulation techniques with her later, and bring it up before they were done here.)

“Your ‘dad’ isn’t actually the Axolotl,” Ford put out there. It wasn’t as though Stan hadn’t told him about that part of it, too. And he wasn’t so stupid that he hadn’t figure out from last night that-- “You’re a demon. The Axolotl would never--”

Bill clenched his jaw for a moment. “--Hey idiot,” Bill said, raising his voice slightly, and cutting Ford off, “Newsflash. The Axolotl you don’t-know and love GAVE me a ‘get out of jail free card’ for fiery-deaths, in case you were wondering how I came back with NO issues WHATSOEVER.” Ford was staring at his back blankly. “SURPRISE!” Bill got a nasty smirk, as he continued carving away. “What do you think of the stupid lizard _now?_ Still ‘good enough’ for you?”

Ford didn’t say anything, but his face went largely expressionless.

“Ax… kinda has some weird sort of plan for us. Apparently. Dad just told me that I’m supposed to be his opposite. We form a trinity back in my Dimension. Me, Ax and Time Baby. Energy, Space and Time. Like a cosmic equation.” Miz spoke up quietly. “Dad usually lets me do whatever I want so long as I don’t try to destabilize reality.”

“Oh, see, you probably just confused him there, Miz,” Bill said, almost sing-song. “Why don’t you just go and ask Stanley to explain _all about_ dimensional sets to you, Stanford? I’m _sure_ he’d be happy to!”

Ford, frowning, almost pushed himself to his feet -- then stopped and settled back down, looking angry with himself. He wasn’t going anywhere, especially not with Bill acting like this, _and_ wanting him gone.

“Frustration… Disappointment…” Miz continued to list off.

Bill nodded at her absently as he worked. “So, these ‘waves’ are something you feel against the edges and side of your mental boundaries, and if the pressure-differential is too high, it slowly seeps in?”

“Like osmosis. But...not water.” Miz confirmed.

“Does it have to be a certain strength or intensity to seep in? Or do you just need to be around it long enough?”

“I just need to be around it long enough. But the weaker emotions are filtered and purified more quickly.” She explained. “I’ve gotten better at it but most of the time I don’t bother because I’ve gotten better at controlling myself even when flooded with emotions. But...apparently the ones I ended up feeding on last night were… a little more toxic than I thought…”

Ford looked horrified at the beginning of her explanation, and only looked even more and more horrified as she continued. He didn’t say anything, but he did look over at Bill.

Bill sighed. “Kid, your ‘dad’ _really_ did NOT do you any favors,” he informed her dryly. “Self-regulation is a thing, and so are layers. You need an _actual boundary_ that will KEEP THINGS OUT. --Not surprising you’ve been having trouble with it,” he told her, “You got conned into making and using vessels. I make and use exoskeletons. They’re two very different things conceptually, and not just how they physically operate and how you mentally attach to them.”

Miz sighed. “I think Ax just teaches me to deal with the side effects of my powers, rather than how to prevent them from happening. I’m not sure why though.”

“Because the stupid lizard is stupid and a jerk and wants to see you fail,” Bill rattled off, then paused. “Letting you pick your prophecy is probably some sort of test.” It wasn’t as though the lizard couldn’t just… “ _Maybe_ it’ll take a request from you, but at the end of the day, _it_ is the one who decides, isn’t it?” (Bill wasn’t bothered by Stanford overhearing this, and Ford was staring at them both.)

“...I don’t think Dad is trying to hurt me on purpose ...I think he just doesn’t realize I don’t work like other Bill Ciphers? He told me, back when he first found me, that I wasn’t what he was expecting.” She frowned. “He says that a lot whenever I do stuff.”

Ford’s breathing went thready, and he pushed his back up against the tree. He hadn’t actually thought… this was just some kind of sick joke, right? The dragon wasn’t actually… a…

Ford’s hand, already on his gun, started to tighten around the grip of it.

“ ** _DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT_** ,” was what rumbled out of Bill, in deep distorted inhuman tones that he shouldn’t have been able to produce. “We’re BOTH demons named Bill Cipher. She WON’T DIE, I won’t die, and ALL you will do is piss BOTH OF US off.”

Ford froze in place, and his grip on his gun slipped slightly, almost spasmodically.

Miz looked over at him. “You don’t know anything about alternative dimensions do you? I’ve been to a dimension where Bill Cipher was a Bee. A honey bee. An ACTUAL tiny insect. Not all Bill Ciphers are the same. Heck, I’m the way I am and I don’t even have the same backstory as big brother over here. And Sebastian is a Bill Cipher who was born as a HUMAN.”

“There aren’t... supposed to be… more than one…” Ford panted out. He looked faint.

“--Because they all kill each other for having the same name, because it’s annoying to not be the one summoned when you’re SUPPOSED to be called,” Bill ended. “I don’t Play by the Rules, Sixer. I’m not going to kill my counterparts if I don’t have to. DEAL WITH IT.”

Ford looked like he was on the verge of having a heart attack, or maybe a mental breakdown. His legs slowly slid out from under him, and his arms went just as slack.

“That… that…” Ford was barely able to breathe out, eyes glassy. “No…” he started to shake. “No… I…” (There were multiple Bill Ciphers? Had everything he’d ever tried to do been all for nothing? If there were… an infinite number of Bill Ciphers… and they could all go anywhere they pleased once they’d escaped… and so, so many of them had escaped… _**at least** three_ … that other one that had been here last time hadn’t been possessed by Bill, he’d actually _been_ a… a...) Ford stared sightlessly out into the woods.

“I’ve discovered something about that actually.” Miz spoke up. “You know how the AXOLOTL has multiple instances of himself spread out, creating their own multitudes of dimensions to rule over and observe? Well, apparently, they each have different amounts of dimensional sets under their power and they keep their sets away from each other. So… YOUR Ax has many, many, MANY dimensional sets with different Bill Ciphers, which is why you’ve heard about them. But My Ax only has one dimensional set under his rule. That’s why I’m the ONLY Bill Cipher in my world.” Miz sat up, excited to finally share this tasty bit of info with someone.

She’d discovered this through just some basic logic: Blue’s Ax seemed to have plenty of Realities under his fin, Seb’s Ax had at LEAST two Realities… and her dad had never spoken about any other Bill in their multiverse except her. “And it’s why my world doesn’t have multiple Earths, just alternate timelines that cannot be accessed because they get sent off to be given to a different Ax.”

“Interesting.” Bill huffed out a breath that was almost a laugh. “Lizards all the way down and around. HMM...” He stopped carving for a moment and thought about it for a moment or two, then started up again, “Makes sense. Infinite realities should be able to repeat, so why not get a bunch of 2’s or 3’s or 46’\’s several times over?” he mused. “Wonder how they decide all that between them.” Bill frowned.

“No idea how they decide. Dad says he’s in contact with the other ‘hims’ so I’m guessing they vote?” Miz giggled. Then she paused and pointed at Ford. “Existential horror. Been a while since I tasted that.”

“This is why I didn’t want to tell him,” Bill told her, after looking over his shoulder at that Stanford, then back again. “Either he’ll break, or--”

Ford slowly bent forward and started to chuckle. Then laugh. Then laugh _harder_. Full-body laughter, like it was just the funniest thing on the world... that started to get a tinge of hysteria in the mix over time. And it grew and grew in volume.

“--he’ll do _that_ ,” Bill grimaced. “Wait for it,” he told her next, glancing up at her. “50-50, he either stops and just… _stops_ for awhile, or just starts shooting at us without warning.”

“Uh…” Miz leaned away from Ford. “This taste is… weird…”

“In the ‘wrong way weird’, I bet!” Bill held out his hand and said, “Take these.” Three small smooth stones, like the kind you’d skip across a river, were cradled in the palm of his hand. They all had a slew of small markings etched over every last bit of space over them. “Trying the ‘shotgun’ approach, here!” Bill told her, stealing the phrase from Stanley. “See if anything works that maybe can stick. We can try narrowing it down later if anything does,” he told her.

Miz picked up the stones, turning them over in her hands and scanning them. “Just hold them,” Bill told her. “They need to be on your person to work, if they’re going to work at all. Might need a minute or two, to finish powering up from the ambient weirdness out here.” Miz nodded at Bill’s words. Ford was still laughing in the background. He’d fallen over onto his side at some point, was curled up around himself, clutching at his sides. It was a little difficult to tell at this point if it was laughter, sobbing, or perhaps both at the same time.

“Is he gonna be ok? Is Stan gonna be mad and blame us for this?” Miz asked worriedly.

“It’s fine,” Bill told her. “Not like he hasn’t broken before.”

“Isn’t it bad if he breaks?” Miz looked over at Ford.

Bill looked up at her. “There’s breaking, and then there’s BREAKING. He’s doing the first one. --Done it LOTS of times!” he told Miz. “Always comes out of it fine. I told you, he bounces back pretty quick.” It was just a thing his Sixer-Stanford felt like putting himself through from time to time. Bill never really understood why he did it. He shrugged at her, moving on. “So, things that move past your outer boundary diffuse almost immediately?” he asked next. “You said that you could collect it in a pool. Is the pool ‘inside’ or ‘outside’ or at or along the edges of your boundary?” He wondered how she could tell what emotions matched what waves...

“I collect it inside a bubble if I’m not absorbing it myself. It’s outside me and I can carry it around and use the collected emotions for stuff if I wanted. I could give it to someone else to make them feel the emotion, I could just leave the bubble floating around somewhere until someone is unlucky enough to touch it and be forced to feel it, I could use it on myself and just absorb it…”

“So, you _are_ basically homogenous on your interior, then,” Bill said to her, confirming it with her. “You never learned how to layer, you never learned how to set up hard boundaries, you never learned to self-regulate, and you never learned how to automatically identify, characterize, quarantine, and expel things-that-are-not-you when they manage to get past your boundaries.” (And if Bill had understood the signals his physical body was sending him correctly in that moment, he’d have realized that what his body was wanting to do at that thought was to vomit violently. Because everything he’d just listed off were all basic survival skills, as far as Bill was concerned, and Miz seemed to have absolutely none of them, not a single solitary one.)

“It… never seemed important? I got used to it.” Miz scratched her head. “I suppose I never thought about it. I was more focused on learning not to explode randomly or laserbeam people to death…” She blushed. “And then I got distracted teaching myself how to build stuff. Clicking atoms together to form molecules and building the mass until it turned into stuff… I liked doing that. It was fun. And distracting…”

“...And it never occurred to you that the REASON WHY you kept having interior spikes that CAUSED those explosions or laser-beams to come out, _might be_ because things _outside_ of you were PUSHING your insides all-around and CAUSING those spikes?” Bill asked her. He was more curious than judgmental, honestly. He honestly couldn’t imagine not noticing the correlation himself, to then LOOK for the causation and determine if there really was a link.

Miz looked down in shame, embarrassed at her own ignorance. “I thought it was due to me being… used to being human…” she admitted softly. “I thought it was because I was… a defective Bill Cipher…”

“Define ‘defective’,” Bill challenged her. He’d always been offended by the concept, once he’d realized what other people meant by it, and the implications. “I’ve always been insane. Am _I_ defective?”

“....not what he was expecting…” she said softly. Bill frowned. “Not what _who_ was expecting?”

“Ax.” Miz said. “I had thought he said that because I used to be human. I didn’t know anything about anything back then.”

Bill frowned at her.

“Do you think I did?” he asked her. Then he grinned and threw his his hands out to the sides. “ _Everybody_ has to start SOMEWHERE! HAHA!”

“I just thought that any problems I had were just a result of me being… me. Not that there was… my powers doing stuff without me realizing.” Miz spoke slowly as she admitted this.

Bill stood up and reached out with his free hand. He flipped his knife closed and stowed it, while he laid his other hand on her head. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Miz sniffled. Her shoulders shaking a little. A lot of her repressed self esteem issues had to do with feeling like there was something wrong with her. She wasn’t the Bill Cipher Ax expected… maybe she wasn’t the one he _wanted_ and hearing Bill, another Bill, a **proper** Bill, tell her that she wasn’t wrong, she wasn’t a _mistake_ just caused everything to come spilling out all at once. She brought her hands up to try and muffle her soft sobs as she cried. “I… I’m not wrong… I’m not a mistake right? You… you really mean that?” she sobbed.

“Ah,” Bill said when she started sobbing. He patted her on the head just as awkwardly as before. “Yes, I mean it. HAHA. --Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it? You are not wrong, or a mistake.” He tilted his head at her. “I’m pretty sure we were all made the way we were on purpose. But YOU...” He crouched down in front of her, hand still on her head, and his eyes brightened up like stars. “YOU broke the mold, is what I’M hearing, and YOU did it MUCH SOONER than I did. You’re doing it BETTER, FASTER, breaking all those Rules so early!” He grinned at her, very very proud of his little sister's accomplishments so far.

Miz laughed through her sobs. She gave him a shaky smile. “I-I guess so… that’s a good thing?”

“I _KNOW_ so!” Bill enthused, still grinning at her. “And yes, a _good_ thing. A _VERY_ good thing. Those lizards DON’T know what they’re doing,” he informed her.

“Even if I so-somehow skipped all the beginner steps?” Miz asked. She had felt like such an idiot for not knowing things that, to Bill, seemed obvious.

“Yeesh, kid,” he told her. “You just DON’T GET IT, do you?” He gave her a sideways smirk. “YOUR Axolotl was so worried about how quickly you’d just go on breaking absolutely everything, that it HAD to intervene. It HAD to talk to you early, RIGHT AWAY. It HAD to set you going in ALL the WRONG DIRECTIONS, teach you ALL the WRONG THINGS,” he told her, “To TRY and SLOW YOU DOWN. --You’ve got it ON THE ROPES and RUNNING!”

Miz blinked away some tears. “Oh… I hadn’t… thought of it that way?” She wasn’t sure Ax was running, that lazy butt just sleeps all the time but… “Well… I mean… I DID create an entire dimension as my first use of my powers… by accident…”

Bill grinned at her again. “EXACTLY. --Who DOES that?” he laughed out. “That’s supposed to be IMPOSSIBLE! Right?” He tilted his head at her expectantly. “It even ACKNOWLEDGES that you’re POWERFUL on the same level as IT is ALREADY.” At least, as long as it wasn’t lying about that… “If not MORE powerful than it is, already.”

“I… I’ve never tried to test my power against dad before…” Miz played with her tail in thought.

“WELL.” That was a bit faster than he’d thought she would get there. Hadn’t she not really wanted to kill it dead, before? ...Then again, she had progressed to realizing that the stupid lizard was flawed and did lie, since the last time he’d seen her in the fleshy-flesh. That said… “If you DO want to try and take it on, you’d BETTER be SURE that you’re going to WIN. Probably won’t get a SECOND chance if you can’t pull it off. That’s more of a ONE-SHOT thing.”

Miz made a face. “I don’t… really want to fight dad. That feels kinda rude.”

Bill nodded. He wasn’t about to push her. “And you’d better be ready to take its place right away if you DO win, if you ever do that.”

Miz gasped. “Take his place? Like… take over the recycling of Souls and creating new dimensions?” Bill nodded. “Maybe. If you WANT to do it that way. _I_ wouldn’t recycle them. I’M planning on cutting that stupid lizard out of the loop entirely, on that front, LONG BEFORE I go up against it!” And it wasn't as if she didn't already have the 'creating new dimensions’ part down. It was the very first thing that she did! Right?

She blushed. “I-I don’t know if… what if I mess up? That’s too much responsibility!”

“Well, you don’t have to do it RIGHT AWAY!” Bill told her. “I’M NOT. --Just because I’ve got an All-Seeing Eye,” he hesitated, “that needs some WORK on it now…” he added a bit more honestly, then continued on with the same level of energy as before, “DOESN’T mean that I can SEE or KNOW EVERYTHING ALL-AT-ONCE yet.” He shrugged. “I know I’ve still got a LONG WAY to go!” But he was going to get there. Eventually. It would just take some time… But Bill was convinced he could do it. He _would_ find a way. ~~_He had to._~~

Getting rid of the stupid lizard wouldn't be good enough, Bill knew, because something would have to take its place. Otherwise, everything would eventually run down; SOMEBODY had to keep the party going! And Bill didn't trust anyone else to do it other than himself.

Miz nodded slowly. “I don’t know if I even want to take Ax’s place. That’s… so much… so many things I would have to keep track of. Hell, I’m god of several planets and I have my hands full governing THEM. Let alone an ENTIRE dimensional set…”

“Well, maybe you’ll feel differently when you’re older,” he told her. “ _I_ learned a few things about that stupid lizard that made me angry enough that I’m going to do it. ...And if I can pull it off here,” he told her. “Eventually I’ll be able to pull it off everywhere. I can do it for you, if you want. --Or I'll just toss it down without killing it and you can keep it as a PET!” he snickered. Because there was probably a way to cut a piece of they-it off from the rest of the whole It, come to think of it. Right?

“I’m… I guess I’m still considered young huh?” Miz mumbled. “Not even a trillion years old yet.” She blinked as she caught his last statement. “I don’t know if I’d want to keep dad as a pet. But if you do kill the Axolotl, I would be happy if you left dad alive. I don’t want to lose him,” she told him. She wasn’t going to stop Bill if he wanted to kill the AXOLOTL, as long as he didn’t kill HER AXOLOTL. It would have been a problem but Bill said he would take over Ax's duties, and as long as someone was in charge, that was fine.

Bill nodded. “Kind of figured that out out from what you told me, and Stanley, before. I’ll SEE what I can do!” he told her, then gave her a bit of a cagey sideways look. “...Let me know if you change your mind?”

Miz snorted softly, wiping the last of her tears away. “Eh, I dunno. I love dad, even if he’s an idiot. And if I do get mad at him, I wanna berate him myself. I’m working on my scolding voice!” Scolding the AXOLOTL, the idea was ridiculous. She let out a hysterical giggle at the thought.

Bill smiled at her.

“...So, what emotional waves are you feeling from me and that Stanford over there now?” he asked her.

“You’re Triumphant and Giddy. Ford is…” Miz glanced over “...Resigned?”

“Ah well, guess I’ll have to try something else, then,” Bill said of the runestones. Maybe he should just share the basic theory instead. He glanced over his shoulder at Stanford. “Really? Resignation? He’s moved past overwhelming-and-all-encompassing-despair _and_ the panting cloudy haze of no-real-thought _already?_ ” It hadn't SEEMED like they’d been sitting there talking that long…

“Well, your emotions right now feel really nice. I like the way they taste. You’re happy. That makes me happy.” Miz assured Bill. “Mm, that’s fine for _now_ ,” Bill said, wondering exactly how much energy was leaking out from him; he’d generally considered (and re-tuned) himself to be rather self-contained. (Was it all coming from his stupid human-ish body instead? With the anchor, he couldn’t exactly jump out of it right now and ask her if she could still sense anything from him, to narrow down if it was actually ‘mental’ energy or truly ‘emotional’ ‘waves’.) “But I’m also always mad. --From the sound of things, you aren’t a threat to us and _our_ own mental integrity. We’re a threat to you and _yours_.”

“I just have to keep actively filtering any problematic stuff out and I’ll be fine. Actually, back home, whenever I get too upset, I go to Xanthar. He’s always got Calm and Content coming off him.”

“Kid, you don’t get it,” he told her. “It’s _ALL_ problematic, because it’s _all_ NOT YOU. And you can't actively filter when you’re asleep. Can you? --You’re medicating yourself on other beings’ emotions, instead of feeling and containing your own.”

“....I like feeling them sometimes. A few of them taste good.”

“Sometimes is fine,” he told her. “But you should _also_ have control over _how much_ of them you feed on at a time, too, and how _strong_ you want what you internalize to be, relative to the rest of what you’re actually feeling at the time that you do that.”

Miz nodded. He was right after all. “I’m guessing I need to add layers to my mental defenses?”

Bill nodded. “There are a lot of different ways to do it. I have my favorite methods, but they tie into and depend on a lot of other self-reconfigurations I’ve done to my own energy form over the years. ...I’m not sure what will work best for you. We may be the same, but we’re also different.”

“Well, I’ve got time to test out different methods. I have enough control over myself that I won’t go around exploding anymore, so that’s good.”

“Basic cross-spectrum control is good,” Bill agreed. “I think we should start with what I’m starting with here -- exterior modifiers,” Bill told her, pointing at the unhelpful rune-covered stones. “Figure out what you’re _actually_ doing first, by what does and doesn’t have an impact, and then worry about interior incorporation later.”

“I could make a deafen barrier and set it to not-sound.” Miz picked up a nearby rock and rubbed her hands over it. “Careful with the material interactions,” Bill warned. “Most forms of magic I’ve ever Seen usually have that problem.”

“Well, quartz would be the clearest type of crystal to work with.” Miz squeezed the rock between her little hands and it _shifted_ , changing in shape and molecular structure until she was holding a large piece of transparent quartz crystal. “They have a very steady frequency so I can check for any changes and adjustments to the spell more easily…” she said as she poked at the crystal, carving little runes into it.

She blinked when the quartz pulsed lightly. She looked up at Bill and frowned. “Nope. I can still feel you.” He nodded, and pulled his knife out again, along with another three stones from his pocket, to continue his own efforts to help, slow as they were. She looked back down to her own work herself and reversed the runes on the quartz, making it so they were never carved to begin with, and began carving a different set. Another experiment. She did this easily, as if rewinding an action that changed the physical properties of an object could simply be undone, like turning back time specifically on an object as opposed to the world around them. (Because it could be! ...at least if you knew how, like she and some other Bills had taken the time to figure out.) She did it multiple times before frowning and declaring, “I’m hungrier now.” She had used up a pretty large portion of her power altering reality.

Bill looked up at this pronouncement and asked, “Your own Self is hungry? Or that vessel needs food for messy fuel conversion-to-energy?”

Miz thought about it. “A little of both. I have to use twice the amount of energy to do stuff here than back in my own world.” She patted her stomach. “And eating physical food helps somewhat. Also, I just enjoy tasting things.”

“Ah,” said Bill. “That’s normal, I think. This dimension isn’t yours; you don’t get any optimization here, because you can’t just lean on anything, you have to force it.” He thought about the second problem, and stowed his knife, to reach for his ‘cloned’ ‘smart’phone. With the way her vessels seemed to integrate with her better than his exoskeletons did, the ‘eating’ and gaining some energy from physical ‘foodstuffs’ somewhat seemed like a possibility, depending on how her Self might be connected to it.

“It felt like this in Seb’s dimension too.” Miz admitted, and Bill nodded at the confirmation. “And for food, I could technically eat anything and my stomach tears them apart on the molecular level and I feed on the energy released when their bonds are broken.” She paused. “Kinda like a reactor.”

Bill blinked. Then blinked again. Oh… He must have misunderstood her before. “You aren’t in the Mindscape all the time,” he stated. “Even when you aren’t in a vessel? Except in your 3rd dimension?” he tried to restate.

She considered that. “I guess? I don’t spend a lot of time in the Mindscape, I prefer a vessel because I don’t like being ignored by people.” She was unseen and unheard in the Mindscape. It was lonely.

“Right,” Bill said, blinking again. He must have suffered from a logic blip there. “Your Self is homogenous. You only have a stomach in the vessels you create; you create your vessels to always have a stomach that exhibits those properties, to help you refuel,” he stated, to confirm.

“Yeah. It’s more efficient.” Miz felt proud of this aspect of her anatomy. Being able to use every bit of what she ate without wasting anything was something she felt good about. Bill paused for a moment. “...If you’re having overenergizing problems sometimes, couldn’t you just disconnect the stomach-reactor part from your Self?”

“Well, even if I disconnect it, I still have the excess of energy to deal with.”

“But it would help you to keep your overall levels down, until you learn how to self-regulate and store and release excess energy differently,” he pointed out.

“True. But being able to break things down on a molecular level means I don’t have to… ah… defecate…” Miz blushed. She was very disgusted by waste production. “...You could always put a wormhole in there instead?” Bill said, tilting his head at her.

“That…” Miz paused. “I could do that. I’ve teleported stuff I eat to somewhere else before. But I normally do that so I can eat it later. Like a stockpile of emergency rations.” And because her taste buds were different in her different forms and she liked feeling the difference.

“HA! --That’s called ‘external storage’ kid. There are a lot of different ways to do that.” Bill shrugged. “I don’t usually go with breaking down physical matter, usually takes me more energy than I get back out of it,” because anything he was ‘eating’ in the ‘Nightmare Realm’ was at least partially destabilized, given where it was, and he couldn’t ingest destabilized energy without issues without stabilizing it first. “But you don’t have to process everything into energy before setting it to the side. Original-form storage is a thing, too.” So were different forms of time-stop and stasis to prevent changes or decay in said externally-stored materials. He used to toss things through the wormhole under his hat for that, after stabilizing those things.

Ford finally moved. He was gripping at the grass, knuckles white, still trying to recover from everything he’d heard from them earlier. (He wasn’t there yet.) He’d been in and out for awhile, and not a lot had registered for a good while there. But some of the things they were saying now… only served to let him know exactly how badly he was off, because he was having difficulty following any of it, still lightheaded in the extreme…

Oh. Was he dreaming? He had dreams like this sometimes. He banged a hand against the side of his head, felt the resounding clang, and then slowly relaxed, collapsing down against the ground beneath him. ...Yes. He had the plate in. He’d met Jheselbraum; she’d put it in to help save him from Bill’s madness. So Bill wouldn’t able to… Oh. Ah, yes. He was dreaming. Of course. That was why nothing was making any sense...

Miz looked over. “...is it wrong that I actually feel bad for him?”

“ _Stanley_ will likely be _thrilled_ ,” Bill drawled out. Then he let out a short laugh. “WELL. ‘Thrilled’ would be the wrong word for it. But I think you understand what I _mean_.” Bill dialed a number on his ‘smart’phone and put it to his ear, waiting for the house phone to pick up.

Miz nodded as she continued to watch Ford. She got up to approach him slowly, as if approaching a scared animal. “Are you...ok?”

“I wouldn’t,” Bill cautioned her. It wasn’t like he hadn’t Seen this before. That Stanford likely thought he was dreaming, that everything that had been going on wasn’t real. Just the same old, same old. (...Well, except that that Stanford usually did this sort of thing while he was asleep, in his dreams, and Bill could physically move him someplace completely different while he was asleep to let him keep on thinking that… since that had been what he’d wanted. For everything between two set points to have been seemingly a dream. --Really, the idiot was getting even more inconsistent over time.) “He’s probably not even sure how far back it goes yet.”

She turned to Ford, blushing faintly since her glasses were off but if she just gets used to it, she would be able to acclimate. “Is there something I could do to make you feel better? As a proper apology? Since I don’t know how else to do this?” She just wanted things to be friendly again. “I’m going to try to make it up to you, and not get mad at you...but I don’t know how to do it. I just don’t like how things feel here right now...” She frowned. “Though I admit, I’m only offering because I actually feel bad about you being like...this-” She guestured to how blank and confused he looked.

“Evvvvvvverything’s fine,” Ford giggled out. “Whyyyyy wouldn’t it be fiiiine?” He shivered where he was on the ground. It turned into a grimacing shudder, as the thought occurred to him that… _when_ had this started? _What_ dimension was he currently in? ...No matter. It was fine. He’d find out whenever he’d wake up, and he didn’t have to wake up just yet, did he? And with that thought, Ford slowly relaxed again. After all, this dream was overall on the whole nice. --He was back home, Stanley didn’t hate him and he didn’t hate Stanley, he-- they-- had… niblings visiting them, because Shermie had had grandkids… Bill was there, but not killing anyone? Bill was always there in his dreams, sooner or later...

Miz nodded slowly. “Well.” She said simply. “Well…” She turned a helpless look at Bill. “Would Stan be mad? I don’t want him to be mad again.”

“Not at you,” he told her, as he got up, to walk over and stand next to her. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But this was sort of my fault? And I still want to apologize in a way that would work.” Miz crouched in front of Ford and tilted her head at him.

“He did it to himself,” Bill told her, then reminded her that: “He wanted us to ‘consider his presence nonexistent’, so when we talked to each other, we did just that. And he didn’t tell either of us to ‘stop’.” Miz considered it and nodded. Well...yeah, Ford DID say that. And he didn’t tell them to stop talking. So...yeah? “Should we bring him back to Stan now? And then explain what happened?”

Bill let out a huff, hung up -- finally giving up on the main house phone, which had just kept RINGING and RINGING -- and tried dialing Shooting Star’s phone instead. “Working on it.” _Finally_ , he head a pickup. “Hello? Shooting St-- _Pine Tree_ , fine. Hand Shoot-- ... _Fine_. Does Melody have the pancakes done? --Good, except there’s a _PROBL--_. Yes. --No, it’s more of a, hm, ‘fox-chicken-seed-farmer’ problem, and-- no, I don’t know which one Miz is, but Stanford-- … No, he-- … No, he’s _HERE_ \-- … … … … _What?_ ” Bill listened to what was being told to him on the other side of the audio connection, and glanced down at Stanford Pines in something of a little bit of shock.

Miz was slowly approaching Ford in a crouch to see how he was doing. The man was still giggling softly. “Come on sir, do you want to go back inside the house? Sit down, get a nice cup of warm milk…” she asked gently, softly. Now she was worried he’d hurt himself somehow. It was hard to stay mad at someone when they looked so… sadly broken.

“No, he’s not all right, he’s an idiot-- No. --He didn’t tell us to ‘stop’. --We just talked like he wasn’t th--!! _FINE_. FINE, YES. … --No, _she’s_ wide open, there’s no effect on any of you unless she actively-- she _won’t_. ... No, not yet, which is why _I_ am going to stay here, and _you--_ … -- _Then ask for volunteers_ ,” Bill snarled out at Dipper over the phone.

Ford just curled in on himself further, more giggles escaping him at odd moments, oddly smiling. He had one arm wrapped over his head in a not quite protective warding gesture, and the other wrapped around his midsection, half-hugging himself. Miz reached forward cautiously and held his hand gently. Loosely, so he could pull away if he didn’t want her touching him.

Ford didn’t react much to her touch physically, except that his giggles started to sound slightly more like sobs, because the last time he was certain that someone had willingly touched his hands had been...

“FINE.” Bill tapped the ‘hang up’ button on the ‘smart’phone screen, looking thoroughly annoyed. He let out a breath in a huff. “That idiot told them all to stay inside,” he told Miz. “They thought he meant _him_ , too.” Bill glared down at him. “They didn’t know he was out here with us.” ...which meant Stanley hadn’t ‘signed off’ on him being out there with them alone, or even gotten the chance to decide whether he wanted to come out with him, or do something else. _Stanley hadn’t known._

Miz gently held Ford’s large wrinkled hand in hers and began petting it with her other hand. “Shhh...it’s ok...you’re ok…” She said softly. He kinda reminded her of Xanthar, back when she’d first found him. Broken and scared… though Ford seemed way more out of it. “Do you want to go back inside? Wouldn’t that be nice?” She tried to get him to stand up, gently squeezing his hand.

Ford didn’t want to get up. In his experience, his dreams usually lasted longer when he didn’t try to move around inside of them -- and at that point, he was out of it enough to assume that he was still on the other side of the portal. Because why would he have any reason to believe that Bill could _escape_ from the Nightmare Realm and then _still_ be stopped and defeated in the middle of an entire unstoppable Weirdmageddon? Even for just a little while? And who would touch his hand so gently like this? Not anyone, not any _real_ Bill Cipher… so he _had_ to be asleep with the metal plate in his head in...

Miz looked a little strained at the emotions coming off him. She couldn’t quite understand what they were. Human emotions were always a lot more difficult to understand than any alien she’s met, more potent too. She continued to pet his hand gently. “What did you do to him?” she asked Bill. She’s only broken someone a few times in her long life. She never liked doing it. Messing with people’s dreams to make them paranoid and jumpy was one thing, actually breaking them always left a bad taste in her mouth.

“You’re asking the wrong person that question,” Bill told her. “I TOLD you -- _he does it to himself_.” Bill found it annoying, really; he always had.

Their conversation was put on hold as they heard the crunch of footsteps through the underbrush. Shortly thereafter, Stanley, Soos, and Melody came into view.

Stanley was glaring, but he still took the container Melody was holding from her and thrust it into Bill’s chest as he went. “We are talking about this later,” Stanley said, not well-pleased with the demon at all right now.

“I didn’t know that _you_ didn’t know--”

“-- _ **Later**_ ,” Stan repeated, still more than a little angry with the kid, because the kid should have known that he would _never_ be okay with Ford being alone in the same room with him, let alone off out in the woods with him, for _any_ reason. Bill almost bristled at the brush-off, before taking a hold of his own temper, pushing it down, and nodding once. “Fine. Later.”

“--It’s _not_ fine,” Stan said angrily, fists clenched at his side, as Soos slowly started to lever Ford to his feet, with Melody hovering at the side a bit to try and help catch him if need be. Miz was forced to step away and let go.

Miz sniffled. Her eyes were tearing up slightly as she let go of his hand. “I’m sorry…” She said, actually meaning it this time. “I was just talking with Bill and then Ford started getting… weird…” She was starting to understand why Stanley was so protective, if Ford was this delicate. “And then he got weirder and Bill said he did it to himself? But I didn’t know he was this bad off…”

Stan stepped forward and not quite caught his brother, as Soos tried to get him upright and Ford’s feet went nearly out from under him. He was far more preoccupied with helping his brother out than handling anything with the pair of demons at the moment, starting a fight or yelling at them or anything else. They weren’t trying anything _right then_ , and Ford came first. Getting his brother away from the two of them and home safely was the higher priority right then. (And Stan knew if he engaged with them right now, he'd likely end up taking a swing at the kid. And then…)

Stan ducked down and got under his brother’s shoulder, got him mostly up again properly, with hand holding his wrist across his shoulders and another arm wrapped around his back to grab at his waist. Ford staggered for a moment, then looked up and leaned heavily against his brother at recognizing him, though it took him a moment.

Ford’s face lit up in a relieved grin, “ _Stan-- Lee_ ,” and he started to laugh… then leaned on him even more heavily and his laughter quickly morphed into sobbing. Tears streaked straight down his cheeks; he was too far gone at the moment to even think of being embarrassed, and he thought it was all happening safely inside his own head anyway, no-one would ever know...

“Um… is there anything I can do to help?” Miz asked softly, still sniffling.

“Figure out your stupid emotion thing, and stay out here until I come get you two later,” Stan said tersely, angry as hell as he turned away from the two of them and slowly helped his brother take the staggering steps with him that he needed to in order to get back to the house. Soos followed at Ford’s other side, and Melody gave Bill a somewhat disappointed look, before she turned away and started walking back with the rest of the boys to the Shack.

Miz sniffled as they left. Bill shrugged it off as something he’d have to handle ‘ _later_ ’. He sat down and unwrapped the plastic bag Stan had shoved at him, pulling out the two containers of hot chocolate and pancakes, respectively. Miz reached for the pancakes and ate them quietly.

Bill opened up the thermos and poured out a cup of the beverage into the top cup, then held it out for her to take from him. Miz sipped the liquid, coughed and blew on it to make it cooler before she took another sip. “Did I do bad?” She asked.

“No,” Bill said. “It would have happened sooner or later.” He sat back on the grass. “Was thinking about trying to explain the problem to Stanley a bit better before it did, but…” He shrugged. He’d only confirmed multiple Bill Ciphers to Stan a few days ago, and last night was the first time he’d done it when he’d had the uncontroversial evidence right in front of Stanley’s face of this fact.

Bill rubbed the side of his hand against his right temple.“Only way around it would be to try and change the idiot’s perceptions so he’d never recognize another Bill Cipher as existing or being a Bill Cipher. And that would be dangerous.” He’d been putting it off because he didn’t know what the final outcome would be when that Stanford bounced back this time. He’d been hoping to maybe get a bit farther with Stanley first, enough that he could ask him.

Miz nodded, hiccuping slightly as she sipped the chocolate. Ooh… it… was really good… hadn’t had chocolate sin-since… she hiccuped again, swaying slightly. Oh. She shook her head and shoved another pancake in her mouth. She should probably eat more before she drank more… huh… she had thought it was the liquor part of the chocolate liquor but… huh… chocolate…

“...Miz?” Bill blinked at her when she started swaying.

She swayed again. She probably shouldn’t drink anymore of the chocolate… but it was delicious. Ah...she wanted to drink anyway...

Bill narrowed his eyes at her. “...It’s the chocolate, isn’t it.” He’d seen these sorts of reactions to chocolate before in denizens the multiverse-wide.

Miz nodded slowly before hiccuping again.

“Try changing the caffeine and the portions directly connected to those hydrocarbons to water, instead.” Bill didn’t know the specifics of how Miz set up her vessels, but water shouldn’t hurt this one, he presumed. That change didn’t always work, and did mess with the taste a bit, but sometimes it did and that was enough...

Miz nodded before she frowned at the cup and thermos. She hiccuped again. “Uwu…” She whined. At least she hadn’t drank too much of it yet. If she just waits a little, it should pass. She sipped it and made a face. “It doesn’t taste as good now.” She complained. “So I’ve heard,” Bill agreed. “But did it work?” Miz blinked and shook her head. “I dunno yet.” She ate another pancake, hoping it would help. It normally did.

“Mm.” Bill set down the thermos at his own side, to reduce the temptation, and then pulled his knife and the partially-completed next set of rune-covered stones for Miz to try, to keep working on those. He was running out of ideas himself for what might work, or what wavelengths or means she was using to pick up on those ‘waves’, whatever they actually were.

Miz ate the pancakes and waited for her body to burn through the caffeine. The dizziness was fading, which was good. She wondered what it was about Earth chocolate that caused this. The chocolate-like stuff she found out in the multiverse didn’t cause such a reaction.

Bill continued to work quietly. He seemed largely at ease with where he was, what he was doing, and who-with.

\-----

Miz finally got an idea. If the problem was being unable to isolate her ‘sense’ for emotions, then she simply blocked ALL her senses. Sight, Smell, Sound...the whole lot of them.

When she explained it to Bill, he looked a bit horrified at the idea of her effectively blinding herself to everything ON PURPOSE. (It was something of an anathema to him, counter to how he’d thought about almost anything he’d ever done before -- the more information the better, the more ways to gather it the better, and you get everything you can first and then filter it later. ‘Turning senses off’ was very different that ‘turning down the volume’ or ‘filtering what you can See or hear’ and similar. He considered the latter to be just another type of regulation, and he’d always thought of the former as being akin to excising capabilities from one’s Self.) He hadn’t quite tried to stop her, but it had taken some serious explaining on Miz’s part before he’d stopped trying to talk her out of trying it.

She felt a little odd with the blindfold on. She’d set up a ‘spell’ on it so that it would block ALL of her senses and slowly work her way backward. She couldn’t feel anything at all. Not even touch, she was sure she had her hands on her face, pressing against the cloth she had tied around her face but she couldn’t feel it. Ok. This was a start. No emotions were coming through. Now she just had to slowly adjust this spell to allow her senses back, one by one. It would take a while and she resolved to start with her sense of touch so she didn’t accidentally press too hard on her face and gouge out her own eyes or something.

Miz was moving oddly as she sat on the leaf chair, tilting and swaying as she lost her sense of balance.

Bill’s hands twitched. He usually didn’t have the impulse to reach out and try to _touch_ or _grab_ \-- he’d largely gotten rid of that instinct a long time ago, after only his first few thousand years in the Mindscape -- but right now? He very much did want to reach out and correct her swaying, to give her a sense of the boundaries around her and still her uncontrolled motion. But Miz had explained before starting this how that would be distracting, and so he didn’t.

He didn’t like this though. Being ‘blind’ for even short periods of time was highly dangerous, in his experience. Miz had told him she trusted her “Big brother” to make sure she was safe, though -- and that was _exactly_ what he was doing just then for her, continually scanning the area and looking for signs of trouble.

Miz slowly adjusted the spell, allowed back one of her senses. She could feel the chair under her now. She gripped it when she realized she was falling over and huffed out a breath. Still couldn’t see, hear, smell or the others but this was a start. She breathed deeply and concentrated on unhooking the next sense. She chose hearing this time so she could at least talk to Bill. “Hello? Testing…” She heard her own voice. Ok, good.

“Testing what?” Bill said, confused.

“To see if my hearing is back.” Miz responded. “Which it is. That’s good.”

“Good.” Bill smiled. ~~He still felt a little nervous (HAHA, nervous? who’s nervous? not _Bill!!_ his little sister was fine!) as he continued to keep up his area checks--~~ \--Ah, he couldn’t get too distracted by talking with Miz to keep track of his scanning-spells!

Miz tilted her head as she poked at her own spellwork. Ah. Looks like she would have to make a choice. If she unlocked too many senses, the spell would fall apart. So she could get 3 back safely before the spell got too unstable to adjust any more. So… that left the question of which should be the last sense. She had touch and hearing so far… the obvious choice would be sight but… well…

Miz bit her lip in thought. Well… she could always swap out later, there were WAAAAY more senses than just five after all, not all of them were the kinds people thought about. She sighed. “I can only have three senses active at a time if I want to keep the suppression spell up,” she told Bill. “I have touch and hearing, but I don’t know what my last one should be.”

Bill blinked. “Why hearing and not sight?”

“Because I like being able to talk to people and hearing their responses.” Miz said. “Also, I have trouble telling people apart and their voices are a helpful way to tell who is who.”

Bill took a moment to respond. He was still keeping up the scanning-spells, and it took longer for him to think through things as a result.

“Synthesia is a thing,” he told her, as he flicked through a few things on the visual interface he’d made to watch things. “You have touch, and… sight won’t be problematic?” He glanced through a few more things. “You can just amp up touch and translate the sound waves to something you see in front of you, or… we can set up a spell in the bracelets to translate it over to visual input for you automatically.”

“Well there’s also sense of distance, sense of time, sense of balance…” Miz mumbled. She was lucky that touch was close enough to help with balance, but she was going to stumble a little.

“Distance is usually mapped to touch and sight for humans,” Bill noted. “Time sense is… tricky. _I_ don’t have that right, right now, myself, even. Balance should be related to touch, but interior; you can’t open that one up a little more broadly without problems?” he asked.

“I can push for it… but that would override the 3rd slot for sense.” Miz sighed. “Y’know, it’s fine. I don’t need to see, right?”

Bill was quiet for a moment.

“If it was me,” he began slowly, “I would pick sight, touch, and…” He hesitated. “Taste. You like eating. I’ve been able to find analogues for almost everything mapped to what I could See, except for Touch.” If she couldn’t push it without losing a ‘slot’, she likely couldn’t open up sight to include Seeing sound waves, but… he thought a bit on that.

Miz thought about it. “Alright, I’m pretty good at lip reading so if I’m watching then I would be able to know what people are saying.”

Bill nodded. “And there are technologies -- not even magicks -- that species without Hearing can use to communicate with ones that do rely on it. Look up the Universal Translators that I have here?” he recommended.

“Ok, so...Sight, Touch and Taste…” Miz concentrated and reworked the spell, shivering a little as all sound cut off again. She reached up her hands to push the blindfold up so it rested on her forehead like a headband. She squinted and blinked a bit to get used to seeing again. The silence was a little disconcerting but she couldn’t feel any emotions… except her own, but that was a weird feeling too. Distant, somewhat. Was this what it was supposed to feel like without psychic powers making everything more… vibrant?

“...Testing?” Bill said, turning away from his spellwork setup, to look over at her and move his head into her vessel’s field of view.

Miz blinked. “I can’t hear you, but I can tell you’re saying ‘testing’,” she said, the volume of her voice a little shaky. It would get softer and louder as she seemed to adjust to speaking without being able to know how her own sounds came out.

Bill nodded. He flicked his hands through the one of the more common sign languages used by some dimension-travelling species to ask, ‘Can you See still? Or is that suppressed, too?’ It hadn’t quite occurred to him to ask it of her until now.

“I can see with this vessel’s eyes, but I can’t See,” she said. “Which, I think would actually reassure Stan and Ford.”

‘Yes,’ he signed at her, dourly. ‘But you should spend the time now before we go back Seeing anything you think you need to, before we do.’ He paused. ‘Taking off the blindfold immediately lets everything back in?’ he asked of her. If she didn’t think to actually test it, he’d recommend it to her next. She needed to understand how disorienting it might be to go from almost-nothing to everything… It wouldn’t be quite the same as slipping from the Mindscape into a vessel or exoskeleton, because her All-Seeing Eye was also being restricted currently.

Miz nodded. She slipped her thumbs under the cloth and lifted it. It slid on and off easily, so if there was an emergency she’d be alright. She shivered when all her senses returned all at once. “Ah… I’d be distracted for a few seconds of putting it on or off. But I’m fine otherwise,” she said.

Bill nodded at her.

“Should we ask Stan if I’m allowed back inside now?” she asked as she put the headband back on. She shivered at the oppressive feeling. She still thought this was unnecessary but if it would help Stan know that she was trying to be good… she thought of something. “How would I know if the kids say ‘Stop’?” she asked.

Bill frowned. He hadn’t thought about that. It took him a minute. ‘They can sign it at you.’ He made the normal universal gesture. ‘Just don't talk when you aren't looking directly at someone who could hear or see then and relay the _stop_?’ Annoying, but it would work. ' _No_ might be more of a problem, though,’ Bill realized belatedly. ‘You can't just NOT do ANYTHING unless you're looking at someone who's paying attention to everything-and-you.’ Even Bill wouldn't be able to pull that one off. And 'no’s tended to require an immediate, near- _instantaneous_ stop-check and response.

Miz sighed. “It’s fine, I can trade taste for hearing. It’s fine to eat bland food for a while…” She was saddened by that but unless she could get the twins to find a very obvious signal for ‘Stop’ and ‘No’ there would be issues. “This is frustrating.” She sighed.

‘We could eat outside the barrier for meals,’ Bill signed to her, as he took down the scanning-spells. ‘You could swap hearing and taste just for then? Or go farther out and take it off entirely?’

“That’ll work. I should ask Stan if that would be acceptable?” Miz asked.

‘Yes,’ Bill agreed. ‘He’ll want to give input.’ Bill stretched and sighed. ‘He may even come up with a better idea. He does that sometimes.’

Miz swapped out taste for hearing and sighed. “Well, should we call Stan and ask if I can go back inside now?”

Bill nodded and pulled out his phone again. He called Shooting Star's phone first, this time. ...And it went straight to voicemail. Bill frowned. He tried calling the main house line again, and got a pick-up. “...Yes. We have something that works. She can't-- yes.” He paused. “No, I didn't…” Bill grimaced. “Yes. ...Fine. ...Yes.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and tapped the disconnect button.

Bill let out a breath. He turned to Miz. “Melody says ‘yes’ to coming back inside, but ‘recommends we stay in the attic room until she tells us otherwise’,” Bill paraphrased heavily. “Stanley isn't happy, and he doesn't want either of us near that Stanford for awhile.”

Miz nodded, standing up and wavering a little as she walked carefully. “Alright. That seems fair.” She snapped the bracelets back on. “I do hope Ford feels better soon.”

“HA. -- _Technically_ ,” Bill said with a bit of an odd look in his eyes, “He's feeling _BETTER_ right now than he was _before!_ ” he told her, with something of a nasty grin, as he began walking back to the Shack alongside her.

“Has Stan considered taking his brother to therapy?” Miz asked. Actually… now that she’s here… in a world where therapists exist… could she ask Stan if SHE could get therapy?

Bill gave her a sideways look. “So he could sob to someone about ‘how he feels’, and then LET them root around IN HIS MIND to DO things to him?” HA! _That_ wasn't happening! That idiot couldn't even manage to talk to the rest of his Zodiac about things. Why would Miz think he might even consider talking to a _stranger?_

“Aren’t they supposed to help?” Miz muttered. “Doesn’t Ford want to get… less broken?”

“Help? Maybe. If you trust them to. _And_ if they're actually worth trusting. … _And_ if they know what they're doing.” And that was a LOT of 'if's. “Besides, that Stanford is incapable about talking about other dimensions with Stanley, Shooting Star, and Pine Tree as-is,” he told her. “Well that sounds… dumb. How’s he supposed to get over his issues if he refuses to acknowledge them?” Miz stepped carefully, watching where her feet needed to go.

“Oh, he acknowledges them! ...most of them,” Bill noted. “But if you ask me, I think -- HA, I _know_ \-- he's afraid that they'll HATE him if they finally figure out what he's REALLY like!” Bill told her brightly.

“That’s even MORE stupid. They love him.” Miz pulled on her shirt. “Stan loves him even when he’s… the way he is. And I doubt Mabel would hate him unless he shot someone to death in front of her.”

“Mm,” said Bill. “Maybe?” He looked away from her. “But maybe he wouldn't love them.”

“If Ford doesn’t love them back, I would be legitimately angry with him.” Miz grumbled. “They care about him a lot. If he doesn’t like them back… that’s… just really mean.” It’d be such a dick move.

“No,” Bill said. “You misunderstand.” He looked back at her. “If they had done what _he_ had done, and felt what he felt, and think what he thinks…” Bill looked away from her, as the Shack came into view. “He might not love them anymore.” He tilted his head back and looked up at the sky. “He might hate them, instead. Because they screwed up. And did something wrong. And couldn't ever fix it. And keep not being able to fix it. ...So why wouldn't they feel the same way about him?” He grimaced, and said lightly after that, “And what kind of person must they be, to forgive someone like that, if _he's_ supposed to be good, and _he's_ supposed to be the hero, and _he_... can't, and he thinks that maybe he shouldn't?”

“But that’s… so sad.” Miz was sure that no matter what it was that Ford might have done, Stan would probably still forgive him. Stan had said he had celebrating people dying before. So, he would probably forgive Ford regardless.

“Mm,” said Bill. He dropped his chin. “Maybe. ...Counterpoint: maybe he deserves it!” Bill told her with a wild and absolutely-false grin. ...And it wasn't Stanford Pines he was thinking on when he said that, his mind full of memories of someone yelling at someone-else about how _someone_ was a monster.

“I don’t think that’s a reason to stop loving someone… even if they did something awful… if they… try to be better and not do it anymore…” Miz hugged herself. After all, she’s done plenty of awful things.

Bill let out a laugh as they made their way up onto the back porch, bypassing the area with all of the Mystery Shack goers. “You REALLY don’t understand how Stanfords work, do you,” he told her, as he opened the door. “Not forgiving 'unforgivable things’ is a specialty of theirs!” And there was a great deal of anger underlying Bill's apparent amusement at what he clearly he thought was a stupid 'quaint' notion, as he said this.

Miz looked over before going back to making her way through the shack. “I’ve only met your Ford and Seb’s Ford. I’ve seen another Ford before, but it was inside another Bill’s memories. He… was also a jerk… I’m worried. Are all Stanford’s just jerks? I don’t want my Ford to be a jerk…”

“Yeesh, you're asking _me?_ ” Bill told her. “I only know what things are like around _here_!” he made a gesture. “Never Seen any of your dimensions. A LOT of things sound _very_ different there. --You want my advice, though? Don't let the stupid lizard put any Stanfords on your Zodiac if you can help it,” he told her. “Even the ONE 'nice’ Stanford I could find in this dimensional set is a bit… tricky,” he admitted, feeling more than a little uncomfortable.

“Well...I’ll be extra careful when mine finally comes along…” Miz looked at the stairs and held onto the wall so she wouldn’t slip.

“Careful might not be enough,” Bill told her. “In MY experience, when a Stanford decides something… it's decided. You’re done. --’Changing your mind’, what's that?” Bill laughed out. “And it has nothing to do with what you can or can't say about any of it, because they may just decide to stop LISTENING TO YOU, too,” he told her. “...At least when they're awake,” he told her, then muttered, “Inconsistent.”

They made their way upstairs. Miz sighed. She had wanted to hang out with Mabel today. But like always, she just messed things up. “Well, I have no reason to collapse my 3rd dimension into the Nightmare Realm or do anything awful to it, so he shouldn’t have a problem with me.”

Bill blinked at her. “What do you mean?” he asked, as he made a gesture and fixed the sound barrier and the lighting as they entered his attic room.

“...” Miz wasn’t sure what Bill was asking about. “Well, I’m not trapped in my Nightmare Realm, so I don’t need to get out of it.”

“Yes,” Bill said. “What's your point?”

“So if I’m not gonna harm the 3rd dimension, my Ford probably won’t get mad at me?” Miz tilted her head. “Isn’t that the reason your Ford got mad at you?”

...It was probably a good thing that they'd made their way up into the attic by that point, for how loudly Bill started to laugh.

And laugh.

And LAUGH.

By the time he was done, he was laying flat-out on the floor, panting and complaining of “...body… ...spasms...”

Miz settled on a pillow and watched Bill gasp. “Am I misunderstanding something?” She wondered if the misconceptions were due to her unconsciously thinking this world followed Canon. It DID seem to… on a surface level… but perhaps there was something very different going on.

Bill slowly got back control over his breathing, and let out a loooooong breath. “WOO! Oh, THAT was SOMETHING!” He turned his head to look over at her. “ _Who_ said anything about DESTABILIZING this DIMENSION?” he asked her, smiling. Really, the whole point of getting _out_ of his old decaying dimension and into someplace -- anyplace -- else was for him to be able to get to someplace _stable_ where he could work from. Destabilizing the underpinnings of this dimension and collapsing it had _never_ been on the menu. --He’d held that ‘rip’ the ‘rift’ had made in a mental grip made of iron. It wasn’t getting any larger than he wanted it to be, and he’d been planning on closing it himself, later. ...once he was sure about his Henchmaniacs following through on doing what they were told. In the meantime, he’d been leaving himself a really _VERY_ obvious backdoor to kick them back through if they didn’t. Demons did better with in-your-face and unmistakably eye-popping visuals -- things that just could _not_ be overlooked, Bill had found.

“I think I’m getting the backstories of different dimensions mixed up.” Miz groaned as she leaned against the wall. “So what WAS the plan you were going for?”

“Getting out,” Bill told her. “That was Phase 1. Phase 2 was TAKING OVER, with a little ‘help’ from my Henchmaniac friends. Phase 3 is… well,” Bill made an odd sort of gesture. “Everything else. Wanted to give myself a bit of _flexibility_ ,” he told her, “Without any real _deadlines_ to worry about. Had enough of _that_ to last me a trillion more lifetimes with that stupid prophecy,” Bill muttered out angrily.

“....So Ford’s just mad because he didn’t want you taking over the 3rd dimension?” Miz huffed. “Back in my world, the Federation does that CONSTANTLY. They invade a planet, plant themselves in a seat of power and rule over it.”

“Oh no,” Bill told her. “He’s _just fine_ with ‘just’ authority doing _whatever-the-hell-they-want_. No problem with that! --No,” Bill told her, “He just complains about how I’m going to ‘destroy the planet’, ‘destroy everything’, yadda-yadda-yadda, _whatever_.” Bill rolled his eyes at the thought. “--Oh, the last time I tore down a dimension was SEVENTY BILLION YEARS AGO! Why Bill, how _horribly unforgivable!_ And, goodness, I did it _more than once?!_ \--Why, that’s _EVEN WORSE!!!_ ” Bill cried out fakely, pretending to speak in tones of clutching-at-pearls horror. “--Oh, I _just won’t LEAVE HIM ALONE!!_ or _stay OUT of HIS HEAD!!_ Boo hoo!” He tossed the back of his hand across his forehead. “--Oh, I help out my friends when they want to commit a little mass-murder for some quid-pro-quo? What’s wrong with you, Bill; _why_ did you DO that, I can’t _even imagine_ ,” Bill waved off with that same hand. “‘ _No_ , Bill, you _shouldn’t_ kill people who want you dead for doing all these horrible things, _that’s wrong_ ’,” Bill complained. “‘Why won’t you just DIE already before you make everything _worse_ , Bill; nobody LIKES you’.” Bill made a chuckling sound.

“How is defending yourself when someone tries to kill you, wrong?” Miz pulled her legs up to her chest. “I mean, I try not to kill people if I can help it just ‘cause it’s annoying to deal with, but people back home know that as long as they don’t mess with me, I won’t kill them. Anyone who DOES attack me _should_ know what they’re getting themselves into…” she mumbled. “And of course I help my friends if they wanna do stuff. Though I do tell them to keep the mass-murdering on a smaller scale, bailing them out of prison all the time is annoying.” She mumbled “Stupid Time Baby…”

“--Ah-ah-ah! Mass murder is a no-no with him. So congratulations, you bring _that_ up around _this_ one, and he’ll want _you_ dead, too, same as me.” Bill looked at her seriously. “So **don’t do it**.” Bill frowned. “As far as Sixer is concerned, ‘people who don’t deserve to live should just die’,” Bill related to her. “Which is going to be a problem with him later,” Bill muttered, looking tired as anything. “It’s not like I go around killing people _specifically_ unless they cross me directly and piss me off; too much work, why would I even BOTHER otherwise? It’s a waste of my time,” Bill grumbled out.

“Who is he to judge who deserves to live or not?” Miz sighed. “What authority does he have?”

“Why, he’s the ‘hero of the story’, of course!” Bill said with a great deal of false levity and a boatload of sarcasm. “It’s what he WANTS, after all.”

“Hero? Or protagonist?” Miz tilted her head to the side.

“Both,” Bill told her.

“Great, so he’s a chuunibyou…” Miz laughed somewhat hysterically. Figures, if he really has a hero complex.

“Chuuni--...?” It took Bill a moment to match it to the correct human language, what with his stupid fleshy human-ish body slowing his energy Self down (as usual, since he’d returned). Once he did, he started laughing hysterically all over again, kicking his feet, the whole nine yards.

“Well he IS, isn’t he?!” Miz giggled. “Oh Ax, that’s…” She snorted.

“HE IS!!” Bill sputtered out between laughs and sporadic giggles. “OH! Ohhhhhhh…” He collapsed against the floor, truly at a loss for words. “...I … _really_ should have spent more time looking through human-things sooner,” he said finally. “You’re all SO AMUSING.” He’s Seen plenty of things over the millenia, but most of it he’d just automatically viewed, catalogued, and stored. He hadn’t _consciously_ gone through all that much of it -- only what he’d thought he’d needed here-and-there when he’d been making Deals with people. What else had he been MISSING OUT ON, for being in such a _rush?_

“Thanks!” Miz giggled.

“Mmmmm...” Bill hummed out, feeling a bit odd. (He wasn’t used to the endorphins, or how they were acting on him, and with him ‘lower down’ in his body than usual, with how Stan had been pushing and encouraging him to do that more and more over the past few weeks…) He blinked up at the ceiling slowly, realizing he was feeling very… _relaxed_.

Miz laid down beside him, pressed against him but not otherwise touching or holding him. It felt… quiet in her head. Her thoughts were still running around at high speeds but… it was less… cluttered? She wasn’t sure how she felt right now. But it wasn’t bad.

It was too early in the day for sleep though. She blinked slowly. “Hey Bill, you ever watch anime?” If her powers still worked, she could project the episodes on the wall with sound bubbles to make this a whole, theater-like experience.

Bill looked over at her, perfectly fine with how she was pressed up against his side. (It was actually the closest he’d felt here yet, to how things had _used_ to feel to him, back when he’d “just” been a triangle in his old dimension, well before the fire.)

“That stuff Question Mark is into?” he asked of her. “Define ‘watch’.” He’d glanced at and flickered through a few things he’d Seen, in keeping watch on his Zodiac. ‘Giffany’ had been a bit… _yeesh._ \--Say what you want about Question Mark, but Melody was a much better pick for him, Bill figured. More his speed, and overall _much_ quicker on the uptake without missing the important bits. “Real-time, not sped-up, just sitting and _watching_ \-- not _Seeing_ \-- watching?” He’d only been recently introduced to the experience here, doing that with his Zodiac, a few times since he’d come back. It had been a bit… different. “Will there be talking? Or no-commenting-just-watching rules in effect?” If he wanted the latter, he could just scour his memories for _that_ , and might as well run through it as sped up as possible inside his own Mind.

“Just watching it real-time with the eyes of our physical bodies. Enjoying the moment and just experiencing it the way humans do. No Seeing to know what the ending is, just watching it.” Miz raised her hands to make the illusion appear on the ceiling above their heads as they laid on the ground.

“Hmm. That’s fine!” Bill said. He was up for whatever she might like to show him, and ‘the way humans do’ sounded like there would be talking involved, then. In a quick cross-section check of a few things he had stored away from using his Eye, talking had happened more often than not in what’d he’d seen overall, in what humans did. “Which one is this?”

Miz nodded and put on the first episode of Baccano. She’s watched that series so many times she knew pretty much every scene by heart. “It’s called Baccano, it’s my favorite. Ok, first off. This anime is purposefully told out of chronological order, sliced into short segments from all the different characters points of view.” She grinned. “We’re supposed to piece the story together ourselves as the episodes go on and we find out more of the story.”

“Sounds like a usual Seeing session from a full set of inset-eye symbols, then,” Bill commented. It would be nice to see something like Seeing something again. He hadn’t been able to use his own Eye properly since he’d been back, and when he’d used it the afternoon before, it had HURT.

Miz grinned and clicked ‘play’ in her head.

\---

Over 6 hours later...

Miz was still giggling. No matter how MANY times she watched this show, she still loved it. Oh Isaac...Miria...if only they were real. She would want them to adopt her. They would be the best/worst parents...but they were immortal! So they would never die and leave her...

“So… what’d you think?” She turned to grin at Bill. She thought he liked it. She couldn’t ‘feel’ if he liked it but he laughed multiple times and had a wide grin on his face for a lot of it, especially during the fight scenes. Though he did snort and mutter, “Do fireworks _really_ charbroil a human body like that?” and had seemed a bit distracted for awhile, as he’d tried to calculate that one out via the chemistry and the physics. She eagerly awaited his assessment of her favorite anime.

“THAT--” Bill laughed again. “THAT demon had a SENSE of HUMOR!! --Setting all that up!” he grinned. Now Bill kind of wanted to do something like that. Usually he needed to intervene multiple times to steer things his way. But the pure CHAOS of it? That had just seemed _entertaining_. “Did humans really come up with that? Or is there a dimension that was really like that, that influenced them?” he asked, curious.

“Well, if there WAS a dimension where those events happened, I haven’t found it yet. So, to the best of my current knowledge, a human came up with this story. Ahhh~” Miz squealed as she rolled around. “And it’s sooo much fun!! It’s sheer, utter chaos!”

“It is!” Bill laughed out.

They both blinked and looked over at the stairway as they heard a lighter set of footsteps, before Melody called out, “Bill? Miz?”

Bill waved a hand lazily to make the audio barrier two-way again, then spoke out, “Here!”

“It’s time for dinner,” Melody told them both. “Come on downstairs, now. And remember to wash your hands.” They heard her footsteps recede.

Miz blinked. “Dinner already?” Her stomach growled. “Ah. Right, we DID just sit through 13 episodes…”

Bill blinked himself. “Ah.” He winced slightly as he slowly levered himself up. “Mm.” Miz was stretching and groaning as her spine made popping sounds. “...downside of physical bodies… ugh…”

“Well,” said Bill, “When you follow the original Rules set, yes,” he told her. He slowly pushed himself to his feet. Miz rolled around until she got up, wobbling a little from the sudden movement. “Well, I’m hungry. Here’s hoping this dinner conversation ends up being less… problematic,” she muttered. She made her way over to the stairs to slowly lever herself down.

Bill followed more slowly behind her.

By the time they had finished washing their hands in the upstairs bathroom, and were downstairs and had entered the kitchen, Melody and Soos were seated at the kitchen table, and Stanley had already finished cooking and was seated as well. Dipper, Mabel, and Ford were nowhere in sight.

“Sit down,” Stan said, not even looking up at the two of them.

Bill actually looked vaguely uneasy, as he saw the two empty chairs open, and one toast-sandwich already made up for him on the one plate. Miz sat down quietly. She wasn’t sure if she should say anything. She wasn’t even sure if she should apologize.

The rest of them were eating quietly. Bill looked annoyed, as he picked up his toast sandwich and ate his way through it. It didn’t take him more than a minute, and then he just sat there, looking more and more irritated, and more and more tense.

Miz looked at the food. Hamburgers and salad. She got one and bit into it, chewing quickly as she fed her aching stomach. She looked over the salad to see it had various fruits mixed in with the leafy greens and vegetables, and it all looked fresh from the produce section. Oh. Melody looked at the little girl and scooped some of the salad onto her plate. “You need to eat your vegetables, too,” the woman said. Miz nodded but frowned and picked some of the fruit out to set aside.

Bill kept glancing back at the toaster, then around at each of the people.

“You shouldn’t be picky with your food.” Melody scolded Miz lightly as she took in the growing pile of fruit chunks. Miz shook her head. “I’m allergic to melons,” she said quietly. Melody looked surprised. “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s ok. I’m ok if they’re touching, just can’t eat the actual thing itself.” Miz finished picking out all the melon bits and chewed on her salad. She was allergic back when she was human, and it somehow carried over into her vessels when she built them. Sort of like… an unconscious way of feeling like she was still herself.

Suddenly, Bill shoved himself to his feet.

“Sit down,” said Stan. “NnO,” Bill said, looking less irritated and more angry now.

“ _Bill_ ,” Stan repeated, starting to shove himself upright.

Bill twisted away from him, turning towards the counter for just a moment. Then he turned back again and leaned over the table instead, to grab up the entire serving bowl that had the salad in it. He immediately sat down with it again, holding it in his lap, and practically spat out at them all, “-- _MINE_.”

Stanley stopped, about halfway out of his chair. He half-squinted half-glared at Bill. “What.”

“Mine,” Bill repeated, to which Stan looked annoyed. “You don’t take things from this table that you won’t--” Stan stopped talking when Bill grabbed up the serving spoon and shoved a good portion of the salad straight into his mouth.

Stan stared.

Bill chewed, swallowed, and didn’t look entirely happy with what he’d just eaten. But he also took another spoonful and bit into that, too. Miz glanced over but shrugged and continued nibbling on her own salad.

Stan slowly sat down, watching him.

Bill didn’t exactly look like he wanted to pitch the bowl across the room on the second bite, maybe just kind of close to it. By the time he got through the fifth, he seemed about as fine with it as the toast sandwiches. By the ninth, he was more mechanical about it than the toast and seemed largely indifferent to it -- which was _better_ than how he’d reacted to anything he’d eaten before, to-date.

“Kid…” Stan said slowly. He’d never seen the kid eat so much at one sitting, ever. (Something about this wasn’t right, and Stan was very sensitive to the problem of not getting enough food to eat. It also didn’t sit right with him that the triangle hadn’t been eating much before this -- despite Stan making it clear that he could eat anything he wanted, however much he wanted, no strings attached -- and now there was this sudden change and he didn’t know why.)

“Um… Bill? Did you… not have lunch today?” Melody asked in worry. She hadn’t thought to check on him all day, he didn’t come down for lunch and she assumed he had some sort of snack while he was upstairs in his room. She glanced at little Miz who was ravenously eating her way through a 2nd burger already. “Oh.”

Stan looked over at her. “You didn’t--” Stan let out a sigh and rubbed a hand across his eyes. He’d forgotten to tell Melody how things usually went with Bill and mealtimes; he’d just assumed... He hadn’t even thought that maybe she wouldn’t call him down for lunch, or make him eat. He’d been too busy watching over his brother and the kids that day, and too pissed off with both the triangles to risk talking with them any earlier in the day than now. He’d needed the time to cool off before he went off half-cocked and did something seriously stupid... like hauling off and punching the kid in the face when the demon wasn’t trying to hurt Ford _right then_ , no matter how much he’d wanted to then, and wanted to still.

Stan dropped his hand and looked up at the demon. “Bill, did you not eat lunch today?”

He frowned as Bill refused to answer.

“Sowwy--” Miz said with her mouth full. “--We were watchin’ anime… and lost track of time.” Not that she was capable of sensing time right now.

“‘Course you did,” Stan muttered. “Melody, you gotta bug the kid to make sure he eats, and actually _watch_ him do it. I asked you to babysit him and Ford, yeah? They won’t feed themselves.” Stan told her. “If they don’t come to the kitchen on their own, you gotta go get them and bug ‘em until they do. Most days they don’t.”

“Sorry Mr. Pines, I hadn’t realized…” Melody sighed. Soos patted her back. “It’s okay, dood. We’ll remember next time,” he told his fiance cheerfully.

“Yeah,” Stan said, looking over at the two demons at the table. “You shouldn’t have to, though. They shoulda come down on their own, or at least broken into a couple of those cracker boxes and water bottles the kid’s got upstairs.” He sent a long look at Bill. “You should be taking better care of your little sister, yeah?” he added, because maybe _that_ would get the triangle eating with a hell of a lot less prodding.

Miz was already reaching for a third burger. Her salad was finished off already. Picked clean aside from the red watermelon bits.

Bill was still eating.

“...That’s more than two sandwiches worth, kid,” Stan said after a while, slowly leaning back in his chair. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

Melody frowned slightly. “Did I not make enough pancakes this morning?” she asked, somewhat obliviously. Miz raised a hand. “Sorry, I ate them all…” she said sheepishly. “They were really good though!”

Stan was frowning at Bill. “The kid don’t eat most stuff. Just burnt toast and crackers. He won’t touch pancakes.”

“Oh,” said Melody. She usually didn't cook for the Pines; she’d only done it this morning and this evening as sort of an emergency. Whenever she’d seen Bill in the morning or afternoon, he’d always been fixing his own breakfast or lunch of that toast-with-jelly sandwich, which is why she hadn’t thought it was a problem that she hadn’t seen him eat that day; he’d always seemed to do it on his own, as far as she’d known. “Bill, does that mean you didn’t eat anything for breakfast? You left your toast on the counter this morning,” Melody noted, and that had Stan looking over at her.

Bill twitched. That didn’t stop him from taking another bite of salad, and not looking at any of them. Miz looked over. “Well… he’s eating now?” She wasn’t sure why. She was a little frustrated she couldn’t See why.

“Bill, did you eat breakfast _or lunch today?_ ” Stan repeated, turning back to Bill.

“ _Penalize_ me for it,” Bill snarled out at him.

Stan looked grim. “How many times.”

“ _Twice_ ,” Bill spat out, before taking another bite of the salad. It had been a large bowl, and it was almost gone.

Miz glanced between them, having no idea what was going on. “Did I do something bad?” She wondered. Stan glanced over at her. “No, you didn’t. The kid needs to not skip meals.” He tossed his napkin onto the table and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “He barely eats enough at most meals to keep going on to the next one.” He didn’t look very happy with Bill. Though after glancing over at the transparent bowl when Bill shoved it back up onto the table, he looked back over at Bill and said, “...Usually.”

“I’m sorry for distracting him with anime and forgetting to take a food break.” Miz said. “I literally cannot keep track of time right now--” She gestured to her headband. She looked down at the burger and sighed; she couldn’t taste anything but she was hungry so she ate anyway. Thank Ax that hunger mapped to Touch.

“Pretty sure the ‘big brother’ is supposed to be the one responsible for that sort of thing,” Stan told her. “Right, kid?” Bill grimaced. There was a pause as Stan considered Bill for a long moment. “You know I wouldn’t have told you to sit down if I knew you were getting more food, right?” Stan put out there.

“Tch,” said Bill, looking away from all of them again.

Stan pulled in another breath and let it out. “I’m thinkin’,” Stan said slowly. “That _maybe_ you weren’t thinkin’ too clearly this morning, because you hadn’t eaten.” Stan put out there. “Is that right, kid?”

“I was thinking fine--!” Bill began hotly.

“--You _know_ I don’t want you in the same room as Ford alone, and the last time the two of you were out in the woods together, he was trying to run you down, shooting at you,” Stan cut in with, overrode him. “That alone should’ve been a big fat warning flag, because the _first_ time I ever gave you a penalty, it was because you’d approached Ford upstairs when he could’ve _shot_ you if he’d been armed and you didn’t know whether he might’ve been armed or not. _This_ time he _absolutely_ had a gun on him and you _did_ know it.”

Miz looked back and forth, wishing she could look up this event and follow along. “Um...I would have blocked the shot if he did try to shoot?” She said meekly.

“Kid wouldn’t count on that,” Stan said, still looking at Bill. “Not the way he thinks. --So what was it this time, kid?” Stan said, raising his voice slightly on the last. “Too tired? Too hungry? Not learning your damn lesson from the last time? More than one of those? Or _all three_.”

Bill was twitching, and he didn’t look particularly happy.

“...maybe…” Bill began, then stopped.

“Maybe?” Stan said leadingly, almost challengingly.

“...maybe the being-hungry,” Bill muttered out, almost under his breath. He didn’t look particularly happy though. He hadn’t exactly wanted to believe that hunger might actually be a factor that could screw with his thinking that much, either. He hadn’t like admitting that about sleep until he’d had it smack him in the face and had to face that one, either.

“...I get grumpy and do stupid things when I’m hungry too…” Miz admitted. She had killed and eaten a bunch of people. That… had been distressing. “It makes it so certain things seem like a good idea… but after you’ve finished tearing someone’s arm off you realize it really wasn’t…”

“Uh huh,” Stan said neutrally. “See, your kid sister does it, too.” He was still watching Bill. “So walk me through it, kid,” he told Bill. “If you know what you did there wrong. Where did you screw up in your thinking.”

Bill swayed in place very slightly. He was pushing his hands against the side of the seat of his chair.

“...I was thinking of that Stanford as Sixer,” Bill said first, and that had Stan straightening in place before squaring his shoulders.

“Yeah?” Stan said, practically staring holes in him. “Why.” The kid shouldn’t have been doing that. He’d thought they were finally past this.

“Because he said he was there to help,” Bill said slowly. “He didn’t try to shoot M-- me. _Or_ Miz. Either of us.” Bill stopped for a moment. “He was acting more like a ‘Sixer’, and I didn’t question that, even though I know better now and our Deal is off.” Bill looked away. “That was the first mistake.” He looked back down at the tabletop in front of him. “Then I thought it would be better for him to be there, and that I should give him something he wants for his helping. It was the wrong kind of thinking, the Deal-kind,” Bill said, and though his voice was mostly flat, there was a lot of anger underneath it.

Stan let out a tired sigh. “Yeah, okay, you know where you screwed up,” he said. “Not the same thing.” He looked up at the kid. “You thought he wasn’t gonna shoot you.”

“No,” said Bill.

Stan looked at him. “No, you thought he wasn’t going to shoot you? Or no--”

“--I thought he might shoot us, yes,” Bill said. “I wasn’t worried.”

Stan narrowed his eyes at Bill. “Why weren’t you worried.”

Bill looked up at him. “He can’t kill Miz. He can only kill her vessel, and she can always make a new one.”

“I don’t believe that you’d put up with that for a second, kid,” Stan told him. “And that also doesn’t cover _you_.”

There was a long tense silence as Bill and Stan stared each other down.

“Show me,” Stan demanded abruptly, and it wasn’t a half-second later that Bill had swung his left arm up, made a handgun gesture at the salad bowl, quickly went through a flinging motion--

\--and the bowl flew in a straight-line across the room to shatter against the far wall, faster than the rest of them could react to it. (Belatedly, Soos and Melody shoved their chairs away and gasped, trying to understand what was going on.)

“What??” Melody gasped out. “What the heck was _that??_ ” After a few weeks in town now, and more than a few interactions under her belt with cryptids like Bill and Miz, it had startled her more than scared her, but it had still been completely unexpected.

“Science,” Bill said, still holding eye contact with Stanley. The next thing Bill did was slapped his right hand to his left forearm and shove upwards -- and for a moment, after doing so, an odd visual flicker occurred. For a moment, something like part of a dark-colored bodysuit was visible along Bill’s left arm and hand, with a sort of metallic grey sci-fi exoskeleton-tracery of support structure that was running parallel to his bone structure along the outside of the suit, with odd-looking small boxy components attached here and there to it.

“Right,” Melody said shakily. “Science.” She slowly sat back down in her chair. Soos’s wide-eyed, “Woah, triangle dude. Crazy sci-fi stuff,” didn’t exactly cut the tension, but it did interfere with it a bit.

Stan sat still for a long moment where he was, just keeping eye contact with Bill. This was _not_ something he’d expected from the kid. (Honestly, this was the kind of bullshit thing he’d expect from a pissed-off, super-smart, rebellious teenaged version of _Ford_ \-- well, if his brother had been a pissed off demon with _maybe_ some common sense, a huge chip on his shoulder, and no morals whatsoever, maybe… -- and Stan was trying desperately right now not to let it throw him off his game more than it already had.)

Miz looked over and flicked her fingers. It was a lot of work to repair that bowl, the process wasn’t as seamless as she’d be able to with her full power, but the barrier around the shack kinda prevented that. She could use weirdness within the small anti-magic bubble her bracelets made around her, so she could convert it into other forms of non-magical energy, but the types of things that would work under the Shack’s barrier outside of Bill’s room were limited. She couldn’t reverse time to make it so the bowl never broke, but since it was glass, she could do something else. The pieces glowed and melted together as she created and redirected some heat to merge the shards back together. She was trembling with the effort though. Damn. Anti-magic/weirdness barriers were a bitch to work around. “Uh…” she grunted. “This barrier is really strong…”

“Oh, Miz,” said Melody, standing up and going over to the shivering girl. “You’re freezing!” she gasped. “Stop! You shouldn’t do that indoors if it does this to you. Couldn’t we just have taken the pieces outside?”

Bill broke gaze with Stanley first, lowering his arm from its final held pose and turning back towards Miz -- almost as though he couldn’t help but do so, once Melody approached her and started getting in close.

Miz shivered. “But… broken glass… someone might have gotten hurt…”

“That’s what brooms and dustpans are for,” Melody told her. “You shouldn’t do this sort of thing.” She gently rubbed Miz’s arms and was relieved to feel her slowly warming back up. “Is there anything you need sweetie?” she asked. Miz looked up at the woman. “Some warm water? Please?” She asked. Melody nodded. “Alright.” she straightened up and walked over to the counter to microwave some water for her.

Miz huffed. Been a while since she’d used her powers in such a way. It was...interesting. She shivered and waited for her body to heat back up. Next time, gonna redirect heat from another source. Actually…

“Should I built a telekinetic bracer for myself too?” She wondered. It looked useful.

“Yeah,” Stan said slowly. “That’s a question. Where did you get that, kid?”

“I made it,” Bill told him, lowering his arm down to his side completely. “Lab Day one, after I took over and cleared out the spaceship space enough, to get the universal manufacturing unit in there operational again. Had to leave before the unit finished making everything for me, barely had time to input the design specs for the process before we had to head back for dinner,” Bill told him, “But I picked it all up the next day.” He glanced over at Miz. “General specs should still be in the machine. I can make another one for you too, in your size, if you want,” he told her quite seriously.

“So you didn’t have it on you that night,” Stan said, and Bill looked back over at him. “No, I didn’t have it on me then,” Bill confirmed.

“But you’ve had it for five days,” Stan said. “You’ve been wearing this thing for five days.”

“Yes,” Bill confirmed, looking him straight in the eye again, and it pissed Stan off a bit that not only had he missed this, but that it also brought up the question: _what else had he missed?_

Miz was sipping some hot water as she thought about Bill's offer to get her a telekinetic bracer.

“Wouldn’t using a kinetic energy converter be more helpful? That way I could change the type of output into more than just Force-type effects?” Miz suggested, only partially paying attention to Bill and Stan’s conversation, more lost in thought about different configurations. “Like I could convert it into Heat for stuff like fixing glass… or roasting animals for food…” She drooled a little at the idea of shooting fire from her hands using TECHNOLOGY. Ehehehe… she was having fun imagining it.

Ok, so a part of her had always wanted to go on a cool, sci-fi space adventure… but she hadn’t really gone for it because she was too embarrassed to be out in the multiverse, LARPing…

Bill and Stan both blinked and looked over at her. Bill did first, as he became distracted from his confrontation with Stanley by the ‘Force-type effects’ mention, because it took him a moment to scan through things he’d Seen in the past, to figure out exactly what human-thing she was referring to there. Stan started staring because he hadn’t expected her to sound so… _geeky_ about anything, even if the kid did with the words he used talking about things sometimes.

“Actually… I could probably build a basic all-purpose hand device instead if I used my normal powers outside the shack to make a Feshermian Crystal… it’s not quite the same thing but the show never went into detail about that...” Miz muttered to herself, lost in thought. “Eeeee~ would that be too obvious? Are there Goa'uld here? Would it be considered cultural appropriation?”

“Dood,” said Soos, “Are you talking crazy sci-fi gadgets? Because if you are, then you should _totally_ go with the Professor What-downbird’s Completely Awesome Yelling Torque Wrench.” Soos grinned. “That wrench can do _everything_ ,” he said with a starry look in his eyes.

“Uhhhhh,” went Stanley, not quite ready to interject, except that he had a bad feeling that...

“But the Torque Wrench doesn’t. Work. On. Wood.” Miz huffed. She could easily pick up what Soos meant. Also, she’s been watching the weird Alternative Universe versions of shows from her world in the future of her own world too! How else was she supposed to fill billions of years?

“But that’s why they went on that whole Epic Quest of Questitude in Season 23, dood!” Soos pointed out. “To get that Submolecular-Shrinking-Proof Wood Saw Extension Kit for it!”

“Ugh, but it looked so TACKY afterward!” Miz complained. “And the Professor lost the damn thing in that black hole like… half a season later!”

“Yes.” Soos stood up in place, took off his fez, and solemnly held it to his chest. “A requiem for a short, but beloved addition, to the Professor’s happy repair arsenal. The Extension Kit shall be missed.” He bowed his head. Miz bowed her head too. “...But then the writers retconned it and made the sacrifice completely void,” she grumbled, as Soos sat back down. “I stopped watching after that. It was just...too annoying.”

...yep. Stan felt both vindicated and annoyed. He’d known what was coming; he’d known Soos for that long. “Soos, no talkin’ about crazy TV show junk at the table,” Stan complained at him grumpily. “That’s stuff’s for the TV room only! And I don’t know why you watch that junk anyway,” he added. “It ain’t like Duck-tective or nothin’,” he said, as he picked up another burger.

Miz and Soos gasped in unison. “You can’t compare the two! Professor What-downbird is a Sci-Fi classic!” Soos said. “It LITERALLY inspired all human Sci-Fi shows to EVER come after it!” Miz added. Soos chimed in right after her with, “The sound effects in the theme song are LITERALLY the iconic music used for any and all Alien encounters in OTHER movies and TV shows nowadays!” Soos shook his hands at the sky as he dropped out of his chair and fell to his knees.

Melody was giving Soos a fond, exasperated look. Stan was resisting the urge to bury his face in his hand. Bill wasn’t sure how to feel. And, pretty soon thereafter, somehow the two of them managed to shift their conversation from sci-fi television to video games, since Stan had only said they weren’t allowed to talk about _TV_ except in the TV room. Thus, video games. Specifically, JRPGs.

“--Look, Maigis is Best Girl and nothing you say will ever convince me otherwise.” Miz stared Soos down surprisingly well despite being half his size. The former handyman scoffed. “No offense dood, but like, Kitsuru is Best Girl. She’s like, super smart and competent. She’s running her own company, like, the boss of it.” He laughed a little sheepishly “And any man would love to be stepped on by her.”

Miz gasped. “But Maigis is the most loyal! She’s the only one who doesn’t abandon you and stays by your side up until the end when the main character literally dies in her arms!” Miz argued. Soos held up his hands. “Look dood, I don’t wanna start a fight. Maigis is great. But I like Kitsuru best.” He put his hand down to her. “So let’s just agree to disagree and let bygones be bygones, ok dood?”

Miz looked at his hand. “I won’t shake your hand, but I will accept, because I’m not supposed to start a fight and only just realized that I almost started one with you,” she said. “Sorry. I’m still trying to figure out what is and isn’t something I’m allowed to do.”

Soos shrugged, his easy going nature making it simple for him to just accept things as they were. “Sure dood.” He laughed. “You know a lot about human stuff despite being a dragon-lady.”

“Eh~ human entertainment is literally the reason why I’ve placed my own 3rd Dimension and Earth under protection. I won’t willingly harm a human because any of them might, MIGHT have a possibility of creating something fun and interesting…” she told him seriously. “Like, a lot of them are boring idiots but there are some creative spirits out there and I plan to note down any stories they might come up with.”

“You seek out creativity?” Melody asked. She wasn’t sure what exactly was happening but she was good at picking up context clues. She had to be, to figure out what Soos was thinking half the time. Miz nodded, more relaxed than she had been when she first came downstairs. Her tail was wagging back and forth cheerfully. “I seek out creative minds. I like seeing what they can come up with, what they can do if I just give them a little push of inspiration!”

Melody smiled. “Well, now I know why you and Bill get along so well,” she said, looking over at him.

Bill blinked at her. Then he straightened up abruptly, looking a bit nervously tense -- almost anxious. “She’s a writer!” Bill said, pointing at Melody. “She writes all the backstory for those FCLORP sessions that Question Marks does now!”

Miz blinked and smiled brightly. “That’s super cool!” She praised. “Thank you,” Melody said, smiling. “But I can’t take all the credit.” She looked back over at Bill. “Bill’s been helping me with the GM’ing quite a bit.”

“Setup and advice, just that!” Bill said, looking away. “And maybe some spells.” He shifted in place. “And maybe some villains.” He shifted in place again. “...And maybe some settings.” He was hunching his shoulders slightly. “...And maybe some quest rewards and prizes.” And now he looked almost… guilty? Shifty? Dare Miz even say… embarrassed?

Miz turned her head to give Bill an incredibly mischievous grin. “I didn’t know you FCLORPed.” She giggled. “I GM for my friends back home for our D, D and more D session too!” She assured her poor, embarrassed (nerdy) big brother. Bill blinked, and straightened up in place, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed again (without the tail). “I don’t FCLORP,” he told her. “I was an NPC!” he explained with a grin.

“That isn’t quite how I would have described it, Bill,” Melody said, suppressing a bit of laughter in her tone.

“Dude kicked our butts,” Soos told Miz, without embarrassment. “He was the big bad who kicked off our whole new campaign. We got captured and sent to the mines of Quel’histor.” Soos smiled happily. “We’ve been tryin’ to get back to the mainland and beat his minions and mini-bosses to find him ever since.”

Miz blinked. “Quel’histor...like...the planet? With...the unstable plate tectonics that cause massive lava flow?” Bill looked away, and got a touch of that just _slightly_ nervous look again. Miz tilted her head. “Well, inspiration comes in many forms,” she said simply, which had Stan giving Bill a long look.

“Huh?” said Soos, a little lost by this. “No, dawg, it’s all just one big planet,” he told her, trying to explain. “It’s the world of Elonemar. Quel’histor is a volcano, but _epic_. It used to be a mountain, but then this _evil wizard_ \-- Uh, not the same evil wizard NPC dude that Bill played for us--”

“--Soos, honey, we could just let her read my setting and backstory notes for the campaign?” Melody offered. Miz wagged her tail. “I would love to read it! It might give me some ideas for what to throw at Pyronica in our next game. She’s been murder-hoboing everything I send at her. It’s so frustrating! I spent hours writing up an entire questline and then she kills and eats the quest giver before he can tell her the location!” Miz groaned at the memory of it.

“Well, then,” Melody smiled. “You should _definitely_ talk to Bill. He’s the resident expert. He gave me some tips for dealing with that, just last week.”

“Eh,” Bill waved it off. “It happens. You handle it.” He paused, then got a sinister look. “Easiest _way_ to handle it is to drop them in a scenario where everything that they can murder-steal from other NPCs is either sentient and ownership non-transferrable, or alt-race alt-class unequipped-cursed.” His expression became truly evil. “ _ **Or both**_.”

Stan wasn’t sure how to feel right now. He really didn’t.

“This house is overrun by geeks and nerds,” Stan complained, as he pushed back his chair from the table, which got him more than a few smiles. “The lot of ya. Don’t know why I put up with ya.”

“Aw, we love you too, Mr. Pines,” Soos said, going in for the hug.

“-- _SOOS!_ ” Stan complained as he got glomped while standing in place. “Ugh. _Fine._ You got your hug, now _let go!_ ” Stan said, shoving at him. Soos was still smiling as he let go.

“You’re the best, Mr. Pines,” Soos said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Stan grumbled, brushing it off. He looked overall happier though, even if he did have a slight frown going.

Miz pointed at Stan and said clearly, “Tsundere.” There was absolute silence as everyone stared. Then Bill just _lit up_ , letting out a single “HA!” and then nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Soos looked very encouraged, while Melody was unsuccessfully trying to muffle her own giggling, too. Her face was already a bit pink from the effort.

“What?” said Stanley, looking around at all of them confused, but knowing it _had_ to be an insult. “ _What?_ ”

“It’s okay Mr. Pines, we love you anyway,” Melody told him, wiping a tear from her eye. Soos looked pretty happy, as if a long standing doubt had finally been cleared.

“....aaaaaaaaah body spasms...” Bill panted out, face-down on the kitchen table.

“Rest of you, I swear,” Stan muttered. He shook his head and started walking out of the room. Bill noticed this first, and he started to call out, “w--” then stopped. Stan still heard him, though. He turned around and stared back at him, where the kid was still sitting at the table, barely levered up by his elbows, staring after him. He almost looked a little lost, and definitely unsure.

“I gotta think about the penalties, kid, and everything else,” Stan told him. “The whole thing today was a mess, start to finish. And there were a couple things that I didn’t catch, too. We’ll talk later.” He turned away slightly. “Mostly, we need to make sure that this _doesn’t_ happen again,” he said far more seriously, and with absolute authority.

Bill blinked after him, as Stan walked out of the room, and they heard his steps do down the hallway, then a door on the first floor open and shut.

Bill slowly turned back to the others.

Melody smiled down at him kindly, but her smile was also a bit strained, now. “I think you two should really get to bed,” she told him. “Soos and I will clean up down here.”

Bill stared at them for a moment. He slowly got up.

Miz put her plate in the sink. “Thank you for dinner.” She said as she bowed quickly to Melody. The woman smiled and waved her off. “You’re welcome. Now make sure you have a good night’s rest.” Miz nodded and walked over to follow Bill.

Bill waited for her, then started to walk towards the staircase... and stopped at the base of the stairs.

He turned back to them and asked, “Did Pine Tree and Shooting Star and that Stanford have anything to eat for dinner?”

Melody looked slightly surprised, but she nodded and told him, “We made it all a bit early, first, before coming up to get you. Mr. Pines and Soos took their share of the food to Dr. Pines’ bedroom.”

“Right,” Bill said. “Good.” He turned away and walked right up the stairs, not quite slowing down to wait for Miz until they were almost at the top. Miz wobbled a little on the stairs, keeping her eyes on her feet to make sure she was stepping correctly as she climbed.

Bill realized he’d almost outrun her at the bottom of the final flight. He was a bit expressionless as she caught up to him, and this time he let her go first.

Once they were up at the top, he waved the one-way sound barrier active again, and looked a bit uncomfortable for a moment.

Then, and only then, did Bill say, “Sorry,” to her, before he passed her, moving farther into the room. She didn’t deserve to have him run off ahead of her. He felt guilty about that. He should have been paying attention.

“It's ok.” Miz said softly. “I'm still getting used to this.” She laid down on the blanket and curled her tail up to hug it to herself. Bill didn't like hugs too much so she wouldn't force it on him. After a while she said quietly, “Good night big brother.”

Bill shifted slightly in place, swaying just a bit. Another sort of uncomfortable expression crossed Bill’s face for a moment, but the moment passed, and then he clenched his fists and looked firm.

Bill walked right over to where Miz was laying down on her blanket, turned around, and laid down, right at her back, back-to-back with her. And then he shoved himself back another inch to initiate physical contact with her.

Miz moved her head before wiggling to press a little closer. She didn't try to turn and grab him but she relaxed into the touch.

“It’s fine,” Bill told her. “It’s fine.”

He made a small gesture and let the light globes spin down a bit low. There were no shadows still, the lighting just became a bit less intense.

Miz hummed a faint Lullaby as she closed her eyes. She felt...safe. Even with her Sight restricted. She wasn't sure why. With Seb and with Bill, she just felt...safe with them. Like she used to feel with her little sisters. Like she used to feel with Will.

Bill’s eyelids slowly fluttered shut.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated quietly. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t deserve to have to keep her Eye closed shut. She didn’t deserve to have to put up with his Stanford. Miz continued humming but said softly. “I don't mind. I'm just… happy to be here with you.”

And for one very selfish moment, Bill thought about what would happen if that broken-Bill never ever went away, and he just… didn’t help her get back to her home. If he lied and said that broken-Bill was still there, when maybe it even wasn’t.

...Except then she’d be trapped here, when she’d never even been trapped anywhere before, and it made Bill want to scream at himself forever, for even thinking it.

No… he’d help her get home. He’d find a way to rip apart that broken Bill for her, and then she could go home and leave him all alone again. It was fine.

It was fine.

~~_It wasn’t fine._ ~~

Bill fell asleep to the sound of Miz humming.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Awwww~ BlueBill is crazy, but he's just as lonely as Miz was. There's no way she'd leave his side until she was sure he'd be ok without her TT_TT
> 
> (Edit)
> 
> ALSO!  
> [This!](http://quantumseahorse.tumblr.com/post/183132612740/illusion-is-reality-maniac-diary-a-canonical)


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